September 29, 2025 • 35 mins
Ever notice how one heated moment can rewrite the story—casting you as the problem while the real issue slips into the background? We go straight at that trap and unpack the quiet ways we hand over our power: explosive reactions that cost credibility, silence that breeds resentment, and people-pleasing that looks kind but leaves us empty. Through raw, funny, and candid stories—from a Chuck E. Cheese confrontation to navigating racial disrespect with composure—we explore how to stay grounded when others expect a performance.
Ashley opens up about military life as a Black woman and the pressure to fit the “pit bull” stereotype, sharing how calm leadership can be more effective than volume. We walk through what it means to be strategic under stress: when to speak, when to document, when to step back. The conversation moves into trauma, therapy, and the long work of rebuilding self-worth. Fear still knocks, but it doesn’t get a vote. If you’ve ever felt stuck in loops of overthinking, muted needs, or relationships that drain, this is a roadmap out.
We get practical with boundaries that actually protect peace—saying a full-stop no, skipping environments that sabotage growth, and setting standards in dating and friendship that add rather than subtract. We talk parenting as a mirror for power, leaving toxic patterns when our kids start to dim, and choosing purpose over approval through daily habits that build momentum. Faith undergirds it all—naming God as the source of courage and the anchor that steadies every step. Hit play to learn how to hold your center, keep your voice, and move forward with intention. If this spoke to you, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs strength today, and leave a review to help more people find these conversations.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:11):
Welcome back, everybody.
Welcome back to Be for Youpodcast, where we burn the pear,
break the cycles, and becomeunstoppable.
And today, welcome back.
I'm beautiful sister, AshleyBrown.
And today we're here to talkabout how we how we take back
our power.
And I'll ask my uh Ashley tocome on here and let's just have
(00:34):
a conversation about it.
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
Hi Ash.
Hello.
SPEAKER_00 (00:41):
Oh the shirt.
Love the shirt.
Why am I just now seeing theshirt?
The shirt is amazing that youmade that yourself, Didn't you?
SPEAKER_02 (00:49):
I added some of them on there.
It wasn't enough, so I put somemore on there.
SPEAKER_00 (00:53):
No, okay.
So let me ask you when you hearum the phrase talking about
giving away your power, whatcomes to mind?
What comes to mind when you whenyou think about how you've given
away your power?
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
Um it's something I like I always teach my kids.
You never allow somebody to knowthat they got power over you.
So how I look at it is is I'mshowing somebody what it is that
can make me tick, what it isthat can like break me down or
put me so low that they kind oflike control me.
(01:30):
And I've been teaching, butespecially my son, I've been
teaching him this for thelongest.
You don't never allow anybody toknow or to be able to see that
something that they did made youthat mad or got to you that bad
that they now have likepermanent space in your brain,
like that's all you're thinkingabout is that so live in a ring
(01:52):
free rank free.
So okay.
SPEAKER_00 (01:56):
Yeah, can you can you share a time when you
realize that you gave your poweraway?
I'm I mean, I know it's beenmany a time.
Give me that one example thatyou can remember where you just
lost it.
SPEAKER_02 (02:07):
Oh, just recently.
So um at my son's job, one ofhis managers, like she was
talking to him crazy.
But when I'm around, you know,as a whole, hey Kiki Kiki, how
you doing?
And I realized that me going upthere hot, I came in hot, like
hot.
I walked in Chuck E.
Cheese, everybody's trying tosay hi to me.
(02:28):
I was like, nope, not you, notyou.
You move you right here outside.
Let's go.
Like I felt like because thatwas my child, that's how I
needed to go in there.
But after I thought about it, Iwas like, you know what?
Let me calm down because there'stoo many things that can happen
in situations.
One being I can go to jail forchild endangerment because I'm
(02:49):
whooping somebody's tail up andchuck and cheese or whatever.
But and then the other, I'll betaking away from my kids.
So I'm coming to defend mychild, but I'm in here acting a
fool.
And it kind of at thatparticular time, I'll I realize
that I allow her to have powerover me because while I'm acting
a fool, she over in the cornerjust standing there.
So it looks like I'm the one,you know, that's in the wrong.
(03:12):
And I'm like, God, I just letthis girl got.
And I wanted to beat her evenworse after that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:18):
Yeah, what now what race was she made?
SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
She was black.
SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (03:23):
She was black.
She um she tried my child andshe will never try him again
because after I calmed myselfall the way down, my boyfriend
had to come up there.
I calmed myself all the waydown, then I caught myself just
extremely calm, and that scaredher even more.
That I'm just talking to herregularly, like, hey, the next
time you feel like you want todo this, this, and that it took
me six minutes.
(03:43):
It's only gonna take me threeminutes next time, you know.
Just explaining to her verycalmly that I will break you in
half about my child.
And it's now she does not knowhow to take me because I don't
let her know if I'm mad, if I'msad, she knows nothing now.
It's always the same face.
I had to take my power backbecause she had it for a moment
now.
She had and you know what?
SPEAKER_00 (04:04):
That's the it's it's all about like trying to train
your brain.
I'm gonna speak about a littlebit about what's going on now at
today's age, because now thewhite they are on go, they are
on go right now, they got thethe gold at the ass card right
now, and I've been watching acouple of videos.
(04:25):
I watched this one video withthis young lady and her mother
was on a cruise, and she uh wasuh allowed to go on a uh like
the upper deck of the ship, andshe was authorized to do so, but
she didn't have the braceletthat I was for.
(04:46):
So there was a white couple onthat uh part that you know
realized that they didn't havethe band on or whatever, so it
was really disrespected, and Imean, was talking about them
trying to get them off.
I mean, it was they went througha series, and to make this long
story short, the way she handledherself, like this girl could
(05:09):
have really gone off the waythey was just talking about her,
like belittling her racialcomments, like you don't belong
up here, and you're kind of youcan't afford to be up here, it
was some it was something tothat nature, but she kept her
composure the whole entire timebecause what they were trying to
do is get a rise out of her,yeah and she handled it so
(05:30):
professionally, and that'sanother thing that I would
really like to talk about, likefor people today, like including
me, because I live in apredominantly um white area, and
every day that I, you know, I'mdoing things in the community,
and you know, some people arerude and disrespectful, and I
(05:51):
have to say to myself, don't doit.
Don't do it.
They want they want the nigga tocall it a part, you know.
They want you to be that angryblack woman to act a nigger as
(06:11):
they say, and you know, it'slike you know what, and a nigger
just means ignorant person.
So I don't put a color on the onthe word, you know.
So they wanted that, they wantsometimes that angry black
woman.
But what I would say to peopleout here that you know, take
look at some of these figure outanother way to handle ignorance.
(06:36):
You know, I look at another wayto handle ignorance because you
want me to act a certain way themad black woman, but instead I
come back with intelligence.
I come back to let them knowthat hey, I'm just as
intelligent and I deserve and Ihave every right to be standing
in the same space that you'restanding in because I worked my
(06:56):
way to get here.
So that's uh um uh one thingabout thinking that's I think
that's like the top thing thatkeeps a lot of people cool today
about not acting like theyexpected to act.
And I applaud the people ofcolor because they're really
doing, they're doing it.
There's a lot of people doingit.
There's a lot of people I'veseen a lot of videos where
(07:19):
airplanes were, you know, um itwas a woman, a black woman that
was being disrespected, and thewhite man did not know that
there was a big black man, hejust kind of picked them up by
his shirt and sat him down inthe seat.
So, hey, I mean, you know, butwe just have to pick and choose
(07:39):
when is the best time, yeah.
Oh, or not when is the besttime, but learn that when things
and struggles come upon us, youknow how we're gonna handle them
without giving away so much ofour power where we lose
ourselves.
And I know the um uh some of theexamples where we give away our
power is people pleasing.
(08:00):
Whew.
SPEAKER_02 (08:03):
So go ahead.
With that, um, maybe this iswhere people call me mean or
whatever, maybe it's the Leowith me or whatever, but I have
never really cared about whatsomebody else thought about me.
So I've never tried to be thatpeople pleaser, but on the flip
side of that, I'm always the onethat wants to make sure that
(08:25):
everybody else is okay first.
So I don't know if that'sconsidered a people pleaser, but
in my head, I don't really thinkit is.
SPEAKER_00 (08:34):
No, but I think I'll go ahead.
Let me tell you not a people.
You're not a people pleaser.
A people pleaser is me, and nowyou know from where I was, I had
a big old group of uh ofgirlfriends, of sisters.
That I just had this.
(08:58):
Look, that's me.
That's me because my whole mywhole thing, and and now that
I'm starting to realize it wastrauma from my past that made me
want to make me into the peoplepleaser.
Always wanting to, are you okay?
Are you all right?
Do you need anything?
Here, let me be your friend, letme show you love because I
(09:19):
realize that I'm trying toplease these people to show them
how good of a person I am.
SPEAKER_02 (09:25):
Yeah, and then a lot of the times you see pieces of
yourself in somebody, and it'slike, well, nobody tried to help
me.
Let me try to help them somebodyelse.
And it's like we can't fix otherpeople.
We try, but a lot of the timetrying to fix other people
really makes it worse for you.
SPEAKER_01 (09:43):
Break it down, they're breaking down.
SPEAKER_02 (09:46):
It's helping them, but in the meantime, all of
their weight is like getting puton you, and it's like, God, I'm
trying to help them, I'm makingit worse on myself because now
I'm remembering when I was inthis place.
SPEAKER_00 (09:56):
And then what happens once you get them there?
SPEAKER_02 (09:59):
You get them there, they good, and now you back to
and they look, they look, theylooking at you, you know, that
you want to they you they gotwhat they needed from you now.
SPEAKER_00 (10:10):
You all out of energy, busted and disgusted,
and some help, and they likethey got nothing for you, not
even not even a five-minutephone call to see how not even a
two-second.
I'll break it down to atwo-second phone call to say,
hey sis, how you doing?
Everything good, haven't heardfrom you.
But you know, people please andpeople, some people will drain
(10:34):
you, they get all that they canfrom you, and then you look
around for the help and nobodyis there.
Now you have some you know,friends or family members that
you don't have to talk to allthe time, but you can pick it
right back up and say, Hey, howyou doing?
What's been going on?
Now that's fine.
You know, I will give anotherexample of giving your power
(10:59):
away.
And I think one of thoseexamples is saying silent out of
fear.
What do you got that?
Woo! Well, come on now, becausesomebody needs this help,
somebody needs this deliverancebecause this is a serious topic,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (11:17):
It's like it's it's almost like a toxic trait that
you possess and don't realizethat you possess it because it's
one of them things like I'lltake a relationship, for
instance.
You're in a relationship thatyou got so many things that you
dislike about it, but you don'twant that person to get mad at
you by saying something to them.
So you sit there and it's like,well, I guess it's not that bad.
(11:40):
And you suffering in silence,you draining, you you just
walking around like a zombie,and that other person is like,
you know, extremely happy whileyou y'all out in public.
That person is and you're youknow, you know, it's crazy.
But I I'm not gonna lie, I didthat for a long time, and then
(12:06):
it took us getting into anargument, that particular
relationship, it took us gettinginto an argument, me saying that
stuff, and then he's like, Whyyou just didn't tell me?
I'm like, I'm upset because it'slike, oh, that's all I had to
do, just tell you, and I'mtelling you, and it just after
(12:27):
opening up and saying what myproblem was, I ain't had the
problem since.
And it's like, that's all I hadto do.
And I'm sitting here sufferingside as I am sitting here, like,
you know how sometimes us aswomen, we go through these whole
scenarios in our head.
We just made up a whole monthworth of stuff in your head,
ain't nothing ever happened, andit's like you're just piling it
(12:49):
onto what you already have goingon when all you gotta do is say,
Hey, I don't like that you'regonna say good morning to me in
the mornings or something likethat.
You know what I'm saying?
And it'll change like that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:59):
The power of your voice, the power of the tongue
is a is a powerful thing, it ispowerful.
I'm gonna go and say that I wassaying piling out of fear from a
trial trauma.
My cousin was the first to takemy vision.
And I didn't understand, I thinkI was under the age of 12.
And because he was so mean andyou know, like really scary, you
(13:24):
know, you're like, and I'll I'llthrow it hard to say.
I think I was maybe about, Idon't know, I had to be about
eight.
I was very young, I was veryyoung, and when you go through
those situations and somebody,you know, and that's the kind of
you know, um, people that I wantto help too, young children,
young people who have been madeby fear to silence themselves so
(13:47):
they don't say anything, theydon't say anything, and then the
cycle just keeps going and youkeep being afraid.
That's why I raise my childrento tell them don't you ever
everything, tell me everything.
You tell me everything.
If somebody tells you that youbetter not tell because I'ma do
this, I'm gonna do that.
(14:08):
I let my know my children knowI'm a warrior.
Can't nobody do nothing to me.
You tell me that you're going tosee what I do.
So I you know, talk aboutbreaking those cycles, breaking
those cycles of fear, you know,and staying quiet, you know,
when we need to stuff.
Some things we should be quieton, you know.
(14:28):
That's where something, youknow, like I said, know the
difference when it takes backyour power or how to take back
your power.
You don't always have to beaggressive, and then silence is
not always a good thing to besilent, speak your speak your
truth, and then the other thingis living by others'
expectations.
Now we military now.
(14:49):
Come on, come on.
Sorry, first class, living up toothers' expectations.
I know we could talk about thatjust for my goodness.
SPEAKER_02 (15:01):
It being military was like extremely hard.
Being a black female in themilitary, and on top of that,
the type of female I am, like,you ain't about to just tell me
anything, okay?
That is not gonna work with me,and you ain't about to get crazy
with me because the energy yougive me, trust me, understand.
I'm gonna times about four andgive it back to you.
(15:22):
Don't play.
I don't, I don't care who youare, don't play with me.
But it's like I've been toldbefore that um, like when I was
a drill sergeant, I had a firstiron literally tell me he's
like, Hey, you know, we need youto be like the erg, you know,
like the pit bull.
I'm like, are you the breeder orsomething?
Like, what you mean?
You need me to be a pit bull.
Why I need to be the pit bull,it's all these other female
(15:44):
drill serns, but I was onlyblack female drill cern at the
time, so it's like, because I'mthe black one, I gotta be the
pit bull, I gotta be theenforcer, I gotta be the rah-rah
rah, but that's just not how Iwas.
Like, I'm one of them, I was oneof them drill serns that I would
yell sometimes, but sometimes itwas so much easier to just walk
behind a private, talk real lowbehind and scare the living ish
(16:06):
out of them by talking calm.
I didn't have to expect down andscreaming, but it's like they
expect it because I was I'm notI'm only five four, so you know
I'm not that tall, but they wasexpecting it the to have the
little the little angry blackwoman, you know what I'm saying?
(16:27):
Like, get out of here.
SPEAKER_00 (16:32):
I think I was as a leader, I never wanted to be
looked at it like I was so forme, it's like uh you're not
carrying so many lieutenants andcommanders, majors, whatever,
female people carrying thisstuff, and like what you know,
(16:53):
so sometimes the expectation inthe military kind of look like
uh you're you're a woman.
You're a woman, so thereforeyou're weak.
Therefore, you can't do the samething that a male can do.
And I think that's why a lot ofour female soldiers now take
(17:14):
that challenge and they're goinginto ranger school, they're
doing up, you know, they'rebecoming Marines because I think
some of us get sick of thatexpectation, so we're a woman,
so we can't do what a man do.
But I've seen females rock apiece of test better than the
male soldiers, you know.
So I always was like, I didn'twant anybody to just, you know,
(17:35):
carry my bag or you know, helpme through something.
I worked hard to get to theranks that I worked through
because I wanted thatexpectation of being a woman not
to be with me or me because Iwas a soldier before I even
joined the military.
So this is why we have to do alike reclaim of power.
(17:55):
We need to learn how to reclaimour power.
Me reclaiming my government,standing, standing up when no
one's looking, reclaiming mypower, me.
I will say the biggest thingthat I when I learned to reclaim
my power was 2023.
And this is what I talked abouthow, you know, and I'm not
(18:18):
ashamed to say that I went tomental health, I went to a PTSD
survey, and I reclaimed my powerbecause I realized that all
those things of past and ofchildhood is what stole my power
and the reason why I stayedsilent, the reason why I didn't,
you know, do a lot of the thingsthat I wanted to do is because
out of fear.
(18:38):
Today I'm not I'm not gonna saythat, hey, I'm completely
completely healed.
I still run through fear, butwhat I learned is that I have
the power to stick to that fearand move it out of my way.
So, what did reclaiming yourpower look like for you?
Um is it a moment that you likeyou know, like I said, I went to
(19:00):
therapy and learned where my mytrauma came from.
That gave me the strength andthe healing.
It has to be a story where yourealize that I'm taking ashes,
I'm taking my power back, youhave no more control.
SPEAKER_02 (19:13):
Um I think the best example I can give is uh with uh
an ex I had.
Once I realized it was affectingmy son, and it was affecting his
behavior, it was affecting hishappiness.
I was like, Yeah, hell no.
Uh-uh.
I'm taking everything back, I'mgetting rid of him because he
was toxic as I don't know what.
(19:33):
And I'm I'm getting back tobeing me.
I'm not getting ready to just bemad about something, not saying
nothing, then walk around thehouse, pouty face, man, whatever
the case being, and that energybrows off to my son.
Like, I'm not doing that.
Once I saw that he was nothappy, he wasn't in a space of
just being his regular self.
Yeah, no, I had to take it backbecause it wasn't just ruining
(19:55):
me, it was messing with my childtoo.
SPEAKER_00 (19:57):
If anybody, everybody knows your children
are number one in your body,always, always have been.
And I applaud you for that.
Yeah, children will do it too,and that as everyone knows, I
have five children and nine intotal, and that's that's another
that's you're right.
(20:18):
That's another reason why, andmy grandchildren.
I got 18 of them, so it's like Ilook at them like I am the
example, we are the example forour children.
Because if you don't, then yes,I think that it's okay, right?
SPEAKER_02 (20:34):
That's the other thing.
I'm like, yeah, nah, because heain't about to grow up, be no
mm-mm, no to hell, and nah, sheain't about to see this at the
time.
She was just a baby baby, buthell no, she ain't about to see
it either.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
And that and that is good for women who are out here
being abused.
Okay, you don't want to stay ina toxic relationship or stay a
certain way.
All you have to do is just lookat your children and say, What
do I want for them?
Because my head mashed me and wecan talk all day about how to
take back your power, how someof the things, but it takes
(21:09):
listen to the audience, youknow.
And you know, e for you is aboutguiding people through their
traumas, breaking through,breaking through the pain,
breaking the cycles, burningthrough the past, becoming
unstoppable.
But we can have these talks, butto be realistic, it really takes
(21:31):
you.
It takes you.
You have to make up in yourhead, in your mind, what you
want for you, or else it won'twork.
It won't work, it won't work.
You know, we've all been throughsuicide, we've all been through
the top is a roughest situation.
But I would say that it took meto say three hours more, three
(21:53):
hours more, and for I want togive you guys some steps on that
for the who is listening rightnow.
I want to give you some stepshow to reclaim your power.
And let's talk about boundaries.
Boundaries, boundaries is onething, uh, one way that you can
(22:14):
can reclaim your power.
Set some down.
Yeah.
Give me an example of a boundarythat you say how to claim.
SPEAKER_02 (22:22):
Um, well, I've never had a problem with saying no.
I think it's the way you say no,to be completely, you know, 100%
sure.
Like it's not just a I don'tthink so.
It's just a flat out.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
No, that's not happening.
No, it's not gonna go this wayor whatever.
You gotta be confident in yoursaying no.
(22:48):
Um other boundaries.
Um people have to know whenenough is enough.
People have to know, like, mypiece is more important than
this whole situation.
My piece is more important thanthe craziness you're talking
about, the craziness you'redoing.
So people understanding that youcome, you you have to come first
(23:12):
in your own life.
You got to choose yourself firstbefore choosing other people
because you get like what is it?
Self-love, self-care, self-help.
You have to have all of that inorder to be able to have it for
anyone else.
In order to love somebody elseproperly, in order to care for
somebody else properly, you gotto have that first for yourself.
(23:33):
If you can't have that foryourself, how nowhere?
You know how to do it forsomebody else.
SPEAKER_00 (23:39):
The boundaries for me are the same thing.
It's just setting that that umthat that boundary right there
to say, hey, you know, these arethe things that I don't like
from the start, even whenmeeting girlfriends or meeting
new friends, like, well, theseare the things I don't I I do,
(24:00):
these are the things I don't do.
Like, hey, you know, I'm cool ifyou know you're smoking weed,
but hey, I that's just notsomething I do, you know,
setting the boundaries or youknow, uh for people who are
alcoholics.
I deal with people, a lot ofpeople who are alcoholics, you
know.
And if you're trying to fightalcohol, listen, you know, you
don't go out there, go out tothe bar with friends, you know,
(24:22):
you accept everything, and whocares what they say, you know,
what I'm saying, uh, because youoh you're you're corny, you're
lame, you're this, you're that.
Well, I'll be what you say I'mgonna be, but I know that I have
all alcohol problems, so I'm notabout to go to the bar.
SPEAKER_02 (24:39):
What kind of friends learning so I'm learning how to
deal with what I'm dealing with.
So if you don't want to be apart of that, exactly, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (24:50):
Uh being a married woman, you know, uh marriage to
me now marriage is different toeverybody.
Some married couples don't mindtheir significant other going to
a strip in the charge household.
That's enough.
That is enough.
(25:11):
That is enough.
Because I lived in that realm, Iwere while I worked in that
realm.
I know how easy temptation is.
Yeah, my name was Sing Baby.
I hang from that pole.
That was that was my youngerday.
So for me, they're comingthrough.
For me, for me, you know, I knowhow to that's another thing.
(25:38):
Learning to say no, because Iknow my limits.
SPEAKER_02 (25:45):
I'm not gonna put with that though.
I don't care.
Go to a strip club, you touchanything, or anything here
touches anything, on popping.
I'm on the way.
Best believe, understand, andno.
I don't mind because I feel likeI'm trying to sound vain enough,
but I feel like I got all myman's attention.
So let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_00 (26:10):
I look at the entertainment world.
Cardi B, beautiful, Beyonce,beautiful.
They have these men have themost beautiful women and they
still want back to what's goodhere.
SPEAKER_02 (26:21):
I don't know.
It's not about it's not allabout how they look though.
Like, how are they at home whentheir relationships?
How are they?
You got Cardi B and Beyonce bothsaid they don't cook.
I don't cook, I don't clean.
Let me come on.
SPEAKER_00 (26:39):
Okay, well, you know what?
I digress.
I'm gonna back out from that.
But I say I I protect myselfstrip clubs, and I I tell my
husband, I'm very transparent.
Look, you get me in the kid,things are swinging and I'm
looking, then that that opensthe mind.
That opens the mind to letthings in.
(27:04):
And I know that I'm a beautifulwoman, I know my husband loves
me without the shadow of adoubt.
But if you're going in there andyou're watching naked women,
then I must be doing somethingwrong.
Then I mean, because I don'tunderstand why you have the need
to want to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:19):
So if they're not a frequent flyer, you know what
I'm saying?
If it's a thing like once, okay.
All right.
Now, frequent flyer, now uh uhtime out.
Hold on, buy your pole for thehouse.
I got you.
Throw your money in me and I'mkeeping it.
Don't ask me.
SPEAKER_00 (27:42):
Look, that's what you want.
And look, I could be anybody whowants me to see.
I go on a red wing.
Uh I can do that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:51):
I got the millions of hats.
Don't let me go.
SPEAKER_00 (27:54):
You know, that's that's just my thing.
And when people or my mygirlfriends ask me to go, I just
I just don't.
I just don't.
I'm just saying no.
And another way is uh choosingpurpose over purpose over
approval and daily practicesthat read and for myself.
(28:19):
So I will say that for um thatone right there is a that's an
everyday thing for me.
Every day I wake up, I ampracticing because I was always
uh looked at or told that I wasa or this or that.
So when somebody says that, oh,you're so beautiful, you have
the good skin, I'm like, whatare they looking at?
(28:40):
And then I say, hey, hey, hey,hey, back up.
Wait a minute now.
SPEAKER_02 (28:43):
Bring it back, bring it back.
Bring it back.
SPEAKER_00 (28:45):
I am beautiful.
Thank you for that.
Because yeah, and you know, Ihad this thing like, oh, I'm not
beautiful, don't say that.
Don't don't say that, you know.
And then I, you know, so dailypractice is just to reinforce to
know yourself worth, don't letanybody take from you what they
didn't give you in the firstplace, you know, and I teach
(29:07):
that amongst my family.
Stop letting people take thingsfrom you that they didn't give
in the first place.
But the reason why we allow themto take it is because we're
gonna know who we are.
Look, we're gonna have church ina minute, you know, because if
(29:28):
you reinforce your self-worth,if you have a significant other
that doesn't want to rise, Ilook, I just told one of my
daughters the other day, youknow.
I told her, I said, if you'relooking for a soulmate, if
you're looking for a partner,because she tends to find
(29:49):
herself in a relationship whereshe's always trying to bring the
man up.
Well, first of all, if you getwith somebody, that's what I
mean, coming to the tableknowing what it is.
Is first.
Ask questions.
Okay.
If you're out there and you'redating and you're meeting
someone, you need to see becauseyou got the table.
You need to see what somebody isbringing to that table.
(30:11):
Okay.
You got the bread, the eggs, themeat, the cheese.
I got the table.
I got silverware.
What are you bringing?
Don't set yourself up to whereyou have these high expectations
of someone when they, you know,not to say that the person, you
know, is a bad person or thewrong person.
It's just that, you know, what'swrong with being friends?
(30:32):
If that person is not on yourlevel and able to add to you,
and they come in taken away,drop the mic.
Drop the mic.
You know, you don't have to doif somebody is not, which
because I know me and you, we'vebeen through some things in our
relationship.
(30:52):
And I'm not about to let nobodycome in and destroy what I
built.
And when I met my husband, hewas a warrant officer.
So it was like, I knew what Iwanted.
Like, hey, I knew that uh Iwanted my credit score to be a
certain uh at a certain level.
I wanted my bank account to beat a certain level, and then you
(31:13):
you come to the come to thetable.
So that's that's just some ofthe things that um people really
need to realize when they're outhere in the dating realm, in the
workforce, all of that.
Just boundaries, learning to sayno, choosing your purpose over
approval, daily practice ofre-inself and self-work.
Because if you don't think moreof yourself, nobody is gonna do
(31:35):
it for you.
Nobody is gonna do it for you atall.
So um burn burn the fear, breakthe cycle, become unstoppable.
And I would just say um that wetalked a little bit about the
things that we had to burn tomake it through the cycles that
we had to break.
Let's talk about who we arebecoming now.
(31:58):
Throughout all the things,Ashley, that you went through in
your life.
And you know, we talked, I'msure those have seen your story
before.
And that was just, you know, uh,that was just really the surface
of you explaining how you wentthrough your child childhood
problems of losing nothing.
So all the things that you havewent through today, who are you
(32:22):
becoming now that you proclaimedyour do you see a better you?
SPEAKER_02 (32:27):
Um, I see a stronger me, I see a more focused me.
Um, I see more driven side ofmyself.
At times I'm like, I know I cando this, but ain't nobody gonna
support it or whatever casebeing.
But now it's how I can do this.
You don't support me or well,somebody else will.
That's how I'm looking at itnow.
(32:47):
I'm not worried about ifsomebody's gonna support me, I'm
worried about do I have enoughdone for people to support me.
SPEAKER_00 (32:55):
There you go.
Hello.
That's good.
That popcorn drive coming up,right?
That's good.
That's good.
That's good.
That's it.
That's that that is that is oneway.
I will say for me now that Ihave now that I'm becoming
(33:20):
walking into my purpose.
Um, the way that I reclaimed mypower, the way that I will say
I'm reclaiming the power isevery day I'm waking up telling
fear, you don't belong here.
That's my biggest thing.
My biggest thing is fear, fearover death, fear over, you know,
(33:41):
even with this podcast.
So people not gonna watch it, orwhat I'm saying, you know, I and
you know as well.
I now have gotten to the pointwhere I don't care who's
watching or not.
I care about the people who needthe help who hear the message,
right?
Messages that throughout allthat we have been through, I
(34:01):
will say for me, God is thenumber one per the number one
being who has kept me throughoutall my trials and tribulation.
And that's the purpose for theplatform to let those know that
without the without God, withoutthat spirit, the Holy Spirit
that lives in us all, if we justtap into that, we are some
(34:24):
powerful, powerful, powerfulevil.
And that's how I'm reclaiming mypower today.
So we are going to definitelycome back, Ashley.
I thank you for coming on theshow and partnering with me and
talk about how we could take ourpower back.
And we're gonna hear a lot aboutthis.
(34:45):
And um, I can't wait for therelease of my book.
They take back.
That is my message.
That is the message becausetoday we need to teach people to
guide people how to take how totake back their power.
Take that power back, keep it,and keep moving on.
It ain't always gonna be gooddays, but just learning to be in
control of ourselves and of thepower that lives within us.
(35:08):
And we will uh definitely,definitely um become unstoppable
and excel in life.
So thank you for tuning in totoday's episode.
Remember, you don't have thepower, powerless.
God gave you authority to rise,reclaim, and become unstoppable.
(35:31):
Thank you for another second forbeing reached.
SPEAKER_01 (35:36):
Bye.
Welcome back, everybody.
Welcome back to Be for Youpodcast, where we burn the pear,
break the cycles, and becomeunstoppable.
And today, welcome back.
I'm beautiful sister, AshleyBrown.
And today we're here to talkabout how we how we take back
our power.
And I'll ask my uh Ashley tocome on here and let's just have
(00:34):
a conversation about it.
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
Hi Ash.
Hello.
SPEAKER_00 (00:41):
Oh the shirt.
Love the shirt.
Why am I just now seeing theshirt?
The shirt is amazing that youmade that yourself, Didn't you?
SPEAKER_02 (00:49):
I added some of them on there.
It wasn't enough, so I put somemore on there.
SPEAKER_00 (00:53):
No, okay.
So let me ask you when you hearum the phrase talking about
giving away your power, whatcomes to mind?
What comes to mind when you whenyou think about how you've given
away your power?
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
Um it's something I like I always teach my kids.
You never allow somebody to knowthat they got power over you.
So how I look at it is is I'mshowing somebody what it is that
can make me tick, what it isthat can like break me down or
put me so low that they kind oflike control me.
(01:30):
And I've been teaching, butespecially my son, I've been
teaching him this for thelongest.
You don't never allow anybody toknow or to be able to see that
something that they did made youthat mad or got to you that bad
that they now have likepermanent space in your brain,
like that's all you're thinkingabout is that so live in a ring
(01:52):
free rank free.
So okay.
SPEAKER_00 (01:56):
Yeah, can you can you share a time when you
realize that you gave your poweraway?
I'm I mean, I know it's beenmany a time.
Give me that one example thatyou can remember where you just
lost it.
SPEAKER_02 (02:07):
Oh, just recently.
So um at my son's job, one ofhis managers, like she was
talking to him crazy.
But when I'm around, you know,as a whole, hey Kiki Kiki, how
you doing?
And I realized that me going upthere hot, I came in hot, like
hot.
I walked in Chuck E.
Cheese, everybody's trying tosay hi to me.
(02:28):
I was like, nope, not you, notyou.
You move you right here outside.
Let's go.
Like I felt like because thatwas my child, that's how I
needed to go in there.
But after I thought about it, Iwas like, you know what?
Let me calm down because there'stoo many things that can happen
in situations.
One being I can go to jail forchild endangerment because I'm
(02:49):
whooping somebody's tail up andchuck and cheese or whatever.
But and then the other, I'll betaking away from my kids.
So I'm coming to defend mychild, but I'm in here acting a
fool.
And it kind of at thatparticular time, I'll I realize
that I allow her to have powerover me because while I'm acting
a fool, she over in the cornerjust standing there.
So it looks like I'm the one,you know, that's in the wrong.
(03:12):
And I'm like, God, I just letthis girl got.
And I wanted to beat her evenworse after that.
SPEAKER_00 (03:18):
Yeah, what now what race was she made?
SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
She was black.
SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (03:23):
She was black.
She um she tried my child andshe will never try him again
because after I calmed myselfall the way down, my boyfriend
had to come up there.
I calmed myself all the waydown, then I caught myself just
extremely calm, and that scaredher even more.
That I'm just talking to herregularly, like, hey, the next
time you feel like you want todo this, this, and that it took
me six minutes.
(03:43):
It's only gonna take me threeminutes next time, you know.
Just explaining to her verycalmly that I will break you in
half about my child.
And it's now she does not knowhow to take me because I don't
let her know if I'm mad, if I'msad, she knows nothing now.
It's always the same face.
I had to take my power backbecause she had it for a moment
now.
She had and you know what?
SPEAKER_00 (04:04):
That's the it's it's all about like trying to train
your brain.
I'm gonna speak about a littlebit about what's going on now at
today's age, because now thewhite they are on go, they are
on go right now, they got thethe gold at the ass card right
now, and I've been watching acouple of videos.
(04:25):
I watched this one video withthis young lady and her mother
was on a cruise, and she uh wasuh allowed to go on a uh like
the upper deck of the ship, andshe was authorized to do so, but
she didn't have the braceletthat I was for.
(04:46):
So there was a white couple onthat uh part that you know
realized that they didn't havethe band on or whatever, so it
was really disrespected, and Imean, was talking about them
trying to get them off.
I mean, it was they went througha series, and to make this long
story short, the way she handledherself, like this girl could
(05:09):
have really gone off the waythey was just talking about her,
like belittling her racialcomments, like you don't belong
up here, and you're kind of youcan't afford to be up here, it
was some it was something tothat nature, but she kept her
composure the whole entire timebecause what they were trying to
do is get a rise out of her,yeah and she handled it so
(05:30):
professionally, and that'sanother thing that I would
really like to talk about, likefor people today, like including
me, because I live in apredominantly um white area, and
every day that I, you know, I'mdoing things in the community,
and you know, some people arerude and disrespectful, and I
(05:51):
have to say to myself, don't doit.
Don't do it.
They want they want the nigga tocall it a part, you know.
They want you to be that angryblack woman to act a nigger as
(06:11):
they say, and you know, it'slike you know what, and a nigger
just means ignorant person.
So I don't put a color on the onthe word, you know.
So they wanted that, they wantsometimes that angry black
woman.
But what I would say to peopleout here that you know, take
look at some of these figure outanother way to handle ignorance.
(06:36):
You know, I look at another wayto handle ignorance because you
want me to act a certain way themad black woman, but instead I
come back with intelligence.
I come back to let them knowthat hey, I'm just as
intelligent and I deserve and Ihave every right to be standing
in the same space that you'restanding in because I worked my
(06:56):
way to get here.
So that's uh um uh one thingabout thinking that's I think
that's like the top thing thatkeeps a lot of people cool today
about not acting like theyexpected to act.
And I applaud the people ofcolor because they're really
doing, they're doing it.
There's a lot of people doingit.
There's a lot of people I'veseen a lot of videos where
(07:19):
airplanes were, you know, um itwas a woman, a black woman that
was being disrespected, and thewhite man did not know that
there was a big black man, hejust kind of picked them up by
his shirt and sat him down inthe seat.
So, hey, I mean, you know, butwe just have to pick and choose
(07:39):
when is the best time, yeah.
Oh, or not when is the besttime, but learn that when things
and struggles come upon us, youknow how we're gonna handle them
without giving away so much ofour power where we lose
ourselves.
And I know the um uh some of theexamples where we give away our
power is people pleasing.
(08:00):
Whew.
SPEAKER_02 (08:03):
So go ahead.
With that, um, maybe this iswhere people call me mean or
whatever, maybe it's the Leowith me or whatever, but I have
never really cared about whatsomebody else thought about me.
So I've never tried to be thatpeople pleaser, but on the flip
side of that, I'm always the onethat wants to make sure that
(08:25):
everybody else is okay first.
So I don't know if that'sconsidered a people pleaser, but
in my head, I don't really thinkit is.
SPEAKER_00 (08:34):
No, but I think I'll go ahead.
Let me tell you not a people.
You're not a people pleaser.
A people pleaser is me, and nowyou know from where I was, I had
a big old group of uh ofgirlfriends, of sisters.
That I just had this.
(08:58):
Look, that's me.
That's me because my whole mywhole thing, and and now that
I'm starting to realize it wastrauma from my past that made me
want to make me into the peoplepleaser.
Always wanting to, are you okay?
Are you all right?
Do you need anything?
Here, let me be your friend, letme show you love because I
(09:19):
realize that I'm trying toplease these people to show them
how good of a person I am.
SPEAKER_02 (09:25):
Yeah, and then a lot of the times you see pieces of
yourself in somebody, and it'slike, well, nobody tried to help
me.
Let me try to help them somebodyelse.
And it's like we can't fix otherpeople.
We try, but a lot of the timetrying to fix other people
really makes it worse for you.
SPEAKER_01 (09:43):
Break it down, they're breaking down.
SPEAKER_02 (09:46):
It's helping them, but in the meantime, all of
their weight is like getting puton you, and it's like, God, I'm
trying to help them, I'm makingit worse on myself because now
I'm remembering when I was inthis place.
SPEAKER_00 (09:56):
And then what happens once you get them there?
SPEAKER_02 (09:59):
You get them there, they good, and now you back to
and they look, they look, theylooking at you, you know, that
you want to they you they gotwhat they needed from you now.
SPEAKER_00 (10:10):
You all out of energy, busted and disgusted,
and some help, and they likethey got nothing for you, not
even not even a five-minutephone call to see how not even a
two-second.
I'll break it down to atwo-second phone call to say,
hey sis, how you doing?
Everything good, haven't heardfrom you.
But you know, people please andpeople, some people will drain
(10:34):
you, they get all that they canfrom you, and then you look
around for the help and nobodyis there.
Now you have some you know,friends or family members that
you don't have to talk to allthe time, but you can pick it
right back up and say, Hey, howyou doing?
What's been going on?
Now that's fine.
You know, I will give anotherexample of giving your power
(10:59):
away.
And I think one of thoseexamples is saying silent out of
fear.
What do you got that?
Woo! Well, come on now, becausesomebody needs this help,
somebody needs this deliverancebecause this is a serious topic,
right?
SPEAKER_02 (11:17):
It's like it's it's almost like a toxic trait that
you possess and don't realizethat you possess it because it's
one of them things like I'lltake a relationship, for
instance.
You're in a relationship thatyou got so many things that you
dislike about it, but you don'twant that person to get mad at
you by saying something to them.
So you sit there and it's like,well, I guess it's not that bad.
(11:40):
And you suffering in silence,you draining, you you just
walking around like a zombie,and that other person is like,
you know, extremely happy whileyou y'all out in public.
That person is and you're youknow, you know, it's crazy.
But I I'm not gonna lie, I didthat for a long time, and then
(12:06):
it took us getting into anargument, that particular
relationship, it took us gettinginto an argument, me saying that
stuff, and then he's like, Whyyou just didn't tell me?
I'm like, I'm upset because it'slike, oh, that's all I had to
do, just tell you, and I'mtelling you, and it just after
(12:27):
opening up and saying what myproblem was, I ain't had the
problem since.
And it's like, that's all I hadto do.
And I'm sitting here sufferingside as I am sitting here, like,
you know how sometimes us aswomen, we go through these whole
scenarios in our head.
We just made up a whole monthworth of stuff in your head,
ain't nothing ever happened, andit's like you're just piling it
(12:49):
onto what you already have goingon when all you gotta do is say,
Hey, I don't like that you'regonna say good morning to me in
the mornings or something likethat.
You know what I'm saying?
And it'll change like that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:59):
The power of your voice, the power of the tongue
is a is a powerful thing, it ispowerful.
I'm gonna go and say that I wassaying piling out of fear from a
trial trauma.
My cousin was the first to takemy vision.
And I didn't understand, I thinkI was under the age of 12.
And because he was so mean andyou know, like really scary, you
(13:24):
know, you're like, and I'll I'llthrow it hard to say.
I think I was maybe about, Idon't know, I had to be about
eight.
I was very young, I was veryyoung, and when you go through
those situations and somebody,you know, and that's the kind of
you know, um, people that I wantto help too, young children,
young people who have been madeby fear to silence themselves so
(13:47):
they don't say anything, theydon't say anything, and then the
cycle just keeps going and youkeep being afraid.
That's why I raise my childrento tell them don't you ever
everything, tell me everything.
You tell me everything.
If somebody tells you that youbetter not tell because I'ma do
this, I'm gonna do that.
(14:08):
I let my know my children knowI'm a warrior.
Can't nobody do nothing to me.
You tell me that you're going tosee what I do.
So I you know, talk aboutbreaking those cycles, breaking
those cycles of fear, you know,and staying quiet, you know,
when we need to stuff.
Some things we should be quieton, you know.
(14:28):
That's where something, youknow, like I said, know the
difference when it takes backyour power or how to take back
your power.
You don't always have to beaggressive, and then silence is
not always a good thing to besilent, speak your speak your
truth, and then the other thingis living by others'
expectations.
Now we military now.
(14:49):
Come on, come on.
Sorry, first class, living up toothers' expectations.
I know we could talk about thatjust for my goodness.
SPEAKER_02 (15:01):
It being military was like extremely hard.
Being a black female in themilitary, and on top of that,
the type of female I am, like,you ain't about to just tell me
anything, okay?
That is not gonna work with me,and you ain't about to get crazy
with me because the energy yougive me, trust me, understand.
I'm gonna times about four andgive it back to you.
(15:22):
Don't play.
I don't, I don't care who youare, don't play with me.
But it's like I've been toldbefore that um, like when I was
a drill sergeant, I had a firstiron literally tell me he's
like, Hey, you know, we need youto be like the erg, you know,
like the pit bull.
I'm like, are you the breeder orsomething?
Like, what you mean?
You need me to be a pit bull.
Why I need to be the pit bull,it's all these other female
(15:44):
drill serns, but I was onlyblack female drill cern at the
time, so it's like, because I'mthe black one, I gotta be the
pit bull, I gotta be theenforcer, I gotta be the rah-rah
rah, but that's just not how Iwas.
Like, I'm one of them, I was oneof them drill serns that I would
yell sometimes, but sometimes itwas so much easier to just walk
behind a private, talk real lowbehind and scare the living ish
(16:06):
out of them by talking calm.
I didn't have to expect down andscreaming, but it's like they
expect it because I was I'm notI'm only five four, so you know
I'm not that tall, but they wasexpecting it the to have the
little the little angry blackwoman, you know what I'm saying?
(16:27):
Like, get out of here.
SPEAKER_00 (16:32):
I think I was as a leader, I never wanted to be
looked at it like I was so forme, it's like uh you're not
carrying so many lieutenants andcommanders, majors, whatever,
female people carrying thisstuff, and like what you know,
(16:53):
so sometimes the expectation inthe military kind of look like
uh you're you're a woman.
You're a woman, so thereforeyou're weak.
Therefore, you can't do the samething that a male can do.
And I think that's why a lot ofour female soldiers now take
(17:14):
that challenge and they're goinginto ranger school, they're
doing up, you know, they'rebecoming Marines because I think
some of us get sick of thatexpectation, so we're a woman,
so we can't do what a man do.
But I've seen females rock apiece of test better than the
male soldiers, you know.
So I always was like, I didn'twant anybody to just, you know,
(17:35):
carry my bag or you know, helpme through something.
I worked hard to get to theranks that I worked through
because I wanted thatexpectation of being a woman not
to be with me or me because Iwas a soldier before I even
joined the military.
So this is why we have to do alike reclaim of power.
(17:55):
We need to learn how to reclaimour power.
Me reclaiming my government,standing, standing up when no
one's looking, reclaiming mypower, me.
I will say the biggest thingthat I when I learned to reclaim
my power was 2023.
And this is what I talked abouthow, you know, and I'm not
(18:18):
ashamed to say that I went tomental health, I went to a PTSD
survey, and I reclaimed my powerbecause I realized that all
those things of past and ofchildhood is what stole my power
and the reason why I stayedsilent, the reason why I didn't,
you know, do a lot of the thingsthat I wanted to do is because
out of fear.
(18:38):
Today I'm not I'm not gonna saythat, hey, I'm completely
completely healed.
I still run through fear, butwhat I learned is that I have
the power to stick to that fearand move it out of my way.
So, what did reclaiming yourpower look like for you?
Um is it a moment that you likeyou know, like I said, I went to
(19:00):
therapy and learned where my mytrauma came from.
That gave me the strength andthe healing.
It has to be a story where yourealize that I'm taking ashes,
I'm taking my power back, youhave no more control.
SPEAKER_02 (19:13):
Um I think the best example I can give is uh with uh
an ex I had.
Once I realized it was affectingmy son, and it was affecting his
behavior, it was affecting hishappiness.
I was like, Yeah, hell no.
Uh-uh.
I'm taking everything back, I'mgetting rid of him because he
was toxic as I don't know what.
(19:33):
And I'm I'm getting back tobeing me.
I'm not getting ready to just bemad about something, not saying
nothing, then walk around thehouse, pouty face, man, whatever
the case being, and that energybrows off to my son.
Like, I'm not doing that.
Once I saw that he was nothappy, he wasn't in a space of
just being his regular self.
Yeah, no, I had to take it backbecause it wasn't just ruining
(19:55):
me, it was messing with my childtoo.
SPEAKER_00 (19:57):
If anybody, everybody knows your children
are number one in your body,always, always have been.
And I applaud you for that.
Yeah, children will do it too,and that as everyone knows, I
have five children and nine intotal, and that's that's another
that's you're right.
(20:18):
That's another reason why, andmy grandchildren.
I got 18 of them, so it's like Ilook at them like I am the
example, we are the example forour children.
Because if you don't, then yes,I think that it's okay, right?
SPEAKER_02 (20:34):
That's the other thing.
I'm like, yeah, nah, because heain't about to grow up, be no
mm-mm, no to hell, and nah, sheain't about to see this at the
time.
She was just a baby baby, buthell no, she ain't about to see
it either.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
And that and that is good for women who are out here
being abused.
Okay, you don't want to stay ina toxic relationship or stay a
certain way.
All you have to do is just lookat your children and say, What
do I want for them?
Because my head mashed me and wecan talk all day about how to
take back your power, how someof the things, but it takes
(21:09):
listen to the audience, youknow.
And you know, e for you is aboutguiding people through their
traumas, breaking through,breaking through the pain,
breaking the cycles, burningthrough the past, becoming
unstoppable.
But we can have these talks, butto be realistic, it really takes
(21:31):
you.
It takes you.
You have to make up in yourhead, in your mind, what you
want for you, or else it won'twork.
It won't work, it won't work.
You know, we've all been throughsuicide, we've all been through
the top is a roughest situation.
But I would say that it took meto say three hours more, three
(21:53):
hours more, and for I want togive you guys some steps on that
for the who is listening rightnow.
I want to give you some stepshow to reclaim your power.
And let's talk about boundaries.
Boundaries, boundaries is onething, uh, one way that you can
(22:14):
can reclaim your power.
Set some down.
Yeah.
Give me an example of a boundarythat you say how to claim.
SPEAKER_02 (22:22):
Um, well, I've never had a problem with saying no.
I think it's the way you say no,to be completely, you know, 100%
sure.
Like it's not just a I don'tthink so.
It's just a flat out.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
No, that's not happening.
No, it's not gonna go this wayor whatever.
You gotta be confident in yoursaying no.
(22:48):
Um other boundaries.
Um people have to know whenenough is enough.
People have to know, like, mypiece is more important than
this whole situation.
My piece is more important thanthe craziness you're talking
about, the craziness you'redoing.
So people understanding that youcome, you you have to come first
(23:12):
in your own life.
You got to choose yourself firstbefore choosing other people
because you get like what is it?
Self-love, self-care, self-help.
You have to have all of that inorder to be able to have it for
anyone else.
In order to love somebody elseproperly, in order to care for
somebody else properly, you gotto have that first for yourself.
(23:33):
If you can't have that foryourself, how nowhere?
You know how to do it forsomebody else.
SPEAKER_00 (23:39):
The boundaries for me are the same thing.
It's just setting that that umthat that boundary right there
to say, hey, you know, these arethe things that I don't like
from the start, even whenmeeting girlfriends or meeting
new friends, like, well, theseare the things I don't I I do,
(24:00):
these are the things I don't do.
Like, hey, you know, I'm cool ifyou know you're smoking weed,
but hey, I that's just notsomething I do, you know,
setting the boundaries or youknow, uh for people who are
alcoholics.
I deal with people, a lot ofpeople who are alcoholics, you
know.
And if you're trying to fightalcohol, listen, you know, you
don't go out there, go out tothe bar with friends, you know,
(24:22):
you accept everything, and whocares what they say, you know,
what I'm saying, uh, because youoh you're you're corny, you're
lame, you're this, you're that.
Well, I'll be what you say I'mgonna be, but I know that I have
all alcohol problems, so I'm notabout to go to the bar.
SPEAKER_02 (24:39):
What kind of friends learning so I'm learning how to
deal with what I'm dealing with.
So if you don't want to be apart of that, exactly, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (24:50):
Uh being a married woman, you know, uh marriage to
me now marriage is different toeverybody.
Some married couples don't mindtheir significant other going to
a strip in the charge household.
That's enough.
That is enough.
(25:11):
That is enough.
Because I lived in that realm, Iwere while I worked in that
realm.
I know how easy temptation is.
Yeah, my name was Sing Baby.
I hang from that pole.
That was that was my youngerday.
So for me, they're comingthrough.
For me, for me, you know, I knowhow to that's another thing.
(25:38):
Learning to say no, because Iknow my limits.
SPEAKER_02 (25:45):
I'm not gonna put with that though.
I don't care.
Go to a strip club, you touchanything, or anything here
touches anything, on popping.
I'm on the way.
Best believe, understand, andno.
I don't mind because I feel likeI'm trying to sound vain enough,
but I feel like I got all myman's attention.
So let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_00 (26:10):
I look at the entertainment world.
Cardi B, beautiful, Beyonce,beautiful.
They have these men have themost beautiful women and they
still want back to what's goodhere.
SPEAKER_02 (26:21):
I don't know.
It's not about it's not allabout how they look though.
Like, how are they at home whentheir relationships?
How are they?
You got Cardi B and Beyonce bothsaid they don't cook.
I don't cook, I don't clean.
Let me come on.
SPEAKER_00 (26:39):
Okay, well, you know what?
I digress.
I'm gonna back out from that.
But I say I I protect myselfstrip clubs, and I I tell my
husband, I'm very transparent.
Look, you get me in the kid,things are swinging and I'm
looking, then that that opensthe mind.
That opens the mind to letthings in.
(27:04):
And I know that I'm a beautifulwoman, I know my husband loves
me without the shadow of adoubt.
But if you're going in there andyou're watching naked women,
then I must be doing somethingwrong.
Then I mean, because I don'tunderstand why you have the need
to want to do that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:19):
So if they're not a frequent flyer, you know what
I'm saying?
If it's a thing like once, okay.
All right.
Now, frequent flyer, now uh uhtime out.
Hold on, buy your pole for thehouse.
I got you.
Throw your money in me and I'mkeeping it.
Don't ask me.
SPEAKER_00 (27:42):
Look, that's what you want.
And look, I could be anybody whowants me to see.
I go on a red wing.
Uh I can do that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:51):
I got the millions of hats.
Don't let me go.
SPEAKER_00 (27:54):
You know, that's that's just my thing.
And when people or my mygirlfriends ask me to go, I just
I just don't.
I just don't.
I'm just saying no.
And another way is uh choosingpurpose over purpose over
approval and daily practicesthat read and for myself.
(28:19):
So I will say that for um thatone right there is a that's an
everyday thing for me.
Every day I wake up, I ampracticing because I was always
uh looked at or told that I wasa or this or that.
So when somebody says that, oh,you're so beautiful, you have
the good skin, I'm like, whatare they looking at?
(28:40):
And then I say, hey, hey, hey,hey, back up.
Wait a minute now.
SPEAKER_02 (28:43):
Bring it back, bring it back.
Bring it back.
SPEAKER_00 (28:45):
I am beautiful.
Thank you for that.
Because yeah, and you know, Ihad this thing like, oh, I'm not
beautiful, don't say that.
Don't don't say that, you know.
And then I, you know, so dailypractice is just to reinforce to
know yourself worth, don't letanybody take from you what they
didn't give you in the firstplace, you know, and I teach
(29:07):
that amongst my family.
Stop letting people take thingsfrom you that they didn't give
in the first place.
But the reason why we allow themto take it is because we're
gonna know who we are.
Look, we're gonna have church ina minute, you know, because if
(29:28):
you reinforce your self-worth,if you have a significant other
that doesn't want to rise, Ilook, I just told one of my
daughters the other day, youknow.
I told her, I said, if you'relooking for a soulmate, if
you're looking for a partner,because she tends to find
(29:49):
herself in a relationship whereshe's always trying to bring the
man up.
Well, first of all, if you getwith somebody, that's what I
mean, coming to the tableknowing what it is.
Is first.
Ask questions.
Okay.
If you're out there and you'redating and you're meeting
someone, you need to see becauseyou got the table.
You need to see what somebody isbringing to that table.
(30:11):
Okay.
You got the bread, the eggs, themeat, the cheese.
I got the table.
I got silverware.
What are you bringing?
Don't set yourself up to whereyou have these high expectations
of someone when they, you know,not to say that the person, you
know, is a bad person or thewrong person.
It's just that, you know, what'swrong with being friends?
(30:32):
If that person is not on yourlevel and able to add to you,
and they come in taken away,drop the mic.
Drop the mic.
You know, you don't have to doif somebody is not, which
because I know me and you, we'vebeen through some things in our
relationship.
(30:52):
And I'm not about to let nobodycome in and destroy what I
built.
And when I met my husband, hewas a warrant officer.
So it was like, I knew what Iwanted.
Like, hey, I knew that uh Iwanted my credit score to be a
certain uh at a certain level.
I wanted my bank account to beat a certain level, and then you
(31:13):
you come to the come to thetable.
So that's that's just some ofthe things that um people really
need to realize when they're outhere in the dating realm, in the
workforce, all of that.
Just boundaries, learning to sayno, choosing your purpose over
approval, daily practice ofre-inself and self-work.
Because if you don't think moreof yourself, nobody is gonna do
(31:35):
it for you.
Nobody is gonna do it for you atall.
So um burn burn the fear, breakthe cycle, become unstoppable.
And I would just say um that wetalked a little bit about the
things that we had to burn tomake it through the cycles that
we had to break.
Let's talk about who we arebecoming now.
(31:58):
Throughout all the things,Ashley, that you went through in
your life.
And you know, we talked, I'msure those have seen your story
before.
And that was just, you know, uh,that was just really the surface
of you explaining how you wentthrough your child childhood
problems of losing nothing.
So all the things that you havewent through today, who are you
(32:22):
becoming now that you proclaimedyour do you see a better you?
SPEAKER_02 (32:27):
Um, I see a stronger me, I see a more focused me.
Um, I see more driven side ofmyself.
At times I'm like, I know I cando this, but ain't nobody gonna
support it or whatever casebeing.
But now it's how I can do this.
You don't support me or well,somebody else will.
That's how I'm looking at itnow.
(32:47):
I'm not worried about ifsomebody's gonna support me, I'm
worried about do I have enoughdone for people to support me.
SPEAKER_00 (32:55):
There you go.
Hello.
That's good.
That popcorn drive coming up,right?
That's good.
That's good.
That's good.
That's it.
That's that that is that is oneway.
I will say for me now that Ihave now that I'm becoming
(33:20):
walking into my purpose.
Um, the way that I reclaimed mypower, the way that I will say
I'm reclaiming the power isevery day I'm waking up telling
fear, you don't belong here.
That's my biggest thing.
My biggest thing is fear, fearover death, fear over, you know,
(33:41):
even with this podcast.
So people not gonna watch it, orwhat I'm saying, you know, I and
you know as well.
I now have gotten to the pointwhere I don't care who's
watching or not.
I care about the people who needthe help who hear the message,
right?
Messages that throughout allthat we have been through, I
(34:01):
will say for me, God is thenumber one per the number one
being who has kept me throughoutall my trials and tribulation.
And that's the purpose for theplatform to let those know that
without the without God, withoutthat spirit, the Holy Spirit
that lives in us all, if we justtap into that, we are some
(34:24):
powerful, powerful, powerfulevil.
And that's how I'm reclaiming mypower today.
So we are going to definitelycome back, Ashley.
I thank you for coming on theshow and partnering with me and
talk about how we could take ourpower back.
And we're gonna hear a lot aboutthis.
(34:45):
And um, I can't wait for therelease of my book.
They take back.
That is my message.
That is the message becausetoday we need to teach people to
guide people how to take how totake back their power.
Take that power back, keep it,and keep moving on.
It ain't always gonna be gooddays, but just learning to be in
control of ourselves and of thepower that lives within us.
(35:08):
And we will uh definitely,definitely um become unstoppable
and excel in life.
So thank you for tuning in totoday's episode.
Remember, you don't have thepower, powerless.
God gave you authority to rise,reclaim, and become unstoppable.
(35:31):
Thank you for another second forbeing reached.
SPEAKER_01 (35:36):
Bye.
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