Ever feel like you're drowning in chaos with problems piling up faster than you can handle them? You're not alone. In this raw, honest conversation, Denise and Kira tackle what to do when life feels like it's completely falling apart.
This episode explores why looking in the mirror is essential when everything seems to be crumbling. The people and circumstances we attract often reflect parts of ourselves we need to heal, particularly generational patterns that may be playing out unconsciously. Through personal examples – from family conflicts to simple daily habits – Denise and Kira demonstrate how interrupting familiar patterns creates space for profound change.
You'll learn practical tools for moving through difficult emotions instead of getting stuck in them, coaching yourself through challenges, and reminding your body that "you are safe" – a simple yet powerful practice for nervous system regulation. The conversation highlights why consistent daily practices matter, so when a crisis hits, you already have tools readily available.
Follow us on Instagram, leave a review, and share your experiences – we'd love to hear what resonates with you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hey everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Heal Yourself
Podcast.
Today, Denise and I are talkingabout what it feels like when
(01:00):
everything is falling apart,which I'm sure many can relate
to that.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, yeah, because you know things falling apart is
part of life.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's like, you know, people always say, well, there's
a saying, but it's like it justit keeps coming right.
It's like, oh, it's not justthis one little thing, it's like
here I'm just going to dumpshit all over you.
Yeah, it's the only way toexplain it.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
We're going to keep getting dumped unless we address
it.
Yes, right, so if the shitkeeps falling apart and it's the
same shit, it's really anindication to really look at the
shit and then dig deep and thenget the gold, because and I've
told you that many times and Idon't even know, but it's a
(01:51):
quote that I created the magicreally happens also in the
poopoo situations.
I know poop is poop and it'sdisgusting.
No one wants to dig deep in itand no one wants to like get a
shovel and let's go.
However, if you truly, truly,truly want to change and just
(02:12):
attract different experiences inyour life, then you need to be
willing to dig through themessiness and then get the
beauty out.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, because that's the thing.
We're all going to have timesin our life where it's like, oh
my gosh, I feel likeeverything's falling apart or
it's too hard or there's toomuch going on, or this one thing
happened, and then my car blewout, and then this happened, and
then this happened.
It's like, okay, that's life,it's what we signed up for,
we're here for a reason, but youcan't freeze, you can't just
(02:44):
ignore it, otherwise more shit'sgoing to come, you know.
So, like you have to be ready,like you said, to dig into it a
little bit, and I think that'swhere people get stuck.
And you had Denise and I alwayschat before.
You had some great thoughtsaround it of like people want
the quick thing, they're notready to do this work, or they
don't want to do this workbecause it's painful.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
It is painful.
It is painful because no onewants to look at messiness and
no one wants to look at chaosand no one wants to.
You know, I mean I don't wantto say no one, but a lot of
people don't want to.
That's why we do have a lot of,you know, people that are
addicted to pain pills or topopping pills, people that are
addicted to alcohol or gambling,other addictions.
(03:31):
I don't want to just name thelike pills and stuff.
It could be the shopping, thewhatever like.
That's why you have addictions,because what we're trying to do
is you're trying to get awayfrom the pain.
You know that experience isbringing.
However, it is through the pain, it is through the chaos and
the messiness and the uglinessthat you find the beauty and the
(03:56):
rainbow.
You truly find yourself.
And I have to go back to JoeDispenza.
I don't know if you've read hisbook or done his books or done
his meditations, but he alwaystalks about like, when you
really want to change areas ofyour life.
You know you got to also forgetthat familiar self, right,
(04:16):
Because the familiar self iswhat created, or who created,
the things and the experiences,or continue to create the same
experiences over and over again.
It just you got to step awayfrom the familiar self and, with
the baby steps, that with thenew self, in order to, little by
little, change.
I know I'm talking a little bitmore, but I have to say
(04:39):
something that I just remembered.
I told my son the other day,literally a few days ago,
because my son is 19.
And he has big, big goals andstuff like that.
However, he also got a dog andhe was, you know, he was taking
care of the dog at the beginningand then, you know, he slacked
because mom and dad took care ofthe dog.
And you know, I had to havethis really honest conversation
and it was really calm andpeaceful, no reprimandation,
(05:02):
nothing, no reprimanding him oranything.
And I said, you know, the firsttwo weeks you were great.
However, I was like Gio, youhave big goals, big dreams.
Those big goals don't getachieved just like this.
Those big goals get achieved byfolding your laundry right, by
making your bed, by getting up alittle bit earlier so you can
(05:24):
walk your dog, take care of himbefore you go to work, before
you're there a little bit before8 o'clock, because you're the
business owner's son.
So you've got to set a goodexample.
But then these big dreams,they're not just going to happen
.
Oh, just all of a sudden I'mgoing to wake up.
Oh, my big dreams are happening.
They don't happen.
You got to start with the babysteps, so that's really
(05:45):
important.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I don't know, I went off the engines, but no, but
it's good, it's baby steps,because sometimes people hear
this conversation they're likewell, what do you mean?
I have to dig through the shit,like, what does that even look
like?
And I, I think a big piece ofit.
And this one's going to hurtfor many listening.
But it's looking in the mirror,because the people that you
attract into your life are areflection of you.
(06:07):
Um, go to our bad traits andthen everything in your
environment is going to be areflection of you.
Now, that doesn't mean thatsomething traumatic happens to
you, like, oh, I attracted thatback to me.
That's something different.
Um, but if you're getting intochaos, so, like right now, I'm
not going to go into it becauseI'm not sure who's listening to
this podcast.
But my family is here and it'sbeen a lot and there's been some
(06:31):
arguments and it has forced meto almost go back to moments of
my childhood.
Now could I ignore this andargue and get back into acting
like I'm a teenager?
Sure, I don't want to.
I'm someone in my forties and Irefuse to repeat those patterns
and to do that same thing withmy son.
So here I am, messaging poorDenise off and on throughout the
(06:54):
days.
I love those messages BecauseI'm like, I know, like I'm
seeing a mirror, like I'm seeingthings.
I'm seeing the way I used toshow up.
I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm looking for generationalthings, like there are a lot of
little baby steps.
Now, guys, I don't expect youall to just be like, yes, I'm
going to.
Suddenly, when my life goesinto chaos, I'm going to dig
into generational trauma and I'mgoing to look in the mirror and
(07:15):
I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I've been at this for a while.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Yeah, it's been a long time, but my point is I'm
still here.
Like we always say this, thehealing journey does not end.
You have to just start to dosome digging.
And for me it was simplystarting with like, okay, how
can I show up differently?
Where am I getting into myemotions?
Where can I change myinterpretations?
Do I need to address thegenerational pattern?
(07:43):
So for those change myinterpretations, do I need to
address the generational pattern?
So, for those that areinterested because I was talking
to Denise about this MarkWollins, it Didn't Start With
you highly recommend that if yourecognize things in yourself
that parents, grandparents,great-grandparents, whatever
somebody had.
There's a lot, but I think it'simportant to remember that
(08:07):
chaos is happening for a reasonand sometimes it just looks like
oh my gosh, everything's ruined, there's too much going on, I'm
overwhelmed, I'm never going toget through this and you're
like barely keeping your headabove water, but in reality,
that destruction is serving you.
It leads to something sacred,or sacred reconstruction, in my
opinion.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yes, and I'm going to agree with you and add to that
that whatever's going on and Ijust you know, I went through it
and I'll talk about it realquickly However, you're seeing
this right now.
You're viewing it as anopportunity instead of like
going and complaining yeah, woeis me.
Yeah, oh, poor me.
(08:48):
They do this to me, they didthe do, do, do, ba, ba, ba,
complain, complain, complain,whine, whine, whine,
no-transcript and you'reattracting more of it for one.
Exactly the same experience isall going to repeat.
However, when you look in themirror and you're like, hmm,
okay, and then you start, how doyou say like not reverse
(09:11):
engineering, but you start likePeeling back the light and
looking at like, how am Ishowing up in this relationship?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
How is this chaos partly my responsibility?
Right, Because we're 100%responsible for our lives.
I can't control other thingsoutside of me.
But, yeah, it's like okay,instead of going into blame mode
and this happened and this andthis.
Where did I show up in this?
How do I want to show up?
So what needs to change?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Exactly?
And how am I going to show upat my not familiar self?
Right, because if you'reshowing up as a familiar self
that created everything thatyou're going through, then
everything that you're goingthrough is going to continue to
repeat, and then we're going tolook and say this is fate, this
is my destiny, this is my BS,this is blah, blah, blah, but it
doesn't have to be that way,it's just, you know.
(10:03):
But again, though, I did tellyou something, because you said
you know, I did the screaming,the whatever, right?
So?
And I, before I said that I waslike give yourself permission
to throw the tantrum, to throwthe toddler.
Attempt the teenage tantrum,whatever you call it, whatever
area in your life, you had totantrum because you want to
validate that inner child.
You know, you're angry, you'reupset.
Scream, right?
So you screamed in your car.
Some people maybe go take awalk, or I don't know if they
(10:25):
have a punching bag in thegarage, whatever it is to let it
out, like, move those emotions.
Go back to the emotions.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
You have to move the emotions.
That's key.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yes, and then you know, you did your walk, you
calmed yourself down and thenyou started coaching yourself,
started talking yourself.
You start like your higher self, your, you know, better version
of you, started calming downthe inner self, right, and your
situation is I know it's alittle bit because being with
your family is like reallydifficult, because you know as
(10:57):
you know, kira, but not ourlisteners in 21, when we
remodeled the house, I livedwith my parents for a year.
I lived with them and it'stheir home, right.
So, and um, it's, it's hard,like, just like living with your
parents and see, you seeeverything of like, oh, my
goodness, no wonder I do this, Ireact this way, this, that,
(11:17):
whatever.
However, you can see it as anuisance, like fuck, I'm with my
parents, what the heck?
Misery, misery, misery.
Or you can see it as a learningopportunity and how can I
change?
So I don't repeat anymore andmy children do not repeat.
So that's really important too.
And the coaching yourself isliterally just talking to
(11:40):
yourself, like hugging yourself,when you need to, telling your
inner child like I hear you,baby girl, like I'm here for you
, cry it out, cry it out, cry itout.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
So you know, and that's the thing.
So you said something there.
I think people miss a stepright.
It's like either they get stuckin the emotions of like I'm
just going to stay here in theanger and it becomes unhealthy
and then leads to more chaos, orthey ignore the emotions, right
, they don't move it.
(12:10):
They think, oh my gosh, angeris an unsafe emotion, and Denise
and I've talked about this.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It is a healthy emotion.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
We are supposed to feel this broad spectrum of
emotions.
It's okay to feel anger,resentment, frustration,
whatever, but then you have tomove into the spectrum of
emotions.
It's okay to feel anger,resentment, frustration,
whatever, but then you have tomove into the coaching of okay
again, how am I showing up?
What do I want to change?
How could we've done thingsdifferently?
How can I approach thisdifferent?
And so if we go straight tocoaching and we don't get the
emotions out, you know what Imean.
(12:37):
So we can't miss one of these.
They both have to play a rolewhen you feel like everything's
falling apart.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yes, absolutely Absolutely.
Because if you're not movingthe emotions, you are going to
resort to the thing, to theoutside things that are going to
calm you down.
Because you got it, theemotions are there, they're
being stored, we got, we got tomove them.
Yeah, you know you need to movethem in a safe way.
And another thing I also wantto address too is that when you
(13:06):
have grown up and or not even,let's say you grew up perfect,
but then you have a dysregulatednervous system, you do have
shitty shit going on.
The thing is you also got tocoach and teach your body to be
safe in the new experiences.
So, after coaching yourself,you just remind and tell your
body you are safe right now,you're safe, right, feel safe to
(13:27):
do this.
So another thing like I'mworking on right now is eating
more.
You know, yes, I don't knowwhere it came from.
I.
It could be a learned behavior,or it could be maybe due to the
war, even though we didn't havelack of food I grew up with
abundance of food, but I reallydon't know.
(13:47):
Maybe it's the mentality ofthat or something, I don't know.
I just don't eat, I justliterally eat to survive and so
I don't faint.
But then, right now, and I'mlike, well, this is my familiar
self, now my and I do understandthat I am depleting my body of
them important nutrition andeven though right now I feel
fine, in 10 years I may not towrite, because you know, the
(14:09):
choices that you make lead tothe life that you lead.
So, uh, so, like right now,even though sometimes I do not
feel like eating, I'm remindingmy body you are safe to eat,
right?
So I'm telling my body you'resafe to eat, because I really
don't know like where.
If it's a learned behavior, I'malso telling my body, and even
if it's just kind of likesomething and I really don't
(14:29):
know where it came from, to behonest with you, and sometimes
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I think that's important to point out.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's okay, because now I'm just doing something
about it.
I'm doing something that is notwith my familiar self.
However, I do know that if Idon't remind my body that I'm
safe, it's still in the likedon't eat, yeah.
So I have to like, I alwayshave to give myself some time,
like, for example and I've neverdone that before, I swear, and
yesterday that's a big, big oneI'm going to talk about.
(14:57):
So, fyi, for those listening Ican go like from morning until
five or six o'clock withouteating.
I would die and I'll be fine.
I mean, I'll probably, ofcourse, drinking water, and then
just only one cup of coffee.
It's not like I'm drinkingcoffee all the time, right, but
that's no bueno, however.
So, yeah, and usually when I'mworking, when I'm focusing on
(15:20):
something, forget eating.
I don't even think about it,it't even cross my mind.
There's no hunger that's soyesterday I was working at home
and then I wanted, I picked upAvery and I had to, you know,
drop off at dance and then gosee my client.
I was like shit, I didn't eat.
My familiar self would likeokay, fuck it, just go do your
(15:41):
thing.
And when you come back but thenguess what, I'm coming back at
six o'clock home, I've got twoclients, I'm going to be grumpy
as fuck and I'm not going to bekind and nice because,
understandably so, anything inmy body, I didn't fuel it.
So what did I do?
I dropped her off at dance andI came home.
I literally had about a good 30minutes.
(16:03):
I know I didn't have to rushbecause I cannot eat, I can't
eat fast, I eat very slow, so Iate, good for you.
And then I went and saw myclients and then I was fine and
way better and I did not feellike what did I do?
I saw a pattern, I interruptedit and, while I knew I had 30
(16:25):
minutes, I reminded my body youare safe to eat, you're going to
replenish and you're going toleave.
So that is what we mean bycoaching.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
And I think that simple statement of like
reminding your body that it'ssafe, is so important in so many
different aspects, like even inthe chaos and stuff I was
dealing with yesterday, pausingto say it's safe to feel these
emotions, it's safe to feel thisway.
The world's not falling apart.
Falling apart you know what Imean.
(16:55):
Also, like for those that arehere because you're like well,
I'm dealing with a lot of healthissues you have to get to the
point where your body feels safeor it's not going to heal, it
just won't.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Exactly your body's not going to heal and it needs a
safe environment to heal.
And then we just talked aboutit before we hit record about
the supplements and abouteverything.
It's record about thesupplements and about another
thing.
It's not just the supplements.
It could be supplements,medication, drinking, gambling,
shopping, whatever it is.
We just want the quick fix.
And the quick fix, I mean,sometimes it does work.
(17:27):
Yeah, sure, it works for ashort while, but it's not going
to sustain, because you want tolive a life where you're
constantly attracting theexperiences that align with your
soul, with who you came to beon this earth.
So you know when you're, whenyou're, you know digging deep
and stuff like all constantlyask yourself what, what is my
(17:51):
soul's purpose?
What did I come here for?
I didn't come here so I can,you know, be stressed out and
and and not grow like I camehere to grow.
I came here to evolve.
Yeah, I come here to be grumpy,right and people and get mad
(18:13):
and angry and and I da da da.
I mean you deserve this and youknow like tough love here.
But you know, like you got tolook in the mirror, you do look
in the mirror.
I mean you got to be honestwith yourself and stop the
excuses.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, and that's the hard one, because people don't
want to look in the mirror,people don't want to accept
responsibility, people don'twant to be fully committed, like
it's so much easier to say,like this is what's familiar, so
I'm just going to stay there.
But again, go back to what am Ihere for?
I don't believe we were put onthis planet just to go through
life.
(18:51):
You were here to thrive, youwere here to grow.
You're here to make adifference, difference, like
there's so many reasons why youcould be here.
But it's not just to go throughthe motions of life and just
okay, I came, I lived and then Idied, like that, what.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
That doesn't sound exciting to me and then always
go back to you are a human being, not a human doing, and then
we've all become machines, ohyeah, like doings, doings,
doings, and we just got toreally go back to the slowing
down and to all that stuff.
But it's worth it though.
(19:25):
It's really worth it because itbrings peace.
This week, I told you, Iinterrupted a few patterns.
You know, there were someissues happening and I was like
why am I into this?
Are not my problems?
You all are adult, you can talkabout it.
I interrupted this and verycalmly stated what I needed to
state.
Of course, I consulted with mymentors in my mind and then, um,
(19:50):
you know I vented, etc.
Like utilize the tools ofventing and throwing tantrums,
whatever, and like screaming.
But when you interrupt patternsand you act or you react, or
you make actions or do actionsthat are not related to your
familiar self, you do feel thepeace.
(20:11):
So, if you're really cravingpeace and calm and tranquility
and happiness, do somethingdifferent, something different.
Exactly.
You cannot expect.
It's kind of like the sayingright, doing the same thing over
and over again, expecting adifferent result, like that's
insanity.
That's insanity Until when.
Yeah, so let's go back.
(20:37):
Like I was reading in the booktoday with the.
I'm not done with it.
It's a big book, the healing,the shame that binds you.
And the last part is talkingabout sexuality, which we
released an episode about thatthey talk about like the, the,
he taught he.
There's a whole lot of sectionsabout the greek methodologies
and how they viewed sexualityand spirituality and this, this
shit is beautiful.
(20:57):
It's like, wow, why have wechanged this stuff and
objectified it and and all like,just so?
Basically, with everything,education wasn't like this, life
wasn't like this.
We just superpowered everything.
Superpowered everything we didwe did.
Let's go back to the simplicityof the olden days yeah, I mean,
(21:21):
we can't lose the internet andgps.
I need that too yeah, I know Igot so lost when I came to the
us and because I came in the usit was 96 girl yeah, that didn't
exist oh, and then the thingsand the things in the car, the
gps.
I used to print it from MapQuest.
Oh yeah, I did too.
You know what I used to do.
I used to only print the oneway.
I'm like hello, you need theother way to come back, duh.
(21:44):
And then, coming back, I wouldalways get freaking lost.
I got lost so much in San Diegoto the point where I no San
Diego.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Oh my gosh, I know, I know, but anyway.
Well, so let's go back to somesimple things as we close out.
Yes, when you feel like yourlife is in chaos, right, because
it's going to happen for anabundance of reasons we're not
even going to talk through themall Like there are so many
reasons why someone can feeloverwhelmed.
Life is chaos, like it'sburning down around you.
Life is chaos Like it's burningdown around you.
(22:16):
Okay, yes, we talked aboutfeeling the emotions, letting it
be messy, whatever that lookslike, coaching yourself, but
don't forget the power of simplethings like rest.
Right, like I told Denise, Iwas like I can't even think
about business, and that's okay.
You have to be okay with.
Okay.
Rest is the nutrient that Ineed most right now.
(22:37):
Maybe you need to get outside.
Maybe you need to do somegrounding.
There are a whole host ofthings you can do.
Journal, I told Denise, go to arage room and break shit.
Do what you need to do but movesome of it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yes, it's really fun.
I've done it.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
So accept it, move through some of those emotions.
Get've done it, so accept it,move through some of those
emotions.
Like, get some of it physicallymoving and then coach yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
That's it and then remember this is a season and
this too shall pass.
Right and anything, even thehappiness and the beauty is also
a season, because sometimes youare going to go into a chaos of
anything Right, yeah, we don'tget to pick that, we will all
have moments.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
And the beauty is also a season because sometimes
you are going to go into a chaosof anything, right?
Yeah, we don't get to pick thatLike.
We will all have moments ofchaos again.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Absolutely, absolutely.
It's just you know how you dealwith it and how you react and,
like you said, use the tools.
So that's why it's reallyimportant how you and I
constantly practice our toolsright, we're constantly
journeying, we're constantlygoing outside to walk.
Tools right, we're constantlyjourneying, we're constantly
going outside to walk, we'reconstantly grounding, etc.
So in moments of chaos, even ifwe're going to forget all the
tools, at least one is going tostick.
So that's why we're teachingyou all of those tools, because
(23:45):
sometimes you can't just findthem in your toolbox when you're
overwhelmed, but at leastyou're going to find one which
is your, you know.
And it could be a walk, itcould be as simple as a quick
walk outside and it could be awalk, it could be as simple as a
quick walk outside.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yeah, and I have one final thought on that.
This is why we believe it's soimportant to be doing these
tools every day.
When it's not chaotic, whenyou're not stressed, it's like I
take my daily walk, I do mydrawing, I meditate, I do those.
So when I do feel stressed orwhen life is chaotic, those
tools are already in my toolbelt.
They were already a daily thing.
So I I do feel stressed, orwhen life is chaotic, those
tools are already in my toolbelt.
They were already a daily thing.
So I'm going to know to usethem versus someone who's like I
.
Only you know, do deepbreathing and get outside when
(24:26):
I'm stressed.
Well, good luck, because you'reprobably not going to remember
to do that then.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
You're not.
You're definitely not going toremember and that's something I
mean you're not going toremember, you just keep.
You got to do it on the dailyand becomes a habit and part of
you.
Yep, oh, my goodness, we arenearing the end, right?
So we gave you a lot of tools,a lot of self-reflection and,
you know, continue looking out,because I know we're not talking
(24:53):
business right now.
Her and I, however, we aretalking Master your Mind.
I know we had a talkingbusiness right now, her and I,
however, we are talking masteryour mind.
I know we had a program.
We loved it Master your mind,master your health.
We may we may change the name,we don't know, but we are
talking about an online coursebased on all of the things that
we've been talking about.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
So yeah, stay tuned, we will be revamping, rev
revising, bringing that suckerback to life, new and improved
in the future yes, yes, with ournew selves, yes, well, and guys
, we love reviews.
We're on apple, we're on spotify.
We would love more reviews.
(25:31):
We would love it if you sharedthis podcast.
Find us on instagram.
We know we're kind of slackingon there, but we will answer
messages.
If there are questions you have, if there are topics you want
to hear about, maybe guests wecan bring on, let us know.
This podcast is for you, guys.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Yeah.
And if something resonates withyou like, oh, my goodness, you
hit the spot, like yes, I'mgoing through this, or whatever,
if anything that is relatable,we would love to hear from you
because you know we just love tohear back, because you know,
with feedback we know what elseto give you, what else you need,
and you know how to justcontinue growing as a community.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, Awesome.
All right guys.
Thanks for listening.
We'll see you on the nextepisode.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hey everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Heal Yourself
Podcast.
Today, Denise and I are talkingabout what it feels like when
(01:00):
everything is falling apart,which I'm sure many can relate
to that.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, yeah, because you know things falling apart is
part of life.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's like, you know, people always say, well, there's
a saying, but it's like it justit keeps coming right.
It's like, oh, it's not justthis one little thing, it's like
here I'm just going to dumpshit all over you.
Yeah, it's the only way toexplain it.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
We're going to keep getting dumped unless we address
it.
Yes, right, so if the shitkeeps falling apart and it's the
same shit, it's really anindication to really look at the
shit and then dig deep and thenget the gold, because and I've
told you that many times and Idon't even know, but it's a
(01:51):
quote that I created the magicreally happens also in the
poopoo situations.
I know poop is poop and it'sdisgusting.
No one wants to dig deep in itand no one wants to like get a
shovel and let's go.
However, if you truly, truly,truly want to change and just
(02:12):
attract different experiences inyour life, then you need to be
willing to dig through themessiness and then get the
beauty out.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, because that's the thing.
We're all going to have timesin our life where it's like, oh
my gosh, I feel likeeverything's falling apart or
it's too hard or there's toomuch going on, or this one thing
happened, and then my car blewout, and then this happened, and
then this happened.
It's like, okay, that's life,it's what we signed up for,
we're here for a reason, but youcan't freeze, you can't just
(02:44):
ignore it, otherwise more shit'sgoing to come, you know.
So, like you have to be ready,like you said, to dig into it a
little bit, and I think that'swhere people get stuck.
And you had Denise and I alwayschat before.
You had some great thoughtsaround it of like people want
the quick thing, they're notready to do this work, or they
don't want to do this workbecause it's painful.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
It is painful.
It is painful because no onewants to look at messiness and
no one wants to look at chaosand no one wants to.
You know, I mean I don't wantto say no one, but a lot of
people don't want to.
That's why we do have a lot of,you know, people that are
addicted to pain pills or topopping pills, people that are
addicted to alcohol or gambling,other addictions.
(03:31):
I don't want to just name thelike pills and stuff.
It could be the shopping, thewhatever like.
That's why you have addictions,because what we're trying to do
is you're trying to get awayfrom the pain.
You know that experience isbringing.
However, it is through the pain, it is through the chaos and
the messiness and the uglinessthat you find the beauty and the
(03:56):
rainbow.
You truly find yourself.
And I have to go back to JoeDispenza.
I don't know if you've read hisbook or done his books or done
his meditations, but he alwaystalks about like, when you
really want to change areas ofyour life.
You know you got to also forgetthat familiar self, right,
(04:16):
Because the familiar self iswhat created, or who created,
the things and the experiences,or continue to create the same
experiences over and over again.
It just you got to step awayfrom the familiar self and, with
the baby steps, that with thenew self, in order to, little by
little, change.
I know I'm talking a little bitmore, but I have to say
(04:39):
something that I just remembered.
I told my son the other day,literally a few days ago,
because my son is 19.
And he has big, big goals andstuff like that.
However, he also got a dog andhe was, you know, he was taking
care of the dog at the beginningand then, you know, he slacked
because mom and dad took care ofthe dog.
And you know, I had to havethis really honest conversation
and it was really calm andpeaceful, no reprimandation,
(05:02):
nothing, no reprimanding him oranything.
And I said, you know, the firsttwo weeks you were great.
However, I was like Gio, youhave big goals, big dreams.
Those big goals don't getachieved just like this.
Those big goals get achieved byfolding your laundry right, by
making your bed, by getting up alittle bit earlier so you can
(05:24):
walk your dog, take care of himbefore you go to work, before
you're there a little bit before8 o'clock, because you're the
business owner's son.
So you've got to set a goodexample.
But then these big dreams,they're not just going to happen
.
Oh, just all of a sudden I'mgoing to wake up.
Oh, my big dreams are happening.
They don't happen.
You got to start with the babysteps, so that's really
(05:45):
important.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I don't know, I went off the engines, but no, but
it's good, it's baby steps,because sometimes people hear
this conversation they're likewell, what do you mean?
I have to dig through the shit,like, what does that even look
like?
And I, I think a big piece ofit.
And this one's going to hurtfor many listening.
But it's looking in the mirror,because the people that you
attract into your life are areflection of you.
(06:07):
Um, go to our bad traits andthen everything in your
environment is going to be areflection of you.
Now, that doesn't mean thatsomething traumatic happens to
you, like, oh, I attracted thatback to me.
That's something different.
Um, but if you're getting intochaos, so, like right now, I'm
not going to go into it becauseI'm not sure who's listening to
this podcast.
But my family is here and it'sbeen a lot and there's been some
(06:31):
arguments and it has forced meto almost go back to moments of
my childhood.
Now could I ignore this andargue and get back into acting
like I'm a teenager?
Sure, I don't want to.
I'm someone in my forties and Irefuse to repeat those patterns
and to do that same thing withmy son.
So here I am, messaging poorDenise off and on throughout the
(06:54):
days.
I love those messages BecauseI'm like, I know, like I'm
seeing a mirror, like I'm seeingthings.
I'm seeing the way I used toshow up.
I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm looking for generationalthings, like there are a lot of
little baby steps.
Now, guys, I don't expect youall to just be like, yes, I'm
going to.
Suddenly, when my life goesinto chaos, I'm going to dig
into generational trauma and I'mgoing to look in the mirror and
(07:15):
I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I've been at this for a while.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Yeah, it's been a long time, but my point is I'm
still here.
Like we always say this, thehealing journey does not end.
You have to just start to dosome digging.
And for me it was simplystarting with like, okay, how
can I show up differently?
Where am I getting into myemotions?
Where can I change myinterpretations?
Do I need to address thegenerational pattern?
(07:43):
So for those change myinterpretations, do I need to
address the generational pattern?
So, for those that areinterested because I was talking
to Denise about this MarkWollins, it Didn't Start With
you highly recommend that if yourecognize things in yourself
that parents, grandparents,great-grandparents, whatever
somebody had.
There's a lot, but I think it'simportant to remember that
(08:07):
chaos is happening for a reasonand sometimes it just looks like
oh my gosh, everything's ruined, there's too much going on, I'm
overwhelmed, I'm never going toget through this and you're
like barely keeping your headabove water, but in reality,
that destruction is serving you.
It leads to something sacred,or sacred reconstruction, in my
opinion.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yes, and I'm going to agree with you and add to that
that whatever's going on and Ijust you know, I went through it
and I'll talk about it realquickly However, you're seeing
this right now.
You're viewing it as anopportunity instead of like
going and complaining yeah, woeis me.
Yeah, oh, poor me.
(08:48):
They do this to me, they didthe do, do, do, ba, ba, ba,
complain, complain, complain,whine, whine, whine,
no-transcript and you'reattracting more of it for one.
Exactly the same experience isall going to repeat.
However, when you look in themirror and you're like, hmm,
okay, and then you start, how doyou say like not reverse
(09:11):
engineering, but you start likePeeling back the light and
looking at like, how am Ishowing up in this relationship?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
How is this chaos partly my responsibility?
Right, Because we're 100%responsible for our lives.
I can't control other thingsoutside of me.
But, yeah, it's like okay,instead of going into blame mode
and this happened and this andthis.
Where did I show up in this?
How do I want to show up?
So what needs to change?
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Exactly?
And how am I going to show upat my not familiar self?
Right, because if you'reshowing up as a familiar self
that created everything thatyou're going through, then
everything that you're goingthrough is going to continue to
repeat, and then we're going tolook and say this is fate, this
is my destiny, this is my BS,this is blah, blah, blah, but it
doesn't have to be that way,it's just, you know.
(10:03):
But again, though, I did tellyou something, because you said
you know, I did the screaming,the whatever, right?
So?
And I, before I said that I waslike give yourself permission
to throw the tantrum, to throwthe toddler.
Attempt the teenage tantrum,whatever you call it, whatever
area in your life, you had totantrum because you want to
validate that inner child.
You know, you're angry, you'reupset.
Scream, right?
So you screamed in your car.
Some people maybe go take awalk, or I don't know if they
(10:25):
have a punching bag in thegarage, whatever it is to let it
out, like, move those emotions.
Go back to the emotions.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
You have to move the emotions.
That's key.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yes, and then you know, you did your walk, you
calmed yourself down and thenyou started coaching yourself,
started talking yourself.
You start like your higher self, your, you know, better version
of you, started calming downthe inner self, right, and your
situation is I know it's alittle bit because being with
your family is like reallydifficult, because you know as
(10:57):
you know, kira, but not ourlisteners in 21, when we
remodeled the house, I livedwith my parents for a year.
I lived with them and it'stheir home, right.
So, and um, it's, it's hard,like, just like living with your
parents and see, you seeeverything of like, oh, my
goodness, no wonder I do this, Ireact this way, this, that,
(11:17):
whatever.
However, you can see it as anuisance, like fuck, I'm with my
parents, what the heck?
Misery, misery, misery.
Or you can see it as a learningopportunity and how can I
change?
So I don't repeat anymore andmy children do not repeat.
So that's really important too.
And the coaching yourself isliterally just talking to
(11:40):
yourself, like hugging yourself,when you need to, telling your
inner child like I hear you,baby girl, like I'm here for you
, cry it out, cry it out, cry itout.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
So you know, and that's the thing.
So you said something there.
I think people miss a stepright.
It's like either they get stuckin the emotions of like I'm
just going to stay here in theanger and it becomes unhealthy
and then leads to more chaos, orthey ignore the emotions, right
, they don't move it.
(12:10):
They think, oh my gosh, angeris an unsafe emotion, and Denise
and I've talked about this.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It is a healthy emotion.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
We are supposed to feel this broad spectrum of
emotions.
It's okay to feel anger,resentment, frustration,
whatever, but then you have tomove into the spectrum of
emotions.
It's okay to feel anger,resentment, frustration,
whatever, but then you have tomove into the coaching of okay
again, how am I showing up?
What do I want to change?
How could we've done thingsdifferently?
How can I approach thisdifferent?
And so if we go straight tocoaching and we don't get the
emotions out, you know what Imean.
(12:37):
So we can't miss one of these.
They both have to play a rolewhen you feel like everything's
falling apart.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yes, absolutely Absolutely.
Because if you're not movingthe emotions, you are going to
resort to the thing, to theoutside things that are going to
calm you down.
Because you got it, theemotions are there, they're
being stored, we got, we got tomove them.
Yeah, you know you need to movethem in a safe way.
And another thing I also wantto address too is that when you
(13:06):
have grown up and or not even,let's say you grew up perfect,
but then you have a dysregulatednervous system, you do have
shitty shit going on.
The thing is you also got tocoach and teach your body to be
safe in the new experiences.
So, after coaching yourself,you just remind and tell your
body you are safe right now,you're safe, right, feel safe to
(13:27):
do this.
So another thing like I'mworking on right now is eating
more.
You know, yes, I don't knowwhere it came from.
I.
It could be a learned behavior,or it could be maybe due to the
war, even though we didn't havelack of food I grew up with
abundance of food, but I reallydon't know.
(13:47):
Maybe it's the mentality ofthat or something, I don't know.
I just don't eat, I justliterally eat to survive and so
I don't faint.
But then, right now, and I'mlike, well, this is my familiar
self, now my and I do understandthat I am depleting my body of
them important nutrition andeven though right now I feel
fine, in 10 years I may not towrite, because you know, the
(14:09):
choices that you make lead tothe life that you lead.
So, uh, so, like right now,even though sometimes I do not
feel like eating, I'm remindingmy body you are safe to eat,
right?
So I'm telling my body you'resafe to eat, because I really
don't know like where.
If it's a learned behavior, I'malso telling my body, and even
if it's just kind of likesomething and I really don't
(14:29):
know where it came from, to behonest with you, and sometimes
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I think that's important to point out.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's okay, because now I'm just doing something
about it.
I'm doing something that is notwith my familiar self.
However, I do know that if Idon't remind my body that I'm
safe, it's still in the likedon't eat, yeah.
So I have to like, I alwayshave to give myself some time,
like, for example and I've neverdone that before, I swear, and
yesterday that's a big, big oneI'm going to talk about.
(14:57):
So, fyi, for those listening Ican go like from morning until
five or six o'clock withouteating.
I would die and I'll be fine.
I mean, I'll probably, ofcourse, drinking water, and then
just only one cup of coffee.
It's not like I'm drinkingcoffee all the time, right, but
that's no bueno, however.
So, yeah, and usually when I'mworking, when I'm focusing on
(15:20):
something, forget eating.
I don't even think about it,it't even cross my mind.
There's no hunger that's soyesterday I was working at home
and then I wanted, I picked upAvery and I had to, you know,
drop off at dance and then gosee my client.
I was like shit, I didn't eat.
My familiar self would likeokay, fuck it, just go do your
(15:41):
thing.
And when you come back but thenguess what, I'm coming back at
six o'clock home, I've got twoclients, I'm going to be grumpy
as fuck and I'm not going to bekind and nice because,
understandably so, anything inmy body, I didn't fuel it.
So what did I do?
I dropped her off at dance andI came home.
I literally had about a good 30minutes.
(16:03):
I know I didn't have to rushbecause I cannot eat, I can't
eat fast, I eat very slow, so Iate, good for you.
And then I went and saw myclients and then I was fine and
way better and I did not feellike what did I do?
I saw a pattern, I interruptedit and, while I knew I had 30
(16:25):
minutes, I reminded my body youare safe to eat, you're going to
replenish and you're going toleave.
So that is what we mean bycoaching.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
And I think that simple statement of like
reminding your body that it'ssafe, is so important in so many
different aspects, like even inthe chaos and stuff I was
dealing with yesterday, pausingto say it's safe to feel these
emotions, it's safe to feel thisway.
The world's not falling apart.
Falling apart you know what Imean.
(16:55):
Also, like for those that arehere because you're like well,
I'm dealing with a lot of healthissues you have to get to the
point where your body feels safeor it's not going to heal, it
just won't.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Exactly your body's not going to heal and it needs a
safe environment to heal.
And then we just talked aboutit before we hit record about
the supplements and abouteverything.
It's record about thesupplements and about another
thing.
It's not just the supplements.
It could be supplements,medication, drinking, gambling,
shopping, whatever it is.
We just want the quick fix.
And the quick fix, I mean,sometimes it does work.
(17:27):
Yeah, sure, it works for ashort while, but it's not going
to sustain, because you want tolive a life where you're
constantly attracting theexperiences that align with your
soul, with who you came to beon this earth.
So you know when you're, whenyou're, you know digging deep
and stuff like all constantlyask yourself what, what is my
(17:51):
soul's purpose?
What did I come here for?
I didn't come here so I can,you know, be stressed out and
and and not grow like I camehere to grow.
I came here to evolve.
Yeah, I come here to be grumpy,right and people and get mad
(18:13):
and angry and and I da da da.
I mean you deserve this and youknow like tough love here.
But you know, like you got tolook in the mirror, you do look
in the mirror.
I mean you got to be honestwith yourself and stop the
excuses.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, and that's the hard one, because people don't
want to look in the mirror,people don't want to accept
responsibility, people don'twant to be fully committed, like
it's so much easier to say,like this is what's familiar, so
I'm just going to stay there.
But again, go back to what am Ihere for?
I don't believe we were put onthis planet just to go through
life.
(18:51):
You were here to thrive, youwere here to grow.
You're here to make adifference, difference, like
there's so many reasons why youcould be here.
But it's not just to go throughthe motions of life and just
okay, I came, I lived and then Idied, like that, what.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
That doesn't sound exciting to me and then always
go back to you are a human being, not a human doing, and then
we've all become machines, ohyeah, like doings, doings,
doings, and we just got toreally go back to the slowing
down and to all that stuff.
But it's worth it though.
(19:25):
It's really worth it because itbrings peace.
This week, I told you, Iinterrupted a few patterns.
You know, there were someissues happening and I was like
why am I into this?
Are not my problems?
You all are adult, you can talkabout it.
I interrupted this and verycalmly stated what I needed to
state.
Of course, I consulted with mymentors in my mind and then, um,
(19:50):
you know I vented, etc.
Like utilize the tools ofventing and throwing tantrums,
whatever, and like screaming.
But when you interrupt patternsand you act or you react, or
you make actions or do actionsthat are not related to your
familiar self, you do feel thepeace.
(20:11):
So, if you're really cravingpeace and calm and tranquility
and happiness, do somethingdifferent, something different.
Exactly.
You cannot expect.
It's kind of like the sayingright, doing the same thing over
and over again, expecting adifferent result, like that's
insanity.
That's insanity Until when.
Yeah, so let's go back.
(20:37):
Like I was reading in the booktoday with the.
I'm not done with it.
It's a big book, the healing,the shame that binds you.
And the last part is talkingabout sexuality, which we
released an episode about thatthey talk about like the, the,
he taught he.
There's a whole lot of sectionsabout the greek methodologies
and how they viewed sexualityand spirituality and this, this
shit is beautiful.
(20:57):
It's like, wow, why have wechanged this stuff and
objectified it and and all like,just so?
Basically, with everything,education wasn't like this, life
wasn't like this.
We just superpowered everything.
Superpowered everything we didwe did.
Let's go back to the simplicityof the olden days yeah, I mean,
(21:21):
we can't lose the internet andgps.
I need that too yeah, I know Igot so lost when I came to the
us and because I came in the usit was 96 girl yeah, that didn't
exist oh, and then the thingsand the things in the car, the
gps.
I used to print it from MapQuest.
Oh yeah, I did too.
You know what I used to do.
I used to only print the oneway.
I'm like hello, you need theother way to come back, duh.
(21:44):
And then, coming back, I wouldalways get freaking lost.
I got lost so much in San Diegoto the point where I no San
Diego.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Oh my gosh, I know, I know, but anyway.
Well, so let's go back to somesimple things as we close out.
Yes, when you feel like yourlife is in chaos, right, because
it's going to happen for anabundance of reasons we're not
even going to talk through themall Like there are so many
reasons why someone can feeloverwhelmed.
Life is chaos, like it'sburning down around you.
Life is chaos Like it's burningdown around you.
(22:16):
Okay, yes, we talked aboutfeeling the emotions, letting it
be messy, whatever that lookslike, coaching yourself, but
don't forget the power of simplethings like rest.
Right, like I told Denise, Iwas like I can't even think
about business, and that's okay.
You have to be okay with.
Okay.
Rest is the nutrient that Ineed most right now.
(22:37):
Maybe you need to get outside.
Maybe you need to do somegrounding.
There are a whole host ofthings you can do.
Journal, I told Denise, go to arage room and break shit.
Do what you need to do but movesome of it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yes, it's really fun.
I've done it.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
So accept it, move through some of those emotions.
Get've done it, so accept it,move through some of those
emotions.
Like, get some of it physicallymoving and then coach yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
That's it and then remember this is a season and
this too shall pass.
Right and anything, even thehappiness and the beauty is also
a season, because sometimes youare going to go into a chaos of
anything Right, yeah, we don'tget to pick that, we will all
have moments.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
And the beauty is also a season because sometimes
you are going to go into a chaosof anything, right?
Yeah, we don't get to pick thatLike.
We will all have moments ofchaos again.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Absolutely, absolutely.
It's just you know how you dealwith it and how you react and,
like you said, use the tools.
So that's why it's reallyimportant how you and I
constantly practice our toolsright, we're constantly
journeying, we're constantlygoing outside to walk.
Tools right, we're constantlyjourneying, we're constantly
going outside to walk, we'reconstantly grounding, etc.
So in moments of chaos, even ifwe're going to forget all the
tools, at least one is going tostick.
So that's why we're teachingyou all of those tools, because
(23:45):
sometimes you can't just findthem in your toolbox when you're
overwhelmed, but at leastyou're going to find one which
is your, you know.
And it could be a walk, itcould be as simple as a quick
walk outside and it could be awalk, it could be as simple as a
quick walk outside.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yeah, and I have one final thought on that.
This is why we believe it's soimportant to be doing these
tools every day.
When it's not chaotic, whenyou're not stressed, it's like I
take my daily walk, I do mydrawing, I meditate, I do those.
So when I do feel stressed orwhen life is chaotic, those
tools are already in my toolbelt.
They were already a daily thing.
So I I do feel stressed, orwhen life is chaotic, those
tools are already in my toolbelt.
They were already a daily thing.
So I'm going to know to usethem versus someone who's like I
.
Only you know, do deepbreathing and get outside when
(24:26):
I'm stressed.
Well, good luck, because you'reprobably not going to remember
to do that then.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
You're not.
You're definitely not going toremember and that's something I
mean you're not going toremember, you just keep.
You got to do it on the dailyand becomes a habit and part of
you.
Yep, oh, my goodness, we arenearing the end, right?
So we gave you a lot of tools,a lot of self-reflection and,
you know, continue looking out,because I know we're not talking
(24:53):
business right now.
Her and I, however, we aretalking Master your Mind.
I know we had a talkingbusiness right now, her and I,
however, we are talking masteryour mind.
I know we had a program.
We loved it Master your mind,master your health.
We may we may change the name,we don't know, but we are
talking about an online coursebased on all of the things that
we've been talking about.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
So yeah, stay tuned, we will be revamping, rev
revising, bringing that suckerback to life, new and improved
in the future yes, yes, with ournew selves, yes, well, and guys
, we love reviews.
We're on apple, we're on spotify.
We would love more reviews.
(25:31):
We would love it if you sharedthis podcast.
Find us on instagram.
We know we're kind of slackingon there, but we will answer
messages.
If there are questions you have, if there are topics you want
to hear about, maybe guests wecan bring on, let us know.
This podcast is for you, guys.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Yeah.
And if something resonates withyou like, oh, my goodness, you
hit the spot, like yes, I'mgoing through this, or whatever,
if anything that is relatable,we would love to hear from you
because you know we just love tohear back, because you know,
with feedback we know what elseto give you, what else you need,
and you know how to justcontinue growing as a community.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, Awesome.
All right guys.
Thanks for listening.
We'll see you on the nextepisode.
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