August 13, 2025 • 50 mins
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Feeling stuck, burnt out, or tired of waiting for life to change?
In this episode, Rich and Justin unpack the harsh truth: no one is coming to save you. From purpose paralysis to parental validation traps to the resentment holding you back, they break down how to take your power back—and move forward.
"You don’t need wins to get hope. You need hope to get wins.”
Failures: The Podcast 2025
We're not gods. We're not gurus.
Just two men in our 30s sharing what we’ve learned the hard way—so you don’t have to.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
No one is coming to save you is such a great title
because the truth is if youcomplain, blame, and quit,
you're going to get exactly whatyou want.
Now, what is that?
Nothing.
Nothing's going to change.
So, life be lifin'.
Rich had a crazy vent aboutsomething personal that happened
(00:26):
to him.
I'm going to leave that for anepisode down the road because
we, man, we did like a 30-minutesegment right on some personal
stuff that happened with yourmother and I'm going to leave it
I'm going to leave the teaserthere I think today's episode is
a really important one Rich thisone came directly from our
(00:47):
community and it's simple no oneis coming to save you you are
the one that you're waiting forthis is the real reason why you
feel stuck this is somethingthat came directly from our
community I mean if you'resitting at home and you're
feeling stuck Like you're out ofoptions.
You're just waiting for somebodyto throw you a lifeline,
(01:08):
somebody to save you.
I think me and you are inagreement, Rich.
It's hard to just sit and waitfor the world to rescue you from
the pain that you are goingthrough.
And it's interesting becauseeverybody's pain is different,
right?
Like everybody's going through adifferent phase of their life.
But when I originally pitchedthis idea, I gave you a group of
(01:29):
ideas when I originally pitchedNo one is coming to save you.
Why did it relate to you?
Why did you want it to go withthis one?
SPEAKER_01 (01:35):
Yeah, I feel passionate about this.
This is something that I'verepeated to myself over and over
again in my early 20s, late 20s.
And whenever I felt down andout, whenever I felt like I was
below water, drowning, couldn'tclimb out, wind is against my
(01:56):
face, And things felt tough.
Like I always reminded myself,hey, by the way, Rich, no one is
coming to save you.
Like get up off your ass, go tothe gym, start to eat good food,
educate yourself, watch someYouTube videos, watch a
documentary, sign up for acollege course, start to do
(02:17):
things to propel yourselfforward.
Because at the end of the day,opportunities are not going to
just land on your lap.
You have to be in the rightplace at the right time.
You have to be around the rightpeople.
And you have to put yourself ina situation where those
opportunities can come to you.
But if you're just home, potatocouch, not wanting to move,
(02:39):
playing video games 24-7, you'renot going to climb out of that
hole that you feel like you'rein.
SPEAKER_00 (02:47):
Yeah.
You know, one thing that I wantto get better at with our
podcast and building ourcommunity is truly...
trying to understand what theproblem is or what the perceived
problem is in our community.
And one thing that I read that Ireally resonated is the common
belief is sold to a youngerversion of ourselves.
(03:09):
We're in our late 30s now.
We've been through a lot ofadversity and by the grace of
God and a lot of fuckingcaffeine and persistence, we
came out on the other end,either a better person or
somebody that got a scar thatgot a lesson and we learned a
lesson.
But one common belief I see,which It took me back to being a
teenager was, I used to be ofthe belief that, and I was told
(03:31):
this by people, not necessarilymy family, but people in school.
If you follow all of theserules, if you take all of these
steps, you're guaranteed X.
And X is either happiness,money, fulfillment, life's wind
at your back, and you feel likeyou're just going in the right
(03:53):
direction.
And I think that, common beliefis what makes people
disappointed in themselvesbecause these tropes create
expectations and theseexpectations are not met because
you do all the things thatyou're told to do and you still
don't feel like any fulfillment.
You actually still feel morestuck and now you start hating
(04:15):
process.
You start having resentmenttowards process because you're
thinking to yourself like, damn,I went to school.
I went to college.
I was a good boy.
I ate all my vegetables.
I was nice to everybody.
I gave my mom everything shewanted.
And now I feel, like, empty.
I feel stuck.
I feel like the world owes mesomething.
So that common belief, I think,it creates a lot of anger with a
(04:36):
lot of younger people.
And I remember being there atsome point in my life.
I don't know about you.
SPEAKER_01 (04:40):
Yeah, I mean, you mentioned this point.
It's called purpose paralysis,right?
Essentially, you're...
following these rules that werelaid out for you in hopes to
eventually impress whoever laidthem out for you, right?
A mentor, your mom, yourparents, and then you're doing
the exact same thing you used todo when you were a child.
(05:03):
You're turning to your parentsand saying, hey, did I do a good
job?
Is this good enough for you?
But at some point, you have tostop turning around to your
parents for validation and startto look within and say, well, I
know what my parents want for meand from me, but what do I want
for myself?
(05:24):
That's when you really start tobreak out of your shell, break
out of the matrix and reallystart to find that purpose in
you, like that nucleus, likewhat makes you wake up in the
morning?
What drives you?
What motivates you?
What makes you want to pushfurther?
And if the answer is, I'm justdoing what my parents expect me
(05:47):
to do, you're never going tofind happiness.
You're never going to find thatfulfillment.
So it's really about separatingthe two and then ultimately
leading with your purpose, notsomebody else's.
SPEAKER_00 (06:01):
That's an interesting subject you touch on
because now you're getting intolike real basic psychology,
which is a lot of what we do asadults, especially young men, is
we seek validation.
We're seeking validation fromthe people the actual human we
came from, which is our mother.
Do you think a lot of it goesback to that?
(06:23):
By the way, Rich and I are notnerds.
We're not people that study thisshit in school.
I'm going from life experience.
What you talked about about 20minutes ago on the A block of
our podcast, which will be in awhole other episode, which was
this issue you were having withyour mother and something she
had mentioned to you that reallyfucked you up.
It threw you off.
(06:44):
It didn't fuck you up.
Do you think a lot of that comesfrom the validation we seek and
a lot of our purpose and how wesee ourselves are molded by our
mothers and people that are inour family?
And it's not necessarily who wewant to be.
And I think the pain you feelwhen you realize, oh shit, I've
been traveling this side of themountain for someone else.
SPEAKER_01 (07:03):
Yeah, absolutely.
How many times have you seenvideos of people saying, well,
why are you pursuing a medicaldegree?
Oh, because, you know, not tostereotype, but like an Indian
family.
Oh, why do you want to be adoctor?
Oh, because my parents aredoctor and they want me to be a
doctor as well, right?
Like you see that often.
(07:23):
In my own personal life, I havesoon to be a one-year-old and
I'm teaching her how to walk.
And I hold her two fingers,right, together.
And she takes a couple steps.
And immediately after the thirdstep, she turns around and looks
up at me.
Like, am I doing a good job?
(07:44):
She can't talk, she can't speak,but her body language is telling
me, I just took two, threesteps.
Am I doing okay?
Right?
So, you know what I mean?
Like, as early as infancy, we'retrained to turn around and seek
validation from our parents.
(08:06):
And really, that might never goaway, right?
Like you're always going toachieve amazing things.
You're going to purchase ahouse.
You're going to get the job thatyou're looking for and have the
successful career or build theperfect business for you.
You're going to have all thesethings and you're always going
to turn to your parents to checkin and say, hey, am I doing what
(08:30):
you expect or are you proud ofme?
That's fine.
What we're saying is don't havepurpose paralysis, right?
Don't be stuck in someone else'sdream of you and not your own
dreams.
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (08:46):
That's crazy.
The part about your daughter isinsane.
That to me is like, that'sintuitive.
That's almost like in us to takesome steps forward, literally
and figuratively, and then lookback to see if the people who
raised you, you literally lookup to your whole life.
The phrase, oh, I look up tothis person.
Have you spent...
(09:06):
a good 10, 12 years of your lifelooking up to your mom and
literally looking up to your dadat some point hoping to be
picked up, the validation isinnately in us.
Again, we're not nerds.
We're not science.
I'm going to leave it to youtextbook motherfuckers that do
research to figure out whatwe're saying is technically
right or not.
That's not what Rich and I arehere for.
(09:26):
We're just kind of going off thegut and life experience.
And Rich has a daughter.
He has a son.
He's raised kids.
And he's the son himself.
And it's ironic that you saidthat story about your daughter
and you also shared somethingthat happened with your mother,
all in the same 48-hour window.
And yeah, bro, you're right.
A lot of that validation comesfrom wanting to be approved for
what it is that you're doing.
(09:48):
But I think what we're saying isif a young man feels stuck and
he's tried a lot of differentthings and it's just not filling
him in a way that makes himhappy, makes him feel content,
makes him feel like he's movingin the right direction, It's
just like it's simple.
The word being stuck.
It's funny that we use thisphrase like, oh, I feel stuck.
Let's extract from the phrasefeeling stuck and let's
(10:10):
literally think about that wordstuck.
If you're stuck somewhere, if Iput you into a maze in a garden
of trees and plants and you werebacked into a corner and you
felt stuck, you're not going tostay there.
What are you going to do?
You're going to look around.
You're going to try to figureout a way out.
If I put you in mud, heavy mud,half your body is in mud and you
(10:35):
felt literally stuck, you're notgoing to stay there.
So this idea of going throughlike the visualization for
anybody that's in a fucked upsituation, going through a crazy
life crisis.
I mean, I've even seen people inour community that are
handicapped, like literallyhandicapped.
People that have likeimpediments, people that have
speech impediments, they havephobias.
(10:55):
They're literally crippled andparalyzed by the idea of doing
anything that Makes them feellike they're taking a risk or
vulnerable.
That's some shit that I can'teven relate to, bro.
So my advice, I almost feel badgiving out this rah-rah advice
that I see online and I want togive out.
But it's like, man, what do youtell somebody that has cancer at
that age?
(11:16):
Everything is case sensitive.
And I think we understand thatat Failures Podcast.
We're a dresser.
But everything, when you giveadvice, you can't give advice to
everyone that's going to fiteveryone.
But I go back to the idea andthe phrasing of if you feel
stuck, the best thing to do isto take action.
Now, whatever that action is, Idon't know.
(11:36):
But you're not going to fly tothe top of a mountain.
If the conditions are tough andit's raining and you can't get
your footing properly, the bestthing I could advise is take one
step.
If you could look down and seeyour feet, stop staring at the
top of the mountain.
Just know the direction you'regoing in.
But if you feel stuck, just lookdown.
Look at your feet.
And if you can move one foot infront of the other, I promise
(11:58):
you, as you move forward, thefog starts clearing because
there's something about theuniverse and taking action.
There's something about theuniverse just opening up when
you say, fuck it, I'll do it.
I'm moving in a direction.
Nine times out of 10, Rich and Ispeak with clarity of someone in
their late 30s, but there's nota lot of clarity when you're 16,
17, and 18.
(12:19):
You just need to move.
And just to kind of tie the twopieces of advice that Rich
shared and I shared, I thinkmoving in a direction that feels
right to you is not going to beclear.
There's not going to be a clearanswer.
If you do all these things, thiswill happen.
That only works for medicalstudents.
If you do these things, you'renot going to kill the patient.
(12:42):
Life isn't built that way.
The more you move forward, themore obstacles show up and you
get better at the trials andtribulations that come with
life.
As more obstacles get thrownagainst you, you get better at
dealing with challenges.
And I think you know deep inyour gut, okay, I'm getting
better at dealing withadversity.
And it kind of removes thevictim mentality.
(13:02):
So, you know, I know I said alot there, but what Rich is
talking about is, one, not beingparalyzed by your purpose and
not being paralyzed by whatother people want for you or
this validation you seek fromyour parents.
And what I'm saying to compoundon that is just start moving
forward.
Just start moving forward.
I can't speak to your immediatesituation because everybody's
(13:23):
life is different, but I know noaction is not the move.
There's always a blessing inaction.
Just pick a direction and startwalking.
SPEAKER_01 (13:32):
Yeah, I think that's great advice.
And when you think aboutsomebody who's stuck, it's
usually because issues havecompounded over long periods of
time.
So like quicksand or like mud,there's too many compounded
issues where they don't even seea way out.
So your advice, I think, is agreat advice.
(13:54):
It's just like put one foot infront of the other, right?
Get out of one issue at a time.
And I promise you, by the end offive or six of these steps
forward, you're going to startto see the other side.
But, you know, there's alwaysclarity at the end.
You just got to put one foot infront of the other.
SPEAKER_00 (14:14):
You know, one thing that I saw a lot, Rich, which it
annoyed the fuck out of me, butI think you're a little bit more
irritable than I am with, like,This hive mind that you find
online, it's always the mostupvoted comment in any forum
board, Discord, YouTube.
It's always the most up.
And it's always this idea ofprivilege resentment, which I
(14:36):
think me and you had this whenwe were younger.
But I don't know.
I feel like if I'm rememberingcorrectly, it felt like I put a
battery in our back to resentpeople that had what we wanted
And we didn't know how they gotit, but we just hated the fact
that they would give us advicelike, bro, don't worry about it.
You'll get there one day.
And do you remember feeling thatfeeling when you were younger?
(14:58):
Just people giving you likeempty advice and just telling
you, hey, don't worry about it.
You'll get there one day.
But they already had it.
They already had what you want.
SPEAKER_01 (15:06):
I remember seeing other people having more than
what I had.
And I've done this with anyonewho I meet or...
ultimately end up like admiringis I unpack who that person is
and how they got to where theygot to.
(15:26):
And what I've realized over timeis a lot of people either just
get lucky or just have bettercircumstances or just have more
resources.
But I mean, you, we both seenthis, we've seen some dumb
motherfuckers come across acouple million and we're just
like, bro, how?
(15:46):
How, right?
SPEAKER_00 (15:47):
Shout out to crypto and the dope game.
SPEAKER_01 (15:52):
Sometimes combined.
Yeah, we've seen the both sidesof the spectrum.
So I've always kind of likeunpacked like, why did this
person achieve what they'veachieved or have what they've
had?
And I immediately default to,bro, this person's not smarter
than me.
You know what I mean?
Like, I know my capabilities.
(16:13):
I know what I'm made to do.
And, you know, how smart I amand how my brain works.
And I should be able to figurethis out.
So when you come across thesepeople who have, I guess,
privilege, right, for the lackof a better term, you
immediately start to realize,man, this person is not as smart
(16:34):
as they appear or they just gotlucky.
You really have to unpack howthey got to where they got to.
So that's always been my thing.
It's just like whenever I seesomebody affluent or somebody
doing well or somebody pullingup in a Lambo, it's like, all
right, bro, what's your story?
You know what I mean?
Because like this shit is eitherrented or, and I do, I sound
like a hate motherfucker rightnow.
SPEAKER_00 (16:58):
You know, that made me think about a phrase that I
heard, which I absolutely love.
It's like, it's hard to tellsomebody, trust me, you don't
want a bad bitch or aLamborghini because they're a
headache and they come with alot of maintenance.
When you're sitting in a Lambonext to a bad bitch, it's
(17:19):
impossible to give somebody thatadvice who's never experienced
any of those things because A,you still have it.
And two, they've neverexperienced it and they want it.
So the message is lost on themessenger when you're sitting in
a Lambo telling somebody like,trust me, you don't want a
Lambo,
SPEAKER_01 (17:37):
bro.
It's a lot of maintenance.
It's the Andrew Tate.
predicament, right?
Like you look at Andrew Tate andhe's walking around his mansion
with like all his luxury carsand a cigar in his mouth is
like, trust me, boys, you don'twant this life.
It's like,
SPEAKER_00 (17:53):
you know.
Well, you had mentionedsomething which makes me think
about the privilege resentmentthing.
You had mentioned that eventalking to your son, there is
this idea that if generations ofa family do what they're
supposed to do, the baton getspassed to the person in front of
them so they can go further andfaster than the people behind
(18:14):
them.
So that means your parents orgreat-grandparents that came
from Dominican Republic to theUnited States, they did what
they could in the time that theywere here and they passed it to
your mom.
And then your mom passed it toyou and then you passed it to
your son.
But there is this like hiddenresentment that comes from the
person that you're passing thebaton to because they could see
that your life has alreadyevolved.
(18:36):
And they tell you like, oh, it'seasy for you to say, dad,
because you already haveeverything.
It's easy for you to say,Justin, because you're already a
music executive with jewelry anda lifestyle that I want.
Easy for you to say.
So I'm curious to know what'syour response to that because a
lot of that resentment towardspeople that already have it
exists in these communities andit's used as an out to cope with
(19:00):
their situation and not doanything about it.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
Yeah, my response is you're looking at the end
result, right?
You're not seeing the journeythat it took for myself or said
individual to achieve whatthey've achieved.
So yeah, it seems like it waseasily obtained, but you didn't
see the four years of college.
You didn't see all the courses,the certifications, the long
(19:26):
hours of studying to really knowwhat that person's journey was
like before they achieve whatthey achieve.
You're just coming into...
Like, it coming to the ball gameand seeing LeBron in the NBA and
saying, I want that.
It's like, bro, do you know howmany shots it took for LeBron?
(19:49):
How many hours in a park?
How many hours?
College ball, high school ball,training camps.
It took for him to be a Lakerand break all these records and
be who he is.
So...
You can't just sit there at theLaker game and be like, damn, I
want to be LeBron.
I want what he has.
SPEAKER_00 (20:11):
The way I see it is everything comes at a price,
right?
If I want to buy a Rolex, I havea general idea on how much a
Rolex costs.
Are you willing to pay for theprice that's set for that thing
you want, right?
If I want to buy a new house,That comes at a price.
(20:33):
First of all, am I willing topay that price?
Second of all, do I have enough?
So whatever it is that you wantthat someone else has, the
resentment is just the gapbetween where you're at and
where that person is at.
But I think for anybody that'sready, willing, and able,
capable, two arms, two legs, afunctioning body, you secretly
(20:56):
know what it takes to get frompoint A to point Z, not B.
And the resentment comes fromknowing the price of wanting
that Rolex and not being able toafford it or not being able to
take the time, energy needed togo and save enough money to go
(21:16):
and get that thing.
We can interpret paying a pricefor material goods, but we
somehow create this little loopof hate and resentment towards
anybody that has something thatwe want In the abstract, which
is a calm mind, a healthy body,beautiful girlfriend, anything
(21:37):
that is in the abstract that wewant, we forget that there's a
price to pay.
So I love the analogy of LeBronJames.
It's like, I think Jay-Z has aline is like, to be Jay-Z now,
you have to be Jay-Z then.
So if you're going to envy mycurrent circumstances, you have
to know everything I've beenthrough to be here.
So, I mean, resentment is okay.
(21:59):
I would say I live in a hero anda villain's mentality.
Like that's kind of the dynamicI always live in.
And when I was dumb broke, likehella cousins in my house,
family, I knew my family didn'thave it.
My pops was in and out of fuckedup situations.
My mom was in and out of fuckedup situations.
(22:19):
Bro, I turned that resentmentinto fuel.
And if somebody has something Iwanted, that shit just gave me
motivation.
To be like, I hate that person.
This is now blocks of wood thatI've chopped down to throw on
the fire that is the energy thatI have towards working towards
it.
But at the end of the day, nomatter how you frame it, you
(22:40):
have to take the steps.
You have to pay the price to getwhat somebody else wants.
So I love that we're talking onprivilege resentment because I
find that that's a big cope inthis community.
Is there easy for you to say?
That's the phrase, Rich.
Easy for you to say.
I'm stuck right now.
You don't know what it is to bein my situation.
You know, another phrase that Ithought of, which I wrote down
(23:02):
and I was just taking a look atmy notes, a phrase that came up,
which I absolutely love is thisidea of like how momentum is
created, right?
Like if you're stuck, that meansyou stopped, right?
You're just at a standstill.
And someone had mentioned, whichI really love is that you don't
need, you don't need wins,right?
to be more hopeful.
You need to be more hopeful toget wits.
(23:25):
And I don't know if that makessense to you, but I think the
misconception for a lot of youngpeople that are jammed and they
got no emotion is that like,man, if I had more momentum
going and more wins and moresupport in my life, I'd be doing
better.
And it's like, yeah, but that'sthe point.
You've reversed the outcome withthe necessity.
You need to be necessitous.
(23:46):
You have to have to wantsomething in order to creates
some momentum and then when youget it it creates this really
cool loop of like good energygood momentum because you know
you're capable so you don't needwins to get hope you need hope
to get wins because all youreally have is hope right now
you don't have wins that's whyyou're stuck so i don't know if
(24:08):
that makes sense but i love thatphrasing because it it takes you
out of that victim mentality imean
SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
yeah yeah and like you were saying take take the
example of what someone has anduse it as fuel, right?
Use it to propel you.
Instead of, you should bethinking, damn, I want what they
have, but watch, I'm going toget more, right?
Or I'm going to spend the blockand I'm going to show them that,
hey, look, I'm driving the samecar you are, right?
(24:35):
Or we at the same level now,right?
SPEAKER_00 (24:37):
By the way, I'm not above any of that energy.
I didn't been, listen, as ateenager, I didn't been in
competition with motherfuckersthat didn't know we're competing
with.
SPEAKER_02 (24:47):
it's
SPEAKER_00 (24:48):
crazy that when I pass them, I would show them and
they would be confused.
Like, what are you talkingabout?
Like, I'm happy for you.
And I'd be like, yeah, but I hadyou on my mind when I was
chasing that thing.
And now you need to know.
And they're like, I don't knowwhat I did to you, bro.
I never said anything to you.
Like, why do you feel that waytowards me?
(25:09):
So, you know, that's more of asicko, sadistic way to approach
the world.
That is, that has a lot to dowith some unpacking.
We could do another episode for,Might be little man syndrome.
It might be just growing up in afucked up situation and not
having anything.
But I will tell you this, Rich,and I think it's the anecdote to
the victim's mentality.
You got to believe that whatyou're doing is possible.
(25:32):
If you're going to dream, dreamthat you're the exception.
You have to do that.
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (25:38):
And if you're going to dream, dream big.
And I know that's taboo andcliche, but I'm just saying, if
you're in a fucked up situation,if you're in a family situation,
that comes from immigrants, ifyou are an immigrant yourself,
if you come from poverty, if youdon't have all your limbs
intact, if you're not someonethat is naturally handsome or
naturally charismatic, you haveto believe that the road that
(25:58):
you're taking is going to leadyou beyond whatever it is that
you want.
Because if there's no belief,you're not going to take that
first step.
You're just going to always feellike this is what it's going to
be forever.
And you have to Be accountable.
You have to know that it's on meto move forward.
And I think that once you kindof like lock down on those two
things, it gets a lot easier tostart moving forward and start
(26:20):
building a little bit of thatmomentum.
Again, you don't get hope fromgetting wins.
You get wins from having hope.
And you got to be hopeful thatyour circumstance could change
because that positive momentumis a tailwind that turns into
wins.
SPEAKER_01 (26:34):
Yeah.
And it takes you out of thatvictim loop that you were
talking about, right?
Like the, oh, things are hard.
This person has what I want.
My circumstances are not ideal.
I'm never going to get out thehood or I'm never going to get
out of this one bedroom or thisroom where I'm sharing with my
three brothers.
(26:56):
You have to sort of break out ofthat cycle.
And that's one of those thingswhere like you have to look at
these people who have what youhave or have more as fuel at the
end of the day.
SPEAKER_00 (27:08):
They say blame.
complain and quit are the mostcomfortable pillows to lay your
head on at night.
And I love that phrasing becauseblame other people for your
circumstances.
That makes you feel better.
It could be the truth, by theway, but it just makes you feel
better.
(27:29):
Pobrecito.
It's not my fault.
It's everything else.
Complain.
Just be around people andsurround yourself with with
people that all they do iscomplain about their
circumstances, complain aboutthe weather, complain about
their boss, complain about theirgirlfriend, complain about their
friends.
Bro, they complain all day andit makes them feel better about
(27:52):
their situation.
And the crudegra, the icing onthe cake, the man and the woman
on the wedding cake is quit.
Start something and quit.
Right.
Right.
(28:29):
I think that is a harsh truthand it's fucked up to say that
to people in our community thatthey want answers from us.
But Rich, I feel like you'rebetter at this than I am.
Sometimes that's just the mostclearest point.
It's like, bro, it's really onyou to figure it out.
No one's going to feel bad foryou beyond the conversation you
have with them because they'regoing to go live their life and
then you got to live your life.
(28:51):
You actually got to live in yourlife after you complain, blame,
and quit and blame everybodyelse.
SPEAKER_01 (28:57):
Yeah, and there's comfort that comes into play
when you talk aboutaccountability and blaming
others, right?
Like, if I blame someone else,like, I'm not the problem.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
The burden is off of me now.
SPEAKER_01 (29:11):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like, oh, that, youknow, I'm not where I need to be
because of this person or myparents or...
Circumstances.
I don't have a job or, you know,whatever your circumstances are.
But I think what...
you and I have continued tolearn is that friction is
(29:31):
necessary in order to moveforward.
You have to get to a placementally where you're
comfortable with theuncomfortable.
A lot of the biggestbreakthroughs you've had in your
life or I've had in my life havecome from a point of contention
and resistance, right?
Like we've, Contention,resistance, and a little bit of
(29:54):
risk-taking, right?
And all of those things, what isthe common denominator?
It's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable entering theunknown, right?
Or taking a risk where you don'tknow if that risk is going to
pan out or not, right?
Or taking accountability to say,signing up for this course, pass
or fail, right?
(30:15):
But I'm going to do it anywaybecause this is a path forward.
So, really breaking out of thatmental cycle that, oh, I don't
want to feel friction.
I don't want to beuncomfortable.
I don't want to do that.
I don't want to sign up for thiscourse because it's too much
studying.
You know what I mean?
(30:35):
Like, bro, you have to gothrough the resistance and the
uncomfortableness that it takesto be disciplined to study in
order to pass this course.
It's just the natural nature ofthe progression.
Well, what comes...
What's the end result of havingthe discipline to study for that
course?
(30:55):
You pass the course, you get thereward, certification, or the
credits necessary, and you moveon to the next level.
But you have to be able to becomfortable with the
uncomfortable in order to moveforward.
SPEAKER_00 (31:09):
Damn.
That's good, bro.
I mean, there's not a lot I canadd.
You know, the one thing I keepthinking about, because we're
going to go to this as the lasttheme for the podcast, which...
Again, a lot of these themesthat we're touching on is Rich
and I learning a really coolthing that came in like, you
know, we learned, anyway, I'lljust say that we learned like in
(31:30):
order to give good advicebecause we want to be better at
giving advice is that you got tounderstand the real pain points
of the people you're talking to.
It's not necessarily about whoyou are and where you're at.
It's about the people thatyou're looking to guide and
maybe, you know, share yourpersonal story and maybe they
can learn from it, which is thewhole thesis of failures.
Learn from our failures so youdon't have to go through these
(31:52):
failures.
I have no rebuttal to what youjust said because it was so
foolproof.
You seamed up every hole forsomebody to get out of.
The only thing they could do is,again, just deflect, blame.
But one thing that is coming upin our next segment, which is a
topic that I want to present toyou as, Rich, I want you to
(32:12):
imagine somebody that you'regiving this advice to and you
kind of corner them off and nowthey don't really have No one to
blame.
It's like you have no one toblame for yourself.
Your life is what it is becauseof the actions that you take or
don't take.
But here's the last one.
They're fighting you on this andthey tell you, bro, I'm
exhausted.
(32:33):
I tried it all.
I did it all.
And I'm tired of fighting alone.
I'd rather just be alone in myroom.
And if I don't promise myselfanything, if I don't try
anything, I'll be fine that way.
I'm just burnt out.
I'm exhausted.
Everything I tried doesn't work.
You don't understand my life.
(32:53):
You don't understand mysituation.
SPEAKER_01 (32:55):
Yeah, this is a full circle moment because I think
this goes back to the purposeparalysis, right?
If you're feeling that way, likeif you're feeling stuck, if
you're feeling burnt out, ifyou're feeling like it's
hopeless and you've triedeverything and nothing's
working, I feel like chances areyou're, operating in many
(33:19):
different aspects of life forthe wrong reason.
You have to identify yourpurpose.
I think you shared with me acomment from a community member
that was like, hey, I'm 43 and Istill haven't found my purpose.
That's okay.
I actually envy that personbecause they acknowledge that
they're 43 and they're still outthere searching for it.
(33:41):
That's powerful.
If you're still looking for yourpurpose, you're doing the right
thing, right?
Just because you haven't foundit at 43 doesn't mean that
you're not on the right track.
What do they say?
There's a famous quote where KFCColonel Sanders didn't actually
hit on the idea for the KFCfranchise that he was
(34:01):
60-something, right?
It took all those years offailure for him to ultimately
hit with the right fried chickenrecipe and then have this
massive success and franchise,but it took a really long time.
So chances are, if you'refeeling the way that you're
feeling, you're not living yourpurpose.
You're living for others, right?
(34:23):
You're not operating in a placeof fulfillment.
And eventually, that's what'sgoing to lead to burnout.
That's a recipe for disaster.
So I would say try to unwindeverything and bring it back to
our first point, which waspurpose paralysis.
Why are you waking up in themorning?
(34:43):
What excites you?
What motivates you?
What is the nucleus that is youridentity?
For some people, it's, bro, Ilove my family.
I'm going to wake up everymorning and do as much as I can
do for them.
For others, it's giving back totheir parents.
I love my parents.
They did everything for me.
I wake up every morning forthem.
I want to give them as much asthey gave me.
(35:06):
For others, it might be theirpets.
For others, it might be like,bro, I'm a world traveler.
I want to see every state, everycountry, every island, and I'm
going to die doing that.
All of the above are okay tolive out, but that's every
individual's responsibility isto identify their purpose and
(35:27):
live that out to the fullest.
So chances are, if you'refeeling down, depressed, stuck
in the mud, resistance,hopeless, chances are you are
not living your purpose andyou're experiencing what we like
to call purpose paralysis.
SPEAKER_00 (35:43):
My rebuttal as a community member, because I read
enough to know that this is whatthe standard response is.
I'm exhausted.
I'm alone.
I've been trying to climb thishill.
I've taken courses.
I've watched all the YouTubevideos.
I read all the books.
I'm in debt.
I come from a broken family.
There's a lot of drugs in myfamily.
(36:05):
I'm going through crisis.
I'm going through a breakup.
I'm going through a divorce.
I'm bankrupt.
You don't understand where I'mat right now.
I just want to quit.
I just want to be left alone.
SPEAKER_01 (36:15):
Yeah, that's some real life shit.
But at the end of the day, Ifeel like all those burdens,
every single point you justmentioned is like an infinity
stone.
It's like you go throughdivorce.
All right, now you have a bakedin human filter that says, Watch
out for this pattern in womenbecause this will end up in
(36:38):
divorce.
Noted, right?
That gets bucket into like yourDNA.
Like you will probably nevermake that same mistake again,
right?
You're going through bankruptcy.
Damn, what were the 25 financialdecisions that were made prior
to bankruptcy?
Oh, I fucking foreclosed on acar.
I lost my job.
I overpaid on this vacation.
(36:58):
I maxed out my credit.
Like you made a bunch of badfinancial decisions that
ultimately led up to bankruptcy.
That negative pattern ofspending gets bucketed into your
DNA.
I probably should never do thatpattern again because that'll
lead to bankruptcy, right?
Et cetera, et cetera.
So if you don't have the abilityto self-reflect on your mistakes
(37:24):
and your failures, there's nevergoing to be a way forward,
right?
Otherwise, what did AlbertEinstein say?
What's insanity is doingsomething over and over again,
expecting different results,right?
Like one of the greatest mindsin the world said that for a
reason, right?
Because if you don't break outof the patterns that you're used
(37:47):
to that brought you to theseunfortunate circumstances,
you're never going to breakthrough.
So this is exactly why we madethis podcast for you.
is for you to help you analyzeyour failures and help you break
through and come out of them onthe other side.
But you have to be truthful withyourself, critical with
(38:08):
yourself, and realize that theway I'm doing things is not
working, right?
And identify those patterns,take all that new information
from all these negativeexperiences, and then move
forward.
SPEAKER_00 (38:22):
There's not a lot I can add to what you just said.
And I'm looking forward totranscribing your answer and
putting it as the thesis of ourlanding page because it was
perfect.
One thing I do want to add thatmay be a bit more actionable
that I think we just kind ofharped on the back and forth
that naturally comes with thissubject in our community.
(38:43):
But something that feltactionable and we haven't really
touched on too much is twothings.
When you're going through life,It's inevitably filled with
valleys and peaks.
The valleys always feel likeyou're six feet under and you
just want to quit and die.
I've been there before.
Rich has been there before.
(39:04):
The irony that Rich gave adviceon bankruptcy to one of our
community members and didn'tbring up the fact that he went
bankrupt is admirable because Iwould have talked about that
immediately and been like,bitch, I done been through what
you been through.
Rich done been through and Idone been through relationships
that damn near felt likedivorces and we dragged
ourselves out of it.
(39:25):
But we're not here to show youour championship rings and prove
to you that we're champions.
That's not the point.
The point is we want to turnsome of the stuff that we've
actually been through to maybesome actionable advice.
If you're not at a peak, you'reprobably entering a valley and
that's fine.
Same for the stock market as itis for your health.
as it is for aging, as it is forrelationships, friendships or
(39:47):
romantic, your career.
There's always ebbs and flows.
A valley is not six feet under.
It's not you experiencing death.
By the way, I know this is goingto sound insane to say, but you
have the option if you want tokeep going or not.
Let's move that out of the way.
Let's assume you chose actionand not non-action because I
(40:07):
don't have advice for anybodywho doesn't want to put in work.
If you feel exhausted and you'retired of fighting alone, The one
actionable piece of advice thathas helped me in the last five
years that I think will helpanybody is the narrative that
you've created for yourself.
Be mindful of that.
Be mindful of this narrativethat you created for yourself.
And when your mind is idle andyou're not doing anything, when
(40:30):
you're taking a piss and youdon't have your phone in your
hand, when you're going for awalk and you don't have AirPods
on and your mind is justdrifting, be mindful of the
narrative that you tellyourself.
A lot of those narratives arefalse narratives that come from
your childhood.
They come from things thatpeople told you about yourself
or beliefs that you have aboutyourself that are not true.
(40:50):
You don't need motion.
You don't need action.
You don't need anything to flipa narrative.
Simply put, if you tellyourself, I'm alone, I'm
exhausted.
I tried everything.
The world is against me.
That's your narrative.
That's the person you play inyour movie.
You're that character in themovie of your life.
But if you flip your narrativeand start turning it around,
(41:13):
this is mental effort.
This doesn't even requirephysical effort.
If you start reading books andvideos and you could reread all
the shit you read when you feltlike the victim and just flip
your narrative and startthinking to yourself, no, I'm
not the victim.
I'm somebody that's going totake action.
Reread all that self-developmentbook shit.
(41:34):
re-watch all those videos,re-listen to all those podcasts,
re-listen to this podcast.
Once you flip your narrativeinto the hero's mindset where
you're like, all right, I'mgoing to be the guy that gets
out of this.
Everything changes because yournarrative is flipped.
You're no longer tellingyourself the same, woe is me, ay
pobrecito story that you keepgiving yourself.
(41:56):
Now you're flipping thenarrative and I bet you, you're
going to start seeing that cloudbreak open and a little bit of
sunlight is going to comethrough.
That's a narrative flip.
That's a mental flip.
We are the stories that we keeptelling ourselves when our minds
are idle.
That feeling you feel rightbefore you go to bed and your
mind starts telling you like, Icall him the doubt monster.
(42:16):
He comes visit me every nightand he tells me every night,
even at 39 years old, man, youain't shit.
Me and Aston Kutcher about topull up on you and show you
you're in an episode of Punk'd.
Your life is fake.
You're always going to be a hoodkid from West New York.
This is the actual thoughts thatI have swirling in my mind.
And I got to flip the narrative,bro.
I got to take control of it andthink to myself like, nah,
(42:39):
you're good, bro.
You got this.
As long as you wake up early inthe morning, you do what you
need to do.
You've always been able to runaway from that demon.
You've always been able toshrink the doubt monster.
Narrative is crucial, bro.
That's something you don't evengot to fucking move for.
You just got to work on itmentally.
And the second thing I'll say,and I'll keep this one short
because the first point waslong, was be very mindful of the
(43:00):
people you surround yourselfwith.
Sometimes we don't even knowthat our parents are the reason
why we take these narratives onand we always blame everybody.
Fucking white people, theyalways got the privilege.
Fucking government, Donald Trumpis the worst.
Bernie Sanders is the worst.
Because of Andrew Tate and JoeRogan, I'm a toxic man.
(43:21):
I don't know what to...
Kill it, kill it, kill it, killit.
When you're putting bad foodinto your brain and what comes
out is all the stuff that'sgoing through your body.
If you get better at doingthings that are a little bit
more positive, surroundingyourself with people that are
more positive, you'll see a lotof that narrative will flip
because you are what you putinto your brain.
You are what you consume daily.
You are what you do daily.
(43:43):
So if you just sit at home allday and don't do shit, you be
around hating ass people andyour parents always blaming the
world, you're going to be theproduct of that.
A plant that doesn't get anyproper soil, sun, or light, or
nutrition is going to be ashitty plan.
Don't be a shitty plan.
Be mindful of all the stuff thatyou surround yourself with.
(44:03):
So those are the two pieces ofactionable advice that I feel
like we didn't touch on, but areessential and they helped me
out.
SPEAKER_01 (44:10):
Yeah, I love that.
The only thing that I would addto that, don't let your
circumstances define you.
I purposely didn't mention thatI went through bankruptcy or had
failed relationships or you hadfailed relationships because
we've never allowed thosemoments to define who we are.
Yeah, they're part of our story,but it's like I'm way more
(44:34):
financially savvy now than whatI was 15 years ago, right?
And that's because I didn't letthat moment define me.
And that goes for any failure,right?
Like you are not a product ofyour shortcomings, period.
So don't let the fact that youhad unfavorable circumstances or
a bit of unlucky situations ornot enough resources or only had
(45:00):
one parent growing up, like thatcircumstance does not define
you.
SPEAKER_00 (45:06):
Rich, I love that you said that because it was
like the tag team partner to thenarrative point, right?
You're saying, Justin, it's noteven a narrative thing.
If I would have labeled myselfas somebody financially
literate, somebody that's notgood with their money, someone
that went bankrupt, then I wouldstill be saying that to this
(45:26):
day.
You're saying Rich in his late30s is someone that doesn't even
identify with that moment in mylife anymore because that's in
the past.
I've actually become morefinancially literate because I
went through that.
So yeah, man, you're livingproof.
Again, that's why I enjoy doingthis podcast with you and
building this community with youbecause you are living proof of
(45:48):
somebody that is preaching whatthey're saying.
And I think that's so poeticthat you were like, bro, you
know why I forgot that I wentthrough that?
Because I don't even see myselfthrough that lens
SPEAKER_01 (45:57):
anymore.
Yeah.
It's a mindset thing.
SPEAKER_00 (45:59):
And in order for you to move forward, you got to
like, you got to bury that,right?
But you're not even saying buryit.
You're saying, no, this is aspringboard.
You can learn from all thesefucked up moments.
SPEAKER_01 (46:09):
Yeah.
I think I saw a statistic.
I could be completely wrong, butit's like that we're brand new
versions of ourselves every sixmonths or 12 months.
You're not the same person whoyou were today
SPEAKER_00 (46:21):
than you were a year from now.
Rightfully so.
Why live?
Why do research?
Why learn if you're not going toabsorb the information that you
take in and then take action tobe uncomfortable to apply the
new information?
You would be a fuckingthree-year-old child forever if
you didn't do that.
You live.
(46:41):
You see what comes back fromliving.
You absorb the information, youchange yourself, you adapt and
you move forward, survive andadapt.
And I think it's so funny thatyou brought up your daughter
earlier in the show, which wecan end on this.
You could even learn fromwatching your daughter trying to
walk that six months ago, shewasn't walking.
(47:05):
Now she's trying to walk.
Where will she be in a year fromnow, Rich?
Like what's the timeline for atwo-year-old?
She'll be walking and maybestarting to talk.
SPEAKER_01 (47:15):
Running.
They go from walking to running.
And then, yeah, and then alittle bit of talking.
And
SPEAKER_00 (47:24):
then your heart is going to be broken the day that
she stops looking back for yourvalidation.
SPEAKER_01 (47:29):
Yeah, or the day that she stops.
Very famously, J.
Cole did the Let Go of My Handsong.
Oh,
SPEAKER_00 (47:36):
I've never heard this song.
SPEAKER_01 (47:38):
I
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
stopped listening to J.
Cole when I was able to run.
But go
SPEAKER_01 (47:43):
ahead.
Nah, listen to that song.
He talks about the moment wherehis son said, dad, let go of my
hand.
Like I could walk on my, likeyou don't need to hold my hand
anymore.
It's very, very poetic.
So for, even if you're not aparent, I think you can relate.
Definitely go back and listen tothat.
SPEAKER_00 (48:00):
Well, Rich, I think we touched on a lot on this
episode.
And, you know, again, this isnot an indictment.
I don't want anybody to feelhopeless when they finish this
episode.
We're hoping to give tools andguidance based on our experience
and what we think is decentadvice, decent guidance.
Man, I mean, Rich, this is anepisode that we could have
(48:22):
easily gone on for another hour.
And we might need an episode,too, because I feel like we left
a lot of advice and feedback andstories on the But at the end of
the day, this is what we hopethe platform continues to be.
It's what we always say, right?
The neon sign that I think youordered or you want to order for
your office, which is we're notgurus.
(48:44):
We're not gods.
We're just regular guys, bro.
We're just two normal adults intheir late 30s that have seen
some shit.
And we realize that a lot of theadvice on the internet is either
predatorial Or it's misguided orthese people probably didn't
come from the places we comefrom.
So, you know, no one is comingto save you is not an indictment
(49:07):
on anybody.
It's really hopefully somethingthat can give you a little bit
of a roadmap and some motivationto get you out of a fucked up
situation.
Listen,
SPEAKER_01 (49:16):
we love feedback.
We love hearing from you guys.
So please leave any suggestions,feedbacks in the comments.
We read them all.
We're going to get back to youand maybe one day we'll bring
somebody up here to chop it upwith us.
SPEAKER_00 (49:30):
Yeah.
And I want you to know the moreaggressive and the more
deflective the comments are, themore irritable Rich becomes.
And he'll...
We're going to do a segment ofyou reading the comment section,
just flaming everybody.
SPEAKER_01 (49:45):
Yeah.
Yeah, troll us, talk shit.
We'll get back to even thetrolls.
So just comment.
There you go.
SPEAKER_00 (49:52):
Failures podcast.
Learn from our failures so youdon't have to.
Rich, another one in the books,my boy.
No one is coming to save you is such a great title
because the truth is if youcomplain, blame, and quit,
you're going to get exactly whatyou want.
Now, what is that?
Nothing.
Nothing's going to change.
So, life be lifin'.
Rich had a crazy vent aboutsomething personal that happened
(00:26):
to him.
I'm going to leave that for anepisode down the road because
we, man, we did like a 30-minutesegment right on some personal
stuff that happened with yourmother and I'm going to leave it
I'm going to leave the teaserthere I think today's episode is
a really important one Rich thisone came directly from our
(00:47):
community and it's simple no oneis coming to save you you are
the one that you're waiting forthis is the real reason why you
feel stuck this is somethingthat came directly from our
community I mean if you'resitting at home and you're
feeling stuck Like you're out ofoptions.
You're just waiting for somebodyto throw you a lifeline,
(01:08):
somebody to save you.
I think me and you are inagreement, Rich.
It's hard to just sit and waitfor the world to rescue you from
the pain that you are goingthrough.
And it's interesting becauseeverybody's pain is different,
right?
Like everybody's going through adifferent phase of their life.
But when I originally pitchedthis idea, I gave you a group of
(01:29):
ideas when I originally pitchedNo one is coming to save you.
Why did it relate to you?
Why did you want it to go withthis one?
SPEAKER_01 (01:35):
Yeah, I feel passionate about this.
This is something that I'verepeated to myself over and over
again in my early 20s, late 20s.
And whenever I felt down andout, whenever I felt like I was
below water, drowning, couldn'tclimb out, wind is against my
(01:56):
face, And things felt tough.
Like I always reminded myself,hey, by the way, Rich, no one is
coming to save you.
Like get up off your ass, go tothe gym, start to eat good food,
educate yourself, watch someYouTube videos, watch a
documentary, sign up for acollege course, start to do
(02:17):
things to propel yourselfforward.
Because at the end of the day,opportunities are not going to
just land on your lap.
You have to be in the rightplace at the right time.
You have to be around the rightpeople.
And you have to put yourself ina situation where those
opportunities can come to you.
But if you're just home, potatocouch, not wanting to move,
(02:39):
playing video games 24-7, you'renot going to climb out of that
hole that you feel like you'rein.
SPEAKER_00 (02:47):
Yeah.
You know, one thing that I wantto get better at with our
podcast and building ourcommunity is truly...
trying to understand what theproblem is or what the perceived
problem is in our community.
And one thing that I read that Ireally resonated is the common
belief is sold to a youngerversion of ourselves.
(03:09):
We're in our late 30s now.
We've been through a lot ofadversity and by the grace of
God and a lot of fuckingcaffeine and persistence, we
came out on the other end,either a better person or
somebody that got a scar thatgot a lesson and we learned a
lesson.
But one common belief I see,which It took me back to being a
teenager was, I used to be ofthe belief that, and I was told
(03:31):
this by people, not necessarilymy family, but people in school.
If you follow all of theserules, if you take all of these
steps, you're guaranteed X.
And X is either happiness,money, fulfillment, life's wind
at your back, and you feel likeyou're just going in the right
(03:53):
direction.
And I think that, common beliefis what makes people
disappointed in themselvesbecause these tropes create
expectations and theseexpectations are not met because
you do all the things thatyou're told to do and you still
don't feel like any fulfillment.
You actually still feel morestuck and now you start hating
(04:15):
process.
You start having resentmenttowards process because you're
thinking to yourself like, damn,I went to school.
I went to college.
I was a good boy.
I ate all my vegetables.
I was nice to everybody.
I gave my mom everything shewanted.
And now I feel, like, empty.
I feel stuck.
I feel like the world owes mesomething.
So that common belief, I think,it creates a lot of anger with a
(04:36):
lot of younger people.
And I remember being there atsome point in my life.
I don't know about you.
SPEAKER_01 (04:40):
Yeah, I mean, you mentioned this point.
It's called purpose paralysis,right?
Essentially, you're...
following these rules that werelaid out for you in hopes to
eventually impress whoever laidthem out for you, right?
A mentor, your mom, yourparents, and then you're doing
the exact same thing you used todo when you were a child.
(05:03):
You're turning to your parentsand saying, hey, did I do a good
job?
Is this good enough for you?
But at some point, you have tostop turning around to your
parents for validation and startto look within and say, well, I
know what my parents want for meand from me, but what do I want
for myself?
(05:24):
That's when you really start tobreak out of your shell, break
out of the matrix and reallystart to find that purpose in
you, like that nucleus, likewhat makes you wake up in the
morning?
What drives you?
What motivates you?
What makes you want to pushfurther?
And if the answer is, I'm justdoing what my parents expect me
(05:47):
to do, you're never going tofind happiness.
You're never going to find thatfulfillment.
So it's really about separatingthe two and then ultimately
leading with your purpose, notsomebody else's.
SPEAKER_00 (06:01):
That's an interesting subject you touch on
because now you're getting intolike real basic psychology,
which is a lot of what we do asadults, especially young men, is
we seek validation.
We're seeking validation fromthe people the actual human we
came from, which is our mother.
Do you think a lot of it goesback to that?
(06:23):
By the way, Rich and I are notnerds.
We're not people that study thisshit in school.
I'm going from life experience.
What you talked about about 20minutes ago on the A block of
our podcast, which will be in awhole other episode, which was
this issue you were having withyour mother and something she
had mentioned to you that reallyfucked you up.
It threw you off.
(06:44):
It didn't fuck you up.
Do you think a lot of that comesfrom the validation we seek and
a lot of our purpose and how wesee ourselves are molded by our
mothers and people that are inour family?
And it's not necessarily who wewant to be.
And I think the pain you feelwhen you realize, oh shit, I've
been traveling this side of themountain for someone else.
SPEAKER_01 (07:03):
Yeah, absolutely.
How many times have you seenvideos of people saying, well,
why are you pursuing a medicaldegree?
Oh, because, you know, not tostereotype, but like an Indian
family.
Oh, why do you want to be adoctor?
Oh, because my parents aredoctor and they want me to be a
doctor as well, right?
Like you see that often.
(07:23):
In my own personal life, I havesoon to be a one-year-old and
I'm teaching her how to walk.
And I hold her two fingers,right, together.
And she takes a couple steps.
And immediately after the thirdstep, she turns around and looks
up at me.
Like, am I doing a good job?
(07:44):
She can't talk, she can't speak,but her body language is telling
me, I just took two, threesteps.
Am I doing okay?
Right?
So, you know what I mean?
Like, as early as infancy, we'retrained to turn around and seek
validation from our parents.
(08:06):
And really, that might never goaway, right?
Like you're always going toachieve amazing things.
You're going to purchase ahouse.
You're going to get the job thatyou're looking for and have the
successful career or build theperfect business for you.
You're going to have all thesethings and you're always going
to turn to your parents to checkin and say, hey, am I doing what
(08:30):
you expect or are you proud ofme?
That's fine.
What we're saying is don't havepurpose paralysis, right?
Don't be stuck in someone else'sdream of you and not your own
dreams.
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (08:46):
That's crazy.
The part about your daughter isinsane.
That to me is like, that'sintuitive.
That's almost like in us to takesome steps forward, literally
and figuratively, and then lookback to see if the people who
raised you, you literally lookup to your whole life.
The phrase, oh, I look up tothis person.
Have you spent...
(09:06):
a good 10, 12 years of your lifelooking up to your mom and
literally looking up to your dadat some point hoping to be
picked up, the validation isinnately in us.
Again, we're not nerds.
We're not science.
I'm going to leave it to youtextbook motherfuckers that do
research to figure out whatwe're saying is technically
right or not.
That's not what Rich and I arehere for.
(09:26):
We're just kind of going off thegut and life experience.
And Rich has a daughter.
He has a son.
He's raised kids.
And he's the son himself.
And it's ironic that you saidthat story about your daughter
and you also shared somethingthat happened with your mother,
all in the same 48-hour window.
And yeah, bro, you're right.
A lot of that validation comesfrom wanting to be approved for
what it is that you're doing.
(09:48):
But I think what we're saying isif a young man feels stuck and
he's tried a lot of differentthings and it's just not filling
him in a way that makes himhappy, makes him feel content,
makes him feel like he's movingin the right direction, It's
just like it's simple.
The word being stuck.
It's funny that we use thisphrase like, oh, I feel stuck.
Let's extract from the phrasefeeling stuck and let's
(10:10):
literally think about that wordstuck.
If you're stuck somewhere, if Iput you into a maze in a garden
of trees and plants and you werebacked into a corner and you
felt stuck, you're not going tostay there.
What are you going to do?
You're going to look around.
You're going to try to figureout a way out.
If I put you in mud, heavy mud,half your body is in mud and you
(10:35):
felt literally stuck, you're notgoing to stay there.
So this idea of going throughlike the visualization for
anybody that's in a fucked upsituation, going through a crazy
life crisis.
I mean, I've even seen people inour community that are
handicapped, like literallyhandicapped.
People that have likeimpediments, people that have
speech impediments, they havephobias.
(10:55):
They're literally crippled andparalyzed by the idea of doing
anything that Makes them feellike they're taking a risk or
vulnerable.
That's some shit that I can'teven relate to, bro.
So my advice, I almost feel badgiving out this rah-rah advice
that I see online and I want togive out.
But it's like, man, what do youtell somebody that has cancer at
that age?
(11:16):
Everything is case sensitive.
And I think we understand thatat Failures Podcast.
We're a dresser.
But everything, when you giveadvice, you can't give advice to
everyone that's going to fiteveryone.
But I go back to the idea andthe phrasing of if you feel
stuck, the best thing to do isto take action.
Now, whatever that action is, Idon't know.
(11:36):
But you're not going to fly tothe top of a mountain.
If the conditions are tough andit's raining and you can't get
your footing properly, the bestthing I could advise is take one
step.
If you could look down and seeyour feet, stop staring at the
top of the mountain.
Just know the direction you'regoing in.
But if you feel stuck, just lookdown.
Look at your feet.
And if you can move one foot infront of the other, I promise
(11:58):
you, as you move forward, thefog starts clearing because
there's something about theuniverse and taking action.
There's something about theuniverse just opening up when
you say, fuck it, I'll do it.
I'm moving in a direction.
Nine times out of 10, Rich and Ispeak with clarity of someone in
their late 30s, but there's nota lot of clarity when you're 16,
17, and 18.
(12:19):
You just need to move.
And just to kind of tie the twopieces of advice that Rich
shared and I shared, I thinkmoving in a direction that feels
right to you is not going to beclear.
There's not going to be a clearanswer.
If you do all these things, thiswill happen.
That only works for medicalstudents.
If you do these things, you'renot going to kill the patient.
(12:42):
Life isn't built that way.
The more you move forward, themore obstacles show up and you
get better at the trials andtribulations that come with
life.
As more obstacles get thrownagainst you, you get better at
dealing with challenges.
And I think you know deep inyour gut, okay, I'm getting
better at dealing withadversity.
And it kind of removes thevictim mentality.
(13:02):
So, you know, I know I said alot there, but what Rich is
talking about is, one, not beingparalyzed by your purpose and
not being paralyzed by whatother people want for you or
this validation you seek fromyour parents.
And what I'm saying to compoundon that is just start moving
forward.
Just start moving forward.
I can't speak to your immediatesituation because everybody's
(13:23):
life is different, but I know noaction is not the move.
There's always a blessing inaction.
Just pick a direction and startwalking.
SPEAKER_01 (13:32):
Yeah, I think that's great advice.
And when you think aboutsomebody who's stuck, it's
usually because issues havecompounded over long periods of
time.
So like quicksand or like mud,there's too many compounded
issues where they don't even seea way out.
So your advice, I think, is agreat advice.
(13:54):
It's just like put one foot infront of the other, right?
Get out of one issue at a time.
And I promise you, by the end offive or six of these steps
forward, you're going to startto see the other side.
But, you know, there's alwaysclarity at the end.
You just got to put one foot infront of the other.
SPEAKER_00 (14:14):
You know, one thing that I saw a lot, Rich, which it
annoyed the fuck out of me, butI think you're a little bit more
irritable than I am with, like,This hive mind that you find
online, it's always the mostupvoted comment in any forum
board, Discord, YouTube.
It's always the most up.
And it's always this idea ofprivilege resentment, which I
(14:36):
think me and you had this whenwe were younger.
But I don't know.
I feel like if I'm rememberingcorrectly, it felt like I put a
battery in our back to resentpeople that had what we wanted
And we didn't know how they gotit, but we just hated the fact
that they would give us advicelike, bro, don't worry about it.
You'll get there one day.
And do you remember feeling thatfeeling when you were younger?
(14:58):
Just people giving you likeempty advice and just telling
you, hey, don't worry about it.
You'll get there one day.
But they already had it.
They already had what you want.
SPEAKER_01 (15:06):
I remember seeing other people having more than
what I had.
And I've done this with anyonewho I meet or...
ultimately end up like admiringis I unpack who that person is
and how they got to where theygot to.
(15:26):
And what I've realized over timeis a lot of people either just
get lucky or just have bettercircumstances or just have more
resources.
But I mean, you, we both seenthis, we've seen some dumb
motherfuckers come across acouple million and we're just
like, bro, how?
(15:46):
How, right?
SPEAKER_00 (15:47):
Shout out to crypto and the dope game.
SPEAKER_01 (15:52):
Sometimes combined.
Yeah, we've seen the both sidesof the spectrum.
So I've always kind of likeunpacked like, why did this
person achieve what they'veachieved or have what they've
had?
And I immediately default to,bro, this person's not smarter
than me.
You know what I mean?
Like, I know my capabilities.
(16:13):
I know what I'm made to do.
And, you know, how smart I amand how my brain works.
And I should be able to figurethis out.
So when you come across thesepeople who have, I guess,
privilege, right, for the lackof a better term, you
immediately start to realize,man, this person is not as smart
(16:34):
as they appear or they just gotlucky.
You really have to unpack howthey got to where they got to.
So that's always been my thing.
It's just like whenever I seesomebody affluent or somebody
doing well or somebody pullingup in a Lambo, it's like, all
right, bro, what's your story?
You know what I mean?
Because like this shit is eitherrented or, and I do, I sound
like a hate motherfucker rightnow.
SPEAKER_00 (16:58):
You know, that made me think about a phrase that I
heard, which I absolutely love.
It's like, it's hard to tellsomebody, trust me, you don't
want a bad bitch or aLamborghini because they're a
headache and they come with alot of maintenance.
When you're sitting in a Lambonext to a bad bitch, it's
(17:19):
impossible to give somebody thatadvice who's never experienced
any of those things because A,you still have it.
And two, they've neverexperienced it and they want it.
So the message is lost on themessenger when you're sitting in
a Lambo telling somebody like,trust me, you don't want a
Lambo,
SPEAKER_01 (17:37):
bro.
It's a lot of maintenance.
It's the Andrew Tate.
predicament, right?
Like you look at Andrew Tate andhe's walking around his mansion
with like all his luxury carsand a cigar in his mouth is
like, trust me, boys, you don'twant this life.
It's like,
SPEAKER_00 (17:53):
you know.
Well, you had mentionedsomething which makes me think
about the privilege resentmentthing.
You had mentioned that eventalking to your son, there is
this idea that if generations ofa family do what they're
supposed to do, the baton getspassed to the person in front of
them so they can go further andfaster than the people behind
(18:14):
them.
So that means your parents orgreat-grandparents that came
from Dominican Republic to theUnited States, they did what
they could in the time that theywere here and they passed it to
your mom.
And then your mom passed it toyou and then you passed it to
your son.
But there is this like hiddenresentment that comes from the
person that you're passing thebaton to because they could see
that your life has alreadyevolved.
(18:36):
And they tell you like, oh, it'seasy for you to say, dad,
because you already haveeverything.
It's easy for you to say,Justin, because you're already a
music executive with jewelry anda lifestyle that I want.
Easy for you to say.
So I'm curious to know what'syour response to that because a
lot of that resentment towardspeople that already have it
exists in these communities andit's used as an out to cope with
(19:00):
their situation and not doanything about it.
SPEAKER_01 (19:03):
Yeah, my response is you're looking at the end
result, right?
You're not seeing the journeythat it took for myself or said
individual to achieve whatthey've achieved.
So yeah, it seems like it waseasily obtained, but you didn't
see the four years of college.
You didn't see all the courses,the certifications, the long
(19:26):
hours of studying to really knowwhat that person's journey was
like before they achieve whatthey achieve.
You're just coming into...
Like, it coming to the ball gameand seeing LeBron in the NBA and
saying, I want that.
It's like, bro, do you know howmany shots it took for LeBron?
(19:49):
How many hours in a park?
How many hours?
College ball, high school ball,training camps.
It took for him to be a Lakerand break all these records and
be who he is.
So...
You can't just sit there at theLaker game and be like, damn, I
want to be LeBron.
I want what he has.
SPEAKER_00 (20:11):
The way I see it is everything comes at a price,
right?
If I want to buy a Rolex, I havea general idea on how much a
Rolex costs.
Are you willing to pay for theprice that's set for that thing
you want, right?
If I want to buy a new house,That comes at a price.
(20:33):
First of all, am I willing topay that price?
Second of all, do I have enough?
So whatever it is that you wantthat someone else has, the
resentment is just the gapbetween where you're at and
where that person is at.
But I think for anybody that'sready, willing, and able,
capable, two arms, two legs, afunctioning body, you secretly
(20:56):
know what it takes to get frompoint A to point Z, not B.
And the resentment comes fromknowing the price of wanting
that Rolex and not being able toafford it or not being able to
take the time, energy needed togo and save enough money to go
(21:16):
and get that thing.
We can interpret paying a pricefor material goods, but we
somehow create this little loopof hate and resentment towards
anybody that has something thatwe want In the abstract, which
is a calm mind, a healthy body,beautiful girlfriend, anything
(21:37):
that is in the abstract that wewant, we forget that there's a
price to pay.
So I love the analogy of LeBronJames.
It's like, I think Jay-Z has aline is like, to be Jay-Z now,
you have to be Jay-Z then.
So if you're going to envy mycurrent circumstances, you have
to know everything I've beenthrough to be here.
So, I mean, resentment is okay.
(21:59):
I would say I live in a hero anda villain's mentality.
Like that's kind of the dynamicI always live in.
And when I was dumb broke, likehella cousins in my house,
family, I knew my family didn'thave it.
My pops was in and out of fuckedup situations.
My mom was in and out of fuckedup situations.
(22:19):
Bro, I turned that resentmentinto fuel.
And if somebody has something Iwanted, that shit just gave me
motivation.
To be like, I hate that person.
This is now blocks of wood thatI've chopped down to throw on
the fire that is the energy thatI have towards working towards
it.
But at the end of the day, nomatter how you frame it, you
(22:40):
have to take the steps.
You have to pay the price to getwhat somebody else wants.
So I love that we're talking onprivilege resentment because I
find that that's a big cope inthis community.
Is there easy for you to say?
That's the phrase, Rich.
Easy for you to say.
I'm stuck right now.
You don't know what it is to bein my situation.
You know, another phrase that Ithought of, which I wrote down
(23:02):
and I was just taking a look atmy notes, a phrase that came up,
which I absolutely love is thisidea of like how momentum is
created, right?
Like if you're stuck, that meansyou stopped, right?
You're just at a standstill.
And someone had mentioned, whichI really love is that you don't
need, you don't need wins,right?
to be more hopeful.
You need to be more hopeful toget wits.
(23:25):
And I don't know if that makessense to you, but I think the
misconception for a lot of youngpeople that are jammed and they
got no emotion is that like,man, if I had more momentum
going and more wins and moresupport in my life, I'd be doing
better.
And it's like, yeah, but that'sthe point.
You've reversed the outcome withthe necessity.
You need to be necessitous.
(23:46):
You have to have to wantsomething in order to creates
some momentum and then when youget it it creates this really
cool loop of like good energygood momentum because you know
you're capable so you don't needwins to get hope you need hope
to get wins because all youreally have is hope right now
you don't have wins that's whyyou're stuck so i don't know if
(24:08):
that makes sense but i love thatphrasing because it it takes you
out of that victim mentality imean
SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
yeah yeah and like you were saying take take the
example of what someone has anduse it as fuel, right?
Use it to propel you.
Instead of, you should bethinking, damn, I want what they
have, but watch, I'm going toget more, right?
Or I'm going to spend the blockand I'm going to show them that,
hey, look, I'm driving the samecar you are, right?
(24:35):
Or we at the same level now,right?
SPEAKER_00 (24:37):
By the way, I'm not above any of that energy.
I didn't been, listen, as ateenager, I didn't been in
competition with motherfuckersthat didn't know we're competing
with.
SPEAKER_02 (24:47):
it's
SPEAKER_00 (24:48):
crazy that when I pass them, I would show them and
they would be confused.
Like, what are you talkingabout?
Like, I'm happy for you.
And I'd be like, yeah, but I hadyou on my mind when I was
chasing that thing.
And now you need to know.
And they're like, I don't knowwhat I did to you, bro.
I never said anything to you.
Like, why do you feel that waytowards me?
(25:09):
So, you know, that's more of asicko, sadistic way to approach
the world.
That is, that has a lot to dowith some unpacking.
We could do another episode for,Might be little man syndrome.
It might be just growing up in afucked up situation and not
having anything.
But I will tell you this, Rich,and I think it's the anecdote to
the victim's mentality.
You got to believe that whatyou're doing is possible.
(25:32):
If you're going to dream, dreamthat you're the exception.
You have to do that.
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (25:38):
And if you're going to dream, dream big.
And I know that's taboo andcliche, but I'm just saying, if
you're in a fucked up situation,if you're in a family situation,
that comes from immigrants, ifyou are an immigrant yourself,
if you come from poverty, if youdon't have all your limbs
intact, if you're not someonethat is naturally handsome or
naturally charismatic, you haveto believe that the road that
(25:58):
you're taking is going to leadyou beyond whatever it is that
you want.
Because if there's no belief,you're not going to take that
first step.
You're just going to always feellike this is what it's going to
be forever.
And you have to Be accountable.
You have to know that it's on meto move forward.
And I think that once you kindof like lock down on those two
things, it gets a lot easier tostart moving forward and start
(26:20):
building a little bit of thatmomentum.
Again, you don't get hope fromgetting wins.
You get wins from having hope.
And you got to be hopeful thatyour circumstance could change
because that positive momentumis a tailwind that turns into
wins.
SPEAKER_01 (26:34):
Yeah.
And it takes you out of thatvictim loop that you were
talking about, right?
Like the, oh, things are hard.
This person has what I want.
My circumstances are not ideal.
I'm never going to get out thehood or I'm never going to get
out of this one bedroom or thisroom where I'm sharing with my
three brothers.
(26:56):
You have to sort of break out ofthat cycle.
And that's one of those thingswhere like you have to look at
these people who have what youhave or have more as fuel at the
end of the day.
SPEAKER_00 (27:08):
They say blame.
complain and quit are the mostcomfortable pillows to lay your
head on at night.
And I love that phrasing becauseblame other people for your
circumstances.
That makes you feel better.
It could be the truth, by theway, but it just makes you feel
better.
(27:29):
Pobrecito.
It's not my fault.
It's everything else.
Complain.
Just be around people andsurround yourself with with
people that all they do iscomplain about their
circumstances, complain aboutthe weather, complain about
their boss, complain about theirgirlfriend, complain about their
friends.
Bro, they complain all day andit makes them feel better about
(27:52):
their situation.
And the crudegra, the icing onthe cake, the man and the woman
on the wedding cake is quit.
Start something and quit.
Right.
Right.
(28:29):
I think that is a harsh truthand it's fucked up to say that
to people in our community thatthey want answers from us.
But Rich, I feel like you'rebetter at this than I am.
Sometimes that's just the mostclearest point.
It's like, bro, it's really onyou to figure it out.
No one's going to feel bad foryou beyond the conversation you
have with them because they'regoing to go live their life and
then you got to live your life.
(28:51):
You actually got to live in yourlife after you complain, blame,
and quit and blame everybodyelse.
SPEAKER_01 (28:57):
Yeah, and there's comfort that comes into play
when you talk aboutaccountability and blaming
others, right?
Like, if I blame someone else,like, I'm not the problem.
SPEAKER_00 (29:09):
The burden is off of me now.
SPEAKER_01 (29:11):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like, oh, that, youknow, I'm not where I need to be
because of this person or myparents or...
Circumstances.
I don't have a job or, you know,whatever your circumstances are.
But I think what...
you and I have continued tolearn is that friction is
(29:31):
necessary in order to moveforward.
You have to get to a placementally where you're
comfortable with theuncomfortable.
A lot of the biggestbreakthroughs you've had in your
life or I've had in my life havecome from a point of contention
and resistance, right?
Like we've, Contention,resistance, and a little bit of
(29:54):
risk-taking, right?
And all of those things, what isthe common denominator?
It's uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable entering theunknown, right?
Or taking a risk where you don'tknow if that risk is going to
pan out or not, right?
Or taking accountability to say,signing up for this course, pass
or fail, right?
(30:15):
But I'm going to do it anywaybecause this is a path forward.
So, really breaking out of thatmental cycle that, oh, I don't
want to feel friction.
I don't want to beuncomfortable.
I don't want to do that.
I don't want to sign up for thiscourse because it's too much
studying.
You know what I mean?
(30:35):
Like, bro, you have to gothrough the resistance and the
uncomfortableness that it takesto be disciplined to study in
order to pass this course.
It's just the natural nature ofthe progression.
Well, what comes...
What's the end result of havingthe discipline to study for that
course?
(30:55):
You pass the course, you get thereward, certification, or the
credits necessary, and you moveon to the next level.
But you have to be able to becomfortable with the
uncomfortable in order to moveforward.
SPEAKER_00 (31:09):
Damn.
That's good, bro.
I mean, there's not a lot I canadd.
You know, the one thing I keepthinking about, because we're
going to go to this as the lasttheme for the podcast, which...
Again, a lot of these themesthat we're touching on is Rich
and I learning a really coolthing that came in like, you
know, we learned, anyway, I'lljust say that we learned like in
(31:30):
order to give good advicebecause we want to be better at
giving advice is that you got tounderstand the real pain points
of the people you're talking to.
It's not necessarily about whoyou are and where you're at.
It's about the people thatyou're looking to guide and
maybe, you know, share yourpersonal story and maybe they
can learn from it, which is thewhole thesis of failures.
Learn from our failures so youdon't have to go through these
(31:52):
failures.
I have no rebuttal to what youjust said because it was so
foolproof.
You seamed up every hole forsomebody to get out of.
The only thing they could do is,again, just deflect, blame.
But one thing that is coming upin our next segment, which is a
topic that I want to present toyou as, Rich, I want you to
(32:12):
imagine somebody that you'regiving this advice to and you
kind of corner them off and nowthey don't really have No one to
blame.
It's like you have no one toblame for yourself.
Your life is what it is becauseof the actions that you take or
don't take.
But here's the last one.
They're fighting you on this andthey tell you, bro, I'm
exhausted.
(32:33):
I tried it all.
I did it all.
And I'm tired of fighting alone.
I'd rather just be alone in myroom.
And if I don't promise myselfanything, if I don't try
anything, I'll be fine that way.
I'm just burnt out.
I'm exhausted.
Everything I tried doesn't work.
You don't understand my life.
(32:53):
You don't understand mysituation.
SPEAKER_01 (32:55):
Yeah, this is a full circle moment because I think
this goes back to the purposeparalysis, right?
If you're feeling that way, likeif you're feeling stuck, if
you're feeling burnt out, ifyou're feeling like it's
hopeless and you've triedeverything and nothing's
working, I feel like chances areyou're, operating in many
(33:19):
different aspects of life forthe wrong reason.
You have to identify yourpurpose.
I think you shared with me acomment from a community member
that was like, hey, I'm 43 and Istill haven't found my purpose.
That's okay.
I actually envy that personbecause they acknowledge that
they're 43 and they're still outthere searching for it.
(33:41):
That's powerful.
If you're still looking for yourpurpose, you're doing the right
thing, right?
Just because you haven't foundit at 43 doesn't mean that
you're not on the right track.
What do they say?
There's a famous quote where KFCColonel Sanders didn't actually
hit on the idea for the KFCfranchise that he was
(34:01):
60-something, right?
It took all those years offailure for him to ultimately
hit with the right fried chickenrecipe and then have this
massive success and franchise,but it took a really long time.
So chances are, if you'refeeling the way that you're
feeling, you're not living yourpurpose.
You're living for others, right?
(34:23):
You're not operating in a placeof fulfillment.
And eventually, that's what'sgoing to lead to burnout.
That's a recipe for disaster.
So I would say try to unwindeverything and bring it back to
our first point, which waspurpose paralysis.
Why are you waking up in themorning?
(34:43):
What excites you?
What motivates you?
What is the nucleus that is youridentity?
For some people, it's, bro, Ilove my family.
I'm going to wake up everymorning and do as much as I can
do for them.
For others, it's giving back totheir parents.
I love my parents.
They did everything for me.
I wake up every morning forthem.
I want to give them as much asthey gave me.
(35:06):
For others, it might be theirpets.
For others, it might be like,bro, I'm a world traveler.
I want to see every state, everycountry, every island, and I'm
going to die doing that.
All of the above are okay tolive out, but that's every
individual's responsibility isto identify their purpose and
(35:27):
live that out to the fullest.
So chances are, if you'refeeling down, depressed, stuck
in the mud, resistance,hopeless, chances are you are
not living your purpose andyou're experiencing what we like
to call purpose paralysis.
SPEAKER_00 (35:43):
My rebuttal as a community member, because I read
enough to know that this is whatthe standard response is.
I'm exhausted.
I'm alone.
I've been trying to climb thishill.
I've taken courses.
I've watched all the YouTubevideos.
I read all the books.
I'm in debt.
I come from a broken family.
There's a lot of drugs in myfamily.
(36:05):
I'm going through crisis.
I'm going through a breakup.
I'm going through a divorce.
I'm bankrupt.
You don't understand where I'mat right now.
I just want to quit.
I just want to be left alone.
SPEAKER_01 (36:15):
Yeah, that's some real life shit.
But at the end of the day, Ifeel like all those burdens,
every single point you justmentioned is like an infinity
stone.
It's like you go throughdivorce.
All right, now you have a bakedin human filter that says, Watch
out for this pattern in womenbecause this will end up in
(36:38):
divorce.
Noted, right?
That gets bucket into like yourDNA.
Like you will probably nevermake that same mistake again,
right?
You're going through bankruptcy.
Damn, what were the 25 financialdecisions that were made prior
to bankruptcy?
Oh, I fucking foreclosed on acar.
I lost my job.
I overpaid on this vacation.
(36:58):
I maxed out my credit.
Like you made a bunch of badfinancial decisions that
ultimately led up to bankruptcy.
That negative pattern ofspending gets bucketed into your
DNA.
I probably should never do thatpattern again because that'll
lead to bankruptcy, right?
Et cetera, et cetera.
So if you don't have the abilityto self-reflect on your mistakes
(37:24):
and your failures, there's nevergoing to be a way forward,
right?
Otherwise, what did AlbertEinstein say?
What's insanity is doingsomething over and over again,
expecting different results,right?
Like one of the greatest mindsin the world said that for a
reason, right?
Because if you don't break outof the patterns that you're used
(37:47):
to that brought you to theseunfortunate circumstances,
you're never going to breakthrough.
So this is exactly why we madethis podcast for you.
is for you to help you analyzeyour failures and help you break
through and come out of them onthe other side.
But you have to be truthful withyourself, critical with
(38:08):
yourself, and realize that theway I'm doing things is not
working, right?
And identify those patterns,take all that new information
from all these negativeexperiences, and then move
forward.
SPEAKER_00 (38:22):
There's not a lot I can add to what you just said.
And I'm looking forward totranscribing your answer and
putting it as the thesis of ourlanding page because it was
perfect.
One thing I do want to add thatmay be a bit more actionable
that I think we just kind ofharped on the back and forth
that naturally comes with thissubject in our community.
(38:43):
But something that feltactionable and we haven't really
touched on too much is twothings.
When you're going through life,It's inevitably filled with
valleys and peaks.
The valleys always feel likeyou're six feet under and you
just want to quit and die.
I've been there before.
Rich has been there before.
(39:04):
The irony that Rich gave adviceon bankruptcy to one of our
community members and didn'tbring up the fact that he went
bankrupt is admirable because Iwould have talked about that
immediately and been like,bitch, I done been through what
you been through.
Rich done been through and Idone been through relationships
that damn near felt likedivorces and we dragged
ourselves out of it.
(39:25):
But we're not here to show youour championship rings and prove
to you that we're champions.
That's not the point.
The point is we want to turnsome of the stuff that we've
actually been through to maybesome actionable advice.
If you're not at a peak, you'reprobably entering a valley and
that's fine.
Same for the stock market as itis for your health.
as it is for aging, as it is forrelationships, friendships or
(39:47):
romantic, your career.
There's always ebbs and flows.
A valley is not six feet under.
It's not you experiencing death.
By the way, I know this is goingto sound insane to say, but you
have the option if you want tokeep going or not.
Let's move that out of the way.
Let's assume you chose actionand not non-action because I
(40:07):
don't have advice for anybodywho doesn't want to put in work.
If you feel exhausted and you'retired of fighting alone, The one
actionable piece of advice thathas helped me in the last five
years that I think will helpanybody is the narrative that
you've created for yourself.
Be mindful of that.
Be mindful of this narrativethat you created for yourself.
And when your mind is idle andyou're not doing anything, when
(40:30):
you're taking a piss and youdon't have your phone in your
hand, when you're going for awalk and you don't have AirPods
on and your mind is justdrifting, be mindful of the
narrative that you tellyourself.
A lot of those narratives arefalse narratives that come from
your childhood.
They come from things thatpeople told you about yourself
or beliefs that you have aboutyourself that are not true.
(40:50):
You don't need motion.
You don't need action.
You don't need anything to flipa narrative.
Simply put, if you tellyourself, I'm alone, I'm
exhausted.
I tried everything.
The world is against me.
That's your narrative.
That's the person you play inyour movie.
You're that character in themovie of your life.
But if you flip your narrativeand start turning it around,
(41:13):
this is mental effort.
This doesn't even requirephysical effort.
If you start reading books andvideos and you could reread all
the shit you read when you feltlike the victim and just flip
your narrative and startthinking to yourself, no, I'm
not the victim.
I'm somebody that's going totake action.
Reread all that self-developmentbook shit.
(41:34):
re-watch all those videos,re-listen to all those podcasts,
re-listen to this podcast.
Once you flip your narrativeinto the hero's mindset where
you're like, all right, I'mgoing to be the guy that gets
out of this.
Everything changes because yournarrative is flipped.
You're no longer tellingyourself the same, woe is me, ay
pobrecito story that you keepgiving yourself.
(41:56):
Now you're flipping thenarrative and I bet you, you're
going to start seeing that cloudbreak open and a little bit of
sunlight is going to comethrough.
That's a narrative flip.
That's a mental flip.
We are the stories that we keeptelling ourselves when our minds
are idle.
That feeling you feel rightbefore you go to bed and your
mind starts telling you like, Icall him the doubt monster.
(42:16):
He comes visit me every nightand he tells me every night,
even at 39 years old, man, youain't shit.
Me and Aston Kutcher about topull up on you and show you
you're in an episode of Punk'd.
Your life is fake.
You're always going to be a hoodkid from West New York.
This is the actual thoughts thatI have swirling in my mind.
And I got to flip the narrative,bro.
I got to take control of it andthink to myself like, nah,
(42:39):
you're good, bro.
You got this.
As long as you wake up early inthe morning, you do what you
need to do.
You've always been able to runaway from that demon.
You've always been able toshrink the doubt monster.
Narrative is crucial, bro.
That's something you don't evengot to fucking move for.
You just got to work on itmentally.
And the second thing I'll say,and I'll keep this one short
because the first point waslong, was be very mindful of the
(43:00):
people you surround yourselfwith.
Sometimes we don't even knowthat our parents are the reason
why we take these narratives onand we always blame everybody.
Fucking white people, theyalways got the privilege.
Fucking government, Donald Trumpis the worst.
Bernie Sanders is the worst.
Because of Andrew Tate and JoeRogan, I'm a toxic man.
(43:21):
I don't know what to...
Kill it, kill it, kill it, killit.
When you're putting bad foodinto your brain and what comes
out is all the stuff that'sgoing through your body.
If you get better at doingthings that are a little bit
more positive, surroundingyourself with people that are
more positive, you'll see a lotof that narrative will flip
because you are what you putinto your brain.
You are what you consume daily.
You are what you do daily.
(43:43):
So if you just sit at home allday and don't do shit, you be
around hating ass people andyour parents always blaming the
world, you're going to be theproduct of that.
A plant that doesn't get anyproper soil, sun, or light, or
nutrition is going to be ashitty plan.
Don't be a shitty plan.
Be mindful of all the stuff thatyou surround yourself with.
(44:03):
So those are the two pieces ofactionable advice that I feel
like we didn't touch on, but areessential and they helped me
out.
SPEAKER_01 (44:10):
Yeah, I love that.
The only thing that I would addto that, don't let your
circumstances define you.
I purposely didn't mention thatI went through bankruptcy or had
failed relationships or you hadfailed relationships because
we've never allowed thosemoments to define who we are.
Yeah, they're part of our story,but it's like I'm way more
(44:34):
financially savvy now than whatI was 15 years ago, right?
And that's because I didn't letthat moment define me.
And that goes for any failure,right?
Like you are not a product ofyour shortcomings, period.
So don't let the fact that youhad unfavorable circumstances or
a bit of unlucky situations ornot enough resources or only had
(45:00):
one parent growing up, like thatcircumstance does not define
you.
SPEAKER_00 (45:06):
Rich, I love that you said that because it was
like the tag team partner to thenarrative point, right?
You're saying, Justin, it's noteven a narrative thing.
If I would have labeled myselfas somebody financially
literate, somebody that's notgood with their money, someone
that went bankrupt, then I wouldstill be saying that to this
(45:26):
day.
You're saying Rich in his late30s is someone that doesn't even
identify with that moment in mylife anymore because that's in
the past.
I've actually become morefinancially literate because I
went through that.
So yeah, man, you're livingproof.
Again, that's why I enjoy doingthis podcast with you and
building this community with youbecause you are living proof of
(45:48):
somebody that is preaching whatthey're saying.
And I think that's so poeticthat you were like, bro, you
know why I forgot that I wentthrough that?
Because I don't even see myselfthrough that lens
SPEAKER_01 (45:57):
anymore.
Yeah.
It's a mindset thing.
SPEAKER_00 (45:59):
And in order for you to move forward, you got to
like, you got to bury that,right?
But you're not even saying buryit.
You're saying, no, this is aspringboard.
You can learn from all thesefucked up moments.
SPEAKER_01 (46:09):
Yeah.
I think I saw a statistic.
I could be completely wrong, butit's like that we're brand new
versions of ourselves every sixmonths or 12 months.
You're not the same person whoyou were today
SPEAKER_00 (46:21):
than you were a year from now.
Rightfully so.
Why live?
Why do research?
Why learn if you're not going toabsorb the information that you
take in and then take action tobe uncomfortable to apply the
new information?
You would be a fuckingthree-year-old child forever if
you didn't do that.
You live.
(46:41):
You see what comes back fromliving.
You absorb the information, youchange yourself, you adapt and
you move forward, survive andadapt.
And I think it's so funny thatyou brought up your daughter
earlier in the show, which wecan end on this.
You could even learn fromwatching your daughter trying to
walk that six months ago, shewasn't walking.
(47:05):
Now she's trying to walk.
Where will she be in a year fromnow, Rich?
Like what's the timeline for atwo-year-old?
She'll be walking and maybestarting to talk.
SPEAKER_01 (47:15):
Running.
They go from walking to running.
And then, yeah, and then alittle bit of talking.
And
SPEAKER_00 (47:24):
then your heart is going to be broken the day that
she stops looking back for yourvalidation.
SPEAKER_01 (47:29):
Yeah, or the day that she stops.
Very famously, J.
Cole did the Let Go of My Handsong.
Oh,
SPEAKER_00 (47:36):
I've never heard this song.
SPEAKER_01 (47:38):
I
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
stopped listening to J.
Cole when I was able to run.
But go
SPEAKER_01 (47:43):
ahead.
Nah, listen to that song.
He talks about the moment wherehis son said, dad, let go of my
hand.
Like I could walk on my, likeyou don't need to hold my hand
anymore.
It's very, very poetic.
So for, even if you're not aparent, I think you can relate.
Definitely go back and listen tothat.
SPEAKER_00 (48:00):
Well, Rich, I think we touched on a lot on this
episode.
And, you know, again, this isnot an indictment.
I don't want anybody to feelhopeless when they finish this
episode.
We're hoping to give tools andguidance based on our experience
and what we think is decentadvice, decent guidance.
Man, I mean, Rich, this is anepisode that we could have
(48:22):
easily gone on for another hour.
And we might need an episode,too, because I feel like we left
a lot of advice and feedback andstories on the But at the end of
the day, this is what we hopethe platform continues to be.
It's what we always say, right?
The neon sign that I think youordered or you want to order for
your office, which is we're notgurus.
(48:44):
We're not gods.
We're just regular guys, bro.
We're just two normal adults intheir late 30s that have seen
some shit.
And we realize that a lot of theadvice on the internet is either
predatorial Or it's misguided orthese people probably didn't
come from the places we comefrom.
So, you know, no one is comingto save you is not an indictment
(49:07):
on anybody.
It's really hopefully somethingthat can give you a little bit
of a roadmap and some motivationto get you out of a fucked up
situation.
Listen,
SPEAKER_01 (49:16):
we love feedback.
We love hearing from you guys.
So please leave any suggestions,feedbacks in the comments.
We read them all.
We're going to get back to youand maybe one day we'll bring
somebody up here to chop it upwith us.
SPEAKER_00 (49:30):
Yeah.
And I want you to know the moreaggressive and the more
deflective the comments are, themore irritable Rich becomes.
And he'll...
We're going to do a segment ofyou reading the comment section,
just flaming everybody.
SPEAKER_01 (49:45):
Yeah.
Yeah, troll us, talk shit.
We'll get back to even thetrolls.
So just comment.
There you go.
SPEAKER_00 (49:52):
Failures podcast.
Learn from our failures so youdon't have to.
Rich, another one in the books,my boy.
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