June 9, 2025 • 14 mins
In this episode of the Globally Thriving Families Podcast, host Clare O'Byrne delves into the challenges and strategies surrounding children's online content consumption. Clare emphasizes the importance of staying curious and connected with your child, discussing key areas such as content quality, safety, privacy, and emotional wellbeing. She offers practical tips on how parents can monitor and engage with their children's digital habits without resorting to fear or restriction. The episode also highlights the value of critical thinking skills and the benefits and drawbacks of screen time. Clare encourages open conversations and provides resources like commonsensemedia.org to help parents navigate the digital landscape. Additionally, Clare offers free 20-minute consultations for personalized support.
00:00 Introduction to Globally Thriving Families
01:05 Understanding Screen Time Content
03:24 Evaluating Online Safety and Privacy
03:55 Emotional Wellbeing and Online Habits
05:10 Collaborative Parenting Strategies
09:40 Critical Thinking and Online Value
12:44 Balancing Online and Offline Experiences
14:15 Conclusion and Support Resources
Resources mentioned in the episode:
Parental Guides: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/parents-ultimate-guide-to-parental-controls
Book a 20 minute free consultation with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting
Connect with Clare: globally.thriving@gmail.com
Website: https://www.globallythriving.com
Connect with Clare on Instagram: http://instagram.com/globally_thriving
Book a free 20 minute call with Clare: https://tidycal.com/globallythriving/20-minute-meeting
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Are you a parent or caregiverraising your child
internationally?
Are you curious about how tonurture your child's
development?
But find all the parentinginformation out there confusing?
If so, you are in the rightplace.
Welcome to the Globally ThrivingFamilies Podcast.
I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, aparent coach and occupational
(00:28):
therapist with a passion forsupporting children and their
families for more than 25 years.
Whether it's understanding howto build resilience to practical
tips for language development,screen time challenges, and
staying calm amongst the chaos,Globally Thriving Families is
here to help.
(00:48):
Join me as we explore the topicsthat give you the insights and
guidance you need to supportyour children to thrive.
No matter where your family'sadventures take you.
Hello and welcome.
So in the last episode, I talkedabout screen time and the impact
(01:09):
of just being on a device.
So this week we are talkingabout the content because these
are two quite differentchallenges that we have as
parents.
So whether you have a littleone, a tween, or a teen, this is
relevant to all parents.
If you're not already in thissituation, you soon might be,
and this is not about scaringyou in any way.
(01:30):
It's about awareness buildingand exploring how you can
support your child.
If your child is younger, havinginsight into this before you
have to navigate it is sovaluable.
Now this affects almost everyfamily- what our kids are
seeing, hearing and absorbingonline from YouTube, gaming
(01:50):
platforms and social media, evenPinterest.
If your child has access to asmartphone or an iPad, then the
possibilities are vast.
In this episode, I'll share someways to understand and explore
your child's digital habits, andthen we'll talk about why it's
important above all to staycurious and connected.
(02:12):
So what should you even belooking into?
If you're not exactly sure whatthey're doing online these days,
here are three different areasto consider.
Firstly, content quality.
So is it age appropriate?
And maybe it's not just theactual age, but also bearing in
mind your child's emotionalmaturity.
(02:34):
Then think about is thereviolence, pornography, racism,
sexism, bullying.
Is the content, normalizingexclusion of anybody and being
cruel?
Also given that we are aninternational community,
thinking about how othercultures are being represented
in what they are accessingonline.
Does this fit with your valuesas a family?
(02:58):
The Children's Commissioner ofEngland report in 2023 found
that the average age thatchildren were exposed to
pornography was 13, but 10% ofnine year olds had also been
exposed to it, which reinforcesthe need to know because we need
to be able to follow up with ourkids and support them if they
(03:18):
have been exposed to violenceand pornography, et cetera.
The next thing is safety andprivacy.
So have your children shared anypersonal details, their address,
the city they're in, the school,their daily routines, or any of
the family routines that couldidentify them?
If they're gaming, is it justwith their friends that they
(03:39):
know personally or are strangersjoining in too?
Sometimes that starts withfriends of friends, but can get
more removed each time.
So if you are not already aware,do find that out.
And then we have to think aboutthe emotional wellbeing.
So here you really need to be adetective to notice and observe
your child's demeanor, theirbehavior.
(04:02):
Have there been any changes intheir eating habits or their
sleep patterns, their generalmood, their emotional
regulation?
Are they quick to becomedysregulated?
And does it happen frequently?
Now, obviously there aremultiple reasons why this could
be the case, but if your childis spending time every day
online in some capacity, then itdoes start to become a lifestyle
(04:23):
for them.
It's now a habit, and if you'venoticed any differences in their
mental health and their generalwellbeing, then it's valuable to
really explore what they'redoing online.
If you aren't totally sure, howdo you become more informed?
So you're going to want to startthis conversation or process,
not with fear or dictatorship orinterrogation, but as far as
(04:47):
possible with curiosity andconnection.
Now, I'm saying this with fullacknowledgement that this is not
easy.
And when something is soemotionally charged, we often
respond out of fear, but that'swhat leads to those power
struggles and sometimes shutdown in your child or escalating
things into arguments.
(05:10):
So how do we move past the fearand just flat out restriction
and collaborate more with ourchild?
Now when I talk about beingcollaborative, I don't mean to
start treating them as a friend.
I think it's actually importantas parents that we put in place
boundaries and rules regardingacceptable usage because our
kids need that structure andthat scaffolding.
(05:33):
And although we want them todevelop their critical thinking
and awareness and workingtowards independence, we also
need to remember that theirbrains are still developing.
And so they need us to be theparents, and additionally, the
way we approach the situation iskey.
It doesn't have to be deliveredin a dictatorship kind of way,
(05:55):
although sometimes it feels thatthat's the only way that's
effective.
Here's some questions that canstart this collaboration and
give you a chance to genuinelyshow some interest in what
they're doing as a way to openthe door to collaborating.
So for instance, find out whichcreators they really like at the
moment.
What kind of things do they postabout?
(06:17):
Get them to show you somethingreally cool or really funny that
they saw recently, and find outa bit about those creators.
How do they feel if things getheated during gaming with their
friends?
Have they ever gotten intoarguments?
And has it ever carried on intoreal life situations with those
same people?
How did they handle it?
(06:39):
Has anyone they don't know triedto message them?
Have they ever seen anythingonline that they felt unsure of?
And what do they do whensomething upsets them or
confuses them online?
And right now, at this point,would your child be comfortable
confiding in you about it?
Ultimately, that's why you needto cultivate the connection with
(06:59):
your child because you want themto be able to feel safe about
being open.
If they don't have social mediayet, but they're asking for it,
take it a little further.
What do they plan to use it for?
What are their goals for beingon social media, and if they do
use social media right now, howdo they feel after scrolling
(07:20):
TikTok or Instagram or Snapchatfor an hour?
I know when I've been scrollingon Instagram and the time just
goes, and you don't even realizeit.
But after a while, I start tofeel a bit antsy and a bit
agitated, and actually sometimesit even leaves me feeling a bit
anxious.
And so if you can start thatconversation with your child
(07:41):
just to get them thinking aboutand tuning into their body and
how it feels after spending along period of time gaming or
scrolling, then that's justanother thing that's raising
their own self-awareness of howit impacts them, which is really
valuable.
Now, as far as possible, if youcan have your child be in a
shared living space when they'reonline, then that is a way for
(08:04):
you to also be able to monitorwhat's going on, what they're
involved in, what conversationsthey're having.
And you can also notice some ofthose subtleties, like their
body language changing, ifthey're reading their messages,
or if they're scrolling Becauseif your child is going off into
their room and they've got theirlights off and their curtains
shut and their headphones on,you know, we can almost forget
(08:24):
that they're in the house for anhour or so.
But that's a time when we'realso becoming a bit disconnected
from what they're doing.
Also when they're usingheadphones, then you can't
actually hear who they'retalking to and what else is
being said.
So if possible, get them to usespeakers rather than headphones
so you can keep in the loopabout the conversations they're
(08:46):
having and what is happeningonline.
A good resource for learningmore about keeping your kids
safe online iscommonsensemedia.org.
And if you're not familiar, it'sa website that gives good
information on movies, TV shows,and video games in terms of
content, and it categorizes thecontent and reviews it.
So if your kid asks, can I watchSquid Games?
(09:08):
Then you can search it up onCommon Sense Media, and it will
actually give you a rundown ofwhat it's all about, what the
themes are, if there's anyviolence, you know, what the
content is basically.
They also have guides forparents, so I know there's one
on there called Guides toParental Controls, and that
gives really good informationthat you can actually start to
(09:29):
put in place immediately, andmost of their content is free.
I believe that they do have somesubscriber content, but I know
that the Guide to ParentalControls is free to download.
Now let's just talk brieflyabout critical thinking.
Now with things like gaming andusing the internet, generally, I
do see it as an opportunity foryoung people to develop their
(09:50):
critical thinking skills.
So that is being able to pause,to question, to make sense of
what they're seeing or hearingabout.
For instance, do they know ifsomething is fake?
Do they understand when aninfluencer is trying to sell a
product or encourage some kindof action or response, and for
them to be able to reallyconsider the source of
(10:11):
information, can they separateopinions from facts?
Aside from safety, let's alsoconsider the value of what
they're consuming.
And some of the tension that wefeel regarding screens comes
from assuming that the onlyvalue to the kids using devices
is when it's somethingeducational, or that somehow
(10:33):
it's more justified if we thinkthat they are learning something
in the process.
But there are actually so manyfunctions of being online.
You know, there's the passive TVwatching: scrolling, watching
YouTube and then theinteractive, so the playing the
video games, you know, there'sthe apps for maths and spelling,
learning a language, and thenthe communication aspect with
(10:54):
video chatting and texting andtalking.
And especially in ourinternational community, our
kids have most likely developedfriendships that are now in
other countries and cities.
And having that ability toFaceTime or text is a great way
for them to stay connected.
And it's important.
And then there are also the morecreative projects, coding and
(11:14):
art, making music or makingvideos and editing them.
So there are so many uses for,living in this online world and
it isn't just about things beingpurely academic that has a
value.
And thinking about us adults,there are times when we are.
definitely stuck in passiveconsumption mode.
(11:37):
Many of us like to scroll onInstagram at least once a day
or, or other platforms, andwhich, you know, we will
probably argue that it isrelaxing, but there's usually a
point at which it stops beingrelaxing and maybe gets you a
little agitated.
But sometimes it's still hardto, you know, close out the app,
get off your phone even if youare feeling that way.
(12:00):
So these platforms have beendesigned to keep our attention
for as long as possible, and ifadults with fully developed
frontal lobes have a hard timestopping the scrolling, then of
course our kids probably wouldhave a problem with that too.
And I'm not saying just becausewe like to do it that they
should have free reign, but whatI'm saying is if we have
(12:21):
difficulty getting off ourdevices or recognizing when our
body or our brain needs a break,then it must also be hard for
them to self monitor, which isanother reason why they really
need those boundaries put inplace, in addition to that open
conversation about how it makesus feel when we spend too long
(12:42):
doing something online.
In anxious generation, JonathanHaidt called phones an
experience blocker-basicallythat phones are taking time away
from all the other experiencesthat our kids could be having.
So time outside, movement,exercise, interactions with
people in real life.
Whilst I don't disagree withthis, I also think that we need
(13:05):
to find some nuance here.
So if we make phones and iPadsthe enemy, then that in itself
also really impacts our homelife and our relationship with
our kids.
You know, if we have that story,that narrative in our mind
constantly, it sets us up asparents to be on the edge of
dysregulation and getting into apower struggle if we are just
(13:26):
automatically blaming screensfor everything.
So as adults, we also need toapply some critical thinking
skills to this topic.
Checking in with our kids,regularly, connecting with them,
and being curious is a goodfirst step to understanding what
your kids are consuming online.
Being online has benefits andthere are burdens too.
(13:47):
We know that.
So be as informed as you can,set some boundaries, work with
your child to navigate thistogether and be open to keep
learning yourself.
Try to stay curious andconnected so that they don't
feel the need to hide from you.
And I know this is hard.
I am also walking alongside youin this situation, this time in
(14:10):
life, and I know that you and Iare doing our best.
So keep going and thanks so muchfor listening and we'll see you
soon.
If you'd like some support withscreen time or any other
parenting challenge, I'moffering a few free 20 minute
consultations this June.
No pressure.
Just a chance to talk throughwhat's on your mind.
(14:32):
There's a link in the show notesto grab a spot if you're
interested.
I'd love to connect with you.
You can also reach out to me onInstagram at globally_thriving
Are you a parent or caregiverraising your child
internationally?
Are you curious about how tonurture your child's
development?
But find all the parentinginformation out there confusing?
If so, you are in the rightplace.
Welcome to the Globally ThrivingFamilies Podcast.
I'm your host, Clare O'Byrne, aparent coach and occupational
(00:28):
therapist with a passion forsupporting children and their
families for more than 25 years.
Whether it's understanding howto build resilience to practical
tips for language development,screen time challenges, and
staying calm amongst the chaos,Globally Thriving Families is
here to help.
(00:48):
Join me as we explore the topicsthat give you the insights and
guidance you need to supportyour children to thrive.
No matter where your family'sadventures take you.
Hello and welcome.
So in the last episode, I talkedabout screen time and the impact
(01:09):
of just being on a device.
So this week we are talkingabout the content because these
are two quite differentchallenges that we have as
parents.
So whether you have a littleone, a tween, or a teen, this is
relevant to all parents.
If you're not already in thissituation, you soon might be,
and this is not about scaringyou in any way.
(01:30):
It's about awareness buildingand exploring how you can
support your child.
If your child is younger, havinginsight into this before you
have to navigate it is sovaluable.
Now this affects almost everyfamily- what our kids are
seeing, hearing and absorbingonline from YouTube, gaming
(01:50):
platforms and social media, evenPinterest.
If your child has access to asmartphone or an iPad, then the
possibilities are vast.
In this episode, I'll share someways to understand and explore
your child's digital habits, andthen we'll talk about why it's
important above all to staycurious and connected.
(02:12):
So what should you even belooking into?
If you're not exactly sure whatthey're doing online these days,
here are three different areasto consider.
Firstly, content quality.
So is it age appropriate?
And maybe it's not just theactual age, but also bearing in
mind your child's emotionalmaturity.
(02:34):
Then think about is thereviolence, pornography, racism,
sexism, bullying.
Is the content, normalizingexclusion of anybody and being
cruel?
Also given that we are aninternational community,
thinking about how othercultures are being represented
in what they are accessingonline.
Does this fit with your valuesas a family?
(02:58):
The Children's Commissioner ofEngland report in 2023 found
that the average age thatchildren were exposed to
pornography was 13, but 10% ofnine year olds had also been
exposed to it, which reinforcesthe need to know because we need
to be able to follow up with ourkids and support them if they
(03:18):
have been exposed to violenceand pornography, et cetera.
The next thing is safety andprivacy.
So have your children shared anypersonal details, their address,
the city they're in, the school,their daily routines, or any of
the family routines that couldidentify them?
If they're gaming, is it justwith their friends that they
(03:39):
know personally or are strangersjoining in too?
Sometimes that starts withfriends of friends, but can get
more removed each time.
So if you are not already aware,do find that out.
And then we have to think aboutthe emotional wellbeing.
So here you really need to be adetective to notice and observe
your child's demeanor, theirbehavior.
(04:02):
Have there been any changes intheir eating habits or their
sleep patterns, their generalmood, their emotional
regulation?
Are they quick to becomedysregulated?
And does it happen frequently?
Now, obviously there aremultiple reasons why this could
be the case, but if your childis spending time every day
online in some capacity, then itdoes start to become a lifestyle
(04:23):
for them.
It's now a habit, and if you'venoticed any differences in their
mental health and their generalwellbeing, then it's valuable to
really explore what they'redoing online.
If you aren't totally sure, howdo you become more informed?
So you're going to want to startthis conversation or process,
not with fear or dictatorship orinterrogation, but as far as
(04:47):
possible with curiosity andconnection.
Now, I'm saying this with fullacknowledgement that this is not
easy.
And when something is soemotionally charged, we often
respond out of fear, but that'swhat leads to those power
struggles and sometimes shutdown in your child or escalating
things into arguments.
(05:10):
So how do we move past the fearand just flat out restriction
and collaborate more with ourchild?
Now when I talk about beingcollaborative, I don't mean to
start treating them as a friend.
I think it's actually importantas parents that we put in place
boundaries and rules regardingacceptable usage because our
kids need that structure andthat scaffolding.
(05:33):
And although we want them todevelop their critical thinking
and awareness and workingtowards independence, we also
need to remember that theirbrains are still developing.
And so they need us to be theparents, and additionally, the
way we approach the situation iskey.
It doesn't have to be deliveredin a dictatorship kind of way,
(05:55):
although sometimes it feels thatthat's the only way that's
effective.
Here's some questions that canstart this collaboration and
give you a chance to genuinelyshow some interest in what
they're doing as a way to openthe door to collaborating.
So for instance, find out whichcreators they really like at the
moment.
What kind of things do they postabout?
(06:17):
Get them to show you somethingreally cool or really funny that
they saw recently, and find outa bit about those creators.
How do they feel if things getheated during gaming with their
friends?
Have they ever gotten intoarguments?
And has it ever carried on intoreal life situations with those
same people?
How did they handle it?
(06:39):
Has anyone they don't know triedto message them?
Have they ever seen anythingonline that they felt unsure of?
And what do they do whensomething upsets them or
confuses them online?
And right now, at this point,would your child be comfortable
confiding in you about it?
Ultimately, that's why you needto cultivate the connection with
(06:59):
your child because you want themto be able to feel safe about
being open.
If they don't have social mediayet, but they're asking for it,
take it a little further.
What do they plan to use it for?
What are their goals for beingon social media, and if they do
use social media right now, howdo they feel after scrolling
(07:20):
TikTok or Instagram or Snapchatfor an hour?
I know when I've been scrollingon Instagram and the time just
goes, and you don't even realizeit.
But after a while, I start tofeel a bit antsy and a bit
agitated, and actually sometimesit even leaves me feeling a bit
anxious.
And so if you can start thatconversation with your child
(07:41):
just to get them thinking aboutand tuning into their body and
how it feels after spending along period of time gaming or
scrolling, then that's justanother thing that's raising
their own self-awareness of howit impacts them, which is really
valuable.
Now, as far as possible, if youcan have your child be in a
shared living space when they'reonline, then that is a way for
(08:04):
you to also be able to monitorwhat's going on, what they're
involved in, what conversationsthey're having.
And you can also notice some ofthose subtleties, like their
body language changing, ifthey're reading their messages,
or if they're scrolling Becauseif your child is going off into
their room and they've got theirlights off and their curtains
shut and their headphones on,you know, we can almost forget
(08:24):
that they're in the house for anhour or so.
But that's a time when we'realso becoming a bit disconnected
from what they're doing.
Also when they're usingheadphones, then you can't
actually hear who they'retalking to and what else is
being said.
So if possible, get them to usespeakers rather than headphones
so you can keep in the loopabout the conversations they're
(08:46):
having and what is happeningonline.
A good resource for learningmore about keeping your kids
safe online iscommonsensemedia.org.
And if you're not familiar, it'sa website that gives good
information on movies, TV shows,and video games in terms of
content, and it categorizes thecontent and reviews it.
So if your kid asks, can I watchSquid Games?
(09:08):
Then you can search it up onCommon Sense Media, and it will
actually give you a rundown ofwhat it's all about, what the
themes are, if there's anyviolence, you know, what the
content is basically.
They also have guides forparents, so I know there's one
on there called Guides toParental Controls, and that
gives really good informationthat you can actually start to
(09:29):
put in place immediately, andmost of their content is free.
I believe that they do have somesubscriber content, but I know
that the Guide to ParentalControls is free to download.
Now let's just talk brieflyabout critical thinking.
Now with things like gaming andusing the internet, generally, I
do see it as an opportunity foryoung people to develop their
(09:50):
critical thinking skills.
So that is being able to pause,to question, to make sense of
what they're seeing or hearingabout.
For instance, do they know ifsomething is fake?
Do they understand when aninfluencer is trying to sell a
product or encourage some kindof action or response, and for
them to be able to reallyconsider the source of
(10:11):
information, can they separateopinions from facts?
Aside from safety, let's alsoconsider the value of what
they're consuming.
And some of the tension that wefeel regarding screens comes
from assuming that the onlyvalue to the kids using devices
is when it's somethingeducational, or that somehow
(10:33):
it's more justified if we thinkthat they are learning something
in the process.
But there are actually so manyfunctions of being online.
You know, there's the passive TVwatching: scrolling, watching
YouTube and then theinteractive, so the playing the
video games, you know, there'sthe apps for maths and spelling,
learning a language, and thenthe communication aspect with
(10:54):
video chatting and texting andtalking.
And especially in ourinternational community, our
kids have most likely developedfriendships that are now in
other countries and cities.
And having that ability toFaceTime or text is a great way
for them to stay connected.
And it's important.
And then there are also the morecreative projects, coding and
(11:14):
art, making music or makingvideos and editing them.
So there are so many uses for,living in this online world and
it isn't just about things beingpurely academic that has a
value.
And thinking about us adults,there are times when we are.
definitely stuck in passiveconsumption mode.
(11:37):
Many of us like to scroll onInstagram at least once a day
or, or other platforms, andwhich, you know, we will
probably argue that it isrelaxing, but there's usually a
point at which it stops beingrelaxing and maybe gets you a
little agitated.
But sometimes it's still hardto, you know, close out the app,
get off your phone even if youare feeling that way.
(12:00):
So these platforms have beendesigned to keep our attention
for as long as possible, and ifadults with fully developed
frontal lobes have a hard timestopping the scrolling, then of
course our kids probably wouldhave a problem with that too.
And I'm not saying just becausewe like to do it that they
should have free reign, but whatI'm saying is if we have
(12:21):
difficulty getting off ourdevices or recognizing when our
body or our brain needs a break,then it must also be hard for
them to self monitor, which isanother reason why they really
need those boundaries put inplace, in addition to that open
conversation about how it makesus feel when we spend too long
(12:42):
doing something online.
In anxious generation, JonathanHaidt called phones an
experience blocker-basicallythat phones are taking time away
from all the other experiencesthat our kids could be having.
So time outside, movement,exercise, interactions with
people in real life.
Whilst I don't disagree withthis, I also think that we need
(13:05):
to find some nuance here.
So if we make phones and iPadsthe enemy, then that in itself
also really impacts our homelife and our relationship with
our kids.
You know, if we have that story,that narrative in our mind
constantly, it sets us up asparents to be on the edge of
dysregulation and getting into apower struggle if we are just
(13:26):
automatically blaming screensfor everything.
So as adults, we also need toapply some critical thinking
skills to this topic.
Checking in with our kids,regularly, connecting with them,
and being curious is a goodfirst step to understanding what
your kids are consuming online.
Being online has benefits andthere are burdens too.
(13:47):
We know that.
So be as informed as you can,set some boundaries, work with
your child to navigate thistogether and be open to keep
learning yourself.
Try to stay curious andconnected so that they don't
feel the need to hide from you.
And I know this is hard.
I am also walking alongside youin this situation, this time in
(14:10):
life, and I know that you and Iare doing our best.
So keep going and thanks so muchfor listening and we'll see you
soon.
If you'd like some support withscreen time or any other
parenting challenge, I'moffering a few free 20 minute
consultations this June.
No pressure.
Just a chance to talk throughwhat's on your mind.
(14:32):
There's a link in the show notesto grab a spot if you're
interested.
I'd love to connect with you.
You can also reach out to me onInstagram at globally_thriving
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