September 15, 2025 • 41 mins
Neuroscience researcher and wellness coach Samantha Stoltz joins me to talk about what burnout really is, why it’s more than just exhaustion, and how the mind-body connection shapes our health in powerful ways. Samantha shares her own journey through burnout and the science-backed, soul-centered practices that helped her rebuild balance. From breaking limiting beliefs to creating small sustainable shifts through habit stacking, this conversation is packed with tools to help you shine from the inside out.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today's episode is going to be such a good one.
We're talking with SamanthaStoltz.
She's a neuroscience researcherand wellness coach who's all
about bridging the gap betweenscience and the soul.
We're diving into what burnoutreally looks like beneath the
surface, how to restore balancethrough mind, body and energy
practices, and the small butpowerful shifts that can help
(00:22):
you create habits that actuallylast.
So if you're feeling drained,stuck or just ready to shine a
little brighter from the insideout, then you're definitely
going to want to stick aroundfor this conversation.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a podcast where we
unpack the messy, beautifuljourney of healing from
codependency.
If you're burned out frompeople-pleasing, stuck in
(00:43):
unhealthy patterns or just tiredof putting yourself last,
you're in the right place.
I'm Dr Angela Downey, a familydoctor and fellow codependent,
and I'm here to help youreconnect to your authentic self
.
One honest conversation at atime.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the 57th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
(01:03):
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent, who's here to helpuntangle our patterns, heal our
hearts and reclaim our peace.
For today's episode, we have aguest with us.
Samantha Stoltz is aneuroscience researcher, a
wellness coach, dedicated tohelping people integrate science
and soul for lastingtransformation.
(01:23):
She holds a bachelor in biologyand is currently pursuing a
master's in applied biomedicalengineering at John Hopkins
University.
Samantha is the founder andhost of the Shine In and Out
podcast, where she explorestopics at the intersection of
personal growth, energetichealth and holistic success.
So welcome, samantha.
I'm so glad that you're able tojoin us today.
(01:44):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I'm wonderful.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to have you onthe show.
I think that what you're doingis really special bringing
together neuroscience andwellness in a way that actually
helps people connect the dotsbetween science and the soul.
That's such an importantconversation to have, and I know
that my listeners are going toget so much out of hearing your
perspective.
(02:07):
So one of the traditions on myshow is that we discuss what
we're grateful for, because whenwe stop and think about the
things that we're grateful for,it really helps our brains focus
on what's working instead onwhat's missing or what's broken.
So I'd like to ask is thereanything that you're especially
grateful for today?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Absolutely.
I mean, among all of the thingsI'm grateful for, something
that's unique today is therealization of even the small
reminders that we have thatthere is so much good in the
world if we choose to look forit.
That just has been myawe-inspiring thing of the day
and it's there.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Sometimes it's harder to see, but it's good to look
at it and to look for thosethings For myself.
I'm grateful for fresh air,which is such a simple thing
that we take for granted, but Ilive in Manitoba in Canada,
which is just north of NorthDakota and my province has been
on fire for most of the summer.
And it's only recently thatwe've really started having some
(03:11):
smoke-free days.
So I feel like even though thesun's been out, it's been kind
of blocked out by this haze.
You smell smoke every day andit's really hard on people who
have like asthma or other lungconditions.
So I'm glad that the fresh airis finally coming back and for
anybody who is relocated,they're finally able to start
going home.
So I am so grateful to finallybe able to enjoy some of the
(03:34):
summer.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
That is huge Good fresh air that comes with it.
Yeah, last summer with thefires in Canada, I was in
Maryland and there was smokecoming through there and we had
all these warnings.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So, samantha, you are a neuroscience researcher and a
wellness coach, and that's areally unique combination of
skills, so can you share alittle bit about your journey
and what inspired you to startyour podcast?
Shine In and Out Sure.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
My journey is characterized by both curiosity
and my personal struggles.
I have always been fascinatedby science because it didn't
come as naturally to me as, say,literature, psychology,
humanities All of that was justlike my automatic zone of genius
.
But the science was hard and Irealized that all of the most
(04:30):
satisfying things for me camefrom the most challenging things
from the beginning.
So I said you know what, everytime I am uncomfortable, I grow
and I am inspired to study forscience, even though it's scary.
And I actually did better inorganic chemistry than I did in
(04:51):
accounting, because which, whichis considered the hardest class
, you know of the degree, andjust because I enjoyed studying
for it, I could bring myself towant to practice.
I loved it.
It's like I was solving apuzzle.
So as a neuroscientist, I spendmy days trying to understand how
our biology shapes the way wefeel and how we feel shapes our
(05:13):
biology.
And I'm hoping to do a PhD inpsychoneuroimmunology or health
psychology or something likethat.
But I went through my own healthchallenges health psychology or
something like that.
But I went through my ownhealth challenges and it made me
realize that so many people areliving in a way that they don't
have to suffering when theydon't understand that it's a
(05:36):
choice.
And so, as I embarked on myhealing journey and saw how big
of a difference not just myphysical health but my mental
health and my perspective ingeneral, those shifts were
incredible and I felt the needto share them with people
because, as soon as you realizethat life can be simple and easy
(05:59):
, and amazing and pleasurableinstead of suffering and
negativity and looping in thosedifficult thoughts, the podcast
became the space where, first ofall, I'm trying to combine my
two favorite topics science andsoul and help people heal
themselves, feel empowered totake charge of their health, and
(06:19):
to do so in a preventative wayrather than a reactive way once
they have a diagnosis or atragedy.
I want everybody to be healthyand happy, you know, just
because you deserve to be.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I love how you, you know, mentioned that negativity
is a choice, and being stuck innegativity is a choice that we
make, because you can choose tobe the opposite, and that's what
your podcast is all about isworking towards getting there.
So you said that you'repassionate about bridging the
gap between science and the soul, and so what does that mean to
(06:53):
you?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, it's definitely two worlds that aren't
naturally combined, and manypeople think that they're
mutually exclusive.
But when I talk about bridgingthe science and the soul, what I
mean is honoring both sides ofwhat make us human.
Of course, we're bodies made ofmolecules and cells, hormones
and genes, and our nervoussystem is a huge player in this,
(07:18):
and that's the science.
But, as humans, what makes usthe most advanced species is our
ability to communicate.
We're storytellers.
We have beliefs and dreams andmemories and an inner voice that
watches those thoughts that youare behind the thoughts.
You're not your thoughts.
(07:39):
You are the soul watching yourthoughts, and your thoughts are
just a combination of everythingthat you've gone through in
your life and all of yourperspectives and things you've
heard from your parents and frommedia, and you can be mindful
(08:01):
of those thoughts and askyourself are these mine?
Are these opinions mine?
Is this judgment mine, or is itsomething I just, you know,
picked up as a habit along theway?
And if so, maybe I want toshift it to a better thought
until that becomes the naturalthought that comes up.
So is it fair to?
Speaker 1 (08:19):
say that we're basically we're all made up of
cells and they're all puttogether in this structured way
and it's basically all the same.
But how our lived experiencesaffect us is what makes us
special and different.
So the cells are the same, butit's those lived experiences put
together that makes us allindividuals.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Totally the extent of our communication and the mere
aspect of metacognition.
Being able to think about ourthinking is what sets us apart
from all other species.
And you have the science thattells you chronic stress alters
inflammation and all of thesethings.
But your soul reminds you thatthe story that you're telling
(09:03):
yourself about the stress andwhether you feel safe and feel
connected shapes how it allplays out in our body, way more
than people realize.
And I think the bridge betweenthe two is essential to have any
form of lasting transformation,because you can focus on the
science, the data.
You can eat this, breathe likethat, track your metrics and you
(09:27):
might get results, but theydon't always stick because they
might be surface level habitsthat are missing the deeper.
Why the intention, the meaning,purpose that you need to be
healthy.
For and for me it's always been.
I know I want to have children,I want my epigenetics to be
spot on by that time and I wantto be healthy enough that I can
(09:53):
spread the knowledge and theexperience that I have gained
through healing myself and justchanging my whole life and
perspective and giving that giftto other people.
And I can't do that if I'm nothealthy.
So the soul gives you thedevotion to keep showing up for
yourself, even when it'suncomfortable, and they turn
(10:15):
together.
Soul and science turns habitsinto a new way of being.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
True transformation Are there a lot of people who
are skeptical of the mind-bodyconnection.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I've definitely seen it.
I think now less than ever,because we are developing the
tools to quantify the mind-bodyconnection, especially the
gut-brain axis and all of thosethings.
I to remind people that yourthoughts and emotions are
signals and they run throughvery real biological pathways.
(10:48):
Your brain talks to your bodyand even if you just tell
yourself something, the placeboeffect.
For instance, if they did astudy where actually there was a
really radical study where theydid placebo surgery on people
and they were able to walk aftereven though they had only made
(11:10):
an incision and then stitched itback up.
So when somebody is diagnosedwith something, it's so
important to get across one thatthe doctors should be showing
confidence in their treatmentplan, because people listen to
(11:31):
their doctors and the bodyresponds.
There's another study that theydid, those histamine tests, the
prick tests, and when thedoctor came in and put
hydrocortisone or somethingantihistamine and told them that
it was going to make it better,10 minutes later they came back
(11:52):
the rash was better and theytold the experimental group that
it was going to get worse.
Same cream and the rash gotworse, got worse.
So it's first of all the ideasthat we're putting into
patients' heads very importantto make it clear that a positive
expectation of your healthoutcomes and the trust in your
(12:13):
body are so much more powerfulthan you realize, and staying in
that fear instead of the hopecan actually be the difference
between life and death canactually be the difference
between life and death, for sureInteresting, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You see it all the time when somebody kind of loses
hope in their ability torecover from something, they
deteriorate much faster.
Yeah, absolutely so.
One of the themes that youfocus on is burnout, and a lot
of people think that burnout isjust being really tired, but
you've said that it's deeperthan that.
What are some of the rootcauses that we often miss.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
We are meant to have a stress response in an acute
moment.
So a predator is chasing you,you get fight or flight, you run
or you hide or you freezewhatever, but then you move out
of it, back into rest and digest.
The way that we live today hasso many people living in
consistent fight or flight andit breaks my heart to see it,
(14:00):
especially now that you know,I've identified it in myself and
recovered from it.
The people that I love, youknow, are doing it and even when
I talk to them they're like ohno, no, I hormones like your
cortisol gets out your memory,your focus, your emotions, your
motivation, for sure.
And so if you think abouthaving even a common cold and
what our body tells us to dowith that level of inflammation,
it's rest.
(14:22):
Don't get out of bed, don't doanything kind of isolate
yourself socially, don't reallywant to eat all those things.
Those things are also indepression and in any type of
low-level inflammation that youmay have, which is pretty much a
direct correlation to thestress that you're putting
yourself under.
So I always encourage people toacknowledge that correlation
(14:47):
and inflammation is, I mean,behind all of the human diseases
I can think ofneurodegenerative cardiovascular
aging in general, all of it.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
It's amazing when people are sick, when we've got
a cold, we don't take the timeto rest anymore, we don't take
the time to take care ofourselves.
We just take a pill.
That's going to make us lessdrowsy, it's going to clear up
our sinuses because we are goingto push through, we're going to
go to work anyway.
We don't take time forourselves for any reason anymore
(15:20):
, and it does contribute to thisconstant fight or flight
response.
Right there we we perceivethreats at every corner every
time we turn around, whetherit's an exam that's coming up or
whatnot, and we just we'restuck in the state of constant
anxiety.
It does wreak havoc on ourbodies and we don't take the
time that we need to rest andrecoup our, our energy and
(15:41):
recoup our energy.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So, when you think about it's crazy to me, like on
the systems level, that thosethings are touted as what we're
supposed to be doing.
First of all, my old companythat I worked for would make
people come into work whenthey're sick Okay, so you're
okay with having more employeesgetting sick and having
everybody out or and havingeverybody be less productive for
(16:05):
you, yeah, and.
And not letting people rest sothat they can come back and be
their best selves?
It's.
It's something in the systemsthat I would love to see more
leaders implementing the idealsof caring for oneself and
creating that balance betweenwork and self-care oneself and
creating that balance betweenwork and self-care.
(16:27):
And I hope you know we can makethat movement happen.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
For sure.
And we look at people who comeinto work even though they're
sick and we rejoice that they'rethere and you're so strong and
you just keep going.
So there's this hustle culturewhere we just feel this need to
keep going right when it's bredinto us almost to just keep
going, even though you're notwell.
Yeah, so when you talk aboutholistic wellness, you include
(16:54):
not only just the mind and body,but energy as well.
So can you walk us through thatintegrated approach and what
that might look like in everydaylife?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
integrated approach and what that might look like in
everyday life.
Yeah, so holistic wellnessmeans looking at yourself as
more than separate parts to fix.
The mind, the body and theenergy are all things that
encompass us and that we bringinto the world and in everyday
life.
You might start your morningwith stillness to set your
mental tone, nourish your bodywith foods that support steady
(17:28):
energy and move in ways thatkeep your circulation and breath
flowing.
But it's also tending to yourrelationships and your
environment, and what you exposeyourself to.
It's what you're consuming.
You're not just consuming food.
You're consuming media, you'reconsuming news.
You're consuming everythingthat you put yourself in those
situations.
(17:50):
If you have drainingrelationships, that is your
energy.
When you feel that you'vetalked to somebody and you feel
exhausted afterwards, that isyour energy, telling you okay,
maybe some alone time or maybelet's be around people that fuel
our energy, because there areabsolutely the opposite end of
(18:11):
the spectrum, people that lightyou up.
And so it's not aboutperfection or checking boxes.
It's about noticing when one orall of those dimensions feel
out of sync and gently workingall of them together to bring
them back into alignment,because if we always work on
them as separate parts.
There's always going to besomething missing and the
(18:34):
symptoms will persist.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, it's a different kind of exhaustion
when that energy is that, whenyou spend all day doing
something that goes against whatyour natural tendencies are.
It's a different kind ofexhaustion.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, so many people don't know what their natural
tendencies are, though theydon't take the time to sit with
themselves and get to know whattheir true values are.
And you see so many peopleunsatisfied with their life, and
they don't even know why,because they don't know what
they want, and you can't getwhat you want if you don't know
what you want.
So even just sitting, forcingyourself to not be entertained
(19:12):
or overstimulated for a moment,and focusing on you and getting
to know your soul self not theself that you know society
allowed to come about, that canbe so powerful it's.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
It's scary trying to get to know yourself and
allowing other people to knowthe true you it's.
It's a lot easier to go withthe flow and go with what
society tells you that that youshould be doing.
So I can understand why itmight be easier for somebody to
do that, because it is scaryhaving to sit with yourself and
(19:47):
not be overwhelmed by all themedia coming your way and TV and
numbing out.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh yeah, numbing out is completely the easy way to go
and I don't blame anybody forchoosing it, because our brains
are wired to be lazy, like toexpend the least amount of
energy possible.
So if you can just sit andwatch TV, amazing High dopamine
for doing so little.
Same with scrolling.
But the idea of sitting withyourself in silence is scary to
(20:19):
so many people because theydon't do it.
And once you do it, they'reafraid of all of these thoughts
and traumas and memories comingup.
But if you can just sit withthem and breathe through it,
even for a short amount of time,and little by little show
yourself that it's not so scary,that you can do it and that, if
anything, it's cathartic, yourlife will be changed forever.
(20:44):
And as far as what you weresaying about presenting yourself
as somebody who you're not, Iabsolutely did that for a very
long time.
I was such a perfectionist I,you know, wanted everybody to
like me, yeah, and I just, youknow, folded around what I
thought people wanted to see inhere.
And then I realized that we allhave our own perspectives and
(21:10):
we have zero influence on eachother's and zero control over
how people perceive you,regardless of how you're
attempting to come across, andso it is literally impossible.
We definitely try, but it isliterally impossible to do,
especially for a mass of people,because everybody has their
different upbringing, theirdifferent belief systems, and
(21:32):
one person might think you'rebeing selfish and another person
might think, wow, she takescare of herself.
That's amazing.
You can't win, so the bestthing you can do is be yourself,
because you also can't lose andyes, it's scary because you
might lose people along the way,but those are people that
(21:54):
aren't meant to be in your life.
If it's so easy for them tostep away, if you're showing
your true colors Right, the moreyou do, that, I think it
(22:28):
becomes.
We all have something to sharewith the world, based on those
collection of different momentsthroughout our entire lives and
our genes and everything ourancestors' genes.
It's amazing, and if you takethe time to acknowledge,
acknowledge your personal powerin that, I think hopefully more
(22:51):
people will allow themselves tobe themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, and it takes a lot less energy to be yourself
than it is for you to try andcreate this persona that you're
going to be good enough, thatyou perceive to be good enough
for other people.
So, you'll regain a lot ofenergy just by being who you are
and being okay with that, sotrue.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I used to think for so long before I said anything
because I was so afraid, likewhat if this offends somebody?
Let me like word this correctly.
And now I just like throw jokesout there and if it doesn't fly
, fine.
I thought it was funny.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
If you don't like my jokes, I'm going to go over
there with those people who dolike my jokes.
So often it's not just stressitself, but it's the stories
that we tell ourselves that'skeeping us stuck.
So what are the most commonlimiting beliefs that you see in
people and how can they beginto shift some of those beliefs
that are keeping them stuck?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Absolutely and I don't want to discount that.
The stress is there, eventhough these are beliefs that we
can change.
The stress is real.
But say common beliefs, like Ihave to do it all myself or rest
, means I am lazy or if I slowdown I'll fall behind or simply
I can't do it.
Those stories keep you runningon empty.
(24:09):
The shift is when you have theawareness, the belief, in the
moment, where you catch thatthought and you say is this
actually true?
Like debunk yourself, make itfunny.
Even I've laughed over some ofthe things that my brain comes
up with and I even say laugh atthe fear, like that's hilarious
(24:32):
Fear.
I'm not going to let you get inthe way of my purpose.
You're so cute for thinking youcould you know.
And it's okay that it's there,it's natural that it's there,
it's evolutionary that it'sthere and you can replace those
thoughts.
I always say you're notresponsible for your first
thought because those areprogrammed through your whole
life and everything that you'veheard and read and experienced.
(24:54):
But the second thought you arecompletely in control of, as
long as you are mindful of thefirst one, and asking is it
actually true?
Is it a habit, a habitualthought, or is it my soul
speaking?
And the more you do that, thosepathways get stronger and the
more you replace them with thesecond thought that you would
(25:15):
rather be thinking such as I'mresting to fuel myself and I
will be better tomorrow for it,those become the first thoughts
eventually.
It's a process and itabsolutely is daunting, but one
day you will look back and bewowed amazed that you used to
(25:35):
think like that and you didn'thave to that whole time.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Rest is lazy is definitely one of the thoughts
that runs through my mind allthe time.
I'm stuck in this productivitymode and this hustle culture and
I've got so many great ideas.
I just want to put them allinto play now.
And you know, sitting on thecouch in the quiet is hard for
me sometimes and although I canquestion myself and is this true
(26:05):
?
Is rest really lazy?
And on a theoretical level, Iknow that that's not true and
that it will help me to be moreproductive, but it is something
I need to constantly work at.
I went on vacation recently.
I was gone for a week.
I brought my computer with mewith the intention of putting in
a couple of hours here andthere and I said you know, it'll
(26:26):
be okay to do that.
And I didn't open up my laptoponce, which was shocking to me
and I was like you know what?
It's okay, it'll be there whenI get home.
There is nothing that I have todo right now, but I do need to
talk to myself and to remindmyself that it's okay to not be
productive every hour of the day.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Absolutely.
Sometimes I get home from workand I'm exhausted and I'm like I
should do this, this and this,and I'm like you know what?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
It's okay, it's okay to just relax, Nothing is not
sending that one email is notgoing to change anything.
Right, I can relax tonight andnot think about work.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
And all of those things, those thoughts, those
patterns, if you look at how youfelt before and how you powered
through and came out of itafter especially when you were
scared of something, but you didit anyway and looking back
after that moment and thinking,okay, that went really well.
I was super scared, though, andthat was real, but next time
(27:28):
I'm super scared.
I'm going to think of thismoment, this relief, this trust
that I've built with myself thatI can handle anything, and it's
okay to start with small, lowstakes situations and see it as
practice.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah, for sure, and it does take time, but
eventually you won't have toremind yourself all the time
that it's going to be okay.
You're just going to know thatit's okay and you're just going
to take that time to rest.
So, making these changes inlife, these are pretty big
changes and it's easy to getinspired and to make big changes
, but it's a lot harder tosustain them over a longer
(28:06):
period of time.
So do you have any practicalsteps or routines that you
recommend to help create habitsthat last longer?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
That's so true, and I've been there.
Big bursts of inspiration aresuper exciting, but that lasting
change is built in the small,repeatable steps and in the
narrative that you have ofyourself and your life.
You can break habits and makehabits any day, but if you
(28:37):
decide I am someone who takescare of myself and you live with
that value it becomes alifestyle, not a habit.
And I always recommend startingwith one habit at a time,
because oftentimes I would tryto change everything at once and
it's just not feasible.
(28:58):
So, one habit at a time.
Attach it to something that youalready do.
It's called habit stacking, Ibelieve, and so I decided that I
wanted to have my dishes donemore often instead of letting
them sit.
So while I was brewing mycoffee and I was waiting for it
to come out, I'm not just goingto stand there, I'm going to do
my dishes and feel amazing thatmy sink is empty.
(29:20):
And that's just a tiny example.
But while you're brushing yourteeth, you can focus on your
breathing.
While you're eating lunch, youcan choose to do it mindfully
and take the extra five minutesto go for a walk instead of
looking at your phone for awhile.
(29:42):
And they're small things thataren't so intimidating, but they
do have great effects and theybecome anchored in your daily
rhythm because they're sorewarding and over time it is
(30:11):
real transformation because yourbrain wires them as normal and
you can't fathom going back tothe way that you lived before,
because this is so much betterin every way.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
That's amazing.
I think was it the book AtomicHabits?
Yes, I forget what the name ofthe book was, but yeah, you talk
about habit stacking.
So now every time you brew yourcoffee, you just do the dishes.
It's one thing, and while yourcoffee's brewing, you're getting
something done and it feelsgood.
And so now, every day, everytime you go to brew your coffee,
you know that you need to dothe dishes.
So it is a good way to startbuilding habits as you go along
(30:39):
is by stacking them withsomething else that you already
do.
Yeah, exactly, would you bewilling to share maybe a time in
your life when you hit burnoutand what helped you move through
it?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah.
So for me it happened prettyearly.
Like I said, I was aperfectionist and I was trying
to do everything and I putmyself under so much chronic
stress that I don't think I wasever not stressed and I was
completely living in fight orflight all the time.
And so by junior year of highschool, when I'm preparing for
the SATs, on top of everythingelse the sports, the clubs, the,
(31:18):
you know, leadership positionsand the exams and grades I for a
really long time thought thatthat was important, about who I
was, that the production of allA's the outcome of my hard work,
and I thought that exhaustionwas just the price of being
(31:39):
ambitious, where I just did notfeel right.
My brain was foggy, my bodybattery was like 2%, even though
I got a full eight hours ofsleep, and I was having aches
and pains from that low-gradeinflammation.
And so I decided I have tolisten to my body because for a
(32:02):
while I admit it, I tried topush through it.
I was like nope, this is who Iam, I am not going to change
that.
I want to get all A's and youknow, whatever.
But as it got progressivelyworse and my body wouldn't stop
trying to tell me these things,I caved, and it wasn't just
those habits, like the eatingbetter and the exercising, which
(32:23):
definitely played a huge part.
Diet plays a huge part, movementplays a huge part, but also the
shifting of my priorities ingeneral, my outlook on what
matters in life, and it took mebeing unable to do everything
that I cared about because myhealth was so messed up to
(32:48):
realize that nothing matterswithout your health, you could
have all the money in the world,you could have all the friends
in the world, but if you can'tget up and spend time with them
or you can't stay awake longenough to learn what you're
passionate about and you can'tgo for a walk and you can't
travel, when somebody asks youto go travel and every part of
you wants to except your body,you're so afraid you can't go
(33:08):
for a walk and you can't travel.
When somebody asks you to gotravel and you're every part of
you wants to accept your body,you're so afraid you can't keep
up.
So I got to that point and Ijust had to reset everything and
it took time and I would say itgot progressively better, but
(34:00):
so slowly that I almost was inmy new normal before I realized
it and I just remember beingable to walk one mile and that
was like a huge deal for mebecause of all the pain the
joint pain, the muscular pain,sometimes like bone and nerve
pain it just wasn't happeningfor me for the longest time.
Being able to walk I mean,going to the store was like all
I could do for the day if I hadto myself to rest.
Sometimes it is so much moremeaningful to me and that's why
I'm trying to teach people to doit before anything happens, so
that they don't have to gothrough the same thing.
Learn from my mistakes Trust meon that, it's horrible and
(34:20):
build your resilience over timeso that you never have to get to
that point.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yeah, sometimes it's hard to recognize that you're
heading towards that point.
Yeah, sometimes it's hard torecognize that you're heading
towards that point.
Yeah, you kind of get used tobeing in this state of chaos all
the time that that becomes yournew normal.
Oh yeah, our body's gettingaddicted to it and you don't
recognize yeah, you don'trecognize that you're heading
towards burnout 100%.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Same thing with abusive relationships.
You get addicted to that rollercoaster of neurochemicals and
hormones and it becomes your newnormal and it doesn't mean it's
good for you, you know.
So just acknowledging that,okay, maybe I'm addicted to
being stressed all the time,Maybe I'm addicted to the
busyness, but it's not who Iwant to be.
(35:03):
I want to be the healthiestversion of myself and that's the
first step.
Just understanding,acknowledging.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Right, and then having the courage to step back
and really evaluate what'sworking and what's not working.
Yes, yeah.
So if someone is listeningright now and they're feeling
exhausted, maybe questioning thedirection that they've taken in
life, what would you say is thefirst gentle step that they can
take to start shining from theinside out?
Speaker 2 (35:33):
I would say the very first step is to just give
yourself permission to noticethings, Notice what your body
feels like, Notice what's at theforefront of your mind and
become aware.
Sometimes I like to do freeformwriting or I'll set a voice memo
(35:56):
on and just talk and stuffcomes up that you, if you don't
give yourself that time or thatplace to put it somewhere, you
don't even know what's going oninside your head most of the
time.
So even if you just sit downfree page of paper and start
(36:17):
writing whatever is in your head, even if it's this is stupid,
it's probably not going to work.
But then as more thoughts comein, you continue to write and it
slows down your thinking somuch that you are able to
observe it.
And you get better and betterat observing your thinking and
seeing what isn't working foryou.
And oftentimes, by the end of afree flow writing session, when
(36:38):
I start with a problem, Ialways end with oh wow, I just
did therapy on myself just didtherapy on myself Right, I saw
that you have this free littlebook for a better life on your
website.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Is that where people can find that?
I can probably put it in theshow notes as well.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
It's what I consider to be the infrastructure, the
perspective shifts that youshould be reading every day I
don't care if it's on the toiletin the morning to remember to
shift those certain perspectivesand everything will fall into
place from there.
I wrote it before I was givinga presentation and I had a bunch
(37:17):
of them printed and handed themout at the end, and it's just
some of the things that I'velearned that are at the
forefront of that infrastructureto becoming your happiest and
healthiest self.
So I also recorded a video forpeople who prefer to listen or
wanted to hear more about itthan just reading the brief.
(37:38):
You know bullets on the pages,but I was excited to share that.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yeah, I'm going to make sure that all of that's in
the show notes so that peoplecan find your book and your
video and find you quite easily.
So, Samantha, I want to thankyou for being on the show.
This conversation has been sucha gift, not just for my
listeners, but also for me aswell.
I like the way that you breakdown science and mix it with
that soul piece.
It really gives me a lot tothink about for my own life and
(38:05):
I know I'm going to be taking alot of this with me.
So I want to thank everyone forhanging out with us today.
If you liked the episode, I'dlove it if you would share it
with someone who needs to hearit and heck, share it with the
whole world.
I'd love to help more peopleout there.
I'd also really appreciate itif you'd be so kind as to follow
me and maybe leave a comment.
I'm most active on Facebook, atthe Codependent Doctor, and on
(38:29):
Instagram, at drangeladowney.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to talk to you againin two weeks for another episode
of the Codependent Doctor.
Take care for now You've gotthis.
Thanks for spending time withme today.
I hope something in thisepisode resonated with you.
(38:49):
If it did hit, follow,subscribe or share it with
someone who needs to hear ittoday.
The codependent doctor is notmedical advice and doesn't
replace speaking to yourhealthcare provider.
If you're in a crisis, pleasego to the nearest ER or call 911
or reach out to your localmental health helpline.
I'll be back here next weekwith more support stories and
Today's episode is going to be such a good one.
We're talking with SamanthaStoltz.
She's a neuroscience researcherand wellness coach who's all
about bridging the gap betweenscience and the soul.
We're diving into what burnoutreally looks like beneath the
surface, how to restore balancethrough mind, body and energy
practices, and the small butpowerful shifts that can help
(00:22):
you create habits that actuallylast.
So if you're feeling drained,stuck or just ready to shine a
little brighter from the insideout, then you're definitely
going to want to stick aroundfor this conversation.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a podcast where we
unpack the messy, beautifuljourney of healing from
codependency.
If you're burned out frompeople-pleasing, stuck in
(00:43):
unhealthy patterns or just tiredof putting yourself last,
you're in the right place.
I'm Dr Angela Downey, a familydoctor and fellow codependent,
and I'm here to help youreconnect to your authentic self
.
One honest conversation at atime.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the 57th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
(01:03):
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent, who's here to helpuntangle our patterns, heal our
hearts and reclaim our peace.
For today's episode, we have aguest with us.
Samantha Stoltz is aneuroscience researcher, a
wellness coach, dedicated tohelping people integrate science
and soul for lastingtransformation.
(01:23):
She holds a bachelor in biologyand is currently pursuing a
master's in applied biomedicalengineering at John Hopkins
University.
Samantha is the founder andhost of the Shine In and Out
podcast, where she explorestopics at the intersection of
personal growth, energetichealth and holistic success.
So welcome, samantha.
I'm so glad that you're able tojoin us today.
(01:44):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I'm wonderful.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to have you onthe show.
I think that what you're doingis really special bringing
together neuroscience andwellness in a way that actually
helps people connect the dotsbetween science and the soul.
That's such an importantconversation to have, and I know
that my listeners are going toget so much out of hearing your
perspective.
(02:07):
So one of the traditions on myshow is that we discuss what
we're grateful for, because whenwe stop and think about the
things that we're grateful for,it really helps our brains focus
on what's working instead onwhat's missing or what's broken.
So I'd like to ask is thereanything that you're especially
grateful for today?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Absolutely.
I mean, among all of the thingsI'm grateful for, something
that's unique today is therealization of even the small
reminders that we have thatthere is so much good in the
world if we choose to look forit.
That just has been myawe-inspiring thing of the day
and it's there.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Sometimes it's harder to see, but it's good to look
at it and to look for thosethings For myself.
I'm grateful for fresh air,which is such a simple thing
that we take for granted, but Ilive in Manitoba in Canada,
which is just north of NorthDakota and my province has been
on fire for most of the summer.
And it's only recently thatwe've really started having some
(03:11):
smoke-free days.
So I feel like even though thesun's been out, it's been kind
of blocked out by this haze.
You smell smoke every day andit's really hard on people who
have like asthma or other lungconditions.
So I'm glad that the fresh airis finally coming back and for
anybody who is relocated,they're finally able to start
going home.
So I am so grateful to finallybe able to enjoy some of the
(03:34):
summer.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
That is huge Good fresh air that comes with it.
Yeah, last summer with thefires in Canada, I was in
Maryland and there was smokecoming through there and we had
all these warnings.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So, samantha, you are a neuroscience researcher and a
wellness coach, and that's areally unique combination of
skills, so can you share alittle bit about your journey
and what inspired you to startyour podcast?
Shine In and Out Sure.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
My journey is characterized by both curiosity
and my personal struggles.
I have always been fascinatedby science because it didn't
come as naturally to me as, say,literature, psychology,
humanities All of that was justlike my automatic zone of genius
.
But the science was hard and Irealized that all of the most
(04:30):
satisfying things for me camefrom the most challenging things
from the beginning.
So I said you know what, everytime I am uncomfortable, I grow
and I am inspired to study forscience, even though it's scary.
And I actually did better inorganic chemistry than I did in
(04:51):
accounting, because which, whichis considered the hardest class
, you know of the degree, andjust because I enjoyed studying
for it, I could bring myself towant to practice.
I loved it.
It's like I was solving apuzzle.
So as a neuroscientist, I spendmy days trying to understand how
our biology shapes the way wefeel and how we feel shapes our
(05:13):
biology.
And I'm hoping to do a PhD inpsychoneuroimmunology or health
psychology or something likethat.
But I went through my own healthchallenges health psychology or
something like that.
But I went through my ownhealth challenges and it made me
realize that so many people areliving in a way that they don't
have to suffering when theydon't understand that it's a
(05:36):
choice.
And so, as I embarked on myhealing journey and saw how big
of a difference not just myphysical health but my mental
health and my perspective ingeneral, those shifts were
incredible and I felt the needto share them with people
because, as soon as you realizethat life can be simple and easy
(05:59):
, and amazing and pleasurableinstead of suffering and
negativity and looping in thosedifficult thoughts, the podcast
became the space where, first ofall, I'm trying to combine my
two favorite topics science andsoul and help people heal
themselves, feel empowered totake charge of their health, and
(06:19):
to do so in a preventative wayrather than a reactive way once
they have a diagnosis or atragedy.
I want everybody to be healthyand happy, you know, just
because you deserve to be.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I love how you, you know, mentioned that negativity
is a choice, and being stuck innegativity is a choice that we
make, because you can choose tobe the opposite, and that's what
your podcast is all about isworking towards getting there.
So you said that you'repassionate about bridging the
gap between science and the soul, and so what does that mean to
(06:53):
you?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, it's definitely two worlds that aren't
naturally combined, and manypeople think that they're
mutually exclusive.
But when I talk about bridgingthe science and the soul, what I
mean is honoring both sides ofwhat make us human.
Of course, we're bodies made ofmolecules and cells, hormones
and genes, and our nervoussystem is a huge player in this,
(07:18):
and that's the science.
But, as humans, what makes usthe most advanced species is our
ability to communicate.
We're storytellers.
We have beliefs and dreams andmemories and an inner voice that
watches those thoughts that youare behind the thoughts.
You're not your thoughts.
(07:39):
You are the soul watching yourthoughts, and your thoughts are
just a combination of everythingthat you've gone through in
your life and all of yourperspectives and things you've
heard from your parents and frommedia, and you can be mindful
(08:01):
of those thoughts and askyourself are these mine?
Are these opinions mine?
Is this judgment mine, or is itsomething I just, you know,
picked up as a habit along theway?
And if so, maybe I want toshift it to a better thought
until that becomes the naturalthought that comes up.
So is it fair to?
Speaker 1 (08:19):
say that we're basically we're all made up of
cells and they're all puttogether in this structured way
and it's basically all the same.
But how our lived experiencesaffect us is what makes us
special and different.
So the cells are the same, butit's those lived experiences put
together that makes us allindividuals.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Totally the extent of our communication and the mere
aspect of metacognition.
Being able to think about ourthinking is what sets us apart
from all other species.
And you have the science thattells you chronic stress alters
inflammation and all of thesethings.
But your soul reminds you thatthe story that you're telling
(09:03):
yourself about the stress andwhether you feel safe and feel
connected shapes how it allplays out in our body, way more
than people realize.
And I think the bridge betweenthe two is essential to have any
form of lasting transformation,because you can focus on the
science, the data.
You can eat this, breathe likethat, track your metrics and you
(09:27):
might get results, but theydon't always stick because they
might be surface level habitsthat are missing the deeper.
Why the intention, the meaning,purpose that you need to be
healthy.
For and for me it's always been.
I know I want to have children,I want my epigenetics to be
spot on by that time and I wantto be healthy enough that I can
(09:53):
spread the knowledge and theexperience that I have gained
through healing myself and justchanging my whole life and
perspective and giving that giftto other people.
And I can't do that if I'm nothealthy.
So the soul gives you thedevotion to keep showing up for
yourself, even when it'suncomfortable, and they turn
(10:15):
together.
Soul and science turns habitsinto a new way of being.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
True transformation Are there a lot of people who
are skeptical of the mind-bodyconnection.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I've definitely seen it.
I think now less than ever,because we are developing the
tools to quantify the mind-bodyconnection, especially the
gut-brain axis and all of thosethings.
I to remind people that yourthoughts and emotions are
signals and they run throughvery real biological pathways.
(10:48):
Your brain talks to your bodyand even if you just tell
yourself something, the placeboeffect.
For instance, if they did astudy where actually there was a
really radical study where theydid placebo surgery on people
and they were able to walk aftereven though they had only made
(11:10):
an incision and then stitched itback up.
So when somebody is diagnosedwith something, it's so
important to get across one thatthe doctors should be showing
confidence in their treatmentplan, because people listen to
(11:31):
their doctors and the bodyresponds.
There's another study that theydid, those histamine tests, the
prick tests, and when thedoctor came in and put
hydrocortisone or somethingantihistamine and told them that
it was going to make it better,10 minutes later they came back
(11:52):
the rash was better and theytold the experimental group that
it was going to get worse.
Same cream and the rash gotworse, got worse.
So it's first of all the ideasthat we're putting into
patients' heads very importantto make it clear that a positive
expectation of your healthoutcomes and the trust in your
(12:13):
body are so much more powerfulthan you realize, and staying in
that fear instead of the hopecan actually be the difference
between life and death canactually be the difference
between life and death, for sureInteresting, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You see it all the time when somebody kind of loses
hope in their ability torecover from something, they
deteriorate much faster.
Yeah, absolutely so.
One of the themes that youfocus on is burnout, and a lot
of people think that burnout isjust being really tired, but
you've said that it's deeperthan that.
What are some of the rootcauses that we often miss.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
We are meant to have a stress response in an acute
moment.
So a predator is chasing you,you get fight or flight, you run
or you hide or you freezewhatever, but then you move out
of it, back into rest and digest.
The way that we live today hasso many people living in
consistent fight or flight andit breaks my heart to see it,
(14:00):
especially now that you know,I've identified it in myself and
recovered from it.
The people that I love, youknow, are doing it and even when
I talk to them they're like ohno, no, I hormones like your
cortisol gets out your memory,your focus, your emotions, your
motivation, for sure.
And so if you think abouthaving even a common cold and
what our body tells us to dowith that level of inflammation,
it's rest.
(14:22):
Don't get out of bed, don't doanything kind of isolate
yourself socially, don't reallywant to eat all those things.
Those things are also indepression and in any type of
low-level inflammation that youmay have, which is pretty much a
direct correlation to thestress that you're putting
yourself under.
So I always encourage people toacknowledge that correlation
(14:47):
and inflammation is, I mean,behind all of the human diseases
I can think ofneurodegenerative cardiovascular
aging in general, all of it.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
It's amazing when people are sick, when we've got
a cold, we don't take the timeto rest anymore, we don't take
the time to take care ofourselves.
We just take a pill.
That's going to make us lessdrowsy, it's going to clear up
our sinuses because we are goingto push through, we're going to
go to work anyway.
We don't take time forourselves for any reason anymore
(15:20):
, and it does contribute to thisconstant fight or flight
response.
Right there we we perceivethreats at every corner every
time we turn around, whetherit's an exam that's coming up or
whatnot, and we just we'restuck in the state of constant
anxiety.
It does wreak havoc on ourbodies and we don't take the
time that we need to rest andrecoup our, our energy and
(15:41):
recoup our energy.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So, when you think about it's crazy to me, like on
the systems level, that thosethings are touted as what we're
supposed to be doing.
First of all, my old companythat I worked for would make
people come into work whenthey're sick Okay, so you're
okay with having more employeesgetting sick and having
everybody out or and havingeverybody be less productive for
(16:05):
you, yeah, and.
And not letting people rest sothat they can come back and be
their best selves?
It's.
It's something in the systemsthat I would love to see more
leaders implementing the idealsof caring for oneself and
creating that balance betweenwork and self-care oneself and
creating that balance betweenwork and self-care.
(16:27):
And I hope you know we can makethat movement happen.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
For sure.
And we look at people who comeinto work even though they're
sick and we rejoice that they'rethere and you're so strong and
you just keep going.
So there's this hustle culturewhere we just feel this need to
keep going right when it's bredinto us almost to just keep
going, even though you're notwell.
Yeah, so when you talk aboutholistic wellness, you include
(16:54):
not only just the mind and body,but energy as well.
So can you walk us through thatintegrated approach and what
that might look like in everydaylife?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
integrated approach and what that might look like in
everyday life.
Yeah, so holistic wellnessmeans looking at yourself as
more than separate parts to fix.
The mind, the body and theenergy are all things that
encompass us and that we bringinto the world and in everyday
life.
You might start your morningwith stillness to set your
mental tone, nourish your bodywith foods that support steady
(17:28):
energy and move in ways thatkeep your circulation and breath
flowing.
But it's also tending to yourrelationships and your
environment, and what you exposeyourself to.
It's what you're consuming.
You're not just consuming food.
You're consuming media, you'reconsuming news.
You're consuming everythingthat you put yourself in those
situations.
(17:50):
If you have drainingrelationships, that is your
energy.
When you feel that you'vetalked to somebody and you feel
exhausted afterwards, that isyour energy, telling you okay,
maybe some alone time or maybelet's be around people that fuel
our energy, because there areabsolutely the opposite end of
(18:11):
the spectrum, people that lightyou up.
And so it's not aboutperfection or checking boxes.
It's about noticing when one orall of those dimensions feel
out of sync and gently workingall of them together to bring
them back into alignment,because if we always work on
them as separate parts.
There's always going to besomething missing and the
(18:34):
symptoms will persist.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, it's a different kind of exhaustion
when that energy is that, whenyou spend all day doing
something that goes against whatyour natural tendencies are.
It's a different kind ofexhaustion.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, so many people don't know what their natural
tendencies are, though theydon't take the time to sit with
themselves and get to know whattheir true values are.
And you see so many peopleunsatisfied with their life, and
they don't even know why,because they don't know what
they want, and you can't getwhat you want if you don't know
what you want.
So even just sitting, forcingyourself to not be entertained
(19:12):
or overstimulated for a moment,and focusing on you and getting
to know your soul self not theself that you know society
allowed to come about, that canbe so powerful it's.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
It's scary trying to get to know yourself and
allowing other people to knowthe true you it's.
It's a lot easier to go withthe flow and go with what
society tells you that that youshould be doing.
So I can understand why itmight be easier for somebody to
do that, because it is scaryhaving to sit with yourself and
(19:47):
not be overwhelmed by all themedia coming your way and TV and
numbing out.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh yeah, numbing out is completely the easy way to go
and I don't blame anybody forchoosing it, because our brains
are wired to be lazy, like toexpend the least amount of
energy possible.
So if you can just sit andwatch TV, amazing High dopamine
for doing so little.
Same with scrolling.
But the idea of sitting withyourself in silence is scary to
(20:19):
so many people because theydon't do it.
And once you do it, they'reafraid of all of these thoughts
and traumas and memories comingup.
But if you can just sit withthem and breathe through it,
even for a short amount of time,and little by little show
yourself that it's not so scary,that you can do it and that, if
anything, it's cathartic, yourlife will be changed forever.
(20:44):
And as far as what you weresaying about presenting yourself
as somebody who you're not, Iabsolutely did that for a very
long time.
I was such a perfectionist I,you know, wanted everybody to
like me, yeah, and I just, youknow, folded around what I
thought people wanted to see inhere.
And then I realized that we allhave our own perspectives and
(21:10):
we have zero influence on eachother's and zero control over
how people perceive you,regardless of how you're
attempting to come across, andso it is literally impossible.
We definitely try, but it isliterally impossible to do,
especially for a mass of people,because everybody has their
different upbringing, theirdifferent belief systems, and
(21:32):
one person might think you'rebeing selfish and another person
might think, wow, she takescare of herself.
That's amazing.
You can't win, so the bestthing you can do is be yourself,
because you also can't lose andyes, it's scary because you
might lose people along the way,but those are people that
(21:54):
aren't meant to be in your life.
If it's so easy for them tostep away, if you're showing
your true colors Right, the moreyou do, that, I think it
(22:28):
becomes.
We all have something to sharewith the world, based on those
collection of different momentsthroughout our entire lives and
our genes and everything ourancestors' genes.
It's amazing, and if you takethe time to acknowledge,
acknowledge your personal powerin that, I think hopefully more
(22:51):
people will allow themselves tobe themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, and it takes a lot less energy to be yourself
than it is for you to try andcreate this persona that you're
going to be good enough, thatyou perceive to be good enough
for other people.
So, you'll regain a lot ofenergy just by being who you are
and being okay with that, sotrue.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I used to think for so long before I said anything
because I was so afraid, likewhat if this offends somebody?
Let me like word this correctly.
And now I just like throw jokesout there and if it doesn't fly
, fine.
I thought it was funny.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
If you don't like my jokes, I'm going to go over
there with those people who dolike my jokes.
So often it's not just stressitself, but it's the stories
that we tell ourselves that'skeeping us stuck.
So what are the most commonlimiting beliefs that you see in
people and how can they beginto shift some of those beliefs
that are keeping them stuck?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Absolutely and I don't want to discount that.
The stress is there, eventhough these are beliefs that we
can change.
The stress is real.
But say common beliefs, like Ihave to do it all myself or rest
, means I am lazy or if I slowdown I'll fall behind or simply
I can't do it.
Those stories keep you runningon empty.
(24:09):
The shift is when you have theawareness, the belief, in the
moment, where you catch thatthought and you say is this
actually true?
Like debunk yourself, make itfunny.
Even I've laughed over some ofthe things that my brain comes
up with and I even say laugh atthe fear, like that's hilarious
(24:32):
Fear.
I'm not going to let you get inthe way of my purpose.
You're so cute for thinking youcould you know.
And it's okay that it's there,it's natural that it's there,
it's evolutionary that it'sthere and you can replace those
thoughts.
I always say you're notresponsible for your first
thought because those areprogrammed through your whole
life and everything that you'veheard and read and experienced.
(24:54):
But the second thought you arecompletely in control of, as
long as you are mindful of thefirst one, and asking is it
actually true?
Is it a habit, a habitualthought, or is it my soul
speaking?
And the more you do that, thosepathways get stronger and the
more you replace them with thesecond thought that you would
(25:15):
rather be thinking such as I'mresting to fuel myself and I
will be better tomorrow for it,those become the first thoughts
eventually.
It's a process and itabsolutely is daunting, but one
day you will look back and bewowed amazed that you used to
(25:35):
think like that and you didn'thave to that whole time.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Rest is lazy is definitely one of the thoughts
that runs through my mind allthe time.
I'm stuck in this productivitymode and this hustle culture and
I've got so many great ideas.
I just want to put them allinto play now.
And you know, sitting on thecouch in the quiet is hard for
me sometimes and although I canquestion myself and is this true
(26:05):
?
Is rest really lazy?
And on a theoretical level, Iknow that that's not true and
that it will help me to be moreproductive, but it is something
I need to constantly work at.
I went on vacation recently.
I was gone for a week.
I brought my computer with mewith the intention of putting in
a couple of hours here andthere and I said you know, it'll
(26:26):
be okay to do that.
And I didn't open up my laptoponce, which was shocking to me
and I was like you know what?
It's okay, it'll be there whenI get home.
There is nothing that I have todo right now, but I do need to
talk to myself and to remindmyself that it's okay to not be
productive every hour of the day.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Absolutely.
Sometimes I get home from workand I'm exhausted and I'm like I
should do this, this and this,and I'm like you know what?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
It's okay, it's okay to just relax, Nothing is not
sending that one email is notgoing to change anything.
Right, I can relax tonight andnot think about work.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
And all of those things, those thoughts, those
patterns, if you look at how youfelt before and how you powered
through and came out of itafter especially when you were
scared of something, but you didit anyway and looking back
after that moment and thinking,okay, that went really well.
I was super scared, though, andthat was real, but next time
(27:28):
I'm super scared.
I'm going to think of thismoment, this relief, this trust
that I've built with myself thatI can handle anything, and it's
okay to start with small, lowstakes situations and see it as
practice.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah, for sure, and it does take time, but
eventually you won't have toremind yourself all the time
that it's going to be okay.
You're just going to know thatit's okay and you're just going
to take that time to rest.
So, making these changes inlife, these are pretty big
changes and it's easy to getinspired and to make big changes
, but it's a lot harder tosustain them over a longer
(28:06):
period of time.
So do you have any practicalsteps or routines that you
recommend to help create habitsthat last longer?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
That's so true, and I've been there.
Big bursts of inspiration aresuper exciting, but that lasting
change is built in the small,repeatable steps and in the
narrative that you have ofyourself and your life.
You can break habits and makehabits any day, but if you
(28:37):
decide I am someone who takescare of myself and you live with
that value it becomes alifestyle, not a habit.
And I always recommend startingwith one habit at a time,
because oftentimes I would tryto change everything at once and
it's just not feasible.
(28:58):
So, one habit at a time.
Attach it to something that youalready do.
It's called habit stacking, Ibelieve, and so I decided that I
wanted to have my dishes donemore often instead of letting
them sit.
So while I was brewing mycoffee and I was waiting for it
to come out, I'm not just goingto stand there, I'm going to do
my dishes and feel amazing thatmy sink is empty.
(29:20):
And that's just a tiny example.
But while you're brushing yourteeth, you can focus on your
breathing.
While you're eating lunch, youcan choose to do it mindfully
and take the extra five minutesto go for a walk instead of
looking at your phone for awhile.
(29:42):
And they're small things thataren't so intimidating, but they
do have great effects and theybecome anchored in your daily
rhythm because they're sorewarding and over time it is
(30:11):
real transformation because yourbrain wires them as normal and
you can't fathom going back tothe way that you lived before,
because this is so much betterin every way.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
That's amazing.
I think was it the book AtomicHabits?
Yes, I forget what the name ofthe book was, but yeah, you talk
about habit stacking.
So now every time you brew yourcoffee, you just do the dishes.
It's one thing, and while yourcoffee's brewing, you're getting
something done and it feelsgood.
And so now, every day, everytime you go to brew your coffee,
you know that you need to dothe dishes.
So it is a good way to startbuilding habits as you go along
(30:39):
is by stacking them withsomething else that you already
do.
Yeah, exactly, would you bewilling to share maybe a time in
your life when you hit burnoutand what helped you move through
it?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah.
So for me it happened prettyearly.
Like I said, I was aperfectionist and I was trying
to do everything and I putmyself under so much chronic
stress that I don't think I wasever not stressed and I was
completely living in fight orflight all the time.
And so by junior year of highschool, when I'm preparing for
the SATs, on top of everythingelse the sports, the clubs, the,
(31:18):
you know, leadership positionsand the exams and grades I for a
really long time thought thatthat was important, about who I
was, that the production of allA's the outcome of my hard work,
and I thought that exhaustionwas just the price of being
(31:39):
ambitious, where I just did notfeel right.
My brain was foggy, my bodybattery was like 2%, even though
I got a full eight hours ofsleep, and I was having aches
and pains from that low-gradeinflammation.
And so I decided I have tolisten to my body because for a
(32:02):
while I admit it, I tried topush through it.
I was like nope, this is who Iam, I am not going to change
that.
I want to get all A's and youknow, whatever.
But as it got progressivelyworse and my body wouldn't stop
trying to tell me these things,I caved, and it wasn't just
those habits, like the eatingbetter and the exercising, which
(32:23):
definitely played a huge part.
Diet plays a huge part, movementplays a huge part, but also the
shifting of my priorities ingeneral, my outlook on what
matters in life, and it took mebeing unable to do everything
that I cared about because myhealth was so messed up to
(32:48):
realize that nothing matterswithout your health, you could
have all the money in the world,you could have all the friends
in the world, but if you can'tget up and spend time with them
or you can't stay awake longenough to learn what you're
passionate about and you can'tgo for a walk and you can't
travel, when somebody asks youto go travel and every part of
you wants to except your body,you're so afraid you can't go
(33:08):
for a walk and you can't travel.
When somebody asks you to gotravel and you're every part of
you wants to accept your body,you're so afraid you can't keep
up.
So I got to that point and Ijust had to reset everything and
it took time and I would say itgot progressively better, but
(34:00):
so slowly that I almost was inmy new normal before I realized
it and I just remember beingable to walk one mile and that
was like a huge deal for mebecause of all the pain the
joint pain, the muscular pain,sometimes like bone and nerve
pain it just wasn't happeningfor me for the longest time.
Being able to walk I mean,going to the store was like all
I could do for the day if I hadto myself to rest.
Sometimes it is so much moremeaningful to me and that's why
I'm trying to teach people to doit before anything happens, so
that they don't have to gothrough the same thing.
Learn from my mistakes Trust meon that, it's horrible and
(34:20):
build your resilience over timeso that you never have to get to
that point.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yeah, sometimes it's hard to recognize that you're
heading towards that point.
Yeah, sometimes it's hard torecognize that you're heading
towards that point.
Yeah, you kind of get used tobeing in this state of chaos all
the time that that becomes yournew normal.
Oh yeah, our body's gettingaddicted to it and you don't
recognize yeah, you don'trecognize that you're heading
towards burnout 100%.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Same thing with abusive relationships.
You get addicted to that rollercoaster of neurochemicals and
hormones and it becomes your newnormal and it doesn't mean it's
good for you, you know.
So just acknowledging that,okay, maybe I'm addicted to
being stressed all the time,Maybe I'm addicted to the
busyness, but it's not who Iwant to be.
(35:03):
I want to be the healthiestversion of myself and that's the
first step.
Just understanding,acknowledging.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Right, and then having the courage to step back
and really evaluate what'sworking and what's not working.
Yes, yeah.
So if someone is listeningright now and they're feeling
exhausted, maybe questioning thedirection that they've taken in
life, what would you say is thefirst gentle step that they can
take to start shining from theinside out?
Speaker 2 (35:33):
I would say the very first step is to just give
yourself permission to noticethings, Notice what your body
feels like, Notice what's at theforefront of your mind and
become aware.
Sometimes I like to do freeformwriting or I'll set a voice memo
(35:56):
on and just talk and stuffcomes up that you, if you don't
give yourself that time or thatplace to put it somewhere, you
don't even know what's going oninside your head most of the
time.
So even if you just sit downfree page of paper and start
(36:17):
writing whatever is in your head, even if it's this is stupid,
it's probably not going to work.
But then as more thoughts comein, you continue to write and it
slows down your thinking somuch that you are able to
observe it.
And you get better and betterat observing your thinking and
seeing what isn't working foryou.
And oftentimes, by the end of afree flow writing session, when
(36:38):
I start with a problem, Ialways end with oh wow, I just
did therapy on myself just didtherapy on myself Right, I saw
that you have this free littlebook for a better life on your
website.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Is that where people can find that?
I can probably put it in theshow notes as well.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
It's what I consider to be the infrastructure, the
perspective shifts that youshould be reading every day I
don't care if it's on the toiletin the morning to remember to
shift those certain perspectivesand everything will fall into
place from there.
I wrote it before I was givinga presentation and I had a bunch
(37:17):
of them printed and handed themout at the end, and it's just
some of the things that I'velearned that are at the
forefront of that infrastructureto becoming your happiest and
healthiest self.
So I also recorded a video forpeople who prefer to listen or
wanted to hear more about itthan just reading the brief.
(37:38):
You know bullets on the pages,but I was excited to share that.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yeah, I'm going to make sure that all of that's in
the show notes so that peoplecan find your book and your
video and find you quite easily.
So, Samantha, I want to thankyou for being on the show.
This conversation has been sucha gift, not just for my
listeners, but also for me aswell.
I like the way that you breakdown science and mix it with
that soul piece.
It really gives me a lot tothink about for my own life and
(38:05):
I know I'm going to be taking alot of this with me.
So I want to thank everyone forhanging out with us today.
If you liked the episode, I'dlove it if you would share it
with someone who needs to hearit and heck, share it with the
whole world.
I'd love to help more peopleout there.
I'd also really appreciate itif you'd be so kind as to follow
me and maybe leave a comment.
I'm most active on Facebook, atthe Codependent Doctor, and on
(38:29):
Instagram, at drangeladowney.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to talk to you againin two weeks for another episode
of the Codependent Doctor.
Take care for now You've gotthis.
Thanks for spending time withme today.
I hope something in thisepisode resonated with you.
(38:49):
If it did hit, follow,subscribe or share it with
someone who needs to hear ittoday.
The codependent doctor is notmedical advice and doesn't
replace speaking to yourhealthcare provider.
If you're in a crisis, pleasego to the nearest ER or call 911
or reach out to your localmental health helpline.
I'll be back here next weekwith more support stories and
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