April 22, 2025 • 55 mins
Ever feel like you're one wrong move away from being exposed as a total fraud—even though you’re crushing it? Same. In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on imposter syndrome: what it is, how it shows up (spoiler alert—it’s sneakier than that one ex who keeps watching your stories), and how to fight back. Whether you've just landed a new job, started a creative project, or still can’t take a compliment without awkwardly deflecting, we’ve got you. We’re talking self-doubt, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and why your inner critic needs to take several seats. Tune in for personal stories, mindset shifts, and tips to help you stop spiraling and start owning your seat at the table—without needing a secret decoder ring to prove you belong there.
- Join the conversation: Is there a time in your life where you have struggled with imposter syndrome? How did your weekly challenge go? Share your reflections in the comments or via our social media.
- What She Said: "I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find me out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’" — Maya Angelou
- What She Said: “We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” – Lori Deschene
- Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @generationalteapod, watch us on YouTube, and listen to us wherever you get your podcasts!
- Microphone flags by Impact PBS
- Intro music by Cymatix
- Logo by @makariann
- Business email: generationalteapod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
Every like few weeks or fewmonths, I'll cycle through
different foods that I just likeam so fixated on.
That's all I can think about.
I love it.
What are you fixated on rightnow?
Right now fixated on cucumberswith lemon pepper seasoning and
ranch as a snack.
And then for breakfast everymorning I've been having protein
(00:34):
oatmeal and it's actually beenreally good.
Really?
I'm in my healthy girl era.
I'm trying, imagine what you,you're away from your
mother-in-law.
It's so much easier, I imagine.
No.
Well I know Weston is a productof you, so it's actually not
easy.
Oh, poor.
He's obsessed with zebra rollsright now.
(00:56):
What?
Oh my God.
They're actually pretty good.
I'm trying to hate on them, so Idon't.
Want to eat.
Hey, that's like, that's thatplastic, literally.
Oh God.
I know.
I'm like, if we're going to eatsweets, can I at least like bake
us something or make us like ahealthy alternative?
But he hates everything.
I make them healthy, so I blameyou.
(01:18):
Well, but see, now I did whenthey were smaller, they did not
get any like cookies or anythinglike that.
We did the little cutoff cookiesso you couldn't just grab the
bag of cookies, you had toactually make'em.
But then Weston realized thatthey tasted so much better raw.
So yeah, they do.
(01:38):
That thing was a party foul forsure.
'cause he was not having that.
Well, yeah, we were arguingabout this the other day.
Well, not even arguing, we werejust discussing how I want to
eat healthier and I wanna makelike more of a variety of foods.
And I have been, I've beencooking all kinds of meals with
like tons of vegetables and forthe most part he is getting
them.
But he was telling me that youguys actually made the meat
(02:00):
pretty healthy.
We did.
It's true.
It's true.
Except not as healthy as myfamily.
My parents were making likeavocado brownies and my mom was
just raw dog and spinach forbreakfast.
So disturbing.
But I mean, I do like healthyfood now, so I thank them for
(02:20):
that.
But sometimes I was like, whyare we eating avocado brownies
when we could have realbrownies?
Right, right.
So, yeah.
welcome everybody to anotherepisode of the Generational Tea
Podcast.
I'm Cana.
And I'm Ronnie.
And today we are digging intosomething that is probably gonna
be a personal therapy sessionfor myself and probably a lot of
(02:41):
you out there'cause it'ssomething a lot of us deal with.
And we're gonna talk about theinsidious imposter syndrome and
how it can infect your life ifyou let it.
If you've never heard of thisterm before, which I had never
heard of it, probably two orthree years ago, and I came
across it and I was like, holycrap, I have felt this my entire
life.
I've never been able to put afinger on it.
(03:03):
I was just so shocked that I'dnever heard of this term before.
And definitely that realizationof, oh.
This is what I'm doing tomyself.
This is why I have thesefeelings.
This is why I am always feelinglike this in all kinds of
situations, was a great firststep, but I know that I need to
really dig into this morebecause I probably realized this
(03:25):
happens to me two years ago andI still struggle with it, maybe
a little less than I did in thepast, and I'm able to kind of
talk my way out of it but it's,it's insidious for sure, and I'm
glad we're gonna talk about ittoday and really dive into what
it is and how to combat it.
Because awareness is always thefirst step before we learn to
grow and move past things.
(03:46):
So what is it?
Imposter syndrome is apersistent self-doubt, despite
evidence of competence andwillingness to work, learn, and
get better.
You ever, ever felt that, oh mygoodness.
I too, um, am just now learningabout imposter syndrome this
week or last week when we hadthe outline ready.
(04:07):
I have felt this way my entirelife.
My entire life.
I mm-hmm.
So into my head.
Um, and, and I, I wanna makesure that people understand this
imposter syndrome does not meanthat you're not confident.
it's in between your ears andyou can fight through it or
(04:27):
whatever.
And I guess over time you learnhow to deal with it differently.
But yes, I have always feltlike, um, I don't know.
I felt like if people couldunscrew the top of my head that
they would absolutely, you know,be so disgusted with how, yeah.
I felt to myself.
and not as much now, butdefinitely I can just see in
(04:49):
different stages of my life.
It can wear a different hat.
It can look very different.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so that's, mm-hmm.
This really resonated with meand like I said, I had never had
a term to put on it, never untilwhen we started this outline.
So yeah, I'm looking forward toit for sure.
(05:10):
Yeah, it's just that littlevoice in your head.
And I think there was like acomfort in me when I found out
about it.
And I also found out howpervasive it is across really
the whole world and all kinds ofpeople deal with this.
And I, it kind of made me feelbetter.
It was like, it's not just me.
Other people feel this too.
I'm not the one that'sconstantly questioning whether
I'm, I'm supposed to be here orI'm qualified enough to be here.
(05:31):
But that being said.
Even if a lot of people strugglewith it, that doesn't make that
little voice in your head anymore, right.
Or any more justified'cause it'snot.
It's not.
Okay.
Anyways, let's get into somestats.
Studies show around 70% ofpeople experience imposter
syndrome at some point in theirlife, especially women in
minorities.
(05:51):
So particularly in highachieving women that are
probably in male dominatedfields or just minorities
because of historical oppressionand all kinds of stuff.
telling different minorities,you're not supposed to be here,
you're not good enough to do X,Y, and Z.
So we can see why that would bea trend within those certain
groups.
can you think of a specific timein your life when you dealt with
(06:12):
this?
Maybe stronger than other times?
yeah, for sure.
in my early thirties, I had theopportunity, to travel and do
some, um, events for women.
giving them encouragingmessages.
a lot of them were, um, maybeanother's, Saturday brunch for
Mother's Day.
(06:33):
then they kind of went toanother, like maybe then I was
doing retreats and, you know, Iwas in my late twenties, early
thirties, and most of the womenthat I was talking to were, you
know, at least 10 to 20 yearsolder than me.
I had peers there, people my ownage, but for the most part,
(06:53):
because I was so young in mylife, obviously there were gonna
be a lot of women that were mucholder, and I struggled so badly
with it.
I mm-hmm.
Not doing what it was.
But the big thing with, with meand what got in my head is who
am I to think that I can giveanybody wisdom?
Much less.
But you know, women that are intheir forties and fifties,
(07:17):
sixties, seventies, they have somuch more experience in life.
I still had smaller kids.
I couldn't speak to raising ateenager.
I couldn't speak to reallygrief.
I hadn't lost anybody reallyclose to me at that time.
I, um, really, struggled and,I'm happy to say that none of
that crippled me that I was ableto get through it, but it was a
(07:40):
constant thing.
It was constant.
And once I got on the stage and,you know, like, or at the
platform or whatever, once I wasable to talk just a few minutes,
then I could really rest in thefact that I, I worked for this.
I've studied, I am not cominghere based on luck I'm coming
(08:02):
because I feel like I have amessage.
And I want to encourage otherwomen in their walks of life.
Mm-hmm.
Whatever that looks like.
thankfully I did not get, that,uh, feeling too young was never
reciprocated.
probably it's, I'm sure somefolks thought it, but I did also
try to, when I told personalstories or tried to relate, I
(08:24):
would try to do it in overlyauthentic way.
It was like, almost like I hadto overdo my personal
experiences, not to make themnot exaggerate, but you know,
they had to be really in depthso that these, these ladies
knew.
I'm coming from a place of lackof experience and I'm sure you
guys are probably have, moreinformation and or have a lot
(08:48):
more knowledge than I do.
But in this specific subject Ihad worked my butt off.
I had done the stuff, you know,I did do start off small and
build and build and build.
So, yeah, some of you ladiesright now be thinking, what in
the world are they talkingabout?
Well, if you ever felt like youwere faking it, that's imposter
(09:12):
syndrome because we feel likewe're faking it, but we're not.
We have worked for it.
We have earned it, we have takencare of it, specific care of
whatever that it is.
If it's your work, if it's arelationship, if it's your
influence.
(09:32):
And I think folks with a gift ofinfluence really struggle with
this.
And I think it's what holdspeople back.
It holds folks back from puttingthemselves out there.
So that's my personal story.
And I was able to work throughit.
that's definitely a greatexample and a lot of relatable
(09:53):
things in there for me while youwere talking, I was thinking
over my head like, Hmm, likewhat parts of my life haven't I
struggled with?
Imposter syndrome, becausehonestly, that's what it feels
like.
It feels very, I don't know, Ithink it's just infiltrated my
head.
And I think a lot of it comesfrom a lack of self-esteem and.
Some deep rooted self-loathingthat I'm still working through
(10:15):
today.
But what caught my eyes when youwere talking about those who
have the power of influence orhave the desire of influence.
Yeah.
and it's interesting todaybecause just this past week my,
my dad and I do a book club andwe're talking through this book
that's talking about mimeticdesire and how to just really
like take inventory of thedesires we have and which ones
(10:36):
are thick and which ones arethin and which ones are rooted
from other people making us wantthis, or is this something we
really desire anyways at the endof the most recent chapter we
just went through, it was kindof talking about identifying
your core motivational drives,and after thinking through it
and reading the book and talkingto my dad about it.
(10:56):
Like some of the examples thatthe book was talking about was
you either have some coremotivational drives will be like
the desire to influence, toeducate, to create, all kinds of
stuff like that.
And I feel like one of my coremotivational drives is to
influence.
I mean, that's why I wanted tostart a podcast and put my voice
out there, right?
But for years and years andyears I've been telling myself,
(11:18):
who am I to do that?
Like you were saying, like whoam I to do this?
Who am I to put my voice outthere?
I am 25 years old.
I don't have that much lifeexperience.
these are things I'm tellingmyself like I don't know enough.
I don't read enough books, Idon't have enough experiences.
Like I'm just a homebody with nolife experiences.
Like it's crazy that things I'lltell myself, and this is a
(11:40):
pattern with me, like anythingI'm doing, like I was an athlete
for 11 years.
And I had imposter syndrome thewhole fricking time.
Not kidding you.
I always felt like I wasn't goodenough to be on that team.
I wasn't good enough to holdthat position.
Like it's crazy.
And just while I was doing thisoutline, I was thinking back in
my life and I was like, oh myGod, I've struggled with this
and almost everything I've everdone.
(12:01):
And it makes me like sodisgusted by the hate I have or
like the self-doubt I have formyself.
So it's good talking about itbecause clearly something I
struggle with and my being awareof it isn't enough for me to get
on the other side of it becauseI would like to deal with it
less and less.
I've been podcasting sinceAugust of last year and it's
still, I still have that voicein my head saying, who am I to
(12:23):
do this?
Why would people like this?
That's just how it is.
I'm just being very transparent.
But it sucks, Makes me feel alittle better knowing that more
people deal with it than youthink.
Yeah.
So if you see that superconfident person acts like they
has it all together, they couldbe dealing with it too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like I said, I don't thinkit comes from a place of
inauthenticity.
Mm-hmm.
(12:44):
And I think, particularlyprobably more in the South, I
feel like, definitely not now,but just over time as I look at
myself from a very young childall the way up, women didn't,
speak up.
The women that I knew, theydidn't speak up.
They, I know they had amazingthings to share and just never
(13:06):
shared them.
Mm-hmm.
And I don't think it was becausethey were dumb or inept.
I think it probably had to dowith them in their heads talking
through and, particularly livinglike in the Bible belt.
Um, and some churches.
And still today.
And we just had a local churchthat made a big move and
(13:27):
withdrew from a big association,because of the barrier of not
allowing women to be inleadership or to have a platform
of influence within, the church,the association, whatever it is.
I'm so glad we're on the otherside of that.
I'm so glad that, those thingsaren't holding me back anymore.
(13:50):
And that more mm-hmm.
People, even in my own town,county, around my state, because
of this church making this bigmove, there are gonna be so many
more free ladies out there, whohave an amazing gift of
influence.
The thing about, I think apowerful woman that may, make
us.
I'm not saying better, but thereare certain things and certain,
(14:12):
people that we can influence isthe fact that we do have an
emotional connection mm-hmm.
To whatever we're passionateabout.
Yeah.
We, when we are influencingothers, when we are talking
passionately about something,just because it has made an
impact in our life and we have afeeling we have something
underneath that we're not justgiving out information.
(14:35):
Mm-hmm.
What we're giving is becausewe've lived it, we've seen
someone with it, we're learningto live with it, or we know that
we're not immune to it.
Does that make sense?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it does.
For sure.
I like it.
you know, we're gonna probablyshare a lot of personal stories
(14:56):
about us dealing with impostersyndrome today.
So if you wanna share your ownstory.
Yes.
I think it helps for women, likeyou were just talking about,
we're all emotionally connectedand we like to learn from each
other and.
I think women empower each otherby sharing stories.
So if you wanna share whenyou've dealt with imposter
syndrome, maybe you're dealingwith it now, or maybe you've
dealt with it in the past, shareit on social media and tag us so
(15:19):
we can repost it for other womento see.
Or if you wanna DM us, keep itprivate.
We'd love to hear that too.
We'd love to hear from you.
So go check out our social mediaat Generational Tea Pod and
that's the story.
DM us, comment, whatever.
Let us know when you'vestruggled with imposter
syndrome.
Yeah.
While you're at it, hit thatfollow button.
You know, you want to oh mygosh, that's too funny.
(15:41):
Let's get into what is it andget into the backstory of this
term.
So it was coined in 1978 bypsychologist Pauline Clance and
Suzanne IMEs, and I love that itwas founded by women and they
actually identified.
Five types of imposter syndrome.
So we'll see if we can relate toany of'em.
(16:02):
I am pretty sure when I waswriting the sound line, I
related to every single one of'em, so here we go.
First the perfectionist feelslike anything less than perfect
is a failure.
And I feel like, golly, a lot ofwomen can probably relate to
this one.
Yeah, I think we tend to be moreperfectionists than men do, and
perfectionism is oftentimes myworst enemy, I can see where
(16:25):
that would be that way.
I, deal with a lot, but that'scertainly not one of them know,
she would know that I'm justlike, closest is good enough and
let's just keep on going.
But, yeah, my dad was a, chronicperfectionist and he would tell
me all the time as, as I gotolder and as, he settled down
(16:46):
just a little bit in his ownlife, he was like.
Be so grateful that you're not aperfectionist.
He said it is a prison withinyour own mind.
You literally are in prison.
You are never happy, not justwith what is out there, but what
you're doing more importantly.
And so that just really stuck tome.
(17:08):
And I, I am grateful that that'snot one.
Now I have some other people inmy family who still deal with
that, but, so maybe you need tohear that, that it is a prison
between your own ears.
And, it just helped me to, tohave more compassion.
Yeah.
And not see it as this person'sannoying and they're insecure.
They, you know, it's withintheir mind.
(17:29):
I think for me it comes from aplace of not feeling good
enough, and so I feel like Ihave to do everything perfect to
compensate for that.
Yeah.
I feel like that happens a lotwhere I feel like I have to be
at this ideal standard of what Iconsider perfection to be, to
enable me to participate or door whatever.
Uh, and just talking about, I'mlike, why?
Why am I like this?
(17:51):
But in the moment when you'redealing with it, it, it doesn't
feel like that.
Right.
But yeah.
Um, the second one that, theladies mentioned is the
superwoman or Superman.
And, this person is that personthat pushes themselves to work
harder and everyone to provethat they belong.
So, um mm-hmm.
The outside, it may look likethey're a fierce competitor.
(18:14):
Mm-hmm.
But they're not competing withyou.
They're competing withinthemselves.
Yeah.
And that can almost go hand inhand with people pleasing.
Mm-hmm.
Because I can think of in somejobs where I've always felt like
I didn't belong and I had to.
Work really hard to do it andmake sure I was making everybody
happy at the same time, just tolike, give myself this
(18:35):
validation that I was meant tobe there.
Yeah.
Which is so silly because Ithink I let my boundaries get
trampled and my time managementwas crazy.
My self-care was non-existent atthat time.
And looking back at it, I justwish I would've settled into
like, I belong here, let me domy job, but let me also take
care of myself and maintain myvalues and my boundaries and all
(18:59):
that stuff.
But once again, it's easier saidthan done.
Oh my, this next one.
Go ahead.
The, the, the third type is thenatural genius beliefs.
Things should come easily andthen you feel like a fraud when
they don't.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've had that happen.
Yes.
(19:19):
Yes, for sure.
It's a little more like almostembarrassing for, uh.
Yeah, these, these folks are,are, a lot of these folks are in
leadership.
That's how they rise up.
the next one is called thesoloist, which refuses to ask
for help because it will revealtheir incompetence.
(19:39):
Um, yeah, I've definitelystruggled with never wanting to
ask for help to either like,draw attention to myself or like
feel like I need help.
'cause especially like maybe ina classroom setting, if no one
else is asking for help andyou're the one person who's
like, I don't understand this,you feel like, ah, yeah.
I mean, that can happen in a lotof areas too.
(20:02):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh gosh.
This next one.
So the expert, once againstruggled with this.
It feels like they need to knoweverything to be legitimate.
And that's how I felt actuallybefore starting this podcast.
I was like, I have to read likea million self-help books and I
have to like.
Just get my together.
(20:23):
And I realized that that wasn'trealistic and it also didn't
matter, and that I could do thisjust the same as as I am now,
and learn and grow through itinstead of feeling like I need
to achieve X, Y, and Z before Iactually get to it.
Right.
Right.
Because I, I do feel likepeople, want to learn with you.
Mm.
Yeah.
So as you're learning, justhaving the confidence that other
(20:48):
folks wanna learn alongside you.
So some of the, examples ofimposter syndrome in the
workplace, is not asking for thedeserved raise, not speaking up
in meetings to assert your ideasbecause you consider yourself
lesser, than your counterparts.
And, um mm-hmm.
(21:08):
That is, that is a big deal.
I was in a corporate situation,I've had a very good job.
Was not uneducated, not educatedfor it.
I had the least amount ofeducation as anybody else in the
room and couldn't even believe Igot hired.
So that was something that I hadto kind of just work through and
(21:28):
realize that I'm here and I didearn it.
Yeah.
I In a different way.
Yeah, definitely.
The next place we wanna give anexample from is relationships.
'cause, well, I feel like Idon't struggle with imposter
syndrome as much inrelationships as I do, like
external groups or activities orjobs or whatever it is.
(21:49):
This is still a very real thingin relationships.
So maybe it just looks likefeeling not good enough in a
your friendship group or withyour romantic partner.
You're, you're telling yourselflike, I'm not good enough to be
in a relationship with thisperson.
Like, I, I don't belong in thisfriend group.
They're all better than me.
It can, it can take a myriad of.
(22:10):
Ways to present itself, but atthe end of the day, something to
look out for.
'cause if you're in arelationship with someone,
they're in it with you.
Like you're responsible for yourown choices at the end of the
day, and so is that otherperson.
So if they're choosing to spendtime with you and invest in you
and be in a relationship withyou, don't let that little voice
tell you that you don't belongwith that person, or you don't
(22:31):
belong in that friend group.
Mm-hmm.
You just have to trust yourselfand also trust that other person
that they see stuff in you thatmaybe you're having trouble
seeing at the moment, but at theend of the day, you're both
still there.
And don't let that little voicetake away from the present and
the value of the relationship infront of you.
That's great advice.
This one here, I'm sure.
(22:51):
anyone that's a mother I'm surerelates at some point in their
life of, just, you know, one ofthe, uh, examples of imposter
syndrome and motherhood is,comparing yourself to the
perfect mom.
you know, and now with socialmedia, thank God I didn't have
that when I was raising my kids.
I can't imagine the pressure,that, mothers deal with now
(23:12):
because they're not just seeingother mothers, they're seeing
other mothers in their perfectlife, but they're also seeing
someone else's child in itsperfect life too.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it's, it's a slipperyslope and I don't believe
there's anyone that, cannot gettrapped in this.
I, I really don't at all.
(23:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Especially with social media.
Like, I'm not even a mom yet andI'll find myself on mom talk or
whatever and see all thesethings trying to tell you how to
parent, how to do X, y, and Zand then just showing highlights
of like their happy baby andthey look so happy and put
together.
And once again, it's thehighlight reel.
(23:53):
It's not the reality.
Yeah.
And at the end of the day, youhave to trust your own instincts
to raise your own children.
Right, right.
I think, I don't know, but Ithink seek some solid advice.
the one thing that was greatpiece of advice that was given
to, Jim and myself as a couple,we were told to find a couple
who's where you want to be infive years or where you wanna be
(24:16):
in 10 years.
Find somebody that's raisingmiddle schoolers.
We had little kids, we hadpreschool age or, high
schoolers.
See how they're doing it andthey're doing it well.
and look to them, ask them tomentor you yeah, definitely.
While we're talking about socialmedia in terms of imposter
syndrome.
(24:37):
Just thinking about it.
I feel like I would be waybetter off without social media
because I think it feeds myimposter syndrome a lot.
and it's not like just that,comparing yourself to the
perfect mom.
Like be comparing yourself toother 20 year olds your age,
comparing like what you'reeating in a day, to what they're
eating in a day, to how they'reworking out and how they look to
(24:59):
all that.
And then all that stuff in yourlife, whether it's something
you're actually pursuing or goalor desire that can give you
imposter syndrome, but also itcan just really.
Tank your belief in yourself andthe confidence in yourself and
make you think, I'm not doing itright.
I need to be doing it that waybecause I don't look like that
or feel like that, or whatever.
(25:19):
Mm-hmm.
I don't have that manyfollowers.
It's just so dangerous.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I'm feeling so frustrated withsocial media lately.
I'm thinking about deleting mypersonal Yeah.
Or just like archiving it for ayear.
Yeah.
And just having like the socialmedia for the podcast, which I
obviously have to do, but it'sso dangerous.
But I, I definitely recognizethat it has fed my imposter
(25:43):
syndrome and I'm aware of it.
It's either gonna limit it orget rid of it.
Right.
Right.
I've had a lot of, even ladiesmy age that are like, I had to
get off for six months.
and I, I certainly kudos to thatfor sure.
Mm-hmm.
It's not easy.
(26:03):
So another example is creativepursuit.
It's who am I to write thisbook, start this business or
create this podcast?
And I know Cana and I had a lotof, introspective, time that we
had to really think about, isthis something that, uh, we can
do?
And, and the greatest thing is,and I love this about partners
(26:24):
in anything, in podcasting, inlife, in motherhood, in,
marriage, we have a partner.
it's so great because thechances of you both going off
the rails at the same time areusually pretty unlikely.
So if I felt like, oh my gosh,we cannot do this.
I have nothing to say.
Tina was feeling encouraged, youknow, so she was able to
(26:46):
encourage me and then vice versathroughout.
Yeah, it's not like a one timething, but just, um, when you
have a great partner, um, inwhatever you're doing.
One of the things that you leanin on them about or with is when
you feel like you can't make it,you can look to them because
they're gonna be encouraged atthat point, you know?
(27:07):
Mm-hmm.
That's how I feel like we'vebeen able to help each other
already through the podcast.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And we talk about in a lot ofepisodes, just the importance of
having societal support in yourcircle.
And I think this is importantfor any kind of imposter
syndrome you're experiencing inany kind of arena.
Whether you have work colleaguesor maybe friends that know you
(27:29):
and know that part of your lifeand they're able to help you
talk out of that in your, inyour worst moments.
Right.
'cause I think even if you arenever gonna get to a point where
you totally beat impostersyndrome, but you can get to a
point where that little voicedoesn't bother you, and it's not
so insistent.
And I think part of that ishaving people who lift you up in
those moments when you'reprobably fighting it the worst.
(27:51):
Yeah.
So, yeah, just a way to turn thevolume down.
On it.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, definitely.
next we wanna talk about why weexperience this.
I mean, this helped me thinkingabout why I fight this so much.
And for me, like I said earlier,it was just realization of
things from growing up in mychildhood that made me feel
(28:14):
maybe less than, or like an anoutsider.
I was homeschooled and verysheltered.
And by the time I got intoschool I had very bad social
anxiety and always felt like Iwas the odd one out or whatever,
whatever.
And I think all this led up to alot of self-esteem issues and
some self-loathing of looking atmyself and hating what I see or
(28:36):
hating why I am the way I am.
And so that's what feeds into myimposter syndrome.
I'm sure there's other things aswell, but it, like I said, it
did help me to have awareness ofwhy I am feeling like this.
So then I can start to worktowards like, okay, how do I get
on the other side of thisirrational belief that I have?
How do I get on the other sideof the self-loathing and move to
more of like self-compassion andself-love?
(28:57):
So that was very helpful for meto understand where, where this
is coming from.
And it can come from a lot ofdifferent places.
That's why we wanted to have alittle section on.
It may help you in your journeyto overcome it, just knowing
where it came from.
Or maybe this will get thethought process started.
If you want to journal on itlater and think, why am I
experiencing this?
What does it look like?
What areas of my life have Ifelt this way?
(29:20):
Was it warranted?
Probably not.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyways, we're just trying toget the ball rolling on a lot of
things for you.
Right?
Yeah.
So the first thing on why weexperience imposter syndrome is
cultural and societalexpectations.
So whether that's gender roles,the perfectionist culture or
pressure to prove yourselfwithin that.
(29:40):
And I think the hustle culculture too maybe plays into
that'cause I think there's a bighustle culture where.
You just see and perceiveeveryone working so hard and
then always feeling like you'renot working as hard as them, so
maybe you don't deserve X, Y,and Z or you don't deserve to
sit at the same table as theydo.
Right.
But again, I think the hustleculture is highlighted by social
media and the highlight reelsthat people put out.
(30:03):
So it's not realistic.
Right, right.
So you do belong, you do deserveto sit at that table.
Don't let yourself think otherways.
That's right.
That's exactly, yes.
Just thinking about the genderroles, it's something that we
laugh about in my family becauseit is comical, but just the fact
that I don't like to cook, Ireally don't know what to cook.
(30:26):
I can get, that can get me downbecause I'll, I'll maybe see
recipes or people like, oh, Ijust made this amazing meal.
And, um, Jim does the cooking inour house and, we like it that
way and he doesn't mind it.
So what.
Even in a place that I am, youknow, in my early fifties, I
(30:49):
can, that can rear its ugly headup.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
I mean, yeah, I get that becausethere is that, that gender role
and then that idealistic,especially in the south, that
the women are supposed to be thehomemakers, the chefs, the
whatever.
Right, right.
I actually still be a homemakerwithout cooking.
(31:12):
Yeah.
You can be the homemaker, it'syour life.
Build it the way you want.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Of a blank slate.
As long as it works, works outfor you and your family and your
partner, who else cares.
Mm-hmm.
The business, they don't get aslight seriously and that.
Mm-hmm.
That's a part of, uh, socialmedia too, or just in general.
(31:34):
be careful who you allow to votein your life.
Tell.
You never know.
That's right.
Not everybody that has an answerdeserves to be heard.
Well, we are kind of alreadytouched on this too, but I think
comparison culture within socialmedia is, can also be a reason
why we experience impostersyndrome.
(31:55):
It may feed it like it does forme, or maybe that's like where
it originated from.
Maybe you never had impostersyndrome voices in your head
before you were on social media.
I don't know.
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean the constantcomparison will just only
exacerbate it if you have it, orit can lead to it if you're not
careful with limiting yoursocial media and limiting the
(32:16):
influence it has on you.
Yeah.
And also it doesn't just have tobe on social media.
I was just thinking about, atthe community pool.
This, this mm-hmm.
Where the moms are all sittingaround and have their, some of
them are gonna be just really inshape, others not so much.
And you might fall somewhere inthe middle of that.
(32:40):
So it doesn't even have to be,you can be completely off social
media and still deal with this.
yeah, definitely.
So the next one, and this is theone I probably relate to the
most, is internalized beliefs.
that can be where impostersyndrome originates from.
So maybe it's feel, fear offailure, fear of success, or
deeply ingrained self-doubt.
(33:01):
Guilty.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Um, the fear of success I thinkis very, interesting.
I know I've had, friends, thathave struggled with their
weight, women friends thatstruggle with their weight.
And when you get down sometimesto the, the brass tacks of
(33:23):
what's going on is they are goodto height, they don't wanna be
seen.
And if they lose the weight,folks can feel like.
Okay.
If I lose the weight, then I'mgonna be putting myself out
there.
So I, mm-hmm.
I have had, I was a diabeteseducator for, about six years.
(33:44):
So dealt with both, juvenileonset or type one diabetes and
type two.
So type two has a lot of the,one of the big components is,
obesity.
Mm-hmm.
you know, um, I found this to bea really common thread, not just
in women and, but in men.
And I think, um, just that fearof success, fear of putting
(34:06):
yourself out there.
we all get comfortable behindour little smokescreen.
Yeah.
So that's what I think aboutwhen I think about like, fear of
success or fear of failure.
Um, yeah.
It almost sounds funny when youhear of it, like, why would I
have a fear of success?
Right.
But I think that's one of thosethings that's so subconscious.
(34:28):
You kind of have to dig it outbecause it sounds crazy, but I,
I realize that I have like this,not like, not like deep fear,
but it's just like a little fearof like, if I do go big on these
platforms, which is obviouslythe goal, which is why it's
funny that I'm also afraid ofthe goal in a sense, but I am
afraid that when, well, it's,it's that little voice.
(34:49):
It's telling me like, what if mypodcasts go big, I have this
huge platform, and then allthese people are making
comments, whether they're likepointing out all the things
we're doing wrong or pointingout like, this isn't that good.
Or just like finding out thatI'm a fraud because now more
people have access to me,they're gonna see it.
Right.
Which is so, so silly and socrazy.
(35:10):
But it's, it's very real.
And it's, it's laughable atfirst.
Yeah.
But again, it's that littlevoice and it's, it's doing
things to your perception ofreality and your perception of
yourself, and it's not good.
Right.
Which is why we're gonna getinto how we can recognize this
and combat it, because at theend of the day, that's what we
want.
Right.
We probably all have dealt withimposter syndrome and we wanna
(35:32):
give you some tools and sometips and tricks to not let it
rule your life.
Right?
Right.
So the first thing that we,thought that you guys might,
might help with you recognizingand combating, um, imposter
syndrome is challenge negativeself-talk.
that needs to be a whole notherpodcast and, and we'll get
(35:53):
mm-hmm.
I've had some recent really goodinformation about that, that has
to do with mm-hmm.
Physics and how we talk toourselves, which is it can
shatter you only to rebuild youin a perfect, better way.
Not perfect, but you know.
So, um, you might wanna thinkabout practicing reframing your
(36:15):
thoughts.
I don't know everything.
To, I'm always learning or whyme versus why not me.
Mm-hmm.
Um, just those little things.
And, and I do think this again,is where that partner that you
have can help you.
(36:36):
You have to allow that partnerto speak into your life.
So when, even if it isself-talk, because what's in our
hearts comes out of our mouth,so it, it is self-talk that
you're doing to yourself, butsometimes we just have gotten so
used to it that we just say itout loud.
And so having somebody go to bethere, and Kane, I know you've
(36:57):
done that for me, especially injust like this last year dealing
with, um, life.
You, you've been able to say,you know, stop doing that.
That's not good.
I appreciate that a lot.
Yeah.
I'm glad I can help.
Yeah.
Sometimes I feel like I'maggressive with that.
I'm like, stop it, Ronnie.
Stop it.
(37:18):
I need that.
That's the method.
Stop telling yourself that yougotta come down hard on me.
Well, I figure that's what yourespond to.
So it's it's, you respond to thepassion.
Yes.
Yes.
The passion.
Absolutely.
More passion, more energy, morefoot, more footwork.
Alright.
Okay.
(37:39):
Anyway.
Hilarious.
Um, the other thing is trackyour wins.
And this is where, journaling,and I know that that might be
kind of an ancient or like aused to be term.
Um, but even if you don't writedown every day, just taking five
minutes at the end of the workweek or at the end of a vacation
(38:02):
and say, wow, this is what Idid.
Well.
Experience those, celebratethose wins.
It's really difficult though, inthe middle of a struggle to
remember those wins, and that'swhy mm-hmm.
I am such a proponent of writingit down, keeping, you know, just
(38:22):
like a little, even a journalthat says my wins and every day
you just put down one or once aweek.
You just think back specificallyabout, what you did well that
week.
Yeah, I've seen two onPinterest.
I think that you could do like awins jar, so just get like this
(38:42):
little sticky note or a littlepiece of paper, write down your
wind, crumple it up, toss it inthe jar, and then either like
when you need it the most, maybewhen you're struggling with
those thoughts of self-doubt themost, you open it up and start
going through'em, or you cansave it till the end of the year
and do that.
Oh, I love that.
I need to start doing that.
I'm trying to make it a goalright now to be more intentional
with journaling, because itreally does help me work through
(39:04):
my thoughts.
Yeah.
And I definitely would like totrack my wins, because I get in
to the end of the year and I'mlike, I'm the same person.
That sucked.
I didn't do anything to make mylife better.
And then later on in the futureI'm like, no, I changed so much
that year.
I did so many little things.
I'm a different person.
Right.
But in the moment, it's easy todoubt yourself.
(39:26):
Right.
But anyways, this is, I think, avery good one.
You can document yourachievements, your even
compliments.
If someone set a complimentabout you, that's not just, oh,
you have a pretty base.
Right, right.
But it's like you are socompassionate, you are so
influential.
Whatever it is, if it makes youreally feel good and feel like
you've accomplished somethingthat you've been setting out to
(39:48):
do, write down the compliment.
Put it in the jar.
Yeah.
Or in the journal, whatever itis.
It's just moments of growth tolook back on when you're feeling
imposter syndrome, the sneakback in.
Right, right.
And, and for your friends, givemeaningful compliments, instead
of, oh, I like that dress.
Your hair looks great.
(40:09):
Whatever.
You know, those kind of thingsare so, they're fleeting,
they're like tiny.
They're not really getting intothe core of who you are.
You make feel good when theyhappen, but does it change you?
Does it help you get out of yourown head?
Mm-hmm.
when we practice that with ourcircle of influence, we're kind
(40:31):
of teaching others how to treatyou, which is another thing that
we just talked about in ourprevious podcast.
Um, the other thing is toreframe failure.
So our failure doesn't define usunless we let it.
Um, it teaches us to prepare forthe future moment to be better.
(40:54):
yeah, one of my big things is,is when you blow it, you know,
admit it, and then pick up andgo on.
That's a, that's a time wheremaybe you, um, said something
that, really offended someoneor, or whatever that would be.
actually writing that down andthen going back and looking and,
(41:18):
seeing, hey, what were thefactors there?
Why was this a, why was thissuch a failure?
A lot of times our own failuresaren't really failures.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, it's important and I feellike it's a lot harder than same
concept, but with reframing yourthoughts where reframing failure
in your head is definitely hard.
Especially I think when youstruggle with imposter syndrome
(41:41):
maybe as much as I do, when youfail, it can feel like all those
voices in your head were right.
Instead of looking at it like,this was a moment and I learned
something about myself, and youknow, It's helping make me into
the person I'm becoming.
And at the end of the day, likewhatever it was, you put your
effort, you put your time intoit, which are valuable things.
(42:02):
Don't let that little voice inyour head tell you otherwise, I
think everything you put outinto the world will come back to
you or it'll make you a betterperson.
So.
Trying to look at it a littlemore like that.
Yeah.
And the next one I kind ofalready talked about, the
importance of societal supportand surrounding yourself with
people that uplift you, supportyou, and also celebrate your
wins.
'cause I think that can beanother asset in your toolbox to
(42:25):
overcome imposter syndrome iswhen you have people that
believe in you and uplift youand they're just always a
hundred percent rooting for you.
Mm-hmm.
So, mm-hmm.
so Cana and get real right now.
Okay.
Is there a time you overcameimposter syndrome through a
mindset shift?
Yes.
Actually becoming a podcasterwas probably the most prominent
(42:47):
example I can think of.
'cause like I've said, I'vestruggled with imposter syndrome
throughout my life.
F many, many times, manydifferent kinds of situations.
Uh, I've felt it all and itsucks, right?
And I mean, I've talked about onthis podcast how frustrated I
was just trying to find apassion and a career for myself
after college and finding outwho I was after college
(43:09):
athletics.
Like it's just been a mess.
And I feel like I had a mindsetshift almost out of desperation
as like, I can't just keepworking jobs I hate and being
mean to myself and all thisstuff.
and I got really into readingfantasy books and they actually
helped me through a lot ofmental health struggles.
(43:29):
And I think they alsocontributed to that mindset
shift of looking at myself withmore compassion.
I realized my first podcast thatI started in last August is the
first one.
And.
I just caught the idea ofblooming and it made me really
excited because one, I lovefantasy books and I also love,
(43:50):
and like I said, one of my coremotivat motivational drives is
to influence people by puttingmy voice out there.
And so the two passions of minejust met in the middle and I was
like, this is it.
Like this is what I want to do.
Like I wanna do this so bad.
Like I know.
I would love it.
Yeah.
And I am hoping to have it be afull-time job in the future, so
fingers crossed.
(44:11):
But I, once I had that idea, Iwas so excited about it.
And then immediately that littlevoice in my head came in and was
like, why should I do that?
I don't know.
I haven't read enough books todo that.
I'm not well spoken enough, likeI'm not smart enough, whatever
it is.
But I think I was just sofrustrated with where I was in
life and not feeling anyfulfillment in the things I was
(44:32):
doing, that I did have thatmindset shift of like, why not
me?
Why not do it like.
Screw it all.
Let's, let's, I'll dive in anddo it.
And I did and I realized howmuch I love it.
And I think podcasting hashelped me build up that
confidence and kind of silencethat little voice in my head a
little bit more.
I still deal with it for sure,but I think that's probably the
(44:53):
most prominent example ofovercoming it and having a
shifted mindset towardssomething.
That's great.
I love it.
That's really good.
Another question.
What's one belief, Ronnie, onebelief about yourself that
you're working to reframe?
Wow.
I don't want this always to beabout hormones or menopause, but
(45:19):
I have mentioned on other,podcast episodes, just the
struggle of, just feeling likesomebody else is hijacked my
body.
Mm-hmm.
Typically emotionally, uh,intellectually, all of it.
And one thing that I've had toreframe it about is I've never
(45:41):
really had a weight problem.
I have had periods where I wasmore in shape than others, and
I'm so grateful and blessed thatI have a really have metabolism
or have up until this because,um, I pretty much have not been
really good about.
Restricting my calories or, um,I try to eat more healthy, but
(46:03):
just over the years it hasn'tbeen like I'm on a diet, I don't
like diets, that kind of thing.
But what I've found in the lastprobably three or four years is
just the amount, how, how muchmy physical body has changed.
Like mm-hmm.
I wear the same clothes, same,same, same clothes, exact same
(46:24):
clothes, same size, sameclothes, they fit differently,
or they don't fit at all now.
and then also just, with my,with my relationship with Jim,
my husband, like I reallystruggled with, why would he
wanna be with me?
Mm-hmm.
Like, he has to look at me andthink what happened to her.
(46:48):
And he had been in fitness allof his life, and so.
I knew and, and my husband isgonna, you know, he's just in
incredible shape all the time.
Just great genetics.
And I, I really, it has been astruggle to like get myself
mentally passed because what hashappened is it's taken a lot of
(47:12):
my, obviously confidence in myrelationship with him, intimacy,
not just in the bedroom, butjust in general.
Like, I get in the car, we go todinner and I'm looking in the
mirror, putting my lipstick onand I'm like, oh my gosh, this
man must be so embarrassed.
(47:33):
I really felt like he would beembarrassed to me because I had
changed so much.
And, even this morning as I wasgetting ready, um, you know, you
walk past.
You get outta the shower and youwalk past the mirror.
I try to like do it really quickso I'm not slowed down by it.
(47:53):
But I got a glance, I glimpse atmyself and I was like, oh, a
poor gym.
This.
Oh gosh, no, no, Ronnie, stopit.
That's what I said to myself.
And good.
Immediately I took that thoughtcaptain and I said, no, ma'am,
(48:16):
he's with me because he lovesme.
If he stopped loving me, hewouldn't be with me.
If he was embarrassed to me, hewouldn't go anywhere with me.
So, no, this is not a gymproblem, Rhonda, this is your
own feelings that you arereflect or you are projecting
onto.
And what we can talk, uh, thisis a whole nother podcast, but
(48:38):
that's what happened.
We feel internalized things andthen we end up projecting those
onto people.
And the very thing that wefeared the most, and I have had,
within like the last year, Ihave really pushed people away,
especially Jim pushed him awayand I've almost caused the thing
(49:02):
that I scares me to death, whichwould be for him to lead me.
I've almost created it and I amnot gonna be that person.
Good.
And so I've been doing someself-reflection and I'm working
(49:24):
to reframe, my relationship withmy husband and to, to, to stop
putting things into his head andhis mouth that have never been
there, will never be there ifyou know him, you know, he would
never be that person.
that's my thing that I'mreframing right now,
specifically.
Good.
I'm glad to hear it.
(49:45):
You can do it.
You can do it.
There he is.
I like how you use the visual oflike taking that thought,
thought captive.
'cause I do that a lot too.
'cause I think visualizations inmy brain will help me actually,
like, feel like I've moved paststuff.
Mm-hmm.
So anytime you have a thoughtabout imposter syndrome, you
just grab that joker by thethroat.
Yes.
(50:05):
You toss it in a garbage can inyour brain.
You light it on fire.
Yes.
Then you.
Beat it with a baseball bat.
Yeah.
And you never know that.
You never exactly know that.
Um, for sure.
It's like, nope.
Yeah, I'm gonna grab that andthat is out.
I'm not gonna bring that into myhouse or into my beat.
Yeah.
(50:26):
Yeah, I can.
So I hope you guys have enjoyedthis, topic.
And as we close out, we haveour, what she said and this
Yeah.
This one is by Maya, an angel,and she says, I've written 11
books, but each time I think,uh, oh, they're going to find me
(50:46):
out.
Now I've run a game on everybodyand they're going to find me
out.
Maya.
That's how she felt.
Yeah.
This is, this is just saying, Imean, she is, her name is
probably familiar to probablyalmost everybody.
She was a highly celebratedauthor, poet, and civil rights
(51:09):
activist.
Yes.
And she dealt with impostersyndrome.
So that little voice in yourhead is not a reflection of your
actual capabilities.
It's, it's just something thatwe all struggle with.
It's something that we all haveto work through.
So hopefully we've got the ballrolling on some thoughts for you
guys, and you guys are maybeable to think about how this
(51:29):
happens in your own life and howto work through it and get over
it.
Well, not get over it, but moveon the other side of it, right.
To where it's not ruling yourthoughts about yourself and your
life.
I actually included a secondwhat she said, I, for forgot
until now, and I, I just wantedto include it because I, I felt
like it really struck a chordwith me.
(51:50):
And the second one is we can'thate ourselves into a version of
ourselves we love.
And that just sat with me forseveral days after because my
imposter syndrome comes from aplace of self-doubt and
self-hate.
And just thinking about that,like me telling myself I'm not
good enough and I don't deserveto be here.
(52:11):
And pushing myself to workharder, to prove to myself that
I belong in these, in theseplaces is just a, a losing game.
And I can't hate myself to bebetter'cause I'm never gonna
love myself if everything I'mdoing is coming from a place of
trying to escape self-hatred.
Yeah.
So that's great.
There's that.
And also the, the girl that saidthat is Lori Dene and she's the
(52:34):
founder of Tiny Buddha, acommunity dedicated to personal
growth and mental wellbeing.
So there you go.
I like it.
This week our challenge is thatwe want you to write down three
things you're proud of andpractice some self affirmation.
I love the jar, the, the windjar and also mm-hmm you could do
celebrating wins and selfaffirmation, and compliments.
(52:59):
Meaningful compliments.
You could put all that in a jarthe same.
Yeah.
And then you just pulling outrandom stuff.
But think about this.
I am capable and I belong here.
You are your loudest voice, sobe your biggest fan.
Yeah.
Be your own advocate.
Be your own advocate and yourbiggest fan.
(53:19):
Um, absolutely.
Yep.
Yeah.
Just remember thatself-compassion and awareness
are our strongest tools toovercome this, or at least begin
the journey to overcome.
Yes.
Yes.
Imposter syndrome.
So there you go.
Let's rewrite our own narrative.
We're not gonna listen to thatvoice in our head anymore.
We are going to create the lifethat we want, and we're gonna
love ourselves into a betterversion of ourselves.
(53:40):
Yes.
So share your challenge.
Maybe it's your affirmations,it's your story on imposter
syndrome.
Whatever it is, share it with uson social media, whether it's
commenting, tagging us in astory or a post, a dm.
We love to hear from you guys.
it makes our day knowing thatwe're helping other people grow
and begin the process of growth.
(54:01):
'cause that's, at the end of theday, what we wanna see and why
we wanted to do this is to helpother people grow.
So tag us on social media, agenerational tea pod.
While you're at it, like I said,you hit that follow button,
pretty please share our post orour podcast with, a couple
friends, maybe some folks thatyou're thinking about.
Hey, I think they would likethat.
(54:22):
we ask you to do that as well.
Yeah.
Maybe you know someone thatstruggles with imposter syndrome
Yes.
And you think this episode mighthelp them.
So share that episode with themdirectly.
Right.
You know, may just be, it may bethe segue into a meaningful
conversation with that friend.
'cause sometimes it's hard toknow, how to start that
conversation.
If you see somebody that is likeself.
(54:44):
Through their imposter syndrome.
But that's it for today.
Yep.
And that's the tea.
That's the tea.
Every like few weeks or fewmonths, I'll cycle through
different foods that I just likeam so fixated on.
That's all I can think about.
I love it.
What are you fixated on rightnow?
Right now fixated on cucumberswith lemon pepper seasoning and
ranch as a snack.
And then for breakfast everymorning I've been having protein
(00:34):
oatmeal and it's actually beenreally good.
Really?
I'm in my healthy girl era.
I'm trying, imagine what you,you're away from your
mother-in-law.
It's so much easier, I imagine.
No.
Well I know Weston is a productof you, so it's actually not
easy.
Oh, poor.
He's obsessed with zebra rollsright now.
(00:56):
What?
Oh my God.
They're actually pretty good.
I'm trying to hate on them, so Idon't.
Want to eat.
Hey, that's like, that's thatplastic, literally.
Oh God.
I know.
I'm like, if we're going to eatsweets, can I at least like bake
us something or make us like ahealthy alternative?
But he hates everything.
I make them healthy, so I blameyou.
(01:18):
Well, but see, now I did whenthey were smaller, they did not
get any like cookies or anythinglike that.
We did the little cutoff cookiesso you couldn't just grab the
bag of cookies, you had toactually make'em.
But then Weston realized thatthey tasted so much better raw.
So yeah, they do.
(01:38):
That thing was a party foul forsure.
'cause he was not having that.
Well, yeah, we were arguingabout this the other day.
Well, not even arguing, we werejust discussing how I want to
eat healthier and I wanna makelike more of a variety of foods.
And I have been, I've beencooking all kinds of meals with
like tons of vegetables and forthe most part he is getting
them.
But he was telling me that youguys actually made the meat
(02:00):
pretty healthy.
We did.
It's true.
It's true.
Except not as healthy as myfamily.
My parents were making likeavocado brownies and my mom was
just raw dog and spinach forbreakfast.
So disturbing.
But I mean, I do like healthyfood now, so I thank them for
(02:20):
that.
But sometimes I was like, whyare we eating avocado brownies
when we could have realbrownies?
Right, right.
So, yeah.
welcome everybody to anotherepisode of the Generational Tea
Podcast.
I'm Cana.
And I'm Ronnie.
And today we are digging intosomething that is probably gonna
be a personal therapy sessionfor myself and probably a lot of
(02:41):
you out there'cause it'ssomething a lot of us deal with.
And we're gonna talk about theinsidious imposter syndrome and
how it can infect your life ifyou let it.
If you've never heard of thisterm before, which I had never
heard of it, probably two orthree years ago, and I came
across it and I was like, holycrap, I have felt this my entire
life.
I've never been able to put afinger on it.
(03:03):
I was just so shocked that I'dnever heard of this term before.
And definitely that realizationof, oh.
This is what I'm doing tomyself.
This is why I have thesefeelings.
This is why I am always feelinglike this in all kinds of
situations, was a great firststep, but I know that I need to
really dig into this morebecause I probably realized this
(03:25):
happens to me two years ago andI still struggle with it, maybe
a little less than I did in thepast, and I'm able to kind of
talk my way out of it but it's,it's insidious for sure, and I'm
glad we're gonna talk about ittoday and really dive into what
it is and how to combat it.
Because awareness is always thefirst step before we learn to
grow and move past things.
(03:46):
So what is it?
Imposter syndrome is apersistent self-doubt, despite
evidence of competence andwillingness to work, learn, and
get better.
You ever, ever felt that, oh mygoodness.
I too, um, am just now learningabout imposter syndrome this
week or last week when we hadthe outline ready.
(04:07):
I have felt this way my entirelife.
My entire life.
I mm-hmm.
So into my head.
Um, and, and I, I wanna makesure that people understand this
imposter syndrome does not meanthat you're not confident.
it's in between your ears andyou can fight through it or
(04:27):
whatever.
And I guess over time you learnhow to deal with it differently.
But yes, I have always feltlike, um, I don't know.
I felt like if people couldunscrew the top of my head that
they would absolutely, you know,be so disgusted with how, yeah.
I felt to myself.
and not as much now, butdefinitely I can just see in
(04:49):
different stages of my life.
It can wear a different hat.
It can look very different.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so that's, mm-hmm.
This really resonated with meand like I said, I had never had
a term to put on it, never untilwhen we started this outline.
So yeah, I'm looking forward toit for sure.
(05:10):
Yeah, it's just that littlevoice in your head.
And I think there was like acomfort in me when I found out
about it.
And I also found out howpervasive it is across really
the whole world and all kinds ofpeople deal with this.
And I, it kind of made me feelbetter.
It was like, it's not just me.
Other people feel this too.
I'm not the one that'sconstantly questioning whether
I'm, I'm supposed to be here orI'm qualified enough to be here.
(05:31):
But that being said.
Even if a lot of people strugglewith it, that doesn't make that
little voice in your head anymore, right.
Or any more justified'cause it'snot.
It's not.
Okay.
Anyways, let's get into somestats.
Studies show around 70% ofpeople experience imposter
syndrome at some point in theirlife, especially women in
minorities.
(05:51):
So particularly in highachieving women that are
probably in male dominatedfields or just minorities
because of historical oppressionand all kinds of stuff.
telling different minorities,you're not supposed to be here,
you're not good enough to do X,Y, and Z.
So we can see why that would bea trend within those certain
groups.
can you think of a specific timein your life when you dealt with
(06:12):
this?
Maybe stronger than other times?
yeah, for sure.
in my early thirties, I had theopportunity, to travel and do
some, um, events for women.
giving them encouragingmessages.
a lot of them were, um, maybeanother's, Saturday brunch for
Mother's Day.
(06:33):
then they kind of went toanother, like maybe then I was
doing retreats and, you know, Iwas in my late twenties, early
thirties, and most of the womenthat I was talking to were, you
know, at least 10 to 20 yearsolder than me.
I had peers there, people my ownage, but for the most part,
(06:53):
because I was so young in mylife, obviously there were gonna
be a lot of women that were mucholder, and I struggled so badly
with it.
I mm-hmm.
Not doing what it was.
But the big thing with, with meand what got in my head is who
am I to think that I can giveanybody wisdom?
Much less.
But you know, women that are intheir forties and fifties,
(07:17):
sixties, seventies, they have somuch more experience in life.
I still had smaller kids.
I couldn't speak to raising ateenager.
I couldn't speak to reallygrief.
I hadn't lost anybody reallyclose to me at that time.
I, um, really, struggled and,I'm happy to say that none of
that crippled me that I was ableto get through it, but it was a
(07:40):
constant thing.
It was constant.
And once I got on the stage and,you know, like, or at the
platform or whatever, once I wasable to talk just a few minutes,
then I could really rest in thefact that I, I worked for this.
I've studied, I am not cominghere based on luck I'm coming
(08:02):
because I feel like I have amessage.
And I want to encourage otherwomen in their walks of life.
Mm-hmm.
Whatever that looks like.
thankfully I did not get, that,uh, feeling too young was never
reciprocated.
probably it's, I'm sure somefolks thought it, but I did also
try to, when I told personalstories or tried to relate, I
(08:24):
would try to do it in overlyauthentic way.
It was like, almost like I hadto overdo my personal
experiences, not to make themnot exaggerate, but you know,
they had to be really in depthso that these, these ladies
knew.
I'm coming from a place of lackof experience and I'm sure you
guys are probably have, moreinformation and or have a lot
(08:48):
more knowledge than I do.
But in this specific subject Ihad worked my butt off.
I had done the stuff, you know,I did do start off small and
build and build and build.
So, yeah, some of you ladiesright now be thinking, what in
the world are they talkingabout?
Well, if you ever felt like youwere faking it, that's imposter
(09:12):
syndrome because we feel likewe're faking it, but we're not.
We have worked for it.
We have earned it, we have takencare of it, specific care of
whatever that it is.
If it's your work, if it's arelationship, if it's your
influence.
(09:32):
And I think folks with a gift ofinfluence really struggle with
this.
And I think it's what holdspeople back.
It holds folks back from puttingthemselves out there.
So that's my personal story.
And I was able to work throughit.
that's definitely a greatexample and a lot of relatable
(09:53):
things in there for me while youwere talking, I was thinking
over my head like, Hmm, likewhat parts of my life haven't I
struggled with?
Imposter syndrome, becausehonestly, that's what it feels
like.
It feels very, I don't know, Ithink it's just infiltrated my
head.
And I think a lot of it comesfrom a lack of self-esteem and.
Some deep rooted self-loathingthat I'm still working through
(10:15):
today.
But what caught my eyes when youwere talking about those who
have the power of influence orhave the desire of influence.
Yeah.
and it's interesting todaybecause just this past week my,
my dad and I do a book club andwe're talking through this book
that's talking about mimeticdesire and how to just really
like take inventory of thedesires we have and which ones
(10:36):
are thick and which ones arethin and which ones are rooted
from other people making us wantthis, or is this something we
really desire anyways at the endof the most recent chapter we
just went through, it was kindof talking about identifying
your core motivational drives,and after thinking through it
and reading the book and talkingto my dad about it.
(10:56):
Like some of the examples thatthe book was talking about was
you either have some coremotivational drives will be like
the desire to influence, toeducate, to create, all kinds of
stuff like that.
And I feel like one of my coremotivational drives is to
influence.
I mean, that's why I wanted tostart a podcast and put my voice
out there, right?
But for years and years andyears I've been telling myself,
(11:18):
who am I to do that?
Like you were saying, like whoam I to do this?
Who am I to put my voice outthere?
I am 25 years old.
I don't have that much lifeexperience.
these are things I'm tellingmyself like I don't know enough.
I don't read enough books, Idon't have enough experiences.
Like I'm just a homebody with nolife experiences.
Like it's crazy that things I'lltell myself, and this is a
(11:40):
pattern with me, like anythingI'm doing, like I was an athlete
for 11 years.
And I had imposter syndrome thewhole fricking time.
Not kidding you.
I always felt like I wasn't goodenough to be on that team.
I wasn't good enough to holdthat position.
Like it's crazy.
And just while I was doing thisoutline, I was thinking back in
my life and I was like, oh myGod, I've struggled with this
and almost everything I've everdone.
(12:01):
And it makes me like sodisgusted by the hate I have or
like the self-doubt I have formyself.
So it's good talking about itbecause clearly something I
struggle with and my being awareof it isn't enough for me to get
on the other side of it becauseI would like to deal with it
less and less.
I've been podcasting sinceAugust of last year and it's
still, I still have that voicein my head saying, who am I to
(12:23):
do this?
Why would people like this?
That's just how it is.
I'm just being very transparent.
But it sucks, Makes me feel alittle better knowing that more
people deal with it than youthink.
Yeah.
So if you see that superconfident person acts like they
has it all together, they couldbe dealing with it too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like I said, I don't thinkit comes from a place of
inauthenticity.
Mm-hmm.
(12:44):
And I think, particularlyprobably more in the South, I
feel like, definitely not now,but just over time as I look at
myself from a very young childall the way up, women didn't,
speak up.
The women that I knew, theydidn't speak up.
They, I know they had amazingthings to share and just never
(13:06):
shared them.
Mm-hmm.
And I don't think it was becausethey were dumb or inept.
I think it probably had to dowith them in their heads talking
through and, particularly livinglike in the Bible belt.
Um, and some churches.
And still today.
And we just had a local churchthat made a big move and
(13:27):
withdrew from a big association,because of the barrier of not
allowing women to be inleadership or to have a platform
of influence within, the church,the association, whatever it is.
I'm so glad we're on the otherside of that.
I'm so glad that, those thingsaren't holding me back anymore.
(13:50):
And that more mm-hmm.
People, even in my own town,county, around my state, because
of this church making this bigmove, there are gonna be so many
more free ladies out there, whohave an amazing gift of
influence.
The thing about, I think apowerful woman that may, make
us.
I'm not saying better, but thereare certain things and certain,
(14:12):
people that we can influence isthe fact that we do have an
emotional connection mm-hmm.
To whatever we're passionateabout.
Yeah.
We, when we are influencingothers, when we are talking
passionately about something,just because it has made an
impact in our life and we have afeeling we have something
underneath that we're not justgiving out information.
(14:35):
Mm-hmm.
What we're giving is becausewe've lived it, we've seen
someone with it, we're learningto live with it, or we know that
we're not immune to it.
Does that make sense?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it does.
For sure.
I like it.
you know, we're gonna probablyshare a lot of personal stories
(14:56):
about us dealing with impostersyndrome today.
So if you wanna share your ownstory.
Yes.
I think it helps for women, likeyou were just talking about,
we're all emotionally connectedand we like to learn from each
other and.
I think women empower each otherby sharing stories.
So if you wanna share whenyou've dealt with imposter
syndrome, maybe you're dealingwith it now, or maybe you've
dealt with it in the past, shareit on social media and tag us so
(15:19):
we can repost it for other womento see.
Or if you wanna DM us, keep itprivate.
We'd love to hear that too.
We'd love to hear from you.
So go check out our social mediaat Generational Tea Pod and
that's the story.
DM us, comment, whatever.
Let us know when you'vestruggled with imposter
syndrome.
Yeah.
While you're at it, hit thatfollow button.
You know, you want to oh mygosh, that's too funny.
(15:41):
Let's get into what is it andget into the backstory of this
term.
So it was coined in 1978 bypsychologist Pauline Clance and
Suzanne IMEs, and I love that itwas founded by women and they
actually identified.
Five types of imposter syndrome.
So we'll see if we can relate toany of'em.
(16:02):
I am pretty sure when I waswriting the sound line, I
related to every single one of'em, so here we go.
First the perfectionist feelslike anything less than perfect
is a failure.
And I feel like, golly, a lot ofwomen can probably relate to
this one.
Yeah, I think we tend to be moreperfectionists than men do, and
perfectionism is oftentimes myworst enemy, I can see where
(16:25):
that would be that way.
I, deal with a lot, but that'scertainly not one of them know,
she would know that I'm justlike, closest is good enough and
let's just keep on going.
But, yeah, my dad was a, chronicperfectionist and he would tell
me all the time as, as I gotolder and as, he settled down
(16:46):
just a little bit in his ownlife, he was like.
Be so grateful that you're not aperfectionist.
He said it is a prison withinyour own mind.
You literally are in prison.
You are never happy, not justwith what is out there, but what
you're doing more importantly.
And so that just really stuck tome.
(17:08):
And I, I am grateful that that'snot one.
Now I have some other people inmy family who still deal with
that, but, so maybe you need tohear that, that it is a prison
between your own ears.
And, it just helped me to, tohave more compassion.
Yeah.
And not see it as this person'sannoying and they're insecure.
They, you know, it's withintheir mind.
(17:29):
I think for me it comes from aplace of not feeling good
enough, and so I feel like Ihave to do everything perfect to
compensate for that.
Yeah.
I feel like that happens a lotwhere I feel like I have to be
at this ideal standard of what Iconsider perfection to be, to
enable me to participate or door whatever.
Uh, and just talking about, I'mlike, why?
Why am I like this?
(17:51):
But in the moment when you'redealing with it, it, it doesn't
feel like that.
Right.
But yeah.
Um, the second one that, theladies mentioned is the
superwoman or Superman.
And, this person is that personthat pushes themselves to work
harder and everyone to provethat they belong.
So, um mm-hmm.
The outside, it may look likethey're a fierce competitor.
(18:14):
Mm-hmm.
But they're not competing withyou.
They're competing withinthemselves.
Yeah.
And that can almost go hand inhand with people pleasing.
Mm-hmm.
Because I can think of in somejobs where I've always felt like
I didn't belong and I had to.
Work really hard to do it andmake sure I was making everybody
happy at the same time, just tolike, give myself this
(18:35):
validation that I was meant tobe there.
Yeah.
Which is so silly because Ithink I let my boundaries get
trampled and my time managementwas crazy.
My self-care was non-existent atthat time.
And looking back at it, I justwish I would've settled into
like, I belong here, let me domy job, but let me also take
care of myself and maintain myvalues and my boundaries and all
(18:59):
that stuff.
But once again, it's easier saidthan done.
Oh my, this next one.
Go ahead.
The, the, the third type is thenatural genius beliefs.
Things should come easily andthen you feel like a fraud when
they don't.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've had that happen.
Yes.
(19:19):
Yes, for sure.
It's a little more like almostembarrassing for, uh.
Yeah, these, these folks are,are, a lot of these folks are in
leadership.
That's how they rise up.
the next one is called thesoloist, which refuses to ask
for help because it will revealtheir incompetence.
(19:39):
Um, yeah, I've definitelystruggled with never wanting to
ask for help to either like,draw attention to myself or like
feel like I need help.
'cause especially like maybe ina classroom setting, if no one
else is asking for help andyou're the one person who's
like, I don't understand this,you feel like, ah, yeah.
I mean, that can happen in a lotof areas too.
(20:02):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh gosh.
This next one.
So the expert, once againstruggled with this.
It feels like they need to knoweverything to be legitimate.
And that's how I felt actuallybefore starting this podcast.
I was like, I have to read likea million self-help books and I
have to like.
Just get my together.
(20:23):
And I realized that that wasn'trealistic and it also didn't
matter, and that I could do thisjust the same as as I am now,
and learn and grow through itinstead of feeling like I need
to achieve X, Y, and Z before Iactually get to it.
Right.
Right.
Because I, I do feel likepeople, want to learn with you.
Mm.
Yeah.
So as you're learning, justhaving the confidence that other
(20:48):
folks wanna learn alongside you.
So some of the, examples ofimposter syndrome in the
workplace, is not asking for thedeserved raise, not speaking up
in meetings to assert your ideasbecause you consider yourself
lesser, than your counterparts.
And, um mm-hmm.
(21:08):
That is, that is a big deal.
I was in a corporate situation,I've had a very good job.
Was not uneducated, not educatedfor it.
I had the least amount ofeducation as anybody else in the
room and couldn't even believe Igot hired.
So that was something that I hadto kind of just work through and
(21:28):
realize that I'm here and I didearn it.
Yeah.
I In a different way.
Yeah, definitely.
The next place we wanna give anexample from is relationships.
'cause, well, I feel like Idon't struggle with imposter
syndrome as much inrelationships as I do, like
external groups or activities orjobs or whatever it is.
(21:49):
This is still a very real thingin relationships.
So maybe it just looks likefeeling not good enough in a
your friendship group or withyour romantic partner.
You're, you're telling yourselflike, I'm not good enough to be
in a relationship with thisperson.
Like, I, I don't belong in thisfriend group.
They're all better than me.
It can, it can take a myriad of.
(22:10):
Ways to present itself, but atthe end of the day, something to
look out for.
'cause if you're in arelationship with someone,
they're in it with you.
Like you're responsible for yourown choices at the end of the
day, and so is that otherperson.
So if they're choosing to spendtime with you and invest in you
and be in a relationship withyou, don't let that little voice
tell you that you don't belongwith that person, or you don't
(22:31):
belong in that friend group.
Mm-hmm.
You just have to trust yourselfand also trust that other person
that they see stuff in you thatmaybe you're having trouble
seeing at the moment, but at theend of the day, you're both
still there.
And don't let that little voicetake away from the present and
the value of the relationship infront of you.
That's great advice.
This one here, I'm sure.
(22:51):
anyone that's a mother I'm surerelates at some point in their
life of, just, you know, one ofthe, uh, examples of imposter
syndrome and motherhood is,comparing yourself to the
perfect mom.
you know, and now with socialmedia, thank God I didn't have
that when I was raising my kids.
I can't imagine the pressure,that, mothers deal with now
(23:12):
because they're not just seeingother mothers, they're seeing
other mothers in their perfectlife, but they're also seeing
someone else's child in itsperfect life too.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it's, it's a slipperyslope and I don't believe
there's anyone that, cannot gettrapped in this.
I, I really don't at all.
(23:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Especially with social media.
Like, I'm not even a mom yet andI'll find myself on mom talk or
whatever and see all thesethings trying to tell you how to
parent, how to do X, y, and Zand then just showing highlights
of like their happy baby andthey look so happy and put
together.
And once again, it's thehighlight reel.
(23:53):
It's not the reality.
Yeah.
And at the end of the day, youhave to trust your own instincts
to raise your own children.
Right, right.
I think, I don't know, but Ithink seek some solid advice.
the one thing that was greatpiece of advice that was given
to, Jim and myself as a couple,we were told to find a couple
who's where you want to be infive years or where you wanna be
(24:16):
in 10 years.
Find somebody that's raisingmiddle schoolers.
We had little kids, we hadpreschool age or, high
schoolers.
See how they're doing it andthey're doing it well.
and look to them, ask them tomentor you yeah, definitely.
While we're talking about socialmedia in terms of imposter
syndrome.
(24:37):
Just thinking about it.
I feel like I would be waybetter off without social media
because I think it feeds myimposter syndrome a lot.
and it's not like just that,comparing yourself to the
perfect mom.
Like be comparing yourself toother 20 year olds your age,
comparing like what you'reeating in a day, to what they're
eating in a day, to how they'reworking out and how they look to
(24:59):
all that.
And then all that stuff in yourlife, whether it's something
you're actually pursuing or goalor desire that can give you
imposter syndrome, but also itcan just really.
Tank your belief in yourself andthe confidence in yourself and
make you think, I'm not doing itright.
I need to be doing it that waybecause I don't look like that
or feel like that, or whatever.
(25:19):
Mm-hmm.
I don't have that manyfollowers.
It's just so dangerous.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I'm feeling so frustrated withsocial media lately.
I'm thinking about deleting mypersonal Yeah.
Or just like archiving it for ayear.
Yeah.
And just having like the socialmedia for the podcast, which I
obviously have to do, but it'sso dangerous.
But I, I definitely recognizethat it has fed my imposter
(25:43):
syndrome and I'm aware of it.
It's either gonna limit it orget rid of it.
Right.
Right.
I've had a lot of, even ladiesmy age that are like, I had to
get off for six months.
and I, I certainly kudos to thatfor sure.
Mm-hmm.
It's not easy.
(26:03):
So another example is creativepursuit.
It's who am I to write thisbook, start this business or
create this podcast?
And I know Cana and I had a lotof, introspective, time that we
had to really think about, isthis something that, uh, we can
do?
And, and the greatest thing is,and I love this about partners
(26:24):
in anything, in podcasting, inlife, in motherhood, in,
marriage, we have a partner.
it's so great because thechances of you both going off
the rails at the same time areusually pretty unlikely.
So if I felt like, oh my gosh,we cannot do this.
I have nothing to say.
Tina was feeling encouraged, youknow, so she was able to
(26:46):
encourage me and then vice versathroughout.
Yeah, it's not like a one timething, but just, um, when you
have a great partner, um, inwhatever you're doing.
One of the things that you leanin on them about or with is when
you feel like you can't make it,you can look to them because
they're gonna be encouraged atthat point, you know?
(27:07):
Mm-hmm.
That's how I feel like we'vebeen able to help each other
already through the podcast.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And we talk about in a lot ofepisodes, just the importance of
having societal support in yourcircle.
And I think this is importantfor any kind of imposter
syndrome you're experiencing inany kind of arena.
Whether you have work colleaguesor maybe friends that know you
(27:29):
and know that part of your lifeand they're able to help you
talk out of that in your, inyour worst moments.
Right.
'cause I think even if you arenever gonna get to a point where
you totally beat impostersyndrome, but you can get to a
point where that little voicedoesn't bother you, and it's not
so insistent.
And I think part of that ishaving people who lift you up in
those moments when you'reprobably fighting it the worst.
(27:51):
Yeah.
So, yeah, just a way to turn thevolume down.
On it.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, definitely.
next we wanna talk about why weexperience this.
I mean, this helped me thinkingabout why I fight this so much.
And for me, like I said earlier,it was just realization of
things from growing up in mychildhood that made me feel
(28:14):
maybe less than, or like an anoutsider.
I was homeschooled and verysheltered.
And by the time I got intoschool I had very bad social
anxiety and always felt like Iwas the odd one out or whatever,
whatever.
And I think all this led up to alot of self-esteem issues and
some self-loathing of looking atmyself and hating what I see or
(28:36):
hating why I am the way I am.
And so that's what feeds into myimposter syndrome.
I'm sure there's other things aswell, but it, like I said, it
did help me to have awareness ofwhy I am feeling like this.
So then I can start to worktowards like, okay, how do I get
on the other side of thisirrational belief that I have?
How do I get on the other sideof the self-loathing and move to
more of like self-compassion andself-love?
(28:57):
So that was very helpful for meto understand where, where this
is coming from.
And it can come from a lot ofdifferent places.
That's why we wanted to have alittle section on.
It may help you in your journeyto overcome it, just knowing
where it came from.
Or maybe this will get thethought process started.
If you want to journal on itlater and think, why am I
experiencing this?
What does it look like?
What areas of my life have Ifelt this way?
(29:20):
Was it warranted?
Probably not.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyways, we're just trying toget the ball rolling on a lot of
things for you.
Right?
Yeah.
So the first thing on why weexperience imposter syndrome is
cultural and societalexpectations.
So whether that's gender roles,the perfectionist culture or
pressure to prove yourselfwithin that.
(29:40):
And I think the hustle culculture too maybe plays into
that'cause I think there's a bighustle culture where.
You just see and perceiveeveryone working so hard and
then always feeling like you'renot working as hard as them, so
maybe you don't deserve X, Y,and Z or you don't deserve to
sit at the same table as theydo.
Right.
But again, I think the hustleculture is highlighted by social
media and the highlight reelsthat people put out.
(30:03):
So it's not realistic.
Right, right.
So you do belong, you do deserveto sit at that table.
Don't let yourself think otherways.
That's right.
That's exactly, yes.
Just thinking about the genderroles, it's something that we
laugh about in my family becauseit is comical, but just the fact
that I don't like to cook, Ireally don't know what to cook.
(30:26):
I can get, that can get me downbecause I'll, I'll maybe see
recipes or people like, oh, Ijust made this amazing meal.
And, um, Jim does the cooking inour house and, we like it that
way and he doesn't mind it.
So what.
Even in a place that I am, youknow, in my early fifties, I
(30:49):
can, that can rear its ugly headup.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
I mean, yeah, I get that becausethere is that, that gender role
and then that idealistic,especially in the south, that
the women are supposed to be thehomemakers, the chefs, the
whatever.
Right, right.
I actually still be a homemakerwithout cooking.
(31:12):
Yeah.
You can be the homemaker, it'syour life.
Build it the way you want.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Of a blank slate.
As long as it works, works outfor you and your family and your
partner, who else cares.
Mm-hmm.
The business, they don't get aslight seriously and that.
Mm-hmm.
That's a part of, uh, socialmedia too, or just in general.
(31:34):
be careful who you allow to votein your life.
Tell.
You never know.
That's right.
Not everybody that has an answerdeserves to be heard.
Well, we are kind of alreadytouched on this too, but I think
comparison culture within socialmedia is, can also be a reason
why we experience impostersyndrome.
(31:55):
It may feed it like it does forme, or maybe that's like where
it originated from.
Maybe you never had impostersyndrome voices in your head
before you were on social media.
I don't know.
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean the constantcomparison will just only
exacerbate it if you have it, orit can lead to it if you're not
careful with limiting yoursocial media and limiting the
(32:16):
influence it has on you.
Yeah.
And also it doesn't just have tobe on social media.
I was just thinking about, atthe community pool.
This, this mm-hmm.
Where the moms are all sittingaround and have their, some of
them are gonna be just really inshape, others not so much.
And you might fall somewhere inthe middle of that.
(32:40):
So it doesn't even have to be,you can be completely off social
media and still deal with this.
yeah, definitely.
So the next one, and this is theone I probably relate to the
most, is internalized beliefs.
that can be where impostersyndrome originates from.
So maybe it's feel, fear offailure, fear of success, or
deeply ingrained self-doubt.
(33:01):
Guilty.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
Um, the fear of success I thinkis very, interesting.
I know I've had, friends, thathave struggled with their
weight, women friends thatstruggle with their weight.
And when you get down sometimesto the, the brass tacks of
(33:23):
what's going on is they are goodto height, they don't wanna be
seen.
And if they lose the weight,folks can feel like.
Okay.
If I lose the weight, then I'mgonna be putting myself out
there.
So I, mm-hmm.
I have had, I was a diabeteseducator for, about six years.
(33:44):
So dealt with both, juvenileonset or type one diabetes and
type two.
So type two has a lot of the,one of the big components is,
obesity.
Mm-hmm.
you know, um, I found this to bea really common thread, not just
in women and, but in men.
And I think, um, just that fearof success, fear of putting
(34:06):
yourself out there.
we all get comfortable behindour little smokescreen.
Yeah.
So that's what I think aboutwhen I think about like, fear of
success or fear of failure.
Um, yeah.
It almost sounds funny when youhear of it, like, why would I
have a fear of success?
Right.
But I think that's one of thosethings that's so subconscious.
(34:28):
You kind of have to dig it outbecause it sounds crazy, but I,
I realize that I have like this,not like, not like deep fear,
but it's just like a little fearof like, if I do go big on these
platforms, which is obviouslythe goal, which is why it's
funny that I'm also afraid ofthe goal in a sense, but I am
afraid that when, well, it's,it's that little voice.
(34:49):
It's telling me like, what if mypodcasts go big, I have this
huge platform, and then allthese people are making
comments, whether they're likepointing out all the things
we're doing wrong or pointingout like, this isn't that good.
Or just like finding out thatI'm a fraud because now more
people have access to me,they're gonna see it.
Right.
Which is so, so silly and socrazy.
(35:10):
But it's, it's very real.
And it's, it's laughable atfirst.
Yeah.
But again, it's that littlevoice and it's, it's doing
things to your perception ofreality and your perception of
yourself, and it's not good.
Right.
Which is why we're gonna getinto how we can recognize this
and combat it, because at theend of the day, that's what we
want.
Right.
We probably all have dealt withimposter syndrome and we wanna
(35:32):
give you some tools and sometips and tricks to not let it
rule your life.
Right?
Right.
So the first thing that we,thought that you guys might,
might help with you recognizingand combating, um, imposter
syndrome is challenge negativeself-talk.
that needs to be a whole notherpodcast and, and we'll get
(35:53):
mm-hmm.
I've had some recent really goodinformation about that, that has
to do with mm-hmm.
Physics and how we talk toourselves, which is it can
shatter you only to rebuild youin a perfect, better way.
Not perfect, but you know.
So, um, you might wanna thinkabout practicing reframing your
(36:15):
thoughts.
I don't know everything.
To, I'm always learning or whyme versus why not me.
Mm-hmm.
Um, just those little things.
And, and I do think this again,is where that partner that you
have can help you.
(36:36):
You have to allow that partnerto speak into your life.
So when, even if it isself-talk, because what's in our
hearts comes out of our mouth,so it, it is self-talk that
you're doing to yourself, butsometimes we just have gotten so
used to it that we just say itout loud.
And so having somebody go to bethere, and Kane, I know you've
(36:57):
done that for me, especially injust like this last year dealing
with, um, life.
You, you've been able to say,you know, stop doing that.
That's not good.
I appreciate that a lot.
Yeah.
I'm glad I can help.
Yeah.
Sometimes I feel like I'maggressive with that.
I'm like, stop it, Ronnie.
Stop it.
(37:18):
I need that.
That's the method.
Stop telling yourself that yougotta come down hard on me.
Well, I figure that's what yourespond to.
So it's it's, you respond to thepassion.
Yes.
Yes.
The passion.
Absolutely.
More passion, more energy, morefoot, more footwork.
Alright.
Okay.
(37:39):
Anyway.
Hilarious.
Um, the other thing is trackyour wins.
And this is where, journaling,and I know that that might be
kind of an ancient or like aused to be term.
Um, but even if you don't writedown every day, just taking five
minutes at the end of the workweek or at the end of a vacation
(38:02):
and say, wow, this is what Idid.
Well.
Experience those, celebratethose wins.
It's really difficult though, inthe middle of a struggle to
remember those wins, and that'swhy mm-hmm.
I am such a proponent of writingit down, keeping, you know, just
(38:22):
like a little, even a journalthat says my wins and every day
you just put down one or once aweek.
You just think back specificallyabout, what you did well that
week.
Yeah, I've seen two onPinterest.
I think that you could do like awins jar, so just get like this
(38:42):
little sticky note or a littlepiece of paper, write down your
wind, crumple it up, toss it inthe jar, and then either like
when you need it the most, maybewhen you're struggling with
those thoughts of self-doubt themost, you open it up and start
going through'em, or you cansave it till the end of the year
and do that.
Oh, I love that.
I need to start doing that.
I'm trying to make it a goalright now to be more intentional
with journaling, because itreally does help me work through
(39:04):
my thoughts.
Yeah.
And I definitely would like totrack my wins, because I get in
to the end of the year and I'mlike, I'm the same person.
That sucked.
I didn't do anything to make mylife better.
And then later on in the futureI'm like, no, I changed so much
that year.
I did so many little things.
I'm a different person.
Right.
But in the moment, it's easy todoubt yourself.
(39:26):
Right.
But anyways, this is, I think, avery good one.
You can document yourachievements, your even
compliments.
If someone set a complimentabout you, that's not just, oh,
you have a pretty base.
Right, right.
But it's like you are socompassionate, you are so
influential.
Whatever it is, if it makes youreally feel good and feel like
you've accomplished somethingthat you've been setting out to
(39:48):
do, write down the compliment.
Put it in the jar.
Yeah.
Or in the journal, whatever itis.
It's just moments of growth tolook back on when you're feeling
imposter syndrome, the sneakback in.
Right, right.
And, and for your friends, givemeaningful compliments, instead
of, oh, I like that dress.
Your hair looks great.
(40:09):
Whatever.
You know, those kind of thingsare so, they're fleeting,
they're like tiny.
They're not really getting intothe core of who you are.
You make feel good when theyhappen, but does it change you?
Does it help you get out of yourown head?
Mm-hmm.
when we practice that with ourcircle of influence, we're kind
(40:31):
of teaching others how to treatyou, which is another thing that
we just talked about in ourprevious podcast.
Um, the other thing is toreframe failure.
So our failure doesn't define usunless we let it.
Um, it teaches us to prepare forthe future moment to be better.
(40:54):
yeah, one of my big things is,is when you blow it, you know,
admit it, and then pick up andgo on.
That's a, that's a time wheremaybe you, um, said something
that, really offended someoneor, or whatever that would be.
actually writing that down andthen going back and looking and,
(41:18):
seeing, hey, what were thefactors there?
Why was this a, why was thissuch a failure?
A lot of times our own failuresaren't really failures.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, it's important and I feellike it's a lot harder than same
concept, but with reframing yourthoughts where reframing failure
in your head is definitely hard.
Especially I think when youstruggle with imposter syndrome
(41:41):
maybe as much as I do, when youfail, it can feel like all those
voices in your head were right.
Instead of looking at it like,this was a moment and I learned
something about myself, and youknow, It's helping make me into
the person I'm becoming.
And at the end of the day, likewhatever it was, you put your
effort, you put your time intoit, which are valuable things.
(42:02):
Don't let that little voice inyour head tell you otherwise, I
think everything you put outinto the world will come back to
you or it'll make you a betterperson.
So.
Trying to look at it a littlemore like that.
Yeah.
And the next one I kind ofalready talked about, the
importance of societal supportand surrounding yourself with
people that uplift you, supportyou, and also celebrate your
wins.
'cause I think that can beanother asset in your toolbox to
(42:25):
overcome imposter syndrome iswhen you have people that
believe in you and uplift youand they're just always a
hundred percent rooting for you.
Mm-hmm.
So, mm-hmm.
so Cana and get real right now.
Okay.
Is there a time you overcameimposter syndrome through a
mindset shift?
Yes.
Actually becoming a podcasterwas probably the most prominent
(42:47):
example I can think of.
'cause like I've said, I'vestruggled with imposter syndrome
throughout my life.
F many, many times, manydifferent kinds of situations.
Uh, I've felt it all and itsucks, right?
And I mean, I've talked about onthis podcast how frustrated I
was just trying to find apassion and a career for myself
after college and finding outwho I was after college
(43:09):
athletics.
Like it's just been a mess.
And I feel like I had a mindsetshift almost out of desperation
as like, I can't just keepworking jobs I hate and being
mean to myself and all thisstuff.
and I got really into readingfantasy books and they actually
helped me through a lot ofmental health struggles.
(43:29):
And I think they alsocontributed to that mindset
shift of looking at myself withmore compassion.
I realized my first podcast thatI started in last August is the
first one.
And.
I just caught the idea ofblooming and it made me really
excited because one, I lovefantasy books and I also love,
(43:50):
and like I said, one of my coremotivat motivational drives is
to influence people by puttingmy voice out there.
And so the two passions of minejust met in the middle and I was
like, this is it.
Like this is what I want to do.
Like I wanna do this so bad.
Like I know.
I would love it.
Yeah.
And I am hoping to have it be afull-time job in the future, so
fingers crossed.
(44:11):
But I, once I had that idea, Iwas so excited about it.
And then immediately that littlevoice in my head came in and was
like, why should I do that?
I don't know.
I haven't read enough books todo that.
I'm not well spoken enough, likeI'm not smart enough, whatever
it is.
But I think I was just sofrustrated with where I was in
life and not feeling anyfulfillment in the things I was
(44:32):
doing, that I did have thatmindset shift of like, why not
me?
Why not do it like.
Screw it all.
Let's, let's, I'll dive in anddo it.
And I did and I realized howmuch I love it.
And I think podcasting hashelped me build up that
confidence and kind of silencethat little voice in my head a
little bit more.
I still deal with it for sure,but I think that's probably the
(44:53):
most prominent example ofovercoming it and having a
shifted mindset towardssomething.
That's great.
I love it.
That's really good.
Another question.
What's one belief, Ronnie, onebelief about yourself that
you're working to reframe?
Wow.
I don't want this always to beabout hormones or menopause, but
(45:19):
I have mentioned on other,podcast episodes, just the
struggle of, just feeling likesomebody else is hijacked my
body.
Mm-hmm.
Typically emotionally, uh,intellectually, all of it.
And one thing that I've had toreframe it about is I've never
(45:41):
really had a weight problem.
I have had periods where I wasmore in shape than others, and
I'm so grateful and blessed thatI have a really have metabolism
or have up until this because,um, I pretty much have not been
really good about.
Restricting my calories or, um,I try to eat more healthy, but
(46:03):
just over the years it hasn'tbeen like I'm on a diet, I don't
like diets, that kind of thing.
But what I've found in the lastprobably three or four years is
just the amount, how, how muchmy physical body has changed.
Like mm-hmm.
I wear the same clothes, same,same, same clothes, exact same
(46:24):
clothes, same size, sameclothes, they fit differently,
or they don't fit at all now.
and then also just, with my,with my relationship with Jim,
my husband, like I reallystruggled with, why would he
wanna be with me?
Mm-hmm.
Like, he has to look at me andthink what happened to her.
(46:48):
And he had been in fitness allof his life, and so.
I knew and, and my husband isgonna, you know, he's just in
incredible shape all the time.
Just great genetics.
And I, I really, it has been astruggle to like get myself
mentally passed because what hashappened is it's taken a lot of
(47:12):
my, obviously confidence in myrelationship with him, intimacy,
not just in the bedroom, butjust in general.
Like, I get in the car, we go todinner and I'm looking in the
mirror, putting my lipstick onand I'm like, oh my gosh, this
man must be so embarrassed.
(47:33):
I really felt like he would beembarrassed to me because I had
changed so much.
And, even this morning as I wasgetting ready, um, you know, you
walk past.
You get outta the shower and youwalk past the mirror.
I try to like do it really quickso I'm not slowed down by it.
(47:53):
But I got a glance, I glimpse atmyself and I was like, oh, a
poor gym.
This.
Oh gosh, no, no, Ronnie, stopit.
That's what I said to myself.
And good.
Immediately I took that thoughtcaptain and I said, no, ma'am,
(48:16):
he's with me because he lovesme.
If he stopped loving me, hewouldn't be with me.
If he was embarrassed to me, hewouldn't go anywhere with me.
So, no, this is not a gymproblem, Rhonda, this is your
own feelings that you arereflect or you are projecting
onto.
And what we can talk, uh, thisis a whole nother podcast, but
(48:38):
that's what happened.
We feel internalized things andthen we end up projecting those
onto people.
And the very thing that wefeared the most, and I have had,
within like the last year, Ihave really pushed people away,
especially Jim pushed him awayand I've almost caused the thing
(49:02):
that I scares me to death, whichwould be for him to lead me.
I've almost created it and I amnot gonna be that person.
Good.
And so I've been doing someself-reflection and I'm working
(49:24):
to reframe, my relationship withmy husband and to, to, to stop
putting things into his head andhis mouth that have never been
there, will never be there ifyou know him, you know, he would
never be that person.
that's my thing that I'mreframing right now,
specifically.
Good.
I'm glad to hear it.
(49:45):
You can do it.
You can do it.
There he is.
I like how you use the visual oflike taking that thought,
thought captive.
'cause I do that a lot too.
'cause I think visualizations inmy brain will help me actually,
like, feel like I've moved paststuff.
Mm-hmm.
So anytime you have a thoughtabout imposter syndrome, you
just grab that joker by thethroat.
Yes.
(50:05):
You toss it in a garbage can inyour brain.
You light it on fire.
Yes.
Then you.
Beat it with a baseball bat.
Yeah.
And you never know that.
You never exactly know that.
Um, for sure.
It's like, nope.
Yeah, I'm gonna grab that andthat is out.
I'm not gonna bring that into myhouse or into my beat.
Yeah.
(50:26):
Yeah, I can.
So I hope you guys have enjoyedthis, topic.
And as we close out, we haveour, what she said and this
Yeah.
This one is by Maya, an angel,and she says, I've written 11
books, but each time I think,uh, oh, they're going to find me
(50:46):
out.
Now I've run a game on everybodyand they're going to find me
out.
Maya.
That's how she felt.
Yeah.
This is, this is just saying, Imean, she is, her name is
probably familiar to probablyalmost everybody.
She was a highly celebratedauthor, poet, and civil rights
(51:09):
activist.
Yes.
And she dealt with impostersyndrome.
So that little voice in yourhead is not a reflection of your
actual capabilities.
It's, it's just something thatwe all struggle with.
It's something that we all haveto work through.
So hopefully we've got the ballrolling on some thoughts for you
guys, and you guys are maybeable to think about how this
(51:29):
happens in your own life and howto work through it and get over
it.
Well, not get over it, but moveon the other side of it, right.
To where it's not ruling yourthoughts about yourself and your
life.
I actually included a secondwhat she said, I, for forgot
until now, and I, I just wantedto include it because I, I felt
like it really struck a chordwith me.
(51:50):
And the second one is we can'thate ourselves into a version of
ourselves we love.
And that just sat with me forseveral days after because my
imposter syndrome comes from aplace of self-doubt and
self-hate.
And just thinking about that,like me telling myself I'm not
good enough and I don't deserveto be here.
(52:11):
And pushing myself to workharder, to prove to myself that
I belong in these, in theseplaces is just a, a losing game.
And I can't hate myself to bebetter'cause I'm never gonna
love myself if everything I'mdoing is coming from a place of
trying to escape self-hatred.
Yeah.
So that's great.
There's that.
And also the, the girl that saidthat is Lori Dene and she's the
(52:34):
founder of Tiny Buddha, acommunity dedicated to personal
growth and mental wellbeing.
So there you go.
I like it.
This week our challenge is thatwe want you to write down three
things you're proud of andpractice some self affirmation.
I love the jar, the, the windjar and also mm-hmm you could do
celebrating wins and selfaffirmation, and compliments.
(52:59):
Meaningful compliments.
You could put all that in a jarthe same.
Yeah.
And then you just pulling outrandom stuff.
But think about this.
I am capable and I belong here.
You are your loudest voice, sobe your biggest fan.
Yeah.
Be your own advocate.
Be your own advocate and yourbiggest fan.
(53:19):
Um, absolutely.
Yep.
Yeah.
Just remember thatself-compassion and awareness
are our strongest tools toovercome this, or at least begin
the journey to overcome.
Yes.
Yes.
Imposter syndrome.
So there you go.
Let's rewrite our own narrative.
We're not gonna listen to thatvoice in our head anymore.
We are going to create the lifethat we want, and we're gonna
love ourselves into a betterversion of ourselves.
(53:40):
Yes.
So share your challenge.
Maybe it's your affirmations,it's your story on imposter
syndrome.
Whatever it is, share it with uson social media, whether it's
commenting, tagging us in astory or a post, a dm.
We love to hear from you guys.
it makes our day knowing thatwe're helping other people grow
and begin the process of growth.
(54:01):
'cause that's, at the end of theday, what we wanna see and why
we wanted to do this is to helpother people grow.
So tag us on social media, agenerational tea pod.
While you're at it, like I said,you hit that follow button,
pretty please share our post orour podcast with, a couple
friends, maybe some folks thatyou're thinking about.
Hey, I think they would likethat.
(54:22):
we ask you to do that as well.
Yeah.
Maybe you know someone thatstruggles with imposter syndrome
Yes.
And you think this episode mighthelp them.
So share that episode with themdirectly.
Right.
You know, may just be, it may bethe segue into a meaningful
conversation with that friend.
'cause sometimes it's hard toknow, how to start that
conversation.
If you see somebody that is likeself.
(54:44):
Through their imposter syndrome.
But that's it for today.
Yep.
And that's the tea.
That's the tea.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.