July 10, 2025 • 37 mins
In this episode, we explore the power of acknowledging and processing emotions to heal and reconnect with your true self. Elizabeth Walker shares how unprocessed emotions create blockages and offers practical tools to foster self-acceptance and self-love, especially when overcoming past trauma. We discuss the importance of daily practices like exercise and compassionate self-talk, and how nurturing your inner child can transform your self-worth and inner peace. This conversation is a heartfelt guide to embracing your emotions, quieting your inner critic, and living a more authentic, fulfilled life.
About Elizabeth:
Elizabeth is an empowering recovery coach who helps people rebuild the relationship they have with themselves so they can create a life they’re genuinely excited to wake up for. Elizabeth believes real change starts with reconnecting to who you are at your core - beyond the labels and expectations you’ve picked up over the years. With a compassionate and down-to-earth approach, Elizabeth helps her clients let go of fear and self-doubt, uncover their inner courage, and take the steps needed to show up for themselves in a way that feels right. Through her work, she’s seen people go from feeling stuck, disconnected, or lost to feeling empowered, confident, and truly present in their lives.
Find Elizabeth:
https://facebook.com/thisiselizabethwalker https://instagram.com/theempowermentwarrior https://linkedin.com/elizabethwalkertheempowermentwarrior
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https://www.theempowermentwarrior.com/post/what-is-the-inner-child-and-why-does-it-matter
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, and weare here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing
your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even
transforming your money story.
We're here to empower you withthe knowledge and tools to
create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
All right, welcome to another episode of Heal
Yourself podcast.
Today we have Elizabeth Walkerand we're going to be talking
all about emotional healing.
Elizabeth is an empoweringrecovery coach who helps people
rebuild the relationship theyhave with themselves so they can
create a life they're genuinelyexcited to wake up for.
(01:13):
Elizabeth believes real changestarts with reconnecting to who
you are at your core, beyond thelabels and expectations you've
picked up over the years.
With a compassionate anddown-to-earth approach,
elizabeth helps her clients letgo of fear and self-doubt,
uncover their inner courage andtake the steps needed to show up
(01:35):
for themselves in a way thatfeels right.
Through her work, she's seenpeople go from feeling stuck,
disconnected or lost to feelingempowered, confident and truly
present in their lives.
Welcome, elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Thank you, denise.
It's so lovely to be here withyou and I'm looking forward to
this, looking forward to theconversation.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Same.
Unfortunately, kira could notbe with us today, but it's just
going to be you and me and let'sdive in with some questions,
all righty.
So, elizabeth um, tell us, ifyou don't mind, like or tell me
what do you mean when you talkabout emotional healing?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I was just thinking.
Actually, as you were talkingabout, I was thinking emotional
healing.
Wow, that's quite a sort ofabstract term really, isn't it
Sort of like?
Well, what does that mean?
To me it means, you know, parthuman, unique and special.
But there is that aspect of itthat some emotions that we have
(02:52):
can be a little bituncomfortable and I prefer
uncomfortable over negative,because actually all all
emotions or feelings are here tohelp us and and are part of our
, our journey, part of ourexperience.
So, but some of them are a bituncomfortable and some of them,
especially, you know, when theyhappen to us, when we're very
(03:13):
young or, you know, if they'revery big, if it's big events, we
don't process them, we don'tsort of fully process them, we
don't allow emotions totransform.
So, to me, emotion I like tothink of emotion as being energy
in motion, and energy is one ofthose things.
It doesn't just disappear,appear, it has to be transformed
(03:35):
.
So when we get these emotions,when these emotions happen to us
, if we're not able to allowthat energy to transform, it
gets stuck in us, it gets stuckin our body and it can create
problems physically, it cancreate problems emotionally and
eventually, you know, createproblems spiritually.
(03:57):
And what I mean by spirituallyis it can disconnect us from our
essence, it can disconnect usfrom our, which then stops us
kind of having that quality oflife.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yes, and it puts us sometimes in that freeze mode,
right, like we can't keep movingon.
I love talking about emotionsand I love that you mentioned
that they're here to help us.
So, no matter how uncomfortablethey get, they're here to help
us.
So, yeah, I love that.
So, elizabeth, from yourexperience, of course, and
(04:32):
working with clients, how doesone repair and rebuild the
relationship with oneself,because that is the most
important relationship that wecan have, but we need to have a
good relationship with ourselves.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
That's a big question to me.
It's a really big question howdo we repair the relationship we
have with ourselves?
First of all, it's about, youknow there are many different
aspects to it and that part ofit is, you know, where talk,
therapy or therapy can come in.
We have to be able to go backinto those experiences, those
(05:11):
uncomfortable, painful,traumatic experiences, and
acknowledge that they happened,allow that energy to kind of
come out.
I kind of talk about open thelinen closet.
You know, if you're organizingthe kitchen cupboards or the
linen closet, you have to geteverything out.
You make a big mess before youcan actually filter through and
go, yeah, still want thatactually.
(05:31):
No, that can go to good well,and fold it up nicely and put it
back in.
So we've then got nice, neatsort of pile.
So the first thing we need todo is we need to empty the linen
closet.
We need to get everything outit, you know, actually find some
perspective on it, like you say.
You know you spoke there aboutthe freeze moment we can get so
caught up in one perspective ona situation that when we can
(05:58):
sort of talk about it, when wecan allow that to move and when
we can start to become curious,we can start to find different
perspectives on it.
So I mean, I've been through inmy own experience and you know
I've worked with people inrecovery from drug and alcohol
addiction mainly, so it's a lot.
I've heard some horrendousstories of what people have
(06:20):
experienced in their life and inmy own experience it's that
have experienced in their lifeand in my own experience it's
that when I can get it out and Ican actually start to see it
from a place of no emotion, withno energy, just as being an
experience not positive, notnegative, just it was and also
(06:43):
see what it's actually given me,what it's shown me, what it's
shown me about myself, whatstrengths it's given me, what
characteristics it's helped me,what you know and how that's
played out, then we can start tosort of like stop holding on to
the, the negativity, the sortof the paralysis that these,
(07:06):
these kings and I hate to usethe word, but you know, to some
extent feeling like a victim.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
It's not fair.
It's not fair, you know all ofthis which, actually, when we
start doing that, we start sortof like at that point we start
denying parts of ourselves,we're denying the bit of
ourselves that that's actuallygiven us.
So I've, there are manyexperiences in my life that have
actually given me strength,they've given me empathy, but
(07:35):
when I was pushing them away,when I was trying to pretend
they didn't happen, it was alsosort of saying, well, I'm, I'm
not, I don't have that, thosecharacteristics, I'm not
empathic, I can't, I'm notstrong, I'm not empathic, I
can't, I'm not strong, I'm notresilient.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I love what you said about and I know that, yes,
sometimes it's just pointing itout and saying that there's a
victim mentality or whatever.
Yes, it could be icky.
However, sometimes that is thetruth, you know, and then
sometimes we do need to takeaccountability.
But I love how you said thatJust by us not looking at it,
(08:08):
we're denying, we're denyingourselves from remembering who
we truly, truly are at our core.
At our core, we are amazingsouls, you know, and we're loved
for just who we are, and sothat's really important to go
there, to go into that linencloset and take the stuff out.
(08:29):
You know, kira and I talk a lotabout it and you know, I know
we love to give tangible.
You know small steps and thingslike that.
But sometimes doing the innerwork requires you to go into
that closet and take everythingout.
Look at the mess.
You know, when I cleaned mycloset, I looked at it.
I'm like there's no way I'mgoing to get it done.
(08:50):
There's no, I'm going to get itdone.
And guess what?
I got it done.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, we're not the small stepI love that you talk about.
I mean tangible small steps areessential because when we look
at the linen closet on its, youknow as a whole kind of go, oh
my good God, no too much, closethe cupboard, deal with that
tomorrow.
But actually when we take smallsteps and the first step might
be just right, pull it all outand just leave it there for a
(09:17):
day, yeah, and then go, ok, I'llcome back and do a little bit
tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
But you know it's going to be be there.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
You know it's going to be there, but at least when
it's out that you know it's thatenergy already, that energy,
you're transforming that energy,that sort of like.
It's sort of like okay, I'vetaken my first step, the next
step's not going to feel so bad,but it's.
You know, if we want to have ahealthy relationship with
ourself, we kind of have to havea healthy home for ourself, and
(09:50):
a healthy home for myself isone that is really I don't know
if any analogy is going to workbut it's organized, that is
accepting, that isnon-judgmental.
You know, there's a when wepush things down, when we push
emotions, when we push theevents down and when we're
denying them, we're not onlydenying that they happen, we're
(10:10):
denying part of ourselves, butwe're also not allowing that
energy to transform intosomething positive, into
something uplifting, intosomething empowering.
I love how you said that whenwe talk about these things, when
we can allow ourselves to bevulnerable and go this is what's
(10:30):
happened, then actually we'recreating a bit of space for our
soul, for our essence to go tospread its wings a little bit
and go yeah, okay, I've got this, I can do this, I can do the
next step.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Mm-hmm.
Wow, that's a lot of coolthings we're talking about here,
elizabeth.
Yeah, okay, I've got this, Ican do this, I can do the next
step.
Wow, that's a lot of coolthings we're talking about here,
elizabeth Tell me, why is ourrelationship with ourself so
(11:04):
important?
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Well, other than the fact that we I I'll talk.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
You are your, only you know you're the only person
you can rely on to be there withyou 24 hours a day.
Absolutely, I have two children.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
But it's still me, I'm with all the time and if I
don't like myself or if I don'thave that open you know
relationship I'm a lovingrelationship and an authentic
relationship with myself thenI'm kind of always in conflict
with myself and I know when I'min conflict with my 14 year old
(11:35):
it feels so uncomfortablephysically, emotionally.
The energy of the house ishorrible.
Yeah, it infects my otherdaughter like it, just it.
It escalates.
So if you think, think aboutthat, you know with yourself, if
you don't like yourself, theinner critic gets really loud.
You wake up in the morning andyou're already trying to go no,
(11:56):
don't want to be with you.
How do I get away from you?
I'm really sorry, you can't youcan't there is no you can't.
There is no getting away fromyourself like you're stuck
you're stuck.
I tried.
I mean I.
I'm in recovery from drugs andalcohol.
I tried for many years.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I mean, we tried.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
We're pretty good at all sorts of things, incredibly
good at masking, escaping,numbing none of it.
None of it.
It worked Like and I triedeverything I can give you out
there the people I work withhave tried everything.
None of it works.
We have to get to a place and Ireally don't like using words
like have to, but it's so.
It really is important that weget to a place that we can look
(12:41):
at ourselves in the mirror andwe can go to a place that we can
look at ourselves in the mirrorand we can go.
Actually, you're all right.
You're not perfect.
There is some, you know, you'vegot your shit, excuse my
language, but actually I loveyou, You're good, I accept you.
I know you're doing your best.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
There we go.
I'm going to have your back.
I love that.
I got you Exactly Accepting andcoming from a place of
acceptance to change, versuslook at you, you're this, you're
this, you're this.
How are you going to expect achange if you are so down on
yourself?
But when you're like, like yousaid, you look at yourself in
the mirror.
I got you, girl, I'm here foryou.
You were not perfect.
We have, we have a lot of stuffin the closet we don't do.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
We don't do things for people we don't like yeah,
and we're definitely not goingto do the uncomfortable stuff
for people we don't like.
Correct?
So if you don't like yourself,you're not going to push
yourself out of your comfortzone or I prefer to call it a
discomfort zone, because when westay too small it is
(13:47):
uncomfortable.
You know, we need to grow.
We're yeah, we're living, we'relike everything.
We need to keep growing.
But that's only going to happen.
We're only going to do thethings that we perceive to be
difficult, we perceive to be abit uncomfortable if we actually
like ourselves.
I mean, for example, exercisingin the morning.
(14:09):
I have mornings where I wake upand I'm sort of like, oh, you
really don't want to do this,you know, especially at that
time of month when the body'sheavy, and you're just sort of
like, oh, god, god, no, I justwant to stay in bed.
And it's sort of like, no, I'mgoing to exercise because I know
I'll feel better for myself.
For it, I'll feel better inmyself.
I deserve it.
Yes, I deserve it.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Yes, I deserve that energy, that effort being put
into me, absolutely, wow.
I mean.
We've been talking a lot, I'vebeen asking a lot of questions.
What happens, elizabeth, toone's life when you develop a
(14:56):
healthy emotional intimacy withyourself, like when you start
cleaning that closet, when youstart looking in and you know
how can?
What happens to your life?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
it kind of turns around, it kind of it kind of
just sort of like suddenlythere's not that like, oh, heavy
, I mean I've started describing.
I've started just because as anexperiment.
I've started describing whenpeople ask me how I am, as if
I'd get it in a weather forecast.
It's really interesting if youever want to try that out, just
as an experiment.
Every morning, to grey skiesand thunder and sort of like
(15:33):
looming rain clouds, you wake upand the skies are blue.
There may be a few little whitefluffy clouds in the sky, but
for the most part it's sort oflike fine with the you know,
blue skies ahead type of thing.
It we start well, like Imentioned before, we start doing
the things that actually helpus grow.
We start doing the things thatrequire a little bit more effort
(15:54):
, that require a little bit morediscipline, so that in itself
starts to build self-esteem,which you know remorse.
As we start to do it, we buildourselves up and those things
can be uncomfortable.
Yeah, they can in the beginning.
They are in the beginning andlet's not mess around.
They are in the beginningbecause it's doing something.
When I first started and when Isee people, you know it's that
(16:17):
meditating.
You know five minutes.
Okay, just do five minutesmeditate.
Oh, I don't know, I haven't gottime.
It's so difficult.
My mind's always going, it'ssort of like oh, I'm not doing
that, not doing that, butactually five minutes of
meditation, whether or not it'sa guided meditation or just
sitting quietly or just watchinga tree or walking through the
countryside, it helps clear themind, which you know, as the day
(16:41):
goes on, you know it's, we stoplistening to being a critic, we
stop listening to otherpeople's opinions, so much.
And when I say that, it'smostly what's interesting about
that, because actually otherpeople generally see us better
than we see ourselves, but beyou know, there's that thing of
(17:03):
in a, when you're in that place,there's no way most of us would
say what our inner self or ourinner critic says to ourselves
to someone else, like it wouldbe verbal abuse kind of thing.
So, you know, we start to sortof like become more aware of the
inner critic, but those wordscome from other people and I
(17:23):
hope I'm making some sense here.
So I come from a background.
My parents loved me very much.
I actually had, you know,despite there being, yes, there
was some trauma.
There was, you know, I had somereally skewed perspectives, but
it wasn't because you know whatwe believe to be true is true
If we believe it it is true, youknow we need to not believe it.
(17:46):
So, but there was a lot ofcriticism.
Criticism, you know.
I was born in the 70s.
I was sort of being raised inthe 80s, when there wasn't that
much acceptance of emotions.
I was told to pull myselftogether you know, don't be so
angry yeah, it was just sort oflike so all of those, so the my
inner, my inner critic, my innervoice used to be very much
(18:10):
you'll pull yourself together.
You know you can't feel angryalways got to feel bad.
If you're not feeling happythen you're failing.
You know the only way to beworthy is to get good grades at
school, got to succeed at this,got to get all of these things.
So I'm trying to.
I was sort of trying to live mylife by all these other
people's, by all these otherpeople's opinions, other
(18:31):
people's values.
Yet it was my voice, kind oftalking in my head, telling me
that I wasn't good enough, Iwasn't doing enough, I wasn't
this, I wasn't that I'm too this, I'm too that You're too bubbly
, you're too talkative, you'retoo enthusiastic.
Got to calm it down, got tomake yourself small, all of
these things, things.
(18:51):
And when you start listening tothat, basically your soul, your
essence, just withers away andjust goes.
Yeah, what's the point?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
right.
It becomes so other people'sopinions and beliefs become your
own.
However, when you emotionallyheal and you do take time to
clean your closet, then you'restarting to question those
beliefs and say wait a minute,are those true?
Is this my belief?
Is this my emotion?
Because I know that I've hadsometimes a lot of anxiety, but
(19:23):
I know that some of the emotionsare not mine, Some of the
emotions I grew up seeing.
So I question, I say wait aminute.
But that's not you, those arenot your emotions, right?
Stop taking other people'semotions as yours.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Or another.
I mean it's constant.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It is constant Like emotional healing, and healing
is constant.
It's like always.
You're always doing the work,like you know.
Today, for example, it's aMonday, right, and I have a lot
going on and I'm such a highachiever.
So you know, growing up I hadto have the grades Monday,
always the tests and this.
So what I do every Monday inthe morning I always talk to my
(20:00):
you know, baby self and I say Igot you, girl.
There's no school, you're anadult.
Now You're 45.
You're not five, you're not six.
No one's coming to yell at youand I give myself big hugs and
I'm like I love you baby, I loveyou good.
So it's always there, you know,but you're just continuing to
(20:21):
doing the work regardless andeventually, you know, you have
more peace and acceptance withthat versus trying to fight it
yeah, totally.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
I love you put that so well, denise, well done, so
much clearer and eloquently thanI did.
But it brings us, you know,when we.
It is ongoing and I love whatyou brought up there about you
know, working with the inner,like the inner child.
It's that because, effectively,that's where we talk about
emotional healing, that's whowe're working with.
(20:54):
Yes, we're working with thatchild self who wasn't heard,
wasn't seen, wasn't accepted,didn't receive love, you know,
as they needed to receive love,and just letting them know that
that actually they matter, thatyou see them that, like you say
that you've got them, know thatactually they matter, that you
see them that, like you say thatyou've got them, because that
(21:16):
inner child, like those and Icall them tantrums just for a
better way- Absolutely yeah,those tantrums that the inner
child has is kind of, then, whatplays out in our adult life.
What stops us doing the thingswe want to do?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
what stops us showing the things we want to do?
Speaker 3 (21:32):
what stops us showing up as, as we, as we?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
are I love that you mentioned the tantrum, because
whenever I'm talking to myselfor to Kira, I would tell her I
just had, I just had an adulttantrum, I just had a baby
tantrum in the car, by myself,right.
So I do allow sometimes myselfto have those tantrums, but very
healthfully, you know, likeletting it out.
Just like you said, theemotions are energy in motion.
(21:55):
They got to move somewhere,right.
But then instead of yelling atsomebody and reacting, I'm doing
it, for example, in the car, orand by myself, or whatever yeah
, no, we've got to, and exactlyyou know, we've got to let those
out.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I still have little tantrums every so often and
little sort of like hissy fitsand I catch myself and it's like
okay, so.
So which part of me, which partof me is feeling not seen?
Which one of my boundaries haveI let go, or where am I not
respecting myself?
(22:29):
Where you know?
Because going back to everyemotion is beneficial, every
emotion is healthy.
If I'm angry with something,it's like okay, what am I angry
about?
What's triggering that anger inme?
What does it show me aboutmyself?
I get so angry about injustice,like I am such a sucker for
(22:52):
like the underdog winning.
I love film, you know theunderdog rises up, same same.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
All my life I worked with kids with special needs.
I'm a speech therapist, so Ialways, I'm always for the
underdog.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I always want you know justice.
So, yeah, I get really angrywhen I see any form of injustice
, even to to the extent of you.
Know someone in the car beingrude and pulling out in front of
you.
Know an old woman who's justtaking her time.
That's how I'm like youcomplete git, aren't you?
And it's sort of like well,because I feel that she's been
(23:25):
mistreated.
Ah, so justice is somethingthat's really important to me.
So now I know that actually, asI move through world, as I as I
evolve and mature into my adultself, that actually one of my
values, one of the things I needto honor about myself, is this
is is justice is making surethat.
You know I feel that I'm doingthe best for everybody.
(23:49):
But but I'm being fair.
It's yeah and it's interesting.
You know, taking in my own life, I've got a 14-year-old and a
16-year-old and I feel myselfgetting incredibly sort of like
wound up and tight when one ofthem comes to me, wanting them
to fix a problem with the otherone or moaning to me about the
(24:11):
other one, and I'll find myselfsort of like backing the other
one up or sort of biting mycorner.
I mean, I just take my side I'mlike I can't yeah.
I actually can't, you figure itout, is when she comes to me
moaning about you.
I'm there sort of like backingyou up, because it's that sort
of like.
For me it's sort of like twosides of the argument and it's
(24:34):
like so I've had to come to thepoint where I've just said to
them both like I can't, I can'tdo this.
I love you both very much.
You're both very special to me.
I would you know.
You're my daughters.
I will do everything I can tosupport you and help you, but
I'm not going to pick one overthe other, correct?
Yeah, and when you ask me to, Ifeel physically ill.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, I have a boy and a girland they're five and a half
years apart, so I don't havethat issue.
But yes, they used to bickerwhen he was younger, when he was
a little bit.
Now he's 18.
They don't bicker about.
Um, I do want to talk about alittle bit of, you know, some of
the emotions that you know.
(25:19):
As children we did experiencethose emotions, but we didn't
have the tools to process them.
Hence, you know, they arebecoming what they're becoming
right now.
So that's why, right now, it isour responsibility to our baby
child self, to our younger self,to our small, you know, self,
to process those emotions withthe tools and the strategies
(25:42):
that we have, because right nowwe're adults, we're not babies,
and there's where emotionalmaturity comes in.
You know what I mean and that'sI feel like you know, I started
to emotionally mature trulyright now, right now, as an
adult, in my 40s, because Istarted doing the work versus
throwing the hissy fits and thetantrums.
But you know, to the one personlistening right now and saying
(26:02):
you know, I have a lot ofemotions, a lot of emotions like
, oh, my goodness, as a child,the thing is, just remember that
as a child, you didn't have thetools, you didn't know what to
to say to yourself.
You know you relied on theadult in front of you, and if
the adult in front of you wasnot emotionally mature, then you
picked up on all that.
So that's why, right now, it isyour turn to take care of you.
(26:26):
Yeah, you know so, yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I don't.
I mean, I don't remember beingreally shown how to have any
emotion.
Yeah, I am like properlythinking about it properly, it's
the right word.
You know, anger was not anger.
There was not an emotion thatwas appealing or attractive
(26:54):
let's go with the wordattractive, because that's the
best thing.
You know.
It's sort of like anger madeother people sadness.
You know, especially beingBritish, sadness is an emotion
that makes other peopleuncomfortable.
I remember that if I was reallyhappy and joyful and sort of
bubbly and noisy, that made youknow that was a problem because
I was being too, if I was reallyhappy and joyful and sort of
bubbly and noisy, that made youknow that was a problem because
I was being too noisy, I wasbeing too happy, I was sort of
(27:15):
like, so don't be too much ofthat.
So there was no emotion that Iwas ever knew it was, it was
okay to have so kind of try andget rid of them all.
But also there was a belief.
I and I see it with a lot ofpeople that I work with and I it
was really interesting.
(27:36):
I had a conversation with aclient this week actually and
it's the idea that you know,emotions are really fickle, like
really fickle, and again,watching children really
highlights this Because if wedon't like hold on to emotion,
if we don't have an emotion andkind of like hold on to it and
(27:59):
don't allow it to move, then itcan overtake us.
But if we just allow them tocome and go, a bit like waves on
the beach, you know, we can gothrough probably five or six
emotions.
I love that, I love it, I loveit.
They're waves, they're waves,they come, they go, they move so
quickly.
(28:20):
And I always used to think that,you know, before I really
started doing this workout,there was a bit of me that
thought, you know, once I getthat happy feeling, once I'm
happy, I'm going to be always,I'm always going to be happy.
And then so you get it, andthere's a sort of like I'm
holding on to it for dear life,thinking can't let this go,
because then I'm going to feel,you know, not happy and it will
(28:40):
feel a little bit uncomfortableagain.
And then there's a fear.
So then I'm coming on to it forfear of when that happiness
goes or when, when I stopfeeling happy.
So there's all that.
So when I can just be in themoment, go, oh, I feel really
happy today and I can enjoy it,and I can let it go and go, okay
, well, I'll still, I'll ridethis wave for as long as it
(29:01):
takes me it.
You know the likelihood that itwill dip and I might fall into
contentment.
I might actually feel sad, Imight feel angry, something
might happy to make me, andthat's okay, because you know
that one will last for a bit,and the more I just allow them
to come and go, actually theshorter they last.
So instead of chasing happiness, instead of chasing what I, my
(29:27):
sort of suggestions of people isto find that steady place,
contentment.
Find a steady place and then,just sort of like, allow all the
rest of them to come to wash upon the beach, to wash up over
you, to be to do what they'rehere to do, show you what they
need to show you, you know, andlet it go, yeah, and let them go
(29:47):
in the next one, let them go inpeace, like how let them go
there are 34,000 words in theEnglish language for emotions
which kind of?
yeah, which kind of to me that'skind of almost 34,000 different
emotions, yeah, yeah, so when Ican get curious as to why maybe
(30:13):
I'm feeling a little bit lonely, am I feeling disconnected from
myself?
Yeah, I'm feeling disconnected.
Okay, why am I feelingdisconnected?
Because actually I've notreached out to any of my friends
, or I've not journaled for afew days, or I've sort of like
been too much in doing and notin being.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, get curiousto be able to really sort of
(30:34):
like start identifying what theemotion is, rather than just
sort of like I'm happy, I'm sad,I'm angry, like let's get here.
Let's break this down.
Yeah, a little bit more, andeven by doing that you're not
holding onto it.
That allows that wave to kindof just roll in and roll out.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Yeah, yeah, I love it .
I love, love, love this analogywith the wave.
It's beautiful.
All righties, elizabeth, oh, mygoodness, we talked a lot and
there's a lot of beautifulthings that we said.
You know, Kira and I are firmbelievers in giving you know
value in tangible small steps.
Right, we believe in smallsteps lead to big changes.
(31:14):
So, what are some?
You know, maybe two to threetips that you can give, and I
know that it's not going tosubstitute, for you know there's
the work needs to be done.
Right, looking in and doing thereflections.
It's important if you truly,truly, truly want to want to
connect with the authentic self.
You got to do it.
However, you know, we alwayslike to give some tips because
(31:37):
we're each different.
You know, your tips aredifferent than mine, are
different than Kira's, differentthan the other guests that we
have.
So what are some of your tipsthat you give to your clients?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
okay, so a couple of things you can add.
People can add to their toolbox, because I say it's a toolbox
and the more tools we have, themore capable we are of being
able to do the work that'sneeded to be done.
The first is to actually startto check, explore I'm going to
use the word explore rather thanchange explore the way that you
talk to yourself.
So is that language you usewith yourself uplifting or is it
(32:11):
depreciating?
And I would suggest looking tofind ways of talking to yourself
which comes from a place offorgiveness, from a place of
encouragement and one fromcompassion.
I always say to people ofencouragement and one from
compassion.
I always say to people you know, how would you talk to your
best friend?
(32:31):
How would you talk?
to your child, and if youwouldn't say it to one of them,
don't say it to yourself.
So that's the first thing.
The second, my second tool I'doffer, is actually spending some
time, dedicating some time toyourself every day, and it's not
a if you've got five minutes,it's actually.
(32:52):
This five minutes is essentialto my well-being and actually,
you know, get intimate withyourself, get to know yourself.
Yeah, on like a soul level.
What is it that your souldesires?
What is it that you that youbelieve?
What is it you value?
Because one of the parts ofmaturation is actually going
(33:16):
okay, this is what I've beentold by my family, by school, by
society, by the church, byeverybody else.
What is it actually that'simportant to me?
Yes, and then start exploringhow you can start living these
each day.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yes, I love that.
And then dedicate time foryourself.
I mean, you deserve it, youdeserve it.
And if you find yourself yousaying, oh, I'm busy, I don't
have time, you don't have timefor you, the most important
relationship with yourself,because I guess you don't have.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
If you let's go, if you don't have time for yourself
, what does that say to youabout exactly your worth?
Speaker 1 (34:03):
exactly, and, and even I mean Elizabeth our body
is also so intelligent, ourspirit, we are so intelligent as
well our soul.
So if you keep not finding timefor you, guess what your body
is going to show you one way orthe other.
It's going to make you.
(34:23):
It's going to be like excuse,excuse me.
So that's why it's alwaysimportant we tell, we tell you
know, listen to your body,listen to your body, listen to
those, even listen to thoseemotions listen to most.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
And that brings me.
Actually, there's a third onethat I but that just brought up
for me is remember that when wedon't process the emotions, they
get stuck in the body, yeah,and they will start showing
themselves as discomfort, pain,illness.
So it's that sort of like ifyou, if you are experiencing,
(34:58):
and very quickly, I know youknow we're running out of time.
So I was diagnosed withjuvenile rheumatoid arthritis
when I was eight.
It's been in and out of my life.
I actually now see it.
You know, this is one of these.
I see it as a blessing.
I manage it very well.
Most of the time it's good.
I know that if I manage mystress levels, if I exercise, if
(35:19):
I eat mainly eating certainthings or don't eat certain
things I'll be good.
And there'll be times that Iget little flare ups.
And if I know that I've beendoing everything else that I
need to be doing to stay healthy, that flare up is an indication
that my pride has been dentedsomewhere along the way and I've
not acknowledged it.
(35:39):
And the moment I can go in andI can go okay, where do I feel
hurt?
Where do I feel a little bitembarrassed?
Where do I feel a little bitashamed and I can go in and I
can go.
Okay, where do I feel hurt,where do I feel a little bit
embarrassed, where do I feel alittle bit ashamed and I can
sort of bring that up, or itgoes.
So processing, you know, forphysical health, processing
emotions, acknowledging them,processing them, allowing them,
talking about them, writingabout them, allowing them to
(36:02):
move, means that physicallyyou're going to be able to move
a lot freer and a lot better too.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Awesome.
Oh my goodness, elizabeth, thiswas such a great talk, a great
episode.
You know, kira, and I alwayssay when we interview we started
this podcast and it has becomeso healing for us too, you know,
and we learn from every singleperson that we interview.
So thank you so much.
We learn something every day.
(36:31):
I love the waves analogy.
It was amazing.
The closet analogy was the best.
So is there anything that youwould like to, you know, leave
us with?
Or there's something, maybe,that we didn't cover that you
want to tell?
Speaker 3 (36:45):
you know the person listening no matter what your
inner voice is saying about you,no matter what criticisms it
may have, no matter what goodenoughs it may be trying to
convince you of, you are soworth it, you are enough, and
(37:10):
you are here in this body onthis planet for a reason, and I
love you.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
I love that.
I love that you're ending withthis and I'm going to tell you
thank you so much for tuning in.
Please share this episode withone friend that needs to hear.
This rate the podcast.
We would love to hear from you.
Thank you so much, elizabeth.
Elizabeth, it's been a pleasure, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Denise loved it.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, and weare here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing
your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even
transforming your money story.
We're here to empower you withthe knowledge and tools to
create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
All right, welcome to another episode of Heal
Yourself podcast.
Today we have Elizabeth Walkerand we're going to be talking
all about emotional healing.
Elizabeth is an empoweringrecovery coach who helps people
rebuild the relationship theyhave with themselves so they can
create a life they're genuinelyexcited to wake up for.
(01:13):
Elizabeth believes real changestarts with reconnecting to who
you are at your core, beyond thelabels and expectations you've
picked up over the years.
With a compassionate anddown-to-earth approach,
elizabeth helps her clients letgo of fear and self-doubt,
uncover their inner courage andtake the steps needed to show up
(01:35):
for themselves in a way thatfeels right.
Through her work, she's seenpeople go from feeling stuck,
disconnected or lost to feelingempowered, confident and truly
present in their lives.
Welcome, elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Thank you, denise.
It's so lovely to be here withyou and I'm looking forward to
this, looking forward to theconversation.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Same.
Unfortunately, kira could notbe with us today, but it's just
going to be you and me and let'sdive in with some questions,
all righty.
So, elizabeth um, tell us, ifyou don't mind, like or tell me
what do you mean when you talkabout emotional healing?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I was just thinking.
Actually, as you were talkingabout, I was thinking emotional
healing.
Wow, that's quite a sort ofabstract term really, isn't it
Sort of like?
Well, what does that mean?
To me it means, you know, parthuman, unique and special.
But there is that aspect of itthat some emotions that we have
(02:52):
can be a little bituncomfortable and I prefer
uncomfortable over negative,because actually all all
emotions or feelings are here tohelp us and and are part of our
, our journey, part of ourexperience.
So, but some of them are a bituncomfortable and some of them,
especially, you know, when theyhappen to us, when we're very
(03:13):
young or, you know, if they'revery big, if it's big events, we
don't process them, we don'tsort of fully process them, we
don't allow emotions totransform.
So, to me, emotion I like tothink of emotion as being energy
in motion, and energy is one ofthose things.
It doesn't just disappear,appear, it has to be transformed
(03:35):
.
So when we get these emotions,when these emotions happen to us
, if we're not able to allowthat energy to transform, it
gets stuck in us, it gets stuckin our body and it can create
problems physically, it cancreate problems emotionally and
eventually, you know, createproblems spiritually.
(03:57):
And what I mean by spirituallyis it can disconnect us from our
essence, it can disconnect usfrom our, which then stops us
kind of having that quality oflife.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yes, and it puts us sometimes in that freeze mode,
right, like we can't keep movingon.
I love talking about emotionsand I love that you mentioned
that they're here to help us.
So, no matter how uncomfortablethey get, they're here to help
us.
So, yeah, I love that.
So, elizabeth, from yourexperience, of course, and
(04:32):
working with clients, how doesone repair and rebuild the
relationship with oneself,because that is the most
important relationship that wecan have, but we need to have a
good relationship with ourselves.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
That's a big question to me.
It's a really big question howdo we repair the relationship we
have with ourselves?
First of all, it's about, youknow there are many different
aspects to it and that part ofit is, you know, where talk,
therapy or therapy can come in.
We have to be able to go backinto those experiences, those
(05:11):
uncomfortable, painful,traumatic experiences, and
acknowledge that they happened,allow that energy to kind of
come out.
I kind of talk about open thelinen closet.
You know, if you're organizingthe kitchen cupboards or the
linen closet, you have to geteverything out.
You make a big mess before youcan actually filter through and
go, yeah, still want thatactually.
(05:31):
No, that can go to good well,and fold it up nicely and put it
back in.
So we've then got nice, neatsort of pile.
So the first thing we need todo is we need to empty the linen
closet.
We need to get everything outit, you know, actually find some
perspective on it, like you say.
You know you spoke there aboutthe freeze moment we can get so
caught up in one perspective ona situation that when we can
(05:58):
sort of talk about it, when wecan allow that to move and when
we can start to become curious,we can start to find different
perspectives on it.
So I mean, I've been through inmy own experience and you know
I've worked with people inrecovery from drug and alcohol
addiction mainly, so it's a lot.
I've heard some horrendousstories of what people have
(06:20):
experienced in their life and inmy own experience it's that
have experienced in their lifeand in my own experience it's
that when I can get it out and Ican actually start to see it
from a place of no emotion, withno energy, just as being an
experience not positive, notnegative, just it was and also
(06:43):
see what it's actually given me,what it's shown me, what it's
shown me about myself, whatstrengths it's given me, what
characteristics it's helped me,what you know and how that's
played out, then we can start tosort of like stop holding on to
the, the negativity, the sortof the paralysis that these,
(07:06):
these kings and I hate to usethe word, but you know, to some
extent feeling like a victim.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
It's not fair.
It's not fair, you know all ofthis which, actually, when we
start doing that, we start sortof like at that point we start
denying parts of ourselves,we're denying the bit of
ourselves that that's actuallygiven us.
So I've, there are manyexperiences in my life that have
actually given me strength,they've given me empathy, but
(07:35):
when I was pushing them away,when I was trying to pretend
they didn't happen, it was alsosort of saying, well, I'm, I'm
not, I don't have that, thosecharacteristics, I'm not
empathic, I can't, I'm notstrong, I'm not empathic, I
can't, I'm not strong, I'm notresilient.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I love what you said about and I know that, yes,
sometimes it's just pointing itout and saying that there's a
victim mentality or whatever.
Yes, it could be icky.
However, sometimes that is thetruth, you know, and then
sometimes we do need to takeaccountability.
But I love how you said thatJust by us not looking at it,
(08:08):
we're denying, we're denyingourselves from remembering who
we truly, truly are at our core.
At our core, we are amazingsouls, you know, and we're loved
for just who we are, and sothat's really important to go
there, to go into that linencloset and take the stuff out.
(08:29):
You know, kira and I talk a lotabout it and you know, I know
we love to give tangible.
You know small steps and thingslike that.
But sometimes doing the innerwork requires you to go into
that closet and take everythingout.
Look at the mess.
You know, when I cleaned mycloset, I looked at it.
I'm like there's no way I'mgoing to get it done.
(08:50):
There's no, I'm going to get itdone.
And guess what?
I got it done.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, we're not the small stepI love that you talk about.
I mean tangible small steps areessential because when we look
at the linen closet on its, youknow as a whole kind of go, oh
my good God, no too much, closethe cupboard, deal with that
tomorrow.
But actually when we take smallsteps and the first step might
be just right, pull it all outand just leave it there for a
(09:17):
day, yeah, and then go, ok, I'llcome back and do a little bit
tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
But you know it's going to be be there.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
You know it's going to be there, but at least when
it's out that you know it's thatenergy already, that energy,
you're transforming that energy,that sort of like.
It's sort of like okay, I'vetaken my first step, the next
step's not going to feel so bad,but it's.
You know, if we want to have ahealthy relationship with
ourself, we kind of have to havea healthy home for ourself, and
(09:50):
a healthy home for myself isone that is really I don't know
if any analogy is going to workbut it's organized, that is
accepting, that isnon-judgmental.
You know, there's a when wepush things down, when we push
emotions, when we push theevents down and when we're
denying them, we're not onlydenying that they happen, we're
(10:10):
denying part of ourselves, butwe're also not allowing that
energy to transform intosomething positive, into
something uplifting, intosomething empowering.
I love how you said that whenwe talk about these things, when
we can allow ourselves to bevulnerable and go this is what's
(10:30):
happened, then actually we'recreating a bit of space for our
soul, for our essence to go tospread its wings a little bit
and go yeah, okay, I've got this, I can do this, I can do the
next step.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Mm-hmm.
Wow, that's a lot of coolthings we're talking about here,
elizabeth.
Yeah, okay, I've got this, Ican do this, I can do the next
step.
Wow, that's a lot of coolthings we're talking about here,
elizabeth Tell me, why is ourrelationship with ourself so
(11:04):
important?
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Well, other than the fact that we I I'll talk.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
You are your, only you know you're the only person
you can rely on to be there withyou 24 hours a day.
Absolutely, I have two children.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
But it's still me, I'm with all the time and if I
don't like myself or if I don'thave that open you know
relationship I'm a lovingrelationship and an authentic
relationship with myself thenI'm kind of always in conflict
with myself and I know when I'min conflict with my 14 year old
(11:35):
it feels so uncomfortablephysically, emotionally.
The energy of the house ishorrible.
Yeah, it infects my otherdaughter like it, just it.
It escalates.
So if you think, think aboutthat, you know with yourself, if
you don't like yourself, theinner critic gets really loud.
You wake up in the morning andyou're already trying to go no,
(11:56):
don't want to be with you.
How do I get away from you?
I'm really sorry, you can't youcan't there is no you can't.
There is no getting away fromyourself like you're stuck
you're stuck.
I tried.
I mean I.
I'm in recovery from drugs andalcohol.
I tried for many years.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I mean, we tried.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
We're pretty good at all sorts of things, incredibly
good at masking, escaping,numbing none of it.
None of it.
It worked Like and I triedeverything I can give you out
there the people I work withhave tried everything.
None of it works.
We have to get to a place and Ireally don't like using words
like have to, but it's so.
It really is important that weget to a place that we can look
(12:41):
at ourselves in the mirror andwe can go to a place that we can
look at ourselves in the mirrorand we can go.
Actually, you're all right.
You're not perfect.
There is some, you know, you'vegot your shit, excuse my
language, but actually I loveyou, You're good, I accept you.
I know you're doing your best.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
There we go.
I'm going to have your back.
I love that.
I got you Exactly Accepting andcoming from a place of
acceptance to change, versuslook at you, you're this, you're
this, you're this.
How are you going to expect achange if you are so down on
yourself?
But when you're like, like yousaid, you look at yourself in
the mirror.
I got you, girl, I'm here foryou.
You were not perfect.
We have, we have a lot of stuffin the closet we don't do.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
We don't do things for people we don't like yeah,
and we're definitely not goingto do the uncomfortable stuff
for people we don't like.
Correct?
So if you don't like yourself,you're not going to push
yourself out of your comfortzone or I prefer to call it a
discomfort zone, because when westay too small it is
(13:47):
uncomfortable.
You know, we need to grow.
We're yeah, we're living, we'relike everything.
We need to keep growing.
But that's only going to happen.
We're only going to do thethings that we perceive to be
difficult, we perceive to be abit uncomfortable if we actually
like ourselves.
I mean, for example, exercisingin the morning.
(14:09):
I have mornings where I wake upand I'm sort of like, oh, you
really don't want to do this,you know, especially at that
time of month when the body'sheavy, and you're just sort of
like, oh, god, god, no, I justwant to stay in bed.
And it's sort of like, no, I'mgoing to exercise because I know
I'll feel better for myself.
For it, I'll feel better inmyself.
I deserve it.
Yes, I deserve it.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Yes, I deserve that energy, that effort being put
into me, absolutely, wow.
I mean.
We've been talking a lot, I'vebeen asking a lot of questions.
What happens, elizabeth, toone's life when you develop a
(14:56):
healthy emotional intimacy withyourself, like when you start
cleaning that closet, when youstart looking in and you know
how can?
What happens to your life?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
it kind of turns around, it kind of it kind of
just sort of like suddenlythere's not that like, oh, heavy
, I mean I've started describing.
I've started just because as anexperiment.
I've started describing whenpeople ask me how I am, as if
I'd get it in a weather forecast.
It's really interesting if youever want to try that out, just
as an experiment.
Every morning, to grey skiesand thunder and sort of like
(15:33):
looming rain clouds, you wake upand the skies are blue.
There may be a few little whitefluffy clouds in the sky, but
for the most part it's sort oflike fine with the you know,
blue skies ahead type of thing.
It we start well, like Imentioned before, we start doing
the things that actually helpus grow.
We start doing the things thatrequire a little bit more effort
(15:54):
, that require a little bit morediscipline, so that in itself
starts to build self-esteem,which you know remorse.
As we start to do it, we buildourselves up and those things
can be uncomfortable.
Yeah, they can in the beginning.
They are in the beginning andlet's not mess around.
They are in the beginningbecause it's doing something.
When I first started and when Isee people, you know it's that
(16:17):
meditating.
You know five minutes.
Okay, just do five minutesmeditate.
Oh, I don't know, I haven't gottime.
It's so difficult.
My mind's always going, it'ssort of like oh, I'm not doing
that, not doing that, butactually five minutes of
meditation, whether or not it'sa guided meditation or just
sitting quietly or just watchinga tree or walking through the
countryside, it helps clear themind, which you know, as the day
(16:41):
goes on, you know it's, we stoplistening to being a critic, we
stop listening to otherpeople's opinions, so much.
And when I say that, it'smostly what's interesting about
that, because actually otherpeople generally see us better
than we see ourselves, but beyou know, there's that thing of
(17:03):
in a, when you're in that place,there's no way most of us would
say what our inner self or ourinner critic says to ourselves
to someone else, like it wouldbe verbal abuse kind of thing.
So, you know, we start to sortof like become more aware of the
inner critic, but those wordscome from other people and I
(17:23):
hope I'm making some sense here.
So I come from a background.
My parents loved me very much.
I actually had, you know,despite there being, yes, there
was some trauma.
There was, you know, I had somereally skewed perspectives, but
it wasn't because you know whatwe believe to be true is true
If we believe it it is true, youknow we need to not believe it.
(17:46):
So, but there was a lot ofcriticism.
Criticism, you know.
I was born in the 70s.
I was sort of being raised inthe 80s, when there wasn't that
much acceptance of emotions.
I was told to pull myselftogether you know, don't be so
angry yeah, it was just sort oflike so all of those, so the my
inner, my inner critic, my innervoice used to be very much
(18:10):
you'll pull yourself together.
You know you can't feel angryalways got to feel bad.
If you're not feeling happythen you're failing.
You know the only way to beworthy is to get good grades at
school, got to succeed at this,got to get all of these things.
So I'm trying to.
I was sort of trying to live mylife by all these other
people's, by all these otherpeople's opinions, other
(18:31):
people's values.
Yet it was my voice, kind oftalking in my head, telling me
that I wasn't good enough, Iwasn't doing enough, I wasn't
this, I wasn't that I'm too this, I'm too that You're too bubbly
, you're too talkative, you'retoo enthusiastic.
Got to calm it down, got tomake yourself small, all of
these things, things.
(18:51):
And when you start listening tothat, basically your soul, your
essence, just withers away andjust goes.
Yeah, what's the point?
Speaker 1 (18:59):
right.
It becomes so other people'sopinions and beliefs become your
own.
However, when you emotionallyheal and you do take time to
clean your closet, then you'restarting to question those
beliefs and say wait a minute,are those true?
Is this my belief?
Is this my emotion?
Because I know that I've hadsometimes a lot of anxiety, but
(19:23):
I know that some of the emotionsare not mine, Some of the
emotions I grew up seeing.
So I question, I say wait aminute.
But that's not you, those arenot your emotions, right?
Stop taking other people'semotions as yours.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Or another.
I mean it's constant.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It is constant Like emotional healing, and healing
is constant.
It's like always.
You're always doing the work,like you know.
Today, for example, it's aMonday, right, and I have a lot
going on and I'm such a highachiever.
So you know, growing up I hadto have the grades Monday,
always the tests and this.
So what I do every Monday inthe morning I always talk to my
(20:00):
you know, baby self and I say Igot you, girl.
There's no school, you're anadult.
Now You're 45.
You're not five, you're not six.
No one's coming to yell at youand I give myself big hugs and
I'm like I love you baby, I loveyou good.
So it's always there, you know,but you're just continuing to
(20:21):
doing the work regardless andeventually, you know, you have
more peace and acceptance withthat versus trying to fight it
yeah, totally.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
I love you put that so well, denise, well done, so
much clearer and eloquently thanI did.
But it brings us, you know,when we.
It is ongoing and I love whatyou brought up there about you
know, working with the inner,like the inner child.
It's that because, effectively,that's where we talk about
emotional healing, that's whowe're working with.
(20:54):
Yes, we're working with thatchild self who wasn't heard,
wasn't seen, wasn't accepted,didn't receive love, you know,
as they needed to receive love,and just letting them know that
that actually they matter, thatyou see them that, like you say
that you've got them, know thatactually they matter, that you
see them that, like you say thatyou've got them, because that
(21:16):
inner child, like those and Icall them tantrums just for a
better way- Absolutely yeah,those tantrums that the inner
child has is kind of, then, whatplays out in our adult life.
What stops us doing the thingswe want to do?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
what stops us showing the things we want to do?
Speaker 3 (21:32):
what stops us showing up as, as we, as we?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
are I love that you mentioned the tantrum, because
whenever I'm talking to myselfor to Kira, I would tell her I
just had, I just had an adulttantrum, I just had a baby
tantrum in the car, by myself,right.
So I do allow sometimes myselfto have those tantrums, but very
healthfully, you know, likeletting it out.
Just like you said, theemotions are energy in motion.
(21:55):
They got to move somewhere,right.
But then instead of yelling atsomebody and reacting, I'm doing
it, for example, in the car, orand by myself, or whatever yeah
, no, we've got to, and exactlyyou know, we've got to let those
out.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I still have little tantrums every so often and
little sort of like hissy fitsand I catch myself and it's like
okay, so.
So which part of me, which partof me is feeling not seen?
Which one of my boundaries haveI let go, or where am I not
respecting myself?
(22:29):
Where you know?
Because going back to everyemotion is beneficial, every
emotion is healthy.
If I'm angry with something,it's like okay, what am I angry
about?
What's triggering that anger inme?
What does it show me aboutmyself?
I get so angry about injustice,like I am such a sucker for
(22:52):
like the underdog winning.
I love film, you know theunderdog rises up, same same.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
All my life I worked with kids with special needs.
I'm a speech therapist, so Ialways, I'm always for the
underdog.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I always want you know justice.
So, yeah, I get really angrywhen I see any form of injustice
, even to to the extent of you.
Know someone in the car beingrude and pulling out in front of
you.
Know an old woman who's justtaking her time.
That's how I'm like youcomplete git, aren't you?
And it's sort of like well,because I feel that she's been
(23:25):
mistreated.
Ah, so justice is somethingthat's really important to me.
So now I know that actually, asI move through world, as I as I
evolve and mature into my adultself, that actually one of my
values, one of the things I needto honor about myself, is this
is is justice is making surethat.
You know I feel that I'm doingthe best for everybody.
(23:49):
But but I'm being fair.
It's yeah and it's interesting.
You know, taking in my own life, I've got a 14-year-old and a
16-year-old and I feel myselfgetting incredibly sort of like
wound up and tight when one ofthem comes to me, wanting them
to fix a problem with the otherone or moaning to me about the
(24:11):
other one, and I'll find myselfsort of like backing the other
one up or sort of biting mycorner.
I mean, I just take my side I'mlike I can't yeah.
I actually can't, you figure itout, is when she comes to me
moaning about you.
I'm there sort of like backingyou up, because it's that sort
of like.
For me it's sort of like twosides of the argument and it's
(24:34):
like so I've had to come to thepoint where I've just said to
them both like I can't, I can'tdo this.
I love you both very much.
You're both very special to me.
I would you know.
You're my daughters.
I will do everything I can tosupport you and help you, but
I'm not going to pick one overthe other, correct?
Yeah, and when you ask me to, Ifeel physically ill.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, I have a boy and a girland they're five and a half
years apart, so I don't havethat issue.
But yes, they used to bickerwhen he was younger, when he was
a little bit.
Now he's 18.
They don't bicker about.
Um, I do want to talk about alittle bit of, you know, some of
the emotions that you know.
(25:19):
As children we did experiencethose emotions, but we didn't
have the tools to process them.
Hence, you know, they arebecoming what they're becoming
right now.
So that's why, right now, it isour responsibility to our baby
child self, to our younger self,to our small, you know, self,
to process those emotions withthe tools and the strategies
(25:42):
that we have, because right nowwe're adults, we're not babies,
and there's where emotionalmaturity comes in.
You know what I mean and that'sI feel like you know, I started
to emotionally mature trulyright now, right now, as an
adult, in my 40s, because Istarted doing the work versus
throwing the hissy fits and thetantrums.
But you know, to the one personlistening right now and saying
(26:02):
you know, I have a lot ofemotions, a lot of emotions like
, oh, my goodness, as a child,the thing is, just remember that
as a child, you didn't have thetools, you didn't know what to
to say to yourself.
You know you relied on theadult in front of you, and if
the adult in front of you wasnot emotionally mature, then you
picked up on all that.
So that's why, right now, it isyour turn to take care of you.
(26:26):
Yeah, you know so, yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
I don't.
I mean, I don't remember beingreally shown how to have any
emotion.
Yeah, I am like properlythinking about it properly, it's
the right word.
You know, anger was not anger.
There was not an emotion thatwas appealing or attractive
(26:54):
let's go with the wordattractive, because that's the
best thing.
You know.
It's sort of like anger madeother people sadness.
You know, especially beingBritish, sadness is an emotion
that makes other peopleuncomfortable.
I remember that if I was reallyhappy and joyful and sort of
bubbly and noisy, that made youknow that was a problem because
I was being too, if I was reallyhappy and joyful and sort of
bubbly and noisy, that made youknow that was a problem because
I was being too noisy, I wasbeing too happy, I was sort of
(27:15):
like, so don't be too much ofthat.
So there was no emotion that Iwas ever knew it was, it was
okay to have so kind of try andget rid of them all.
But also there was a belief.
I and I see it with a lot ofpeople that I work with and I it
was really interesting.
(27:36):
I had a conversation with aclient this week actually and
it's the idea that you know,emotions are really fickle, like
really fickle, and again,watching children really
highlights this Because if wedon't like hold on to emotion,
if we don't have an emotion andkind of like hold on to it and
(27:59):
don't allow it to move, then itcan overtake us.
But if we just allow them tocome and go, a bit like waves on
the beach, you know, we can gothrough probably five or six
emotions.
I love that, I love it, I loveit.
They're waves, they're waves,they come, they go, they move so
quickly.
(28:20):
And I always used to think that,you know, before I really
started doing this workout,there was a bit of me that
thought, you know, once I getthat happy feeling, once I'm
happy, I'm going to be always,I'm always going to be happy.
And then so you get it, andthere's a sort of like I'm
holding on to it for dear life,thinking can't let this go,
because then I'm going to feel,you know, not happy and it will
(28:40):
feel a little bit uncomfortableagain.
And then there's a fear.
So then I'm coming on to it forfear of when that happiness
goes or when, when I stopfeeling happy.
So there's all that.
So when I can just be in themoment, go, oh, I feel really
happy today and I can enjoy it,and I can let it go and go, okay
, well, I'll still, I'll ridethis wave for as long as it
(29:01):
takes me it.
You know the likelihood that itwill dip and I might fall into
contentment.
I might actually feel sad, Imight feel angry, something
might happy to make me, andthat's okay, because you know
that one will last for a bit,and the more I just allow them
to come and go, actually theshorter they last.
So instead of chasing happiness, instead of chasing what I, my
(29:27):
sort of suggestions of people isto find that steady place,
contentment.
Find a steady place and then,just sort of like, allow all the
rest of them to come to wash upon the beach, to wash up over
you, to be to do what they'rehere to do, show you what they
need to show you, you know, andlet it go, yeah, and let them go
(29:47):
in the next one, let them go inpeace, like how let them go
there are 34,000 words in theEnglish language for emotions
which kind of?
yeah, which kind of to me that'skind of almost 34,000 different
emotions, yeah, yeah, so when Ican get curious as to why maybe
(30:13):
I'm feeling a little bit lonely, am I feeling disconnected from
myself?
Yeah, I'm feeling disconnected.
Okay, why am I feelingdisconnected?
Because actually I've notreached out to any of my friends
, or I've not journaled for afew days, or I've sort of like
been too much in doing and notin being.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, get curiousto be able to really sort of
(30:34):
like start identifying what theemotion is, rather than just
sort of like I'm happy, I'm sad,I'm angry, like let's get here.
Let's break this down.
Yeah, a little bit more, andeven by doing that you're not
holding onto it.
That allows that wave to kindof just roll in and roll out.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Yeah, yeah, I love it .
I love, love, love this analogywith the wave.
It's beautiful.
All righties, elizabeth, oh, mygoodness, we talked a lot and
there's a lot of beautifulthings that we said.
You know, Kira and I are firmbelievers in giving you know
value in tangible small steps.
Right, we believe in smallsteps lead to big changes.
(31:14):
So, what are some?
You know, maybe two to threetips that you can give, and I
know that it's not going tosubstitute, for you know there's
the work needs to be done.
Right, looking in and doing thereflections.
It's important if you truly,truly, truly want to want to
connect with the authentic self.
You got to do it.
However, you know, we alwayslike to give some tips because
(31:37):
we're each different.
You know, your tips aredifferent than mine, are
different than Kira's, differentthan the other guests that we
have.
So what are some of your tipsthat you give to your clients?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
okay, so a couple of things you can add.
People can add to their toolbox, because I say it's a toolbox
and the more tools we have, themore capable we are of being
able to do the work that'sneeded to be done.
The first is to actually startto check, explore I'm going to
use the word explore rather thanchange explore the way that you
talk to yourself.
So is that language you usewith yourself uplifting or is it
(32:11):
depreciating?
And I would suggest looking tofind ways of talking to yourself
which comes from a place offorgiveness, from a place of
encouragement and one fromcompassion.
I always say to people ofencouragement and one from
compassion.
I always say to people you know, how would you talk to your
best friend?
(32:31):
How would you talk?
to your child, and if youwouldn't say it to one of them,
don't say it to yourself.
So that's the first thing.
The second, my second tool I'doffer, is actually spending some
time, dedicating some time toyourself every day, and it's not
a if you've got five minutes,it's actually.
(32:52):
This five minutes is essentialto my well-being and actually,
you know, get intimate withyourself, get to know yourself.
Yeah, on like a soul level.
What is it that your souldesires?
What is it that you that youbelieve?
What is it you value?
Because one of the parts ofmaturation is actually going
(33:16):
okay, this is what I've beentold by my family, by school, by
society, by the church, byeverybody else.
What is it actually that'simportant to me?
Yes, and then start exploringhow you can start living these
each day.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yes, I love that.
And then dedicate time foryourself.
I mean, you deserve it, youdeserve it.
And if you find yourself yousaying, oh, I'm busy, I don't
have time, you don't have timefor you, the most important
relationship with yourself,because I guess you don't have.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
If you let's go, if you don't have time for yourself
, what does that say to youabout exactly your worth?
Speaker 1 (34:03):
exactly, and, and even I mean Elizabeth our body
is also so intelligent, ourspirit, we are so intelligent as
well our soul.
So if you keep not finding timefor you, guess what your body
is going to show you one way orthe other.
It's going to make you.
(34:23):
It's going to be like excuse,excuse me.
So that's why it's alwaysimportant we tell, we tell you
know, listen to your body,listen to your body, listen to
those, even listen to thoseemotions listen to most.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
And that brings me.
Actually, there's a third onethat I but that just brought up
for me is remember that when wedon't process the emotions, they
get stuck in the body, yeah,and they will start showing
themselves as discomfort, pain,illness.
So it's that sort of like ifyou, if you are experiencing,
(34:58):
and very quickly, I know youknow we're running out of time.
So I was diagnosed withjuvenile rheumatoid arthritis
when I was eight.
It's been in and out of my life.
I actually now see it.
You know, this is one of these.
I see it as a blessing.
I manage it very well.
Most of the time it's good.
I know that if I manage mystress levels, if I exercise, if
(35:19):
I eat mainly eating certainthings or don't eat certain
things I'll be good.
And there'll be times that Iget little flare ups.
And if I know that I've beendoing everything else that I
need to be doing to stay healthy, that flare up is an indication
that my pride has been dentedsomewhere along the way and I've
not acknowledged it.
(35:39):
And the moment I can go in andI can go okay, where do I feel
hurt?
Where do I feel a little bitembarrassed?
Where do I feel a little bitashamed and I can go in and I
can go.
Okay, where do I feel hurt,where do I feel a little bit
embarrassed, where do I feel alittle bit ashamed and I can
sort of bring that up, or itgoes.
So processing, you know, forphysical health, processing
emotions, acknowledging them,processing them, allowing them,
talking about them, writingabout them, allowing them to
(36:02):
move, means that physicallyyou're going to be able to move
a lot freer and a lot better too.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Awesome.
Oh my goodness, elizabeth, thiswas such a great talk, a great
episode.
You know, kira, and I alwayssay when we interview we started
this podcast and it has becomeso healing for us too, you know,
and we learn from every singleperson that we interview.
So thank you so much.
We learn something every day.
(36:31):
I love the waves analogy.
It was amazing.
The closet analogy was the best.
So is there anything that youwould like to, you know, leave
us with?
Or there's something, maybe,that we didn't cover that you
want to tell?
Speaker 3 (36:45):
you know the person listening no matter what your
inner voice is saying about you,no matter what criticisms it
may have, no matter what goodenoughs it may be trying to
convince you of, you are soworth it, you are enough, and
(37:10):
you are here in this body onthis planet for a reason, and I
love you.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
I love that.
I love that you're ending withthis and I'm going to tell you
thank you so much for tuning in.
Please share this episode withone friend that needs to hear.
This rate the podcast.
We would love to hear from you.
Thank you so much, elizabeth.
Elizabeth, it's been a pleasure, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Denise loved it.
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