The Death of Original Thought | Escaping Brain Rot & Algorithm Control

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In today’s world of algorithms, outrage, and endless scrolling, do we even have original thoughts anymore?

In this episode of Failures: The Podcast, Rich and Justin unpack the death of original thought — how brain rot, echo chambers, and copy-paste thinking are shaping young men’s minds. From Rich’s son being exposed to violent content at 13, to Justin’s sunk-cost obsession with NBA star Ben Simmons, they expose how algorithms hijack your beliefs, your time, and even your identity.

They share 10 actionable rules to reclaim your originality — from training your algorithm, to questioning headlines, to practicing content fasts. If you’ve ever wondered whether your ideas are truly your own, this episode is your wake-up call.

Failures: The Podcast 2025
We're not gods. We're not gurus.
Just two men in our 30s sharing what we’ve learned the hard way—so you don’t have to.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
A lot of this shit feels like a coat when you think
about it.
Saying that you don't have theenergy to do the thing that you
need is insane.
You take out your fuckinggarbage every other day because
you won't let garbage just sitin your fucking garbage bin
because it's going to startsmelling like shit and then
you'll get flies in your house.
So you do what's needed in orderto not get what you don't want.

(00:22):
You don't want flies in yourhouse.
You don't want your apartment tosmell like shit.
You take out the garbage.
Same thing that comes withmaking friends.
Same thing that comes withlosing work.
Same thing that comes withmaking money.
Failures Podcast.
We're back like cook crack.
Rich, listen.
Never have I ever been moreprepared for an episode like

(00:44):
this episode today.
because this one is aboutfriends and friendship.
And never have I been more happyto see your fucking face across
the country because it remindedme what a luxury it is to have
friends.
As a man in his 30s, thisepisode today is about the
friendship recession.

(01:05):
You have to admit, when westarted our research, we didn't
think it would be this much of aproblem that was plaguing, it's
not even young men, men in their30s and 40s.
When you sent me the originalidea, what were you thinking and
How are you feeling now afteryou've done some research?

SPEAKER_02 (01:18):
Yeah, I thought it was something light.
I thought it was like, allright, cool.
This is a problem that all menface, I feel, where we feel a
little bit lonely, feeling likefriends are isolated.
Everyone's kind of busy withtheir career or busy with their
family.
And, you know, you don't getenough time to sort of connect
with your homies.
I thought it was something sortof lighthearted like that.

(01:41):
And then once we started to dothe research, I'm like, damn,
wait a minute.
Friendship recession?
Like we even found...
a term for it.
And there's a recession outhere, man.
And we didn't make this word up.
No, no.
We found that in a HarvardBusiness School review article
and doing our research.
This is

SPEAKER_01 (01:58):
a real problem.
It's not only a problem, Rich.
Some of the stats that I'm goingto share, again, we're not
gurus.
We're not gods.
We say this every episode.
And we're definitely not Harvardbusiness graduates or anybody
that's in the world of humanpsychology to the point where We
can speak like we're anauthority on the subjects.

(02:20):
But this is basically us justdoing deep dives on some
legitimate articles and pullingsome stats out.
Stat number one that fucked meup was male loneliness has
become so severe that it has thesame exact rate of cause of
death as to someone who smokes apack of cigarettes per day.
Meaning, people who deal withthis level of loneliness and

(02:42):
isolation, the correlationbetween the depression that
comes from it to the cause ofdeath, which we did another
episode on, which was sufferingin silence, which we seen this
huge spike in suicides amongstmen, it's on par with someone
who smokes a pack of cigarettesper day.

SPEAKER_02 (02:58):
That's insane.

SPEAKER_01 (02:59):
Out of 10 men, ages 25 plus, four of 10 say they
don't have one close friend.
That means anywhere you lookaround you right now, if you're
listening to this podcast orwatching us on YouTube, if you
can gather up 10 men, over theage of 25, four of them will

(03:20):
honestly tell you I don't haveone close friend.
The stats are brutal.
The stats are brutal.
I got one more.
Harvard research confirms thatmen in their 30s and 40s have
officially been labeled theloneliest demographic of all
demographics.
So no matter how you want toslice the pie, men in their 30s
and 40s have been confirmed theloneliest demographic of all

(03:45):
demographics.
So Rick, Rich, just to doubleback to what you said, you sent
me this idea as a funconversation.
And of course, we always do ourresearch.
We found this category calledthe friendship recession.
Where do you think somethinglike this comes from, Rich?
Because you had mentioned highschool and college being the
better years to buildrelationships and how it drops
off.

(04:05):
You had a pretty goodexplanation for it off air.

SPEAKER_02 (04:08):
Yeah, I was just sort of reflecting in my
personal life.
And I'm like, man, if you take astep back and you think about
all your friendships in highschool, right?
High school was the moment whereit was all about friends.
Like, what are we going to doafter school?
What are we going to do duringlunch?
What are we going to do on theweekends?
Some of that ends up tricklingas you graduate and move on into

(04:28):
college.
You end up having a new set offriends and college friends and
studying and things like that.
And then somewhere there's adisparity between when you
graduate college and when youkind of like start your career
and start the real world wherelike people just start to fall
off.
Either people move to differentcities or people become more

(04:51):
career driven and they're justfocused on sort of like climbing
the corporate ladder or they'rejust busy in like a newfound
relationship that they have witha significant other.
So I think it's real interestinghow the older you get, the
quicker the friend group startsto sort of like drop off.

(05:11):
And yeah, man, that's what we'rehere to unpack is sort of like
why that is.

SPEAKER_01 (05:15):
I think what you said is...
one of the dirtiest secrets inthis particular subject that
we're talking about.
And the dirty secret is ninetimes out of 10, when men hang
out with each other in theirteenage years or in their
college years, it's always ameans to an end.
And usually the end is eitherwomen finding your person, if

(05:40):
that's your style, like if youwant a date to find someone to
be exclusive with and eventuallybuild a family with, or money,
what you're surrounding yourselfwith people who are smarter than
you or have more access andresources than you, and they
lead to maybe opportunities ofemployment or to get more money.
And I find that men are a littletaboo when it comes to that.

(06:02):
They wouldn't say it out rightdirectly, but I think that's one
of the things off top we shouldaddress.
That's where a lot of therelationships are built around
when you're younger.
You might say, oh, my boy is funto be around.
He just got good energy.
He always brings other friendsaround.
Well, he serves you in a waythat makes your community more
social.

(06:22):
Because if you're cool withsomebody who's cool with a lot
of people, then that makes younaturally cool with more people.
Or if he's cool with girls orother guys that have girlfriends
they hang out with, now you haveaccess to more women.
And the list goes on.
If he dresses well, if he has anice car, if he has a cool
apartment, a cool house, he'spart of a fraternity, anything
like that associated to thingsthat we want.

(06:45):
So it's a dirty little secret,but I want to put it out there
early.
That's okay that you haverelationships that are built
around these things.

SPEAKER_02 (06:51):
Yeah.
And even more so, right, when Ithink of why the separation and
sort of the drop off of friendshappens, I think of COVID, I
think of like remote work andjust continuing to sort of
isolate ourselves in this likenew digital age of like the
internet and cell phones andsocial media.

(07:15):
We're sort of more physicallyisolated than we probably have
ever been.
And, you know, we often look atinfluencers or content as a way
to cope and be like, oh, that'smy friend.
One of the things we spoke aboutwas like this sort of parasocial
epidemic where now these youngmen think that, oh, because I

(07:37):
watch a streamer that I'msubscribed to, that I even
contribute money to, that that'smy friend.
I'm watching a 24-7 streamingmarathon of Kai or I show speed.
And I feel connected to himbecause I saw him from the time
he woke up to the time he wentto sleep.
And this is weird, like digitalrelationship that these younger

(08:01):
men have with like digitalcreators that I find
interesting.

SPEAKER_01 (08:06):
It is a parasocial relationship.
And I want to break that worddown because it might go over
some people's heads.
All a parasocial relationshipis, is the equivalent of you
watched eight seasons of Game ofThrones and And you truly
identified with and enjoyed onecharacter to the point where you
started following all their fanaccounts, and then you started

(08:27):
buying memorabilia of them, andyou kind of create this whole
world around you where you knowthe actor who plays Jaime
Lannister in Game of Thrones,but you only know him as Jaime
Lannister, the character in Gameof Thrones.
A parasocial relationship is therelationship is only one-sided,
right?
The same could be said about anOnlyFans girl, but I'll leave

(08:48):
that conversation for or anotherday.
Same thing though.
It's only one sided.
You're only contributing.
They're giving you content, butthey don't know who you are.
So the parasocial relationshipgets tricky when you meet these
people in real life and you seethem almost like a child that is
seeing their best friend thatthey spend infinite amount of
time with.

(09:08):
And when they see you, theydon't know who the fuck you are.
And they're shocked and they'rekind of taken away by how much
excitement and love you have forthem.
That is essentially a parasocialrelationship.
It's not a fair exchange in thedynamic of time spent versus
time consumed.
And the problem with that is, isyou start building your world

(09:28):
around this person and youdisconnect time that you could
be making other friends.
And I think that is what you'resaying, Rich.
And that's probably a youngerman's issue, but I could see it
happening with older guys too.

SPEAKER_02 (09:37):
Yeah.
And I feel like those particularrelationships, they have to
contribute to loneliness, bro.
Because I'm of the mindset oflike, man, you got to meet up
with the homies, likephysically.
Like sure, if they're in adifferent state, different
country, that's different.
But there's something to be saidabout how you feel when you go
play basketball with yourfriends or go catch a movie or

(10:00):
go out to dinner, have somedrinks that just feels like a
different camaraderie than youfollowing a digital creator,
watching a stream for hours onend and thinking

SPEAKER_01 (10:13):
that that's your friend.
Yeah, the issue is, and I thinkwe're going to get into
actionable advice So stickaround.
We'll list at the end of theshow all the things that we
think you can implement today tokind of get yourself out of this
rut of not being able to makefriends or literally not having
a lot of friends that you cancount on.
And then there's a thirdsection, Rich, that I want to

(10:34):
talk about.
You brought it up earlier on ourpre-show when we were preparing
for the show.
You were saying time evolves.
Sometimes you have to kind oflike swap out old friends for
new friends because they're morein line with what your
priorities are for today.
And you're speaking as a man inhis late 30s.
You have a family.
You have two kids.
I'm sure you can't do the thingsyou used to do when you were

(10:56):
younger.
Shit, I think our relationshipchanged because I've always been
single and moved to LA andalways prioritized enjoying my
life in a different kind of waythat you would.
So there's certain things thatme and you couldn't bond over,
right?
Like just to speak from personalexperience.

SPEAKER_02 (11:11):
Yeah, I think that you have to find ways.
First of all, I look at my innercircle as a child.
tribe, and I feel like everyoneplays a part in that tribe, and
we all have to positivelycontribute to that tribe.
Oftentimes, I find myself doinga friend audit every six months

(11:32):
or every 12 months, like, damn,who has tapped in with me?
Who have I not tapped in with?
Who do I care about?
Who do I don't care about?
These are all legitimate thingsthat you have to go through when
you're auditing your friends andseeing who should be around,
because I think at the end ofthe day, we often feel like
we're obligated to be friendswith somebody or I've known this

(11:54):
person for a long time thereforelike I feel obligated to just be
in that person's life but that'snot the way I see it bro the way
I see it is a friendship is avery much bilateral relationship
you give and you take you giveand you take and when people
take take take take take takeand don't give positively
contribute to your life or tothe tribe then that person is

(12:18):
sort of like the weakest link inmy opinion.
So yes, I do have my set ofcircle of friends that I
respect, I trust, I care for,and I go out of my way to tap in
with.
Even though somebody like youand I, right?
You live in LA, I live in NewJersey.
But aside from this podcast andthis brand we're building, we

(12:40):
still tap in with each other.
Yo, everything good?
Yo, cool, cool, cool.
You know what I mean?
Maybe not every week or everyother week, but we try to do it
on the regular.
And I feel like that's somethingimportant.
As busy as I am in my personallife with work and sort of like
family life, being a father, Istill find the time to do like a
quality assurance.
Yo, you good?

(13:01):
Just checking in with the homiesand making sure that they're
straight.
That's kind of how I see, that'skind of how I balance
everything.

SPEAKER_01 (13:09):
Well, you know, you bring up a good point and I want
to take a step back.
We usually open the show with asetup, but we were very excited
to get into this topic.
so we kind of got ahead ofourselves.
I do want to take a step back,Rich.
I want to frame the episode forthe person that is going through
this, the person that we'respeaking to.
Obviously, we're in our late30s.

(13:30):
I'm fucking kicking 40s doordown, so we have a lot of life
experience, but I don'tnecessarily think the scarcity
of friendship that these youngerguys are experiencing in today's
era is something that weunderstood when we first got
into the subject.
And as we dug into it, Oh, theseother subjects that we touched

(13:51):
on on previous episodes, theyall kind of float into this
problem.
It's not as dire and as scary asthe suffering and silence
episode we did, which wasleading to men act out in very
radical ways, even taking theirown lives.
But this is kind of like, ifwe're saying loneliness and
isolation are the corecontributor to a lot of these

(14:12):
problems that we keep goingthrough, this is probably like
the third or fourth bus stop ontheir way to the most extreme.
extreme action.
And this is something that wepointed out together by thinking
like, it's funny how a lot ofthese issues all kind of revolve
around the same micro issues,which is social media, social
isolation, disconnecting fromthe world, blaming the world,

(14:36):
being single, not prioritizingyour health, not prioritizing
your fitness, not prioritizinghaving women in your life,
having friends.
All these things kind of arecorrelated, but this one's
mostly about friendships.
And I want to put you in theheadspace of what a guy that's
going through this is feeling.
He's probably the same age as meand you, probably has the same
level of responsibility as youand I have, but was probably

(14:58):
never a social person.
And because he works eight to 10hours a day, he comes home,
spends time with his family, ormaybe his girlfriend doesn't
have much of a family.
And he just veges out.
And as a phrase that's reallypopular right now, and it's just
straight brain rot.
He's just letting Netflix season13 of a show that's really not

(15:20):
doing anything for him, kind ofwash over his brain.
And he just sits there and vegesout from 7pm to midnight, goes
to bed and repeats that samecycle.
I think that's the guy we'retalking to here.
And he's in a funk.
It's hard for him to get out ofthis hell that he's in where
he's thinking to himself, man,it would be helpful if I had a

(15:40):
tribe or a community or maybeone friend that I can go to and
talk about a lot of these mentalissues that I'm feeling or a lot
of this depression I'm goingthrough, or hell, even being
upset with your girl you wantsomebody to vent to.
Something as simple as that.
This guy doesn't have that.
So basically the way I framedthis person, think about that,
Rich.
What's one piece of advice orsomething that comes to mind

(16:02):
when I build that out for you?

SPEAKER_02 (16:03):
I feel like you got to find that one commonality
with somebody.
It could be a brother or afriend that-

SPEAKER_01 (16:10):
Siblings is good.
I didn't even think of that.
You're right.

SPEAKER_02 (16:12):
Yeah, for sure.
My brother's definitely that forme.
And I promise you, whatever itis that you're feeling, you're
not alone.
Chances are there's someone elsein your tribe or in your group
of friends that is feeling thesame way you are.
And I'll Oftentimes, to makecomparisons with our
relationship, one of the reasonswhy our relationship works so

(16:35):
well is because we've both beenworking towards a common goal
since we've met.
It's like, all right, you knowwhat you want to do.
I know what you want to do.
You go your way.
I go my way.
When we reconnect, we shareexperiences.
We share information.
We share life advice.
We share getting money tips.

(16:56):
We share network, which is veryimportant, which we should talk
about in a it and we're sort ofpositively contributing to one
common goal and that's why likeyour and i relationship works so
well so for somebody who'sfeeling like man i don't have
that person like i promise youif you look back that there has

(17:16):
to be at least one person thatyou can associate yourself with
that you can find thatcommonality and

SPEAKER_01 (17:23):
yeah i mean the phrase has been said before if
you want good people in yourlife be a good person and be a
good person my be a whole otherepisode for our fucking simp
epidemic we got going on butgood person meaning you
contribute to the greatervillage and I think you
mentioned that a little like afew minutes ago what do you
contribute to your to yourcommunity right and there's

(17:43):
nothing wrong with that if youwant to make friends be a good
friend how do you become a goodfriend well you're somebody that
can be one dependableaccountable always present and
really like contributing to theperson that is giving you their
time Meaning, nobody likes afriend that's always around and

(18:04):
you're constantly helping theirsituation out or fixing their
situation or giving them advice.
If the whole conversation isabout putting you back together,
I promise you that person isgoing to find you to be a burden
every time they got to bearound.
Because if they got toconstantly solve your life and
you don't give back to whateverit is that's going on in their
life, then it's an unevenexchange.

(18:24):
And that's what we were talkingabout before, Rich.
It shouldn't be taboo tounderstand that all
relationships have an exchange.
to them.
So in order to be interesting topeople, be interested in people.
Meaning, if it's somebody youhaven't spoken to in a while,
but you've always liked them andwhat they did for you and the
kind of energy they brought toyour life, whether that's a
brother or a cousin or an oldfriend you used to have, start

(18:47):
by reaching out to them in a waythat is resourceful to them.
Ask them how their life isgoing.
What's going on with them?
How's their family?
Anything that you could helpwith.
Because once you kind of buildthat loop of reciprocity where
you give and you give and yougive.
Somebody eventually is going tobe like, man, I like having this
guy around because he's abenefit to my life.

(19:09):
Let me invite him to mydaughter's five-year birthday
party where he could potentiallymeet another friend.
Let me invite him.
I just bought the pay-per-view,which no longer exists for MMA,
but in a world where one personbought the pay-per-view, you put
up half for the pay-per-view.
He invites you to his house.
He has his friends, family over.
Now you extend your yournetwork.

(19:30):
Do you see how this works?
It's a simple give to getsituation that opens the loop to
start creating a world where youcan make friends.

SPEAKER_02 (19:38):
Yeah, yeah.
Think about the framing too whenwe talk about tribe, community,
inner circle.
You're talking about a group ofpeople.
The people who tend tocontribute positively to that
sort of like inner circle havethat mindset that, hey, we're
all in this together, right?

(19:59):
Versus the, social conditioningindependence of like nah it's
just me I'm living life alone Ihave no sibling I have no
friends we talked about thatthat mental frame yeah I got
attacked the world by myselflike what we're saying is every
person has a tribe we have afriend tribe you have a family

(20:22):
tribe right the friend tribe youhave to see them as a community
you guys are brothers rightyou're forming an allegiance
together for the greater good oflike the tribe.
So you have to sort of, ifyou're this, like, I'm doing
everything by myself type ofguy, like that's the cost of
isolation.
That's the cause of loneliness.
That's the cause of depressionat the end of the day.

(20:44):
So reframe yourself to view yourinner circle as that tribe and
make sure that you arepositively contributing to that
tribe.
And then once you make thatmental shift, that's when you
start to navigate like, allright, how do I positively
contribute to this drive?
How do I become better at giveand take, give and take?

(21:05):
And for me, as difficult as itmay be on my day to day, if I'm
commuting 30 minutes, I'll shoota text to somebody.
Hey, how's it going?
Everything good?
Like I might not have time tohave a full conversation with
this person, but I have 30minutes to kill.
A text message doesn't cost meanything but a few

SPEAKER_01 (21:26):
clicks.
You know what's even easier thanthat?
On social media, media, whenyou're on IG stories, because
Instagram switched its algorithmon the main feed to you seeing a
whole bunch of shit that isreally brain rot.
It's just all the stuff that youlove.
They keep pumping it.
Instagram figured out TikTok'salgorithm.
So now you're just in hellbecause you're constantly seeing

(21:47):
stuff that you can't win.
You absolutely have to look atthis content because they know
it's precious to you.
The last safe haven for openingdialogue, which I got this from
when I used to date and I wassingle, is you can just go
through Instagram stories.
And this is the social mediaversion of what you just said,
Rich.
So I'm building on your point.

(22:07):
Okay.
If you go through Instagramstories, you're seeing what
people are posting based onwhat's important to them.
So it kind of gives you thisopen loop to enter the
conversation.
And if it was Rich's daughter'sbirthday a few weeks ago, damn,
bro, she looks beautiful, man.
LOL, she got your wife's eyes.
And then you hit me back.
Yeah, she looks just like me.

(22:29):
The Social media kind of made iteasier for you to open up
conversations and not have tocold text friends you haven't
seen in a while.
You got an old buddy you playedintramural sports with, you were
in the theater club with in highschool.
Just go through the stories.
You'll see.
They'll post things.
Oh, just closed my new home.
God is beautiful.
Yo, man, that's what's up, man.
I would like to learn more aboutgetting into real estate.

(22:51):
It looks like you've beenkilling it.
What person that's in a line ofbusiness is not going to want to
talk about their line ofbusiness?
Yo, man, would love to getcoffee, bro.
Anything I can learn from youwould be great.
Coffee's on me.
Little shit like that is easywhen it comes to male-to-male
bonding.
I found it very difficult when Iwas single and it was

(23:11):
male-to-woman because the womenknow what the fuck you DM and
them for.
So you got to be extra coy.
You got to be extra strategic.
But that's just a little pageoff the playbook that I used to
run when I was single that worksfor men.
It works for anybody.
It could be an old friend, arelative, an old teacher.
That's how you keepconversations going so rich.
I love that you gave that pieceof advice because it really

(23:33):
don't take nothing butinitiation is what you were
saying.

SPEAKER_02 (23:36):
Yeah, and I love that you put a spin on on the
social media aspect of itbecause I have something a
little tip that I could sharesomething that I do.
I just started this maybe likefour to five months ago, but
I've been consistent with it iswhenever I see a birthday pop up
on my feed.
I just hit him with a happybirthday.

(23:58):
I don't care if we haven'tspoken in six years, five years.
There's something about people'sbirthday that is very intimate
to them.
And people check online to seewho has wished them a happy
birthday.
Crazy.
Like they actually care, right?
So it's like, even if you'vebeen out of sight, out of mind

(24:19):
for, you know, three to fiveyears or whatever, and they
receive a little happy birthdaycomment or DM or like, people
remember that.
And to your point, it If that'sa relationship that you're
looking to rekindle and kind oflike catch up with that person,
that could be a good entrypoint.
Like, bro, nine times out of 10,everyone who I've DM'd like, oh,

(24:41):
happy birthday has always hit meback.
Thank you, my bro.
Thank you, this.
Sort of like a heat check for meto see if like, are we still
cool?
And I find that little tip to behelpful if you're trying to sort
of re-engage with folks youhaven't spoken to in a long
time.

SPEAKER_01 (24:55):
I love that advice, Rich.
And I want our listeners to knowthat We have become so obsessed
with really digging deep intothese pain points and these
problems in our community thatwe not only do research for what
the problem is so we canunderstand it beyond our day to
day, but we'll also do researchand mine through a lot of
comments on different forumboards and even on some

(25:19):
YouTubers, bigger YouTubers.
We'll go through the commentsections and we'll pull common
responses to a lot of this verysurface level advice that we're
giving.
So Rich and I always call it therebuttal you know the steel man
argument the yeah but that's thepart of the segment we're on
right now yeah but Rich I findthat a lot of these empty

(25:39):
gestures and going out just togo out and be around people to
do things that I'm notinterested in I find them to be
empty I'm looking for somethingdeep I get exhausted by going to
watch the fight with my friendswhen I don't like fighting or
wishing people a happy birthdaythat I don't really like wish
want to wish them a happybirthday I'm just doing it to do
it so I and make friends.

(26:00):
I know what I want to say when Ihear something like that, but
what's your immediate feedbackto that counterpoint?

SPEAKER_02 (26:05):
That shit pisses me off.
It pisses me off, bro.

SPEAKER_01 (26:11):
No, no, no.
Our listeners should know this.
Before we got on air, what waswhat we said?
Empathy.

SPEAKER_02 (26:16):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (26:17):
You weren't supposed to black out, but it still
pisses you off.
Let me take a step

SPEAKER_02 (26:20):
back.
It still pisses me off.
I'm going to take a step back.
I'm going to take a step back.
It still pisses me off.
I'll tell you why.
In a world where there is is acommunity for everything.
Facts.
Bro, you could literally find acommunity of motherfuckers that
like to do, throw dartboard.

SPEAKER_01 (26:40):
Japanese anime porn characters.
Yeah.
Like, it could get that weirdand niche-y,

SPEAKER_02 (26:46):
for sure.
Bro, I was just in the city lastweek, and there was Pokemons.
People dressed as Pokemoneverywhere.
I'm like, what the fuck is goingon?
It's not Halloween yet.

SPEAKER_01 (26:54):
Grown-ups?

SPEAKER_02 (26:55):
Grown people?
Grown-ups.
Grown-ass men in Pokemons andanime and it turns out there was
like a

SPEAKER_01 (27:02):
pokecon

SPEAKER_02 (27:03):
or some shit an anime convention yeah some shit
like that but i thought it washalloween i'm like what the fuck
but anyway yeah anyway my pointis there's a community for all
interests long gone are the dayswhere it's like oh man it's hard
to find a group of friends wholike what i like bro there is a
community out there foreverything i promise you there's

(27:25):
a subreddit out there for everyhobby or interest that you might
have.
So this lame excuse that I don'twant to hang out with the bros
because I don't like MMA orwhatever, that's fine, bro.
Go find your tribe.
If it's living on Reddit, whatpeople fail to understand is the
relationship can start digital,but then it could turn into

(27:48):
in-person relationship if theperson is in close proximity.
I've seen a lot of gamers thathave gamed together for four or
five years, never seen eachother physically, and they
actually actually they're likeyo bro it's time like we've been
gaming for so long we shouldjust meet up one day and and go
kick it and or go eat or go havesome drinks and they do that so

(28:09):
yes a relationship can go fromdigital to physical but this
lame excuse that i don't want tohang out with my current friends
because we don't share the sameinterests is like bro then go
find yourself a new group offriends that do have the same
interests as you

SPEAKER_01 (28:23):
or the the one that i want you to address is them
saying all this effort feelslike i'm trying too hard like
i'm exerting a level of energythat I shouldn't have to in
order to make friends and I getthe idea of like if it's truly
like if you're not a physicaldude and you've never played
sports your whole life maybegoing to the gym and tumbling
around on an MMA mat or a mixedmartial arts mat maybe that's

(28:47):
not for you but to Rich's pointthere's probably something
closer to what you alreadyinterested in

SPEAKER_02 (28:52):
yeah

SPEAKER_01 (28:52):
but this idea that you have to put in a little work
to get what you want by the wayit's the same fucking theme in
every episode But why do I haveto put work in to get what I
want?
I don't get it.
I feel like I'm trying too hard.
And I'll

SPEAKER_02 (29:06):
add to that.
That's the last thing you shouldbe doing.
You ain't got a lie to kick inmy bro.
Bro, there's nothing worse thanthe dude that comes into the
fold and does the most.

SPEAKER_01 (29:21):
He's like, the New York Dolphins are playing today.
You're like, this guy don't evenknow what the fuck is going

SPEAKER_02 (29:26):
on.
What do we call him?
The clown, the tryhard.

SPEAKER_01 (29:30):
Yo, Ken Shamrock still fights?
Is Ken Shamrock in this fight?
You're like, nah,

SPEAKER_02 (29:34):
bro.
What the fuck are you doing?
Bro, that is the worst type ofdude allowing to the fold
because he's easily identifiableas a person who's just trying
too hard A poser, yeah.
Bro, a poser.
You guys could be kicking itwith girls and he's just trying
to kick it to every single girland just doing the most.
Even women could identify theposer in 2.5 seconds.

(29:57):
They're just like, damn, whobrought this guy to

SPEAKER_01 (29:59):
the function?
They're uniquely designed to seewho the guy that shouldn't be
hanging out with you is.
That's facts.

SPEAKER_02 (30:07):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (30:07):
Yeah.
I mean, you ain't got a lot ofkick.
It is incredible.
And I do want to say this.
There is an action foreverything.
But what I'm learning is thatthere is also an excuse to not
take the action for everything.
So you decide.
You know what I'm saying?
We're on episode, I think, 10 or11 by now.

(30:29):
What I'm slowly learning is thatfor everything that one of these
guys wants, and it's a majortheme within our community,
there's also this sub-communitythat lives in this self-made
hell that they've created forthemselves that is filled with
excuses, stacked on excuses,stacked on excuses.
So you choose the fucking pillyou want to take.

(30:53):
Whether you want to sleep on thepillow of excuses every night,
go for it.
I don't have to live your life.
But if you got this far to hitplay, to hear some cope shit
that we're going to be like,man, it's the world's fault you
don't have any friends.
That's why you don't have anyfriends.
You're not responsible oraccountable for anything.
I think that wouldn't be fair tosay that because a lot of these
solutions are not that hard.

(31:14):
We're telling you, find yourflock, bring value to that
flock, and try to pop out morethan you're online because the
pop out IRL is where the realmotion happens.
And you might fuck around andmeet a girl.
You might fuck around and meetsome new friends.
You might fuck around and learnsomething new about yourself.
You might fuck around andrealize that you actually enjoy

(31:35):
going to karaoke because youlove singing 80s pop songs.
You don't know any of thatbecause you're sitting at home.
So where you can find an excuseyou you can also find a reason
to get the fuck up and changeyour life.
You decide what you want to do.
So I know we were supposed topractice empathy the whole
episode, Rich.
We were supposed to be.
But I do feel like we always gotto kind of play real unk because

(31:59):
a lot of this shit feels like acoke when you think about it.
Saying that you don't have theenergy to do the thing that you
need is insane.
You take out your fuckinggarbage every other day because
you won't let garbage just sitin your fucking garbage bin
because it's going to startsmelling like shit and then
you'll get flies in your house.
So you do what's needed in orderto not get what you don't want.
You don't want flies in yourhouse.

(32:19):
You don't want your apartment tosmell like shit.
You take out the garbage.
Same thing that comes withmaking friends.
Same thing that comes withlosing weight.
Same thing that comes withmaking money.
Once we get past that part, thenwe can have a real conversation.
But if you're telling me, I'mburnt out from trying to make
friends.
I just don't get it.
Why do I have to be a poser?

(32:40):
It's like, bro, you're alreadyin a negative mind state.
You're know what?
We can literally duplicate thisfucking episode and make it
about women.
It's all going to be the sameadvice, Rich.

SPEAKER_02 (32:49):
Oh, for sure.
If

SPEAKER_01 (32:50):
you want a date, it gets five times harder than
this.

SPEAKER_02 (32:54):
Yeah, I agree with you.
I think that's great advice.
And hearing you speak made methink about something where, and
I think it's something veryimportant.
You also have to figure out whatyou positively contribute to
your tribe, because I feel likeeverybody contributes something
different.
So for example, for me, I'vefound that that I'm sort of like

(33:16):
the motivator slash emotionalsupport role type of dude.
Like, I can hear you out.
I can give you a piece ofadvice.
That's about as far as it gets.
Don't ask me for money.
You know what I mean?
Like, time, personal time mightbe a little rough.
I can't give you

SPEAKER_01 (33:33):
one-on-one face time.
But that's good, Rich, becauseyou're saying you know what you
contribute at a high level.
You're clear on that when youwalk into the room.
Yeah.
I may know what you want fromme.
More than I know what you wantfrom me, I I know what I'm
capable of giving.
And if you want what I'm capableof giving, we're going to be
good friends.

SPEAKER_02 (33:48):
Yeah.
And I say that to say, I dorecall having an inner circle of
friends and finding that threeout of the five friends were
very receptive to my advice.
Damn, every time I hit a bridge,he always gives me solid advice
and it kind of helps me moveforward or push through this
issue that I'm facing.

(34:09):
And then there'd be that one ortwo that'd be like, every two
weeks was just a differentissue, a different issue
different issue and then i'mlike damn like these two
individuals are either nottaking the the feedback the
advice or the information andmaking adjustments or they just
need a shoulder to cry on everytime they they feel a certain
type of way long story shortgoing back to the the friendship

(34:30):
audit you got to audit thatinner circle bro if people are
just constantly taking takingtaking from you know the tribe
then you got at some point yougot to be like all right bro
like my role as the advice giverin this relationship is no
longer working because every twoweeks you got a new issue and I
can see you're having therepeated issues that I've
already given you advice for.

(34:51):
Like, my bro, I love you.
I love you from a distance.
Good luck.
Bro.

SPEAKER_01 (34:56):
But what's the advice?
You became the guy of the guythat's nervous to make friends
with you.
Nah, nah, nah.
What's your advice to him?
He's going to keep complaining.
What do you want to tell him?
No, no, no.
Like, don't always come with afucking pocket full of tissues
and an eye full of tears.
Like, you don't always got to becomplaining?

SPEAKER_02 (35:15):
No.
Identify what you contribute tothe tribe and do that to your
best ability.
It's like sports.
Like sports.
Like what do you do well?
Do that.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm the emotional support advicegiver guy.
That's it.
That's my role in the tribe.
If you want anything else, Imight not be able to give that
to you.
Then somebody else in the tribeis like the sports guy.

(35:37):
Like, bro, you want to go playbasketball every weekend?
That's the guy to do it with.
He's just always available.
He's single.
And He's always down to doextracurricular activities and
so on and so forth.

SPEAKER_01 (35:49):
We did the Doubt Monster episode.
You forced me to do that.
I had to share my IP originalidea with the world.
Now if my shit gets taken, Ican't do nothing about it.
Here's another illustratedDisney Pixar level idea that
I've had.
It's going to be a pro-masculinemovie about 3D cartoons.
It's going to be called BeUseful, A Tool in a Toolbox.

(36:12):
It will have a better name onceI get the characters.
But imagine yourself as a toolinside of a toolbox inside.
It'll be like toy stories.
It'll be like toy story for ahardware guy, like a guy that
goes build like a constructionguy.
And every time he goes in histoolbox, he only grabs one tool,
a hammer.

(36:33):
The hammer is like BuzzLightyear.
He's a superstar.
It's a go-to.
Every tool in that toolbox has apurpose for different
situations.
Yes, some people People getcalled on for the most obvious
things, like being the socialbutterfly, being the advice guy,
being the rock amongst the groupof friends, being the guy with
the house, everybody goes to hishouse, being the dude with a big

(36:56):
car, they got a lot of seats,you're the one that picks
everybody up.
Every tool has a differentpurpose.
If you open up a toolbox, youcan see that some tools get used
less more than others, but eachhas a very specific function.
The way I see friendship is theway I see sports.
I've played basketball my wholelife and football.

(37:17):
Not everybody is designed basedon their skill set, based on
their tolerance for pain, basedon their competitiveness is
built to play every position.
Some people are big as fuck andthey can move shit at 270
pounds.
That's a lineman.
The lineman blocks, the linemanpushes other big people.
Some people are really good atkicking shit.

(37:37):
They're not big, they're nottall, they're not strong.
Guess what position they play?
Kicker.
That motherfucker's comes outonce in a while and scores three
points and sits his ass backdown on the bench.
That's okay for men to seethemselves as these smaller or
bigger pieces that contribute tothe greater mission, which is
making a business, going out tomeet some girls, going out to

(38:02):
run a play for the day.
Rich wants to build something inhis house.
He's cool with my stepfather,who's a plumber.
He'll reach out to my step pops.
Y'all buy a 24 pack and can hangout, but I need you to check out
something at the crib.
Bro, the world is filled withmen that are useful.
The real problem is when you'reuseless and you can't
contribute, that's when you stopgetting as much phone calls,

(38:23):
text messages.
That's when motherfuckers gotgroup chats without you in it
because they know you nevercontribute anything.
You don't bring no beers.
You don't bring no bitches.
You don't bring no good vibes.
You don't make people laugh.
You never go half on thepay-per-view, but you'll be
eating all the chips, drinkingall the beers, flirting with
everybody's fucking girlfriends.
Bro, You are a parasite.

(38:46):
Don't be a parasite.
Don't be useless.
Have something to contribute.
And I would say, I would take itas this far.
I wouldn't say men shouldn'tspend on other women because
that creates a fucked up loop indating.
But I'm not even mad at a guywho is like, I always wear the
new clothes.
I got the cool car and I buy madshit for like when the guys hang

(39:07):
out.
I cover the bills sometimes.
Because you know what?
That might be the reason whyyour friends invite you out
more.
Well, who gives a fuck?
As long as you get to be out.
You know what I mean?
This episode is not about theguy who's broke and unhealthy.
This is about the guy whodoesn't have a social circle.
And I'm just going to play it inthe way it's given.
You got to play to yourstrengths.
And I think that's pretty muchwhat we're saying.
Find your strengths and play tothem amongst your peer group.

(39:30):
So it could be any of thosethings, but just make sure you
know what you're useful for.
And I think that's what you weretrying to say, Rich.
You have to know what makes youuseful to your tribe.

SPEAKER_02 (39:39):
Yeah, I think that's a great analogy.
And man, if you're somebody outthere who are still struggling
with making friends i think weneed to share some actionable
advice and sort of help you walkyou through some items that can
help you at least be a positivetribe to to that inner circle
the way the way that anotheranalogy when i heard you

(40:01):
speaking is like man your yourgroup of friends is like the
seal team six bro like the sealteam six these motherfuckers are
built assassins like to go outand do the the most difficult
missions together And there'sone that's like a really good
killer.
There's one that's a really goodsniper.
Like these selected six group ofmen have very specialized skill

(40:23):
sets and together they make aSEAL team.
And that's what your inner

SPEAKER_01 (40:27):
circle should be.
You know, that made me think ofsomething.
I remember when you moved toEdgewater and we had the
conversation when you came outto Cali to visit me.
And you can explain to ourcommunity, I think you did in
the past, about why you movedthere, what transition you were
in your life.
You were saying like, bro, I'min a more social part of my life
like this is an era where I getto like do something I never

(40:47):
really done before and Iremember when you came out here
you had said something to melike I had approached somebody
started a conversation and youhad said bro that's something
that I've always known you to doand that's why like you're you
Justin you could start aconversation with anybody bro
and you I remember you tellingme that's just not something
that comes natural to me but mypoint there is that's why we

(41:08):
make a good tandem becausethere's things that you would do
that I would never do and it's abenefit to me and there's
certain things when it comes tosocializing that you know I
would do.
So I don't know if you want toshare that example or if you
remember when you told me that.

SPEAKER_02 (41:21):
No, for sure.
I mean, I would share that, bro,75% of my network comes by proxy
of being friends with you.
Every single person I've evermet in the LA group of friends
has been through you.
I've met celebrities throughyou.
I've met a lot of music industryfolks through you.

(41:41):
And these are some get moneymotherfuckers.

SPEAKER_01 (41:43):
And you wind up getting cooler with them on the
get money side.
And I get cool with them on thepop out

SPEAKER_02 (41:51):
on the weekend side.

(42:13):
You're good at that.
You live in these social circleswhere you understand how to put
two and two equals four.
You're not bringing a dude wholoves crypto to a bunch of
women.
No, you're right.
A dude who loves crypto who'santisocial and bringing them
around a bunch of women.
That's probably a bad example,but you know how to bring the

(42:35):
right people together is what Imeant to say.

SPEAKER_01 (42:38):
I think a good excuse for men in their 30s and
40s, because I did see this alot in the This is another one
of the steel man arguments thatpushed back on the simple points
that we're making.
It was like, bro, if you're aman, what do you do?
You just approach another man atthe bar and just start talking
to him?
And my advice is, yeah.
Yeah.
You'd be surprised.

(42:58):
If you wore a fucking Knicksjersey long enough in Los
Angeles, you're going to meet alot of Knicks fans.
Or you're going to meet peoplewho don't like the Knicks, but
they love basketball.
You have to signal to the worldthat you're someone that's of a
tribe and community and you wantto start conversations.
So it's not as fucking weird andgay as going up to another dude

(43:21):
and being like, yo, I like yourarms.
It's not like that.
It's more like, damn, fuckingKnicks are never going to win as
long as they have this guy astheir coach.
And you start dialogue.
So that's kind of the point Iwas making, Rich.
Find you a friend that's a goodconversation starter or become
someone that's okay withstarting conversations.
But I promise you, if the otherdude is quasi normal he's going

(43:44):
to respond to what you'resaying.
Cause there's like thissimplicity amongst men that if
we're both watching the samegame, we can have a conversation
about the same game.
I've seen guys that are so goodat networking, create
multimillion dollarrelationships with people they
met in a fucking elevator.
Yeah.
And they'll say something assimple as like, Ooh,
presidential Rolex classic.

(44:05):
And that guy will look at himand be like, yeah, there's only
one of a hundred.
And then boom, the relationshipstarts there or they'll look at
the weather and be like, man,it's, It's going to be humid all
week.
I should have warned this.
Guy's going to be like, yeah,I'm from Nebraska.
Oh, you're from Nebraska?
Boom, conversation.

SPEAKER_02 (44:22):
Done.

SPEAKER_01 (44:22):
It's a lot different than women.
You're not trying to fuck thisguy.
You're just trying to make afriend.
So the goal finishes within thefirst conversation.
It's like, oh, this guy is my...
Oh, you come to this spot often?
Yeah, I love this restaurant.
You should check out therestaurant down the block.
Oh, yeah, cool.
What are you doing after this?
Oh, I'm going to meet up withsome friends.
Oh, hey, I'm new to the city.
Boom, you made a friend.

(44:43):
I know it sounds easy, but theone piece of practical advice,
if we are getting to theactionable advice part of the
show, is that I want people toknow that it usually just takes
one open comment, not even aquestion, an open comment that
will make the dialogue a loteasier.
But if you're just living inyour head, constantly hesitating
on, should I, should I not?

(45:04):
I'm fucking weird.
Everybody thinks I'm weird.
You're done.
Don't even say anything.
So give yourself a limit, fiveseconds.
I'm just going to bringsomething up.
And you know what?
happens rich if the dude is afucking asshole and he responds
negatively cool You keep itmoving.
It's not like you're going tofucking melt and then your life
is ruined because this dude,again, I keep thinking about men

(45:27):
when I'm saying this, but I'mreally thinking about women.
It's like, it's moreembarrassing when a girl doesn't
respond.
A guy, who gives a fuck?

SPEAKER_02 (45:33):
Yeah, that reminds me of sort of like taking the
path of least resistance when itcomes to guys.
Like if you think of, first ofall, men were very simple
creatures, right?
If you think about building afriendship at work, I feel like
that's the easiest place tobuild a friendship with
co-workers who are like, youguys are working towards a

(45:55):
common goal when it comes toprojects or different
initiatives.
And then it's like, damn, I'mburnt down at the end of the
day.
Yo, you free after work?
Yeah, cool.
Let's go have a drink.
Let's go grab some food or let'sgo catch a show.
Whatever it is, maybe that's avery, very easy way to build
camaraderie with someone and getyou a friend.

(46:16):
If you're the type of person whodoesn't have a friend or doesn't
have an inner circle.
And, you know, just as youmentioned, bro, we're very
simple creatures.
Having the same allegiance to asports team is a

SPEAKER_01 (46:28):
very easy way.
It's the easiest, bro.
Easiest.
Yeah.
Like, I know you love UFC.
Whenever I come home, I alwayslook to see if there's a fight
on.
I know automatically you'rebookending your weekend.
Your lady knows that.
Your kids know that.

SPEAKER_02 (46:45):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (46:45):
Papa Rich is going to watch this fight because
there's a fun storyline that youYou've already convinced
yourself you have to watch it.
Bro, if I hit you up about thefight, you're going to be like,
what are you going

SPEAKER_02 (46:54):
to say?
Yeah, and we'll be like, we'rewatching it.
Come over.
Right?

SPEAKER_01 (46:58):
Pull

SPEAKER_02 (46:58):
up.
What kind of snacks you like?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (47:00):
Yeah, it's as simple as that.
It's as simple as that.
Now, I do want to get into moreactionable advice, Rich, but
there's one thing that I have tobring up.
I feel like you have tounderstand that a lot of this...
Wanting to have friends iscorrelated to a lot of the end
goal, which is why a lot offriendships eradicate over time.

(47:25):
Perfect example.
I had about 20 guys I hung outwith every week on different
days of the week when I firstcame to California, LA to work
in music, which is what I do fora living.
I built that network because Iwas single and I didn't know
anybody.
And every time I popped out, Imet more people.
I met more women.

(47:45):
I found new places to go to.
And you know what happened?
And I'm not ashamed to say this.
The minute I officially lockedin with my girl, 80% of those
friends fell off.
Why?
Because they weren't as usefulto the overall mission that I
had.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
Same for you, Rich.
If you got friends when you'resingle, it's a different type of

(48:06):
energy when you got friends andyou're in a relationship.
So be clear on what you want.
If you want to get more fit,hang out with some people that
are doing fit Shit.
Get you a friend that is at thegym.
Join a hiking club.
Join a group of people that aretrying to do 20,000 steps a day.
Join the tribe of people thatare going to benefit you with a

(48:29):
greater goal.
So that's one thing I definitelywanted to place emphasis on.
I find that to be a hack forsure.
I have gym friends.
I have financial friends.
I have friends that I sharestock advice with.
I have personal finance friends.
And when the time comes and Ihave a kid, I'm going to be
fucking blowing up Rich's phone,blowing up my father's phone,
blowing up my brother's phone.

(48:49):
Why?
Because they have kids.
So it's okay to have an end goalin the relationship.
And when that relationship fadesaway, when it's not football
season anymore, you don't hangout with your Pittsburgh
Steelers fans.
It's okay.
I don't think men are thatemotional when it comes to that.
I could be wrong, but I feellike men shouldn't be that
emotional when it comes to that.

SPEAKER_02 (49:09):
I think that's definitely actionable advice.
Number one is pick a spot, showup weekly, whether that's the
gym, a rec league, a cigarlounge, whatever your interests

SPEAKER_01 (49:23):
are.
Yeah, fuck it.
Get into politics.
Get extreme.
Just join a democratic march tooverthrow the government.
I don't give a fuck.
As long as there are womenthere, there's women and the
potential for you to meetlike-minded people, do it.
Prioritize it because the onlything that matters is making a
friend.
All that other shit, you dealwith it later.
Bro, go to a gun range.
I went to a gun range recently.

(49:43):
Rich, it's crazy.
Crazy.
For sure.
Orange County.
It's funny.
I'll tell a real story.
One of my clients who I do a lotof like business with from the
YouTube advertising side for themusicians I work with.
He's incredible at what he does.
Best of the best, got the bestrates.
And me and him developed arelationship over the phone.
I would have shot him out, but Idon't think he wants to be a

(50:03):
public person, but I will showhim this clip.
Bro, one day he just, we justgot cool.
And I was like, yo, what are youdoing on the weekends?
He was like, I don't doanything.
I go to the gun range.
Have you ever been in the gunrange?
I was like, no.
He's like, bro, calling me.
It'll be the best time ever.
I've never shot a gun in acontrolled environment.
That is just crazy to me.
Went out with this guy, went toa two-hour ride, went to the gun

(50:24):
range.
Bro, there was about a thousandmen there just firing off the
craziest fucking gun.
Bro, it made me feel like thebitch of all bitches because I
was nervous in there.
I was like, God damn.
Look at all these caveman-assmen firing these huge assault
rifles into these targets.
But after a while...

(50:44):
I got cool with everybody,started chopping it up, wanted
to get some food, came back.
Bro, I have like two or threeguys that I'm, I mean, I don't
go to the gun range anymore, butI made a friend doing some shit
that was very uncomfortable tome.
So something as simple as that,somebody I worked with, found
out what he was interested in,and now we do even more business
together because we both benefitfrom the business and we have a
common interest.

SPEAKER_02 (51:05):
I love it, bro.
Man, another actionable advice Ithink is be the guy who invites.

SPEAKER_01 (51:11):
This is a common theme with you, by the way.
I'm starting to realize that alot of people don't bring beers
they don't host well listen mystep pops mickey he's put me on
to this a lot of people like tocome and eat and drink but they
don't like to contribute

SPEAKER_02 (51:25):
yeah

SPEAKER_01 (51:25):
bro

SPEAKER_02 (51:26):
but it's like even more so is be the guy who
creates the be the host be thehost bro be the host what are
the benefits of that bro the thecamaraderie that you build
you're the host you create apleasant environment everyone's
kicking it having fun you mightshare some fucking stock advice
like it's just Just networkingor even just casually catching

(51:48):
up with the homie.
I feel like oftentimes, first ofall, men are fucking lazy, bro.
We're lazy.
We want to be invited.
We just want to receive thetext.
All right, what day I got to bethere and what time I got to be
there?
Cool.
I just got to worry about myoutfit and getting a haircut.
But you can only be that guy forso long.
At some point, bro, we've beento everybody's house except
yours.

(52:08):
You know what I mean?
And we know you got a house.
Bro, stop being lazy.
Give us a date.
Throw a party.
get some snacks, throw on apay-per-view or something, and
let's all kick it.
I

SPEAKER_01 (52:20):
love that because you're saying if they make their
place, even if it's a smallapartment, even if you live with
family, if you're the conductorof something, you're creating
your own tribe from scratch, andyou're kind of the person that's
bringing everybody together.
And what you're saying is makesure it's a grade A experience
for your friends so they keepcoming to hang out with you.

(52:41):
So now they know when I hang outwith Charlie, Charlie always got
beers.
Charlie always got snacks.
He always got food there.
I just pull up and enjoy myselfand go.
And you're hosting friends andyou're creating a friend
network.

SPEAKER_02 (52:54):
Yeah, bro.
Listen, if we take it back tothe tribal days, for that
moment, you are the alpha male.
We are in your domain.
You got the roast.
We're in your

SPEAKER_01 (53:01):
house.
You got the pork roasting.

SPEAKER_02 (53:04):
You're the man, bro.
You know what I mean?
You're the man.
If you got some self-esteemissues, host a party and have
some people pop out.
I bet you'll feel good aboutyourself.
That's

SPEAKER_01 (53:12):
really great advice, Rich.
That's really good, man.
Think about it.

(53:44):
of the only, I have a lot ofnegative traits.
It's probably the only positivetrait that I had until I was in
my thirties that carried methrough a lot of situations and
made up for a lot of the shit Iwasn't good at.
But I will say now that I'vegotten to know more younger guys
that have been more sociallyisolated, have had a lot of
these parasocial relationships,they've never really dated.

(54:06):
If they did date somebody, itwas one girl for a long time.
When you're going back outthere, you have to kind of start
building this positive momentumabout like how you See yourself.
You can go and listen to ourepisode, which will probably be
out by then, which is the 30-dayreset.
Listen to that episode.
And you're on the second phaseof the 30-day reset, and you're
trying to build your friendnetwork.

(54:27):
I think it's important to getyou a bundle of very clean black
t-shirts from Amazon that fitwell, get you a nice pair of
jeans that fit well, not tooexpensive, get you a pair of
sneakers that don't crease toomuch that you can clean up,
black sneakers, and get you ahaircut.
and get comfortable withsocializing and being okay with

(54:49):
being comfortable in your skin.
I think that is underratedbecause a lot of people don't
see themselves as people thatcan offer value.
And that's like some, it's noteven 1.0, that's 0.5 shit.
That's underground.
That's like what we talked aboutin that episode.
So I think just getting out ofyour own head is important.
That's huge to me because I findthat a lot of these guys that
can't make friends, they're wayfurther back than the advice

(55:11):
that we're giving them, Rich.
They don't see themselves aspeople that could even
contribute Why would anybody bea friend with me?
No one even talks to me.
I was always a loser in highschool.
I didn't have too many friendsin college.
So that little narrative thatthey feed themselves, start
building a little bit ofpositive momentum.
Listen to our episode aboutgetting your life together in 30
days.
And the last piece of actionadvice I'll give on that is take

(55:33):
any opportunity to be aroundpeople and start building your
communication skills.
I would say take a part-timesales class, take a public
speaking course like If you'rein a major city, you can find
people that do public speaking.
Take an improv class.
Just start getting out of yourshell.
Start getting comfortable withbeing embarrassed because that

(55:56):
will help you understand thatit's not as embarrassing as you
think it will be.
Shit, I remember me and Richtook an improv course one time.
I forced him.

SPEAKER_02 (56:03):
Yeah, I do remember that.

SPEAKER_01 (56:04):
There was a dude who was running into a lot of money
that me and Rich could haveinvested in, and part of his
friendship networking was doingimprov.
Mm-hmm.
And I tricked Rich by tellinghim, yo, I know this guy who can
get us a bag of money.
And when we got there, I knewthat we were going to do an
improv class.

(56:24):
And Rich hated me.
You hated me in that moment, butwe

SPEAKER_02 (56:27):
did it.
We did it.
I felt like I was in a fake-assSNL skit.
But listen, I think that pieceof advice is probably the most
important, in my opinion.
Because I feel like when youtake the time to understand who
you are, your vulnerabilities,and identify how to properly
communicate with other people,especially other grown ass men,

(56:49):
it lessens the burden of feelinglike you have to fit in, like
you have to be an imposter oract fake to the function.
Going back to the, like, youdon't got to lie to kick it.
If you're that dude who justalways feels like you need to
try hard to fit in, bro, Ipromise you women, men, you're
just going to get rejected.

(57:11):
It's just like people identifyfake shit from the jump.
And part of why that person isbeing fake is because they're
not comfortable in their ownskin to feel like, man, I got to
try to be somebody else to fitin with these people because I
feel like if I act like my trueself, I will not be accepted.
I promise you the inverse istrue.

(57:31):
You will likely be more acceptedfor being who you are
organically and you'll havehigher chances of fitting in
than you pretending to be likethe five other dudes in the same
function and And sort of likefaking the funk.
So I think that's the mostimportant advice that we could
possibly give.

SPEAKER_01 (57:51):
I forgot where the quote came from, but it was, in
order to have a good life, goodcompany and good friendships are
not optional.
And it's a simple quote, but Ithink it's a truthful quote.
Good company and good friends isfamily, your significant other,
your immediate family, yourkids, and friendship.

(58:12):
And it's a simple one-liner, butif you really think about it,
like just think about it rightnow, I couldn't imagine having
all the money in the world,working really hard, grinding 24
hours a day.
And if I came home to just noone for the rest of my life, So
there's necessities in life likemoney, roof over your head,

(58:32):
health, like true necessities.
But good company is veryunderrated and good friends is
very underrated because theykind of brings the whole thing
full circle, you know?
And I think that's reallyimportant.
And I do want to get to thisbullshit framework that I
created because I feel like inthe actionable advice, people

(58:55):
want more direction, Rich.
They're just like, okay, I gotit.
I took all the notes on thisepisode.
I'm 55 minutes in, but what do Ido?
Which is frustrating becauseit's like, you're a grown
fucking man.
You should figure it out.
But I'll give you one further,Rich, and I'm curious to know
what you think about this.
I'm calling this one the 555,dedicated to my favorite meal at

(59:17):
Wendy's when I was broke.
I don't even know if it existsanymore.
Five days a week, just create acalendar.
Get any calendar.
You could fucking hand draw thecalendar Don't tell me I don't
have the money to get acalendar.
Just hand draw the calendar.
Get you a pen.
Get you a fucking paper.
Draw you a grid.
I used to do this when I wassingle.
On my calendar, I needed twodays to reset, rest, make sure I

(59:42):
got my work done because thatwas paying the bills.
But simultaneously, Iprioritized what was important
to me and that was meetingpeople in California and LA and
meeting women.
And I knew I wasn't going to beable to survive out here if I
didn't do that because I didn'treally know anybody outside of
the people that were in mybusiness.
So the 5-5-5 was I would fivedays a week put something on my

(01:00:04):
calendar to do outside.
I didn't have to even meet Ijust had to go outside.
So if I was going to have lunch,I went out to go eat lunch.
If I was going to have dinner, Iwould literally book one seat at
a restaurant and just eat at thebar.
Because being out creates thislike, I have to get dressed, I
have to line my beard up, I haveto put on cologne, I have to be

(01:00:26):
out.
You increase the probability ofaccidentally running into
somebody when you're in theoutside world.
That will never happen if you'rein the inside world.
So five days a week, it could besomething simple like getting
tacos.
You don't have to spend a lot ofmoney.
You can go out and get anempanada.
You don't got to spend a lot ofmoney.
So make sure your feet aretouching grass and your face is

(01:00:46):
feeling sun five days a week.
Put it in your calendar.
I'm going here.
Of those five days, youmentioned this, Rich, two of
them should be things you doweekly.
You had recommended something.
I forgot what it was, but what'san example of something people
could do weekly that is notexpensive, but they could pop
out and just do and meet people?

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:06):
Yeah, just like the gym join a rec league go play
basketball just differenthobbies

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:12):
yeah even honestly even going to church if you have
a family member that goes tochurch

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:16):
yeah

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:16):
churches every Sunday church is free you could
fake put something in thatlittle basket you know what I
mean do the fake out free youknow who's at church this is
actually a fun fact for all mysingle guys out there
unfortunately the church hasdone a very terrible job at
marketing to men not sayinganything about God I'm a man of
God I wear the cross I'm not afucking crazy radical.

(01:01:39):
Please stay out of our inbox.
I'm saying most churches aremostly women.
For whatever reason, they'vedone a better job of marketing
to women.
Women go to church a lot.
Older women, grandmas.
But I know what you're thinking.
Oh shit, there's grandmas there.
What do I want to be there for?
Grandmas have granddaughters.
Grandmas have grandsons.
If you're a good dude and you'recontributing to your local

(01:02:01):
church and you're doing charity,you do homeless food drives,
you're going to meet people.
The goal is to make friends.
It's a good opportunity to dothat.
Churches every Sunday andfootball is an obvious one.
And the second five is coldintros.
When you're out, just say themost simplest thing that comes
to your mind.
I'll give you an example.

(01:02:21):
Rich jumped on the stream onetime.
I couldn't tell if he had justworked out or he's just getting
like stronger.
But the first thing I told you,what did I tell you when you got
on the stream, Rich?
Not today, a few days ago.

SPEAKER_02 (01:02:31):
Yeah, you were like, oh, the boulder shoulders,
they're looking broad.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:35):
How'd you feel?
Yeah, I felt good.
Right?
because you were in the fuckinggym and you were like, man, I'm
glad somebody noticed.
That wasn't a homosexualcompliment that I was giving a
friend that I'd had for 20years.
I recognized something and Ipaused.
I was like, it'd be weird.
So you know what?
Fuck it.
I'm just going to give him thecompliment because I can see
that he looks bigger.

(01:02:55):
And something as simple as that,don't go fucking complimenting a
grown man on their shoulders.
I'm saying if a guy has a pairof sneakers that you have or
he's wearing a team that youlike, you could be like, oh,
they're never going to win thisyear.
or like I said before wearmerchandise of the things you're
interested in wear it out if adude had a Adesanya champion

(01:03:15):
shirt I bet you you'd mention itif you saw him in real life

SPEAKER_02 (01:03:19):
yeah something as simple as that you know where
somewhere that I always findthat I have like the most
organic conversation is in thebarbershop bro I go get a
haircut barbershop perfectsomebody will mention one topic
the whole shop is talking aboutthat one topic and we're just
laughing it's like good vibes islike, and you know, naturally

(01:03:39):
you just, you learn how tocommunicate with other men.
There's nothing more manlierthan having a conversation in a
barbershop with a group of grownass men and all like laughing
and sharing in a common topic.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:50):
Now I know haircuts are expensive, but shit, that's
something you can do two times amonth.
You get a little lineup and thenyou get the full haircut.
It's a two for one.
Gym is a two for one.
Hiking is a two for one.
Running is a two for one.
Going to the barbershop is a twofor one.
Going to church is a two forone, what's a two for one?
You can meet people and alsoaccomplish one of your goals.

(01:04:12):
Last thing I'll say of the fiveis do five outreaches.
Pings, we'll call them pings.
Rich, you mentioned it before.
Whether it's just DMing oldfriends, looking through their
stories, or texting people youhaven't spoken to in a while, do
five of those a week.
I promise you, if you go outsidefive times, you ping five people
that you already know just tocatch up with them, and you do

(01:04:34):
five cold intros in real life, Ipromise you that wheel of
compound will start spinning.
And by month three, I promiseyou have one or two friends that
are in some weird shit thatyou're into and you go out with
them, you hang out with them andyou're truly finding your tribe.
That's the actionable advice.
It was, I know it was a lot, butI feel like that's something
that's truly actionable and ithas a cool title like the five,

(01:04:59):
five, five.

SPEAKER_02 (01:05:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll, I'll share one more andthen I got another one that we
could close with, but I want toreiterate that auditing your
search Assuming that you doalready have friends is probably
one of the most important thingsthat you can do.
You could have a group offriends that could be fucking
drug addicts that love to drinkalcohol, love to do drugs.
And I mean, like they couldpoint you in the wrong

(01:05:21):
direction.
And they're just a cancer tolike your inner tribe and your
circle.
And then you have other getmoney dudes, motivational dudes,
career driven dudes that want topush you and strive you to do
more.
So very important.
Order your circle, bro.
somebody or a group of friendsare not serving the common goal

(01:05:42):
and the purpose or where you'retrying to head in life, then
start trimming the fat.
Start cutting out the tumors,the cancer in your inner circle.
I can't stress that enough.
That's why I'm bringing it upagain because that's extremely
vital for you to sort of feelgood about the tribe that you're
in.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:58):
I'm not sure if we brought that up during this
recording or it was a pre-show,but Rich, we talked about having
shoulder-to-shoulder friendshipsfriendships, which shoulder to
shoulder means you are bothstaring at the same problem
trying to solve it together.
And I think the best visualmetaphor for our community would
be two guys trying to fix a car.

(01:06:20):
Two guys trying to chop down atree.
Two guys looking at a businessplan, a whiteboard with a
business plan in front of it.
Shoulder to shoulder friends areyou guys doing the most caveman
tribal shit and that's huntingtogether to go and bring back
something that beneficial toboth of us.
And the shoulder-to-shoulderfriendships are the best because

(01:06:42):
they're all serving towards acommon goal.

SPEAKER_02 (01:06:44):
Yeah, going to the shooting range, right?
Passing the gun from one guy tothe other and just kind of
sharing that moment I think isvery important.
And then, man, lastly, I thinkwe could really close on just
understanding that all of thistakes work, bro.
You and I have been friends 15,16 plus years.

(01:07:06):
This shit is not builtovernight, like a solid
relationship with another grownman takes work, takes
understanding, takes likeaccountability.
Like if you fuck up, you tell meI fucked up.
If I fuck up, you tell me Ifucked up.
You know what I mean?
Vice versa.
This shit takes work, bro.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:22):
Yo, you know what?
I'm glad you said that.
The level of bitch assnessamongst grown men.
No, I'm serious.
I thought we were going to be

SPEAKER_02 (01:07:30):
empathetic,

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:31):
bro.
No, no, no.
I want to give you your flowers,bro.
I want to give you flowers.
Cool.
I find that a lot of men do alot of fuck shit to each other
and that's one thing that's partof the audit that I'm pretty
sure you didn't mention it but Ithink that's a part of your
audit right like if you lendsomebody 50 bucks and they never
pay you back cool they don't payyou back but them$50 you don't

(01:07:51):
have a friend that will ever askyou for money and never pay you
back again so I'm sorry to jumpin but I think the bitch assness
amongst your crew of friends isimportant because the less petty
gossipy bitch assness you got inyour friend group the more
healthier and more long-term thefriendships become because I
never got to worry about thatwith you, Rich.
I know I don't.

SPEAKER_02 (01:08:12):
Yeah, and those make for the best relationships, bro.
I know I could leave$1,000 onthe table and leave my house and
not have to worry like, damn,are those thousands still going
to be there when I come back?
I left Justin in my crib alone.
Exactly.
That's never a question, right?
But we've built that trust andthat relationship.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:30):
You made me think of it because you said it takes
time.
That takes work.
Trust comes with time.
Yes, absolutely.
Wait, one other thing before wego.
I don't know if you haveanything else to add, but your
mother is not your best friend.
Your mother is not your fuckingbest friend.
Don't ever say those things.
I've seen two dudes in ourcommunity say that.

(01:08:52):
It can't be that way, bro.
It can't.
You could rock with your mother.
You were inside of her body.
Of course you guys are lockedin.
That's your twin for real.
It came from her.
But she can't be your fuckingbest friend because what she...
is giving you, you can't getthat from the world.
Like it's a different type ofrelationship.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:12):
Agreed.

SPEAKER_01 (01:09:12):
A woman that is sexually interested in you and a
close friend, a compadre,somebody that's 10 toes down
with you is a different type ofrelationship that is not a
given.
A mother's love is a given, bro.
That shit is special because ithas to be.
That's part of the contract.
When your dad, if he was around,signed your birth certificate,

(01:09:35):
your mother was there and theyseen you you come out of her
body, that relationship is aguarantee, bro.
Don't ever fucking call your momyour best friend if you have no
real life friends.
Stop it, five.
And I'll say another one.
You want to have a greatrelationship with your
girlfriend, you want to have agreat relationship with your
wife, you want to have a greatrelationship with your

(01:09:56):
significant other.
They can be a version of a bestfriend, but there's a different
type of relationship you havewith men that you can't have
with your significant other.
and understand that.
Why did I say those two rich inour actionable advice section?
Because I find a lot of theseguys find a lot of their safe
haven in their mothers and intheir significant others.

(01:10:19):
And it's not allowing them to goout and make these platonic male
friendships that fill them in away that makes them feel more
masculine, makes them feel morea part of something bigger.
Who the fuck are you going tovent to if you want to vent
about your mother and yourgirlfriend?
Get you a good friend like Rich.
We're probably going to hang outfrom this show and he's going to
call me and vent about hisfamily.
I'm going to vent about myfamily.

(01:10:40):
And we know that no one is evergoing to say anything about the
conversation we just had.
That is a good friendship, in myopinion.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:47):
Yeah, man.
There you have it, bro.

SPEAKER_01 (01:10:49):
Toast to our friendship.
Fuck it.
We are the envy of thisrelationship.
I mean, we're the envy of thispodcast because I have my
friend.
Yeah.
Find yours, bro.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:57):
Yeah.
The friendship recession, it's areal thing, Just.
And hopefully we shared sometips that'll help you make some
friends, bro, and help you be apositive member of your tribe.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:07):
Yeah, and obviously me and Rich got some facts
wrong.
We said the wrong things.
We're going to get canceled.
You probably have questions orcomments.
Please reach out to us, emailus.
All of our platforms will haveour email address where you can
contact us directly.
Rich and I, we've beendiscussing what do we want to do
for our community.
I don't know if you want toshare it here, but we're not mad

(01:11:27):
at doing one-on-ones just to getto know our community better.
No cost, totally free.
And what was the other thing wewanted to do with that?

SPEAKER_02 (01:11:35):
Yeah, we were thinking about doing just a gif
or a raffle.
We're thinking of creative waysto get you guys to join our
newsletter, click on ourpodcast, rate the podcast.
We're working on different waysto bring everyone together.
We're going to launch a Discord,Patreon.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:50):
There's a lot coming.
I think the number one thing Ineed them to do is just become a
part of our newslettercommunity.
It's probably the best way we'regoing to be able to reach out to
them one-to-one.
We'll be back with a lot moreupdates there.
The Friendship Recession, makesure you do five things this
week that can make you a friend.

(01:12:10):
I never thought I'd be makingthis fucking episode, Rich.

SPEAKER_00 (01:12:13):
It's crazy.
Aight,

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:16):
y'all.
Peace.