December 24, 2024 • 41 mins
In this engaging conversation, Brian and John reflect on their favorite Christmas memories, share personal stories about coming out and navigating relationships, and discuss their experiences in the real estate market. They also address listener letters, offer support for friends going through transitions, and announce their participation in a charity podcast. The episode concludes with heartfelt holiday wishes and encouragement for listeners to reach out to loved ones during the festive season. HOW-support.org
Coming Inside OUT is a safe space where listeners can find solidarity, inspiration, and the courage to embrace their true selves. Whether you're a gay father, a person exploring your identity, or an ally seeking to understand the experiences of the LGBTQ community, this podcast is for you. Tune in for heartfelt conversations, insightful advice, and the sense of belonging that we all crave.
Join your hosts, Brian and John, as they candidly share their own journeys out of the closet while navigating the joys and challenges of parenthood as openly gay fathers. In each episode, Brian and John connect with fellow gay dads, sharing their inspiring stories, victories, and struggles. They delve into the complexities of grappling with sexuality, discussing their experiences as teens, husbands, and dads.
Together, they aim to foster a supportive community for those still in the closet, reassuring them that they are not alone in their journey. Join us on this journey of love, acceptance, and authenticity!
Contact us at cominginsideout@gmail.com
#gay #lgbtqpodcast #lgbtq #gaymen #loveislove #gayfathers #gaydad #comingout #gaychristmas #christmas #support #realtor #realestate
Keywords: Christmas, memories, real estate, coming out, support, charity, relationships, community, podcast, LGBTQ
Takeaways: Christmas memories evoke feelings of nostalgia and joy. Coming out can happen organically in social settings. Support from friends is crucial during transitions. Real estate can be a challenging yet rewarding field. Community engagement through charity is important. Personal stories can resonate deeply with listeners. It's essential to maintain boundaries in relationships. Being wanted can boost confidence and self-esteem. Open relationships are common but not for everyone. The holiday season can be tough; reaching out is vital.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello gay men and welcome to coming inside out Christmas edition.
(00:06):
Yes.
This is dropping on New Year's Eve.
Christmas Eve.
This is dropping on Christmas Eve.
I'm your co-host John Duerlar.
I'm Brian Janes.
Thank you guys so much for joining us today.
We do have you singing in a couple of the two of the prior episodes.
(00:27):
We forgot what I was saying.
Okay.
Well, listen, it's a little bit too late to the word.
I don't know how he was, but yes.
What was your favorite Christmas memory growing up?
My favorite Christmas memory?
Opening my gifts as a kid.
Yeah.
That was it, right?
Yeah.
(00:48):
Yeah.
Just like, I don't know, being like six, seven, eight years old.
You know, when you knew Santa was Santa, he was bringing gifts and just magical.
It was magical.
Yes.
And we would go to my grandma's the night before.
She had Christmas Eve and we're Catholic and we all had Godfathers, Godmothers.
You know, my Godmothers one told me to get, you know, whatever.
(01:10):
Yep.
If you've listened to the story, you told me to get out and find myself.
And we would all get to go there.
We'd get a gift from our Godparents and then we'd get a gift from grandma and we would
just go and my parents and all of them would get so fucked up.
Oh, yeah.
And we'd get a gift from them and they would say, I mean, we said, it was so much fun,
though.
And then one night, the same night we'd get back to the house and all of our gifts are
(01:31):
there.
And my mom was wasted with her boyfriend and we go, hey, mom, can we open up gifts?
Go ahead.
I don't give a shit.
Go ahead.
And we did.
Open up gifts?
We opened up gifts for Christmas Eve.
And the next morning I was so pissed.
Yeah.
I had nothing.
That is one of the things.
My God.
Let's help everyone.
Yeah.
(01:52):
I mean, this is a sad story of Brian's.
Growing up, I liked IZOD as a kid.
Remember, IZOD had a little alligator on it?
My grandmother, I only wanted IZOD.
My grandmother for Christmas Eve bought me, everybody got to open a gift and it was always
(02:12):
closed for my grandmother.
She bought me a shirt and it had a rabbit on it.
A little rabbit on it.
That was cheaper.
And I was crying because I was forced to wear this shirt with a little rabbit on it when
I wanted to wear a shirt with an alligator on it.
(02:34):
Well, because that was so particular.
Yes, it was.
And you wanted to be popular.
I just, I know.
Yeah.
You know, my entire life, and I use this analogy later on in life is I used my clothes as a
shield.
That was my shield of armor.
Being gay or just...
Life in general, being bullied, being called gay, the feelings that I had, whatever, you
(03:00):
know, people do that with food, with alcohol, with this, whatever.
Are they bullied?
Are they bullied?
Like I did.
I shielded myself with my clothes.
That's what I did.
That's fine.
I thought we would give ourselves a real estate plug today.
(03:20):
We're both realtors here in Los Angeles.
Right.
And we have a great...
Well, our real estate plug can be your story.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
How about we start with that?
You want to start with that?
Let's start with that.
Well, if you are a friend or any family member looking to buy, rent, or invest in Los Angeles...
I thought we'd give them a raise.
No, if they want...
Well, if they want to invest.
(03:41):
Oh.
Oh, yes.
Let's start with that again.
If any friend wants to buy, sell, invest, or sell real estate, come to Hancock Homes
or give us a call because we're both going to take care of whatever you say.
Yes.
We'll be taking care of it.
However, but yes, you know, it's been a tough year.
It's been a very tough year.
We're on...
We're on...
(04:01):
Didn't come to market about 40% in our area because people have their low interest rates
and they want to hold on to it.
And we have a lot of empty nesters who are wanting to leave their big two-story house
and get a one-level and walk around, you know.
And there are people that are growing their family that want a bigger house.
But they're holding it.
I mean, it's just getting crazy.
(04:21):
So, but yeah, so these two gentlemen would always come into my open houses.
They were just very nice, very nice.
And for the last few years they have, and then he said, hey, look, we're thinking about
selling.
Why don't you come on over?
I'm going to have...
We're having a Christmas party.
We were talking earlier and look at the house and let me know what you think and look out
(04:43):
from there.
I said, not a problem.
And I get over there and this is part of the journey.
I don't remember if I've told them that I'm gay or not.
Right.
You know, so that's kind of where that's fallen into.
But anyway, we're talking, but they're two gay men and I mean, they had some hot, hot
(05:05):
caterers.
Oh, wow.
I mean, their caterers were hot.
They were right out of the magazine.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it was so classy because I, what do you want to drink?
I said, I'm a Vakatanic and man, that hot waiter came over on a silver platter.
I mean, this was classy.
(05:27):
Their home is absolutely gorgeous, unbelievable, but it was so nice because well, and then
I was just telling my story to somebody and then Dave and Jose or Dave walked up and he's
listening to my story.
So I wasn't sure if he knew it or not.
And then he goes, what, wait, what?
And he goes, you know, I had an inkling.
(05:48):
I didn't know.
Oh my God, you're getting, come here.
And then the rest of the night he goes, this is John.
He's our realtor and he's, you know, and guys, it's just, I mean, that's a perfect example
of people knowing and not knowing and you just never know where it's going to take you
or who you're going to meet because at this party, it was so freeing for me just to be
(06:12):
who I am.
And yeah, I wasn't saying, but there was a lot of gay men there.
And I made so many friends.
Very nice, John.
And a couple wanted to get in my face.
All right.
Did you go home with anything?
No, I didn't.
I didn't.
I kept it.
I just wanted to keep it respectable.
But my God, I got so many texts after because I gave my cards out and I met guys with their
(06:35):
cars and I met another gay father who had two children.
Wait, did you plug your business at the party the same way you plugged yourself at the Abbey?
Your cock is in good hands at Hancock homes?
Yes, I did.
I did.
And actually it was a hit.
It was a hit because this one couple goes, what?
(06:57):
So you have a, what's the name of your company?
It was Hancock homes, realty.
Your cock is in good hands at Hancock homes.
And it was a hit.
Yeah, they loved it.
So, I mean, it was, it was a nice, a nice party.
Yeah.
We talk about how many times you have to come out when you come out, who you come out to,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
This is a perfect example of coming out.
(07:21):
Just organically.
Yes.
Not, not howling the whistle and the parade waving the flags.
It's just in conversation.
I accidentally came out to a client of mine last week very unintentionally.
I had no plans of coming out to this client.
I don't think that he's, not that he's not a fan of gay people.
I had no idea his best friend could be gay, but I'm going to backtrack a tiny bit.
(07:45):
In 2019, when my wife and I were going through our separation, I found a group online and
it was called a conscious dads group.
Oh, nice.
So, I met a couple men who had children.
I went to Marina Del Rey.
We meditated on the beach.
(08:05):
Then we did breath work.
And then once you're done with your breath work, you go do an ocean plunge.
And the water was cold.
We were doing this, you know, back in like, I don't know, when it was winter time.
So, I met this group of guys that became good friends with them.
We went to a retreat in Ojai, which is beautiful.
We love beautiful house.
(08:25):
Did this thing.
I was showing this night property and he said to me, Oh, if you're around later, you know,
I know it's the holidays or whatever, but maybe we can look at this property later tonight
or later this afternoon and if not tomorrow.
And I said, Oh, I'm sorry.
I already have plans this evening and normally I wouldn't say that, but he's like, Oh, I
(08:47):
forget what he said.
And I meant to say, because I had a friend coming in from Philadelphia.
I meant to say, Oh, I'm meeting a friend and he said, Oh, somebody went to college with
and I said, No, I meant to say someone I went on a men's retreat that I met on a men's retreat.
No, one of my, one of my, one of my friends from a gay dance retreat.
(09:10):
And he kind of tilted his head a little bit and I was like, Yeah, I didn't mean to say
gay dads retreat, but anyways, it's a, you did and everyone.
I did and there was zero reaction.
It was stone face.
And as soon as I said it, I was like, God damn it.
Yeah.
Talk about who and when and why you're going to come out.
(09:32):
And it was totally unintentional, but I did that anyways.
I want to talk about episode 31.
Okay.
There was a massive snafu.
Oh no.
And our feed page had an update to it and it was after I had already done everything
to it and I hit the publish button Tuesday morning because we come out every Tuesday
(09:57):
morning at 6 30 and it had taken our video from like 40 minutes, 37 minutes and it was
just all choppy.
It's not like we're underwater.
So we had so many people write into us and say, Hey, I, John and Brian, I don't know
if you guys know this or not, but you were episode whatever.
We didn't know.
We didn't in the moment.
(10:17):
And then, you know, probably about 7 38 o'clock that month, I realized that I went back.
I was able to fix it in YouTube.
I, I did a episode 31.
A. Okay.
And I fixed the sound and 31 a, I couldn't fix it on Apple for whatever reason.
And I think I got it fixed on Spotify and all the other pages I have no idea about.
(10:38):
So if you were listening to episode 31 and the sound quality was terrible, you could
always go on to YouTube and listen to episode 31 a and it's fixed on there.
Thanks for doing that.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I have a good story, like a fun story.
I had a call of vendor, a real estate vendor.
(11:00):
Yeah.
I published this podcast on my personal Facebook page.
So people that know me through work or wherever, just my town have seen, I don't have to be
friends with them, but they've seen clips of our podcast.
I called this vendor and I call him like, Hey, some woman asked his phone.
I'm like, Oh, hey, I need to please talk to so and so.
(11:23):
This is Brian James.
And she's like, Oh my God, Brian, I've been waiting to talk to you.
And I said, Oh, really?
I didn't know this person.
And I'm like, Oh, really?
She said, um, as a, I think she said as a gold star less.
Oh, wow.
I am so happy for you.
I am so proud of you, Brian.
I am so happy for you.
I saw your, uh, I was scrolling on Facebook and I came across one of your posts and I'm
(11:47):
just so happy for you and congratulations.
It was so nice.
This is great.
Complete practical stranger.
This was so nice and loving to me.
That's going this vendor.
So that was pretty funny.
That is.
That's good.
What else we got?
We have some, uh, YouTube, um, comments that I printed.
(12:10):
Uh, if you want to read, I have the third one's a funny one.
If you want to read, um, the first two, not that are, you know what?
Let's start with a letter from a listener, but don't read this top part.
I don't.
Okay.
Um, I wrote this guide back.
So this guy, uh, wrote in on behalf of a friend.
(12:33):
He stumbled upon our podcast, but he's writing in for his friend.
Who's waiting for his friend.
Yeah.
Who's coming now for his friend.
Well, that's like your friends.
Yeah.
Uh, just asking for a friend.
Yeah.
My friend is married with kids, recently came out and is starting the process of separation.
He's also looking into coming, coming to stay with me as he navigates his new chapter in
(12:56):
his life while I came out at 18 and had a very different experience without ever having
a wife or kids.
I know his journey is more complicated and I don't fully understand what he's going
through.
Yeah.
Look at that guy looking.
Oh yeah.
There's some two hot guys.
Did you see the guy when I was walking in?
No, but they're looking for it on.
(13:18):
Yeah.
All right.
There they go.
All right.
Anyway, coming back.
Um, I want to be supportive and supportive as possible, but I sometimes feel like I'm
unintentionally adding to his stress or pain.
Do you have any advice, thoughts on what to do or say?
Not to say what things have you comfort from your friends to support in this situation?
(13:41):
I'd love to hear about anything that's helped.
Thank you so much for incredible work you do and any insights you can share.
I truly appreciate it.
And John is so hot.
He is such a handsome man.
Well, thank you listener for saying that.
Yeah.
So I wrote him back initially and I said, he listened.
John and I are not therapists.
Anything we tell you is support from our heart.
(14:04):
It's just, just come from our heart.
But I thought this was good for our listeners here also because maybe somebody has some
feedback for him.
What's great is this, this gentleman's gay.
Yeah.
So his friends can find him, which is great.
Um, but sometimes I feel that I'm unintentionally adding to his stress or pain.
Do you have any, so he feels like he's adding to his stress.
(14:26):
I don't think this guy can add to his stress.
If he's helping, you know, um, you know, everybody comes out differently and they'll
have different stress and it's a piece and you know, some people throw themselves into
sex and some people throw themselves into depression and some people throw themselves
into work or whatever.
So I don't know food, whatever it may be.
(14:47):
Um, one of our listeners, this is a guy that belongs to our local group.
He listens to our episode every week.
He always has the nicest kind of things to say back to us.
He texted me a couple of weeks ago and was like, Hey, Brian, this may be information
that you would like to share on your podcast.
(15:08):
And he sent it to me after we received this email and I thought, Oh, this is perfect.
In a response to that email, I thought there's an organization and I didn't know anything
about this organization.
It's husbands out to wives.
It's called how.
Okay.
And how that's one thing I printed there and I printed something else.
(15:30):
Also if somebody is looking for support, you can go to, I guess it's www.HOW slash support.org
with this how organization and then our mission is to support each other as we try to find
our individual paths and happiness.
How members help each other as we redefined our relationships with our spouses, family,
(15:55):
members, friends, colleagues, even as we may be learning to understand our own real selves.
So I think that's great for a listener who's trying to come out.
What's the what's the link again?
What's the what?
I'll post it in the description section of the episode, but it's www.hyphensupport.org.
(16:20):
Okay.
It's for bisexual.
I mean, I printed that.
Yeah.
It's for husbands out to wives.
How is a support group for gay guys from the women who are either married to a woman or
committed a relationship with a woman and who either have an intent to come out to their
wives partners about their sexuality or their mission is to support each other.
(16:42):
Okay.
Exactly.
You just said that.
Yeah.
And it's they have a homepage, your resource page, contact, so I thought, there you go.
That's some information on how and if you're a member of how give us a call or an email or
text and if we want to have you guys on the show, we could have the little more absolutely.
(17:03):
Yes.
So that's his email and then we had a couple YouTube.
Oh, that's next.
You can talk about that now.
You can talk about whenever you want, but you just can't show them.
Sure.
No.
All right.
So listeners, Brian's new neighbor.
I think we talked about this one.
(17:24):
So it was, I would say this.
I don't want to get back to him or her.
But anyway, Brian has a hot ass neighbor that just moved to neighbor and yeah.
I printed his grinder profile.
Yeah.
He's got a grinder profile.
Oh, man.
And he's 40.
(17:46):
He's six foot one.
He's like 204 pounds.
So anyway, I think Brian has some kind of rocking neighborhood because he's got these
two other gates that are married couple to marry couples like love next door.
But I never heard naked game.
And you still haven't gone.
Not going.
Man, I would be in a minute.
(18:07):
All right.
What do we got here?
This is a YouTube.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
And we probably came out of my filthy mouth.
Let me say in something.
Yeah, I was dead.
I was dead.
Yes.
All right.
This is from, okay.
(18:27):
Not many of the gay women.
Okay.
So this is something that I said.
Not many of the gay women I have known know how to fix their truck or was that it?
What is that?
Or you T.E.
Oh, you Australia.
You think they call it truck or you truck or you as we call them here in Australia.
(18:51):
Not all gay women wear pants.
Take care, gents.
I don't have said, Hey, if there's any lesbians out there, I need help fixing my truck.
Right.
So hey, lesbians, I was probably one that put fix on the truck.
Not all lesbians that hanging lesbians can fix a truck.
I've never been to a mechanic shop where there's was a woman.
(19:16):
Really?
I don't think so.
Well, I've always gone to the dealership.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think exactly.
Well, yeah, I'm going to say stuff that's going to probably piss people off.
That's okay.
Listen, at least we know they're listening to you.
I say it with love.
Yeah.
I say it with love.
And then the next one, I printed this one.
He really doesn't say anything, but he says, you guys are doing wonderful and I want to
(19:40):
take a moment because there have been so many times in this podcast, John, where you have
thanked me like, Oh, Brian, thank you so much for what I do on this podcast.
And I accept what you're saying, but I don't think every I don't think I say it.
And when he turned, I'll say, I'm going to be gone.
You know, I'll say, shit, I want to take a moment to say, you know what, John, we get
(20:02):
so many of these, you guys are doing a wonderful job.
You guys are doing a great job.
The other guys said the same thing.
You are doing a wonderful job.
We are making such an impact with so many people.
And you know, well, thank you.
We both are.
Thank you.
We both are doing a great job.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
And you're doing a lot of the backing work.
(20:22):
So you know, this is this could this would not be happening without you, my friends.
And you're taking a lot of the work on that, you know, but nobody seeks.
And I just want you to know, I see it.
I recognize it.
And I appreciate it.
And you tell me that and I accept it.
And then we move on.
And I don't think in turn I say, Hey, John, you know, you know, that's all right.
(20:48):
Because I get it from the listeners.
There you go.
Yes, you do.
All right, I shared with you that at Thanksgiving, my family members were talking about my podcast.
Yes.
Yes.
So funny enough, we got a comment on YouTube and I read it and it says, Hello guys, love
(21:08):
the content and I'm so proud of you, Brian.
You are my brother and someone I look up to very much.
And I thought, Oh, that's so nice of this listener.
Now they're associating me as their brother.
Yeah, I'm like, Oh, that's okay.
Whatever.
And I look at the name and it's my sister.
Oh, sweet.
I'm like, what's my sister is now commenting on our YouTube page.
(21:34):
So I thought that was funny.
And when I read, I'm so proud of you.
You are my brother.
I'm like, Oh, I'm your brother.
And came out.
Yeah, whatever.
So I thought that was kind of funny.
You know, if that's sweet, that's really sweet.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, that's a good sister.
All right.
I am going to talk about something else and I'd like our listeners input on this because
(21:55):
item number nine, John, I signed us up for a charity podcast.
Oh, yeah?
I received through Riverside, which is our, the page we record off of.
They are doing a charity podcast, a thon in March of 2025.
(22:18):
And they said, anybody who wants to sign up for this charity sign up.
Last year, they had over a thousand successful podcasts all drop the same week, the charity
episode and they picked a charity of their own choosing.
Yeah.
So I thought we would let our listeners write in and tell us a charity that they would like
(22:40):
us to spotlight in a March episode during a podcast.
All right, listeners, Brian's making you do some work.
So exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
He goes, you know, he said before the podcast, hey, I'm going to put this on our listeners
so I don't have to listen to you.
Exactly.
So I don't have to research it.
(23:01):
I don't know.
Sorry.
No, you do enough research.
You know what?
That's great.
I think if one of our listeners or the thousands that listen to us.
Yeah.
And a seven day event, thousands of podcasters together worldwide are going to do this charity
event.
Simultaneously, they will release special episodes for a charity of their choosing.
(23:24):
So are we raising money for this chair?
I don't know yet.
I just signed up for it.
Well, you know, I have your credit card on file, so we'll find out.
Probably the plan.
Are you one of those millions of people who had a mysterious $7.99 charge on your credit
(23:44):
card because of that cyber hack?
You know, it's interesting.
And I think listeners, I've heard me say this before, but I rarely look at my finances,
which I should be doing, which I am doing, and which, by the way, I'm glad you asked
how the divorce is going.
Thank you.
Yeah.
It's mixed on my list.
(24:05):
So we're gathering all of our finances.
So that's what's going on.
I think I had said this, but, you know, she didn't have me served.
We just talked and we met and she was able to file it.
She just gave me the papers and then I signed, acknowledged and I got it.
But I have to respond by the 19th, which you'll be listening to this and you're going to
(24:30):
wonder, did he respond?
Because I'm what's called a respondent.
So I was the respondent and she was the, I forget what I was called it, but anyway,
I have to do that.
And I've been talking to attorneys, but I haven't even secured one yet.
And you have to do this by the 19th.
I know.
(24:50):
Yeah.
But I can, I can, but I can fill it out.
I can fill it out and then I can send it.
So I got it.
Or I may ask her for an extension.
Because I first signed it in 30 days.
There was a, there was a timestamp when my ex and I were getting our divorce where anything
(25:11):
that was purchased before you signed this agreement was both of our responsibilities.
Anything purchase after the agreement was signed was the responsibility of the person
that purchased it.
Oh, okay.
What were you talking about?
The, the, the vision of that, I forget what it's called, but I was just taking it.
(25:34):
There's a great, there's a great website that Los Angeles, uh, municipal court offers.
And I'm taking that course.
You are.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's talking about, you know, the dividing the assets and when the assets were yours,
it's, you asked one before and, and because if you did, like I had an investment property
I bought before the marriage.
(25:56):
But then through our marriage, we had spent and made money for that investment.
And one can argue that the investment is mine.
And after, yeah, but I think the day she puts $1 of community money into it, it becomes
community property.
Right.
But I made, who knows, you know, you can argue it, you can do whatever we're just going
(26:17):
to try to, you know, we're going to try to do it ourselves with a mediator.
And, and again, we're trying to save money as well and, and do it.
And then, um, we'll go to a mediator, mediate, you know, everything.
And then if we agree on it or argue or give up or whatever, then we go back to our attorneys
(26:40):
and then confirm and do that.
And then we'll go.
So right now I'm actually meeting with her tomorrow to go over finances and things like
that.
So, and you guys work together.
You see each other five days a week.
No, we don't.
No, no, she doesn't come in.
Well, she doesn't.
No, she, she works out of the house.
(27:00):
She has an office here, but she doesn't need to come in.
I mean, she, you know, she's very productive.
She's very productive person.
And I saw your chili cookoff photos.
You, you, yeah, we took a picture.
The boys.
Yeah.
So your photos mean, look, it's, it's tough right now.
It is tough.
And, and we get in, you know, it's like, you take the, take the sexuality out of it.
(27:24):
And when you have a spouse, you have disagreements and it's, and it still resonates and reminds
me of that, even though we've been, my gosh, I think eight years we haven't, you know,
been out of the house.
So, but yeah, we, we had our chili cookoff here.
(27:45):
And I made by Texas chili and cornbread and the most is, and we have a community event
and everybody can.
We've been doing this for almost, I think 10 years now, but oh, you saw, you saw, you
saw the picture.
I did.
I saw the picture.
I follow you.
I, you know, I follow you on social media.
I like all your stuff jumping back to real estate for a moment.
I'm not looking at, but John does something pretty funny on there.
(28:05):
It's called Hello, nosy neighbors.
Yeah.
Who this nosy neighbor nosy neighbor.
Yes.
And it's all, it's all about, Hey, if you're, you want to know what's happening with your
neighborhood or right.
What I'll do is caravan.
What a caravan is for brokers.
Back in the day before the computer, they had what's called brokers open houses.
On Tuesdays from like 11 to two or Thursdays.
(28:28):
And do that.
They still do it.
We still do it.
However, it was really done in the day where people couldn't see it.
They like people, you know, can't go to phones.
They didn't, they had a book of the brokerages had books of what is on the market.
Cause it wasn't being sent out like it is today.
And so traditionally that was the only brokers would come to the broker.
(28:50):
And I'll say, Hey, do you have anybody for this?
Oh, let me bring them on Sunday.
Because you have your son, your open houses, or let me do a private showing.
Yeah, great.
So I don't know where I spun out on this, but I'm going to probably the lead on private
showing.
Oh, so, so anyway, yeah, right?
No, so nosy neighbor.
(29:10):
What I do is I go, I go to my caravan for the brokers open and I'll do a little, you
know, I'll, I'll film and say, Hey, you should come take a look at this.
I tell about the street because in Los Angeles or anywhere across the United States, there
are what's called micro markets and the micro market is your neighborhood where you live,
where nobody else knows what's going on.
(29:32):
And that's what we like to give out to anyone that's coming in or, you know, if it helps
our, our sellers too.
And the Mrs. Kravitz that want to know what's going on in the name of business.
Cravis.
Oh yeah, there's plenty of those.
Plenty of those.
Oh, oh my God.
Oh my gosh.
All right.
Um, I was going to give you, oh, so update on my, oh, this is, I'm going to totally segue.
(29:59):
Go.
I walk my dog.
Religiously.
I get between seven and nine miles a day walking my dog.
What?
I walk him in the morning.
I walk him out.
We walk the whole thing, but we're out.
Okay.
And I'm wearing my short shorts.
You're pretty sure.
My shorts.
Um, and through the, through the years, I've had, you know, men, honk or whatever like
(30:21):
that as I'm walking and I just wave or whatever like that.
Well, a couple of months ago I had this guy honk.
Next day honk, next day honk, next day honk, and I'm just waving or whatever like that.
You know, I don't even know who he is.
He's in a black Audi with tinted windows and I'm just, I just throw my hand up in the
air and it goes by.
(30:42):
I'm at the grocery store maybe three weeks ago.
I'm putting my groceries on the, on the belt, the check out belt.
And this guy walks up to me and he's like, Hey, I'm, my name's Boba, I'm the guy that
honks at you every morning.
And I said, Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.
And he tells me his name.
(31:04):
I tell him my name and that was it.
I was checking out and whatever there's a person coming behind me.
So a couple of days later I'm walking my dog.
He's honking.
He's honking.
He's just a slow drive by one day with his window down.
Finally the other day he rolls his window down, pulls over and he said, Hey, are you
(31:26):
single?
And I said, I am single.
And he's, and I said, are you single?
And he said, Yeah, I'm single.
And I said, Oh, okay.
And he said, Can I get your phone number?
Well, I'm like, sure.
He's not going to get anywhere with me.
Why?
Well, it turns out he's not single.
First of all, he's not single.
He's married to a woman or a man, to a woman, bisexual.
(31:48):
Oh, all right.
I don't know.
You know, I have a type.
He's not your type.
He's like a nice guy.
He's not my type.
He wants to be around and remind ourselves.
What is your type?
I like a tall, I like a taller man.
I like that.
That rules out a lot of them because you're very tall.
(32:10):
I like somebody who's, you know, you don't have to be an athlete, but I like to stay
in shape.
I want someone who's, you know, in good shape.
You know, paddle boards, I cycle, paddle board cycle, walk a dog seven miles, whatever.
So I want somebody who's active.
I want somebody who's age appropriate.
(32:32):
How old would he be?
Well, he has to be older than me.
I say he has to be older than me.
He's been married twice.
He has four kids, whatever.
But anyways, he has been hitting on me like there's no tomorrow since he got my phone
number.
The text messages are hilarious.
(32:55):
Does he want a booty call or does he want a date?
He wants, he said that he had a relationship.
His wife knows that he's bisexual and he's had a relationship in the past with another
man while he was married.
I'm not interested in that.
But yeah, he's been texting me hard.
(33:17):
He had a cold and he said he wanted to give me something, but it wasn't as cold and I
was like, oh, whatever.
Yeah.
So he's been, anyways, so it's been going, is that good for me?
Well, yeah, it builds your confidence.
You know, it's nice to be one.
Well, no, it's nice to be one.
Oh, it's nice to be one.
Okay, guys, it's nice to be wanted.
(33:38):
Yes.
But I want to be wanted by somebody I want to be wanted by.
Well, that's up to you.
That's up to you, man.
And I think you got a tall order.
Let's talk about that.
I think it's tough.
I'm communicating with a couple guys that listen to this podcast.
You guys know who you are.
(33:59):
Some of them resonate with me.
They tell me, oh, I'm, you know, feel the exact same way you do.
And, you know, I, I, if you meet, so let's just backtrack.
You write this Christmas party over the weekend.
If some guy came up to you and was hitting on you and you were feeling horny.
Yeah.
(34:20):
Would you have to have an attraction towards him or you would just need to be horny?
Well, I have to have an attraction if it's going to go to the next step.
What's the next step?
Maybe now?
Well, you can make it out of hooking up or going on a date.
All right.
I mean, it's not just that he's horny and you're horny.
I'm not even just going to go with anybody that's horny.
(34:42):
They have to have a, I mean, standards.
All right.
What are John's standards?
You have to be, you have to be under 40.
No, we don't have to be under 40.
We worry that you have to be, you know, over 28, over 28.
Over 28, okay.
28.
Over.
And I think, you know, it's interesting because I did, I was talking to this guy at the party.
(35:09):
And very nice gentleman, really nice.
And we exchanged numbers and we talked and he texted me the next morning.
It was very nice meeting you and, and, and, you know, and I texted him back immediately.
And, but he had said in our conversation that night, he said, yeah, and my boyfriend, and
(35:35):
I'm like, Oh, well, you got a boyfriend.
But I'm not sure because I don't know the context that he was, I think the context that
he was telling the story was at the time.
It could be at the time he had a boyfriend or he has a boyfriend.
It's very easy to find out.
I'm just going to text him and say, Hey, you're telling the story about your boyfriend.
(35:56):
You still have your boyfriend or I could easily.
And if he has a boyfriend, does that matter to you?
Well, if they, um, depends what the boyfriend was like.
Oh, because for the three of you.
All right.
Well, but, but no, but joking.
Well, serious.
All right.
But for dating, yeah, I could see going and having a cup of coffee with him or going out
(36:23):
for dinner on the stage.
I could see that.
Yeah.
And a date just means a five hour hookup or is that mean it?
No, it would be going to, to, you know, go have dinner or go have lunch or something.
And then end up at somebody's house.
(36:43):
Oh, with that.
Oh, it's so interesting.
And then would you see him again after that?
Or this is, these are one offs.
Well, yeah, the one officer, but one officer, you know, one off, two offs, three offs, you
know, you get their number and you want to hook up.
(37:04):
You just text, hey, what's all right.
But it starts with the date.
No, absolutely not.
It doesn't start with the date.
Starts with grinder or sniffies.
That's what it starts with.
What I'm doing and what I'm enjoying now is meeting somebody at a party and not going
to have sex.
Okay.
And so that is a new, not a new concept, but it's, it's kind of just a change in the flow
(37:31):
of, you know, the next stage of coming out.
You go through, some people go through a wharfage.
Yeah.
And then they, you know, some people staying in that wharfage for a long time.
You know, I think, you know, some people stay in it.
They're always in it.
And, you know, that's the interesting part about what I'm finding out with our society
(37:55):
of gay men, of, you know, some, a lot of gay men are open.
They have an open relationship, which a lot of heteros, they have their open relationships
to, believe me.
And but I, I don't know, I find it maybe because I'm in that arena of men that, you know, there's
a lot of couples that do that.
(38:16):
And I mean, I've talked to guys that have been together for 20, 30 years and they've
had their play on the side.
And if they're both okay with it, straight gay, whatever, fine, enjoy, just enjoy.
I agree.
I don't want that from myself.
I want a relationship.
(38:38):
I want somebody who's going to come home with me, that's going to wake up with me, that
yeah, that I'm going to be with.
I don't want somebody who's going home to somebody else or my time has a limit on it.
Right.
I can only hang out for four hours because I have to be here or I get home or whatever.
I just, you want a relationship.
(39:01):
I mean, like you want a husband.
You want a husband.
You know, I, you open if he was, if he was open, would you want him open or you want
him completely dedicated in an open relationship?
I want a monogamous relationship.
Do you want a monogamous?
Well, you know, I, so for me, I never worried about any diseases when I was married to my
(39:23):
wife.
I was 100% convinced that she was 100% monogamous with me.
I was 100% monogamous with her.
We had pre-sex, you know, we could between us.
I never had anything I had to worry about other than her getting pregnant.
If you have an open relationship with a partner, you're always going to have to be protecting
(39:48):
yourself.
Absolutely.
I don't want that.
I'm not a pill person.
I don't want to be taking pills, medications.
I don't, you know, you forget whatever.
Yeah.
And then you're, then you're susceptible.
I don't want that for me.
I definitely want it.
Well, that's been in time.
Maybe with the guy with the Audi.
Yeah.
No.
That's not going to happen.
(40:10):
All right, John, are we at 40 minutes?
Are you going to sing a self?
This is Chris.
What else do you want to sing?
I don't want to sing.
I don't want to sing.
As yourself, a merry little Christmas, paint a new time gate.
From now on our troubles will be miles away.
(40:34):
So have yourself a merry little Christmas.
No.
You're a great singer.
Damn.
I didn't know that.
Thank you.
Good for you.
Seriously, guys, if you listen to this and it's in your loan, you're by yourself and
(40:57):
it's Christmas and it's cold out.
We love you.
Your love.
Absolutely.
We do.
And we're here and sometimes this, this season is tough for a lot of people.
It's lonely.
Reach out.
Reach out.
Just reach out to friends, reach out to loved ones and we wish you the very best.
(41:19):
And if you've reached out to the podcast, you know I respond.
He does.
He's a good responder.
I respond.
I respond.
So all right, you guys, merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Hello gay men and welcome to coming inside out Christmas edition.
(00:06):
Yes.
This is dropping on New Year's Eve.
Christmas Eve.
This is dropping on Christmas Eve.
I'm your co-host John Duerlar.
I'm Brian Janes.
Thank you guys so much for joining us today.
We do have you singing in a couple of the two of the prior episodes.
(00:27):
We forgot what I was saying.
Okay.
Well, listen, it's a little bit too late to the word.
I don't know how he was, but yes.
What was your favorite Christmas memory growing up?
My favorite Christmas memory?
Opening my gifts as a kid.
Yeah.
That was it, right?
Yeah.
(00:48):
Yeah.
Just like, I don't know, being like six, seven, eight years old.
You know, when you knew Santa was Santa, he was bringing gifts and just magical.
It was magical.
Yes.
And we would go to my grandma's the night before.
She had Christmas Eve and we're Catholic and we all had Godfathers, Godmothers.
You know, my Godmothers one told me to get, you know, whatever.
(01:10):
Yep.
If you've listened to the story, you told me to get out and find myself.
And we would all get to go there.
We'd get a gift from our Godparents and then we'd get a gift from grandma and we would
just go and my parents and all of them would get so fucked up.
Oh, yeah.
And we'd get a gift from them and they would say, I mean, we said, it was so much fun,
though.
And then one night, the same night we'd get back to the house and all of our gifts are
(01:31):
there.
And my mom was wasted with her boyfriend and we go, hey, mom, can we open up gifts?
Go ahead.
I don't give a shit.
Go ahead.
And we did.
Open up gifts?
We opened up gifts for Christmas Eve.
And the next morning I was so pissed.
Yeah.
I had nothing.
That is one of the things.
My God.
Let's help everyone.
Yeah.
(01:52):
I mean, this is a sad story of Brian's.
Growing up, I liked IZOD as a kid.
Remember, IZOD had a little alligator on it?
My grandmother, I only wanted IZOD.
My grandmother for Christmas Eve bought me, everybody got to open a gift and it was always
(02:12):
closed for my grandmother.
She bought me a shirt and it had a rabbit on it.
A little rabbit on it.
That was cheaper.
And I was crying because I was forced to wear this shirt with a little rabbit on it when
I wanted to wear a shirt with an alligator on it.
(02:34):
Well, because that was so particular.
Yes, it was.
And you wanted to be popular.
I just, I know.
Yeah.
You know, my entire life, and I use this analogy later on in life is I used my clothes as a
shield.
That was my shield of armor.
Being gay or just...
Life in general, being bullied, being called gay, the feelings that I had, whatever, you
(03:00):
know, people do that with food, with alcohol, with this, whatever.
Are they bullied?
Are they bullied?
Like I did.
I shielded myself with my clothes.
That's what I did.
That's fine.
I thought we would give ourselves a real estate plug today.
(03:20):
We're both realtors here in Los Angeles.
Right.
And we have a great...
Well, our real estate plug can be your story.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
How about we start with that?
You want to start with that?
Let's start with that.
Well, if you are a friend or any family member looking to buy, rent, or invest in Los Angeles...
I thought we'd give them a raise.
No, if they want...
Well, if they want to invest.
(03:41):
Oh.
Oh, yes.
Let's start with that again.
If any friend wants to buy, sell, invest, or sell real estate, come to Hancock Homes
or give us a call because we're both going to take care of whatever you say.
Yes.
We'll be taking care of it.
However, but yes, you know, it's been a tough year.
It's been a very tough year.
We're on...
We're on...
(04:01):
Didn't come to market about 40% in our area because people have their low interest rates
and they want to hold on to it.
And we have a lot of empty nesters who are wanting to leave their big two-story house
and get a one-level and walk around, you know.
And there are people that are growing their family that want a bigger house.
But they're holding it.
I mean, it's just getting crazy.
(04:21):
So, but yeah, so these two gentlemen would always come into my open houses.
They were just very nice, very nice.
And for the last few years they have, and then he said, hey, look, we're thinking about
selling.
Why don't you come on over?
I'm going to have...
We're having a Christmas party.
We were talking earlier and look at the house and let me know what you think and look out
(04:43):
from there.
I said, not a problem.
And I get over there and this is part of the journey.
I don't remember if I've told them that I'm gay or not.
Right.
You know, so that's kind of where that's fallen into.
But anyway, we're talking, but they're two gay men and I mean, they had some hot, hot
(05:05):
caterers.
Oh, wow.
I mean, their caterers were hot.
They were right out of the magazine.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it was so classy because I, what do you want to drink?
I said, I'm a Vakatanic and man, that hot waiter came over on a silver platter.
I mean, this was classy.
(05:27):
Their home is absolutely gorgeous, unbelievable, but it was so nice because well, and then
I was just telling my story to somebody and then Dave and Jose or Dave walked up and he's
listening to my story.
So I wasn't sure if he knew it or not.
And then he goes, what, wait, what?
And he goes, you know, I had an inkling.
(05:48):
I didn't know.
Oh my God, you're getting, come here.
And then the rest of the night he goes, this is John.
He's our realtor and he's, you know, and guys, it's just, I mean, that's a perfect example
of people knowing and not knowing and you just never know where it's going to take you
or who you're going to meet because at this party, it was so freeing for me just to be
(06:12):
who I am.
And yeah, I wasn't saying, but there was a lot of gay men there.
And I made so many friends.
Very nice, John.
And a couple wanted to get in my face.
All right.
Did you go home with anything?
No, I didn't.
I didn't.
I kept it.
I just wanted to keep it respectable.
But my God, I got so many texts after because I gave my cards out and I met guys with their
(06:35):
cars and I met another gay father who had two children.
Wait, did you plug your business at the party the same way you plugged yourself at the Abbey?
Your cock is in good hands at Hancock homes?
Yes, I did.
I did.
And actually it was a hit.
It was a hit because this one couple goes, what?
(06:57):
So you have a, what's the name of your company?
It was Hancock homes, realty.
Your cock is in good hands at Hancock homes.
And it was a hit.
Yeah, they loved it.
So, I mean, it was, it was a nice, a nice party.
Yeah.
We talk about how many times you have to come out when you come out, who you come out to,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
This is a perfect example of coming out.
(07:21):
Just organically.
Yes.
Not, not howling the whistle and the parade waving the flags.
It's just in conversation.
I accidentally came out to a client of mine last week very unintentionally.
I had no plans of coming out to this client.
I don't think that he's, not that he's not a fan of gay people.
I had no idea his best friend could be gay, but I'm going to backtrack a tiny bit.
(07:45):
In 2019, when my wife and I were going through our separation, I found a group online and
it was called a conscious dads group.
Oh, nice.
So, I met a couple men who had children.
I went to Marina Del Rey.
We meditated on the beach.
(08:05):
Then we did breath work.
And then once you're done with your breath work, you go do an ocean plunge.
And the water was cold.
We were doing this, you know, back in like, I don't know, when it was winter time.
So, I met this group of guys that became good friends with them.
We went to a retreat in Ojai, which is beautiful.
We love beautiful house.
(08:25):
Did this thing.
I was showing this night property and he said to me, Oh, if you're around later, you know,
I know it's the holidays or whatever, but maybe we can look at this property later tonight
or later this afternoon and if not tomorrow.
And I said, Oh, I'm sorry.
I already have plans this evening and normally I wouldn't say that, but he's like, Oh, I
(08:47):
forget what he said.
And I meant to say, because I had a friend coming in from Philadelphia.
I meant to say, Oh, I'm meeting a friend and he said, Oh, somebody went to college with
and I said, No, I meant to say someone I went on a men's retreat that I met on a men's retreat.
No, one of my, one of my, one of my friends from a gay dance retreat.
(09:10):
And he kind of tilted his head a little bit and I was like, Yeah, I didn't mean to say
gay dads retreat, but anyways, it's a, you did and everyone.
I did and there was zero reaction.
It was stone face.
And as soon as I said it, I was like, God damn it.
Yeah.
Talk about who and when and why you're going to come out.
(09:32):
And it was totally unintentional, but I did that anyways.
I want to talk about episode 31.
Okay.
There was a massive snafu.
Oh no.
And our feed page had an update to it and it was after I had already done everything
to it and I hit the publish button Tuesday morning because we come out every Tuesday
(09:57):
morning at 6 30 and it had taken our video from like 40 minutes, 37 minutes and it was
just all choppy.
It's not like we're underwater.
So we had so many people write into us and say, Hey, I, John and Brian, I don't know
if you guys know this or not, but you were episode whatever.
We didn't know.
We didn't in the moment.
(10:17):
And then, you know, probably about 7 38 o'clock that month, I realized that I went back.
I was able to fix it in YouTube.
I, I did a episode 31.
A. Okay.
And I fixed the sound and 31 a, I couldn't fix it on Apple for whatever reason.
And I think I got it fixed on Spotify and all the other pages I have no idea about.
(10:38):
So if you were listening to episode 31 and the sound quality was terrible, you could
always go on to YouTube and listen to episode 31 a and it's fixed on there.
Thanks for doing that.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I have a good story, like a fun story.
I had a call of vendor, a real estate vendor.
(11:00):
Yeah.
I published this podcast on my personal Facebook page.
So people that know me through work or wherever, just my town have seen, I don't have to be
friends with them, but they've seen clips of our podcast.
I called this vendor and I call him like, Hey, some woman asked his phone.
I'm like, Oh, hey, I need to please talk to so and so.
(11:23):
This is Brian James.
And she's like, Oh my God, Brian, I've been waiting to talk to you.
And I said, Oh, really?
I didn't know this person.
And I'm like, Oh, really?
She said, um, as a, I think she said as a gold star less.
Oh, wow.
I am so happy for you.
I am so proud of you, Brian.
I am so happy for you.
I saw your, uh, I was scrolling on Facebook and I came across one of your posts and I'm
(11:47):
just so happy for you and congratulations.
It was so nice.
This is great.
Complete practical stranger.
This was so nice and loving to me.
That's going this vendor.
So that was pretty funny.
That is.
That's good.
What else we got?
We have some, uh, YouTube, um, comments that I printed.
(12:10):
Uh, if you want to read, I have the third one's a funny one.
If you want to read, um, the first two, not that are, you know what?
Let's start with a letter from a listener, but don't read this top part.
I don't.
Okay.
Um, I wrote this guide back.
So this guy, uh, wrote in on behalf of a friend.
(12:33):
He stumbled upon our podcast, but he's writing in for his friend.
Who's waiting for his friend.
Yeah.
Who's coming now for his friend.
Well, that's like your friends.
Yeah.
Uh, just asking for a friend.
Yeah.
My friend is married with kids, recently came out and is starting the process of separation.
He's also looking into coming, coming to stay with me as he navigates his new chapter in
(12:56):
his life while I came out at 18 and had a very different experience without ever having
a wife or kids.
I know his journey is more complicated and I don't fully understand what he's going
through.
Yeah.
Look at that guy looking.
Oh yeah.
There's some two hot guys.
Did you see the guy when I was walking in?
No, but they're looking for it on.
(13:18):
Yeah.
All right.
There they go.
All right.
Anyway, coming back.
Um, I want to be supportive and supportive as possible, but I sometimes feel like I'm
unintentionally adding to his stress or pain.
Do you have any advice, thoughts on what to do or say?
Not to say what things have you comfort from your friends to support in this situation?
(13:41):
I'd love to hear about anything that's helped.
Thank you so much for incredible work you do and any insights you can share.
I truly appreciate it.
And John is so hot.
He is such a handsome man.
Well, thank you listener for saying that.
Yeah.
So I wrote him back initially and I said, he listened.
John and I are not therapists.
Anything we tell you is support from our heart.
(14:04):
It's just, just come from our heart.
But I thought this was good for our listeners here also because maybe somebody has some
feedback for him.
What's great is this, this gentleman's gay.
Yeah.
So his friends can find him, which is great.
Um, but sometimes I feel that I'm unintentionally adding to his stress or pain.
Do you have any, so he feels like he's adding to his stress.
(14:26):
I don't think this guy can add to his stress.
If he's helping, you know, um, you know, everybody comes out differently and they'll
have different stress and it's a piece and you know, some people throw themselves into
sex and some people throw themselves into depression and some people throw themselves
into work or whatever.
So I don't know food, whatever it may be.
(14:47):
Um, one of our listeners, this is a guy that belongs to our local group.
He listens to our episode every week.
He always has the nicest kind of things to say back to us.
He texted me a couple of weeks ago and was like, Hey, Brian, this may be information
that you would like to share on your podcast.
(15:08):
And he sent it to me after we received this email and I thought, Oh, this is perfect.
In a response to that email, I thought there's an organization and I didn't know anything
about this organization.
It's husbands out to wives.
It's called how.
Okay.
And how that's one thing I printed there and I printed something else.
(15:30):
Also if somebody is looking for support, you can go to, I guess it's www.HOW slash support.org
with this how organization and then our mission is to support each other as we try to find
our individual paths and happiness.
How members help each other as we redefined our relationships with our spouses, family,
(15:55):
members, friends, colleagues, even as we may be learning to understand our own real selves.
So I think that's great for a listener who's trying to come out.
What's the what's the link again?
What's the what?
I'll post it in the description section of the episode, but it's www.hyphensupport.org.
(16:20):
Okay.
It's for bisexual.
I mean, I printed that.
Yeah.
It's for husbands out to wives.
How is a support group for gay guys from the women who are either married to a woman or
committed a relationship with a woman and who either have an intent to come out to their
wives partners about their sexuality or their mission is to support each other.
(16:42):
Okay.
Exactly.
You just said that.
Yeah.
And it's they have a homepage, your resource page, contact, so I thought, there you go.
That's some information on how and if you're a member of how give us a call or an email or
text and if we want to have you guys on the show, we could have the little more absolutely.
(17:03):
Yes.
So that's his email and then we had a couple YouTube.
Oh, that's next.
You can talk about that now.
You can talk about whenever you want, but you just can't show them.
Sure.
No.
All right.
So listeners, Brian's new neighbor.
I think we talked about this one.
(17:24):
So it was, I would say this.
I don't want to get back to him or her.
But anyway, Brian has a hot ass neighbor that just moved to neighbor and yeah.
I printed his grinder profile.
Yeah.
He's got a grinder profile.
Oh, man.
And he's 40.
(17:46):
He's six foot one.
He's like 204 pounds.
So anyway, I think Brian has some kind of rocking neighborhood because he's got these
two other gates that are married couple to marry couples like love next door.
But I never heard naked game.
And you still haven't gone.
Not going.
Man, I would be in a minute.
(18:07):
All right.
What do we got here?
This is a YouTube.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
And we probably came out of my filthy mouth.
Let me say in something.
Yeah, I was dead.
I was dead.
Yes.
All right.
This is from, okay.
(18:27):
Not many of the gay women.
Okay.
So this is something that I said.
Not many of the gay women I have known know how to fix their truck or was that it?
What is that?
Or you T.E.
Oh, you Australia.
You think they call it truck or you truck or you as we call them here in Australia.
(18:51):
Not all gay women wear pants.
Take care, gents.
I don't have said, Hey, if there's any lesbians out there, I need help fixing my truck.
Right.
So hey, lesbians, I was probably one that put fix on the truck.
Not all lesbians that hanging lesbians can fix a truck.
I've never been to a mechanic shop where there's was a woman.
(19:16):
Really?
I don't think so.
Well, I've always gone to the dealership.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think exactly.
Well, yeah, I'm going to say stuff that's going to probably piss people off.
That's okay.
Listen, at least we know they're listening to you.
I say it with love.
Yeah.
I say it with love.
And then the next one, I printed this one.
He really doesn't say anything, but he says, you guys are doing wonderful and I want to
(19:40):
take a moment because there have been so many times in this podcast, John, where you have
thanked me like, Oh, Brian, thank you so much for what I do on this podcast.
And I accept what you're saying, but I don't think every I don't think I say it.
And when he turned, I'll say, I'm going to be gone.
You know, I'll say, shit, I want to take a moment to say, you know what, John, we get
(20:02):
so many of these, you guys are doing a wonderful job.
You guys are doing a great job.
The other guys said the same thing.
You are doing a wonderful job.
We are making such an impact with so many people.
And you know, well, thank you.
We both are.
Thank you.
We both are doing a great job.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
And you're doing a lot of the backing work.
(20:22):
So you know, this is this could this would not be happening without you, my friends.
And you're taking a lot of the work on that, you know, but nobody seeks.
And I just want you to know, I see it.
I recognize it.
And I appreciate it.
And you tell me that and I accept it.
And then we move on.
And I don't think in turn I say, Hey, John, you know, you know, that's all right.
(20:48):
Because I get it from the listeners.
There you go.
Yes, you do.
All right, I shared with you that at Thanksgiving, my family members were talking about my podcast.
Yes.
Yes.
So funny enough, we got a comment on YouTube and I read it and it says, Hello guys, love
(21:08):
the content and I'm so proud of you, Brian.
You are my brother and someone I look up to very much.
And I thought, Oh, that's so nice of this listener.
Now they're associating me as their brother.
Yeah, I'm like, Oh, that's okay.
Whatever.
And I look at the name and it's my sister.
Oh, sweet.
I'm like, what's my sister is now commenting on our YouTube page.
(21:34):
So I thought that was funny.
And when I read, I'm so proud of you.
You are my brother.
I'm like, Oh, I'm your brother.
And came out.
Yeah, whatever.
So I thought that was kind of funny.
You know, if that's sweet, that's really sweet.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, that's a good sister.
All right.
I am going to talk about something else and I'd like our listeners input on this because
(21:55):
item number nine, John, I signed us up for a charity podcast.
Oh, yeah?
I received through Riverside, which is our, the page we record off of.
They are doing a charity podcast, a thon in March of 2025.
(22:18):
And they said, anybody who wants to sign up for this charity sign up.
Last year, they had over a thousand successful podcasts all drop the same week, the charity
episode and they picked a charity of their own choosing.
Yeah.
So I thought we would let our listeners write in and tell us a charity that they would like
(22:40):
us to spotlight in a March episode during a podcast.
All right, listeners, Brian's making you do some work.
So exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
He goes, you know, he said before the podcast, hey, I'm going to put this on our listeners
so I don't have to listen to you.
Exactly.
So I don't have to research it.
(23:01):
I don't know.
Sorry.
No, you do enough research.
You know what?
That's great.
I think if one of our listeners or the thousands that listen to us.
Yeah.
And a seven day event, thousands of podcasters together worldwide are going to do this charity
event.
Simultaneously, they will release special episodes for a charity of their choosing.
(23:24):
So are we raising money for this chair?
I don't know yet.
I just signed up for it.
Well, you know, I have your credit card on file, so we'll find out.
Probably the plan.
Are you one of those millions of people who had a mysterious $7.99 charge on your credit
(23:44):
card because of that cyber hack?
You know, it's interesting.
And I think listeners, I've heard me say this before, but I rarely look at my finances,
which I should be doing, which I am doing, and which, by the way, I'm glad you asked
how the divorce is going.
Thank you.
Yeah.
It's mixed on my list.
(24:05):
So we're gathering all of our finances.
So that's what's going on.
I think I had said this, but, you know, she didn't have me served.
We just talked and we met and she was able to file it.
She just gave me the papers and then I signed, acknowledged and I got it.
But I have to respond by the 19th, which you'll be listening to this and you're going to
(24:30):
wonder, did he respond?
Because I'm what's called a respondent.
So I was the respondent and she was the, I forget what I was called it, but anyway,
I have to do that.
And I've been talking to attorneys, but I haven't even secured one yet.
And you have to do this by the 19th.
I know.
(24:50):
Yeah.
But I can, I can, but I can fill it out.
I can fill it out and then I can send it.
So I got it.
Or I may ask her for an extension.
Because I first signed it in 30 days.
There was a, there was a timestamp when my ex and I were getting our divorce where anything
(25:11):
that was purchased before you signed this agreement was both of our responsibilities.
Anything purchase after the agreement was signed was the responsibility of the person
that purchased it.
Oh, okay.
What were you talking about?
The, the, the vision of that, I forget what it's called, but I was just taking it.
(25:34):
There's a great, there's a great website that Los Angeles, uh, municipal court offers.
And I'm taking that course.
You are.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's talking about, you know, the dividing the assets and when the assets were yours,
it's, you asked one before and, and because if you did, like I had an investment property
I bought before the marriage.
(25:56):
But then through our marriage, we had spent and made money for that investment.
And one can argue that the investment is mine.
And after, yeah, but I think the day she puts $1 of community money into it, it becomes
community property.
Right.
But I made, who knows, you know, you can argue it, you can do whatever we're just going
(26:17):
to try to, you know, we're going to try to do it ourselves with a mediator.
And, and again, we're trying to save money as well and, and do it.
And then, um, we'll go to a mediator, mediate, you know, everything.
And then if we agree on it or argue or give up or whatever, then we go back to our attorneys
(26:40):
and then confirm and do that.
And then we'll go.
So right now I'm actually meeting with her tomorrow to go over finances and things like
that.
So, and you guys work together.
You see each other five days a week.
No, we don't.
No, no, she doesn't come in.
Well, she doesn't.
No, she, she works out of the house.
(27:00):
She has an office here, but she doesn't need to come in.
I mean, she, you know, she's very productive.
She's very productive person.
And I saw your chili cookoff photos.
You, you, yeah, we took a picture.
The boys.
Yeah.
So your photos mean, look, it's, it's tough right now.
It is tough.
And, and we get in, you know, it's like, you take the, take the sexuality out of it.
(27:24):
And when you have a spouse, you have disagreements and it's, and it still resonates and reminds
me of that, even though we've been, my gosh, I think eight years we haven't, you know,
been out of the house.
So, but yeah, we, we had our chili cookoff here.
(27:45):
And I made by Texas chili and cornbread and the most is, and we have a community event
and everybody can.
We've been doing this for almost, I think 10 years now, but oh, you saw, you saw, you
saw the picture.
I did.
I saw the picture.
I follow you.
I, you know, I follow you on social media.
I like all your stuff jumping back to real estate for a moment.
I'm not looking at, but John does something pretty funny on there.
(28:05):
It's called Hello, nosy neighbors.
Yeah.
Who this nosy neighbor nosy neighbor.
Yes.
And it's all, it's all about, Hey, if you're, you want to know what's happening with your
neighborhood or right.
What I'll do is caravan.
What a caravan is for brokers.
Back in the day before the computer, they had what's called brokers open houses.
On Tuesdays from like 11 to two or Thursdays.
(28:28):
And do that.
They still do it.
We still do it.
However, it was really done in the day where people couldn't see it.
They like people, you know, can't go to phones.
They didn't, they had a book of the brokerages had books of what is on the market.
Cause it wasn't being sent out like it is today.
And so traditionally that was the only brokers would come to the broker.
(28:50):
And I'll say, Hey, do you have anybody for this?
Oh, let me bring them on Sunday.
Because you have your son, your open houses, or let me do a private showing.
Yeah, great.
So I don't know where I spun out on this, but I'm going to probably the lead on private
showing.
Oh, so, so anyway, yeah, right?
No, so nosy neighbor.
(29:10):
What I do is I go, I go to my caravan for the brokers open and I'll do a little, you
know, I'll, I'll film and say, Hey, you should come take a look at this.
I tell about the street because in Los Angeles or anywhere across the United States, there
are what's called micro markets and the micro market is your neighborhood where you live,
where nobody else knows what's going on.
(29:32):
And that's what we like to give out to anyone that's coming in or, you know, if it helps
our, our sellers too.
And the Mrs. Kravitz that want to know what's going on in the name of business.
Cravis.
Oh yeah, there's plenty of those.
Plenty of those.
Oh, oh my God.
Oh my gosh.
All right.
Um, I was going to give you, oh, so update on my, oh, this is, I'm going to totally segue.
(29:59):
Go.
I walk my dog.
Religiously.
I get between seven and nine miles a day walking my dog.
What?
I walk him in the morning.
I walk him out.
We walk the whole thing, but we're out.
Okay.
And I'm wearing my short shorts.
You're pretty sure.
My shorts.
Um, and through the, through the years, I've had, you know, men, honk or whatever like
(30:21):
that as I'm walking and I just wave or whatever like that.
Well, a couple of months ago I had this guy honk.
Next day honk, next day honk, next day honk, and I'm just waving or whatever like that.
You know, I don't even know who he is.
He's in a black Audi with tinted windows and I'm just, I just throw my hand up in the
air and it goes by.
(30:42):
I'm at the grocery store maybe three weeks ago.
I'm putting my groceries on the, on the belt, the check out belt.
And this guy walks up to me and he's like, Hey, I'm, my name's Boba, I'm the guy that
honks at you every morning.
And I said, Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.
And he tells me his name.
(31:04):
I tell him my name and that was it.
I was checking out and whatever there's a person coming behind me.
So a couple of days later I'm walking my dog.
He's honking.
He's honking.
He's just a slow drive by one day with his window down.
Finally the other day he rolls his window down, pulls over and he said, Hey, are you
(31:26):
single?
And I said, I am single.
And he's, and I said, are you single?
And he said, Yeah, I'm single.
And I said, Oh, okay.
And he said, Can I get your phone number?
Well, I'm like, sure.
He's not going to get anywhere with me.
Why?
Well, it turns out he's not single.
First of all, he's not single.
He's married to a woman or a man, to a woman, bisexual.
(31:48):
Oh, all right.
I don't know.
You know, I have a type.
He's not your type.
He's like a nice guy.
He's not my type.
He wants to be around and remind ourselves.
What is your type?
I like a tall, I like a taller man.
I like that.
That rules out a lot of them because you're very tall.
(32:10):
I like somebody who's, you know, you don't have to be an athlete, but I like to stay
in shape.
I want someone who's, you know, in good shape.
You know, paddle boards, I cycle, paddle board cycle, walk a dog seven miles, whatever.
So I want somebody who's active.
I want somebody who's age appropriate.
(32:32):
How old would he be?
Well, he has to be older than me.
I say he has to be older than me.
He's been married twice.
He has four kids, whatever.
But anyways, he has been hitting on me like there's no tomorrow since he got my phone
number.
The text messages are hilarious.
(32:55):
Does he want a booty call or does he want a date?
He wants, he said that he had a relationship.
His wife knows that he's bisexual and he's had a relationship in the past with another
man while he was married.
I'm not interested in that.
But yeah, he's been texting me hard.
(33:17):
He had a cold and he said he wanted to give me something, but it wasn't as cold and I
was like, oh, whatever.
Yeah.
So he's been, anyways, so it's been going, is that good for me?
Well, yeah, it builds your confidence.
You know, it's nice to be one.
Well, no, it's nice to be one.
Oh, it's nice to be one.
Okay, guys, it's nice to be wanted.
(33:38):
Yes.
But I want to be wanted by somebody I want to be wanted by.
Well, that's up to you.
That's up to you, man.
And I think you got a tall order.
Let's talk about that.
I think it's tough.
I'm communicating with a couple guys that listen to this podcast.
You guys know who you are.
(33:59):
Some of them resonate with me.
They tell me, oh, I'm, you know, feel the exact same way you do.
And, you know, I, I, if you meet, so let's just backtrack.
You write this Christmas party over the weekend.
If some guy came up to you and was hitting on you and you were feeling horny.
Yeah.
(34:20):
Would you have to have an attraction towards him or you would just need to be horny?
Well, I have to have an attraction if it's going to go to the next step.
What's the next step?
Maybe now?
Well, you can make it out of hooking up or going on a date.
All right.
I mean, it's not just that he's horny and you're horny.
I'm not even just going to go with anybody that's horny.
(34:42):
They have to have a, I mean, standards.
All right.
What are John's standards?
You have to be, you have to be under 40.
No, we don't have to be under 40.
We worry that you have to be, you know, over 28, over 28.
Over 28, okay.
28.
Over.
And I think, you know, it's interesting because I did, I was talking to this guy at the party.
(35:09):
And very nice gentleman, really nice.
And we exchanged numbers and we talked and he texted me the next morning.
It was very nice meeting you and, and, and, you know, and I texted him back immediately.
And, but he had said in our conversation that night, he said, yeah, and my boyfriend, and
(35:35):
I'm like, Oh, well, you got a boyfriend.
But I'm not sure because I don't know the context that he was, I think the context that
he was telling the story was at the time.
It could be at the time he had a boyfriend or he has a boyfriend.
It's very easy to find out.
I'm just going to text him and say, Hey, you're telling the story about your boyfriend.
(35:56):
You still have your boyfriend or I could easily.
And if he has a boyfriend, does that matter to you?
Well, if they, um, depends what the boyfriend was like.
Oh, because for the three of you.
All right.
Well, but, but no, but joking.
Well, serious.
All right.
But for dating, yeah, I could see going and having a cup of coffee with him or going out
(36:23):
for dinner on the stage.
I could see that.
Yeah.
And a date just means a five hour hookup or is that mean it?
No, it would be going to, to, you know, go have dinner or go have lunch or something.
And then end up at somebody's house.
(36:43):
Oh, with that.
Oh, it's so interesting.
And then would you see him again after that?
Or this is, these are one offs.
Well, yeah, the one officer, but one officer, you know, one off, two offs, three offs, you
know, you get their number and you want to hook up.
(37:04):
You just text, hey, what's all right.
But it starts with the date.
No, absolutely not.
It doesn't start with the date.
Starts with grinder or sniffies.
That's what it starts with.
What I'm doing and what I'm enjoying now is meeting somebody at a party and not going
to have sex.
Okay.
And so that is a new, not a new concept, but it's, it's kind of just a change in the flow
(37:31):
of, you know, the next stage of coming out.
You go through, some people go through a wharfage.
Yeah.
And then they, you know, some people staying in that wharfage for a long time.
You know, I think, you know, some people stay in it.
They're always in it.
And, you know, that's the interesting part about what I'm finding out with our society
(37:55):
of gay men, of, you know, some, a lot of gay men are open.
They have an open relationship, which a lot of heteros, they have their open relationships
to, believe me.
And but I, I don't know, I find it maybe because I'm in that arena of men that, you know, there's
a lot of couples that do that.
(38:16):
And I mean, I've talked to guys that have been together for 20, 30 years and they've
had their play on the side.
And if they're both okay with it, straight gay, whatever, fine, enjoy, just enjoy.
I agree.
I don't want that from myself.
I want a relationship.
(38:38):
I want somebody who's going to come home with me, that's going to wake up with me, that
yeah, that I'm going to be with.
I don't want somebody who's going home to somebody else or my time has a limit on it.
Right.
I can only hang out for four hours because I have to be here or I get home or whatever.
I just, you want a relationship.
(39:01):
I mean, like you want a husband.
You want a husband.
You know, I, you open if he was, if he was open, would you want him open or you want
him completely dedicated in an open relationship?
I want a monogamous relationship.
Do you want a monogamous?
Well, you know, I, so for me, I never worried about any diseases when I was married to my
(39:23):
wife.
I was 100% convinced that she was 100% monogamous with me.
I was 100% monogamous with her.
We had pre-sex, you know, we could between us.
I never had anything I had to worry about other than her getting pregnant.
If you have an open relationship with a partner, you're always going to have to be protecting
(39:48):
yourself.
Absolutely.
I don't want that.
I'm not a pill person.
I don't want to be taking pills, medications.
I don't, you know, you forget whatever.
Yeah.
And then you're, then you're susceptible.
I don't want that for me.
I definitely want it.
Well, that's been in time.
Maybe with the guy with the Audi.
Yeah.
No.
That's not going to happen.
(40:10):
All right, John, are we at 40 minutes?
Are you going to sing a self?
This is Chris.
What else do you want to sing?
I don't want to sing.
I don't want to sing.
As yourself, a merry little Christmas, paint a new time gate.
From now on our troubles will be miles away.
(40:34):
So have yourself a merry little Christmas.
No.
You're a great singer.
Damn.
I didn't know that.
Thank you.
Good for you.
Seriously, guys, if you listen to this and it's in your loan, you're by yourself and
(40:57):
it's Christmas and it's cold out.
We love you.
Your love.
Absolutely.
We do.
And we're here and sometimes this, this season is tough for a lot of people.
It's lonely.
Reach out.
Reach out.
Just reach out to friends, reach out to loved ones and we wish you the very best.
(41:19):
And if you've reached out to the podcast, you know I respond.
He does.
He's a good responder.
I respond.
I respond.
So all right, you guys, merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
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