August 10, 2025 • 27 mins
We explore the art and science of self-soothing when everything feels like too much, building what I call an emotional first aid kit for life's overwhelming moments.
• Emotional regulation is your brain's ability to navigate stress without chaos—a dance between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex
• When overwhelmed, our prefrontal cortex goes offline, triggering fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses
• Poor emotional regulation links to higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance use, and chronic illness
• Many of us grew up without learning emotional literacy—told to "toughen up" instead of process feelings
• The 5-4-3-2-1 technique engages all five senses to ground you in the present moment
• Labeling emotions ("I feel anxious") reduces their intensity by activating regulation centers in the brain
• Self-compassionate talk like "This is hard, but I'm not abandoning myself" creates internal safety
• Sensory comfort (soft textures, nature, movement) helps emotions move through rather than get stuck
• Creating a daily practice through comfort corners, feelings journals, or mantras rewires neural pathways
• Emotional regulation isn't about perfection—it's about learning to stay with yourself through difficult feelings
If something in today's episode resonated, I'd love to hear what's in your emotional first aid kit. Message me or join the conversation on Couch Time with Cat on Instagram.
Couch Time with Cat isn’t therapy—it’s real conversation designed to support your journey alongside any personal or professional help you're receiving. If you're in emotional crisis or need immediate support, please get in touch with a professional or reach out to a 24/7 helpline like:
- US: 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
- UK: Samaritans at 116 123
- Australia: Lifeline at 13 11 14
- Or find local resources through findahelpline.com
You’re not alone. Let’s take this one honest conversation at a time.
Follow the show and share it with someone who’s ready for healing, hope, and a more empowered way forward.
Show hosted by:
Catia Hernandez Holm, LMFT-A
Supervised by Susan Gonzales, LMFT-S, LPC-S
You can connect with Catia at couchtimewithcat.com
and
To become a client visit- catiaholm.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, your safe place for
real conversation and a gentlecheck-in.
KWVH presents Couch Time withCat.
Hi, I'm Cat, trauma therapist,coach, TEDx speaker,
best-selling author, and yourhost here on Couch Time with Cat
.
I've spent over a decadewalking alongside people through
(00:21):
the real, raw and sacred workof becoming whole again.
Alongside people through thereal raw, and sacred work of
becoming whole again.
Catch Time with Cat MentalWellness with a Friendly Voice
is where we have conversationsthat are equal parts science and
soul.
This is where we get honestabout anxiety, grief, burnout,
relationships and the braveeveryday work of healing.
You don't have to have it allfigured out to belong here.
(00:42):
Whether you're tuning in rightfrom here in the hill country or
listening across the world, Iwant you to feel seen, supported
and reminded that you're notalone.
So find your cozy spot, take adeep breath and let's talk about
what it means to be humantogether.
Have you ever had one of thosedays where everything just feels
(01:02):
like too much?
The noise of the world, thebuzz in your brain.
Your heart is racing.
You're trying to keep ittogether, but inside it's like a
storm of emotions that youcan't quite name or contain.
I remember one evening, after along day of sessions and
(01:23):
parenting and trying to juggle amillion invisible tasks, I
found myself standing in mykitchen, completely frozen.
The dishes were piled up, myphone was buzzing and all I
could do was hold the counterand breathe.
In that moment, I realized Iwas overwhelmed, not just by the
(01:45):
day, but by months of pushingthrough without checking in.
That's what we're talking abouttoday how to care for yourself
when it feels like everything istoo much.
How to soothe the storm inside,because self-soothing isn't
(02:10):
just for babies.
It's a lifelong skill, one thatmany of us were never taught.
Today's episode is your guideto building your emotional first
aid kit.
Let's explore the art and thescience of self-soothing Before
(02:40):
we dive into the how.
Let's explore the why.
Emotional regulation is yourbrain's ability to navigate
emotional stress withoutflipping into full-blown chaos.
It's what allows you to feel asurge of frustration and choose
to take a breath instead ofsnapping I know we have all felt
that in rush hour traffic or tonotice sadness and give it
(03:04):
space instead of running from it.
Neurologically, it's a dancebetween the amygdala and the
brain, or the amygdala, thebrain's alarm system and the
prefrontal cortex, which helpsus assess, plan and soothe.
When we're emotionallyoverwhelmed, our prefrontal
(03:29):
cortex can go offline and we gointo fight, flight, freeze or
fawn.
I know you guys have heard offight or flight.
There's also freeze, andscience has shown us that there
is also something, a state,called fawn your brain, your
(04:14):
body, you assess all the dangersaround you and in one quick
second you decide.
The best way for me to keepmyself safe is to do whatever
this person wants.
Fawn is usually a traumaresponse.
Studies show that poor emotionalregulation is linked to higher
rates of anxiety, depression,substance use and even chronic
illness.
So think of your highs being sohigh and the lows being so low,
(04:38):
and constantly just up and downand up and down, like just the
worst roller coaster ride you'veever taken, and being in
constant reaction to what'shappening around you.
When we don't practiceemotional regulation, we are
constantly reacting to externalstimuli and we are disempowered.
(05:05):
We are relying on externalforces to help us feel good in
that moment.
What this show is going toteach you and give you
actionable tools to take so thatyou can start to respond to
these external stimuli in a waythat helps you feel safe,
(05:30):
grounded and empowered so youcan act from a place of your
values instead of just reactingfrom emotional dysregulation.
The CDC reports that emotionaldysregulation is a key factor in
long-term mental healthchallenges beginning as early as
(05:51):
childhood.
Ask yourself do I often feel outof control emotionally?
Do I react quickly and regretit later?
That feels like a snap, likeyou short circuit and you think,
(06:16):
darn it, I wish I wouldn't havedone that.
Do you avoid or numb difficultfeelings instead of sitting with
them?
This can look like being reallystressed and deciding to go
over work.
This can look like beingstressed and deciding to have
six bottles of wine.
This can look like beingstressed.
(06:36):
And it can even look likesomething good quote unquote
like organizing your pantry downto the last battery.
Do you avoid or numb difficultfeelings instead of sitting with
them?
All of us do this to somedegree.
I'd say most of us do this tosome degree.
But how healthy you are and howemotionally balanced you feel,
(07:03):
your emotional wellness is onthe spectrum and the more you
can become emotionally regulated, the less these things will
impact you.
So if you answered yes to do Ioften feel out of control
emotionally?
Do I react quickly and regretit later?
(07:24):
Do I avoid or numb difficultfeelings instead of sitting with
them.
If you answered yes to those,then emotional regulation may be
a skill worth strengthening.
Many of us grew up inenvironments that didn't teach
emotional literacy.
(07:44):
We were told to be quiet, tostop crying, to toughen up, we
learned that big feelings were aproblem to fix, not a message
to listen to.
My culture prized strength andstoicism.
Emotions were messy, and messywasn't safe.
(08:08):
I spent years perfecting theart of being fine, but the truth
is pretending to be fine isexhausting and it disconnects us
from ourselves.
Soothing yourself can feelawkward at first, especially if
kindness wasn't modeled,especially if your nervous
(08:31):
system learned that safetyequals suppression.
But emotional regulation is notabout being unshakable.
It's not about being perfectlypeaceful all the time.
It's not about being in a Zenstate.
It's about meeting yourfeelings with presence and not
(08:54):
punishment.
Emotional regulation isn'tabout controlling your feelings.
It's about learning how to carefor them.
It's about learning how to carefor them.
Listener, in an effort to helpand support you where you are, I
want to give you a few toolsthe Emotional First Aid Kit.
(09:19):
So three little bits that youcan take with you into your week
and apply them when you wantand need.
First, we're going to talkabout grounding the body.
When your nervous system isactivated, we can start with our
body.
So let's place our hand on ourheart and we're going to inhale
(09:43):
deeply through the nose andwe're going to exhale slowly and
(10:07):
then say I'm safe right now.
The trick to the inhale and theexhale is the exhale has to be
longer, slow.
You can pretend like you'reholding a hot cup of tea or a
hot cup of soup and like you'rejust cooling it down.
A hot cup of tea or a hot cupof soup and like you're just
(10:29):
cooling it down.
The long exhale signals to yournervous system that you are
safe and it's okay to relax.
Here's another tool.
It's called the 5-4-3-2-1technique.
This engages your senses and itbrings you back to the present.
So let's get started.
(10:52):
Five name five things you cansee right now, right in front of
you.
I'll do it with you.
I can see green leaves.
I can see a camel-colored chair.
I can see my pink phone cover.
I can see my clear bottle ofwater and I can see this black
(11:17):
radio microphone.
Okay, four Name four things youcan touch with your fingers and
tell me how they feel.
I'll do it with you.
I can touch this table it'ssmooth.
I can touch my jeans they'rekind of coarse.
I can touch my hair it's soft.
(11:41):
And I can touch my gold ring.
You guys know I wear all thegold and it's cool.
Let's move on to number three.
What are three things you canhear and tell me how they sound?
I can hear the radio stationmusic very faintly.
(12:04):
I can hear my hair brushing upagainst the collar of my shirt,
my hair brushing up against thecollar of my shirt, and I can
hear my own voice and I can hearmy producer's voice.
So that's four.
Two, what are two things you cansmell right now?
(12:26):
I can smell the podcast studioair and I can smell my perfume.
And lastly, one Name, one thingyou can taste, even if you're
(12:49):
not eating or drinking anything.
What's one thing you can taste?
I can taste my leftover coffee.
So there we go.
The 5-4-3-2-1 technique engagesyour senses and it brings you
back to the present moment.
It's like turning all the lightswitches on for our senses,
(13:13):
which helps us emotionallyregulate, because, instead of
thinking and stewing andbuilding the story and getting
bigger and bigger and madder andmadder, it brings us into the
room that we're sitting in,which is often a pretty safe
space, which is often a prettysafe space.
(13:34):
Lastly, another technique youcould use is you can splash cold
water on your hands, or you cansplash cold water on your face,
and that will stimulate yourvagus nerve and interrupts panic
.
So, with these mechanisms, withthese tools you have, where do
(13:59):
you feel stress in your body?
Do you feel it in your chest,your gut, your jaw?
We want to look at the art ofemotional self-regulation
through different perspectives,and the body is one.
Let's take a look from anotherperspective Labeling emotions,
(14:24):
as we've discussed before.
Labeling emotions reducesintensity, so you can speak it.
Intensity, so you can speak it.
I feel anxious, I feel small, Ifeel overwhelmed, or they can
be great ones.
I feel blessed, I feel healthy,I feel excited.
We can write it, so we canjournal without judgment.
(14:48):
I'm so excited that I got thisnew opportunity.
I'm thrilled that I met a newfriend at the park.
I am so thrilled to get thisproject at work.
I hope that I do a good job andaccept it.
We can feel more than oneemotion at a time, so maybe we
(15:11):
feel anxious about something andwe feel hopeful about something
else.
We feel anxious and hopeful,and that's okay.
Learning to hold differentemotions and learning to give
ourselves permission to feeldifferent emotions at once is a
beautiful step in our emotionalmaturity and emotional wellness.
(15:37):
Nothing happens in a vacuum.
I know you've had those dayswhere they're just so tough, but
then also something reallybeautiful happens, and then we
have this tension inside of usthat thinks, no, no, no, no.
We have to give all ourattention to those negative
feelings or to the negativity inthe day we can't give ourselves
(15:57):
permission to to really enjoythat silver lining.
But what if we did?
What if we allowed ourselves tohold love and grief or love and
sadness in the very same breath?
Naming emotions lights up thebrain's regulation centers and
(16:18):
calms the fear response.
So labeling emotions is anotherway you can help emotionally
regulate yourself.
Thirdly and this is where thehealing happens and this is
where it's going to maybe get alittle gooey is you can offer
(16:40):
yourself comfort, soothing selftalk.
I know for a lot of you this is.
You are going to roll your eyesat me.
You are going to think thislady is off her rocker.
I will be so honest.
My therapist gave me this as asuggestion six or seven years
(17:05):
ago and I didn't employ it forabout five years.
I just couldn't, I couldn't, Iwasn't there, and that's okay.
I came to it in my own time.
So if you're out there and whatI'm about to say, you roll your
eyes so hard, I get it.
I was there too.
Just kind of keep this in yourpocket for next time.
(17:28):
For those of you who are ready,let's do this together.
Okay, soothing self talk.
Here's an example of somethingyou can share with yourself.
I'm here.
This is hard, but I'm notabandoning myself.
I'm here.
(17:49):
This is hard, but I'm notabandoning myself.
You are older, you are wiser andyou can handle this.
You can stay with yourself.
You do not have to run awayfrom your difficult feelings.
You can handle this.
(18:10):
Feel the feelings, let themmove through your body and then
release them.
Don't push them down, friend.
Don't do it, because if youpush them down, they're going to
stay there lodged, and they'regoing to cause you stress in one
way or another.
(18:31):
You can offer yourself somesensory comfort a soft blanket
tea, music you love.
Choose what calms you, listen.
I know that all sounds socliche.
Give me a break.
Blanket tea music, listen.
For you it could be bare feetin the grass, it could be warm
(18:55):
sun on your face, it could beyour favorite sweater, your
favorite t-shirt, your favoritesoft socks, something that you
can feel sensory wise.
That reminds you oh, I'msoothing, I'm worth.
Taking this step and movement.
(19:15):
A short walk, a gentle stretch,a sway this is how we support
our body with.
Moving our emotions through Ourbody will help us.
Our body is a gift.
It is our friend.
It is here to support us and wehave to support it.
(19:37):
Ask yourself what trulycomforts me, not what distracts
me, not more Netflix, but whatrestores you.
For me, things that comfort meand restore me are time in water
(19:58):
, whether that's a lake or by abeach or a creek or a river.
Time in nature, maybe walkingon a beautiful trail that really
restores me.
Cuddles with my kids thatrestores me.
Laughing with my husband thatfeels very restorative to me.
(20:20):
So what comforts you, not whatdistracts you?
Listen, I have plenty of thosethings too, but what restores
you?
But what restores you?
Years ago, I was going throughsomething quite difficult and I
remember lying on the floor ofmy bedroom staring at the
(20:41):
ceiling.
I didn't want to be aroundanybody, but I also didn't want
to be alone.
Have you ever had that feeling?
And I started putting my handon my chest and whispering
you're allowed to feel this.
And it felt weird and awkwardand cliche, but it truly felt
(21:11):
supportive to myself and itallowed me to kind of drop my
shoulders and take a deeperbreath and it just became the
sacred type of pause.
I didn't rush out and runanother errand to target, I
didn't go reorganize something,I didn't go even exercise, I
(21:34):
just took a few deep breathswith myself and gave myself
permission.
Another time, after a verypainful professional transition,
I started keeping a smalllavender-scented stone in my bag
Nothing fancy, just somethingthat was tactile and I could
(22:00):
hold on to it in moments ofstress, before meetings and
traffic, whenever I felt myselfstarting to spin and create a
story and remember that rollercoaster I referred to earlier.
That roller coaster was goingall the way up, up, up, up up.
I said no, no, no, we're notgoing there.
And grabbing that stone andjust kind of squeezing it
(22:22):
between my fingertips reallyhelped that roller coaster come
back down.
These small acts didn't erasethe pain, but they reminded me
that I'm not helpless and that Ican anchor myself and I can
stay.
(22:45):
Here's how to practice emotionalregulation every day.
Emotional regulation every day.
Create a comfort corner, asmall space with things that
ground you Photos, candles, softtextures.
(23:09):
Start a feelings journal.
Track what you felt and how youresponded no judgment.
It can be a stream ofconsciousness.
It doesn't even have to be afull sentence journal.
It can literally be got cut off.
Felt angry, wanted to drivethem off the side of the road,
but didn't Great, that's it.
(23:30):
That's perfect.
Of the road, but didn't Great,that's it.
That's perfect.
You are expressing yourself.
It can be a daily mantra I canfeel this.
I am safe with myself.
Or it can be choosing onesoothing tool a day Breath work,
a body scan, a mindful walkpart of your emotional first aid
(23:57):
kit.
Listener, every time you sootheinstead of suppress, you are
rewiring your brain.
You're becoming your own safeplace.
You're becoming your own safeplace.
Developing these tools andrewiring your brain and your
(24:17):
nervous system is very possible.
You can absolutely do this.
You are not saddled with thesemaladaptive mechanisms forever.
You can adapt, you can learn,you can try new things.
(24:37):
You can soothe yourself.
You can go through life havingthe empowered and fulfilled
feeling of responding instead ofreacting to external stimuli.
If you've been feeling like youremotions are too much to handle
(25:00):
, this is your reminder.
You don't have to fixeverything, you just have to
stay with yourself.
You don't have to be thecalmest person in the room, you
just have to remember that youcan be safe with yourself.
Emotional regulation is not adestination, it's not perfection
(25:22):
.
It's a practice, a muscle, andit gets stronger with every
breath, with every time we try,every breath, with every time we
try.
So today, offer yourself onesmall act of kindness, one pause
(25:46):
, one hand over your heart,because you deserve tenderness.
If something in today's episoderesonated, I'd love to hear
what's in your emotional firstaid kit.
Message me or join theconversation on Couch Time with
Cat on Instagram.
You are not alone.
You are learning to stay andthat, dear listener, is the
(26:13):
bravest thing of all.
And that's a wrap on today'sepisode of Couch Time with Cat.
I'm so grateful you joined mehere, whether you were walking,
driving or curled up with a cupof something warm.
I hope today's conversation leftyou feeling just a little more
connected to yourself and alittle less alone in whatever
you're walking through.
If you'd like to connect withme, you can find me at Cat,
(26:34):
that's C-A-T-I-A-H-O-L-Mcom, orover on Instagram at Cat.
I'd love to hear your thoughts,your questions or what this
episode stirred in you.
If we had a guest on today'sepisode, you can find all their
links and info in the show notes.
Please support their work andfollow along.
If they resonated with you andif this episode meant something
(26:55):
to you, would you please take amoment to rate, review and share
it with a friend?
These stories matter.
Your voice matters.
Until next time, be kind toyourself.
Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, your safe place for
real conversation and a gentlecheck-in.
KWVH presents Couch Time withCat.
Hi, I'm Cat, trauma therapist,coach, TEDx speaker,
best-selling author, and yourhost here on Couch Time with Cat
.
I've spent over a decadewalking alongside people through
(00:21):
the real, raw and sacred workof becoming whole again.
Alongside people through thereal raw, and sacred work of
becoming whole again.
Catch Time with Cat MentalWellness with a Friendly Voice
is where we have conversationsthat are equal parts science and
soul.
This is where we get honestabout anxiety, grief, burnout,
relationships and the braveeveryday work of healing.
You don't have to have it allfigured out to belong here.
(00:42):
Whether you're tuning in rightfrom here in the hill country or
listening across the world, Iwant you to feel seen, supported
and reminded that you're notalone.
So find your cozy spot, take adeep breath and let's talk about
what it means to be humantogether.
Have you ever had one of thosedays where everything just feels
(01:02):
like too much?
The noise of the world, thebuzz in your brain.
Your heart is racing.
You're trying to keep ittogether, but inside it's like a
storm of emotions that youcan't quite name or contain.
I remember one evening, after along day of sessions and
(01:23):
parenting and trying to juggle amillion invisible tasks, I
found myself standing in mykitchen, completely frozen.
The dishes were piled up, myphone was buzzing and all I
could do was hold the counterand breathe.
In that moment, I realized Iwas overwhelmed, not just by the
(01:45):
day, but by months of pushingthrough without checking in.
That's what we're talking abouttoday how to care for yourself
when it feels like everything istoo much.
How to soothe the storm inside,because self-soothing isn't
(02:10):
just for babies.
It's a lifelong skill, one thatmany of us were never taught.
Today's episode is your guideto building your emotional first
aid kit.
Let's explore the art and thescience of self-soothing Before
(02:40):
we dive into the how.
Let's explore the why.
Emotional regulation is yourbrain's ability to navigate
emotional stress withoutflipping into full-blown chaos.
It's what allows you to feel asurge of frustration and choose
to take a breath instead ofsnapping I know we have all felt
that in rush hour traffic or tonotice sadness and give it
(03:04):
space instead of running from it.
Neurologically, it's a dancebetween the amygdala and the
brain, or the amygdala, thebrain's alarm system and the
prefrontal cortex, which helpsus assess, plan and soothe.
When we're emotionallyoverwhelmed, our prefrontal
(03:29):
cortex can go offline and we gointo fight, flight, freeze or
fawn.
I know you guys have heard offight or flight.
There's also freeze, andscience has shown us that there
is also something, a state,called fawn your brain, your
(04:14):
body, you assess all the dangersaround you and in one quick
second you decide.
The best way for me to keepmyself safe is to do whatever
this person wants.
Fawn is usually a traumaresponse.
Studies show that poor emotionalregulation is linked to higher
rates of anxiety, depression,substance use and even chronic
illness.
So think of your highs being sohigh and the lows being so low,
(04:38):
and constantly just up and downand up and down, like just the
worst roller coaster ride you'veever taken, and being in
constant reaction to what'shappening around you.
When we don't practiceemotional regulation, we are
constantly reacting to externalstimuli and we are disempowered.
(05:05):
We are relying on externalforces to help us feel good in
that moment.
What this show is going toteach you and give you
actionable tools to take so thatyou can start to respond to
these external stimuli in a waythat helps you feel safe,
(05:30):
grounded and empowered so youcan act from a place of your
values instead of just reactingfrom emotional dysregulation.
The CDC reports that emotionaldysregulation is a key factor in
long-term mental healthchallenges beginning as early as
(05:51):
childhood.
Ask yourself do I often feel outof control emotionally?
Do I react quickly and regretit later?
That feels like a snap, likeyou short circuit and you think,
(06:16):
darn it, I wish I wouldn't havedone that.
Do you avoid or numb difficultfeelings instead of sitting with
them?
This can look like being reallystressed and deciding to go
over work.
This can look like beingstressed and deciding to have
six bottles of wine.
This can look like beingstressed.
(06:36):
And it can even look likesomething good quote unquote
like organizing your pantry downto the last battery.
Do you avoid or numb difficultfeelings instead of sitting with
them?
All of us do this to somedegree.
I'd say most of us do this tosome degree.
But how healthy you are and howemotionally balanced you feel,
(07:03):
your emotional wellness is onthe spectrum and the more you
can become emotionally regulated, the less these things will
impact you.
So if you answered yes to do Ioften feel out of control
emotionally?
Do I react quickly and regretit later?
(07:24):
Do I avoid or numb difficultfeelings instead of sitting with
them.
If you answered yes to those,then emotional regulation may be
a skill worth strengthening.
Many of us grew up inenvironments that didn't teach
emotional literacy.
(07:44):
We were told to be quiet, tostop crying, to toughen up, we
learned that big feelings were aproblem to fix, not a message
to listen to.
My culture prized strength andstoicism.
Emotions were messy, and messywasn't safe.
(08:08):
I spent years perfecting theart of being fine, but the truth
is pretending to be fine isexhausting and it disconnects us
from ourselves.
Soothing yourself can feelawkward at first, especially if
kindness wasn't modeled,especially if your nervous
(08:31):
system learned that safetyequals suppression.
But emotional regulation is notabout being unshakable.
It's not about being perfectlypeaceful all the time.
It's not about being in a Zenstate.
It's about meeting yourfeelings with presence and not
(08:54):
punishment.
Emotional regulation isn'tabout controlling your feelings.
It's about learning how to carefor them.
It's about learning how to carefor them.
Listener, in an effort to helpand support you where you are, I
want to give you a few toolsthe Emotional First Aid Kit.
(09:19):
So three little bits that youcan take with you into your week
and apply them when you wantand need.
First, we're going to talkabout grounding the body.
When your nervous system isactivated, we can start with our
body.
So let's place our hand on ourheart and we're going to inhale
(09:43):
deeply through the nose andwe're going to exhale slowly and
(10:07):
then say I'm safe right now.
The trick to the inhale and theexhale is the exhale has to be
longer, slow.
You can pretend like you'reholding a hot cup of tea or a
hot cup of soup and like you'rejust cooling it down.
A hot cup of tea or a hot cupof soup and like you're just
(10:29):
cooling it down.
The long exhale signals to yournervous system that you are
safe and it's okay to relax.
Here's another tool.
It's called the 5-4-3-2-1technique.
This engages your senses and itbrings you back to the present.
So let's get started.
(10:52):
Five name five things you cansee right now, right in front of
you.
I'll do it with you.
I can see green leaves.
I can see a camel-colored chair.
I can see my pink phone cover.
I can see my clear bottle ofwater and I can see this black
(11:17):
radio microphone.
Okay, four Name four things youcan touch with your fingers and
tell me how they feel.
I'll do it with you.
I can touch this table it'ssmooth.
I can touch my jeans they'rekind of coarse.
I can touch my hair it's soft.
(11:41):
And I can touch my gold ring.
You guys know I wear all thegold and it's cool.
Let's move on to number three.
What are three things you canhear and tell me how they sound?
I can hear the radio stationmusic very faintly.
(12:04):
I can hear my hair brushing upagainst the collar of my shirt,
my hair brushing up against thecollar of my shirt, and I can
hear my own voice and I can hearmy producer's voice.
So that's four.
Two, what are two things you cansmell right now?
(12:26):
I can smell the podcast studioair and I can smell my perfume.
And lastly, one Name, one thingyou can taste, even if you're
(12:49):
not eating or drinking anything.
What's one thing you can taste?
I can taste my leftover coffee.
So there we go.
The 5-4-3-2-1 technique engagesyour senses and it brings you
back to the present moment.
It's like turning all the lightswitches on for our senses,
(13:13):
which helps us emotionallyregulate, because, instead of
thinking and stewing andbuilding the story and getting
bigger and bigger and madder andmadder, it brings us into the
room that we're sitting in,which is often a pretty safe
space, which is often a prettysafe space.
(13:34):
Lastly, another technique youcould use is you can splash cold
water on your hands, or you cansplash cold water on your face,
and that will stimulate yourvagus nerve and interrupts panic
.
So, with these mechanisms, withthese tools you have, where do
(13:59):
you feel stress in your body?
Do you feel it in your chest,your gut, your jaw?
We want to look at the art ofemotional self-regulation
through different perspectives,and the body is one.
Let's take a look from anotherperspective Labeling emotions,
(14:24):
as we've discussed before.
Labeling emotions reducesintensity, so you can speak it.
Intensity, so you can speak it.
I feel anxious, I feel small, Ifeel overwhelmed, or they can
be great ones.
I feel blessed, I feel healthy,I feel excited.
We can write it, so we canjournal without judgment.
(14:48):
I'm so excited that I got thisnew opportunity.
I'm thrilled that I met a newfriend at the park.
I am so thrilled to get thisproject at work.
I hope that I do a good job andaccept it.
We can feel more than oneemotion at a time, so maybe we
(15:11):
feel anxious about something andwe feel hopeful about something
else.
We feel anxious and hopeful,and that's okay.
Learning to hold differentemotions and learning to give
ourselves permission to feeldifferent emotions at once is a
beautiful step in our emotionalmaturity and emotional wellness.
(15:37):
Nothing happens in a vacuum.
I know you've had those dayswhere they're just so tough, but
then also something reallybeautiful happens, and then we
have this tension inside of usthat thinks, no, no, no, no.
We have to give all ourattention to those negative
feelings or to the negativity inthe day we can't give ourselves
(15:57):
permission to to really enjoythat silver lining.
But what if we did?
What if we allowed ourselves tohold love and grief or love and
sadness in the very same breath?
Naming emotions lights up thebrain's regulation centers and
(16:18):
calms the fear response.
So labeling emotions is anotherway you can help emotionally
regulate yourself.
Thirdly and this is where thehealing happens and this is
where it's going to maybe get alittle gooey is you can offer
(16:40):
yourself comfort, soothing selftalk.
I know for a lot of you this is.
You are going to roll your eyesat me.
You are going to think thislady is off her rocker.
I will be so honest.
My therapist gave me this as asuggestion six or seven years
(17:05):
ago and I didn't employ it forabout five years.
I just couldn't, I couldn't, Iwasn't there, and that's okay.
I came to it in my own time.
So if you're out there and whatI'm about to say, you roll your
eyes so hard, I get it.
I was there too.
Just kind of keep this in yourpocket for next time.
(17:28):
For those of you who are ready,let's do this together.
Okay, soothing self talk.
Here's an example of somethingyou can share with yourself.
I'm here.
This is hard, but I'm notabandoning myself.
I'm here.
(17:49):
This is hard, but I'm notabandoning myself.
You are older, you are wiser andyou can handle this.
You can stay with yourself.
You do not have to run awayfrom your difficult feelings.
You can handle this.
(18:10):
Feel the feelings, let themmove through your body and then
release them.
Don't push them down, friend.
Don't do it, because if youpush them down, they're going to
stay there lodged, and they'regoing to cause you stress in one
way or another.
(18:31):
You can offer yourself somesensory comfort a soft blanket
tea, music you love.
Choose what calms you, listen.
I know that all sounds socliche.
Give me a break.
Blanket tea music, listen.
For you it could be bare feetin the grass, it could be warm
(18:55):
sun on your face, it could beyour favorite sweater, your
favorite t-shirt, your favoritesoft socks, something that you
can feel sensory wise.
That reminds you oh, I'msoothing, I'm worth.
Taking this step and movement.
(19:15):
A short walk, a gentle stretch,a sway this is how we support
our body with.
Moving our emotions through Ourbody will help us.
Our body is a gift.
It is our friend.
It is here to support us and wehave to support it.
(19:37):
Ask yourself what trulycomforts me, not what distracts
me, not more Netflix, but whatrestores you.
For me, things that comfort meand restore me are time in water
(19:58):
, whether that's a lake or by abeach or a creek or a river.
Time in nature, maybe walkingon a beautiful trail that really
restores me.
Cuddles with my kids thatrestores me.
Laughing with my husband thatfeels very restorative to me.
(20:20):
So what comforts you, not whatdistracts you?
Listen, I have plenty of thosethings too, but what restores
you?
But what restores you?
Years ago, I was going throughsomething quite difficult and I
remember lying on the floor ofmy bedroom staring at the
(20:41):
ceiling.
I didn't want to be aroundanybody, but I also didn't want
to be alone.
Have you ever had that feeling?
And I started putting my handon my chest and whispering
you're allowed to feel this.
And it felt weird and awkwardand cliche, but it truly felt
(21:11):
supportive to myself and itallowed me to kind of drop my
shoulders and take a deeperbreath and it just became the
sacred type of pause.
I didn't rush out and runanother errand to target, I
didn't go reorganize something,I didn't go even exercise, I
(21:34):
just took a few deep breathswith myself and gave myself
permission.
Another time, after a verypainful professional transition,
I started keeping a smalllavender-scented stone in my bag
Nothing fancy, just somethingthat was tactile and I could
(22:00):
hold on to it in moments ofstress, before meetings and
traffic, whenever I felt myselfstarting to spin and create a
story and remember that rollercoaster I referred to earlier.
That roller coaster was goingall the way up, up, up, up up.
I said no, no, no, we're notgoing there.
And grabbing that stone andjust kind of squeezing it
(22:22):
between my fingertips reallyhelped that roller coaster come
back down.
These small acts didn't erasethe pain, but they reminded me
that I'm not helpless and that Ican anchor myself and I can
stay.
(22:45):
Here's how to practice emotionalregulation every day.
Emotional regulation every day.
Create a comfort corner, asmall space with things that
ground you Photos, candles, softtextures.
(23:09):
Start a feelings journal.
Track what you felt and how youresponded no judgment.
It can be a stream ofconsciousness.
It doesn't even have to be afull sentence journal.
It can literally be got cut off.
Felt angry, wanted to drivethem off the side of the road,
but didn't Great, that's it.
(23:30):
That's perfect.
Of the road, but didn't Great,that's it.
That's perfect.
You are expressing yourself.
It can be a daily mantra I canfeel this.
I am safe with myself.
Or it can be choosing onesoothing tool a day Breath work,
a body scan, a mindful walkpart of your emotional first aid
(23:57):
kit.
Listener, every time you sootheinstead of suppress, you are
rewiring your brain.
You're becoming your own safeplace.
You're becoming your own safeplace.
Developing these tools andrewiring your brain and your
(24:17):
nervous system is very possible.
You can absolutely do this.
You are not saddled with thesemaladaptive mechanisms forever.
You can adapt, you can learn,you can try new things.
(24:37):
You can soothe yourself.
You can go through life havingthe empowered and fulfilled
feeling of responding instead ofreacting to external stimuli.
If you've been feeling like youremotions are too much to handle
(25:00):
, this is your reminder.
You don't have to fixeverything, you just have to
stay with yourself.
You don't have to be thecalmest person in the room, you
just have to remember that youcan be safe with yourself.
Emotional regulation is not adestination, it's not perfection
(25:22):
.
It's a practice, a muscle, andit gets stronger with every
breath, with every time we try,every breath, with every time we
try.
So today, offer yourself onesmall act of kindness, one pause
(25:46):
, one hand over your heart,because you deserve tenderness.
If something in today's episoderesonated, I'd love to hear
what's in your emotional firstaid kit.
Message me or join theconversation on Couch Time with
Cat on Instagram.
You are not alone.
You are learning to stay andthat, dear listener, is the
(26:13):
bravest thing of all.
And that's a wrap on today'sepisode of Couch Time with Cat.
I'm so grateful you joined mehere, whether you were walking,
driving or curled up with a cupof something warm.
I hope today's conversation leftyou feeling just a little more
connected to yourself and alittle less alone in whatever
you're walking through.
If you'd like to connect withme, you can find me at Cat,
(26:34):
that's C-A-T-I-A-H-O-L-Mcom, orover on Instagram at Cat.
I'd love to hear your thoughts,your questions or what this
episode stirred in you.
If we had a guest on today'sepisode, you can find all their
links and info in the show notes.
Please support their work andfollow along.
If they resonated with you andif this episode meant something
(26:55):
to you, would you please take amoment to rate, review and share
it with a friend?
These stories matter.
Your voice matters.
Until next time, be kind toyourself.
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