October 7, 2025 • 13 mins
Has anyone ever told you "you should be over it by now"?
In Episode 23 of Graced for the Journey, I'm offering my sincerest apology on behalf of anyone who's ever made you feel like your grief has an expiration date.
Today, we're busting the dangerous myth that "time heals all wounds." Because here's the truth: time alone doesn't heal grief—it just makes you better at surviving it.
Real healing requires the right tools, proper support, and most importantly, permission to grieve at YOUR pace - not someone else's timeline.
In this episode, I share:
• Why "you should be over it by now" is one of the most harmful things you can say to someone grieving
• The difference between surviving grief and actually healing from it
• Why your grief timeline doesn't have to match anyone else's
• What real healing looks like (spoiler: you'll still have moments of sadness, and that's okay)
• My personal story of losing my daughter Marie and discovering that healing is possible
Whether you've experienced child loss, miscarriage, divorce, job loss, or you're grieving a life that didn't turn out the way you planned—your pain is valid. You don't have to "just get over it," but you also don't have to stay stuck in survival mode forever.
You have permission to grieve. You have permission to take your time. And you also have permission to heal.
Download "Your Complimentary Grief Recovery Guide":
Visit: amariehealing.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
So I'd like to offer you my apologies, my sincerest
apologies on behalf of anyonethat's ever told you that you
should be over it by now.
Hey beautiful people, my name isSharanda, and I'm the founder of
Amory Healing and certifiedgrief recovery specialist.
Today we are busting the myththat time heals all wounds and
you should be over it by now.
(01:00):
Has anybody ever told you thatenough time is gone and you
should just be over it by now?
Or what you went through was notthat bad and you should be good
by now.
The example that comes to mindis someone who experienced child
child loss in the sense of amiscarriage versus someone who
(01:20):
experienced child loss in thesense of a child that actually
came to Earth and was here for awhile and then died.
It's still loss.
People like to say, well, atleast you didn't have the baby
yet.
At least the baby wasn't bornyet.
And so much, so much insensitivethings that they really just
(01:41):
have no placing.
Another thing people say a lotis, oh, that's that's not that
bad.
Maybe there was a divorce, ormaybe a person lost a job, and
the grief that this individualis experiencing is heavy for
them.
But for another person, it looksso minor and so small.
But haven't we heard the phrasebefore that he that wears the
(02:04):
shoe knows exactly where ithurts?
It's so wrong and insensitivefor us to look at another
person's situation and justassume that they should be over
it by now.
Now, I'm a strong believer inhealing.
I do believe in grief being astage.
(02:24):
However, it's not a stage thatlooks the same for person A and
person B.
It's not a stage that has thesame timeline for person A and
person B.
Person A is not gonna heal thesame way person B is gonna heal.
I do believe in healing, but Idon't believe in judging
somebody without giving themtools and without giving them
support and just telling themthat they should just be over it
(02:46):
by now.
So I'm sorry for everyone thatsaid, Oh, you can get another
job.
I apologize for everyone thatsaid you can have another baby.
I apologize for every personthat's told you that's plenty
fishing to see.
Why are you crying over thatperson?
I am sorry for everyone thatmade you feel like you had to
(03:08):
hide your heartbreak and hideyour emotions and hide your
feelings just to make them feelcomfortable because they thought
that you should be over it bynow.
Yet they didn't provide you anysupport or any tools to get over
it.
Grief is not linear, it does notgo from point A to point B in a
very neat line.
(03:28):
It's messy, it's very messy.
Some days there's smiles, somedays there's a complete
breakdown.
Some days you can start offwonderful, and some days you
start off not wanting to get outof bed.
It looks different for everyone,and time alone is not gonna make
you just get over it, it's whatyou actually do in this time.
(03:54):
Now, I must say it's going totake a desire and an effort to
want to smile again and to wantto be happy again, but it won't
happen just because time ispassing.
Society has presented this myththat time alone is going to heal
(04:19):
all wounds, like time alone,time heals all wounds, and are
the wounds really being healed,or are you just getting busy
enough and getting caught up inother things, but have not yet
dealt with that wound?
I will tell you one thing, timedoes though, it will tell.
(04:39):
Because when there's a triggerand that healing has not taken
place, it's going to show, andit will hurt.
Time alone does not heal grief.
I mean, it makes you better atsurviving it.
You're in survival mode forlonger than you should be, but
you're in survival mode andyou're probably honestly doing
(05:02):
okay because you've seen peoplejust deal with stuff, just get
over it, and or say that you'regetting over it.
So you put up a front and youjust put on a bull face and go.
And while I'm a firm believer inperseverance and resilience, I
still believe that wounds haveto be addressed.
(05:24):
Hurt people, hurt people.
We've heard it time and time andtime again.
And grief is a wound.
Grief is hurting.
Usually, when people aregrieving, they're actually
hurting.
So it's something that has to bedealt with.
Real healing happens when youhave the right tools and the
resources.
(05:45):
When you decide that, yes, I'mgrieving, but I want to make
space for joy and happiness.
When you learn how to processyour emotions instead of just
enduring them, when you find away to honor your loss while
creating space for new memoriesand for wonderful things to
(06:08):
still happen.
So the goal isn't just tosurvive this grief.
The goal is not to survive thisgrief.
We want to thrive, we want toheal properly so that new
purpose or purpose that wasalready there can be pulled out
(06:29):
and we can become our betterselves.
We can become better versions ofourselves.
We don't want to just surviveand just be going day to day
while this deep wound is juststill sitting there.
But time alone is not gonna dothat for you.
Now, healing doesn't mean thatyou're never gonna cry again.
(06:50):
It does not mean that you'llnever have moments of sadness
again.
Because let's be real, this issomebody who was really dear to
you, or this is a job that wasreally dear to you, or a pet
that was dear to you, whateverit is that you're grieving, or
even an idea that was reallydear to your heart, or a vision
that didn't come to pass the wayyou want it to be.
So, you know, you connected withit, you connected with them.
(07:11):
So they're gone.
You're gonna feel that.
That doesn't mean you're nevergonna be sad again.
That doesn't mean you're nevergonna cry again.
You're gonna miss that person,that thing, those experiences.
You will miss it.
But healing means that now youcan talk about this experience
and you can talk about thisperson and talk about your loss
(07:32):
without falling apart.
It means finding a way to honorwhatever has happened, honor
your experiences.
It means that grief doesn'tcontrol your entire life
anymore.
It means that you're not wakingup and just going through the
emotions every single day ofyour life.
(07:52):
Yes, there is a time for that.
There are times when that mayhappen, especially when the
grief is very fresh and veryacute, or it has not been dealt
with, and then there's atrigger.
So that does happen, but it doesnot have to happen once provided
with the right tools and theright support to help you get
(08:14):
over it.
Time is not healing grief, it'sjust ticking.
It's just ticking.
We want to get to the placewhere we have purpose again,
where we believe in ourselvesagain, where we want to turn
this bad situation intosomething honorable for
(08:34):
ourselves, into something worthhelping others, into something
beautiful while still honoringwhat has happened.
Please, I don't care if it'sbeen six months, it's been six
years, it's been six days, yoursituation does not have to look
like the other person,especially the person that's
(08:54):
probably talking the loudest.
Your healing does not have tolook like they're healing.
I love healing.
I am so passionate about seeingpeople healed and seeing people
overcome their trauma andovercome all the negative things
that have happened to them andall the bad experiences.
I absolutely love it.
But I don't like the pressurefrom other people on those
(09:20):
individuals that are in itwithout validating their
feelings, without giving themproper resources or tools for
their support and just tellingthem to get over it.
So I want to validate you.
I want to validate yourfeelings.
I don't know exactly what you'regoing through or what you've
been through, but I want tovalidate that today.
But I also want to tell you thatyou don't have to be stuck in
your pain forever.
You don't have to wake up cryingevery single day for the rest of
(09:44):
your life.
And you also don't have to beover it yet.
So if I may, you have permissionto grieve.
You have permission to expressyourself.
You have permission to not havethe same timeline as your
neighbor, but you also havepermission to heal.
You have permission to tellpeople that your grief does not
(10:05):
have to align with theirtimeline.
But you also have permission tonot just manage your pain, not
just cope with your pain, butheal.
If grief is something thatyou're dealing with today and
you have not yet found the rightsupport, feel free to book a
30-minute consultation with me.
The link will be down below.
And let's talk about it, let'schat about it.
(10:25):
Two years ago, I lost mysix-year-old daughter, and I
didn't even realize that I waseven grieving before that
because for the six years thatshe was here with us, her life
looked different than an averagesix-year-old.
Uh, she had a very severediagnosis, and I didn't realize
that I was walking aroundgrieving what I thought life
should have looked like for thatentire time.
(10:47):
So, for a good six years andsome, I was in a state of grief
and it affected me tremendously.
It affected my familytremendously, and I love her.
I miss her, but I'm gonna tellyou, healing feels great.
Healing feels good.
I often look back and I'm like,if I did not allow myself to
heal, if I did not want to takethose steps, if I did if I did
(11:09):
not listen to the right voicesand use the right tools around
me, what about my other kids?
What about my family?
What about my husband?
What about my future?
What about my person, purpose?
What about you?
I would not have had thispassion to see people heal had I
not allowed myself to heal.
So I want to encourage you towant to heal.
There is purpose that is stillinside of you that can be pulled
(11:32):
out, but we have to heal first,but we don't have to do it with
anybody else's timeline.
So go ahead, book thatconsultation, let's chat, let's
get to know each other a littlebit more.
It's a space that we can honoryou right where you are, but we
can focus on real healing toolsthat can transform your pain
into purpose.
And I want to see you healed.
(11:54):
If this has resonated with youin any way, or you know somebody
that's really going throughgrief, or someone that's under
pressure to just get over it,please, please, please share it
with them.
Please validate them, let themknow that, hey, I know I may not
know exactly what you're goingthrough, but healing is
possible.
But don't look at your timeline,don't compare your timeline to
(12:15):
the other person.
So here's what I want you totake away today.
Your grief is not too much.
It may have taken a while, butthe fact that you're here right
now means that you're probablyready to make the next step.
It did not take too long.
It's the perfect timing for you.
You may be feeling pain rightnow, but it does not have to be
your permanent reality.
With the right tools andsupport, you can definitely
(12:37):
honor your loss and heal from itat the same time.
And remember, beautiful soul,you are graced for it all, all
of it.
The grief, the pain, theheartache.
Right where you are right now,you have enough grace with you
to get through and to get to thenext step.
But you're also graced for whereyou're going.
Until next time, be gentle withyourself and give yourself some
(12:59):
grace.
Love you.
See you next time.
So I'd like to offer you my apologies, my sincerest
apologies on behalf of anyonethat's ever told you that you
should be over it by now.
Hey beautiful people, my name isSharanda, and I'm the founder of
Amory Healing and certifiedgrief recovery specialist.
Today we are busting the myththat time heals all wounds and
you should be over it by now.
(01:00):
Has anybody ever told you thatenough time is gone and you
should just be over it by now?
Or what you went through was notthat bad and you should be good
by now.
The example that comes to mindis someone who experienced child
child loss in the sense of amiscarriage versus someone who
(01:20):
experienced child loss in thesense of a child that actually
came to Earth and was here for awhile and then died.
It's still loss.
People like to say, well, atleast you didn't have the baby
yet.
At least the baby wasn't bornyet.
And so much, so much insensitivethings that they really just
(01:41):
have no placing.
Another thing people say a lotis, oh, that's that's not that
bad.
Maybe there was a divorce, ormaybe a person lost a job, and
the grief that this individualis experiencing is heavy for
them.
But for another person, it looksso minor and so small.
But haven't we heard the phrasebefore that he that wears the
(02:04):
shoe knows exactly where ithurts?
It's so wrong and insensitivefor us to look at another
person's situation and justassume that they should be over
it by now.
Now, I'm a strong believer inhealing.
I do believe in grief being astage.
(02:24):
However, it's not a stage thatlooks the same for person A and
person B.
It's not a stage that has thesame timeline for person A and
person B.
Person A is not gonna heal thesame way person B is gonna heal.
I do believe in healing, but Idon't believe in judging
somebody without giving themtools and without giving them
support and just telling themthat they should just be over it
(02:46):
by now.
So I'm sorry for everyone thatsaid, Oh, you can get another
job.
I apologize for everyone thatsaid you can have another baby.
I apologize for every personthat's told you that's plenty
fishing to see.
Why are you crying over thatperson?
I am sorry for everyone thatmade you feel like you had to
(03:08):
hide your heartbreak and hideyour emotions and hide your
feelings just to make them feelcomfortable because they thought
that you should be over it bynow.
Yet they didn't provide you anysupport or any tools to get over
it.
Grief is not linear, it does notgo from point A to point B in a
very neat line.
(03:28):
It's messy, it's very messy.
Some days there's smiles, somedays there's a complete
breakdown.
Some days you can start offwonderful, and some days you
start off not wanting to get outof bed.
It looks different for everyone,and time alone is not gonna make
you just get over it, it's whatyou actually do in this time.
(03:54):
Now, I must say it's going totake a desire and an effort to
want to smile again and to wantto be happy again, but it won't
happen just because time ispassing.
Society has presented this myththat time alone is going to heal
(04:19):
all wounds, like time alone,time heals all wounds, and are
the wounds really being healed,or are you just getting busy
enough and getting caught up inother things, but have not yet
dealt with that wound?
I will tell you one thing, timedoes though, it will tell.
(04:39):
Because when there's a triggerand that healing has not taken
place, it's going to show, andit will hurt.
Time alone does not heal grief.
I mean, it makes you better atsurviving it.
You're in survival mode forlonger than you should be, but
you're in survival mode andyou're probably honestly doing
(05:02):
okay because you've seen peoplejust deal with stuff, just get
over it, and or say that you'regetting over it.
So you put up a front and youjust put on a bull face and go.
And while I'm a firm believer inperseverance and resilience, I
still believe that wounds haveto be addressed.
(05:24):
Hurt people, hurt people.
We've heard it time and time andtime again.
And grief is a wound.
Grief is hurting.
Usually, when people aregrieving, they're actually
hurting.
So it's something that has to bedealt with.
Real healing happens when youhave the right tools and the
resources.
(05:45):
When you decide that, yes, I'mgrieving, but I want to make
space for joy and happiness.
When you learn how to processyour emotions instead of just
enduring them, when you find away to honor your loss while
creating space for new memoriesand for wonderful things to
(06:08):
still happen.
So the goal isn't just tosurvive this grief.
The goal is not to survive thisgrief.
We want to thrive, we want toheal properly so that new
purpose or purpose that wasalready there can be pulled out
(06:29):
and we can become our betterselves.
We can become better versions ofourselves.
We don't want to just surviveand just be going day to day
while this deep wound is juststill sitting there.
But time alone is not gonna dothat for you.
Now, healing doesn't mean thatyou're never gonna cry again.
(06:50):
It does not mean that you'llnever have moments of sadness
again.
Because let's be real, this issomebody who was really dear to
you, or this is a job that wasreally dear to you, or a pet
that was dear to you, whateverit is that you're grieving, or
even an idea that was reallydear to your heart, or a vision
that didn't come to pass the wayyou want it to be.
So, you know, you connected withit, you connected with them.
(07:11):
So they're gone.
You're gonna feel that.
That doesn't mean you're nevergonna be sad again.
That doesn't mean you're nevergonna cry again.
You're gonna miss that person,that thing, those experiences.
You will miss it.
But healing means that now youcan talk about this experience
and you can talk about thisperson and talk about your loss
(07:32):
without falling apart.
It means finding a way to honorwhatever has happened, honor
your experiences.
It means that grief doesn'tcontrol your entire life
anymore.
It means that you're not wakingup and just going through the
emotions every single day ofyour life.
(07:52):
Yes, there is a time for that.
There are times when that mayhappen, especially when the
grief is very fresh and veryacute, or it has not been dealt
with, and then there's atrigger.
So that does happen, but it doesnot have to happen once provided
with the right tools and theright support to help you get
(08:14):
over it.
Time is not healing grief, it'sjust ticking.
It's just ticking.
We want to get to the placewhere we have purpose again,
where we believe in ourselvesagain, where we want to turn
this bad situation intosomething honorable for
(08:34):
ourselves, into something worthhelping others, into something
beautiful while still honoringwhat has happened.
Please, I don't care if it'sbeen six months, it's been six
years, it's been six days, yoursituation does not have to look
like the other person,especially the person that's
(08:54):
probably talking the loudest.
Your healing does not have tolook like they're healing.
I love healing.
I am so passionate about seeingpeople healed and seeing people
overcome their trauma andovercome all the negative things
that have happened to them andall the bad experiences.
I absolutely love it.
But I don't like the pressurefrom other people on those
(09:20):
individuals that are in itwithout validating their
feelings, without giving themproper resources or tools for
their support and just tellingthem to get over it.
So I want to validate you.
I want to validate yourfeelings.
I don't know exactly what you'regoing through or what you've
been through, but I want tovalidate that today.
But I also want to tell you thatyou don't have to be stuck in
your pain forever.
You don't have to wake up cryingevery single day for the rest of
(09:44):
your life.
And you also don't have to beover it yet.
So if I may, you have permissionto grieve.
You have permission to expressyourself.
You have permission to not havethe same timeline as your
neighbor, but you also havepermission to heal.
You have permission to tellpeople that your grief does not
(10:05):
have to align with theirtimeline.
But you also have permission tonot just manage your pain, not
just cope with your pain, butheal.
If grief is something thatyou're dealing with today and
you have not yet found the rightsupport, feel free to book a
30-minute consultation with me.
The link will be down below.
And let's talk about it, let'schat about it.
(10:25):
Two years ago, I lost mysix-year-old daughter, and I
didn't even realize that I waseven grieving before that
because for the six years thatshe was here with us, her life
looked different than an averagesix-year-old.
Uh, she had a very severediagnosis, and I didn't realize
that I was walking aroundgrieving what I thought life
should have looked like for thatentire time.
(10:47):
So, for a good six years andsome, I was in a state of grief
and it affected me tremendously.
It affected my familytremendously, and I love her.
I miss her, but I'm gonna tellyou, healing feels great.
Healing feels good.
I often look back and I'm like,if I did not allow myself to
heal, if I did not want to takethose steps, if I did if I did
(11:09):
not listen to the right voicesand use the right tools around
me, what about my other kids?
What about my family?
What about my husband?
What about my future?
What about my person, purpose?
What about you?
I would not have had thispassion to see people heal had I
not allowed myself to heal.
So I want to encourage you towant to heal.
There is purpose that is stillinside of you that can be pulled
(11:32):
out, but we have to heal first,but we don't have to do it with
anybody else's timeline.
So go ahead, book thatconsultation, let's chat, let's
get to know each other a littlebit more.
It's a space that we can honoryou right where you are, but we
can focus on real healing toolsthat can transform your pain
into purpose.
And I want to see you healed.
(11:54):
If this has resonated with youin any way, or you know somebody
that's really going throughgrief, or someone that's under
pressure to just get over it,please, please, please share it
with them.
Please validate them, let themknow that, hey, I know I may not
know exactly what you're goingthrough, but healing is
possible.
But don't look at your timeline,don't compare your timeline to
(12:15):
the other person.
So here's what I want you totake away today.
Your grief is not too much.
It may have taken a while, butthe fact that you're here right
now means that you're probablyready to make the next step.
It did not take too long.
It's the perfect timing for you.
You may be feeling pain rightnow, but it does not have to be
your permanent reality.
With the right tools andsupport, you can definitely
(12:37):
honor your loss and heal from itat the same time.
And remember, beautiful soul,you are graced for it all, all
of it.
The grief, the pain, theheartache.
Right where you are right now,you have enough grace with you
to get through and to get to thenext step.
But you're also graced for whereyou're going.
Until next time, be gentle withyourself and give yourself some
(12:59):
grace.
Love you.
See you next time.
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