July 31, 2025 • 28 mins
In this episode, we take a deep dive with Jen Youngquist into how early emotional wounds can silently impact our adult relationships. In this powerful conversation we explore how unhealed childhood patterns—like emotionally unavailable caregivers and “daddy wounds”—can shape the way we show up in love. Jen shares her journey of healing through physical transformation, spiritual awakening, and stepping into her voice. We unpack the idea that relationships are mirrors, and how manifesting, conscious choices, and self-reflection can help break toxic cycles. This episode is an invitation to courageously examine your past, shift your energy, and call in the love you truly deserve.
About Jen:
Jen is a spiritual dating coach that is committed to helping women to spiritually awaken, grow and shift their personal energy to become absolutely magnetic to their dream partner. She has been certified as a coach in several modalities including Robbins-Madanes, Strategic Intervention, and Sacred Depths. She lives in Cincinnati, with her husband and three cats. Road cycling and traveling are activities that she and her husband enjoy doing together and have combined the two as a way to bond and stay fit.
Find Jen:
https://www.facebook.com/JenYoungquistCoaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenyoungquist/
https://jenyoungquist.com
https://www.instagram.com/jenycoaching/
https://datingalchemywithjen.substack.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, and weare here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing
your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even
transforming your money story.
We're here to empower you withthe knowledge and tools to
create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hello everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Heal
Yourself Podcast.
I am one of your hosts.
(00:59):
Kira Denise is not with ustoday, but I do have a special
guest for you, jen, and I'mgonna introduce her before I
bring her on.
So Jen is a spiritual datingcoach that's committed to
helping women spiritually awaken, grow and shift their personal
energy to become absolutelymagnetic to their dream partner.
She's been certified as a coachin several modalities,
(01:23):
including Robins Madenas.
I told you I was going tobutcher that I probably still
did Strategic intervention insacred depths.
She lives in Cincinnati withher husband and three cats.
Road cycling and traveling areactivities that she and her
husband enjoy doing together andhave combined the two as a way
to bond and stay fit.
How fun.
My husband's a road cyclist, soCool.
(01:45):
Well, welcome Jen.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Nice to have you here .
Nice to be here.
Kira, Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah.
So I always like to ask how didyou get here, like what?
What led you to become a datingcoach?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Oh well, my own personal healing journey led me
to be a dating coach.
So I grew up with parents whowere not really there for me
emotionally, with wounding thatmade me feel less than with
wounding that made me feel likeI needed to prove myself to
other people before I couldaccept love, which was a major
(02:38):
hindrance when you're trying tofind that, you know relationship
, that you're trying to findthat you know relationship, that
you're trying to find a husbandor a partner.
And yet everyone that I wasdating was, like my parents,
emotionally unavailable.
And you know, when you're usedto that kind of energy, you tend
(03:00):
to seek it out, unknowingly,out in the world.
So I had to well, I had to go ona personal healing journey and
I was painfully shy.
Painfully shy because it hadbeen drilled in my head that
people are dangerous, otherpeople are dangerous.
(03:22):
That people are dangerous,other people are dangerous.
Opening yourself up to them inany way was going to be painful
for me.
So, you know, I would haverather have nulled my arm off
than to, you know, be in frontof a group of people or even to
make friends, like I was one ofthose weird kids that never was
(03:44):
able to really make friends inschool and you know, I always
walked around feeling like therewas something wrong with me.
I was always an outsider.
I never fit in anywhere, youknow, and I know it was all my
doing.
You know, now, looking at itfrom this side, you know, I, yes
(04:05):
, I got picked on, but Iunderstand why.
So I decided to get myselfphysically in shape, so heal my
body.
You know, when you're goingthrough college and you haven't
been taught how to eat right,you're eating nothing but junk
and fast food.
(04:26):
You have no time for anythingelse, right?
No?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
money.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And no money.
Yeah, so I gained a bunch ofweight and that was starting to
kind of really weigh on me anddepress me.
And I had one of those kind ofcome to Jesus moments looking at
myself in the mirror andbasically I heard this thought
in my head that said, well, youcan't cry about it if you aren't
(04:51):
doing anything about it.
Yeah, I guess you're right,guess you're right.
So I embarked on, you know,learning how to eat better and I
fouled the exercise every dayand I did, I stuck to those
things and I lost the weight andI gained a bunch of muscle and,
(05:12):
along with it, a bunch ofconfidence.
So I started to see myself in adifferent way.
Way, and when I did that, Inoticed that I also, like other
people, also started seeing mein a different way.
(05:32):
Yeah, I thought it was becauseof the way I looked, but that
was wrong.
It was because I was different,my energy was different.
I was interacting with peopledifferently.
I wasn't putting up with thesame crap that I put up with
when I thought I was fat andugly.
So I continued that journey.
(05:57):
Those became habits.
I've stuck with them ever since.
Let's see, I was probably what24, 23, 24 when I started that,
and I'll be 50 next month.
So I've managed to keep thosehabits and it served me well.
You know I'm healthy and fitand you know I don't have any
(06:18):
major health issues.
But then there was somethingnudging me to go deeper with it.
Um, I started to tackle an evenbigger chunk of my confidence
by getting in front of people.
So I really did like workingout.
(06:42):
I ended up really, you know, Iguess I became one of those
people that's like, once you doit and I'm like, oh, this is
awesome, I actually like it, youknow.
So I ended up loving going tothe gym and I decided I wanted
to become a cycling instructor.
So, because I was taking theclasses and there were some
instructors that just were notnot that good, and then I'm like
(07:05):
I think I can do better.
So you know ego coming outthere, like I can do better.
So I got certified and it tookme a while to get to the point
to do better.
But you know it scared the shitout of me.
I'm just gonna put that outthere.
I got more comfortable with itas I did it, more as as we do,
(07:32):
and then I also decided I'mgoing to be a yoga instructor.
So I did that too and I stillam a yoga instructor.
So all of these little thingsthat I did have just led me down
the path of really figuring outwho I am Right.
Because of all of the stuff wehave in our past, it just kind
(07:57):
of weighs us down and as youstart to like take off the
backpack and, you know, takerocks out of it and put it down,
we start to see who we reallyare and what we can actually do.
But I've noticed especially alot of the older generation have
not been willing to do that,like my parents especially, and
(08:17):
I have seen them go backwards,like literally revert and get
worse.
So you, you know, like TonyRobbins always said, if you're
not growing, you're dying.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Like you literally are, which brings me to
relationships.
So that was like the last pieceof my puzzle.
All the people that I weredating, like I said, were, like
my parents, emotionallyunavailable, and I had no reason
why.
I didn't know why that washappening.
Yeah, and at that point in timeI didn't understand how energy
(08:55):
worked.
I didn't understand how Ithought I had healed.
I thought I had healed from.
You know the childhood woundingI thought I had healed from.
You know the childhood woundingI thought I had healed from.
You know the abuse that I hadgone through.
Turns out I only did a portionof that.
Healing is not a straight line.
(09:17):
It is cyclical.
You do have to come back andrevisit things here and there
and you know you'll have to dothat for the rest of your life.
Like there is no destinationwith healing, it's an ongoing
thing.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
This is Denise and I preach this and it comes up in
every episode.
It's ongoing and people need toalways hear that You're not
done, You're not healed one dayRight right, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
And so it got to the point where I didn't know what
to do, and I wasn't someone thatwould go seek out traditional
therapy, because that version ofme would have thought that was
quitting or giving up or beingweak.
And you know, it's probablysomething I should have done,
you know a heck of a lot earlier, but no one could tell me that,
(10:08):
you know.
So it was totally my ownjourney, like no one was going
to be able to help me with this,or I wasn't going to let anyone
help me with this.
(10:29):
Let's put it help them, andthat was a detriment to me
finding a relationship, as itturns out.
So I had to.
I had to come to terms with,with all of my past, but what I
ended up doing is I went to seea psychic medium of all things I
(10:53):
wasn't really spiritual at thistime and she gave me the name
of a book to go get, and it wasa book about manifesting and how
it works.
So that was my first foray into, like the universal laws and
principles and how they work,and taking responsibility for
(11:18):
your own actions and energy,which, at that point in time, I
was very much in victim mode,thinking that what's everybody
else?
Yep, it's all these unhealedpeople that keep being attracted
to me like there's no good onesout there, right?
So I was putting giving mypower away to external
(11:41):
circumstances.
So, once I started to takeresponsibility for that, to look
at how I was being, how I wasshowing up in the world, what I
was choosing, like that's wheneverything started to change.
I did manifesting on purpose.
(12:02):
You know, I literally I gotclear with exactly what I wanted
, what I was going to put upwith, what I wasn't.
I made a pact with myself tostart to say yes to things I
would normally say no to,because if you what's the old
(12:23):
adage like do what you always do, get what you always got, right
, yeah, so, in order to shake upyour energy, you have to do
something different, you have tomake different choices, you
have to put yourself indifferent situations, and so
that's what I committed to doing, and within three months of
starting that, I met the man whois now my husband, now my
(12:44):
husband.
So we've been together foralmost 14 years now and you know
, looking back on it, probablythe biggest turning point was I.
It was our first date, actually, and he ended up like massaging
(13:07):
my feet for a long time and Idon't remember like why, but he
did, and then I wasn't thatattracted to him at first, but
then I got to thinking like,okay, he literally checks all
(13:29):
the boxes and you know what?
my selfish ex definitely wouldnot have massaged my feet for
half an hour.
So why am I not choosing seeinghim for who he was?
(13:49):
I was only seeing what I was.
I was not seeing what I wasused to, you know, which was
someone that always kept me, youknow arms length and you know
was not very supportive and, youknow, didn't want to open up to
me and made me work for love.
(14:10):
Like he's here, he is justoffering this and I'm like, oh,
this is weird, I don't have towork for it, I'm not attracted
to it and literally, you know,like I said it come, it came
down to a choice, yeah for me.
And so, to answer your question, how I got into being a coach
(14:32):
was because I remember howshitty it feels to not know what
else to do, like to be, youknow, to want this thing so bad,
but it's been denied to you,making you feel like there's
something wrong with you, to you, making you feel like there's
something wrong with you and itjust serves to like, really
(15:02):
bring out what you see in theworld.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So if you think that there's something wrong with you
, you're going to put yourselfin situations that will reflect
that put yourself in situationsthat will reflect that yeah, and
that's the thing, and no onelikes to hear this your life is
a reflection of you and so, evenif you're listening to this and
you're like, well, I don't needto manifest my dream partner
Like I'm already married, lookat your marriage.
(15:24):
If you're constantlycomplaining about your spouse,
that's a reflection.
You got to work on you.
You don't just focus on whatthat person is doing wrong.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Right, we get what we are an energetic match for.
So every relationship has itsown energy.
So, if you like, for example,if you tend to attract, say, a
lot of people that cheat on youor are dishonest, even though
(15:56):
you're an honest person, theremight be areas where you aren't
being honest with yourself,right, or you have the worldview
that everyone is just out toget you and therefore that is
going to be reflected back.
So our relationships are alwaysa mirror of what is happening
(16:22):
in us too.
So if you're just blaming yourpartner for all these things
that he or she isn't doing or isdoing that you don't like, like
, there is an energy to that.
Why is that happening?
And the best way to smooth anyof that out is to start with
(16:42):
yourself.
Like to really look inside andI'm going to you know, I'm just
gonna say it like it all comesback to how we were raised and
what happened in our childhood.
Like I've not come acrossanyone that is having problems
that it wasn't from somethingthat happened in their childhood
(17:05):
or how their first seven years.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I mean, everything is formed in those first seven
years and yeah, there's morethat happens up through 18, but
yeah, it's, those become ourunconscious beliefs and they
take over everything and a lotof people don't realize that.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yes, yeah, and especially for women.
If we haven't had a father whowas there for us, who was
supportive, we will harbor thosedaddy wounds, father wounds.
If you had a father that wasabsent in any way, like even if
(17:49):
it wasn't his fault, like maybeyou know you were on the poor
side and your parents had towork all the time and they just
weren't able to be there Likethat still leaves a mark, even
(18:14):
though you understand that youdon't hold that against them.
You're going to have some levelof abandonment wound.
You know, if your parents oryour dad had any kind of
substance abuse issues andwasn't able to be there for you
or, you know, literally justcouldn't connect with you in
some way, you know, like thatwas my dad.
He can't connect to humans.
Like he just can't.
He can't even connect toanimals.
Like I think that he hasundiagnosed CPTSD and it is only
(18:38):
getting worse now that he's inhis 70s.
It's sad, it really is sad tosee, but because I never had
that supportive fatherrelationship and he never showed
me how I should be treated bymen, like our dads are our
(19:00):
gateway to our futurerelationships.
They're there to teach us howwe should be treated.
And if you have a father thatis not going to support you or
isn't there for you, you'regoing to seek that out
unknowingly in your futurerelationships, trying to work
(19:22):
that karma out.
So I would highly suggest, likeanyone that had a less than
ideal father, even if he younever knew him, like still it
will leave a mark, like you'llwant to get some clarity around
(19:44):
that and what kinds of issuesthat might be causing you in
your current relationships.
And this is the kind of stuffthat I help my clients through.
I really help them to identifywhat is that pattern, what is
that energy that is attractingto you the relationships you
(20:06):
don't want, attracting to youthe relationships you don't want
, and then I help them shift itand then give them the
confidence, help them get theconfidence to get out of their
comfort zone in order to get outinto the world, to find it, to
find what it is that they'relooking for.
And you know it doesn't matterhow old you are.
You could do this at any age.
(20:28):
So you know if you're sittingthere in your 50s or 60s or
whatever and you're like, ah, ifthat ship has sailed?
No, it hasn't, only if you wantthat to be the case.
Yeah, like I'm a believer thatwhatever you want in this life
you can have.
There is no, I'm too old, I'm,I'm too this, I'm too that.
(20:49):
It might take a little bit ofwork, but you can have it in the
universe.
We'll work with you, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Well, I'm curious because obviously this sounds
like a process, right, it's likewhat I do.
I'm like I don't have one magicthing for you to go out and do
and heal your physical body andyou're not going to have that
either.
But I'm curious for thoselistening that are like, oh crap
, like I definitely have thefather wound I didn't have one
that was present.
(21:19):
Is there anything they canstart to do?
Speaker 3 (21:27):
And what I like to tell people is our past holds a
lot of keys to our healing, soespecially your past
relationships, and one of thefirst things that I do when I
work with someone is we try tofigure out what those lessons
from the past relationships areor were supposed to be.
(21:50):
So I'm not talking like cause.
People usually come away withthe wrong, the wrong lessons.
So like if you were cheated on,you know, then you're you might
walk away with well, I knew Ishouldn't.
You know I can't trust people.
Or you know, if your lessonmakes you feel bad, it's the
(22:14):
wrong lesson.
It's the wrong lesson.
So if it has to do with youclosing down and distancing
yourself and being more careful,it's the wrong lesson.
That wasn't it.
Which is why working withsomeone is I would highly
suggest it, because we get tohave a dialogue about that Right
(22:41):
, and I can you know me orwhoever you work with can guide
you to be like yeah, but I thinkthere's something else here.
You know, and to see that energyplay out.
It's not an easy thing to see,it's really not, and I think
that, literally, is my gift isI'm able to really find that
(23:03):
really quickly, like what thatenergy is between you, know, the
two people in the relationship.
Energy is between you, know, thetwo people in the relationship,
and then we kind of trace itback to oh okay, yeah, my dad
was this way or my mom was thisway and I'm used to this kind of
you know energy and then, onceyou've identified it and you see
(23:28):
how it plays out, likeawareness is like a huge, huge
piece of it, huge piece of it,but it's not quite enough.
I mean, yeah, if you haveawareness, you could probably
look out for it.
Have to do to really shift it.
Inner child work is somethingthat I use, where we go back in
(24:00):
time and kind of you know, talkto that piece of you that was
going through that at the timeand you offer comfort, you offer
perspective, and basically thatpiece is kind of out here on
the periphery and you work tokind of like bring it in and
(24:22):
integrate it, and then you haveto start to make different
choices from then on, eventhough it's a little difficult.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Yeah scary because it's new.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
It's new, yes, yeah, and your body is going to be
conditioned to a certain feelingand emotion.
So, you know, workingsomatically as well, you know I
like to work with people to okay, well, what, how do you want to
feel in a relationship?
Bring that in, get used tothose feelings, because I
(24:56):
guarantee you you're not.
Yeah, because when you findthem, you usually push them away
, which is why we push away.
You know nice people, becausethey're just giving you that
love and you're like what theheck is this?
Yeah, yeah.
So if you find you're doingthat and you're pushing away the
(25:18):
good ones, it's time tounderstand in your body those
feelings that you really want tofeel in a relationship, so that
when they happen, they feelmore comfortable, they feel more
like home rather than, you know, the energy of the past.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Yeah, yeah.
It's a hard one for people tounderstand, because the
subconscious mind is alwaystrying to keep you safe, or the
ego, at least, is always tryingto keep you safe, and so people
think, well, thatuncomfortableness is not good.
It's like no, that's actuallywhat you have to work through,
because that is your norm.
(25:58):
If you're constantly attractingpeople that berate you or cheat
on you or whatever, that's whatthe ego is familiar with, so
anything better is going to seemuncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Yes, yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Well, any other thoughts or things that you want
to share before we wrap up?
Speaker 3 (26:26):
I would say you know, if you're someone that has had
relationships in the past thatwere less than ideal, I would
say that your first thing you'llwant to do is to start to
realize that you have more powerthan you think you do in this
(26:49):
situation.
You're not powerless.
It's just going to take alittle bit of courage to step
out of that comfort zone toreally go on that personal,
exploratory, healing journey,but it is worth it.
It doesn't have to be superpainful.
(27:09):
I mean there might be, you know, some things that are not easy,
but most I haven't seen it bereally painful for anyone.
It's more like a release, yeah,than anything.
You're releasing all of thisenergy that's just been stuck in
your body for so long, all ofthis energy that's just been
(27:34):
stuck in your body for so long,and you just start to feel
lighter and lighter and yourvibration gets higher and higher
, and that means you start toattract to you better and better
things.
So just start doing something,yes, get out of that that rut,
that energetic rut you're in,and you'll start to see things
start to change for you.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Yeah, I can attest to that one.
On so many levels.
We can relate this toeverything beyond relationships.
Yeah, yeah, for sure, For sure,awesome.
Well, I always put everythingin the show notes, but I like to
ask what's the best place forsomeone to come find you?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Probably my website, which is just my name, dot com.
So it's JENYOUNGQUIST dot com.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much and, asalways, you guys, we love
reviews, we love feedback.
Tell us if there's somethingyou want to learn about and we
will see you on the next episode.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, and weare here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing
your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even
transforming your money story.
We're here to empower you withthe knowledge and tools to
create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hello everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Heal
Yourself Podcast.
I am one of your hosts.
(00:59):
Kira Denise is not with ustoday, but I do have a special
guest for you, jen, and I'mgonna introduce her before I
bring her on.
So Jen is a spiritual datingcoach that's committed to
helping women spiritually awaken, grow and shift their personal
energy to become absolutelymagnetic to their dream partner.
She's been certified as a coachin several modalities,
(01:23):
including Robins Madenas.
I told you I was going tobutcher that I probably still
did Strategic intervention insacred depths.
She lives in Cincinnati withher husband and three cats.
Road cycling and traveling areactivities that she and her
husband enjoy doing together andhave combined the two as a way
to bond and stay fit.
How fun.
My husband's a road cyclist, soCool.
(01:45):
Well, welcome Jen.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Nice to have you here .
Nice to be here.
Kira, Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah.
So I always like to ask how didyou get here, like what?
What led you to become a datingcoach?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Oh well, my own personal healing journey led me
to be a dating coach.
So I grew up with parents whowere not really there for me
emotionally, with wounding thatmade me feel less than with
wounding that made me feel likeI needed to prove myself to
other people before I couldaccept love, which was a major
(02:38):
hindrance when you're trying tofind that, you know relationship
, that you're trying to findthat you know relationship, that
you're trying to find a husbandor a partner.
And yet everyone that I wasdating was, like my parents,
emotionally unavailable.
And you know, when you're usedto that kind of energy, you tend
(03:00):
to seek it out, unknowingly,out in the world.
So I had to well, I had to go ona personal healing journey and
I was painfully shy.
Painfully shy because it hadbeen drilled in my head that
people are dangerous, otherpeople are dangerous.
(03:22):
That people are dangerous,other people are dangerous.
Opening yourself up to them inany way was going to be painful
for me.
So, you know, I would haverather have nulled my arm off
than to, you know, be in frontof a group of people or even to
make friends, like I was one ofthose weird kids that never was
(03:44):
able to really make friends inschool and you know, I always
walked around feeling like therewas something wrong with me.
I was always an outsider.
I never fit in anywhere, youknow, and I know it was all my
doing.
You know, now, looking at itfrom this side, you know, I, yes
(04:05):
, I got picked on, but Iunderstand why.
So I decided to get myselfphysically in shape, so heal my
body.
You know, when you're goingthrough college and you haven't
been taught how to eat right,you're eating nothing but junk
and fast food.
(04:26):
You have no time for anythingelse, right?
No?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
money.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And no money.
Yeah, so I gained a bunch ofweight and that was starting to
kind of really weigh on me anddepress me.
And I had one of those kind ofcome to Jesus moments looking at
myself in the mirror andbasically I heard this thought
in my head that said, well, youcan't cry about it if you aren't
(04:51):
doing anything about it.
Yeah, I guess you're right,guess you're right.
So I embarked on, you know,learning how to eat better and I
fouled the exercise every dayand I did, I stuck to those
things and I lost the weight andI gained a bunch of muscle and,
(05:12):
along with it, a bunch ofconfidence.
So I started to see myself in adifferent way.
Way, and when I did that, Inoticed that I also, like other
people, also started seeing mein a different way.
(05:32):
Yeah, I thought it was becauseof the way I looked, but that
was wrong.
It was because I was different,my energy was different.
I was interacting with peopledifferently.
I wasn't putting up with thesame crap that I put up with
when I thought I was fat andugly.
So I continued that journey.
(05:57):
Those became habits.
I've stuck with them ever since.
Let's see, I was probably what24, 23, 24 when I started that,
and I'll be 50 next month.
So I've managed to keep thosehabits and it served me well.
You know I'm healthy and fitand you know I don't have any
(06:18):
major health issues.
But then there was somethingnudging me to go deeper with it.
Um, I started to tackle an evenbigger chunk of my confidence
by getting in front of people.
So I really did like workingout.
(06:42):
I ended up really, you know, Iguess I became one of those
people that's like, once you doit and I'm like, oh, this is
awesome, I actually like it, youknow.
So I ended up loving going tothe gym and I decided I wanted
to become a cycling instructor.
So, because I was taking theclasses and there were some
instructors that just were notnot that good, and then I'm like
(07:05):
I think I can do better.
So you know ego coming outthere, like I can do better.
So I got certified and it tookme a while to get to the point
to do better.
But you know it scared the shitout of me.
I'm just gonna put that outthere.
I got more comfortable with itas I did it, more as as we do,
(07:32):
and then I also decided I'mgoing to be a yoga instructor.
So I did that too and I stillam a yoga instructor.
So all of these little thingsthat I did have just led me down
the path of really figuring outwho I am Right.
Because of all of the stuff wehave in our past, it just kind
(07:57):
of weighs us down and as youstart to like take off the
backpack and, you know, takerocks out of it and put it down,
we start to see who we reallyare and what we can actually do.
But I've noticed especially alot of the older generation have
not been willing to do that,like my parents especially, and
(08:17):
I have seen them go backwards,like literally revert and get
worse.
So you, you know, like TonyRobbins always said, if you're
not growing, you're dying.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Like you literally are, which brings me to
relationships.
So that was like the last pieceof my puzzle.
All the people that I weredating, like I said, were, like
my parents, emotionallyunavailable, and I had no reason
why.
I didn't know why that washappening.
Yeah, and at that point in timeI didn't understand how energy
(08:55):
worked.
I didn't understand how Ithought I had healed.
I thought I had healed from.
You know the childhood woundingI thought I had healed from.
You know the childhood woundingI thought I had healed from.
You know the abuse that I hadgone through.
Turns out I only did a portionof that.
Healing is not a straight line.
(09:17):
It is cyclical.
You do have to come back andrevisit things here and there
and you know you'll have to dothat for the rest of your life.
Like there is no destinationwith healing, it's an ongoing
thing.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
This is Denise and I preach this and it comes up in
every episode.
It's ongoing and people need toalways hear that You're not
done, You're not healed one dayRight right, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
And so it got to the point where I didn't know what
to do, and I wasn't someone thatwould go seek out traditional
therapy, because that version ofme would have thought that was
quitting or giving up or beingweak.
And you know, it's probablysomething I should have done,
you know a heck of a lot earlier, but no one could tell me that,
(10:08):
you know.
So it was totally my ownjourney, like no one was going
to be able to help me with this,or I wasn't going to let anyone
help me with this.
(10:29):
Let's put it help them, andthat was a detriment to me
finding a relationship, as itturns out.
So I had to.
I had to come to terms with,with all of my past, but what I
ended up doing is I went to seea psychic medium of all things I
(10:53):
wasn't really spiritual at thistime and she gave me the name
of a book to go get, and it wasa book about manifesting and how
it works.
So that was my first foray into, like the universal laws and
principles and how they work,and taking responsibility for
(11:18):
your own actions and energy,which, at that point in time, I
was very much in victim mode,thinking that what's everybody
else?
Yep, it's all these unhealedpeople that keep being attracted
to me like there's no good onesout there, right?
So I was putting giving mypower away to external
(11:41):
circumstances.
So, once I started to takeresponsibility for that, to look
at how I was being, how I wasshowing up in the world, what I
was choosing, like that's wheneverything started to change.
I did manifesting on purpose.
(12:02):
You know, I literally I gotclear with exactly what I wanted
, what I was going to put upwith, what I wasn't.
I made a pact with myself tostart to say yes to things I
would normally say no to,because if you what's the old
(12:23):
adage like do what you always do, get what you always got, right
, yeah, so, in order to shake upyour energy, you have to do
something different, you have tomake different choices, you
have to put yourself indifferent situations, and so
that's what I committed to doing, and within three months of
starting that, I met the man whois now my husband, now my
(12:44):
husband.
So we've been together foralmost 14 years now and you know
, looking back on it, probablythe biggest turning point was I.
It was our first date, actually, and he ended up like massaging
(13:07):
my feet for a long time and Idon't remember like why, but he
did, and then I wasn't thatattracted to him at first, but
then I got to thinking like,okay, he literally checks all
(13:29):
the boxes and you know what?
my selfish ex definitely wouldnot have massaged my feet for
half an hour.
So why am I not choosing seeinghim for who he was?
(13:49):
I was only seeing what I was.
I was not seeing what I wasused to, you know, which was
someone that always kept me, youknow arms length and you know
was not very supportive and, youknow, didn't want to open up to
me and made me work for love.
(14:10):
Like he's here, he is justoffering this and I'm like, oh,
this is weird, I don't have towork for it, I'm not attracted
to it and literally, you know,like I said it come, it came
down to a choice, yeah for me.
And so, to answer your question, how I got into being a coach
(14:32):
was because I remember howshitty it feels to not know what
else to do, like to be, youknow, to want this thing so bad,
but it's been denied to you,making you feel like there's
something wrong with you, to you, making you feel like there's
something wrong with you and itjust serves to like, really
(15:02):
bring out what you see in theworld.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So if you think that there's something wrong with you
, you're going to put yourselfin situations that will reflect
that put yourself in situationsthat will reflect that yeah, and
that's the thing, and no onelikes to hear this your life is
a reflection of you and so, evenif you're listening to this and
you're like, well, I don't needto manifest my dream partner
Like I'm already married, lookat your marriage.
(15:24):
If you're constantlycomplaining about your spouse,
that's a reflection.
You got to work on you.
You don't just focus on whatthat person is doing wrong.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Right, we get what we are an energetic match for.
So every relationship has itsown energy.
So, if you like, for example,if you tend to attract, say, a
lot of people that cheat on youor are dishonest, even though
(15:56):
you're an honest person, theremight be areas where you aren't
being honest with yourself,right, or you have the worldview
that everyone is just out toget you and therefore that is
going to be reflected back.
So our relationships are alwaysa mirror of what is happening
(16:22):
in us too.
So if you're just blaming yourpartner for all these things
that he or she isn't doing or isdoing that you don't like, like
, there is an energy to that.
Why is that happening?
And the best way to smooth anyof that out is to start with
(16:42):
yourself.
Like to really look inside andI'm going to you know, I'm just
gonna say it like it all comesback to how we were raised and
what happened in our childhood.
Like I've not come acrossanyone that is having problems
that it wasn't from somethingthat happened in their childhood
(17:05):
or how their first seven years.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I mean, everything is formed in those first seven
years and yeah, there's morethat happens up through 18, but
yeah, it's, those become ourunconscious beliefs and they
take over everything and a lotof people don't realize that.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yes, yeah, and especially for women.
If we haven't had a father whowas there for us, who was
supportive, we will harbor thosedaddy wounds, father wounds.
If you had a father that wasabsent in any way, like even if
(17:49):
it wasn't his fault, like maybeyou know you were on the poor
side and your parents had towork all the time and they just
weren't able to be there Likethat still leaves a mark, even
(18:14):
though you understand that youdon't hold that against them.
You're going to have some levelof abandonment wound.
You know, if your parents oryour dad had any kind of
substance abuse issues andwasn't able to be there for you
or, you know, literally justcouldn't connect with you in
some way, you know, like thatwas my dad.
He can't connect to humans.
Like he just can't.
He can't even connect toanimals.
Like I think that he hasundiagnosed CPTSD and it is only
(18:38):
getting worse now that he's inhis 70s.
It's sad, it really is sad tosee, but because I never had
that supportive fatherrelationship and he never showed
me how I should be treated bymen, like our dads are our
(19:00):
gateway to our futurerelationships.
They're there to teach us howwe should be treated.
And if you have a father thatis not going to support you or
isn't there for you, you'regoing to seek that out
unknowingly in your futurerelationships, trying to work
(19:22):
that karma out.
So I would highly suggest, likeanyone that had a less than
ideal father, even if he younever knew him, like still it
will leave a mark, like you'llwant to get some clarity around
(19:44):
that and what kinds of issuesthat might be causing you in
your current relationships.
And this is the kind of stuffthat I help my clients through.
I really help them to identifywhat is that pattern, what is
that energy that is attractingto you the relationships you
(20:06):
don't want, attracting to youthe relationships you don't want
, and then I help them shift itand then give them the
confidence, help them get theconfidence to get out of their
comfort zone in order to get outinto the world, to find it, to
find what it is that they'relooking for.
And you know it doesn't matterhow old you are.
You could do this at any age.
(20:28):
So you know if you're sittingthere in your 50s or 60s or
whatever and you're like, ah, ifthat ship has sailed?
No, it hasn't, only if you wantthat to be the case.
Yeah, like I'm a believer thatwhatever you want in this life
you can have.
There is no, I'm too old, I'm,I'm too this, I'm too that.
(20:49):
It might take a little bit ofwork, but you can have it in the
universe.
We'll work with you, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Well, I'm curious because obviously this sounds
like a process, right, it's likewhat I do.
I'm like I don't have one magicthing for you to go out and do
and heal your physical body andyou're not going to have that
either.
But I'm curious for thoselistening that are like, oh crap
, like I definitely have thefather wound I didn't have one
that was present.
(21:19):
Is there anything they canstart to do?
Speaker 3 (21:27):
And what I like to tell people is our past holds a
lot of keys to our healing, soespecially your past
relationships, and one of thefirst things that I do when I
work with someone is we try tofigure out what those lessons
from the past relationships areor were supposed to be.
(21:50):
So I'm not talking like cause.
People usually come away withthe wrong, the wrong lessons.
So like if you were cheated on,you know, then you're you might
walk away with well, I knew Ishouldn't.
You know I can't trust people.
Or you know, if your lessonmakes you feel bad, it's the
(22:14):
wrong lesson.
It's the wrong lesson.
So if it has to do with youclosing down and distancing
yourself and being more careful,it's the wrong lesson.
That wasn't it.
Which is why working withsomeone is I would highly
suggest it, because we get tohave a dialogue about that Right
(22:41):
, and I can you know me orwhoever you work with can guide
you to be like yeah, but I thinkthere's something else here.
You know, and to see that energyplay out.
It's not an easy thing to see,it's really not, and I think
that, literally, is my gift isI'm able to really find that
(23:03):
really quickly, like what thatenergy is between you, know, the
two people in the relationship.
Energy is between you, know, thetwo people in the relationship,
and then we kind of trace itback to oh okay, yeah, my dad
was this way or my mom was thisway and I'm used to this kind of
you know energy and then, onceyou've identified it and you see
(23:28):
how it plays out, likeawareness is like a huge, huge
piece of it, huge piece of it,but it's not quite enough.
I mean, yeah, if you haveawareness, you could probably
look out for it.
Have to do to really shift it.
Inner child work is somethingthat I use, where we go back in
(24:00):
time and kind of you know, talkto that piece of you that was
going through that at the timeand you offer comfort, you offer
perspective, and basically thatpiece is kind of out here on
the periphery and you work tokind of like bring it in and
(24:22):
integrate it, and then you haveto start to make different
choices from then on, eventhough it's a little difficult.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Yeah scary because it's new.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
It's new, yes, yeah, and your body is going to be
conditioned to a certain feelingand emotion.
So, you know, workingsomatically as well, you know I
like to work with people to okay, well, what, how do you want to
feel in a relationship?
Bring that in, get used tothose feelings, because I
(24:56):
guarantee you you're not.
Yeah, because when you findthem, you usually push them away
, which is why we push away.
You know nice people, becausethey're just giving you that
love and you're like what theheck is this?
Yeah, yeah.
So if you find you're doingthat and you're pushing away the
(25:18):
good ones, it's time tounderstand in your body those
feelings that you really want tofeel in a relationship, so that
when they happen, they feelmore comfortable, they feel more
like home rather than, you know, the energy of the past.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Yeah, yeah.
It's a hard one for people tounderstand, because the
subconscious mind is alwaystrying to keep you safe, or the
ego, at least, is always tryingto keep you safe, and so people
think, well, thatuncomfortableness is not good.
It's like no, that's actuallywhat you have to work through,
because that is your norm.
(25:58):
If you're constantly attractingpeople that berate you or cheat
on you or whatever, that's whatthe ego is familiar with, so
anything better is going to seemuncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Yes, yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Well, any other thoughts or things that you want
to share before we wrap up?
Speaker 3 (26:26):
I would say you know, if you're someone that has had
relationships in the past thatwere less than ideal, I would
say that your first thing you'llwant to do is to start to
realize that you have more powerthan you think you do in this
(26:49):
situation.
You're not powerless.
It's just going to take alittle bit of courage to step
out of that comfort zone toreally go on that personal,
exploratory, healing journey,but it is worth it.
It doesn't have to be superpainful.
(27:09):
I mean there might be, you know, some things that are not easy,
but most I haven't seen it bereally painful for anyone.
It's more like a release, yeah,than anything.
You're releasing all of thisenergy that's just been stuck in
your body for so long, all ofthis energy that's just been
(27:34):
stuck in your body for so long,and you just start to feel
lighter and lighter and yourvibration gets higher and higher
, and that means you start toattract to you better and better
things.
So just start doing something,yes, get out of that that rut,
that energetic rut you're in,and you'll start to see things
start to change for you.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Yeah, I can attest to that one.
On so many levels.
We can relate this toeverything beyond relationships.
Yeah, yeah, for sure, For sure,awesome.
Well, I always put everythingin the show notes, but I like to
ask what's the best place forsomeone to come find you?
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Probably my website, which is just my name, dot com.
So it's JENYOUNGQUIST dot com.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much and, asalways, you guys, we love
reviews, we love feedback.
Tell us if there's somethingyou want to learn about and we
will see you on the next episode.
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