40: The Everyday Practice of Mental Wellness: Beyond Diagnosis

What does it really mean to take care of our mental health? Beyond diagnoses and therapy sessions lies the everyday work of nurturing our emotional well-being—a practice we often overlook until we're approaching burnout.

During Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to share some hard-won insights about what mental wellness actually looks like in our daily lives. Through a recent experience where my brain immediately jumped to worst-case scenarios about a simple meeting with my boss, I demonstrate how even when we're doing well, our mental health requires ongoing attention. That primitive "lizard brain" response doesn't disappear; we simply get better at recognizing and managing it before spiraling.

For those of us with codependent tendencies, this journey presents unique challenges. When you're accustomed to prioritizing everyone else's needs, simply asking yourself "what do I need today?" can feel foreign or selfish. Yet that question has transformed from feeling indulgent to essential in my own healing journey. Mental health isn't about fixing something broken—it's about consistent, compassionate self-care through small daily acts: saying no without over-explaining, allowing yourself to rest before exhaustion forces you to stop, or taking five minutes to breathe when overwhelmed.

The myth that strength means never needing support has caused untold damage. True strength lies in vulnerability—in acknowledging when you can't do it all alone. You don't need to wait for a crisis to deserve attention to your mental well-being. Like tending a garden, the small acts of care you provide yourself today create the foundation for resilience tomorrow. This Mental Health Awareness Month, I invite you to join me in normalizing everyday mental health practices. You are worth that care.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today I'm sending you a special bonus episode to kick
off May, which is Mental HealthAwareness Month.
Now, I know we hear the wordsmental health a lot, but we
don't always talk about what itactually looks like in our
day-to-day lives.
It's not just about having adiagnosis like anxiety or
depression.
Mental health is about how wetake care of ourselves, how we

(00:22):
manage stress, how we setboundaries, how we rest and how
we speak to ourselves whenthings get really hard.
So this month I'm going to bereleasing a few shorter episodes
.
These are going to be thingsthat have made a difference in
my life, and it might just makea difference in yours as well.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.

(00:42):
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent Dr Angela

(01:03):
Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners.
I'm Dr Angela Downey, and todayI'm sending you a special bonus
episode because May is MentalHealth Awareness Month, and I
think it's something that wedon't talk about enough in a
real everyday kind of way.
I hope you're all doing reallywell.

(01:25):
Well, and I'm going to start offby sharing something that went
really well for me this week.
So my boss came into the clinicearlier this week she doesn't
normally come in and the daybefore she sent me a message
saying that she wanted to talkwith me and she confirmed that I
was going to be there.
And right away my lizard brainthat most primitive and reactive

(01:45):
part of my brain it totallyflipped out.
I immediately thought oh mygosh, I am totally getting fired
.
I had to stop myself, likeconsciously, stop my mind from
spiraling.
I had to remind myself that I'mhappy with the way that things
are going at the clinic rightnow.

(02:05):
I'm doing really good work andif, for some reason, if what I'm
doing isn't aligning with whatthe company wants and if I do
get fired, then I'm going tofind a solution for that,
because there's always asolution.
So I told myself that Ishouldn't worry about this until
I actually know what's going onand, as it turns out, it ended

(02:27):
up being an amazing conversation.
She told me that she loveshaving me at the clinic, and she
even brought up my podcast andmy book that's coming up.
She said we should talk moreabout how we can incorporate all
of that to help better supportour patients who come through
the doors.
It was a really positiveconversation and I am so glad
that I didn't lose a night'ssleep panicking over it.

(02:48):
This is a really good reminderthat, even when I'm feeling good
day to day, my lizard brain itstill kicks in from time to time
, and when it does, I have toactively manage my thoughts and
I need to catch myself before Ispiral.
I feel really good overall, butthat doesn't mean that my
mental health is going to takecare of itself.

(03:09):
It's something that I alwaysneed to stay aware of and it's
something that I'm alwaysneeding to tend to, even on my
good days.
Usually, we only think aboutmental health when something's
going really wrong, when we'vehit a wall, when we've burnt out
or when we get a diagnosis likeanxiety or depression.
But mental health is so muchmore than that.

(03:31):
It's not just something thatyou think about when you're in
crisis.
It's how you treat yourselfevery day.
It's how you listen to yourbody, how you speak to yourself
when you're really strugglingand how you move through the
world.
And that's why I wanted to dothis episode because we need to
normalize the idea that youdon't have to be falling apart

(03:51):
to take your mental healthseriously.
Sometimes it's just aboutlearning how to live with more
compassion and a little lesspressure.
We tend to think about mentalhealth like a light switch right
.
Either you have a problem oryou don't.
But it's not that black andwhite.
Mental health isn't just aboutwhether or not you're diagnosed
with something.
It's about how you take care ofyour emotional well-being on a

(04:14):
regular basis.
It's the choices that you makein your day-to-day life, like
how much rest do you allowyourself?
How do you talk to yourselfwhen you've made a mistake?
Do you feel safe saying no, ordo you panic and people-please
your way through everything?
And here's something that Iwant you to hear very clearly
you don't need a diagnosis todeserve support.

(04:34):
You don't have to hit rockbottom to start paying attention
.
Mental wellness isn't a checkbox.
It's a practice.
It's something that you tend toover time, and taking care of
your mental health doesn'talways look big and dramatic.
Most of the time, it looksreally simple.
It looks like going to bedearly instead of scrolling
TikTok until 1am.
It looks like saying no toplans because you're feeling

(04:57):
tired, even if you feel a littleguilty about it.
It looks like letting yourselfcry and not apologizing for it.
Sometimes it looks like takinga walk, a deep breath, setting a
boundary, or taking a nap.
I used to push througheverything until my body
literally made me stop.
I didn't think I had permissionto rest until I had totally

(05:18):
burnt out or was sick, and bythe time I did stop, I was
completely depleted.
So here's what I've learned thehard way we shouldn't have to
crash in order to care forourselves.
When we ignore mental health,it just slowly chips away at us.
You start feeling tired all thetime.
You're snappy with your kids oryour partner.
You stop enjoying things thatused to light you up, but

(05:41):
instead of asking what's offhere, we just keep pushing
through or working a littleharder at it.
Especially if you're the onewho's always showing up for
others.
You're the strong one, thehelper, the one who over
functions for everyone else.
It can feel unnatural, evenwrong sometimes, to pause and
check in with yourself.
I ignored the signs for way toolong.
I thought if I just workedharder, helped more, gave more,

(06:04):
that it would make me feelbetter.
And spoiler alert, it didn't.
It felt worse and eventually Iended up so sick and burnt out
and wondering how did I let itget this far?
Now, if you're someone whostruggles with codependency,
like I have, you already knowhow emotionally exhausting it is
.
You're constantly tuned in toeveryone else's needs, their

(06:25):
moods, their reactions and yourown needs.
They slowly fall to the bottomof the list.
Sometimes they don't even makethe list at all, and part of the
healing journey has beenlearning how to check in with
myself.
Not just what does everyoneelse need from me right now, but
what do I need today?
That question used to feelreally selfish and now it feels

(06:47):
like survival.
I'm constantly checking in withmyself.
Sometimes the answer isjournaling, sometimes it's a
10-minute walk by myself.
Sometimes it's turning off myphone and taking a nap.
Sometimes it's taking fiveminutes to go to the bathroom
instead of holding it in all day.
This isn't always glamorous,but it's what I need and I'm
okay giving that to myself.

(07:09):
Now I want to talk about a myththe myth that strong people
don't need help.
That if you need support you'vesomehow failed, that struggling
means that you're not strongenough, but I want to flip that,
because the truth is, strengthis knowing when to ask for help.
It's being able to say I can'tdo this all on my own.

(07:30):
It's vulnerability, it'shonesty, it's letting yourself
be human.
For me, therapy was reallyhelpful.
Journaling helped, talkingopenly about it with my friends,
even if sometimes it felt alittle awkward.
It did help, though, and restthis is probably what helped me
the most out of everything else.
Mental health isn't about fixingyourself.

(07:52):
You're not broken.
You're already enough just asyou are.
It's about taking care ofyourself.
That's it.
And no, you don't have to do itperfectly.
You just have to keep showingup and taking small steps every
day, and for me, that lookedlike saying no without
explaining myself.
I actually find opportunitiesto practice this.

(08:13):
Pressing that send button whenI haven't written a thesis about
why I can't attend my friend'sdog's birthday party can cause
me anxiety, but I press sendanyway, and lo and behold, the
world doesn't fall apart justbecause I didn't give a huge
explanation, and sometimes itlooks like me taking five
minutes to breathe when I feeloverwhelmed.
Sometimes I let things be goodenough instead of aiming for

(08:37):
perfection.
These are all small things, butthey've made a huge difference
in how I feel day to day, andit's a daily reminder to keep
working on myself, because theselittle tasks, they get easier
and I can start working ontougher challenges as I get
better at it.
If you're listening to this andthinking, yep, I've been running
on fumes, I want you to knowthat you're not alone.

(08:59):
You don't have to wait untilyou crash to start caring about
your mental health.
You're allowed to slow down,you're allowed to rest, you're
allowed to take care of yourself.
So start small and start today,and remember that mental health
isn't something that you fixand forget.
It's something that you tend tolike a garden, and the more

(09:19):
that you care for it, the morethat it grows, and you, my
friend, are worth that care.
I'm going to be trying to putout a few extra episodes in the
next month for mental healthawareness.
I'm going to talk to you soon.
Take care for now.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future

(09:40):
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week foranother episode of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.