May 13, 2025 • 45 mins
In this episode of Generational Tea, we're diving into one of the most freeing concepts we've ever come across — the "Let Them" philosophy made popular by Mel Robbins. Inspired by ancient wisdom and modern psychology, Let Them is a mindset that helps you reclaim your energy, peace, and personal power by letting people be who they are — and choosing how you respond. We break down how this powerful two-word phrase is rooted in ideas like stoicism, radical acceptance, and emotional detachment, and share real-world examples from our own lives. Plus, we explore the second half of the equation: Let Me — how taking ownership of our actions and reactions leads to true empowerment. Whether you're struggling with judgment, difficult people, or external opinions, this episode will leave you with practical tools (and a lot of laughs) to step fully into your own growth journey. Tune in and learn how to stop wasting your energy on what you can't control — and start living your wild, precious life on your own terms.
- Join the conversation: Are the opinions of others preventing you from doing something you is the right choice for yourself? How did your weekly challenge go? Share your reflections in the comments or via our social media.
- What She Said: "The more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And, the more you let people be who they are, or feel what they feel, or think what they think, the better your relationships will be. Learning how to let adults be adults has changed my life. And it will change yours too, because when you finally stop giving your power to other people, you’ll see how much power you truly have". — Mel Robbins
- This episode is based on Let Them by Mel Robbins
- Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @generationalteapod, watch us on YouTube, and listen to us wherever you get your podcasts!
- Microphone flags by Impact PBS
- Intro music by Cymatix
- Logo by @makariann
- Business email: generationalteapod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
Well.
I'm drinking my mushroom coffee.
Oh gosh.
Mine's terrible right now.
That rise stuff.
I mixed it in with the other,the good stuff.
The everyday dose effed it up.
Really.
I don't, I can't even stand it.
It's not, you don't, great.
But I definitely don't minddrinking it.
Well, I don't have any creamright now either.
(00:34):
Oh, well that's, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you, you drink your coffeeblack.
I'm sure.
It's probably terrible.
Yeah, it's, I even put somecoconut oil in there thinking
that maybe, and it, it did makeit a little more palpable, but I
just can't finish the wholething.
It's terrible.
You know who else is obsessedwith mushroom coffee?
Weston Honey Badger.
(00:57):
Uh oh.
He loves it.
He, oh my gosh.
I made it the past two morningsand he is like a maniac trying
to get to this mushroom coffeeand trying to lick it out of
there.
Really?
It's not the cream.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
Beauty pie.
I guess not.
He doesn't go for my normalcoffee like this.
And yeah, listeners, honeyBadger is my cat.
(01:17):
I don't actually have a honeybadger.
Yes.
I wish I did.
So Honey Badger is all into themushroom coffee now.
Well, He's going back to get hischolesterol retaken and he don't
wanna have to go on no meds.
He is crazy.
He used to be so skittish, andnow every morning when I let
Sawyer out, honey badger dartsright out.
(01:39):
Really?
Yes.
He loves going outside.
Where's Harley?
Because I haven't seen him in aminute.
Harley be sleeping all the time.
I think he's depressed.
Harley's depressed?
No.
Oh gosh.
I don't think he is.
I think he's just a cat.
Well, I think what you should dois you should sit down with
Harley and um, read, let themto.
(02:04):
To Harley and then y'all could,you know, do like question and
answer after every chapter.
And let's see if we can't getthis dude back on track.
Well, he does like to talk.
I know, I know.
He loves it.
He is like, Kat, I'll be like,Hey.
He'll be like now.
And then I'll just keep talkingand then he will say meow to
everything.
(02:25):
Yes, yes.
He's so cute.
Got best cats, but he hasdifferent tones.
You do have the best cat.
Cat lady.
Yes.
This cat.
Yeah.
Any of our listeners.
If you have a cat, send uspicture of your cat.
'cause it'll make my day.
Yes, please.
Or a dog, I guess.
You know I like cats more.
She likes cats.
She thought she might like adog, but then she got a dog and
(02:48):
this idiot dog is over hereWallering right now.
He likes the wall or where hewill like flip himself up.
You know how he does?
Yes, but I'm explaining it.
He flips himself upside down andchews on his feet Yes, he has.
And you might be able to hearhim.
He's very aggressive.
I hear him Well, and the otherthing about that little booger,
(03:11):
it's, it's his way of pouting.
Or getting his aggression up.
Oh yeah.
When he's, if he's not gettingfrustration, he's gonna wall
her.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
It terrible.
If he doesn't get his way,that's just like, Garrett and
Dawson's, Kramer, like if theytry to clean out his ears and
Dawson is the one that has to doit, he gets mad and goes and
(03:33):
sits for hours, will get in hisbed.
And refuse to make eye contactwith you.
It is like total shame.
They're toddlers.
They're so toddlers.
When you do something to make acat mad.
Oh my God.
Is that his stomach growling?
(03:53):
No, that's the sound he makeswhen he Waller.
I need you to calm down.
I'm Mommy's trying to film.
Okay.
But when you make a cat mat,it's like a three month
campaign.
Yes.
Or they're gaslighting you orsomething.
They are, and they look at youas s I'm being gaslighted,
right?
Today, this morning, really?
I don't know what I did.
I put SO'S Frisbee on the table.
(04:15):
It's gone.
I dunno where it is.
I looked all morning and itwasn't, I took him out at like
3:00 AM and he wanted to put itto Frisbee, so I took it from
him.
I put him on the table.
It's gone.
Oh my gosh.
I'll find it.
I know you just got it for him.
Oh he'll, you'll find it.
And no doubt the cats took itsomewhere.
Oh yeah, yeah.
The hair ties is the funniestthing.
(04:37):
Oh my God.
The other night, Weston had somebeef jerky and he.
Ate the whole bag.
It was, of course, I'm nottrying to make him look bad.
He ate the whole bag and he justlike left it by the couch.
And then like five minutes laterwe see Harley raced across the
house and he's carrying the bagof beef Turkey in his, the empty
(04:57):
bag.
It was pretty hilarious.
Oh my gosh.
And those cats, man, cats can'tbe shamed.
Nope.
You, you cannot, can't parentthem.
You cannot parent a Accept yourfate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So listeners out there, let usknow what kind of personality
your cat has because are they ademon?
(05:17):
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Sorry for all the backgroundnoises today.
I can't control my children.
No, no, no.
It's Friday.
They're ready for the weekend.
But guess what?
What I.
And going to let them act crazy.
Yes, yes.
Speaking of which, yes.
Yes.
That's a great segue into ourfun topic today.
(05:41):
I'm sure maybe some of you haveheard of this book we're gonna
talk about today kind of takenthe internet by storm and I can
see why after reading it I'mlike, wow, this is probably the
most revolutionary and simpleself-help book I've ever read.
And it's, I know, I feel likeit's already making a difference
in my life.
Like.
And I really didn't have to workthat hard to apply it.
(06:01):
It's just like that littlereminder, like if I'm getting
annoyed or whatever, whatever.
Yeah.
Let them do it.
I'm just gonna focus on what Ican control.
Right, right.
For sure.
So yeah, this book, wait, wedidn't even introduce ourselves.
Welcome to the Generational TeaPodcast.
I'm Cana.
And I'm Ronnie.
(06:21):
And today we are gonna talkabout Let Them by Mel Robbins.
Boss check.
Boss book.
Yes.
All of it.
Boss.
10 outta 10.
All the boss.
Yeah.
10 outta 10, boss.
A hundred percent.
Mel.
Yes.
Well, before we dive into howthis book is already working in
our lives and how it can startto change yours as well, we do
wanna again, ask for reviews,follow subscribes like.
(06:44):
All of it.
It just goes to build ourpodcast so we can reach more
women and build a biggercommunity of women and we can
all keep growing and learningtogether.
So yes, not only that, but itreally does make our day.
We do put a lot of work intothis, and so this is how you can
help us out if you want to, andyou enjoy our stuff.
So, yeah, believe this issomething, something, leave us a
(07:04):
little message.
Yes.
Let's talk about human natureand, first of all, we always
need to be studying ourselvesand reevaluating things and, and
just studying it.
Just, just to be aware.
You don't have to necessarilystart out by making big changes.
(07:25):
These are little small thingsthat you can do, but if you
don't have the self-awareness,so the first thing we want you
to do while you're listening tothis is just kind of, if you can
take a deep breath and just holdon'cause we've got some great
news for you.
Yeah, a lot of the book Melbrings it back to, oh, look at
the criminals.
Here he is going for themushroom coffee.
(07:47):
Okay.
Sorry.
A lot of this book Mel isreferencing back to psychology
and research and human natureand just acknowledging the fact
that we are hardwired for a needfor control.
We may not want to admit it.
Here comes the other criminalHarley.
He also wants to get some ofthat mushroom color.
This is why filming isimpossible.
(08:08):
Okay.
Anyways, yes, we are allhardwired with the need for
control.
Mm-hmm.
Some more than others.
And I feel like a lot of it isbased on experiences you have,
may feel like you need tocontrol things more if you wanna
protect yourself or whatever.
Whatever.
Ask yourself this.
Have you been fighting to changethose around you?
Control situations or worryabout what people say or think?
(08:29):
A guilty, guilty, guilty,guilty, guilty.
Yes, yes, yes.
Same.
Same, same.
Yes.
Yes, but bad news, all of thatis just creating unnecessary
stress, tension, and frictionfor yourself and your
relationships.
And it's taking away your ownpower, whether we realize it or
not, over time, this has a hugeimpact on us.
Yeah, so this is the premise ofthe Let Them book and why.
(08:50):
Millions of people have read andRaved about this book, and we
are now two of those peoplelike, I said, this is my
favorite self-help book I haveever read.
as someone that's.
Just been chronically worriedabout what other people think
about me for years and years andtrying to manage my perception,
other people's perception of me.
This just hit me really hard andI needed it.
(09:11):
So yeah, today we're just gonnadig into the first nine chapters
'cause we think that's where themost like simple, valuable
insights and we're probablygonna.
Take insights from her book andother episodes we do as well.
But we highly recommend readingit all the way through.
Just, yes, so much good stuffthroughout each chapter.
And it reads to me, it's an easyread because It doesn't flow
(09:31):
like a self-help book.
Yeah.
She's really good about liketying in personal stories and
giving us, you know, examplesand mm-hmm specifics that how
she herself has applied the LetThem theory as well.
So it is a great read.
Yeah, it is for sure.
And just to kind of preview whatwe're gonna talk about, let
(09:52):
them, which is what the book iscalled, and it's, you know, it's
very important.
And then the other half of thatas well is, let me, mm-hmm.
So it's a kind of a 50 50equation and both parts are
really cool for differentreasons.
Yeah.
So we're gonna dig into both ofthose parts and then.
A little bit of other fun stuff,what I like to call the trilogy
(10:13):
of doom as well.
We'll get, we'll get there, butokay, let's dive right into, let
them.
One of the biggest problemsfacing everybody is the power we
unknowingly give to other peoplewithout realizing.
So with these two simple words,let them, you can find freedom
Centered in peace of mind,reclaimed energy and time, and
(10:35):
just more emotional bandwidth,which I think you might not
notice when it's missing, butwhen you finally do reclaim it
and you have it, you candefinitely tell the difference.
Absolutely.
Mm-hmm.
So the first thing that in theLet Them Theory that she kind of
talks about is the more you letothers live their lives.
Even the most annoying parts andlet adults be adults, you'll see
(10:59):
how much power you truly have.
can you think of an example fromyour personal life on like an
area where you've been bad atletting them?
Oh, well, yeah.
I, I had, a great, breakthrough.
I feel like.
Obviously we've talked about itthis season in my life.
it's like stolen a lot of joyand confidence and things that
(11:22):
came very easy to me.
I've never really had to work atthat, but now I am.
So Monday, it was a beautifulday.
I said, I'm gonna put on myswimsuit and go sit outside and
read my book.
And, uh, I put the swimsuit on.
I took a sharp look to the leftand realized, oh my word that.
(11:47):
It was rough stop, but this iswhat happened to me.
It was like life changing and Iwanna write a book about it.
I looked over, I saw myself inthe mirror, and I was like, you
know what?
I am confident I got this body.
This is a 52-year-old body that.
(12:09):
I have worked on, and it houseseverything else in me, the
emotions, the laughter, theconfidence and all that.
And why in the world have I beenletting them tell me the way I
need to look?
Mm-hmm.
Mic shot.
It was, it was a mic dropmoment.
(12:31):
And when I looked over I waslike, you know what?
I would not trade this body.
For a 20-year-old ever, ever.
I, I'm like, why in the worldhave I been thinking that I need
to look 35 or 40 or 45?
I am 52 and I need to sit inthat and make the most of it.
(12:54):
So when I, when we look back orwhen I have a tendency to look
back, maybe on physicalattributes, Um, I, I can't look
back when I do that.
I'm missing what's happeningnow, and I don't wanna trade my
physique in.
I'm not willing to trade it infor the confidence that I have
(13:17):
because I'm back.
The history that I have, thematurity that I have, the
relationships that have beenestablished, I would not want to
go back 110%.
We have to just decide, you knowwhat, let them think what they
want to think, judge, whatever.
(13:38):
Let everybody else try to be 25.
But this girl.
Highs a change and now we're,I'm going from let them to let
me, so how can I, let me settlein to the season.
In the best way possible.
And I cannot do that byconstantly worrying about what
(14:00):
somebody else thinks or whatthey say.
And we are our own biggestcritic.
A hundred percent.
Mm-hmm.
So stop.
I literally looked at myself andlike, stop beating.
Yourself up.
Yeah.
This is not productive.
This does nothing to better yourlife.
(14:21):
And start focusing on the 34year marriage that you have to
your husband realize if hedidn't wanna be there, he
wouldn't be there.
Mm-hmm.
He's there because he loves us,the two wonderful children that
your body brings.
Right, right, right.
And the two children, and.
All the things, all therelationships, the mature female
(14:42):
relationships that I have nowthat are so difficult,
especially in your, I guess,late twenties, early thirties
when maybe you are moving awayfor a job or you've began to
have kids or everybody else isgetting married, what are you,
you know, and you're not.
It is a hundred percent a just athief, and I am taking that back
(15:05):
because I would rather.
Be confident in who I am and benot looking like a 35, 40
5-year-old woman, but sit in thefact that this body houses,
these relationships, houses.
(15:25):
my marriage houses, myconfidence houses the joy that I
have.
And why am I looking at this andthinking this body is less than
Because it's the sum of all theparts.
So you can't have it both ways.
You can't look 25.
I mean, maybe some people canhave a lot of money, but you
(15:47):
can't look 25.
You can, if you're rich, ifyou're rich.
Well, there's all kinds ofoptions for the rich people out
there, but for the no normalfolk.
It is what it is.
And as soon as we can let themthink, we then let ourselves
take back control.
Mm-hmm.
(16:07):
That we have given up.
And it may just be to an idea ofthe way we think.
We should look or the way wethink people should look at us
or view us.
So that's my story and a verylong story.
So you can cut some of out.
No, you're good.
Well, you, I know you alreadytold me this earlier this week,
but I was just so proud to hearyou have that because you have
(16:30):
every right to be so confident'cause you are so beautiful.
And regardless of how you feelabout the way you look like.
You're right, like your body isan amazing design and it just
amazing functions for you.
So no matter what other peoplethink about how you look or how
you're feeling about how youlook at any time, like be
appreciative of that body and beconfident.
Mm-hmm.
Because mm-hmm.
(16:51):
Why would you not want to be, Imean, right, it sounds obvious,
but like once you have thatrealization, it's just.
So freeing and I'm proud of youfor getting there.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes.
I'm back ladies.
She's back.
You better watch out.
One example I wanted to share islike growing up and I always
(17:15):
just felt like, I think almostevery kid feels like this.
I always felt like my parentswere so awkward and weird and
like people were always judgingus and whatever, and it used to
stress me out so bad when I'd beout in public with them and.
This was like a few years agobefore I even came across the
let them.
And now looking back, I'm like,okay, I kind of like utilize,
let them there.
Low key.
But I just realized, I was like,let my parents do whatever they
(17:38):
want'cause I'm never gonna beable to like control them and
then let other people judge usif they want to.
Like, if they think we're weird,let'em, I don't care.
I love my family.
Right, right.
No honey badger.
Honey Badger is on that mushroomcoffee.
Wow.
So nice.
Yeah.
(17:59):
Yeah.
I like that.
I like that.
We'll, detour.
Yeah, and and honestly, here'sthe other thing.
Everybody's not thinking aboutus.
Here's a new flash.
Ladies, you are not the firstthing on people's minds.
Half the time, they don't evenrecognize that you got on a new
outfit.
They're not looking, they're notpaying us you attention the way
(18:21):
we feel like it is.
It's like that microscope thatwe feel like that the microscope
that we view ourselves in ispeople aren't going around and
doing that.
And if they are let them mm-hmm.
They are somehow divertingprobably some negative attention
that they have on themselves andare putting that on to somebody
(18:41):
else so that they can feelbetter about themselves.
We've all done it.
Yeah.
Guilty.
And it, it's a human naturething.
You fall into it so easy.
Yeah.
So it's like go, go in gunsblazing and fight some of those
Yeah.
Just standards that we've, we'vehad for ourselves.
Yeah.
Well, I like how she gives youso many reminders about human
(19:04):
nature, like specifically.
She talks about how people havenegative opinions and thoughts.
Like a lot of the times ourthoughts are unconscious and we
have no control over them.
Mm-hmm.
And they might be ugly, but likethat doesn't mean that we are
our thoughts or that's how wereally feel, or whatever.
You're gonna have negativethoughts about people you love.
Mm-hmm.
Like I do.
Mm-hmm.
(19:24):
I have negative thoughts aboutmy husband, some of my friends,
like.
It's part of life.
Like it happens, but thatdoesn't mean that that's what I
think about that person, or itdoesn't mean, I think that for a
long time, like it may just belike a fleeting thought and then
like, oh, okay, there's the partof my brain that's judgmental.
Get outta here.
Exactly.
But that was a good reminder tome.
Like everyone has negativeopinions.
(19:45):
You can't control them.
People are gonna have them aboutwho they love, and a lot of
times they don't last.
So.
Yeah.
That's just humans.
That's who we are.
Yep.
Anyways, we're gonna give yousome examples of how you can let
them in your own life and whatthis might look like.
So let them have judgmentalopinions.
Like we were just saying.
Let my family be late toeverything.
Like it's their job.
I'm not gonna keep stressingover that.
(20:06):
Yes.
Let grandpa tell you the samestory for the hundredth time.
Andwell alert.
It's not gonna be short, but youcan get through it.
Right, right, right.
Because they need to tell it.
Yeah, let people hate the photo.
I just posted your outfit wasfire.
You post that photo, who caresif you get like three likes?
You look fabulous.
Okay.
Exactly, exactly.
Let my family be judgmentalabout my career.
(20:28):
That's a big one.
Yeah, that one's, that's abigger pill to swallow.
But still I know my sister's anartist and my, my parents
haven't always thought that waslike the best career for her to
choose, but.
She's just, she's like, letthem, like, this is what I love.
I'm good at it.
And I'm so proud of her fordoing that.
Yeah.
You know, and she's doing well.
How about this one?
Let my in-laws disagree with myparenting methods.
(20:51):
Whew.
Yeah, you heard that Ronnie?
No, I did.
I better shut up.
Uh, let the neighbor's dog yodelinto the void at 3:00 AM Now
that one this was happening lastnight.
Really?
Yes, dude.
I saw every person in thisneighborhood has at least one
dog.
Oh my goodness.
It's like constant barking festover here.
(21:13):
Gosh.
So, yeah.
Oh gosh.
I To let them bark into the voidat 3:00 AM Yes.
Yes.
It's great.
Let your friends not invite youto brunch.
'cause don't stress about whyyou didn't get an invite.
It's not worth it.
Right.
It's not worth it.
I promise you.
It's not.
Let them ghost to.
I think this is a great segueinto the next point is mm-hmm.
(21:34):
when you're letting people dothem.
You're letting them show you whothey are.
Yes.
And then you get to decide whatto do with that information,
right?
So if that person wants to ghostyou or treat you that way, or
never invite you out, now youknow that maybe you're not a
high priority for them.
Or maybe that causes you toself-reflect and think, okay, I
haven't been there for them, sowhy would they wanna invite me
(21:55):
out?
Exactly if it's something thatyou've lost.
So it can cause you to, it cangive you more information.
And then that information canlead to either self realizations
or maybe just realizations aboutthat relationship or that
person.
And yeah, you can either decide,I need to change my behavior.
I need to have a conversationwith this person, or I need to
cut my access to them.
Yes, you never know.
(22:15):
And here's a, here's a, um,aism.
When people show you who theyare, believe them.
Yeah, believe them.
And this is not a one timething.
'cause you like, like you said,we all deserve do overs.
But if there's somebody in yourlife that you know every, almost
(22:36):
every interaction is negative orthey're putting you down,
believe what they're saying.
Don't try to convince them.
Let them show you who they areand then believe it and make
adjustments.
Accordingly.
Yeah, absolutely.
And it's not really about givingin, it's really about releasing
(22:58):
yourself from control you neverhad.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, you, you truly don'thave control and it can be hard
to accept that.
Mm-hmm.
Because that can make you justfeel out of control and
helpless.
But I think once you realize thepower you have in your own
energy and time and responses,you kind of lose that sense of
helplessness and you're justlike, all right, it is what it
(23:19):
is.
I'll just do me over here.
Nevermind me over here.
Yeah.
so really quickly, I just wantedto discuss like the roots of the
Let Them Theory and where thiscame from.
It wasn't just something whereshe was like.
Oh, this new idea.
It is rooted in ancientphilosophies and some guiding
psychological concepts, which Ireally find interesting, and I
(23:40):
think it's one of the reasonswhy this book has had such a
massive impact on people.
mm-hmm.
The first one is stoicismphilosophy, which I've heard of
a few times.
I've never really learned thatmuch about it.
But essentially what that is, isjust focusing on yourself
because that's where your truepower lies.
So I think we can see how thatconnects to the Let Them Theory.
Yes, I, I actually went and dida little bit more research on
(24:01):
this because I really didn'tknow what it was either.
Mm.
just really quick, it says,stoicism teaches the development
of self-control and fortitude asa means of overcoming
destructive emotions.
And fortitude is like courage inpain or adversity.
(24:22):
that's, that's interesting.
I've seen a lot of like podcastor like motivational pages on
Instagram that are like.
Focusing on like the stoicmindset and stuff, and I think
it's pretty valuable.
I think it connects to a lot ofstuff we've already talked about
on the podcast.
Oh yeah.
Just like separating yourselffrom your emotions and like not
letting them have power overyou.
Like we were just talking aboutin reaction versus response is
(24:43):
feeling in control of youremotions instead of being
controlled by your emotions.
Yes.
Yeah, for sure.
So the next thing that the rootsof Let Them came from is, I
think this is from Buddhism.
It's just this idea of radicalacceptance.
And if you listen to our Powerof Now episode, I think this is
a similar concept to when hetalks about surrendering and
(25:04):
just complete and totalacceptance and surrender.
So essentially this istheorizing that the pain we feel
often stems from wishing thingswere different than they are.
And boy, if that isn't.
So, so true.
Oh my gosh.
So by using Let Them, you cankind of alleviate and release
yourself from that pain becauseyou have no control over so many
things and so many situations.
(25:25):
And you might feel like you'resuffering because you wish
things were different and lifesucks right now.
But at the end of the day, likeif we just dwell on how
different things can be and howout of control, we feel like
we're just gonna.
Add on to that suffering.
And so this can really like justalleviate a huge amount of that
pain, I think.
Yeah.
It's all about, again, managingexpectations.
(25:47):
Mm-hmm.
There's things that you canchange, but more likely.
there's very little that we canchange.
Yeah.
And when need, you know, thatgives us back our power.
Yeah, absolutely.
We wanna tick back that power.
We're gonna snatch it.
That's right.
A weird made this morning.
Sure.
Anyways, the last one is thepsychological theory, and it's
(26:10):
called attachment theory.
So essentially this is creatingmental gaps between your
emotions and the situation athand.
So you're.
Able to observe withoutspiraling into your emotions.
Mm-hmm.
And letting them overcome you.
Mm-hmm.
So a lot of these are connectedand very similar and we've
talked about a lot of thingsthat relate to these.
So yeah, there's gotta besomething to it.
Yes.
Yes.
(26:30):
Common thread connect.
Yes.
So her second half of thistheory is the, let me, The train
doesn't stop at, let them, letme, is where the real power
lies.
Because that really is the onlything that you have control over
is what you're doing, how you'rethinking, uh, what your
(26:52):
expectations are.
So let me, allows you to tapinto taking responsibility for
what you do think or say, let mestop expecting others to read my
mind.
Huge, huge, huge.
Let me communicate when it'suncomfortable, communicate when
it's uncomfortable, and that'sone thing that I have.
(27:14):
If I get on my soapbox with Jimsometimes, or a lot of times I'm
like, you, you have no idea howblessed you are to have me in
your life because I have neverasked you to read my mind.
I'm very clear about what hashappened, how I feel about it,
the way I need to respond to it,and mm-hmm.
Yeah.
so yeah, just stop expectingothers to read your mind.
(27:37):
They can't, we cannot, let metake accountability for how I
show up for people.
Mm-hmm.
This is a bigs one.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Gotta be real honest withyourself there.
Yep.
Yep.
And when you feel left out ofthat little.
Party or the brunch, you have tolook back and say, what am I
(27:59):
doing?
How am I showing up?
God, these dang cats are reallymaking it difficult this
morning.
They are.
I just feel like, gosh, it's themushroom coffee.
I guess so.
Oh, how about this one?
Let me send the hangout invitesinstead of stewing about not
getting one.
You take control of that.
(28:19):
Yeah, man.
You throw the party and then youcan reengage with people that
mean a lot to you.
Yeah.
Um, let me prioritize my friendsbecause it matters to me.
Let me be more productive.
Whew.
That's a big one.
so there's things like.
I feel like that unfortunatelysome of the memes and stuff that
(28:40):
have come out where people haveused the, let them theory, not
necessarily males things, butlike mm-hmm.
There's a lot of focus out thereon social media and such and, on
the, let them part.
but it's a two-pronged approach,so.
If you're always letting them,meaning you are cutting people
(29:03):
outta your life as a responsefor how they've treated you.
If you continue to do that, youwill be very, very lonely.
Yeah, which is a great point,which is huge.
So be careful.
There'll be times that you'regonna need to cut people outta
your life.
(29:23):
You can still do that with love.
You can do that by respectingthem and yourselves.
This theory, I feel like reallyhelps navigate some of those
difficult, relationships,transitions, just because you
lived beside this girl, yourbest friend, she was your best
friend all through your schoolyears, and then.
(29:44):
It doesn't mean that it alwayshas to be that way.
People change.
Mm-hmm.
Don't get so hung up on thehistory.
Consider the history as you'removing forward that history
doesn't have to, necessarilydrive the car.
The GPS.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
(30:05):
Yeah, I think that's a greatpoint.
And it, I would say it's theharder of the two.
Like I think it's both aredifficult, but I feel like it's
easier for you, you to adopt themindset of like, let them yes,
but let me, if it's somethingfor you need to let me take
accountability for how you showup and you haven't been showing
up Good.
Yeah.
That's painful to realize.
That's painful to work throughbecause you.
(30:28):
Are gonna be disappointed inyourself and it's gonna suck.
Mm-hmm.
But at the end of the day,taking accountability for that
is what's gonna cause you to beable to change that.
'cause yes, you can feel thathurt and feel that growth and
then, you know, I wanna show updifferently next time.
But let me, is definitely thetougher pill to swallow.
Yes.
But I think it's the mostvaluable in your own life.
Yes.
Yes.
(30:49):
Right.
We ready to talk about theTrilogy of Doom, the trilogy of
the stress opinions anddifficult people.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
We wanna talk about this'causeit's, it's something from the
book obviously, and we just feltlike it was really important to
add on this component once we'vekind of defined.
What is, let them, what is, letme, so let's talk about it
(31:11):
first.
We're gonna talk about stress.
It is going to happen.
People will, people and yourbody is gonna react because our
stress response is automatic.
We can't control whether we gointo a stress state, but we can
control how we react to thatshifting and we can reset our
stress response.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So, regulate our nervous systemsand then all the good stuff
(31:32):
after that.
We can use, let them to stopgiving every stress inducing
situation a VIP pass to yournervous system.
Right?
So when something stressfulhappens, and this is something
from the book that I, I think isreally useful because I feel
like I'm a easily stressed outperson, so I need a tool like
this.
Ask yourself, will this botherme in an hour, a day, a week, a
year, a month?
(31:52):
If it's yes, respond with a letme mindset.
Mm-hmm.
I think this kind of goes backto like Reacting versus
responding.
Yeah.
Because when you react, yourstress response is on and you
haven't done anything to turn itoff or reset it.
Right?
So you're reacting from theemotions and the stress.
When you're responding, you'retaking a breath and you're
saying, okay, how do I wannarespond and how can I respond in
(32:13):
a way that serves myself, thisrelationship and not my ego or
my emotions?
So respond with that.
Let me mindset.
But if the answer is no and thestressful thing isn't gonna
bother you in a week or a year,let them, and then you just move
on.
Like the boundary setting.
Stoic legend.
You are.
Okay.
Yeses.
Yeses.
Preach.
(32:33):
That will preach.
Preach for sure.
Yeah.
also, uh, one of the issues isexternal opinions.
We've been talking about that alot already.
Other people's opinions areoften the invisible prison
holding us back.
Um mm-hmm.
So we need some ways that we cango through that is, you know,
ask ourselves what would I do ifI wasn't scared of being judged?
(32:57):
How would I respond in thissituation?
it could be even something like.
What would I wear?
Where would I go?
and then also, What conversationwould I have?
What risk would I take?
What pick would I post if Istopped filtering my
personality?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
This is a big one for me.
(33:19):
Take it off.
I need to ask myself thesequestions constantly, but I'm
getting better at it.
I mean, honestly.
I was in the prison of otherpeople's opinions for so long,
and I feel like the first majorstep of me getting out was
becoming a podcaster becauseI've been so afraid to put my
voice out there and like tellpeople how I feel about things.
Yeah.
And so doing this has been a bigstep of being like, bye Yes.
(33:41):
Come out.
Yes.
I don't care what you gottathink.
Okay.
Yes.
Yes.
I, what she said in this booktoo, this really struck a chord
with me and I almost, I thinkI've, I don't know what, what
episode it was on, but I feellike we've been talking about
this, but anytime you edit whatyou post, silence yourself or
shrink yourself to fit otherpeople's comfort, you're
(34:02):
engaging in self rejection.
You are actively tellingyourself, I'm not good enough
for mm-hmm.
This or X, Y, and z, and.
That was such a monumentalrealization for me, and I don't
even know when I realized it,but just realizing that when I
am shrinking myself, or notsaying it or not posting that
picture, whatever it was, I wasliterally telling myself like,
(34:23):
you're not good enough.
And then I wonder why I havelike self-loathing and self
hatred for myself andself-doubt.
I'm like, well, I'm activelylike engaging in self-rejection
a lot of the time.
Mm-hmm.
And I was like, wow.
Yeah.
Ouch.
That.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That stings and mm-hmm.
It's something that you'll haveto reevaluate over and over and
(34:45):
over in life and then reset.
yeah.
Those type things.
Yeah.
And we've said this as wellalready.
This next point is give peoplethe freedom to think negative
thoughts about you.
'cause like we were saying,everyone has critical thoughts
about the people they love aboutstrangers.
It's gonna happen.
So let them judge, let themreact.
Let them doubt you, let themquestion your decisions because
(35:06):
this is your.
I like this.
It's a quote from the book.
She calls it your one wild andprecious life.
And yeah, I just love that.
It's kind of like romanticizingyour life and saying like, this
is your one life and you get tolive it how you want.
Right?
So let them think bad about you.
Who cares?
Like this is your life.
Do what you want with it.
Don't let other people'sopinions hold you back, right?
(35:27):
Also, Let's look at difficultpeople.
Mm-hmm.
And how to use this, let themtheory in handling some of those
situations.
Well, let's all agree.
Adults throw the best tantrums,guilt trips, emotional outburst.
Oh my gosh.
(35:47):
Uh, dramatic monologues,oftentimes Oscar worthy, but
difficult to deal with.
You're like, I really appreciatethe effort that you put into
this, but.
I'm sorry.
It's not working here.
You're not gonna get what youwant.
And the silent treatment, Ithink that is one of the biggest
(36:11):
temper tantrums there are Thatsilent treatment.
Treatment that really, that islike one of the most immature
responses in my opinion.
It's, it's, that's sofrustrating.
Mm.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
Essentially she makes this apoint like you're gonna deal
with difficult people becauseYeah, unfortunately a lot of us
are emotionally immature and wecan work on it, but it's just a
(36:32):
fact of life.
Like we need to grow and we needto become more emotionally
mature.
But the fact that so many peoplearen't means that you can't let
the emotional maturity of otherpeople have power over your own
life.
You are not responsible formanaging their emotions only
your own.
Mm-hmm.
So just because someone actslike a child doesn't mean you
have to parent them.
Right.
Okay.
Right.
And you don't, and exactly shesays like the average adult has,
(36:54):
uh, emotional maturity of an8-year-old.
And you can't change that.
You cannot.
That's on them.
Change that, that is on them.
once you like get into that andyou begin to recognize people in
your life and the way they act,guess what?
You don't have to take itpersonally anymore.
It is not a personal attackattack on you.
(37:15):
They are dealing with their ownstuff.
Let them do their tantrums, letthem make the guilt trips or the
passive aggressive comments, andthen you just decide at that
point how you wanna moveforward.
You get to decide.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
But it's not something personal.
Be careful and just.
I have a couple of relationshipsin my life where I've really
(37:36):
have just been like, you knowwhat?
I can expect somethingdifferent.
I can even teach these peoplehow to do something different.
I can have the hardconversations, but ultimately
it's up to them as to whether ornot they wanna respond Maturely.
Yeah, so let them, and then youdon't have to take it personal.
It is not an attack on you.
(37:57):
Everything is not about us,believe it or not.
It's not.
I'm, I'm saying everybody'scomments, their dirty looks,
their side smiles.
Oh my gosh, did you see the wayshe's looked at me this morning?
Or something like that.
You know, they're not evenlooking at us.
Nine times outta 10.
Yeah.
We are the star of our own showand most.
(38:18):
People are not buying thetickets y'all word.
Yeah.
So, yeah, when dealing withdifficult people, you let them
act up, you let them sulk, youlet them throw shade, you let
them erupt you let them give youthe silent treatment.
Mm-hmm.
And then let me be the mature,wise, and loving adult in the
situation.
Let me be calm, let me choose amature response.
(38:39):
Let me exit stage left ifnecessary.
Let me stay wise.
Let me live in peace.
Because difficult people are notin my control and they're not my
responsibility.
Exactly.
But I can choose how I respond.
So that's ding, ding, ding.
Very, very important.
Ding, ding, ding.
Very, very, very important.
Amen.
Boundaries aren't just fences,they are freedom people.
Exactly.
(39:01):
Dang.
We're already at what she said.
Oh, yeah.
Went past I, I wanted, wait.
there was a quote, I, this isone of those books that you
don't borrow from someone else.
'cause you're gonna need to makenotes and refer back.
and you might make notes aboutthat person.
What if you made a note in yourbook, like, the next time
Jennifer does that?
(39:22):
I'm gonna do this, Jennifer, andthen you let Jennifer borrow the
book.
That is not gonna go well.
Just FYI Just a little tipright?
Just a little, uh, tip there.
I loved something that she said.
There was so much in this that Icould have highlighted and I
did, but mm-hmm.
Um, going back to like, why weneed, as we wrap up, why do we
(39:47):
need to embrace this type oftheory?
And she says right now you movethrough life.
With other people's opinions asyour roadmap, you take the left
or the right turn based on whatyou anticipate other people's
might think or say, rather thanmaking the turn you want to make
(40:08):
when you navigate your lifetrying to predict what people
are going to think and say aboutyou, you give that power away.
It's kind of like.
Trust the GPS system.
Don't, I mean that's, yeah,that's a whole nother podcast.
But yeah, there's a lot ofquoteworthy moments.
There's so much in here, y'all.
(40:30):
I just hope that you'll take thetime.
Like I said, it's, I thought itwas a, a very, it's a breeze.
Yeah.
Easy read.
Very easy read.
Um, definitely.
And just so much.
Even if you only get to like.
Half the book you, it can reallymake a big difference in your
life.
For sure.
Yeah, for sure.
All right, well, you just got abonus what she said, so you're
(40:52):
welcome.
Oh yeah.
All right.
And now the second one, soanother quote from the book, so
from Mel Bins herself,obviously, the more you let
other people live their lives,the better your life gets.
And the more you let people bewho they are or feel what they
feel or think what they think,the better your relationships
will be.
Learning how to let adults beadults has changed my life, and
(41:13):
it will change yours too becausewhen you finally stop giving
your power to other people,you'll see how much power you
truly have.
Mm-hmm.
So good.
Yes.
And Mel Robbins also has apodcast, which mm-hmm.
I, I wanna start listening to, Isee snippets of it all the time
now, and she has a lot of coolpeople on there, and it's a lot
(41:33):
of similar insights into life.
And she is such a cool person.
Yes, she is.
And Mel, I wanna be your friend.
Well, and so she didn't have herfirst book.
She like, this was a secondcareer for her, this whole
thing.
She was like in her earlyfifties.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And at the beginning of thebook, she talks about how she
(41:56):
was just like lost in life andher and her husband were like
$800,000 in debt, and then shestarted using some of these
methods that she was talkingabout, and just like she chipped
away at it for years and yearsand I mean, look where she is
now.
Yeah.
She's a New York Timesbestselling author.
Yeah.
Millions of people listen to herpodcasts, I'm sure.
Yes.
Like.
(42:16):
It's just a very inspirationalstory, so it is very INS
inspirational.
Yeah.
So it's, it's never too late tomake a change.
No, it's not ever.
Yeah.
So, yeah, if any of thisresonated with you today, well
one, go buy that book because Irecommend it highly and you're
gonna take even more stuff fromit.
Then we told you in this episodewe couldn't possibly cover.
(42:36):
Yeah.
And all in this episode.
And then on top of that, if youknow someone that could benefit
from the let them or the let me,or just anything we talked about
in this episode or really anyother episodes we, we put out
there, share it with a friend.
Or maybe you have a friend thathates reading.
We'll never pick up a book, butyou're like, wow, they need to
hear this.
Send them our episode today.
(42:57):
Yes, please.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Share it with a friend.
Word of mouth is huge for us andwe really appreciate it.
If you help us get the word outabout our podcast.
Anyways, let's get to thechallenge of the week, Yes.
So we are going to ask you tostart implementing the Let Them
Theory in your Life.
So.
Let's try it, but I don't knowwhat areas of your life you need
to, you need to utilize it more.
I know I have specific areas ofmy life where I could let them
(43:19):
better, and then I have areas ofmy life where I could let me
better, so mm-hmm.
Let us know what changes younotice how you feel.
Anything else we wanna, youknow, hear the growth and.
Hear how it's impacting you.
'cause it's definitely making adifference in my own life.
So I'd love to hear the samestories from other girls.
Yes.
So if you have somebody that,one way that you could possibly
use this podcast in a situationlike that is just to listen to
(43:43):
it together with a friend.
Maybe it's a conversation thatyou've been wanting to have with
that friend.
'cause you see, like I have beenin maybe the last eight months
to a year.
You see your friend and you seehow much they're struggling, but
you may not be able to put thatinto words.
(44:05):
This can be a way to kind ofbroach the prep, you know, talk
about the subject, bring it up,and then follow up with that
part girl.
S okay.
Are we done?
Can we breathe, be done?
Can we please let the bleedingstop?
(44:25):
Make it?
Oh my girl.
Stop.
Ronnie, you've been doing fine.
You may feel like it's just hardto focus or speak, but your
performance is fine, so don't,okay.
Okay.
Well, as, as you guys know, thisis our time where we conclude
our podcast, and we would loveto help you guys come.
(44:50):
To, I have no idea what I'msaying.
Okay.
And And that's the Yes.
Well.
I'm drinking my mushroom coffee.
Oh gosh.
Mine's terrible right now.
That rise stuff.
I mixed it in with the other,the good stuff.
The everyday dose effed it up.
Really.
I don't, I can't even stand it.
It's not, you don't, great.
But I definitely don't minddrinking it.
Well, I don't have any creamright now either.
(00:34):
Oh, well that's, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you, you drink your coffeeblack.
I'm sure.
It's probably terrible.
Yeah, it's, I even put somecoconut oil in there thinking
that maybe, and it, it did makeit a little more palpable, but I
just can't finish the wholething.
It's terrible.
You know who else is obsessedwith mushroom coffee?
Weston Honey Badger.
(00:57):
Uh oh.
He loves it.
He, oh my gosh.
I made it the past two morningsand he is like a maniac trying
to get to this mushroom coffeeand trying to lick it out of
there.
Really?
It's not the cream.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
Beauty pie.
I guess not.
He doesn't go for my normalcoffee like this.
And yeah, listeners, honeyBadger is my cat.
(01:17):
I don't actually have a honeybadger.
Yes.
I wish I did.
So Honey Badger is all into themushroom coffee now.
Well, He's going back to get hischolesterol retaken and he don't
wanna have to go on no meds.
He is crazy.
He used to be so skittish, andnow every morning when I let
Sawyer out, honey badger dartsright out.
(01:39):
Really?
Yes.
He loves going outside.
Where's Harley?
Because I haven't seen him in aminute.
Harley be sleeping all the time.
I think he's depressed.
Harley's depressed?
No.
Oh gosh.
I don't think he is.
I think he's just a cat.
Well, I think what you should dois you should sit down with
Harley and um, read, let themto.
(02:04):
To Harley and then y'all could,you know, do like question and
answer after every chapter.
And let's see if we can't getthis dude back on track.
Well, he does like to talk.
I know, I know.
He loves it.
He is like, Kat, I'll be like,Hey.
He'll be like now.
And then I'll just keep talkingand then he will say meow to
everything.
(02:25):
Yes, yes.
He's so cute.
Got best cats, but he hasdifferent tones.
You do have the best cat.
Cat lady.
Yes.
This cat.
Yeah.
Any of our listeners.
If you have a cat, send uspicture of your cat.
'cause it'll make my day.
Yes, please.
Or a dog, I guess.
You know I like cats more.
She likes cats.
She thought she might like adog, but then she got a dog and
(02:48):
this idiot dog is over hereWallering right now.
He likes the wall or where hewill like flip himself up.
You know how he does?
Yes, but I'm explaining it.
He flips himself upside down andchews on his feet Yes, he has.
And you might be able to hearhim.
He's very aggressive.
I hear him Well, and the otherthing about that little booger,
(03:11):
it's, it's his way of pouting.
Or getting his aggression up.
Oh yeah.
When he's, if he's not gettingfrustration, he's gonna wall
her.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
It terrible.
If he doesn't get his way,that's just like, Garrett and
Dawson's, Kramer, like if theytry to clean out his ears and
Dawson is the one that has to doit, he gets mad and goes and
(03:33):
sits for hours, will get in hisbed.
And refuse to make eye contactwith you.
It is like total shame.
They're toddlers.
They're so toddlers.
When you do something to make acat mad.
Oh my God.
Is that his stomach growling?
(03:53):
No, that's the sound he makeswhen he Waller.
I need you to calm down.
I'm Mommy's trying to film.
Okay.
But when you make a cat mat,it's like a three month
campaign.
Yes.
Or they're gaslighting you orsomething.
They are, and they look at youas s I'm being gaslighted,
right?
Today, this morning, really?
I don't know what I did.
I put SO'S Frisbee on the table.
(04:15):
It's gone.
I dunno where it is.
I looked all morning and itwasn't, I took him out at like
3:00 AM and he wanted to put itto Frisbee, so I took it from
him.
I put him on the table.
It's gone.
Oh my gosh.
I'll find it.
I know you just got it for him.
Oh he'll, you'll find it.
And no doubt the cats took itsomewhere.
Oh yeah, yeah.
The hair ties is the funniestthing.
(04:37):
Oh my God.
The other night, Weston had somebeef jerky and he.
Ate the whole bag.
It was, of course, I'm nottrying to make him look bad.
He ate the whole bag and he justlike left it by the couch.
And then like five minutes laterwe see Harley raced across the
house and he's carrying the bagof beef Turkey in his, the empty
(04:57):
bag.
It was pretty hilarious.
Oh my gosh.
And those cats, man, cats can'tbe shamed.
Nope.
You, you cannot, can't parentthem.
You cannot parent a Accept yourfate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So listeners out there, let usknow what kind of personality
your cat has because are they ademon?
(05:17):
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Sorry for all the backgroundnoises today.
I can't control my children.
No, no, no.
It's Friday.
They're ready for the weekend.
But guess what?
What I.
And going to let them act crazy.
Yes, yes.
Speaking of which, yes.
Yes.
That's a great segue into ourfun topic today.
(05:41):
I'm sure maybe some of you haveheard of this book we're gonna
talk about today kind of takenthe internet by storm and I can
see why after reading it I'mlike, wow, this is probably the
most revolutionary and simpleself-help book I've ever read.
And it's, I know, I feel likeit's already making a difference
in my life.
Like.
And I really didn't have to workthat hard to apply it.
(06:01):
It's just like that littlereminder, like if I'm getting
annoyed or whatever, whatever.
Yeah.
Let them do it.
I'm just gonna focus on what Ican control.
Right, right.
For sure.
So yeah, this book, wait, wedidn't even introduce ourselves.
Welcome to the Generational TeaPodcast.
I'm Cana.
And I'm Ronnie.
(06:21):
And today we are gonna talkabout Let Them by Mel Robbins.
Boss check.
Boss book.
Yes.
All of it.
Boss.
10 outta 10.
All the boss.
Yeah.
10 outta 10, boss.
A hundred percent.
Mel.
Yes.
Well, before we dive into howthis book is already working in
our lives and how it can startto change yours as well, we do
wanna again, ask for reviews,follow subscribes like.
(06:44):
All of it.
It just goes to build ourpodcast so we can reach more
women and build a biggercommunity of women and we can
all keep growing and learningtogether.
So yes, not only that, but itreally does make our day.
We do put a lot of work intothis, and so this is how you can
help us out if you want to, andyou enjoy our stuff.
So, yeah, believe this issomething, something, leave us a
(07:04):
little message.
Yes.
Let's talk about human natureand, first of all, we always
need to be studying ourselvesand reevaluating things and, and
just studying it.
Just, just to be aware.
You don't have to necessarilystart out by making big changes.
(07:25):
These are little small thingsthat you can do, but if you
don't have the self-awareness,so the first thing we want you
to do while you're listening tothis is just kind of, if you can
take a deep breath and just holdon'cause we've got some great
news for you.
Yeah, a lot of the book Melbrings it back to, oh, look at
the criminals.
Here he is going for themushroom coffee.
(07:47):
Okay.
Sorry.
A lot of this book Mel isreferencing back to psychology
and research and human natureand just acknowledging the fact
that we are hardwired for a needfor control.
We may not want to admit it.
Here comes the other criminalHarley.
He also wants to get some ofthat mushroom color.
This is why filming isimpossible.
(08:08):
Okay.
Anyways, yes, we are allhardwired with the need for
control.
Mm-hmm.
Some more than others.
And I feel like a lot of it isbased on experiences you have,
may feel like you need tocontrol things more if you wanna
protect yourself or whatever.
Whatever.
Ask yourself this.
Have you been fighting to changethose around you?
Control situations or worryabout what people say or think?
(08:29):
A guilty, guilty, guilty,guilty, guilty.
Yes, yes, yes.
Same.
Same, same.
Yes.
Yes, but bad news, all of thatis just creating unnecessary
stress, tension, and frictionfor yourself and your
relationships.
And it's taking away your ownpower, whether we realize it or
not, over time, this has a hugeimpact on us.
Yeah, so this is the premise ofthe Let Them book and why.
(08:50):
Millions of people have read andRaved about this book, and we
are now two of those peoplelike, I said, this is my
favorite self-help book I haveever read.
as someone that's.
Just been chronically worriedabout what other people think
about me for years and years andtrying to manage my perception,
other people's perception of me.
This just hit me really hard andI needed it.
(09:11):
So yeah, today we're just gonnadig into the first nine chapters
'cause we think that's where themost like simple, valuable
insights and we're probablygonna.
Take insights from her book andother episodes we do as well.
But we highly recommend readingit all the way through.
Just, yes, so much good stuffthroughout each chapter.
And it reads to me, it's an easyread because It doesn't flow
(09:31):
like a self-help book.
Yeah.
She's really good about liketying in personal stories and
giving us, you know, examplesand mm-hmm specifics that how
she herself has applied the LetThem theory as well.
So it is a great read.
Yeah, it is for sure.
And just to kind of preview whatwe're gonna talk about, let
(09:52):
them, which is what the book iscalled, and it's, you know, it's
very important.
And then the other half of thatas well is, let me, mm-hmm.
So it's a kind of a 50 50equation and both parts are
really cool for differentreasons.
Yeah.
So we're gonna dig into both ofthose parts and then.
A little bit of other fun stuff,what I like to call the trilogy
(10:13):
of doom as well.
We'll get, we'll get there, butokay, let's dive right into, let
them.
One of the biggest problemsfacing everybody is the power we
unknowingly give to other peoplewithout realizing.
So with these two simple words,let them, you can find freedom
Centered in peace of mind,reclaimed energy and time, and
(10:35):
just more emotional bandwidth,which I think you might not
notice when it's missing, butwhen you finally do reclaim it
and you have it, you candefinitely tell the difference.
Absolutely.
Mm-hmm.
So the first thing that in theLet Them Theory that she kind of
talks about is the more you letothers live their lives.
Even the most annoying parts andlet adults be adults, you'll see
(10:59):
how much power you truly have.
can you think of an example fromyour personal life on like an
area where you've been bad atletting them?
Oh, well, yeah.
I, I had, a great, breakthrough.
I feel like.
Obviously we've talked about itthis season in my life.
it's like stolen a lot of joyand confidence and things that
(11:22):
came very easy to me.
I've never really had to work atthat, but now I am.
So Monday, it was a beautifulday.
I said, I'm gonna put on myswimsuit and go sit outside and
read my book.
And, uh, I put the swimsuit on.
I took a sharp look to the leftand realized, oh my word that.
(11:47):
It was rough stop, but this iswhat happened to me.
It was like life changing and Iwanna write a book about it.
I looked over, I saw myself inthe mirror, and I was like, you
know what?
I am confident I got this body.
This is a 52-year-old body that.
(12:09):
I have worked on, and it houseseverything else in me, the
emotions, the laughter, theconfidence and all that.
And why in the world have I beenletting them tell me the way I
need to look?
Mm-hmm.
Mic shot.
It was, it was a mic dropmoment.
(12:31):
And when I looked over I waslike, you know what?
I would not trade this body.
For a 20-year-old ever, ever.
I, I'm like, why in the worldhave I been thinking that I need
to look 35 or 40 or 45?
I am 52 and I need to sit inthat and make the most of it.
(12:54):
So when I, when we look back orwhen I have a tendency to look
back, maybe on physicalattributes, Um, I, I can't look
back when I do that.
I'm missing what's happeningnow, and I don't wanna trade my
physique in.
I'm not willing to trade it infor the confidence that I have
(13:17):
because I'm back.
The history that I have, thematurity that I have, the
relationships that have beenestablished, I would not want to
go back 110%.
We have to just decide, you knowwhat, let them think what they
want to think, judge, whatever.
(13:38):
Let everybody else try to be 25.
But this girl.
Highs a change and now we're,I'm going from let them to let
me, so how can I, let me settlein to the season.
In the best way possible.
And I cannot do that byconstantly worrying about what
(14:00):
somebody else thinks or whatthey say.
And we are our own biggestcritic.
A hundred percent.
Mm-hmm.
So stop.
I literally looked at myself andlike, stop beating.
Yourself up.
Yeah.
This is not productive.
This does nothing to better yourlife.
(14:21):
And start focusing on the 34year marriage that you have to
your husband realize if hedidn't wanna be there, he
wouldn't be there.
Mm-hmm.
He's there because he loves us,the two wonderful children that
your body brings.
Right, right, right.
And the two children, and.
All the things, all therelationships, the mature female
(14:42):
relationships that I have nowthat are so difficult,
especially in your, I guess,late twenties, early thirties
when maybe you are moving awayfor a job or you've began to
have kids or everybody else isgetting married, what are you,
you know, and you're not.
It is a hundred percent a just athief, and I am taking that back
(15:05):
because I would rather.
Be confident in who I am and benot looking like a 35, 40
5-year-old woman, but sit in thefact that this body houses,
these relationships, houses.
(15:25):
my marriage houses, myconfidence houses the joy that I
have.
And why am I looking at this andthinking this body is less than
Because it's the sum of all theparts.
So you can't have it both ways.
You can't look 25.
I mean, maybe some people canhave a lot of money, but you
(15:47):
can't look 25.
You can, if you're rich, ifyou're rich.
Well, there's all kinds ofoptions for the rich people out
there, but for the no normalfolk.
It is what it is.
And as soon as we can let themthink, we then let ourselves
take back control.
Mm-hmm.
(16:07):
That we have given up.
And it may just be to an idea ofthe way we think.
We should look or the way wethink people should look at us
or view us.
So that's my story and a verylong story.
So you can cut some of out.
No, you're good.
Well, you, I know you alreadytold me this earlier this week,
but I was just so proud to hearyou have that because you have
(16:30):
every right to be so confident'cause you are so beautiful.
And regardless of how you feelabout the way you look like.
You're right, like your body isan amazing design and it just
amazing functions for you.
So no matter what other peoplethink about how you look or how
you're feeling about how youlook at any time, like be
appreciative of that body and beconfident.
Mm-hmm.
Because mm-hmm.
(16:51):
Why would you not want to be, Imean, right, it sounds obvious,
but like once you have thatrealization, it's just.
So freeing and I'm proud of youfor getting there.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes.
I'm back ladies.
She's back.
You better watch out.
One example I wanted to share islike growing up and I always
(17:15):
just felt like, I think almostevery kid feels like this.
I always felt like my parentswere so awkward and weird and
like people were always judgingus and whatever, and it used to
stress me out so bad when I'd beout in public with them and.
This was like a few years agobefore I even came across the
let them.
And now looking back, I'm like,okay, I kind of like utilize,
let them there.
Low key.
But I just realized, I was like,let my parents do whatever they
(17:38):
want'cause I'm never gonna beable to like control them and
then let other people judge usif they want to.
Like, if they think we're weird,let'em, I don't care.
I love my family.
Right, right.
No honey badger.
Honey Badger is on that mushroomcoffee.
Wow.
So nice.
Yeah.
(17:59):
Yeah.
I like that.
I like that.
We'll, detour.
Yeah, and and honestly, here'sthe other thing.
Everybody's not thinking aboutus.
Here's a new flash.
Ladies, you are not the firstthing on people's minds.
Half the time, they don't evenrecognize that you got on a new
outfit.
They're not looking, they're notpaying us you attention the way
(18:21):
we feel like it is.
It's like that microscope thatwe feel like that the microscope
that we view ourselves in ispeople aren't going around and
doing that.
And if they are let them mm-hmm.
They are somehow divertingprobably some negative attention
that they have on themselves andare putting that on to somebody
(18:41):
else so that they can feelbetter about themselves.
We've all done it.
Yeah.
Guilty.
And it, it's a human naturething.
You fall into it so easy.
Yeah.
So it's like go, go in gunsblazing and fight some of those
Yeah.
Just standards that we've, we'vehad for ourselves.
Yeah.
Well, I like how she gives youso many reminders about human
(19:04):
nature, like specifically.
She talks about how people havenegative opinions and thoughts.
Like a lot of the times ourthoughts are unconscious and we
have no control over them.
Mm-hmm.
And they might be ugly, but likethat doesn't mean that we are
our thoughts or that's how wereally feel, or whatever.
You're gonna have negativethoughts about people you love.
Mm-hmm.
Like I do.
Mm-hmm.
(19:24):
I have negative thoughts aboutmy husband, some of my friends,
like.
It's part of life.
Like it happens, but thatdoesn't mean that that's what I
think about that person, or itdoesn't mean, I think that for a
long time, like it may just belike a fleeting thought and then
like, oh, okay, there's the partof my brain that's judgmental.
Get outta here.
Exactly.
But that was a good reminder tome.
Like everyone has negativeopinions.
(19:45):
You can't control them.
People are gonna have them aboutwho they love, and a lot of
times they don't last.
So.
Yeah.
That's just humans.
That's who we are.
Yep.
Anyways, we're gonna give yousome examples of how you can let
them in your own life and whatthis might look like.
So let them have judgmentalopinions.
Like we were just saying.
Let my family be late toeverything.
Like it's their job.
I'm not gonna keep stressingover that.
(20:06):
Yes.
Let grandpa tell you the samestory for the hundredth time.
Andwell alert.
It's not gonna be short, but youcan get through it.
Right, right, right.
Because they need to tell it.
Yeah, let people hate the photo.
I just posted your outfit wasfire.
You post that photo, who caresif you get like three likes?
You look fabulous.
Okay.
Exactly, exactly.
Let my family be judgmentalabout my career.
(20:28):
That's a big one.
Yeah, that one's, that's abigger pill to swallow.
But still I know my sister's anartist and my, my parents
haven't always thought that waslike the best career for her to
choose, but.
She's just, she's like, letthem, like, this is what I love.
I'm good at it.
And I'm so proud of her fordoing that.
Yeah.
You know, and she's doing well.
How about this one?
Let my in-laws disagree with myparenting methods.
(20:51):
Whew.
Yeah, you heard that Ronnie?
No, I did.
I better shut up.
Uh, let the neighbor's dog yodelinto the void at 3:00 AM Now
that one this was happening lastnight.
Really?
Yes, dude.
I saw every person in thisneighborhood has at least one
dog.
Oh my goodness.
It's like constant barking festover here.
(21:13):
Gosh.
So, yeah.
Oh gosh.
I To let them bark into the voidat 3:00 AM Yes.
Yes.
It's great.
Let your friends not invite youto brunch.
'cause don't stress about whyyou didn't get an invite.
It's not worth it.
Right.
It's not worth it.
I promise you.
It's not.
Let them ghost to.
I think this is a great segueinto the next point is mm-hmm.
(21:34):
when you're letting people dothem.
You're letting them show you whothey are.
Yes.
And then you get to decide whatto do with that information,
right?
So if that person wants to ghostyou or treat you that way, or
never invite you out, now youknow that maybe you're not a
high priority for them.
Or maybe that causes you toself-reflect and think, okay, I
haven't been there for them, sowhy would they wanna invite me
(21:55):
out?
Exactly if it's something thatyou've lost.
So it can cause you to, it cangive you more information.
And then that information canlead to either self realizations
or maybe just realizations aboutthat relationship or that
person.
And yeah, you can either decide,I need to change my behavior.
I need to have a conversationwith this person, or I need to
cut my access to them.
Yes, you never know.
(22:15):
And here's a, here's a, um,aism.
When people show you who theyare, believe them.
Yeah, believe them.
And this is not a one timething.
'cause you like, like you said,we all deserve do overs.
But if there's somebody in yourlife that you know every, almost
(22:36):
every interaction is negative orthey're putting you down,
believe what they're saying.
Don't try to convince them.
Let them show you who they areand then believe it and make
adjustments.
Accordingly.
Yeah, absolutely.
And it's not really about givingin, it's really about releasing
(22:58):
yourself from control you neverhad.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, you, you truly don'thave control and it can be hard
to accept that.
Mm-hmm.
Because that can make you justfeel out of control and
helpless.
But I think once you realize thepower you have in your own
energy and time and responses,you kind of lose that sense of
helplessness and you're justlike, all right, it is what it
(23:19):
is.
I'll just do me over here.
Nevermind me over here.
Yeah.
so really quickly, I just wantedto discuss like the roots of the
Let Them Theory and where thiscame from.
It wasn't just something whereshe was like.
Oh, this new idea.
It is rooted in ancientphilosophies and some guiding
psychological concepts, which Ireally find interesting, and I
(23:40):
think it's one of the reasonswhy this book has had such a
massive impact on people.
mm-hmm.
The first one is stoicismphilosophy, which I've heard of
a few times.
I've never really learned thatmuch about it.
But essentially what that is, isjust focusing on yourself
because that's where your truepower lies.
So I think we can see how thatconnects to the Let Them Theory.
Yes, I, I actually went and dida little bit more research on
(24:01):
this because I really didn'tknow what it was either.
Mm.
just really quick, it says,stoicism teaches the development
of self-control and fortitude asa means of overcoming
destructive emotions.
And fortitude is like courage inpain or adversity.
(24:22):
that's, that's interesting.
I've seen a lot of like podcastor like motivational pages on
Instagram that are like.
Focusing on like the stoicmindset and stuff, and I think
it's pretty valuable.
I think it connects to a lot ofstuff we've already talked about
on the podcast.
Oh yeah.
Just like separating yourselffrom your emotions and like not
letting them have power overyou.
Like we were just talking aboutin reaction versus response is
(24:43):
feeling in control of youremotions instead of being
controlled by your emotions.
Yes.
Yeah, for sure.
So the next thing that the rootsof Let Them came from is, I
think this is from Buddhism.
It's just this idea of radicalacceptance.
And if you listen to our Powerof Now episode, I think this is
a similar concept to when hetalks about surrendering and
(25:04):
just complete and totalacceptance and surrender.
So essentially this istheorizing that the pain we feel
often stems from wishing thingswere different than they are.
And boy, if that isn't.
So, so true.
Oh my gosh.
So by using Let Them, you cankind of alleviate and release
yourself from that pain becauseyou have no control over so many
things and so many situations.
(25:25):
And you might feel like you'resuffering because you wish
things were different and lifesucks right now.
But at the end of the day, likeif we just dwell on how
different things can be and howout of control, we feel like
we're just gonna.
Add on to that suffering.
And so this can really like justalleviate a huge amount of that
pain, I think.
Yeah.
It's all about, again, managingexpectations.
(25:47):
Mm-hmm.
There's things that you canchange, but more likely.
there's very little that we canchange.
Yeah.
And when need, you know, thatgives us back our power.
Yeah, absolutely.
We wanna tick back that power.
We're gonna snatch it.
That's right.
A weird made this morning.
Sure.
Anyways, the last one is thepsychological theory, and it's
(26:10):
called attachment theory.
So essentially this is creatingmental gaps between your
emotions and the situation athand.
So you're.
Able to observe withoutspiraling into your emotions.
Mm-hmm.
And letting them overcome you.
Mm-hmm.
So a lot of these are connectedand very similar and we've
talked about a lot of thingsthat relate to these.
So yeah, there's gotta besomething to it.
Yes.
Yes.
(26:30):
Common thread connect.
Yes.
So her second half of thistheory is the, let me, The train
doesn't stop at, let them, letme, is where the real power
lies.
Because that really is the onlything that you have control over
is what you're doing, how you'rethinking, uh, what your
(26:52):
expectations are.
So let me, allows you to tapinto taking responsibility for
what you do think or say, let mestop expecting others to read my
mind.
Huge, huge, huge.
Let me communicate when it'suncomfortable, communicate when
it's uncomfortable, and that'sone thing that I have.
(27:14):
If I get on my soapbox with Jimsometimes, or a lot of times I'm
like, you, you have no idea howblessed you are to have me in
your life because I have neverasked you to read my mind.
I'm very clear about what hashappened, how I feel about it,
the way I need to respond to it,and mm-hmm.
Yeah.
so yeah, just stop expectingothers to read your mind.
(27:37):
They can't, we cannot, let metake accountability for how I
show up for people.
Mm-hmm.
This is a bigs one.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Gotta be real honest withyourself there.
Yep.
Yep.
And when you feel left out ofthat little.
Party or the brunch, you have tolook back and say, what am I
(27:59):
doing?
How am I showing up?
God, these dang cats are reallymaking it difficult this
morning.
They are.
I just feel like, gosh, it's themushroom coffee.
I guess so.
Oh, how about this one?
Let me send the hangout invitesinstead of stewing about not
getting one.
You take control of that.
(28:19):
Yeah, man.
You throw the party and then youcan reengage with people that
mean a lot to you.
Yeah.
Um, let me prioritize my friendsbecause it matters to me.
Let me be more productive.
Whew.
That's a big one.
so there's things like.
I feel like that unfortunatelysome of the memes and stuff that
(28:40):
have come out where people haveused the, let them theory, not
necessarily males things, butlike mm-hmm.
There's a lot of focus out thereon social media and such and, on
the, let them part.
but it's a two-pronged approach,so.
If you're always letting them,meaning you are cutting people
(29:03):
outta your life as a responsefor how they've treated you.
If you continue to do that, youwill be very, very lonely.
Yeah, which is a great point,which is huge.
So be careful.
There'll be times that you'regonna need to cut people outta
your life.
(29:23):
You can still do that with love.
You can do that by respectingthem and yourselves.
This theory, I feel like reallyhelps navigate some of those
difficult, relationships,transitions, just because you
lived beside this girl, yourbest friend, she was your best
friend all through your schoolyears, and then.
(29:44):
It doesn't mean that it alwayshas to be that way.
People change.
Mm-hmm.
Don't get so hung up on thehistory.
Consider the history as you'removing forward that history
doesn't have to, necessarilydrive the car.
The GPS.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
(30:05):
Yeah, I think that's a greatpoint.
And it, I would say it's theharder of the two.
Like I think it's both aredifficult, but I feel like it's
easier for you, you to adopt themindset of like, let them yes,
but let me, if it's somethingfor you need to let me take
accountability for how you showup and you haven't been showing
up Good.
Yeah.
That's painful to realize.
That's painful to work throughbecause you.
(30:28):
Are gonna be disappointed inyourself and it's gonna suck.
Mm-hmm.
But at the end of the day,taking accountability for that
is what's gonna cause you to beable to change that.
'cause yes, you can feel thathurt and feel that growth and
then, you know, I wanna show updifferently next time.
But let me, is definitely thetougher pill to swallow.
Yes.
But I think it's the mostvaluable in your own life.
Yes.
Yes.
(30:49):
Right.
We ready to talk about theTrilogy of Doom, the trilogy of
the stress opinions anddifficult people.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
We wanna talk about this'causeit's, it's something from the
book obviously, and we just feltlike it was really important to
add on this component once we'vekind of defined.
What is, let them, what is, letme, so let's talk about it
(31:11):
first.
We're gonna talk about stress.
It is going to happen.
People will, people and yourbody is gonna react because our
stress response is automatic.
We can't control whether we gointo a stress state, but we can
control how we react to thatshifting and we can reset our
stress response.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So, regulate our nervous systemsand then all the good stuff
(31:32):
after that.
We can use, let them to stopgiving every stress inducing
situation a VIP pass to yournervous system.
Right?
So when something stressfulhappens, and this is something
from the book that I, I think isreally useful because I feel
like I'm a easily stressed outperson, so I need a tool like
this.
Ask yourself, will this botherme in an hour, a day, a week, a
year, a month?
(31:52):
If it's yes, respond with a letme mindset.
Mm-hmm.
I think this kind of goes backto like Reacting versus
responding.
Yeah.
Because when you react, yourstress response is on and you
haven't done anything to turn itoff or reset it.
Right?
So you're reacting from theemotions and the stress.
When you're responding, you'retaking a breath and you're
saying, okay, how do I wannarespond and how can I respond in
(32:13):
a way that serves myself, thisrelationship and not my ego or
my emotions?
So respond with that.
Let me mindset.
But if the answer is no and thestressful thing isn't gonna
bother you in a week or a year,let them, and then you just move
on.
Like the boundary setting.
Stoic legend.
You are.
Okay.
Yeses.
Yeses.
Preach.
(32:33):
That will preach.
Preach for sure.
Yeah.
also, uh, one of the issues isexternal opinions.
We've been talking about that alot already.
Other people's opinions areoften the invisible prison
holding us back.
Um mm-hmm.
So we need some ways that we cango through that is, you know,
ask ourselves what would I do ifI wasn't scared of being judged?
(32:57):
How would I respond in thissituation?
it could be even something like.
What would I wear?
Where would I go?
and then also, What conversationwould I have?
What risk would I take?
What pick would I post if Istopped filtering my
personality?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
This is a big one for me.
(33:19):
Take it off.
I need to ask myself thesequestions constantly, but I'm
getting better at it.
I mean, honestly.
I was in the prison of otherpeople's opinions for so long,
and I feel like the first majorstep of me getting out was
becoming a podcaster becauseI've been so afraid to put my
voice out there and like tellpeople how I feel about things.
Yeah.
And so doing this has been a bigstep of being like, bye Yes.
(33:41):
Come out.
Yes.
I don't care what you gottathink.
Okay.
Yes.
Yes.
I, what she said in this booktoo, this really struck a chord
with me and I almost, I thinkI've, I don't know what, what
episode it was on, but I feellike we've been talking about
this, but anytime you edit whatyou post, silence yourself or
shrink yourself to fit otherpeople's comfort, you're
(34:02):
engaging in self rejection.
You are actively tellingyourself, I'm not good enough
for mm-hmm.
This or X, Y, and z, and.
That was such a monumentalrealization for me, and I don't
even know when I realized it,but just realizing that when I
am shrinking myself, or notsaying it or not posting that
picture, whatever it was, I wasliterally telling myself like,
(34:23):
you're not good enough.
And then I wonder why I havelike self-loathing and self
hatred for myself andself-doubt.
I'm like, well, I'm activelylike engaging in self-rejection
a lot of the time.
Mm-hmm.
And I was like, wow.
Yeah.
Ouch.
That.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That stings and mm-hmm.
It's something that you'll haveto reevaluate over and over and
(34:45):
over in life and then reset.
yeah.
Those type things.
Yeah.
And we've said this as wellalready.
This next point is give peoplethe freedom to think negative
thoughts about you.
'cause like we were saying,everyone has critical thoughts
about the people they love aboutstrangers.
It's gonna happen.
So let them judge, let themreact.
Let them doubt you, let themquestion your decisions because
(35:06):
this is your.
I like this.
It's a quote from the book.
She calls it your one wild andprecious life.
And yeah, I just love that.
It's kind of like romanticizingyour life and saying like, this
is your one life and you get tolive it how you want.
Right?
So let them think bad about you.
Who cares?
Like this is your life.
Do what you want with it.
Don't let other people'sopinions hold you back, right?
(35:27):
Also, Let's look at difficultpeople.
Mm-hmm.
And how to use this, let themtheory in handling some of those
situations.
Well, let's all agree.
Adults throw the best tantrums,guilt trips, emotional outburst.
Oh my gosh.
(35:47):
Uh, dramatic monologues,oftentimes Oscar worthy, but
difficult to deal with.
You're like, I really appreciatethe effort that you put into
this, but.
I'm sorry.
It's not working here.
You're not gonna get what youwant.
And the silent treatment, Ithink that is one of the biggest
(36:11):
temper tantrums there are Thatsilent treatment.
Treatment that really, that islike one of the most immature
responses in my opinion.
It's, it's, that's sofrustrating.
Mm.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
Essentially she makes this apoint like you're gonna deal
with difficult people becauseYeah, unfortunately a lot of us
are emotionally immature and wecan work on it, but it's just a
(36:32):
fact of life.
Like we need to grow and we needto become more emotionally
mature.
But the fact that so many peoplearen't means that you can't let
the emotional maturity of otherpeople have power over your own
life.
You are not responsible formanaging their emotions only
your own.
Mm-hmm.
So just because someone actslike a child doesn't mean you
have to parent them.
Right.
Okay.
Right.
And you don't, and exactly shesays like the average adult has,
(36:54):
uh, emotional maturity of an8-year-old.
And you can't change that.
You cannot.
That's on them.
Change that, that is on them.
once you like get into that andyou begin to recognize people in
your life and the way they act,guess what?
You don't have to take itpersonally anymore.
It is not a personal attackattack on you.
(37:15):
They are dealing with their ownstuff.
Let them do their tantrums, letthem make the guilt trips or the
passive aggressive comments, andthen you just decide at that
point how you wanna moveforward.
You get to decide.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
But it's not something personal.
Be careful and just.
I have a couple of relationshipsin my life where I've really
(37:36):
have just been like, you knowwhat?
I can expect somethingdifferent.
I can even teach these peoplehow to do something different.
I can have the hardconversations, but ultimately
it's up to them as to whether ornot they wanna respond Maturely.
Yeah, so let them, and then youdon't have to take it personal.
It is not an attack on you.
(37:57):
Everything is not about us,believe it or not.
It's not.
I'm, I'm saying everybody'scomments, their dirty looks,
their side smiles.
Oh my gosh, did you see the wayshe's looked at me this morning?
Or something like that.
You know, they're not evenlooking at us.
Nine times outta 10.
Yeah.
We are the star of our own showand most.
(38:18):
People are not buying thetickets y'all word.
Yeah.
So, yeah, when dealing withdifficult people, you let them
act up, you let them sulk, youlet them throw shade, you let
them erupt you let them give youthe silent treatment.
Mm-hmm.
And then let me be the mature,wise, and loving adult in the
situation.
Let me be calm, let me choose amature response.
(38:39):
Let me exit stage left ifnecessary.
Let me stay wise.
Let me live in peace.
Because difficult people are notin my control and they're not my
responsibility.
Exactly.
But I can choose how I respond.
So that's ding, ding, ding.
Very, very important.
Ding, ding, ding.
Very, very, very important.
Amen.
Boundaries aren't just fences,they are freedom people.
Exactly.
(39:01):
Dang.
We're already at what she said.
Oh, yeah.
Went past I, I wanted, wait.
there was a quote, I, this isone of those books that you
don't borrow from someone else.
'cause you're gonna need to makenotes and refer back.
and you might make notes aboutthat person.
What if you made a note in yourbook, like, the next time
Jennifer does that?
(39:22):
I'm gonna do this, Jennifer, andthen you let Jennifer borrow the
book.
That is not gonna go well.
Just FYI Just a little tipright?
Just a little, uh, tip there.
I loved something that she said.
There was so much in this that Icould have highlighted and I
did, but mm-hmm.
Um, going back to like, why weneed, as we wrap up, why do we
(39:47):
need to embrace this type oftheory?
And she says right now you movethrough life.
With other people's opinions asyour roadmap, you take the left
or the right turn based on whatyou anticipate other people's
might think or say, rather thanmaking the turn you want to make
(40:08):
when you navigate your lifetrying to predict what people
are going to think and say aboutyou, you give that power away.
It's kind of like.
Trust the GPS system.
Don't, I mean that's, yeah,that's a whole nother podcast.
But yeah, there's a lot ofquoteworthy moments.
There's so much in here, y'all.
(40:30):
I just hope that you'll take thetime.
Like I said, it's, I thought itwas a, a very, it's a breeze.
Yeah.
Easy read.
Very easy read.
Um, definitely.
And just so much.
Even if you only get to like.
Half the book you, it can reallymake a big difference in your
life.
For sure.
Yeah, for sure.
All right, well, you just got abonus what she said, so you're
(40:52):
welcome.
Oh yeah.
All right.
And now the second one, soanother quote from the book, so
from Mel Bins herself,obviously, the more you let
other people live their lives,the better your life gets.
And the more you let people bewho they are or feel what they
feel or think what they think,the better your relationships
will be.
Learning how to let adults beadults has changed my life, and
(41:13):
it will change yours too becausewhen you finally stop giving
your power to other people,you'll see how much power you
truly have.
Mm-hmm.
So good.
Yes.
And Mel Robbins also has apodcast, which mm-hmm.
I, I wanna start listening to, Isee snippets of it all the time
now, and she has a lot of coolpeople on there, and it's a lot
(41:33):
of similar insights into life.
And she is such a cool person.
Yes, she is.
And Mel, I wanna be your friend.
Well, and so she didn't have herfirst book.
She like, this was a secondcareer for her, this whole
thing.
She was like in her earlyfifties.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And at the beginning of thebook, she talks about how she
(41:56):
was just like lost in life andher and her husband were like
$800,000 in debt, and then shestarted using some of these
methods that she was talkingabout, and just like she chipped
away at it for years and yearsand I mean, look where she is
now.
Yeah.
She's a New York Timesbestselling author.
Yeah.
Millions of people listen to herpodcasts, I'm sure.
Yes.
Like.
(42:16):
It's just a very inspirationalstory, so it is very INS
inspirational.
Yeah.
So it's, it's never too late tomake a change.
No, it's not ever.
Yeah.
So, yeah, if any of thisresonated with you today, well
one, go buy that book because Irecommend it highly and you're
gonna take even more stuff fromit.
Then we told you in this episodewe couldn't possibly cover.
(42:36):
Yeah.
And all in this episode.
And then on top of that, if youknow someone that could benefit
from the let them or the let me,or just anything we talked about
in this episode or really anyother episodes we, we put out
there, share it with a friend.
Or maybe you have a friend thathates reading.
We'll never pick up a book, butyou're like, wow, they need to
hear this.
Send them our episode today.
(42:57):
Yes, please.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Share it with a friend.
Word of mouth is huge for us andwe really appreciate it.
If you help us get the word outabout our podcast.
Anyways, let's get to thechallenge of the week, Yes.
So we are going to ask you tostart implementing the Let Them
Theory in your Life.
So.
Let's try it, but I don't knowwhat areas of your life you need
to, you need to utilize it more.
I know I have specific areas ofmy life where I could let them
(43:19):
better, and then I have areas ofmy life where I could let me
better, so mm-hmm.
Let us know what changes younotice how you feel.
Anything else we wanna, youknow, hear the growth and.
Hear how it's impacting you.
'cause it's definitely making adifference in my own life.
So I'd love to hear the samestories from other girls.
Yes.
So if you have somebody that,one way that you could possibly
use this podcast in a situationlike that is just to listen to
(43:43):
it together with a friend.
Maybe it's a conversation thatyou've been wanting to have with
that friend.
'cause you see, like I have beenin maybe the last eight months
to a year.
You see your friend and you seehow much they're struggling, but
you may not be able to put thatinto words.
(44:05):
This can be a way to kind ofbroach the prep, you know, talk
about the subject, bring it up,and then follow up with that
part girl.
S okay.
Are we done?
Can we breathe, be done?
Can we please let the bleedingstop?
(44:25):
Make it?
Oh my girl.
Stop.
Ronnie, you've been doing fine.
You may feel like it's just hardto focus or speak, but your
performance is fine, so don't,okay.
Okay.
Well, as, as you guys know, thisis our time where we conclude
our podcast, and we would loveto help you guys come.
(44:50):
To, I have no idea what I'msaying.
Okay.
And And that's the Yes.
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