April 3, 2025 • 32 mins
The conversation begins with an exploration of soul contracts and how certain friendships form at precisely the right moment for profound reasons. Denise and Kira share their own story of meeting "randomly" years ago, only to discover they were on parallel healing journeys. They reveal how authentic friendships require both support and accountability - the willingness to call each other out when necessary and celebrate growth together.
Perhaps most enlightening is their discussion of romantic partnerships and the concept of trauma bonding - relationships formed over shared wounds that can keep couples locked in unhealthy patterns. When one partner begins healing while the other remains stagnant, relationships reach a critical juncture. This awareness creates space for conscious choices about whether to grow together or apart.
Throughout the episode, self-awareness emerges as the fundamental foundation for all relationship healing. By examining which connections energize versus drain you, you gain clarity about where to invest your precious time and energy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech andlanguage pathologist and a
self-love coach for adults andteens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Welcome to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast
.
You have both of us today andwe're talking all about
relationships.
Everybody loves relationships.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Everybody has relationships, everybody loves
relationships, everybody hasrelationships.
That's why this is so important, exactly, yeah, it's like you
have a relationship withyourself, with your friends,
with your family, with lovedones, like with your pets.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, oh yeah, you're going to have a good point.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I don't know that we're going to get into that,
but you know.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
We never, or maybe we should just have an episode
just about the relationship withour pets.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, I don't know how that's going to go.
I don't know either.
Well, let's start.
Let's start with, like, friendsand family, because I want to.
Let's do that.
I feel like they're verydifferent relationships.
Of course, there aresimilarities, but it's different
when it comes to a partnership,like a spouse or a boyfriend,
girlfriend, whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
So let's start with friendships.
I feel like that's an easy one.
When I look at our friendship,it's just something that's
cherished, right, and I thinkfor us this concept is going to
sound woo-woo to many, but youguys should know by now we talk
woo-woo.
I do think there is such athing as soul contracts, like I
(02:12):
think there are people thatenter our lives for a reason,
and I feel like Denise is one ofthose for me, and I say this
because we met in the mostrandom of ways.
Like I can't even remember back, like, do you remember?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I do remember I was going to ask you the year
because it was the year whereyou guys were moving from where
you were at to Vegas.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Nashville.
I remember we were in Nashville.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Okay, so what year was that?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Don't know.
I'd have to look at thecalendar.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Okay, it's probably like either.
I think it's.
Is it 2017 or 2008?
No 17.
You have to go back because I,yeah, I remember when you texted
me and I was at a birthdayparty and you, we were trying to
like set up a time to talk orsomething.
But, yeah, I believe the sameway that you, you came to my
(03:05):
life for a reason and I'm sohappy you did, because I learned
a lot from you and I still do,actually, and we push each other
.
We do.
And the thing is people thatpeople think like oh, if we're
our friends, that means we'renot, we don't cater to each
other either.
I feel like I call you out andyou call me out, and we have
(03:28):
seen each other grow.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
And we've grown together, and that's why I view
it as like a soul contract,because I think there are people
that come into your lives for areason.
Now could you have a soulcontract with someone where it's
just meant to be a short term,possibly if you're learning
something, but for me, thatperson is in your life for a
profound reason, you know, andyou and I have continuously
(03:52):
pushed each other over the years, and what I say is like, yes, I
remember how we met, but at thesame time, it's like I wanted
to talk to you about somethingfunctional medicine, like I
don't even remember how that wasabout the challenges yeah, but
I wasdoing a lot of challenges and I
think maybe I was commenting onthem in the group and you asked
(04:15):
me about how I was doing them orsomething, and then this is how
we just kind of clicked yeah,and that's what's so interesting
, though, is like it, it was aclick and it was a fast click
and it like didn't end like itcould have been like a super
simple like thanks for answeringmy questions and that's it.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, and just also, you know and I love the, you
know the terms you're usingabout the soul contract and also
relationships or friendships.
They're also the ultimateteachers.
So people who are coming intoour lives are also reflecting.
Sometimes, especially whenwe're activated by that, by
(04:55):
things that they say or thingsthat they do or whatever you
know that is, it does activatesometimes our unconsciousness or
limiting beliefs, et cetera, etcetera.
That's why I say you know, everyfriendship, every relationship
in our lives, even the ones thatend abruptly or the ones that
don't last forever or the onesthat do, they're the ultimate
(05:19):
teachers.
They will show a side of usthat sometimes we don't want to
look at, but then we do look atit because we appreciate this
friendship.
Like I remember when I, whenyou and I first started, you
know, being friends, I wascompletely different than I am
right now Same.
You are too, you know, and wecelebrate each other.
(05:40):
We're very real with each otherand I wish that people can
listen to our voice messagesbecause we always say I'm
telling you this because no onewill understand it.
You know, like no one willunderstand.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I mean, I left you a message about my dream today,
and anyone else would have beenlike what the hell?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah, I'm going to listen to it.
I haven't had the chance tolisten to it, but I mean, we can
actually write a book just fromour voice messages.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Honestly, Well, you just said something too, and I
agree with it, and people don'talways recognize this.
You attract who you are.
You're like a mirror.
People that you bring into yourlife are that, and so when you
get into a friendship, when youget into a relationship with
someone of any sort, you'reattracting yourself back, and
(06:23):
that can be a really hard one todigest.
But, like when we're looking Iknow we're not getting into
romantic partnerships yet butwhen you're looking at why women
are like, oh my gosh, I keepattracting these men that are
cheating on me.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Okay, look at yourself there we go, there we
go reflection and it's the samewith our friendships, like it is
.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Who are you attracting?
Like I attracted you because wewere on this journey, like we
didn't know it at the time, butwe were on the same type of
healing journey, and I thinkthat's why we attracted each
other.
And to this day, people arelike how are you, you know,
getting these like-mindedfriends?
I'm like that's who I am andthat's who I attract.
I repel everyone else.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yes, yes, yeah, exactly, and so that's why it is
important to then to work onthe relationship with yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And I know we've mentioned it in previous
episodes.
I don't know which number, but Idon't either, and it is
important because once you valuethat relationship with yourself
, then you are going to startattracting the people who are
going to continue to lift you upor to continue with that
journey, right?
I mean, we are the product.
(07:33):
What is it?
The sum of the five people wehang out the most with?
And just look at yourfriendships and sometimes, like
people think that and there areseasons and there are phases,
and some friendships may just befor that phase and it just may
fade away and that is okay, justlet it go, because it's not
meant to be anymore.
(07:54):
It was for that, so for thatcontract, and then that's it
Right.
So sometimes it is okay becausewe cling on too much with the
attachments, like, oh mygoodness, my friend, and this,
oh, my friend, you know, butthen sometimes these people are
not they're not aligned with usanymore.
Exactly, but that's that's.
It's not a bad thing.
You know what I mean.
Like it is okay to just let goof the relationship.
(08:17):
That don't align.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
I agree, and there's so one of my friends years ago
this is back when I lived inDenver, so we're talking a long
time ago now, like well over adecade.
But I'll never forget I washanging out with these other
women that I worked with and wehad such a blast, but things
were just getting like theystarted feeling off.
It wasn't as much fun anymore.
And this one friend, who wasnot part of this group of
(08:42):
friends, said to me do thesepeople make you a better person?
And that is the first timeanyone said anything like that
to me.
And I stopped and I'm like,okay, no, and that has always
stuck with me.
And that is something to beasking yourself when you're in
these relationships with peopleDoes this person make me a
(09:02):
better person?
If not, why the hell are you inthis?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
relationship.
I love that because rememberfrom my voice messages I would
text Kira and be like this ishappening whatever.
And the first question youwould ask me is is this you know
person, you know good for me,or whatever.
What was the question?
Are they making you a better?
Making me a better person Arethey making me a better person,
(09:25):
and this is when you gauge.
It's like wait a minute.
If yes, if they are making me abetter person, then it is worth
you know, looking, fighting forlooking into, you know, the
relationship or whatever.
Like I take my friendshipseriously, you know I really do,
I and I would rather have oneor two friends that I can rely
on versus having 20.
You know I'm really more, youknow quality versus quantity of
(09:50):
friends.
But kind of let's talk aboutthe family, because sometimes
family numbers are a little bitannoying.
I hope none of our family'slistening to this.
No, I do.
Oh, please do not listen tothis episode and if you're
listening to the episode, stopnow.
Just stop now, do not continuewe're gonna be real right, we
(10:13):
are gonna be real.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And here's the thing, though we don't well, maybe we
choose our family.
Thing, though we don't well,maybe we choose our family in
past lives.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I don't know, but like consciously we don't choose
this family for a reason, youknow that I do think that, but,
like, consciously.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
There's a difference between saying like oh, this
friendship is dissolving.
It's not that easy with familymembers.
Can you do that and say I cutthis person out of my life, yeah
, but we also have to acceptthem as they are.
So friendships, yes, like Iaccept Denise, I accept you for
who you are.
But at the same time, if wewere no longer aligned, I would
(10:48):
accept that things dissolve.
But with, like, parents orsiblings, it's not that easy and
we can't expect them to change.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Correct.
However, what we can do is wecan set boundaries.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
There's that fun boundaries.
That's an episode too, guys.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Right.
So, yes, and another thing Ihave tried a lot to change some
family members and I came toterms to like I cannot change
anybody.
I can change how I think aboutit.
I can change my reactions.
I can change the topics that Italk in front I talk about in
front of my family, right?
(11:24):
So that's why I set theboundaries and I set them really
, really high with my family andI and I mean it and it does
take practice and I come from areally if I can do it a lot of
people can.
I come from a Middle Easternfamily, very close, tight-knit
family.
(11:45):
That's all in your business,right?
It's like a lot like Italiansand Greek, like, very like, if
you've watched my big Greekwedding, this is what Lebanese
people are.
So they're in your business,constantly, want to know
everything, and I'm 46 years oldand my mom, my grandma, still
treat me as a child, as if I'mlike still a baby or two, three
years old, so talk to me as ifI'm a child.
(12:06):
So it used to really bug mebefore.
However, I accepted them forwho they are and I don't try to
change them, but I do set theboundaries.
I know which topics I can talkto my mom and my grandma or my
dad about, or my sister, andthere are some topics that I
choose not to go there with someof my siblings as well.
Right, I'm very spiritual.
(12:28):
I kind of like you know, thereis a fine line between
spirituality.
I mean there is, you know Idon't believe in religion, I do
believe in spirituality.
However, when I'm in there is,you know, I don't believe in
religion, I do believe inspirituality.
However, when I'm in that topic, I know what to say, right, but
this didn't just happen.
It required a lot of practice,it required a lot of tears,
honestly, and I did feel I wasbetraying my family.
(12:50):
I love my family so much butbecause I set those boundaries,
it has been really helpful formy peace and wellbeing.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah, and guys, I know, sorry, I was just going to
say I know we've talkedboundaries before, but if it
didn't hit before, maybe it willtoday, because you need
boundaries with family and theboundaries are for you, it's not
for them, it's for your healthand your wellbeing.
There are boundaries in ourfamilies too, where my husband
(13:24):
and I don't talk about specifictopics anymore Because again, if
we go back to, is thisrelationship serving me?
That conversation was notserving us.
We were never going to see eyeto eye, we're not going to try
to convince each other, so whyare we even going there?
That is a boundary.
But here's the thing withboundaries that people seem to
forget there needs to be aconsequence if somebody crosses
the line.
It's not just we don't talkabout this and then they talk
(13:46):
about it and you let it slide.
Oh, we don't talk about thisand then they talk about it and
you let it slide.
People fall into that.
It's like no, you set the damnboundary.
I don't talk about it.
Yeah, and you?
That's it.
You walk away.
You have something right.
There is a consequence like youwould have for a child yeah, no
, and I, I have a perfectexample for that.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Um, just mind your family.
If you're listening, stop,unless you're listening without
judgment, it doesn't matter tome, but anyway, I really don't.
Don't care now, don't mind, butanyway it's.
I come to the point where I'veworked so much on those
relationships that anyway.
So we were at my parents' house.
My parents live only fiveminutes away from me, hence it's
(14:25):
really important also to havethe boundaries, but you know, I
love them, they help me, theyhelp with the kids.
So it was me, my sister and mybrother.
We were all sitting, my grandmaand my mother, and on a weekend
, I think the top, either thereligion topic came out or
(14:45):
politics, I really don'tremember.
And then it was, you know, mymom, my brother and my sister,
all, like you know, talking, andI started noticing, like why am
I going to engage in this,right?
So, instead of engaging in this, we were all sitting in the
living room, right, I'm notgoing to get up and leave.
So I started talking with mygrandma on the side because she
wasn't engaging with them aboutsomething that I'm interested in
(15:07):
, which was the, because youknow how I feel about I have a
beautiful relationship with theVirgin Mary.
I call her Mama Mary, likeshe's my mother.
I really feel very connected toher so, and my grandma has been
reading a book about her life.
So we were talking about thatbecause I'm like I really wish,
like I know really the storyabout her, how she was as a
(15:28):
child and and all that stufflike where did she come from,
and all these things, so as ifthey were all you know, talking
about something that I cannotengage in because I refuse to
convince or argue about a topicthat I don't, I don't want to,
right.
I just kind of like diverted,right.
(15:49):
That doesn't mean that I'm indenial, no, but I'm just.
I love my peace and I love myenergy and I was just talking
about something that I can.
I could do that so.
So it could be a very subtleshift or it could be like a
quickly, like I'm going to go tothe bathroom, I need to go pee,
pee or something, right?
So nothing has to be I don'tknow like, don't be rigid, like
with your family, yes, set theboundaries and if the things are
(16:12):
cause, you know how when we arewith our parents, sometimes we
revert back to being a kid.
Just use, because you know how,when we are with our parents,
sometimes we revert back tobeing a kid.
Just use your tools.
Just make sure you're going inusing your tools and you got to
accept them for who you are.
And I do know some people whohave decided to end a
relationship with their familymembers or to end a relationship
with a sibling.
This is not me.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
However, I do respect that, yeah, cause there there
is a difference too Like we arenot in that toxic environment.
There can be families wherethere's substance abuse,
physical abuse, other things,where it's like no, for my, you
know, mental health andeverything else.
Maybe ending that relationshipis the best thing.
It doesn't mean it's forever,but there are definitely people
(16:57):
that would do better cuttingties for a period of time.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yes, yeah, especially , like, like you said, if they
are, you know, thank God, youand I grew up in a very loving.
I know there were some limitingbeliefs.
However, you know we did nothave, you know, abuse or
whatever.
So we didn't have like toxicityand but yeah, like there are
and we respect that.
I completely respect when Iknow that you know somebody does
(17:21):
not speak to their family orwhatever.
I mean to each their own.
You know, and you got to dowhat makes you happy and, like
you said, it could be just maybefor a short period of time in
order for you to establish yourtools and stop being triggered.
But we're activated by thesethings.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But if you still are and you're working on yourself,
I mean taking a break is yeah,because maybe that's your
boundary, maybe they're crossingthe boundaries and that's your
consequence of you know, we'renot gonna.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
we're just not gonna talk anymore for a bit, yeah,
but I mean, the most importantthing is just accepting that you
can only change yourself.
You can only work on yourself.
You can only change yourreactions, the words that you
use.
So just accepting them for whothey are, not because they're
your mom, your aunt, yourgrandma, your whatever that
they're going to change all thetime.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You know, blah, blah blah.
And if someone has figured outhow to make someone change,
please message us on Instagramand tell us what this magic is,
that you oh, and then yeah, samething with the magic wand, If
someone discovers that magicwand for change like here do, do
, do, do, do.
Well, let's, I want to talkabout romantic relationships
because, yes, it ties in.
Right, we could say it's thesame thing You're attracting who
(18:35):
you are, you got to accept themfor who they are, that type of
thing.
But I also think it's a deeperlayer, because there's so much
that go into a romanticrelationship, especially when
we're talking like foreverpartner right Marriage, of what
happens as the years and thedecades go on and you change and
they don't.
(18:55):
Or what if we no longer sharethe same beliefs, or you know
what I mean.
So much changes in that and Ithink people don't know how to
navigate that and this is whydivorce is so high.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Right, like they, I don't know how they changed and
I didn't, or I changed and theydidn't, and well, that's the
thing, because we are differentpeople, right, like you are a
different person when you're inyour 20s and your 30s and your
40s and, like you said, you arein this relationship for a long
time and sometimes you'regrowing and you're here and your
spouse is still right there,like it's not that your spouse
(19:29):
is not growing your partner andyou're like there's nothing in
common anymore.
It's not.
It's more of a friendship, noteven a anymore.
It's not.
It's more of a friendship,right, not even a friendship.
It's just like a roommate chipand instead of being a loving
partnership.
And I mean this is like reallydifficult because you know, like
(19:49):
you just got to continuelooking and seeing and that that
person's continuing not tochange.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, I mean again, that's where boundaries and you
have to accept that you're goingto be at different places in
your life at different timeswe're not going to grow together
.
Look at you and I like I'm goingto go back to the friendship of
like we did have a period wherewe weren't talking as much and
we separated our businesses,like there was a time where it
was like this is just a shift,this is what we need, and then
we came back together and so notsaying that you end a
(20:24):
relationship because of that,but it's like you have to
embrace that time period whereit's like okay, we're just at
different places, but where canwe connect on other things?
And I think people just forgethow to do that and they lack
communication, they lackboundaries and they lack that
self-love.
And those are three really keypieces in a romantic
(20:46):
relationship.
That emotional piece is hugeand I'm actually going to ask
you a question and I'm throwingthis one out here.
But if we talk about trauma,bonding a little bit and
co-regulation, I know Denise'seyes right now, because we
regulate with each other andthat's for any relationship
friends, family, kids butespecially with our partner.
(21:09):
So do you want to speak to thatat all?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
What's your?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
question Well, I mean , you've talked about being
trauma bonded before, but Idon't think you have on the
podcast, so tell people whatthat even means.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah, well, the thing is, you know you're bonding
with your person, that you'rechoosing over trauma.
You know whether it is previousrelationships or it could be, I
don't know anything.
You know and that's, and thatwill keep you in the loop,
because what happens is that youare going to one of you is
(21:46):
going to realize that I wantsomething different, I want to
change, right, I want to lookdeep and I don't.
I want to heal from that trauma, right?
And then one of the partners,one of the people, will start
healing and the other partnerwill not, and what will happen
is disconnect, right?
So are you coming with me orare we going?
(22:08):
You're going to stay behind?
And this is sometimes wherepeople actually do the take the
break or break up or whatever.
And sometimes taking a break orseparating for a little bit can
be nurturing for the otherpartner to be like do I want
this or not?
Right, and it depends.
(22:29):
What is this whole contract isright, and if that relationship
is meant to grow and to aligntogether, then your partner will
jump on board relationship thatyou have right now with your
spouse, partner, whatever, andtry to remember how you got
(23:04):
together to see if you bondedover trauma?
And if you did, how are thingshappening right now?
How is that trauma showing upin your life?
Because first it's not going toshow.
I mean mean first you're goingto be all in love and everything
, but then, as you get older andas the relationship moves on
(23:24):
and you have kids and you haveresponsibilities, that trauma is
going to surface right, andthat's important to also look
and be aware and that's why wekeep.
What do we keep saying, you andI awareness, awareness,
awareness.
And then you're going torealize like wait a minute, this
is what we bonded on.
Do we want to continue bondingon this?
Or now we want to actuallymature as adults and bond over
(23:50):
adult stuff, right?
So also remember there's abunch I mean even in the Let
them Theory, because we'vetalked about it in the podcast.
But when I read the book shesaid we're a bunch of
eight-year-olds walking aroundin adult bodies right, because
we did not learn how toself-regulate, we did not know
how to work on ourselves, we didnot know.
I mean we didn't learn allthese things right.
I mean maybe some people didbecause they grew up in families
(24:12):
, like you know, regulated orwhatever they use those terms,
but it's you know.
So when you meet in your 20s,like just imagine these, you're
those two eight year oldsmeeting in their 20s and bonding
over.
I don't know like this one brokeup and she hurt my heart and he
broke up, hurt my heart and nowwe're bonding over this and we
have some things in common.
We grew up in the same area butthen we get to the 30s and we
(24:35):
have the kids and theresponsibility and you're like
wait a minute, right.
So it's always important tojust look within.
So if you're listening rightnow and you're like I don't even
know what that means, startbeing aware and notice what your
common things are.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I hope I'm not confusing people, but am I like
going with this, but I'm notconfusing people.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Am I going with this?
But I'm just trying to explainsomething really complicated
into simpler terms.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I think you're saying it and honestly, this could go
for any relationship, apartnership, a friendship, the
awareness but also going backand looking at what formed this
relationship.
Who were we being in that timeand are we still being those
people now, or are we beingsomeone else?
(25:22):
Do we need to havecommunication around that?
Do we need to set someboundaries?
I don't know, but I think withall relationships, we need to
look at that aspect in order togrow together.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Of course, Exactly, and I mean it sucks sometimes
when your partner is not growingwith you.
It really does.
It really does.
However, I mean, there is goingto be a point where you either
accept them for who they are andnot let it affect you, but that
is hard.
That is hard because thatperson is with you all the time
(25:57):
I'm not saying 24 7, but a lotof the times they're in your
home, you know, or, um, you'rejust gonna decide to have the
hard conversation and be likewhere are we at?
Or you know end something that.
But again, also, you know whenthe when doors close, other
doors open.
(26:17):
So I know this can be a touchysubject, but just start being
aware, because there's a lot ofpeople right now in
relationships that bonded overtrauma that they don't even know
that they bonded over traumaand there's.
They're like why am I sodysregulated?
Why am I always grumpy?
Why am I always upset?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Because you're co-regulating Exactly.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So, for your peace of mind.
And then you know.
Awareness is key, because onceyou start being aware, things
start changing, things startshifting and hold up that mirror
.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I think that's my final thought is hold up that
mirror to yourself and look atall of the relationships in your
life and how am I beingreflected back?
Because it is a reflection.
So there may be things that youdon't like in your friends and
your family members and yourhusband, whatever, but the piece
of that is in you.
So if you can be working on you, things will start to get
(27:15):
better.
And I know that was alwayssomething I kept saying to you
in the beginning is like itdoesn't matter, just work on you
, just work on you.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, and you just keep working on yourself, keep
working on yourself and you aregoing to.
Some friendships and somerelationships, whatever they are
, are going to dissolve bythemselves and new ones are
going to emerge and they aregoing to be, but again, with any
ending, with any death per sequote.
(27:42):
Uh, there is some grief andit's really important to allow
yourself to grieve.
Yeah, can I cover a few thingsthat I read in the let them
theory of like, how to the habit, like, kind of like, creating
friendships, yeah, okay, so Idon't know if you read the let
them theory book, but I do love,because I highlight, and we are
(28:04):
reading it for the book club.
So, mel robbins this is comingfrom mel robbins, you know to um
, she said this is to, like youknow, build friendships and have
different people in your life.
Compliment people wherever yougo.
Number one compliment peoplewherever you go.
And number two, be curious.
If you see somebody ask them,you know what are you reading?
(28:30):
What did you order?
Like, kind of like.
Be curious with people.
Smile.
Number three smile and sayhello to anyone and everyone you
pass or meet One.
You're making yourself happyand then you are also being a
bright light to someone else'slife.
And then four do this withoutexpectation, so I wanted to kind
of cover that.
(28:51):
Do we have any?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Love it no.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
The takeaways, I think, is look at the
relationships in your liferomantic friends, family
relationship that you have withyour kids.
That's another relationship too.
Yeah, that's a whole otherconversation relationships and
(29:17):
see analyze journal whichrelationships make me feel alive
and at peace and most of thetime, and which ones drain my
energy.
Like if I walk into a roomwhere I'm with somebody and
they're constantly draining myenergy, I'm like I'm not going
to choose to be around thembecause if I am, I'm choosing to
(29:38):
make myself suffer.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
And then the awareness.
I'm just going to throw this inthere real quick If it is
someone that you love, that youwant to continue that
relationship with, you need tolook at why they drain you and
figure out how to navigate that.
Don't just keep ignoring it.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yes, yes, yeah, exactly, Just you know.
But again, like, yeah,awareness, awareness.
Put it put it.
Yes, yes, yeah, exactly Justyou know.
But again, like, yeah,awareness, awareness.
Put it down in writing, put itdown on notes.
Just self-reflection, you know,I tell this to my daughter all
the time.
Anytime you get activated oryou try to point a finger, try
to blame somebody, immediatelylook within, self-reflect why,
(30:13):
why am I reacting to somethingthat you said?
I know this is hard, yeah, itis.
But you know the answers willcome randomly sometimes, whether
it's in a dream, like with you,or whether somebody says
something, or you just get likean intuition to read something
(30:35):
or to open up an article orwhatever.
So, just constantly be in theknowing that you are divinely
protected and guided, you know.
So it's really important toknow that you're high yourself
and God is on your side all thetime.
Yep, yeah, mic drop, mic drop.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
So, yeah, it's not easy work guys, but none of this
is that's why we're doing thepodcast.
Like not one topic we talkabout is easy and not one can be
achieved in a 30 minute episode.
Like these are ongoing things.
So like, okay, now you're awareand you're starting to look at
relationships, and then onanother episode, you're starting
to look at boundaries andyou're looking at self-love,
(31:20):
like these are all things thatyou need to be diving into and
this is like a nice entry pointto that.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I love that because they build up every topic that
we're discussing and sometimesthe you know, I know that we're
very repetitive with thetakeaways, but remember, you
didn't get here withoutrepetitiveness, right?
So same thing, you know.
Repeat, repeat, repeat,practice, practice, practice and
just always, always, always,always, be graceful with
(31:49):
yourself when you mess up,because you are going to mess up
, you are going to make thosemistakes and it's called being
human.
It's called being human, it'scalled being human, exactly and
just you know.
Hopefully we wish you the bestrelationships in your lives amen
to that.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
All right, guys.
Well, you know what to do.
Leave us a review, find us oninstagram, we're on there.
We're not super active, butwe're on there um and we'll,
we'll see you on the nextepisode.
Active enough, active enough.
We'll see you on the nextepisode.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech andlanguage pathologist and a
self-love coach for adults andteens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Welcome to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast
.
You have both of us today andwe're talking all about
relationships.
Everybody loves relationships.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Everybody has relationships, everybody loves
relationships, everybody hasrelationships.
That's why this is so important, exactly, yeah, it's like you
have a relationship withyourself, with your friends,
with your family, with lovedones, like with your pets.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, oh yeah, you're going to have a good point.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I don't know that we're going to get into that,
but you know.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
We never, or maybe we should just have an episode
just about the relationship withour pets.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, I don't know how that's going to go.
I don't know either.
Well, let's start.
Let's start with, like, friendsand family, because I want to.
Let's do that.
I feel like they're verydifferent relationships.
Of course, there aresimilarities, but it's different
when it comes to a partnership,like a spouse or a boyfriend,
girlfriend, whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
So let's start with friendships.
I feel like that's an easy one.
When I look at our friendship,it's just something that's
cherished, right, and I thinkfor us this concept is going to
sound woo-woo to many, but youguys should know by now we talk
woo-woo.
I do think there is such athing as soul contracts, like I
(02:12):
think there are people thatenter our lives for a reason,
and I feel like Denise is one ofthose for me, and I say this
because we met in the mostrandom of ways.
Like I can't even remember back, like, do you remember?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I do remember I was going to ask you the year
because it was the year whereyou guys were moving from where
you were at to Vegas.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Nashville.
I remember we were in Nashville.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Okay, so what year was that?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Don't know.
I'd have to look at thecalendar.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Okay, it's probably like either.
I think it's.
Is it 2017 or 2008?
No 17.
You have to go back because I,yeah, I remember when you texted
me and I was at a birthdayparty and you, we were trying to
like set up a time to talk orsomething.
But, yeah, I believe the sameway that you, you came to my
(03:05):
life for a reason and I'm sohappy you did, because I learned
a lot from you and I still do,actually, and we push each other
.
We do.
And the thing is people thatpeople think like oh, if we're
our friends, that means we'renot, we don't cater to each
other either.
I feel like I call you out andyou call me out, and we have
(03:28):
seen each other grow.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
And we've grown together, and that's why I view
it as like a soul contract,because I think there are people
that come into your lives for areason.
Now could you have a soulcontract with someone where it's
just meant to be a short term,possibly if you're learning
something, but for me, thatperson is in your life for a
profound reason, you know, andyou and I have continuously
(03:52):
pushed each other over the years, and what I say is like, yes, I
remember how we met, but at thesame time, it's like I wanted
to talk to you about somethingfunctional medicine, like I
don't even remember how that wasabout the challenges yeah, but
I wasdoing a lot of challenges and I
think maybe I was commenting onthem in the group and you asked
(04:15):
me about how I was doing them orsomething, and then this is how
we just kind of clicked yeah,and that's what's so interesting
, though, is like it, it was aclick and it was a fast click
and it like didn't end like itcould have been like a super
simple like thanks for answeringmy questions and that's it.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, and just also, you know and I love the, you
know the terms you're usingabout the soul contract and also
relationships or friendships.
They're also the ultimateteachers.
So people who are coming intoour lives are also reflecting.
Sometimes, especially whenwe're activated by that, by
(04:55):
things that they say or thingsthat they do or whatever you
know that is, it does activatesometimes our unconsciousness or
limiting beliefs, et cetera, etcetera.
That's why I say you know, everyfriendship, every relationship
in our lives, even the ones thatend abruptly or the ones that
don't last forever or the onesthat do, they're the ultimate
(05:19):
teachers.
They will show a side of usthat sometimes we don't want to
look at, but then we do look atit because we appreciate this
friendship.
Like I remember when I, whenyou and I first started, you
know, being friends, I wascompletely different than I am
right now Same.
You are too, you know, and wecelebrate each other.
(05:40):
We're very real with each otherand I wish that people can
listen to our voice messagesbecause we always say I'm
telling you this because no onewill understand it.
You know, like no one willunderstand.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I mean, I left you a message about my dream today,
and anyone else would have beenlike what the hell?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah, I'm going to listen to it.
I haven't had the chance tolisten to it, but I mean, we can
actually write a book just fromour voice messages.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Honestly, Well, you just said something too, and I
agree with it, and people don'talways recognize this.
You attract who you are.
You're like a mirror.
People that you bring into yourlife are that, and so when you
get into a friendship, when youget into a relationship with
someone of any sort, you'reattracting yourself back, and
(06:23):
that can be a really hard one todigest.
But, like when we're looking Iknow we're not getting into
romantic partnerships yet butwhen you're looking at why women
are like, oh my gosh, I keepattracting these men that are
cheating on me.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Okay, look at yourself there we go, there we
go reflection and it's the samewith our friendships, like it is
.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Who are you attracting?
Like I attracted you because wewere on this journey, like we
didn't know it at the time, butwe were on the same type of
healing journey, and I thinkthat's why we attracted each
other.
And to this day, people arelike how are you, you know,
getting these like-mindedfriends?
I'm like that's who I am andthat's who I attract.
I repel everyone else.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yes, yes, yeah, exactly, and so that's why it is
important to then to work onthe relationship with yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And I know we've mentioned it in previous
episodes.
I don't know which number, but Idon't either, and it is
important because once you valuethat relationship with yourself
, then you are going to startattracting the people who are
going to continue to lift you upor to continue with that
journey, right?
I mean, we are the product.
(07:33):
What is it?
The sum of the five people wehang out the most with?
And just look at yourfriendships and sometimes, like
people think that and there areseasons and there are phases,
and some friendships may just befor that phase and it just may
fade away and that is okay, justlet it go, because it's not
meant to be anymore.
(07:54):
It was for that, so for thatcontract, and then that's it
Right.
So sometimes it is okay becausewe cling on too much with the
attachments, like, oh mygoodness, my friend, and this,
oh, my friend, you know, butthen sometimes these people are
not they're not aligned with usanymore.
Exactly, but that's that's.
It's not a bad thing.
You know what I mean.
Like it is okay to just let goof the relationship.
(08:17):
That don't align.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
I agree, and there's so one of my friends years ago
this is back when I lived inDenver, so we're talking a long
time ago now, like well over adecade.
But I'll never forget I washanging out with these other
women that I worked with and wehad such a blast, but things
were just getting like theystarted feeling off.
It wasn't as much fun anymore.
And this one friend, who wasnot part of this group of
(08:42):
friends, said to me do thesepeople make you a better person?
And that is the first timeanyone said anything like that
to me.
And I stopped and I'm like,okay, no, and that has always
stuck with me.
And that is something to beasking yourself when you're in
these relationships with peopleDoes this person make me a
(09:02):
better person?
If not, why the hell are you inthis?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
relationship.
I love that because rememberfrom my voice messages I would
text Kira and be like this ishappening whatever.
And the first question youwould ask me is is this you know
person, you know good for me,or whatever.
What was the question?
Are they making you a better?
Making me a better person Arethey making me a better person,
(09:25):
and this is when you gauge.
It's like wait a minute.
If yes, if they are making me abetter person, then it is worth
you know, looking, fighting forlooking into, you know, the
relationship or whatever.
Like I take my friendshipseriously, you know I really do,
I and I would rather have oneor two friends that I can rely
on versus having 20.
You know I'm really more, youknow quality versus quantity of
(09:50):
friends.
But kind of let's talk aboutthe family, because sometimes
family numbers are a little bitannoying.
I hope none of our family'slistening to this.
No, I do.
Oh, please do not listen tothis episode and if you're
listening to the episode, stopnow.
Just stop now, do not continuewe're gonna be real right, we
(10:13):
are gonna be real.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And here's the thing, though we don't well, maybe we
choose our family.
Thing, though we don't well,maybe we choose our family in
past lives.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I don't know, but like consciously we don't choose
this family for a reason, youknow that I do think that, but,
like, consciously.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
There's a difference between saying like oh, this
friendship is dissolving.
It's not that easy with familymembers.
Can you do that and say I cutthis person out of my life, yeah
, but we also have to acceptthem as they are.
So friendships, yes, like Iaccept Denise, I accept you for
who you are.
But at the same time, if wewere no longer aligned, I would
(10:48):
accept that things dissolve.
But with, like, parents orsiblings, it's not that easy and
we can't expect them to change.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Correct.
However, what we can do is wecan set boundaries.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
There's that fun boundaries.
That's an episode too, guys.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Right.
So, yes, and another thing Ihave tried a lot to change some
family members and I came toterms to like I cannot change
anybody.
I can change how I think aboutit.
I can change my reactions.
I can change the topics that Italk in front I talk about in
front of my family, right?
(11:24):
So that's why I set theboundaries and I set them really
, really high with my family andI and I mean it and it does
take practice and I come from areally if I can do it a lot of
people can.
I come from a Middle Easternfamily, very close, tight-knit
family.
(11:45):
That's all in your business,right?
It's like a lot like Italiansand Greek, like, very like, if
you've watched my big Greekwedding, this is what Lebanese
people are.
So they're in your business,constantly, want to know
everything, and I'm 46 years oldand my mom, my grandma, still
treat me as a child, as if I'mlike still a baby or two, three
years old, so talk to me as ifI'm a child.
(12:06):
So it used to really bug mebefore.
However, I accepted them forwho they are and I don't try to
change them, but I do set theboundaries.
I know which topics I can talkto my mom and my grandma or my
dad about, or my sister, andthere are some topics that I
choose not to go there with someof my siblings as well.
Right, I'm very spiritual.
(12:28):
I kind of like you know, thereis a fine line between
spirituality.
I mean there is, you know Idon't believe in religion, I do
believe in spirituality.
However, when I'm in there is,you know, I don't believe in
religion, I do believe inspirituality.
However, when I'm in that topic, I know what to say, right, but
this didn't just happen.
It required a lot of practice,it required a lot of tears,
honestly, and I did feel I wasbetraying my family.
(12:50):
I love my family so much butbecause I set those boundaries,
it has been really helpful formy peace and wellbeing.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah, and guys, I know, sorry, I was just going to
say I know we've talkedboundaries before, but if it
didn't hit before, maybe it willtoday, because you need
boundaries with family and theboundaries are for you, it's not
for them, it's for your healthand your wellbeing.
There are boundaries in ourfamilies too, where my husband
(13:24):
and I don't talk about specifictopics anymore Because again, if
we go back to, is thisrelationship serving me?
That conversation was notserving us.
We were never going to see eyeto eye, we're not going to try
to convince each other, so whyare we even going there?
That is a boundary.
But here's the thing withboundaries that people seem to
forget there needs to be aconsequence if somebody crosses
the line.
It's not just we don't talkabout this and then they talk
(13:46):
about it and you let it slide.
Oh, we don't talk about thisand then they talk about it and
you let it slide.
People fall into that.
It's like no, you set the damnboundary.
I don't talk about it.
Yeah, and you?
That's it.
You walk away.
You have something right.
There is a consequence like youwould have for a child yeah, no
, and I, I have a perfectexample for that.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Um, just mind your family.
If you're listening, stop,unless you're listening without
judgment, it doesn't matter tome, but anyway, I really don't.
Don't care now, don't mind, butanyway it's.
I come to the point where I'veworked so much on those
relationships that anyway.
So we were at my parents' house.
My parents live only fiveminutes away from me, hence it's
(14:25):
really important also to havethe boundaries, but you know, I
love them, they help me, theyhelp with the kids.
So it was me, my sister and mybrother.
We were all sitting, my grandmaand my mother, and on a weekend
, I think the top, either thereligion topic came out or
(14:45):
politics, I really don'tremember.
And then it was, you know, mymom, my brother and my sister,
all, like you know, talking, andI started noticing, like why am
I going to engage in this,right?
So, instead of engaging in this, we were all sitting in the
living room, right, I'm notgoing to get up and leave.
So I started talking with mygrandma on the side because she
wasn't engaging with them aboutsomething that I'm interested in
(15:07):
, which was the, because youknow how I feel about I have a
beautiful relationship with theVirgin Mary.
I call her Mama Mary, likeshe's my mother.
I really feel very connected toher so, and my grandma has been
reading a book about her life.
So we were talking about thatbecause I'm like I really wish,
like I know really the storyabout her, how she was as a
(15:28):
child and and all that stufflike where did she come from,
and all these things, so as ifthey were all you know, talking
about something that I cannotengage in because I refuse to
convince or argue about a topicthat I don't, I don't want to,
right.
I just kind of like diverted,right.
(15:49):
That doesn't mean that I'm indenial, no, but I'm just.
I love my peace and I love myenergy and I was just talking
about something that I can.
I could do that so.
So it could be a very subtleshift or it could be like a
quickly, like I'm going to go tothe bathroom, I need to go pee,
pee or something, right?
So nothing has to be I don'tknow like, don't be rigid, like
with your family, yes, set theboundaries and if the things are
(16:12):
cause, you know how when we arewith our parents, sometimes we
revert back to being a kid.
Just use, because you know how,when we are with our parents,
sometimes we revert back tobeing a kid.
Just use your tools.
Just make sure you're going inusing your tools and you got to
accept them for who you are.
And I do know some people whohave decided to end a
relationship with their familymembers or to end a relationship
with a sibling.
This is not me.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
However, I do respect that, yeah, cause there there
is a difference too Like we arenot in that toxic environment.
There can be families wherethere's substance abuse,
physical abuse, other things,where it's like no, for my, you
know, mental health andeverything else.
Maybe ending that relationshipis the best thing.
It doesn't mean it's forever,but there are definitely people
(16:57):
that would do better cuttingties for a period of time.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yes, yeah, especially , like, like you said, if they
are, you know, thank God, youand I grew up in a very loving.
I know there were some limitingbeliefs.
However, you know we did nothave, you know, abuse or
whatever.
So we didn't have like toxicityand but yeah, like there are
and we respect that.
I completely respect when Iknow that you know somebody does
(17:21):
not speak to their family orwhatever.
I mean to each their own.
You know, and you got to dowhat makes you happy and, like
you said, it could be just maybefor a short period of time in
order for you to establish yourtools and stop being triggered.
But we're activated by thesethings.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But if you still are and you're working on yourself,
I mean taking a break is yeah,because maybe that's your
boundary, maybe they're crossingthe boundaries and that's your
consequence of you know, we'renot gonna.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
we're just not gonna talk anymore for a bit, yeah,
but I mean, the most importantthing is just accepting that you
can only change yourself.
You can only work on yourself.
You can only change yourreactions, the words that you
use.
So just accepting them for whothey are, not because they're
your mom, your aunt, yourgrandma, your whatever that
they're going to change all thetime.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You know, blah, blah blah.
And if someone has figured outhow to make someone change,
please message us on Instagramand tell us what this magic is,
that you oh, and then yeah, samething with the magic wand, If
someone discovers that magicwand for change like here do, do
, do, do, do.
Well, let's, I want to talkabout romantic relationships
because, yes, it ties in.
Right, we could say it's thesame thing You're attracting who
(18:35):
you are, you got to accept themfor who they are, that type of
thing.
But I also think it's a deeperlayer, because there's so much
that go into a romanticrelationship, especially when
we're talking like foreverpartner right Marriage, of what
happens as the years and thedecades go on and you change and
they don't.
(18:55):
Or what if we no longer sharethe same beliefs, or you know
what I mean.
So much changes in that and Ithink people don't know how to
navigate that and this is whydivorce is so high.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Right, like they, I don't know how they changed and
I didn't, or I changed and theydidn't, and well, that's the
thing, because we are differentpeople, right, like you are a
different person when you're inyour 20s and your 30s and your
40s and, like you said, you arein this relationship for a long
time and sometimes you'regrowing and you're here and your
spouse is still right there,like it's not that your spouse
(19:29):
is not growing your partner andyou're like there's nothing in
common anymore.
It's not.
It's more of a friendship, noteven a anymore.
It's not.
It's more of a friendship,right, not even a friendship.
It's just like a roommate chipand instead of being a loving
partnership.
And I mean this is like reallydifficult because you know, like
(19:49):
you just got to continuelooking and seeing and that that
person's continuing not tochange.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, I mean again, that's where boundaries and you
have to accept that you're goingto be at different places in
your life at different timeswe're not going to grow together
.
Look at you and I like I'm goingto go back to the friendship of
like we did have a period wherewe weren't talking as much and
we separated our businesses,like there was a time where it
was like this is just a shift,this is what we need, and then
we came back together and so notsaying that you end a
(20:24):
relationship because of that,but it's like you have to
embrace that time period whereit's like okay, we're just at
different places, but where canwe connect on other things?
And I think people just forgethow to do that and they lack
communication, they lackboundaries and they lack that
self-love.
And those are three really keypieces in a romantic
(20:46):
relationship.
That emotional piece is hugeand I'm actually going to ask
you a question and I'm throwingthis one out here.
But if we talk about trauma,bonding a little bit and
co-regulation, I know Denise'seyes right now, because we
regulate with each other andthat's for any relationship
friends, family, kids butespecially with our partner.
(21:09):
So do you want to speak to thatat all?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
What's your?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
question Well, I mean , you've talked about being
trauma bonded before, but Idon't think you have on the
podcast, so tell people whatthat even means.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah, well, the thing is, you know you're bonding
with your person, that you'rechoosing over trauma.
You know whether it is previousrelationships or it could be, I
don't know anything.
You know and that's, and thatwill keep you in the loop,
because what happens is that youare going to one of you is
(21:46):
going to realize that I wantsomething different, I want to
change, right, I want to lookdeep and I don't.
I want to heal from that trauma, right?
And then one of the partners,one of the people, will start
healing and the other partnerwill not, and what will happen
is disconnect, right?
So are you coming with me orare we going?
(22:08):
You're going to stay behind?
And this is sometimes wherepeople actually do the take the
break or break up or whatever.
And sometimes taking a break orseparating for a little bit can
be nurturing for the otherpartner to be like do I want
this or not?
Right, and it depends.
(22:29):
What is this whole contract isright, and if that relationship
is meant to grow and to aligntogether, then your partner will
jump on board relationship thatyou have right now with your
spouse, partner, whatever, andtry to remember how you got
(23:04):
together to see if you bondedover trauma?
And if you did, how are thingshappening right now?
How is that trauma showing upin your life?
Because first it's not going toshow.
I mean mean first you're goingto be all in love and everything
, but then, as you get older andas the relationship moves on
(23:24):
and you have kids and you haveresponsibilities, that trauma is
going to surface right, andthat's important to also look
and be aware and that's why wekeep.
What do we keep saying, you andI awareness, awareness,
awareness.
And then you're going torealize like wait a minute, this
is what we bonded on.
Do we want to continue bondingon this?
Or now we want to actuallymature as adults and bond over
(23:50):
adult stuff, right?
So also remember there's abunch I mean even in the Let
them Theory, because we'vetalked about it in the podcast.
But when I read the book shesaid we're a bunch of
eight-year-olds walking aroundin adult bodies right, because
we did not learn how toself-regulate, we did not know
how to work on ourselves, we didnot know.
I mean we didn't learn allthese things right.
I mean maybe some people didbecause they grew up in families
(24:12):
, like you know, regulated orwhatever they use those terms,
but it's you know.
So when you meet in your 20s,like just imagine these, you're
those two eight year oldsmeeting in their 20s and bonding
over.
I don't know like this one brokeup and she hurt my heart and he
broke up, hurt my heart and nowwe're bonding over this and we
have some things in common.
We grew up in the same area butthen we get to the 30s and we
(24:35):
have the kids and theresponsibility and you're like
wait a minute, right.
So it's always important tojust look within.
So if you're listening rightnow and you're like I don't even
know what that means, startbeing aware and notice what your
common things are.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I hope I'm not confusing people, but am I like
going with this, but I'm notconfusing people.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Am I going with this?
But I'm just trying to explainsomething really complicated
into simpler terms.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I think you're saying it and honestly, this could go
for any relationship, apartnership, a friendship, the
awareness but also going backand looking at what formed this
relationship.
Who were we being in that timeand are we still being those
people now, or are we beingsomeone else?
(25:22):
Do we need to havecommunication around that?
Do we need to set someboundaries?
I don't know, but I think withall relationships, we need to
look at that aspect in order togrow together.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Of course, Exactly, and I mean it sucks sometimes
when your partner is not growingwith you.
It really does.
It really does.
However, I mean, there is goingto be a point where you either
accept them for who they are andnot let it affect you, but that
is hard.
That is hard because thatperson is with you all the time
(25:57):
I'm not saying 24 7, but a lotof the times they're in your
home, you know, or, um, you'rejust gonna decide to have the
hard conversation and be likewhere are we at?
Or you know end something that.
But again, also, you know whenthe when doors close, other
doors open.
(26:17):
So I know this can be a touchysubject, but just start being
aware, because there's a lot ofpeople right now in
relationships that bonded overtrauma that they don't even know
that they bonded over traumaand there's.
They're like why am I sodysregulated?
Why am I always grumpy?
Why am I always upset?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Because you're co-regulating Exactly.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So, for your peace of mind.
And then you know.
Awareness is key, because onceyou start being aware, things
start changing, things startshifting and hold up that mirror
.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I think that's my final thought is hold up that
mirror to yourself and look atall of the relationships in your
life and how am I beingreflected back?
Because it is a reflection.
So there may be things that youdon't like in your friends and
your family members and yourhusband, whatever, but the piece
of that is in you.
So if you can be working on you, things will start to get
(27:15):
better.
And I know that was alwayssomething I kept saying to you
in the beginning is like itdoesn't matter, just work on you
, just work on you.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, and you just keep working on yourself, keep
working on yourself and you aregoing to.
Some friendships and somerelationships, whatever they are
, are going to dissolve bythemselves and new ones are
going to emerge and they aregoing to be, but again, with any
ending, with any death per sequote.
(27:42):
Uh, there is some grief andit's really important to allow
yourself to grieve.
Yeah, can I cover a few thingsthat I read in the let them
theory of like, how to the habit, like, kind of like, creating
friendships, yeah, okay, so Idon't know if you read the let
them theory book, but I do love,because I highlight, and we are
(28:04):
reading it for the book club.
So, mel robbins this is comingfrom mel robbins, you know to um
, she said this is to, like youknow, build friendships and have
different people in your life.
Compliment people wherever yougo.
Number one compliment peoplewherever you go.
And number two, be curious.
If you see somebody ask them,you know what are you reading?
(28:30):
What did you order?
Like, kind of like.
Be curious with people.
Smile.
Number three smile and sayhello to anyone and everyone you
pass or meet One.
You're making yourself happyand then you are also being a
bright light to someone else'slife.
And then four do this withoutexpectation, so I wanted to kind
of cover that.
(28:51):
Do we have any?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Love it no.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
The takeaways, I think, is look at the
relationships in your liferomantic friends, family
relationship that you have withyour kids.
That's another relationship too.
Yeah, that's a whole otherconversation relationships and
(29:17):
see analyze journal whichrelationships make me feel alive
and at peace and most of thetime, and which ones drain my
energy.
Like if I walk into a roomwhere I'm with somebody and
they're constantly draining myenergy, I'm like I'm not going
to choose to be around thembecause if I am, I'm choosing to
(29:38):
make myself suffer.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
And then the awareness.
I'm just going to throw this inthere real quick If it is
someone that you love, that youwant to continue that
relationship with, you need tolook at why they drain you and
figure out how to navigate that.
Don't just keep ignoring it.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yes, yes, yeah, exactly, Just you know.
But again, like, yeah,awareness, awareness.
Put it put it.
Yes, yes, yeah, exactly Justyou know.
But again, like, yeah,awareness, awareness.
Put it down in writing, put itdown on notes.
Just self-reflection, you know,I tell this to my daughter all
the time.
Anytime you get activated oryou try to point a finger, try
to blame somebody, immediatelylook within, self-reflect why,
(30:13):
why am I reacting to somethingthat you said?
I know this is hard, yeah, itis.
But you know the answers willcome randomly sometimes, whether
it's in a dream, like with you,or whether somebody says
something, or you just get likean intuition to read something
(30:35):
or to open up an article orwhatever.
So, just constantly be in theknowing that you are divinely
protected and guided, you know.
So it's really important toknow that you're high yourself
and God is on your side all thetime.
Yep, yeah, mic drop, mic drop.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
So, yeah, it's not easy work guys, but none of this
is that's why we're doing thepodcast.
Like not one topic we talkabout is easy and not one can be
achieved in a 30 minute episode.
Like these are ongoing things.
So like, okay, now you're awareand you're starting to look at
relationships, and then onanother episode, you're starting
to look at boundaries andyou're looking at self-love,
(31:20):
like these are all things thatyou need to be diving into and
this is like a nice entry pointto that.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I love that because they build up every topic that
we're discussing and sometimesthe you know, I know that we're
very repetitive with thetakeaways, but remember, you
didn't get here withoutrepetitiveness, right?
So same thing, you know.
Repeat, repeat, repeat,practice, practice, practice and
just always, always, always,always, be graceful with
(31:49):
yourself when you mess up,because you are going to mess up
, you are going to make thosemistakes and it's called being
human.
It's called being human, it'scalled being human, exactly and
just you know.
Hopefully we wish you the bestrelationships in your lives amen
to that.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
All right, guys.
Well, you know what to do.
Leave us a review, find us oninstagram, we're on there.
We're not super active, butwe're on there um and we'll,
we'll see you on the nextepisode.
Active enough, active enough.
We'll see you on the nextepisode.
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