August 19, 2025 • 50 mins
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Every guy thinks he can spot the warning signs — until he ignores them. In this episode, Justin and Rich expose the dating mistakes men keep repeating, the patterns that drain your time and energy, and the mindset shifts that keep you from falling into the same traps.
From modern dating apps to real-life relationships, this is the playbook for spotting trouble early, avoiding toxic situations, and knowing when it’s time to walk away.
Failures: The Podcast 2025
We're not gods. We're not gurus.
Just two men in our 30s sharing what we’ve learned the hard way—so you don’t have to.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
If she's on a dating app, she's still a free agent.
Certain fruit is on the fruitstand at 10 p.m.
for a reason.
That means that from 8 a.m.
to 10 p.m., people walk by thatbatch of grapes and put it right
back.
So proceed with caution.
Failures podcast, Justin D, RichSanchez.
(00:26):
Listen, learn from our failuresso you don't have to.
Rich, we got a fucking goodepisode today.
We're talking red flags and I'mnot going to lie, bro.
When you're kicking down 40sdoor, a lot of these
conversations, a lot of thesetopics, they hit close to home.
I know you can relate.
We're going to go back andforth, discuss some red flags
that we noticed early in somerelationships that we had.
(00:48):
And, you know, after 20 plusyears of dating, same for you,
having friends and family thathave been in some crazy ass
relationships.
I feel like there's a lot thatwe can share with our community
that is not just only aboutnoticing the red flags, but I
think more importantly is likewhat you do once you notice the
red flags and how to either vetfor them or how do you react to
(01:09):
it once you realize it.
But Rich, I mean, when you hearthe words red flags, what comes
to mind?
Like, I already know youprobably have a hell of stories
off top.
SPEAKER_02 (01:17):
Man, I
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
have a
SPEAKER_02 (01:18):
bunch of stories of my time being single and playing
the field and being on datingapps and try to find the diamond
in the rough, so to speak.
And yeah, in every date that Iwas in, I always sort of found a
red flag and try to detectpatterns and behavior and to
(01:40):
ultimately find the rightperson.
And fortunately, I did off of adating app, by the way.
But yeah, let's get into it.
I'm excited to walk throughdifferent red flags, what to
look out for, and give someadvice on how to deal
SPEAKER_01 (01:56):
with them.
You know, the community thatwe're building, Failures
Podcast, the tagline is learnfrom our failures so you don't
have to.
And I think this is a greattopic to talk about that because
when you're young and you firststart understanding that the
dynamic between younger womenand men and, you know, like how
does the relationship go?
The one fine point that no oneever tells you, and I think you
(02:16):
pretty much just said it, Rich,is like with every relationship
and every date and everyfriendship that turns
relationship or friendship thatgirl keeps you in the friend
zone, with every loss you take,you actually learn more about
the process of what it is thatyou like, what it is that girls
do and do not like about you.
Most people that are dating,they definitely want to be in a
(02:38):
relationship and hypotheticallywith one person.
So if that's your ultimate goal,you don't got to get it right
the first time.
You don't got to get it rightthe first 20 times.
The real goal, and Rich and Iare currently in relationships
from dating for a long time andtesting the open market is that
With every failure, with everyrelationship that doesn't go
well, with every red flag thatyou notice and you wind up not
(02:58):
being with that person, you'reactually getting closer to being
with the person that is going toeventually be the person you get
to call your girlfriend.
So there is something about thedots connecting when you look
back is that you could go on 100dates and if 99 don't work out,
that's fine as long as you getthe one that you want.
So that's kind of a morepositive lens to look at it
because when you go through ourcommunity, a lot of the
(03:20):
conversations are like moreframed in a negative way.
So what I want our community toknow is that it's okay that you
notice red flags, you've beenthrough red flags, or you've
been in relationships thatdidn't work out because
ultimately it leads to the goal,which is you want to be in a
relationship with somebodythat's going to give you a
little bit of love at the end ofthe day.
So Rich, the format today we'regoing to go with is we're going
(03:43):
to go red flag for red flag.
We both have two red flags thatwe noticed in our lives and the
stories that came with that andmaybe some advice at the end.
And who knows at the end if wehave any more.
we could do like a little bit ofa bonus round.
So we're going to go back andforth.
So my question to you, Rich, issomeone from our community did
say people come with warninglabels.
We just ignore them.
(04:04):
What's a warning label youignored because you thought you
were overthinking it, but itactually turned out to be
terrible.
And what's like a red flag thathappened in a more recent
relationship when you weresingle?
SPEAKER_02 (04:16):
Yeah, man.
Have you ever encountered peoplethat with early moment of
introducing themselves and youmeeting them for the first time,
they just kind of either rub youthe wrong way or just carry
themselves with like bad energy.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I'm sure we've all experienced aperson like that.
I specifically remember going ona hinge date and, you know,
(04:39):
beautiful girl, we were on ourway to a restaurant and I was
excited for the date and weended up getting stuck in
traffic and And she made a bigdeal about being stuck in
traffic.
It almost felt like she wasturning things into like a
crisis.
I'm just like, hey, listen, calmdown.
We're on our way.
We're going to make it.
(05:00):
I'll call the restaurant.
We'll be a few minutes late.
It's no big deal.
So I thought that was the end ofit.
And we get to the restaurant andthe server serves her like the
wrong order.
And that became crazy.
a whole nother moment, almostlike a mini meltdown.
And I'm like, holy cow, like, isthis a pattern?
Like, what did I just signmyself up for?
(05:22):
You know, so one of the thingsthat I did was, let me pause and
process, right?
Is this person just like thisinnately?
Is she having a bad day?
You know, what is causing her toreact this certain way?
I quickly realized that one ofthe things that is very
difficult to do when you'reonline dating is find out what
(05:47):
that person's personality andcharacter is like, right?
Because you're seeing the bestversion of them online, right?
The best pictures, like all thevacation spots in front of like
the fancy car or a fancyvacation, but you don't actually
get to see what they're like inperson, right?
(06:08):
Like, How are they when they'restuck in traffic?
How are they when they're havingan unpleasant experience at a
restaurant?
Those are all important thingsthat you need to factor in when
you're looking for the idealpartner, you know, the right fit
for you.
So certainly be cautious andworry when you encounter people
(06:31):
that give you sort of like a badenergy or a bad vibe.
SPEAKER_01 (06:35):
Yeah, I mean, you know, you bring up a great
point.
I think people, ourselvesincluded, by the way, whether we
know it or not, we know where wefall short.
We know where our strengths areat and we know where our
weaknesses are at.
And I think humans, if you lookat it more like a job interview,
you're about to take on a newjob, no one's going to truly
(06:57):
tell you on their resume.
Their resume is the dating app.
Their resume is their socialmedia account.
It really is an extraction ofall things that are a liability
that may scare people away.
And it's constantly highlightingin bright yellow highlighter,
like all the things I'm reallygood at.
So if a girl is physically veryattractive, and I don't give a
(07:17):
fuck who gives anyone lifeadvice.
If you're a man, physicalappearance is a lot.
You think you're going to getaway with being a girl you're
not attracted to, but afterthree months, you're going to
realize that you made a mistakebecause we are very physical
creatures.
We are into the way girls look,so...
You can't be mad at a girlthat's highlighting her features
or highlighting her body or howshe looks because that's
(07:40):
important to a guy.
SPEAKER_00 (07:41):
For sure.
SPEAKER_01 (07:41):
But be very mindful of the things she's not showing.
If you got a lot of high anglephotos, be aware of the fine
print.
And I think that's a point thatyou're bringing up and I think
is important.
It's like, don't fall in lovewith the job interviewer.
Don't fall in love with theresume.
Give yourself an opportunity tosee them in person.
(08:02):
And I assume that's whathappened when you met them in
person.
Just that energy kind of threwyou off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And listen,
SPEAKER_02 (08:09):
the looks were there, but by the way, a person,
a woman with bad energy, that'sa 10 will quickly drop down to
about a seven if it's notcomfortable being around her.
Right.
Because you're just getting thatbad vibe, like that constant
crisis meltdown, bratty, uh,type of energy.
(08:29):
So it's not only about looks.
SPEAKER_01 (08:31):
Well, I do want to present a caveat.
I want to make it a habit thatwe are meeting our community
where they're at.
If you're a younger guy and allyou're really looking for is
some, like a fun night out ormaybe somebody that you want to
hook up with in the middle of abig breakup in your life and you
don't know if you want to takesomebody serious, then I
(08:52):
actually do think the criteriafor what we're giving feedback
for is a little bit different.
Would you agree?
Like if you're just on somechilling date and shit, like, I
could deal with an annoying girlonce a week, but I can't deal
with a girl that's annoying thatI got to live with, or I got to
be in a long-term relationshipwith, or I got to be committed
with, or I got to see my familywith.
(09:12):
That's a different...
I don't know.
We might disagree, and that'sokay.
I do disagree.
Not when you have options,right?
I don't know.
I ain't going to lie.
If she thick enough, I mightjust
SPEAKER_02 (09:22):
roll with it.
Yeah.
Listen, if you got two or threegirls in the Rolodex...
and two out of the three arepleasant to be around and you're
like excited for those dates andyou like when they come around
and et cetera, then you'realways going to pick those two
ahead of that third girl who'slike beautiful but just
obnoxious and annoying.
(09:43):
That's just me personally, butagree
SPEAKER_01 (09:46):
to disagree.
I ain't going to lie.
Look, we've known each other fora long time.
I'm not going to say her name,but there was a person I was
with when we were a lot youngerthat Rich used to always ask me
like, Bro, I don't get it.
Like, y'all literally are justtwo different people.
Like, what do you guys talkabout when you're together?
SPEAKER_00 (10:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:04):
Shit.
I'm just talking about how we'regoing to get back to my crib.
That's what I was talking aboutmost of the time.
You get what I'm saying?
So, like, I don't want to put,you know, there's some young
savages we got in our communityand guys that want to live their
lives.
I'm saying you got to be mindfulabout whether you're going to
Denny's to eat and you're juston a highway trip And there's
(10:27):
not a lot of options to yourpoint.
Or if you're home and you havethe luxury of planning your
night out and you want to go toa good restaurant, you know
exactly what you want.
You know exactly what you wantto eat.
It should be the best experiencefor you because that's something
that it's a different approachyou got to it.
So I do want to point that out.
(10:48):
I haven't been on vacations.
I haven't been in differentcities.
Sometimes the criteria changesbased on the appetite for that
smaller window.
But we're really having thisconversation about a more
long-term relationship.
Somebody that you're going to bewith a lot.
SPEAKER_02 (11:02):
Listen, since we agree to disagree, I want to
hear what our community has tosay in the comments.
Post that shit in the comments.
Are you okay with hanging outwith the 10 who's annoying just
to get laid?
Or is she just too annoying?
You said a 10?
(11:23):
I mean, a 10 is different.
SPEAKER_01 (11:24):
A 10 might not even...
Let's say an 8.
Let me tell you, if it's a 10,she don't even got to speak my
language.
We could be doing fucking signlanguage.
I could text her through atranslation app.
If it's a 10, I'm going tofigure it out.
SPEAKER_02 (11:37):
Yeah.
Listen, all rules aredisregarded if you find a 10
who's
SPEAKER_01 (11:42):
into you.
Okay, that's a rule.
If it's a 10, she can beannoying as fuck.
SPEAKER_02 (11:47):
Yeah, she could be whatever.
She's a 10, bro.
You're lucky to even be in herpresence.
SPEAKER_01 (11:55):
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, 10s are rare, bro.
If you caught one, don't throwthat one back.
SPEAKER_02 (12:00):
It's like a rare Pokemon.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:03):
I think we're already giving our community bad
advice.
This is great.
SPEAKER_02 (12:07):
It's the reality.
No, listen.
I want to hear what they have tosay.
Post it in the comments.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_01 (12:12):
Yeah, I think that I'm kind of just trying to
document everything we'retalking about here.
And I got an actionable advicesection based on the natural
dialogue.
And I put, if it's a 10, emoji.
SPEAKER_00 (12:25):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
so be it.
All these rules, that's theamendment to all the rules.
If it's a 10, throw that shitout the window.
Yeah, yeah.
All rules go out the window.
All right, so you got the firstpick.
Beware of bad energy.
They turn everything to a crisisor a meltdown.
Is that the one you're goingwith?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Number two, my pick.
(12:46):
She mocks your interests orshe's highly disrespectful or
dismissive about things that youpersonally like.
And I think that one's huge forour community because a lot of
younger men are developing a lotof interests that are not
atypical for a lot of people andthat's just a product of the
internet and a product of youngmen being able to find these
(13:09):
little corners of the internetthat they personally like they
personally enjoy and I find thata lot of the like you know just
kind of like doubling down onthe type of conversation that
happened in our community justkind of lurking a lot of them
feel bad for liking what theylike and they try to change it
in order to accommodate theinterests of women and I can
(13:31):
say, even though I always fellinto a more of a cool kid part
of the lunch table in life, I'vealways been really comfortable
with being quirky about a fewthings that I like and not
necessarily hiding them when I'maround a girl that I'm dating.
And I'm very passionate about alot of things.
And I try to be upfront withthat as soon as possible.
(13:51):
And that's just a lesson learnedfor me from previous red flags
and relationships that girlshave laughed at me when they
found out how obsessive I amabout like self-development or
how obsessive I am about thefact that I don't drink or
smoke.
That's a great one.
I think that's one that I'vebeen mocked for by women that
want to have a good time andthey just assume that I'm a
(14:13):
square or I'm someone that's notwith the shits and they can't
really hang out with me.
So they'll tease me for that.
So I think it's crucial thatyou're with someone that doesn't
downplay ignore uh doesn'texpress any interest for your
interest they don't got to bedoing all the shit like if you
if you like anime or you likestar wars or you like watching
(14:34):
fucking black and white filmsand you're a cinephile like she
don't got to sit with youthrough all of that but there
has to be uh uh like anacceptance and understanding for
what it is that you'reinterested she has to be curious
i think that's what i'm tryingto say
SPEAKER_02 (14:47):
yeah that's a great point and You want to be around
someone that supports yourgoals, supports your dreams,
supports your ambitions,supports your interests.
It just makes it that much morepleasurable to be around that
type of person.
You often hear the term like,oh, why are you dating this
girl?
Why are you with her?
Oh, bro, she gets me.
(15:08):
She gets me.
That's what guys want.
They want to be understood bythe opposite sex.
If you're the type of dude thatloves to play video games, you
do not want to be around thatannoying girlfriend that like
despises you being on yourPlayStation or Xbox, right?
Like that's what you like to doand you should have the liberty
(15:29):
to do what you like to do whenyou like to do it.
So if she's giving you a hardtime about playing video games
or whatever it is that you'reinto, it's a red flag.
SPEAKER_01 (15:39):
I enjoy gambling.
It's one thing that I do whenI'm watching sports.
How much I gamble?
That's maybe for anotherepisode.
But I make good money.
I'm responsible with my money.
SPEAKER_02 (15:52):
Do you gamble enough to where we have to call the
hotline behind
SPEAKER_01 (15:56):
the...
SPEAKER_02 (15:56):
Maybe.
Sometimes.
It depends if the
SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
Knicks are playing or not.
It depends if the Knicks areplaying.
No, but I'm known to throw a betdown every now and then if I'm
watching sports.
I love sports.
Sure.
I like gambling.
I don't drink and smoke.
And every now and then...
I live in LA.
My mom lives in New Jersey.
Every now and then I'll get on aphone call with my mom and we
(16:18):
would laugh about the mostrandom shit.
Can I tell you that a girl thatI dated out here used to tease
me for all four of those things?
Damn.
And I knew that that was a redflag because I was like, damn,
these are things that Igenuinely enjoy.
And this bitch always gotsomething to say when I get off
the phone with my mom.
SPEAKER_02 (16:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
Like, wow, you and your mom just be laughing all
the time.
Like, what's so funny?
SPEAKER_02 (16:40):
Shaking my head.
SPEAKER_01 (16:41):
What?
What fucking savage doesn'tenjoy that their significant
other enjoys a conversation withtheir mother?
SPEAKER_02 (16:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:50):
Jealousy.
You get what I'm saying?
Like, bro.
And she used to do it in thebeginning.
And since this is a red flagsthat were too early to tell
episode, I never paid attentionto it because it was always like
little jabs, like littleindirectos.
It would always be like, oh,wow.
Indirectos.
you don't have that much funwhen you talk to me or like,
(17:11):
y'all stay laughing.
Like, what's so funny?
It's like,
SPEAKER_00 (17:14):
yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (17:15):
bro.
Hating on my mom is crazy.
Like, bitch, would you hate onthe sun?
Would you hate on a flower?
Like, this is the person who putme on the planet.
That is the ultimate red flag.
You, you've never experiencedanything like that.
No, thank God.
Or your son.
I would say your son, right?
Like somebody that is not happythat you put time and energy
(17:35):
into your own kid.
UNKNOWN (17:37):
Like,
SPEAKER_01 (17:37):
That's some sicko shit.
That's somebody that's soself-absorbed that they can't
handle the idea of you focusingon anything other than them.
SPEAKER_02 (17:44):
Yes, absolutely.
So how did you handle that then?
Like, do you just immediatelysever that relationship?
Do you try to not fix them, butdo you try to let them know the
importance of like therelationship with your mom and
the dynamic?
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
That's a good question because I actually
think that could fall into likethe advice section, the
actionable advice section.
So I don't have an answer.
I have a better answer to that,that I would give the community.
But the way I handled that wasbecause everybody I dated in LA
until I met my girl that I'mwith now, I always kind of had a
short-term POV on.
I always thought I was going togo back home.
(18:22):
I didn't think I was going tolive in LA.
So, you know, I treat peoplethat say ridiculous shit like
children that tell youridiculous shit.
Like if a five-year-old or asix-year-old called me a poopy
head and said I was ugly and Itreat adults that way that I
don't take serious.
I always be like, oh, wow,really?
That's cute.
And I tap them on the head andI'm like, get the fuck out of
(18:43):
here.
You know what I mean?
I have a tendency to treatadults that way.
I've been known to treatgrownups dismissive because I
don't take them serious.
So that specific woman, I don'tthink I took 90% of the shit she
says serious because it wasalways like off center or it was
like some like, wow shit shewould tell me.
And I'd be like, all right,well, It's almost midnight.
Like she's going to be goinghome soon.
(19:04):
So it don't even matter.
Like, so if I had to take acall, like, so in that example,
I would just laugh and be like,well, you don't have a
relationship with your mom.
Like, that's crazy.
And she would be like, no, Ijust think it's crazy that every
time you talk to her, like youhave to leave the room and you
come back laughing.
Yeah.
And I'd be like, yeah, that'scrazy.
Yeah.
No, I just kind of got thatrelationship with my mom.
I would curve it low key.
Like I wasn't even entertaining.
(19:25):
Because I feel like if youentertain that level of
stupidity, you're just as dumbas the five-year-old that called
you a poopy head.
I'm not about to argue with afive-year-old.
I'm good.
You know what, though?
Again, me and Rich are verydifferent.
And I'm happy we have thesedifferences because our
community is going to fall onone side of our personality
traits.
I will say all in the name ofgetting a nut, I might just
(19:46):
tolerate most things.
You know what I mean?
I'm just going to roll with it.
So something like that, I'm notabout to fuck the whole night up
because I didn't already spend$300 on dinner.
I put an outfit on, put cologneon, got a haircut.
I'm driving around the cityacting like I give a fuck about
things that she cares about.
I'm not about to fumble the bagat midnight.
(20:07):
You know what I mean?
I'm just like, all right, cool.
And then the actionable advicewould be I'm already making
notes subconsciously like thisgirl ain't really good for the
long term.
So I'm going to slowly try tofigure out how to get out of
this.
But I'm enjoying it while it'shappening, so I'm not tripping.
SPEAKER_02 (20:25):
You were here for a good time, not a long time.
SPEAKER_01 (20:27):
Got it.
Number three.
It's your pick, Rich.
So we've done so far.
Be aware of that energy.
They turn everything into acrisis or a meltdown.
Number two, my pick.
She mocks your interests.
She's disrespectful.
She's not genuinely interestedabout anything that you care
about.
SPEAKER_02 (20:44):
Yeah.
What's number three?
Number three.
I'm sure we've all experiencedthis, never takes
accountability.
Everything is always somebodyelse's fault, especially in her
past relationships, right?
And you can quickly find outwhat are some of the things that
(21:06):
didn't work out for her based onhow she talks about her exes,
right?
And I think that there's a lotto be said about someone who
can't say, I'm sorry.
or who can't admit their faults.
Because at the end of the day,that person will never take
ownership or accountability foranything that they ever do.
(21:26):
So by default, in a relationshipwith that person, it's your
fault.
Everything is your fault.
Everything is either your faultor someone else's fault.
That's a very closed-minded wayto live your life, to view the
world.
And that is a huge, huge, hugered flag in my book.
What do you think, Chester?
SPEAKER_01 (21:46):
That might be the best one, bro.
That might be the best onebecause that is definitely a
more grown perspective to lookat something, but I think that's
the royal flush of all the redflags.
And I'll add to that, you justsparked an idea and it was so
good.
You made me think of someonethat I actually dealt with that
(22:06):
was a long-term relationship andit was someone that I ignored
her tendency to always get intoproblems with her sister.
her mother, her coworkers, thefucking Uber driver who dropped
her off.
The world was against her.
The world was a problem.
(22:27):
And at some point I was in toodeep.
This is a real relationship.
This wasn't like someone I wasjust dating.
Yeah.
It took me about like threeyears where I had that moment of
clarity where I was like, wait,I've been with this girl for mad
long and I've just realized thatShe's never said one time...
By the way, she had a crisisevery week.
(22:49):
And not one time in the 700weeks that I was with her, one
week she was like, man, maybeit's me.
Never.
So we had a good relationshipbecause we had good rapport.
But the minute that shit turneddark,
SPEAKER_02 (23:07):
I
SPEAKER_01 (23:07):
couldn't get through on anything.
It was like, yo...
How are you not accountable forsome of this?
Yeah, I'm not the easiest personto be with.
I know that for sure.
SPEAKER_00 (23:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:18):
My track record tells me that.
Sometimes I've destroyed, maybethat's another episode, quickest
way to destroy a relationship.
I'll lead on that one.
But bro, she never, ever camearound to owning, having any
ownership.
So I love that one, bro.
Never takes accountability.
And I think the signs are theresometimes where we're friends,
(23:38):
with family, with coworkers.
You just constantly hear hertalk about other people, how
they're the problem.
And in no universe does she everpull up a mirror and go, you
know, I could have handled thatdifferent.
SPEAKER_02 (23:50):
So let me ask you this.
Is that an automatic dealbreaker?
Or can you still try to workaround or with someone like that
who never takes accountability?
SPEAKER_01 (24:06):
You know, this is definitely for our older
community members, but I mean,bro, I'm 39.
So I just recently startedthinking like this.
I've had a very childishmentality when it came to
relationships when I wasyounger.
So if you need run and gundating advice, I still got that
mentality.
But I just recently made thesepivot into taking everything
(24:26):
more serious because it's morelong-term.
And if we're talking long-term,Rich, I look at everything
through the lens of like, allright, if I'm going to live with
this person, this is seven daysa week.
Oh, yeah.
Every day I got to go to bedwith this person.
Every day I got to wake up withthis person.
If this is a real relationship,you don't have to share a bank
account.
But I'm saying you're going tohave money problems together.
(24:47):
You're going to have familyproblems together.
If it happens, you're going tohave kids with this person.
Do you want that mentalityseeping into how your child is
being raised?
That to me, you got to reallythink long and hard about your
business partner when you'retalking about raising children.
So it's less about me.
I think I could manage a lotwith someone who's beautiful and
(25:08):
get through it.
But when we're talking about ifI'm gone and my kid is saying
dumb shit and I know where itcame from, that's my fault.
I doubled down on somebodythat's not bright.
And now I have a house full ofnot bright people because I
invested in someone that is nota great decision maker or
someone that, you know, just awild card.
SPEAKER_02 (25:29):
That makes sense to play devil's advocate.
I think sometimes, especiallyfor our younger community
members, sometimes someonedoesn't know how to be
accountable, right?
If we're talking about a 15, 16,17 year old, they don't really
understand that how to takeownership, how to say, I'm
(25:51):
sorry, how to, you know, feel atfault for something.
So I think you're much moreadjustable when you're early and
on in a relationship and whenyou're young as a person you can
kind of sort of modify theperson or educate them like hey
did you realize that you neversay I'm sorry every time you
(26:12):
fuck up right and let the personknow and maybe that improve
their own personality andcharacteristics and the only
reason why they don't takeaccountability is because no one
has ever highlighted that forthem but now that they're in the
relationship they see oh okayThis is something I got to work
(26:33):
on.
So I feel like when you're earlyon as a person, yes, dating
someone who doesn't takeaccountability is workable.
Once you're in your 30s, mid30s, late 30s, 40s, that becomes
a lot harder to change.
That's just like, okay, this isjust how this person is.
(26:53):
They just don't takeaccountability for their
mistakes, their fuck ups, oranything they do wrong.
Everything is always someoneelse's fault.
I just wanted to play devil'sadvocate because I'm starting to
think like, you know, my sonwho's 13, he commits a lot of
mistakes, right?
And I've seen him try to blameother people for something he
(27:16):
messed up in.
And I go back to him and I say,listen, you made the mistake.
It's your fault.
Take accountability and keeppushing forward.
If I don't instill that in him,he's just going to be the same
type of person who never takesaccountability for anything.
So yes, if you're the type ofperson who doesn't take
(27:36):
accountability, but it's beinghighlighted to you from a
partner, take that feedback,make the changes you need to
make, keep pushing forward.
SPEAKER_01 (27:45):
Yeah, that's good.
So number three, she never takesaccountability.
It's just always madness withfriends, coworkers.
SPEAKER_00 (27:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (27:55):
Everyone.
The world around her is aproblem.
She's good.
SPEAKER_02 (27:59):
Yeah.
Run.
She's not for you, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (28:02):
Number four.
Number four is actually related,but while you were talking, you
brought up someone that Ihaven't thought of in a very
long time.
Yeah.
Man, beware of the princess.
Beware of the princess.
SPEAKER_02 (28:17):
That's a big one.
SPEAKER_01 (28:18):
And the bright red neon fucking sign that says, do
not enter is someone that treatsyou like a second-class citizen
all the time.
Someone that treats you not asthe co-star in her movie, as the
dude driving the fucking Uber inher movie, the bellhop.
SPEAKER_02 (28:39):
The chauffeur.
SPEAKER_01 (28:40):
You're the chauffeur in her life.
You're just like a randomperson, and you're the host at
the restaurant, and she is thefive-course meal.
Beware of the princess.
Princess energy is...
It's not easy to detect becausethese girls are usually very
attractive.
And they're probably the onlychild in their family.
And their dad and mom createdthis fucking monster.
SPEAKER_02 (29:02):
Yeah.
That's a great one.
And, yeah, I don't even know whoto blame.
You know, who to put the blameon there, right?
You're almost spit out thewater.
UNKNOWN (29:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (29:12):
Why do you want to blame somebody?
No, no, no.
Because it's like, does she havedaddy issues?
SPEAKER_01 (29:17):
Yeah.
You don't know who to bring herback to?
SPEAKER_02 (29:20):
Yeah.
Like, did her dad treat her likea princess?
So she just feels entitled toalways receive this type of
treatment towards every male,right?
Like every male needs to treather this way.
I'd be curious to know, like,why does she walk around with
this princess energy?
I've literally been on a dateand a girl was giving me that
(29:41):
princess treatment.
And in one interaction, she waslike, here, hold my purse.
I was like, I'm not holding yourpurse.
For real?
You put that fucking purse onthe table.
Yeah.
Like, put the purse on thetable.
Like, what am I, your purseholder,
SPEAKER_01 (29:56):
chauffeur?
She leaned on you to fix herheels, and then she told you to
hold her purse?
SPEAKER_02 (30:01):
Bro, I forget what the context
SPEAKER_01 (30:03):
was, but I felt at that moment like
SPEAKER_02 (30:05):
she was...
I do open doors.
SPEAKER_01 (30:07):
That's what I'm saying, but that's the kind of
girl that says those...
Like, she'll fuck with you andsay things like that.
SPEAKER_02 (30:11):
Oh, chivalry is dead.
Yeah.
Like she wasn't my girlfriend.
Like we were on a date, but Iforget the exact context, but I
definitely felt like I was beingbelittled in that moment where
she was like, here, hold mypurse.
I'm like not holding your damnpurse.
How did they go after that?
Yeah.
I mean, we reconciled, but Ijust kind of like, this was,
this was one of those momentswhere you kind of like show
(30:34):
someone boundaries and you'relike, Hey, like, Like I'm not
your little brother, right?
Or a family member to be like,oh, here, hold my purse.
Fuck, I look like with a pinkfucking
SPEAKER_01 (30:46):
coach bag.
You know, I will say this, notthat this is the topic we're
discussing today, but this isimportant for our community to
know, the young men in ourcommunity to know.
I do come from a family of apes,like guys that are a little bit
more primitive.
So I tend to...
get triggered and have primitivemoments when I'm out with women.
And I'll be like, Oh shit, Imight've went a little too.
(31:07):
Like I wasn't courteous that I'mtalking to a woman and I'll find
that the right kind of girl thatmay portray princess energy.
If you kind of hold the line andyou, you tell her like, yeah,
I'm not holding your purse, bro.
I'm good.
I don't open doors.
Like, like you got the wrong guyin the moment.
It could be a deal breaker tothat girl.
Like she might leave it.
(31:28):
The date is over.
But the one that actually reactspositively to that, is a person
that's actually looking to find,to see if you have a limit.
That's what I've found, is thata girl that reacts neutral or
positive to it, in her mind,she's probably thinking like,
oh, all right, well, most menwill do it, but I'm kind of
fucking with this guy.
He stood up to me.
SPEAKER_02 (31:50):
Yeah.
I mean, exactly.
That's my point.
Like, by the way, like, I doencourage you to open doors,
hold purses, right?
Like, be courteous,
SPEAKER_01 (31:59):
respectful.
I don't.
Can I just be clear and
SPEAKER_02 (32:01):
say I do not.
That's fine.
I'm saying the way she told meto hold her purse, like- On some
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
bully shit, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (32:07):
On some bully shit, like little bro me.
I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa.
That's a good point.
Sentiment, like the context.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's the context.
Like, whoa, princess, like, whodo you think you're talking to?
Like, I'm not your, you know,I'm not your little bellboy.
Be wary of that energy.
That loops back into like thefirst point.
That's part of the bad energybucket, right?
(32:28):
A girl, you know, a princesstrying to, Make you hold her
purse.
That's bad
SPEAKER_01 (32:34):
energy right there.
You fucked me up because we'resupposed to be talking about red
flags and how to spot them.
But you said something thatopened up a whole new thought.
Who's to blame for this shit?
And when it comes to theprincess, there's only one thing
I thought of.
You said a few things, but Iblame every guy that came before
you.
(32:54):
I blame every guy who tried itand didn't succeed.
I blame every dude in her DMs.
I blame every motherfucker thatlikes and comments on every post
she puts up.
I blame the dude sending hermoney, clearing out her Amazon
cart, just spoiling her, and shedon't have to do anything, and
she gets everything from theworld.
That's who I blame for theprincess energy.
(33:17):
And I'm going to take it alittle further.
I want to remove the red flagthat I originally said, and I
want to add an amendment to it.
It's true.
Beware of the princess who is astrong six in real life.
That is a dangerous motherfuckerright there.
Because not only are you notattractive, but somehow the
world convinced you that you'rea princess and you are
(33:39):
attractive.
Yeah.
That type of mental distortionis something that you can never,
like, you might as well just endthe date there because that's
never going to change.
SPEAKER_02 (33:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:49):
Who let this person believe they are who they are?
Like, that is the problem whyyou get princess energy from a
girl who's a strong six.
Honestly, it's a pet peeve.
I'm triggered now.
That none annoys me more than agirl that is average talking to
everybody like she's bad.
Like, bro, who the fuck lied toyou?
SPEAKER_02 (34:06):
Yeah, I agree.
Can we do a bonus?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think this is a topic that wemight differ in opinion, but I'm
curious to know your thoughts.
Because depending on where youare in your life, this could be
a red flag or it could not be ared flag.
(34:26):
meeting a woman, going out on adate and sort of like closing
the deal, right?
Like having sex with that personon the first date.
Is it a red flag if you sleepwith a girl on the first date?
I feel like it depends where youare in life, right?
Like if you're playing the fieldand you're just looking to put
(34:47):
up some Kobe numbers and you'rehaving fun and you're young,
you're, you know, 18, 19, 21,college, high school, whatever,
and you don't want to be in acommitted, serious relationship,
it's probably not a red flag.
If you're looking for a moreserious relationship, something
more romantic, something morepotentially long-term, then it
(35:13):
absolutely is a red flag.
And I'll tell you why.
Because in your brain iscemented that you closed the
deal on the first night.
How many more other times hasthis occurred before you, right?
Because now mentally you'reputting her in a whole other
bucket.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Yeah, I mean, I think you knew we disagree on
this one.
I think you knew we disagree.
I know.
I got the type of arrogance whenI go out with a girl that I
believe I'm always going tocrack on the first night.
And I might be the reason whyI'm one of two guys in this
woman's life that was able to doit on the first night.
(35:52):
I'm shooting to kill.
on the first night.
Let's just be clear.
I
SPEAKER_02 (35:55):
mean, at least that's what you think.
SPEAKER_01 (35:57):
Yeah.
I mean, look, you can put thatnegative energy into anybody's
mind, but I'm going to be honestwith you.
If we're going to talk facts, ifyou're the guy in her life at
that moment and you become theguy for the next five years and
you have a kid with that person,you're the guy for the five
years.
But that don't mean on year six,you get a little beer belly, you
(36:18):
get fired from your job.
You're not the guy to her nomore.
Just because she made you wait ayear to hit on the first time
don't mean she's not going tocheat on you in year six.
I don't know if it correlatesone to one.
I do get what you're sayingthough, but I would hate for a
young person to believe that thegirl they're with is not of
(36:42):
quality or they're not like thisivory white snowflake that is
the first thing that they...
I got news for you, bro.
Very few women in 2025 over theage of 21 years old are these
little ivory white snowflakesthat haven't been touched.
(37:03):
I'm going to leave it at that.
So if you really believe thisidea that like the
representative of girls showingyou is truly who she is, you
think girls don't speak.
They don't think they do whatthe fuck we're doing right now.
They don't like, Damn, girl, Idefinitely wanted to be with
him.
I was fucking wet.
I was ready to go to his crib.
I fucking got the matching braand panties, but I didn't go
(37:24):
because I want him to believeI'm a good girl.
That's all I'm saying, bro.
That's fair, man.
That's fair.
To me, that's a 1970s draw toUno card.
It's 2025.
They got the draw eight.
They got the fucking triplereverse.
It's a very complicated game outthere.
So, you know, girls are smart.
They, they know when they're,when they're on wifey mode and
(37:47):
they know when they're in birdmode.
And I didn't have been in enoughtours.
I didn't have been out of thecity with artists to know that
the girl that made you waitthree months is busting it wide
open for a triple platinumrapper for sure.
On night one, you want to knowwhy?
Cause they know you're not goingto be in that city tomorrow and
this is their shot.
So there it is.
Don't mean, don't mean, uh,Totally disagree with you, but I
(38:10):
think context is important.
Oh, this is good.
If Shorty's over 25 years old,she done busted open for
somebody.
And I promise you, if you saw apicture of this guy, you're
going to be very disappointedwho she busted open for.
So there goes your little snowprincess that you think is just
for you.
Be around her girlfriends.
That's how you know the truth.
Cheers, my boy.
We're at the bottom.
(38:32):
We're getting turnt.
Yeah.
Hey, the first sponsorship weever get for Failures Podcast.
is going to be an energy drink,a sponsorship.
It has to be.
SPEAKER_02 (38:41):
Yes.
I won't say which one we drinkyet, but it's coming.
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
I already told you.
I'm officially junkie status.
I got the little portablesthere, the powders that you just
throw in the water and you mixup.
SPEAKER_02 (38:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (38:53):
We got to go to actionable advice.
Can I go through my list thatI've been putting together while
we've been talking?
And then you can pick out theone that you think is the most
important one?
SPEAKER_02 (39:01):
For sure.
Go through it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:02):
All right.
Well, we did our five.
We did a bonus.
We did four plus a bonus.
The four...
Red flags that you should beaware of is bad energy turns
everything into a crisis or ameltdown.
Two, she mocks all yourinterests or she doesn't respect
the things that you enjoy doing.
Everything is about her.
(39:23):
Number three, she never takesaccountability.
And you notice it from her workrelationships, her friendships.
Everybody's a problem.
She's not a problem.
And number four was beware ofthe princess who's a strong six.
I made an edit on that one.
SPEAKER_02 (39:38):
And what was the fifth one?
The fifth one was a bonus.
Oh, if she lets you hear onnight one.
SPEAKER_01 (39:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (39:45):
Is that a red flag?
Very controversial topic,depending on who you
SPEAKER_01 (39:49):
ask.
That's something that we shouldget in the comments
SPEAKER_02 (39:51):
with.
Yeah.
I want to hear it in thecomments.
Is it a red flag if you sleepwith her on the first night?
SPEAKER_01 (39:57):
Yeah.
We're not going to agree on thatone for sure.
SPEAKER_02 (40:00):
Because if you really demand, you're going to
get that all.
Yeah.
I want to hear it.
Maybe we'll bring a communitymember on the next show to talk
about it, but I want to hear it.
SPEAKER_01 (40:10):
Final portion of the podcast, we're going to get into
actionable advice.
This entire episode was aboutred flags.
People do wear warning labels onthem.
We just tend to ignore themdepending on how fat their ass
is or how pretty they are.
Men have a tendency to getdistorted in the main mission,
which is just being with a girl.
But some of the actionableadvice that came up, Rich, I'm
(40:31):
going to go through a list thatI put together while we were
having this conversation.
Sure.
Number one, not everything is ared flag.
And that's a two-part.
One, sometimes guys can bereally sensitive and they're
operating from theirinsecurities, so they want to
make everything a red flag.
I think the woman version ofthis is every girl calling every
(40:51):
guy toxic if they decide not tobe with them.
It's like, nah, bro, you justweren't the one for him.
He's not toxic.
He just moved on and you're notthe person for him.
Same goes for the guys.
Not every girl has red flagsjust because it didn't work out
for you.
You just weren't that guy whenyou met her straight up.
She wasn't interested and that'sokay.
The second part to that, noteverything is a red flag is be
(41:15):
accountable.
Do the work on yourself andrealize that maybe some of the
reasons why other people aregetting through your filtering
processes because you don't evenknow what the fuck you want.
You're taking everything.
You're dating everything.
You're going out witheverything.
You have no filters.
Like you just, you just run withwhoever cause you have such a
low standard for yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (41:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:37):
Number three, don't fall in love with her over the
apps or social media.
Meet them in person.
I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (41:43):
Maybe for number four, uh, boundary setting,
right?
Just let her know if she's beingtoo clingy or, uh, you know, be,
be expressive about your needsand, um, You know, this is going
back to the princess treatment,right?
Like with the whole pursesituation, let her know that you
have boundaries.
Like, hey, like I'm not yourlittle bellboy.
(42:04):
Like I'm not doing these things.
Like don't try to bully me.
So definitely having the abilityto boundary set is extremely
important in any relationship.
So have boundaries.
Yeah, have boundaries, know howto set them, know how to
communicate that effectively.
Because, you know, when it comesto boundaries, you could make
someone feel bad.
(42:25):
or disrespected very easily onceyou start to lay out your
boundaries, right?
Especially if they don'tunderstand them.
But just have boundaries andknow how to communicate them so
that the person understands themand you guys can move forward
from it.
SPEAKER_01 (42:39):
I think the beauty of drawing a line in the sand,
and honestly, this is fordating, women, family,
everything, is it always feelsuncomfortable to draw a line in
the sand.
But once that line is drawn, Nowthe responsibility is on you to
make a very clear decision.
I drew a line.
This person said they were okaywith it or they weren't okay
(43:03):
with it.
And I have a choice to eithernow allow them to continue to
cross this line knowing that Iset a boundary or I'm just not
okay with it.
Now the ball's in your court andyou have the freedom to react
because you gave a warning shot.
I think that is very mature.
I think that is something youdefinitely have to do,
especially when you're datingbecause it's You're dealing with
a person that you have no ideawho they are.
(43:24):
So again, back to number one,not everything is a red flag.
Don't just jump out and accuseeveryone of being not perfect
because I'm pretty sure I'm notperfect.
And be accountable.
Understand that a lot of thefiltering comes from you.
So I love that, the withdrawingboundaries.
Number six, I would say isbeware of online perfection.
(43:47):
Vet beyond social media.
That was
SPEAKER_02 (43:49):
one that you had brought up.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, listen, you can't learnsomeone's personality over the
internet, right?
Like it's just impossible.
Like, yeah, they have categorieson interest and hobbies and
things like that, but actuallymeeting someone physically in
person and seeing and witnessingand experiencing their
(44:11):
mannerisms, their energy, theway they operate, the way they
move, the way they talk, theirattitude.
These are all things you're justgoing to have to experience in
person.
So while that beautiful girl onHinge or Bumble or Tinder,
whatever dating app you use,looks like a good swipe, think
(44:31):
again.
You might want to be here inperson first before you lay all
the chips in front.
SPEAKER_01 (44:37):
And another thing I'll add to that is if she's on
a dating app, she's still a freeagent.
Someone did not teach that.
Someone put that back into theopen market.
Certain fruit is on the fruitstand at 10 p.m.
for a reason.
That means that from 8 a.m.
to 10 p.m., people walk by thatbatch of grapes and put it right
(44:59):
back.
So
SPEAKER_02 (45:00):
proceed with caution.
Yeah.
Some might argue that being on adating app is a red flag.
You know, going back to yourpoint, not everything is a red
flag.
SPEAKER_01 (45:08):
Not everything is a red flag.
I mean, one thing I definitelywanted to mention is like, You
had said this before, which isanother piece of advice is at
the end of the day, when you'vebeen on enough dates and you've
kind of weighed out some of thenegatives, some hopefully mostly
positive, some negatives in youropinion.
I like this banner that youcreated.
Never thought about it this wayis like, she gets me.
(45:31):
This is somebody that is myflock.
Not everybody's going to be foryour personality, for your type,
not going to enjoy yourlifestyle, enjoy how you live.
Like everybody comes withbaggage.
Everybody comes with a story.
It's just a person that gets youand is willing to accept you the
way you are and move forward.
SPEAKER_02 (45:48):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's a big one.
She gets me.
SPEAKER_01 (45:52):
Listen to her patterns with other people
outside of you.
That was one that's reallyimportant for me.
That's another piece of advicethat's like, yeah, I think it's
easy for someone that wants toimpress you and loves you in
that moment.
It's very, very specificallyworded that she loves you in
that moment.
(46:12):
She's going to do everythingpossible to make sure her face
card is good and she's puttingher best effort, putting her
best foot forward.
Pay attention to how she treatspeople that love her
unconditionally because thenthat'll show you, oh, okay, this
is how she treats people thathave no other choice.
At some point in therelationship, you're going to be
(46:33):
locked in with two kids,married, mortgage, shared bank
account.
Don't be shocked that the sameway she was treating those
people that unconditionally loveher she'll start treating you
that way
SPEAKER_00 (46:44):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (46:45):
that is something that you have to pay attention
to that that is more of agrown-up red flag but i've found
in my time that man if somebodycomes home and kicks their cat
yells at their dog blames theworld for every other problem
but for you for some reason likeyou're the special one to her
it's only a matter of time forthe temperature chains on that
and you don't be shocked becauseyou're going to be You're going
(47:06):
to be in pretty deep legallybefore you have to get out of
that situation.
So be mindful of that.
That's definitely somemoney-saving advice right there.
SPEAKER_00 (47:12):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (47:13):
for sure.
Stand your ground.
Show your boundaries.
You talked about that one.
Don't try to fix or saveanybody.
I thought that was a good one.
When you think of fixing orsaving somebody, Rich, what
comes to mind?
SPEAKER_02 (47:25):
I feel like you should never try to fix or
change anyone, right?
You spend the time with theperson.
You understand their personalityand their character.
you're either compatible withthat person or you're not,
right?
Like, I look at everyone likeone big puzzle.
Like, either we fit as acollective or we don't.
You know, some puzzle piecesmight be harder to fit than
(47:47):
others, but I don't reallybelieve in the idea of changing
someone.
I like the word molding
SPEAKER_01 (47:53):
better, right?
Like...
Growing with.
Yeah, we're growing together.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_02 (47:56):
growing with.
I think when you find the rightperson, naturally, it's like two
magnets in the oppositedirection.
Like, there's...
a lot of friction in thebeginning, especially when
you're like first moving in witha person and where things are
going down like a serious road.
But ultimately that one magnetflips over, whether that be you
(48:17):
or her, and then there's anatural kinetic energy and you
guys just come together becausenow it fits, right?
But, you know, I don't like theidea of like changing someone.
You should never try to changesomeone
SPEAKER_01 (48:30):
for their benefit.
Yes.
Change, fix, and the one that Iwant to give a point of emphasis
on because it does, I see it alot in our communities when I'm
in lurk mode.
Don't try to save nobody.
SPEAKER_02 (48:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (48:43):
Don't try to save nobody.
If Shorty is blatantly tellingyou that she just came off of a
relationship and she's trying toget over this guy, don't try to
save her.
SPEAKER_02 (48:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (48:54):
If everything about her energy is a girl that's
outside and that she got outsidegirl energy and she just wants
to be outside, It's cool.
Accept the relationship for whatit is.
You're just someone that she'skind of hanging out with at the
moment.
Don't try to save her.
Do not try to turn an alley catinto a house cat.
It's just not going to work outfor you.
Women are some of the moststrong-minded people on the
(49:15):
planet.
They know what they want to doand when they want to do it.
And when they're ready to turninto wifey, they'll give you
wifey vibes.
And when they're ready to beoutside because they want to get
whatever demon off of their bodyfrom the last relationship, or
they're just in, you know, I'min get money, fuck dudes mode.
You're not going to change her,bro.
You're not going to change her.
So don't try to save nobodybecause a lot of red flags are
(49:38):
going to come up for you.
But the dude she really wants tobe with, he don't have no red
flags, but she really wants tobe with him.
So just be mindful of that.
And the last and final piece ofadvice we're going to give you,
which is the amendment thatmakes this entire episode
pointless, is if she's a 10,none of this shit matters.
Go for it.
Get yourself a 10.
Enjoy that experience.
(49:58):
And then when you get spat outby that dragon, come back to us
and watch the episode from thetop again.
But if you're going to 10 it's arare pokemon you got to play it
you got to roll with it heyfailures podcast learn from us
so you don't have to we're outof here
If she's on a dating app, she's still a free agent.
Certain fruit is on the fruitstand at 10 p.m.
for a reason.
That means that from 8 a.m.
to 10 p.m., people walk by thatbatch of grapes and put it right
back.
So proceed with caution.
Failures podcast, Justin D, RichSanchez.
(00:26):
Listen, learn from our failuresso you don't have to.
Rich, we got a fucking goodepisode today.
We're talking red flags and I'mnot going to lie, bro.
When you're kicking down 40sdoor, a lot of these
conversations, a lot of thesetopics, they hit close to home.
I know you can relate.
We're going to go back andforth, discuss some red flags
that we noticed early in somerelationships that we had.
(00:48):
And, you know, after 20 plusyears of dating, same for you,
having friends and family thathave been in some crazy ass
relationships.
I feel like there's a lot thatwe can share with our community
that is not just only aboutnoticing the red flags, but I
think more importantly is likewhat you do once you notice the
red flags and how to either vetfor them or how do you react to
(01:09):
it once you realize it.
But Rich, I mean, when you hearthe words red flags, what comes
to mind?
Like, I already know youprobably have a hell of stories
off top.
SPEAKER_02 (01:17):
Man, I
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
have a
SPEAKER_02 (01:18):
bunch of stories of my time being single and playing
the field and being on datingapps and try to find the diamond
in the rough, so to speak.
And yeah, in every date that Iwas in, I always sort of found a
red flag and try to detectpatterns and behavior and to
(01:40):
ultimately find the rightperson.
And fortunately, I did off of adating app, by the way.
But yeah, let's get into it.
I'm excited to walk throughdifferent red flags, what to
look out for, and give someadvice on how to deal
SPEAKER_01 (01:56):
with them.
You know, the community thatwe're building, Failures
Podcast, the tagline is learnfrom our failures so you don't
have to.
And I think this is a greattopic to talk about that because
when you're young and you firststart understanding that the
dynamic between younger womenand men and, you know, like how
does the relationship go?
The one fine point that no oneever tells you, and I think you
(02:16):
pretty much just said it, Rich,is like with every relationship
and every date and everyfriendship that turns
relationship or friendship thatgirl keeps you in the friend
zone, with every loss you take,you actually learn more about
the process of what it is thatyou like, what it is that girls
do and do not like about you.
Most people that are dating,they definitely want to be in a
(02:38):
relationship and hypotheticallywith one person.
So if that's your ultimate goal,you don't got to get it right
the first time.
You don't got to get it rightthe first 20 times.
The real goal, and Rich and Iare currently in relationships
from dating for a long time andtesting the open market is that
With every failure, with everyrelationship that doesn't go
well, with every red flag thatyou notice and you wind up not
(02:58):
being with that person, you'reactually getting closer to being
with the person that is going toeventually be the person you get
to call your girlfriend.
So there is something about thedots connecting when you look
back is that you could go on 100dates and if 99 don't work out,
that's fine as long as you getthe one that you want.
So that's kind of a morepositive lens to look at it
because when you go through ourcommunity, a lot of the
(03:20):
conversations are like moreframed in a negative way.
So what I want our community toknow is that it's okay that you
notice red flags, you've beenthrough red flags, or you've
been in relationships thatdidn't work out because
ultimately it leads to the goal,which is you want to be in a
relationship with somebodythat's going to give you a
little bit of love at the end ofthe day.
So Rich, the format today we'regoing to go with is we're going
(03:43):
to go red flag for red flag.
We both have two red flags thatwe noticed in our lives and the
stories that came with that andmaybe some advice at the end.
And who knows at the end if wehave any more.
we could do like a little bit ofa bonus round.
So we're going to go back andforth.
So my question to you, Rich, issomeone from our community did
say people come with warninglabels.
We just ignore them.
(04:04):
What's a warning label youignored because you thought you
were overthinking it, but itactually turned out to be
terrible.
And what's like a red flag thathappened in a more recent
relationship when you weresingle?
SPEAKER_02 (04:16):
Yeah, man.
Have you ever encountered peoplethat with early moment of
introducing themselves and youmeeting them for the first time,
they just kind of either rub youthe wrong way or just carry
themselves with like bad energy.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I'm sure we've all experienced aperson like that.
I specifically remember going ona hinge date and, you know,
(04:39):
beautiful girl, we were on ourway to a restaurant and I was
excited for the date and weended up getting stuck in
traffic and And she made a bigdeal about being stuck in
traffic.
It almost felt like she wasturning things into like a
crisis.
I'm just like, hey, listen, calmdown.
We're on our way.
We're going to make it.
(05:00):
I'll call the restaurant.
We'll be a few minutes late.
It's no big deal.
So I thought that was the end ofit.
And we get to the restaurant andthe server serves her like the
wrong order.
And that became crazy.
a whole nother moment, almostlike a mini meltdown.
And I'm like, holy cow, like, isthis a pattern?
Like, what did I just signmyself up for?
(05:22):
You know, so one of the thingsthat I did was, let me pause and
process, right?
Is this person just like thisinnately?
Is she having a bad day?
You know, what is causing her toreact this certain way?
I quickly realized that one ofthe things that is very
difficult to do when you'reonline dating is find out what
(05:47):
that person's personality andcharacter is like, right?
Because you're seeing the bestversion of them online, right?
The best pictures, like all thevacation spots in front of like
the fancy car or a fancyvacation, but you don't actually
get to see what they're like inperson, right?
(06:08):
Like, How are they when they'restuck in traffic?
How are they when they're havingan unpleasant experience at a
restaurant?
Those are all important thingsthat you need to factor in when
you're looking for the idealpartner, you know, the right fit
for you.
So certainly be cautious andworry when you encounter people
(06:31):
that give you sort of like a badenergy or a bad vibe.
SPEAKER_01 (06:35):
Yeah, I mean, you know, you bring up a great
point.
I think people, ourselvesincluded, by the way, whether we
know it or not, we know where wefall short.
We know where our strengths areat and we know where our
weaknesses are at.
And I think humans, if you lookat it more like a job interview,
you're about to take on a newjob, no one's going to truly
(06:57):
tell you on their resume.
Their resume is the dating app.
Their resume is their socialmedia account.
It really is an extraction ofall things that are a liability
that may scare people away.
And it's constantly highlightingin bright yellow highlighter,
like all the things I'm reallygood at.
So if a girl is physically veryattractive, and I don't give a
(07:17):
fuck who gives anyone lifeadvice.
If you're a man, physicalappearance is a lot.
You think you're going to getaway with being a girl you're
not attracted to, but afterthree months, you're going to
realize that you made a mistakebecause we are very physical
creatures.
We are into the way girls look,so...
You can't be mad at a girlthat's highlighting her features
or highlighting her body or howshe looks because that's
(07:40):
important to a guy.
SPEAKER_00 (07:41):
For sure.
SPEAKER_01 (07:41):
But be very mindful of the things she's not showing.
If you got a lot of high anglephotos, be aware of the fine
print.
And I think that's a point thatyou're bringing up and I think
is important.
It's like, don't fall in lovewith the job interviewer.
Don't fall in love with theresume.
Give yourself an opportunity tosee them in person.
(08:02):
And I assume that's whathappened when you met them in
person.
Just that energy kind of threwyou off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And listen,
SPEAKER_02 (08:09):
the looks were there, but by the way, a person,
a woman with bad energy, that'sa 10 will quickly drop down to
about a seven if it's notcomfortable being around her.
Right.
Because you're just getting thatbad vibe, like that constant
crisis meltdown, bratty, uh,type of energy.
(08:29):
So it's not only about looks.
SPEAKER_01 (08:31):
Well, I do want to present a caveat.
I want to make it a habit thatwe are meeting our community
where they're at.
If you're a younger guy and allyou're really looking for is
some, like a fun night out ormaybe somebody that you want to
hook up with in the middle of abig breakup in your life and you
don't know if you want to takesomebody serious, then I
(08:52):
actually do think the criteriafor what we're giving feedback
for is a little bit different.
Would you agree?
Like if you're just on somechilling date and shit, like, I
could deal with an annoying girlonce a week, but I can't deal
with a girl that's annoying thatI got to live with, or I got to
be in a long-term relationshipwith, or I got to be committed
with, or I got to see my familywith.
(09:12):
That's a different...
I don't know.
We might disagree, and that'sokay.
I do disagree.
Not when you have options,right?
I don't know.
I ain't going to lie.
If she thick enough, I mightjust
SPEAKER_02 (09:22):
roll with it.
Yeah.
Listen, if you got two or threegirls in the Rolodex...
and two out of the three arepleasant to be around and you're
like excited for those dates andyou like when they come around
and et cetera, then you'realways going to pick those two
ahead of that third girl who'slike beautiful but just
obnoxious and annoying.
(09:43):
That's just me personally, butagree
SPEAKER_01 (09:46):
to disagree.
I ain't going to lie.
Look, we've known each other fora long time.
I'm not going to say her name,but there was a person I was
with when we were a lot youngerthat Rich used to always ask me
like, Bro, I don't get it.
Like, y'all literally are justtwo different people.
Like, what do you guys talkabout when you're together?
SPEAKER_00 (10:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:04):
Shit.
I'm just talking about how we'regoing to get back to my crib.
That's what I was talking aboutmost of the time.
You get what I'm saying?
So, like, I don't want to put,you know, there's some young
savages we got in our communityand guys that want to live their
lives.
I'm saying you got to be mindfulabout whether you're going to
Denny's to eat and you're juston a highway trip And there's
(10:27):
not a lot of options to yourpoint.
Or if you're home and you havethe luxury of planning your
night out and you want to go toa good restaurant, you know
exactly what you want.
You know exactly what you wantto eat.
It should be the best experiencefor you because that's something
that it's a different approachyou got to it.
So I do want to point that out.
(10:48):
I haven't been on vacations.
I haven't been in differentcities.
Sometimes the criteria changesbased on the appetite for that
smaller window.
But we're really having thisconversation about a more
long-term relationship.
Somebody that you're going to bewith a lot.
SPEAKER_02 (11:02):
Listen, since we agree to disagree, I want to
hear what our community has tosay in the comments.
Post that shit in the comments.
Are you okay with hanging outwith the 10 who's annoying just
to get laid?
Or is she just too annoying?
You said a 10?
(11:23):
I mean, a 10 is different.
SPEAKER_01 (11:24):
A 10 might not even...
Let's say an 8.
Let me tell you, if it's a 10,she don't even got to speak my
language.
We could be doing fucking signlanguage.
I could text her through atranslation app.
If it's a 10, I'm going tofigure it out.
SPEAKER_02 (11:37):
Yeah.
Listen, all rules aredisregarded if you find a 10
who's
SPEAKER_01 (11:42):
into you.
Okay, that's a rule.
If it's a 10, she can beannoying as fuck.
SPEAKER_02 (11:47):
Yeah, she could be whatever.
She's a 10, bro.
You're lucky to even be in herpresence.
SPEAKER_01 (11:55):
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, 10s are rare, bro.
If you caught one, don't throwthat one back.
SPEAKER_02 (12:00):
It's like a rare Pokemon.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:03):
I think we're already giving our community bad
advice.
This is great.
SPEAKER_02 (12:07):
It's the reality.
No, listen.
I want to hear what they have tosay.
Post it in the comments.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_01 (12:12):
Yeah, I think that I'm kind of just trying to
document everything we'retalking about here.
And I got an actionable advicesection based on the natural
dialogue.
And I put, if it's a 10, emoji.
SPEAKER_00 (12:25):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
so be it.
All these rules, that's theamendment to all the rules.
If it's a 10, throw that shitout the window.
Yeah, yeah.
All rules go out the window.
All right, so you got the firstpick.
Beware of bad energy.
They turn everything to a crisisor a meltdown.
Is that the one you're goingwith?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Number two, my pick.
(12:46):
She mocks your interests orshe's highly disrespectful or
dismissive about things that youpersonally like.
And I think that one's huge forour community because a lot of
younger men are developing a lotof interests that are not
atypical for a lot of people andthat's just a product of the
internet and a product of youngmen being able to find these
(13:09):
little corners of the internetthat they personally like they
personally enjoy and I find thata lot of the like you know just
kind of like doubling down onthe type of conversation that
happened in our community justkind of lurking a lot of them
feel bad for liking what theylike and they try to change it
in order to accommodate theinterests of women and I can
(13:31):
say, even though I always fellinto a more of a cool kid part
of the lunch table in life, I'vealways been really comfortable
with being quirky about a fewthings that I like and not
necessarily hiding them when I'maround a girl that I'm dating.
And I'm very passionate about alot of things.
And I try to be upfront withthat as soon as possible.
(13:51):
And that's just a lesson learnedfor me from previous red flags
and relationships that girlshave laughed at me when they
found out how obsessive I amabout like self-development or
how obsessive I am about thefact that I don't drink or
smoke.
That's a great one.
I think that's one that I'vebeen mocked for by women that
want to have a good time andthey just assume that I'm a
(14:13):
square or I'm someone that's notwith the shits and they can't
really hang out with me.
So they'll tease me for that.
So I think it's crucial thatyou're with someone that doesn't
downplay ignore uh doesn'texpress any interest for your
interest they don't got to bedoing all the shit like if you
if you like anime or you likestar wars or you like watching
(14:34):
fucking black and white filmsand you're a cinephile like she
don't got to sit with youthrough all of that but there
has to be uh uh like anacceptance and understanding for
what it is that you'reinterested she has to be curious
i think that's what i'm tryingto say
SPEAKER_02 (14:47):
yeah that's a great point and You want to be around
someone that supports yourgoals, supports your dreams,
supports your ambitions,supports your interests.
It just makes it that much morepleasurable to be around that
type of person.
You often hear the term like,oh, why are you dating this
girl?
Why are you with her?
Oh, bro, she gets me.
(15:08):
She gets me.
That's what guys want.
They want to be understood bythe opposite sex.
If you're the type of dude thatloves to play video games, you
do not want to be around thatannoying girlfriend that like
despises you being on yourPlayStation or Xbox, right?
Like that's what you like to doand you should have the liberty
(15:29):
to do what you like to do whenyou like to do it.
So if she's giving you a hardtime about playing video games
or whatever it is that you'reinto, it's a red flag.
SPEAKER_01 (15:39):
I enjoy gambling.
It's one thing that I do whenI'm watching sports.
How much I gamble?
That's maybe for anotherepisode.
But I make good money.
I'm responsible with my money.
SPEAKER_02 (15:52):
Do you gamble enough to where we have to call the
hotline behind
SPEAKER_01 (15:56):
the...
SPEAKER_02 (15:56):
Maybe.
Sometimes.
It depends if the
SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
Knicks are playing or not.
It depends if the Knicks areplaying.
No, but I'm known to throw a betdown every now and then if I'm
watching sports.
I love sports.
Sure.
I like gambling.
I don't drink and smoke.
And every now and then...
I live in LA.
My mom lives in New Jersey.
Every now and then I'll get on aphone call with my mom and we
(16:18):
would laugh about the mostrandom shit.
Can I tell you that a girl thatI dated out here used to tease
me for all four of those things?
Damn.
And I knew that that was a redflag because I was like, damn,
these are things that Igenuinely enjoy.
And this bitch always gotsomething to say when I get off
the phone with my mom.
SPEAKER_02 (16:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:36):
Like, wow, you and your mom just be laughing all
the time.
Like, what's so funny?
SPEAKER_02 (16:40):
Shaking my head.
SPEAKER_01 (16:41):
What?
What fucking savage doesn'tenjoy that their significant
other enjoys a conversation withtheir mother?
SPEAKER_02 (16:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:50):
Jealousy.
You get what I'm saying?
Like, bro.
And she used to do it in thebeginning.
And since this is a red flagsthat were too early to tell
episode, I never paid attentionto it because it was always like
little jabs, like littleindirectos.
It would always be like, oh,wow.
Indirectos.
you don't have that much funwhen you talk to me or like,
(17:11):
y'all stay laughing.
Like, what's so funny?
It's like,
SPEAKER_00 (17:14):
yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (17:15):
bro.
Hating on my mom is crazy.
Like, bitch, would you hate onthe sun?
Would you hate on a flower?
Like, this is the person who putme on the planet.
That is the ultimate red flag.
You, you've never experiencedanything like that.
No, thank God.
Or your son.
I would say your son, right?
Like somebody that is not happythat you put time and energy
(17:35):
into your own kid.
UNKNOWN (17:37):
Like,
SPEAKER_01 (17:37):
That's some sicko shit.
That's somebody that's soself-absorbed that they can't
handle the idea of you focusingon anything other than them.
SPEAKER_02 (17:44):
Yes, absolutely.
So how did you handle that then?
Like, do you just immediatelysever that relationship?
Do you try to not fix them, butdo you try to let them know the
importance of like therelationship with your mom and
the dynamic?
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
That's a good question because I actually
think that could fall into likethe advice section, the
actionable advice section.
So I don't have an answer.
I have a better answer to that,that I would give the community.
But the way I handled that wasbecause everybody I dated in LA
until I met my girl that I'mwith now, I always kind of had a
short-term POV on.
I always thought I was going togo back home.
(18:22):
I didn't think I was going tolive in LA.
So, you know, I treat peoplethat say ridiculous shit like
children that tell youridiculous shit.
Like if a five-year-old or asix-year-old called me a poopy
head and said I was ugly and Itreat adults that way that I
don't take serious.
I always be like, oh, wow,really?
That's cute.
And I tap them on the head andI'm like, get the fuck out of
(18:43):
here.
You know what I mean?
I have a tendency to treatadults that way.
I've been known to treatgrownups dismissive because I
don't take them serious.
So that specific woman, I don'tthink I took 90% of the shit she
says serious because it wasalways like off center or it was
like some like, wow shit shewould tell me.
And I'd be like, all right,well, It's almost midnight.
Like she's going to be goinghome soon.
(19:04):
So it don't even matter.
Like, so if I had to take acall, like, so in that example,
I would just laugh and be like,well, you don't have a
relationship with your mom.
Like, that's crazy.
And she would be like, no, Ijust think it's crazy that every
time you talk to her, like youhave to leave the room and you
come back laughing.
Yeah.
And I'd be like, yeah, that'scrazy.
Yeah.
No, I just kind of got thatrelationship with my mom.
I would curve it low key.
Like I wasn't even entertaining.
(19:25):
Because I feel like if youentertain that level of
stupidity, you're just as dumbas the five-year-old that called
you a poopy head.
I'm not about to argue with afive-year-old.
I'm good.
You know what, though?
Again, me and Rich are verydifferent.
And I'm happy we have thesedifferences because our
community is going to fall onone side of our personality
traits.
I will say all in the name ofgetting a nut, I might just
(19:46):
tolerate most things.
You know what I mean?
I'm just going to roll with it.
So something like that, I'm notabout to fuck the whole night up
because I didn't already spend$300 on dinner.
I put an outfit on, put cologneon, got a haircut.
I'm driving around the cityacting like I give a fuck about
things that she cares about.
I'm not about to fumble the bagat midnight.
(20:07):
You know what I mean?
I'm just like, all right, cool.
And then the actionable advicewould be I'm already making
notes subconsciously like thisgirl ain't really good for the
long term.
So I'm going to slowly try tofigure out how to get out of
this.
But I'm enjoying it while it'shappening, so I'm not tripping.
SPEAKER_02 (20:25):
You were here for a good time, not a long time.
SPEAKER_01 (20:27):
Got it.
Number three.
It's your pick, Rich.
So we've done so far.
Be aware of that energy.
They turn everything into acrisis or a meltdown.
Number two, my pick.
She mocks your interests.
She's disrespectful.
She's not genuinely interestedabout anything that you care
about.
SPEAKER_02 (20:44):
Yeah.
What's number three?
Number three.
I'm sure we've all experiencedthis, never takes
accountability.
Everything is always somebodyelse's fault, especially in her
past relationships, right?
And you can quickly find outwhat are some of the things that
(21:06):
didn't work out for her based onhow she talks about her exes,
right?
And I think that there's a lotto be said about someone who
can't say, I'm sorry.
or who can't admit their faults.
Because at the end of the day,that person will never take
ownership or accountability foranything that they ever do.
(21:26):
So by default, in a relationshipwith that person, it's your
fault.
Everything is your fault.
Everything is either your faultor someone else's fault.
That's a very closed-minded wayto live your life, to view the
world.
And that is a huge, huge, hugered flag in my book.
What do you think, Chester?
SPEAKER_01 (21:46):
That might be the best one, bro.
That might be the best onebecause that is definitely a
more grown perspective to lookat something, but I think that's
the royal flush of all the redflags.
And I'll add to that, you justsparked an idea and it was so
good.
You made me think of someonethat I actually dealt with that
(22:06):
was a long-term relationship andit was someone that I ignored
her tendency to always get intoproblems with her sister.
her mother, her coworkers, thefucking Uber driver who dropped
her off.
The world was against her.
The world was a problem.
(22:27):
And at some point I was in toodeep.
This is a real relationship.
This wasn't like someone I wasjust dating.
Yeah.
It took me about like threeyears where I had that moment of
clarity where I was like, wait,I've been with this girl for mad
long and I've just realized thatShe's never said one time...
By the way, she had a crisisevery week.
(22:49):
And not one time in the 700weeks that I was with her, one
week she was like, man, maybeit's me.
Never.
So we had a good relationshipbecause we had good rapport.
But the minute that shit turneddark,
SPEAKER_02 (23:07):
I
SPEAKER_01 (23:07):
couldn't get through on anything.
It was like, yo...
How are you not accountable forsome of this?
Yeah, I'm not the easiest personto be with.
I know that for sure.
SPEAKER_00 (23:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:18):
My track record tells me that.
Sometimes I've destroyed, maybethat's another episode, quickest
way to destroy a relationship.
I'll lead on that one.
But bro, she never, ever camearound to owning, having any
ownership.
So I love that one, bro.
Never takes accountability.
And I think the signs are theresometimes where we're friends,
(23:38):
with family, with coworkers.
You just constantly hear hertalk about other people, how
they're the problem.
And in no universe does she everpull up a mirror and go, you
know, I could have handled thatdifferent.
SPEAKER_02 (23:50):
So let me ask you this.
Is that an automatic dealbreaker?
Or can you still try to workaround or with someone like that
who never takes accountability?
SPEAKER_01 (24:06):
You know, this is definitely for our older
community members, but I mean,bro, I'm 39.
So I just recently startedthinking like this.
I've had a very childishmentality when it came to
relationships when I wasyounger.
So if you need run and gundating advice, I still got that
mentality.
But I just recently made thesepivot into taking everything
(24:26):
more serious because it's morelong-term.
And if we're talking long-term,Rich, I look at everything
through the lens of like, allright, if I'm going to live with
this person, this is seven daysa week.
Oh, yeah.
Every day I got to go to bedwith this person.
Every day I got to wake up withthis person.
If this is a real relationship,you don't have to share a bank
account.
But I'm saying you're going tohave money problems together.
(24:47):
You're going to have familyproblems together.
If it happens, you're going tohave kids with this person.
Do you want that mentalityseeping into how your child is
being raised?
That to me, you got to reallythink long and hard about your
business partner when you'retalking about raising children.
So it's less about me.
I think I could manage a lotwith someone who's beautiful and
(25:08):
get through it.
But when we're talking about ifI'm gone and my kid is saying
dumb shit and I know where itcame from, that's my fault.
I doubled down on somebodythat's not bright.
And now I have a house full ofnot bright people because I
invested in someone that is nota great decision maker or
someone that, you know, just awild card.
SPEAKER_02 (25:29):
That makes sense to play devil's advocate.
I think sometimes, especiallyfor our younger community
members, sometimes someonedoesn't know how to be
accountable, right?
If we're talking about a 15, 16,17 year old, they don't really
understand that how to takeownership, how to say, I'm
(25:51):
sorry, how to, you know, feel atfault for something.
So I think you're much moreadjustable when you're early and
on in a relationship and whenyou're young as a person you can
kind of sort of modify theperson or educate them like hey
did you realize that you neversay I'm sorry every time you
(26:12):
fuck up right and let the personknow and maybe that improve
their own personality andcharacteristics and the only
reason why they don't takeaccountability is because no one
has ever highlighted that forthem but now that they're in the
relationship they see oh okayThis is something I got to work
(26:33):
on.
So I feel like when you're earlyon as a person, yes, dating
someone who doesn't takeaccountability is workable.
Once you're in your 30s, mid30s, late 30s, 40s, that becomes
a lot harder to change.
That's just like, okay, this isjust how this person is.
(26:53):
They just don't takeaccountability for their
mistakes, their fuck ups, oranything they do wrong.
Everything is always someoneelse's fault.
I just wanted to play devil'sadvocate because I'm starting to
think like, you know, my sonwho's 13, he commits a lot of
mistakes, right?
And I've seen him try to blameother people for something he
(27:16):
messed up in.
And I go back to him and I say,listen, you made the mistake.
It's your fault.
Take accountability and keeppushing forward.
If I don't instill that in him,he's just going to be the same
type of person who never takesaccountability for anything.
So yes, if you're the type ofperson who doesn't take
(27:36):
accountability, but it's beinghighlighted to you from a
partner, take that feedback,make the changes you need to
make, keep pushing forward.
SPEAKER_01 (27:45):
Yeah, that's good.
So number three, she never takesaccountability.
It's just always madness withfriends, coworkers.
SPEAKER_00 (27:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (27:55):
Everyone.
The world around her is aproblem.
She's good.
SPEAKER_02 (27:59):
Yeah.
Run.
She's not for you, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (28:02):
Number four.
Number four is actually related,but while you were talking, you
brought up someone that Ihaven't thought of in a very
long time.
Yeah.
Man, beware of the princess.
Beware of the princess.
SPEAKER_02 (28:17):
That's a big one.
SPEAKER_01 (28:18):
And the bright red neon fucking sign that says, do
not enter is someone that treatsyou like a second-class citizen
all the time.
Someone that treats you not asthe co-star in her movie, as the
dude driving the fucking Uber inher movie, the bellhop.
SPEAKER_02 (28:39):
The chauffeur.
SPEAKER_01 (28:40):
You're the chauffeur in her life.
You're just like a randomperson, and you're the host at
the restaurant, and she is thefive-course meal.
Beware of the princess.
Princess energy is...
It's not easy to detect becausethese girls are usually very
attractive.
And they're probably the onlychild in their family.
And their dad and mom createdthis fucking monster.
SPEAKER_02 (29:02):
Yeah.
That's a great one.
And, yeah, I don't even know whoto blame.
You know, who to put the blameon there, right?
You're almost spit out thewater.
UNKNOWN (29:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (29:12):
Why do you want to blame somebody?
No, no, no.
Because it's like, does she havedaddy issues?
SPEAKER_01 (29:17):
Yeah.
You don't know who to bring herback to?
SPEAKER_02 (29:20):
Yeah.
Like, did her dad treat her likea princess?
So she just feels entitled toalways receive this type of
treatment towards every male,right?
Like every male needs to treather this way.
I'd be curious to know, like,why does she walk around with
this princess energy?
I've literally been on a dateand a girl was giving me that
(29:41):
princess treatment.
And in one interaction, she waslike, here, hold my purse.
I was like, I'm not holding yourpurse.
For real?
You put that fucking purse onthe table.
Yeah.
Like, put the purse on thetable.
Like, what am I, your purseholder,
SPEAKER_01 (29:56):
chauffeur?
She leaned on you to fix herheels, and then she told you to
hold her purse?
SPEAKER_02 (30:01):
Bro, I forget what the context
SPEAKER_01 (30:03):
was, but I felt at that moment like
SPEAKER_02 (30:05):
she was...
I do open doors.
SPEAKER_01 (30:07):
That's what I'm saying, but that's the kind of
girl that says those...
Like, she'll fuck with you andsay things like that.
SPEAKER_02 (30:11):
Oh, chivalry is dead.
Yeah.
Like she wasn't my girlfriend.
Like we were on a date, but Iforget the exact context, but I
definitely felt like I was beingbelittled in that moment where
she was like, here, hold mypurse.
I'm like not holding your damnpurse.
How did they go after that?
Yeah.
I mean, we reconciled, but Ijust kind of like, this was,
this was one of those momentswhere you kind of like show
(30:34):
someone boundaries and you'relike, Hey, like, Like I'm not
your little brother, right?
Or a family member to be like,oh, here, hold my purse.
Fuck, I look like with a pinkfucking
SPEAKER_01 (30:46):
coach bag.
You know, I will say this, notthat this is the topic we're
discussing today, but this isimportant for our community to
know, the young men in ourcommunity to know.
I do come from a family of apes,like guys that are a little bit
more primitive.
So I tend to...
get triggered and have primitivemoments when I'm out with women.
And I'll be like, Oh shit, Imight've went a little too.
(31:07):
Like I wasn't courteous that I'mtalking to a woman and I'll find
that the right kind of girl thatmay portray princess energy.
If you kind of hold the line andyou, you tell her like, yeah,
I'm not holding your purse, bro.
I'm good.
I don't open doors.
Like, like you got the wrong guyin the moment.
It could be a deal breaker tothat girl.
Like she might leave it.
(31:28):
The date is over.
But the one that actually reactspositively to that, is a person
that's actually looking to find,to see if you have a limit.
That's what I've found, is thata girl that reacts neutral or
positive to it, in her mind,she's probably thinking like,
oh, all right, well, most menwill do it, but I'm kind of
fucking with this guy.
He stood up to me.
SPEAKER_02 (31:50):
Yeah.
I mean, exactly.
That's my point.
Like, by the way, like, I doencourage you to open doors,
hold purses, right?
Like, be courteous,
SPEAKER_01 (31:59):
respectful.
I don't.
Can I just be clear and
SPEAKER_02 (32:01):
say I do not.
That's fine.
I'm saying the way she told meto hold her purse, like- On some
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
bully shit, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (32:07):
On some bully shit, like little bro me.
I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa.
That's a good point.
Sentiment, like the context.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's the context.
Like, whoa, princess, like, whodo you think you're talking to?
Like, I'm not your, you know,I'm not your little bellboy.
Be wary of that energy.
That loops back into like thefirst point.
That's part of the bad energybucket, right?
(32:28):
A girl, you know, a princesstrying to, Make you hold her
purse.
That's bad
SPEAKER_01 (32:34):
energy right there.
You fucked me up because we'resupposed to be talking about red
flags and how to spot them.
But you said something thatopened up a whole new thought.
Who's to blame for this shit?
And when it comes to theprincess, there's only one thing
I thought of.
You said a few things, but Iblame every guy that came before
you.
(32:54):
I blame every guy who tried itand didn't succeed.
I blame every dude in her DMs.
I blame every motherfucker thatlikes and comments on every post
she puts up.
I blame the dude sending hermoney, clearing out her Amazon
cart, just spoiling her, and shedon't have to do anything, and
she gets everything from theworld.
That's who I blame for theprincess energy.
(33:17):
And I'm going to take it alittle further.
I want to remove the red flagthat I originally said, and I
want to add an amendment to it.
It's true.
Beware of the princess who is astrong six in real life.
That is a dangerous motherfuckerright there.
Because not only are you notattractive, but somehow the
world convinced you that you'rea princess and you are
(33:39):
attractive.
Yeah.
That type of mental distortionis something that you can never,
like, you might as well just endthe date there because that's
never going to change.
SPEAKER_02 (33:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:49):
Who let this person believe they are who they are?
Like, that is the problem whyyou get princess energy from a
girl who's a strong six.
Honestly, it's a pet peeve.
I'm triggered now.
That none annoys me more than agirl that is average talking to
everybody like she's bad.
Like, bro, who the fuck lied toyou?
SPEAKER_02 (34:06):
Yeah, I agree.
Can we do a bonus?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think this is a topic that wemight differ in opinion, but I'm
curious to know your thoughts.
Because depending on where youare in your life, this could be
a red flag or it could not be ared flag.
(34:26):
meeting a woman, going out on adate and sort of like closing
the deal, right?
Like having sex with that personon the first date.
Is it a red flag if you sleepwith a girl on the first date?
I feel like it depends where youare in life, right?
Like if you're playing the fieldand you're just looking to put
(34:47):
up some Kobe numbers and you'rehaving fun and you're young,
you're, you know, 18, 19, 21,college, high school, whatever,
and you don't want to be in acommitted, serious relationship,
it's probably not a red flag.
If you're looking for a moreserious relationship, something
more romantic, something morepotentially long-term, then it
(35:13):
absolutely is a red flag.
And I'll tell you why.
Because in your brain iscemented that you closed the
deal on the first night.
How many more other times hasthis occurred before you, right?
Because now mentally you'reputting her in a whole other
bucket.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Yeah, I mean, I think you knew we disagree on
this one.
I think you knew we disagree.
I know.
I got the type of arrogance whenI go out with a girl that I
believe I'm always going tocrack on the first night.
And I might be the reason whyI'm one of two guys in this
woman's life that was able to doit on the first night.
(35:52):
I'm shooting to kill.
on the first night.
Let's just be clear.
I
SPEAKER_02 (35:55):
mean, at least that's what you think.
SPEAKER_01 (35:57):
Yeah.
I mean, look, you can put thatnegative energy into anybody's
mind, but I'm going to be honestwith you.
If we're going to talk facts, ifyou're the guy in her life at
that moment and you become theguy for the next five years and
you have a kid with that person,you're the guy for the five
years.
But that don't mean on year six,you get a little beer belly, you
(36:18):
get fired from your job.
You're not the guy to her nomore.
Just because she made you wait ayear to hit on the first time
don't mean she's not going tocheat on you in year six.
I don't know if it correlatesone to one.
I do get what you're sayingthough, but I would hate for a
young person to believe that thegirl they're with is not of
(36:42):
quality or they're not like thisivory white snowflake that is
the first thing that they...
I got news for you, bro.
Very few women in 2025 over theage of 21 years old are these
little ivory white snowflakesthat haven't been touched.
(37:03):
I'm going to leave it at that.
So if you really believe thisidea that like the
representative of girls showingyou is truly who she is, you
think girls don't speak.
They don't think they do whatthe fuck we're doing right now.
They don't like, Damn, girl, Idefinitely wanted to be with
him.
I was fucking wet.
I was ready to go to his crib.
I fucking got the matching braand panties, but I didn't go
(37:24):
because I want him to believeI'm a good girl.
That's all I'm saying, bro.
That's fair, man.
That's fair.
To me, that's a 1970s draw toUno card.
It's 2025.
They got the draw eight.
They got the fucking triplereverse.
It's a very complicated game outthere.
So, you know, girls are smart.
They, they know when they're,when they're on wifey mode and
(37:47):
they know when they're in birdmode.
And I didn't have been in enoughtours.
I didn't have been out of thecity with artists to know that
the girl that made you waitthree months is busting it wide
open for a triple platinumrapper for sure.
On night one, you want to knowwhy?
Cause they know you're not goingto be in that city tomorrow and
this is their shot.
So there it is.
Don't mean, don't mean, uh,Totally disagree with you, but I
(38:10):
think context is important.
Oh, this is good.
If Shorty's over 25 years old,she done busted open for
somebody.
And I promise you, if you saw apicture of this guy, you're
going to be very disappointedwho she busted open for.
So there goes your little snowprincess that you think is just
for you.
Be around her girlfriends.
That's how you know the truth.
Cheers, my boy.
We're at the bottom.
(38:32):
We're getting turnt.
Yeah.
Hey, the first sponsorship weever get for Failures Podcast.
is going to be an energy drink,a sponsorship.
It has to be.
SPEAKER_02 (38:41):
Yes.
I won't say which one we drinkyet, but it's coming.
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
I already told you.
I'm officially junkie status.
I got the little portablesthere, the powders that you just
throw in the water and you mixup.
SPEAKER_02 (38:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (38:53):
We got to go to actionable advice.
Can I go through my list thatI've been putting together while
we've been talking?
And then you can pick out theone that you think is the most
important one?
SPEAKER_02 (39:01):
For sure.
Go through it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:02):
All right.
Well, we did our five.
We did a bonus.
We did four plus a bonus.
The four...
Red flags that you should beaware of is bad energy turns
everything into a crisis or ameltdown.
Two, she mocks all yourinterests or she doesn't respect
the things that you enjoy doing.
Everything is about her.
(39:23):
Number three, she never takesaccountability.
And you notice it from her workrelationships, her friendships.
Everybody's a problem.
She's not a problem.
And number four was beware ofthe princess who's a strong six.
I made an edit on that one.
SPEAKER_02 (39:38):
And what was the fifth one?
The fifth one was a bonus.
Oh, if she lets you hear onnight one.
SPEAKER_01 (39:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (39:45):
Is that a red flag?
Very controversial topic,depending on who you
SPEAKER_01 (39:49):
ask.
That's something that we shouldget in the comments
SPEAKER_02 (39:51):
with.
Yeah.
I want to hear it in thecomments.
Is it a red flag if you sleepwith her on the first night?
SPEAKER_01 (39:57):
Yeah.
We're not going to agree on thatone for sure.
SPEAKER_02 (40:00):
Because if you really demand, you're going to
get that all.
Yeah.
I want to hear it.
Maybe we'll bring a communitymember on the next show to talk
about it, but I want to hear it.
SPEAKER_01 (40:10):
Final portion of the podcast, we're going to get into
actionable advice.
This entire episode was aboutred flags.
People do wear warning labels onthem.
We just tend to ignore themdepending on how fat their ass
is or how pretty they are.
Men have a tendency to getdistorted in the main mission,
which is just being with a girl.
But some of the actionableadvice that came up, Rich, I'm
(40:31):
going to go through a list thatI put together while we were
having this conversation.
Sure.
Number one, not everything is ared flag.
And that's a two-part.
One, sometimes guys can bereally sensitive and they're
operating from theirinsecurities, so they want to
make everything a red flag.
I think the woman version ofthis is every girl calling every
(40:51):
guy toxic if they decide not tobe with them.
It's like, nah, bro, you justweren't the one for him.
He's not toxic.
He just moved on and you're notthe person for him.
Same goes for the guys.
Not every girl has red flagsjust because it didn't work out
for you.
You just weren't that guy whenyou met her straight up.
She wasn't interested and that'sokay.
The second part to that, noteverything is a red flag is be
(41:15):
accountable.
Do the work on yourself andrealize that maybe some of the
reasons why other people aregetting through your filtering
processes because you don't evenknow what the fuck you want.
You're taking everything.
You're dating everything.
You're going out witheverything.
You have no filters.
Like you just, you just run withwhoever cause you have such a
low standard for yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (41:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:37):
Number three, don't fall in love with her over the
apps or social media.
Meet them in person.
I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (41:43):
Maybe for number four, uh, boundary setting,
right?
Just let her know if she's beingtoo clingy or, uh, you know, be,
be expressive about your needsand, um, You know, this is going
back to the princess treatment,right?
Like with the whole pursesituation, let her know that you
have boundaries.
Like, hey, like I'm not yourlittle bellboy.
(42:04):
Like I'm not doing these things.
Like don't try to bully me.
So definitely having the abilityto boundary set is extremely
important in any relationship.
So have boundaries.
Yeah, have boundaries, know howto set them, know how to
communicate that effectively.
Because, you know, when it comesto boundaries, you could make
someone feel bad.
(42:25):
or disrespected very easily onceyou start to lay out your
boundaries, right?
Especially if they don'tunderstand them.
But just have boundaries andknow how to communicate them so
that the person understands themand you guys can move forward
from it.
SPEAKER_01 (42:39):
I think the beauty of drawing a line in the sand,
and honestly, this is fordating, women, family,
everything, is it always feelsuncomfortable to draw a line in
the sand.
But once that line is drawn, Nowthe responsibility is on you to
make a very clear decision.
I drew a line.
This person said they were okaywith it or they weren't okay
(43:03):
with it.
And I have a choice to eithernow allow them to continue to
cross this line knowing that Iset a boundary or I'm just not
okay with it.
Now the ball's in your court andyou have the freedom to react
because you gave a warning shot.
I think that is very mature.
I think that is something youdefinitely have to do,
especially when you're datingbecause it's You're dealing with
a person that you have no ideawho they are.
(43:24):
So again, back to number one,not everything is a red flag.
Don't just jump out and accuseeveryone of being not perfect
because I'm pretty sure I'm notperfect.
And be accountable.
Understand that a lot of thefiltering comes from you.
So I love that, the withdrawingboundaries.
Number six, I would say isbeware of online perfection.
(43:47):
Vet beyond social media.
That was
SPEAKER_02 (43:49):
one that you had brought up.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, listen, you can't learnsomeone's personality over the
internet, right?
Like it's just impossible.
Like, yeah, they have categorieson interest and hobbies and
things like that, but actuallymeeting someone physically in
person and seeing and witnessingand experiencing their
(44:11):
mannerisms, their energy, theway they operate, the way they
move, the way they talk, theirattitude.
These are all things you're justgoing to have to experience in
person.
So while that beautiful girl onHinge or Bumble or Tinder,
whatever dating app you use,looks like a good swipe, think
(44:31):
again.
You might want to be here inperson first before you lay all
the chips in front.
SPEAKER_01 (44:37):
And another thing I'll add to that is if she's on
a dating app, she's still a freeagent.
Someone did not teach that.
Someone put that back into theopen market.
Certain fruit is on the fruitstand at 10 p.m.
for a reason.
That means that from 8 a.m.
to 10 p.m., people walk by thatbatch of grapes and put it right
(44:59):
back.
So
SPEAKER_02 (45:00):
proceed with caution.
Yeah.
Some might argue that being on adating app is a red flag.
You know, going back to yourpoint, not everything is a red
flag.
SPEAKER_01 (45:08):
Not everything is a red flag.
I mean, one thing I definitelywanted to mention is like, You
had said this before, which isanother piece of advice is at
the end of the day, when you'vebeen on enough dates and you've
kind of weighed out some of thenegatives, some hopefully mostly
positive, some negatives in youropinion.
I like this banner that youcreated.
Never thought about it this wayis like, she gets me.
(45:31):
This is somebody that is myflock.
Not everybody's going to be foryour personality, for your type,
not going to enjoy yourlifestyle, enjoy how you live.
Like everybody comes withbaggage.
Everybody comes with a story.
It's just a person that gets youand is willing to accept you the
way you are and move forward.
SPEAKER_02 (45:48):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's a big one.
She gets me.
SPEAKER_01 (45:52):
Listen to her patterns with other people
outside of you.
That was one that's reallyimportant for me.
That's another piece of advicethat's like, yeah, I think it's
easy for someone that wants toimpress you and loves you in
that moment.
It's very, very specificallyworded that she loves you in
that moment.
(46:12):
She's going to do everythingpossible to make sure her face
card is good and she's puttingher best effort, putting her
best foot forward.
Pay attention to how she treatspeople that love her
unconditionally because thenthat'll show you, oh, okay, this
is how she treats people thathave no other choice.
At some point in therelationship, you're going to be
(46:33):
locked in with two kids,married, mortgage, shared bank
account.
Don't be shocked that the sameway she was treating those
people that unconditionally loveher she'll start treating you
that way
SPEAKER_00 (46:44):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (46:45):
that is something that you have to pay attention
to that that is more of agrown-up red flag but i've found
in my time that man if somebodycomes home and kicks their cat
yells at their dog blames theworld for every other problem
but for you for some reason likeyou're the special one to her
it's only a matter of time forthe temperature chains on that
and you don't be shocked becauseyou're going to be You're going
(47:06):
to be in pretty deep legallybefore you have to get out of
that situation.
So be mindful of that.
That's definitely somemoney-saving advice right there.
SPEAKER_00 (47:12):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (47:13):
for sure.
Stand your ground.
Show your boundaries.
You talked about that one.
Don't try to fix or saveanybody.
I thought that was a good one.
When you think of fixing orsaving somebody, Rich, what
comes to mind?
SPEAKER_02 (47:25):
I feel like you should never try to fix or
change anyone, right?
You spend the time with theperson.
You understand their personalityand their character.
you're either compatible withthat person or you're not,
right?
Like, I look at everyone likeone big puzzle.
Like, either we fit as acollective or we don't.
You know, some puzzle piecesmight be harder to fit than
(47:47):
others, but I don't reallybelieve in the idea of changing
someone.
I like the word molding
SPEAKER_01 (47:53):
better, right?
Like...
Growing with.
Yeah, we're growing together.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_02 (47:56):
growing with.
I think when you find the rightperson, naturally, it's like two
magnets in the oppositedirection.
Like, there's...
a lot of friction in thebeginning, especially when
you're like first moving in witha person and where things are
going down like a serious road.
But ultimately that one magnetflips over, whether that be you
(48:17):
or her, and then there's anatural kinetic energy and you
guys just come together becausenow it fits, right?
But, you know, I don't like theidea of like changing someone.
You should never try to changesomeone
SPEAKER_01 (48:30):
for their benefit.
Yes.
Change, fix, and the one that Iwant to give a point of emphasis
on because it does, I see it alot in our communities when I'm
in lurk mode.
Don't try to save nobody.
SPEAKER_02 (48:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (48:43):
Don't try to save nobody.
If Shorty is blatantly tellingyou that she just came off of a
relationship and she's trying toget over this guy, don't try to
save her.
SPEAKER_02 (48:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (48:54):
If everything about her energy is a girl that's
outside and that she got outsidegirl energy and she just wants
to be outside, It's cool.
Accept the relationship for whatit is.
You're just someone that she'skind of hanging out with at the
moment.
Don't try to save her.
Do not try to turn an alley catinto a house cat.
It's just not going to work outfor you.
Women are some of the moststrong-minded people on the
(49:15):
planet.
They know what they want to doand when they want to do it.
And when they're ready to turninto wifey, they'll give you
wifey vibes.
And when they're ready to beoutside because they want to get
whatever demon off of their bodyfrom the last relationship, or
they're just in, you know, I'min get money, fuck dudes mode.
You're not going to change her,bro.
You're not going to change her.
So don't try to save nobodybecause a lot of red flags are
(49:38):
going to come up for you.
But the dude she really wants tobe with, he don't have no red
flags, but she really wants tobe with him.
So just be mindful of that.
And the last and final piece ofadvice we're going to give you,
which is the amendment thatmakes this entire episode
pointless, is if she's a 10,none of this shit matters.
Go for it.
Get yourself a 10.
Enjoy that experience.
(49:58):
And then when you get spat outby that dragon, come back to us
and watch the episode from thetop again.
But if you're going to 10 it's arare pokemon you got to play it
you got to roll with it heyfailures podcast learn from us
so you don't have to we're outof here
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