February 13, 2025 • 62 mins
Day of Events chronicled: January 31 - February12, 2024
Anniversary of the day I told my husband of almost two decades that I wanted to be family, just not married to him anymore...
I couldn't stand the thought of going into a lovers' holiday pretending to be IN love anymore and didn't want to set that example of falseness for my children or show them that the way I was being treated was acceptable.
This begins the journal entries I made on these days about how things went down and what happened and my commentary on all of it.
Scarlett Davis
Facebook: Future Single Lady
email: FutureSingleLady@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
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(00:05):
When life is too real to be onTV, come to me, I'm Scarlett
Davis, and I'm the Future SingleLady.
This is me telling my story fromdeclaring my independence,
telling my husband of almost 20years that I didn't want to be
married anymore, and the journeythat it took from declaring that
(00:27):
to getting that, and then some.
I'm not a doctor, I'm not acounselor.
Any advice that's given is justone woman talking to another
person.
I'm a woman and I'm ahairstylist, so I tend to do
that.
I bear no responsibility orlegal liability for you or
anyone else following any adviceor doing anything I say or
(00:50):
copying anything that I do.
This podcast is forentertainment purposes only, and
I really hope that you areentertained.
And if it helps you in some way,whether it is dealing with your
own crap or understandingsomeone else as they go through
their crap, great.
That's my goal.
(01:10):
I hope you have a great day andthat you enjoy this.
It's late in the day, in theevening, almost, midnight
February the 12th, 2025.
So this is the one yearanniversary of the day that I
declared my desire for freedomfrom my marriage.
(01:32):
I launched my podcast today andin doing the editing and stuff
for it, Well, one, I didn'trealize until a few days ago
that I didn't start recordingone year ago today, at least not
for the podcast.
I, I journaled things, but therewas about six weeks worth of
(01:57):
activity that wasn't journaledlike this, or it was only in
writing.
And you started off hearing meat a really low place in my
life.
When I was really scared todeath about what was going to
happen the very next day where Iwas going to be judged by a
(02:18):
stranger, literally judgedbecause that stranger was a
judge and that person had thepower to, to determine a major
life path direction for me.
And I felt powerless.
And you heard that.
I thought it pertinent to giveyou a little bit of backstory.
(02:39):
So the journals, the, it'sfunny, I was looking for these
journals a couple of days agobecause I wanted to start
journaling again.
You'll hear in this story theline, should you choose to keep
participating.
Going along with the journey,why I stopped journaling for a
(03:00):
period, but I started again andI couldn't find my journals when
I was ready.
Even though I had just seen aminute funny how that happens
everything Everything in exactlythe right time.
So I went to February 12th 2024one year ago today and I wound
(03:23):
up finding myself.
I was drawn to several thingsbefore then and so I Feel like
it's appropriate for you to havea little bit of backstory.
These are some of the things I'mnot gonna Read my entire journal
to you, but there are definitelysome highlights that I would
like to point out and So onjanuary 31st I had journaled
(03:48):
some things and then I said thatThis was on an unrelated An
unrelated note that it was adream that I had had the night
before and in short In thisdream the man I was married to
You At the time that he wasdriving, we pulled up to my
hometown, 500 miles away from,from where we live.
(04:13):
And it turns out that where hepulled up to was my ex
boyfriend's house.
And there were just, uh, somethings in here, but the, some of
the notes that I have were thatmy kids were there and there was
something about moving on.
And my kids were listening and,and my husband was listening.
(04:34):
And.
My kids understood that I hadbeen a highly sought after
woman.
I always believed myself to beincredibly average.
I knew that I had big knockersand childbearing hips.
Let me tell you, being told,especially from a young age,
that you have childbearing hipsis not exactly, it doesn't feel
(04:58):
like a compliment.
And okay, so somebody likes yourboobs.
That's just one part of yourbody that doesn't have anything
to do with who you are.
Right.
So somebody being sexuallyattracted to me, okay, that's
nice.
But you know, whatever.
And in truth, in high school, Iwas, I was Sir Mix-A-Lot's to
(05:21):
dream where he says 36, 24, 36,only if she's five, three, well,
honey, I went past that.
I think I was like 37, 25, 38,something like that.
And I was only five foot and ahalf and a half inch.
So, um, anyway, I was physicallysought after and I've always
been very vivacious andaudacious.
(05:46):
And that appeals to a lot ofpeople.
But my kids only know me astheir mother.
They've only seen me as theirmother.
And of course, me being, well,thinking that I was being
respectful to my husband, Iwasn't going to be.
So audacious and just out therelike I was before because that
(06:06):
would seem, I don't know, I was,I had beliefs that I don't
necessarily believe now, but Iacted on those beliefs out of
what I thought was respect for,not just for my husband, but for
myself as a decent wife, a goodwife and a good mother and all
of these limiting beliefs.
(06:28):
But in this dream, My kids areseeing me as someone who is
sought after and desirable andthey're seeing me through a
different lens and, I'm lookingat something that I have written
here, but my kids, uh, I, orthere's somewhere in there that
I, where I say, see, I've movedon and my kids are asking me
questions about my pastrelationship and my husband is
(06:50):
listening to, and, and myattitude is, yes, I was sought
after and.
You've trashed me.
I'm thinking this to my husband.
There's something I don't even Idon't understand my own writing
here But my kids were seeing meeven cooler than they did before
I kicked myself for not takingcare of I'm making a note in
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here about uh, and so in thedream i'm wearing a spaghetti
strap sundress that ties at thetop And, uh, I was kicking
myself for not, um, Tweezing myunderarms because they were
lasered.
So, it's funny how even in my,in my dreams, I'm berating
myself for physical appearances.
Good grief.
(07:36):
The next day, February the 1st,I make the comment that my
husband came home last night andit was not fun.
Um.
Even though he did bring desserthome, which was from a very nice
restaurant.
He liked to brag about thosekinds of things, the stuff that
he did for work.
Um, there was this wholesituation where my son had come
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home from work.
He was working at a chainrestaurant and our kids were
made to save money for theircars so that they would, they
would value their car and theywould.
They would know what it was liketo work for something and how
hard it is to earn a dollaroften times.
Anyway, For whatever reason myhusband knew that our daughter
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was asleep and our son had justgotten home So he calls our son
to order him outside To bring insome things That my husband
wanted my son to bring in forhim.
So my son, because he was in themiddle of telling me some stuff
that was happening at his work,we were having a nice
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conversation, my son politelytells his father that yes, he
will come out, but it will be afew minutes.
My son finishes what he wasdoing, and he and I both get up
to go help.
At that time, that's when Myhusband was coming through the
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door and he was not happy.
He ordered my son to go out andget his stuff.
I asked if there was enoughstuff that two people were
needed.
And he said, I called him andasked for his help.
Our daughter was sleeping, so Icalled our son.
He used his names there, but I'mtrying to keep everybody's names
out of it.
(09:21):
I said, I know, but I'm here tohelp if it's needed and that's
why I'm asking.
I called him and just him.
Okay, literally this is what Isaid.
Uh, in my, in my journal.
LOL.
Okay, booty hole.
Biggest, biggest fit he threwabout, was about the way that
the baking dishes were put up.
Somehow a door was coming open,and it hadn't been like that
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before.
And I'm not sure if he startedacting different because I said
I put them that way.
Or not.
I gave up and came into thebedroom and heard him a few
minutes later talk about takingdrugs So he can sleep as he
headed to the spare room.
I also knew he had dinner plansthe next night So I was hoping
that that would be taken thatthat would take care of itself
(10:07):
So that was 11 days beforedeclared my freedom.
Here I was, you know working onmyself trying to reprogram
Myself and my attitude and theway I look at things and I have
lots of notes about that I alsoam acknowledging in here that I,
(10:28):
I admitted in a group, there wasan online group.
Um, oh yeah, so here it is.
But I, I admitted to the facegroup that I want a divorce and
have been not acting in faithabout it.
Um, that I want a mutuallybeneficial, permanent separation
and all for the greatest good.
(10:50):
I go on to say, well, I'm justtrying to rewrite my attitude
about things.
And.
I do things to try to call fortha peaceful resolution and try to
take control of my life.
And so this one statement that,that I make, now everything is
peaceful for all eternity and Iam pleased.
(11:17):
Okay, you might want to writethis one down or hit record or
something.
I don't know if you know whoPollyanna is.
I don't, um, I have this thingwhere I like to make up names
for people.
So, um, we've all heard of aNegative Nelly or Negative Nancy
or, uh, Nosy Rosie, that sort ofthing.
(11:37):
Well, when my kids were growingup, I made up Cranky Frankie.
Somebody, somebody else sharedone with me that was Attitudey
Judy.
Well, I came up with anotherone.
I said, so this was mystatement.
And this is so me.
I'm a positive Pollyanna.
I fart rainbows and spitsunshine.
(12:05):
I have always been the person totry to find the best in every
situation and the silver liningin every cloud and I have said
for a long time, I mine thatshit.
I'm like a miner who goes intothe, instead of a cave, it's
going into the dark cloud and Imine the silver lining.
(12:28):
I'd like to write Children'sbook about it So that's me.
That's who I am.
And so dealing with thisnegativity is as I'm noting here
before I even Ask for or declareor insist upon or whatever term
we want to use My freedom fromfrom a depressive and oppressive
marriage.
This is giving some examples ofit February 2nd, I say that my
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husband came home and the daybefore and it turned out that he
did not have dinner plans afterall.
And, so my son and I got thepleasure, this is sarcasm here,
we got the pleasure of dealingwith him.
Especially when he went offabout our daughter's competition
issues.
There was an issue at acompetition that she was in and
it was almost like the thing wasrigged and I even went on to
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report it to the news.
Um, But, so, my husband wasgoing off about our daughter's
competition, and how she waspissing him off.
But the fact is, he was wrong inwhat he was saying, and how he
was saying it.
My son and I stood up for herbecause my husband was wrong.
(13:37):
We tried to keep it nice, and Iwatched my show with him and but
he seemed interested in watchingTV in the living room And so I
with relief went to to watchsomething in the bedroom and he
wound up sleeping in the spareroom Where I was so very pleased
that he was but here's one ofthe the reasons that I know That
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he was out drinking Which heoften did for work or with his
work friends and I will just saythat I have since, well, we're
just going to leave it at that,that he was out with quote work.
He was in the spare room.
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I was often glad whenever heslept in the spare room because
I didn't have to deal with him,him and the TV.
And he, how he insisted on thefan and his constant snoring
that I'm quite certain hascaused a degree of, of hearing
loss.
Well at that point that nightWell as often happens whenever
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he drinks a lot He snores reallyloud, and I mean bad he snored
So loud that night.
This was a four bedroom houseEveryone in the house all in
different bedrooms heard him andhe has never cared He feels
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entitled, but if I snore oh dearGod Well, you can ask, you can
ask, you can ask my gentlemanfriend, you can ask several of
my good friends, and they willtell you that I have been
traumatized about my snoringbecause of how he would treat
me.
But I had notes on here thateveryone heard his snoring in
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other rooms.
I'm glad they heard it in thehallway, the bathroom, my room.
both of their rooms, not to makefun of him, but for them to see
here and understand what I'vebeen talking about for years.
Let me see.
There were, I made a note inhere that whenever he came home
and he came into the bedroom,the master where I was hanging
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out, he started adjusting fansand everything like that.
And my thought was, Oh crap,he's sleeping in here tonight.
And.
This is almost psychotic.
Um, he adjusted the fan.
He wasn't in the, in the room.
I was in the room watching TV.
He came in the room, adjustedthe fan, left it on, and left
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the room.
And I, and here's what I say, Ileft it even though I didn't
want it blowing on me.
Look at me, sacrificing myselfbecause someone said so.
As in, like, he said so.
So it had to be.
And I told myself, stop.
And This is where it gets reallycrazy.
(16:32):
I said if he's not sleeping inhere tonight, I'll change it
back I think but that's notactually what I said said if
he's not sleeping in heretonight I'm changing it back and
I think I'll address a permanentchange in sleeping practices
slash locations with him So evenon February 1st or 2nd, whatever
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that day was I was thinkingabout Getting him to just sleep
in a different place either hedoes or I do because it's
ridiculous I Was being forced todeal with whatever he wanted
when and how he wanted it eventhough sometimes he was just a
straight up asshole and AndWould go off about things and
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make demands on The childrenespecially I could stand up for
myself, even though I still feltvery repressed At that point I
wanted a divorce I just thoughtit would be a long ways away
that before I would ask for itFebruary 3rd, this is nine days
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before I asked for a divorce Andmy son and I had gone out to
dinner And whenever I got home,my husband was in bed in the
spare room with the door closed.
And, he, there was this wholething about food and eating
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practices and I felt like it wasvery unhealthy.
So, my husband was personallydisgusted with how little he
could eat because he was onthese shots.
He was, it was like black marketozempic or something.
And my son was starving himself,trying to just eat two meals a
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week.
He was, he was calling itextreme, he was calling it
fasting.
My doctor had advisedintermittent fasting for me.
And I had stopped, stopped doingit.
Or, you know, my, my stuff was18 hours.
There were only six hours in theday when, when I could eat.
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They took it to the extremes.
I was not happy about this.
I didn't think it was washealthy, but Um These are just
some of the things that I wasdealing with before I even asked
for the divorce february 5th OhYeah, talk about a self
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improvement program.
I was bold And I stepped out Istepped out in faith and I'm
just gonna go ahead and sayCathy Heller has been a big
inspiration for me.
And she's the one who encouragedme to do a podcast.
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I did her program boldlyabundant and she had this, this
lady, her last name was Skelly.
And the first name starts withan S, Stephanie or Sue or
something.
I can't remember, but we didthis whole breathing thing and
it was the, this breathing wasdesigned to stimulate some
things, to bring up some stuffso you can, you know, get it
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out.
And I have my notes on here, andI remember this, I bawled my
eyes out as I released andreleased and remembered and
released and remembered,released.
Laughed my ass off, and thisbreathing that we were doing,
holy cow, I had been taught notto be weak, to suck it up, stuff
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it down, and don't cry.
I released all of it.
I gave myself permission to cry.
I gave myself permission for alot of things.
I remembered that I am, that Iam the light, I am safe, I am
cared for, I'm provided for, I'mstill conquering the fear,
trying to kick its ass, kickfear's ass, and be the powerful,
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woman that I am to break openthe cysts that have been stuffed
down inside of me and glossedover to let the yucky stuff out
to be okay with myself.
Um, my body reflexively tried toclose off the hurt, but I forced
myself to keep my body open sothings could flow out.
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So here I am, I'm working on myself improvement, trying to be a
better version of myself and notcarry around all of this.
emotional baggage and everythingand, um, set not good examples
for my children.
And I'm dealing with thesethings.
I'm being relieved when the manI have vowed to spend the rest
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of my life is with is sleepingin the spare room because he's a
booty hole.
I, at this time, I'm also doing,um, Dr.
Heather Stone, an amazing womanwho has had a lot of experience
dealing with thyroid and has hadto personally figure out how to
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really address thyroid issuesand she focuses on women because
I apologize if I get this numberwrong but billions of dollars
are spent on creating medicinesand studying erectile
dysfunction when that has noinherent health risk.
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Meanwhile, Thyroid dysfunctionwhich often masks that The
person who is experiencing itactually has an autoimmune
disease The treatment for thathas remained the same for both
of those the autoimmune as wellas the thyroid dysfunction The
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treatment for that has goneunchanged for 80 years the
better part of a century And Dr.
Heather Stone assures us that ifyou have an autoimmune disease
and it goes untreated, you willget another autoimmune disease.
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Autoimmune means that the bodyis literally attacking itself.
This is something that, that I,that is something in my life.
It runs in my family.
So my grandfather had it.
My aunt has it.
I have it.
Likelihood is high that mychildren will have it as well.
(23:10):
So, I'm doing these freewebinars and I'm learning about
how to handle this situation,what to do, learning, learning,
learning.
Right?
Just so you know, I get, laterget, um, ostracized and, um, all
manner of ill speak towards me.
(23:31):
for listening.
Because I was always in my room,always on a zoom call or a
webinar For trying to improvemyself and trying to learn so
that my children can also have ahealthier life, too.
Yep.
Mm hmm Okay February 7th, thisis This is a big one here.
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I'm talking about how I feel notrested not happy and Trying to
And finally say screw it insteadof trying to put things in a
positive way I say okay I feelsad and sad and depressed
Because I feel like I'm mourningthe loss of my marriage that was
supposed to be happily everafter this morning he came in
while I was While I was righthere told me that he was working
(24:18):
late and he had seen me in themorning and left This was my
marriage him sleeping in anotherroom some of the times still
enforcing his will on me in Inthe master bedroom.
My marriage is over.
And I'm sad because it's over.
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Because it was, you know, I hadalways said that I was
Cinderella, and he was my PrinceCharming.
So I spent a lot of time beingvery sad because it was very
evident that my marriage wasover.
It's just, talking about goingthrough the motions.
Whew.
(25:00):
So continuing on all this stuffas we're ramping up to the big
day, um, This is just days awayand every day there's uh,
there's something in hereFebruary the 8th turns out that
he was mad at me because umWell, he came home.
It was late at night.
(25:20):
He comes into the bedroom.
He's all excited He wants totell me about something with
work, but I was on a call.
I was on a webinar with Dr.
Stone Learning about my thyroidand how to fix it.
And I couldn't, we wereliterally in some of the vital
elements of the um, of thewebinar and I could not give him
the attention.
And I couldn't pause it becauseit was live.
(25:41):
So whenever it was over then,you know, I went to go see him
and be like, Okay, what was,what was up?
What's going on?
And, oh, he was in the bathroomthen.
And let me tell you, whenever hewas in the bathroom, it was for
a long time.
So, I go to the living room andmy daughter and I sit on the
couch and we, we wait and thenfinally he comes in there and he
mouths off about me not being ona call and there's some back and
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forth about this and then he, hestill never tells me what it is
that he was excited over.
He just stomps off towards thebedroom and, and mouthing off
about just excuses.
That was always his, hisfavorite thing, excuses,
excuses.
He said that about everything.
God, it sounded so much like himjust then too.
Excuses, excuses, blah, blah,blah.
And so I told him, I said, soyou're mad because I was just on
(26:25):
a call with a doctor aboutfixing my thyroid?
And he wouldn't answer.
Which, of course, that wastypical.
To mouth off.
Um under muttering somethingunder his breath, which to me is
very cowardly if you havesomething to say Then say it to
me say it just straight up sayit don't turn around Walk off
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and start muttering.
That's a coward right there AndI told him so on several
occasions The next night wasdate night because we did have a
scheduled date night And I toldhim about how, um, I was going
to have a meeting with, with thedoctor and I needed him present
(27:10):
for the meeting and so that hecould understand and hear these,
these things and understand whatwas going on.
But at the same time, we oftendid things separately.
So basically what I was sayingwithout saying it was, you know,
we already have separate lives,so it's okay if you're not
there.
He did go off on, on some otherstuff.
(27:31):
Turns out that he had, he wasangry about how the spare room
was.
Now, mind you, the spare roomhad been decorated the way I
wanted it.
And it was supposed to be arefuge for me because often I
would have to get up and leavein the middle of the night.
Cause I couldn't fucking sleepbecause he was snoring so
fucking loud.
Um, other things also happenedin there too.
(27:51):
So whether I was doing a webinarbecause I was trying to be nice
and not use our bedroom for myoffice is basically what it was.
So the spare room was alsosupposed to kind of sort of be
my office.
And I went to a pretty decentamount of expense trying to set
things up in there the way Ineeded them to be so that it was
fully functioning in the waythat I needed it, um, but that
(28:14):
it would still be a spare room.
Well, there was a practice thatoccurred in our house.
Uh, he always wanted our houseto look like it was, this is my
phrasing, like, like it wasmagazine ready.
There was not allowed to be anyclutter anywhere, any papers.
I live in my house.
(28:34):
My house is a home.
It's not the set of a BetterHomes and Gardens shoot.
Martha Stewart does not live inmy house.
My house is lived in.
I do not have a maid, and Icannot do everything.
And also when I'm constantlyinterrupted to go do something
to help someone else, and I'mnot able to finish my stuff,
(28:55):
then yes, there's going to bestuff left out.
So A common practice was his wayof cleaning was kids pile your
mother's shit up and go put iton the bed in the spare room
Yeah So and then stuff would getpiled on top.
Okay, it was just we will justsay that that was a downward
(29:16):
spiral situation So there wasstuff on the bed in the spare
room mind you this is a kingsize bed and half of the bed Um,
basically half of the bed wascovered, which meant that half
of the bed was uncovered.
So there was room for one personto sleep, comfortably.
(29:37):
He was pissed because hecouldn't stretch his legs out
over the whole bed.
Um, motherfucker, you don'tstretch your legs out, or you
shouldn't be stretching yourlegs out over the whole bed in
the master bedroom either,because I am in that bed.
And he was, we constantly arguedabout him sticking his feet
where my feet were because hewanted the cool space.
(29:57):
Motherfucker, so do I,goddammit! This is the kind of
stupid shit that we dealt with.
But he was mad because hecouldn't stretch out over the
whole bed.
Fuck you.
So we're getting closer andcloser to D Day.
In fact, we're one day away.
Um, or is it two days away?
(30:23):
Yeah, close enough.
Anyway, on February the 11th,2024, I am spending a lot of my
time trying to make the spareroom better so that my husband
is happier.
And because I'm, I'm the one whohas the most power to control
that situation and create themost happiness.
(30:46):
For the whole family, so I wastrying to get it done.
It was the fair and right thingto do, I felt.
So, I have notes in here that,well, I was glad I literally
said didn't have any issues withmy husband, thankfully.
I was hitting a wall and tryingto do what I had planned to do,
(31:06):
because I had set intentions forwhat I'd like to accomplish that
day, and I just couldn't.
I felt sad, depressed, likecrying, and I wondered, was it
the meditation music that I waslistening to that was trying to
drown out the sound of all theloud stuff in the living room
that my husband was doing?
(31:27):
It had never affected me likethat before, but I don't know,
it's worth considering.
And I literally say, I know I'mmourning the loss of my marriage
before it's, before it'sdefined, defined as a loss, but
loss is lost, period.
So I knew I was sad.
(31:47):
I knew that the time was coming.
I, I had been been feeling thepressure and the nudges from
what I feel is divinity.
Encouraging my guides, Myangels, whatever, telling me to
do this, do this, do this, andbut I wanted the timing to be
right, because we were supposedto have people over on Saturday,
and we were supposed to havepeople over for the Super Bowl,
and La la la, but I could notbear the thought of going into
(32:10):
Valentine's Day.
Oh, dear God.
I had been thankful that anytime my husband was home, uh,
that that also seemed tocoincide with my period.
Like, legitimately, I wasn'tfaking it.
I was just very, very thankfulfor it.
Um, I made a note on here thatmy daughter had, that she'd made
(32:33):
a tres leches cake instead ofthe butterscotch cookies, and
maybe I should make them thenext day to help soften the
blow.
And I was asking God to pleasego before me and clear the path.
I accept that this is my growththing, and I'm praying for the
courage, the right words, theright words.
And that they be received well.
Here's my goal, my currentthoughts.
Butterscotch cookies in him.
(32:54):
Give him valentines early, whichwas, and I forgot about this, a
hundred dollars towards thetickets that we discussed.
It was a Styx and Foreignerconcert and those tickets were
224 each, I think.
I don't know.
Maybe it was total.
Anyway, I said that I could, Icould definitely swing a
hundred, um, when we haddiscussed it.
(33:16):
And he was talking about what hecould come up with.
Then I would ask him aftershowing him that I was committed
to being partners.
I mean, hey, if I'm willing toput 100 towards concert tickets
that are still months away, thenthat's showing some commitment,
right?
That was the idea.
And then asking him after I'veshown commitment to be partners,
if he thinks he's still in lovewith me.
(33:41):
Basically, I go through all ofthis hoping for, basically, us
to wind up still partners, justhappily divorced, still being a
good team, a family unit for ourchildren, working together for
the greater good, butacknowledging that we are
happier apart, because wecertainly weren't happy
(34:01):
together.
I even make note in here that Ido not want my ego involved.
And trying to be fair aboutthings.
So that was setting myintention.
And one of the things that I wasdoing, was also my husband would
(34:26):
come into a room and there werejust, I would feel a cortisol
dump.
I would feel it in my kidneys.
Sometimes my back would evenhurt.
And I could tell by mychildren's expressions that they
felt this way too, oftentimes.
So I had developed this practicefor myself that it happened one
(34:48):
day whenever I was locked in atruck with him for a 400 mile
trip and he's going off aboutsomething and he just has a very
abrasive way of saying thingsand addressing things, a very
strong opinion.
And as far as he's concerned,his opinion is the only one that
matters, which you know, most ofus feel that way also, but some
(35:08):
of us actually have space forother people's opinions too.
Well, one of the things that Iwould notice is that whenever he
would get built up like this,that I would have a physical
reaction.
I would feel the cortisol dumpin my body.
And just to give you a little ofa little insight here, I am
(35:32):
curvy because I have beenestrogen dominant my entire
life.
It means I have big boobs, Ihave wide hips, I went through
puberty early.
Well, guess, and, uh, for a longtime I received hormone
treatments because I had almostno testosterone in my body and
that's when I learned howimportant testosterone is, even
to a woman's body.
(35:54):
Well, here's the thing.
Testosterone, When the stresshormone cortisol is present,
gets broken down into, guesswhat?
Estrogen.
Yeah, just think about that andprocess that for a minute.
Does that not give you someinsight into why I have been
(36:16):
estrogen dominant my entirelife?
I am very susceptible to tostress, or what my doctor called
high perceived stress.
It doesn't matter if you call itstress or not.
The fact is how it affects me.
And I was constantly my entirelife in stress mode.
(36:37):
And the man I was married tocaused a lot of stress.
So, so much that one day as I'mlocked in a vehicle as he's
flying down the road about 85miles an hour because Well,
whatever I Began this practiceMy work as a therapist of
(37:01):
massage Says my training saysEnergy has to go out the way it
came in So when I'm working onsomeone instead of just trying
to smash an area and make itsubmit to my will I Will have
better Better success if Iencourage Basically the the
(37:24):
wound whether it's energetic orphysical to undo itself.
So this idea of sending theenergy back out the way it came
in was very mind blowing or tome and whenever I would feel
this cortisol dump in my kidneysand my lower back I had this
(37:50):
epiphany that, you know what, Ican reject it.
Just because somebody is dumpingall over me doesn't mean I have
to take it.
I mean, if I was, if I wassitting here in my chair and
somebody just started pissingall over me, do you think I
would just sit here and take it?
No.
So, duh.
Fight back.
(38:10):
Somebody's energetically dumpingon me?
Okay, shields up.
Like, do something about this.
And so I just, I began thispractice of, and it's crazy.
I've been away from him longenough at this point that I
forgot I had done this.
And this was at this time hadbeen a multiple times a day.
(38:31):
Like this was almost a constantpractice.
If I was around him that I wouldhave to mentally reject the
energy that was causing mestress.
Um, Trying to trace it.
So where, when it hit, when it,when the stress hit my adrenals,
(38:53):
which controls the cortisol,then I would have to try to
force it back.
Unactivate the adrenals, un dumpthe cortisol.
Not the easiest to explain, letalone do, but anyway, I came up
with this, this phrase, thisprayer, this saying, whatever
(39:16):
you want to call it, Things areeasier when they rhyme and I
like to rhyme turns out.
I'm really good at it so I mydeal came out to Send this
energy back from whence it cameand take away its power to lame
Let the sender be aware of howit had the power to impair Allow
(39:37):
love and kindness kindness totake its place and greatly
elevate the whole human race Icame up with that one as I was
writing this journal, and I'mactually really proud of that
one.
Um, I like it because it's abouttaking something not so good,
(40:00):
and not only neutralizing it,but making it into something
that is good.
To turning it into a prayer,into a blessing.
Something that is the greatergood for all.
Cause that's how I work.
That's how I like to operate.
Sadly, that prayer was almost ona continuous loop.
(40:26):
Okay, so it's D Day! 2 1 2 2 0 24 And, you know what, I'm just
going to go ahead and read theentire journal entry because
it's really shockingly short.
It says, I love math, numbers,and patterns.
I pray this one be a blessing onmy plan.
Everything in me says yes to doit.
(40:47):
I continue to ask for God'shelp.
Last night before sleep, I askedfor help and I also said the
intention that my best futureself have a protected meld with
me that she is available to mefor her, for her to take over my
actions and my words and to helpme get from here to her in the
future It would be hindsight forher, and hindsight is 20 20,
(41:12):
right?
She knows what steps to take tobest get from here to there, so
may God bless and protect.
And I did my little happy faceand my my heart sunshine emoji
sort of looking thing.
Oh, it's gosh.
It's it's crazy.
I'm feeling heartburn right now.
So at this point I had beenwaking up every day and setting
(41:35):
the intention of What feature ofmy best future self do I want to
embody today?
And I would wait for a responsefrom my creator.
Sometimes it would be healthy orpersistent or faithfulness, just
any number of things.
And so that would be a traitthat I would focus on as much of
the day as I could.
(42:00):
So it was, Oh no, that was theday after the Superbowl and I'm
shocked that I really thoughtthat That I had journaled
everything in there.
I can tell you that I rememberthat there were things like
that.
The time on the clock was 6 16when I started this process and
it was something like 8 38 whenI went to my room.
(42:26):
Um, we can go through the wholedivorce process, the way things
went down.
In a bit, but Right now I justthis is two weeks of outlining
What was leading up to I meanthere was a lot more than this,
but every day in my journals i'mTalking about how there was
(42:50):
something well, there was oncethat I was like, oh everything's
went fine with him oh, you knowshocker and thankful for that
because That shouldn't besomething that is so rare.
Should it?
I don't think so.
That's not how I want to live mylife.
And that's one of many reasonswhy I made the decision that I
did.
And I did it really because ofmy children.
(43:16):
I had kept holding out hopethat, that I could hold out
until my children graduated.
This was months before my sonwas about to graduate high
school.
And then my daughter would beentering her senior year, but I
just couldn't do it anymore.
And the big thing that made medecide was whenever I realized
(43:39):
that I was setting the examplefor my children of what they
should be putting, be putting upwith.
Being called a fucking cunt,nope, nope, not even remotely
within the realm ofacceptability.
I don't.
care, especially whenever theperson uses that word because
(44:02):
it's like twisting a needleunder the skin because they know
it pisses you off.
This is a man who, as far as Iknow, has called every single
woman in his life a fuckingcunt.
His mother, his sister, hisolder daughter, his first ex
wife, his best friend's wife,any female he's worked with, And
(44:31):
I know if I wasn't before, I'mdefinitely on that list now.
And he was also known to sayabout his mother, his sister,
his first ex wife, his oldestdaughter, and probably me too,
even though I'm in a reallydifferent category now.
He was known to say quite often,my life will be so much better
(44:55):
when that fucking bitch dies.
This is the man I was marriedto.
I made children with this man.
He wasn't like that.
Well, he didn't show that partof himself to me for a really
(45:19):
long time.
And when he did at first,whenever it was just about his
ex wife, okay.
And I'll tell you one of thethings that I realize now is
that I always took his word forit.
Whatever he said, why hewouldn't tell me any, any lies
because, you know, I flattermyself to believe that.
That I, I'm a good lie detector.
(45:41):
I can, I can see throughsomebody's bullshit, right?
Um, in hindsight, 20 yearslater, it occurs to me that
perhaps one of the reasons thathis parents still acted so
nicely and accepting to his exwife, maybe, maybe.
(46:10):
Either she wasn't as bad as hesaid or he was worse than he led
on led me to believe Because itoccurred to me that He didn't
ever necessarily paint himselfas an angel, but he didn't say
anything about how he was amisbehaving husband I just
(46:30):
assumed that I mean there weresome things that were kind of
inferred Because of course hepainted himself as the victim,
but you know, you know You Atthe same time saying, saying,
oh, I'm not perfect, but youknow, this and that.
I can't help but wonder if, if Iwere to sit down and have a
conversation with his ex wifeand compare notes, just how
(46:53):
different the stories would be.
Now, I'm not saying that I wouldtrust her and that would
probably make it not even worthtaking the time to do it, but
I'm sure it would be a veryinteresting conversation.
Okay, continuing on.
So I was reading the day after,so February 13th, and there is a
(47:13):
lot in here.
Turns out I did write thesethings down, so I did remember
it.
It just wasn't that night.
So I got up first thing in themorning saying, wow, I did it.
I asked for what, for what Iwanted, which was a peaceful
parting of ways.
And all was calm that my husbandpromised that things would get
ugly and I rejected that.
(47:34):
Um, I told him that you findwhat you're looking for and I
look for a peaceful, mutually,mutually beneficial parting of
ways.
He wanted me out of the house.
See, this was February, uh,we're halfway through February
at this point and he wants meout of the house in six weeks by
the end of March.
I told him that I reject thattoo and he, uh, Thinks I don't
have any claim to the house, letalone to its current value.
(47:58):
he's wrong.
He went through and, um, hetrashed our picture.
So our picture that had it wasus in the middle and then all
our families around it.
He went through and literallytrashed it.
He he had to get a laddersometime in the middle of the
night.
to get up on this ladder andpick this, this picture off the
(48:19):
wall and throw it in the trash.
Our son, by the way, was veryupset by this whenever he found
out that that had been the case.
And I was, I was calm andpeaceful.
And I said, I expected it.
And he said, what you did.
And cause my son had some choicewords to say about how, um, how
he felt about that.
But I told him, I said, Iexpected it.
(48:41):
You did.
I said, yeah.
I said, uh, whenever, um, he andhis first wife.
We're getting a divorce.
He loved telling the story abouthow he took off his wedding ring
and he flushed it down thetoilet and it took two flushes
for it to go down the toilet.
But that's what he did to herthat he basically held up his
(49:02):
hand, took off his fingers.
He was like, you want to knowwhat I think?
That's what I think about you.
That's what I think about ourmarriage.
And he flushed it.
And I said, so, so I wasexpecting, I said, not that, but
definitely something.
And I said, that's, that's whohe is, son.
That's, that's how he operates.
That's And my son had a fewother things to say about his
father and he was right in thevein of his emotions Which is
(49:26):
makes it that much more ironicthat he's behaving the way he is
now, but I have faith So hethought that I didn't have any
right to the house Um, also oneof the things that he had done
was one of the debit cards thathe had I think it was the one
tied to the food accountpresumably he had shredded that
(49:48):
up Had cut it up and left it bythe Keurig.
Um, basically and my note herewas god bless him I really
didn't think he'd be this hurtand he could only be this hurt
if he actually cared and He didsay that there had been some
small glimmer of hope and actedas if I had the power to
(50:08):
reconcile but I didn't see anypossible way that we could so
Again, put a pin in this and wewill address that whenever we
talk about how our Theconversation went when I asked
for the divorce because theglimmer of hope You're gonna
love why he thought there was aglimmer of hope.
(50:31):
I prayed for the whole familyfor everything to be calm and
peaceful for everybody and Forthis to not have any negative
impact on our son's celebrationsgraduation.
I I prayed to angels I prayed togods I Yeah, very interesting
(50:51):
thing though is that night Idreamed for the first time in a
long time and I felt like I wasreceiving downloads and Just my
dreams I saw an aurora therewere just so so much things
going on I did write things downin here.
(51:20):
It was It was 616 whenever Istarted the conversation.
It was 838 when I got into mychair after everything had been
said and done.
And, angel number meanings.
You'll find that this is arecurring theme that, that I go
back to.
And basically it's messages thatangels put in numbers for you.
(51:42):
So if you see the same numberall the time, I mean, this is
even, this topic is even showingup in Hallmark movies.
I'm just saying it's out thereand you can Google it.
So here's what 616 comes out to.
It says it's time to bringbalance into your life.
This can mean working to createa safe and welcoming home space,
(52:02):
readdressing your work lifebalance, and making time to
nurture relationships, considerpersonal development, and
practice gratitude andpositivity.
Okay! 838.
It says believe in yourself andwork toward your goals.
You're on the right path.
If you think positively andtreat others with kindness, I
(52:25):
didn't, uh, Additionally, areminder to use your material
success as a means to give backand make a positive impact on
the world.
Oh yeah! I've been blessed witha vision and I know that that's,
that that's part of my job, whatI'm here to do.
Thank you.
I receive all of that.
(52:45):
I receive all of that.
I receive, I receive, I receive.
Whew.
What else does it say?
Um.
I asked God to go before me andclear the path.
I asked for my children to beprotected from all harm.
I asked for this to be, um, apeaceful parting of ways as we
continue as a family unit.
(53:07):
And I thought it was funny thathe insisted on finding a new
hairstylist and, uh, okay.
I mean, I'm not going to jack upsomebody's haircut on purpose,
even if, even if it is somebodyI'm divorcing because, uh, My
name is walking around on thathead of hair.
But okay, he was setting hisboundaries.
(53:29):
I respect that.
That's fine.
He seemed pissed off that he hadto go find a new hairstylist.
And then I'm just going to goahead and spoiler alert this one
for you.
Um, he went to my old employer.
Well, she wasn't really my, myemployer, but I contracted a
(53:50):
space in her shop that I helpedher open.
Yeah.
And then when my daughterdecided that she needed a
massage, she followed his ruleone, she went to get her haircut
by that same person too.
And of course that, thathairstylist is known for being
(54:12):
the biggest gossip in town.
Um, and when it came time for amassage, they went to the place
I used to work with the personwho I didn't work for or with
anymore.
The, the therapist was not acoworker.
She and I had worked together onsome projects, but she and I
never worked in the same spacetogether on a regular basis.
(54:35):
But she rented a space from aperson who I had bad experience
with.
Okay.
You know what?
I say, for my daughter getting amassage, Sweetheart if you need
a massage, I'm glad that notonly did you have the funds to
take care of it But that youwent to a person who is good.
(54:58):
That's a person who I getmassages from so great I'm glad
that you took care of yourselfand that you had the means with
which to do it So that justgives you a little foreshadowing
into some things that are comingup This is my outlook and how I
I look at life.
(55:18):
Um, oh One of the things that hesaid let me see Find the right
place to start reading here, sowhile I'm praying for us to
continue on as a peaceful familyunit And he is insisting on
finding a new hairstylist.
Okay, fine if that makes youfeel better for great and then I
(55:38):
Write in here that I'm justhappy.
I'm just happy that I as he saidFinally grew a pair lol Also,
I'll have to tell you about himgiving me my Valentine's gift
too, and how it was extremelyappropriate.
It was, we'll just say that itwas something that made us
laugh, and I even write here,that may we always be able to
(56:02):
share and laugh, laugh it out.
That was what I wanted.
Um, you're gonna hear later onhow things actually went.
I will say this There wassometimes some things that got
really ugly Some things where Iwas abused in ways That I
(56:29):
shouldn't have been Where thingswell, nobody should be abused
ever But in the end It was good.
One of my continuing prayers isnot only God go before me and
clear the path But also, and Ihad forgotten to include myself
(56:52):
in this prayer.
I had just said it about myloved ones, specifically about
my children.
But the modified version of thecontinuing prayer is this,
anything negative that I or myloved ones must experience, let,
please let it be in the best waypossible.
(57:14):
You'll hear me tell storieslater on about how I never.
I never prayed for my childrento have a perfect or easy life
because if I deprived themthrough my prayers of
opportunities to grow, well,they probably wouldn't grow,
would they?
So I would never Deprive mychildren of an opportunity to
(57:35):
grow, but I do pray that it'd bein the best way possible.
I had just forgotten to includemyself in that too.
And, Part of this struggle, partof my journey is learning the
balance between this and that.
(57:56):
What I should do, what I shouldnot do.
The hows and the whys andstepping out in faith and
struggling with being stubborn.
This is my life.
I'm the future single lady andeventually I will be the finally
(58:17):
single lady.
I'm glad you're here on myjourney.
I hope that you find itEntertaining in some way or
another hopefully sometimescomical.
Yes, it's serious And yes, I getpotty mouth because sometimes in
my humble unsolicited opinionsometimes a curse word or two is
(58:42):
What it really takes to expresswhat is being felt.
I apologize if that agitates oraggravates Anyone's
sensitivities That's not myintent.
I'm just a real person, honest,and putting it out there.
This is my experience.
(59:04):
If you get something from it,whether it's entertainment or
companionship and knowing thatyou're not alone, or
understanding, because someoneyou know and care about is
experiencing something similar,great.
Because that's why I'm here.
This process is also catharticfor me.
(59:28):
It helps speaking to you, soThat's that for the day and I'll
try to be on it.
It occurs to me that um, thatthe six week gap that exists
between where we startedyesterday and where we are, well
(59:49):
what aired for the first episodeand There's a gap that needs to
be covered and it would probablyhelp to understand that instead
of just jumping right in themiddle, right?
So there we have it.
Join me tomorrow as we continuethis trip down memory lane.
(01:00:10):
Trip, trip, trip, tripping downmemory lane.
And you can also join me onsocial media.
I have a Facebook page.
It's future single lady and Ithink that's also on Instagram
and I think Buzzsprout also hasa website.
The truth is I don't have allthe supporting materials yet, at
(01:00:30):
least not at the time ofpublication of this, and I'm
hoping that that falls intoplace very quickly.
My major thing is trying to makesure that this is done.
That I continue on.
I started the ball rollingyesterday.
And I want to keep it rolling.
And I want to keep this timely.
And it would be great if theanniversary date of something
(01:00:52):
that I experienced was aired.
Aired what happened one yearearlier.
So today is February 13th.
And I'm trying to launch orpublish the things that happened
on February 13th.
Didn't get quite completed withthat.
these episodes initially startoff long and I promise they get
shorter.
Yep.
(01:01:12):
I promise that they do.
So, I'm hoping to get thispublished today, on the one year
anniversary of that date, and tocontinue on publishing, um,
tomorrow.
I will, uh, I'll try to getthings up to speed as quickly as
I can.
I appreciate your patience.
Thank you for knowing that I'm areal person, doing real stuff,
(01:01:36):
and, Just trying to get it doneas I learn something new and I
fumble through the entirefucking process And I know I use
some wordy dirts and I apologizefor that.
But you know what?
That's me That's who I am.
And that's just how I feel atthe moment So I hope you
continue on this journey and Ihope you I hope you enjoy it
(01:01:59):
Some of these things that Iexperienced may be sad at the
time, but I promise it getsbetter Yeah In the meantime,
feel free to send me a message,to like, follow, whatever, all
of those things.
The future single lady.
And you can also email me,FutureSingleLady@gmail.com I
would love to hear from you.
I'd love to hear not just your,your thoughts on this craziness
(01:02:22):
that's going on here, but what'sgoing on in, in your life, in
your world?
What is it that makes youconnect with what's going on
here?
Is it just entertaining?
Do you?
Do you want to listen and justhear how stupid I feel and, am
behaving sometimes?
Is it because you're goingthrough something too, or that
(01:02:43):
you already did, or you have aloved one who, who has or is?
I would love to hear from you.
Okay.
FutureSingleLady@gmail.com Loveyou my friend.
Thanks for being here.
When life is too real to be onTV, come to me, I'm Scarlett
Davis, and I'm the Future SingleLady.
This is me telling my story fromdeclaring my independence,
telling my husband of almost 20years that I didn't want to be
married anymore, and the journeythat it took from declaring that
(00:27):
to getting that, and then some.
I'm not a doctor, I'm not acounselor.
Any advice that's given is justone woman talking to another
person.
I'm a woman and I'm ahairstylist, so I tend to do
that.
I bear no responsibility orlegal liability for you or
anyone else following any adviceor doing anything I say or
(00:50):
copying anything that I do.
This podcast is forentertainment purposes only, and
I really hope that you areentertained.
And if it helps you in some way,whether it is dealing with your
own crap or understandingsomeone else as they go through
their crap, great.
That's my goal.
(01:10):
I hope you have a great day andthat you enjoy this.
It's late in the day, in theevening, almost, midnight
February the 12th, 2025.
So this is the one yearanniversary of the day that I
declared my desire for freedomfrom my marriage.
(01:32):
I launched my podcast today andin doing the editing and stuff
for it, Well, one, I didn'trealize until a few days ago
that I didn't start recordingone year ago today, at least not
for the podcast.
I, I journaled things, but therewas about six weeks worth of
(01:57):
activity that wasn't journaledlike this, or it was only in
writing.
And you started off hearing meat a really low place in my
life.
When I was really scared todeath about what was going to
happen the very next day where Iwas going to be judged by a
(02:18):
stranger, literally judgedbecause that stranger was a
judge and that person had thepower to, to determine a major
life path direction for me.
And I felt powerless.
And you heard that.
I thought it pertinent to giveyou a little bit of backstory.
(02:39):
So the journals, the, it'sfunny, I was looking for these
journals a couple of days agobecause I wanted to start
journaling again.
You'll hear in this story theline, should you choose to keep
participating.
Going along with the journey,why I stopped journaling for a
(03:00):
period, but I started again andI couldn't find my journals when
I was ready.
Even though I had just seen aminute funny how that happens
everything Everything in exactlythe right time.
So I went to February 12th 2024one year ago today and I wound
(03:23):
up finding myself.
I was drawn to several thingsbefore then and so I Feel like
it's appropriate for you to havea little bit of backstory.
These are some of the things I'mnot gonna Read my entire journal
to you, but there are definitelysome highlights that I would
like to point out and So onjanuary 31st I had journaled
(03:48):
some things and then I said thatThis was on an unrelated An
unrelated note that it was adream that I had had the night
before and in short In thisdream the man I was married to
You At the time that he wasdriving, we pulled up to my
hometown, 500 miles away from,from where we live.
(04:13):
And it turns out that where hepulled up to was my ex
boyfriend's house.
And there were just, uh, somethings in here, but the, some of
the notes that I have were thatmy kids were there and there was
something about moving on.
And my kids were listening and,and my husband was listening.
(04:34):
And.
My kids understood that I hadbeen a highly sought after
woman.
I always believed myself to beincredibly average.
I knew that I had big knockersand childbearing hips.
Let me tell you, being told,especially from a young age,
that you have childbearing hipsis not exactly, it doesn't feel
(04:58):
like a compliment.
And okay, so somebody likes yourboobs.
That's just one part of yourbody that doesn't have anything
to do with who you are.
Right.
So somebody being sexuallyattracted to me, okay, that's
nice.
But you know, whatever.
And in truth, in high school, Iwas, I was Sir Mix-A-Lot's to
(05:21):
dream where he says 36, 24, 36,only if she's five, three, well,
honey, I went past that.
I think I was like 37, 25, 38,something like that.
And I was only five foot and ahalf and a half inch.
So, um, anyway, I was physicallysought after and I've always
been very vivacious andaudacious.
(05:46):
And that appeals to a lot ofpeople.
But my kids only know me astheir mother.
They've only seen me as theirmother.
And of course, me being, well,thinking that I was being
respectful to my husband, Iwasn't going to be.
So audacious and just out therelike I was before because that
(06:06):
would seem, I don't know, I was,I had beliefs that I don't
necessarily believe now, but Iacted on those beliefs out of
what I thought was respect for,not just for my husband, but for
myself as a decent wife, a goodwife and a good mother and all
of these limiting beliefs.
(06:28):
But in this dream, My kids areseeing me as someone who is
sought after and desirable andthey're seeing me through a
different lens and, I'm lookingat something that I have written
here, but my kids, uh, I, orthere's somewhere in there that
I, where I say, see, I've movedon and my kids are asking me
questions about my pastrelationship and my husband is
(06:50):
listening to, and, and myattitude is, yes, I was sought
after and.
You've trashed me.
I'm thinking this to my husband.
There's something I don't even Idon't understand my own writing
here But my kids were seeing meeven cooler than they did before
I kicked myself for not takingcare of I'm making a note in
(07:13):
here about uh, and so in thedream i'm wearing a spaghetti
strap sundress that ties at thetop And, uh, I was kicking
myself for not, um, Tweezing myunderarms because they were
lasered.
So, it's funny how even in my,in my dreams, I'm berating
myself for physical appearances.
Good grief.
(07:36):
The next day, February the 1st,I make the comment that my
husband came home last night andit was not fun.
Um.
Even though he did bring desserthome, which was from a very nice
restaurant.
He liked to brag about thosekinds of things, the stuff that
he did for work.
Um, there was this wholesituation where my son had come
(07:59):
home from work.
He was working at a chainrestaurant and our kids were
made to save money for theircars so that they would, they
would value their car and theywould.
They would know what it was liketo work for something and how
hard it is to earn a dollaroften times.
Anyway, For whatever reason myhusband knew that our daughter
(08:20):
was asleep and our son had justgotten home So he calls our son
to order him outside To bring insome things That my husband
wanted my son to bring in forhim.
So my son, because he was in themiddle of telling me some stuff
that was happening at his work,we were having a nice
(08:40):
conversation, my son politelytells his father that yes, he
will come out, but it will be afew minutes.
My son finishes what he wasdoing, and he and I both get up
to go help.
At that time, that's when Myhusband was coming through the
(09:01):
door and he was not happy.
He ordered my son to go out andget his stuff.
I asked if there was enoughstuff that two people were
needed.
And he said, I called him andasked for his help.
Our daughter was sleeping, so Icalled our son.
He used his names there, but I'mtrying to keep everybody's names
out of it.
(09:21):
I said, I know, but I'm here tohelp if it's needed and that's
why I'm asking.
I called him and just him.
Okay, literally this is what Isaid.
Uh, in my, in my journal.
LOL.
Okay, booty hole.
Biggest, biggest fit he threwabout, was about the way that
the baking dishes were put up.
Somehow a door was coming open,and it hadn't been like that
(09:43):
before.
And I'm not sure if he startedacting different because I said
I put them that way.
Or not.
I gave up and came into thebedroom and heard him a few
minutes later talk about takingdrugs So he can sleep as he
headed to the spare room.
I also knew he had dinner plansthe next night So I was hoping
that that would be taken thatthat would take care of itself
(10:07):
So that was 11 days beforedeclared my freedom.
Here I was, you know working onmyself trying to reprogram
Myself and my attitude and theway I look at things and I have
lots of notes about that I alsoam acknowledging in here that I,
(10:28):
I admitted in a group, there wasan online group.
Um, oh yeah, so here it is.
But I, I admitted to the facegroup that I want a divorce and
have been not acting in faithabout it.
Um, that I want a mutuallybeneficial, permanent separation
and all for the greatest good.
(10:50):
I go on to say, well, I'm justtrying to rewrite my attitude
about things.
And.
I do things to try to call fortha peaceful resolution and try to
take control of my life.
And so this one statement that,that I make, now everything is
peaceful for all eternity and Iam pleased.
(11:17):
Okay, you might want to writethis one down or hit record or
something.
I don't know if you know whoPollyanna is.
I don't, um, I have this thingwhere I like to make up names
for people.
So, um, we've all heard of aNegative Nelly or Negative Nancy
or, uh, Nosy Rosie, that sort ofthing.
(11:37):
Well, when my kids were growingup, I made up Cranky Frankie.
Somebody, somebody else sharedone with me that was Attitudey
Judy.
Well, I came up with anotherone.
I said, so this was mystatement.
And this is so me.
I'm a positive Pollyanna.
I fart rainbows and spitsunshine.
(12:05):
I have always been the person totry to find the best in every
situation and the silver liningin every cloud and I have said
for a long time, I mine thatshit.
I'm like a miner who goes intothe, instead of a cave, it's
going into the dark cloud and Imine the silver lining.
(12:28):
I'd like to write Children'sbook about it So that's me.
That's who I am.
And so dealing with thisnegativity is as I'm noting here
before I even Ask for or declareor insist upon or whatever term
we want to use My freedom fromfrom a depressive and oppressive
marriage.
This is giving some examples ofit February 2nd, I say that my
(12:54):
husband came home and the daybefore and it turned out that he
did not have dinner plans afterall.
And, so my son and I got thepleasure, this is sarcasm here,
we got the pleasure of dealingwith him.
Especially when he went offabout our daughter's competition
issues.
There was an issue at acompetition that she was in and
it was almost like the thing wasrigged and I even went on to
(13:15):
report it to the news.
Um, But, so, my husband wasgoing off about our daughter's
competition, and how she waspissing him off.
But the fact is, he was wrong inwhat he was saying, and how he
was saying it.
My son and I stood up for herbecause my husband was wrong.
(13:37):
We tried to keep it nice, and Iwatched my show with him and but
he seemed interested in watchingTV in the living room And so I
with relief went to to watchsomething in the bedroom and he
wound up sleeping in the spareroom Where I was so very pleased
that he was but here's one ofthe the reasons that I know That
(14:00):
he was out drinking Which heoften did for work or with his
work friends and I will just saythat I have since, well, we're
just going to leave it at that,that he was out with quote work.
He was in the spare room.
(14:20):
I was often glad whenever heslept in the spare room because
I didn't have to deal with him,him and the TV.
And he, how he insisted on thefan and his constant snoring
that I'm quite certain hascaused a degree of, of hearing
loss.
Well at that point that nightWell as often happens whenever
(14:42):
he drinks a lot He snores reallyloud, and I mean bad he snored
So loud that night.
This was a four bedroom houseEveryone in the house all in
different bedrooms heard him andhe has never cared He feels
(15:03):
entitled, but if I snore oh dearGod Well, you can ask, you can
ask, you can ask my gentlemanfriend, you can ask several of
my good friends, and they willtell you that I have been
traumatized about my snoringbecause of how he would treat
me.
But I had notes on here thateveryone heard his snoring in
(15:25):
other rooms.
I'm glad they heard it in thehallway, the bathroom, my room.
both of their rooms, not to makefun of him, but for them to see
here and understand what I'vebeen talking about for years.
Let me see.
There were, I made a note inhere that whenever he came home
and he came into the bedroom,the master where I was hanging
(15:50):
out, he started adjusting fansand everything like that.
And my thought was, Oh crap,he's sleeping in here tonight.
And.
This is almost psychotic.
Um, he adjusted the fan.
He wasn't in the, in the room.
I was in the room watching TV.
He came in the room, adjustedthe fan, left it on, and left
(16:11):
the room.
And I, and here's what I say, Ileft it even though I didn't
want it blowing on me.
Look at me, sacrificing myselfbecause someone said so.
As in, like, he said so.
So it had to be.
And I told myself, stop.
And This is where it gets reallycrazy.
(16:32):
I said if he's not sleeping inhere tonight, I'll change it
back I think but that's notactually what I said said if
he's not sleeping in heretonight I'm changing it back and
I think I'll address a permanentchange in sleeping practices
slash locations with him So evenon February 1st or 2nd, whatever
(16:54):
that day was I was thinkingabout Getting him to just sleep
in a different place either hedoes or I do because it's
ridiculous I Was being forced todeal with whatever he wanted
when and how he wanted it eventhough sometimes he was just a
straight up asshole and AndWould go off about things and
(17:17):
make demands on The childrenespecially I could stand up for
myself, even though I still feltvery repressed At that point I
wanted a divorce I just thoughtit would be a long ways away
that before I would ask for itFebruary 3rd, this is nine days
(17:39):
before I asked for a divorce Andmy son and I had gone out to
dinner And whenever I got home,my husband was in bed in the
spare room with the door closed.
And, he, there was this wholething about food and eating
(18:03):
practices and I felt like it wasvery unhealthy.
So, my husband was personallydisgusted with how little he
could eat because he was onthese shots.
He was, it was like black marketozempic or something.
And my son was starving himself,trying to just eat two meals a
(18:24):
week.
He was, he was calling itextreme, he was calling it
fasting.
My doctor had advisedintermittent fasting for me.
And I had stopped, stopped doingit.
Or, you know, my, my stuff was18 hours.
There were only six hours in theday when, when I could eat.
(18:46):
They took it to the extremes.
I was not happy about this.
I didn't think it was washealthy, but Um These are just
some of the things that I wasdealing with before I even asked
for the divorce february 5th OhYeah, talk about a self
(19:07):
improvement program.
I was bold And I stepped out Istepped out in faith and I'm
just gonna go ahead and sayCathy Heller has been a big
inspiration for me.
And she's the one who encouragedme to do a podcast.
(19:27):
I did her program boldlyabundant and she had this, this
lady, her last name was Skelly.
And the first name starts withan S, Stephanie or Sue or
something.
I can't remember, but we didthis whole breathing thing and
it was the, this breathing wasdesigned to stimulate some
things, to bring up some stuffso you can, you know, get it
(19:49):
out.
And I have my notes on here, andI remember this, I bawled my
eyes out as I released andreleased and remembered and
released and remembered,released.
Laughed my ass off, and thisbreathing that we were doing,
holy cow, I had been taught notto be weak, to suck it up, stuff
(20:09):
it down, and don't cry.
I released all of it.
I gave myself permission to cry.
I gave myself permission for alot of things.
I remembered that I am, that Iam the light, I am safe, I am
cared for, I'm provided for, I'mstill conquering the fear,
trying to kick its ass, kickfear's ass, and be the powerful,
(20:31):
woman that I am to break openthe cysts that have been stuffed
down inside of me and glossedover to let the yucky stuff out
to be okay with myself.
Um, my body reflexively tried toclose off the hurt, but I forced
myself to keep my body open sothings could flow out.
(20:56):
So here I am, I'm working on myself improvement, trying to be a
better version of myself and notcarry around all of this.
emotional baggage and everythingand, um, set not good examples
for my children.
And I'm dealing with thesethings.
I'm being relieved when the manI have vowed to spend the rest
(21:18):
of my life is with is sleepingin the spare room because he's a
booty hole.
I, at this time, I'm also doing,um, Dr.
Heather Stone, an amazing womanwho has had a lot of experience
dealing with thyroid and has hadto personally figure out how to
(21:42):
really address thyroid issuesand she focuses on women because
I apologize if I get this numberwrong but billions of dollars
are spent on creating medicinesand studying erectile
dysfunction when that has noinherent health risk.
(22:04):
Meanwhile, Thyroid dysfunctionwhich often masks that The
person who is experiencing itactually has an autoimmune
disease The treatment for thathas remained the same for both
of those the autoimmune as wellas the thyroid dysfunction The
(22:25):
treatment for that has goneunchanged for 80 years the
better part of a century And Dr.
Heather Stone assures us that ifyou have an autoimmune disease
and it goes untreated, you willget another autoimmune disease.
(22:47):
Autoimmune means that the bodyis literally attacking itself.
This is something that, that I,that is something in my life.
It runs in my family.
So my grandfather had it.
My aunt has it.
I have it.
Likelihood is high that mychildren will have it as well.
(23:10):
So, I'm doing these freewebinars and I'm learning about
how to handle this situation,what to do, learning, learning,
learning.
Right?
Just so you know, I get, laterget, um, ostracized and, um, all
manner of ill speak towards me.
(23:31):
for listening.
Because I was always in my room,always on a zoom call or a
webinar For trying to improvemyself and trying to learn so
that my children can also have ahealthier life, too.
Yep.
Mm hmm Okay February 7th, thisis This is a big one here.
(23:53):
I'm talking about how I feel notrested not happy and Trying to
And finally say screw it insteadof trying to put things in a
positive way I say okay I feelsad and sad and depressed
Because I feel like I'm mourningthe loss of my marriage that was
supposed to be happily everafter this morning he came in
while I was While I was righthere told me that he was working
(24:18):
late and he had seen me in themorning and left This was my
marriage him sleeping in anotherroom some of the times still
enforcing his will on me in Inthe master bedroom.
My marriage is over.
And I'm sad because it's over.
(24:39):
Because it was, you know, I hadalways said that I was
Cinderella, and he was my PrinceCharming.
So I spent a lot of time beingvery sad because it was very
evident that my marriage wasover.
It's just, talking about goingthrough the motions.
Whew.
(25:00):
So continuing on all this stuffas we're ramping up to the big
day, um, This is just days awayand every day there's uh,
there's something in hereFebruary the 8th turns out that
he was mad at me because umWell, he came home.
It was late at night.
(25:20):
He comes into the bedroom.
He's all excited He wants totell me about something with
work, but I was on a call.
I was on a webinar with Dr.
Stone Learning about my thyroidand how to fix it.
And I couldn't, we wereliterally in some of the vital
elements of the um, of thewebinar and I could not give him
the attention.
And I couldn't pause it becauseit was live.
(25:41):
So whenever it was over then,you know, I went to go see him
and be like, Okay, what was,what was up?
What's going on?
And, oh, he was in the bathroomthen.
And let me tell you, whenever hewas in the bathroom, it was for
a long time.
So, I go to the living room andmy daughter and I sit on the
couch and we, we wait and thenfinally he comes in there and he
mouths off about me not being ona call and there's some back and
(26:03):
forth about this and then he, hestill never tells me what it is
that he was excited over.
He just stomps off towards thebedroom and, and mouthing off
about just excuses.
That was always his, hisfavorite thing, excuses,
excuses.
He said that about everything.
God, it sounded so much like himjust then too.
Excuses, excuses, blah, blah,blah.
And so I told him, I said, soyou're mad because I was just on
(26:25):
a call with a doctor aboutfixing my thyroid?
And he wouldn't answer.
Which, of course, that wastypical.
To mouth off.
Um under muttering somethingunder his breath, which to me is
very cowardly if you havesomething to say Then say it to
me say it just straight up sayit don't turn around Walk off
(26:47):
and start muttering.
That's a coward right there AndI told him so on several
occasions The next night wasdate night because we did have a
scheduled date night And I toldhim about how, um, I was going
to have a meeting with, with thedoctor and I needed him present
(27:10):
for the meeting and so that hecould understand and hear these,
these things and understand whatwas going on.
But at the same time, we oftendid things separately.
So basically what I was sayingwithout saying it was, you know,
we already have separate lives,so it's okay if you're not
there.
He did go off on, on some otherstuff.
(27:31):
Turns out that he had, he wasangry about how the spare room
was.
Now, mind you, the spare roomhad been decorated the way I
wanted it.
And it was supposed to be arefuge for me because often I
would have to get up and leavein the middle of the night.
Cause I couldn't fucking sleepbecause he was snoring so
fucking loud.
Um, other things also happenedin there too.
(27:51):
So whether I was doing a webinarbecause I was trying to be nice
and not use our bedroom for myoffice is basically what it was.
So the spare room was alsosupposed to kind of sort of be
my office.
And I went to a pretty decentamount of expense trying to set
things up in there the way Ineeded them to be so that it was
fully functioning in the waythat I needed it, um, but that
(28:14):
it would still be a spare room.
Well, there was a practice thatoccurred in our house.
Uh, he always wanted our houseto look like it was, this is my
phrasing, like, like it wasmagazine ready.
There was not allowed to be anyclutter anywhere, any papers.
I live in my house.
(28:34):
My house is a home.
It's not the set of a BetterHomes and Gardens shoot.
Martha Stewart does not live inmy house.
My house is lived in.
I do not have a maid, and Icannot do everything.
And also when I'm constantlyinterrupted to go do something
to help someone else, and I'mnot able to finish my stuff,
(28:55):
then yes, there's going to bestuff left out.
So A common practice was his wayof cleaning was kids pile your
mother's shit up and go put iton the bed in the spare room
Yeah So and then stuff would getpiled on top.
Okay, it was just we will justsay that that was a downward
(29:16):
spiral situation So there wasstuff on the bed in the spare
room mind you this is a kingsize bed and half of the bed Um,
basically half of the bed wascovered, which meant that half
of the bed was uncovered.
So there was room for one personto sleep, comfortably.
(29:37):
He was pissed because hecouldn't stretch his legs out
over the whole bed.
Um, motherfucker, you don'tstretch your legs out, or you
shouldn't be stretching yourlegs out over the whole bed in
the master bedroom either,because I am in that bed.
And he was, we constantly arguedabout him sticking his feet
where my feet were because hewanted the cool space.
(29:57):
Motherfucker, so do I,goddammit! This is the kind of
stupid shit that we dealt with.
But he was mad because hecouldn't stretch out over the
whole bed.
Fuck you.
So we're getting closer andcloser to D Day.
In fact, we're one day away.
Um, or is it two days away?
(30:23):
Yeah, close enough.
Anyway, on February the 11th,2024, I am spending a lot of my
time trying to make the spareroom better so that my husband
is happier.
And because I'm, I'm the one whohas the most power to control
that situation and create themost happiness.
(30:46):
For the whole family, so I wastrying to get it done.
It was the fair and right thingto do, I felt.
So, I have notes in here that,well, I was glad I literally
said didn't have any issues withmy husband, thankfully.
I was hitting a wall and tryingto do what I had planned to do,
(31:06):
because I had set intentions forwhat I'd like to accomplish that
day, and I just couldn't.
I felt sad, depressed, likecrying, and I wondered, was it
the meditation music that I waslistening to that was trying to
drown out the sound of all theloud stuff in the living room
that my husband was doing?
(31:27):
It had never affected me likethat before, but I don't know,
it's worth considering.
And I literally say, I know I'mmourning the loss of my marriage
before it's, before it'sdefined, defined as a loss, but
loss is lost, period.
So I knew I was sad.
(31:47):
I knew that the time was coming.
I, I had been been feeling thepressure and the nudges from
what I feel is divinity.
Encouraging my guides, Myangels, whatever, telling me to
do this, do this, do this, andbut I wanted the timing to be
right, because we were supposedto have people over on Saturday,
and we were supposed to havepeople over for the Super Bowl,
and La la la, but I could notbear the thought of going into
(32:10):
Valentine's Day.
Oh, dear God.
I had been thankful that anytime my husband was home, uh,
that that also seemed tocoincide with my period.
Like, legitimately, I wasn'tfaking it.
I was just very, very thankfulfor it.
Um, I made a note on here thatmy daughter had, that she'd made
(32:33):
a tres leches cake instead ofthe butterscotch cookies, and
maybe I should make them thenext day to help soften the
blow.
And I was asking God to pleasego before me and clear the path.
I accept that this is my growththing, and I'm praying for the
courage, the right words, theright words.
And that they be received well.
Here's my goal, my currentthoughts.
Butterscotch cookies in him.
(32:54):
Give him valentines early, whichwas, and I forgot about this, a
hundred dollars towards thetickets that we discussed.
It was a Styx and Foreignerconcert and those tickets were
224 each, I think.
I don't know.
Maybe it was total.
Anyway, I said that I could, Icould definitely swing a
hundred, um, when we haddiscussed it.
(33:16):
And he was talking about what hecould come up with.
Then I would ask him aftershowing him that I was committed
to being partners.
I mean, hey, if I'm willing toput 100 towards concert tickets
that are still months away, thenthat's showing some commitment,
right?
That was the idea.
And then asking him after I'veshown commitment to be partners,
if he thinks he's still in lovewith me.
(33:41):
Basically, I go through all ofthis hoping for, basically, us
to wind up still partners, justhappily divorced, still being a
good team, a family unit for ourchildren, working together for
the greater good, butacknowledging that we are
happier apart, because wecertainly weren't happy
(34:01):
together.
I even make note in here that Ido not want my ego involved.
And trying to be fair aboutthings.
So that was setting myintention.
And one of the things that I wasdoing, was also my husband would
(34:26):
come into a room and there werejust, I would feel a cortisol
dump.
I would feel it in my kidneys.
Sometimes my back would evenhurt.
And I could tell by mychildren's expressions that they
felt this way too, oftentimes.
So I had developed this practicefor myself that it happened one
(34:48):
day whenever I was locked in atruck with him for a 400 mile
trip and he's going off aboutsomething and he just has a very
abrasive way of saying thingsand addressing things, a very
strong opinion.
And as far as he's concerned,his opinion is the only one that
matters, which you know, most ofus feel that way also, but some
(35:08):
of us actually have space forother people's opinions too.
Well, one of the things that Iwould notice is that whenever he
would get built up like this,that I would have a physical
reaction.
I would feel the cortisol dumpin my body.
And just to give you a little ofa little insight here, I am
(35:32):
curvy because I have beenestrogen dominant my entire
life.
It means I have big boobs, Ihave wide hips, I went through
puberty early.
Well, guess, and, uh, for a longtime I received hormone
treatments because I had almostno testosterone in my body and
that's when I learned howimportant testosterone is, even
to a woman's body.
(35:54):
Well, here's the thing.
Testosterone, When the stresshormone cortisol is present,
gets broken down into, guesswhat?
Estrogen.
Yeah, just think about that andprocess that for a minute.
Does that not give you someinsight into why I have been
(36:16):
estrogen dominant my entirelife?
I am very susceptible to tostress, or what my doctor called
high perceived stress.
It doesn't matter if you call itstress or not.
The fact is how it affects me.
And I was constantly my entirelife in stress mode.
(36:37):
And the man I was married tocaused a lot of stress.
So, so much that one day as I'mlocked in a vehicle as he's
flying down the road about 85miles an hour because Well,
whatever I Began this practiceMy work as a therapist of
(37:01):
massage Says my training saysEnergy has to go out the way it
came in So when I'm working onsomeone instead of just trying
to smash an area and make itsubmit to my will I Will have
better Better success if Iencourage Basically the the
(37:24):
wound whether it's energetic orphysical to undo itself.
So this idea of sending theenergy back out the way it came
in was very mind blowing or tome and whenever I would feel
this cortisol dump in my kidneysand my lower back I had this
(37:50):
epiphany that, you know what, Ican reject it.
Just because somebody is dumpingall over me doesn't mean I have
to take it.
I mean, if I was, if I wassitting here in my chair and
somebody just started pissingall over me, do you think I
would just sit here and take it?
No.
So, duh.
Fight back.
(38:10):
Somebody's energetically dumpingon me?
Okay, shields up.
Like, do something about this.
And so I just, I began thispractice of, and it's crazy.
I've been away from him longenough at this point that I
forgot I had done this.
And this was at this time hadbeen a multiple times a day.
(38:31):
Like this was almost a constantpractice.
If I was around him that I wouldhave to mentally reject the
energy that was causing mestress.
Um, Trying to trace it.
So where, when it hit, when it,when the stress hit my adrenals,
(38:53):
which controls the cortisol,then I would have to try to
force it back.
Unactivate the adrenals, un dumpthe cortisol.
Not the easiest to explain, letalone do, but anyway, I came up
with this, this phrase, thisprayer, this saying, whatever
(39:16):
you want to call it, Things areeasier when they rhyme and I
like to rhyme turns out.
I'm really good at it so I mydeal came out to Send this
energy back from whence it cameand take away its power to lame
Let the sender be aware of howit had the power to impair Allow
(39:37):
love and kindness kindness totake its place and greatly
elevate the whole human race Icame up with that one as I was
writing this journal, and I'mactually really proud of that
one.
Um, I like it because it's abouttaking something not so good,
(40:00):
and not only neutralizing it,but making it into something
that is good.
To turning it into a prayer,into a blessing.
Something that is the greatergood for all.
Cause that's how I work.
That's how I like to operate.
Sadly, that prayer was almost ona continuous loop.
(40:26):
Okay, so it's D Day! 2 1 2 2 0 24 And, you know what, I'm just
going to go ahead and read theentire journal entry because
it's really shockingly short.
It says, I love math, numbers,and patterns.
I pray this one be a blessing onmy plan.
Everything in me says yes to doit.
(40:47):
I continue to ask for God'shelp.
Last night before sleep, I askedfor help and I also said the
intention that my best futureself have a protected meld with
me that she is available to mefor her, for her to take over my
actions and my words and to helpme get from here to her in the
future It would be hindsight forher, and hindsight is 20 20,
(41:12):
right?
She knows what steps to take tobest get from here to there, so
may God bless and protect.
And I did my little happy faceand my my heart sunshine emoji
sort of looking thing.
Oh, it's gosh.
It's it's crazy.
I'm feeling heartburn right now.
So at this point I had beenwaking up every day and setting
(41:35):
the intention of What feature ofmy best future self do I want to
embody today?
And I would wait for a responsefrom my creator.
Sometimes it would be healthy orpersistent or faithfulness, just
any number of things.
And so that would be a traitthat I would focus on as much of
the day as I could.
(42:00):
So it was, Oh no, that was theday after the Superbowl and I'm
shocked that I really thoughtthat That I had journaled
everything in there.
I can tell you that I rememberthat there were things like
that.
The time on the clock was 6 16when I started this process and
it was something like 8 38 whenI went to my room.
(42:26):
Um, we can go through the wholedivorce process, the way things
went down.
In a bit, but Right now I justthis is two weeks of outlining
What was leading up to I meanthere was a lot more than this,
but every day in my journals i'mTalking about how there was
(42:50):
something well, there was oncethat I was like, oh everything's
went fine with him oh, you knowshocker and thankful for that
because That shouldn't besomething that is so rare.
Should it?
I don't think so.
That's not how I want to live mylife.
And that's one of many reasonswhy I made the decision that I
did.
And I did it really because ofmy children.
(43:16):
I had kept holding out hopethat, that I could hold out
until my children graduated.
This was months before my sonwas about to graduate high
school.
And then my daughter would beentering her senior year, but I
just couldn't do it anymore.
And the big thing that made medecide was whenever I realized
(43:39):
that I was setting the examplefor my children of what they
should be putting, be putting upwith.
Being called a fucking cunt,nope, nope, not even remotely
within the realm ofacceptability.
I don't.
care, especially whenever theperson uses that word because
(44:02):
it's like twisting a needleunder the skin because they know
it pisses you off.
This is a man who, as far as Iknow, has called every single
woman in his life a fuckingcunt.
His mother, his sister, hisolder daughter, his first ex
wife, his best friend's wife,any female he's worked with, And
(44:31):
I know if I wasn't before, I'mdefinitely on that list now.
And he was also known to sayabout his mother, his sister,
his first ex wife, his oldestdaughter, and probably me too,
even though I'm in a reallydifferent category now.
He was known to say quite often,my life will be so much better
(44:55):
when that fucking bitch dies.
This is the man I was marriedto.
I made children with this man.
He wasn't like that.
Well, he didn't show that partof himself to me for a really
(45:19):
long time.
And when he did at first,whenever it was just about his
ex wife, okay.
And I'll tell you one of thethings that I realize now is
that I always took his word forit.
Whatever he said, why hewouldn't tell me any, any lies
because, you know, I flattermyself to believe that.
That I, I'm a good lie detector.
(45:41):
I can, I can see throughsomebody's bullshit, right?
Um, in hindsight, 20 yearslater, it occurs to me that
perhaps one of the reasons thathis parents still acted so
nicely and accepting to his exwife, maybe, maybe.
(46:10):
Either she wasn't as bad as hesaid or he was worse than he led
on led me to believe Because itoccurred to me that He didn't
ever necessarily paint himselfas an angel, but he didn't say
anything about how he was amisbehaving husband I just
(46:30):
assumed that I mean there weresome things that were kind of
inferred Because of course hepainted himself as the victim,
but you know, you know You Atthe same time saying, saying,
oh, I'm not perfect, but youknow, this and that.
I can't help but wonder if, if Iwere to sit down and have a
conversation with his ex wifeand compare notes, just how
(46:53):
different the stories would be.
Now, I'm not saying that I wouldtrust her and that would
probably make it not even worthtaking the time to do it, but
I'm sure it would be a veryinteresting conversation.
Okay, continuing on.
So I was reading the day after,so February 13th, and there is a
(47:13):
lot in here.
Turns out I did write thesethings down, so I did remember
it.
It just wasn't that night.
So I got up first thing in themorning saying, wow, I did it.
I asked for what, for what Iwanted, which was a peaceful
parting of ways.
And all was calm that my husbandpromised that things would get
ugly and I rejected that.
(47:34):
Um, I told him that you findwhat you're looking for and I
look for a peaceful, mutually,mutually beneficial parting of
ways.
He wanted me out of the house.
See, this was February, uh,we're halfway through February
at this point and he wants meout of the house in six weeks by
the end of March.
I told him that I reject thattoo and he, uh, Thinks I don't
have any claim to the house, letalone to its current value.
(47:58):
he's wrong.
He went through and, um, hetrashed our picture.
So our picture that had it wasus in the middle and then all
our families around it.
He went through and literallytrashed it.
He he had to get a laddersometime in the middle of the
night.
to get up on this ladder andpick this, this picture off the
(48:19):
wall and throw it in the trash.
Our son, by the way, was veryupset by this whenever he found
out that that had been the case.
And I was, I was calm andpeaceful.
And I said, I expected it.
And he said, what you did.
And cause my son had some choicewords to say about how, um, how
he felt about that.
But I told him, I said, Iexpected it.
(48:41):
You did.
I said, yeah.
I said, uh, whenever, um, he andhis first wife.
We're getting a divorce.
He loved telling the story abouthow he took off his wedding ring
and he flushed it down thetoilet and it took two flushes
for it to go down the toilet.
But that's what he did to herthat he basically held up his
(49:02):
hand, took off his fingers.
He was like, you want to knowwhat I think?
That's what I think about you.
That's what I think about ourmarriage.
And he flushed it.
And I said, so, so I wasexpecting, I said, not that, but
definitely something.
And I said, that's, that's whohe is, son.
That's, that's how he operates.
That's And my son had a fewother things to say about his
father and he was right in thevein of his emotions Which is
(49:26):
makes it that much more ironicthat he's behaving the way he is
now, but I have faith So hethought that I didn't have any
right to the house Um, also oneof the things that he had done
was one of the debit cards thathe had I think it was the one
tied to the food accountpresumably he had shredded that
(49:48):
up Had cut it up and left it bythe Keurig.
Um, basically and my note herewas god bless him I really
didn't think he'd be this hurtand he could only be this hurt
if he actually cared and He didsay that there had been some
small glimmer of hope and actedas if I had the power to
(50:08):
reconcile but I didn't see anypossible way that we could so
Again, put a pin in this and wewill address that whenever we
talk about how our Theconversation went when I asked
for the divorce because theglimmer of hope You're gonna
love why he thought there was aglimmer of hope.
(50:31):
I prayed for the whole familyfor everything to be calm and
peaceful for everybody and Forthis to not have any negative
impact on our son's celebrationsgraduation.
I I prayed to angels I prayed togods I Yeah, very interesting
(50:51):
thing though is that night Idreamed for the first time in a
long time and I felt like I wasreceiving downloads and Just my
dreams I saw an aurora therewere just so so much things
going on I did write things downin here.
(51:20):
It was It was 616 whenever Istarted the conversation.
It was 838 when I got into mychair after everything had been
said and done.
And, angel number meanings.
You'll find that this is arecurring theme that, that I go
back to.
And basically it's messages thatangels put in numbers for you.
(51:42):
So if you see the same numberall the time, I mean, this is
even, this topic is even showingup in Hallmark movies.
I'm just saying it's out thereand you can Google it.
So here's what 616 comes out to.
It says it's time to bringbalance into your life.
This can mean working to createa safe and welcoming home space,
(52:02):
readdressing your work lifebalance, and making time to
nurture relationships, considerpersonal development, and
practice gratitude andpositivity.
Okay! 838.
It says believe in yourself andwork toward your goals.
You're on the right path.
If you think positively andtreat others with kindness, I
(52:25):
didn't, uh, Additionally, areminder to use your material
success as a means to give backand make a positive impact on
the world.
Oh yeah! I've been blessed witha vision and I know that that's,
that that's part of my job, whatI'm here to do.
Thank you.
I receive all of that.
(52:45):
I receive all of that.
I receive, I receive, I receive.
Whew.
What else does it say?
Um.
I asked God to go before me andclear the path.
I asked for my children to beprotected from all harm.
I asked for this to be, um, apeaceful parting of ways as we
continue as a family unit.
(53:07):
And I thought it was funny thathe insisted on finding a new
hairstylist and, uh, okay.
I mean, I'm not going to jack upsomebody's haircut on purpose,
even if, even if it is somebodyI'm divorcing because, uh, My
name is walking around on thathead of hair.
But okay, he was setting hisboundaries.
(53:29):
I respect that.
That's fine.
He seemed pissed off that he hadto go find a new hairstylist.
And then I'm just going to goahead and spoiler alert this one
for you.
Um, he went to my old employer.
Well, she wasn't really my, myemployer, but I contracted a
(53:50):
space in her shop that I helpedher open.
Yeah.
And then when my daughterdecided that she needed a
massage, she followed his ruleone, she went to get her haircut
by that same person too.
And of course that, thathairstylist is known for being
(54:12):
the biggest gossip in town.
Um, and when it came time for amassage, they went to the place
I used to work with the personwho I didn't work for or with
anymore.
The, the therapist was not acoworker.
She and I had worked together onsome projects, but she and I
never worked in the same spacetogether on a regular basis.
(54:35):
But she rented a space from aperson who I had bad experience
with.
Okay.
You know what?
I say, for my daughter getting amassage, Sweetheart if you need
a massage, I'm glad that notonly did you have the funds to
take care of it But that youwent to a person who is good.
(54:58):
That's a person who I getmassages from so great I'm glad
that you took care of yourselfand that you had the means with
which to do it So that justgives you a little foreshadowing
into some things that are comingup This is my outlook and how I
I look at life.
(55:18):
Um, oh One of the things that hesaid let me see Find the right
place to start reading here, sowhile I'm praying for us to
continue on as a peaceful familyunit And he is insisting on
finding a new hairstylist.
Okay, fine if that makes youfeel better for great and then I
(55:38):
Write in here that I'm justhappy.
I'm just happy that I as he saidFinally grew a pair lol Also,
I'll have to tell you about himgiving me my Valentine's gift
too, and how it was extremelyappropriate.
It was, we'll just say that itwas something that made us
laugh, and I even write here,that may we always be able to
(56:02):
share and laugh, laugh it out.
That was what I wanted.
Um, you're gonna hear later onhow things actually went.
I will say this There wassometimes some things that got
really ugly Some things where Iwas abused in ways That I
(56:29):
shouldn't have been Where thingswell, nobody should be abused
ever But in the end It was good.
One of my continuing prayers isnot only God go before me and
clear the path But also, and Ihad forgotten to include myself
(56:52):
in this prayer.
I had just said it about myloved ones, specifically about
my children.
But the modified version of thecontinuing prayer is this,
anything negative that I or myloved ones must experience, let,
please let it be in the best waypossible.
(57:14):
You'll hear me tell storieslater on about how I never.
I never prayed for my childrento have a perfect or easy life
because if I deprived themthrough my prayers of
opportunities to grow, well,they probably wouldn't grow,
would they?
So I would never Deprive mychildren of an opportunity to
(57:35):
grow, but I do pray that it'd bein the best way possible.
I had just forgotten to includemyself in that too.
And, Part of this struggle, partof my journey is learning the
balance between this and that.
(57:56):
What I should do, what I shouldnot do.
The hows and the whys andstepping out in faith and
struggling with being stubborn.
This is my life.
I'm the future single lady andeventually I will be the finally
(58:17):
single lady.
I'm glad you're here on myjourney.
I hope that you find itEntertaining in some way or
another hopefully sometimescomical.
Yes, it's serious And yes, I getpotty mouth because sometimes in
my humble unsolicited opinionsometimes a curse word or two is
(58:42):
What it really takes to expresswhat is being felt.
I apologize if that agitates oraggravates Anyone's
sensitivities That's not myintent.
I'm just a real person, honest,and putting it out there.
This is my experience.
(59:04):
If you get something from it,whether it's entertainment or
companionship and knowing thatyou're not alone, or
understanding, because someoneyou know and care about is
experiencing something similar,great.
Because that's why I'm here.
This process is also catharticfor me.
(59:28):
It helps speaking to you, soThat's that for the day and I'll
try to be on it.
It occurs to me that um, thatthe six week gap that exists
between where we startedyesterday and where we are, well
(59:49):
what aired for the first episodeand There's a gap that needs to
be covered and it would probablyhelp to understand that instead
of just jumping right in themiddle, right?
So there we have it.
Join me tomorrow as we continuethis trip down memory lane.
(01:00:10):
Trip, trip, trip, tripping downmemory lane.
And you can also join me onsocial media.
I have a Facebook page.
It's future single lady and Ithink that's also on Instagram
and I think Buzzsprout also hasa website.
The truth is I don't have allthe supporting materials yet, at
(01:00:30):
least not at the time ofpublication of this, and I'm
hoping that that falls intoplace very quickly.
My major thing is trying to makesure that this is done.
That I continue on.
I started the ball rollingyesterday.
And I want to keep it rolling.
And I want to keep this timely.
And it would be great if theanniversary date of something
(01:00:52):
that I experienced was aired.
Aired what happened one yearearlier.
So today is February 13th.
And I'm trying to launch orpublish the things that happened
on February 13th.
Didn't get quite completed withthat.
these episodes initially startoff long and I promise they get
shorter.
Yep.
(01:01:12):
I promise that they do.
So, I'm hoping to get thispublished today, on the one year
anniversary of that date, and tocontinue on publishing, um,
tomorrow.
I will, uh, I'll try to getthings up to speed as quickly as
I can.
I appreciate your patience.
Thank you for knowing that I'm areal person, doing real stuff,
(01:01:36):
and, Just trying to get it doneas I learn something new and I
fumble through the entirefucking process And I know I use
some wordy dirts and I apologizefor that.
But you know what?
That's me That's who I am.
And that's just how I feel atthe moment So I hope you
continue on this journey and Ihope you I hope you enjoy it
(01:01:59):
Some of these things that Iexperienced may be sad at the
time, but I promise it getsbetter Yeah In the meantime,
feel free to send me a message,to like, follow, whatever, all
of those things.
The future single lady.
And you can also email me,FutureSingleLady@gmail.com I
would love to hear from you.
I'd love to hear not just your,your thoughts on this craziness
(01:02:22):
that's going on here, but what'sgoing on in, in your life, in
your world?
What is it that makes youconnect with what's going on
here?
Is it just entertaining?
Do you?
Do you want to listen and justhear how stupid I feel and, am
behaving sometimes?
Is it because you're goingthrough something too, or that
(01:02:43):
you already did, or you have aloved one who, who has or is?
I would love to hear from you.
Okay.
FutureSingleLady@gmail.com Loveyou my friend.
Thanks for being here.
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