Schizophrenia and CPTSD, my experience

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Navigating life at the intersection of paranoid schizophrenia and Complex PTSD is like walking a tightrope during an earthquake. The delusions and hallucinations of schizophrenia become more intense and personal when filtered through the lens of childhood trauma. When I experience a relapse, my CPTSD doesn't simply coexist with my schizophrenia—it amplifies it, creating a perfect storm of symptoms that can be overwhelming without proper support.

My journey with these dual diagnoses began long ago. Growing up with a mother who had schizophrenia provided me with both insight and fear about the condition I would later develop myself. Meanwhile, childhood experiences, including sibling abuse, laid the groundwork for Complex PTSD that would complicate my mental health landscape for decades. These experiences inspired my novels "The Overlife: A Tale of Schizophrenia" and "Three Kidnapped: Three Siblings, Three Furies"—creative expressions of the realities I've lived.

What I find most challenging is how these conditions interact in unexpected ways. During episodes, paranoia convinces me that others wish me harm, while childhood trauma resurfaces, making me feel vulnerable and unsafe again. Twenty years ago, my spouse insisted I break contact with my brother after witnessing his treatment of me and my subsequent CPTSD diagnosis—a difficult decision that proved necessary for my well-being. Yet during relapses, he still appears in my delusions as a figure of judgment and threat, bridging past trauma and present paranoia. With the support of dedicated mental health professionals and a loving spouse, I continue to navigate this complex mental landscape. By sharing my story openly, I hope to reach others who may be suffering without understanding why, demonstrating that honest discussion about mental health struggles can lead to healing and hope. Whether you live with similar conditions or support someone who does, know that recovery is possible, even with multiple diagnoses.

#siblingabuse #childsexualabuse #greekmyths #kidnapping #thriller #horror #fiction #confession #samehere #notmyshame

Here are my website and social media credentials: https://aussiemathematician.io/

https://dianadirkbywrites.com

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Amazon affiliate link for “The Overlife, A Tale Of Schizophrenia,” by Diana Dirkby: https://amzn.to/44Rhx5z and for “Three Kidnapped, Three Siblings, Three Furies,” by Diana Dirkby: https://amzn.to/43CRLzY. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Episode Transcript

Diana Dirkby (00:02):
Hello.
Today I want to talk aboutliving with paranoid
schizophrenia and CPTSD.
Living with schizophrenia, asdid my mother, inspired me to
write my novel the Overlife, aTale of Schizophrenia, and
trauma from my childhood hasleft me with CPTSD.
My CPTSD helped to motivate thewriting of my novel Three

(00:26):
Kidnapped, Three Siblings, ThreeFuries.
I have spoken a lot about myschizophrenia on my website Blog
and during my first podcastseries Schizophrenia as I Live
it.
To refresh, let me summarize keyfeatures of paranoid
schizophrenia.

Paranoia (00:43):
a pervasive suspicion and distrust, often believing
others are trying to harm them.

Delusions (00:50):
false beliefs that are firmly held despite evidence
to the contrary, ofteninvolving themes of persecution,
grandiosity or jealousy.

Hallucinations (01:02):
Sensory experiences that seem real but
are not, most commonly auditoryhallucinations, like hearing
voices.
I myself also have visualhallucinations during a relapse.

Cognitive functioning: Individuals with paranoid (01:17):
undefined
schizophrenia generally maintainrelatively normal cognitive
abilities and emotionalresponses compared to other
types of schizophrenia, withdelusions and hallucinations
being the most prominentsymptoms.
While this may be generallytrue, my cognitive functioning

(01:40):
takes a hit during a relapse.
This summary is rough in thatpeople with schizophrenia may
experience some symptoms morethan others, and not all these
symptoms at once.
In the episode description.
I will remind you of E FullerTorrey's outstanding reference
on schizophrenia.

(02:01):
What is CPTSD?
It stands for complexpost-traumatic stress disorder,
a mental health condition thatdevelops after experiencing
prolonged or repeated trauma,often involving abuse or neglect
.
Therefore, it relates to mychildhood experiences, as I
discussed in my previous podcastSibling Abuse and the Greek

(02:26):
Myths.
I suffered abuse as a child,including sibling abuse.
It's closely related to PTSD,but PTSD is typically associated
with a single traumatic eventor several traumatic events over
a shorter period.
In contrast, CPTSD is oftenassociated with chronic or

(02:48):
ongoing trauma, such as childabuse, as already mentioned, or
domestic violence.
What are its symptoms?
Like the case of schizophrenia,the way CPTSD reveals itself
varies from person to person,but here is a list of
well-recognized symptomsIrregular emotions, Difficulty

(03:09):
managing emotions, includingintense mood swings.
Difficulty controlling angerand feeling overwhelmed by
emotions.
Negative self-perception.
Feelings of worthlessness,shame, guilt, guilt and a
negative view of oneself.
Relationship difficulties,challenges in forming and

(03:30):
maintaining healthyrelationships due to trust
issues.
Difficulty with intimacy andfear of abandonment.
Dissociation, feeling detachedfrom oneself, one's body or the
world around them.
Disturbances inself-organization.
This symptom includesdifficulties with emotional

(03:50):
regulation, negative self-viewand interpersonal challenges, as
with the list of typicalsymptoms of paranoid
schizophrenia.
The above summary of theeffects of CPTSD may not fit
precisely with everyone withCPTSD.
We are all different, but thatdoesn't necessarily make either

(04:13):
the symptoms of paranoidschizophrenia or of CPTSD less
intense for one as opposed toanother.
In my podcast Schizophrenia as ILive it and my book the
Overlife, I have shown at lengthhow I live my schizophrenia and
how my mother lived hers mostdifferently.
In my previous podcast episodeentitled Sibling Abuse and the

(04:37):
Greek Myths, I described some ofthe origins of my CPTSD.
What causes CPTSD?

I'll give some examples: Childhood emotional neglect, (04:45):
undefined
witnessing frequent violence andabuse, growing up in poverty or
unsafe living environments,frequent exposure to substance
use in childhood and growing upwith a parent with a severe
mental illness.
If you have been following mypodcasts, as well as the

(05:09):
contents of my two novels, TheOverlife and Three Siblings,
you'll understand that I livewith Ss\chizophrenia and CPTSD.
What I want to convey today isthat my schizophrenia and my
CPTSD interact extremelystrongly.
When I have a relapse of myschizophrenia, the CPTSD makes

(05:31):
the symptoms of my schizophreniamuch more challenging to handle
.
What do I mean by this messymix?
It's best to provide examples.
When I am sick withschizophrenia, I do feel
persecuted.
At its extreme, this symptomconvinces me that everyone but
my spouse wants me to commitsuicide.

(05:51):
That includes my brother.
My mother and father are nolonger alive.
My wise spouse insisted 20years ago that I completely
break with my brother, afterwitnessing how he treated me and
after I received a diagnosis ofCPTSD from childhood

(06:12):
experiences from a well-knowndoctor.
Initially I felt guilty aboutmaking the break, but now I
recognise it as the right choice.
By the way, my brother has goneon to be happy, wealthy and has
children and grandchildren.
From his perspective, hedoesn't want his children
associated with me, because ofmy schizophrenia.

(06:33):
My brother and his wife indulgein all the common stigmas, even
though my brother grew up witha mother he loved who lived with
schizophrenia.
Despite the solution to keep mybrother and me apart, I still
feel his presence when I am illwith schizophrenia and not
stabilised.
This condition can arise due tostress or the need to adjust my

(06:56):
medication dosage.
I feel I am being persecutedand I believe, despite the break
with him, that my brother isone of the main people judging
my past and agreeing that Ishould be put to death.
Even though my father is nolonger alive, his violent
episodes with me in my childhoodcome to mind when my

(07:16):
schizophrenia is relapsing and Iam afraid of him as if he were
still able to hurt me.
Despite my extreme fear ofschizophrenia, with CPTSD I am
never violent and now understandthat this is a concern for me
and my doctors.
My spouse is always supportive,which helps enormously.

(07:39):
I have only given a few examplesof what happens when my
schizophrenia and CPTSD combine.
I feel that's enough for today.
In particular, I find it hardto talk about these subjects.
That's why I have an excellentpsychologist and an equally
excellent psychiatrist.
I am fortunate that I at leasthave a diagnosis.

(08:01):
Others live with the sideeffects of schizophrenia and
CPTSD without knowing why.
It's my goal to be frank aboutmy life so others can see that
my confessions do not harm me oranyone else, but may lead to
much-needed solutions for peoplesuffering from mental health
problems.
Thank you for listening, ifyou're listening to the audio

(08:24):
version or watching, if you'rewatching this on YouTube.