April 28, 2025 • 38 mins
Trigger Warning:
This episode discusses topics around sexual violence, childhood sexual abuse, recovery, and healing.
Please take care while listening. 💛
It’s okay to take breaks while listening.
In this special and deeply personal episode, Sophia sits down with Loretta Brosnan McDonagh, Director of Mayo Rape Crisis Centre, ahead of Loretta’s retirement.
Together, they have an open and powerful conversation about the vital services provided not just by Mayo RCC, but by Rape Crisis Centres across Ireland.
Sophia shares her own personal connection to the work being done, and the profound importance of raising awareness around the realities of sexual violence, recovery, and the supports that exist.
Loretta brings years of experience, compassion, and advocacy to this conversation, discussing everything from the history of Mayo RCC, to the process of reaching out for help, the misconceptions around sexual violence, and the critical need for community support.
This conversation shines a light on services that are often misunderstood or unseen, services that change and save lives.
If this episode resonates with you, we encourage you to share it to help raise awareness.
These conversations matter.
Survivors matter.
Support matters.
Thank you to Loretta, the Mayo Rape Crisis Centre, and all Rape Crisis Centres across Ireland for the life-changing work you do.
If you or someone you know needs support, help is available:
📞 Mayo Rape Crisis Centre:
Freephone Helpline: 1800 234 900
Website: www.mrcc.ie
Email: info@mrcc.ie
📞 24-Hour National Rape Crisis Helpline (Ireland):
Freephone: 1800 77 88 88
Website: www.rapecrisishelp.ie
(Find your local centre through the Rape Crisis Ireland network.)
🌐 Other Supports:
Rape Crisis Centres are located all across Ireland, offering free, confidential support for survivors of sexual violence, their families, and loved ones.
You do not need to go through this alone. Reach out in whatever way feels safest for you, a call, an email, or even just a message to begin.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I had the honour of speaking with Loretta, the Director of
Mayo Rape Crisis Centre, ahead of her retirement.
She spoke about the Centre's vital work providing free,
confidential counseling for survivors and their families,
legal and court support, advocacy during the interviews
and medical visits, and delivering education programs
like disclosure training. It was a privilege to help share
(00:23):
the powerful impact of this incredible team.
I'm very grateful to be sitting down with the director of the
Mayo Rape Crisis Center, and this topic really means a lot to
me. It touches home with me.
My reason for doing this is to raise awareness, as I always
thought the crisis center was just a helpline.
I didn't realize that they provided the service that they
(00:44):
provide. So Loretta has agreed to have a
conversation with me to talk about what the Mayo Rape Crisis
Center provides and all the other Rape Crisis centers around
Ireland. Thanks for having this
conversation with me Loretta. It really means a lot.
You're very welcome, Sophia. Very happy to do.
This. Thank you.
I just have a few questions herethat we can go through that,
okay. Can you tell us a little bit
(01:05):
about the history of the Mayo Rape Crisis?
In term, so in back in the early90s, there was absolutely no
services in Mayo for women at that time who had experienced
sexual violence, childhood sexual abuse.
So women and girls had to travelto Galway.
And then a bunch of women here in Caspire and Mayo came
together, primarily Ruth Mcneelyand Fiona and Erie and Mary
(01:30):
Givali. I can't remember all of them,
but they came together and they formed the Mayo Rape Crisis
Centre in 1994 and I joined themthen in 1995.
So we've been in the in county 31 years.
This June June 1994, it opened its doors for the first time.
And not many people are aware that these services are even
here. No, absolutely.
(01:51):
And you know, you can view that from two ways.
I always say if you don't know that we're here, possibly it
means you never needed us, and that's a good thing.
But for the vast majority of people, it's really good to know
that if you or someone in your life was ever impacted by the
crime of sexual violence, be that childhood sexual abuse,
(02:11):
sexual assault, sexual harassment and rape, that there
really is a fantastic service available in your own community.
We offer free counselling, support, information and
advocacy, which is, you know, hugely helpful to people.
Sometimes people just need to check us out in terms of is this
(02:33):
the right place? Where do I go to?
How do I start the journey? So we do that for the victims.
But the other piece that people don't realise is we work a lot
with the supporters of the victims.
So the victim may never come through our door, but a parent
may get in touch with us, a sibling, a partner, a friend or
a colleague. And what we have learned over
(02:54):
our 31 years. Very often, if the primary
person in a survivor's life is well informed about sexual
violence and and you know the myriad impact it has on
someone's life, that can be the most healing thing and
supportive thing for the victim.Yeah, yeah.
What kind of services do you offer survivors of sexual
(03:18):
violence? So the first thing we'd say is
you can phone our helpline. We, we operate a free phone
helpline 4 mornings a week. Well, and then for two hours on
a Friday morning, that point of contact can be really helpful
because someone may call us a number of times and they're just
checking us out. And of course, it's very wise to
do that because it's really important to know, is this a
(03:39):
safe place for me to access the service?
So that can be one call. It can be a number of calls.
What we try to encourage the caller to do then is to come in
for what we call an initial appointment.
So we say all the time, just come in and have a chat, have a
cup of tea, have a chat with us.Let us get a sense of what your
needs are, let you get a sense of us and what we offer.
(04:03):
And out of that, hopefully we will establish, you know, yeah,
this would be a good time for you to come and have counselling
with us. So as you know, if someone's a
recent, if it's been a recent assault or a recent rape, we
will try to get someone in the door within two weeks of that
first point of contact. And then if someone is in
(04:24):
crisis, we will try to get them in to see a counsellor as
quickly as possible. Otherwise, we do unfortunately
operate a waiting list and we'lltry as hard as we can to get
people seen as possible, you know, as quickly as possible.
Our intention is always to respond as best as we can within
our limits and, and what's available to us.
(04:45):
So once you've had that initial appointment, then you come in
and you get assigned a counselor.
And we would always encourage someone, please try and show up
every week for the 1st 6 to 8 weeks just to get an idea.
Is this helping? Is this making a difference?
And then after that, like we areconstant is long term while what
(05:05):
if it's working for you? You keep coming.
We don't put a limit. We don't believe you can.
We've learned ourselves over theyears that what we call
disclosure, which is where someone begins to tell all the
things that happened, not just one.
It's a process. It can take someone a number of
years to be able to act, to havethe safety and the capacity
(05:26):
within yourself to even start tolook at this or touch on it.
So we, our work is very gentle. It's very client LED.
We don't need to know the details.
We keep saying to client, we don't need the story.
We need to work with the impact.How is what happened to you in
the past showing up on how you engaged with life today?
(05:48):
You know, so it's, it's really slow paced work because we're
dealing with trauma, but it's not just a physical trauma, it's
emotional, it's psychological and a spiritual, you know,
depending on how the abuse happened and where and all of
that. So we're very much led by what
our clients are telling us. Every client brings us something
new. We learn something different
(06:10):
from every client that comes through the door.
They have a unique perspective that helps us to stay that way
informed. What is your role as the
director and what inspired you to work in this field?
OK, so like I so I joined the service in 1995 as a volunteer
and as a volunteer council and Icontinued as a volunteer for a
(06:33):
number of years in the early 2000s.
I, I because my own background is in psychotherapy and clinical
supervision. I joined as a two days a week
and I did a lot of educational work and 1 to 1 council work.
And then when our outgoing director, Ruth Mcneely retired
in 19 No 2014, I interviewed forthe job and got the role as
(06:59):
direct of service. It has, it's changed a lot
because when we began, we were funded partially through the
HSE. In 2014, we were moved under in
under Tussel, the Child and Family Agency.
So our funding and everything came through there.
So my work then began to change quite a bit and that I had to
begin to advocate for the service as opposed to for the
(07:21):
client, even though there are inextricably linked.
But I had to begin to campaign and advocate to make sure we
were getting funding and supportcross government really to make
sure that we had what we needed to meet the needs of of the
client. And then my work was very much
about getting out and promoting the service, making people aware
(07:42):
that we existed and what we offer and starting to link in
with other community groups because I think connection is
essential because again, Sophia,and you be aware of this, that
sexual violence effects every aspect of someone's life.
So we need to be connected into educational services, to
probation services, to employment services, to housing,
(08:05):
to health, you know, to to see that it's an integrated and
holistic response that we are offering and that we know where
to make the referrals on to and that other services know where
to make the referrals into causeof it's safe, clear referral
pathway is really helpful. Good information, correct
information makes it safe for the victim.
(08:28):
And then I would do a lot of work with the guards, advocating
with the guards, in particular the DPSU, the Protective
Services unit that opened here in May on 20/20, you know, and,
and trying to deliver some training around being trauma
aware and trauma informed, but particularly from a sexual
violence trauma aspect. And then I would engage a lot
(08:50):
with our board of directors. We have a fantastic board of
directors who are volunteers, but I would be the link between
the A, a, the service and the board.
And then I'd have the care of the staff and the HR role there.
So there's, there have been loads of different, it's been an
amazing and an interesting role.And it's just so timely that
you're doing this piece with me,Sophia, because I'm on the exit
(09:13):
pathway out. We have a new director of
services starting in a couple ofweeks time and I'm resigning.
And and so it's just a lovely time to to reflect on all the
different pieces. Yeah, and like, you have done
amazing work over the years, andI'm sure anyone that's worked
with you is truly grateful for everything you've done for
everyone, even for the communityof Mayo.
So I'm from ME, and for everyoneelse you've worked with, I
(09:36):
really do appreciate all you've done.
Thank you, Sophia, but it's a team effort, you know, from the
volunteers to the board to the staff and people have fundraise
for us who take on campaigns like who decide to mention us,
like all of them like something like this.
This is what matters. This is what really community
connection looks like. And this is a lovely chance to
(09:57):
take away any sort of anxiety someone might have about
contacting us to really reassurepeople there's nothing forced or
coerced. If you contact any of the 16
Rape Crisis centres, you know, and we're very blessed.
Male Rape Crisis Centre is a very active member of Rape
Crisis Ireland. And we'll all like, I would have
been on the board of Rape CrisisIreland, the national board for
(10:18):
a number of years while I've been in this post.
And that's really about looking at policy and procedures at a
national level to ensure qualityassurance of the services at
centres because you need someoneto be checking in.
Is that of the right standard orare we ensuring safety and good
(10:38):
professional standards for service users?
So like I say, yeah, I've been very blessed and and very
thankful for the role I've got to do.
But it's a team effort. It's a we.
It's not an I that's really important to me that anything
I've done, it's because of the sports in my life, you know, but
I'm passionate about having the proper services made available
(10:59):
to people. And I really think I, I take
great pride in that our servicesfree.
I think mental health issues mean that service money should
not be a barrier to people accessing because if we are
well, emotionally, psychologically, physically,
spiritually, we are such a, a resource to our communities.
(11:19):
And so I think it takes it makessense to make services like ours
free and long term. Yeah, I do agree with that
because personally myself, I know the financial side of it.
You will keep putting it off andputting it off because you can't
afford it this week and you can't afford it next week.
And then when you go to some apply for some services, you
could be waiting two years before you even get a call.
(11:41):
Like I know my sister was waiting a very long time and
unfortunately time ran out on it.
So I know the importance of having that safe space and that
person to speak to. It's extremely important.
And as you say, finances shouldn't even be considered
when it comes to mental health. And I'm so sorry for your loss
with your sister and how that came, you know, and like that,
(12:04):
like I'm aware we operate as a witness.
I'm aware all request centres are operating witness.
But even within that, that that grassroots feminist part of us.
And that's where we came out of grassroots feminist movement.
Like we will do what we can to make sure that people who need
us get in the door. And the other part that we do,
(12:25):
Sophia, that's really important,the advocacy and the support,
like we will do so much work with someone if they decide they
want to go down the judicial system.
We are so aware that's not the answer for everyone.
And even when they do go down that road, even getting a
conviction, that's not the end of this the journey for anyone.
(12:45):
Some people will come out of thecourtroom feeling glad they did
it. Others will be ambivalent, and
others will have regrets. And so we do a lot of work with
helping people to explore what it is I'm hoping will come out
of this for me and how will I be, and in so much as we can,
how will I be post this. So the work we do with the
(13:05):
guards and with the legal system, it's a really, really
important part of the work of a Rape Crisis centre, you know,
and giving people good information.
Yeah. You know that again, really
important. Because when you're going
through that whole process, you're very, very vulnerable.
And speaking on behalf of myself, I believed anything
anyone told me. You know, when I went down the
(13:28):
road of taking the case against my father, I thought this will
all be over and done within two years.
Like it's eleven years later since I get my statements and
I'm still feeling the consequences of it all.
It's not just once the court case is over, click a finger,
everything's OK. It's like after the court case,
I was like, who am I? What do I do with my life now?
There was such a void and such agrief for the person.
(13:51):
I was such a grief for the wholeprocess and the grief for my
father. And I even felt bad when he went
to jail because he was my dad, you know, I still have a love
for him because he was my dad. And it was so confusing.
And then all the headlines in the paper saying all this
horrible stuff. And part of me was like, but
that's my dad. Why they're saying that, you
(14:11):
know, It's like, it's really like.
Very, very complex and there's layers to Sophia as you so
beautifully put there. And, you know, I, I think it's
really hard for people to understand because of our, our
judicial system and, and how it's structured, our case can
feel like it's just a case to the state's solicitor and, and
(14:33):
all of that. But it's your life and when
you're engaged in it, it, it canbecome everything.
And then the aftermath when it'sgone through, it's like, well,
hot next. But I think to be fair to the
Justice Minister Jim O'Callaghan, he has spoken quite
recently about having to look atwhy it takes so long.
And, and you know, the our policy and legal person in RCI
(14:57):
have, you know, we are advocating for this all the
time. We need to look at the judicial
system to ensure that it's meeting the needs of victims and
lengthy long drawn our process. It's not in the interest of
victims. So that has to be looked at.
I believe it is being looked at.I am very hopeful as I leave the
sector that that is going to change.
(15:18):
But change takes time, unfortunately, and people
there's that's that has an impact for everyone, you know
who's already engaged with it. But I am hopeful that there will
be change there, Sophia, becauseit's badly, badly needed.
It's like when I done the restorative justice with my
father last year, I said to him,like I said, you're in here in
(15:40):
prison, you're getting all the support and here you're getting,
you're getting looked after, you're safe.
I said it's easy for you, like you're the ones that done the
crime, you're the ones that caused the damage, but it's the
people on the outside that have to pick up the pieces all the
time. It's a very, it's, it's very
disheartening that like you go through what you go through with
(16:02):
all the courts and stuff like that and they're tucked away and
they're being safe and you know,I know they're serving their
sentence and stuff like that, but it's just the support that's
needed on the outside isn't it'snot.
And you're you're serving a different type of sentence.
Exactly, Yeah. Yeah, and that's not always
understood. No, Yeah, yeah, it's a life
sentence. Yeah.
(16:23):
And, you know, it's looking at what can we do as a society to
help with that because sexual violence is so prevalent.
Yeah. That's that.
And here in Mayo, people need tohear that this isn't something
that happens in big cities or inbigger countries.
This happens in every town and village, everywhere of Mayo.
(16:45):
And we'll still say the most unsafe place for a child to be
is still in their family because, you know, the vast
majority of sexual violence thata child experiences will be
within the family. And until we start being brave
enough to look at that and talk about that, you know, and we
need to start working with parents before people come
(17:05):
parents, we need to educate people about what it takes to
keep the child safe. You know, So it's just really
good to be able to let let people know, yes, there's a
fantastic service in Mayo, but you need to first look at the
prevalence of the crime. You know, and again, even when
it comes to rape, the vast majority of rape happens within
(17:27):
a relationship. It's not the stranger down the
alleyway. You know there will have been
some form of connection somewhere, be it a colleague or
a friend of a colleague, but youknow it's very, very seldom a
stranger. And.
So that's, again, it's a hard thing to look at, but that's
what we know in May or request the centre.
(17:47):
That's what our own data and statistics tell us.
Wow. What does the process look like
when someone reaches out for help and support?
Well, it's a bit like what I said, you know, it can begin
with an e-mail or a phone call. Like our website gets a lot of
traffic. A lot of people will, you know,
that's MRCC dot IE we will get alot of emails through their
(18:11):
people just checking in, you know, so it can be by e-mail, it
can be by phone, it can be a text.
It's that you always get the sense of someone just checking
us out. You know, it can also be a
referral in from another. It can be from Saturn, the
sexual assault and treatment unit in Galway, it can be from
guards, it can be from AGP, it can be from a career guidance
council. It can come from anywhere.
(18:31):
And so that it begins with that first content and then trying to
help support someone to come in and meet with one of us.
And like I said, we do have a chat and an assessment what's
needed. And then it's, it's the reality
of council long term, you know, like young people don't stay as
long, but we, you know, we don't, we're very clear about
(18:52):
that. We don't put a time limit
because it's up to the client and the counsellor to work
together to see what is what is most needed.
And we hope that most people when they finish with us,
they're going away with feeling like we talk about, we listen,
(19:12):
we support and we empower. So we would hope when most
people are leaving and finish with us, they feel they've been
listening to, they have found supports within themselves and
within their their circle to continue to live well and that
they feel empowered. Like really it's we talk about
having power with people, not power over them.
(19:34):
And you know, if, if someone is not able, you know, if it's not
about the council telling someone what they need to do.
It's a collaborative process about asking someone what's a
lot of you think? And how about, you know, so
it's, it's all of that, Sophia. So and the people who leave
here, I obviously bear such a gift to their community and
their family then because they are the ones that will go on.
(19:57):
Yeah. To notice and to and to look for
change and all of that, you know, like they're the
ambassadors really down the roadin terms of the issue that we're
talking. About because I find as well
from my experience, when a person is going through all
this, it's a domino effect. It affects everyone in the
household, everyone. Friendships, partners, children.
(20:21):
It's not just the victim, the survivor, it's the the the whole
world around them. That absolutely.
And that's why we reach out and offer services to supporters.
We'll sit with a family, yeah, you know, and help them
understand because that is what's needed and understanding
and to develop empathy for what,you know, the client that the
(20:43):
person has gone through. And it's really important to say
as well, when we open, we only work with women and girls.
We now work with men and boys. Like we like sexual violence
doesn't have a gender, you know.But I suppose what we've always
known is that the vast majority of sexual violence would be
perpetrated on a woman by men. But what we've learned is like
(21:09):
men are more likely to have beenabused in their childhood and
their early adolescence. As a man grows up, gets older,
the threat of sexual violence diminishes for women.
What we've learned is that nevergoes.
And we've had elderly women raped in their own homes.
So that's, you know, something that we always have to bear in
mind and also that 98% of perpetrators are male.
(21:33):
So, you know, but, but it's really important that men and
boys, so they can also come to us and be met with the same
respect and dignity and understanding.
That's. Beautiful, yeah.
How can we better educate young people and adults about consent,
respect and boundaries? That's a big ask.
(21:57):
Like there are a lot of good programs and initiatives that
have been started over the last 10 years in particular.
There's a lot of survivors that have taken to social media and
everything that are talking, youknow, so there is more
information out there. There is a commitment from the
Department of Education and fromHealth and all of that.
And the new agency, like we are now under Department of Justice,
(22:20):
we're in a dedicated service called Coon, which was set up
under the auspices of Helen Mcentee when she was Minister
for Justice. And so that is a dedicated
project or a project under the Department of Justice for
Domestic section gender based violence.
And there is a big commitment inthere.
And there, I don't know if you've noticed, there are
(22:41):
advertisements being run on national television and media
trying to talk about consent andhealthy relationships and
everything. But for myself, I actually think
the conversation, it begins withfamily.
It has to start with parents. Consent begins from the youngest
age when the little toddler doesn't want to go to granny or
granddad and doesn't want to do the kiss of the hug.
(23:04):
And you teach the child to trustwhat it's feeling in his body
rather than saying go on or you can't.
A small child knows it's no, butwe educate them out of that.
So I think we work with parents.I really think we need to start
like in this country, if you want to get married in the
traditional way, you do a premarriage course, which for
(23:27):
some couples I'm sure it's really helpful.
Where's the pre parent course? Where do we sit with couples and
say, OK, do you really want to do the work or are you really
ready to do the work of parenting?
Yeah. Because it's a big ask.
Yeah. And we need to make sure you
have supports in place to help you down that journey because
the home schools are really important.
(23:48):
Teachers are really important. A good teacher can change the
child's life. But I think start on the whole
that's very much, I'm speaking very much from my own opinion
here. I'm I totally agree with you,
coming from my own experience. As you know, my father was my
views there and I've when I wentin to do the restorative justice
with him, I asked him why did hekeep doing what he'd done and
(24:10):
his answer was because I never got into trouble.
Wow, yeah. So I totally agree on what
you're saying about educating parents.
Like even for myself and my daughter, she lost out in a lot
of my life because I wasn't shown the right path in life
because of the home I came from.So like, I could have been a
(24:31):
different parent to her if I didn't have the childhood that I
had. It's like I had no guidance, no
support to show me how to be. I know there's no such thing as
perfect, but to be a good. Parent and that's really
powerful Sophia and we've had somany people come to us when they
become parents because then thenit comes OK, I've never told
(24:53):
anyone about what happened to mein childhood and now I'm really
afraid it's going to turn up andhow I parent my child and we
just really encourage that we think that's powerful.
You know, it's a, it can be a real moment for people.
Yeah, that's something I didn't even know that was provided or
something that was out there. Yeah.
Are there are there any misconceptions about sexual
(25:14):
violence that you think need to be addressed?
I suppose like what I said therepreviously, first of all, that
it does happen in Mayo. Yeah, and it happens in every
town, in every village. There's no one.
It also happens in every socio economic group.
This idea that it's only people who live on in poverty or
uneducated, that's a myth. That is our 31 years in this
(25:38):
country. We tell you sexual abuse and
sexual violence happens right across the side.
Like we've had every profession sit in front of us who have been
victims, you know, And then the myth that it only happens when
it's a stranger. That is not true.
It happens in homes mostly. But also, I suppose I'd really
(26:01):
like to say to anyone listening to this, you do recover, You do
come back from this. You do become the person you
want to be. That beautiful thing that we
call the process of individuation.
You become your own person. We cannot ever change the past.
It's there, but we can change how we relate to it.
(26:22):
We can take its power out of us.And and, you know, it's like we
learn to kind of gaze back at itrather than stay looking back.
And and we and we come into the here now and we realise we get
choices and hopefully common forconstant helps you access that
part of you, you know, So I really want to give people hope
(26:45):
that everything can, you know, if we don't face it, we may not
be over to come, you know, and you can't overcome everything,
but we need to face this. So within ourselves, within our
families, within our communities, And that's where
the healing can come from. I do agree about the
counselling. Like I don't think I would have
got through my father's court case and what I went through if
(27:05):
I didn't have the support and that safe space to be able to
acknowledge what I was going through and to talk about stuff.
Like I talked about stuff with my counsellor that I couldn't.
I never thought I'd even say outloud, like stuff feelings I got
when I was being abused and stuff that I thought I was
enjoying the abuse because I washaving orgasms and at such a
(27:27):
young age and stuff like that. And of course it alienates you
inside when you think that it's all your fault.
So the power of the counselling and the support is extremely
important. Like for example, my sister
never had counselling and I did.I'm here to talk about my past
and she's not. So I totally agree that it's
(27:49):
extremely important. And that's a lovely reflection
of the safety you experience in your in your council
relationship because being able to look the burden of the own,
the untold story, it really is aburden.
And when we can he when we can speak and be heard safely, it's
very healing in itself. And then the, the educational
piece, Sophia and all of that, having someone help you
(28:12):
understand why your body did what it did.
Again, it's to take the burden of responsibility and shame of
the victim and, and to look at all of that with compassion and
understanding, you know, and that's where that really helps.
And also say it's not easy. We know the council is not easy.
It's like sometimes I say the clients, it kind of comes with a
(28:33):
government health warrant. It can get a bit worse before it
gets better, but it does get better.
But that's where the healing I find where the healing for me is
in the pain, because when I'm feeling that pain, I'm not going
to feel that exact pain ever again because it's like you have
to sit in it to go through it. And there's a lovely quote that
(28:55):
says only what I feel can I heal?
And that's exactly what you're giving evidence to there,
Sophie. That's.
Beautiful What are the biggest challenges facing Rape Crisis
centres in Ireland today? Waiting lists, I suppose,
looking at the age profile of some of us that have been there
(29:17):
so long, trying to encourage allthe people like how we operate
in Mayo, is that we run specialised sexual violence
training. It's 100 hours training
developed by our Rape Crisis Ireland.
It's amazing training and we offer that to therapists who are
either accredited or working towards accreditation but who
have a background in therapy. We offer the training free and
(29:41):
the back. The payback to the centre is
that therapist will then do 2 sessions a week for two years
voluntary. So we really believe we are very
committed to the voluntary. I think volunteerism is one of
the most onsung gold golden pieces in our society today.
When you think of all the self help groups that have come from
(30:03):
volunteerism and, and the, the absolute gift they've been to
people. So trying to have finances
available to provide that training and to keep bringing in
a net of new. Like the last time we ran the
training was 2018-2019. So we are really due to run that
training again. And I'm, I'm hopeful that's
(30:24):
going to happen in next year. And, and, and keeping that alive
and keeping the funding alive. You know, from queuing now from
the Department of Justice that we have good and that we offer
good paying conditions to the staff working here.
You know that because it's really important to support the
workers. Well, for me on particularly the
(30:45):
big challenge was as we need a new building.
We own this building. We're really lucky.
We've just got just now this month, this building here in
Newtown is ours, but it doesn't meet the need.
There's a lot of structural problems in the building.
And our dream would be to have aa Greenfield site where we could
design a building that would just really value victims of
(31:10):
sexual violence and their supporters.
So we are on the lookout and we're calling out to people all
around the place. Can you help us in any way find
that's place and and find a new building?
And I think there's a lot of redcrisis centres around the
country struggling with the sameto have the space to do the work
that's needed. And I suppose the other thing
that's challenging for us is theworld of the predator.
(31:35):
How that is becoming more and more harder to almost predict.
You know, I won't even get into this now, but we can't but
mention the Internet pornography, you know, toxic
masculinity, the influence it's having on our young boys and our
young men. We need our we need our men to
stand with us. These protests that were that
(31:55):
been happening there happened the last few years.
You know, when victims speak out, they're predominantly
females to turn up those protests.
We need our men to stand with this and we need our young boys
to see our men standing with this.
And that's a challenge in the request of Sanders to get men to
stand up and say not on my name and to call out their brothers,
(32:18):
their sons, their friends when they hear rape myths being, you
know, being allowed, you know, or the jokes or anything that's
very misogynistic and diminishing of women.
And equally, if it's, you know, if it's diminishing men, like
it's about recognizing the dignity of all genders.
(32:38):
So those are challenges, Sofia. You know that they'd be the most
that jumps to my mind in this moment.
I'm sure after this I'll think about it more and more, but for
now those are the most prominent.
How do you staff and volunteers manage the emotions that come
with the work? Well, we're very committed to
(32:59):
our own supervision. Supervision is crucial.
And that's like that where you go and you sit with your
clinical supervisor and you lookat how I am.
We also have great team support,you know, just having your
colleague there, someone to havea cup of tea with in the kitchen
and all of that and your own self-care.
Then that's responsibility of all of us.
(33:20):
How do we look after such in anyjob that we do?
What's our self-care look like? You know, things like nature or
some kind of a physical practicewalk and might be yoga, Tai chi,
whatever, you know, like for myself, I'm a great believer in
choir. I sing and it's just such a help
and keep keeping me well and andthat is on all of us to look
(33:43):
after ourselves, you know, but supervision is really important
here and we run workshops and upscale and and just the contact
between each other and then the the fact that we're part of
another whole. There's 16 rib crisis centres
and that's shared vision and andyou know, so there's lots of
things you might say is happening here and you say, Oh
yeah, there's a rib crisis centre.
Waterford have are dealing with this or Limerick or Donegal or
(34:07):
you know, Tarlo or so it's it's there's a connection between all
of that. That's very helpful, isn't it?
Beautiful. Can you share a moment without
revealing any identities that made you feel proud of work
being done here? Oh, there's too many to mention.
I'll get emotional. There's just been so many.
(34:28):
There's been so many absolutely powerful moments.
Yeah. Or where people have just,
they've, they've just gone against the odds and come out
and really, really blossomed after so much really, really,
really tough stuff, you know, And you look at yourself,
(34:50):
Sophie. That must make you so proud
though, knowing that you can help people change their lives,
find their true identity, and even be able just to have a
peaceful night's sleep. And maybe I'm not sure I'd use
the word proud, but it makes me very thankful that they found us
and that we were able to meet that need.
(35:12):
I suppose that's what I was justreally grateful.
I've been an awe of people. More than proud, I've been an
absolute awe of people. How can individuals or community
support the work of the majoritycrisis in terror?
Well, I suppose we're fairing people to us when they hear
something, that they know something has happened to
(35:33):
someone. You know, just letting them know
that we're here or contacting usourselves and getting a bit of
information and then if you're ever looking for a good cause of
fundraise for it. And so I was going to say
fundraising, I don't know, fundraiser witty before it.
And it was so like it was such abeautiful feeling to be able to
do that and just to hand over that cheque and think, wow,
(35:54):
that's like it really made me feel empowered.
It really did. So like for anyone that does
want to jump on board and fundraise free jump out of a
plane like I did, how do they approach?
Give us a call. We have, you know, we have a
really good board, like I said, and we have our fundraising
policies and all of that. We don't, we don't allow people
(36:15):
who are in counselling with us to fundraise.
We think no, take a couple of years post your counselling
because it can't be activated and all that.
And we don't want you for you don't ever have to.
There's not a have to. We need nothing back from you
other than for you to have the life you want for yourself as a
result of, you know, cancer and whatever.
But give us a call, e-mail us info at MRMRCC dot IE you know
(36:39):
someone will get back to you andwe'll have a chat.
Perfect final thought, Loretta. What message would you like to
share with survivors who may be afraid to seek help?
I would say, of course you're afraid.
I so understand that you make sense.
(37:00):
Sit with it. But remember, you can you can
just have a chat with us. Even telling one person could
change your life. There's no right or wrong way to
do this. You do it your way and we will
support you as much as we can todo that.
(37:22):
What would I say? Maybe trust yourself.
Yeah. You know, it's OK to feel being
afraid doesn't mean you can't doit.
It's a very human feeling to have.
You're about to look into something you may not have
wanted to look at and to trust yourself.
You, you'll know when it's right.
You'll know when the time you like.
We've had people who came to us 20 years ago and only came for a
(37:43):
little while, dropped off, came back ten years later and said I
just wasn't ready. I think that's OK.
There's no judgement on that. You know, isn't it great that
you caught it? So it's OK to be afraid.
That doesn't mean you can't do it and begin with the you know,
what's what's the least thing you could do?
Would it be to send an e-mail orto send a text, or to leave a
(38:07):
voice message? But, you know, or to talk to
someone else? Maybe talk to a friend or
someone else first? There is a lot of power in
sharing. There is, yeah.
And it's so beautiful to be listened to as well.
Yeah. For sure.
Yeah, Loretta, thank you so muchfor giving me your time this
morning. And.
I love it, Sophia. I really do appreciate it and I
(38:29):
know a lot of other people will take so much from this because
as I said, I didn't know that all of this was provided and you
do provide so. Much.
Yeah. Thank you.
It's been great. Thanks.
Thank you very much.
I had the honour of speaking with Loretta, the Director of
Mayo Rape Crisis Centre, ahead of her retirement.
She spoke about the Centre's vital work providing free,
confidential counseling for survivors and their families,
legal and court support, advocacy during the interviews
and medical visits, and delivering education programs
like disclosure training. It was a privilege to help share
(00:23):
the powerful impact of this incredible team.
I'm very grateful to be sitting down with the director of the
Mayo Rape Crisis Center, and this topic really means a lot to
me. It touches home with me.
My reason for doing this is to raise awareness, as I always
thought the crisis center was just a helpline.
I didn't realize that they provided the service that they
(00:44):
provide. So Loretta has agreed to have a
conversation with me to talk about what the Mayo Rape Crisis
Center provides and all the other Rape Crisis centers around
Ireland. Thanks for having this
conversation with me Loretta. It really means a lot.
You're very welcome, Sophia. Very happy to do.
This. Thank you.
I just have a few questions herethat we can go through that,
okay. Can you tell us a little bit
(01:05):
about the history of the Mayo Rape Crisis?
In term, so in back in the early90s, there was absolutely no
services in Mayo for women at that time who had experienced
sexual violence, childhood sexual abuse.
So women and girls had to travelto Galway.
And then a bunch of women here in Caspire and Mayo came
together, primarily Ruth Mcneelyand Fiona and Erie and Mary
(01:30):
Givali. I can't remember all of them,
but they came together and they formed the Mayo Rape Crisis
Centre in 1994 and I joined themthen in 1995.
So we've been in the in county 31 years.
This June June 1994, it opened its doors for the first time.
And not many people are aware that these services are even
here. No, absolutely.
(01:51):
And you know, you can view that from two ways.
I always say if you don't know that we're here, possibly it
means you never needed us, and that's a good thing.
But for the vast majority of people, it's really good to know
that if you or someone in your life was ever impacted by the
crime of sexual violence, be that childhood sexual abuse,
(02:11):
sexual assault, sexual harassment and rape, that there
really is a fantastic service available in your own community.
We offer free counselling, support, information and
advocacy, which is, you know, hugely helpful to people.
Sometimes people just need to check us out in terms of is this
(02:33):
the right place? Where do I go to?
How do I start the journey? So we do that for the victims.
But the other piece that people don't realise is we work a lot
with the supporters of the victims.
So the victim may never come through our door, but a parent
may get in touch with us, a sibling, a partner, a friend or
a colleague. And what we have learned over
(02:54):
our 31 years. Very often, if the primary
person in a survivor's life is well informed about sexual
violence and and you know the myriad impact it has on
someone's life, that can be the most healing thing and
supportive thing for the victim.Yeah, yeah.
What kind of services do you offer survivors of sexual
(03:18):
violence? So the first thing we'd say is
you can phone our helpline. We, we operate a free phone
helpline 4 mornings a week. Well, and then for two hours on
a Friday morning, that point of contact can be really helpful
because someone may call us a number of times and they're just
checking us out. And of course, it's very wise to
do that because it's really important to know, is this a
(03:39):
safe place for me to access the service?
So that can be one call. It can be a number of calls.
What we try to encourage the caller to do then is to come in
for what we call an initial appointment.
So we say all the time, just come in and have a chat, have a
cup of tea, have a chat with us.Let us get a sense of what your
needs are, let you get a sense of us and what we offer.
(04:03):
And out of that, hopefully we will establish, you know, yeah,
this would be a good time for you to come and have counselling
with us. So as you know, if someone's a
recent, if it's been a recent assault or a recent rape, we
will try to get someone in the door within two weeks of that
first point of contact. And then if someone is in
(04:24):
crisis, we will try to get them in to see a counsellor as
quickly as possible. Otherwise, we do unfortunately
operate a waiting list and we'lltry as hard as we can to get
people seen as possible, you know, as quickly as possible.
Our intention is always to respond as best as we can within
our limits and, and what's available to us.
(04:45):
So once you've had that initial appointment, then you come in
and you get assigned a counselor.
And we would always encourage someone, please try and show up
every week for the 1st 6 to 8 weeks just to get an idea.
Is this helping? Is this making a difference?
And then after that, like we areconstant is long term while what
(05:05):
if it's working for you? You keep coming.
We don't put a limit. We don't believe you can.
We've learned ourselves over theyears that what we call
disclosure, which is where someone begins to tell all the
things that happened, not just one.
It's a process. It can take someone a number of
years to be able to act, to havethe safety and the capacity
(05:26):
within yourself to even start tolook at this or touch on it.
So we, our work is very gentle. It's very client LED.
We don't need to know the details.
We keep saying to client, we don't need the story.
We need to work with the impact.How is what happened to you in
the past showing up on how you engaged with life today?
(05:48):
You know, so it's, it's really slow paced work because we're
dealing with trauma, but it's not just a physical trauma, it's
emotional, it's psychological and a spiritual, you know,
depending on how the abuse happened and where and all of
that. So we're very much led by what
our clients are telling us. Every client brings us something
new. We learn something different
(06:10):
from every client that comes through the door.
They have a unique perspective that helps us to stay that way
informed. What is your role as the
director and what inspired you to work in this field?
OK, so like I so I joined the service in 1995 as a volunteer
and as a volunteer council and Icontinued as a volunteer for a
(06:33):
number of years in the early 2000s.
I, I because my own background is in psychotherapy and clinical
supervision. I joined as a two days a week
and I did a lot of educational work and 1 to 1 council work.
And then when our outgoing director, Ruth Mcneely retired
in 19 No 2014, I interviewed forthe job and got the role as
(06:59):
direct of service. It has, it's changed a lot
because when we began, we were funded partially through the
HSE. In 2014, we were moved under in
under Tussel, the Child and Family Agency.
So our funding and everything came through there.
So my work then began to change quite a bit and that I had to
begin to advocate for the service as opposed to for the
(07:21):
client, even though there are inextricably linked.
But I had to begin to campaign and advocate to make sure we
were getting funding and supportcross government really to make
sure that we had what we needed to meet the needs of of the
client. And then my work was very much
about getting out and promoting the service, making people aware
(07:42):
that we existed and what we offer and starting to link in
with other community groups because I think connection is
essential because again, Sophia,and you be aware of this, that
sexual violence effects every aspect of someone's life.
So we need to be connected into educational services, to
probation services, to employment services, to housing,
(08:05):
to health, you know, to to see that it's an integrated and
holistic response that we are offering and that we know where
to make the referrals on to and that other services know where
to make the referrals into causeof it's safe, clear referral
pathway is really helpful. Good information, correct
information makes it safe for the victim.
(08:28):
And then I would do a lot of work with the guards, advocating
with the guards, in particular the DPSU, the Protective
Services unit that opened here in May on 20/20, you know, and,
and trying to deliver some training around being trauma
aware and trauma informed, but particularly from a sexual
violence trauma aspect. And then I would engage a lot
(08:50):
with our board of directors. We have a fantastic board of
directors who are volunteers, but I would be the link between
the A, a, the service and the board.
And then I'd have the care of the staff and the HR role there.
So there's, there have been loads of different, it's been an
amazing and an interesting role.And it's just so timely that
you're doing this piece with me,Sophia, because I'm on the exit
(09:13):
pathway out. We have a new director of
services starting in a couple ofweeks time and I'm resigning.
And and so it's just a lovely time to to reflect on all the
different pieces. Yeah, and like, you have done
amazing work over the years, andI'm sure anyone that's worked
with you is truly grateful for everything you've done for
everyone, even for the communityof Mayo.
So I'm from ME, and for everyoneelse you've worked with, I
(09:36):
really do appreciate all you've done.
Thank you, Sophia, but it's a team effort, you know, from the
volunteers to the board to the staff and people have fundraise
for us who take on campaigns like who decide to mention us,
like all of them like something like this.
This is what matters. This is what really community
connection looks like. And this is a lovely chance to
(09:57):
take away any sort of anxiety someone might have about
contacting us to really reassurepeople there's nothing forced or
coerced. If you contact any of the 16
Rape Crisis centres, you know, and we're very blessed.
Male Rape Crisis Centre is a very active member of Rape
Crisis Ireland. And we'll all like, I would have
been on the board of Rape CrisisIreland, the national board for
(10:18):
a number of years while I've been in this post.
And that's really about looking at policy and procedures at a
national level to ensure qualityassurance of the services at
centres because you need someoneto be checking in.
Is that of the right standard orare we ensuring safety and good
(10:38):
professional standards for service users?
So like I say, yeah, I've been very blessed and and very
thankful for the role I've got to do.
But it's a team effort. It's a we.
It's not an I that's really important to me that anything
I've done, it's because of the sports in my life, you know, but
I'm passionate about having the proper services made available
(10:59):
to people. And I really think I, I take
great pride in that our servicesfree.
I think mental health issues mean that service money should
not be a barrier to people accessing because if we are
well, emotionally, psychologically, physically,
spiritually, we are such a, a resource to our communities.
(11:19):
And so I think it takes it makessense to make services like ours
free and long term. Yeah, I do agree with that
because personally myself, I know the financial side of it.
You will keep putting it off andputting it off because you can't
afford it this week and you can't afford it next week.
And then when you go to some apply for some services, you
could be waiting two years before you even get a call.
(11:41):
Like I know my sister was waiting a very long time and
unfortunately time ran out on it.
So I know the importance of having that safe space and that
person to speak to. It's extremely important.
And as you say, finances shouldn't even be considered
when it comes to mental health. And I'm so sorry for your loss
with your sister and how that came, you know, and like that,
(12:04):
like I'm aware we operate as a witness.
I'm aware all request centres are operating witness.
But even within that, that that grassroots feminist part of us.
And that's where we came out of grassroots feminist movement.
Like we will do what we can to make sure that people who need
us get in the door. And the other part that we do,
(12:25):
Sophia, that's really important,the advocacy and the support,
like we will do so much work with someone if they decide they
want to go down the judicial system.
We are so aware that's not the answer for everyone.
And even when they do go down that road, even getting a
conviction, that's not the end of this the journey for anyone.
(12:45):
Some people will come out of thecourtroom feeling glad they did
it. Others will be ambivalent, and
others will have regrets. And so we do a lot of work with
helping people to explore what it is I'm hoping will come out
of this for me and how will I be, and in so much as we can,
how will I be post this. So the work we do with the
(13:05):
guards and with the legal system, it's a really, really
important part of the work of a Rape Crisis centre, you know,
and giving people good information.
Yeah. You know that again, really
important. Because when you're going
through that whole process, you're very, very vulnerable.
And speaking on behalf of myself, I believed anything
anyone told me. You know, when I went down the
(13:28):
road of taking the case against my father, I thought this will
all be over and done within two years.
Like it's eleven years later since I get my statements and
I'm still feeling the consequences of it all.
It's not just once the court case is over, click a finger,
everything's OK. It's like after the court case,
I was like, who am I? What do I do with my life now?
There was such a void and such agrief for the person.
(13:51):
I was such a grief for the wholeprocess and the grief for my
father. And I even felt bad when he went
to jail because he was my dad, you know, I still have a love
for him because he was my dad. And it was so confusing.
And then all the headlines in the paper saying all this
horrible stuff. And part of me was like, but
that's my dad. Why they're saying that, you
(14:11):
know, It's like, it's really like.
Very, very complex and there's layers to Sophia as you so
beautifully put there. And, you know, I, I think it's
really hard for people to understand because of our, our
judicial system and, and how it's structured, our case can
feel like it's just a case to the state's solicitor and, and
(14:33):
all of that. But it's your life and when
you're engaged in it, it, it canbecome everything.
And then the aftermath when it'sgone through, it's like, well,
hot next. But I think to be fair to the
Justice Minister Jim O'Callaghan, he has spoken quite
recently about having to look atwhy it takes so long.
And, and you know, the our policy and legal person in RCI
(14:57):
have, you know, we are advocating for this all the
time. We need to look at the judicial
system to ensure that it's meeting the needs of victims and
lengthy long drawn our process. It's not in the interest of
victims. So that has to be looked at.
I believe it is being looked at.I am very hopeful as I leave the
sector that that is going to change.
(15:18):
But change takes time, unfortunately, and people
there's that's that has an impact for everyone, you know
who's already engaged with it. But I am hopeful that there will
be change there, Sophia, becauseit's badly, badly needed.
It's like when I done the restorative justice with my
father last year, I said to him,like I said, you're in here in
(15:40):
prison, you're getting all the support and here you're getting,
you're getting looked after, you're safe.
I said it's easy for you, like you're the ones that done the
crime, you're the ones that caused the damage, but it's the
people on the outside that have to pick up the pieces all the
time. It's a very, it's, it's very
disheartening that like you go through what you go through with
(16:02):
all the courts and stuff like that and they're tucked away and
they're being safe and you know,I know they're serving their
sentence and stuff like that, but it's just the support that's
needed on the outside isn't it'snot.
And you're you're serving a different type of sentence.
Exactly, Yeah. Yeah, and that's not always
understood. No, Yeah, yeah, it's a life
sentence. Yeah.
(16:23):
And, you know, it's looking at what can we do as a society to
help with that because sexual violence is so prevalent.
Yeah. That's that.
And here in Mayo, people need tohear that this isn't something
that happens in big cities or inbigger countries.
This happens in every town and village, everywhere of Mayo.
(16:45):
And we'll still say the most unsafe place for a child to be
is still in their family because, you know, the vast
majority of sexual violence thata child experiences will be
within the family. And until we start being brave
enough to look at that and talk about that, you know, and we
need to start working with parents before people come
(17:05):
parents, we need to educate people about what it takes to
keep the child safe. You know, So it's just really
good to be able to let let people know, yes, there's a
fantastic service in Mayo, but you need to first look at the
prevalence of the crime. You know, and again, even when
it comes to rape, the vast majority of rape happens within
(17:27):
a relationship. It's not the stranger down the
alleyway. You know there will have been
some form of connection somewhere, be it a colleague or
a friend of a colleague, but youknow it's very, very seldom a
stranger. And.
So that's, again, it's a hard thing to look at, but that's
what we know in May or request the centre.
(17:47):
That's what our own data and statistics tell us.
Wow. What does the process look like
when someone reaches out for help and support?
Well, it's a bit like what I said, you know, it can begin
with an e-mail or a phone call. Like our website gets a lot of
traffic. A lot of people will, you know,
that's MRCC dot IE we will get alot of emails through their
(18:11):
people just checking in, you know, so it can be by e-mail, it
can be by phone, it can be a text.
It's that you always get the sense of someone just checking
us out. You know, it can also be a
referral in from another. It can be from Saturn, the
sexual assault and treatment unit in Galway, it can be from
guards, it can be from AGP, it can be from a career guidance
council. It can come from anywhere.
(18:31):
And so that it begins with that first content and then trying to
help support someone to come in and meet with one of us.
And like I said, we do have a chat and an assessment what's
needed. And then it's, it's the reality
of council long term, you know, like young people don't stay as
long, but we, you know, we don't, we're very clear about
(18:52):
that. We don't put a time limit
because it's up to the client and the counsellor to work
together to see what is what is most needed.
And we hope that most people when they finish with us,
they're going away with feeling like we talk about, we listen,
(19:12):
we support and we empower. So we would hope when most
people are leaving and finish with us, they feel they've been
listening to, they have found supports within themselves and
within their their circle to continue to live well and that
they feel empowered. Like really it's we talk about
having power with people, not power over them.
(19:34):
And you know, if, if someone is not able, you know, if it's not
about the council telling someone what they need to do.
It's a collaborative process about asking someone what's a
lot of you think? And how about, you know, so
it's, it's all of that, Sophia. So and the people who leave
here, I obviously bear such a gift to their community and
their family then because they are the ones that will go on.
(19:57):
Yeah. To notice and to and to look for
change and all of that, you know, like they're the
ambassadors really down the roadin terms of the issue that we're
talking. About because I find as well
from my experience, when a person is going through all
this, it's a domino effect. It affects everyone in the
household, everyone. Friendships, partners, children.
(20:21):
It's not just the victim, the survivor, it's the the the whole
world around them. That absolutely.
And that's why we reach out and offer services to supporters.
We'll sit with a family, yeah, you know, and help them
understand because that is what's needed and understanding
and to develop empathy for what,you know, the client that the
(20:43):
person has gone through. And it's really important to say
as well, when we open, we only work with women and girls.
We now work with men and boys. Like we like sexual violence
doesn't have a gender, you know.But I suppose what we've always
known is that the vast majority of sexual violence would be
perpetrated on a woman by men. But what we've learned is like
(21:09):
men are more likely to have beenabused in their childhood and
their early adolescence. As a man grows up, gets older,
the threat of sexual violence diminishes for women.
What we've learned is that nevergoes.
And we've had elderly women raped in their own homes.
So that's, you know, something that we always have to bear in
mind and also that 98% of perpetrators are male.
(21:33):
So, you know, but, but it's really important that men and
boys, so they can also come to us and be met with the same
respect and dignity and understanding.
That's. Beautiful, yeah.
How can we better educate young people and adults about consent,
respect and boundaries? That's a big ask.
(21:57):
Like there are a lot of good programs and initiatives that
have been started over the last 10 years in particular.
There's a lot of survivors that have taken to social media and
everything that are talking, youknow, so there is more
information out there. There is a commitment from the
Department of Education and fromHealth and all of that.
And the new agency, like we are now under Department of Justice,
(22:20):
we're in a dedicated service called Coon, which was set up
under the auspices of Helen Mcentee when she was Minister
for Justice. And so that is a dedicated
project or a project under the Department of Justice for
Domestic section gender based violence.
And there is a big commitment inthere.
And there, I don't know if you've noticed, there are
(22:41):
advertisements being run on national television and media
trying to talk about consent andhealthy relationships and
everything. But for myself, I actually think
the conversation, it begins withfamily.
It has to start with parents. Consent begins from the youngest
age when the little toddler doesn't want to go to granny or
granddad and doesn't want to do the kiss of the hug.
(23:04):
And you teach the child to trustwhat it's feeling in his body
rather than saying go on or you can't.
A small child knows it's no, butwe educate them out of that.
So I think we work with parents.I really think we need to start
like in this country, if you want to get married in the
traditional way, you do a premarriage course, which for
(23:27):
some couples I'm sure it's really helpful.
Where's the pre parent course? Where do we sit with couples and
say, OK, do you really want to do the work or are you really
ready to do the work of parenting?
Yeah. Because it's a big ask.
Yeah. And we need to make sure you
have supports in place to help you down that journey because
the home schools are really important.
(23:48):
Teachers are really important. A good teacher can change the
child's life. But I think start on the whole
that's very much, I'm speaking very much from my own opinion
here. I'm I totally agree with you,
coming from my own experience. As you know, my father was my
views there and I've when I wentin to do the restorative justice
with him, I asked him why did hekeep doing what he'd done and
(24:10):
his answer was because I never got into trouble.
Wow, yeah. So I totally agree on what
you're saying about educating parents.
Like even for myself and my daughter, she lost out in a lot
of my life because I wasn't shown the right path in life
because of the home I came from.So like, I could have been a
(24:31):
different parent to her if I didn't have the childhood that I
had. It's like I had no guidance, no
support to show me how to be. I know there's no such thing as
perfect, but to be a good. Parent and that's really
powerful Sophia and we've had somany people come to us when they
become parents because then thenit comes OK, I've never told
(24:53):
anyone about what happened to mein childhood and now I'm really
afraid it's going to turn up andhow I parent my child and we
just really encourage that we think that's powerful.
You know, it's a, it can be a real moment for people.
Yeah, that's something I didn't even know that was provided or
something that was out there. Yeah.
Are there are there any misconceptions about sexual
(25:14):
violence that you think need to be addressed?
I suppose like what I said therepreviously, first of all, that
it does happen in Mayo. Yeah, and it happens in every
town, in every village. There's no one.
It also happens in every socio economic group.
This idea that it's only people who live on in poverty or
uneducated, that's a myth. That is our 31 years in this
(25:38):
country. We tell you sexual abuse and
sexual violence happens right across the side.
Like we've had every profession sit in front of us who have been
victims, you know, And then the myth that it only happens when
it's a stranger. That is not true.
It happens in homes mostly. But also, I suppose I'd really
(26:01):
like to say to anyone listening to this, you do recover, You do
come back from this. You do become the person you
want to be. That beautiful thing that we
call the process of individuation.
You become your own person. We cannot ever change the past.
It's there, but we can change how we relate to it.
(26:22):
We can take its power out of us.And and, you know, it's like we
learn to kind of gaze back at itrather than stay looking back.
And and we and we come into the here now and we realise we get
choices and hopefully common forconstant helps you access that
part of you, you know, So I really want to give people hope
(26:45):
that everything can, you know, if we don't face it, we may not
be over to come, you know, and you can't overcome everything,
but we need to face this. So within ourselves, within our
families, within our communities, And that's where
the healing can come from. I do agree about the
counselling. Like I don't think I would have
got through my father's court case and what I went through if
(27:05):
I didn't have the support and that safe space to be able to
acknowledge what I was going through and to talk about stuff.
Like I talked about stuff with my counsellor that I couldn't.
I never thought I'd even say outloud, like stuff feelings I got
when I was being abused and stuff that I thought I was
enjoying the abuse because I washaving orgasms and at such a
(27:27):
young age and stuff like that. And of course it alienates you
inside when you think that it's all your fault.
So the power of the counselling and the support is extremely
important. Like for example, my sister
never had counselling and I did.I'm here to talk about my past
and she's not. So I totally agree that it's
(27:49):
extremely important. And that's a lovely reflection
of the safety you experience in your in your council
relationship because being able to look the burden of the own,
the untold story, it really is aburden.
And when we can he when we can speak and be heard safely, it's
very healing in itself. And then the, the educational
piece, Sophia and all of that, having someone help you
(28:12):
understand why your body did what it did.
Again, it's to take the burden of responsibility and shame of
the victim and, and to look at all of that with compassion and
understanding, you know, and that's where that really helps.
And also say it's not easy. We know the council is not easy.
It's like sometimes I say the clients, it kind of comes with a
(28:33):
government health warrant. It can get a bit worse before it
gets better, but it does get better.
But that's where the healing I find where the healing for me is
in the pain, because when I'm feeling that pain, I'm not going
to feel that exact pain ever again because it's like you have
to sit in it to go through it. And there's a lovely quote that
(28:55):
says only what I feel can I heal?
And that's exactly what you're giving evidence to there,
Sophie. That's.
Beautiful What are the biggest challenges facing Rape Crisis
centres in Ireland today? Waiting lists, I suppose,
looking at the age profile of some of us that have been there
(29:17):
so long, trying to encourage allthe people like how we operate
in Mayo, is that we run specialised sexual violence
training. It's 100 hours training
developed by our Rape Crisis Ireland.
It's amazing training and we offer that to therapists who are
either accredited or working towards accreditation but who
have a background in therapy. We offer the training free and
(29:41):
the back. The payback to the centre is
that therapist will then do 2 sessions a week for two years
voluntary. So we really believe we are very
committed to the voluntary. I think volunteerism is one of
the most onsung gold golden pieces in our society today.
When you think of all the self help groups that have come from
(30:03):
volunteerism and, and the, the absolute gift they've been to
people. So trying to have finances
available to provide that training and to keep bringing in
a net of new. Like the last time we ran the
training was 2018-2019. So we are really due to run that
training again. And I'm, I'm hopeful that's
(30:24):
going to happen in next year. And, and, and keeping that alive
and keeping the funding alive. You know, from queuing now from
the Department of Justice that we have good and that we offer
good paying conditions to the staff working here.
You know that because it's really important to support the
workers. Well, for me on particularly the
(30:45):
big challenge was as we need a new building.
We own this building. We're really lucky.
We've just got just now this month, this building here in
Newtown is ours, but it doesn't meet the need.
There's a lot of structural problems in the building.
And our dream would be to have aa Greenfield site where we could
design a building that would just really value victims of
(31:10):
sexual violence and their supporters.
So we are on the lookout and we're calling out to people all
around the place. Can you help us in any way find
that's place and and find a new building?
And I think there's a lot of redcrisis centres around the
country struggling with the sameto have the space to do the work
that's needed. And I suppose the other thing
that's challenging for us is theworld of the predator.
(31:35):
How that is becoming more and more harder to almost predict.
You know, I won't even get into this now, but we can't but
mention the Internet pornography, you know, toxic
masculinity, the influence it's having on our young boys and our
young men. We need our we need our men to
stand with us. These protests that were that
(31:55):
been happening there happened the last few years.
You know, when victims speak out, they're predominantly
females to turn up those protests.
We need our men to stand with this and we need our young boys
to see our men standing with this.
And that's a challenge in the request of Sanders to get men to
stand up and say not on my name and to call out their brothers,
(32:18):
their sons, their friends when they hear rape myths being, you
know, being allowed, you know, or the jokes or anything that's
very misogynistic and diminishing of women.
And equally, if it's, you know, if it's diminishing men, like
it's about recognizing the dignity of all genders.
(32:38):
So those are challenges, Sofia. You know that they'd be the most
that jumps to my mind in this moment.
I'm sure after this I'll think about it more and more, but for
now those are the most prominent.
How do you staff and volunteers manage the emotions that come
with the work? Well, we're very committed to
(32:59):
our own supervision. Supervision is crucial.
And that's like that where you go and you sit with your
clinical supervisor and you lookat how I am.
We also have great team support,you know, just having your
colleague there, someone to havea cup of tea with in the kitchen
and all of that and your own self-care.
Then that's responsibility of all of us.
(33:20):
How do we look after such in anyjob that we do?
What's our self-care look like? You know, things like nature or
some kind of a physical practicewalk and might be yoga, Tai chi,
whatever, you know, like for myself, I'm a great believer in
choir. I sing and it's just such a help
and keep keeping me well and andthat is on all of us to look
(33:43):
after ourselves, you know, but supervision is really important
here and we run workshops and upscale and and just the contact
between each other and then the the fact that we're part of
another whole. There's 16 rib crisis centres
and that's shared vision and andyou know, so there's lots of
things you might say is happening here and you say, Oh
yeah, there's a rib crisis centre.
Waterford have are dealing with this or Limerick or Donegal or
(34:07):
you know, Tarlo or so it's it's there's a connection between all
of that. That's very helpful, isn't it?
Beautiful. Can you share a moment without
revealing any identities that made you feel proud of work
being done here? Oh, there's too many to mention.
I'll get emotional. There's just been so many.
(34:28):
There's been so many absolutely powerful moments.
Yeah. Or where people have just,
they've, they've just gone against the odds and come out
and really, really blossomed after so much really, really,
really tough stuff, you know, And you look at yourself,
(34:50):
Sophie. That must make you so proud
though, knowing that you can help people change their lives,
find their true identity, and even be able just to have a
peaceful night's sleep. And maybe I'm not sure I'd use
the word proud, but it makes me very thankful that they found us
and that we were able to meet that need.
(35:12):
I suppose that's what I was justreally grateful.
I've been an awe of people. More than proud, I've been an
absolute awe of people. How can individuals or community
support the work of the majoritycrisis in terror?
Well, I suppose we're fairing people to us when they hear
something, that they know something has happened to
(35:33):
someone. You know, just letting them know
that we're here or contacting usourselves and getting a bit of
information and then if you're ever looking for a good cause of
fundraise for it. And so I was going to say
fundraising, I don't know, fundraiser witty before it.
And it was so like it was such abeautiful feeling to be able to
do that and just to hand over that cheque and think, wow,
(35:54):
that's like it really made me feel empowered.
It really did. So like for anyone that does
want to jump on board and fundraise free jump out of a
plane like I did, how do they approach?
Give us a call. We have, you know, we have a
really good board, like I said, and we have our fundraising
policies and all of that. We don't, we don't allow people
(36:15):
who are in counselling with us to fundraise.
We think no, take a couple of years post your counselling
because it can't be activated and all that.
And we don't want you for you don't ever have to.
There's not a have to. We need nothing back from you
other than for you to have the life you want for yourself as a
result of, you know, cancer and whatever.
But give us a call, e-mail us info at MRMRCC dot IE you know
(36:39):
someone will get back to you andwe'll have a chat.
Perfect final thought, Loretta. What message would you like to
share with survivors who may be afraid to seek help?
I would say, of course you're afraid.
I so understand that you make sense.
(37:00):
Sit with it. But remember, you can you can
just have a chat with us. Even telling one person could
change your life. There's no right or wrong way to
do this. You do it your way and we will
support you as much as we can todo that.
(37:22):
What would I say? Maybe trust yourself.
Yeah. You know, it's OK to feel being
afraid doesn't mean you can't doit.
It's a very human feeling to have.
You're about to look into something you may not have
wanted to look at and to trust yourself.
You, you'll know when it's right.
You'll know when the time you like.
We've had people who came to us 20 years ago and only came for a
(37:43):
little while, dropped off, came back ten years later and said I
just wasn't ready. I think that's OK.
There's no judgement on that. You know, isn't it great that
you caught it? So it's OK to be afraid.
That doesn't mean you can't do it and begin with the you know,
what's what's the least thing you could do?
Would it be to send an e-mail orto send a text, or to leave a
(38:07):
voice message? But, you know, or to talk to
someone else? Maybe talk to a friend or
someone else first? There is a lot of power in
sharing. There is, yeah.
And it's so beautiful to be listened to as well.
Yeah. For sure.
Yeah, Loretta, thank you so muchfor giving me your time this
morning. And.
I love it, Sophia. I really do appreciate it and I
(38:29):
know a lot of other people will take so much from this because
as I said, I didn't know that all of this was provided and you
do provide so. Much.
Yeah. Thank you.
It's been great. Thanks.
Thank you very much.
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