May 25, 2025 • 19 mins
In this episode of the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, host Clare O'Byrne, a parent coach and occupational therapist, delves into the topic of after school behaviours, often referred to as 'after school restraint collapse.' Clare explains the various factors that can contribute to this phenomenon, including the mental and sensory demands of the school day that lead to emotional outbursts once children are in their safe home environment. She provides practical strategies for parents to support their children, from offering crunchy or chewy snacks and allowing some quiet time to incorporating movement activities and fostering connection. Clare also addresses the importance of seeking support from school staff and professionals if the behaviours are persistent and intense. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their child’s afterschool behaviour and consider the outlined tips to help their children manage their emotions and thrive.
00:00 Introduction to Globally Thriving Families Podcast
01:00 Understanding After School Behaviours
02:00 Causes of After School Restraint Collapse
05:23 Brain Science Behind Emotional Regulation
07:14 Supporting Your Child: Practical Tips
14:20 Connecting with Your Child After School
16:09 Screen Time and Homework Considerations
19:01 Conclusion and Contact Information
Resources mentioned:
Dinner Time Conversation starters: https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/family-dinner/
Animal Moves: https://www.yourtherapysource.com/blog1/2021/08/26/animal-walks/
Connect with Clare: globally.thriving@gmail.com
Website: https://www.globallythriving.com
Connect with Clare on Instagram: http://instagram.com/globally_thriving
Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Are you a parent or caregiverraising your child
internationally?
Are you curious about how tonurture your child's
development?
But find all the parentinginformation out there confusing?
If so, you are in the rightplace.
Welcome to the Globally ThrivingFamilies Podcast.
I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, aparent coach and occupational
(00:23):
therapist with a passion forsupporting children and their
families for more than 25 years.
Whether it's understanding howto build resilience to practical
tips for language development,screen time challenges, and
staying calm amongst the chaos,Globally Thriving Families is
here to help.
(00:43):
Join me as we explore the topicsthat give you the insights and
guidance you need to supportyour children to thrive.
No matter where your family'sadventures take you.
Hello.
and welcome.
Today we are going to be talkingabout after school behaviors.
(01:04):
So have you noticed any changesin your child's behavior after
school at all?
Are they moody or irritable?
Do they ever have meltdowns oroutbursts?
Do they argue with you?
Are they withdrawn sometimes?
Have you ever experienced thisat all with your child?
I know over the years I have atdifferent times in the school
(01:26):
year with both of my kids.
So, whether they're little orthey're teens we need to step
back a little bit and thinkabout what might be going on for
our children when they'releaving school and coming home.
What exactly is happening andwhy might they be struggling?
I know as a parent, it can bequite stressful.
(01:47):
You know, you haven't seen themall day, and then when you do,
you're the one that's having tomanage their big emotions and
their big feelings and behavior.
It's really hard to know what todo sometimes and how to help
them.
So, this is not a totallyuncommon occurence for kids to
really keep it together duringthe school day.
And then by the end of the day,they fall apart a little bit.
(02:10):
It's what's known as'afterschool restraint collapse'.
Now it sounds quite dramaticdoesn't it?
So let's unpack it a little bitto find out what that actually
really means.
And I want you to consider for amoment, everything your child
needs to do during those hoursat school..
I'm thinking about the specificsof what is involved in the
(02:32):
school day and their routine.
So firstly, even from justgetting up in the morning, if
they're not a morning person, orif they're getting used to early
mornings after a long holiday orjust the weekend, even.
That can kind of set the tonefor them to just be a little bit
tired or overtired.
(02:52):
And then getting the uniform onfor some children is quite
challenging f rom a sensorypoint of view, It might feel
scratchy or uncomfortable.
And then there's the generalroutine of the day.
And following the routine,managing the expectations of the
different teachers that theymight have to listen to, they
(03:12):
have to understand and followinstructions.
Then they're interacting withthe students and navigating
friendships, even managing breaktimes.
And for some children break timeis a stressful part of the day.
And then there's inside theclassroom and in the halls, it's
having to filter out noise inbusy environments.
(03:33):
If it's an older child, they'realso having to find their way
between classrooms for differentlessons.
Maybe they find sitting at thedesk and paying attention
difficult.
Maybe they feel like the chairsare uncomfortable and their core
strengths might be weak.
So that makes it hard to sit upright.
And pay attention.
Sometimes the season can reallyimpact their mood too.
(03:57):
I know here we're in the middleeast and on the days when it's
really hot and humid.
Our kids.
They've still gone off to schoolin their blazers, their full
uniform, and just the heatcoming out at the end of the day
is enough to make them quitegrumpy So they're just some
(04:17):
parts of the school day orexperiences aside from the
lessons themselves that can takea significant amount of mental
energy.
Added to this, if your child isnew to a school or in a new
country, and having difficultieswith certain aspects of school
life, then this can be reallyamplified and it's exhausting
(04:38):
for our kids.
What often happens is theyreally try hard to keep it
together and control theiremotions, their actions, their
behavior.
Which is why when they get hometo their safe space, then it all
starts to fall apart.
Now it might not be a full blownmeltdown.
It might just start withsomething a lot more subtle.
(04:59):
Perhaps for instance, it couldbe what you consider to be some
unreasonable requests forsomething.
Maybe they complain a bit, maybethey've got some general
moodiness or they're withdrawnor reluctant to talk at all to
you after school In some cases,it can really be more of an
intense dysregulation crying andscreaming.
(05:23):
So to understand why thishappens we need to think about
the brain science.
So.
Firstly when everything is newto a child or a teen or an adult
for that matter our prefrontalcortex in the brain has to work
really hard.
That part of the brain isresponsible for our executive
functioning system.
So our executive functions are aset of cognitive skills that
(05:46):
help us plan prioritize,remember things, organize
ourselves.
They also help us be flexible inour thinking such as when plans
change and things, don't go ourway.
They help us manage our emotionsand see things from other
people's points of view.
They also help us remain calmwhen we're frustrated.
(06:07):
They really do underpin all ofour child's learning and
behavior.
So, if you think about all theseaspects to our child's school
day, particularly in times oftransition.
So in the early few weeks of anew school term, or when
someone's changing schools orthey've moved schools, moved
countries, So much of what theyare doing is drawing upon these
(06:31):
executive functioning skills.
It's really taxing.
Over those seven to eight hours,the accumulation of cognitive
demands and sensory demands andholding in emotions can really
fatigue the executive functionsystem in the brain.
Now as a side note, it's reallyimportant to know that the
prefrontal cortex in the braindoes not finish fully developing
(06:53):
until around age 25.
So we can't really expect ourkids to always be able to hold
it together when there areconstant and increasing demands
placed on them, they just don'thave the skills for that yet.
Remember children are not miniadults.
And as they're growing, they aredeveloping these skills.
(07:13):
Okay.
So how can we support our kidswith this?
Although some level of stressand dysregulation can be
expected in many children andit's not uncommon.
It is important not to alsonormalize a child being that
distressed after being inschool, especially if it
persists.
If children have anxiety, ifthey're neurodivergent, if
(07:37):
they're highly sensitive, ifthey have sensory processing
challenges, then they might feelthis more intensely than others.
If you, as a parent or acaregiver have noticed this in
your child and it's reallyimpacting home life and
happening frequently, then it'sreally worth seeking support.
You don't have to manage thisalone and just accept that it's
(07:59):
part of their experience ofgoing to school.
We want to be able to supportour kids, to optimize their
experience of school.
If you're feeling unsure aboutwho to turn to you could firstly
discuss it with the teachers.
To see what might be happeningduring the school day that's
contributing to them fallingapart at the end of the day.
(08:20):
It's about putting on thosedetective glasses.
And obviously you as the parent,you're not at school with them
all day.
So you don't really know thedetails of how they are moving
through that routine.
So you need to collaborate withthose that are, that can maybe
give you some insight into howyour child is functioning in the
class, managing routines, thetransitions between activities.
(08:43):
Their overall behavior and howthey are with friends.
So if it's persistent andintense, please start there.
Now if it's occasional or lessintense, here are a few things
to consider.
I'm going to go through fourthings.
So firstly, when we think aboutright at pickup time, You need
(09:03):
to give them a snack of somekind.
At school, it's not uncommon forchildren not to eat that well at
school or that much for variousreasons.
And so they could actually justbe low on energy and then
getting a little'hangry'.
To add to that.
If you're giving them a snack,give them something that is
particularly chewy or crunchy.
So the reason for this is thejaw movements that we use when
(09:27):
we're crunching and biting andchewing, and even sucking
through a straw, gives us whatwe call proprioceptive feedback,
which is actually regulating toour nervous system.
We also call it heavy work.
So the chewing and the crunchingis heavy work for our jaw.
Even chewing gum as part of thattoo.
(09:48):
Which is why some people chewgum when they feel anxious,
because it's actuallyregulating.
I actually like to make my kidsa smoothie when they get home
from school, because if it's anice thick smoothie and they
suck it through a straw, thenthat gives them that heavy work
for their jaw as well.
So that is number one, the snacknumber two, give them a little
(10:10):
bit of space.
So I know we're excited to askthem about their day and find
out about everything thathappened and who they hung out
with and all that kind of stuff.
I do this too.
So I'm reminding myself now.
But some children do need a bitmore space and quiet than others
when they get home.
So if that's your child, letthem do their thing for a little
while, maybe half an hour or so,whatever they need.
(10:32):
Maybe they want to get dressedinto comfy clothes.
Get that uniform off.
Maybe they can have like a nice,quiet, calm, dim, lit
environment in their room.
Maybe they can use a weightedblanket as well.
That's calming.
Just giving them a chance torecharge so that then they can
get on with the rest of theevening It's really about tuning
(10:55):
into what your child is tellingyou through their actions and
their behavior.
Now if your child gets the bushome from school and you're not
picking them all up, or they'renot walking.
Then obviously, depending on howlively it is on the bus that
could offer them a nice sort oflow demand kind of transition
from school to home.
(11:17):
If you have a sensory sensitivekid and the bus home is really
chaotic, then that could also becontributing to a bit of
depletion and dysregulation whenthey get home.
So if they're sensitive to theheat, the noise, the motion of
the bus, you know, stopping andstarting in the traffic.
And that bothers them, thenperhaps they could use
(11:40):
headphones or even ear plugs.
It is possible to get ear plugsfor kids.
That help reduce noise, butstill allow for conversation if
they want to.
So the third thing is aboutmovement.
so I mentioned when I wastalking about snacks, something
called heavy work and how it hasa kind of calming or regulating
effect on the nervous system.
(12:02):
So other things you can do withthat is if by chance you are on
the way home, there's aplayground or a park accessible,
even a few minutes, getting insome play would be really
valuable.
So activities like monkey bars.
That gives our body that heavywork or gentle swinging on the
swing all these things can helpthe nervous system.
(12:24):
Of course other afterschoolactivities like swimming and
sports and dance are allbeneficial types of movement
that can give that heavy work aswell.
But if it's not possible to goto the park and if there's no
specific afterschool activitiesgoing on and they're going
straight home, then there areother ways that you can get some
(12:44):
really beneficial movement athome.
So things they could do at homecould be really simple as maybe
building a fort.
That's got really good movementand position changes.
Doing some yoga poses andstretching.
Another one, I talk about a lotand I love is balloon keepy
uppy.
So if you want to play a balloonvolleyball, if you've got some
rackets at home and have somespace, then doing that even just
(13:07):
for a few minutes, it's a funway of getting some beneficial
movement in after school.
Another one I love is doinganimal walks and animal moves.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about I'm going to put a
link in the show notes, whichoutlines some of the animal
moves that you can do.
Really good for nervous systemregulation and whole body
(13:28):
strengthening as well.
We also have a yoga ball at homethat my kids love.
They just spend a few minutes,like rolling back and forth,
bouncing on it, doing somebalancing exercises.
Sometimes when they're watchingTV, they're also bouncing on the
ball.
So I'll put some othersuggestions in the show notes,
too, that you can look over.
(13:50):
for activities that you can doat home for regulating the
nervous system.
And then you can just try andfind something that works for
you guys.
Okay.
So a quick recap, before we goany further.
So the first thing I talkedabout was the snack.
Eating something crunchy andchewy.
Secondly, giving your child somespace, third thing, getting some
(14:10):
movement in.
If you'd been able to do thosethree things, then hopefully
your child will be in a moreregulated state so that they can
get on with the rest of thatevening.
Now the fourth part is aboutconnection.
How you connect with your childafter school is probably going
to depend on how old they are onwhat their interests are.
(14:30):
So, if they're younger, youmight actually play with them.
You might join them in play.
You might just be sitting closeto them while they are playing.
You might get them to help youwith meal prep.
I know some kids love gettinginvolved in mealtimes with
chopping the veggies and doingsome of those chores and that's
actually a really nice chance tojust be side by side, without
(14:52):
pressure.
You're not asking them how theirday was and looking them in the
eye.
but it actually might spark offjust a conversation.
And then of course sharing themeal together in the evening.
Now I know with after schoolactivities, and if you have more
than one kid, it's hardsometimes to actually all sit
down to eat together.
So it may not be realistic to dothat every night, but if you
(15:14):
can, it is a really nice chanceto connect.
When nobody's looking at theirphone, nobody's busy doing
something else.
You're just all sittingtogether, sharing a meal.
That can be a really nice way toreflect and debrief on
everybody's day.
And if you're chatting abouteverybody's day, maybe you can
also sprinkle in a few differentquestions, some creative
(15:36):
questions.
That gets a little bit moremeaningful conversation out a
bit.
For instance, what was thefunniest thing that happened to
you today?
Or if people are reluctant toshare their day, maybe you can
just start off by sharing yourday.
So there are different ways tospark off a conversation.
(15:56):
I'm going to give you a list ofquestions as well in the show
notes to check out.
Before we wrap up, there's acouple more things I want to
mention.
We've got the four suggestions.
All right.
And I just want to mention,screens and TV.
Now I know as far as screens go,a lot of kids, when they get
(16:17):
home, they just want to getchanged and get straight on the
TV or their devices.
So obviously it's really up toyourself as an individual and as
a family, what works for you inyour home.
Personally, I think it reallydepends on how they would be
using the screens that dictateswhether it is a calming and
regulating activity or not foryour child.
(16:39):
We will talk about this in moredetail on another episode, but I
want to just mention this.
So.
If your kids want to getstraight into playing video
games.
That isn't as regulating for thenervous system as the child
themselves probably thinks.
So even though the kid feelslike that is what relaxes them.
(17:02):
And it looks like they'rerelaxed because they're quiet.
It's actually very stimulating.
So if they're watching a show,maybe on TV, that's probably a
bit more relaxing than the game.
So these intense role playinggames are not as calming, as we
think It is stimulating thebrain.
Now, the other thing I want tomention is about homework.
(17:25):
Again, every household hasdifferent rules and routines
about when kids are expected tostart their homework and get
their homework done.
And, where it fits into theevening.
Every family is different.
So this isn't prescriptive.
Some kids might be fine to justget straight on with it as soon
as they get home.
And then other kids actually doneed to go through those four
(17:48):
steps before they are in a spacewhere they can actually focus
and get on with the work orlearn or complete the task.
And if the child isdysregulated, if they're hungry
and they're grumpy, when theyget home from school, they're
not going to be in a place wherethey can effectively get that
(18:08):
piece of work done.
Or revise.
or read the book or whatever itis.
Now, obviously these are allgeneral strategies to consider,
which might help to support yourchild when they're coming home
from school.
As I said, do connect with theschool if you feel that your
child is struggling, and isdistressed and having intense
(18:30):
emotions when they get home fromschool.
Because, as I said earlier, wedon't need to really normalize
that as just being part ofschool life.
You can also seek advice from anoccupational therapist, if you
really want to break down someof those sensory sensitivities
or functional issues at school.
(18:50):
Because that might help withthat detective work to figure
out what might be going on foryour child, if they are
struggling.
And if there's any other waysthat they can be supported.
Now I'd love to know what yourexperiences have been with
afterschool emotions andbehaviors.
And if you've tried any of thesestrategies, then please do let
me know.
(19:13):
If you'd like to get in touch,please do.
You can email me on globally dotthriving@gmail.com, or you can
find me on Instagram atGlobally_ Thriving.
Also, if you check out mywebsite, globally thriving.com,
you can sign up to receive amonthly book summary, which is a
handy summary of the latestparenting books straight to your
(19:35):
inbox.
Thank you so much for listening.
See you next time.
Are you a parent or caregiverraising your child
internationally?
Are you curious about how tonurture your child's
development?
But find all the parentinginformation out there confusing?
If so, you are in the rightplace.
Welcome to the Globally ThrivingFamilies Podcast.
I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, aparent coach and occupational
(00:23):
therapist with a passion forsupporting children and their
families for more than 25 years.
Whether it's understanding howto build resilience to practical
tips for language development,screen time challenges, and
staying calm amongst the chaos,Globally Thriving Families is
here to help.
(00:43):
Join me as we explore the topicsthat give you the insights and
guidance you need to supportyour children to thrive.
No matter where your family'sadventures take you.
Hello.
and welcome.
Today we are going to be talkingabout after school behaviors.
(01:04):
So have you noticed any changesin your child's behavior after
school at all?
Are they moody or irritable?
Do they ever have meltdowns oroutbursts?
Do they argue with you?
Are they withdrawn sometimes?
Have you ever experienced thisat all with your child?
I know over the years I have atdifferent times in the school
(01:26):
year with both of my kids.
So, whether they're little orthey're teens we need to step
back a little bit and thinkabout what might be going on for
our children when they'releaving school and coming home.
What exactly is happening andwhy might they be struggling?
I know as a parent, it can bequite stressful.
(01:47):
You know, you haven't seen themall day, and then when you do,
you're the one that's having tomanage their big emotions and
their big feelings and behavior.
It's really hard to know what todo sometimes and how to help
them.
So, this is not a totallyuncommon occurence for kids to
really keep it together duringthe school day.
And then by the end of the day,they fall apart a little bit.
(02:10):
It's what's known as'afterschool restraint collapse'.
Now it sounds quite dramaticdoesn't it?
So let's unpack it a little bitto find out what that actually
really means.
And I want you to consider for amoment, everything your child
needs to do during those hoursat school..
I'm thinking about the specificsof what is involved in the
(02:32):
school day and their routine.
So firstly, even from justgetting up in the morning, if
they're not a morning person, orif they're getting used to early
mornings after a long holiday orjust the weekend, even.
That can kind of set the tonefor them to just be a little bit
tired or overtired.
(02:52):
And then getting the uniform onfor some children is quite
challenging f rom a sensorypoint of view, It might feel
scratchy or uncomfortable.
And then there's the generalroutine of the day.
And following the routine,managing the expectations of the
different teachers that theymight have to listen to, they
(03:12):
have to understand and followinstructions.
Then they're interacting withthe students and navigating
friendships, even managing breaktimes.
And for some children break timeis a stressful part of the day.
And then there's inside theclassroom and in the halls, it's
having to filter out noise inbusy environments.
(03:33):
If it's an older child, they'realso having to find their way
between classrooms for differentlessons.
Maybe they find sitting at thedesk and paying attention
difficult.
Maybe they feel like the chairsare uncomfortable and their core
strengths might be weak.
So that makes it hard to sit upright.
And pay attention.
Sometimes the season can reallyimpact their mood too.
(03:57):
I know here we're in the middleeast and on the days when it's
really hot and humid.
Our kids.
They've still gone off to schoolin their blazers, their full
uniform, and just the heatcoming out at the end of the day
is enough to make them quitegrumpy So they're just some
(04:17):
parts of the school day orexperiences aside from the
lessons themselves that can takea significant amount of mental
energy.
Added to this, if your child isnew to a school or in a new
country, and having difficultieswith certain aspects of school
life, then this can be reallyamplified and it's exhausting
(04:38):
for our kids.
What often happens is theyreally try hard to keep it
together and control theiremotions, their actions, their
behavior.
Which is why when they get hometo their safe space, then it all
starts to fall apart.
Now it might not be a full blownmeltdown.
It might just start withsomething a lot more subtle.
(04:59):
Perhaps for instance, it couldbe what you consider to be some
unreasonable requests forsomething.
Maybe they complain a bit, maybethey've got some general
moodiness or they're withdrawnor reluctant to talk at all to
you after school In some cases,it can really be more of an
intense dysregulation crying andscreaming.
(05:23):
So to understand why thishappens we need to think about
the brain science.
So.
Firstly when everything is newto a child or a teen or an adult
for that matter our prefrontalcortex in the brain has to work
really hard.
That part of the brain isresponsible for our executive
functioning system.
So our executive functions are aset of cognitive skills that
(05:46):
help us plan prioritize,remember things, organize
ourselves.
They also help us be flexible inour thinking such as when plans
change and things, don't go ourway.
They help us manage our emotionsand see things from other
people's points of view.
They also help us remain calmwhen we're frustrated.
(06:07):
They really do underpin all ofour child's learning and
behavior.
So, if you think about all theseaspects to our child's school
day, particularly in times oftransition.
So in the early few weeks of anew school term, or when
someone's changing schools orthey've moved schools, moved
countries, So much of what theyare doing is drawing upon these
(06:31):
executive functioning skills.
It's really taxing.
Over those seven to eight hours,the accumulation of cognitive
demands and sensory demands andholding in emotions can really
fatigue the executive functionsystem in the brain.
Now as a side note, it's reallyimportant to know that the
prefrontal cortex in the braindoes not finish fully developing
(06:53):
until around age 25.
So we can't really expect ourkids to always be able to hold
it together when there areconstant and increasing demands
placed on them, they just don'thave the skills for that yet.
Remember children are not miniadults.
And as they're growing, they aredeveloping these skills.
(07:13):
Okay.
So how can we support our kidswith this?
Although some level of stressand dysregulation can be
expected in many children andit's not uncommon.
It is important not to alsonormalize a child being that
distressed after being inschool, especially if it
persists.
If children have anxiety, ifthey're neurodivergent, if
(07:37):
they're highly sensitive, ifthey have sensory processing
challenges, then they might feelthis more intensely than others.
If you, as a parent or acaregiver have noticed this in
your child and it's reallyimpacting home life and
happening frequently, then it'sreally worth seeking support.
You don't have to manage thisalone and just accept that it's
(07:59):
part of their experience ofgoing to school.
We want to be able to supportour kids, to optimize their
experience of school.
If you're feeling unsure aboutwho to turn to you could firstly
discuss it with the teachers.
To see what might be happeningduring the school day that's
contributing to them fallingapart at the end of the day.
(08:20):
It's about putting on thosedetective glasses.
And obviously you as the parent,you're not at school with them
all day.
So you don't really know thedetails of how they are moving
through that routine.
So you need to collaborate withthose that are, that can maybe
give you some insight into howyour child is functioning in the
class, managing routines, thetransitions between activities.
(08:43):
Their overall behavior and howthey are with friends.
So if it's persistent andintense, please start there.
Now if it's occasional or lessintense, here are a few things
to consider.
I'm going to go through fourthings.
So firstly, when we think aboutright at pickup time, You need
(09:03):
to give them a snack of somekind.
At school, it's not uncommon forchildren not to eat that well at
school or that much for variousreasons.
And so they could actually justbe low on energy and then
getting a little'hangry'.
To add to that.
If you're giving them a snack,give them something that is
particularly chewy or crunchy.
So the reason for this is thejaw movements that we use when
(09:27):
we're crunching and biting andchewing, and even sucking
through a straw, gives us whatwe call proprioceptive feedback,
which is actually regulating toour nervous system.
We also call it heavy work.
So the chewing and the crunchingis heavy work for our jaw.
Even chewing gum as part of thattoo.
(09:48):
Which is why some people chewgum when they feel anxious,
because it's actuallyregulating.
I actually like to make my kidsa smoothie when they get home
from school, because if it's anice thick smoothie and they
suck it through a straw, thenthat gives them that heavy work
for their jaw as well.
So that is number one, the snacknumber two, give them a little
(10:10):
bit of space.
So I know we're excited to askthem about their day and find
out about everything thathappened and who they hung out
with and all that kind of stuff.
I do this too.
So I'm reminding myself now.
But some children do need a bitmore space and quiet than others
when they get home.
So if that's your child, letthem do their thing for a little
while, maybe half an hour or so,whatever they need.
(10:32):
Maybe they want to get dressedinto comfy clothes.
Get that uniform off.
Maybe they can have like a nice,quiet, calm, dim, lit
environment in their room.
Maybe they can use a weightedblanket as well.
That's calming.
Just giving them a chance torecharge so that then they can
get on with the rest of theevening It's really about tuning
(10:55):
into what your child is tellingyou through their actions and
their behavior.
Now if your child gets the bushome from school and you're not
picking them all up, or they'renot walking.
Then obviously, depending on howlively it is on the bus that
could offer them a nice sort oflow demand kind of transition
from school to home.
(11:17):
If you have a sensory sensitivekid and the bus home is really
chaotic, then that could also becontributing to a bit of
depletion and dysregulation whenthey get home.
So if they're sensitive to theheat, the noise, the motion of
the bus, you know, stopping andstarting in the traffic.
And that bothers them, thenperhaps they could use
(11:40):
headphones or even ear plugs.
It is possible to get ear plugsfor kids.
That help reduce noise, butstill allow for conversation if
they want to.
So the third thing is aboutmovement.
so I mentioned when I wastalking about snacks, something
called heavy work and how it hasa kind of calming or regulating
effect on the nervous system.
(12:02):
So other things you can do withthat is if by chance you are on
the way home, there's aplayground or a park accessible,
even a few minutes, getting insome play would be really
valuable.
So activities like monkey bars.
That gives our body that heavywork or gentle swinging on the
swing all these things can helpthe nervous system.
(12:24):
Of course other afterschoolactivities like swimming and
sports and dance are allbeneficial types of movement
that can give that heavy work aswell.
But if it's not possible to goto the park and if there's no
specific afterschool activitiesgoing on and they're going
straight home, then there areother ways that you can get some
(12:44):
really beneficial movement athome.
So things they could do at homecould be really simple as maybe
building a fort.
That's got really good movementand position changes.
Doing some yoga poses andstretching.
Another one, I talk about a lotand I love is balloon keepy
uppy.
So if you want to play a balloonvolleyball, if you've got some
rackets at home and have somespace, then doing that even just
(13:07):
for a few minutes, it's a funway of getting some beneficial
movement in after school.
Another one I love is doinganimal walks and animal moves.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about I'm going to put a
link in the show notes, whichoutlines some of the animal
moves that you can do.
Really good for nervous systemregulation and whole body
(13:28):
strengthening as well.
We also have a yoga ball at homethat my kids love.
They just spend a few minutes,like rolling back and forth,
bouncing on it, doing somebalancing exercises.
Sometimes when they're watchingTV, they're also bouncing on the
ball.
So I'll put some othersuggestions in the show notes,
too, that you can look over.
(13:50):
for activities that you can doat home for regulating the
nervous system.
And then you can just try andfind something that works for
you guys.
Okay.
So a quick recap, before we goany further.
So the first thing I talkedabout was the snack.
Eating something crunchy andchewy.
Secondly, giving your child somespace, third thing, getting some
(14:10):
movement in.
If you'd been able to do thosethree things, then hopefully
your child will be in a moreregulated state so that they can
get on with the rest of thatevening.
Now the fourth part is aboutconnection.
How you connect with your childafter school is probably going
to depend on how old they are onwhat their interests are.
(14:30):
So, if they're younger, youmight actually play with them.
You might join them in play.
You might just be sitting closeto them while they are playing.
You might get them to help youwith meal prep.
I know some kids love gettinginvolved in mealtimes with
chopping the veggies and doingsome of those chores and that's
actually a really nice chance tojust be side by side, without
(14:52):
pressure.
You're not asking them how theirday was and looking them in the
eye.
but it actually might spark offjust a conversation.
And then of course sharing themeal together in the evening.
Now I know with after schoolactivities, and if you have more
than one kid, it's hardsometimes to actually all sit
down to eat together.
So it may not be realistic to dothat every night, but if you
(15:14):
can, it is a really nice chanceto connect.
When nobody's looking at theirphone, nobody's busy doing
something else.
You're just all sittingtogether, sharing a meal.
That can be a really nice way toreflect and debrief on
everybody's day.
And if you're chatting abouteverybody's day, maybe you can
also sprinkle in a few differentquestions, some creative
(15:36):
questions.
That gets a little bit moremeaningful conversation out a
bit.
For instance, what was thefunniest thing that happened to
you today?
Or if people are reluctant toshare their day, maybe you can
just start off by sharing yourday.
So there are different ways tospark off a conversation.
(15:56):
I'm going to give you a list ofquestions as well in the show
notes to check out.
Before we wrap up, there's acouple more things I want to
mention.
We've got the four suggestions.
All right.
And I just want to mention,screens and TV.
Now I know as far as screens go,a lot of kids, when they get
(16:17):
home, they just want to getchanged and get straight on the
TV or their devices.
So obviously it's really up toyourself as an individual and as
a family, what works for you inyour home.
Personally, I think it reallydepends on how they would be
using the screens that dictateswhether it is a calming and
regulating activity or not foryour child.
(16:39):
We will talk about this in moredetail on another episode, but I
want to just mention this.
So.
If your kids want to getstraight into playing video
games.
That isn't as regulating for thenervous system as the child
themselves probably thinks.
So even though the kid feelslike that is what relaxes them.
(17:02):
And it looks like they'rerelaxed because they're quiet.
It's actually very stimulating.
So if they're watching a show,maybe on TV, that's probably a
bit more relaxing than the game.
So these intense role playinggames are not as calming, as we
think It is stimulating thebrain.
Now, the other thing I want tomention is about homework.
(17:25):
Again, every household hasdifferent rules and routines
about when kids are expected tostart their homework and get
their homework done.
And, where it fits into theevening.
Every family is different.
So this isn't prescriptive.
Some kids might be fine to justget straight on with it as soon
as they get home.
And then other kids actually doneed to go through those four
(17:48):
steps before they are in a spacewhere they can actually focus
and get on with the work orlearn or complete the task.
And if the child isdysregulated, if they're hungry
and they're grumpy, when theyget home from school, they're
not going to be in a place wherethey can effectively get that
(18:08):
piece of work done.
Or revise.
or read the book or whatever itis.
Now, obviously these are allgeneral strategies to consider,
which might help to support yourchild when they're coming home
from school.
As I said, do connect with theschool if you feel that your
child is struggling, and isdistressed and having intense
(18:30):
emotions when they get home fromschool.
Because, as I said earlier, wedon't need to really normalize
that as just being part ofschool life.
You can also seek advice from anoccupational therapist, if you
really want to break down someof those sensory sensitivities
or functional issues at school.
(18:50):
Because that might help withthat detective work to figure
out what might be going on foryour child, if they are
struggling.
And if there's any other waysthat they can be supported.
Now I'd love to know what yourexperiences have been with
afterschool emotions andbehaviors.
And if you've tried any of thesestrategies, then please do let
me know.
(19:13):
If you'd like to get in touch,please do.
You can email me on globally dotthriving@gmail.com, or you can
find me on Instagram atGlobally_ Thriving.
Also, if you check out mywebsite, globally thriving.com,
you can sign up to receive amonthly book summary, which is a
handy summary of the latestparenting books straight to your
(19:35):
inbox.
Thank you so much for listening.
See you next time.
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