September 30, 2025 • 56 mins
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Every man has faced it: that inner voice that whispers you’re not good enough. Rich and Justin call it the Doubt Monster—and in this raw conversation, they unpack where it comes from, how it paralyzes you, and why it shows up right before you level up.
From Rich’s first nerve-wracking public speech in Spain to Justin’s pandemic battles with fitness, finances, and family, they share personal stories of fear, hesitation, and breakthrough. You’ll learn why action kills anxiety, why no one’s thinking about you as much as you think, and how to turn doubt into your greatest motivator.
Whether you’re stuck on approaching that girl, taking a career risk, or just fighting your own inner critic, this episode gives you the tools to recognize the monster—and beat it.
Failures: The Podcast 2025
We're not gods. We're not gurus.
Just two men in our 30s sharing what we’ve learned the hard way—so you don’t have to.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
UNKNOWN (00:00):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
A lot of people doubt that they will actually be
successful.
Is it going to be worth theirtime?
And when you unpack that alittle bit more and you dig a
little bit deeper, what itreally is saying is, man, I
don't want to be embarrassed orI don't want to feel that
feeling of confirmation that I'mnot good because I always
believed that I wasn't goodenough to get this done.
(00:24):
And that doubt plays tricks onyour minds and it just leaves
you exactly where you're at.
It leaves you idle.
But action is always going towhip anxiety's ass.
If you take the action youranxiety will go away.
Failures podcast, learn from ourfailures.
Rich, we got a good one today,man.
This is one that you requestedmaybe on our first episode that
(00:50):
we should do, and we've beensaving it.
It's about the doubt monster.
The doubt monster is a phrasethat I made up to deal with a
lot of fucking incrediblystressful situations in my life.
And I used to always use it inconversations with you as a
friend and someone that I wouldgo to whenever I was in a life
crisis.
And it's something that I feellike we've been using it for a
(01:11):
long time and we would alwaysmention it as this thing that
would loom over us whenever wefelt paralyzed by a decision or
something we wanted to do.
So I wanted to start the showoff by asking you, when has
doubt or the lack of wanting totake action paralyzed you or
made you uncomfortable?
(01:32):
Or what does doubt monster meanto you in general when you hear
it?
SPEAKER_00 (01:35):
Man, I fight that motherfucking doubt monster
every single day.
Man, it's that negative voice inyour head telling you you're not
good enough, you can't dosomething, that inner critique,
be happy to be here, thatnegative voice that's like, man,
you're not good enough to dothis many reps in the gym or buy
(01:58):
a house or buy a car or get thisjob.
It's just that voice, man, thatyou're constantly fighting as a
man to suppress like, man, Ican't do this.
move forward.
I can do these things.
I fight that motherfucker everysingle day, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (02:15):
Is that why you resonated with it when I brought
it up in a conversation onetime?
It never had a name, right?
We've never given it a name.
SPEAKER_00 (02:23):
It never had a name.
And I remember you saying, bro,that's a doubt monster.
What you're feeling, I call itthe doubt monster.
And I'm like, man, there's othermen out there who are definitely
fighting that doubt monster,some call it demon, every single
day.
And we just don't get it a nameand we don't really talk about
how to suppress that negativevoice in your head.
(02:44):
So I thought this would be agreat topic for us to touch on
and hopefully share some ways tosuppress that negative noise.
SPEAKER_01 (02:52):
Yeah, we should get into some housekeeping for the
episode.
If this is your first timelistening to Failures Podcast,
our mantra is learn from ourfailures so you don't have to.
And this episode is a unique onebecause it's really personal to
Rich and I.
And Rich is 37, I'm 39 yearsold.
We had an accomplished a lot inour lives.
We have so much more that we'dlike to accomplish.
(03:13):
And it's funny, it doesn'tmatter how old you get or how
quote unquote successful you getor how many times you've slain
that monster that is doubt.
It always creeps up.
And it's funny because I thinkwe still find this topic to be
relevant today.
I know I do.
So I wanted to get to it, but Iwanted to wait a little bit
further into our catalog ofissues we addressed because I'll
(03:35):
be honest, I don't feel like I'mfully versed in and saying with
the utmost confidence, this isexactly how you get rid of the
doubt monster because it stilllooms in many categories.
So I want to set up the tableand kind of get into some
housekeeping for today'sepisode.
The one thing that I want tomake clear to our community and
(03:56):
the people that are sufferingfrom analysis paralysis or
feeling crippled when it comesto making a decision or a cute
girl in your homeroom or yourclass or your college or your
coworker or somebody you see, onyour way to work that you want
to address, you want to kind oflike take action, and that's the
best way to put it, in all ofthose categories.
(04:18):
And if you just wait too long,that doubt creeps in and it
paralyzes you and you end up notdoing anything.
I think that's a good baselineidea of what the doubt monster
can do to you.
That's the current state you'rein.
The state that I would like ourlisteners to be in, and I'm
hoping that they can get out ofthis episode is, I don't know
how you would see it, Rich, butI would like them to at least be
(04:39):
able to identify it i thinkthat's a big step and then once
you are able to identify wheredoes that doubt come from and
when does it come up at leastknowing what steps you can take
to minimize it because i don'tthink you could fully get rid of
it so that's just a framework iwant to set for our listeners
that are thinking why am ilistening to this episode we're
hoping at the end you can atleast have those takeaways and
(05:01):
as per usual we'll get intoactionable advice at the end of
the episode rich and i will goback and forth kind of draft
style and uh I'll go back toback on what we found to be as
actionable advice throughout theepisode.
So I'll be taking notesthroughout the episode.
And then at the end, we'll kindof give a recap.
So yeah, Doubt Monster.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Yeah, man.
Listen, I remember, I can giveyou an example.
This was not too long ago, maybeabout two and a half years ago.
I was going to an offsite inSpain for the job I was working
at.
And it was supposed to be anoffsite, just all the employees
kind of getting together,speaking on different projects.
And it was a way to bring aremote company together, enjoy
(05:43):
different activities, doscavenger hunts, things like
that.
And very last minute, my managerpulled out of the trip.
He was like, oh, I can't makeit, but I need you to give a
presentation on risk andsecurity and cybersecurity to
the entire company.
And bro, this blindsided mebecause I'm like, well, wait a
(06:06):
minute.
I didn't go on this tripthinking that I would have to be
on stage and give a presentationto 300 people, right?
So now the whole entire trip,that's exactly what was in my
head was like, man, how am Igoing to give this presentation?
I've never been on stage before.
I've never held a microphonebefore.
I've never spoken to this manypeople, this type of, you know,
(06:30):
a live audience, so to speaklike this before.
And man, that doubt monsterstarted creeping in like a
motherfucker.
It was just like, why why areyou doing this?
Started getting, feeling likeimposter syndrome.
I started saying to myself,like, what is this, your fucking
TED Talk?
Like, who do you think you are?
You know what I mean?
It's almost like your mind is
SPEAKER_01 (06:49):
working against you.
SPEAKER_00 (06:50):
Yeah, yeah, bro.
It was like...
It's not your
SPEAKER_01 (06:53):
friend.
It feels like it's not yourfriend.
SPEAKER_00 (06:55):
No, that voice was like, what qualifies you to be
on this stage?
Why are you even in Spain?
Like, what are you doing, youknow?
Why should these people evenlisten to you?
And man, that doubt monster wasloud, bro.
For at least two days.
that I was prepping for mypresentation.
Even up to the last five minutesbefore they called my name to go
(07:16):
up on stage to give thispresentation, I was nervous
wreck.
And I remember I wrote down allthese notes.
I was just kind of going to readoff of my phone.
And I said, nah, man, I'm notgoing up there with my phone.
I literally locked my phone.
I put it down on the table.
I just went up and just went offtop, off memory, everything that
I remembered.
(07:36):
I'm like, at the end of the day,I'm the subject matter expert
here.
You guys are listening to mebecause you don't know enough
about this topic or category orfield.
So I just spoke on what I knewand it came out organically.
It came out great.
The presentation was met withapplause from everybody who was
(07:56):
there.
And I sat back down after thepresentation and I felt good.
And I'm like, damn, I definitelyfelt like I defeated the doubt
monster in that moment becausethose two to three days where I
was prepping for thatpresentation, man, man, that
dial monster was extremely loudin my ear, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (08:12):
Where do you think that voice of doubt comes from?
And why does it work againstyou?
Like it's in your brain.
Why would something in your ownbrain work against
SPEAKER_00 (08:23):
you?
Bro, I think naturally it's justfear.
It's just that emotion offeeling fear and feeling that
inner critique, right?
Sometimes it makes you feellike, am I good enough?
Should I be on this stage?
I We spoke about this on anearlier episode, but I think
oftentimes we see ourselves asthat young little kid from West
(08:47):
New York, New Jersey, who'sstill trying to figure out how
to become a man.
But the world looks at us and islike, bro, you are a man.
You are a 37-year-old grown man.
Justin's a 39-year-old grown-assman.
But inside of you, you stillfeel like a child or you're not
that grown-up that you think youare.
(09:09):
So I think that's where it comesfrom.
SPEAKER_01 (09:11):
Yeah, my common belief, and I do want to share
on how I came up with theterminology for it.
It actually came from watchingthe movie It, the clown movie
It.
I want to share that story in alittle bit, but I want to get
back to what you're saying.
I do believe this idea of livingin a past version of yourself
(09:33):
frames a lot of the way you seeyourself currently.
If you wore a certain color oflens you see everything in the
world through the tint of thatlens so if you wore like a blue
color tinted lens everythingthat you see in your world is
always seen through thatperspective but not everybody
(09:54):
sees you through that lens and Ithink that is something that
carries with us throughout ourentire lives and I find from
just having this conversationwith a lot of people it's a lot
of family dynamics you know likeif you're the younger brother
you always have the perspectiveof being someone that's always
trying to show and prove and getthe approval of your older
brother, older sister.
(10:14):
If your mother was very avoidantwith you and she didn't show you
a lot of love and attention, youtend to have this tendency to
always want that validation whenyou live your life and you're
around coworkers or you'rearound women.
You do things that if you don'tget that immediate gratification
that is like a hole in your lifethat you've grown up with, you
tend to project that into theworld.
(10:35):
And in those moments of silence,you tend to fill it with these
doubts that come from this lensthat you see yourself through.
And I think that your story is aperfect example of that.
If you weren't given those fewdays in between from the moment
you were told you're going topresent to hit in the stage, you
wouldn't have filled your mindwith all that doubt.
And I don't know where thatcomes from for you, but I know
(10:56):
the time that you give yourselfbefore you perform the action
and the time that you knew youhad to do an action, it could
paralyze you.
That's where a lot of thehesitation comes from and a lot
of the negative self-talk comes
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
from.
Yeah, that's a great point.
And I also feel like the dotmonster really only comes out
when you're about to level up,right?
Oh, great point.
Yeah.
At that moment, I ended upunlocking a skill that I didn't
even know I had, which was like,you can get on a stage, pick up
a microphone and do publicspeaking.
(11:30):
You know, you don't have to be,I think I read a statistic that
that's like the number one fearfor most humans is like public
speaking.
SPEAKER_02 (11:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:37):
So, you know, I felt like I I wasn't any different.
It's a statistic.
Everyone feels this way.
Right.
But I was like, nah, man, like Igot up there and did my thing
and I felt, you know, prettycomfortable up there.
But I, you know, that was myfirst time ever doing that.
So I feel like I unlocked thatskill by just, you know, having
to do it.
(11:57):
And, you know, the dial monsteronly really comes out when
you're about to level up.
And I feel like I leveled up inthat moment.
It's a skill that I unlocked andI know I could do it again.
You know what
SPEAKER_01 (12:07):
I mean?
I mean, that is, that is, agreat story and I'm glad our
community gets to hear someonethat you've said it on previous
episodes public speaking is notsomething that you always
identified yourself with as yourstrongest skill set sure and not
only did you do that publicspeaking but you also were quick
to jump at the opportunity to doa podcast with me and create a
(12:28):
platform where you had to speakand you did tell me bro one of
the good things that will comefrom it is that I'm going to get
more and more comfortable withhearing my voice editing audio
with my voice and getting usedto seeing my and hearing myself
speak, that falls into thatcategory.
What you're saying is like,sometimes that doubt is
something you should go towards,because there's probably
something you want to conquerthere.
There's probably something youshould conquer.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Yeah.
And, you know, even when we talkabout this podcast, one of the
things that made me feelcomfortable in doing it was, and
I told you this before, when wewere kind of like in the idea
phase of this brand and thispodcast, it was like, man, I
want to share information.
I I want to speak to like myyounger self.
(13:10):
I want to provide value and Idon't know how to do it.
I was always afraid of likegoing on X or Twitter and like
posting things and then havingthat information get back to me.
You know what I mean?
Like if I ever decided to runfor a political office or just
have like the censor army comeafter me because I tweeted the
wrong thing, you know, I feltlimited to post something on
(13:32):
Facebook or on Instagram becausemaybe an employer would see it.
I'm like, man, I just, I didn'tfeel comfortable just staying
quiet all these years and havingall this information that I've
gathered over the last 37 yearsand not being able to share it.
And I'm not saying, like wealways say on this podcast,
we're not gods, we're not gurus,but we have lived through some
(13:52):
shit.
And I think it's worth sharingbecause as we both identified,
bro, some of these young men arelost in the sauce.
They really are.
SPEAKER_01 (14:00):
And one thing that you made me think about is
everybody claims that they knowthe path.
Information is more readilyavailable than ever.
Literally, in history.
There has not been this muchvaluable knowledge accessible in
the speed of 10 seconds, letalone a millisecond in one
(14:23):
Google search or one LLM chatGPT query.
Everybody claims to know thepath, but it's still funny to me
how few people will take thehike and actually do the thing
that will get them to the top ofthe mountain.
And I think that's what we'resaying here is part of the
(14:44):
hesitation has to be this ideathat you're stopping yourself
from climbing the mountain.
Everybody claims to know thepath, but few climb the
mountain.
Why is that?
I believe it has to do withdoubt.
A lot of people doubt that theywill actually be successful.
Is it going to be worth theirtime?
And when you unpack that alittle bit more and you dig a
little bit deeper, what itreally is saying is, man, I
(15:07):
don't want to be embarrassed orI don't want to feel that
feeling of confirmation that I'mnot good because I always
believed that I wasn't goodenough to get this done.
And And that doubt plays trickson your minds and it just leaves
you exactly where you're at.
It leaves you idle.
But action is always going towhip anxiety's ass.
If you take the action, youranxiety will go away.
(15:28):
It would depreciate a lot morebecause I could imagine that
feeling you felt when you gotoff the stage.
I'm sure the doubt monsterwasn't big and still looming
over you after that point.
You probably felt good aboutyourself.
SPEAKER_00 (15:38):
Yeah.
And like you mentioned earlier,this is not something that ever
goes away.
I feel like we all fight thedoubt monster on a daily basis.
And it's about sort ofsuppressing that negative inner
critique to as low volume aspossible because it's always
going to be there.
SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
Can you describe that feeling that you felt?
Because I think what would behelpful to our community is
understanding that maybe theidea of going to the gym and
moving weights around or maybethe idea of talking to the girl
that you've been very hesitantto just speak to, not ask on a
date, just start a conversation.
Can you share what that feelingfeels like after you leave the
(16:19):
gym or after you shot your shotand the conversation went well
and she didn't get up and slapyou or call you a scumbag for
trying to ask her for a pen orin your situation after you got
off stage?
SPEAKER_00 (16:33):
Yeah.
Well, even before then, right?
What prevents you from doing allof those things?
It's fear of failing.
It's going up to that girl andgetting rejected and feeling
like you failed.
It's going up on that stage todo a presentation or public
speaking, stumbling your wordsand feeling like everyone's
(16:57):
laughing at you.
That fear of failure is sopowerful, bro.
And that shit feeds the doubtmonster.
That feeling that you get on theother side when you do shoot
your shot with the girl or youdo go up on stage and you do
that presentation and you nearlyand you go sit back down with
the girl's phone number or yougo sit back down after an
(17:17):
applause, that's the victorylap, bro.
That's the satisfaction that youget from breaking through that
fear, breaking through thatfeeling of potentially failing
and being like, nah, bro, Icould do it.
As long as I break through thatfear of failure.
SPEAKER_01 (17:35):
Now, I want to get into story time a little bit
because I want to explain to ourcommunity how I developed the
phrasing, the doubt monster.
It was during the pandemic.
there were always three thingsthat I would think about and I
would psych myself out fromdoing that I would always make
(17:55):
an excuse for.
It would be like, when I getenough free time, I'm going to
spend more time with my family.
That's important to me, but Ijust can't do it right now.
I'm really busy.
When I get more free time, I'mreally going to get good at
fixing my credit and taking careof my personal finances.
I'm just really busy right now.
I'm in my grind mode.
And the third one was like, whenI get free time, I'm going to
(18:15):
take care of my fitness.
I'm I'm going to get healthy.
It's just, I don't have the timeto go to the gym and eat right.
And that was all during thepandemic, leading up to the
pandemic.
And you, just like me, just likeeverybody listening right now,
we had no idea what the fuck wasgoing to happen once we heard
that the world was being shutdown for a few days.
I thought it was going to bequick.
As time went on, I startedrealizing I had way more time on
(18:38):
my hands.
And I was in a one bedroomapartment in Edgewater, New
Jersey.
And I had no excuse not to dothe three things that were
weighing me down and constantlylooming over me that would give
me this anxiety.
Anytime somebody would talkabout finances or saving, it
would make me anxious because Iwould think to myself, damn, I
(19:00):
don't know anything about this.
Let me just change the subjector let me joke about it so I
don't have to talk aboutsomething that I know I'm not
good at.
And the same for fitness and thesame for the other thing.
And I think during that time,the movie It had come out, the
clown movie It, and I watchedit.
one night I remember watchingthe movie and at the end spoiler
alert it's this giant clown thatthey kill by saying things to it
(19:24):
and this giant clown would getsmaller and smaller and smaller
and it went from thisintimidating thing with like
fangs and it would like it justgot reduced to this very playful
looking like what's the littledolls that everybody has the
Lelobo dolls it looked like oneof those it was like a little
animation doll and it wasadorable
SPEAKER_00 (19:44):
yeah
SPEAKER_02 (19:45):
it
SPEAKER_01 (19:46):
still looked like itself and in the movie i
remember watching it thinkingdamn that's how i feel whenever
i'm anxious or i have doubtabout something i want to do
that i know i have to do and idon't take action and it hit me
action is the anecdote thatkills the doubt And every time I
(20:09):
got up in the morning, I wouldthink, okay, I have to do one
thing, just one thing today thatwould move me in the right
direction for these two.
It was really fitness andfinances and my family.
The family part came easybecause I was close to home and
I had a lot of free time.
The other two, I would take onesmall step every day.
And what I would find out isright before I would go to bed
(20:32):
and I wouldn't have AirPods inmy ear or headphones on or music
playing or friends around, Iwould have And that motherfucker
would just pop up.
The doubt monster would justloom over me.
And he would say some reallyfucked up things to me that were
a representation of who I was.
And the only defense I had atthat moment, I would think of
(20:53):
the movie It.
And I would think to myself,yeah, but I'm taking action.
I'm doing what I can.
And I would have this dialogue,but the only defense I had when
I was laying down, I would getanxious.
I would want to get up and dosomething.
And I would think to myself, no,I'm going to get a good night's
sleep and I'm going to get towhat is urgent.
early as possible in the morningyou'll see motherfucker like you
can't keep popping up rightbefore I go to bed when my mind
(21:15):
is idle and I'm trying to getsome good sleep and that doubt
and that anxiety kicks in and itparalyzes me in that moment and
it's funny I thought I was aloneon that and then when I would
tell people about it I think100% of the people that I've
shared that with have all saidthe same thing oh yeah I have
that with my grandmother whopassed away and I never got a
chance to speak to her I havethat with my daughter my brother
(21:38):
would be like oh Sometimes Ithink my daughters hate me or my
nephew would be like, oh, I feellike I'm not enough for the
family.
And it's these weird fuckingnarratives that start spinning
up in your brain that live inyour mind rent free.
It's like this crazy chimpanzeejust fucking going crazy in your
mind.
And you just want to yell like,shut up, shut up.
I just want to go to sleep.
(22:00):
And that was crazy.
the beginning of the DoubtMonster.
I was able to label it.
And as I shared it with myfriends, it was funny because it
had this funny, cute name, theDoubt Monster.
But it seems to have been theperfect description of something
that a lot of people have.
And I just want to know fromyou, what is it that makes it so
relatable?
What is it about that phrasingand that process that you were
(22:23):
able to identify with?
SPEAKER_00 (22:25):
Yeah.
I mean, listen, we often jokethat we're going to turn this
concept into a children's book.
And if you think about it-
SPEAKER_01 (22:33):
Shit, it ain't a joke.
We're going to
SPEAKER_00 (22:36):
do it for sure.
Yeah.
But if you think about a child,right?
This stems as early asadolescence, right?
Even as a young child, you'reoperating with fear and doubt.
I'm looking at my one-year-olddaily, right?
She's afraid to walk.
She's holding onto the walls,holding onto railings.
And it's the fear of her failingand falling that she needs to
(23:01):
overcome.
She She's maybe a week or twoaway from fully being able to
walk, but she just, I'm tryingto teach her, like, you just got
to let go.
You know what I mean?
Like, your feet are working,you're standing up, you just got
to let go.
Easier said than done, though.
I mean, sure.
Sure.
SPEAKER_01 (23:16):
She's looking at you like, you're fucking walking.
Yeah, easy for you to say.
You've never had to fall everytime you tried to walk.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
Yeah, for sure.
Now that we've been goingthrough it, I'm like, man, this
kind of makes me feel like,Yeah, I agree.
(24:02):
myself for those two days so Irehearsed I researched I looked
for key words that I wanted tosay and I think that
preparedness ultimately led tome doing a good job but it all
stemmed from the doubt of can Ido a good job so you know maybe
(24:25):
we should go down that rabbithole a little bit because it's
not all bad especially like Igave you an example too like if
you go to the gym and you'relooking at some weights and
you're about to bench and you'relike damn can I bench you know
185 can I bench 200 220 thatdoubt will spark curiosity and
you know you're going to attemptit if you're daring enough to to
(24:48):
fight the doubt you know you
SPEAKER_01 (24:50):
said the gym thing a few times I can't say I
specifically relate to the doubtmonster there even though I get
the point that you're makingunpack that a little bit more
for yourself so you're sayingyou approach a and your mind is
telling you now you can't dothis yeah but your adrenaline
and the relationship you havewith going to the gym enough
(25:12):
you're like no I've conquered Ican conquer this I've done this
before is that what you'resaying
SPEAKER_00 (25:16):
yeah exactly I'm listening to the doubt monster
shitting on me telling me Ican't do a certain set and I'm
like alright cool watch me yeahso it's kind of like this this
battle against yourself so tospeak and that's what inner
voice is at the end of the dayright like it's it's you versus
you i love
SPEAKER_01 (25:33):
that i think the chip on the shoulder part is
what i relate to i have adifferent process you know like
sure you've known me for a longtime my family says this about
me if you want to get justin todo something tell him he can't
do it and it's like a trick andright i'm almost as predictable
as a dog with snacks like thedog knows you're trying to trick
(25:54):
it with a snack
SPEAKER_02 (25:55):
yeah yeah
SPEAKER_01 (25:56):
but i'm gonna get tricked every time and i love
that i have that malfunction inmy brain Because to your point,
I let the doubt drive me.
So where I feel inadequate,where I feel like I can't do
something, I almost let thatinternal dialogue get me going.
So I'm like, oh yeah,motherfucker, you think I can't
(26:17):
do that?
You think I can't save X amountof dollars by this month?
You think I can't accomplishthis goal?
You think I can't live withoutyou?
I have that internal dialogueand I've gotten really good at
just moving making it thisbattle between serena williams
versus serena williams where i'msmashing the tennis ball a one
(26:38):
direction to be like you can'tdo it and then i'm like all
right motherfucker watch me andi'm going back and forth and i
love that and when i spin thatup enough in my brain and i have
enough caffeine and i get enoughgood sleep i really think i
could do anything so i let thedoubt drive me so i think that's
what you're saying but just in adifferent way i embrace the fear
(26:59):
you know i give the fear a namei'm like all right this is what
i'm scared of, cool.
This is the fucking tree thatI'm going to chip down for the
next six months.
And that may not be helpful, butI think that's more of like an
end result for somebody who doesexperience doubt.
You may not be there yet whereyou've gotten this healthy
relationship of seeing the enemythat is doubt and being like,
(27:21):
oh, I've seen you before,motherfucker.
Stay right there.
I'm going to prepare for you.
And then knowing how to attackit.
And then that might be some 200,300 level, but I do love the
framing that you gave that,Rich.
You do have to let the doubtdrive you.
And I think the gym metaphor isa good one, for sure.
SPEAKER_00 (27:38):
Yeah, and it's about striking that balance.
I think we spoke about this onan earlier episode where we were
talking about how important itis to be in tune with your
emotions and what you'refeeling.
And this is no different, right?
When you're facing doubt andfear and anxiety, those feelings
could work positively for you ornegatively for you.
(27:59):
And you kind of have to...
Modify yourself and yourdecision making based on which
one is right for that particularmoment or situation.
So I agree, man.
I feel like the doubt monster isnot always your enemy, sort of
like that bouncer in the doorthat's kind of like preventing
you from getting to the nextlevel.
(28:20):
Sometimes you just got to breakthat motherfucker down and get
through.
SPEAKER_01 (28:23):
But I like it.
And I do want to get intoactionable advice.
The section that we get intowhere Rich and I try to go back
and forth on what we think wouldbe helpful to our community.
Again, we're not a guru's showwhere we're going to say, do
these 10 things and your life isguaranteed to change.
I don't think life or theseproblems are that simple.
We do like packaging this at theend of the show because we find
(28:45):
our community does appreciatethat they can shut off the
podcast and at least have somesort of beginning of a roadmap
to start their journey.
But it's always going to startwith you.
And I think this specificepisode about the doubt monster,
because it is something thatRich and I still deal with.
It is something that stillparalyzes us to this day.
I have to say the best piece ofactionable advice is ironic.
(29:10):
It's taking action and creatingproof of concept.
And I know that sounds basic andbullshit, but the only thing
that can conquer something thatlooms over you, it's almost like
a bully.
The lack of proof and the lackof action is what's allowing
this doubt to still dominateyour brain.
And that to me is actionableadvice number one.
(29:31):
No matter what it is, just takea very small step in the
direction of that doubt.
And to your point, Rich, it'snot a bad thing.
When the doubt presents itself,it's probably your body or
something telling you this iswhat you really want.
That's why you feel thisopposite pull towards the thing
you want.
It's not going to be easy, butyou have to take action and you
(29:52):
have to give yourself a littlebit of proof so you can build
some confidence.
SPEAKER_00 (29:55):
Yeah, I love that.
Taking action is extremelyimportant.
My actionable advice would justbe to name the voice, I feel
like it's very easy for you toconfuse whether it's you talking
or the doubt monster talking.
And you need to kind ofconceptualize that in your
brain.
Like that's not me.
That's the doubt monstertalking.
And I feel like once youidentify who is talking in your
(30:18):
brain, it's easier to sort offight that doubt.
That's great.
SPEAKER_01 (30:23):
Yeah.
I mean, it's such a weird thing.
That is where I think this showwants to be specialized, but I
think we like to keep everythingvery topical, almost like a
conversation you can have withyour big brother or a family
member who is not like apsychology major or someone that
has read every book and watchedevery YouTube video.
(30:45):
We try to keep our conversationsa bit more topical so they have
a human element to it.
But I do think, Rich, that'ssomething that if you had a free
time, it's worth zooming in alittle bit deeper because
something spooky about this ideathat you present yourself as a
person in real life like metalking to you right now and
then this fan that's constantlyrunning in the back of your mind
(31:09):
that is not working in yourfavor is just like constantly
talking shit to you or sayingthings like oh why did that girl
look at you like that like sheprobably hates the way you're
dressed I knew you shouldn'twear this shirt today like
people never give youcompliments on your shirt and
then you start thinking aboutyour friend you're like oh when
I go out with Eddie he alwaysgets a compliment maybe I should
get a shirt like that it's crazyhow your brain could just
(31:31):
fucking go into this insanewhirlwind of negative thoughts
right before the lady at Wendy'sis like, hello, are you going to
order anything?
And you're like, oh shit.
You're like, oh yeah, let me getthe...
And then you order something.
And in your mind, you're like,fuck, that lady hates me too.
And you walk away and it'salmost like this fucking cloud
(31:52):
that just goes everywhere withyou.
I feel like I'm oversharing.
This might just be my brain.
But the more I say things likethis, I find that more people
experience this and you'resaying be able to be like a
dispatcher from your brain toyour own mind to your mouth
where you can be like oh that'srich oh that's rich as fucking
doubt that's a doubt monstertalking now
SPEAKER_00 (32:15):
yeah 100% I'm not a fucking scientist but I would
imagine that there's a level ofdistinction between like you
your brain your conscious andyour subconscious and these are
just like all either in conflictor each other or in unison
depending on and how you kind oftrain yourself to think.
And it could be your...
SPEAKER_01 (32:35):
No, I don't want to mention something we talked
about off air.
You don't have to say the story,but think about your son in that
situation where he was trying tobe cooler with someone that was
taking advantage of him just sohe can get leverage in the next
phase of his life, which wouldbe high school.
SPEAKER_02 (32:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:51):
And he's in middle school now, right?
SPEAKER_02 (32:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:53):
And he justified his action, but I'm saying take a
step further.
Again, I love how you framed it.
We're not fucking scientists,but...
We're just two dudes that talkthrough a lot of these regular
life things.
And it has to be something socommon, even for a young man
like your son, that his world isthis big and he's probably
dealing with that too.
Like in his mind, he wants to beaccepted.
(33:15):
So he has all these like mentaljustifications happening.
And a lot of it probably comesfrom doubt of not wanting to be
accepted or not being accepted.
SPEAKER_00 (33:24):
Yeah, I think that's exactly right.
I have another actionableadvice.
I think oftentimes when we thinkof some hard things.
We oftentimes look at theproblem holistically, like just
one big problem.
And I think breaking the sort ofscary task into smaller,
actionable items.
(33:44):
Damn, you stole one of mine.
SPEAKER_01 (33:45):
I was definitely
SPEAKER_00 (33:46):
going to get that one.
Yes, perfect.
Now that we know that's
SPEAKER_01 (33:49):
good advice because we both had it on our list.
SPEAKER_00 (33:52):
Yeah, that's good.
But I think that's a really goodway to fight that doubt monster.
It's like, you know, going backto the public speaking example,
I was in fear of the entireaction of just public speaking.
Then I broke it down into like,all right, well, just make sure
you hold the microphonecorrectly.
(34:12):
Make sure you don't trip whenyou walk up on stage.
Make sure your shirt is ironedbefore, you know what I mean?
Just so you can get into that
SPEAKER_01 (34:19):
flow, that rhythm, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:20):
Yeah, make sure you're caffeinated.
It was all these micro actionsthat I took prior to hopping on
that stage that I feel like madethe sort of scary moment now so
scary because I felt in thatmoment because of the micro
actions compounded that I feltprepared in that moment.
So that would be my next action.
(34:41):
And
SPEAKER_01 (34:42):
it is a positive momentum.
There is something about justironing the shirt, putting on
cologne, getting a haircut,getting to the date location
early, finding parking early,sitting in your car, listening
to music that gets you motivatedor talking to a friend before
you go and on your first date,there is something about
(35:03):
psyching your brain out by doinga few positive things in a row
that once you kind of get intothe main thing that gives you
the most doubt, it kind of easesyou into it.
I do love that.
I do love that framework thatyou shared.
I do want to say something thatis a compliment to that point of
actionable advice.
A wise man once told me, Justin,what's the quickest way to eat a
(35:25):
steak?
I thought it was the stupidestfucking question in the world.
I was like, I don't know.
Do you blend it?
What are you trying to trick mehe's like no there's only one
way you got to eat it one biteat a time like this then you
can't that's not a that's notsomething you could just take
out in one fucking swoop
SPEAKER_02 (35:41):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (35:41):
another one for the more metaphorically challenge
what's the quickest way to chopdown an oak tree it's just one
axe hit at a time you just gotto continuously keep chipping
away at it keep chopping at itand i know a lot of this advice
feels rudimental but what richwas saying that i want to add to
my actionable advice is thosethings complement each other and
(36:04):
they create, like you said, theycompound and create this
positive idea of who you are.
Like I said before, proof inaction.
It starts giving you an identityof like, oh, I'm not someone
that can't public speak.
I'm someone that's learning andI'm getting better.
Just that little frame flipcould do a lot for somebody that
feels like they have thisparalyzing anxiety or doubt.
(36:28):
It just gets you in a goodrhythm.
It gets you moving in the rightdirection.
So I love that.
Win the day, win the hour, winthe minute.
Just keep doing things that arepositives plus ones in the
direction that you want to movein.
And you'll notice this overtime, Rachel.
We've talked about this on apersonal level.
It's insane the things that wethought we weren't capable of
when we look back at them and weactually could see current day
(36:51):
that we not only are capable,but we were better than what we
thought we would be.
That's a wild way to look at it,but you could only look at the
past and laugh at it Once you'vekind of taken the steps the day
that you were paralyzed by whatyou thought you couldn't do.
Yeah.
I know that's a bit of a wordcombo there, but I hope it makes
sense.
SPEAKER_00 (37:10):
No, no, it does.
And that reminds me of this likenarrative that we we tell the
stories of ourselves, of who weare.
So oftentimes you end up doingsomething incredible and you end
up looking back and you're like,damn, I shouldn't have been
fearful.
I accomplished this.
But you look at your peers andthey're like, yeah, bro, like we
(37:31):
knew you could do it, right?
So it's always interesting howother people view you.
And that was actually my nextpoint.
It's just talk it out.
Share your doubt with friends, acoach, a mentor.
I oftentimes, I feel like all mymost major life decisions, I've
always spoken to someone that Itrust.
And usually, I mean, usuallyyour circle will always reaffirm
(37:55):
your doubts.
That's what they're there to do.
That's why you go to them.
But I feel like, Definitely havethose people that give it to you
straight, that don't sugarcoatshit, that you trust their
judgment, that you trust howthey view you and they know sort
of like what you're made of.
And I remember two years agobefore I moved into the luxury
apartment, like I called you andI was like, yo, I know you lived
(38:18):
in these buildings before.
Like I'm thinking about rentingout my house and moving to this
building.
What do you think I should do?
You think it's the right move?
And I had a lot of doubt in me.
Luxury buildings are very, veryexpensive and you're about to
enter a whole differentlifestyle of just expenditures
and yeah it's just a wholedifferent lifestyle and you know
you gave me the rundown you werelike bro if you're looking for a
(38:42):
less complicated lifestyle nothaving to mow the fucking lawn
not having to do all these housechores like that might be the
right move for you
SPEAKER_01 (38:50):
also also I know you have people who love you that
listen but if you want to getback to pimping you got to focus
on pimping and I mean getting inthe gym, focusing on rich,
getting healthy.
You can't do that if you'refixing the roof, landscaping,
(39:11):
taking care of your kid, andthen you want to bring some
beautiful women in your life.
No, you got to focus on womenbecause if you're in the mode of
dating and getting back outthere, you got to minimize a lot
of shit and focus on what'sgoing to make you a worthy
candidate.
At some point, they're going togive a fuck that your lawn is
mowed, but right now they wantto make sure you look healthy
(39:33):
you can help provide and you'resomeone that's stable you look
handsome you wear deodorant youwear cologne your house is clean
I think that's more important sothat's where that advice came
from like if you can keep themain thing the main thing you
can't be doing 15 things at onceand at that time you were just
trying to get back on your feetyou were paying more to size
down but you wanted a differentexperience
SPEAKER_00 (39:54):
yeah and you know I consulted people that I trust
like you you know friends mybrother.
And that's important.
You got to talk to people thatknow you, people that care about
you, people whose advice youappreciate.
It's very important in helpingyou minimize that sort of doubt
(40:15):
that you're feeling before yousort of take a major life
decision.
SPEAKER_01 (40:19):
You know, the mentorship is important.
And it's funny, we never reallybrought up that topic.
And there probably should be anepisode dedicated to that.
It's something I'm really bigon.
It's something that I know thatwe lean on each other for it's
not a mentorship but it'sdefinitely a brotherhood where
we go to each other there'sdifferent categories in life
that you have become a master inand I adore you for and I will
(40:40):
always go to you for like secondopinion and obviously same goes
for me but I think beyondmentorship one thing that I see
in our community a lot that it'sa generational thing it's not
something that I really sufferedfrom I was very social in school
I've always been a very socialperson but it's this this idea
of isolating yourself and tryingto solve the problem in a vacuum
(41:02):
and not going to people thathave done these things before in
your circle.
And I just want to add that toyour point.
Friends, family, teachers,ex-co-workers.
I think that's something you sayyou've done before where you
talk to people in your life thatkind of remove that doubt from
you and they let you know like,oh no, you've always been really
good at that.
Why would you be worried aboutthat?
(41:23):
You're thinking to yourself,really?
You think I'm good?
And just hearing something likethat from somebody you love that
you know knows you can be enoughto like move you in the right
direction and this littleproblem that I'm going to
identify probably in everyepisode is that for whatever
reason men under 30 love toisolate and they want to think
(41:45):
their ways through problemsbefore they address the problem
and the phrase has been said youcan't think your way across the
bridge you have to walk acrossthe bridge and I find that for
whatever reason this fuckinggeneration of analysis three
Research, double research, chatGBT.
It's like you're buried ininformation and insights, but
(42:07):
you haven't done the thing yet.
So I want to couple your advicewith that advice.
You can't think your way acrossthe bridge.
You have to get around people.
You have to get around thething.
You can't just sit at home andtry to figure it out from home.
It doesn't work that way.
The best players in the world inany sport didn't fucking do it
by watching videos at home.
(42:28):
You got to go out and play thesport.
You got to be amongst people.
people so you can see thatfriction and that resistance on
and find out what your strengthsand weaknesses are.
That shit just pisses me off.
The same point every episodepisses me off because I go
through the comments and I'mlike, these motherfuckers trying
to figure out life in theirroom.
It's not going
SPEAKER_00 (42:45):
to happen.
Nah, I agree with you, but letme pose a caveat.
I do feel like if you are goingto spend a little bit of time
with yourself, it should be sortof visualizing success.
SPEAKER_01 (42:58):
And not watching porno for sure.
UNKNOWN (43:00):
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (43:01):
If you're going to spend some time by yourself,
block all the porn
SPEAKER_00 (43:05):
sites.
Get off Instagram.
And I don't mean days and weeksand hours.
I mean, take five to 10 minutesout of your day and visualize
what success looks like ofsomething that you have doubt
about or you're in fear about.
I've figured out that, man,visualizing success and the end
(43:25):
result has helped metremendously.
But to your point, don't justdwell in and think that you're
going to think your way out ofsolving a problem.
There is that balance.
So I don't want to say to notfully isolate yourself.
I feel like you should spendtime with yourself to figure out
the problem.
Just don't spend days and weeksat a time because that's not
(43:48):
going to do it.
No, Rich, think about it.
The episode
SPEAKER_01 (43:50):
is built around this idea of how do you conquer
doubt?
Or at the very least, how do youmake doubt smaller so it's not
crippling you to take action orto do things that you know you
have to do that are going to...
You know that if you take careof these things, they're going
to improve your life.
We have a generation of people,us included, that can sit home
(44:13):
all day and talk about the thingthey're going to do, watch about
the thing they're going to do,tweet about the thing they're
going to do, TikTok the thingthey're going to do, start a
group chat about the thingthey're going to do, create a
website for the thing they'regoing to do, and you know what
happens?
They never actually get aroundto doing the thing they have to
do.
(44:33):
And that is what fucks me upbecause I do realize that
paralysis of getting too muchinformation is what stops a lot
of people from addressing thedoubt that's in their mind.
Sometimes you got to jump in thewater and figure out how you're
going to swim.
And I think even in ourfriendship, you're the more
pro-action person versus if itwas up to me, I would have been
(44:54):
setting up the business plan forfailures forever.
And what was your immediateadvice?
This is a true story.
I call the rich with a wholedifferent business idea, maybe
like a little bit different thanwhat we're doing now.
And you said to me before it wasnamed failures.
This is how the name failurescame up.
This should be timestamped andarchived.
You said, I love it, bro.
(45:14):
Can't wait to start failing.
And you hung up.
And I was just like, wait,that's the name of our fucking
platform.
I can't wait to start failing.
I have such a benefit in my lifeto have a friend and a business
partner like you that alreadyknows.
Oh, if you're going to get in aring with a heavyweight champion
in in MMA, you're probably goingto get punched in the face a few
times.
For sure.
(45:34):
So I'm like, yo, I want to be anMMA champ.
You're like, well, bitch, get amouthpiece and some shin guards
because get ready to get fuckedup because that's what comes
with getting to whatever it isthat you want to become as a
fighter.
And you skipped past the part oflike, you didn't say like, yo,
Justin, let's do more research.
Yo, Justin, let's put anotherplan together.
(45:56):
You were like, sounds good tome.
Sounds like you have a vagueidea of what you want to do.
It makes sense on surface let'sget in the water and let's
figure it out if we could swimand if not at the very least
let's doggy paddle until westart developing a nice little
you know rhythm until we andhere we are bro we're at episode
what what you said it earlierwe're on paper episode 9 10 but
where are we in terms of
SPEAKER_00 (46:17):
real life yeah we probably recorded over 20
episodes only only a few i'veseen the the light of day
SPEAKER_01 (46:23):
50 plus hours of content and here we are we still
sound like shit but you knowwhat we're in the soup figuring
it out We're not fucking makinga list of all the stuff we got
to get at the grocery store.
SPEAKER_00 (46:35):
Yeah, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (46:36):
Again, I'm going to have one of these moments every
episode because I could see itas clear as day.
I'm like, man, if they only gotover this part, they would be
able to move faster and furthermuch quicker.
They would conquer their doubtand become who they want to
become.
And that's really the thingholding a lot of these guys
back.
So love that point you made.
I do have another one that I'vebeen dying to get to.
SPEAKER_00 (46:59):
Yeah, let's hear
SPEAKER_01 (47:00):
it.
There was one last piece ofaction advice that I want to get
to before we're wrapped up, andit's my favorite one.
No one is thinking about you asmuch as you think they're
thinking about you.
Here's a challenge for everybodylistening.
How many people you think wakeup in the morning the minute
their eyelids open?
Don't grab your phone.
Just think about this.
I wonder how many people woke uptoday thinking, damn, I wonder
(47:24):
if Rich is okay.
I wonder if Rich is doing good.
I hope he has money in his bankaccount and his rent is paid and
and his insurance is paid forand his cell phone is paid for.
He got food for his family.
Rich, think about it.
How many people you can count onyour hand that woke up this
morning and thought about thatbefore they thought about
themselves?
SPEAKER_00 (47:43):
Zero.
One, maybe.
My mom.
SPEAKER_01 (47:46):
You get my point?
Maybe, right?
SPEAKER_00 (47:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (47:49):
The human who birthed you got a maybe.
Why is that?
Because we are selfish.
We're just selfish creatures andthat's okay, bro.
It's not wrong with that.
But nobody wakes up in themorning thinking, man, I bet
Eddie can't bag that girl in hisfucking third period class
because he's such a weirdo.
You really think people arethinking about you and they're
(48:09):
not.
And I think that is a big partof the doubt monster is this
idea that we have of ourselvesas because we ruminate in our
brains about who we are, who weare not, who we used to be.
How does the world see us?
And the truth is, bro, nobody'sthinking about you as much as
you think they're thinking aboutyou.
And once you kind of get overthat hump, it makes life a
little bit more free.
(48:30):
Because when you enter the worldwith this confidence and grace
that like, hey, you know what?
Nobody's really thinking aboutme, so let me take a shot.
Let me see if I can change mylife.
It helps because it deals with alot of the phobia that people
have this perceived notion ofwho you are.
Most people don't know who youare.
And They won't know until youshow up.
So show up.
That one is a big one of me.
SPEAKER_00 (48:50):
I love it.
So how do we summarize this goodand evil doubt monster?
We hate you, but you're anecessary evil.
There has to be a way for us tojust kind of summarize this
motherfucker into one depiction.
Because we need it, but we hateit.
(49:11):
We hate it when it doesn't workin our favor, but we need it.
when we need motivation?
SPEAKER_01 (49:17):
I'll tell you from personal experience.
You mentioned something that Ishould have said in the intro.
First, you got to be able toname it.
You got to be able to identifyit.
That's number one, for sure.
It is a positive because onlyyou know in your own mind what
it is that you want to become orwhat you feel like is holding
you back or what you, thisversion of yourself that you can
(49:40):
see in your mind but you don'tknow how to get there.
That doubt comes from that andonce you can identify Only you
know what freezes you up, whatgets you nervous.
So you have to name it first.
And on the other side of beingfrozen by the doubt, there's
this imagination and this dreamof what you want the outcome to
be.
Who do I want to be at the endof this?
(50:01):
I think you have to romanticizethat.
You have to really live in thatthought of like, man, if I did
start saving a little bit ofmoney, I can move out of my
mom's house and maybe I can havefriends come over.
over and build a social lifethat is not plagued or paralyzed
by my three sisters who I livewith and my mom.
(50:22):
You have to start building outthat map, but dream of the end
result to the point where youcan look at this thing that's
stopping you.
It's funny, I was thinking of ameme of a toothpick holding a
door back and being like, damn,I can never get out of here.
And all you got to do is push alittle bit and it'll break that
toothpick.
That's how I see doubt.
(50:44):
Because what's on the other sideis everything you dream of
becoming, you want to become,you know you're capable of, but
you're letting this littlepunk-ass toothpick stop you from
being great because depending onthe lighting, it looks like this
big monster, but it's alldepending on the lighting.
Your fears are only dependent onyour perspective.
So if you look at it a littlebit different and you become
(51:04):
fascinated with who you canbecome, I think it makes that
first step, that doubt, lesshorrifying.
So to your point, man, you gotto name it and you got to know,
okay, if I conquer this What doI become?
And I think constantly thinkingof the end result will help you
take action.
Because while you're takingaction, you start improving and
you start seeing it.
So huge summary for ourlisteners.
SPEAKER_00 (51:26):
Man, I love it.
I couldn't have said it bettermyself.
I think there it is, man.
The doubt monster.
SPEAKER_01 (51:32):
As you can tell, Rich, I'm still struggling
SPEAKER_00 (51:34):
with it.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Because when I was justthinking, I'm like, I think this
is going to be like a part two,three, four.
We might need a doubt monsterpost- 40 years old, Rich and
Justin.
It doesn't go away.
It doesn't go away.
And there's somebody out therelistening, fighting the doubt
monster right now as they'relistening to this podcast.
(51:55):
And all we want to let you knowis that you're not alone, man.
You're not alone.
And hopefully we shared sometips that will help you make
that inner voice smaller andjust use that doubt, that fear
and anxiety for good, not forevil, for the lack of a better
word.
SPEAKER_01 (52:10):
I do want to sign off.
I know you've been employed andyou've been told by everybody
who works on our podcast.
Rich has to do the call toaction at the end.
Very important.
So I do want to say this though.
I do want to say this.
In the comment section, I wanteveryone to be honest and drop
what is the biggest doubt thatyou want to conquer.
And Rich, this wasn't planned,but I want to go back and forth
(52:31):
with you.
Is there a doubt that you couldthink of right now that at 37,
if you don't address it, itlooms over you?
I have one.
I could start.
SPEAKER_00 (52:38):
Yeah.
Let's hear yours first.
SPEAKER_01 (52:40):
Well, my doubt monster is this idea that one of
the times I won't be a goodfamily man.
I've dedicated so much of mylife to being like a free
nomadic career forward, get thebag by any means necessary.
I've been in a fewrelationships, but not one as
serious as the one I'm in now.
(53:02):
And I'm like hesitant to say it,feel vulnerable saying it, but
my biggest fear and one of mygreatest doubts is that I won't
be a good father.
I won't be a good family man.
And yeah, I don't know how toaddress that.
And every time I think about it,I want to put it away quickly
because even though I just gaveadvice, I can't even frame that
(53:22):
advice in a way that's like,man, I guess I'll get there when
I get there.
But it does bother me a lot whenI think about it.
I do have this old idea of who Iwas before and the family I came
from.
SPEAKER_00 (53:33):
That's real.
SPEAKER_01 (53:33):
Yeah.
Not a lot of successful modelsin that world.
So I'm operating in a worldthat's still downloading as I
take steps forward.
I can't even see what's ahead.
And it does.
It does keep me up sometimes.
SPEAKER_00 (53:46):
That's real, bro.
That's very real.
For me, I think it's just, Ilive in doubt of not feeling
like I haven't reached my fullpotential and what that looks
like.
I
SPEAKER_01 (53:57):
can see that.
I can see that.
SPEAKER_00 (53:59):
Is Rich ever going to build that company that's
worth 50 million and exits inmajor fashion?
We're building
SPEAKER_01 (54:05):
it right now, bro.
We're building it right now.
Fuck you mean?
SPEAKER_00 (54:08):
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, but that keeps me up atnight because I know I don't
want to be 40, 50, 60, years oldand not forgiving myself for not
at least
SPEAKER_01 (54:19):
trying
SPEAKER_00 (54:19):
to reach sort of the pinnacle of the mountain.
I know it's just going to botherme, bro.
How
SPEAKER_01 (54:22):
do you imagine it?
You just imagine it with IVs inyour nose.
You're old and you're like, Inever did that thing.
I
SPEAKER_00 (54:29):
imagine myself in my dad's bed like, damn, I hope my
kids got enough money in thebank account.
SPEAKER_01 (54:34):
Yeah, my grandson is pulling up to see me at the
hospital and I'm like, why areyou wearing sandals?
He's like, great grandpa ourfamily didn't have enough money
because you failed us so we allwear sandals now i'm on my bed
(54:55):
like god damn it you couldn'teven get a pair of air forces
what the fuck
SPEAKER_00 (55:00):
my my last words are like here take this usb it's the
last episode of failures we'redone you gotta do the call to
SPEAKER_02 (55:09):
action
SPEAKER_00 (55:11):
hey man listen listen by now it's been a couple
episodes the feedback has beenincredible just I feel like
we're you know we're buildingthis in real time we're getting
better episode by episode thefeedback has been amazing if
you're listening to this onApple please rate the podcast
please leave a comment if you'relistening to it on Spotify also
rate the podcast there and giveus feedback man we're definitely
(55:34):
all ears for new ideas newtopics and we're also planning
to bring some listeners up hereto chop it up with us so looking
forward to that
SPEAKER_01 (55:44):
Yeah.
If you guys are interested indoing one-on-one session with me
or Rich, no cost, totally free.
We want to get to know ourlisteners better.
You know, it works for both ofus.
We get a better understanding ofwho's listening.
And then we also get anopportunity to meet you guys.
The goal is not to have millionsand millions of views that lead
to nothing.
We're actually trying to helpour community.
(56:04):
So anybody has topic ideas or,you know, they want to get on a
quick Zoom with us, talk to usone-on-one, give us feedback.
Or if you have topic ideas, Ithink that's a big one, Rich.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Failures podcast.
Learn from our failures.
We'll be back next week.
SPEAKER_00 (56:19):
Yes, sir.
Peace.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
A lot of people doubt that they will actually be
successful.
Is it going to be worth theirtime?
And when you unpack that alittle bit more and you dig a
little bit deeper, what itreally is saying is, man, I
don't want to be embarrassed orI don't want to feel that
feeling of confirmation that I'mnot good because I always
believed that I wasn't goodenough to get this done.
(00:24):
And that doubt plays tricks onyour minds and it just leaves
you exactly where you're at.
It leaves you idle.
But action is always going towhip anxiety's ass.
If you take the action youranxiety will go away.
Failures podcast, learn from ourfailures.
Rich, we got a good one today,man.
This is one that you requestedmaybe on our first episode that
(00:50):
we should do, and we've beensaving it.
It's about the doubt monster.
The doubt monster is a phrasethat I made up to deal with a
lot of fucking incrediblystressful situations in my life.
And I used to always use it inconversations with you as a
friend and someone that I wouldgo to whenever I was in a life
crisis.
And it's something that I feellike we've been using it for a
(01:11):
long time and we would alwaysmention it as this thing that
would loom over us whenever wefelt paralyzed by a decision or
something we wanted to do.
So I wanted to start the showoff by asking you, when has
doubt or the lack of wanting totake action paralyzed you or
made you uncomfortable?
(01:32):
Or what does doubt monster meanto you in general when you hear
it?
SPEAKER_00 (01:35):
Man, I fight that motherfucking doubt monster
every single day.
Man, it's that negative voice inyour head telling you you're not
good enough, you can't dosomething, that inner critique,
be happy to be here, thatnegative voice that's like, man,
you're not good enough to dothis many reps in the gym or buy
(01:58):
a house or buy a car or get thisjob.
It's just that voice, man, thatyou're constantly fighting as a
man to suppress like, man, Ican't do this.
move forward.
I can do these things.
I fight that motherfucker everysingle day, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (02:15):
Is that why you resonated with it when I brought
it up in a conversation onetime?
It never had a name, right?
We've never given it a name.
SPEAKER_00 (02:23):
It never had a name.
And I remember you saying, bro,that's a doubt monster.
What you're feeling, I call itthe doubt monster.
And I'm like, man, there's othermen out there who are definitely
fighting that doubt monster,some call it demon, every single
day.
And we just don't get it a nameand we don't really talk about
how to suppress that negativevoice in your head.
(02:44):
So I thought this would be agreat topic for us to touch on
and hopefully share some ways tosuppress that negative noise.
SPEAKER_01 (02:52):
Yeah, we should get into some housekeeping for the
episode.
If this is your first timelistening to Failures Podcast,
our mantra is learn from ourfailures so you don't have to.
And this episode is a unique onebecause it's really personal to
Rich and I.
And Rich is 37, I'm 39 yearsold.
We had an accomplished a lot inour lives.
We have so much more that we'dlike to accomplish.
(03:13):
And it's funny, it doesn'tmatter how old you get or how
quote unquote successful you getor how many times you've slain
that monster that is doubt.
It always creeps up.
And it's funny because I thinkwe still find this topic to be
relevant today.
I know I do.
So I wanted to get to it, but Iwanted to wait a little bit
further into our catalog ofissues we addressed because I'll
(03:35):
be honest, I don't feel like I'mfully versed in and saying with
the utmost confidence, this isexactly how you get rid of the
doubt monster because it stilllooms in many categories.
So I want to set up the tableand kind of get into some
housekeeping for today'sepisode.
The one thing that I want tomake clear to our community and
(03:56):
the people that are sufferingfrom analysis paralysis or
feeling crippled when it comesto making a decision or a cute
girl in your homeroom or yourclass or your college or your
coworker or somebody you see, onyour way to work that you want
to address, you want to kind oflike take action, and that's the
best way to put it, in all ofthose categories.
(04:18):
And if you just wait too long,that doubt creeps in and it
paralyzes you and you end up notdoing anything.
I think that's a good baselineidea of what the doubt monster
can do to you.
That's the current state you'rein.
The state that I would like ourlisteners to be in, and I'm
hoping that they can get out ofthis episode is, I don't know
how you would see it, Rich, butI would like them to at least be
(04:39):
able to identify it i thinkthat's a big step and then once
you are able to identify wheredoes that doubt come from and
when does it come up at leastknowing what steps you can take
to minimize it because i don'tthink you could fully get rid of
it so that's just a framework iwant to set for our listeners
that are thinking why am ilistening to this episode we're
hoping at the end you can atleast have those takeaways and
(05:01):
as per usual we'll get intoactionable advice at the end of
the episode rich and i will goback and forth kind of draft
style and uh I'll go back toback on what we found to be as
actionable advice throughout theepisode.
So I'll be taking notesthroughout the episode.
And then at the end, we'll kindof give a recap.
So yeah, Doubt Monster.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Yeah, man.
Listen, I remember, I can giveyou an example.
This was not too long ago, maybeabout two and a half years ago.
I was going to an offsite inSpain for the job I was working
at.
And it was supposed to be anoffsite, just all the employees
kind of getting together,speaking on different projects.
And it was a way to bring aremote company together, enjoy
(05:43):
different activities, doscavenger hunts, things like
that.
And very last minute, my managerpulled out of the trip.
He was like, oh, I can't makeit, but I need you to give a
presentation on risk andsecurity and cybersecurity to
the entire company.
And bro, this blindsided mebecause I'm like, well, wait a
(06:06):
minute.
I didn't go on this tripthinking that I would have to be
on stage and give a presentationto 300 people, right?
So now the whole entire trip,that's exactly what was in my
head was like, man, how am Igoing to give this presentation?
I've never been on stage before.
I've never held a microphonebefore.
I've never spoken to this manypeople, this type of, you know,
(06:30):
a live audience, so to speaklike this before.
And man, that doubt monsterstarted creeping in like a
motherfucker.
It was just like, why why areyou doing this?
Started getting, feeling likeimposter syndrome.
I started saying to myself,like, what is this, your fucking
TED Talk?
Like, who do you think you are?
You know what I mean?
It's almost like your mind is
SPEAKER_01 (06:49):
working against you.
SPEAKER_00 (06:50):
Yeah, yeah, bro.
It was like...
It's not your
SPEAKER_01 (06:53):
friend.
It feels like it's not yourfriend.
SPEAKER_00 (06:55):
No, that voice was like, what qualifies you to be
on this stage?
Why are you even in Spain?
Like, what are you doing, youknow?
Why should these people evenlisten to you?
And man, that doubt monster wasloud, bro.
For at least two days.
that I was prepping for mypresentation.
Even up to the last five minutesbefore they called my name to go
(07:16):
up on stage to give thispresentation, I was nervous
wreck.
And I remember I wrote down allthese notes.
I was just kind of going to readoff of my phone.
And I said, nah, man, I'm notgoing up there with my phone.
I literally locked my phone.
I put it down on the table.
I just went up and just went offtop, off memory, everything that
I remembered.
(07:36):
I'm like, at the end of the day,I'm the subject matter expert
here.
You guys are listening to mebecause you don't know enough
about this topic or category orfield.
So I just spoke on what I knewand it came out organically.
It came out great.
The presentation was met withapplause from everybody who was
(07:56):
there.
And I sat back down after thepresentation and I felt good.
And I'm like, damn, I definitelyfelt like I defeated the doubt
monster in that moment becausethose two to three days where I
was prepping for thatpresentation, man, man, that
dial monster was extremely loudin my ear, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (08:12):
Where do you think that voice of doubt comes from?
And why does it work againstyou?
Like it's in your brain.
Why would something in your ownbrain work against
SPEAKER_00 (08:23):
you?
Bro, I think naturally it's justfear.
It's just that emotion offeeling fear and feeling that
inner critique, right?
Sometimes it makes you feellike, am I good enough?
Should I be on this stage?
I We spoke about this on anearlier episode, but I think
oftentimes we see ourselves asthat young little kid from West
(08:47):
New York, New Jersey, who'sstill trying to figure out how
to become a man.
But the world looks at us and islike, bro, you are a man.
You are a 37-year-old grown man.
Justin's a 39-year-old grown-assman.
But inside of you, you stillfeel like a child or you're not
that grown-up that you think youare.
(09:09):
So I think that's where it comesfrom.
SPEAKER_01 (09:11):
Yeah, my common belief, and I do want to share
on how I came up with theterminology for it.
It actually came from watchingthe movie It, the clown movie
It.
I want to share that story in alittle bit, but I want to get
back to what you're saying.
I do believe this idea of livingin a past version of yourself
(09:33):
frames a lot of the way you seeyourself currently.
If you wore a certain color oflens you see everything in the
world through the tint of thatlens so if you wore like a blue
color tinted lens everythingthat you see in your world is
always seen through thatperspective but not everybody
(09:54):
sees you through that lens and Ithink that is something that
carries with us throughout ourentire lives and I find from
just having this conversationwith a lot of people it's a lot
of family dynamics you know likeif you're the younger brother
you always have the perspectiveof being someone that's always
trying to show and prove and getthe approval of your older
brother, older sister.
(10:14):
If your mother was very avoidantwith you and she didn't show you
a lot of love and attention, youtend to have this tendency to
always want that validation whenyou live your life and you're
around coworkers or you'rearound women.
You do things that if you don'tget that immediate gratification
that is like a hole in your lifethat you've grown up with, you
tend to project that into theworld.
(10:35):
And in those moments of silence,you tend to fill it with these
doubts that come from this lensthat you see yourself through.
And I think that your story is aperfect example of that.
If you weren't given those fewdays in between from the moment
you were told you're going topresent to hit in the stage, you
wouldn't have filled your mindwith all that doubt.
And I don't know where thatcomes from for you, but I know
(10:56):
the time that you give yourselfbefore you perform the action
and the time that you knew youhad to do an action, it could
paralyze you.
That's where a lot of thehesitation comes from and a lot
of the negative self-talk comes
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
from.
Yeah, that's a great point.
And I also feel like the dotmonster really only comes out
when you're about to level up,right?
Oh, great point.
Yeah.
At that moment, I ended upunlocking a skill that I didn't
even know I had, which was like,you can get on a stage, pick up
a microphone and do publicspeaking.
(11:30):
You know, you don't have to be,I think I read a statistic that
that's like the number one fearfor most humans is like public
speaking.
SPEAKER_02 (11:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (11:37):
So, you know, I felt like I I wasn't any different.
It's a statistic.
Everyone feels this way.
Right.
But I was like, nah, man, like Igot up there and did my thing
and I felt, you know, prettycomfortable up there.
But I, you know, that was myfirst time ever doing that.
So I feel like I unlocked thatskill by just, you know, having
to do it.
(11:57):
And, you know, the dial monsteronly really comes out when
you're about to level up.
And I feel like I leveled up inthat moment.
It's a skill that I unlocked andI know I could do it again.
You know what
SPEAKER_01 (12:07):
I mean?
I mean, that is, that is, agreat story and I'm glad our
community gets to hear someonethat you've said it on previous
episodes public speaking is notsomething that you always
identified yourself with as yourstrongest skill set sure and not
only did you do that publicspeaking but you also were quick
to jump at the opportunity to doa podcast with me and create a
(12:28):
platform where you had to speakand you did tell me bro one of
the good things that will comefrom it is that I'm going to get
more and more comfortable withhearing my voice editing audio
with my voice and getting usedto seeing my and hearing myself
speak, that falls into thatcategory.
What you're saying is like,sometimes that doubt is
something you should go towards,because there's probably
something you want to conquerthere.
There's probably something youshould conquer.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Yeah.
And, you know, even when we talkabout this podcast, one of the
things that made me feelcomfortable in doing it was, and
I told you this before, when wewere kind of like in the idea
phase of this brand and thispodcast, it was like, man, I
want to share information.
I I want to speak to like myyounger self.
(13:10):
I want to provide value and Idon't know how to do it.
I was always afraid of likegoing on X or Twitter and like
posting things and then havingthat information get back to me.
You know what I mean?
Like if I ever decided to runfor a political office or just
have like the censor army comeafter me because I tweeted the
wrong thing, you know, I feltlimited to post something on
(13:32):
Facebook or on Instagram becausemaybe an employer would see it.
I'm like, man, I just, I didn'tfeel comfortable just staying
quiet all these years and havingall this information that I've
gathered over the last 37 yearsand not being able to share it.
And I'm not saying, like wealways say on this podcast,
we're not gods, we're not gurus,but we have lived through some
(13:52):
shit.
And I think it's worth sharingbecause as we both identified,
bro, some of these young men arelost in the sauce.
They really are.
SPEAKER_01 (14:00):
And one thing that you made me think about is
everybody claims that they knowthe path.
Information is more readilyavailable than ever.
Literally, in history.
There has not been this muchvaluable knowledge accessible in
the speed of 10 seconds, letalone a millisecond in one
(14:23):
Google search or one LLM chatGPT query.
Everybody claims to know thepath, but it's still funny to me
how few people will take thehike and actually do the thing
that will get them to the top ofthe mountain.
And I think that's what we'resaying here is part of the
(14:44):
hesitation has to be this ideathat you're stopping yourself
from climbing the mountain.
Everybody claims to know thepath, but few climb the
mountain.
Why is that?
I believe it has to do withdoubt.
A lot of people doubt that theywill actually be successful.
Is it going to be worth theirtime?
And when you unpack that alittle bit more and you dig a
little bit deeper, what itreally is saying is, man, I
(15:07):
don't want to be embarrassed orI don't want to feel that
feeling of confirmation that I'mnot good because I always
believed that I wasn't goodenough to get this done.
And And that doubt plays trickson your minds and it just leaves
you exactly where you're at.
It leaves you idle.
But action is always going towhip anxiety's ass.
If you take the action, youranxiety will go away.
(15:28):
It would depreciate a lot morebecause I could imagine that
feeling you felt when you gotoff the stage.
I'm sure the doubt monsterwasn't big and still looming
over you after that point.
You probably felt good aboutyourself.
SPEAKER_00 (15:38):
Yeah.
And like you mentioned earlier,this is not something that ever
goes away.
I feel like we all fight thedoubt monster on a daily basis.
And it's about sort ofsuppressing that negative inner
critique to as low volume aspossible because it's always
going to be there.
SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
Can you describe that feeling that you felt?
Because I think what would behelpful to our community is
understanding that maybe theidea of going to the gym and
moving weights around or maybethe idea of talking to the girl
that you've been very hesitantto just speak to, not ask on a
date, just start a conversation.
Can you share what that feelingfeels like after you leave the
(16:19):
gym or after you shot your shotand the conversation went well
and she didn't get up and slapyou or call you a scumbag for
trying to ask her for a pen orin your situation after you got
off stage?
SPEAKER_00 (16:33):
Yeah.
Well, even before then, right?
What prevents you from doing allof those things?
It's fear of failing.
It's going up to that girl andgetting rejected and feeling
like you failed.
It's going up on that stage todo a presentation or public
speaking, stumbling your wordsand feeling like everyone's
(16:57):
laughing at you.
That fear of failure is sopowerful, bro.
And that shit feeds the doubtmonster.
That feeling that you get on theother side when you do shoot
your shot with the girl or youdo go up on stage and you do
that presentation and you nearlyand you go sit back down with
the girl's phone number or yougo sit back down after an
(17:17):
applause, that's the victorylap, bro.
That's the satisfaction that youget from breaking through that
fear, breaking through thatfeeling of potentially failing
and being like, nah, bro, Icould do it.
As long as I break through thatfear of failure.
SPEAKER_01 (17:35):
Now, I want to get into story time a little bit
because I want to explain to ourcommunity how I developed the
phrasing, the doubt monster.
It was during the pandemic.
there were always three thingsthat I would think about and I
would psych myself out fromdoing that I would always make
(17:55):
an excuse for.
It would be like, when I getenough free time, I'm going to
spend more time with my family.
That's important to me, but Ijust can't do it right now.
I'm really busy.
When I get more free time, I'mreally going to get good at
fixing my credit and taking careof my personal finances.
I'm just really busy right now.
I'm in my grind mode.
And the third one was like, whenI get free time, I'm going to
(18:15):
take care of my fitness.
I'm I'm going to get healthy.
It's just, I don't have the timeto go to the gym and eat right.
And that was all during thepandemic, leading up to the
pandemic.
And you, just like me, just likeeverybody listening right now,
we had no idea what the fuck wasgoing to happen once we heard
that the world was being shutdown for a few days.
I thought it was going to bequick.
As time went on, I startedrealizing I had way more time on
(18:38):
my hands.
And I was in a one bedroomapartment in Edgewater, New
Jersey.
And I had no excuse not to dothe three things that were
weighing me down and constantlylooming over me that would give
me this anxiety.
Anytime somebody would talkabout finances or saving, it
would make me anxious because Iwould think to myself, damn, I
(19:00):
don't know anything about this.
Let me just change the subjector let me joke about it so I
don't have to talk aboutsomething that I know I'm not
good at.
And the same for fitness and thesame for the other thing.
And I think during that time,the movie It had come out, the
clown movie It, and I watchedit.
one night I remember watchingthe movie and at the end spoiler
alert it's this giant clown thatthey kill by saying things to it
(19:24):
and this giant clown would getsmaller and smaller and smaller
and it went from thisintimidating thing with like
fangs and it would like it justgot reduced to this very playful
looking like what's the littledolls that everybody has the
Lelobo dolls it looked like oneof those it was like a little
animation doll and it wasadorable
SPEAKER_00 (19:44):
yeah
SPEAKER_02 (19:45):
it
SPEAKER_01 (19:46):
still looked like itself and in the movie i
remember watching it thinkingdamn that's how i feel whenever
i'm anxious or i have doubtabout something i want to do
that i know i have to do and idon't take action and it hit me
action is the anecdote thatkills the doubt And every time I
(20:09):
got up in the morning, I wouldthink, okay, I have to do one
thing, just one thing today thatwould move me in the right
direction for these two.
It was really fitness andfinances and my family.
The family part came easybecause I was close to home and
I had a lot of free time.
The other two, I would take onesmall step every day.
And what I would find out isright before I would go to bed
(20:32):
and I wouldn't have AirPods inmy ear or headphones on or music
playing or friends around, Iwould have And that motherfucker
would just pop up.
The doubt monster would justloom over me.
And he would say some reallyfucked up things to me that were
a representation of who I was.
And the only defense I had atthat moment, I would think of
(20:53):
the movie It.
And I would think to myself,yeah, but I'm taking action.
I'm doing what I can.
And I would have this dialogue,but the only defense I had when
I was laying down, I would getanxious.
I would want to get up and dosomething.
And I would think to myself, no,I'm going to get a good night's
sleep and I'm going to get towhat is urgent.
early as possible in the morningyou'll see motherfucker like you
can't keep popping up rightbefore I go to bed when my mind
(21:15):
is idle and I'm trying to getsome good sleep and that doubt
and that anxiety kicks in and itparalyzes me in that moment and
it's funny I thought I was aloneon that and then when I would
tell people about it I think100% of the people that I've
shared that with have all saidthe same thing oh yeah I have
that with my grandmother whopassed away and I never got a
chance to speak to her I havethat with my daughter my brother
(21:38):
would be like oh Sometimes Ithink my daughters hate me or my
nephew would be like, oh, I feellike I'm not enough for the
family.
And it's these weird fuckingnarratives that start spinning
up in your brain that live inyour mind rent free.
It's like this crazy chimpanzeejust fucking going crazy in your
mind.
And you just want to yell like,shut up, shut up.
I just want to go to sleep.
(22:00):
And that was crazy.
the beginning of the DoubtMonster.
I was able to label it.
And as I shared it with myfriends, it was funny because it
had this funny, cute name, theDoubt Monster.
But it seems to have been theperfect description of something
that a lot of people have.
And I just want to know fromyou, what is it that makes it so
relatable?
What is it about that phrasingand that process that you were
(22:23):
able to identify with?
SPEAKER_00 (22:25):
Yeah.
I mean, listen, we often jokethat we're going to turn this
concept into a children's book.
And if you think about it-
SPEAKER_01 (22:33):
Shit, it ain't a joke.
We're going to
SPEAKER_00 (22:36):
do it for sure.
Yeah.
But if you think about a child,right?
This stems as early asadolescence, right?
Even as a young child, you'reoperating with fear and doubt.
I'm looking at my one-year-olddaily, right?
She's afraid to walk.
She's holding onto the walls,holding onto railings.
And it's the fear of her failingand falling that she needs to
(23:01):
overcome.
She She's maybe a week or twoaway from fully being able to
walk, but she just, I'm tryingto teach her, like, you just got
to let go.
You know what I mean?
Like, your feet are working,you're standing up, you just got
to let go.
Easier said than done, though.
I mean, sure.
Sure.
SPEAKER_01 (23:16):
She's looking at you like, you're fucking walking.
Yeah, easy for you to say.
You've never had to fall everytime you tried to walk.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
Yeah, for sure.
Now that we've been goingthrough it, I'm like, man, this
kind of makes me feel like,Yeah, I agree.
(24:02):
myself for those two days so Irehearsed I researched I looked
for key words that I wanted tosay and I think that
preparedness ultimately led tome doing a good job but it all
stemmed from the doubt of can Ido a good job so you know maybe
(24:25):
we should go down that rabbithole a little bit because it's
not all bad especially like Igave you an example too like if
you go to the gym and you'relooking at some weights and
you're about to bench and you'relike damn can I bench you know
185 can I bench 200 220 thatdoubt will spark curiosity and
you know you're going to attemptit if you're daring enough to to
(24:48):
fight the doubt you know you
SPEAKER_01 (24:50):
said the gym thing a few times I can't say I
specifically relate to the doubtmonster there even though I get
the point that you're makingunpack that a little bit more
for yourself so you're sayingyou approach a and your mind is
telling you now you can't dothis yeah but your adrenaline
and the relationship you havewith going to the gym enough
(25:12):
you're like no I've conquered Ican conquer this I've done this
before is that what you'resaying
SPEAKER_00 (25:16):
yeah exactly I'm listening to the doubt monster
shitting on me telling me Ican't do a certain set and I'm
like alright cool watch me yeahso it's kind of like this this
battle against yourself so tospeak and that's what inner
voice is at the end of the dayright like it's it's you versus
you i love
SPEAKER_01 (25:33):
that i think the chip on the shoulder part is
what i relate to i have adifferent process you know like
sure you've known me for a longtime my family says this about
me if you want to get justin todo something tell him he can't
do it and it's like a trick andright i'm almost as predictable
as a dog with snacks like thedog knows you're trying to trick
(25:54):
it with a snack
SPEAKER_02 (25:55):
yeah yeah
SPEAKER_01 (25:56):
but i'm gonna get tricked every time and i love
that i have that malfunction inmy brain Because to your point,
I let the doubt drive me.
So where I feel inadequate,where I feel like I can't do
something, I almost let thatinternal dialogue get me going.
So I'm like, oh yeah,motherfucker, you think I can't
(26:17):
do that?
You think I can't save X amountof dollars by this month?
You think I can't accomplishthis goal?
You think I can't live withoutyou?
I have that internal dialogueand I've gotten really good at
just moving making it thisbattle between serena williams
versus serena williams where i'msmashing the tennis ball a one
(26:38):
direction to be like you can'tdo it and then i'm like all
right motherfucker watch me andi'm going back and forth and i
love that and when i spin thatup enough in my brain and i have
enough caffeine and i get enoughgood sleep i really think i
could do anything so i let thedoubt drive me so i think that's
what you're saying but just in adifferent way i embrace the fear
(26:59):
you know i give the fear a namei'm like all right this is what
i'm scared of, cool.
This is the fucking tree thatI'm going to chip down for the
next six months.
And that may not be helpful, butI think that's more of like an
end result for somebody who doesexperience doubt.
You may not be there yet whereyou've gotten this healthy
relationship of seeing the enemythat is doubt and being like,
(27:21):
oh, I've seen you before,motherfucker.
Stay right there.
I'm going to prepare for you.
And then knowing how to attackit.
And then that might be some 200,300 level, but I do love the
framing that you gave that,Rich.
You do have to let the doubtdrive you.
And I think the gym metaphor isa good one, for sure.
SPEAKER_00 (27:38):
Yeah, and it's about striking that balance.
I think we spoke about this onan earlier episode where we were
talking about how important itis to be in tune with your
emotions and what you'refeeling.
And this is no different, right?
When you're facing doubt andfear and anxiety, those feelings
could work positively for you ornegatively for you.
(27:59):
And you kind of have to...
Modify yourself and yourdecision making based on which
one is right for that particularmoment or situation.
So I agree, man.
I feel like the doubt monster isnot always your enemy, sort of
like that bouncer in the doorthat's kind of like preventing
you from getting to the nextlevel.
(28:20):
Sometimes you just got to breakthat motherfucker down and get
through.
SPEAKER_01 (28:23):
But I like it.
And I do want to get intoactionable advice.
The section that we get intowhere Rich and I try to go back
and forth on what we think wouldbe helpful to our community.
Again, we're not a guru's showwhere we're going to say, do
these 10 things and your life isguaranteed to change.
I don't think life or theseproblems are that simple.
We do like packaging this at theend of the show because we find
(28:45):
our community does appreciatethat they can shut off the
podcast and at least have somesort of beginning of a roadmap
to start their journey.
But it's always going to startwith you.
And I think this specificepisode about the doubt monster,
because it is something thatRich and I still deal with.
It is something that stillparalyzes us to this day.
I have to say the best piece ofactionable advice is ironic.
(29:10):
It's taking action and creatingproof of concept.
And I know that sounds basic andbullshit, but the only thing
that can conquer something thatlooms over you, it's almost like
a bully.
The lack of proof and the lackof action is what's allowing
this doubt to still dominateyour brain.
And that to me is actionableadvice number one.
(29:31):
No matter what it is, just takea very small step in the
direction of that doubt.
And to your point, Rich, it'snot a bad thing.
When the doubt presents itself,it's probably your body or
something telling you this iswhat you really want.
That's why you feel thisopposite pull towards the thing
you want.
It's not going to be easy, butyou have to take action and you
(29:52):
have to give yourself a littlebit of proof so you can build
some confidence.
SPEAKER_00 (29:55):
Yeah, I love that.
Taking action is extremelyimportant.
My actionable advice would justbe to name the voice, I feel
like it's very easy for you toconfuse whether it's you talking
or the doubt monster talking.
And you need to kind ofconceptualize that in your
brain.
Like that's not me.
That's the doubt monstertalking.
And I feel like once youidentify who is talking in your
(30:18):
brain, it's easier to sort offight that doubt.
That's great.
SPEAKER_01 (30:23):
Yeah.
I mean, it's such a weird thing.
That is where I think this showwants to be specialized, but I
think we like to keep everythingvery topical, almost like a
conversation you can have withyour big brother or a family
member who is not like apsychology major or someone that
has read every book and watchedevery YouTube video.
(30:45):
We try to keep our conversationsa bit more topical so they have
a human element to it.
But I do think, Rich, that'ssomething that if you had a free
time, it's worth zooming in alittle bit deeper because
something spooky about this ideathat you present yourself as a
person in real life like metalking to you right now and
then this fan that's constantlyrunning in the back of your mind
(31:09):
that is not working in yourfavor is just like constantly
talking shit to you or sayingthings like oh why did that girl
look at you like that like sheprobably hates the way you're
dressed I knew you shouldn'twear this shirt today like
people never give youcompliments on your shirt and
then you start thinking aboutyour friend you're like oh when
I go out with Eddie he alwaysgets a compliment maybe I should
get a shirt like that it's crazyhow your brain could just
(31:31):
fucking go into this insanewhirlwind of negative thoughts
right before the lady at Wendy'sis like, hello, are you going to
order anything?
And you're like, oh shit.
You're like, oh yeah, let me getthe...
And then you order something.
And in your mind, you're like,fuck, that lady hates me too.
And you walk away and it'salmost like this fucking cloud
(31:52):
that just goes everywhere withyou.
I feel like I'm oversharing.
This might just be my brain.
But the more I say things likethis, I find that more people
experience this and you'resaying be able to be like a
dispatcher from your brain toyour own mind to your mouth
where you can be like oh that'srich oh that's rich as fucking
doubt that's a doubt monstertalking now
SPEAKER_00 (32:15):
yeah 100% I'm not a fucking scientist but I would
imagine that there's a level ofdistinction between like you
your brain your conscious andyour subconscious and these are
just like all either in conflictor each other or in unison
depending on and how you kind oftrain yourself to think.
And it could be your...
SPEAKER_01 (32:35):
No, I don't want to mention something we talked
about off air.
You don't have to say the story,but think about your son in that
situation where he was trying tobe cooler with someone that was
taking advantage of him just sohe can get leverage in the next
phase of his life, which wouldbe high school.
SPEAKER_02 (32:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:51):
And he's in middle school now, right?
SPEAKER_02 (32:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:53):
And he justified his action, but I'm saying take a
step further.
Again, I love how you framed it.
We're not fucking scientists,but...
We're just two dudes that talkthrough a lot of these regular
life things.
And it has to be something socommon, even for a young man
like your son, that his world isthis big and he's probably
dealing with that too.
Like in his mind, he wants to beaccepted.
(33:15):
So he has all these like mentaljustifications happening.
And a lot of it probably comesfrom doubt of not wanting to be
accepted or not being accepted.
SPEAKER_00 (33:24):
Yeah, I think that's exactly right.
I have another actionableadvice.
I think oftentimes when we thinkof some hard things.
We oftentimes look at theproblem holistically, like just
one big problem.
And I think breaking the sort ofscary task into smaller,
actionable items.
(33:44):
Damn, you stole one of mine.
SPEAKER_01 (33:45):
I was definitely
SPEAKER_00 (33:46):
going to get that one.
Yes, perfect.
Now that we know that's
SPEAKER_01 (33:49):
good advice because we both had it on our list.
SPEAKER_00 (33:52):
Yeah, that's good.
But I think that's a really goodway to fight that doubt monster.
It's like, you know, going backto the public speaking example,
I was in fear of the entireaction of just public speaking.
Then I broke it down into like,all right, well, just make sure
you hold the microphonecorrectly.
(34:12):
Make sure you don't trip whenyou walk up on stage.
Make sure your shirt is ironedbefore, you know what I mean?
Just so you can get into that
SPEAKER_01 (34:19):
flow, that rhythm, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:20):
Yeah, make sure you're caffeinated.
It was all these micro actionsthat I took prior to hopping on
that stage that I feel like madethe sort of scary moment now so
scary because I felt in thatmoment because of the micro
actions compounded that I feltprepared in that moment.
So that would be my next action.
(34:41):
And
SPEAKER_01 (34:42):
it is a positive momentum.
There is something about justironing the shirt, putting on
cologne, getting a haircut,getting to the date location
early, finding parking early,sitting in your car, listening
to music that gets you motivatedor talking to a friend before
you go and on your first date,there is something about
(35:03):
psyching your brain out by doinga few positive things in a row
that once you kind of get intothe main thing that gives you
the most doubt, it kind of easesyou into it.
I do love that.
I do love that framework thatyou shared.
I do want to say something thatis a compliment to that point of
actionable advice.
A wise man once told me, Justin,what's the quickest way to eat a
(35:25):
steak?
I thought it was the stupidestfucking question in the world.
I was like, I don't know.
Do you blend it?
What are you trying to trick mehe's like no there's only one
way you got to eat it one biteat a time like this then you
can't that's not a that's notsomething you could just take
out in one fucking swoop
SPEAKER_02 (35:41):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (35:41):
another one for the more metaphorically challenge
what's the quickest way to chopdown an oak tree it's just one
axe hit at a time you just gotto continuously keep chipping
away at it keep chopping at itand i know a lot of this advice
feels rudimental but what richwas saying that i want to add to
my actionable advice is thosethings complement each other and
(36:04):
they create, like you said, theycompound and create this
positive idea of who you are.
Like I said before, proof inaction.
It starts giving you an identityof like, oh, I'm not someone
that can't public speak.
I'm someone that's learning andI'm getting better.
Just that little frame flipcould do a lot for somebody that
feels like they have thisparalyzing anxiety or doubt.
(36:28):
It just gets you in a goodrhythm.
It gets you moving in the rightdirection.
So I love that.
Win the day, win the hour, winthe minute.
Just keep doing things that arepositives plus ones in the
direction that you want to movein.
And you'll notice this overtime, Rachel.
We've talked about this on apersonal level.
It's insane the things that wethought we weren't capable of
when we look back at them and weactually could see current day
(36:51):
that we not only are capable,but we were better than what we
thought we would be.
That's a wild way to look at it,but you could only look at the
past and laugh at it Once you'vekind of taken the steps the day
that you were paralyzed by whatyou thought you couldn't do.
Yeah.
I know that's a bit of a wordcombo there, but I hope it makes
sense.
SPEAKER_00 (37:10):
No, no, it does.
And that reminds me of this likenarrative that we we tell the
stories of ourselves, of who weare.
So oftentimes you end up doingsomething incredible and you end
up looking back and you're like,damn, I shouldn't have been
fearful.
I accomplished this.
But you look at your peers andthey're like, yeah, bro, like we
(37:31):
knew you could do it, right?
So it's always interesting howother people view you.
And that was actually my nextpoint.
It's just talk it out.
Share your doubt with friends, acoach, a mentor.
I oftentimes, I feel like all mymost major life decisions, I've
always spoken to someone that Itrust.
And usually, I mean, usuallyyour circle will always reaffirm
(37:55):
your doubts.
That's what they're there to do.
That's why you go to them.
But I feel like, Definitely havethose people that give it to you
straight, that don't sugarcoatshit, that you trust their
judgment, that you trust howthey view you and they know sort
of like what you're made of.
And I remember two years agobefore I moved into the luxury
apartment, like I called you andI was like, yo, I know you lived
(38:18):
in these buildings before.
Like I'm thinking about rentingout my house and moving to this
building.
What do you think I should do?
You think it's the right move?
And I had a lot of doubt in me.
Luxury buildings are very, veryexpensive and you're about to
enter a whole differentlifestyle of just expenditures
and yeah it's just a wholedifferent lifestyle and you know
you gave me the rundown you werelike bro if you're looking for a
(38:42):
less complicated lifestyle nothaving to mow the fucking lawn
not having to do all these housechores like that might be the
right move for you
SPEAKER_01 (38:50):
also also I know you have people who love you that
listen but if you want to getback to pimping you got to focus
on pimping and I mean getting inthe gym, focusing on rich,
getting healthy.
You can't do that if you'refixing the roof, landscaping,
(39:11):
taking care of your kid, andthen you want to bring some
beautiful women in your life.
No, you got to focus on womenbecause if you're in the mode of
dating and getting back outthere, you got to minimize a lot
of shit and focus on what'sgoing to make you a worthy
candidate.
At some point, they're going togive a fuck that your lawn is
mowed, but right now they wantto make sure you look healthy
(39:33):
you can help provide and you'resomeone that's stable you look
handsome you wear deodorant youwear cologne your house is clean
I think that's more important sothat's where that advice came
from like if you can keep themain thing the main thing you
can't be doing 15 things at onceand at that time you were just
trying to get back on your feetyou were paying more to size
down but you wanted a differentexperience
SPEAKER_00 (39:54):
yeah and you know I consulted people that I trust
like you you know friends mybrother.
And that's important.
You got to talk to people thatknow you, people that care about
you, people whose advice youappreciate.
It's very important in helpingyou minimize that sort of doubt
(40:15):
that you're feeling before yousort of take a major life
decision.
SPEAKER_01 (40:19):
You know, the mentorship is important.
And it's funny, we never reallybrought up that topic.
And there probably should be anepisode dedicated to that.
It's something I'm really bigon.
It's something that I know thatwe lean on each other for it's
not a mentorship but it'sdefinitely a brotherhood where
we go to each other there'sdifferent categories in life
that you have become a master inand I adore you for and I will
(40:40):
always go to you for like secondopinion and obviously same goes
for me but I think beyondmentorship one thing that I see
in our community a lot that it'sa generational thing it's not
something that I really sufferedfrom I was very social in school
I've always been a very socialperson but it's this this idea
of isolating yourself and tryingto solve the problem in a vacuum
(41:02):
and not going to people thathave done these things before in
your circle.
And I just want to add that toyour point.
Friends, family, teachers,ex-co-workers.
I think that's something you sayyou've done before where you
talk to people in your life thatkind of remove that doubt from
you and they let you know like,oh no, you've always been really
good at that.
Why would you be worried aboutthat?
(41:23):
You're thinking to yourself,really?
You think I'm good?
And just hearing something likethat from somebody you love that
you know knows you can be enoughto like move you in the right
direction and this littleproblem that I'm going to
identify probably in everyepisode is that for whatever
reason men under 30 love toisolate and they want to think
(41:45):
their ways through problemsbefore they address the problem
and the phrase has been said youcan't think your way across the
bridge you have to walk acrossthe bridge and I find that for
whatever reason this fuckinggeneration of analysis three
Research, double research, chatGBT.
It's like you're buried ininformation and insights, but
(42:07):
you haven't done the thing yet.
So I want to couple your advicewith that advice.
You can't think your way acrossthe bridge.
You have to get around people.
You have to get around thething.
You can't just sit at home andtry to figure it out from home.
It doesn't work that way.
The best players in the world inany sport didn't fucking do it
by watching videos at home.
(42:28):
You got to go out and play thesport.
You got to be amongst people.
people so you can see thatfriction and that resistance on
and find out what your strengthsand weaknesses are.
That shit just pisses me off.
The same point every episodepisses me off because I go
through the comments and I'mlike, these motherfuckers trying
to figure out life in theirroom.
It's not going
SPEAKER_00 (42:45):
to happen.
Nah, I agree with you, but letme pose a caveat.
I do feel like if you are goingto spend a little bit of time
with yourself, it should be sortof visualizing success.
SPEAKER_01 (42:58):
And not watching porno for sure.
UNKNOWN (43:00):
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (43:01):
If you're going to spend some time by yourself,
block all the porn
SPEAKER_00 (43:05):
sites.
Get off Instagram.
And I don't mean days and weeksand hours.
I mean, take five to 10 minutesout of your day and visualize
what success looks like ofsomething that you have doubt
about or you're in fear about.
I've figured out that, man,visualizing success and the end
(43:25):
result has helped metremendously.
But to your point, don't justdwell in and think that you're
going to think your way out ofsolving a problem.
There is that balance.
So I don't want to say to notfully isolate yourself.
I feel like you should spendtime with yourself to figure out
the problem.
Just don't spend days and weeksat a time because that's not
(43:48):
going to do it.
No, Rich, think about it.
The episode
SPEAKER_01 (43:50):
is built around this idea of how do you conquer
doubt?
Or at the very least, how do youmake doubt smaller so it's not
crippling you to take action orto do things that you know you
have to do that are going to...
You know that if you take careof these things, they're going
to improve your life.
We have a generation of people,us included, that can sit home
(44:13):
all day and talk about the thingthey're going to do, watch about
the thing they're going to do,tweet about the thing they're
going to do, TikTok the thingthey're going to do, start a
group chat about the thingthey're going to do, create a
website for the thing they'regoing to do, and you know what
happens?
They never actually get aroundto doing the thing they have to
do.
(44:33):
And that is what fucks me upbecause I do realize that
paralysis of getting too muchinformation is what stops a lot
of people from addressing thedoubt that's in their mind.
Sometimes you got to jump in thewater and figure out how you're
going to swim.
And I think even in ourfriendship, you're the more
pro-action person versus if itwas up to me, I would have been
(44:54):
setting up the business plan forfailures forever.
And what was your immediateadvice?
This is a true story.
I call the rich with a wholedifferent business idea, maybe
like a little bit different thanwhat we're doing now.
And you said to me before it wasnamed failures.
This is how the name failurescame up.
This should be timestamped andarchived.
You said, I love it, bro.
(45:14):
Can't wait to start failing.
And you hung up.
And I was just like, wait,that's the name of our fucking
platform.
I can't wait to start failing.
I have such a benefit in my lifeto have a friend and a business
partner like you that alreadyknows.
Oh, if you're going to get in aring with a heavyweight champion
in in MMA, you're probably goingto get punched in the face a few
times.
For sure.
(45:34):
So I'm like, yo, I want to be anMMA champ.
You're like, well, bitch, get amouthpiece and some shin guards
because get ready to get fuckedup because that's what comes
with getting to whatever it isthat you want to become as a
fighter.
And you skipped past the part oflike, you didn't say like, yo,
Justin, let's do more research.
Yo, Justin, let's put anotherplan together.
(45:56):
You were like, sounds good tome.
Sounds like you have a vagueidea of what you want to do.
It makes sense on surface let'sget in the water and let's
figure it out if we could swimand if not at the very least
let's doggy paddle until westart developing a nice little
you know rhythm until we andhere we are bro we're at episode
what what you said it earlierwe're on paper episode 9 10 but
where are we in terms of
SPEAKER_00 (46:17):
real life yeah we probably recorded over 20
episodes only only a few i'veseen the the light of day
SPEAKER_01 (46:23):
50 plus hours of content and here we are we still
sound like shit but you knowwhat we're in the soup figuring
it out We're not fucking makinga list of all the stuff we got
to get at the grocery store.
SPEAKER_00 (46:35):
Yeah, bro.
SPEAKER_01 (46:36):
Again, I'm going to have one of these moments every
episode because I could see itas clear as day.
I'm like, man, if they only gotover this part, they would be
able to move faster and furthermuch quicker.
They would conquer their doubtand become who they want to
become.
And that's really the thingholding a lot of these guys
back.
So love that point you made.
I do have another one that I'vebeen dying to get to.
SPEAKER_00 (46:59):
Yeah, let's hear
SPEAKER_01 (47:00):
it.
There was one last piece ofaction advice that I want to get
to before we're wrapped up, andit's my favorite one.
No one is thinking about you asmuch as you think they're
thinking about you.
Here's a challenge for everybodylistening.
How many people you think wakeup in the morning the minute
their eyelids open?
Don't grab your phone.
Just think about this.
I wonder how many people woke uptoday thinking, damn, I wonder
(47:24):
if Rich is okay.
I wonder if Rich is doing good.
I hope he has money in his bankaccount and his rent is paid and
and his insurance is paid forand his cell phone is paid for.
He got food for his family.
Rich, think about it.
How many people you can count onyour hand that woke up this
morning and thought about thatbefore they thought about
themselves?
SPEAKER_00 (47:43):
Zero.
One, maybe.
My mom.
SPEAKER_01 (47:46):
You get my point?
Maybe, right?
SPEAKER_00 (47:48):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (47:49):
The human who birthed you got a maybe.
Why is that?
Because we are selfish.
We're just selfish creatures andthat's okay, bro.
It's not wrong with that.
But nobody wakes up in themorning thinking, man, I bet
Eddie can't bag that girl in hisfucking third period class
because he's such a weirdo.
You really think people arethinking about you and they're
(48:09):
not.
And I think that is a big partof the doubt monster is this
idea that we have of ourselvesas because we ruminate in our
brains about who we are, who weare not, who we used to be.
How does the world see us?
And the truth is, bro, nobody'sthinking about you as much as
you think they're thinking aboutyou.
And once you kind of get overthat hump, it makes life a
little bit more free.
(48:30):
Because when you enter the worldwith this confidence and grace
that like, hey, you know what?
Nobody's really thinking aboutme, so let me take a shot.
Let me see if I can change mylife.
It helps because it deals with alot of the phobia that people
have this perceived notion ofwho you are.
Most people don't know who youare.
And They won't know until youshow up.
So show up.
That one is a big one of me.
SPEAKER_00 (48:50):
I love it.
So how do we summarize this goodand evil doubt monster?
We hate you, but you're anecessary evil.
There has to be a way for us tojust kind of summarize this
motherfucker into one depiction.
Because we need it, but we hateit.
(49:11):
We hate it when it doesn't workin our favor, but we need it.
when we need motivation?
SPEAKER_01 (49:17):
I'll tell you from personal experience.
You mentioned something that Ishould have said in the intro.
First, you got to be able toname it.
You got to be able to identifyit.
That's number one, for sure.
It is a positive because onlyyou know in your own mind what
it is that you want to become orwhat you feel like is holding
you back or what you, thisversion of yourself that you can
(49:40):
see in your mind but you don'tknow how to get there.
That doubt comes from that andonce you can identify Only you
know what freezes you up, whatgets you nervous.
So you have to name it first.
And on the other side of beingfrozen by the doubt, there's
this imagination and this dreamof what you want the outcome to
be.
Who do I want to be at the endof this?
(50:01):
I think you have to romanticizethat.
You have to really live in thatthought of like, man, if I did
start saving a little bit ofmoney, I can move out of my
mom's house and maybe I can havefriends come over.
over and build a social lifethat is not plagued or paralyzed
by my three sisters who I livewith and my mom.
(50:22):
You have to start building outthat map, but dream of the end
result to the point where youcan look at this thing that's
stopping you.
It's funny, I was thinking of ameme of a toothpick holding a
door back and being like, damn,I can never get out of here.
And all you got to do is push alittle bit and it'll break that
toothpick.
That's how I see doubt.
(50:44):
Because what's on the other sideis everything you dream of
becoming, you want to become,you know you're capable of, but
you're letting this littlepunk-ass toothpick stop you from
being great because depending onthe lighting, it looks like this
big monster, but it's alldepending on the lighting.
Your fears are only dependent onyour perspective.
So if you look at it a littlebit different and you become
(51:04):
fascinated with who you canbecome, I think it makes that
first step, that doubt, lesshorrifying.
So to your point, man, you gotto name it and you got to know,
okay, if I conquer this What doI become?
And I think constantly thinkingof the end result will help you
take action.
Because while you're takingaction, you start improving and
you start seeing it.
So huge summary for ourlisteners.
SPEAKER_00 (51:26):
Man, I love it.
I couldn't have said it bettermyself.
I think there it is, man.
The doubt monster.
SPEAKER_01 (51:32):
As you can tell, Rich, I'm still struggling
SPEAKER_00 (51:34):
with it.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Because when I was justthinking, I'm like, I think this
is going to be like a part two,three, four.
We might need a doubt monsterpost- 40 years old, Rich and
Justin.
It doesn't go away.
It doesn't go away.
And there's somebody out therelistening, fighting the doubt
monster right now as they'relistening to this podcast.
(51:55):
And all we want to let you knowis that you're not alone, man.
You're not alone.
And hopefully we shared sometips that will help you make
that inner voice smaller andjust use that doubt, that fear
and anxiety for good, not forevil, for the lack of a better
word.
SPEAKER_01 (52:10):
I do want to sign off.
I know you've been employed andyou've been told by everybody
who works on our podcast.
Rich has to do the call toaction at the end.
Very important.
So I do want to say this though.
I do want to say this.
In the comment section, I wanteveryone to be honest and drop
what is the biggest doubt thatyou want to conquer.
And Rich, this wasn't planned,but I want to go back and forth
(52:31):
with you.
Is there a doubt that you couldthink of right now that at 37,
if you don't address it, itlooms over you?
I have one.
I could start.
SPEAKER_00 (52:38):
Yeah.
Let's hear yours first.
SPEAKER_01 (52:40):
Well, my doubt monster is this idea that one of
the times I won't be a goodfamily man.
I've dedicated so much of mylife to being like a free
nomadic career forward, get thebag by any means necessary.
I've been in a fewrelationships, but not one as
serious as the one I'm in now.
(53:02):
And I'm like hesitant to say it,feel vulnerable saying it, but
my biggest fear and one of mygreatest doubts is that I won't
be a good father.
I won't be a good family man.
And yeah, I don't know how toaddress that.
And every time I think about it,I want to put it away quickly
because even though I just gaveadvice, I can't even frame that
(53:22):
advice in a way that's like,man, I guess I'll get there when
I get there.
But it does bother me a lot whenI think about it.
I do have this old idea of who Iwas before and the family I came
from.
SPEAKER_00 (53:33):
That's real.
SPEAKER_01 (53:33):
Yeah.
Not a lot of successful modelsin that world.
So I'm operating in a worldthat's still downloading as I
take steps forward.
I can't even see what's ahead.
And it does.
It does keep me up sometimes.
SPEAKER_00 (53:46):
That's real, bro.
That's very real.
For me, I think it's just, Ilive in doubt of not feeling
like I haven't reached my fullpotential and what that looks
like.
I
SPEAKER_01 (53:57):
can see that.
I can see that.
SPEAKER_00 (53:59):
Is Rich ever going to build that company that's
worth 50 million and exits inmajor fashion?
We're building
SPEAKER_01 (54:05):
it right now, bro.
We're building it right now.
Fuck you mean?
SPEAKER_00 (54:08):
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, but that keeps me up atnight because I know I don't
want to be 40, 50, 60, years oldand not forgiving myself for not
at least
SPEAKER_01 (54:19):
trying
SPEAKER_00 (54:19):
to reach sort of the pinnacle of the mountain.
I know it's just going to botherme, bro.
How
SPEAKER_01 (54:22):
do you imagine it?
You just imagine it with IVs inyour nose.
You're old and you're like, Inever did that thing.
I
SPEAKER_00 (54:29):
imagine myself in my dad's bed like, damn, I hope my
kids got enough money in thebank account.
SPEAKER_01 (54:34):
Yeah, my grandson is pulling up to see me at the
hospital and I'm like, why areyou wearing sandals?
He's like, great grandpa ourfamily didn't have enough money
because you failed us so we allwear sandals now i'm on my bed
(54:55):
like god damn it you couldn'teven get a pair of air forces
what the fuck
SPEAKER_00 (55:00):
my my last words are like here take this usb it's the
last episode of failures we'redone you gotta do the call to
SPEAKER_02 (55:09):
action
SPEAKER_00 (55:11):
hey man listen listen by now it's been a couple
episodes the feedback has beenincredible just I feel like
we're you know we're buildingthis in real time we're getting
better episode by episode thefeedback has been amazing if
you're listening to this onApple please rate the podcast
please leave a comment if you'relistening to it on Spotify also
rate the podcast there and giveus feedback man we're definitely
(55:34):
all ears for new ideas newtopics and we're also planning
to bring some listeners up hereto chop it up with us so looking
forward to that
SPEAKER_01 (55:44):
Yeah.
If you guys are interested indoing one-on-one session with me
or Rich, no cost, totally free.
We want to get to know ourlisteners better.
You know, it works for both ofus.
We get a better understanding ofwho's listening.
And then we also get anopportunity to meet you guys.
The goal is not to have millionsand millions of views that lead
to nothing.
We're actually trying to helpour community.
(56:04):
So anybody has topic ideas or,you know, they want to get on a
quick Zoom with us, talk to usone-on-one, give us feedback.
Or if you have topic ideas, Ithink that's a big one, Rich.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Failures podcast.
Learn from our failures.
We'll be back next week.
SPEAKER_00 (56:19):
Yes, sir.
Peace.
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