December 17, 2024 • 42 mins
In this episode, Brian and John discuss various themes surrounding the LGBTQ+ community, including the importance of support and connection, the power of affirmations, personal struggles in real estate, and the significance of intimacy in relationships. They also touch on mental health, particularly during the holiday season, and the journey of emerging from dark times to find purpose and empathy for others.
Coming Inside OUT is a safe space where listeners can find solidarity, inspiration, and the courage to embrace their true selves. Whether you're a gay father, a person exploring your identity, or an ally seeking to understand the experiences of the LGBTQ community, this podcast is for you. Tune in for heartfelt conversations, insightful advice, and the sense of belonging that we all crave.
Join your hosts, Brian and John, as they candidly share their own journeys out of the closet while navigating the joys and challenges of parenthood as openly gay fathers. In each episode, Brian and John connect with fellow gay dads, sharing their inspiring stories, victories, and struggles. They delve into the complexities of grappling with sexuality, discussing their experiences as teens, husbands, and dads. Together, they aim to foster a supportive community for those still in the closet, reassuring them that they are not alone in their journey.
Join us on this journey of love, acceptance, and authenticity!
Contact us at cominginsideout@gmail.com
#gay #lgbtqpodcast #lgbtq #pride #pride2024 #palmsprings #gaymen #loveislove #gayfathers #gaydad #comingout
Keywords: LGBTQ+, community support, affirmations, personal growth, intimacy, mental health, real estate, loneliness, holiday spirit, empowerment
Takeaways: Community support is vital for LGBTQ+ individuals. Affirmations can help combat negative thoughts. Personal growth often comes from struggles. Intimacy is essential in relationships, not just physical connection. Emerging from dark times can lead to personal transformation. Empathy for others can stem from our own struggles. It's important to manage finances and know your numbers. Loneliness can affect anyone, especially during the holidays. Finding purpose can come from sharing experiences with others. We can help each other through shared stories and support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, gay men and everyone else.
(00:05):
I'm citizens, citizens, people, listeners.
Welcome to Coming Inside Out.
I'm John Duerler.
I'm Brian Janes.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Yes.
We are in the holidays.
I'm going to buy Christmas trees today after the show.
And you're working the tree lot too.
I am working.
(00:26):
I'm working the tree lot.
I'm going to buy a tree lot.
Again, listeners, if you have any rotary clubs in your
neighborhood and you want to do some good, join rotary, I'm
telling you.
Nice.
It is, I think, not a rotary member.
What we do, what was great is, well, internationally, we were
ones that really helped eradicate a polio.
(00:47):
We're not finished yet, but we're almost there.
And then we also build wells in other countries for water, but
we also get back into the communities for a women's shelter
and all of that.
So all the money that comes in for the trees, if you're in L.A.,
come over and buy your tree on March 1, just south of Melrose.
We give back after we pay all the expenses.
(01:09):
100% of that that's left over is donated back internationally
and locally.
So it's a wonderful organization.
I love being there.
John's going to be dressed as a lumberjack.
He's going to load your tree up on your tree.
Oh, load your tree up on your tree.
No, my God, the butter ball thing.
Sorry, what butter ball thing?
(01:31):
Talk about loading something up.
The butter ball.
The butter ball technique?
Yeah, I'm listening.
You heard about that?
No, I did see it because I was with it.
I just saw a porn guy.
All right.
Well, it's probably along the same lines as the butter ball.
So let me ask you, John, because I bought a fake tree
(01:53):
probably five years ago.
It's a beautiful fake tree, but how much does a nice tree go for it?
A freaking lot now.
150, 160, 175.
Nope.
It depends what kind of tree.
A 19 tree.
You can be having a Douglas fir or you get a Douglas fir is great.
Because Douglas fir, I think, smells the strongest versus the other one.
(02:17):
Shit, I can't remember that.
Noble fir.
Noble fir.
They're the ones that look like the Christmas tree-ish thing that have states.
Like the noble fir.
I guess I don't like a Douglas fir.
I like the ones that the branches are spread out and there's sturdy branches.
You can hang.
Yeah, that's your noble fir.
And they do smell, but not as strong as your Douglas fir.
(02:40):
Well, how much is a tree?
It depends on what's running.
Three feet, four feet, five feet, six feet.
Well, I think nine feet, the Douglas fir is cheaper and I think nine is going to be, I don't know, 125.
Yeah, well, 95, 150.
The last tree I bought was probably 150, 75 bucks and I'm like, I'm going to buy it.
(03:04):
I'm going to go all out.
I'm going to buy a nice fake tree and it's five years in and it still looks good.
You know what?
I bought a fake tree.
All right.
I did for my house.
The boys and the mom, they still buy the real one, but last year was the first time that I wanted, because it's gotten so expensive.
And our trees and even our pumpkins got expensive this year for Halloween because of fuel costs and just everything is so high now.
(03:29):
And yeah, having a live tree, you know, buying that much, you know, I'm going to get one for the office here, but I want to get like a four footer because I put it on the table and it's right in the window.
It's nice.
But yeah, I mean, the smell, you just love the smell.
I like the smell too, but you get the pine cones from Trader Joe's and they'll make your smell.
Oh, they have pine cones?
Okay.
(03:50):
Yeah.
Four footer?
Yeah.
It is.
This is a great season.
Yes.
So with the holidays coming along, I'm not going to mention who this person is, but you know, we have a listener that I told you in a pride podcast who sends me messages.
He is struggling so much right now and I feel so much for him.
(04:15):
He is in a life where he feels he cannot come out.
It could be dangerous for him to come out.
Okay.
He does not hang around.
I guess he hangs around very dangerous people.
And so he is all alone.
(04:36):
I'm sure he's not the only listener that's out there that is closeted and doesn't feel like they have a friend or family member that they can talk to.
So, you know, I broke the golden rule because early on you told me, don't give out your phone number.
(04:57):
Don't let them write in the podcast or whatever.
And because one of the reasons why I say this is not, I'm not above that at all listeners.
The thing of it is, you're going to get so many people calling you.
I do.
Which is, yeah, I mean, that's awesome.
That's fine.
That's fine.
(05:18):
If you want to go that route, and that's fine.
I just feel that, you know, for me, I just come and talk and share my experience and because I'm not going to be able to help every single person, but at least something I say or something I don't say may help somebody.
You're helping them on here.
We're helping them every day.
(05:39):
We've said this in prior episodes.
We're not therapists.
Right.
So we're not here giving you any professional advice.
You know, people write into the show.
We want to help them, too. And that's the other thing that we love about it.
I know nothing.
I know nothing.
You know, I was a special ed growing up.
I was a special ed.
(06:00):
I was at all the classes.
And that's another story I'll tell you later.
But, you know, we are here to help in a capacity, but also people writing this back helps us and we're able to share just like the story you're talking about right now.
We're able to share that story.
So don't get me wrong.
We want you to write in and everything.
(06:22):
And so because when you write in, we're able to share that with people and others can identify with that.
So basically we're all trying to help each other.
And I think that's, you know, that's my mission here is to, you know, share my story, you know, give it back.
There's no way that I could manage, you know, if everyone called me or whatever.
(06:47):
I just couldn't because, you know,
You're busy. You got 10 things going on at the same time.
I do. I got to get going here in a minute.
But no, but it's true.
So it's sweet.
But you told me a little bit about this guy.
And you didn't mention what kind of club he's in.
So let's not mention that at all.
(07:08):
Yes.
He's in a badass club.
Yes.
And organization.
And my dad was in one of those.
Oh, was he?
Oh, she did share this.
Yes, she did.
I thought he was a cowboy, but then you share.
No, that was the, yeah, my mom's boyfriend was kind of.
Oh, anyway, badass club.
But that's the whole thing.
It's the macho thing.
It's the macho thing.
(07:29):
And I'm just curious in that badass club, how many others, or at least my, are gay and just hold it in.
Hold it in.
And this guy, he had the courage.
I don't want to say courage because people that not, I don't want to put down anybody.
Because if you're not out, that means you don't have courage.
(07:51):
You have courage.
Yes.
But he had whatever.
The calling.
The calling.
The tell his wife.
Yeah.
And to, I mean, that is a huge.
And so if you're listening guy who we're talking about, that's huge, man.
And you need to make, you know, you need to, to celebrate that.
(08:16):
And he told his kid or kids.
Yes.
You know, that right there is one of the biggest, biggest steps.
Yeah.
And now he's sitting there and you know, other listeners, we have a private Facebook group
or page.
And if any of our listeners want to join that page, share their stories, go on there and
(08:39):
just, you know, get support from other men.
There's,
What you're talking about.
Well,
There's gay fathers,
We also have coming inside out has its own private Facebook page.
My member,
You're a member.
I signed you up with your phone while we were here together because I knew that this would
happen and I also made you a moderator.
(09:02):
So you get notifications when people want to join the group.
I don't get notifications.
No, I don't.
Well, I think you should.
But anyways,
I don't.
We have a private Facebook group and if people want to log into our coming inside out Facebook
page, post on there, get support on there.
The phone is so big on your phone.
(09:23):
Listen, I never have to worry about anybody looking over my shoulder and reading my texts.
Font is small.
Yours.
You have some big font on there, John.
They all want your big font.
So through this is for our listeners and this is kind of what I shared with this gentleman.
You know, you and I belong to the same book, love, which is project three, six, nine.
(09:49):
Love that.
Love this.
Love three of them out right now and they're having a black Friday sale, but I'm not promoting
them.
But within that book, there's, you can let do daily affirmation.
Yeah, yeah.
Set your mindset for the day.
I have a wonderful life.
I'm surrounded by positivity, peace and harmony.
(10:11):
I am powerful beyond measure and blessed beyond belief.
I'm grateful for all that is and inspired by all that will be.
I love my life and all aspects of it.
I am, I give myself full permission to be who I desired to be.
I like that.
So is that your affirmations that you write?
(10:32):
No, that's actually, that's one of the, it's under I am enthusiastic and that's what's
on the page for I am enthusiastic.
What is struggling?
Well, for anybody who's struggling that I tell you.
I see.
If you're struggling, read this.
Yeah, it's just like a daily affirmation of something.
(10:53):
There are times where I am so overwhelmed and I'm saturated in the negativity.
I just stop myself and I think, huh, what if the polar opposite happened?
What if I'm sitting here and all of this negativity and the exact opposite happened?
And then I move myself into the exact opposite and it shifts my mindset so much.
(11:18):
So here is another thing I want to look up and bring back.
So what was the first one?
Oh, generational.
I'm going to bring generational, you know, from millennials.
Yeah.
How many people are there in that generation?
And then negative thoughts because I'm going to bring back one of my coaches for real estate
(11:41):
told me, he goes, listen, you have 65,000 negative, no, you have 65,000 thoughts per
day and most of them are negative.
Yeah.
That you're telling yourself.
So subconsciously, I'm telling myself and maybe we all do that and you know, you have
to push it back with these affirmations because I can catch myself even if you're talking.
(12:05):
Yes.
Oh, well, actually every time you talk, I just kind of doze off.
But anyway, yeah.
You get me.
Yes, he does.
No, it's talking about me listening.
I was talking about listening because I never listened in my special ed class.
I would just always daydreaming.
I was dreaming.
(12:26):
I was dreaming.
You know, it's good to be a dream.
It's good to be a dreamer.
However, it's really, if you can master listening, you know, it's crazy.
Yes.
It's really crazy.
So those are the two things I'm going to bring back.
All right.
So I'm completely off topic here, but you've talked about dreaming and you know, in this
(12:47):
book, you build a life that you want to live.
You first vision for it, you build it in your mind and then it comes, then it rolls out.
I found out that I wasn't some of the things I thought I was visioning for were desires.
(13:07):
Does that give you an example?
Give me an example.
Well, I have a desire to meet a man and to be with a man.
That's a desire.
In order for that desire to be a vision or a dream or come to reality, it has to have
four components.
(13:28):
So it has to give me life.
It has to whatever the four components are.
But anyways, there has to be structure and good in it and there has to be life.
It has to cause you to grow.
And so I have been visioning to meet a man.
You did.
Your neighbor.
(13:48):
My neighbor.
God.
Yes.
Well, a single man.
Okay, but you did.
But see, that is true.
You got to put a lot of...
Look, I've got to get specific.
What a specific.
Yes.
But you did it.
I mean, you're manifesting that and look, one just moved in.
What a face.
Two.
And this year, two.
Two minutes.
(14:09):
Okay.
Three again.
And you've got to move it into an area that there's not many of them there.
Wow.
What if something makes a turn though?
That even this guy gets...
You never know.
You never know.
You never know.
Miracles happen.
But I love this.
I love the 369 project because the other thing that I like about it is not only you write
(14:32):
your affirmations, you say your affirmations, but then they want you to feel that you have
accomplished those affirmations that you live as though in the feeling that you...
I mean, you have to go all the way through it.
Not just, I want this, I'm going to visualize this.
No, you need to accept it now and feel the feeling of you getting it.
(14:58):
And if you are in a closet and you're trying to work yourself out of the closet, that book
is amazing because you can put yourself in a place where you're visualizing where you
want to be rather than where you're at.
Yeah.
Thank you for that.
I appreciate you now because I didn't know about that book.
(15:20):
Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
And I put that book to the test with our podcast because I love this podcast so much and I
want something to happen with this podcast and I kind of wanted it instantaneously.
It's like, okay, we're going to do this podcast and I want this podcast to be what I want
(15:41):
it to be.
Well, also in that book, never give up on your gene just because it takes longer than
you expect it to accomplish it.
That time is going to pass anyways.
It is.
And instant fame, instant...
Gratification.
Gratification is, it just dies as fast as it comes in.
(16:07):
I think we all work very hard and you have to work hard for it to pay off, but you learn
a lot of things along the way that you can sustain that greatness.
I think getting greatness so fast, oh my God, that's the worst thing that you can do because
you have to struggle in order to appreciate it.
(16:29):
I feel like my sexuality has been a struggle my entire life.
I was successful in the insurance industry for 26 years.
I felt like that was a struggle my entire 26 years.
I feel like I've struggled at so many things and when I first started doing real estate,
I went to a seminar and it was a panel and they had four people on the panel and then
(16:56):
they took a break and they brought four people up to break whatever.
When the first panels they had, they invite this very attractive woman, she gets up there
and she's just all dressed up and diamonds and makeup and hair and all this shit.
Her and her husband go on this Mexican vacation.
(17:17):
She was studying for the real estate exam.
She hadn't even become a realtor yet.
She's just studying for the exam, this woman or man walks over to her and she's like,
hey, you're so admirable.
Here you're on vacation, you look like you're working so hard and she's like, oh, I'm studying
for the real estate exam.
(17:37):
He's like, oh, my wife and I are looking for a house.
What area are you in?
She tells them the area that they're in.
Oh, that's where we're looking.
She's up selling them a $15 million house.
I actually looked it up so it was real.
She sold them a $15 million house and when they move in, the house next door becomes
available and they reach out to her and they tell her they want to buy that one too.
(18:01):
Her first two real estate transactions were close to $30 million.
I might have bloody knuckles from the amount of work that I do to sell a piece of property.
She knows the lot's back up.
She has no clue what she is doing.
(18:23):
I've been in this business for 25 years and that is wonderful.
That came to her probably some karma back in the day and she needed that money, maybe,
but who knows?
That's fine, but let me tell you something.
In real estate, you're learning something every day, but the first three years, your
first three years, you're trying to learn all these contracts because they're so thick.
(18:45):
It's like five inches thick of contracts and they're changing.
They're changing all the time.
She can study and that's great, but let me tell you, take the test, but then there is
a three-year learning curve and that happened to an agent that started out with me that
her first deal was $4 million.
(19:05):
Here I am on the phones and I'm like, but let me tell you something.
Once you start getting envy of someone else, you have lost.
You've lost it.
You've lost it.
You cannot be envious of someone else because your biggest competition is yourself.
My biggest competition is myself and people are like, oh, you can't take over that neighborhood.
Such and such has always been in that neighborhood.
(19:27):
Well, not anymore because I'm door knocking and that's what I did and I worked my ass off
and still created a great business, but still have a target on my back because there's so
much jealousy.
It's ridiculous.
Once you let go of that, you're just setting, it's such a relief.
(19:49):
If I start getting jealous of someone, I have to pull back and I'm like, wait, what am I
doing?
It's a great barometer.
It really is.
When you start getting jealous of someone, start looking in and when you're like, trigger
something in you, it's about you.
It's not about this.
Exactly.
I could feel the steam coming off of you because you got that 30 million.
(20:13):
Listen, good for her.
You're actually right.
It was a lot of reviews.
She was a lot of reviews.
Good for you.
Good for you.
I hear a lot of those stories.
But everyone's struggling.
That's the whole thing.
Right now, there's so many people struggling and let me tell you, for my business, I've
been looking, because we always look at pillars of growth of, well, do I look at expired listings
(20:36):
or do I look at new families that need a home or do I look for investors or do I door knock
or what have you?
But my other pillar of lead generation is foreclosures.
And that's sad.
Let me tell you right now, there are so many people that are in foreclosure.
It's so sad.
(20:58):
And we want to be able to give them a solution because there's like four or five solutions
you can do.
But I just say that because we want material things or we want to just be able to pay our
bills.
But there's other things that I look at.
Like this friend of mine that we took to Vegas to watch the Raiders game, he got some
(21:24):
type of bacteria infection when he was in Japan, in Rotary, giving back on a trip.
And they had to amputate his toes.
Then they had to amputate his foot.
Then they had to amputate his leg.
It was a disease that he got, a bacteria that was really bad.
And here, you know, he's in his sixties, a little overweight, and to manage to walk with
(21:51):
a prosthetic and go and do it, it really made me think, want to think, be thankful of
what I have and our health.
And so when we start going into, or when I do, when we just say me, when I start going
into the thought of lack of material things, I have to slap myself in the head and say,
(22:13):
get your ass back down to the ground and be thankful for your health and what you have.
Yeah.
You just wake up and be thankful that you woke up.
That you woke up.
Because let me tell you something, you can always go make more money or make a living
by doing something and thinking of something, but that quick bullshit stuff doesn't last.
(22:34):
It just doesn't last.
At least that's my opinion.
Well, so, you know, we got to, we got to rope a little gayness into this.
Yeah, right.
Are there any...
That was my straight talk.
Yeah.
Any gay real estate rivals in your backyard that can...
Yeah.
I mean, you know, there is.
(22:55):
There is.
You know, I mean, a lot of gay men that are real estate.
Jeff Lewis lives very close to here.
Yeah.
He does.
I showed him a lot of property.
Is he in a conflict?
Yeah.
I showed him property in the beginning.
Yeah.
And yeah, but I haven't been in touch with him, but I showed him a lot of property.
He looks right down the...
(23:15):
Yeah.
Close by.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, so we are more than our circumstances, right?
We are spiritual beings in the human bodies.
Yeah.
We think that we have so much going on.
Well, that's our physical part of us, with a spiritual part of us also, because we're
not here.
(23:35):
You know, you can't breathe on your own.
You can't make your heartbeat on your own.
So there's a spiritual component to you.
So if you are struggling, you are more than your current circumstances.
This too shall pass.
And get better.
It really will.
Hey, do you want to take a minute and read?
(23:56):
We got a new post on YouTube, a new listener.
Right here.
No, a new listener wrote in on this page.
Okay.
For episode 27.
He wrote this.
Okay.
Okay.
So our podcast was episode 27.
He says, thank you.
Algorithm gods.
(24:16):
Ha ha.
Of the podcast as a big sports guy and by father, congrats on the Dodgers win.
PSD.
You think he's player you might.
Oh, you might have seen with the big old Easter was probably a stanton.
Looked him up.
He does have a big.
(24:36):
He's that Mike Stanton.
That guy is obvious.
He got up there with that big old peach ass sticking that peach ass out to hit the
ball.
I mean, it was, I mean, it was, I mean, yeah, I looked him up as soon as I got this person
like, oh, I don't know who that is.
Let me look him up.
But yeah, he does have a nice peach ass is what you call it.
(24:58):
It's big old peach.
Peach.
It's that big old peach.
Yeah.
I mean, very handsome.
I mean, he looks like, I mean, you know, I say, you know, he looks like a, he does look
like a football.
He's really big.
Yeah.
But you know, he can be anything down being sports.
It doesn't matter.
He comes from the out sports.com.
Remember a couple of so I told you guys to go on the website, out the ports and this
(25:24):
guy, huh?
Yeah.
Well, thank you.
I don't want to say his chin.
Yeah.
It's not.
Well, you're some of you are.
I hope you're listening to God.
So I'll go with him.
God, thank you for writing that in because yeah, he did have a big old.
That's funny.
Oh my God.
(25:45):
And this is what I want to bring up to you.
Because I have not experienced this yet.
I want to find out if you've experienced this.
I was on TikTok.
I'm like scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and they have this gay wedding video pops up
with these two very attractive men and they were slow dancing with each other.
Have you slow danced with another man before?
(26:07):
Oh my God.
I want to slow dance with another man.
I think that would be so, I don't know, that sounds so.
I have a feeling to me.
I don't just know holding each other and slow dancing on the dance floor.
I know find myself a big cowboy to do that.
(26:28):
You know, not love dance.
I do.
Oh, I'm good.
Are you a slow dancer or a rapper?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm not a rapper.
Well, I'm a great dancer.
Country Western dance.
Oh, I like the country Western dance.
What's that called?
Dancing?
Well, no, no, fuck that.
I hate dancing.
That's not country dancing.
(26:48):
That's not my dance.
No.
Oh, I thought that was.
I mean, no, like two steps or waltzing, you know?
Oh, walls.
Walls is great.
But the two step is a one, you know, box step.
One step.
That's not a box step, but it's one, two, three, one, two.
Well, that's no, that's waltzing.
Whatever that's called.
(27:09):
One step.
I forgot how to pronounce.
I was a bouncer at a, at a country Western bar.
In fact, it was the bar that they shot.
That was in the weeks.
So down in the weeks, if you watch that movie with Susan Serendon and Gina Davis, it was
(27:31):
in Long Beach.
It was called the Silver Bullet.
And that's when I don't know if you saw the movie, but the guy, it's like trying to hit
the ball between the ends of trying to rape her and then Susan Serendon comes out and fucking
blows his head off.
It was great.
That was the place that I was a bouncer.
And that was Long Beach, California.
Long Beach, California.
I was in the Navy there.
(27:52):
And then I became a bouncer over there because I love country much.
I just love it.
I love the live music of it.
And so I got a job there.
And it was great, but I love dancing.
I would, I would dance.
And I have a dance song and then like salsa, salsa is just some hot shit.
It is fun.
But you bring up a very good point because it was always women.
(28:16):
I was dancing.
So did you answer my question?
Have you?
No, no, I have not.
I have not danced with a man before.
Oh, you've never danced with a man before.
I don't think if I've danced with you before, maybe I'd like the Abbey like to it when there's
300 people.
Well, it's just dancing.
Dancing.
But to dance some type of style or slow dancing.
(28:41):
No.
All right.
I look forward to slow dancing with a man.
Yeah, that's I'm going to put that on my list of to do's when I find somebody.
Well, I mean, that's the other thing, you know, when men are slow dancing with women,
women, you know, I called it polishing my belt buckle, you know, sliding it on.
(29:03):
All right.
Right.
Isn't that called grime?
You know, I call it polishing the belt buckle.
But with two men, you know, you've got your dogs right there and they're pushing up against
me.
Is that what you want?
I just thought just the slow.
Yeah, I think I'm sorry.
I go right to the right.
Right. I didn't even think about my dong rubbing.
(29:28):
Well, there's two.
No, that's true.
Man with the dolls.
True.
You're going to rub it on it.
Yeah.
I guess a woman rubs her breasts on you.
You rub your back.
I mean, you get it going.
And then and then, you know, the baseball player with big peach ass comes out.
This is working.
I want to twerk with another man.
(29:53):
You know, but no, okay.
So that brings up a great point.
Like I may have mentioned this before, but, you know, it's it seemed like the affection
because you're talking about affection.
Intimacy.
Intimacy.
Where, you know, I didn't really have the intimacy with with men.
(30:16):
And in the beginning, it was, it was, do you look for that?
Or you like, what's called a hookup?
The hookup.
But, you know, there's, there was a transition of, of like, okay, you got, you go through
a horror phase, you go through a horror phase, but then it was like, well, oh, I can suck
my dick, or he can suck my dick, but I won't hold his hand or I won't kiss him.
(30:39):
Oh, you won't kiss him.
That was then.
Then like, oh, no, I could never do that.
It was just more of the sexual act of it.
And, you know, some people think that that's not gay, you know, it's just a, you know,
but prison, that's the prison.
Yeah.
And stuff.
So that was a phase that I was going through.
(31:01):
And then it was like, oh, wow, you know, because I met, I met this guy at one of these places
here in LA.
And, you know, we were in the pool and hugging and just kind of being intimate.
No, no fucking or anything, but just, and it was nice.
It was so nice, you know, so having the intimacy or the touch or the feel of someone and not
(31:29):
having the sex.
I mean, that's the basics, I think of love as the basics of intimacy.
And for me, it was, I'm now coming to that where I'm okay with it.
So hearing you say dance with a man before you get gay, you know, that's the first thing.
Yeah, we are.
(31:50):
So, you know, that I'm just talking about how I registered it and how I, that was part
of my compartmentalization and pushing things down is what for me was, oh, no, I'm not going
to be intimate, but I just want to, you know, get off.
And then I allow myself to really be who I am.
And then came the intimacy part.
(32:12):
Does that make sense?
It does.
I haven't gotten to any of that yet.
You know, I met a guy who didn't want to kiss.
We're just going back and forth and I think that's part of maybe the reason why is if
you don't kiss a man and you just suck each other's dick, they're not gay.
No, thank you.
(32:33):
I want, I want a bond.
I want intimacy with a man.
I think that's sweet.
And then I'll be, I think that's something.
All right.
You got to put that on your list too.
Maybe the next time we go out as a group will, will they never play slow news?
That was sort of his fucking happy.
They never placed.
No, they say place slow.
He's fast.
(32:54):
I'm right.
Yeah.
Well, I wanted to bring up one more thing.
And I know I'm bouncing around, but I had all these thoughts over the last week.
There's a tree.
Oh, there goes one of your trees.
This was to Motivation Hub.
It's on YouTube.
It's a channel, Motivation Hub.
(33:16):
And this is where I have found myself during my coming out process since COVID,
the last four years.
In that dark room, you are, what does that say?
In that dark room is who you are.
(33:37):
But in that dark room is where you have to create another human being that walks out of that dark room.
So I have spent, this hit me so hard.
And if I, it doesn't make a lot of sense.
And maybe I jotted it down a little weird, but I have been in this dark space.
I shared with you.
I've been in the dark space.
(33:58):
I'm in this dark room and in this dark room, I keep getting broken down more and more and more.
It's just like, just what I think I couldn't get any lower or any sad or any, you know, just more in touch with my feelings.
Like the floor drops out and I drop to this new level and it just feels darker and lonelier.
(34:22):
And it just, it's harder to find out, harder to climb out.
But in that dark room that you create the human being that emerges.
And I feel like in the last couple of weeks, I'm finally like emerging.
I'm so fine because I've been in.
(34:46):
It's been tough.
Hitting time for me since my son was.
Well, 24 was a very tough year for me.
It was a tough year for me.
I think it was a tough year for you.
It was.
You know, I did the work a lot.
I kind of abandoned myself and my business and I kind of, you know, went into this dark room and kind of hit out.
You have to go in there.
(35:07):
I think you have to do it.
You have to because you can only ignore it for so long and then it overcomes you.
Yeah, I feel.
And then because I've gone through a lot of depression this year.
I've never been this depressed.
Oh, and my whole life since 2024 and on top of just being depressed, there was just all of these more obstacles that came my way during that.
(35:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I'm so glad.
I'm so glad that you're here.
You know, because that's you're being so honest and Brian, you probably helped so many more people by sharing them because it was, I was, I was worried about you.
And, you know, you, you gave me a directive of what you wanted me not to do and I respected that.
(35:55):
But I still worried.
And I'm really happy that, that you can share this because this is very, very important that I think a lot of our listeners are going through because they haven't come out to themselves.
They haven't come out to their family.
And that's another part of depression.
Even though you think about this, you're a perfect example.
(36:18):
You've already come out.
You've already done this.
You've done that.
But yet you would you spiral.
You speak twice.
Twice.
Twice.
And I think one, you told me that one of your therapists said, look, get project 369.
And you said that really turned you around.
But after it turned you around, you went back down.
I did.
(36:39):
You went back down.
I, so that book keeps me at a very high vibration, keeps me positive, keeps me moving forward.
And at the exact same time, I have all of that amazement going on.
And I'm so fucking lonely.
So lonely.
I want somebody in my life and having somebody in my life isn't going to fix me.
(37:04):
It isn't going to make anything, whatever.
It's not a magic pill, but I want somebody in my life and I don't have that.
So I could be out like, I'm a perfect example.
We can go out and go to Palm Springs.
We can have a great time.
We can all hang out and laugh and all this stuff.
I get in my car and I drive home by myself.
Right.
Because you have nobody to talk shit about.
(37:26):
I love that.
Because having a partner, you just go party, you have fun.
And then you gossip all the way home.
You gossip all the way home.
You talk shit about anybody.
You talk people laugh or whatever.
You're able to share your opinion.
I get it.
I totally get it.
I totally get that.
From the last episode when you went to Agape, you said Reverend Dr. Michael Beckwith said
(37:49):
that you changed your DNA.
Which is what you're doing in this dark room is you're changing your DNA and you're emerging
as somebody.
I think so.
I really do.
I think we're ever changing.
That's the whole thing.
We're always.
And I find that it's so easy to abandon myself.
And when I abandon myself, I can literally go freaking months.
(38:14):
I can really ride that fucking train.
What trains?
The abandoned depression.
Yeah.
Like you said, how many negative thoughts a person has every day or a minute or what
are like that?
I can just saturate myself and live in that shit.
And there's other people out there.
Maybe they're fortunate enough, but I have been fortunate enough that I haven't had to
(38:41):
run out and bang on doors for work or whatever like that.
I get into a point where I feel like I screwed myself over financially and I'm 55 years old
and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
I think that's a motivation.
I think that just motivates you because it does.
It does.
Again, it's part of that.
You're going to have successful years.
You're going to not have successful years, but it's about, I'm not really going off of
(39:07):
the gay thing here, but maybe not.
It's about managing money and knowing your income.
Always know your accounting and I'm a perfect example.
I can make a ship out of money, but I, to manage it, I need, I think that's part of,
of what I'm doing now of changing my DNA is knowing my numbers.
(39:29):
Know your numbers, meaning know what money's coming in, what's going out.
And I used to have other people do that for me.
That's the worst fucking thing to do.
That's the worst thing to do.
And so I remember there's an algebra teacher in Long Beach.
I forgot what his name was, but he was cool as shit.
He goes, numbers don't lie.
Numbers will not lie to you.
(39:51):
Your fucking partners will lie to you, but numbers will not lie.
And that's true.
And so I kind of like was, you know, after Dr. Beck with today and I'm like, I'm changing
my DNA with accounting.
Yeah.
I'm good for you.
Yeah.
Good for you.
I'm so fucking good.
And so I'm excited about that.
But, but, you know, I, I love that you shared that because it's, it's, we're all
(40:17):
getting to, and I've never been depressed in my life.
And so this was, is, is, is learning and, you know, really being able to be empathetic
to other people.
Yes.
That is going through.
Yes.
I think that is part of what brought me to this point is it allows me to have empathy
for other people.
(40:39):
Because there's people a lot worse off than me.
Yeah.
And I sit home crying because I'm lonely.
Oh, that's all right.
I'm sorry to hear that.
That's all right.
I'm going to, I'm going to go, I'm going to go to the slow dance with them.
I'm going to dress them up, dress my mannequin up in men's clothes and slow dance with them.
You know what, there's a dance club here and it's a Mexican dance club, a gay Mexican
(41:06):
dance club.
And there's men dancing with men country west.
From dancing?
Yeah.
Yes.
We should go.
We should go.
Oh, you want to, you want to go with you?
Boys outing?
Well, why not?
We should.
Oh, that's so funny.
All right, let's do that.
Let's do that.
I think we'll get a couple other guys to go with us.
That's fine.
From our group and go.
All right.
(41:27):
Yes.
Right everybody.
Next time.
Next time.
I'm going to talk to the brother.
The name of the place.
I can't.
We're going to talk about Mexican dancing.
Mexican dancing, that's okay.
I'll just slow dance.
Well, everyone, we just going to drop.
What are we dropping?
Right before Christmas.
I think this is like two weeks out.
So we definitely want to wish everyone a happy holiday.
(41:51):
Yeah, we'll be back before.
We'll be back before then, but you know, this is the time of year that we do get depressed
or very mostly and everything.
I hope, you know, we made you smile a little bit.
I hope you made you laugh and hopefully we made you cry a little bit too.
But I love, I love doing this.
Me too.
I love it.
I'm so glad we're doing this.
(42:11):
And I enjoy it.
So thanks for your hard work.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
All right, you guys.
Take care of it much.
Bye.
Hello, gay men and everyone else.
(00:05):
I'm citizens, citizens, people, listeners.
Welcome to Coming Inside Out.
I'm John Duerler.
I'm Brian Janes.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Yes.
We are in the holidays.
I'm going to buy Christmas trees today after the show.
And you're working the tree lot too.
I am working.
(00:26):
I'm working the tree lot.
I'm going to buy a tree lot.
Again, listeners, if you have any rotary clubs in your
neighborhood and you want to do some good, join rotary, I'm
telling you.
Nice.
It is, I think, not a rotary member.
What we do, what was great is, well, internationally, we were
ones that really helped eradicate a polio.
(00:47):
We're not finished yet, but we're almost there.
And then we also build wells in other countries for water, but
we also get back into the communities for a women's shelter
and all of that.
So all the money that comes in for the trees, if you're in L.A.,
come over and buy your tree on March 1, just south of Melrose.
We give back after we pay all the expenses.
(01:09):
100% of that that's left over is donated back internationally
and locally.
So it's a wonderful organization.
I love being there.
John's going to be dressed as a lumberjack.
He's going to load your tree up on your tree.
Oh, load your tree up on your tree.
No, my God, the butter ball thing.
Sorry, what butter ball thing?
(01:31):
Talk about loading something up.
The butter ball.
The butter ball technique?
Yeah, I'm listening.
You heard about that?
No, I did see it because I was with it.
I just saw a porn guy.
All right.
Well, it's probably along the same lines as the butter ball.
So let me ask you, John, because I bought a fake tree
(01:53):
probably five years ago.
It's a beautiful fake tree, but how much does a nice tree go for it?
A freaking lot now.
150, 160, 175.
Nope.
It depends what kind of tree.
A 19 tree.
You can be having a Douglas fir or you get a Douglas fir is great.
Because Douglas fir, I think, smells the strongest versus the other one.
(02:17):
Shit, I can't remember that.
Noble fir.
Noble fir.
They're the ones that look like the Christmas tree-ish thing that have states.
Like the noble fir.
I guess I don't like a Douglas fir.
I like the ones that the branches are spread out and there's sturdy branches.
You can hang.
Yeah, that's your noble fir.
And they do smell, but not as strong as your Douglas fir.
(02:40):
Well, how much is a tree?
It depends on what's running.
Three feet, four feet, five feet, six feet.
Well, I think nine feet, the Douglas fir is cheaper and I think nine is going to be, I don't know, 125.
Yeah, well, 95, 150.
The last tree I bought was probably 150, 75 bucks and I'm like, I'm going to buy it.
(03:04):
I'm going to go all out.
I'm going to buy a nice fake tree and it's five years in and it still looks good.
You know what?
I bought a fake tree.
All right.
I did for my house.
The boys and the mom, they still buy the real one, but last year was the first time that I wanted, because it's gotten so expensive.
And our trees and even our pumpkins got expensive this year for Halloween because of fuel costs and just everything is so high now.
(03:29):
And yeah, having a live tree, you know, buying that much, you know, I'm going to get one for the office here, but I want to get like a four footer because I put it on the table and it's right in the window.
It's nice.
But yeah, I mean, the smell, you just love the smell.
I like the smell too, but you get the pine cones from Trader Joe's and they'll make your smell.
Oh, they have pine cones?
Okay.
(03:50):
Yeah.
Four footer?
Yeah.
It is.
This is a great season.
Yes.
So with the holidays coming along, I'm not going to mention who this person is, but you know, we have a listener that I told you in a pride podcast who sends me messages.
He is struggling so much right now and I feel so much for him.
(04:15):
He is in a life where he feels he cannot come out.
It could be dangerous for him to come out.
Okay.
He does not hang around.
I guess he hangs around very dangerous people.
And so he is all alone.
(04:36):
I'm sure he's not the only listener that's out there that is closeted and doesn't feel like they have a friend or family member that they can talk to.
So, you know, I broke the golden rule because early on you told me, don't give out your phone number.
(04:57):
Don't let them write in the podcast or whatever.
And because one of the reasons why I say this is not, I'm not above that at all listeners.
The thing of it is, you're going to get so many people calling you.
I do.
Which is, yeah, I mean, that's awesome.
That's fine.
That's fine.
(05:18):
If you want to go that route, and that's fine.
I just feel that, you know, for me, I just come and talk and share my experience and because I'm not going to be able to help every single person, but at least something I say or something I don't say may help somebody.
You're helping them on here.
We're helping them every day.
(05:39):
We've said this in prior episodes.
We're not therapists.
Right.
So we're not here giving you any professional advice.
You know, people write into the show.
We want to help them, too. And that's the other thing that we love about it.
I know nothing.
I know nothing.
You know, I was a special ed growing up.
I was a special ed.
(06:00):
I was at all the classes.
And that's another story I'll tell you later.
But, you know, we are here to help in a capacity, but also people writing this back helps us and we're able to share just like the story you're talking about right now.
We're able to share that story.
So don't get me wrong.
We want you to write in and everything.
(06:22):
And so because when you write in, we're able to share that with people and others can identify with that.
So basically we're all trying to help each other.
And I think that's, you know, that's my mission here is to, you know, share my story, you know, give it back.
There's no way that I could manage, you know, if everyone called me or whatever.
(06:47):
I just couldn't because, you know,
You're busy. You got 10 things going on at the same time.
I do. I got to get going here in a minute.
But no, but it's true.
So it's sweet.
But you told me a little bit about this guy.
And you didn't mention what kind of club he's in.
So let's not mention that at all.
(07:08):
Yes.
He's in a badass club.
Yes.
And organization.
And my dad was in one of those.
Oh, was he?
Oh, she did share this.
Yes, she did.
I thought he was a cowboy, but then you share.
No, that was the, yeah, my mom's boyfriend was kind of.
Oh, anyway, badass club.
But that's the whole thing.
It's the macho thing.
It's the macho thing.
(07:29):
And I'm just curious in that badass club, how many others, or at least my, are gay and just hold it in.
Hold it in.
And this guy, he had the courage.
I don't want to say courage because people that not, I don't want to put down anybody.
Because if you're not out, that means you don't have courage.
(07:51):
You have courage.
Yes.
But he had whatever.
The calling.
The calling.
The tell his wife.
Yeah.
And to, I mean, that is a huge.
And so if you're listening guy who we're talking about, that's huge, man.
And you need to make, you know, you need to, to celebrate that.
(08:16):
And he told his kid or kids.
Yes.
You know, that right there is one of the biggest, biggest steps.
Yeah.
And now he's sitting there and you know, other listeners, we have a private Facebook group
or page.
And if any of our listeners want to join that page, share their stories, go on there and
(08:39):
just, you know, get support from other men.
There's,
What you're talking about.
Well,
There's gay fathers,
We also have coming inside out has its own private Facebook page.
My member,
You're a member.
I signed you up with your phone while we were here together because I knew that this would
happen and I also made you a moderator.
(09:02):
So you get notifications when people want to join the group.
I don't get notifications.
No, I don't.
Well, I think you should.
But anyways,
I don't.
We have a private Facebook group and if people want to log into our coming inside out Facebook
page, post on there, get support on there.
The phone is so big on your phone.
(09:23):
Listen, I never have to worry about anybody looking over my shoulder and reading my texts.
Font is small.
Yours.
You have some big font on there, John.
They all want your big font.
So through this is for our listeners and this is kind of what I shared with this gentleman.
You know, you and I belong to the same book, love, which is project three, six, nine.
(09:49):
Love that.
Love this.
Love three of them out right now and they're having a black Friday sale, but I'm not promoting
them.
But within that book, there's, you can let do daily affirmation.
Yeah, yeah.
Set your mindset for the day.
I have a wonderful life.
I'm surrounded by positivity, peace and harmony.
(10:11):
I am powerful beyond measure and blessed beyond belief.
I'm grateful for all that is and inspired by all that will be.
I love my life and all aspects of it.
I am, I give myself full permission to be who I desired to be.
I like that.
So is that your affirmations that you write?
(10:32):
No, that's actually, that's one of the, it's under I am enthusiastic and that's what's
on the page for I am enthusiastic.
What is struggling?
Well, for anybody who's struggling that I tell you.
I see.
If you're struggling, read this.
Yeah, it's just like a daily affirmation of something.
(10:53):
There are times where I am so overwhelmed and I'm saturated in the negativity.
I just stop myself and I think, huh, what if the polar opposite happened?
What if I'm sitting here and all of this negativity and the exact opposite happened?
And then I move myself into the exact opposite and it shifts my mindset so much.
(11:18):
So here is another thing I want to look up and bring back.
So what was the first one?
Oh, generational.
I'm going to bring generational, you know, from millennials.
Yeah.
How many people are there in that generation?
And then negative thoughts because I'm going to bring back one of my coaches for real estate
(11:41):
told me, he goes, listen, you have 65,000 negative, no, you have 65,000 thoughts per
day and most of them are negative.
Yeah.
That you're telling yourself.
So subconsciously, I'm telling myself and maybe we all do that and you know, you have
to push it back with these affirmations because I can catch myself even if you're talking.
(12:05):
Yes.
Oh, well, actually every time you talk, I just kind of doze off.
But anyway, yeah.
You get me.
Yes, he does.
No, it's talking about me listening.
I was talking about listening because I never listened in my special ed class.
I would just always daydreaming.
I was dreaming.
(12:26):
I was dreaming.
You know, it's good to be a dream.
It's good to be a dreamer.
However, it's really, if you can master listening, you know, it's crazy.
Yes.
It's really crazy.
So those are the two things I'm going to bring back.
All right.
So I'm completely off topic here, but you've talked about dreaming and you know, in this
(12:47):
book, you build a life that you want to live.
You first vision for it, you build it in your mind and then it comes, then it rolls out.
I found out that I wasn't some of the things I thought I was visioning for were desires.
(13:07):
Does that give you an example?
Give me an example.
Well, I have a desire to meet a man and to be with a man.
That's a desire.
In order for that desire to be a vision or a dream or come to reality, it has to have
four components.
(13:28):
So it has to give me life.
It has to whatever the four components are.
But anyways, there has to be structure and good in it and there has to be life.
It has to cause you to grow.
And so I have been visioning to meet a man.
You did.
Your neighbor.
(13:48):
My neighbor.
God.
Yes.
Well, a single man.
Okay, but you did.
But see, that is true.
You got to put a lot of...
Look, I've got to get specific.
What a specific.
Yes.
But you did it.
I mean, you're manifesting that and look, one just moved in.
What a face.
Two.
And this year, two.
Two minutes.
(14:09):
Okay.
Three again.
And you've got to move it into an area that there's not many of them there.
Wow.
What if something makes a turn though?
That even this guy gets...
You never know.
You never know.
You never know.
Miracles happen.
But I love this.
I love the 369 project because the other thing that I like about it is not only you write
(14:32):
your affirmations, you say your affirmations, but then they want you to feel that you have
accomplished those affirmations that you live as though in the feeling that you...
I mean, you have to go all the way through it.
Not just, I want this, I'm going to visualize this.
No, you need to accept it now and feel the feeling of you getting it.
(14:58):
And if you are in a closet and you're trying to work yourself out of the closet, that book
is amazing because you can put yourself in a place where you're visualizing where you
want to be rather than where you're at.
Yeah.
Thank you for that.
I appreciate you now because I didn't know about that book.
(15:20):
Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
And I put that book to the test with our podcast because I love this podcast so much and I
want something to happen with this podcast and I kind of wanted it instantaneously.
It's like, okay, we're going to do this podcast and I want this podcast to be what I want
(15:41):
it to be.
Well, also in that book, never give up on your gene just because it takes longer than
you expect it to accomplish it.
That time is going to pass anyways.
It is.
And instant fame, instant...
Gratification.
Gratification is, it just dies as fast as it comes in.
(16:07):
I think we all work very hard and you have to work hard for it to pay off, but you learn
a lot of things along the way that you can sustain that greatness.
I think getting greatness so fast, oh my God, that's the worst thing that you can do because
you have to struggle in order to appreciate it.
(16:29):
I feel like my sexuality has been a struggle my entire life.
I was successful in the insurance industry for 26 years.
I felt like that was a struggle my entire 26 years.
I feel like I've struggled at so many things and when I first started doing real estate,
I went to a seminar and it was a panel and they had four people on the panel and then
(16:56):
they took a break and they brought four people up to break whatever.
When the first panels they had, they invite this very attractive woman, she gets up there
and she's just all dressed up and diamonds and makeup and hair and all this shit.
Her and her husband go on this Mexican vacation.
(17:17):
She was studying for the real estate exam.
She hadn't even become a realtor yet.
She's just studying for the exam, this woman or man walks over to her and she's like,
hey, you're so admirable.
Here you're on vacation, you look like you're working so hard and she's like, oh, I'm studying
for the real estate exam.
(17:37):
He's like, oh, my wife and I are looking for a house.
What area are you in?
She tells them the area that they're in.
Oh, that's where we're looking.
She's up selling them a $15 million house.
I actually looked it up so it was real.
She sold them a $15 million house and when they move in, the house next door becomes
available and they reach out to her and they tell her they want to buy that one too.
(18:01):
Her first two real estate transactions were close to $30 million.
I might have bloody knuckles from the amount of work that I do to sell a piece of property.
She knows the lot's back up.
She has no clue what she is doing.
(18:23):
I've been in this business for 25 years and that is wonderful.
That came to her probably some karma back in the day and she needed that money, maybe,
but who knows?
That's fine, but let me tell you something.
In real estate, you're learning something every day, but the first three years, your
first three years, you're trying to learn all these contracts because they're so thick.
(18:45):
It's like five inches thick of contracts and they're changing.
They're changing all the time.
She can study and that's great, but let me tell you, take the test, but then there is
a three-year learning curve and that happened to an agent that started out with me that
her first deal was $4 million.
(19:05):
Here I am on the phones and I'm like, but let me tell you something.
Once you start getting envy of someone else, you have lost.
You've lost it.
You've lost it.
You cannot be envious of someone else because your biggest competition is yourself.
My biggest competition is myself and people are like, oh, you can't take over that neighborhood.
Such and such has always been in that neighborhood.
(19:27):
Well, not anymore because I'm door knocking and that's what I did and I worked my ass off
and still created a great business, but still have a target on my back because there's so
much jealousy.
It's ridiculous.
Once you let go of that, you're just setting, it's such a relief.
(19:49):
If I start getting jealous of someone, I have to pull back and I'm like, wait, what am I
doing?
It's a great barometer.
It really is.
When you start getting jealous of someone, start looking in and when you're like, trigger
something in you, it's about you.
It's not about this.
Exactly.
I could feel the steam coming off of you because you got that 30 million.
(20:13):
Listen, good for her.
You're actually right.
It was a lot of reviews.
She was a lot of reviews.
Good for you.
Good for you.
I hear a lot of those stories.
But everyone's struggling.
That's the whole thing.
Right now, there's so many people struggling and let me tell you, for my business, I've
been looking, because we always look at pillars of growth of, well, do I look at expired listings
(20:36):
or do I look at new families that need a home or do I look for investors or do I door knock
or what have you?
But my other pillar of lead generation is foreclosures.
And that's sad.
Let me tell you right now, there are so many people that are in foreclosure.
It's so sad.
(20:58):
And we want to be able to give them a solution because there's like four or five solutions
you can do.
But I just say that because we want material things or we want to just be able to pay our
bills.
But there's other things that I look at.
Like this friend of mine that we took to Vegas to watch the Raiders game, he got some
(21:24):
type of bacteria infection when he was in Japan, in Rotary, giving back on a trip.
And they had to amputate his toes.
Then they had to amputate his foot.
Then they had to amputate his leg.
It was a disease that he got, a bacteria that was really bad.
And here, you know, he's in his sixties, a little overweight, and to manage to walk with
(21:51):
a prosthetic and go and do it, it really made me think, want to think, be thankful of
what I have and our health.
And so when we start going into, or when I do, when we just say me, when I start going
into the thought of lack of material things, I have to slap myself in the head and say,
(22:13):
get your ass back down to the ground and be thankful for your health and what you have.
Yeah.
You just wake up and be thankful that you woke up.
That you woke up.
Because let me tell you something, you can always go make more money or make a living
by doing something and thinking of something, but that quick bullshit stuff doesn't last.
(22:34):
It just doesn't last.
At least that's my opinion.
Well, so, you know, we got to, we got to rope a little gayness into this.
Yeah, right.
Are there any...
That was my straight talk.
Yeah.
Any gay real estate rivals in your backyard that can...
Yeah.
I mean, you know, there is.
(22:55):
There is.
You know, I mean, a lot of gay men that are real estate.
Jeff Lewis lives very close to here.
Yeah.
He does.
I showed him a lot of property.
Is he in a conflict?
Yeah.
I showed him property in the beginning.
Yeah.
And yeah, but I haven't been in touch with him, but I showed him a lot of property.
He looks right down the...
(23:15):
Yeah.
Close by.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, so we are more than our circumstances, right?
We are spiritual beings in the human bodies.
Yeah.
We think that we have so much going on.
Well, that's our physical part of us, with a spiritual part of us also, because we're
not here.
(23:35):
You know, you can't breathe on your own.
You can't make your heartbeat on your own.
So there's a spiritual component to you.
So if you are struggling, you are more than your current circumstances.
This too shall pass.
And get better.
It really will.
Hey, do you want to take a minute and read?
(23:56):
We got a new post on YouTube, a new listener.
Right here.
No, a new listener wrote in on this page.
Okay.
For episode 27.
He wrote this.
Okay.
Okay.
So our podcast was episode 27.
He says, thank you.
Algorithm gods.
(24:16):
Ha ha.
Of the podcast as a big sports guy and by father, congrats on the Dodgers win.
PSD.
You think he's player you might.
Oh, you might have seen with the big old Easter was probably a stanton.
Looked him up.
He does have a big.
(24:36):
He's that Mike Stanton.
That guy is obvious.
He got up there with that big old peach ass sticking that peach ass out to hit the
ball.
I mean, it was, I mean, it was, I mean, yeah, I looked him up as soon as I got this person
like, oh, I don't know who that is.
Let me look him up.
But yeah, he does have a nice peach ass is what you call it.
(24:58):
It's big old peach.
Peach.
It's that big old peach.
Yeah.
I mean, very handsome.
I mean, he looks like, I mean, you know, I say, you know, he looks like a, he does look
like a football.
He's really big.
Yeah.
But you know, he can be anything down being sports.
It doesn't matter.
He comes from the out sports.com.
Remember a couple of so I told you guys to go on the website, out the ports and this
(25:24):
guy, huh?
Yeah.
Well, thank you.
I don't want to say his chin.
Yeah.
It's not.
Well, you're some of you are.
I hope you're listening to God.
So I'll go with him.
God, thank you for writing that in because yeah, he did have a big old.
That's funny.
Oh my God.
(25:45):
And this is what I want to bring up to you.
Because I have not experienced this yet.
I want to find out if you've experienced this.
I was on TikTok.
I'm like scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and they have this gay wedding video pops up
with these two very attractive men and they were slow dancing with each other.
Have you slow danced with another man before?
(26:07):
Oh my God.
I want to slow dance with another man.
I think that would be so, I don't know, that sounds so.
I have a feeling to me.
I don't just know holding each other and slow dancing on the dance floor.
I know find myself a big cowboy to do that.
(26:28):
You know, not love dance.
I do.
Oh, I'm good.
Are you a slow dancer or a rapper?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm not a rapper.
Well, I'm a great dancer.
Country Western dance.
Oh, I like the country Western dance.
What's that called?
Dancing?
Well, no, no, fuck that.
I hate dancing.
That's not country dancing.
(26:48):
That's not my dance.
No.
Oh, I thought that was.
I mean, no, like two steps or waltzing, you know?
Oh, walls.
Walls is great.
But the two step is a one, you know, box step.
One step.
That's not a box step, but it's one, two, three, one, two.
Well, that's no, that's waltzing.
Whatever that's called.
(27:09):
One step.
I forgot how to pronounce.
I was a bouncer at a, at a country Western bar.
In fact, it was the bar that they shot.
That was in the weeks.
So down in the weeks, if you watch that movie with Susan Serendon and Gina Davis, it was
(27:31):
in Long Beach.
It was called the Silver Bullet.
And that's when I don't know if you saw the movie, but the guy, it's like trying to hit
the ball between the ends of trying to rape her and then Susan Serendon comes out and fucking
blows his head off.
It was great.
That was the place that I was a bouncer.
And that was Long Beach, California.
Long Beach, California.
I was in the Navy there.
(27:52):
And then I became a bouncer over there because I love country much.
I just love it.
I love the live music of it.
And so I got a job there.
And it was great, but I love dancing.
I would, I would dance.
And I have a dance song and then like salsa, salsa is just some hot shit.
It is fun.
But you bring up a very good point because it was always women.
(28:16):
I was dancing.
So did you answer my question?
Have you?
No, no, I have not.
I have not danced with a man before.
Oh, you've never danced with a man before.
I don't think if I've danced with you before, maybe I'd like the Abbey like to it when there's
300 people.
Well, it's just dancing.
Dancing.
But to dance some type of style or slow dancing.
(28:41):
No.
All right.
I look forward to slow dancing with a man.
Yeah, that's I'm going to put that on my list of to do's when I find somebody.
Well, I mean, that's the other thing, you know, when men are slow dancing with women,
women, you know, I called it polishing my belt buckle, you know, sliding it on.
(29:03):
All right.
Right.
Isn't that called grime?
You know, I call it polishing the belt buckle.
But with two men, you know, you've got your dogs right there and they're pushing up against
me.
Is that what you want?
I just thought just the slow.
Yeah, I think I'm sorry.
I go right to the right.
Right. I didn't even think about my dong rubbing.
(29:28):
Well, there's two.
No, that's true.
Man with the dolls.
True.
You're going to rub it on it.
Yeah.
I guess a woman rubs her breasts on you.
You rub your back.
I mean, you get it going.
And then and then, you know, the baseball player with big peach ass comes out.
This is working.
I want to twerk with another man.
(29:53):
You know, but no, okay.
So that brings up a great point.
Like I may have mentioned this before, but, you know, it's it seemed like the affection
because you're talking about affection.
Intimacy.
Intimacy.
Where, you know, I didn't really have the intimacy with with men.
(30:16):
And in the beginning, it was, it was, do you look for that?
Or you like, what's called a hookup?
The hookup.
But, you know, there's, there was a transition of, of like, okay, you got, you go through
a horror phase, you go through a horror phase, but then it was like, well, oh, I can suck
my dick, or he can suck my dick, but I won't hold his hand or I won't kiss him.
(30:39):
Oh, you won't kiss him.
That was then.
Then like, oh, no, I could never do that.
It was just more of the sexual act of it.
And, you know, some people think that that's not gay, you know, it's just a, you know,
but prison, that's the prison.
Yeah.
And stuff.
So that was a phase that I was going through.
(31:01):
And then it was like, oh, wow, you know, because I met, I met this guy at one of these places
here in LA.
And, you know, we were in the pool and hugging and just kind of being intimate.
No, no fucking or anything, but just, and it was nice.
It was so nice, you know, so having the intimacy or the touch or the feel of someone and not
(31:29):
having the sex.
I mean, that's the basics, I think of love as the basics of intimacy.
And for me, it was, I'm now coming to that where I'm okay with it.
So hearing you say dance with a man before you get gay, you know, that's the first thing.
Yeah, we are.
(31:50):
So, you know, that I'm just talking about how I registered it and how I, that was part
of my compartmentalization and pushing things down is what for me was, oh, no, I'm not going
to be intimate, but I just want to, you know, get off.
And then I allow myself to really be who I am.
And then came the intimacy part.
(32:12):
Does that make sense?
It does.
I haven't gotten to any of that yet.
You know, I met a guy who didn't want to kiss.
We're just going back and forth and I think that's part of maybe the reason why is if
you don't kiss a man and you just suck each other's dick, they're not gay.
No, thank you.
(32:33):
I want, I want a bond.
I want intimacy with a man.
I think that's sweet.
And then I'll be, I think that's something.
All right.
You got to put that on your list too.
Maybe the next time we go out as a group will, will they never play slow news?
That was sort of his fucking happy.
They never placed.
No, they say place slow.
He's fast.
(32:54):
I'm right.
Yeah.
Well, I wanted to bring up one more thing.
And I know I'm bouncing around, but I had all these thoughts over the last week.
There's a tree.
Oh, there goes one of your trees.
This was to Motivation Hub.
It's on YouTube.
It's a channel, Motivation Hub.
(33:16):
And this is where I have found myself during my coming out process since COVID,
the last four years.
In that dark room, you are, what does that say?
In that dark room is who you are.
(33:37):
But in that dark room is where you have to create another human being that walks out of that dark room.
So I have spent, this hit me so hard.
And if I, it doesn't make a lot of sense.
And maybe I jotted it down a little weird, but I have been in this dark space.
I shared with you.
I've been in the dark space.
(33:58):
I'm in this dark room and in this dark room, I keep getting broken down more and more and more.
It's just like, just what I think I couldn't get any lower or any sad or any, you know, just more in touch with my feelings.
Like the floor drops out and I drop to this new level and it just feels darker and lonelier.
(34:22):
And it just, it's harder to find out, harder to climb out.
But in that dark room that you create the human being that emerges.
And I feel like in the last couple of weeks, I'm finally like emerging.
I'm so fine because I've been in.
(34:46):
It's been tough.
Hitting time for me since my son was.
Well, 24 was a very tough year for me.
It was a tough year for me.
I think it was a tough year for you.
It was.
You know, I did the work a lot.
I kind of abandoned myself and my business and I kind of, you know, went into this dark room and kind of hit out.
You have to go in there.
(35:07):
I think you have to do it.
You have to because you can only ignore it for so long and then it overcomes you.
Yeah, I feel.
And then because I've gone through a lot of depression this year.
I've never been this depressed.
Oh, and my whole life since 2024 and on top of just being depressed, there was just all of these more obstacles that came my way during that.
(35:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I'm so glad.
I'm so glad that you're here.
You know, because that's you're being so honest and Brian, you probably helped so many more people by sharing them because it was, I was, I was worried about you.
And, you know, you, you gave me a directive of what you wanted me not to do and I respected that.
(35:55):
But I still worried.
And I'm really happy that, that you can share this because this is very, very important that I think a lot of our listeners are going through because they haven't come out to themselves.
They haven't come out to their family.
And that's another part of depression.
Even though you think about this, you're a perfect example.
(36:18):
You've already come out.
You've already done this.
You've done that.
But yet you would you spiral.
You speak twice.
Twice.
Twice.
And I think one, you told me that one of your therapists said, look, get project 369.
And you said that really turned you around.
But after it turned you around, you went back down.
I did.
(36:39):
You went back down.
I, so that book keeps me at a very high vibration, keeps me positive, keeps me moving forward.
And at the exact same time, I have all of that amazement going on.
And I'm so fucking lonely.
So lonely.
I want somebody in my life and having somebody in my life isn't going to fix me.
(37:04):
It isn't going to make anything, whatever.
It's not a magic pill, but I want somebody in my life and I don't have that.
So I could be out like, I'm a perfect example.
We can go out and go to Palm Springs.
We can have a great time.
We can all hang out and laugh and all this stuff.
I get in my car and I drive home by myself.
Right.
Because you have nobody to talk shit about.
(37:26):
I love that.
Because having a partner, you just go party, you have fun.
And then you gossip all the way home.
You gossip all the way home.
You talk shit about anybody.
You talk people laugh or whatever.
You're able to share your opinion.
I get it.
I totally get it.
I totally get that.
From the last episode when you went to Agape, you said Reverend Dr. Michael Beckwith said
(37:49):
that you changed your DNA.
Which is what you're doing in this dark room is you're changing your DNA and you're emerging
as somebody.
I think so.
I really do.
I think we're ever changing.
That's the whole thing.
We're always.
And I find that it's so easy to abandon myself.
And when I abandon myself, I can literally go freaking months.
(38:14):
I can really ride that fucking train.
What trains?
The abandoned depression.
Yeah.
Like you said, how many negative thoughts a person has every day or a minute or what
are like that?
I can just saturate myself and live in that shit.
And there's other people out there.
Maybe they're fortunate enough, but I have been fortunate enough that I haven't had to
(38:41):
run out and bang on doors for work or whatever like that.
I get into a point where I feel like I screwed myself over financially and I'm 55 years old
and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
I think that's a motivation.
I think that just motivates you because it does.
It does.
Again, it's part of that.
You're going to have successful years.
You're going to not have successful years, but it's about, I'm not really going off of
(39:07):
the gay thing here, but maybe not.
It's about managing money and knowing your income.
Always know your accounting and I'm a perfect example.
I can make a ship out of money, but I, to manage it, I need, I think that's part of,
of what I'm doing now of changing my DNA is knowing my numbers.
(39:29):
Know your numbers, meaning know what money's coming in, what's going out.
And I used to have other people do that for me.
That's the worst fucking thing to do.
That's the worst thing to do.
And so I remember there's an algebra teacher in Long Beach.
I forgot what his name was, but he was cool as shit.
He goes, numbers don't lie.
Numbers will not lie to you.
(39:51):
Your fucking partners will lie to you, but numbers will not lie.
And that's true.
And so I kind of like was, you know, after Dr. Beck with today and I'm like, I'm changing
my DNA with accounting.
Yeah.
I'm good for you.
Yeah.
Good for you.
I'm so fucking good.
And so I'm excited about that.
But, but, you know, I, I love that you shared that because it's, it's, we're all
(40:17):
getting to, and I've never been depressed in my life.
And so this was, is, is, is learning and, you know, really being able to be empathetic
to other people.
Yes.
That is going through.
Yes.
I think that is part of what brought me to this point is it allows me to have empathy
for other people.
(40:39):
Because there's people a lot worse off than me.
Yeah.
And I sit home crying because I'm lonely.
Oh, that's all right.
I'm sorry to hear that.
That's all right.
I'm going to, I'm going to go, I'm going to go to the slow dance with them.
I'm going to dress them up, dress my mannequin up in men's clothes and slow dance with them.
You know what, there's a dance club here and it's a Mexican dance club, a gay Mexican
(41:06):
dance club.
And there's men dancing with men country west.
From dancing?
Yeah.
Yes.
We should go.
We should go.
Oh, you want to, you want to go with you?
Boys outing?
Well, why not?
We should.
Oh, that's so funny.
All right, let's do that.
Let's do that.
I think we'll get a couple other guys to go with us.
That's fine.
From our group and go.
All right.
(41:27):
Yes.
Right everybody.
Next time.
Next time.
I'm going to talk to the brother.
The name of the place.
I can't.
We're going to talk about Mexican dancing.
Mexican dancing, that's okay.
I'll just slow dance.
Well, everyone, we just going to drop.
What are we dropping?
Right before Christmas.
I think this is like two weeks out.
So we definitely want to wish everyone a happy holiday.
(41:51):
Yeah, we'll be back before.
We'll be back before then, but you know, this is the time of year that we do get depressed
or very mostly and everything.
I hope, you know, we made you smile a little bit.
I hope you made you laugh and hopefully we made you cry a little bit too.
But I love, I love doing this.
Me too.
I love it.
I'm so glad we're doing this.
(42:11):
And I enjoy it.
So thanks for your hard work.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
All right, you guys.
Take care of it much.
Bye.
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