February 13, 2025 • 20 mins
Another chatty one today as I feel into what this podcast will be about...
I am slightly joking when I suggest that motherhood can kill spirituality - but only slightly LOL! What I mean here is that when we are entrenched in responsibility and work we can lose our connection. Do you relate?!
I really hope you enjoy, relate - or that it provokes some food for thought?! Please leave me a review as it makes a big difference! Thanks so much.
Links:
Hey! I'm Rachel! I am a qualified Holistic Life Coach and Mind Body Practitioner, Embodiment Coach, Yoga 500hrs (plus lots more extra yoga quals). I'm also an award winning content creator and have 20 years' experience in digital. I'm a mum of 3 kids and I live in the Peak District - oh and I have ADHD and I am sober. My passion is helping midlife women turn meltdown into magic!
Offerings:
My luxury retreat for midlife women! (free workshop in the pop up too)
Book a coaching taster spot with me half price
Goddess Codes Chakra Masterclass (GODDESS7 to get for £7)
Find me here:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:39):
Hi.
Welcome to what I think will beepisode six.
if you know me, you'll know thatdates, numbers, anything like
that, I make mistakes with themfrequently.
I think it's a bit of my ADHD,but, please bear with if it's
not Episode six, whatever.
Not important.
Yeah, so I'm actually in the carand I'm making my way to a yoga
(01:00):
class.
I'm trying to practice more yogain real old school studios.
You only really get those typesof things in cities.
So I drive half an hour toSheffield to go to a awesome
studio, give them a shout outactually Soulfire Studios in
Sheffield.
And actually I'd really like tointerview a few of the guys from
(01:21):
there for this podcast.
Talking about interviews, Iactually have started to make
reach outs, to people to come onand I've got some good ones, all
women.
I think the direction thispodcast is taking is that I want
to speak to women, about theirspiritual life story and how
they stay conscious butgrounded.
It's definitely women for meright now, because I think it's
(01:43):
all about, Exploring how wespiritual collective, help move
the needle forward in the worldand leave it a better place than
it was when we got here in thisincarnation.
I've got some good interviewslined up.
In terms of housekeeping, Pleasefollow me on Instagram if you
don't already.
That's where I hang out mostly.
I also just started a Facebookgroup.
(02:04):
I was hesitant to do this.
Because I've done a couplebefore and they fell by the
wayside and I'm trying to learnthe lessons of taking too much
on.
However, from havingconversations with other soul
led entrepreneurs, healers,coaches, therapists, mediums,
artists, those types of thingsthat are the people that I'm
speaking to in this podcast aswell.
(02:25):
A lot of us have strengths andweaknesses in business and
marketing.
Sometimes we need other peoplein the space to network with and
collaborate with.
There's a lot of recurringthemes that come up I've got a
lot of the marketing hardskills, from my background I'm
quite techie So I want tosupport other women.
So if you were a female sole ledentrepreneur, that's what I
called the group.
(02:45):
I was very straight up.
I was very grounded, female soleled entrepreneurs.
I'll leave.
link to it below.
Please join if you want to be inthis space as an entrepreneur or
if you already are.
We can network with each other.
We can share our offerings.
Often I've found in these spacesthat, you go there to
collaborate or find out moreabout social media You end up
actually connecting with otherpeople and they use your
(03:07):
services and you use theirs, soit's really nice.
I have two retreats coming up.
The Wild Connection Retreat isin Edale and that is June 2nd to
June 5th.
that one is all about thewilderness, nature, wild dips
and waterfalls, hiking and yoga.
the next one after that is inNovember.
I've got November 9th toNovember 15th.
(03:30):
it's called the Embodied QueenRetreat and that's down in
Cornwall and that is all aboutluxury, wood fired hot tub,
beautiful, stunning mansion.
We are also going to be hikingand wild dipping and it's about
massages and both have a privatechef attending.
Very different types of privatechefs there.
(03:51):
The one at the Edale Retreat isplant based, really whole foodie
and the one at the Cornwall oneis more kind of decadent,
indulgent.
If you're interested, go to mywebsite, rachaelbradyyoga.
com.
let's dive into the subjecttoday that's been on my heart
and mind this morning.
As I struggle to get everyoneout of the house on time so that
(04:11):
I can actually attend this yogaclass and do something for me,
that was what was on my mind,was how hard this is.
My youngest has been diagnosedwith autism, and it wasn't a
massive surprise.
I know a lot aboutneurodiversity because I'm
neurodivergent.
I have ADHD and I often wonderif I'm, autistic.
(04:34):
I know the term high functioningis not liked by many in the
autistic community, so sorryabout that, but I think I am, in
that area.
I also think ADHD and autism aretwo sides of the same coin.
However, I've also got an elderchild who is diagnosed ADHD and
my middle child, I will not besurprised if she has ADHD.
(04:56):
So we're that type of family.
why that's relevant is it addsan extra layer of crazy, an
extra layer of emotionaldysregulation, an extra layer of
disorganization.
One of the things I wanted totalk about today and what I'm
going to call this podcast ishow motherhood can kill your
spirituality.
(05:18):
I didn't mean for that to befunny, but it just made me
laugh.
There's this thing that I oftenthink and I go to my yoga
trainings and I go to my yogaretreats and I'm like, wait, I'm
the only midlife mom on thisretreat.
They're either older and theirkids have grown up or they're
younger.
I haven't had kids yet, orthey're like my age and haven't
(05:40):
got kids.
It's really rare that I go on aretreat or a training and meet
someone with kids the same age.
Particularly not the six yearold.
I don't go on many spiritualevents, trainings, retreats, and
meet people who are in the thickof it as much as I am.
(06:00):
And that made me think aboutthat.
I was like, why is that?
And I think it's because they'retoo stressed, they are not in
touch with their inner landscapebecause they're living by the
seat of their pants, all those,cliches, their feet never touch
the ground, they're swept up 100percent by motherhood I don't
say that in a judgy way, it'snigh on impossible to have
(06:24):
anything else in your life,apart from, people, work, This
is my work, so I work too, Imade a podcast before this, I
haven't published it yet becauseI'm a bit scared around my
historic alcohol use disorder,my struggle with alcohol, that's
also something that can killyour spirituality, I feel like
there's a theme here in theseepisodes that I'm doing now, but
(06:46):
the other thing is motherhood, Ithink motherhood can and not
necessarily in a good way.
You lose yourself in motherhood.
It's that parasitic nature.
And this sounds awful, doesn'tit?
I must be putting people offhaving kids who are listening to
this, but it's true.
It really is like the biggestsacrifice.
(07:07):
Don't get me wrong on the giftin return that God gave us, that
the universe gave us is thisincredible love, not romantic
love, motherly, motherly love.
And it's Number one love, in myopinion.
Apart from the love that youhave for yourself, it's
different though.
And you would, yeah, you'd doanything for that child.
(07:28):
Anything.
And even though sometimes youliterally want to throw them out
the back door and then lock thedoor.
you can dislike your childintently, but then you love them
so much also.
And we're having struggles.
It's very challenging.
It's all consuming.
I'm processing this out loud,which is what I do when I record
(07:51):
these, in the act of processing,which is how I work best rather
than making notes and, planningit all.
I think what I've done is swapout alcohol.
That was my release system.
my escape.
now it's spirituality and I'vereally come home to myself in
that sense.
instead of looking outside ofmyself for an escape.
I'm going to show you guys alittle bit of what it's like to
(08:13):
be on a hot yoga mat.
I'm going to show you guys alittle bit of what it's like to
be on a hot yoga mat.
(08:34):
the gorgeous teacher is doingthis gorgeous class and I'm just
like, Oh God, this was so worthit.
But yeah, it really did stressme out getting everything
together this morning.
my six year old will not getdressed on his own.
He cannot do it yet.
He sees it as a demand.
He's demand avoidant.
We have this tussle every day.
(08:55):
this morning I dealt with it butif I didn't and I lost it last
night with him really badbecause I was on the computer to
Apple trying to get myteenager's iCloud password so
that he can use his homework appproperly the other kid was just
doing his nut because somethinghappened on Minecraft, he had a
complete meltdown and wasattacking me, physically
attacking me like I explainedafter it had all calmed down and
(09:17):
I apologise for losing my tempera little bit, I said to my
eldest, you know I have thisbucket and it's full of motherly
love and I'm sorry.
And I use it and it's there andI've been an amazing mom all day
and then it's empty.
And the thing is, this businessalso empties that bucket.
The domestic chores of a motherand a wife also empty the
(09:41):
bucket.
I spoke to a parenting coachrecently and I spilled my guts
out.
She's great I'm going to link toher in the show notes.
She's very affordable,accessible, pragmatic,
hilariously funny, sweary.
super open minded and saysthings you don't expect to hear.
it was very refreshing workingwith her for a session.
(10:01):
I'll link to her in the shownotes for you other mothers out
there.
And she goes to me, yeah, I'veread all the notes.
I've looked at everything andyou haven't got many spoons.
And I was like, what does thatmean?
And she's everybody's got acertain amount of spoons.
At every point in their life.
And she was like, so if you havea cleaner and you have cleaning
(10:22):
help, you've got an extra spoon.
And I was like, yeah, I haveactually got a cleaner at the
meant going to message her andsaying, no, we don't need you.
Cause it's like literally allthe money in my business just
goes to pay the cleaner who Iadore, and she's brilliant, but
I feel guilty.
So if you have family near youthat regularly help you, you've
got a spoon.
(10:43):
If you have enough money comingin to have disposable income,
You've got a spoon.
if you were handed the gift of asolid, secure upbringing, you've
got a spoon.
if you're housed in a nice houseand it's warm and a healthy
home, you've got a spoon.
If you've only got one kid,you've got a spoon If your
marriage is good, you've got aspoon.
(11:03):
if you've got a supportednetwork of friends and so on and
so on, if you haven't got thosethings, if you've got
neurotypical kids.
And she was saying to me, you'venot got many spoons at the
minute.
it was one of the things thatmade me get a cleaner.
Because I was like, shit, man,she's right.
I haven't got many spoons.
I'm doing everything.
(11:24):
I know I'm privileged, I knowI've had a good upbringing, I
know I've got a nice home.
I know I've got a supportivehusband and we've got money.
We've got a lot of spoons.
God, a lot of mothers have notgot many spoons.
But with what I want to do withmy life, which is have more
spoons so that I can havecapacity to run a business, be a
fucking nice mom and not lose myshit, then I needed more spoons.
(11:49):
so I needed to use the resourceswe do have to invest in more
help and more support.
And that's what I did.
self care, you can give yourselfback some spoons by giving
yourself self care, by puttingboundaries around the things
that you do, by saying no tothings like, no, I can't help
with that this weekend, I'mgoing to have a day to myself,
(12:12):
or no, I can't look after yourkid every single week on this
day because me and my kid aregoing to the park, So it's all
about the spoons and thecapacity.
If you've got a load of spoons,you're doing great.
You might look at other mums andbe like, why is she finding this
so hard?
you've got one or twoneurotypical children.
You've got your mum and daddylive nearby and an auntie and a
(12:33):
sister.
Maybe you've got a balanced worklife balance.
Maybe your husband's supportiveand does loads of housework.
You got a few spoons and I'm notmad about it.
Like I'm happy for you, but noteverybody has that.
Some of it's privilege and someof it is just situational.
It can really affect how youshow up in the world.
(12:54):
You only have so much executivefunction.
You only have so much space inyour brain for something else.
And I think so many moms turn towine because of this.
The mommy wine culture, like Idon't really talk much about it,
but some people in the sobercircles that I'm in really focus
(13:15):
on it.
On that in their work.
It really is insidious.
It's like wine mummy drinks andthings like that, like the book
Wine Mummy Drinks.
I don't wanna have a go at theauthor.
I know she was just being funny,but it's not really funny.
It's funny if it's like you havethe odd glass of wine here and
there, but so many moms aregoing home and piling back, half
(13:35):
a bottle or a bottle a nightmore even sometimes.
So I wasn't a daily winedrinker, but I definitely used
wine to cook.
With the madness of the kids,and the boredom of motherhood
sometimes.
The lack of company, lack ofcreativity, lack of brain use.
You give up a lot to be a mom.
I gave up a job that I love.
(13:56):
Don't get me wrong, I also lovebeing a mom, and I love being a
stay at home mom.
A lot of people were like, Icould not do what you do.
I literally would hate it.
I'm like, no, I like it.
I like cooking.
I like being at home.
I'm a bit of a home bird.
I'm chatty, but I'm actually anintrovert.
I can be an extrovert at times,in the right setting.
socializing exhausts me, andbeing alone fuels me.
(14:19):
So I would say I'm mainly anintrovert.
spirituality is something youneed to give time to.
you can absolutely explorespirituality and have a
spiritual practice, and beinnately spiritual, because I
feel like it is innate.
you can talk to God, and you canhave a sense of knowing, one
person I'm going to be speakingto, on the podcast is a mum.
I can't wait to speak to herbecause not many of the people
(14:42):
I'm lining up for interviews areat the thick of it stage like I
am.
not many people on trainings andretreats are because they are so
in the thick of it.
They simply haven't got time togive and commit and practice.
In our yoga sutra studiesrecently, we did the yoga sutra.
1.
7 or 1.
8 it's Varegya and Abhyasa, whatthey are is basically letting go
(15:08):
and practice.
spirituality is a practice, yogais a practice, meditation is a
practice, praying is a practice,going to church is a practice.
I'm more on the kind of yogicspirituality.
It's a practice to show up in aspiritual way every day and do
the practices that the YogaSutras tell us about.
(15:29):
The Yoga Sutras is like a mentalhealth guide.
It's all about how to use yoga,and by yoga means full spectrum
yoga, so the Yamas and Niyamas,which are a bit like the Ten
Commandments, how you should actwith yourself and other people,
then there's three aboutmindfulness.
One about meditation, one aboutbreath work, one of the eight
limbs is about the movement.
(15:50):
And it's all taking you to thisbliss state, whereby you are
stilling the fluctuations of themind.
And so the yoga sutras go intodetail about the eight limbs,
and they basically say if you doall of this, you're going to
have amazing mental health andyou're going to reach this bliss
state.
So it's telling you how to be aspiritual person.
(16:13):
Now, it takes time to study thatI'm doing it because it's my
business, because it's mycalling, it's my purpose, and
I'm going to hopefully meetother mums on the path that I'll
speak to in this podcast.
But for most day to dayhouseholder mums, you just don't
have time to.
And so your spiritual practicemight be a weekly yoga class
where your head touches the matin child's pose and you have a
(16:35):
moment and go inwards andbreathe and that's your
spiritual practice.
there's no measurement.
It's not you did five minutesthis week.
You are spiritual, you aren'tspiritual, but what I'm finding
and really diving into is thatit's okay to acknowledge that at
the motherhood time in our liveswe might not be that active in
our practice of spirituality.
(16:56):
So ways that we could access ourown spirituality and motherhood
are like go to yoga classes whenyou can.
Try and have that daily sadhana,but Don't be so rigid and fixed
about it always being in themorning because it's really hard
to do that when you've got kidsjumping all over you and kids
that wake up early and so on.
I've got a very flexibleSadhana.
(17:17):
it's great when it happens inthe morning.
that's the time that I share onInstagram when it's going
perfectly.
It's not always going perfectly.
a lot of the time, I don't havespace, time, whatever, to
practice it, in the morning.
The beautiful thing about a fiveminute meditation practice.
is you don't need anything, youdon't have to have a twice
daily, 20 minute practice, whichis what I'm trying to cultivate.
(17:38):
you can do it at work, on thetube, in the car.
You can just breathe and bringyour mind back to stillness,
Those thoughts in the car parkin your mind, just taking them
to one side that you'll dealwith later.
I'm gonna round it up becauseI'm nearing where my yoga class
is, I'm going to reflect on howmotherhood can kill your
spirituality, please takecomfort in the fact that, this
(18:02):
isn't forever, enjoy it.
seeing the practice ofmotherhood as the ultimate
spiritual assignment, it reallyis.
no other thing will test youlike motherhood will.
Nothing will test your rage,your capability for equanimity,
which is the opposite of rage.
That's my ultimate spiritualassignment in this lifetime.
(18:22):
I'm a good person, right?
And I've come to accept that.
Whereas for a long time, I waslike, Oh my God, I don't think
I'm a good person because I havethis innate rage and struggle
with it.
maybe we'll get into that infurther episodes.
it's been a journey for me tolearn how to, in the moment,
(18:42):
find my peace.
especially when I'm beingtriggered by.
The kids.
I sound like such an awful mom.
I adore my kids and they'reamazing I feel like my third
child who I adore is my ultimatespiritual assignment and he has
really showed me my shadow selfand I feel like I was meant to
be his mom.
He was absolutely signed up forthis assignment and so was I and
(19:07):
we were meant to face off inthis way and to come together in
this way.
I adore this kid, like me andhim are going On holiday on our
own next week.
we are besties.
We have a club.
We call it bestie club.
We have our own handshake.
He's my bestie, but he's alsoreally challenging.
And so that's the universe's waythis kid's gonna challenge you
(19:28):
and make you heal the stuff youneed to heal.
What do you think is motherhoodthe ultimate spirituality
killer?
leave a comment, and pleasereview.
Please give me feedback.
Honestly, I really wantfeedback.
Give me some subjects to talkabout, and if you are a
spiritual person, I would loveto hear your spiritual life
(19:48):
journey.
You don't have to have aspiritual business, necessarily,
although most people I think dothat are coming on.
I really want to hear women'sspiritual life journeys, their
life stories, and how they staygrounded.
Okay, love you so much, that isall for now, bye bye.
Hi.
Welcome to what I think will beepisode six.
if you know me, you'll know thatdates, numbers, anything like
that, I make mistakes with themfrequently.
I think it's a bit of my ADHD,but, please bear with if it's
not Episode six, whatever.
Not important.
Yeah, so I'm actually in the carand I'm making my way to a yoga
(01:00):
class.
I'm trying to practice more yogain real old school studios.
You only really get those typesof things in cities.
So I drive half an hour toSheffield to go to a awesome
studio, give them a shout outactually Soulfire Studios in
Sheffield.
And actually I'd really like tointerview a few of the guys from
(01:21):
there for this podcast.
Talking about interviews, Iactually have started to make
reach outs, to people to come onand I've got some good ones, all
women.
I think the direction thispodcast is taking is that I want
to speak to women, about theirspiritual life story and how
they stay conscious butgrounded.
It's definitely women for meright now, because I think it's
(01:43):
all about, Exploring how wespiritual collective, help move
the needle forward in the worldand leave it a better place than
it was when we got here in thisincarnation.
I've got some good interviewslined up.
In terms of housekeeping, Pleasefollow me on Instagram if you
don't already.
That's where I hang out mostly.
I also just started a Facebookgroup.
(02:04):
I was hesitant to do this.
Because I've done a couplebefore and they fell by the
wayside and I'm trying to learnthe lessons of taking too much
on.
However, from havingconversations with other soul
led entrepreneurs, healers,coaches, therapists, mediums,
artists, those types of thingsthat are the people that I'm
speaking to in this podcast aswell.
(02:25):
A lot of us have strengths andweaknesses in business and
marketing.
Sometimes we need other peoplein the space to network with and
collaborate with.
There's a lot of recurringthemes that come up I've got a
lot of the marketing hardskills, from my background I'm
quite techie So I want tosupport other women.
So if you were a female sole ledentrepreneur, that's what I
called the group.
(02:45):
I was very straight up.
I was very grounded, female soleled entrepreneurs.
I'll leave.
link to it below.
Please join if you want to be inthis space as an entrepreneur or
if you already are.
We can network with each other.
We can share our offerings.
Often I've found in these spacesthat, you go there to
collaborate or find out moreabout social media You end up
actually connecting with otherpeople and they use your
(03:07):
services and you use theirs, soit's really nice.
I have two retreats coming up.
The Wild Connection Retreat isin Edale and that is June 2nd to
June 5th.
that one is all about thewilderness, nature, wild dips
and waterfalls, hiking and yoga.
the next one after that is inNovember.
I've got November 9th toNovember 15th.
(03:30):
it's called the Embodied QueenRetreat and that's down in
Cornwall and that is all aboutluxury, wood fired hot tub,
beautiful, stunning mansion.
We are also going to be hikingand wild dipping and it's about
massages and both have a privatechef attending.
Very different types of privatechefs there.
(03:51):
The one at the Edale Retreat isplant based, really whole foodie
and the one at the Cornwall oneis more kind of decadent,
indulgent.
If you're interested, go to mywebsite, rachaelbradyyoga.
com.
let's dive into the subjecttoday that's been on my heart
and mind this morning.
As I struggle to get everyoneout of the house on time so that
(04:11):
I can actually attend this yogaclass and do something for me,
that was what was on my mind,was how hard this is.
My youngest has been diagnosedwith autism, and it wasn't a
massive surprise.
I know a lot aboutneurodiversity because I'm
neurodivergent.
I have ADHD and I often wonderif I'm, autistic.
(04:34):
I know the term high functioningis not liked by many in the
autistic community, so sorryabout that, but I think I am, in
that area.
I also think ADHD and autism aretwo sides of the same coin.
However, I've also got an elderchild who is diagnosed ADHD and
my middle child, I will not besurprised if she has ADHD.
(04:56):
So we're that type of family.
why that's relevant is it addsan extra layer of crazy, an
extra layer of emotionaldysregulation, an extra layer of
disorganization.
One of the things I wanted totalk about today and what I'm
going to call this podcast ishow motherhood can kill your
spirituality.
(05:18):
I didn't mean for that to befunny, but it just made me
laugh.
There's this thing that I oftenthink and I go to my yoga
trainings and I go to my yogaretreats and I'm like, wait, I'm
the only midlife mom on thisretreat.
They're either older and theirkids have grown up or they're
younger.
I haven't had kids yet, orthey're like my age and haven't
(05:40):
got kids.
It's really rare that I go on aretreat or a training and meet
someone with kids the same age.
Particularly not the six yearold.
I don't go on many spiritualevents, trainings, retreats, and
meet people who are in the thickof it as much as I am.
(06:00):
And that made me think aboutthat.
I was like, why is that?
And I think it's because they'retoo stressed, they are not in
touch with their inner landscapebecause they're living by the
seat of their pants, all those,cliches, their feet never touch
the ground, they're swept up 100percent by motherhood I don't
say that in a judgy way, it'snigh on impossible to have
(06:24):
anything else in your life,apart from, people, work, This
is my work, so I work too, Imade a podcast before this, I
haven't published it yet becauseI'm a bit scared around my
historic alcohol use disorder,my struggle with alcohol, that's
also something that can killyour spirituality, I feel like
there's a theme here in theseepisodes that I'm doing now, but
(06:46):
the other thing is motherhood, Ithink motherhood can and not
necessarily in a good way.
You lose yourself in motherhood.
It's that parasitic nature.
And this sounds awful, doesn'tit?
I must be putting people offhaving kids who are listening to
this, but it's true.
It really is like the biggestsacrifice.
(07:07):
Don't get me wrong on the giftin return that God gave us, that
the universe gave us is thisincredible love, not romantic
love, motherly, motherly love.
And it's Number one love, in myopinion.
Apart from the love that youhave for yourself, it's
different though.
And you would, yeah, you'd doanything for that child.
(07:28):
Anything.
And even though sometimes youliterally want to throw them out
the back door and then lock thedoor.
you can dislike your childintently, but then you love them
so much also.
And we're having struggles.
It's very challenging.
It's all consuming.
I'm processing this out loud,which is what I do when I record
(07:51):
these, in the act of processing,which is how I work best rather
than making notes and, planningit all.
I think what I've done is swapout alcohol.
That was my release system.
my escape.
now it's spirituality and I'vereally come home to myself in
that sense.
instead of looking outside ofmyself for an escape.
I'm going to show you guys alittle bit of what it's like to
(08:13):
be on a hot yoga mat.
I'm going to show you guys alittle bit of what it's like to
be on a hot yoga mat.
(08:34):
the gorgeous teacher is doingthis gorgeous class and I'm just
like, Oh God, this was so worthit.
But yeah, it really did stressme out getting everything
together this morning.
my six year old will not getdressed on his own.
He cannot do it yet.
He sees it as a demand.
He's demand avoidant.
We have this tussle every day.
(08:55):
this morning I dealt with it butif I didn't and I lost it last
night with him really badbecause I was on the computer to
Apple trying to get myteenager's iCloud password so
that he can use his homework appproperly the other kid was just
doing his nut because somethinghappened on Minecraft, he had a
complete meltdown and wasattacking me, physically
attacking me like I explainedafter it had all calmed down and
(09:17):
I apologise for losing my tempera little bit, I said to my
eldest, you know I have thisbucket and it's full of motherly
love and I'm sorry.
And I use it and it's there andI've been an amazing mom all day
and then it's empty.
And the thing is, this businessalso empties that bucket.
The domestic chores of a motherand a wife also empty the
(09:41):
bucket.
I spoke to a parenting coachrecently and I spilled my guts
out.
She's great I'm going to link toher in the show notes.
She's very affordable,accessible, pragmatic,
hilariously funny, sweary.
super open minded and saysthings you don't expect to hear.
it was very refreshing workingwith her for a session.
(10:01):
I'll link to her in the shownotes for you other mothers out
there.
And she goes to me, yeah, I'veread all the notes.
I've looked at everything andyou haven't got many spoons.
And I was like, what does thatmean?
And she's everybody's got acertain amount of spoons.
At every point in their life.
And she was like, so if you havea cleaner and you have cleaning
(10:22):
help, you've got an extra spoon.
And I was like, yeah, I haveactually got a cleaner at the
meant going to message her andsaying, no, we don't need you.
Cause it's like literally allthe money in my business just
goes to pay the cleaner who Iadore, and she's brilliant, but
I feel guilty.
So if you have family near youthat regularly help you, you've
got a spoon.
(10:43):
If you have enough money comingin to have disposable income,
You've got a spoon.
if you were handed the gift of asolid, secure upbringing, you've
got a spoon.
if you're housed in a nice houseand it's warm and a healthy
home, you've got a spoon.
If you've only got one kid,you've got a spoon If your
marriage is good, you've got aspoon.
(11:03):
if you've got a supportednetwork of friends and so on and
so on, if you haven't got thosethings, if you've got
neurotypical kids.
And she was saying to me, you'venot got many spoons at the
minute.
it was one of the things thatmade me get a cleaner.
Because I was like, shit, man,she's right.
I haven't got many spoons.
I'm doing everything.
(11:24):
I know I'm privileged, I knowI've had a good upbringing, I
know I've got a nice home.
I know I've got a supportivehusband and we've got money.
We've got a lot of spoons.
God, a lot of mothers have notgot many spoons.
But with what I want to do withmy life, which is have more
spoons so that I can havecapacity to run a business, be a
fucking nice mom and not lose myshit, then I needed more spoons.
(11:49):
so I needed to use the resourceswe do have to invest in more
help and more support.
And that's what I did.
self care, you can give yourselfback some spoons by giving
yourself self care, by puttingboundaries around the things
that you do, by saying no tothings like, no, I can't help
with that this weekend, I'mgoing to have a day to myself,
(12:12):
or no, I can't look after yourkid every single week on this
day because me and my kid aregoing to the park, So it's all
about the spoons and thecapacity.
If you've got a load of spoons,you're doing great.
You might look at other mums andbe like, why is she finding this
so hard?
you've got one or twoneurotypical children.
You've got your mum and daddylive nearby and an auntie and a
(12:33):
sister.
Maybe you've got a balanced worklife balance.
Maybe your husband's supportiveand does loads of housework.
You got a few spoons and I'm notmad about it.
Like I'm happy for you, but noteverybody has that.
Some of it's privilege and someof it is just situational.
It can really affect how youshow up in the world.
(12:54):
You only have so much executivefunction.
You only have so much space inyour brain for something else.
And I think so many moms turn towine because of this.
The mommy wine culture, like Idon't really talk much about it,
but some people in the sobercircles that I'm in really focus
(13:15):
on it.
On that in their work.
It really is insidious.
It's like wine mummy drinks andthings like that, like the book
Wine Mummy Drinks.
I don't wanna have a go at theauthor.
I know she was just being funny,but it's not really funny.
It's funny if it's like you havethe odd glass of wine here and
there, but so many moms aregoing home and piling back, half
(13:35):
a bottle or a bottle a nightmore even sometimes.
So I wasn't a daily winedrinker, but I definitely used
wine to cook.
With the madness of the kids,and the boredom of motherhood
sometimes.
The lack of company, lack ofcreativity, lack of brain use.
You give up a lot to be a mom.
I gave up a job that I love.
(13:56):
Don't get me wrong, I also lovebeing a mom, and I love being a
stay at home mom.
A lot of people were like, Icould not do what you do.
I literally would hate it.
I'm like, no, I like it.
I like cooking.
I like being at home.
I'm a bit of a home bird.
I'm chatty, but I'm actually anintrovert.
I can be an extrovert at times,in the right setting.
socializing exhausts me, andbeing alone fuels me.
(14:19):
So I would say I'm mainly anintrovert.
spirituality is something youneed to give time to.
you can absolutely explorespirituality and have a
spiritual practice, and beinnately spiritual, because I
feel like it is innate.
you can talk to God, and you canhave a sense of knowing, one
person I'm going to be speakingto, on the podcast is a mum.
I can't wait to speak to herbecause not many of the people
(14:42):
I'm lining up for interviews areat the thick of it stage like I
am.
not many people on trainings andretreats are because they are so
in the thick of it.
They simply haven't got time togive and commit and practice.
In our yoga sutra studiesrecently, we did the yoga sutra.
1.
7 or 1.
8 it's Varegya and Abhyasa, whatthey are is basically letting go
(15:08):
and practice.
spirituality is a practice, yogais a practice, meditation is a
practice, praying is a practice,going to church is a practice.
I'm more on the kind of yogicspirituality.
It's a practice to show up in aspiritual way every day and do
the practices that the YogaSutras tell us about.
(15:29):
The Yoga Sutras is like a mentalhealth guide.
It's all about how to use yoga,and by yoga means full spectrum
yoga, so the Yamas and Niyamas,which are a bit like the Ten
Commandments, how you should actwith yourself and other people,
then there's three aboutmindfulness.
One about meditation, one aboutbreath work, one of the eight
limbs is about the movement.
(15:50):
And it's all taking you to thisbliss state, whereby you are
stilling the fluctuations of themind.
And so the yoga sutras go intodetail about the eight limbs,
and they basically say if you doall of this, you're going to
have amazing mental health andyou're going to reach this bliss
state.
So it's telling you how to be aspiritual person.
(16:13):
Now, it takes time to study thatI'm doing it because it's my
business, because it's mycalling, it's my purpose, and
I'm going to hopefully meetother mums on the path that I'll
speak to in this podcast.
But for most day to dayhouseholder mums, you just don't
have time to.
And so your spiritual practicemight be a weekly yoga class
where your head touches the matin child's pose and you have a
(16:35):
moment and go inwards andbreathe and that's your
spiritual practice.
there's no measurement.
It's not you did five minutesthis week.
You are spiritual, you aren'tspiritual, but what I'm finding
and really diving into is thatit's okay to acknowledge that at
the motherhood time in our liveswe might not be that active in
our practice of spirituality.
(16:56):
So ways that we could access ourown spirituality and motherhood
are like go to yoga classes whenyou can.
Try and have that daily sadhana,but Don't be so rigid and fixed
about it always being in themorning because it's really hard
to do that when you've got kidsjumping all over you and kids
that wake up early and so on.
I've got a very flexibleSadhana.
(17:17):
it's great when it happens inthe morning.
that's the time that I share onInstagram when it's going
perfectly.
It's not always going perfectly.
a lot of the time, I don't havespace, time, whatever, to
practice it, in the morning.
The beautiful thing about a fiveminute meditation practice.
is you don't need anything, youdon't have to have a twice
daily, 20 minute practice, whichis what I'm trying to cultivate.
(17:38):
you can do it at work, on thetube, in the car.
You can just breathe and bringyour mind back to stillness,
Those thoughts in the car parkin your mind, just taking them
to one side that you'll dealwith later.
I'm gonna round it up becauseI'm nearing where my yoga class
is, I'm going to reflect on howmotherhood can kill your
spirituality, please takecomfort in the fact that, this
(18:02):
isn't forever, enjoy it.
seeing the practice ofmotherhood as the ultimate
spiritual assignment, it reallyis.
no other thing will test youlike motherhood will.
Nothing will test your rage,your capability for equanimity,
which is the opposite of rage.
That's my ultimate spiritualassignment in this lifetime.
(18:22):
I'm a good person, right?
And I've come to accept that.
Whereas for a long time, I waslike, Oh my God, I don't think
I'm a good person because I havethis innate rage and struggle
with it.
maybe we'll get into that infurther episodes.
it's been a journey for me tolearn how to, in the moment,
(18:42):
find my peace.
especially when I'm beingtriggered by.
The kids.
I sound like such an awful mom.
I adore my kids and they'reamazing I feel like my third
child who I adore is my ultimatespiritual assignment and he has
really showed me my shadow selfand I feel like I was meant to
be his mom.
He was absolutely signed up forthis assignment and so was I and
(19:07):
we were meant to face off inthis way and to come together in
this way.
I adore this kid, like me andhim are going On holiday on our
own next week.
we are besties.
We have a club.
We call it bestie club.
We have our own handshake.
He's my bestie, but he's alsoreally challenging.
And so that's the universe's waythis kid's gonna challenge you
(19:28):
and make you heal the stuff youneed to heal.
What do you think is motherhoodthe ultimate spirituality
killer?
leave a comment, and pleasereview.
Please give me feedback.
Honestly, I really wantfeedback.
Give me some subjects to talkabout, and if you are a
spiritual person, I would loveto hear your spiritual life
(19:48):
journey.
You don't have to have aspiritual business, necessarily,
although most people I think dothat are coming on.
I really want to hear women'sspiritual life journeys, their
life stories, and how they staygrounded.
Okay, love you so much, that isall for now, bye bye.
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