April 10, 2025 • 36 mins
Have you ever felt suddenly unmotivated, like someone just flipped off your internal light switch? That's exactly where we found ourselves recently—both experiencing a complete lack of motivation in our businesses and wondering why.
This episode takes you on our journey through understanding the hidden forces behind our unmotivated states. We reveal the startling truth we discovered: often, chaos and overwhelm aren't just things that happen to us—they're states we unconsciously create because they feel safe and familiar.
Using a powerful analogy from tornado survivors who found unexpected calm in the eye of the storm, we discuss how to find peace within life's chaos rather than trying to eliminate it. This isn't about "powering through" unmotivated periods, but understanding them as valuable signals from your body and mind.
Whether you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or just curious about why you might be addicted to busyness, this conversation offers compassionate insights and practical questions to help you reconnect with yourself. Remember: sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is absolutely nothing.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech andlanguage pathologist and a
self-love coach for adults andteens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hey guys, welcome back toanother episode of Heal Yourself
Podcast, and you have Deniseand I today talking all about
(01:00):
the power of doing less.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I love it.
We always.
I don't know if you arenoticing, but all of our topics
revolve around you know ourmoods and our lives.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Well, and I mean it makes sense, right.
I feel like we don't want thisto be a scripted podcast where
it's like oh okay, we're justgoing to do this one episode
next, and then we're like reallytrying to think through what we
can talk through.
We want things to come to usnaturally as we go through life,
because we know that otherpeople are going through this
crap too.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Exactly, and that's what we want for the podcast.
It's a conversation, it's justtwo human beings that are also
doing life with you and you know, we're also showing you our
strengths, our weaknesses, ourmotivations and wearing nuggets
of wisdom, hopefully lack ofmotivation.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah Well, let's talk about how it stemmed, because
last week it was kind of funnyand we're still in this stage.
But I messaged Denise and I wasand I don't remember who
messaged who first but I waslike I don't feel like doing
anything, I don't feel likebeing on social media, I don't
feel like marketing, and I saidthis I still very much want to
(02:16):
have calls with my clients, butI don't want to do anything else
around my business.
So it wasn't that I wasunmotivated in my life, Like I
don't want to talk to my husband, like that wasn't happening,
but solely in my business.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I was like I don't want to show up, I don't want to
do anything.
Yeah, and I was.
I was very burnt out and tiredand I told you as well that I'm
not motivated.
And I know it was also theenergies, because I did go to a
new moon and the new moon is inaries and they're still we're
still in retrograde, by the way,so until mid-april and if you
don't know what those terms are,I think we need to bring on
(02:55):
somebody like with astrology orsomething to talk about all that
but anyway, but however how Iexplained it someone I was at a
full moon celebration one timeand they explained it this way
you know, when there is like thefull moon and the new moon and
all that, the tide, you know,the waves get affected, correct?
The water gets affected by themoon and, by all of that, by the
(03:16):
planets.
What are we made of?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Oh yeah, well, I mean hello.
Look at our cycles too.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Exactly no, because some people say that, oh, that
has nothing to do with us, themoon and the net is all woo-woo.
So I tried to.
I was at the book club and Itold the ladies, like, just
think about it this way, insteadof going saying, because a lot
of people who are religious donot believe in the moon and
astrology and all that and theplanet situation, right.
But however, it does affect theocean and we see it very
(03:43):
clearly.
We are made of water, sodefinitely affects us.
We don't see it, obviously,because it's not concrete or
those emotions and everythingthat's going inside.
So there were some energies too,and I was just overwhelmed with
everything being a speechtherapist, doing therapy and
assessment.
I mean, by April you'refreaking, burnt out and I kind
(04:06):
of.
But what did I tell you, though?
I'm here because of somedecisions and choices I made,
and it kind of leads us toanother topic that in other
points I want to talk about howmuch addicted we are to the
doing.
So I was just not motivatedwith anything and I decided not
to push through, and then I alsogot sick.
So my body was like sit yourass down in bed, cancel
(04:31):
everything.
So I, you know, canceledtherapy with my kiddos, I didn't
go to the contract school thatI go to and I was trying to feel
bad a little bit.
But then I told myself, do notfeel bad, because your health
comes first and your sanity.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
So yeah, yeah, well, I want to talk a little bit
about the overwhelm, because Ifeel like everyone is going to
resonate with this at some point.
Right, and not just overwhelmed, but unmotivated.
We're all going to go throughthis.
It's a season of life, it'sjust.
Where are we unmotivated?
(05:08):
Is it throughout our lives?
Is it?
I'm unmotivated for the nextweek to cook?
I'm unmotivated to do this.
For me, it was like someone justflipped off the light switch in
my business.
I'm like, why is this happening?
I still really want to talk myclients Like I'm motivated to
have my calls to do my groupprogram, but why don't I want to
(05:28):
show up on social media?
And for me, I think it was dueto overwhelm.
I think for you it was due tooverwhelm.
You said that.
But for everyone else, let'stalk through like, why does this
happen?
Is it due to overwhelm?
Is it a safety mechanism?
Is it due to overwhelm?
Is it a safety mechanism?
Is it a control thing?
Are you needing validation?
(05:49):
This is what Denise and I meanwhen we say do the inner work.
It's turning within and lookingat.
Okay, I'm unmotivated, but whyis this happening?
What's underneath the surface?
And I think it's easy to ignorethose things Exactly.
Do you have an idea Like I havean idea of mine that we can
(06:13):
touch on, but what do you think?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Well, let's touch on some of the invisible loads to
give the person listening rightnow saying how am I going to
look within?
So the invisible load can bethe physical, uh, physical labor
, like you're doing so much allthe time you do a lot, whether
it's work, the kids, thewhatever right, because you, you
, the person listening right nowmight be like, well, I have
(06:38):
five children, right, so I'moverwhelmed by that.
Or it could be emotional laborthat you're putting too you're,
you're thinking too much,whether it's the past, the
future, worrying about this orabout that.
It could be the perfectionism,right, everything has to be
perfect.
You know my, my house has to beperfect, the kitchen has to be
perfect, the laundry has to beperfect, the kids need to be fed
and then the job has to bethat's tiring just talking about
(07:01):
it right now like theperfectionism, literally project
has to be perfect.
I can't send this that that theemail has to be written
perfectly, the traumas.
So, for example, I was talkingto my friend oh, you know her.
I was talking to Lily on Fridaybecause I took my daughter to
Knott's Berry Farm and she waslike girl, I don't know why.
(07:23):
She said that we were talkingabout something I forgot what we
were talking about.
And she's like, girl, you grewup.
Oh, we're talking about theMiddle East.
She's like you grew up in thatand I was like, yeah, and she's
like you must be like on the goall the time and they said, no,
it could be trauma, right,something that's from your past
that leads to you know theaddiction to the doing and to
(07:47):
the whatever.
And it could be also peoplepleasing, right, you're trying
to please the people in thehousehold.
You're trying to please thepeople in your company, you're
trying to please the people thatyou work with and you're taking
on so much that could also leadto overwhelm and yeah, so these
are some things that you mightexperience, you, the person
(08:07):
listening.
And then we're going to hearfrom Kira what is her invisible
load, and then I'll tell youmine.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Well, which is funny because that's where I was going
to go with this of like,sharing mine, and these could be
some things.
I think it's multiple for meand I'm still sorting through
that, and that's okay.
I'm not putting pressure onmyself of you need to figure
this out today, because this isthe meaning of X, y, z, I don't
care, but I need to turn inwardand look at okay, well, why is
(08:33):
this happening right now?
Yes, perfectionism has alwaysbeen a piece for me.
Do I call myself a recoveringperfectionist?
Yes, because I'm notnecessarily in those same
tendencies, right, like in thepast, I would write an email and
there'd be a typo and someonewould point it out and I'd be
like oh my gosh, now I'm likeyeah, shows that I'm human.
I'm not like getting AI towrite my stuff for me, right,
(08:57):
but I think the perfectionism ofshowing up in my business,
right?
Well, everyone says that togrow your business and to show
the world your value, you've gotto do these Instagram posts
daily, you've got to show up onFacebook multiple times a day,
and that was still a form ofperfectionism.
And then, of course, the peoplepleasing, which, denise, you and
(09:19):
I have talked about this, but Icome from a working background,
meaning I have always worked, Ihave always desired to work,
and for seven and a half years Iworked under a doctor.
Even though I had some of myown clients and still did my own
thing, for the most part, 75%of my work came from him and my
(09:39):
work was always tied into myworth, and so I stayed busy and
I earned a certain income and Ifelt good about it.
Well, that partnership endedmutually and it was something I
had actually been manifestingfor a while.
But when it happened, I wasthrown into oh my gosh, now I
don't have enough work, now I'mnot making the money.
Now there goes my worth, and soI think it's still with me a
(10:04):
year later, after not being withhim is like oh my gosh, like I
can't be still.
I can't give myself this space.
I've got to go, do, do, do, do,do.
And so, for the first time ever, this is me saying, uh-uh,
screw that shit.
I'm not going to do, do, do.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Yeah, I mean to me.
I'm addicted to the doing.
I'm addicted to being on the goand, of course, it's probably
stemming from my past trauma.
It's probably stemming from myupbringing.
My mom was a stay-at-homemother and back in the day I
tried to explain to people.
(10:44):
But even right now, people getmarried young and they have
children at 14.
It's like when my, when mygrandma in the middle of the
east got married at 16.
I'm like, dude, y'all gettingpregnant here at 14, but anyway,
so, um, because I'm like, oh,back in the day, it's not back
in the day, it's happening now,but anyway.
So my mom is a young mother.
She was 18 years old and stayat home mom and my dad is the
(11:06):
one who works and I think she,for some reason, she had tied in
some self-worth with working.
So it was constantly you got towork, you got to graduate, you
got to have a degree, you got tobring in your own money, which
is great, yes, I do bring in myown money but that put too much
pressure of the doing, doing,doing, doing, doing and
(11:27):
constantly being addicted to thedoing.
So, even though I know that mybody needs to rest and I needed
to rest, like yesterday, forexample, I was I mean, I'm
exhausted, Like I needed to restand in my mind like, oh my God,
I got to do the laundry and Iwas just like forcing myself to
freaking sit down.
So I would sit down, I would gooutside just to kind of like
get away from like the doing.
(11:48):
But I feel it is the addiction.
It's because if you're notdoing and you're sitting, still
that means there's somethingwrong with you.
Right, see how that's tied in.
And there's nothing wrong withyou, it's just you are resting
right now and we just don't knowhow to really be in stillness.
We don't, I just don't know howto be in stillness.
(12:09):
And another thing I have for meas far as business and that's
what led me to this choice isyes, I've been a speech
therapist for 20 years.
Yes, I have the confidence.
Yes, I have all that, butbelieve it or not?
Because people who know methink, oh, my goodness, there's
no way you feel that way and I'mlike, yes, I do.
I also have this impostersyndrome because now I'm a
business owner.
Right, so this is the secondyear I'm a business owner and I
(12:31):
keep reminding myself that.
But sometimes I'm not makingdecisions based on that.
Right, so I could have gottenan intern, I could have hired,
and I didn't.
Right, right, I kept taking onthe load, and now it's april and
I'm freaking exhausted, right,yes, it is a good problem to
have.
No, it's a freaking problem.
It's not a good problem to havea bad problems that because
(12:53):
people say oh, you know, yeah,you're great, you're busy.
Busy is not great, busy isoverwhelming, you is just.
You need the calm right to makethose decisions.
And I also wrote down peoplepleasing I don't please other
people like where peoplepleasing comes for me is
(13:14):
pleasing my, my children.
I have an issue, I have aproblem.
My name is Denise and I have aproblem and it is pleasing my
babies.
So, for example, like I don'tlike to upset them, I like to
you know, making sure thatthey're constantly you know, so
that I overly please them, andthat's why I put so much
pressure on myself and then Ijust blow up, which?
(13:36):
Is not a good thing, becausehad I not pleased them or did
did everything that they wanted,I would have not blown up.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
But I just keep yeah, um, we were talking before we
hit record and I was like,denise, we do have to talk about
this.
You started watching thatjoplin tornado documentary,
which ted ted was watching ittoo.
(14:04):
I didn't watch it with him, hewas telling me about it, but you
had a great little analogy.
Do you want to share that?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
yes, so I didn't watch the whole thing, I just
dimitri started when my husbandstarted watching it and I was
like, oh, what is this?
Because they started talkingabout like the being in the
tornado and then all that stuffwas like, oh, that's interesting
, but the way that she describedit is I've never been in a
tornado, so I don't even knowwhat it looks like.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I just see them, thankfully.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
So she was saying that they were in the eye.
So I guess they were goingthrough the tornado, they were
driving and what happened isthat they were very scared and
they got sucked into the eye ofthe tornado and they all
described it as seeing multiplevortexes and they described it
as calm.
(14:52):
So, mind you, they're in thatchaos, everything is chaos
around.
So, mind you, they're in thatchaos, everything is chaos
around them.
But they're in the eye andthey're feeling the calm.
And then all of them said, allof them that were interviewed we
felt the acceptance.
We accepted.
So that peace and that calmtriggered acceptance.
They were ready to be taken tothe other realm, they were ready
(15:16):
to go.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Right.
However, a lot of them survived, like the ones who were talking
about it, obviously.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Obviously.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
They're talking to you from the other side.
Yes, and I just really lovedthat.
This is a perfect analogy ofthe chaos is happening around us
all the time.
As you go in within, it's thatemptiness, so the tornado is
happening.
The emptiness of the eye of thetiger is the calm, right, so
(15:47):
life is happening around us.
Around us, the calm is when yougo within and find that empty
space.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
There is calm in the emptiness.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
And there's always going to be that chaos.
What are you focusing on?
Are you focusing on all thecrap that's flying around you
that's not doing anything foryou, or are you accepting where
you're at in the moment, whichis what you and I kind of did
last week.
We were coaching each otherconstantly on WhatsApp.
You guys of like it's okay,it's okay to feel unmotivated,
(16:21):
it's okay not to show up.
I literally sent Denise themessage and I'm like I know the
answer, but I need you to tellme that it's okay that I don't
show up on social media.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
And I love how I tell her.
This is your reminder, like,kind of like, talk to each other
like little children.
This is your reminder, kira,not to show up on so or?
You know what I mean like, andright now you're taught you.
You're saying something thattriggered and I want to tell the
person who's listening rightnow, if you don't have a person
that you can go to, please findthat person.
(16:52):
Yeah, you know what?
I mean and if you don't have it,find it in yourself.
Find that person yeah, you knowwhat I mean.
And if you don't have it, findit in yourself.
Be that person for yourself.
I know it's always fun to havethat person on the other side
saying I'm reminding you not towork today, missy.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I know.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I love that.
If you don't have it, try tofind it, or find it in yourself
and you can you and I still dothat to ourselves, right?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
It's not like.
I turn to you for everythingit's.
I am coaching myself, and I'mtalking not out loud to myself
throughout the day, though oflike.
Why am I doing this?
Why is this thought continuingto show up?
Why, you know?
Just continuing to dig.
So you have that.
You just have to turn within,and that was the next thing I
(17:36):
wanted to say too.
Is we get to this place ofoverwhelm, or right?
The tornado is swirling allaround us and there's all this
crap.
That's a sign.
It's a sign you've gone for fartoo freaking long without
checking in with yourself, andthis is again where it goes to
those patterns, right Of like.
Well, if you're a peoplepleaser, you're probably not
going to check in with yourselfbecause you're trying to please
(17:58):
everyone else or your kids, butyou've got to be checking in
with yourself, and I don't carewhat that check-in looks like it
can be in the morning of.
How am I feeling right now?
What do I need?
Do I need to drink a glass ofwater?
Do I need to step outside?
Do I need to take some deepbreaths?
Do I need to step away fromthis thing?
Do I need to let the dishes sitin the sink Because I don't
(18:21):
want to deal with them right now, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
But you got to check in and then ask yourself the
questions.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I love what you said, that I do it loud and I do it
quietly and aloud.
I do both.
It depends on the situation,but sometimes I do catch myself
saying it out loud.
And because the other day Averywas like, were you talking to
yourself?
Because I did see your lipsmoving, I was like, oh shit, I
was in the back, I was fillingup the car.
(18:49):
I'm like, how did you see me?
But I feel sometimes like whenwe say look within or dig deep,
uh, it could be a little bitmisunderstood.
Maybe.
I'm like what am I tellingmyself?
Sometimes it's asking thequestions, like ask the
questions.
Why am I feeling this way?
Is there something that I needto learn?
(19:10):
Is this the pattern?
Like be curious, like a childbeing curious because out of
curiosity the answers will startcoming.
You might see a post, or yourfriend might send you a message,
or you might open a book and belike oh, you know, this is the
answer to my question.
So start asking the question,versus like having I don't have
(19:31):
time to journal.
I don't have to, it doesn'tneed to be journaled or anything
If you got to the overwhelmsection, like same, like how you
and I got there.
We're like dude, we're here.
That means we've gone way toofar without checking with
ourselves what do we need to do?
We had to bring ourselves backto homeostasis, right and right
now I feel like we are.
Yes, we might still be in thatfunk, but we are at peace with
(19:55):
that funk.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
We're in the eye of the tornado right now.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
We're in the eye of the tornado, right.
So the tornado is happeningaround us and we're just like
feeling the peace that you knowwe're accepting it but we're
still doing things differentlyabout it.
So you know, like checking indoes not have to be sitting down
in meditation or hypnosis orjournaling.
Checking in could be justtaking your walk or drinking
(20:20):
your coffee and asking thequestions.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Yeah, well, and I want to bring this back to you
mentioned the trauma piece and,guys, it doesn't just have to be
trauma.
We can go back to talking aboutthe nervous system and safety
and how we grew up and all ofthat stuff.
Sometimes staying busy feelssafer in our bodies than being
(20:43):
still.
Yes, and I want you to rememberthat, because I did not grow up
in the environment that Denisedid, but I did grow up in an
environment watching my momconstantly be busy and never sit
down during the day.
You sat down at the end of theday when you know the day was
done and that was it.
(21:04):
Like, literally, at night iswhen you sat down.
You were busy the rest of theday just doing, doing, doing,
doing, doing, doing, and that'swhat I saw, and so I assume that
was normal.
It took me decades to figureout like, oh my gosh, like her
nervous system was respondingaccordingly, she was in fight or
flight and she couldn't get out.
(21:24):
Like rest, stillness, quiet,solitude, meditation, like that
didn't feel safe and it sure asheck did not feel safe to me.
So if you're like I can't sitstill, I can't be in silence, I
can't do that, okay, well,that's a clue also in something
that you can start to dig into.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yes, because what you're doing is you're also
because, if you grew up in theseenvironments and this is your
safety what you're doing is,unconsciously, we are creating
the experiences to create likewe're.
You know how, when people sayyou're bringing the experiences,
maybe you're not bringing themto you, but you are creating the
experiences again and again tofeel the safety.
(22:05):
Right, so something.
That's why sometimes you knowwhen people do the inner work
and you know they, they startregulating their nervous system.
It feels like what the heck thisis not normal, it does oh my
goodness it's very uncomfortableto be in silence, being calm
yeah exactly being calm, andthen you know being in balance,
like it's uncomfortable.
If you grew up in, you know,chaos, or in the tornado or
(22:26):
whatever, whatever.
So we do create thoseexperiences.
Hence, sometimes we hence wemake the choices to create the
experiences, to get to theoverwhelm, because overwhelm and
busyness is our safety.
I think this is it right now.
It's the big aha moment rightnow for you and me is this is
our problem.
It is Chaos and overwhelm andbusyness are our safety.
(22:50):
Hence we keep making thechoices to creating them.
We're admitting this to youpeople.
Hello, this is a therapysession, crazy, wow.
I mean, that's an aha momentright there.
It is our safety.
So we're doing everything inour power to recreate those
experiences.
How?
By those choices that we'remaking.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
And I'm also going to say, if we don't want to use
the term safety for the peoplethat are like, no, I sure as
hell don't want that, okay, butwhat do you know?
Because that's what I knew.
I even look back at high school, college, I was a
procrastinator and I justthought, oh, I just
procrastinate, I find otherstuff to do.
No, I recognize now that I didthat because it created that
(23:33):
chaos.
It created that, oh my gosh.
I have now that I did thatbecause it created that chaos,
it created that, oh my gosh.
I have six hours to get this,you know, 14 page essay done.
So if I wait till the very lastminute, it creates that chaos
and that's where I thrive.
So I thought but it was, we cancall it safety, we can call it
comfort.
That's what I knew.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah right, exactly, safety or what you know.
It's what it comfort.
That's what I knew.
Yeah right, exactly, safety orwhat you know.
It's what you know.
It's what you, it's what yousaw, it's what you got used to.
You know so that's why, rightnow, us showing our children,
resting, you know, and thendoing all that will help them
with what they know with theirenvironment.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, well, and then if we think about that, right,
if that's what we know, oursafety, whatever, and I
mentioned the nervous systemwe're dysregulated, we're in
fight or flight.
Usually that's also cortisol,right?
So we'll call it a cortisol fog.
We cannot hear what our body issaying to us when we're in that
state, our intuition is dulled,and this is, you know, honestly
(24:37):
.
Now I think I'm going to sendthis episode to some clients,
because I've had some ask me why, like you always tell me to
listen to my body, but I can'tget there.
There are some tools and maybethat's another episode for us,
but one of the signs is, if youcan't tap into how your body
feels or your intuition, that'sa sign right.
(25:00):
You need to get to that veryuncomfortable place of the
stillness, of the calmness.
Like Denise and I are saying,it is very, very uncomfortable
for me to be at home and notconstantly posting on social
media or doing something tomarket my business, but I know
that that discomfort is wherethe healing comes in.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Yeah yeah and yeah, we can, I mean, and that's you
cannot.
What is it?
What was it?
You cannot come up with thesolution, or some.
What was the?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
the quote of like there's a few you can't solve
something with the same level.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
You created it from you know what I mean, like the
same level of unconsciousnessthat the problem got created,
hence, hence, that's why thestillness and it's hard, it is
really hard to be in stillnessand when we're talking,
stillness like an emptying yourmind of thoughts.
It is not easy.
So I do want to recommendsomething, really quickly, if
you are interested.
(26:02):
It's the Japa Meditation byWayne Dyer.
So you just go on YouTube andthen just write Japa, j-a-p-a
Meditation, wayne Dyer, and hehas the long version and the
short version, but he guides youthrough how to make.
He says make connection withGod between the thoughts, right?
(26:23):
So basically the emptiness,getting in the gap, like we
talked about the tornado, right?
So when you're in the eye ofthe tornado, this is when the
calm is happening, that is thegap, right?
So when you get in the gapbetween your thoughts, meaning
no thoughts, this is when thetrue calm and the true solution
can come up or the clarity, oryou connecting with your higher
(26:46):
self, with your higher power,with God, with your angels.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
And physical healing that's still physical healing.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Absolutely, Absolutely.
But it's just that it's reallyuncomfortable, but you got to.
I mean, if you want to, it'spractice.
Like anything in life, itrequires practice.
So yeah, that's why I said, ifyou want to tap into that and
see how it feels to be in thestillness, I would definitely
recommend the Joppa.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah, as we wrap up, I just want to briefly touch on
how we can still show up whenwe're unmotivated.
And, honestly, a piece of thisis you guys, like, you have to
figure out how you need to showup, because it depends on what
you're unmotivated about.
Right, for me it was businessand it's like okay, I can still
(27:40):
show up for my clients at ahundred percent.
I don't need to show up onsocial media, I don't need to do
marketing, and for me it wasartwork.
I was messaging Denise.
I'm like, I'm doing neurographics over here, like I'm
just drawing.
That's all I wanted to do andthat's okay.
I was still doing other stuff.
But for you guys, it might beteeny, tiny little things.
Of like, I'm unmotivated inevery aspect of my life.
Okay, well, make sure thatyou're taking care of your kids,
(28:01):
make sure that you're drinkingwater, make a healthy meal, like
, just do the small things, butdon't force yourself into doing
things you really don't want todo.
And I know there's a delicatebalance there of like, well, I
don't want to make a healthymeal.
Okay, we'll figure that out.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
We'll go to Trader Joe's or go to Whole Foods, like
you can find an alternative.
I get it Cause, yeah, sometimesI'm not motivated to cook, I'm
not motivated to make a healthymeal.
I get it Because, yeah,sometimes I'm not motivated to
cook, I'm not motivated to makea healthy meal.
I get it Sometimes.
Motivate Sometimes, like Iunderstand that your motivation
was around business, butsometimes with me and I was just
, I was not motivated withanything and I just wanted to
(28:43):
sit on the couch and do nothing.
And I did that, but I alsoguilted myself until I unguilted
myself.
So it is give yourself thepermission and I'm not saying
give yourself permission to doit for a month, like this is too
much.
I get it.
However, give yourself thegrace, and I know I keep saying
(29:05):
that.
I keep saying that because Ikeep reminding myself, because I
don't give myself enough grace,right?
So just give yourself the grace.
If you're not motivated, you'renot.
You're not motivated, you know.
You don't want to talk tosomebody on the phone.
You want to reply to a text.
You don't want to talk to yourhusband, your partner, to
whatever it is.
Yeah, just give yourselfpermission to be and then later
(29:31):
on, go on the walk and do thething Like first of all, please
give yourself permission to be.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Amen to that.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
You know, because fuck this bullshit.
Like I'm really right now, likeI just kind of upset myself a
little bit Like be great,because I told myself how much
I'm not graceful with myself andI tell people to be graceful
with themselves yeah be gracefulwith yourself.
Yeah, you can be.
You can have a week ofunmotivation.
That's fine, because guess what, after that week of
(30:00):
unmotivation, you may have awhole month of a whole clarity.
Yeah, so just take that week,because I know that, because
you've been talking a lot aboutbusiness and the person
listening might be like what thefuck?
I don't have a business.
It could be not motivatedanything.
You may not want to talk to yourmom, I don't know, or to your
husband, or to your wife or toyour whoever partner, because
(30:24):
sometimes we don't.
So whatever, and that's thething.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Unmotivation can show up in every aspect of our lives
.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And it can be an operation for the job.
So call in sick.
It's fine.
That's why you have the sickdays.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Right, yeah, you don't have to be sick Mentally.
You need that break.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
You know like, yeah, yeah, some questions to ask
ourselves, yeah so, yeah, yeah,some questions to ask ourselves,
yeah, so I can go off tangents.
I don't know.
I think the listeners knowalready, denise goes off
tangents they do, and that's,that's the beauty of us.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Um, so yeah, I'm not a journaler.
Denise likes to journal.
I don't care if you guys liketo journal or not.
You can still ask yourselfthese questions, whether it's in
your head, like coachingyourself, like we mentioned, you
can journal on them.
I don't care what you do, butwhen you get to the point of
feeling unmotivated, overwhelmedor, honestly, you could just do
this regardless.
Ask yourself a few things.
(31:23):
First, where in your life areyou striving instead of
listening?
And again I tie this back tobusiness, but it could be.
Denise mentioned kids.
Am I striving to just pleasethem all the time or am I
listening to my body and what Ineed?
Yeah, what does stillness feellike in my body?
(31:44):
And we touched on this Do youfeel safe there or is it scary?
Because I know, for me andDenise it's scary.
It's scary.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Stillness is scary.
I mean, did I tell you when Iwent to that restorative yoga
class and it's so slow?
And at the end she was like shewas the feedback and I couldn't
even, I couldn't even shut up.
I was like you didn't flow, itdidn't flow, she's like because
it's called restorative yoga.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
You're like, this was not restorative.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
That stillness was killing me, but I'm like I
needed it so bad, you know.
So it's scary for me, yes, andI've been doing the work for a
long time.
Yeah, that stillness is scary,but it's really beautiful when
you get it done?
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Yes, well, and that's the thing.
If it's scary to you, what canyou do to make it feel safe?
You know, this is anotheropportunity for you to reflect
and keep digging.
And then, lastly, what would itlook like to trust yourself
even when you're not motivated?
I mean, denise said it still,she's like I'm not really
motivated, but you're trustingyourself, you're giving yourself
(32:46):
grace and that's okay, like,and I want to add as well.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
What are some of the things that you can also
celebrate?
For example, like today, I toldyou, yes, I'm not motivated.
However, it's a monday and I'mnot overwhelmed with work, right
?
I'm not like I wouldn't startrecording until like, for
example, 10 o'clock, I don't.
I mean I'm going to the dmv at12 o'clock and I don't have.
I mean, I'm going to the DMV at12 o'clock and I don't have a
client until later and I may notbe able to see him if the DMV
(33:13):
appointment, you know, took abit longer.
That's something that I want tocelebrate, because I don't like
to work on Mondays first thingin the morning.
I like to take my time onMondays, I like to start later,
and then I'm getting to a pointwhere Mondays, I'm not working
as much.
So that's a big, bigcelebration.
(33:35):
I'm not even taking the time tocelebrate.
But guess what, today, after Ileft with the voice message, I
was like good job, denise, youdid it.
Look at you, it's a Monday,you're not having the Monday
anxiety.
You're able to do this.
And how?
How?
By all of the things that I wasable to achieve and get to the
place.
So, to try to find the smallitty bitty celebrations, because
(33:57):
where you are today, I bet Imean hopefully, it's not where-
you were 10 years ago or fiveyears ago, but if you were, then
we have a little bit of aproblem that we need to start
changing things.
Right, if you are at the sameplace that you were 10 years ago
, right, but try to find somecelebrations, you know.
And yeah, celebrate, because Imean it's different journeys and
(34:22):
different everything yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I think this is it, I know.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I always love our episodes.
So, like usual, before we tellyou to share the episode, we
want to remind you a few things.
One is that we have uh, kira'sself-love hypnosis in the show
notes, so make sure that you'retaking advantage of that, and
Kira and I are working onsomething.
(34:50):
So, in the past, we had aprogram all about mindset I'm
not going to name it yet becauseI don't know if we're going to
keep the name or not and becausewe ran it for a little bit and
we loved it.
However, we stopped doing itand now that we are recording
the podcast and we love thepodcast, we started to think
(35:12):
about this program.
So stay tuned.
You're going to start hearingfrom us about this program that
we're putting together, thisonline course that we're putting
together all about mindset andpretty much everything that we
kind of been talking about.
So stay tuned.
And then make sure that youshare the episode with a friend,
give us your feedback, leave usa message.
(35:36):
You know the drill.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
And leave us a review .
I'm also going to say we arecelebrating.
We crossed a thousand downloads, which for some is like, oh,
who cares?
That's huge for us.
So we are so, so grateful foreveryone who has been listening,
sharing with friends,supporting us.
So, thank you, guys, keep it up.
We're aiming for 2,000.
We need the wee, the sound likewee, right?
(36:01):
I don't know if I can add that,guys, we'll see.
Well, we will see you on thenext episode then.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech andlanguage pathologist and a
self-love coach for adults andteens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hey guys, welcome back toanother episode of Heal Yourself
Podcast, and you have Deniseand I today talking all about
(01:00):
the power of doing less.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I love it.
We always.
I don't know if you arenoticing, but all of our topics
revolve around you know ourmoods and our lives.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Well, and I mean it makes sense, right.
I feel like we don't want thisto be a scripted podcast where
it's like oh okay, we're justgoing to do this one episode
next, and then we're like reallytrying to think through what we
can talk through.
We want things to come to usnaturally as we go through life,
because we know that otherpeople are going through this
crap too.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Exactly, and that's what we want for the podcast.
It's a conversation, it's justtwo human beings that are also
doing life with you and you know, we're also showing you our
strengths, our weaknesses, ourmotivations and wearing nuggets
of wisdom, hopefully lack ofmotivation.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah Well, let's talk about how it stemmed, because
last week it was kind of funnyand we're still in this stage.
But I messaged Denise and I wasand I don't remember who
messaged who first but I waslike I don't feel like doing
anything, I don't feel likebeing on social media, I don't
feel like marketing, and I saidthis I still very much want to
(02:16):
have calls with my clients, butI don't want to do anything else
around my business.
So it wasn't that I wasunmotivated in my life, Like I
don't want to talk to my husband, like that wasn't happening,
but solely in my business.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I was like I don't want to show up, I don't want to
do anything.
Yeah, and I was.
I was very burnt out and tiredand I told you as well that I'm
not motivated.
And I know it was also theenergies, because I did go to a
new moon and the new moon is inaries and they're still we're
still in retrograde, by the way,so until mid-april and if you
don't know what those terms are,I think we need to bring on
(02:55):
somebody like with astrology orsomething to talk about all that
but anyway, but however how Iexplained it someone I was at a
full moon celebration one timeand they explained it this way
you know, when there is like thefull moon and the new moon and
all that, the tide, you know,the waves get affected, correct?
The water gets affected by themoon and, by all of that, by the
(03:16):
planets.
What are we made of?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Oh yeah, well, I mean hello.
Look at our cycles too.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Exactly no, because some people say that, oh, that
has nothing to do with us, themoon and the net is all woo-woo.
So I tried to.
I was at the book club and Itold the ladies, like, just
think about it this way, insteadof going saying, because a lot
of people who are religious donot believe in the moon and
astrology and all that and theplanet situation, right.
But however, it does affect theocean and we see it very
(03:43):
clearly.
We are made of water, sodefinitely affects us.
We don't see it, obviously,because it's not concrete or
those emotions and everythingthat's going inside.
So there were some energies too,and I was just overwhelmed with
everything being a speechtherapist, doing therapy and
assessment.
I mean, by April you'refreaking, burnt out and I kind
(04:06):
of.
But what did I tell you, though?
I'm here because of somedecisions and choices I made,
and it kind of leads us toanother topic that in other
points I want to talk about howmuch addicted we are to the
doing.
So I was just not motivatedwith anything and I decided not
to push through, and then I alsogot sick.
So my body was like sit yourass down in bed, cancel
(04:31):
everything.
So I, you know, canceledtherapy with my kiddos, I didn't
go to the contract school thatI go to and I was trying to feel
bad a little bit.
But then I told myself, do notfeel bad, because your health
comes first and your sanity.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
So yeah, yeah, well, I want to talk a little bit
about the overwhelm, because Ifeel like everyone is going to
resonate with this at some point.
Right, and not just overwhelmed, but unmotivated.
We're all going to go throughthis.
It's a season of life, it'sjust.
Where are we unmotivated?
(05:08):
Is it throughout our lives?
Is it?
I'm unmotivated for the nextweek to cook?
I'm unmotivated to do this.
For me, it was like someone justflipped off the light switch in
my business.
I'm like, why is this happening?
I still really want to talk myclients Like I'm motivated to
have my calls to do my groupprogram, but why don't I want to
(05:28):
show up on social media?
And for me, I think it was dueto overwhelm.
I think for you it was due tooverwhelm.
You said that.
But for everyone else, let'stalk through like, why does this
happen?
Is it due to overwhelm?
Is it a safety mechanism?
Is it due to overwhelm?
Is it a safety mechanism?
Is it a control thing?
Are you needing validation?
(05:49):
This is what Denise and I meanwhen we say do the inner work.
It's turning within and lookingat.
Okay, I'm unmotivated, but whyis this happening?
What's underneath the surface?
And I think it's easy to ignorethose things Exactly.
Do you have an idea Like I havean idea of mine that we can
(06:13):
touch on, but what do you think?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Well, let's touch on some of the invisible loads to
give the person listening rightnow saying how am I going to
look within?
So the invisible load can bethe physical, uh, physical labor
, like you're doing so much allthe time you do a lot, whether
it's work, the kids, thewhatever right, because you, you
, the person listening right nowmight be like, well, I have
(06:38):
five children, right, so I'moverwhelmed by that.
Or it could be emotional laborthat you're putting too you're,
you're thinking too much,whether it's the past, the
future, worrying about this orabout that.
It could be the perfectionism,right, everything has to be
perfect.
You know my, my house has to beperfect, the kitchen has to be
perfect, the laundry has to beperfect, the kids need to be fed
and then the job has to bethat's tiring just talking about
(07:01):
it right now like theperfectionism, literally project
has to be perfect.
I can't send this that that theemail has to be written
perfectly, the traumas.
So, for example, I was talkingto my friend oh, you know her.
I was talking to Lily on Fridaybecause I took my daughter to
Knott's Berry Farm and she waslike girl, I don't know why.
(07:23):
She said that we were talkingabout something I forgot what we
were talking about.
And she's like, girl, you grewup.
Oh, we're talking about theMiddle East.
She's like you grew up in thatand I was like, yeah, and she's
like you must be like on the goall the time and they said, no,
it could be trauma, right,something that's from your past
that leads to you know theaddiction to the doing and to
(07:47):
the whatever.
And it could be also peoplepleasing, right, you're trying
to please the people in thehousehold.
You're trying to please thepeople in your company, you're
trying to please the people thatyou work with and you're taking
on so much that could also leadto overwhelm and yeah, so these
are some things that you mightexperience, you, the person
(08:07):
listening.
And then we're going to hearfrom Kira what is her invisible
load, and then I'll tell youmine.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Well, which is funny because that's where I was going
to go with this of like,sharing mine, and these could be
some things.
I think it's multiple for meand I'm still sorting through
that, and that's okay.
I'm not putting pressure onmyself of you need to figure
this out today, because this isthe meaning of X, y, z, I don't
care, but I need to turn inwardand look at okay, well, why is
(08:33):
this happening right now?
Yes, perfectionism has alwaysbeen a piece for me.
Do I call myself a recoveringperfectionist?
Yes, because I'm notnecessarily in those same
tendencies, right, like in thepast, I would write an email and
there'd be a typo and someonewould point it out and I'd be
like oh my gosh, now I'm likeyeah, shows that I'm human.
I'm not like getting AI towrite my stuff for me, right,
(08:57):
but I think the perfectionism ofshowing up in my business,
right?
Well, everyone says that togrow your business and to show
the world your value, you've gotto do these Instagram posts
daily, you've got to show up onFacebook multiple times a day,
and that was still a form ofperfectionism.
And then, of course, the peoplepleasing, which, denise, you and
(09:19):
I have talked about this, but Icome from a working background,
meaning I have always worked, Ihave always desired to work,
and for seven and a half years Iworked under a doctor.
Even though I had some of myown clients and still did my own
thing, for the most part, 75%of my work came from him and my
(09:39):
work was always tied into myworth, and so I stayed busy and
I earned a certain income and Ifelt good about it.
Well, that partnership endedmutually and it was something I
had actually been manifestingfor a while.
But when it happened, I wasthrown into oh my gosh, now I
don't have enough work, now I'mnot making the money.
Now there goes my worth, and soI think it's still with me a
(10:04):
year later, after not being withhim is like oh my gosh, like I
can't be still.
I can't give myself this space.
I've got to go, do, do, do, do,do.
And so, for the first time ever, this is me saying, uh-uh,
screw that shit.
I'm not going to do, do, do.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Yeah, I mean to me.
I'm addicted to the doing.
I'm addicted to being on the goand, of course, it's probably
stemming from my past trauma.
It's probably stemming from myupbringing.
My mom was a stay-at-homemother and back in the day I
tried to explain to people.
(10:44):
But even right now, people getmarried young and they have
children at 14.
It's like when my, when mygrandma in the middle of the
east got married at 16.
I'm like, dude, y'all gettingpregnant here at 14, but anyway,
so, um, because I'm like, oh,back in the day, it's not back
in the day, it's happening now,but anyway.
So my mom is a young mother.
She was 18 years old and stayat home mom and my dad is the
(11:06):
one who works and I think she,for some reason, she had tied in
some self-worth with working.
So it was constantly you got towork, you got to graduate, you
got to have a degree, you got tobring in your own money, which
is great, yes, I do bring in myown money but that put too much
pressure of the doing, doing,doing, doing, doing and
(11:27):
constantly being addicted to thedoing.
So, even though I know that mybody needs to rest and I needed
to rest, like yesterday, forexample, I was I mean, I'm
exhausted, Like I needed to restand in my mind like, oh my God,
I got to do the laundry and Iwas just like forcing myself to
freaking sit down.
So I would sit down, I would gooutside just to kind of like
get away from like the doing.
(11:48):
But I feel it is the addiction.
It's because if you're notdoing and you're sitting, still
that means there's somethingwrong with you.
Right, see how that's tied in.
And there's nothing wrong withyou, it's just you are resting
right now and we just don't knowhow to really be in stillness.
We don't, I just don't know howto be in stillness.
(12:09):
And another thing I have for meas far as business and that's
what led me to this choice isyes, I've been a speech
therapist for 20 years.
Yes, I have the confidence.
Yes, I have all that, butbelieve it or not?
Because people who know methink, oh, my goodness, there's
no way you feel that way and I'mlike, yes, I do.
I also have this impostersyndrome because now I'm a
business owner.
Right, so this is the secondyear I'm a business owner and I
(12:31):
keep reminding myself that.
But sometimes I'm not makingdecisions based on that.
Right, so I could have gottenan intern, I could have hired,
and I didn't.
Right, right, I kept taking onthe load, and now it's april and
I'm freaking exhausted, right,yes, it is a good problem to
have.
No, it's a freaking problem.
It's not a good problem to havea bad problems that because
(12:53):
people say oh, you know, yeah,you're great, you're busy.
Busy is not great, busy isoverwhelming, you is just.
You need the calm right to makethose decisions.
And I also wrote down peoplepleasing I don't please other
people like where peoplepleasing comes for me is
(13:14):
pleasing my, my children.
I have an issue, I have aproblem.
My name is Denise and I have aproblem and it is pleasing my
babies.
So, for example, like I don'tlike to upset them, I like to
you know, making sure thatthey're constantly you know, so
that I overly please them, andthat's why I put so much
pressure on myself and then Ijust blow up, which?
(13:36):
Is not a good thing, becausehad I not pleased them or did
did everything that they wanted,I would have not blown up.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
But I just keep yeah, um, we were talking before we
hit record and I was like,denise, we do have to talk about
this.
You started watching thatjoplin tornado documentary,
which ted ted was watching ittoo.
(14:04):
I didn't watch it with him, hewas telling me about it, but you
had a great little analogy.
Do you want to share that?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
yes, so I didn't watch the whole thing, I just
dimitri started when my husbandstarted watching it and I was
like, oh, what is this?
Because they started talkingabout like the being in the
tornado and then all that stuffwas like, oh, that's interesting
, but the way that she describedit is I've never been in a
tornado, so I don't even knowwhat it looks like.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I just see them, thankfully.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
So she was saying that they were in the eye.
So I guess they were goingthrough the tornado, they were
driving and what happened isthat they were very scared and
they got sucked into the eye ofthe tornado and they all
described it as seeing multiplevortexes and they described it
as calm.
(14:52):
So, mind you, they're in thatchaos, everything is chaos
around.
So, mind you, they're in thatchaos, everything is chaos
around them.
But they're in the eye andthey're feeling the calm.
And then all of them said, allof them that were interviewed we
felt the acceptance.
We accepted.
So that peace and that calmtriggered acceptance.
They were ready to be taken tothe other realm, they were ready
(15:16):
to go.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Right.
However, a lot of them survived, like the ones who were talking
about it, obviously.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Obviously.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
They're talking to you from the other side.
Yes, and I just really lovedthat.
This is a perfect analogy ofthe chaos is happening around us
all the time.
As you go in within, it's thatemptiness, so the tornado is
happening.
The emptiness of the eye of thetiger is the calm, right, so
(15:47):
life is happening around us.
Around us, the calm is when yougo within and find that empty
space.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
There is calm in the emptiness.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
And there's always going to be that chaos.
What are you focusing on?
Are you focusing on all thecrap that's flying around you
that's not doing anything foryou, or are you accepting where
you're at in the moment, whichis what you and I kind of did
last week.
We were coaching each otherconstantly on WhatsApp.
You guys of like it's okay,it's okay to feel unmotivated,
(16:21):
it's okay not to show up.
I literally sent Denise themessage and I'm like I know the
answer, but I need you to tellme that it's okay that I don't
show up on social media.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
And I love how I tell her.
This is your reminder, like,kind of like, talk to each other
like little children.
This is your reminder, kira,not to show up on so or?
You know what I mean like, andright now you're taught you.
You're saying something thattriggered and I want to tell the
person who's listening rightnow, if you don't have a person
that you can go to, please findthat person.
(16:52):
Yeah, you know what?
I mean and if you don't have it,find it in yourself.
Find that person yeah, you knowwhat I mean.
And if you don't have it, findit in yourself.
Be that person for yourself.
I know it's always fun to havethat person on the other side
saying I'm reminding you not towork today, missy.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I know.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I love that.
If you don't have it, try tofind it, or find it in yourself
and you can you and I still dothat to ourselves, right?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
It's not like.
I turn to you for everythingit's.
I am coaching myself, and I'mtalking not out loud to myself
throughout the day, though oflike.
Why am I doing this?
Why is this thought continuingto show up?
Why, you know?
Just continuing to dig.
So you have that.
You just have to turn within,and that was the next thing I
(17:36):
wanted to say too.
Is we get to this place ofoverwhelm, or right?
The tornado is swirling allaround us and there's all this
crap.
That's a sign.
It's a sign you've gone for fartoo freaking long without
checking in with yourself, andthis is again where it goes to
those patterns, right Of like.
Well, if you're a peoplepleaser, you're probably not
going to check in with yourselfbecause you're trying to please
(17:58):
everyone else or your kids, butyou've got to be checking in
with yourself, and I don't carewhat that check-in looks like it
can be in the morning of.
How am I feeling right now?
What do I need?
Do I need to drink a glass ofwater?
Do I need to step outside?
Do I need to take some deepbreaths?
Do I need to step away fromthis thing?
Do I need to let the dishes sitin the sink Because I don't
(18:21):
want to deal with them right now, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
But you got to check in and then ask yourself the
questions.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I love what you said, that I do it loud and I do it
quietly and aloud.
I do both.
It depends on the situation,but sometimes I do catch myself
saying it out loud.
And because the other day Averywas like, were you talking to
yourself?
Because I did see your lipsmoving, I was like, oh shit, I
was in the back, I was fillingup the car.
(18:49):
I'm like, how did you see me?
But I feel sometimes like whenwe say look within or dig deep,
uh, it could be a little bitmisunderstood.
Maybe.
I'm like what am I tellingmyself?
Sometimes it's asking thequestions, like ask the
questions.
Why am I feeling this way?
Is there something that I needto learn?
(19:10):
Is this the pattern?
Like be curious, like a childbeing curious because out of
curiosity the answers will startcoming.
You might see a post, or yourfriend might send you a message,
or you might open a book and belike oh, you know, this is the
answer to my question.
So start asking the question,versus like having I don't have
(19:31):
time to journal.
I don't have to, it doesn'tneed to be journaled or anything
If you got to the overwhelmsection, like same, like how you
and I got there.
We're like dude, we're here.
That means we've gone way toofar without checking with
ourselves what do we need to do?
We had to bring ourselves backto homeostasis, right and right
now I feel like we are.
Yes, we might still be in thatfunk, but we are at peace with
(19:55):
that funk.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
We're in the eye of the tornado right now.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
We're in the eye of the tornado, right.
So the tornado is happeningaround us and we're just like
feeling the peace that you knowwe're accepting it but we're
still doing things differentlyabout it.
So you know, like checking indoes not have to be sitting down
in meditation or hypnosis orjournaling.
Checking in could be justtaking your walk or drinking
(20:20):
your coffee and asking thequestions.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Yeah, well, and I want to bring this back to you
mentioned the trauma piece and,guys, it doesn't just have to be
trauma.
We can go back to talking aboutthe nervous system and safety
and how we grew up and all ofthat stuff.
Sometimes staying busy feelssafer in our bodies than being
(20:43):
still.
Yes, and I want you to rememberthat, because I did not grow up
in the environment that Denisedid, but I did grow up in an
environment watching my momconstantly be busy and never sit
down during the day.
You sat down at the end of theday when you know the day was
done and that was it.
(21:04):
Like, literally, at night iswhen you sat down.
You were busy the rest of theday just doing, doing, doing,
doing, doing, doing, and that'swhat I saw, and so I assume that
was normal.
It took me decades to figureout like, oh my gosh, like her
nervous system was respondingaccordingly, she was in fight or
flight and she couldn't get out.
(21:24):
Like rest, stillness, quiet,solitude, meditation, like that
didn't feel safe and it sure asheck did not feel safe to me.
So if you're like I can't sitstill, I can't be in silence, I
can't do that, okay, well,that's a clue also in something
that you can start to dig into.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yes, because what you're doing is you're also
because, if you grew up in theseenvironments and this is your
safety what you're doing is,unconsciously, we are creating
the experiences to create likewe're.
You know how, when people sayyou're bringing the experiences,
maybe you're not bringing themto you, but you are creating the
experiences again and again tofeel the safety.
(22:05):
Right, so something.
That's why sometimes you knowwhen people do the inner work
and you know they, they startregulating their nervous system.
It feels like what the heck thisis not normal, it does oh my
goodness it's very uncomfortableto be in silence, being calm
yeah exactly being calm, andthen you know being in balance,
like it's uncomfortable.
If you grew up in, you know,chaos, or in the tornado or
(22:26):
whatever, whatever.
So we do create thoseexperiences.
Hence, sometimes we hence wemake the choices to create the
experiences, to get to theoverwhelm, because overwhelm and
busyness is our safety.
I think this is it right now.
It's the big aha moment rightnow for you and me is this is
our problem.
It is Chaos and overwhelm andbusyness are our safety.
(22:50):
Hence we keep making thechoices to creating them.
We're admitting this to youpeople.
Hello, this is a therapysession, crazy, wow.
I mean, that's an aha momentright there.
It is our safety.
So we're doing everything inour power to recreate those
experiences.
How?
By those choices that we'remaking.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
And I'm also going to say, if we don't want to use
the term safety for the peoplethat are like, no, I sure as
hell don't want that, okay, butwhat do you know?
Because that's what I knew.
I even look back at high school, college, I was a
procrastinator and I justthought, oh, I just
procrastinate, I find otherstuff to do.
No, I recognize now that I didthat because it created that
(23:33):
chaos.
It created that, oh my gosh.
I have now that I did thatbecause it created that chaos,
it created that, oh my gosh.
I have six hours to get this,you know, 14 page essay done.
So if I wait till the very lastminute, it creates that chaos
and that's where I thrive.
So I thought but it was, we cancall it safety, we can call it
comfort.
That's what I knew.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah right, exactly, safety or what you know.
It's what it comfort.
That's what I knew.
Yeah right, exactly, safety orwhat you know.
It's what you know.
It's what you, it's what yousaw, it's what you got used to.
You know so that's why, rightnow, us showing our children,
resting, you know, and thendoing all that will help them
with what they know with theirenvironment.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, well, and then if we think about that, right,
if that's what we know, oursafety, whatever, and I
mentioned the nervous systemwe're dysregulated, we're in
fight or flight.
Usually that's also cortisol,right?
So we'll call it a cortisol fog.
We cannot hear what our body issaying to us when we're in that
state, our intuition is dulled,and this is, you know, honestly
(24:37):
.
Now I think I'm going to sendthis episode to some clients,
because I've had some ask me why, like you always tell me to
listen to my body, but I can'tget there.
There are some tools and maybethat's another episode for us,
but one of the signs is, if youcan't tap into how your body
feels or your intuition, that'sa sign right.
(25:00):
You need to get to that veryuncomfortable place of the
stillness, of the calmness.
Like Denise and I are saying,it is very, very uncomfortable
for me to be at home and notconstantly posting on social
media or doing something tomarket my business, but I know
that that discomfort is wherethe healing comes in.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Yeah yeah and yeah, we can, I mean, and that's you
cannot.
What is it?
What was it?
You cannot come up with thesolution, or some.
What was the?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
the quote of like there's a few you can't solve
something with the same level.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
You created it from you know what I mean, like the
same level of unconsciousnessthat the problem got created,
hence, hence, that's why thestillness and it's hard, it is
really hard to be in stillnessand when we're talking,
stillness like an emptying yourmind of thoughts.
It is not easy.
So I do want to recommendsomething, really quickly, if
you are interested.
(26:02):
It's the Japa Meditation byWayne Dyer.
So you just go on YouTube andthen just write Japa, j-a-p-a
Meditation, wayne Dyer, and hehas the long version and the
short version, but he guides youthrough how to make.
He says make connection withGod between the thoughts, right?
(26:23):
So basically the emptiness,getting in the gap, like we
talked about the tornado, right?
So when you're in the eye ofthe tornado, this is when the
calm is happening, that is thegap, right?
So when you get in the gapbetween your thoughts, meaning
no thoughts, this is when thetrue calm and the true solution
can come up or the clarity, oryou connecting with your higher
(26:46):
self, with your higher power,with God, with your angels.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
And physical healing that's still physical healing.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Absolutely, Absolutely.
But it's just that it's reallyuncomfortable, but you got to.
I mean, if you want to, it'spractice.
Like anything in life, itrequires practice.
So yeah, that's why I said, ifyou want to tap into that and
see how it feels to be in thestillness, I would definitely
recommend the Joppa.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah, as we wrap up, I just want to briefly touch on
how we can still show up whenwe're unmotivated.
And, honestly, a piece of thisis you guys, like, you have to
figure out how you need to showup, because it depends on what
you're unmotivated about.
Right, for me it was businessand it's like okay, I can still
(27:40):
show up for my clients at ahundred percent.
I don't need to show up onsocial media, I don't need to do
marketing, and for me it wasartwork.
I was messaging Denise.
I'm like, I'm doing neurographics over here, like I'm
just drawing.
That's all I wanted to do andthat's okay.
I was still doing other stuff.
But for you guys, it might beteeny, tiny little things.
Of like, I'm unmotivated inevery aspect of my life.
Okay, well, make sure thatyou're taking care of your kids,
(28:01):
make sure that you're drinkingwater, make a healthy meal, like
, just do the small things, butdon't force yourself into doing
things you really don't want todo.
And I know there's a delicatebalance there of like, well, I
don't want to make a healthymeal.
Okay, we'll figure that out.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
We'll go to Trader Joe's or go to Whole Foods, like
you can find an alternative.
I get it Cause, yeah, sometimesI'm not motivated to cook, I'm
not motivated to make a healthymeal.
I get it Because, yeah,sometimes I'm not motivated to
cook, I'm not motivated to makea healthy meal.
I get it Sometimes.
Motivate Sometimes, like Iunderstand that your motivation
was around business, butsometimes with me and I was just
, I was not motivated withanything and I just wanted to
(28:43):
sit on the couch and do nothing.
And I did that, but I alsoguilted myself until I unguilted
myself.
So it is give yourself thepermission and I'm not saying
give yourself permission to doit for a month, like this is too
much.
I get it.
However, give yourself thegrace, and I know I keep saying
(29:05):
that.
I keep saying that because Ikeep reminding myself, because I
don't give myself enough grace,right?
So just give yourself the grace.
If you're not motivated, you'renot.
You're not motivated, you know.
You don't want to talk tosomebody on the phone.
You want to reply to a text.
You don't want to talk to yourhusband, your partner, to
whatever it is.
Yeah, just give yourselfpermission to be and then later
(29:31):
on, go on the walk and do thething Like first of all, please
give yourself permission to be.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Amen to that.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
You know, because fuck this bullshit.
Like I'm really right now, likeI just kind of upset myself a
little bit Like be great,because I told myself how much
I'm not graceful with myself andI tell people to be graceful
with themselves yeah be gracefulwith yourself.
Yeah, you can be.
You can have a week ofunmotivation.
That's fine, because guess what, after that week of
(30:00):
unmotivation, you may have awhole month of a whole clarity.
Yeah, so just take that week,because I know that, because
you've been talking a lot aboutbusiness and the person
listening might be like what thefuck?
I don't have a business.
It could be not motivatedanything.
You may not want to talk to yourmom, I don't know, or to your
husband, or to your wife or toyour whoever partner, because
(30:24):
sometimes we don't.
So whatever, and that's thething.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Unmotivation can show up in every aspect of our lives
.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
And it can be an operation for the job.
So call in sick.
It's fine.
That's why you have the sickdays.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Right, yeah, you don't have to be sick Mentally.
You need that break.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
You know like, yeah, yeah, some questions to ask
ourselves, yeah so, yeah, yeah,some questions to ask ourselves,
yeah, so I can go off tangents.
I don't know.
I think the listeners knowalready, denise goes off
tangents they do, and that's,that's the beauty of us.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Um, so yeah, I'm not a journaler.
Denise likes to journal.
I don't care if you guys liketo journal or not.
You can still ask yourselfthese questions, whether it's in
your head, like coachingyourself, like we mentioned, you
can journal on them.
I don't care what you do, butwhen you get to the point of
feeling unmotivated, overwhelmedor, honestly, you could just do
this regardless.
Ask yourself a few things.
(31:23):
First, where in your life areyou striving instead of
listening?
And again I tie this back tobusiness, but it could be.
Denise mentioned kids.
Am I striving to just pleasethem all the time or am I
listening to my body and what Ineed?
Yeah, what does stillness feellike in my body?
(31:44):
And we touched on this Do youfeel safe there or is it scary?
Because I know, for me andDenise it's scary.
It's scary.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Stillness is scary.
I mean, did I tell you when Iwent to that restorative yoga
class and it's so slow?
And at the end she was like shewas the feedback and I couldn't
even, I couldn't even shut up.
I was like you didn't flow, itdidn't flow, she's like because
it's called restorative yoga.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
You're like, this was not restorative.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
That stillness was killing me, but I'm like I
needed it so bad, you know.
So it's scary for me, yes, andI've been doing the work for a
long time.
Yeah, that stillness is scary,but it's really beautiful when
you get it done?
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Yes, well, and that's the thing.
If it's scary to you, what canyou do to make it feel safe?
You know, this is anotheropportunity for you to reflect
and keep digging.
And then, lastly, what would itlook like to trust yourself
even when you're not motivated?
I mean, denise said it still,she's like I'm not really
motivated, but you're trustingyourself, you're giving yourself
(32:46):
grace and that's okay, like,and I want to add as well.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
What are some of the things that you can also
celebrate?
For example, like today, I toldyou, yes, I'm not motivated.
However, it's a monday and I'mnot overwhelmed with work, right
?
I'm not like I wouldn't startrecording until like, for
example, 10 o'clock, I don't.
I mean I'm going to the dmv at12 o'clock and I don't have.
I mean, I'm going to the DMV at12 o'clock and I don't have a
client until later and I may notbe able to see him if the DMV
(33:13):
appointment, you know, took abit longer.
That's something that I want tocelebrate, because I don't like
to work on Mondays first thingin the morning.
I like to take my time onMondays, I like to start later,
and then I'm getting to a pointwhere Mondays, I'm not working
as much.
So that's a big, bigcelebration.
(33:35):
I'm not even taking the time tocelebrate.
But guess what, today, after Ileft with the voice message, I
was like good job, denise, youdid it.
Look at you, it's a Monday,you're not having the Monday
anxiety.
You're able to do this.
And how?
How?
By all of the things that I wasable to achieve and get to the
place.
So, to try to find the smallitty bitty celebrations, because
(33:57):
where you are today, I bet Imean hopefully, it's not where-
you were 10 years ago or fiveyears ago, but if you were, then
we have a little bit of aproblem that we need to start
changing things.
Right, if you are at the sameplace that you were 10 years ago
, right, but try to find somecelebrations, you know.
And yeah, celebrate, because Imean it's different journeys and
(34:22):
different everything yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I think this is it, I know.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I always love our episodes.
So, like usual, before we tellyou to share the episode, we
want to remind you a few things.
One is that we have uh, kira'sself-love hypnosis in the show
notes, so make sure that you'retaking advantage of that, and
Kira and I are working onsomething.
(34:50):
So, in the past, we had aprogram all about mindset I'm
not going to name it yet becauseI don't know if we're going to
keep the name or not and becausewe ran it for a little bit and
we loved it.
However, we stopped doing itand now that we are recording
the podcast and we love thepodcast, we started to think
(35:12):
about this program.
So stay tuned.
You're going to start hearingfrom us about this program that
we're putting together, thisonline course that we're putting
together all about mindset andpretty much everything that we
kind of been talking about.
So stay tuned.
And then make sure that youshare the episode with a friend,
give us your feedback, leave usa message.
(35:36):
You know the drill.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
And leave us a review .
I'm also going to say we arecelebrating.
We crossed a thousand downloads, which for some is like, oh,
who cares?
That's huge for us.
So we are so, so grateful foreveryone who has been listening,
sharing with friends,supporting us.
So, thank you, guys, keep it up.
We're aiming for 2,000.
We need the wee, the sound likewee, right?
(36:01):
I don't know if I can add that,guys, we'll see.
Well, we will see you on thenext episode then.
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