44: High-Functioning But Struggling: The Hidden Signs of Mental Burnout

Ever say “it’s not that bad” while feeling overwhelmed or exhausted? This Mental Health Awareness Month bonus episode explores high-functioning distress—when you seem fine on the outside but feel drained inside.

Dr. Angela Downey shares personal insights on why codependents, people pleasers, and overachievers often downplay their struggles. She reminds us that functioning isn’t thriving, and you don’t need to hit rock bottom to deserve support.

Mental health care should be preventative, not just reactive. Sometimes healing begins with a whisper of honesty and one small act of self-respect.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you ever felt off, overwhelmed or exhausted
but told yourself it's not thatbad?
That one little sentence seemsharmless, but it has a way of
making us minimize our pain anddelay getting the support that
we need.
In this episode, I'm talkingabout high-functioning distress,
what it looks like, why wedownplay it and how you can

(00:21):
start validating your mentalhealth even when things don't
seem that bad, becausestruggling silently still counts
and you don't have to hit rockbottom before you deserve care.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?

(00:43):
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome

(01:07):
back.
I'm really glad to have youhere to join me for this bonus
episode of the CodependentDoctor for Mental Health
Awareness Month.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent, on a mission tonormalize getting the help
before you hit rock bottom.
Have you ever been in asituation where your mental
health didn't feel great, butyou told yourself it's not that

(01:27):
bad?
It's the sneaky little mindsetthat whispers in your head and
it minimizes your struggles.
That one sentence soundsharmless, but it can carry a lot
.
It shows up when we try to talkto ourselves out of our own
pain.
It might sound something likeother people have it worse.
I should be grateful.
Or I'm still going to work andtaking care of everything.

(01:48):
I must be fine.
Nothing huge has happened to melately, so why am I feeling off
?
Comparing yourself to others isdangerous.
It convinces us that if we'renot totally falling apart, then
we're not allowed to bestruggling.
But that's not true.
You don't need to be in afull-on crisis mode for your
feelings to matter.
You don't have to be sobbing inthe bathtub to deserve support.

(02:10):
Struggling silently is stillstruggling.
You can be functioning,productive, showing up, and
still feel anxious, disconnectedor completely drained on the
inside.
So if you ever thought otherpeople have it worse, I want you
to reframe that a little.
You can say just because I'mnot falling apart doesn't mean
that I'm thriving.
We've got to stop using rockbottom as the only measure of

(02:35):
when it's okay to ask for help.
I'm going to tell you a littlequick story from my own life.
This was a few years ago.
I was a full-time student,raising kids, managing a
household and very financiallystrapped.
On paper, I was holding it alltogether and people were saying
things like I don't know how youdo it all or you are amazing
for holding it all together.

(02:56):
But the truth is I wasn't okayAt some point.
Someone gifted me a spa daySuper kind, very generous and I
remember walking in, putting onthe robe, sitting in the lounge
and within 15 minutes I didn'tknow what to do with myself.
I moved chairs, I fidgeted, Iwent to the steam room, left

(03:17):
after about five minutes.
I got a tea that I didn't drink.
I couldn't sit still.
I didn't know how to relax,didn't know what to do.
It was like my nervous systemcouldn't process the idea of
rest.
And that was such a big wake-upcall for me because I realized
even in a place that's designedfor relaxation, my brain was

(03:38):
still in survival mode.
I thought I was fine because Iwas doing all the things like
raising kids, studying, cookingmeals, paying bills, but deep
down I was also completelydisconnected from myself.
That spa visit made it clearbeing high functioning isn't the
same as being well.
So let's talk for a second to myfellow functional but exhausted

(04:01):
friends.
You're showing up, you'resmiling, you're keeping it all
together, but inside you'rewiped.
Maybe you're the caregiver andyou hold space for everyone else
, you're the rock in the family,but no one seems to ever check
in with you.
Or the people pleaser, strongfor everyone else, but
collapsing quietly when you'realone.
Or maybe you're theoverachiever, the one who

(04:23):
doesn't rest until your bodyforces you to when you're sick.
Or maybe you're theoverachiever, the one who
doesn't rest until your bodyforces you to when you're sick,
dizzy or shut down.
If that's you, I just want youto hear this.
You don't have to earn supportby falling apart.
You're allowed to need helpbefore everything crumbles.
So why do we minimize ourstruggles?
Honestly, it's because we'retaught to.

(04:45):
We were told to be grateful, tosay at least I have a roof over
my head.
And yeah, gratitude is reallyimportant, but not when it's
used to dismiss our realfeelings.
We were taught that therapyboundaries or asking for help
were only acceptable in a crisis.
If you were still functioning,then you must be okay right,

(05:07):
still functioning, then you mustbe okay right, especially for
those of us who are codependentor people pleasers.
We grew up learning that ourneeds didn't matter unless they
served everyone else.
So, of course, when we're tiredor overwhelmed or sad, we think
it's not worth bringing it upor it's not that bad.
But let me say this clearly youcan be grateful and still be
struggling.
You can have good things andstill feel overwhelmed.

(05:29):
It's not either or we need tostop pretending that gratitude
cancels out pain.
We need to stop waiting fortotal collapse before we believe
that we're allowed to take abreak.
And while we're at it, let'snormalize getting support early.
Things like therapy, journaling, boundaries, rest.
They aren't just for breakdowns.

(05:50):
They're tools for maintenance,for maintaining good mental
health long term.
We take care of our teethbefore they rot.
We change the oil in our carsbefore the engine dies.
So why do we treat our mentalhealth like it doesn't need care
until everything's on fire?
Support works best beforeburnout, before the tears,
before the shutdown.

(06:10):
Support is smart, it's notselfish.
Maybe you're journaling toprocess your emotions that's
care.
If you're setting a boundary toprotect your peace, that's care
.
And if you're resting even whenthere's more to do.
That's also self-care.
We don't have to crash tojustify taking care of ourselves
, and it doesn't have to besomething big either.

(06:31):
So I'm going to wrap this upwith a gentle reminder that you
don't need to be drowning to askfor a life raft.
You're allowed to take smallsteps.
Today.
That might mean booking atherapy consult or maybe texting
a friend and saying, hey, I'mnot doing so great.
Or setting a small boundary,like skipping a plan that you're
too tired to attend.
Maybe it's just admitting toyourself that you're not doing

(06:53):
okay right now.
That counts, that matters, andit's enough.
Healing doesn't always have tostart with a breakdown.
Sometimes it starts with alittle whisper, a quiet moment
of honesty and a tiny act ofself-respect.
You don't have to fall apart tobe worthy of care.
You're allowed to get supportexactly as you are now.

(07:13):
Thanks for being here with me.
I'm still going to have myregular episodes coming out
every Monday, so I'm going totalk to you soon and I will be
back next week for another bonusepisode.
Take care for now.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.

(07:35):
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace your doctorfor mental health concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week foranother episode of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.