January 14, 2025 • 41 mins
In this episode, Brian and John discuss the challenges faced by gay men during the holidays, the complexities of intimacy beyond sexual encounters, and the importance of caution in online dating. They delve into the dangers of sharing personal information on dating apps, explore new social media platforms like Blue Sky, and reflect on the impact of political climates on mental health within the LGBTQ community. The conversation also touches on feelings of loneliness, the struggles of coming out, and the rejection faced by individuals from their religious communities. Finally, they highlight resources available for the LGBTQ community, including a new transgender suicide hotline - (877) 565-8860
Coming Inside OUT is a safe space where listeners can find solidarity, inspiration, and the courage to embrace their true selves. Whether you're a gay father, gay parent, a person exploring your identity, or an ally seeking to understand the experiences of the LGBTQ community, this podcast is for you. Tune in for heartfelt conversations, insightful advice, and the sense of belonging that we all crave.
Join your hosts, Brian and John, as they candidly share their own journeys out of the closet while navigating the joys and challenges of parenthood as openly gay fathers. In each episode, Brian and John connect with fellow gay dads, sharing their inspiring stories, victories, and struggles. They delve into the complexities of grappling with sexuality, discussing their experiences as teens, husbands, and dads. Together, they aim to foster a supportive community for those still in the closet, reassuring them that they are not alone in their journey.
Join us on this journey of love, acceptance, and authenticity!
Contact us at cominginsideout@gmail.com #gay #lgbtqpodcast #lgbtq #gaymen #gayparent #comingout #project369 #realestate #realtor
Keywords: gay community, online dating, coming out, LGBTQ loneliness, gay parent
Takeaways: Intimacy can be expressed in many forms beyond sex. Online dating apps can be risky; caution is essential. Sharing personal information can lead to dangerous situations. New social media platforms may not be what they seem. Political climates can significantly impact mental health in the LGBTQ community. Loneliness is a common feeling among those in the LGBTQ community. Coming out can lead to rejection from religious organizations. It's important to seek acceptance in more inclusive spaces. Resources like suicide hotlines are crucial for support. Manifesting positivity can help combat feelings of loneliness.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, gay men and welcome to Coming Inside Out.
(00:04):
I'm John Duerler.
I'm Brian Janes.
Welcome, Brian.
Thank you.
Good to see you, John.
Good to see you.
I want to, in the last episode, season two, episode one, we talked about the holidays,
but I wanted to go back to that for a minute.
During the holidays, you know, I talk about where I live.
(00:24):
It's kind of like a dead zone for the gay community.
Okay.
There's Scruff and there's Grinder, but when you go on there, there's people that are
like five miles away.
When you're down here, people are feet away.
When you're up by me, they're miles away.
So during the holiday, you know, everybody's coming home to their family.
(00:44):
I log into, I think it was Grinder or Scruff or one of them, and all of a sudden, there's
like dozens of people, you know, the sun's guy 300 feet away, 600 feet away, all this
stuff.
So this guy reaches out to me.
He and I have some dialogue back and forth.
He's staying, he's visiting family locally to where I live, and he's like, hey, why don't
(01:06):
you come over to my hotel room?
And I said, oh, you know, I'm not really on here for a hookup.
And I've told you before on Scruff and Grinder, my profile promotes our podcast.
And that there's some gay closeted men that find our podcast through Scruff and Grinder.
So he invites me to the hotel and I'm like, no, you know, that's okay.
(01:26):
And he's like, hey, you know, I'm in here for a limited time.
You know, we don't have to do anything.
How about you just come over, we'll snuggle and watch TV.
And I was like, oh, I've not snuggled with the man and watch TV or just showing out or
what like that.
(01:46):
So the conversation keeps going.
I was like, hey, you know, we can like get a, bring a bottle of wine and we'll watch
TV and snuggle in bed and whatever.
And I was like, oh, that was so appealing to me.
But unfortunately he got creepy pretty quick.
And I was so glad I didn't go because he just seemed to just kind of like get this very
(02:07):
creepy vibe to him.
But that was so appealing.
We have talked about slow dancing.
Remember we had that episode where we talked about slow dancing with another man.
I thought, oh, I'd love to slow dance with another man.
But at the same time, I'd love to snuggle in bed and watch TV with a glass of wine with
another man.
Of course.
(02:28):
I mean, I think, you know, the intimacy is just not sex.
Intimacy can be a touch and be a rub, can be a cuddle, can be just one hand on the knee.
There's so many.
And I think that's beautiful.
I think it's important.
(02:48):
I think we need that.
We all need that.
And that type of attention.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be.
I mean, if it leads to sex, that's great.
That's fine.
But that's not what you were there for.
No.
Look, yes, those science sniffies and Grindr, predominantly it's the hookup side, however,
but you can again, communicate up front, say, look, I'm not looking for a hookup.
(03:12):
I've read that before.
And then just talk to guys.
And you know what, it's just nice to talk with somebody and I've done that many times
and not hookup.
Oh, really?
Oh, I did.
Okay.
I thought when guys meet, it always ends.
Well, as I said, it normally does.
But there are times that it's just nice to have a conversation and you just meet somebody
(03:37):
that has a lot of the same likes that you do.
And it just doesn't work out.
But it's nice to have.
There's an intimacy within that.
Yeah.
That's what I was hoping for.
That's what I was looking for.
Well, you did.
It didn't work out.
Unfortunately.
Okay.
What got creepy?
When did it get creepy?
What was the...
(03:57):
Well, so I was like, oh, you know, I'm out running errands.
It was the holiday time I'm out running errands.
Let me check back in a couple hours.
So I wanted to think about it.
So I kind of gave myself an out for a couple hours to think if I was going to go up to
a hotel room and I log back on and he's like, oh, send me some pics and in my profile, it
says I'm not on here to exchange pics.
(04:19):
Right.
If I want to look at a dick pic, I could just open my computer and find porn anywhere.
Why do you need to like, why is it so important or stimulating that guys send each other dick
pics?
Well, because it's a visual thing.
We're stimulated.
The males are more stimulated with pictures and visual as opposed to women that are more
(04:46):
into the storytelling, the romance of it.
But you need to see a guy's dick before you go up with him.
Sure.
Oh, you do?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah.
You have to say, all right, maybe...
What a great lesson.
We want to be transparent.
So that's a quality that one may have.
(05:10):
I did particular size.
Okay.
Well, I mean, you could describe it as a pic.
If you're an ass man, I do an ass.
Please do not send me a butthole pic.
I do not like butthole pics.
No.
And you can state that in your statement.
You don't want dope send me because a lot of guys, they don't send me the asshole pic.
(05:30):
Yeah, they'll send me that.
And that's fine.
Or you can block them.
If they do it, just block them and then you move on.
Well, he wanted to send the pics.
I said, I don't send pics in my profile.
And then it's like, oh, come on, come on, whatever and this, that.
And then it just got weird.
Do you have pics of your face and your body?
(05:50):
I do.
I have a pretty good...
Well, so I have a love hate relationship with Screff and Grindr.
I go on there, I'm on there for a couple of days.
I delete the app.
I log back on a month later.
I'm on it for a couple of days.
I delete the apps.
Why do you do that?
Why do you do that?
You feel guilty?
No, it just feels low vibrational for me.
(06:11):
And I don't think I'm attracting the type of person I want.
For things that's a hookup app.
Because it's a hookup app.
I mean, you got another app.
You on any other app?
No, but I think to myself, if I'm on there, there has to be someone else like me on there.
But I never find the other person like me.
And they are.
(06:31):
That's true.
I've met some very nice people that I've had great conversations with.
Well, can you go into the filters and really look at the filters?
Because the filters might have in there, you know, not looking for a hookup or, you know,
giving the preferences of what they are, top, bottom, first sight, whatever.
But there may be a filter in there that's like, you know, looking for friendship.
(06:53):
But that's the other thing.
And I'm going to say this again, I've said it before.
Do not give your phone numbers out on these types of apps because a lot of them, there's
escorts out of there, but there's also, you know, the scammers from Nigeria or wherever.
And it is so obvious because when they reach out to me, they steal somebody's picture.
(07:19):
Then they send me, you know, hey, how are you doing?
Oh, fine.
How are you?
I'm not either in the second or third conversation.
What do you do for a living?
What do you do?
Motherfucker, I'm not telling you what I do because they want to know.
(07:44):
And I had given my number out before.
And man, they're like not even 30 seconds.
They were naming my family members.
Wow.
They name my family members.
They're naming.
I mean, it gets so creepy and so scary on these apps that you just don't do it.
(08:06):
Don't give your phone number out because there are different programs that you can just insert
your phone number and it pulls up your name.
It also pulls up all of your relatives, your parents, your sisters, everything.
It pulls it up.
And then they can get into your Facebook and everything.
And then the next thing, they're hitting you up for 10 grand.
(08:28):
Yeah, we've had that.
We've had this conversation.
We've had this conversation before, but I don't think we have it enough.
I really don't because I think this is, you know, Protection 101 for all of you men that
are in the closet.
And if you're hooking up with these apps, you need to be very, very careful because
(08:49):
giving up your phone number.
It's just dangerous in so many, so many ways.
You know, physically dangerous, but it can also just be, you know, they steal your identity.
They can take your identity and it has nothing to do with blackmailing you that you're gay
or you're in the closet and you're married to a woman.
But let me tell you, from the phone number, they can find every motherfucking thing about
(09:12):
you and they can find who your wife is and they can reach out to them because they've
done that to me before.
They did that to me for many years ago when I have already come out to my wife and I was
in therapy and I, I mean, there was a big long letter that was mailed to me, which,
fuck, you know, it could have been a different conversation and I went to the police department.
(09:38):
I went with my therapist because I had a group therapy and I brought it to the group, you
know, and I got, I miss that group too because there's great opinions coming and these were
just people that were straight, gay, that were sex addicts and they were just very intelligent
men that I enjoyed weekly.
(09:59):
We would meet and go with this.
This clan of 20 go hunting for this person that was now Dr. Necron.
No, but they had gotten them before.
They had gotten them before because, you know, they were cheating on their wife with another
woman, but that doesn't matter.
And so if you're listening, then you're new listening to our podcast and you didn't hear
(10:20):
the other one that we've talked about.
I mean, there needs to be just a disclaimer or something.
Do not give your phone number out.
Exactly.
Well, and you've told me that and, you know, I, I, as much as I listened to you, I sometimes
you don't listen to me.
Don't because I actually ended up giving my phone number out to somebody over the weekend.
(10:42):
Well, we have been talking on Scruff for about a week.
Um, you know, he, I actually just get a Snapchat account.
Now you get a Snapchat account, which I do, but I don't use it that much, but it's much
safer because I believe Snapchat erases after 24 hours.
(11:05):
And it is not connected to, it's connected to your phone, but nobody sees that number.
You have a different username and that's all they get.
You just give them the username, but it will come to the app and, you know, but again,
how about what, what about the WhatsApp?
Somebody asked me to talk with them on WhatsApp.
(11:25):
I don't have that.
I have WhatsApp and I've used it before, but the one thing I do not know about WhatsApp
and I need to educate myself on it is that it goes with your number.
And I don't, I think when you give a number out, I don't know.
I think there's, I think there's a separate number for that.
(11:46):
Well, you know, encrypted and protected and it's great to use WhatsApp, even on making
calls to other countries because it doesn't cost you.
Oh, I didn't know that.
No, WhatsApp is a really good one and I should dive deeper in.
Let's, we'll research it and we'll bring it up on.
Yeah.
We'll, we'll, um, or if you're a listener and you know about the WhatsApp, let us know
what's up with the WhatsApp.
(12:07):
Yeah, what's up with WhatsApp.
So I have something kind of funny to share with you.
Um, you know, we post this podcast on several platforms and maybe a month ago I mentioned
that Twitter, there's like this offshoot of Twitter.
It's called blue sky.
And so I started posting our episodes on blue sky and blue sky is a social media service
(12:34):
similar to Twitter using, uh, users can use, uh, share short text messages, videos, all
kinds of stuff.
So I'm promoting our stuff on blue sky.
I'm going to open this for John.
If you're a listener and you go on blue sky, you can look up our podcast coming inside
out.
I went to notifications and we had a notification and one of the icons for one of the people
(12:58):
that liked our podcast.
Yeah.
I thought to myself, that looks like a naked man in the icon.
So I thought, what is that allowed on like a junk button?
This guy is on, is that allowed on blue sky?
So I click on it and sure as shit, the guy's naked holding his dick.
This is on blue sky similar to Twitter.
(13:20):
And I was like, what, what hell is going on?
Then I looked at his profile, dick pic, come shots, um, all this stuff.
They have video on here of people jacking off.
They've all this stuff.
I had no blue sky is got a social media porn.
(13:44):
Social media porn.
Right?
Yeah.
Did anybody know that about blue sky?
I did not know this about blue sky.
So I thought that was so look at this.
Wow.
No, does it, is he straight?
Is he getting no idea?
But when you are on blue sky, you literally could type in the word gay under search and
(14:07):
it's just got a little bit pornography comes up.
It's all porn.
It's all dick pics, dick shots.
All jacking off asses.
Well, wait, come back to that.
Yes, he's got all this stuff.
All right.
(14:27):
Well, we can't spend the whole episode on blue sky, but I just thought it was self.
So it's like Facebook, but it's Twitter.
It's the exact same thing as Twitter.
Oh, it is.
But Twitter's not, but see, it doesn't have it.
Does Twitter have?
I'm not on Twitter.
But this one you can give if you're on the chat with Sniffy's or Grindr, there's handles
(14:52):
that can take you to your Instagram and then also to Twitter.
I'm wondering if it could take you to blue sky because that's another avenue, I think,
that you could protect yourself with by communicating through blue sky.
Oh, well, this is our podcast, so I'm not going to communicate with somebody.
These are any bad days and I respond to our stuff on here.
(15:14):
Oh, yeah, people have said, oh, they like it or nice content or something like that.
And it shows you, I mean, we just joined not that long ago, so we don't have that.
We're very PG.
We don't have that many listeners on here, but I'm uploading all of our episodes as we
go along.
But I just thought that.
How'd you come across this?
I was, oh, so there was a big falling out or upset in the LGBTQ community with Elon
(15:41):
Musk.
Yeah.
I don't know if it was about his transgender daughter or if it was he's not supporting
the LGBT community, whatever.
And there was an article that people were leaving Twitter, X and joining blue sky.
I'd never heard of it.
And I was like, oh, this is a Donald Trump.
(16:01):
What was his true?
This is true.
Oh, truth social.
Truth social.
No.
Oh, along Donald Trump.
I don't think he's going to turn around because he did know Twitter went back when he bought
up the president.
Yeah.
Oh, no, maybe he didn't.
Oh, maybe he did.
I don't know.
(16:22):
But how ironic is he did own it and then they kicked him off, right?
Yes.
Trump, I think, does truth social.
Yes.
Created that, which became, I think, $8 billion.
Well, I don't know about the fuzziness.
Yeah.
Exactly.
But anyway, but look at the full term, you know, with Elon Musk doing part of it.
(16:47):
Well, I think when he purchased X, he reenacted Trump's account.
Got it.
But speaking of Trump and my last episode, Naked Game Night, one of the gentlemen that
was there works on a suicide hotline for the LGBTQ community.
(17:11):
And so I was asking him not to be too serious because we're all sitting there naked playing
games when I asked him, oh my God, but the holidays and the LGBTQ community, you must
be really busy.
Oh my God, you know, you poor thing.
And he said, oh, actually not as busy as when Trump won the election.
(17:31):
And I thought, oh, wow.
So when Trump won the election, they had such a massive spike in the suicide hotline for
the LGBTQ community.
And I thought, oh, well, that's so sad.
But yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
And then, you know, bringing into, you know, P. Diddy and all of those sex parties that
(17:55):
he had an awesome, ugly Hollywood elite has fled the country because.
Do you think that that's true?
I do.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
Okay, name one of the celebrities you think left the country.
Can you name a celebrity?
Is it okay to name a celebrity?
Well, I mean, it's, you know, I mean, yeah, I'll name them.
(18:22):
But I don't know for sure the reason why.
Okay.
It would be interesting if it was the reason because Trump got elected or was it because
they're part of this investigation with the DOJ about.
All right.
Speculation.
Yeah.
Speculation.
It's all speculation.
And, you know.
I'm not following it.
So I don't know who.
I'm following it here and there when I read these clips, which by the way, I'm trying not
(18:47):
to watch Reels at night before I go to bed.
I'm on my flipboard, which I'm reading stories, which is much nicer.
And what I'm reading about is, you know, a lot of celebs went to these parties and the
DOJ has talked about that they have names that they are going to be coming out this
(19:09):
first quarter of people that are involved or are suspects.
Okay.
Now, Jeffrey Epstein, they never really came out with the list because the people that
were on it were heavily protected.
Sure.
But with Diddy, these people are not heavily protected?
No, no.
(19:29):
No, no.
No one should be protected because Epstein was killed or he died.
But I'm not sure at what point.
But you know, Diddy's going to have to make a deal.
So they're going to get him in there and they're going to say, look, motherfucker, you better
sing of who's all involved or this is all going to be on you.
And you don't think he's going to be loyal.
You think he will be loyal to all these other people that were involved?
(19:52):
Well, they have all these tapes, so they really don't need him to sing.
Well, yeah, true.
But you're right.
The 10th.
Are these going to come out?
Yeah.
I mean, I think so, but it's very interesting how some of the celebs have already fled the
country and are they going to be part of it?
You know, I mean, you can see they've named Jennifer Lopez, they've named Ashton Kutcher,
(20:16):
they've named Beyonce, Jay-Z.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
And so it'll be very interesting to see where this does go.
And all those people have left the country?
No, Jay-Z, no, no, no, no.
The ones that have left the country that I've heard, and I could be wrong, Kutcher left,
(20:36):
DeGeneres left, Ellen DeGeneres.
I did not.
Did you recognize him?
You know, it was so funny when I was at that Christmas party.
Yeah.
A little celebrity Christmas party.
Oh, yeah.
You told me.
Jeff Ross was there.
Jeff, and if you know, if you ever watch a roast master, Jeff Ross is just an amazing
comedian.
Oh, he's hilarious.
(20:57):
And he's really good.
And so at this party, Jeff came and went ahead, because he was shooting the roast of
Netflix for 2024.
And so he had not, he came to the party to run his material with all of us industry people.
And it was great.
And, you know, nobody could record.
(21:18):
You couldn't record.
You couldn't video, because these are, he needed to get reactions because a lot of comedians
go to the improv or they go and they work their set.
Like, oh gosh, that's going to be on, that's going to start the Golden Globes.
I got to get home and watch that.
Oh, I don't follow any.
Nikki Glaser is hosting that.
And I think it starts at five, so we're going to have to run this.
But anyway, by everybody.
(21:41):
So, but anyway, Jeff came and was doing this set.
He's getting to feel what jokes work, what they, what doesn't work.
There was a lot of ditty jokes that there was a lot of Ellen DeGeneres.
So, you know, so anyway, it's going to be interesting of the fallout of the fallout
(22:03):
who was involved and what, how far they were involved.
All right.
So, there's speculation that these celebrities either left because of Trump or left because
of Ditty.
Yes.
Or a combination of two.
I didn't know Ellen DeGeneres had left the country.
I was nowhere in there.
Yeah.
I have a gay joke.
(22:24):
My two boys and I were in the car together and my older son was snickering and I said,
oh, what are you laughing about?
And he's like, oh, I can't say.
And I said, what is it?
I just saw this joke on whatever, TikTok or whatever it was.
And I said, well, tell us what it is.
And he's like, no, I can't share it.
And I said, oh, come on.
We're three adults in the car.
Tell us what the joke is.
And he said, okay, how do you know you're at a gay barbecue?
(22:48):
How do you know you're at a gay bar?
Yeah, I don't know.
How do you know?
All the hot dogs taste like shit.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
My son told that joke.
I thought that was stuff when he started wrote it down to share.
Did he create the joke?
(23:10):
No, he heard it on social media.
I would have been more impressed if he wouldn't have written this.
No, he didn't write.
And maybe it wasn't all the hot dogs taste like shit or the hot dogs taste like shit,
whatever.
But that was, yes.
So that was kind of like that.
I like that.
I want to get deep with you for a couple of minutes, John.
And there's two things I want to talk about.
(23:32):
You know, over the holidays, a lot of the guys were feeling lonely, you know, and I had
shared on here for, since the beginning of time, how lonely I have felt.
And one of the people wrote in and was talking about wanting to come out, but didn't want
(23:54):
to come out because they didn't want to feel lonely.
I was like, oh my God, that's not a reason not to come out is because you're going to
feel lonely.
And I kind of took stock of my life in that moment.
And I thought, I cry about being lonely too much.
I had a family and my life, my existence was my family.
(24:17):
I lost my family.
And then I had my two boys and my existence became my children.
And then my youngest son left for the Marine Corps.
And I've just more and more feel like I've become more lonely.
But I really created that myself.
And there's never a time where I'm truly alone.
(24:40):
I have great friends, I have all these people that reach out to me.
I have a large family.
I do have my kids.
I have so much to be grateful for.
And I think I've kind of created a picture of myself on this podcast where I'm sad and
lonely and I'm not really sad and lonely.
I just haven't filled that void.
(25:03):
I filled that void with loneliness rather than filling that void with something.
Was there somebody that wrote in that thing?
They did write in and that that's what caused me to think, wow, I need to stop crying about
being lonely.
I can't stop crying.
Well, Brian, you're being honest and that's what we're being with.
(25:25):
But yeah, have you been heavy on the loneliness side?
Yes, you have.
Yeah, you have.
You really have.
And you're just being honest.
I think I've just been feeding it.
Well, let me tell you something.
You are feeding it and you're manifesting it as you've said it.
I mean, let's talk about three, six, nine.
What you think about, what you say, what you do, what you continue to do and do it, and
(25:50):
you have.
And you know what?
Then you just made the correction.
I've made the correction.
I love that you, you know, I love that you, I love the writer writing in and noticing
that because look, we're not perfect people and it's nice to get a different perspective
(26:10):
because, you know, I thought that, yeah, wow, you are.
You know, you say that a lot.
I've never just come out saying, you know, you really say that a lot.
I know.
I felt it because I had a void and I was just feeding the void and feeding the void rather
than making room for something new in my life.
You need to continue to feed the void.
(26:32):
You, you, you felt the void.
Well, as you went on, you said, I lost my family.
I lost, you know, did you really lose your family?
Your family dynamic changed.
You didn't lose.
You lost the old family.
Yes.
You lost the, the white picket fence that we all wanted.
(26:53):
Yeah.
You lost that.
But you know what?
There's a new white picket fence and there's the truthful picket fence.
Yeah.
That's the new picket fence that we're all living by or at least aspiring to be.
And I get it.
(27:13):
You know, I love being alone.
I mean, not all the time because I have my kids.
I have family.
You know, I, you know, this guy that I've, you know, gone out with or, you know, whatever
you will call a hookup.
You know, he wants to get serious.
I'm not ready to get serious.
I'm just alive.
I'm not there yet and I'll be there in some time because I did, you know, I do like the
(27:37):
couple.
I do like to drink the wine to watch the movie and get an opinion.
We all get that, but I love that you acknowledge that.
And so, yeah, I mean, you know how to move forward with that.
I'm not going to feed the loneliness anymore.
I'm going to allow room for some newness in my life because I shared on New Year's, you
(28:00):
know, I, I, I elected to not go somewhere.
Sure.
I elected to stay home.
And I wasn't lonely.
I normally would have been lonely and like, you know, had a little New Year's pity party
for me this year.
I was like, you know what, I'm going to just celebrate with me and my dog.
And I guess so for any listeners who are fearful of coming out because they don't want to be
(28:25):
alone, you know, you make up what you make of it.
That's what I've made it.
And this New Year's, I took my mom to dinner with my brother and my sister-in-law and my
two sons.
It's just so nice.
But you know, it was weird because we ended up getting back home by nine o'clock and we
watched, we were watching Netflix with my mom.
(28:46):
She doesn't know how to turn on fucking Netflix.
I don't know, I'm paying this on.
I said, mother, I have the account for you.
You just push this number.
You push this here.
You push that.
Oh, I don't know how to work this.
I'm like, you know, anyway, it was called the night agent.
I don't know if we've seen that.
I think the second season is going to drop or it has not.
(29:08):
But boy, he is a handsome young man.
He really, really is.
And he's good.
It's such a good story.
That's our, that's my, anyway, we watched that and then my mom fell asleep by 1030 and we
put her to bed and me and the boys were just up.
I was cleaning and doing laundry because I like doing the laundry before I leave.
(29:29):
I like having my suitcases where I just come home, open them up, everything's clean.
Put it away.
Don't have to deal with that shit.
So anyway, we did that next thing.
I know it's 12 o'clock and the boys were all up and go, hey, and so we all hugged.
We're not.
We don't waste.
So, you know, that was mine.
But I have elected before just to be myself and it's fine.
(29:52):
It's fine though.
But thanks for sharing that.
That's glad.
Something else I wanted to touch on and this kind of went along with my loneliness a little
bit is that we have, you know, we've talked about this before and we've had people write
in about men that were part of a church, were part of a religious organization.
(30:14):
They come out as gay and now the church has rejected them.
So I kind of felt like that was similar to how I was feeling that.
And I don't want to step on any base toes and I don't want to create anybody getting
upset with me.
But you know, you are a heterosexual man, seemingly, and you are subscribing to a religion
(30:42):
that rejects being gay.
It's like in the Bible, you know, that you that rejects homosexuality.
Then you come out as gay and there is this, I don't know if it's an expectation or a
(31:04):
dream, a hope, a wish or whatever that all of a sudden this 2000 year old organization
that has been, you know, against homosexuality is all of a sudden going to be in cooperative
of homosexuality.
Like you are going to this church is the church that you've been going to for 30 years and
(31:26):
you know, been against homosexuality, you come out as gay and now your hope or your
wish or desire is that they're going to be inclusive of you.
And these men are abandoned by their church.
There's a wound there.
And like myself with my loneliness, rather than me moving on and filling that void,
(31:52):
but these some of these men are still looking to the church for guidance to change their
belief system, rather than them recognize that the church is not going to change.
Right.
I mean, some churches have changed some like the Presbyterian, the Hollywood Presbyterian,
(32:13):
you know, they have lesbian priests.
Yeah, but I think that may be the church, the location itself, but if you've been going
to a church, a building that has not been inclusive of homosexuality, and you go back
to that same church the next day as a gay man, you cannot expect that that church, maybe
(32:39):
the religion as a whole, you can find another church that's more accepting.
But I don't know, I feel for these men because they were part of an organization that was
denouncing homosexuality.
And now that they're gay, they're looking for that same church to not be saying of it.
(33:01):
They can't because they know that the church renounces homosexuality.
But you say that they know they can't.
I don't think they know they can't.
I think that that's what they struggle with is they're wanting that from the church.
But they're wanting the exception.
Well, you're wanting it, but the reality is, the reality and the percentages of the church
(33:26):
is not going to change their mind.
And you can hope that they do.
But I think, you know, having a list of yourself coming out and what your expectations are
is, you know, what is what's the belief of your church?
And if it is the opposite of what, you know, then you need to be prepared to move on because
(33:48):
you're not going to get that support.
You may get support from some individuals out of the church, but until the church changes
the policy or at least leave, then don't.
And I say this, I'm not telling you what to do, but what I'm trying to protect you and
protect the men that are expecting to be accepted from that same church.
(34:15):
You're not going to be accepted.
You want, and if you are, I'm glad I'm wrong.
I'm glad I'm wrong, but it's really preparing yourself because you can be religious and have
your God and serve God and serve people and give back and do all that.
And it's part of you breaking up with your family, and that's part of the family break-up
(34:41):
of you're no longer going to be with your wife that's gone.
Are you going to be living in the same house with your children?
No, that's going to be gone.
It's setting up a new life for yourself.
And also, well, you know what chances are maybe my church, let me just put this in the
back of my head.
Maybe there's another church I can go to.
(35:01):
Do I still want to go to this church with my ex-wife?
Even heteros.
They don't want to see each other at church.
So it's sad that a lot of the church, you know what I do?
I want to read the Bible.
I do want to read the Bible.
I want to read the Bible because just got Bible study.
How?
Good Bible study.
I could do that.
(35:21):
But, you know, it's interpretation.
It's interpretation of passed down and changed languages.
And, you know, look, when you're at your naked parties that you have and y'all are all on
the couch, play the game of seeing if the same sentence comes back to the first one
who starts your telephone or whatever.
(35:43):
Telephone and your passive note.
Because it changes.
Yes.
And interpretation does.
And if it just changes that simple with five people or 10 people, how much has it changed
with the Bible?
That's my question.
I don't know, but I can only assume that there has to be things that are misquoted or what
(36:03):
have you.
Well, I don't know.
We better not go down that way.
No, we'll be here all night.
All right.
Here's something I wanted to bring up.
How much time do we have?
We're at 35 minutes, I think.
So on December 29th, I saw PFLAG.
You know what PFLAG is?
No.
PFLAG is Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
(36:24):
Okay.
So I posted on social media that the first US transgender suicide hotline is open.
I'm going to post that in the notes.
Okay.
So any transgender people who need a suicide hotline, 877-565-8860, I don't know that there's
(36:45):
not another one already in existence, but PFLAG, who's pretty reputable, the fact that
they did the social media posting first US trans suicide hotline is now available.
So I thought I would get that out there.
All right, bro.
I want you to say it again.
Okay.
The phone number 877-565-8860.
I have to, anybody can call that.
Anybody can, any action anybody can call that.
(37:07):
Yeah.
And you know, I was talking to somebody over at the Trevor Project, and the Trevor Project
is really for, you know, the younger community, teens, 20s or whatever like that.
But their suicide hotline, they talk to people that are in 50s, 60s, 70s.
(37:27):
They don't say, oh, we can't talk to you because you're not age qualifying.
Anybody can call these hotlines.
So absolutely.
You're absolutely right.
I think they're trained more for the transgender community, but I don't know.
The last thing I'm going to talk about, John, we talked about this couple of episodes ago.
I signed us up for a podcast, a phone.
(37:49):
And that podcast, a phone, there's already over a thousand podcasts that have signed
up for it.
They're all going to promote a charity.
So it's a special event.
You're going to, we're going to record like a 40 minute episode and we're going to highlight
the charity.
We're still looking for a charity.
If there's one that you know of, write in, let us know.
(38:14):
If it's a charity that you would like us to spotlight or highlight, we're going to do
that.
Again, there's going to be thousands of podcasters that during, I think it's the third week in
March of this year.
They're all going to release a charity episode the same week.
So we'll be able to see other people, what they've done, they're going to be able to
(38:35):
see ours.
I think it's going to do a lot of cross promoting also because the podcastathon is actually
going to promote this out also.
So our best podcast is going to be released out for a long time.
All right.
Well, we just need to find a charity that we're going to spotlight.
But yeah, if anybody out there has a charity that they do, do we want some charity that's
(38:57):
geared towards the LGBT people?
Thanks, Joe.
Thanks, Joe.
And you know, we had talked about going to the LGBTQ center.
You went to that.
Yeah, I did.
And I want to follow up with her.
I think we need to go do that.
Maybe we can do that.
Maybe we could spot like that.
We could spot like this.
There's a great organization.
(39:17):
There's this great organization.
What's the name of it?
It's the refurbication of corporate jets because a lot of these CEOs have these jets
that have been used so much in the leather seats are worn out and they just need money.
(39:40):
Oh, they need money.
They need the money to refurbish these $60 million jets.
So that might be it.
Oh, there you go.
Part of yachts.
Part of yachts.
Yes.
A little levity here.
No, I love that.
Let's, you know, and let's, I'm glad you said that because I want to go back to the community
center here in LA, circle back with that element and let's go take a tour over there and just
(40:04):
see what they have over there.
Maybe they need something to be promoted.
We could take some pictures over there too and host them on the blue sky pictures.
Which one's your copy?
Jesus.
Exactly.
All right.
We're good to go.
Thank you guys so much.
Thank you for listening, guys.
Take care.
We're going to go over to Chipotle.
(40:25):
I'm going to get me a burrito and then I'm going to go home and watch the Golden Globes
because Vicki's laser is hosted.
All right.
She's so smart, funny, and I love her.
She was on the, who was the football player?
Yeah.
(40:45):
For Brady.
Yes.
God, that was fun.
Oh, was she killed?
And that's what, I mean, the girl's been doing this for years and years and years and years.
That was her big break and that was her big break.
And she killed it.
Oh my goodness.
Good for her.
All right, guys.
Thank you.
Bye.
Many thanks to these guys.
Hello, gay men and welcome to Coming Inside Out.
(00:04):
I'm John Duerler.
I'm Brian Janes.
Welcome, Brian.
Thank you.
Good to see you, John.
Good to see you.
I want to, in the last episode, season two, episode one, we talked about the holidays,
but I wanted to go back to that for a minute.
During the holidays, you know, I talk about where I live.
(00:24):
It's kind of like a dead zone for the gay community.
Okay.
There's Scruff and there's Grinder, but when you go on there, there's people that are
like five miles away.
When you're down here, people are feet away.
When you're up by me, they're miles away.
So during the holiday, you know, everybody's coming home to their family.
(00:44):
I log into, I think it was Grinder or Scruff or one of them, and all of a sudden, there's
like dozens of people, you know, the sun's guy 300 feet away, 600 feet away, all this
stuff.
So this guy reaches out to me.
He and I have some dialogue back and forth.
He's staying, he's visiting family locally to where I live, and he's like, hey, why don't
(01:06):
you come over to my hotel room?
And I said, oh, you know, I'm not really on here for a hookup.
And I've told you before on Scruff and Grinder, my profile promotes our podcast.
And that there's some gay closeted men that find our podcast through Scruff and Grinder.
So he invites me to the hotel and I'm like, no, you know, that's okay.
(01:26):
And he's like, hey, you know, I'm in here for a limited time.
You know, we don't have to do anything.
How about you just come over, we'll snuggle and watch TV.
And I was like, oh, I've not snuggled with the man and watch TV or just showing out or
what like that.
(01:46):
So the conversation keeps going.
I was like, hey, you know, we can like get a, bring a bottle of wine and we'll watch
TV and snuggle in bed and whatever.
And I was like, oh, that was so appealing to me.
But unfortunately he got creepy pretty quick.
And I was so glad I didn't go because he just seemed to just kind of like get this very
(02:07):
creepy vibe to him.
But that was so appealing.
We have talked about slow dancing.
Remember we had that episode where we talked about slow dancing with another man.
I thought, oh, I'd love to slow dance with another man.
But at the same time, I'd love to snuggle in bed and watch TV with a glass of wine with
another man.
Of course.
(02:28):
I mean, I think, you know, the intimacy is just not sex.
Intimacy can be a touch and be a rub, can be a cuddle, can be just one hand on the knee.
There's so many.
And I think that's beautiful.
I think it's important.
(02:48):
I think we need that.
We all need that.
And that type of attention.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be.
I mean, if it leads to sex, that's great.
That's fine.
But that's not what you were there for.
No.
Look, yes, those science sniffies and Grindr, predominantly it's the hookup side, however,
but you can again, communicate up front, say, look, I'm not looking for a hookup.
(03:12):
I've read that before.
And then just talk to guys.
And you know what, it's just nice to talk with somebody and I've done that many times
and not hookup.
Oh, really?
Oh, I did.
Okay.
I thought when guys meet, it always ends.
Well, as I said, it normally does.
But there are times that it's just nice to have a conversation and you just meet somebody
(03:37):
that has a lot of the same likes that you do.
And it just doesn't work out.
But it's nice to have.
There's an intimacy within that.
Yeah.
That's what I was hoping for.
That's what I was looking for.
Well, you did.
It didn't work out.
Unfortunately.
Okay.
What got creepy?
When did it get creepy?
What was the...
(03:57):
Well, so I was like, oh, you know, I'm out running errands.
It was the holiday time I'm out running errands.
Let me check back in a couple hours.
So I wanted to think about it.
So I kind of gave myself an out for a couple hours to think if I was going to go up to
a hotel room and I log back on and he's like, oh, send me some pics and in my profile, it
says I'm not on here to exchange pics.
(04:19):
Right.
If I want to look at a dick pic, I could just open my computer and find porn anywhere.
Why do you need to like, why is it so important or stimulating that guys send each other dick
pics?
Well, because it's a visual thing.
We're stimulated.
The males are more stimulated with pictures and visual as opposed to women that are more
(04:46):
into the storytelling, the romance of it.
But you need to see a guy's dick before you go up with him.
Sure.
Oh, you do?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah.
You have to say, all right, maybe...
What a great lesson.
We want to be transparent.
So that's a quality that one may have.
(05:10):
I did particular size.
Okay.
Well, I mean, you could describe it as a pic.
If you're an ass man, I do an ass.
Please do not send me a butthole pic.
I do not like butthole pics.
No.
And you can state that in your statement.
You don't want dope send me because a lot of guys, they don't send me the asshole pic.
(05:30):
Yeah, they'll send me that.
And that's fine.
Or you can block them.
If they do it, just block them and then you move on.
Well, he wanted to send the pics.
I said, I don't send pics in my profile.
And then it's like, oh, come on, come on, whatever and this, that.
And then it just got weird.
Do you have pics of your face and your body?
(05:50):
I do.
I have a pretty good...
Well, so I have a love hate relationship with Screff and Grindr.
I go on there, I'm on there for a couple of days.
I delete the app.
I log back on a month later.
I'm on it for a couple of days.
I delete the apps.
Why do you do that?
Why do you do that?
You feel guilty?
No, it just feels low vibrational for me.
(06:11):
And I don't think I'm attracting the type of person I want.
For things that's a hookup app.
Because it's a hookup app.
I mean, you got another app.
You on any other app?
No, but I think to myself, if I'm on there, there has to be someone else like me on there.
But I never find the other person like me.
And they are.
(06:31):
That's true.
I've met some very nice people that I've had great conversations with.
Well, can you go into the filters and really look at the filters?
Because the filters might have in there, you know, not looking for a hookup or, you know,
giving the preferences of what they are, top, bottom, first sight, whatever.
But there may be a filter in there that's like, you know, looking for friendship.
(06:53):
But that's the other thing.
And I'm going to say this again, I've said it before.
Do not give your phone numbers out on these types of apps because a lot of them, there's
escorts out of there, but there's also, you know, the scammers from Nigeria or wherever.
And it is so obvious because when they reach out to me, they steal somebody's picture.
(07:19):
Then they send me, you know, hey, how are you doing?
Oh, fine.
How are you?
I'm not either in the second or third conversation.
What do you do for a living?
What do you do?
Motherfucker, I'm not telling you what I do because they want to know.
(07:44):
And I had given my number out before.
And man, they're like not even 30 seconds.
They were naming my family members.
Wow.
They name my family members.
They're naming.
I mean, it gets so creepy and so scary on these apps that you just don't do it.
(08:06):
Don't give your phone number out because there are different programs that you can just insert
your phone number and it pulls up your name.
It also pulls up all of your relatives, your parents, your sisters, everything.
It pulls it up.
And then they can get into your Facebook and everything.
And then the next thing, they're hitting you up for 10 grand.
(08:28):
Yeah, we've had that.
We've had this conversation.
We've had this conversation before, but I don't think we have it enough.
I really don't because I think this is, you know, Protection 101 for all of you men that
are in the closet.
And if you're hooking up with these apps, you need to be very, very careful because
(08:49):
giving up your phone number.
It's just dangerous in so many, so many ways.
You know, physically dangerous, but it can also just be, you know, they steal your identity.
They can take your identity and it has nothing to do with blackmailing you that you're gay
or you're in the closet and you're married to a woman.
But let me tell you, from the phone number, they can find every motherfucking thing about
(09:12):
you and they can find who your wife is and they can reach out to them because they've
done that to me before.
They did that to me for many years ago when I have already come out to my wife and I was
in therapy and I, I mean, there was a big long letter that was mailed to me, which,
fuck, you know, it could have been a different conversation and I went to the police department.
(09:38):
I went with my therapist because I had a group therapy and I brought it to the group, you
know, and I got, I miss that group too because there's great opinions coming and these were
just people that were straight, gay, that were sex addicts and they were just very intelligent
men that I enjoyed weekly.
(09:59):
We would meet and go with this.
This clan of 20 go hunting for this person that was now Dr. Necron.
No, but they had gotten them before.
They had gotten them before because, you know, they were cheating on their wife with another
woman, but that doesn't matter.
And so if you're listening, then you're new listening to our podcast and you didn't hear
(10:20):
the other one that we've talked about.
I mean, there needs to be just a disclaimer or something.
Do not give your phone number out.
Exactly.
Well, and you've told me that and, you know, I, I, as much as I listened to you, I sometimes
you don't listen to me.
Don't because I actually ended up giving my phone number out to somebody over the weekend.
(10:42):
Well, we have been talking on Scruff for about a week.
Um, you know, he, I actually just get a Snapchat account.
Now you get a Snapchat account, which I do, but I don't use it that much, but it's much
safer because I believe Snapchat erases after 24 hours.
(11:05):
And it is not connected to, it's connected to your phone, but nobody sees that number.
You have a different username and that's all they get.
You just give them the username, but it will come to the app and, you know, but again,
how about what, what about the WhatsApp?
Somebody asked me to talk with them on WhatsApp.
(11:25):
I don't have that.
I have WhatsApp and I've used it before, but the one thing I do not know about WhatsApp
and I need to educate myself on it is that it goes with your number.
And I don't, I think when you give a number out, I don't know.
I think there's, I think there's a separate number for that.
(11:46):
Well, you know, encrypted and protected and it's great to use WhatsApp, even on making
calls to other countries because it doesn't cost you.
Oh, I didn't know that.
No, WhatsApp is a really good one and I should dive deeper in.
Let's, we'll research it and we'll bring it up on.
Yeah.
We'll, we'll, um, or if you're a listener and you know about the WhatsApp, let us know
what's up with the WhatsApp.
(12:07):
Yeah, what's up with WhatsApp.
So I have something kind of funny to share with you.
Um, you know, we post this podcast on several platforms and maybe a month ago I mentioned
that Twitter, there's like this offshoot of Twitter.
It's called blue sky.
And so I started posting our episodes on blue sky and blue sky is a social media service
(12:34):
similar to Twitter using, uh, users can use, uh, share short text messages, videos, all
kinds of stuff.
So I'm promoting our stuff on blue sky.
I'm going to open this for John.
If you're a listener and you go on blue sky, you can look up our podcast coming inside
out.
I went to notifications and we had a notification and one of the icons for one of the people
(12:58):
that liked our podcast.
Yeah.
I thought to myself, that looks like a naked man in the icon.
So I thought, what is that allowed on like a junk button?
This guy is on, is that allowed on blue sky?
So I click on it and sure as shit, the guy's naked holding his dick.
This is on blue sky similar to Twitter.
(13:20):
And I was like, what, what hell is going on?
Then I looked at his profile, dick pic, come shots, um, all this stuff.
They have video on here of people jacking off.
They've all this stuff.
I had no blue sky is got a social media porn.
(13:44):
Social media porn.
Right?
Yeah.
Did anybody know that about blue sky?
I did not know this about blue sky.
So I thought that was so look at this.
Wow.
No, does it, is he straight?
Is he getting no idea?
But when you are on blue sky, you literally could type in the word gay under search and
(14:07):
it's just got a little bit pornography comes up.
It's all porn.
It's all dick pics, dick shots.
All jacking off asses.
Well, wait, come back to that.
Yes, he's got all this stuff.
All right.
(14:27):
Well, we can't spend the whole episode on blue sky, but I just thought it was self.
So it's like Facebook, but it's Twitter.
It's the exact same thing as Twitter.
Oh, it is.
But Twitter's not, but see, it doesn't have it.
Does Twitter have?
I'm not on Twitter.
But this one you can give if you're on the chat with Sniffy's or Grindr, there's handles
(14:52):
that can take you to your Instagram and then also to Twitter.
I'm wondering if it could take you to blue sky because that's another avenue, I think,
that you could protect yourself with by communicating through blue sky.
Oh, well, this is our podcast, so I'm not going to communicate with somebody.
These are any bad days and I respond to our stuff on here.
(15:14):
Oh, yeah, people have said, oh, they like it or nice content or something like that.
And it shows you, I mean, we just joined not that long ago, so we don't have that.
We're very PG.
We don't have that many listeners on here, but I'm uploading all of our episodes as we
go along.
But I just thought that.
How'd you come across this?
I was, oh, so there was a big falling out or upset in the LGBTQ community with Elon
(15:41):
Musk.
Yeah.
I don't know if it was about his transgender daughter or if it was he's not supporting
the LGBT community, whatever.
And there was an article that people were leaving Twitter, X and joining blue sky.
I'd never heard of it.
And I was like, oh, this is a Donald Trump.
(16:01):
What was his true?
This is true.
Oh, truth social.
Truth social.
No.
Oh, along Donald Trump.
I don't think he's going to turn around because he did know Twitter went back when he bought
up the president.
Yeah.
Oh, no, maybe he didn't.
Oh, maybe he did.
I don't know.
(16:22):
But how ironic is he did own it and then they kicked him off, right?
Yes.
Trump, I think, does truth social.
Yes.
Created that, which became, I think, $8 billion.
Well, I don't know about the fuzziness.
Yeah.
Exactly.
But anyway, but look at the full term, you know, with Elon Musk doing part of it.
(16:47):
Well, I think when he purchased X, he reenacted Trump's account.
Got it.
But speaking of Trump and my last episode, Naked Game Night, one of the gentlemen that
was there works on a suicide hotline for the LGBTQ community.
(17:11):
And so I was asking him not to be too serious because we're all sitting there naked playing
games when I asked him, oh my God, but the holidays and the LGBTQ community, you must
be really busy.
Oh my God, you know, you poor thing.
And he said, oh, actually not as busy as when Trump won the election.
(17:31):
And I thought, oh, wow.
So when Trump won the election, they had such a massive spike in the suicide hotline for
the LGBTQ community.
And I thought, oh, well, that's so sad.
But yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
And then, you know, bringing into, you know, P. Diddy and all of those sex parties that
(17:55):
he had an awesome, ugly Hollywood elite has fled the country because.
Do you think that that's true?
I do.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
Okay, name one of the celebrities you think left the country.
Can you name a celebrity?
Is it okay to name a celebrity?
Well, I mean, it's, you know, I mean, yeah, I'll name them.
(18:22):
But I don't know for sure the reason why.
Okay.
It would be interesting if it was the reason because Trump got elected or was it because
they're part of this investigation with the DOJ about.
All right.
Speculation.
Yeah.
Speculation.
It's all speculation.
And, you know.
I'm not following it.
So I don't know who.
I'm following it here and there when I read these clips, which by the way, I'm trying not
(18:47):
to watch Reels at night before I go to bed.
I'm on my flipboard, which I'm reading stories, which is much nicer.
And what I'm reading about is, you know, a lot of celebs went to these parties and the
DOJ has talked about that they have names that they are going to be coming out this
(19:09):
first quarter of people that are involved or are suspects.
Okay.
Now, Jeffrey Epstein, they never really came out with the list because the people that
were on it were heavily protected.
Sure.
But with Diddy, these people are not heavily protected?
No, no.
(19:29):
No, no.
No one should be protected because Epstein was killed or he died.
But I'm not sure at what point.
But you know, Diddy's going to have to make a deal.
So they're going to get him in there and they're going to say, look, motherfucker, you better
sing of who's all involved or this is all going to be on you.
And you don't think he's going to be loyal.
You think he will be loyal to all these other people that were involved?
(19:52):
Well, they have all these tapes, so they really don't need him to sing.
Well, yeah, true.
But you're right.
The 10th.
Are these going to come out?
Yeah.
I mean, I think so, but it's very interesting how some of the celebs have already fled the
country and are they going to be part of it?
You know, I mean, you can see they've named Jennifer Lopez, they've named Ashton Kutcher,
(20:16):
they've named Beyonce, Jay-Z.
Wow.
Oh, yeah.
And so it'll be very interesting to see where this does go.
And all those people have left the country?
No, Jay-Z, no, no, no, no.
The ones that have left the country that I've heard, and I could be wrong, Kutcher left,
(20:36):
DeGeneres left, Ellen DeGeneres.
I did not.
Did you recognize him?
You know, it was so funny when I was at that Christmas party.
Yeah.
A little celebrity Christmas party.
Oh, yeah.
You told me.
Jeff Ross was there.
Jeff, and if you know, if you ever watch a roast master, Jeff Ross is just an amazing
comedian.
Oh, he's hilarious.
(20:57):
And he's really good.
And so at this party, Jeff came and went ahead, because he was shooting the roast of
Netflix for 2024.
And so he had not, he came to the party to run his material with all of us industry people.
And it was great.
And, you know, nobody could record.
(21:18):
You couldn't record.
You couldn't video, because these are, he needed to get reactions because a lot of comedians
go to the improv or they go and they work their set.
Like, oh gosh, that's going to be on, that's going to start the Golden Globes.
I got to get home and watch that.
Oh, I don't follow any.
Nikki Glaser is hosting that.
And I think it starts at five, so we're going to have to run this.
But anyway, by everybody.
(21:41):
So, but anyway, Jeff came and was doing this set.
He's getting to feel what jokes work, what they, what doesn't work.
There was a lot of ditty jokes that there was a lot of Ellen DeGeneres.
So, you know, so anyway, it's going to be interesting of the fallout of the fallout
(22:03):
who was involved and what, how far they were involved.
All right.
So, there's speculation that these celebrities either left because of Trump or left because
of Ditty.
Yes.
Or a combination of two.
I didn't know Ellen DeGeneres had left the country.
I was nowhere in there.
Yeah.
I have a gay joke.
(22:24):
My two boys and I were in the car together and my older son was snickering and I said,
oh, what are you laughing about?
And he's like, oh, I can't say.
And I said, what is it?
I just saw this joke on whatever, TikTok or whatever it was.
And I said, well, tell us what it is.
And he's like, no, I can't share it.
And I said, oh, come on.
We're three adults in the car.
Tell us what the joke is.
And he said, okay, how do you know you're at a gay barbecue?
(22:48):
How do you know you're at a gay bar?
Yeah, I don't know.
How do you know?
All the hot dogs taste like shit.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
My son told that joke.
I thought that was stuff when he started wrote it down to share.
Did he create the joke?
(23:10):
No, he heard it on social media.
I would have been more impressed if he wouldn't have written this.
No, he didn't write.
And maybe it wasn't all the hot dogs taste like shit or the hot dogs taste like shit,
whatever.
But that was, yes.
So that was kind of like that.
I like that.
I want to get deep with you for a couple of minutes, John.
And there's two things I want to talk about.
(23:32):
You know, over the holidays, a lot of the guys were feeling lonely, you know, and I had
shared on here for, since the beginning of time, how lonely I have felt.
And one of the people wrote in and was talking about wanting to come out, but didn't want
(23:54):
to come out because they didn't want to feel lonely.
I was like, oh my God, that's not a reason not to come out is because you're going to
feel lonely.
And I kind of took stock of my life in that moment.
And I thought, I cry about being lonely too much.
I had a family and my life, my existence was my family.
(24:17):
I lost my family.
And then I had my two boys and my existence became my children.
And then my youngest son left for the Marine Corps.
And I've just more and more feel like I've become more lonely.
But I really created that myself.
And there's never a time where I'm truly alone.
(24:40):
I have great friends, I have all these people that reach out to me.
I have a large family.
I do have my kids.
I have so much to be grateful for.
And I think I've kind of created a picture of myself on this podcast where I'm sad and
lonely and I'm not really sad and lonely.
I just haven't filled that void.
(25:03):
I filled that void with loneliness rather than filling that void with something.
Was there somebody that wrote in that thing?
They did write in and that that's what caused me to think, wow, I need to stop crying about
being lonely.
I can't stop crying.
Well, Brian, you're being honest and that's what we're being with.
(25:25):
But yeah, have you been heavy on the loneliness side?
Yes, you have.
Yeah, you have.
You really have.
And you're just being honest.
I think I've just been feeding it.
Well, let me tell you something.
You are feeding it and you're manifesting it as you've said it.
I mean, let's talk about three, six, nine.
What you think about, what you say, what you do, what you continue to do and do it, and
(25:50):
you have.
And you know what?
Then you just made the correction.
I've made the correction.
I love that you, you know, I love that you, I love the writer writing in and noticing
that because look, we're not perfect people and it's nice to get a different perspective
(26:10):
because, you know, I thought that, yeah, wow, you are.
You know, you say that a lot.
I've never just come out saying, you know, you really say that a lot.
I know.
I felt it because I had a void and I was just feeding the void and feeding the void rather
than making room for something new in my life.
You need to continue to feed the void.
(26:32):
You, you, you felt the void.
Well, as you went on, you said, I lost my family.
I lost, you know, did you really lose your family?
Your family dynamic changed.
You didn't lose.
You lost the old family.
Yes.
You lost the, the white picket fence that we all wanted.
(26:53):
Yeah.
You lost that.
But you know what?
There's a new white picket fence and there's the truthful picket fence.
Yeah.
That's the new picket fence that we're all living by or at least aspiring to be.
And I get it.
(27:13):
You know, I love being alone.
I mean, not all the time because I have my kids.
I have family.
You know, I, you know, this guy that I've, you know, gone out with or, you know, whatever
you will call a hookup.
You know, he wants to get serious.
I'm not ready to get serious.
I'm just alive.
I'm not there yet and I'll be there in some time because I did, you know, I do like the
(27:37):
couple.
I do like to drink the wine to watch the movie and get an opinion.
We all get that, but I love that you acknowledge that.
And so, yeah, I mean, you know how to move forward with that.
I'm not going to feed the loneliness anymore.
I'm going to allow room for some newness in my life because I shared on New Year's, you
(28:00):
know, I, I, I elected to not go somewhere.
Sure.
I elected to stay home.
And I wasn't lonely.
I normally would have been lonely and like, you know, had a little New Year's pity party
for me this year.
I was like, you know what, I'm going to just celebrate with me and my dog.
And I guess so for any listeners who are fearful of coming out because they don't want to be
(28:25):
alone, you know, you make up what you make of it.
That's what I've made it.
And this New Year's, I took my mom to dinner with my brother and my sister-in-law and my
two sons.
It's just so nice.
But you know, it was weird because we ended up getting back home by nine o'clock and we
watched, we were watching Netflix with my mom.
(28:46):
She doesn't know how to turn on fucking Netflix.
I don't know, I'm paying this on.
I said, mother, I have the account for you.
You just push this number.
You push this here.
You push that.
Oh, I don't know how to work this.
I'm like, you know, anyway, it was called the night agent.
I don't know if we've seen that.
I think the second season is going to drop or it has not.
(29:08):
But boy, he is a handsome young man.
He really, really is.
And he's good.
It's such a good story.
That's our, that's my, anyway, we watched that and then my mom fell asleep by 1030 and we
put her to bed and me and the boys were just up.
I was cleaning and doing laundry because I like doing the laundry before I leave.
(29:29):
I like having my suitcases where I just come home, open them up, everything's clean.
Put it away.
Don't have to deal with that shit.
So anyway, we did that next thing.
I know it's 12 o'clock and the boys were all up and go, hey, and so we all hugged.
We're not.
We don't waste.
So, you know, that was mine.
But I have elected before just to be myself and it's fine.
(29:52):
It's fine though.
But thanks for sharing that.
That's glad.
Something else I wanted to touch on and this kind of went along with my loneliness a little
bit is that we have, you know, we've talked about this before and we've had people write
in about men that were part of a church, were part of a religious organization.
(30:14):
They come out as gay and now the church has rejected them.
So I kind of felt like that was similar to how I was feeling that.
And I don't want to step on any base toes and I don't want to create anybody getting
upset with me.
But you know, you are a heterosexual man, seemingly, and you are subscribing to a religion
(30:42):
that rejects being gay.
It's like in the Bible, you know, that you that rejects homosexuality.
Then you come out as gay and there is this, I don't know if it's an expectation or a
(31:04):
dream, a hope, a wish or whatever that all of a sudden this 2000 year old organization
that has been, you know, against homosexuality is all of a sudden going to be in cooperative
of homosexuality.
Like you are going to this church is the church that you've been going to for 30 years and
(31:26):
you know, been against homosexuality, you come out as gay and now your hope or your
wish or desire is that they're going to be inclusive of you.
And these men are abandoned by their church.
There's a wound there.
And like myself with my loneliness, rather than me moving on and filling that void,
(31:52):
but these some of these men are still looking to the church for guidance to change their
belief system, rather than them recognize that the church is not going to change.
Right.
I mean, some churches have changed some like the Presbyterian, the Hollywood Presbyterian,
(32:13):
you know, they have lesbian priests.
Yeah, but I think that may be the church, the location itself, but if you've been going
to a church, a building that has not been inclusive of homosexuality, and you go back
to that same church the next day as a gay man, you cannot expect that that church, maybe
(32:39):
the religion as a whole, you can find another church that's more accepting.
But I don't know, I feel for these men because they were part of an organization that was
denouncing homosexuality.
And now that they're gay, they're looking for that same church to not be saying of it.
(33:01):
They can't because they know that the church renounces homosexuality.
But you say that they know they can't.
I don't think they know they can't.
I think that that's what they struggle with is they're wanting that from the church.
But they're wanting the exception.
Well, you're wanting it, but the reality is, the reality and the percentages of the church
(33:26):
is not going to change their mind.
And you can hope that they do.
But I think, you know, having a list of yourself coming out and what your expectations are
is, you know, what is what's the belief of your church?
And if it is the opposite of what, you know, then you need to be prepared to move on because
(33:48):
you're not going to get that support.
You may get support from some individuals out of the church, but until the church changes
the policy or at least leave, then don't.
And I say this, I'm not telling you what to do, but what I'm trying to protect you and
protect the men that are expecting to be accepted from that same church.
(34:15):
You're not going to be accepted.
You want, and if you are, I'm glad I'm wrong.
I'm glad I'm wrong, but it's really preparing yourself because you can be religious and have
your God and serve God and serve people and give back and do all that.
And it's part of you breaking up with your family, and that's part of the family break-up
(34:41):
of you're no longer going to be with your wife that's gone.
Are you going to be living in the same house with your children?
No, that's going to be gone.
It's setting up a new life for yourself.
And also, well, you know what chances are maybe my church, let me just put this in the
back of my head.
Maybe there's another church I can go to.
(35:01):
Do I still want to go to this church with my ex-wife?
Even heteros.
They don't want to see each other at church.
So it's sad that a lot of the church, you know what I do?
I want to read the Bible.
I do want to read the Bible.
I want to read the Bible because just got Bible study.
How?
Good Bible study.
I could do that.
(35:21):
But, you know, it's interpretation.
It's interpretation of passed down and changed languages.
And, you know, look, when you're at your naked parties that you have and y'all are all on
the couch, play the game of seeing if the same sentence comes back to the first one
who starts your telephone or whatever.
(35:43):
Telephone and your passive note.
Because it changes.
Yes.
And interpretation does.
And if it just changes that simple with five people or 10 people, how much has it changed
with the Bible?
That's my question.
I don't know, but I can only assume that there has to be things that are misquoted or what
(36:03):
have you.
Well, I don't know.
We better not go down that way.
No, we'll be here all night.
All right.
Here's something I wanted to bring up.
How much time do we have?
We're at 35 minutes, I think.
So on December 29th, I saw PFLAG.
You know what PFLAG is?
No.
PFLAG is Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
(36:24):
Okay.
So I posted on social media that the first US transgender suicide hotline is open.
I'm going to post that in the notes.
Okay.
So any transgender people who need a suicide hotline, 877-565-8860, I don't know that there's
(36:45):
not another one already in existence, but PFLAG, who's pretty reputable, the fact that
they did the social media posting first US trans suicide hotline is now available.
So I thought I would get that out there.
All right, bro.
I want you to say it again.
Okay.
The phone number 877-565-8860.
I have to, anybody can call that.
Anybody can, any action anybody can call that.
(37:07):
Yeah.
And you know, I was talking to somebody over at the Trevor Project, and the Trevor Project
is really for, you know, the younger community, teens, 20s or whatever like that.
But their suicide hotline, they talk to people that are in 50s, 60s, 70s.
(37:27):
They don't say, oh, we can't talk to you because you're not age qualifying.
Anybody can call these hotlines.
So absolutely.
You're absolutely right.
I think they're trained more for the transgender community, but I don't know.
The last thing I'm going to talk about, John, we talked about this couple of episodes ago.
I signed us up for a podcast, a phone.
(37:49):
And that podcast, a phone, there's already over a thousand podcasts that have signed
up for it.
They're all going to promote a charity.
So it's a special event.
You're going to, we're going to record like a 40 minute episode and we're going to highlight
the charity.
We're still looking for a charity.
If there's one that you know of, write in, let us know.
(38:14):
If it's a charity that you would like us to spotlight or highlight, we're going to do
that.
Again, there's going to be thousands of podcasters that during, I think it's the third week in
March of this year.
They're all going to release a charity episode the same week.
So we'll be able to see other people, what they've done, they're going to be able to
(38:35):
see ours.
I think it's going to do a lot of cross promoting also because the podcastathon is actually
going to promote this out also.
So our best podcast is going to be released out for a long time.
All right.
Well, we just need to find a charity that we're going to spotlight.
But yeah, if anybody out there has a charity that they do, do we want some charity that's
(38:57):
geared towards the LGBT people?
Thanks, Joe.
Thanks, Joe.
And you know, we had talked about going to the LGBTQ center.
You went to that.
Yeah, I did.
And I want to follow up with her.
I think we need to go do that.
Maybe we can do that.
Maybe we could spot like that.
We could spot like this.
There's a great organization.
(39:17):
There's this great organization.
What's the name of it?
It's the refurbication of corporate jets because a lot of these CEOs have these jets
that have been used so much in the leather seats are worn out and they just need money.
(39:40):
Oh, they need money.
They need the money to refurbish these $60 million jets.
So that might be it.
Oh, there you go.
Part of yachts.
Part of yachts.
Yes.
A little levity here.
No, I love that.
Let's, you know, and let's, I'm glad you said that because I want to go back to the community
center here in LA, circle back with that element and let's go take a tour over there and just
(40:04):
see what they have over there.
Maybe they need something to be promoted.
We could take some pictures over there too and host them on the blue sky pictures.
Which one's your copy?
Jesus.
Exactly.
All right.
We're good to go.
Thank you guys so much.
Thank you for listening, guys.
Take care.
We're going to go over to Chipotle.
(40:25):
I'm going to get me a burrito and then I'm going to go home and watch the Golden Globes
because Vicki's laser is hosted.
All right.
She's so smart, funny, and I love her.
She was on the, who was the football player?
Yeah.
(40:45):
For Brady.
Yes.
God, that was fun.
Oh, was she killed?
And that's what, I mean, the girl's been doing this for years and years and years and years.
That was her big break and that was her big break.
And she killed it.
Oh my goodness.
Good for her.
All right, guys.
Thank you.
Bye.
Many thanks to these guys.
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