Mental Health | Real Talk with Family Therapist Emma Reaney - Generational Tea

Episode Transcript
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(00:12):
Welcome everybody to anotherepisode of the generational tea
podcast.
I'm Kena.
And today we have yet again, avery special, special guest,
Emma.
So I'll let you introduceyourself, Emma.
And if you want to talk aboutyour credentials as a therapist,
that would be awesome.
Yeah.
Okay.
So my name's Emma Rainey.
I am, I guess, 27 years old.
I just turned 27 yesterday.

(00:33):
So entering my late twenties,But so I currently am a licensed
marriage family therapist atVive Greenville.
It's a group practice wherethere's a lot of different
clinicians with a lot ofdifferent specialties.
And mine happens to be Younggirls dealing with disordered

(00:53):
eating or low self esteem orjust even anxiety depression
that you would experience inmiddle High school and college
and so all of our clinicians seesomething different So which I
think is so great becausethere's really something for
everyone.
So I started there around two,two and a half years ago, and I
just became a Fully licensed,which was super exciting.

(01:16):
Like for your first two yearswhen you get out of grad school,
you're an associate.
So you have to be undersupervision, have to see someone
weekly, and now I finished thattwo year process, I'm officially
licensed, which is very excitingbecause what I learned about
grad school and being atherapist is that it is so
expensive, um, to do any of thatstuff, like having to pay for

(01:38):
supervision, to like havesomeone basically just talk
through your clients andcaseload with, and if you felt
like there was something thatwas like trickier for you, you
got to experience that talkingto someone else, which is so
very helpful, but I'm so gladthat that is a chapter of my
life that is close at thismoment.
So now I get to just Atherapist, which is so fun.

(02:01):
That's awesome.
Congrats.
I had thought about being atherapist for a while and then I
just decided that I didn't wantto go back to school.
When did you know that youwanted to become a therapist?
So I decided my sophomore yearof college.
I was one of those late bloomersthat I went in thinking I was
going to be a Biology major, predental.

(02:22):
I was obsessed with, for somereason, dentistry in high
school.
I think I was more obsessed withthe money that they would be
making.
So, which is not a really greatthing to choose a career over
because that's something you dofor the rest of your life.
I went to Wofford college inSpartanburg and I did freshman
year biology and I learned thatI was awful at it.
I, it was.

(02:42):
Like I usually made straight A'sin high school and I took
chemistry and I was makingfifties on tests and I was
trying so hard and I was like,this is just not for me.
And if I'm experienced asfreshman year, there's no
telling that will be likesophomore, junior year.
And then I realized that myMotivations going into trying to

(03:04):
be a dentist were more just, Oh,this would make a lot of money.
And, that'd be nice when really,there was no necessarily like
passion behind it.
and at this point too, during myfreshman year, I was also going
in like recovery for an eatingdisorder.
So I was experiencing a lot oftime in therapy and I kind of
got like jealous of mytherapist.

(03:25):
I was like, Oh my gosh, you guysto just like talk to people all
day and like.
And so the more I thought aboutit, I was like, wait, what if I
ended up doing that one day?
And so I met with my advisor andtalk through psychology, like
what that would look like, wouldI have to graduate later or
anything like that?
And luckily at the time that Ichose to do this, I wouldn't

(03:48):
have had to graduate.
Early, like I had already takensome of the prereqs that like
were needed for the major anywaySo I was able to switch.
I think I switched mid yearSophomore year and um, I have
never looked back.
Like I just realized okay Thiswould be so cool to be able to
of course in any job you'rehelping someone in some
capacity, but in this way reallymake a deep like meaningful like

(04:12):
impactful like thing on someoneand just getting to sit with
someone and their deepest thingsthat they maybe wouldn't tell
someone else.
I was like, that's such like anhonor and like a privilege.
And I would love to get to dothat.
And I also really wanted a jobwhere I would have like
flexibility.
So like with my job, it's not atypical eight to five thing.

(04:32):
like today, I think I have.
Maybe four clients and I like itwasn't hard to fit this thing.
Cause I was like, Oh, I make myschedule.
So I love that flexibility.
and that was kind of also reasonwhy it drew me to this field.
It's like the flexibility ofbeing a therapist.
And like, I feel like it was ajob that I was like, okay.
One day when I become a wife, amom, like I can be able to do

(04:55):
this in some capacity.
and also be able to have theprivilege of being a mom and
that kind of thing, like oneday.
So there were a lot of differentfactors.
but it all kind of was like, um.
God wink in some ways when Iwent to Wofford and like I was
at Bible study And I was liketelling people I don't know if I
love my major and then there wasthis girl Who was a psych major
and she was a senior and she'slike I switched from bio from

(05:19):
you know freshman year and Intopsych and I was like, wait a
second like that's crazy.
So I went to walk with her andLiterally that walk was what
kind of, I think, changed myperspective and it was just cool
how God will place people inyour life like right when you
need it and like give you themessage that you were like so
clearly like searching for.
So long answer to your question.

(05:39):
I love it.
That was perfect.
Oh my gosh.
When you told me about biology,because I was also like a
really, like I had straight A's.
I had a great GPA.
And when I took college biology,I was like, so happy that I got
a C in that class.
Like, I couldn't believe it.
It was so crazy how, like, whatmy standards were for myself in

(06:01):
high school had to really belowered because I just had to,
like, really humble myself andbe like, okay, this is truly my
best, and my best is maybe a lowB in this class.
And I'm definitely a very highperfectionism, which comes with
a lot of downfalls in some ways.
So having to see, like, okay.
I'm trying my best, but likethis is my best and there's

(06:23):
nothing else that's going tohappen with it.
And having to Humble myself andknow, hey, you're maybe not good
at biology and I like being goodat everything.
So that was really hard towrestle with at that time.
Okay, awesome.
Well, if you haven't guessed ityet, we're gonna really just dig
into mental health today.
She is a licensed therapist.
It's awesome that we get to haveyou on here, especially from a

(06:45):
woman's perspective.
So you kind of answered thefirst question what inspired you
to become a therapist.
So I'll let Ronnie take the nextquestion.
So In your experience, as far asfolks that you see or
personally, how would you definegood mental health?
When you sent me this question,I was thinking, Oh my gosh, that

(07:06):
is such a hard question becauseI feel like it depends on the
person.
And so I was thinking about whatI would define as like good
mental health and with theclients, like I see and how,
what.
I would find a good mentalhealth in terms of how would I
know if someone's maybe notneeding to come to therapy all
the time?
Like, cause when they come in,usually they're coming like

(07:26):
weekly.
And so it's like, what signs amI looking out for to see, okay,
you don't have to come as muchlike you're doing good.
And so I was thinking about howthey're able to handle their
daily stressors.
So a lot of people come in andjust, they don't know how to
handle their anxiety.
Cause I think anxiety is normal.
I mean, it is normal to feelbefore a test or before

(07:47):
something big, so it's how weare able to handle that.
And so for some of my clients,they come in and like the way
they handle their anxiety for meseeing disordered eating, it's
through something unhealthy.
So whether it's like limitingwhat they're eating, or even if
you think about someone likedealing with like alcoholism or
something, it's like they dealwith anything that stresses them
out by some like unhealthy vice.
So it was like good mentalhealth would be like, okay, I

(08:09):
have things challenging in mylife, but I'm able to.
Handle it well and alsorecognize when I do need help.
So it's like if I realize I'mstruggling in some way, I know
the people I can look out to forsupport to help me.
Kind of like your accountabilitypartners a little bit.
Because I think just like thegood mental health is when, like
I think about one of my clients,like she went from which

(08:32):
everything stressed her out.
She would engage in a disordereating behavior.
And now she, Calls her boyfriendor she goes on a walk.
And so it's something thathonestly controlled her life
every single day.
She has control over now and shefeels so much better just about
herself.
because she's choosing honestlythe harder thing to do.

(08:54):
Sometimes it's easier to go tothe unhealthy stuff to cope.
And so I think just with someonebeing able to handle anxiety or
life stressors in a manageableway, that's what I kind of
define as like good mentalhealth, where.
Their anxiety is not.
negatively impacting theirrelationships, their work,
they're able to still kind of, Iguess you would say the word

(09:16):
like thrive, like every day,despite anything that's going
on.
Yeah, I think that's a greatpoint about anxiety and bad
emotions in general.
It's more about your capabilityto handle it, And not like you
have it or you don't because Ifeel like it's almost impossible
to not have anxiety in somesense.
Yeah, I think some of my clientslike forget that.
I'm like, girl, I'm a persontoo.

(09:37):
Like there are times I haveanxiety.
So like, I think sometimespeople think like they're
therapists.
We like to picture them as likethis perfect person.
They don't go through things.
And of course, you know, I dotoo.
And there's like moments where Iwant to maybe handle my anxiety
in like a negative way, but Iknow, okay.
That would only hurt me more.
And so I think just that's a, Ithink a hard thing for people

(10:00):
with vulnerability because wewant to act like we're always
okay.
And so I think knowing andnormalizing everyone deals with
anxiety in some capacity.
And so when you talk to someoneabout it, they will usually get
it, in some understanding.
And so I say just a lot.
That being a hard thing withlike my clients is just opening
up and being vulnerable aboutanxiety in general.

(10:22):
So definitely resilience is veryclosely tied to good mental
health.
What'd you say?
1000%.
Yeah.
I think like resiliency is likethe epitome of like good mental
health, like just beingresilient and anything that
comes your way.
And there can be moments whereit's not perfect.
Like you're going to have amoment where you're like, you do
mess up.
But I think just.
When you're able to maintain,those healthy habits, those

(10:46):
things you know help you be,like, mentally well, that
consistency is what's reallyimportant, too.
Yeah, for sure.
So, I know you said you kind ofspecialize at the practice
you're at now, and you kind ofalready mentioned a couple
things, but what are some of themost common mental health
struggles that you see in yourpractice today?
So, I would say, even though myspecialty is disordered eating,

(11:09):
that's not the entirety of mycaseload.
I will have some girls come inwhere literally just, the theme
is negative self esteem.
And there's A lot of differentfactors in that, like since I
see mainly middle and highschool, a lot of it is dealing
with just peer relationships andjust like helping them one,

(11:31):
maybe navigate how their body ischanging, like in that stage of
life and also like how tonavigate mean girls because what
I've learned is girls can be somean, especially the middle
school ones.
And, I think it's a lot ofdifferent factors.
Like, I mean, a big thing thatI'm seeing is like social media,
because of just like the easyaccess to tick tock to

(11:52):
instagram, snapchat, that's allthere are primarily like
engaging with each other.
And so, I mean, whether it'slike cyber bullying or just
like, they're comparing theirlife to what they're seeing
online and that's making themfeel bad about themselves.
And so in some ways that canlead to or contribute to
depression, anxiety.
So the main things I'm seeingare anxiety, depression,

(12:15):
disorder, eating, or just likelow self worth.
I think a lot of girls.
That I'm seeing are so, I don'twant to use the word desperate,
but what was the other word?
Um, I really want to have likesay a significant other or like
a boyfriend like, you know, theySo if they don't have one, they
think there's something likewrong with them And so it's like

(12:35):
navigating some of them will getinto what I would call like
toxic relationships Just becausethey have like this extreme
desire to feel loved and worthyand so My job is kind of helping
them work through what is a rootcause of like needing that
validation from someone elsebecause if they're not getting
that, they're just going to hoparound in a sense and not feel

(12:58):
satisfied with themselves.
And so kind of just working onthat healthy self worth and
healthy attachment to others islike a.
A lot of what I'm seeing withsome of, like, the girls that
are coming in, too.
Yeah, I bet a lot of thatderives from social media, as
someone that's felt all thosethings myself.
Yes, and I remember, feelingsuch a similar way when I was

(13:20):
in, like, middle and highschool, because, I mean, in
middle school, I remember, thismakes me feel so old, like,
Facebook was all the rage.
Like, you know, if you did nothave Facebook, what was wrong
with you?
And my mom, she was not lettingme have Facebook in seventh and
eighth grade.
Like, Kari Reeney, she knew tonot have, embarrassing pictures
of me from middle school, soright now I thank her for that,
like that I did not have that,but at the time, like, you felt

(13:42):
like you were left out, like youdidn't have that, and I'm so
thankful TikTok was not a thingwhen I was in middle school,
because I felt like that wouldhave started a whole other term.
Issue because, you know, yourfor you page like will be
consumed with like what thecontent you're consuming.
Like, you know, so if you'reseeing what I eat in the day
videos, those are going to keepcoming up and I think I see a

(14:05):
lot of that with some of myclients are dealing with like
negative self esteem.
Like, we will literally look attheir social media and it is
awful.
Just like the content they'reconsuming because I mean, it's
like the Internet knows, okay,this person is feeling really
negative about themselves.
Like, I'm going to just keepfeeding them that stuff.
so like a big thing I have towork on is like, just.
Boundaries with social media andit's okay to unfollow people or

(14:27):
block people that aren't servingyou, right?
For sure just a little bit moreabout the social media I guess I
want to know how would youencourage somebody?
Are you have any success withthese folks that are dealing
with negative self esteem?
Are you able to make any kind ofimpact or what are you seeing as

(14:47):
far as them being?
Okay?
To let off the gas as far associal media.
I think it definitely is hard interms of they want to feel like
they're belonging.
and you have to sometimes getthe parents involved.
I think in some ways, like if atfirst the client is a minor,
because a lot of times some ofthem are not.

(15:07):
Being mindful of like theboundaries their parents have
like placed on it.
So whether it's like, Oh, I'mnot allowed to tap TikTok, but
somehow I'm sneaky and I gotTikTok, or I made a fake
Snapchat account.
Like there's stuff like that towhere like I have a lot of kids
that get like caught for that.
We work on I want to try toshare a little bit about, like,
myself in a way to, like, relateto them, to help them know,

(15:29):
okay, like, I turned out okay,and, you know, had to figure out
limits to social media, or justeven normalizing.
I get it.
There are moments where I spendtoo much time on TikTok too and
I have to unfollow people and sowhat gets to them is when they
look at their screen timeactually is like when you go on
the app and you can see like howmuch time you spend on screen

(15:51):
time and how much time you'vespent on every single app and
that is actually very humblingfor them like that is when they
actually I feel like it's justseeing a number wise of like, oh
wow, I've spent it.
10 hours of time on Tiktok thisweek.
and I think that is maybesometimes what helps them.
Um, some more than others.
Some, I think they have, if theydon't see an issue with it,

(16:14):
they're maybe not going to wantto change it.
But, like for some of them whoactually have a desire of, okay,
I want to decrease my socialmedia time, or I want to figure
out why am I feeling this wayabout myself.
They'll be more willing, Ithink.
To take my advice or trysomething I suggest.
It's definitely a trickysituation.
I know like growing up, if myparents told me I couldn't be on

(16:34):
Instagram, I'd have been like,are you kidding me?
It's so stupid.
Yes.
And like, I think about justlike with like Instagram, I
think Twitter was like a thinglike back then for me.
And like, I don't think therewere like screen time limits
like that my mom knew of, butshe had my passwords to things.
It's like she, if she wanted to,she could go and.
Check my phone.
So it's like I knew to becareful of like what I was

(16:56):
doing, but I think It's almostlike they have some kids that
are kind of just like impulsiveand they don't think about the
consequences of their actionsuntil after and so it's like
they know their parents aregoing to look at their phones,
but then they'll just send riskythings and then that's what
causes them to get in troublebecause it's like almost like
they forget, oh, my parents maysee this.

(17:17):
I think we kind of live in aninstant gratification society
where we focus on just what istemporarily going to make us
feel good and maybe not thinkabout what could be like the
repercussions of this.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
It's very addictive as well,which I'm sure makes it
difficult when you're trying toget Yes.
your kids to set boundaries onit for their own good, so.

(17:37):
I feel like I need to be puttingscreen times on my own self.
I actually, no, I do have screentime limits on myself, and I'm
so bad about being like, ignorefor 15 minutes.
Like, cause I, I think it's justsomething we just get in like
the easy habit of, of just like,it is like a mind numbing thing,
which in some ways like, Maybewe need that for 15 minutes, but

(17:58):
like if that's our only way ofkind of coping with our emotions
It doesn't become like ashealthy.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Okay next question What roledoes self awareness play in
maintaining mental well beingand also can it be more of a
hindrance than a help sometimes?
Mm hmm.
I think with self awareness It'sone of the best things, in my

(18:21):
opinion, for someone who iscoming in as like a client,
like, if they're aware of howtheir behaviors.
Are affecting themselvesaffecting others that is one of
the most like ideal clientsbecause they have like a
willingness to change or atleast can acknowledge the impact
of their behaviors.

(18:41):
Because I think the hardestclients to deal with, or just
maybe hardest people to dealwith in general, or the people
who are in denial of whatthey're doing.
I think about like from my ownpersonal experience when I was
dealing with an eating disorderin early college.
I didn't realize the impact thatmy parents.

(19:02):
I was kind of living in just avery tunnel vision, just
thinking about myself, honestlybeing very selfish in a way,
rather than thinking about,okay, how is this impacting
other people around me?
And I think that was one of thepivotal moments for me in my
recovery process is seeing,okay, there are people who are
hurting.
I had like one of my.
Best friends reach out to me.

(19:23):
I remember when I was in highschool saying, Hey, like me and
so and so are super worriedabout you.
And that was like a clickingmoment for me of like, Oh wow.
Like other people are seeingthis.
And so that actually motivatedme and getting better because I
wanted to make my parents proud,my family proud.
and not have to live based onthose behaviors anymore.

(19:43):
and so that self awareness wasactually important for me, but,
and then there are timessometimes I think if we, Think
about from a hindranceperspective.
It can hindrance in terms ofsomeone's It's a self awareness,
self conscious.
I see a lot of clients who areso consumed with what other
people think, and they're veryself aware of themselves in
every social situation.

(20:04):
And so, they're ruminating over,what did I say in that
conversation?
Like, did that sound stupid?
Did that sound weird?
they're almost too self aware toa fault, um, to where it causes
anxiety and overthinking.
So, definitely figuring out thatbalance can be Super hard in
times like, you know, justfiguring out, okay, how do I be

(20:26):
self aware of like how I'mcoming across to others, but
also not letting it ruin me if Imaybe make a mistake or sound
weird in a social situation.
Cause I think a lot of myclients, they think everyone is
looking at them.
Like, you know, they're worriedabout how am I eating in front
of people and like having tohelp them realize like, Not
everyone is thinking about youas much as you were thinking
about yourself.
they literally think that theyare like main character energy.

(20:48):
And I'm like, I love that insome ways, but also no one is
looking at how you're eatingyour pizza.
Like, no, everyone is justtrying to eat their pizza for
lunch to get on and get on withclass.
So there is some ways I thinkself awareness.
Or that self consciousness canbe a hindrance in some aspects
of people's lives.

(21:08):
I've always felt like Istruggled with self awareness
being a hindrance because I'mlike you are, I'm a
perfectionist.
I can get into the mode whereI'm like always looking for
things in myself to fix or likeclosely monitoring how I'm doing
in certain areas that I want toget better at and it can turn
into anxiety or I'm like feelingdown on myself because I feel

(21:29):
like I'm not succeeding where Iwant to be changing.
So that's where I've struggledfor sure but I can, I think part
of that too like you said isself consciousness for myself
and not feeling like I'm goodenough maybe.
Yeah and I think Like what Iwork on with my clients and that
is thinking about what is theroot cause of like, what is
making you feel self conscious?
Like a lot of times there's pastexperiences of, well, someone

(21:51):
made me feel this way when Iwas, I mean, literally it could
be like five.
And that's where a lot of thosestandards and expectations come
from just like their childhoodexperiences.
So exploring, okay, where isthat coming from?
And like, how can we.
Reframe that now to like, justshow more compassion for
yourself or when you are messingup because if you have these

(22:12):
high standards from yourself, alot of times you are the one
getting disappointed, notsomeone else.
Yeah, for sure.
What are some daily habits orspecific psychological
techniques?
that can improve mental health.
we like to, at GenerationalTeapot, we like to give
something, each of ourlisteners, something right then,

(22:33):
while they're listening, thatthey can implement immediately.
They don't have to go buy abook.
you know, if you wanted to sayto somebody who would never go
to therapy or is there like oneor two things that you can say
these two things tend to helpfacilitate mental health?
Yeah, I would say, there wassomething I read one time.

(22:57):
From like the psychologist couldnot tell you the name, but it
was looking at like, what areit's called turn away behaviors
versus turn towards so turningtowards means what is turning
you towards good mental health,like feeling yourself versus
turning away means like, youknow, what is turning away from
that?
And so in the book, it asks youto list What would be your

(23:19):
turning toward behavior?
So, for me, I know if I amreading a lot, because I love to
read, or if I'm hanging out withmy people, or I'm, you know,
getting out of bed at the righttime, not, like, sleeping in,
those are things that areturning me towards good mental
health.
But I know, okay, if I amisolating from people several

(23:39):
days in a row, if I am maybenot, like, Really not clean that
day or something like that.
There's like all these thingsthat's like, okay, those are
turning me away from good mentalhealth.
And I think it can helpestablish like that self
awareness piece that we talkedabout earlier of like, okay, how
am I living my life the way thatI want?
Would these turn away behaviors?

(24:00):
Am I actually doing more ofthose currently day to day than
like.
The turning towards and like,how can I fix that?
and I think just sometimes likea big thing I work on with my
clients is focusing on like oneor two things.
They really.
Want to change and making themlike measurable because I think
sometimes our society is like wewant to Become of course like

(24:23):
the best version of ourselvesBut it's almost we put so much
on our plate that it becomesOverwhelming and if you give
yourself too many goals at onetime, like you're probably not
gonna succeed because thenthey're gonna be down on
yourself if you didn't do one ofthe two of those things So like
literally figuring out okay,what are one or two things that
I want to change like forexample One of my clients, she
was like, I just really want tomove my body more.

(24:44):
And so, instead of the goalbeing, okay, I want to move my
body every single day, what ifit's, okay, I'm going to move my
body two or three times thisweek.
Like, I'm going to schedule outa walk because it's measurable.
You can see, okay, I actuallydid that.
And, That makes you feel goodabout yourself, of course, like
when you're completing thosetasks.
So I think it's just taking aninventory like what are two or

(25:06):
three things this week that youcan focus on?
because if you just say, oh, Iwant to become healthier.
It's like, okay.
Well, what does that mean?
Maybe it's like, okay, I'm gonnachoose to, go out to eat to like
only two times this week.
Just like figuring out like whatare measurable things I think
for like my clients or just likeeven like myself Um, because I
think even good mental healthlike of course therapy Is so

(25:28):
amazing and I would recommend itto like everyone, but also do
know that it is a privilege tobe able to go to therapy because
it is expensive and if you don'thave insurance or insurance does
not cover it, it is hard and Ithink there's a lack of access
to therapy 1000 percent and so Ithink, that does make it

(25:51):
difficult for people to feellike they can get like mentally
well, but there are also like alot of other ways That you can
go about it to try to bementally well without having to
go to therapy like in a sense tobut like the turning towards
versus turning away.
I'm also a list person too.
So being able to like actuallylike list it out and kind of

(26:13):
have like a reflection period oflike, okay, what goals do I have
for myself?
And like, how am I living mylife the way I want versus are
there things I'm doing every daythat are maybe turning me.
away from my goals, if thatmakes sense.
That was kind of like a wordvomit from me, but Yeah, that's
awesome.
I think it's great when you cansimplify things like that and

(26:33):
turn it into just like a coupletimes a week, like you're doing
this and whatnot.
That's a great tool for peoplethat maybe don't have access to
therapy or those that do too aswell.
Yeah, because I think we justoften not de simplify it, but
it's like we Make it more thanit needs to be.
Because I think just like if wesee on social media, like just
what we're consuming people, itseems like have the perfect

(26:55):
life.
I'm like, Oh my gosh, how dothey have it together?
and if we are trying to aspireto that, like we're setting
ourselves up for failure becauselike not every day is going to
be like that.
And I think just having thoselike.
One or two simple things thatyou want to focus on can make it
seem less scary and daunting, toeven just start.
For sure.
So, next we kind of wanted tobranch specifically into mental

(27:16):
health for women.
Women are often jugglingmultiple roles, whether it's
like having a career, family,having multiple relationships,
all kinds of stuff.
So, how does this impact theirmental health, I guess, for you
personally or in the clients youhave?
If you're saying, like, justlike with all the roles that, we
have to play, okay.
pretty negatively.

(27:37):
Um, I would say like, as women,ugh, we have so many rules that
we have to fill.
Like it is, I was telling myfriends the other day, I was
like, oh my gosh, being an adultis so hard and I don't know how
people do it.
I like just now that I'm anadult and like, not.
financially relying like on myparents and that kind of thing.

(27:58):
It is hard to fulfill the roleof like, you know, therapist,
daughter, friend, girlfriend,Psychological, there's all these
things like trying to do that.
I think it's gonna be negativefor mental health if we expect
perfection from every single oneof those areas.
because there are some momentswhere like, say I give a hundred
percent of my job, I may bementally drained after that.

(28:20):
Like if I decide to go dosomething with a group of my
friends, I may not be able togive like a hundred percent of
myself.
and so I think it's like havingcompassion for yourself of like,
How to even make time foryourself.
I think it's like the hardestthing because for some people
maybe that's like unrealistic ifthey have so many kids and
they're going back and forthfrom soccer practices and Self

(28:41):
care time for yourself is notreally realistic.
I think it's hard when you'rethere's just so many
Expectations I think for womenand men too.
I mean, but like if we thinkabout just women and raising a
family or just now I think womenare becoming more, you know,
prevalent in like the workplaceor maybe more focused like

(29:03):
career wise than, kid wise.
I think what I see in some waysis that there's a pressure to
maybe conform to something maybeyou don't want at that time.
Like, you know, when my parentswere my age, they were already
married, had me and like, youknow, now I'm their age and I'm
not married.
I'm working, but there's maybethat pressure of like, okay, I'm

(29:26):
supposed to be settled downhaving kids.
And if my goal is to maybe Focusmore my career.
There can be, I think, maybejust like a type, a tug between
like, okay, am I doing myexpectations of fulfillment of
like what I'm supposed to do asa woman?
But then I feel bad if my, maybemy expectation is different from
like what?
Society is expecting from me.

(29:49):
Wait, were you saying that was,you're like, that's me.
I would just say we frequently,I feel like almost on every
episode, we bring stuff back tolike managing your expectations.
As far as like timelines, likewhether you're not married at a
certain point, or you don't havekids at a certain point, or you
don't have that promotion at acertain point, just like

(30:09):
managing your expectations asfar as your timeline goes.
No, literally.
Yeah.
And I hadn't even known that.
So I love little God wink that Ithought about that.
But literally, I just thinkabout with, Even my own life,
like, you know, people, it'salmost like the expectation,
that timeline of, you know, meand, my boyfriend have been
together for, like, almost twoyears, but there's people will

(30:29):
ask, well, like, I mean, ify'all know y'all are going to
get married, like, why are y'allnot just getting married right
now?
And I'm like, okay, first ofall, hold on.
Like, second of all, we lovedating each other right now.
And of course, like, that is agoal for us, but like.
We both don't want to be boundby like a timeline of, okay,
like, well, I guess it's time,like, you know, by, by April
2025, like it needs to happen,like, because I think then if it

(30:51):
doesn't happen, then you'redisappointed.
And, I think just because maybeyour timeline looks different
from someone else doesn't meanthat that timeline is.
Bad and I think right when youknow, one thing happens like I
know when I get marriedimmediately The next question is
gonna be well, when are yougonna have kids?
It's like we can't just enjoybeing present I feel like
sometimes and like What we'redoing right now.

(31:13):
Cause I think right now I'menjoying dating.
but then immediately thequestion is, well, when are you
going to get engaged?
Like it's, we can't just behappy with like where we're at.
I feel like especially right nowin your life because you have so
many of your friends gettingmarried.
Yes.
I think that's why I'vedefinitely been thinking about
it more in terms of, okay,there's So many, I mean four

(31:35):
weddings this year, which iscrazy, which is like super
exciting, but also a verychaotic but like because those
people are immediately peoplemaybe will ask you it's like
well Why isn't that you kind ofin a way where?
It makes you feel a little bitdown on yourself, of like, okay,
maybe coming, they're coming outof a place of love, maybe, but

(31:57):
also sometimes I think if youare self conscious about it, you
interpret it as like a tone ofjudgment in some ways, and I
think I'm at a really good placeright now where I'm like, I'm so
happy with like, Where I'm atthat's like, okay, there may be
some people who don't agree withmy timeline or like what I'm
doing.
I'm like, but that's okay.
I'm not living my life for like,you know, them.

(32:19):
And so I think is being when youare authentically yourself and
confident with like where youwere at.
It's very easier to block outthat noise.
because I'm like no one else hasto really understand.
But like if I'm so happy withlike where I'm at like that is
truly like What matters that'sawesome.
Let's talk about some societalpressures that just this

(32:44):
Proportionately affect women'smental health.
That was a big word.
Much, you talked about one ofthose, like, when's the best
time to get married and, havebabies.
Well, I think just like in theSouth, there is like a big
pressure about finding yourperson like as early as
possible.

(33:04):
and it's so funny because I seethis literally with like my
clients in high school.
because there's a lot that Ithink just like in the South,
typically people get marriedearlier versus like, Like I have
friends that are my age, I livein like New York and there is no
questions about like, Oh, whenare you getting married?
Because like just the age ofgetting married is higher versus

(33:26):
like in the south.
Um, and so I think just likeculturally it's a little bit
lower.
And so I've have just someclients that will.
Often and I will tell them thisto like settle for just not the
best guy just to have someonebecause it's like a fear of
missing out or like the scarcitymindset of like there's nothing

(33:47):
else out there because it's likethey're seeing this pressure
maybe even if it's from storiesfrom their parents like oh well
my parents were high schoolsweetheart so it's like well I
want to be the same I want Ihave to find them like in high
school and then if that doesn'thappen well it's like okay well
I have to find them in collegeand if that doesn't happen then
Okay, well, like, now what?
Because, like, in the past, youknow, from basically just what I

(34:09):
know about my parents, a lot ofthem found their significant
other in high school or college.
And so if they feel like, oh,well, that's not happening to
me, I'm so scared that, like,I'm missing out.
And I think that causes maybesome people to get into
relationships that they maybewouldn't have necessarily gone
into if, like, they weren'tliving in that, like, scarcity
mindset.

(34:29):
and then they're unhappy.
And I think that maybe honestly,like, contributes to, Divorce
rates later on because if youjust want to get married fast or
you just really want to be likea wife and a mom, which there's
nothing wrong with that all butmaybe It causes you to like in a
rush into something withoutmaybe thinking through is this
actually the person I want tospend the rest of my life with

(34:50):
so I see that as like being likea societal pressure, but then I
also see, I think, from ticktock on a societal pressure to
be super fit to, If we thinkabout just like the typical like
eight to five, nine to five job,it is really hard to just have a
social life, you know, goodsleep working out on top of
that.

(35:11):
And like, I see a lot of likeday in the lives of like these
girls who are literally wakingup at like 5am and they make it
look so aesthetically pleasingof like, you know, get ready
for, with me before, mycorporate job.
It's like they work out at 5amthey're able to cook all three
of their meals.
And so I think there's thatpressure of like, Oh, I want my
life to look like that.
Or if it doesn't.
What am I doing wrong?

(35:32):
And it is okay if you know youdon't have energy to wake up at
5 a.
m.
to work out and stuff likeyou're not feeling at life.
And so it's like helping peoplesee that like, of course, like
you're also seeing a curatedvideo on TikTok that you're not
seeing the before afters.
I think it's just even lookingat, like, how is societal
standards from, like, socialmedia, like, impacting what we

(35:54):
think life should look like.
Definitely is.
Yeah.
I have to, like, check myselfwhen I get too easily influenced
on social media.
I think I was doing pretty goodon, like, setting boundaries on
social media because I coulddefinitely tell it was taking a
toll.
And then when I started thepodcast, unfortunately, I feel
like I have to be on there a lotmore than I maybe normally
would.

(36:15):
So I'm trying to set boundarieswith that right now and also
like remind myself of stuff likethat when I get sucked into like
Seeing how people's lives areI'm like, okay now like my life
doesn't look like that andthat's fine with me That's
probably not even realistic.
It's just I have to remindmyself constantly No And it's so
hard and I think I often likefall victim to that too and it

(36:35):
when I do find that like What Iend up will doing like I've had
moments where I will literallyremove and this is before that
12 hour Tik Tok ban, but so Idon't know if it's even
available on the app store now,but I would remove the app from
my phone because I was like,okay, I'm like unhealthily
comparing my life to thesepeople to the point where I'm
feeling like it's actually likeimpacted the way like I'm

(36:57):
viewing myself.
And so having to be self awareenough to like maybe doing the
hard thing of like deleting itfor a second.
Like I think it can be reallyhard.
Yeah.
I had a therapist one time tellme in my late twenties, as far
as societal pressures, he saidthat in the South that families

(37:17):
stay together, people don't movearound as much as in other areas
of the United States, especiallyand so you fall back into those
roles as a family unit.
And every time you get back withyour family, so you can fall
easily into those roles, whichcould then also be pressure into

(37:43):
doing something that you don'tnecessarily want to right then.
But he was just the way heexplained it was, there are a
lot more issues.
With families, like extendedfamilies, not just mom, dad, and
their children, but more likecousins and parents and
grandparents and all that thatsometimes there's more pressure
on us as Southerners becausefolks stay together.

(38:07):
Grandma still lives in the samehouse, you know.
We, I sent my kids to the samehigh school that I went to and
so on and so forth.
So, I thought that was a, a goodway for me to kind of position
myself to see, okay, I'm dealingwith this, and it's not that it
doesn't happen to everybody, butthe propensity for this type of

(38:30):
issue or this communication,negatively impacting my life is
probably a little more, gearedtowards me as a result of just
culturally.
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Yeah, like I think everyone haslike their own stories and it's
interesting how just like theSouth, like just like where you
live impacts the pressures youfeel.

(38:54):
so I'd imagine like thepressures I feel right now, like
would be different if I lived insomewhere like LA or something.
But I think just like.
With being from, you know, TRtoo, it's like very, family unit
and I think sometimes, maybethere's that pressure, with some
people to, like, repeat history.
It's like, okay, my parents wentto TR, I went to TR, my kids, I
guess, have to go to TR.

(39:14):
Like, there's, like, randomthings like that where there's
that pressure of, like, I haveto stay here even if maybe I'm
not.
Happy here.
Yeah, for sure.
Definitely is different overhere.
I'm from Colorado and six yearsnow.
it was definitely a cultureshock when I got here and still
is, I would still like to seedifferent things.

(39:35):
I'm like, Oh, I guess that's theSouthern thing.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness.
I could not imagine, I say aboutlike, Oh, people not ever
moving.
And I've literally lived inGreenville like all my life.
and I would happily do that too.
it's interesting hearing otherpeople's perspectives who have
either moved out from SouthCarolina or moved to South
Carolina and seeing how.
It is so different, and I'venever been to Colorado, so I

(39:57):
have no idea what it's like, butI would imagine it's a little
bit different than here.
So went to Tennessee forcollege, and as soon as I got
here, I was like, there'schurches everywhere.
Yes, every corner.
There's fried chickeneverywhere.
Sweet tea is everywhere, whichyou can't order sweet tea at a
restaurant in Colorado.
Like, they just don't have it.

(40:17):
Like, you'd be like, I don'thave unsweet tea.
Is that what you want?
Exactly.
And then also, like what Rhondasaid, I feel like a lot of
people stick to more traditionalvalues and the family unit stays
together and people are lessactive here too.
Like, in my hometown, you'll godowntown eight, 8am in the
morning.
And there's like massive amountsof people working out,

(40:39):
exercising, running, walking.
Like, it's crazy.
It's very, very different, but Ilove the weather down here.
I hate snow.
So I think I'm not a snowgirlie.
So I like how we actually havethe seasons here, even though
during this time of year, it's.
So, you know, up and down, likeit's hot one week, cold the
next.

(40:59):
So it is a tease right now.
Alright, another couplequestions as far as women go.
How can women set healthyboundaries in relationships work
in family life?
Do you have any tips, tricks, oradvice for that?
Mm hmm.
I think The biggest thing I workon with my clients or and even
myself too is like the abilityof like saying no I think we

(41:21):
live in a yes society where wesay yes so literally everything
in it even if we don't want tolike because we don't want to
maybe like hurt someone'sfeelings and That kind of thing
and so like I work my clients ifwe think about just like
boundaries because I meanThey're so important is being
assertive and like what you'resaying so like no as a full
sentence and sometimes Saying nois saying yes to yourself.

(41:43):
cause I think we always aremaybe wanting to be like really
social or I may say yes to asocial plan a week ago, but then
maybe I realize when work hitsand it's that week that I don't
have the social capacity to dolike that X, Y, and Z.
So like being okay with it.
Say no, which is I think reallyhard.

(42:04):
I struggle with that sometimestoo, because like, I don't want
to let anyone down, but like, Ialways think about, filling like
your tank.
So I think about like, forexample, like when you fill your
gas tank, which I'm notoriousfor literally putting like 10 in
my gas tank for some reason andlike having to keep going to the
gas station because I just don'twant to spend like 40 at one
time.
And that is such a me issue, butit's like, I use this example of

(42:26):
my clients about how like, okay.
If you're just putting, like, 10in the gas tank like me, um,
you're gonna have to go to thegas station, like, really quick
to fill it up again.
because you're not doing enough.
Just, like, if we're only doinglittle, like, half things to
keep ourselves going, putting 10in the gas tank, like, we're not
gonna get really far.
So it's figuring out, okay, Whatself care do you need to do to

(42:47):
be able to be at like yourfullest tank?
And so like sometimes for methat means having like a night
to myself like not doing anysocial commitments Like because
even though I am like primarilylike an extrovert like I love a
good time by by myself And so Iknow okay, I'm running it like
50 percent I need to dosomething to help me be like
better to like My friends likemy family and so like having a

(43:10):
night to myself is like a wayfor me to kind of like Recharge
my battery.
So I always like talk to myclients about okay, what things
do you know help recharge yourbattery?
So With like you and yourhusband for example, like maybe
you feel like you haven't done adate night and like forever It's
figuring out Okay How can youmake time for those things
because when you make time forcertain things you are gonna

(43:31):
make a sacrifice in like adifferent?
area so like Say, for example,like, you know, I had not a lot
of sleep, but I also really wantto hang out with my boyfriend.
I have to choose between gettingmore sleep or having a really
good time with like myboyfriend.
So it was like, you have tofigure out, like with any choice
you make, there may be asacrifice like on the other end.
So it was figuring out like whatis a priority and like important

(43:53):
to you and like what is okay ifit falls off to the side for a
second.
That's something I've struggledwith for sure.
Like people pleasing and alwayssaying yes.
And what helped for me was likea mental shift of treating my
relationship with myself like Iwould a relationship with a
friend.
Cause I feel like I was justconstantly tramping down on

(44:13):
myself, my relationship to likeplease others or always be there
for people or whatever.
And I just realized like I haveto treat myself with the same
care that I would a friendsometimes.
Absolutely, absolutely.
I love that because I even thinkabout what my clients like.
With like our self talk like thethings they say to themselves
are so negative and it'sthinking about okay Would you
say something like that to afriend and most of the time it's

(44:35):
like, oh my gosh, never and I'mlike girl Well, why are you
saying it to yourself?
And another like analogy I usewith like clients is like
thinking about like if you'rejuggling Like say glass balls
and then we'll say like plasticballs like when you drop that
plastic ball, the plastic ballis maybe Working out or, you
know, eating healthy, somethinglike that.

(44:57):
Like, if you drop it, it's notgoing to break.
But versus, a glass ball wouldbe your kid's dance recital or
something.
Like, if you drop it, like, itis going to break.
It's going to have, like, adetrimental impact to something.
So it's, like, envisioning,like, what are glass balls that
are, like, those are the reallybig commitments.
Stuff that's, like, reallyimportant.
Versus, like, You know, aplastic ball, which is maybe

(45:18):
working out one day and if Imiss it, it's not gonna be the
end of the world.
like I may be a little bitdisappointed, but like, it's not
gonna be that big of a deal.
So I think like just even ifit's like a visual
representation of like what isreally important versus like
what is something I would liketo do, but it's okay if I don't
get to do.
I love that ball analogy.
Yeah.

(45:38):
I'm like a visual person.
So like that always like helpsme see things clearly.
That's awesome.
How does hormonal health play arole in mental health for women?
Uh, the biggest.
Oh my goodness.
Like, could not, like, emphasizethat more.
your cycle, like, really affectsyour mental health.

(46:00):
I think sometimes, like, theunder, estimate that and that's
what I think really low keysucks about being a girl
sometimes is our hormonesbecause you know maybe like the
week before your period like youknow PMS can be really bad and
there's actually this thingcalled PMDD which is like
premenstrual mood dysphoricdisorder or something like that
which means like that you likeyou know of course any girl has

(46:22):
like typical PMS symptoms butPMDD is when your symptoms are
actually more heightened.
So say someone who is alreadydealing with like depression or
anxiety It's almost like theirdepression anxiety Worsens to a
more intense intensity whenthey're like a week before their
period to the point where it'slike actually Debilitating in

(46:43):
some ways.
It's not just like your normallike sometimes a little bit
cranky It's like you'll see somepeople have difficulty getting
out of bed like the week beforetheir period or they're just
feeling So down.
And so with that, like, I mean,I have some clients who, like,
if they're taking medicationroute will have to take extra
medication before their periodstars because like their

(47:03):
hormones are just impactingtheir mental health, like in a
more negative way.
and so I think I see that with alot of my clients, but just,
yeah, like our mental health,like mean when we're on our
period, we can be, you know, araging lunatic in some ways.
Like, and I think also sometimessociety can like, you know,

(47:25):
paint us as being very likehormonal emotional when you're
on your period, like that kindof thing, which can be sometimes
like annoying or if you're, Sayeven just emotional at one point
people will be like well Are youon your period or something as
if you can't be emotional likewhen you're not on your period
or you're acting like thatBecause of it.
I mean it gives you a goodreason to be mean or mad

(47:47):
sometimes when you are on yourperiod But if someone tries to
use that excuse when you're notand you're like, oh my gosh I'm
just being mad right now.
Like I'm allowed to be mad likethat can be annoying but it does
for sure just play such a roleand I know I've told Jim many
times, I am taking myself out.
I cannot even stand myself rightnow.

(48:10):
Yes.
So, you probably should getaway.
And I'm gonna go back here andtake a really long bath.
Yeah, so I think even being likethat, like aware of like, okay,
what are some things I need todo to like, Even help my
husband, like not have to likesee the raging beast inside me
right now.
giving them a heads up, like,Hey, like I am about to be not

(48:31):
my best self right now.
But we even just like our selfesteem is affected.
you're bloated a little bitmore, you're bloated because
like your body's like protectinglike your uterus, your organs,
all those things.
But then that can maybenegatively impact like how
you're feeling about yourselftoo.
And so if you're low energy.
You may be down on yourselfbecause you're not able to do
some of the things that younormally would if you're not

(48:52):
Like it's not the time of themonth, right?
We were talking about maybedoing an episode just on like
helping women Understand theircycle and like why they may be
feeling the way they're feelingat the moment Whatever.
Yes.
Not to totally get an OBGYN orsomething like to be able to
talk about, cause like, even Ithink it's interesting finding
out like how certain birthcontrols like affect your

(49:15):
hormones to like, you know,everyone has different responses
to like the pill, the IUD andlike some people don't want to
do like that hormonal approach.
So, and figuring out like.
Just your cycle in general canbe super challenging and I think
create like a lot of anxiety forsome people like you know if
their cycle is not regular, or alittle bit like too often, just

(49:38):
like I mean our emotions arejust like so affected by all of
that stuff.
Yeah.
Okay, next question.
More on like a personalquestion.
level.
Yeah.
So as a therapist, how do youtake care of your own mental
health?
Like what are your go tostrategies?
I know Rhonda mentioned that youSoulCycle.
So it's called CycleBar.
it's kind of the same thing.

(49:58):
No, I teach at CycleBar, indowntown Greenville, but I've
been doing that for.
a little over five years now, Istarted my senior year of
college and that's been such afun thing for me to do like
outside of being a therapist.
it is definitely one of my waysof like self care.
Like it's sometimes hard cause Iteach sometimes at night, like
it is maybe hard after the workday to want to go and like be

(50:23):
loud and like be around people.
If anything, I always feel sogood like after because I mean,
in a way I'm getting like paidto work out, which I'm like, I
love that and I'm working out issuch a good way for me to move
my body like I love doing cyclebar.
but then at times I try to dosomething different from cycle
bar when I'm not teaching justto be a student because when I'm

(50:45):
teaching cycle bar, I'm still.
On, like, you feel like in away, like a performer, it's
like, okay, even if you'rehaving a bad day, you still have
to act like you're not, becauselike, you know, you have all
these people relying on you togive you a good workout.
and so you have to be mindful ofyour energy.
So I love, a thing I've beendoing recently is this Pilates,
it's called like lag grease.
So it's very like highintensity, but just, using like

(51:07):
this Pilates machine and theyopened one right near my house.
And that is one of my favoritethings to do recently because
it's not.
It's strenuous, but also it'snot like, I don't love the HIIT
workouts where you're doingburpees, that kind of thing.
That's just not my thing.
I hate it the entire time.
But like, finding a workout thatI actually enjoy is so fun for
me.
And just being a student and nothaving to be a teacher is so

(51:29):
amazing.
and then I also love to read.
My mom is a librarian, so like,I am like, so into books.
Like, reading is one of myfavorite things, because I love
kind of just having an escapefrom like, you know, Talking or
just like if say, I had a reallyheavy like work day, just being
able to escape and focus onsomething else.
So my mind doesn't wander is sonice.

(51:51):
And then also just like hangingout with like my friends and my
people.
Like, my boyfriend and I, wehave like a cat.
And so like, we literally willwatch like a TV show together
and just like chill out and justbe.
And those are some of myfavorite moments because I feel
like me and him, like we are onthe same like wavelength of like
he.
No, it's like, okay, if I've hada busy day at work, like I can
tell him like, Oh, I'm notreally in the mood to like have

(52:11):
huge long conversations.
And he's totally fine with that.
So like finding those peoplethat you can just be honest
with, okay, like it is not youthat I'm not talkative with.
Like, it's just, I had a busyday at work that I kind of just
want to like relax my mind andhaving people who understand
that and don't take it.
Personally are wonderful.
That's great.

(52:32):
You're well on your way to agreat, healthy relationship.
No he is wonderful.
Yeah.
We actually met at psycho bartoo, which is so funny.
he wasn't riding my class, buthe used to live in D.
C.
And so, he had just moved down,and he was taking, like, the
class before, and I saw him atthe front desk, and I was like,
oh my gosh, wait, he is So cute.
and I was actually the one wholike reached out to him.

(52:54):
which is very me, um, not doinglike society, like what you
expect.
Cause usually you want the guyto come to you.
But I was like, no, like I thinkhe's really cute.
And so we always joke about howlike he, went after his like
fitness instructor.
And he's like, no, like I wasn'ttrying to be one of those creepy
guys like waiting outside thegym or anything like that.
So.
You're like the instructor wentafter him.

(53:15):
I know.
I was about to say roles werereversed.
So thankfully HR didn't comeafter me or anything.
I pursued them too.
She stalked them.
Did you really?
For 8 months.
How did you stalk him?
Well, I was going to nursingschool.
So I was working out.
Yeah.
He was a life center exercisephysiologist.

(53:37):
So he worked there.
Yeah.
For 34 years.
Just recently stopped workingthere.
So, yeah, I totally, I was inthe best shape of my life.
I bet you're good all the time.
Oh, four hours a day.
A lot of times.
Cause I would try to figure outhis schedule.
That is amazing.

(53:58):
It was so fast.
I mean, it worked.
That is hilarious.
Oh my god, and it, yeah, itworked.
And here y'all are now.
Yeah, it was bad.
Borderline stalking, for sure.
Borderline?
No, it definitely was stalking.
Yeah, but I mean, some guys lovea little crazy, so.
Yes, yes.
We just know what we want.
Just go for it.

(54:18):
Exactly, and it worked out foryou, so.
Yeah.
Note to the users.
Yes.
Yes.
If you want it, just go afterit.
Just make sure it's notcertified level stocking.
Right.
Right.
Don't, don't have any weapons onyou.
Very important.
All right.
Next question.

(54:38):
What are some misconceptionspeople have about therapy or
therapists that you couldcorrect?
I think, that they think atherapist are super, I don't
know if the word is like uppity,but like that are very serious.
I think it depends on like thetherapist, but, I try to be just
myself with them.
Like I would say, I interactwith anyone like my friends the

(55:00):
same way I would like interactwith my clients in a more
professional way, of course.
But it's like, I don't try tobe.
A different version of myself towhere it's like i'm super
serious or anything like thatbecause I think Clients want to
be able to talk to someone whois relatable.
and doesn't just have like a Astonewall face.
like they want to see someonewho has like personality.

(55:21):
Um, and also maybe some peopleworry about like getting judged
at therapy and if they feel likethey are getting judged at
therapy, that may not be theright therapist for them.
and I would encourage, like, ifI had a client that thought they
were being judged, I would wantthem to tell me that, like, if
there was like, they felt like,oh, I feel like you make a face
when I say this.
So that way, like, you know, youcan.

(55:42):
anything that they werethinking.
because like, I mean, I have oneclient in particular who like,
she's very the self aware oflike everyone's emotions.
And so I guess maybe my smilewas different for her than usual
that she literally was like, Ithink you're mad at me.
And I was like, what?
Like, I, I'm so sorry you feltthat way.
I was like, I, Like, you know,you're my first client.

(56:04):
Maybe I was a little bit likesleepy at first when I got you,
but cause I, but I was like,there's no part of me that is
mad at you.
And like it made her feelbetter.
And I was so glad that she feltlike she could even vocalize
that with me.
because I think like you wantyour therapist to like you
probably.
Um, and so I was so glad thatshe felt like comfortable even

(56:24):
like telling me that, but Ithink just sometimes people
worry about like getting judgedor that like the therapist is.
Just trying to get money out ofpeople.
because it does feel, I mean alittle bit achy for me sometimes
of like I'm Profiting off oflike people say like profiting
over like mental illness in away of you know I sometimes feel

(56:46):
and that's maybe a personal meproblem like feeling guilty of
like, okay, We're spending timetogether, but then like I'm
charging you after and so butlike and so some clients will
think like oh well, you're justlike Talk to me because like you
like have to or like you don'treally want to be here or
something and Having told themno.
Okay.
No, like I chose this careerlike for a reason like I care

(57:07):
deeply about you and yes, like Iget paid for this But that's not
also why like I am here withyou.
You know, I actually want tolike build a relationship with
you and like get to understandyou more.
And so I think, um, like that ismaybe like a misconception I see
in some ways or expecting theirtherapist to be like perfect or

(57:28):
thinking they don't have likeany issues themselves.
Like I don't self disclose thatmuch because like I want it to
be more about them rather thanlike about me.
But like if there's ways I cansee, they're judging themselves.
Like I feel like it could berelatable for me to maybe share
an experience.
Like, I was a teenager oncebefore and I remember going
through something like this anda lot of times They'll be like,
oh my gosh, wait, I'm so gladlike you shared that or I will

(57:51):
sometimes share like, you knowlittle aspects of my life just
so they know like they're nottalking to like a stranger not
too much where it's giving likeso much personal information,
but just for them like I'llmention like oh, yeah I like to
go to this Pilates studio orsomething.
And so it makes them feel justlike they're talking to someone
real rather than just like somestranger.
Cause like they're having todisclose like their deepest,

(58:11):
darkest secrets that maybe theywouldn't tell like someone else.
And so they want to feel likethat person is safe and like
relatable in some ways.
For sure.
This question is not on ourlist.
So, if we need to come back toit, is there any kind of,
financial assistance programsthat you know of for folks who

(58:31):
aren't able to afford therapy?
Yeah, I mean, my practice, likewe are.
Primarily self pay.
but then we submit a super billto your insurance company.
And like a lot of timesinsurance will reimburse, like
most or if not like all of that.
but then I think if money islike a tight subject, like
finding that therapist, likeThere's a website called

(58:53):
psychology today where you canliterally type in like your
insurance Have a price range inmind to see if there's a
therapist that also will havethat but there are to my
knowledge I Know there have tobe like a few like if you think
about like just more likenonprofit organizations that
like sliding scales a little bitmore affordable.
There are some therapists thatwill offer sliding scale and

(59:15):
that's where like they kind ofdo it based on like your income
like that kind of thing and thenone place that I think is An
affordable option, like forsomeone who's like, I need
therapy, but it's like, I reallycan't like afford it and like
maybe don't have like insuranceoptions is, this is where I did
my grad school, internship was,it's called a merge family
therapy.
And there's 1 in Spartanburg and1 in Greenville, like right off

(59:38):
Pleasantburg and that is where,they're grad school students.
So it's like some people, like,I mean, you're getting literally
such a discounted rate because,I mean, they're students, but it
is 1 of, I think.
You're getting really greattherapy.
I mean, I say that I'm biasedcause I went there, but, those
people are getting supervised bylike the best of the best, like
the convert is sort of converse,but like those.

(01:00:01):
Supervisors are therapiststhemselves.
So it's like you are, ifanything under such great care,
you have to sign a form causelike they will like video your
session and the supervisors willmake sure like everything's
going like according to likeplan and stuff like that.
And so it's in sessions withliterally, I would have some
clients pay a dollar, likeliterally to calm.

(01:00:22):
And it's so amazing for like,especially just maybe someone
who is more like that.
Low income household that likereally needs something and
that's why I think they don'tcare that like your students
because They're like there's insuch desperate need of help and
when I say students It's notlike they it's their first day
of class I mean like they'vealready been in the program for

(01:00:43):
over a year and then that'swhere they're getting like their
internship experience but likethat is like the first thing I
can think of in terms of justlike Affordability Like I had a
lot of maybe like post gradpeople calm there because like
they couldn't afford somethinglike, yeah, but they wanted to
talk to someone about like whatthey were going through.
And so I think I'm very big plugfor a birch family therapy.

(01:01:04):
I'll link that their website andpsychology.
Yes.
I called you today.
It's like basically like aLinkedIn platform for
therapists.
It was like, you can type in theissue that you're wanting to
work on, like insurance andsliding scale and find literally
a therapist, it has like alltheir pictures, their profile.
So you can see if there's onethat like you would find as a

(01:01:27):
good fit.
Okay, cool.
Well, I'll link both of those.
Yeah, awesome.
That'd be awesome.
Thanks for telling us aboutthose.
Okay, we're gonna go ahead andskip ahead to our last question.
Yeah.
So our closing segment that wedo on our podcast is called What
She Said.
I don't know if you've listenedto any of the other episodes,
but we do that.
And in our regular episodes,it'll usually just be like a

(01:01:48):
quote from some famous personthat relates to Whatever we're
talking about that day, but whenwe do our interview episodes, we
like to get it straight from ourinterviewee.
Yeah.
Okay.
So what she said today, we wantto ask you this, is there a
quote, a piece of advice, amantra, or something that's
guided you in either yourpersonal or professional journey

(01:02:08):
advocating for mental health?
Ooh, that's a good one.
I say this to my clients, butI'm sure someone said this to me
first.
so I obviously didn't come upwith it because it's nothing
like really groundbreaking.
but, One person's opinion of youis not a reflection of your
character because not everyoneis gonna like you.
I think that's a big valuablelesson.
I've learned from just being meis that like I think I used to

(01:02:31):
just want everyone to like meand I would change myself to
just make sure that he likes meand say something good.
But at the day, it reallydoesn't matter.
Like, you're gonna not be likedby someone.
And like, their reason couldliterally not be valid.
And so, having to remember that,okay.
So there's one person out therewho I know there is like who
doesn't like me and wants tolike talk crap like Let them

(01:02:53):
that's this whole thing.
I've seen on tik tok.
We're like, well, let themtheory It's like if someone is
going to it's like by MelRobbins that if someone is going
to act the way they are like Letthem because you can't control
how they are going to actuallycan only control like your
reaction, like your response toit.
And so just reminding yourselfthat the way one person thinks
about you does not mean thatnecessarily is like a reflection

(01:03:15):
of like, who you are, becauselike, what they said could
actually not be true.
and so just reminding ourselvesthat not everyone is going to
like us and like, that's okay,because if we are just like
thriving and making ourfoundation for affirmation off
of what other people think ofus, that's a very shaky
foundation because thevalidation from others.
We may not be getting that likeall the time.

(01:03:37):
And it's important what we thinkabout ourselves, because just
not everyone's gonna like that.
And so I feel like I say that alot to my clients and that
actually gets through to them ofrealizing, okay, wait, yeah.
I had this one person not likeme, but like, that's okay.
because I mean there's just alot of different factors for
that, but I think that's one ofthe things that like I've feel

(01:03:58):
like resonates with my clients.
Just knowing that like noteveryone is thinking about you
as much as you were thinkingabout yourself and that like not
everyone is going to.
Like you there's that saying Ithink that like likeability is a
prison because that if you justtry to get everyone to like you
all the time like you're gonnajust like set yourself up for
Failure because just I mean somepeople will not like you for the

(01:04:22):
stupidest reason I feel likesometimes so just realizing that
about myself.
I feel like has been So freeingin some ways it sure is I that
was like a big hurdle for me toovercome like getting myself to
actually believe that and likerealize that not everyone's
judging me.
I think like, 1 day I wasscrolling on social media and I
saw this thing and it wassaying.
When I am thinking that someoneelse is judging me, then that's

(01:04:45):
me actually casting a judgmenton that person, saying they're
judgmental.
One thousand percent.
That, totally just, like,flipped my brain out and helped
me get past that big hurdle, butyeah, that is so important.
Yeah, and, like, we often willmake assumptions about, like,
what someone else is saying.
And so, a lot of times I'll callmy clients out and be like,
okay, are you mind reading whatthey're saying right now?
Because, like, you'reinterpreting Something out of

(01:05:08):
the message that they sent youand like we can't just assume
that someone thinks negativelyabout us without even
communicating and like askingthem.
So it's like, communication cango a long way with figuring out
like, what is actually going on.
Yeah, for sure.
Well, thank you so much forjoining us.
It was so cool to actually talkto a licensed therapist and we

(01:05:30):
got so many good insights fromyou.
So we loved having you.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much, Emma.
Yes.
and every session with andthat's the tea way.
I love that.
That is so fun.
Well, that was a T from life oftherapist.
I love it.

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Mental Health | Real Talk with Family Therapist Emma Reaney

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Mental Health | Real Talk with Family Therapist Emma Reaney