Episode Transcript
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Tonya Shellnutt (00:13):
Welcome to
Courageous Overcomers Stories of
Hope and Healing.
I'm your host, tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the hardstuff trauma, fear and pain.
Let's be honest so many of ushide from our pain because it's
just too hard to face.
But here's the reality.
We can't heal what we're notwilling to face.
(00:34):
Today we're going to dive intothe incredible connection
between optimism and resilience.
Have you ever wondered how somepeople bounce back stronger
after life knocks them down?
Well, if so, this episode isfor you, whether you're facing
trauma, setbacks or just theeveryday struggles of life.
(00:55):
We're going to look into howoptimism shapes how we approach
the adversity, the practicalways it strengthens resilience
and how you can startreprogramming the stinking
thinking to face the challengeswith hope and strength and break
down those emotional walls.
Last week we talked aboutbuilding resiliency and how a
(01:17):
pessimistic attitude counteractsresilience.
I encourage you to go back andlisten to it and see if you can
find a pattern of yourself inany of what we talked about last
week.
So remember resilience is yourability to recover quickly from
challenges or setbacks.
It's not about avoiding thehardships.
(01:39):
It's about facing the pain andgrowing through it.
So question did anyone go tothe psychologytodaycom website
and take the non-scientificpessimistic or optimistic test.
Curious.
If you did it, you shoulddefinitely message me what your
results were.
I'm curious what y'all got, butfor me, in this season of my
(02:03):
life, I got a 78%.
So, as I stated last week,there are seasons where we
aren't always super optimistic,but we do have to try hard to
have a better outlook, becausewhy it helps us heal.
Here's the thing Optimism andresilience go hand in hand.
(02:24):
Optimism and I want everybodyto hear what I'm saying it isn't
about pretending thateverything is fine, but it's
about believing it will getbetter.
Resiliency thrives when weadopt a hopeful mindset and, as
you know, I love definitions, Ilove words.
So what is the definition of anoptimist?
(02:47):
It is a person who is inclinedto be hopeful and expect good
outcomes.
So what are some key traits ofresilient optimists?
One they are hopeful and relyon faith and trust in a and
again, I think this is areminder that these are seasons.
All right, this isn't.
(03:17):
You know.
This person isn't always thisway.
I think they're in seasons.
They're like this.
The third trait of an optimistis that they take action even
when it is under difficultcircumstances, and I think
courage falls into that.
It's not about being paralyzedby what happened and if you go
(03:37):
back and listen to thepessimistic mindset, you'll find
some of that that pessimistsare often paralyzed by problems,
but optimists take action.
And then, as I said, optimistshave faith and trust.
They rely on God to keep themgrounded.
So as I was studying for thisand really looking into what an
(03:58):
optimist is, who an optimist is,I came across Helen Keller, and
when you Google searchedoptimistic people, Helen Keller
was someone that came up.
And if you know anything aboutHelen Keller, she actually
became deaf and blind at 19months of age after getting
scarlet fever and meningitis.
And Helen Keller is someonethat my family is familiar with,
(04:21):
because our oldest daughter isdeaf in one ear, and so she's
had to spend her earlier yearswearing a hearing aid and
learning how to adapt insituations around her to be able
to make sure that she had thebest chance of success.
And I always I've shared thisbefore but I never wanted my
(04:41):
kids to be defined by theadversity of their life and let
the hearing impairment or theseizure disorder or the speech
impediment that my children haddefine them and limit them.
And so Helen Keller, as I said,is someone that our family is
familiar with, but she wrotethis essay.
(05:04):
It's called Optimism an Essayand she discusses her outlook in
life in this essay, and sheactually understood that
optimism is a mindset built overtime.
And she says this.
She says the struggle of lifeis one of the greatest blessings
.
Wow, right there.
It makes us strong, patient,helpful men and women.
It lets us into the soul ofthings and teaches us that,
(05:28):
although the world is full ofsuffering, this is the best part
.
She says it is full also of theovercoming of it.
She also went on to say in heressay the optimist believes,
attempts, achieves, he standsalways in the sunlight.
No pessimist ever discoveredthe secret of the stars or
(05:52):
sailed to an uncharted land oropened a new doorway for the
human spirit.
I think that's incredible thathere this woman was deaf and
blind.
She could have easily falleninto the victim.
She could have easily, you know, just chose to not advance and
she actually went on to becomethe very first blind and deaf
(06:14):
person to ever graduate fromcollege.
And so I want us to rememberthat pessimism stifles progress
and exploration.
I want us to remember thatpessimism stifles progress and
exploration.
Overcoming adversity requiresoptimism, curiosity and courage.
So how does optimism buildresilience?
Let's talk about that a littlebit.
(06:36):
Optimism again, remember, issomeone who has a more positive
outlook on life and itencourages problem solving.
So they don't shove everythingunder the rug.
They don't avoid.
They act and focus on what theymight be able to control or do
they move forward.
Remember, they're not paralyzedby that fear, and that is what
(07:02):
an optimistic person does.
The second thing that they dois they reframe challenges as
opportunities.
This is hard.
Let's just be really honest onthis.
You know, there's just times inlife where we've been getting
hit left and right and it's justreally hard to look at the
challenges of life and go, ohboy, this is a time to grow,
(07:23):
let's go, but it is a time togrow and so we've got to look at
it and go okay, we've got toreframe what's happening.
They don't see roadblocks.
This is Rich.
Rich is one of these people whohe doesn't see roadblocks.
He keeps going and if he setshis mind to it, he is going to
(07:44):
go around it.
He's going to figure it out,and I'm frequently inspired by
him as a result of that.
The other thing is is that,instead of questioning why this
is happening to oneself.
Optimist asks what can they doabout it for good?
Again, putting purpose to thepain.
I think that's a very difficultthing to do.
(08:06):
It's hard to see in the momentWell, how can I put any purpose
to this?
It hurts too much, butremembering that this is a
challenge and we've got toreframe it as an opportunity to
help somebody.
The next thing that happens whenwe are looking at building
resilience through optimism isthat it regulates emotions.
(08:28):
So optimistic people don't letthe pain consume them.
We know a lot of people in ourspheres where you know, you talk
to them a lot and they'refrequently just focusing on all
the negativity and the pain thatthey're going through.
Again, I'm not saying don'tacknowledge the pain, don't work
(08:48):
through the pain, but itconsumes them on a daily basis.
That is all they talk about, itis all they focus on, and
optimistic people don't do that.
The other thing that optimismdoes is it promotes physical and
mental health.
You know, taking care of yourbody and your mind gives you
energy to keep going in toughtimes, and I think this is so
(09:09):
important.
This is something that isfrequently missed because
there's so much of a connectionbetween the two.
And you know, for a lot ofpeople in my family, working out
is important.
I'm getting there.
I'm a little slow on that, butI'm getting there.
But for them, working out on adaily basis is really like
taking an antidepressant.
(09:30):
And, it's true, an optimisticmindset helps you with self-care
.
So how can you cultivateoptimism and build resilience?
Here's one that we talked aboutlast week or the week before
Recognize the stinking thinking.
So stinking thinking andnegative thoughts are the enemy
(09:53):
of resilience, because itundermines the mindset, the
emotions and actions required torecover from adversity, what is
so profound.
I want you to really think onthat for a minute.
So the stinking thinkingcounteracts what's needed to be
able to recover from theadversity or heal from the
(10:15):
trauma.
So resilience requires a beliefin your ability to overcome
challenges.
And the negative thinkingreinforces the feelings of
helplessness and it makes itharder to take action and
problem solve.
We've all been there.
We've been in that cycle wherewe just never think we're going
to get out that pessimisticmindset.
And I want us to remember thatresilience thrives on hope and
(10:40):
persistence and adaptability.
And stinking thinking worksagainst all of those Stinking
thinking.
And again, you call it whateveryou want.
I call a pessimistic mindset,negative attitude, stinking
thinking.
Stinking thinking convinces youto give up, it convinces you to
avoid challenges, it keeps youstuck in fear and it really
(11:04):
encourages you to build thosebigger emotional walls.
And when you do that, you'rekeeping the good things out and
allowing the bad things to stay.
And if you need to know moreabout the emotional walls we
talked on, we discussed it inone of the episodes, I don't
remember which one, but you cango back and look.
The next thing that you can doto cultivate optimism, to build
(11:28):
resilience, is focus ongratitude.
This is a really hard onebecause, again, you get in that
mindset and you're just thinkingabout all the negativity and
it's like, well, what do Ireally have to?
You know, um, focus on and thiswas something that early on in
my sobriety and my recovery, Ihad a pretty pessimistic mindset
(11:52):
.
And in AA they have sponsors,which is equivalent to, you know
, a mentor in the church worldor, you know, in whatever world
you're living in, the mentor isequivalent to an AA sponsor and
my AA sponsor.
I had this boss that I did notlike at all and I was new into
(12:16):
my sobriety and she was like youknow, you need to write down
five things that you appreciateabout this guy.
And I was like, well, I can'tthink about those, he doesn't
have any.
And she was like, well, do youwant to stay sober?
And I was like, well, yeah, andshe goes.
Well, then you better do it.
So I wrote him down and I was,you know, making some headway,
(12:36):
but then she was like okay, thenext thing you need to do is you
need to bring him coffee everymorning in his office.
And I'm like, well, he doesn'tdrink coffee.
I'm not bringing him coffee.
And she's like what, what doeshe drink?
And I said, well, he, you know,drinks juice.
And she goes.
Well, you can get him a juice.
And at that time, back in theday, we had this little vending
(12:56):
machine that dispensed, you know, the juice.
And I was like I'm going tospend my dollar on a juice for
him.
And she was like, well, do youwant to stay sober?
I was like, yeah, and so I, youknow, remember taking him the
juice the first day.
And he's like why are youbringing this to me?
And I was like, oh, you know, Iwas trying to be nice, when
(13:17):
really, inside, I was like Ididn't.
You know I wasn't going to tellhim, I'm just trying to stay
sober man.
But I did it again and got tothe third day and you know I
came to find out that actuallyhis wife had a very debilitating
disease and he was the solecaretaker of her.
(13:38):
And it completely shift mymindset.
But it was part of the focusingon gratitude and focusing on
what was good about him andbeing kind and getting out of
myself to finally realize, oh mygosh, this guy has a really
tough life.
And here I am, so wrapped up inthe things that I don't like
(14:00):
about him when it's probablyhe's behaving in some of these
ways because he's the solecaretaker of his wife and he
probably doesn't get to go outvery much.
So write down three things thatyou're thankful for every day
and focus on those and, you know, just begin a pattern of
(14:21):
expressing gratitude.
The other thing you can do isreduce your exposure to negative
news, critical people or toxicenvironments.
Surround yourself with positivepeople.
Watch good things on TV or yourphone.
Don't be watching the news allthe time.
Don't be listening to thenegative talk show radio all the
(14:42):
time.
You know, when I was early onin my healing.
One of the things that I woulddo is, at 8 am every morning, Dr
James Dobson would come on andI would listen to actually, it
was Chuck Swindoll that wouldcome on at 8 o'clock and then
Focus on the Family was on at 9o'clock and I would listen, you
(15:03):
know, for a good hour to theimportant teachings that God had
to offer us on encouraging usin our family life, and it
really helped me shape my day.
So I want to encourage you.
Find some you know a pastor ora Christian author that you can
connect with, that you getinspired by and fill your brain
(15:25):
with that.
It's really important.
And then the fourth thing thatyou can do is practice positive
self-talk.
Be intentional in how you talkto yourself.
Replace the critical self-talkwith more kinder ones.
I am terrible at this.
This is seriously one of thehardest ones for me.
(15:47):
Here's an example of this whatI just did I'm terrible at this
versus saying I'm learning andgetting better every day.
I struggle with that so muchbecause it's just easier to be
like Tanya, you're so stupid,why would you say that?
Why would you do that?
Versus you know, okay, I'mworking on that.
So the negative self talk this.
(16:09):
This is a journey and it's justpart of it, is just replacing
those negative thoughts.
And again, I this is the onethat I struggle with, but I'm
going to keep working on becausethat's what we're going to do.
We're going to keep working onit and be resilient and be
courageous and lean into it.
The next one is pretty simplebut it's kind of profound, which
(16:30):
is to take action, and it's notabout big, dramatic changes.
It's really about small, dailyactions and choices, because it
shifts your focus from what'swrong to what's still good in
your life, and it's reallyimportant.
If you are really struggling,you're facing, you know, some
(16:52):
depression or just feelings ofinadequacy.
Do the next thing Write downwhat you're grateful for.
Reach out to someone who canhelp you, but take action.
Reach out to someone who canhelp you, but take action.
Don't just sit there and thinkand expect that change is going
(17:13):
to come to you without you beinginvolved or participating in
the healing in any way, becausethat's not going to happen.
You are not going to change ifyou don't do something.
Intentional Resilience isn'tsomething you're born with.
It's something you build, andoptimism is the greatest tool in
that process.
So, if you want to be able tobuild resilience, you've got to
(17:34):
change the stinking thinking andwork on having an optimistic
mindset.
And again, I know that's hardand that's difficult and there's
, you know, seasons in life.
But one of the things that Iused to do and sometimes I still
do it, but not as often, but ifI was struggling with something
.
So let's just say, if I wasstruggling with stinking
(17:55):
thinking or a pessimisticmindset, I would Google, search,
you know, sermons on negative,stinking thinking and I would go
listen to them.
I would go to Sermon Central.
It was a place that I would goto.
I'm sure there's better placesnow, but I would and with all
the podcasts you can listen to,I'm sure you can, you know, find
(18:15):
one.
But to help you with that andbe able to replace the stinking
thinking and allow for you toreally work through it and do a
word study or a topical studyfor the week, I'd encourage you
to do that.
So, as we wrap up today, I wantto encourage you to subscribe to
(18:37):
Courageous Overcomers and joinour community.
Also, leave a five-star review.
It helps us get hope out faster, and I know that we are a
society struggling right nowwith hopelessness.
The other thing that you can dois you can share this episode
with someone who might need tobe encouraged today, and if you
know someone who would be agreat guest for the show, please
(19:00):
email me.
I would love to interview someovercomers.
If you have any questions, myemail is tonya at tonyashellnutt
.
com.
Tune in next Wednesday sametime, same place.
Thank you for joining us here onCourageous Overcomers with
Tanya Shelnut.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
(19:22):
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.