February 15, 2025 • 35 mins
Day of Events: February 15, 2024
Switching rooms, preparing finances, hanging out with kids because their dad left town (yet again!), son expresses thanks, badass daughter faces disappointment, the kids save for cars, helping my kids avoid manipulation and learning to receive gifts...
Scarlett Davis
Facebook: Future Single Lady
email: FutureSingleLady@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Are you tired of the bullshit?
Do you just want to escape andget the bleep out?
Well, if you do, then this is aplace for you.
Or if you've ever been there,then come along for the ride
with me, because this is me andthis is my story of how I was
tired of the crap.
I was tired of feelingundervalued, tired of being made
(00:25):
to feel like crap for Being madeto feel stupid because I
believed in something thatsomeone else didn't.
All of the things.
Being mocked and made fun of bypeople who were supposed to love
me and cherish me, but they werebelittling me and making me feel
(00:46):
small.
Led by one person who I wasattached to.
Who I had agreed I had vowed tospend the rest of my life with.
And then I didn't.
I fought my way out, and I don'tmean physically.
(01:07):
But mentally, emotionally, andevery other way, well, there was
one time I did have to fightphysically.
But that's a story for anotherday.
Today, I'm here telling mystory.
I'm glad you're here with me,and I hope you join me.
Just bear in mind that this isfor informational and
(01:32):
entertainment purposes only.
And when I say informational, Imean this is just chronicling my
experiences.
I am not qualified to giveadvice in any way, legally,
medically, mentally,emotionally.
I don't have any qualifications.
This is just me telling mystory.
(01:54):
I hope you enjoy the ride andfeel free to tell me what you
think.
FutureSingleLady at gmail.
com.
I'm Scarlett Davis and I am thefuture single lady.
Oh, hallelujah.
I think God is shining on me.
I have been praying all dayabout getting this journal entry
(02:17):
recorded and reflecting on thisday one year ago.
And, time is running a littlebit short, but honestly, there
is about a page worth of writinghere.
So, let me go through this andsee what all it says.
So, this is three days after Ihave said that, and this journal
entry starts in the evening.
(02:40):
of February 15th, 2024.
And this, so this is three days,about 72 hours after I have
said, I don't want to be marriedanymore.
I want to be family.
I don't want to be married.
We should be able to do thisnice.
I still need to do the rundownon actually how that
conversation all went.
(03:00):
But for now, the journal entry.
Decided to cancel my two clientsand not stress about them just
to get my stuff done.
Exclamation mark.
He got his stuff out.
Anyway, what I was saying isthat whenever I wrote, whenever
I wrote this stuff in myjournal, I am saying the names
or the letter of the name ofpeople, whether it's my family
(03:23):
members or someone else.
But whenever I'm doing thishere, I'm just referring to
their relationship to me becauseI'm trying to keep people's
identities out of it because Idon't feel like the identity of
a person is what's important.
It's about the experience thatI'm going through and so I'm
trying to keep things focused onjust that.
(03:47):
So, cancelled my two clients,decided not to stress about it,
just to get my stuff done and mystuff I'm referring to divorce
stuff.
My husband got his stuff out asI showered and dressed in the
bathroom.
Even swept.
So nice.
So, setting the tone for what heexpects, I'm sure.
(04:09):
Good for him.
Basically, my now ex husband gothis stuff out of the bedroom and
then swept the floor, basicallyleaving things nice.
Okay, great.
Because as far as I know, I'mthe only one who ever swept that
bedroom.
I could be wrong, but mydaughter's tracked meat, ran to
(04:29):
the bank to deposit my son'smoney.
Good job for him.
He was working as a hostess at amajor chain, and so he had a lot
of cash tips.
Get answers, uh, get cashier'scheck for a lawyer, cashier's
check for insurance, and got myretirement, my retirement not
yet, transferred money out, andmy tips.
(04:52):
Then lawyer took away, took waylonger than I thought, but got
it done, and now I have lists,lists to attend to.
Sorry if that looks, if,hopefully I would take pictures
of this and put this on myFacebook page or in the show
(05:13):
notes.
It looks like, well, it could,anyway.
My penmanship.
The funny thing is I don't thinkI ever intended to read this
again, let alone on a liverecording like this.
Lists to attend to and make.
Paid son's graduation stuff offfinally.
Got husband taken off of my lifeinsurance and my aunt put on it.
(05:36):
She now knows, she now knowsthat she's my executor.
Life insurance lady.
had great input too.
Safe gone through and got his,got husband's papers out.
My, my extra papers are with momand my sister.
(05:57):
I got a tainer, containers atthe box store and a divorce tip
jar for work and my son a bunchof waters.
He likes these particularwaters.
He took me out for a belatedValentine's dinner.
I didn't want him to feelobligated.
And brought some back, too.
(06:19):
Told kids I wanted to hang outFriday night together in the
living room, watch a movie, ordo something.
My son may need, may need newworkout shorts.
Glad he asked.
He hates to ask, he hates us tospend money on him.
And I apologized to him forthat.
He expressed thanks for how hewas raised.
Whoo! I'll go into that in aminute.
(06:43):
I still feel not quite relievedfor what he feels.
I like, like, he has negativeemotion disappointment.
He feels in me.
Maybe in my husband.
I don't know.
I'm glad he learned to talkabout his feelings and express
them out, not holding them in.
Finally, our daughter finallymade it in from her meet where
(07:07):
the coach said it wasn't a meetfor her.
It was a learning experience forher.
That she physically and mentallycannot handle doing, doing both
so much.
She, basically, she, she's abadass.
She, was on the culinarycompetition team, and she was
also doing track and crosscountry.
(07:28):
Well, cross country later turnedinto track, so those things are
not simultaneous, but doing theculinary, um, nope.
I think she had both events inthe same day or one right after
the other or something.
She was trying to be a superstarand do, just be fantastic at
(07:50):
everything, and she finally hadto admit her limitations, so
this was a growth experience forher.
And her dad had been telling herthat sometimes she's going to
have to make a choice.
I don't recall if I wasreiterating that or not, but it
was true.
(08:10):
And I'm glad that she wasstretching herself.
This, there's a lot of ways thatshe reminds me of me in high
school.
I did everything, everything.
I wanted to be needed so much.
That was something about mymental thing was, was
recognition.
I wanted to be recognized forbeing awesome.
(08:31):
Whether it was acting, orstudent council, or athletics,
or whatever, that was, that wasmy need.
And her being the baby of thefamily, and for a long time, for
the first 14 years, I was thebaby of the family too.
So, I get that.
That need to stand out becauseyou don't have anybody looking
(08:53):
up to you.
And in my case, it was 14 yearsbefore the next person was
coming along, and so I was goingto be out of school before she
started school.
So she wasn't going to belooking up to me the way most
little brothers or littlesisters do.
So I think that this was part offulfilling her need to stand
out.
(09:14):
Anyway, so, um, that's why itwas a learning experience for
her.
And he said that she physicallyand mentally cannot handle
doing, doing both so much, bothactivities so much.
She's chosen track as herpriority and is taking a two
week, a two week break fromculinary.
If she can't do it in class orduring school, then no more
mispractices.
(09:35):
She's been reminded about herjob too and why she has it.
So I'm going to pause here.
We told our kids about five orsix years earlier, when they
were about 10, 11 years old,that even if we could afford to
buy them cars, that we wouldn'tdo that, that they needed to
(09:57):
have a job and, and know whatit's like to, to work for the
money and to save up and to gothrough the car buying process
and to make decisions.
We said that we would match upto you.
5, 000.
And mind you, this was preCOVID, so, so we said that we
would match up to 5, 000.
(10:17):
So if they only saved 2, 000,then we were only going to match
2, 000, and then they were goingto be stuck with having to find
a car for 4, 000.
But if they maxed us out and didthe 5, 000 and we matched that,
then they would have 10, 000.
And if they saved more, we mightmatch more, but we were willing
to commit to that.
(10:38):
So a 10, 000 car would actuallybe a pretty decent car.
and told them that they would beprovided with a vehicle at 16
and they had until their 17thbirthday to to save enough money
for that.
And if they wanted to startsaving now, they could.
That gave them five and sixyears to start saving.
(11:00):
And daughter took advantage ofit.
She started saving some of herbirthday money right away
because my kids have been veryblessed, not only with generous
financial gifts, but justgeneral awesome gifts from all
kinds of family and friends,too.
So But then they started notseeing return on their
(11:21):
investment.
It was just kind of boringsticking money in the bank and
being like, yay, I saved for mycar that I'll get in like five
years.
Yay.
So it only got up to about, Ithink my daughter had like 250.
My son saved even less, but hedefinitely made up for it later.
So that was, that was the thingabout being reminded of their
(11:43):
job.
And we also told the kids theygot, they got a monthly
allowance.
And if they wanted to go to abirthday party, they couldn't go
unless.
They, they bought a gift and, orif they wanted to go to a, to a
dancer's, they basically werelike, we're giving you the
money.
You can spend it how you want.
If you want to save it and, andbuy yourself a video game, then
okay, but we're not going to letyou do these other things.
(12:05):
This is, we're giving you thismoney.
You have to budget it.
And after they got jobs, thenthey would have to pay their gas
money too.
And of course we would still dostuff for them.
You, you heard me narratesomething on that yesterday, but
the kids were taught that theyhad to be prepared to, to take
care of themselves.
and budget and handle theirstuff wisely.
(12:27):
So that was, that was why shehad to have a job, and she was
reminded about her job.
Uh, so it said, uh, husband andI are both still very proud of
her.
She may have come in 13th out of19 in her first varsity meet,
but she shaved 11 seconds off ofher personal record.
Glad that husband is morecomplimentary to the kids.
(12:49):
I only just realized that hemakes a point to be way nicer
than he and I.
When he and I are on the app.
Maybe I should have left his assa long time ago, lol.
No, none of us would be where weare today, and where we are is
exactly where we need, where weneed to be and what we need to
be doing.
(13:09):
Being my own, oh, being my ownpuppet is great.
It feels so good to get stuffdone.
I feel so successful.
Four Zoom meetings missed today,one yesterday, Tuesday too.
But it's worth it and God'sgoing to give it all back.
It's been a really great day.
Heart sunshine emoji.
(13:32):
Thank you, creator.
Happy face.
Stars shining and happy face.
I also One of the things thatcame to me that I would love to
have some version of this on mywall And it occurs to me that
I've seen similar thingselsewhere but the the thing I
had telling me that day is toboldly to do things boldly
(13:54):
boldly and Of course, I'm aTrekkie and I just kept seeing
bold boldly go And ironicallythe, uh, well it was a variation
of the federation, is that it?
The federation symbol.
(14:15):
And I kept drawing things abouthow I would want it to look, so
honestly I would love to printthis.
T shirts, actually really I wantit on a sign for the wall.
I was going through one of thesethings somewhere and I was, one
of the notes was something aboutthat I don't feel bad about the
(14:36):
frames anymore.
And it was because I had thisstuff that I wanted basically
custom framed.
I was spending my Christmasmoney to have it custom framed.
My Christmas money that mygrandmother gave me.
And my husband was pissed.
Oh dear God, he was pissed.
(14:57):
He's like, where the fuck isthis shit gonna go?
Where, where the fuck is itgonna go?
Where, where the fuck is itgonna, where is it gonna go in
the world?
There's no room for shit inhere.
Some of it will be at work.
Honestly, I hadn't thought aboutit.
I just wanted it done.
Well, we will just say I got itdone.
(15:19):
And it's not an issue anymore,and I love it.
It is nourishing to me.
But it spoke so much that he wasso pissed off about that.
Because, and forgive me if I'vesaid this before already, but
it's, it's things like this thatmean something to me.
(15:43):
Like quotes from Neil DonaldWalsh, that progress exists
beyond your comfort zone, orwhatever it says exactly or from
Calamity Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Where it says, what does it say?
(16:03):
If a girl wants to be a hero,she should go ahead and be one.
I don't think it says herothough, but it says if a girl
wants to be whatever it is, sheshould go ahead and be one.
Okay.
Yes, exactly.
Some of the ones that I have inwork, at work, one of them says,
(16:24):
Thank you for being.
That's it, not being here, notbeing you, just being.
Thank you for being.
One of them says something tothe effect of, Rainbows only
come after the storm.
(16:49):
Why is this, why is thisoffensive?
Why would somebody be so pissedoff about this?
I could comment, ask somequestions, but I'm not going to
because I think there areprobably more possibilities,
more questions, more optionsthere than I would, than I could
(17:15):
say.
So, and in the end it doesn'treally fucking matter.
That's the reason I left That isjust one more of many, many
reasons why I left him.
His attitude was not nourishingmy spirit.
I mean, think about that.
These, I will try to remember totake pictures of these and post
(17:40):
them in the show notes.
These things, honestly all ofthem, there were 10 of them
total.
There were a couple of otherthings too, but there were 10 of
these things that I had done,and when I was in Seattle, oh,
excuse me, mind you, that tripto Seattle, that was, The man I
(18:07):
was married to at the time had awork trip, and I was invited to
tag along so that we could gosalmon fishing.
Heck yeah! Oh my gosh, I've gotto post those pictures.
Amazing.
So, and I was invited to, therewas no, there was no need to,
(18:34):
for him to rent a car, he andhis co worker to rent a car.
So I would have to do thatexpense myself.
But one thing he had done beforewas work would pay for the
rental car and he would give itto me because he didn't need it.
That was how we did Ohio.
And in this case, I paid forthe, for the rental car and I
(18:55):
shot up to Seattle.
So he was supposed to be workingfor a couple of days and I took
advantage of that time, I thinkat his suggestion to, to shoot
up to Seattle.
and do as much as I could there.
Let me tell you, I hit it hardand heavy and it was amazing.
And it's amazing that, that thisis like the third time today
(19:17):
that it's coming up.
I think, I think I'm supposed togo there soon.
And I know that there is amassage class that basically is
prepaid for, for me.
And I would just need to pay forgetting there and hotel, my
expenses.
I'm wondering if I'm supposed togo there for that so I can do
(19:38):
Seattle again.
That would be fanfic andfabulous.
Anyway.
Both of these trips, whether hesaid anything or not, it was
very evident that he was reallypissed off that I had such a
good time.
(19:58):
All of the things that I did,all of the adventures that I
went on, and I think what reallybothered him the most was the
incredible pictures that I tookwith my face smiling, just light
shining from my face because Iwas enjoying myself so much.
In fact, he made it a point toNow, this was October, beginning
(20:21):
of October, 2023, and it wasalmost exactly four months later
that I said, I don't want to bemarried.
We made it through the holidays.
We made it through Super Bowl,and then I said, eh, that's it,
I'm done, as nice as I could.
But in this time, the picturesthat the fishing guide had, had
(20:45):
taken of, of us, he and I andhis, his coworker holding up our
salmon, and I caught two.
Because I got to catch the onefor the, the fishing guide.
So, and then we hit our limit.
Like it was, I'll have to tellthat story another day, another
(21:08):
time.
But the thing that he saidrepeatedly to our children, as
he was showing them the, the,those pictures, he said, kids, I
will never see your mother smilelike this again, and of course
that's a head turning comment,right?
And he said, the only time I'veever seen your mom, this happy
(21:30):
is when she gave birth to youkids.
And so, and I just don't, hesaid, there's no major other
achievements or accomplishmentsto achieve in life that are that
big.
And he goes, I'll, I'll neversee your mother smile like that
again.
You know what, asshole, you'refucking right.
(21:51):
But at the same time, you'rewrong.
You're right in that you willnever be the cause of me smiling
like that.
My accomplishments will be, andI've got a lot of really badass
fucking awesome accomplishmentsto make.
And I feel very certain that,well, I've seen things.
(22:21):
I know that I will be a publicfigure and that there's, that
there are accomplishments that,that I will make that will be
public.
And so I'm certain that my facewill be out in the public and he
(22:43):
can try to look away if he wantsto, but he was exactly right.
Self fulfilling prophecy there.
He will never be responsible formaking me smile like that again.
You've heard me laugh about someof his antics.
Well, I think you have.
(23:06):
It gets kind of confusing for mesometimes because I already have
almost a year worth of, I don'twant to say documentation
because that makes it sound likepaperwork, but I've been
chronicling for almost a yearand I continue to do that as I'm
(23:27):
going through stuff, but thisskipping backwards to go over
some of this stuff, um, I justkind of, it's, I've got things
that I've got to keep straight,which, uh, you know, I'm also
trying to keep straight two jobsand my personal stuff and, you
know, just the stuff, right?
Juggle, juggle, juggle.
(23:47):
So if you keep listening, youare going to hear me laugh
hysterically about some of thecrap that he pulls.
That's also going to be balancedwith not laughing hysterically,
(24:08):
but there will be laughter.
I will be laughing.
I will be grinning.
I will be exclaiming andlaughing.
beautiful ways, and it will bebecause of him, but he won't see
it because he doesn't get to seethat anymore.
If he sees it in the future, itcould be because I'm doing a
(24:33):
public event, but I don't know.
It would, I have hope.
I have hope and expectation.
It may not be a reasonableexpectation, but I have hope
that, as I wanted from thebeginning, that he and I and
(24:57):
both of our children will beable to be in the same room
together and things be.
I see great possibility thereand I send what I have seen as a
(25:17):
great possibility, I send loveand light to that because if it
happens the way I see, then itcould be a really great healing
thing and a monumental thing forour children to have for the
rest of their life.
(25:40):
And that's what is important tome.
That may not have made any senseto you, but it does to me, and I
just want the best for mybabies.
I want to fulfill my highestlife purpose, and I believe that
(26:06):
part of that is doing the best Ican for my babies in whatever
way that is.
So right now, the best way forthat is for me to give them
space, but we'll get into thatlater.
There are some very interestingthings coming up in this
journey, and right now thingsare smooth sailing.
(26:27):
Even though you've heard me saysome things already, right now
the good stuff is happening.
Well, episode one was obviouslynot good stuff happening, and
that was the effect that it hadon me so much so that I started
chronicling.
(26:49):
So, there's more to come.
We'll see what you think aboutit.
Couple of things I wanted towrap up as, uh, or readdress as
I wrap up is one, I saidsomething about my son not
liking it when we spend money onhim and that I felt sad about
(27:11):
that and, and feel guilt.
And of course, what is it?
Hindsight is 2020, meaning thatwhenever you look back on the
past, then you see all thethings that you could have done
better.
And one of the things that Ithink, well, I know that we
definitely could have donedifferently is, um, I always
(27:37):
tried to impress upon the kidsthat money didn't grow on trees.
We were very blessed that we hadwhat we needed.
We were more blessed than some,but not as much as others.
And we didn't have money to justgo and spend willy nilly.
I mean, sometimes we did, butnot always.
(27:57):
And also things cost money.
So yes, it would be great to goand do this thing.
But for a family our size, itwould cost this much money and
this is, you know, there wasthose kinds of things.
The goal, and I takeresponsibility for this, the
goal for me was to be realistic.
I mean, honestly, I grew uppaying for my own school lunches
(28:19):
from the time that I was in the6th grade on.
I paid for a lot of my life.
I babysat, I cleaned houses, Idid whatever, even at the age of
11 years old.
Doing things because my moneydidn't my family didn't have
money to spend and I learned howhard it was to earn a dollar.
(28:42):
I Wanted my children tounderstand that too I I wanted
them to know that they hadsafety and security and
thankfully they were blessedwith a lot of things just as I
was blessed with a lot of giftsfrom from people and Outcomes My
family outside of the house hadmoney, but my family in the
house where I lived did not havemoney.
And that's, that's where thingswere very difficult and trying.
(29:04):
And so I was trying to teach mykids to have appreciation for
what they have and to not justassume that everything comes to
them.
In hindsight, I don't think thatmy approach was the best.
I think that there's a lot ofthings that could have been done
better.
Um, So do I regret that?
Yes, I do.
Especially because my sonespecially seems to have taken
(29:25):
it to the heart, to heart themost.
He was always the most hesitanton accepting money or letting me
buy things for him.
And even though I would tellhim, thankfully later on, we
were a lot better offfinancially.
And I would tell him, son, webudget for this.
Please let me spend this moneyon you.
(29:45):
Please let me spoil you.
Spoil me by letting me spoilyou.
And he'd say, no, I don't wantto, you know, whatever, blah,
blah, blah.
And whenever he received a gift,he was always very, very
especially thankful for it,especially if it was something
that he really wanted.
And later on, whenever hestarted making a lot of money,
and he had, he was a badass whenit was time to save for his car
(30:08):
and pay for it.
He was a badass and he still hadmoney left over and he wanted to
spend it on us and that justkind of triggered something in
me.
It was, I've seen people, well,I've seen my ex husband abuse
situations with kids, with hisdaughter, with both of our kids
(30:33):
and, you know, something likemanipulative, like, Yeah, yeah,
it'd be nice to not have to cooktonight, you know, and just go
get like some Taco Bell orsomething But I don't have any
money You know, your mom's gotall the money or you know, all
the money's gone towards this orthat and my kids All of it.
Well, even even my stepdaughterwould say well, I've got 20
(30:54):
bucks.
I can pay for Taco Bell.
Oh No, you know, you know, youdon't have to do that.
No dad.
Seriously, let's go get TacoBell I'm really craving like a
crunchy taco or whatever.
Oh, you sure you don't have todo that And they would wind up
going to Taco Bell or whatever,whatever kind of thing.
This is, this is how I mean bymanipulation.
And so then, then it's braggedabout, Oh, yeah, my kids
(31:16):
treated, treated the, the familyto dinner tonight.
Or they treated me, you know,they wanted to take me out for
tacos or something.
Mm hmm.
So that manipulative behavior.
Basically, he gets to manipulatethem and, but they get rewarded
with praise so they getencouraged to do it again so
that they, so now they areprimed and ready and open so
(31:37):
whenever he's ready tomanipulate them again, he does
it and he does it successfullyagain.
So I've seen that will, Ihaven't seen it because if I was
there, it wouldn't havehappened.
So it only happened whenever Iwasn't around, but I heard about
it.
So, for me, I was particularlytriggered at the idea of my kids
(31:59):
paying for something for me.
At the same time, I understandthat part of the definition of a
gift is the receiving of thegift, and, because sometimes
people need to give.
So, it's not about, it's notabout me taking something from
someone else, it's aboutallowing them to give, if that
makes sense.
(32:21):
My thing was, though, that Iguess, if there's a balance to
everything, I was, instead of,Encouraging my kids to pay for
treats for the family.
I encouraged them to do that foreach other and for them to save
their money and maybe let metreat them.
And I had to make myself receivesometimes because I understood
(32:46):
that sometimes they needed togive.
So like my, my son took me outfor a belated Valentine's.
Okay.
That was a wonderful thing.
And I let him pay for his mealand my meal.
At the same time, I ordered aglass of wine and I also ordered
something to take home.
And so I said, I have to pay forthe alcohol and I'm also going
to pay for this other thing thatI ordered.
(33:06):
He said, okay, mom, that was agood deal.
So I let him spoil me, but Ididn't take advantage of him.
This thing about the frames thatI was talking about.
So I started off describingthem, but I didn't finish.
When I shot up to Seattle for aday and a half, there was, I
(33:30):
needed to duck into a storebecause there was a man
following me.
And so I ducked in there for,for a little while, and while I
was there, I found thesegreeting cards that they were
little four by four squares thatthey had these nice sayings on
them.
I described the sayings, themotivational kind of things, but
(33:51):
they were actually greetingcards and they were only four by
four.
So they were small, right?
I mean, that's about the size ofa coaster, maybe a little bit
bigger than a coaster, about oneinch bigger on each side than a
coaster.
Not that big, right?
Yeah, there's 10 of them.
(34:11):
And with the custom frame, itmade them a couple of inches
bigger around.
So we're talking about maybe asix by six square.
And that's what he was throwinga fit about.
I also talk about being my ownpuppet, or the journal entry is
talking about being my ownpuppet is great.
Forgive me if I've said thisalready, but I set the intention
(34:34):
that I connect with my greatest,my best future self, which to me
I define as the one who is themost in alignment with my
creator, and my best future selfis walking my highest life path.
So I connect with her and I askher to run me like a puppet.
To say what I need to say, keepmy mouth shut when I need to, go
(34:57):
where I need to go, do what Ineed to do, or not, as needed,
in order to get from here toher.
So being my own puppet is great.
In the words of Colin Ray,that's my story and I'm sticking
to it.
At least for now, because whenI'm recording this, I don't
remember what I told you aboutmy story was, but I'm an honest
(35:20):
person.
So that is my story and I amsticking to it.
I hope you enjoyed it and Ihope, uh, I hope you stick
around and hear some more.
It gets better.
Sometimes it gets worse, but itgets better.
It gets a lot better.
Are you tired of the bullshit?
Do you just want to escape andget the bleep out?
Well, if you do, then this is aplace for you.
Or if you've ever been there,then come along for the ride
with me, because this is me andthis is my story of how I was
tired of the crap.
I was tired of feelingundervalued, tired of being made
(00:25):
to feel like crap for Being madeto feel stupid because I
believed in something thatsomeone else didn't.
All of the things.
Being mocked and made fun of bypeople who were supposed to love
me and cherish me, but they werebelittling me and making me feel
(00:46):
small.
Led by one person who I wasattached to.
Who I had agreed I had vowed tospend the rest of my life with.
And then I didn't.
I fought my way out, and I don'tmean physically.
(01:07):
But mentally, emotionally, andevery other way, well, there was
one time I did have to fightphysically.
But that's a story for anotherday.
Today, I'm here telling mystory.
I'm glad you're here with me,and I hope you join me.
Just bear in mind that this isfor informational and
(01:32):
entertainment purposes only.
And when I say informational, Imean this is just chronicling my
experiences.
I am not qualified to giveadvice in any way, legally,
medically, mentally,emotionally.
I don't have any qualifications.
This is just me telling mystory.
(01:54):
I hope you enjoy the ride andfeel free to tell me what you
think.
FutureSingleLady at gmail.
com.
I'm Scarlett Davis and I am thefuture single lady.
Oh, hallelujah.
I think God is shining on me.
I have been praying all dayabout getting this journal entry
(02:17):
recorded and reflecting on thisday one year ago.
And, time is running a littlebit short, but honestly, there
is about a page worth of writinghere.
So, let me go through this andsee what all it says.
So, this is three days after Ihave said that, and this journal
entry starts in the evening.
(02:40):
of February 15th, 2024.
And this, so this is three days,about 72 hours after I have
said, I don't want to be marriedanymore.
I want to be family.
I don't want to be married.
We should be able to do thisnice.
I still need to do the rundownon actually how that
conversation all went.
(03:00):
But for now, the journal entry.
Decided to cancel my two clientsand not stress about them just
to get my stuff done.
Exclamation mark.
He got his stuff out.
Anyway, what I was saying isthat whenever I wrote, whenever
I wrote this stuff in myjournal, I am saying the names
or the letter of the name ofpeople, whether it's my family
(03:23):
members or someone else.
But whenever I'm doing thishere, I'm just referring to
their relationship to me becauseI'm trying to keep people's
identities out of it because Idon't feel like the identity of
a person is what's important.
It's about the experience thatI'm going through and so I'm
trying to keep things focused onjust that.
(03:47):
So, cancelled my two clients,decided not to stress about it,
just to get my stuff done and mystuff I'm referring to divorce
stuff.
My husband got his stuff out asI showered and dressed in the
bathroom.
Even swept.
So nice.
So, setting the tone for what heexpects, I'm sure.
(04:09):
Good for him.
Basically, my now ex husband gothis stuff out of the bedroom and
then swept the floor, basicallyleaving things nice.
Okay, great.
Because as far as I know, I'mthe only one who ever swept that
bedroom.
I could be wrong, but mydaughter's tracked meat, ran to
(04:29):
the bank to deposit my son'smoney.
Good job for him.
He was working as a hostess at amajor chain, and so he had a lot
of cash tips.
Get answers, uh, get cashier'scheck for a lawyer, cashier's
check for insurance, and got myretirement, my retirement not
yet, transferred money out, andmy tips.
(04:52):
Then lawyer took away, took waylonger than I thought, but got
it done, and now I have lists,lists to attend to.
Sorry if that looks, if,hopefully I would take pictures
of this and put this on myFacebook page or in the show
(05:13):
notes.
It looks like, well, it could,anyway.
My penmanship.
The funny thing is I don't thinkI ever intended to read this
again, let alone on a liverecording like this.
Lists to attend to and make.
Paid son's graduation stuff offfinally.
Got husband taken off of my lifeinsurance and my aunt put on it.
(05:36):
She now knows, she now knowsthat she's my executor.
Life insurance lady.
had great input too.
Safe gone through and got his,got husband's papers out.
My, my extra papers are with momand my sister.
(05:57):
I got a tainer, containers atthe box store and a divorce tip
jar for work and my son a bunchof waters.
He likes these particularwaters.
He took me out for a belatedValentine's dinner.
I didn't want him to feelobligated.
And brought some back, too.
(06:19):
Told kids I wanted to hang outFriday night together in the
living room, watch a movie, ordo something.
My son may need, may need newworkout shorts.
Glad he asked.
He hates to ask, he hates us tospend money on him.
And I apologized to him forthat.
He expressed thanks for how hewas raised.
Whoo! I'll go into that in aminute.
(06:43):
I still feel not quite relievedfor what he feels.
I like, like, he has negativeemotion disappointment.
He feels in me.
Maybe in my husband.
I don't know.
I'm glad he learned to talkabout his feelings and express
them out, not holding them in.
Finally, our daughter finallymade it in from her meet where
(07:07):
the coach said it wasn't a meetfor her.
It was a learning experience forher.
That she physically and mentallycannot handle doing, doing both
so much.
She, basically, she, she's abadass.
She, was on the culinarycompetition team, and she was
also doing track and crosscountry.
(07:28):
Well, cross country later turnedinto track, so those things are
not simultaneous, but doing theculinary, um, nope.
I think she had both events inthe same day or one right after
the other or something.
She was trying to be a superstarand do, just be fantastic at
(07:50):
everything, and she finally hadto admit her limitations, so
this was a growth experience forher.
And her dad had been telling herthat sometimes she's going to
have to make a choice.
I don't recall if I wasreiterating that or not, but it
was true.
(08:10):
And I'm glad that she wasstretching herself.
This, there's a lot of ways thatshe reminds me of me in high
school.
I did everything, everything.
I wanted to be needed so much.
That was something about mymental thing was, was
recognition.
I wanted to be recognized forbeing awesome.
(08:31):
Whether it was acting, orstudent council, or athletics,
or whatever, that was, that wasmy need.
And her being the baby of thefamily, and for a long time, for
the first 14 years, I was thebaby of the family too.
So, I get that.
That need to stand out becauseyou don't have anybody looking
(08:53):
up to you.
And in my case, it was 14 yearsbefore the next person was
coming along, and so I was goingto be out of school before she
started school.
So she wasn't going to belooking up to me the way most
little brothers or littlesisters do.
So I think that this was part offulfilling her need to stand
out.
(09:14):
Anyway, so, um, that's why itwas a learning experience for
her.
And he said that she physicallyand mentally cannot handle
doing, doing both so much, bothactivities so much.
She's chosen track as herpriority and is taking a two
week, a two week break fromculinary.
If she can't do it in class orduring school, then no more
mispractices.
(09:35):
She's been reminded about herjob too and why she has it.
So I'm going to pause here.
We told our kids about five orsix years earlier, when they
were about 10, 11 years old,that even if we could afford to
buy them cars, that we wouldn'tdo that, that they needed to
(09:57):
have a job and, and know whatit's like to, to work for the
money and to save up and to gothrough the car buying process
and to make decisions.
We said that we would match upto you.
5, 000.
And mind you, this was preCOVID, so, so we said that we
would match up to 5, 000.
(10:17):
So if they only saved 2, 000,then we were only going to match
2, 000, and then they were goingto be stuck with having to find
a car for 4, 000.
But if they maxed us out and didthe 5, 000 and we matched that,
then they would have 10, 000.
And if they saved more, we mightmatch more, but we were willing
to commit to that.
(10:38):
So a 10, 000 car would actuallybe a pretty decent car.
and told them that they would beprovided with a vehicle at 16
and they had until their 17thbirthday to to save enough money
for that.
And if they wanted to startsaving now, they could.
That gave them five and sixyears to start saving.
(11:00):
And daughter took advantage ofit.
She started saving some of herbirthday money right away
because my kids have been veryblessed, not only with generous
financial gifts, but justgeneral awesome gifts from all
kinds of family and friends,too.
So But then they started notseeing return on their
(11:21):
investment.
It was just kind of boringsticking money in the bank and
being like, yay, I saved for mycar that I'll get in like five
years.
Yay.
So it only got up to about, Ithink my daughter had like 250.
My son saved even less, but hedefinitely made up for it later.
So that was, that was the thingabout being reminded of their
(11:43):
job.
And we also told the kids theygot, they got a monthly
allowance.
And if they wanted to go to abirthday party, they couldn't go
unless.
They, they bought a gift and, orif they wanted to go to a, to a
dancer's, they basically werelike, we're giving you the
money.
You can spend it how you want.
If you want to save it and, andbuy yourself a video game, then
okay, but we're not going to letyou do these other things.
(12:05):
This is, we're giving you thismoney.
You have to budget it.
And after they got jobs, thenthey would have to pay their gas
money too.
And of course we would still dostuff for them.
You, you heard me narratesomething on that yesterday, but
the kids were taught that theyhad to be prepared to, to take
care of themselves.
and budget and handle theirstuff wisely.
(12:27):
So that was, that was why shehad to have a job, and she was
reminded about her job.
Uh, so it said, uh, husband andI are both still very proud of
her.
She may have come in 13th out of19 in her first varsity meet,
but she shaved 11 seconds off ofher personal record.
Glad that husband is morecomplimentary to the kids.
(12:49):
I only just realized that hemakes a point to be way nicer
than he and I.
When he and I are on the app.
Maybe I should have left his assa long time ago, lol.
No, none of us would be where weare today, and where we are is
exactly where we need, where weneed to be and what we need to
be doing.
(13:09):
Being my own, oh, being my ownpuppet is great.
It feels so good to get stuffdone.
I feel so successful.
Four Zoom meetings missed today,one yesterday, Tuesday too.
But it's worth it and God'sgoing to give it all back.
It's been a really great day.
Heart sunshine emoji.
(13:32):
Thank you, creator.
Happy face.
Stars shining and happy face.
I also One of the things thatcame to me that I would love to
have some version of this on mywall And it occurs to me that
I've seen similar thingselsewhere but the the thing I
had telling me that day is toboldly to do things boldly
(13:54):
boldly and Of course, I'm aTrekkie and I just kept seeing
bold boldly go And ironicallythe, uh, well it was a variation
of the federation, is that it?
The federation symbol.
(14:15):
And I kept drawing things abouthow I would want it to look, so
honestly I would love to printthis.
T shirts, actually really I wantit on a sign for the wall.
I was going through one of thesethings somewhere and I was, one
of the notes was something aboutthat I don't feel bad about the
(14:36):
frames anymore.
And it was because I had thisstuff that I wanted basically
custom framed.
I was spending my Christmasmoney to have it custom framed.
My Christmas money that mygrandmother gave me.
And my husband was pissed.
Oh dear God, he was pissed.
(14:57):
He's like, where the fuck isthis shit gonna go?
Where, where the fuck is itgonna go?
Where, where the fuck is itgonna, where is it gonna go in
the world?
There's no room for shit inhere.
Some of it will be at work.
Honestly, I hadn't thought aboutit.
I just wanted it done.
Well, we will just say I got itdone.
(15:19):
And it's not an issue anymore,and I love it.
It is nourishing to me.
But it spoke so much that he wasso pissed off about that.
Because, and forgive me if I'vesaid this before already, but
it's, it's things like this thatmean something to me.
(15:43):
Like quotes from Neil DonaldWalsh, that progress exists
beyond your comfort zone, orwhatever it says exactly or from
Calamity Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Where it says, what does it say?
(16:03):
If a girl wants to be a hero,she should go ahead and be one.
I don't think it says herothough, but it says if a girl
wants to be whatever it is, sheshould go ahead and be one.
Okay.
Yes, exactly.
Some of the ones that I have inwork, at work, one of them says,
(16:24):
Thank you for being.
That's it, not being here, notbeing you, just being.
Thank you for being.
One of them says something tothe effect of, Rainbows only
come after the storm.
(16:49):
Why is this, why is thisoffensive?
Why would somebody be so pissedoff about this?
I could comment, ask somequestions, but I'm not going to
because I think there areprobably more possibilities,
more questions, more optionsthere than I would, than I could
(17:15):
say.
So, and in the end it doesn'treally fucking matter.
That's the reason I left That isjust one more of many, many
reasons why I left him.
His attitude was not nourishingmy spirit.
I mean, think about that.
These, I will try to remember totake pictures of these and post
(17:40):
them in the show notes.
These things, honestly all ofthem, there were 10 of them
total.
There were a couple of otherthings too, but there were 10 of
these things that I had done,and when I was in Seattle, oh,
excuse me, mind you, that tripto Seattle, that was, The man I
(18:07):
was married to at the time had awork trip, and I was invited to
tag along so that we could gosalmon fishing.
Heck yeah! Oh my gosh, I've gotto post those pictures.
Amazing.
So, and I was invited to, therewas no, there was no need to,
(18:34):
for him to rent a car, he andhis co worker to rent a car.
So I would have to do thatexpense myself.
But one thing he had done beforewas work would pay for the
rental car and he would give itto me because he didn't need it.
That was how we did Ohio.
And in this case, I paid forthe, for the rental car and I
(18:55):
shot up to Seattle.
So he was supposed to be workingfor a couple of days and I took
advantage of that time, I thinkat his suggestion to, to shoot
up to Seattle.
and do as much as I could there.
Let me tell you, I hit it hardand heavy and it was amazing.
And it's amazing that, that thisis like the third time today
(19:17):
that it's coming up.
I think, I think I'm supposed togo there soon.
And I know that there is amassage class that basically is
prepaid for, for me.
And I would just need to pay forgetting there and hotel, my
expenses.
I'm wondering if I'm supposed togo there for that so I can do
(19:38):
Seattle again.
That would be fanfic andfabulous.
Anyway.
Both of these trips, whether hesaid anything or not, it was
very evident that he was reallypissed off that I had such a
good time.
(19:58):
All of the things that I did,all of the adventures that I
went on, and I think what reallybothered him the most was the
incredible pictures that I tookwith my face smiling, just light
shining from my face because Iwas enjoying myself so much.
In fact, he made it a point toNow, this was October, beginning
(20:21):
of October, 2023, and it wasalmost exactly four months later
that I said, I don't want to bemarried.
We made it through the holidays.
We made it through Super Bowl,and then I said, eh, that's it,
I'm done, as nice as I could.
But in this time, the picturesthat the fishing guide had, had
(20:45):
taken of, of us, he and I andhis, his coworker holding up our
salmon, and I caught two.
Because I got to catch the onefor the, the fishing guide.
So, and then we hit our limit.
Like it was, I'll have to tellthat story another day, another
(21:08):
time.
But the thing that he saidrepeatedly to our children, as
he was showing them the, the,those pictures, he said, kids, I
will never see your mother smilelike this again, and of course
that's a head turning comment,right?
And he said, the only time I'veever seen your mom, this happy
(21:30):
is when she gave birth to youkids.
And so, and I just don't, hesaid, there's no major other
achievements or accomplishmentsto achieve in life that are that
big.
And he goes, I'll, I'll neversee your mother smile like that
again.
You know what, asshole, you'refucking right.
(21:51):
But at the same time, you'rewrong.
You're right in that you willnever be the cause of me smiling
like that.
My accomplishments will be, andI've got a lot of really badass
fucking awesome accomplishmentsto make.
And I feel very certain that,well, I've seen things.
(22:21):
I know that I will be a publicfigure and that there's, that
there are accomplishments that,that I will make that will be
public.
And so I'm certain that my facewill be out in the public and he
(22:43):
can try to look away if he wantsto, but he was exactly right.
Self fulfilling prophecy there.
He will never be responsible formaking me smile like that again.
You've heard me laugh about someof his antics.
Well, I think you have.
(23:06):
It gets kind of confusing for mesometimes because I already have
almost a year worth of, I don'twant to say documentation
because that makes it sound likepaperwork, but I've been
chronicling for almost a yearand I continue to do that as I'm
(23:27):
going through stuff, but thisskipping backwards to go over
some of this stuff, um, I justkind of, it's, I've got things
that I've got to keep straight,which, uh, you know, I'm also
trying to keep straight two jobsand my personal stuff and, you
know, just the stuff, right?
Juggle, juggle, juggle.
(23:47):
So if you keep listening, youare going to hear me laugh
hysterically about some of thecrap that he pulls.
That's also going to be balancedwith not laughing hysterically,
(24:08):
but there will be laughter.
I will be laughing.
I will be grinning.
I will be exclaiming andlaughing.
beautiful ways, and it will bebecause of him, but he won't see
it because he doesn't get to seethat anymore.
If he sees it in the future, itcould be because I'm doing a
(24:33):
public event, but I don't know.
It would, I have hope.
I have hope and expectation.
It may not be a reasonableexpectation, but I have hope
that, as I wanted from thebeginning, that he and I and
(24:57):
both of our children will beable to be in the same room
together and things be.
I see great possibility thereand I send what I have seen as a
(25:17):
great possibility, I send loveand light to that because if it
happens the way I see, then itcould be a really great healing
thing and a monumental thing forour children to have for the
rest of their life.
(25:40):
And that's what is important tome.
That may not have made any senseto you, but it does to me, and I
just want the best for mybabies.
I want to fulfill my highestlife purpose, and I believe that
(26:06):
part of that is doing the best Ican for my babies in whatever
way that is.
So right now, the best way forthat is for me to give them
space, but we'll get into thatlater.
There are some very interestingthings coming up in this
journey, and right now thingsare smooth sailing.
(26:27):
Even though you've heard me saysome things already, right now
the good stuff is happening.
Well, episode one was obviouslynot good stuff happening, and
that was the effect that it hadon me so much so that I started
chronicling.
(26:49):
So, there's more to come.
We'll see what you think aboutit.
Couple of things I wanted towrap up as, uh, or readdress as
I wrap up is one, I saidsomething about my son not
liking it when we spend money onhim and that I felt sad about
(27:11):
that and, and feel guilt.
And of course, what is it?
Hindsight is 2020, meaning thatwhenever you look back on the
past, then you see all thethings that you could have done
better.
And one of the things that Ithink, well, I know that we
definitely could have donedifferently is, um, I always
(27:37):
tried to impress upon the kidsthat money didn't grow on trees.
We were very blessed that we hadwhat we needed.
We were more blessed than some,but not as much as others.
And we didn't have money to justgo and spend willy nilly.
I mean, sometimes we did, butnot always.
(27:57):
And also things cost money.
So yes, it would be great to goand do this thing.
But for a family our size, itwould cost this much money and
this is, you know, there wasthose kinds of things.
The goal, and I takeresponsibility for this, the
goal for me was to be realistic.
I mean, honestly, I grew uppaying for my own school lunches
(28:19):
from the time that I was in the6th grade on.
I paid for a lot of my life.
I babysat, I cleaned houses, Idid whatever, even at the age of
11 years old.
Doing things because my moneydidn't my family didn't have
money to spend and I learned howhard it was to earn a dollar.
(28:42):
I Wanted my children tounderstand that too I I wanted
them to know that they hadsafety and security and
thankfully they were blessedwith a lot of things just as I
was blessed with a lot of giftsfrom from people and Outcomes My
family outside of the house hadmoney, but my family in the
house where I lived did not havemoney.
And that's, that's where thingswere very difficult and trying.
(29:04):
And so I was trying to teach mykids to have appreciation for
what they have and to not justassume that everything comes to
them.
In hindsight, I don't think thatmy approach was the best.
I think that there's a lot ofthings that could have been done
better.
Um, So do I regret that?
Yes, I do.
Especially because my sonespecially seems to have taken
(29:25):
it to the heart, to heart themost.
He was always the most hesitanton accepting money or letting me
buy things for him.
And even though I would tellhim, thankfully later on, we
were a lot better offfinancially.
And I would tell him, son, webudget for this.
Please let me spend this moneyon you.
(29:45):
Please let me spoil you.
Spoil me by letting me spoilyou.
And he'd say, no, I don't wantto, you know, whatever, blah,
blah, blah.
And whenever he received a gift,he was always very, very
especially thankful for it,especially if it was something
that he really wanted.
And later on, whenever hestarted making a lot of money,
and he had, he was a badass whenit was time to save for his car
(30:08):
and pay for it.
He was a badass and he still hadmoney left over and he wanted to
spend it on us and that justkind of triggered something in
me.
It was, I've seen people, well,I've seen my ex husband abuse
situations with kids, with hisdaughter, with both of our kids
(30:33):
and, you know, something likemanipulative, like, Yeah, yeah,
it'd be nice to not have to cooktonight, you know, and just go
get like some Taco Bell orsomething But I don't have any
money You know, your mom's gotall the money or you know, all
the money's gone towards this orthat and my kids All of it.
Well, even even my stepdaughterwould say well, I've got 20
(30:54):
bucks.
I can pay for Taco Bell.
Oh No, you know, you know, youdon't have to do that.
No dad.
Seriously, let's go get TacoBell I'm really craving like a
crunchy taco or whatever.
Oh, you sure you don't have todo that And they would wind up
going to Taco Bell or whatever,whatever kind of thing.
This is, this is how I mean bymanipulation.
And so then, then it's braggedabout, Oh, yeah, my kids
(31:16):
treated, treated the, the familyto dinner tonight.
Or they treated me, you know,they wanted to take me out for
tacos or something.
Mm hmm.
So that manipulative behavior.
Basically, he gets to manipulatethem and, but they get rewarded
with praise so they getencouraged to do it again so
that they, so now they areprimed and ready and open so
(31:37):
whenever he's ready tomanipulate them again, he does
it and he does it successfullyagain.
So I've seen that will, Ihaven't seen it because if I was
there, it wouldn't havehappened.
So it only happened whenever Iwasn't around, but I heard about
it.
So, for me, I was particularlytriggered at the idea of my kids
(31:59):
paying for something for me.
At the same time, I understandthat part of the definition of a
gift is the receiving of thegift, and, because sometimes
people need to give.
So, it's not about, it's notabout me taking something from
someone else, it's aboutallowing them to give, if that
makes sense.
(32:21):
My thing was, though, that Iguess, if there's a balance to
everything, I was, instead of,Encouraging my kids to pay for
treats for the family.
I encouraged them to do that foreach other and for them to save
their money and maybe let metreat them.
And I had to make myself receivesometimes because I understood
(32:46):
that sometimes they needed togive.
So like my, my son took me outfor a belated Valentine's.
Okay.
That was a wonderful thing.
And I let him pay for his mealand my meal.
At the same time, I ordered aglass of wine and I also ordered
something to take home.
And so I said, I have to pay forthe alcohol and I'm also going
to pay for this other thing thatI ordered.
(33:06):
He said, okay, mom, that was agood deal.
So I let him spoil me, but Ididn't take advantage of him.
This thing about the frames thatI was talking about.
So I started off describingthem, but I didn't finish.
When I shot up to Seattle for aday and a half, there was, I
(33:30):
needed to duck into a storebecause there was a man
following me.
And so I ducked in there for,for a little while, and while I
was there, I found thesegreeting cards that they were
little four by four squares thatthey had these nice sayings on
them.
I described the sayings, themotivational kind of things, but
(33:51):
they were actually greetingcards and they were only four by
four.
So they were small, right?
I mean, that's about the size ofa coaster, maybe a little bit
bigger than a coaster, about oneinch bigger on each side than a
coaster.
Not that big, right?
Yeah, there's 10 of them.
(34:11):
And with the custom frame, itmade them a couple of inches
bigger around.
So we're talking about maybe asix by six square.
And that's what he was throwinga fit about.
I also talk about being my ownpuppet, or the journal entry is
talking about being my ownpuppet is great.
Forgive me if I've said thisalready, but I set the intention
(34:34):
that I connect with my greatest,my best future self, which to me
I define as the one who is themost in alignment with my
creator, and my best future selfis walking my highest life path.
So I connect with her and I askher to run me like a puppet.
To say what I need to say, keepmy mouth shut when I need to, go
(34:57):
where I need to go, do what Ineed to do, or not, as needed,
in order to get from here toher.
So being my own puppet is great.
In the words of Colin Ray,that's my story and I'm sticking
to it.
At least for now, because whenI'm recording this, I don't
remember what I told you aboutmy story was, but I'm an honest
(35:20):
person.
So that is my story and I amsticking to it.
I hope you enjoyed it and Ihope, uh, I hope you stick
around and hear some more.
It gets better.
Sometimes it gets worse, but itgets better.
It gets a lot better.
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