August 7, 2025 • 36 mins
Could your unexplained anger, anxiety, and resentment actually be symptoms of chronic self-betrayal? This raw, unfiltered conversation between Denise and Kira explores how we routinely abandon ourselves in ways both subtle and profound.
Denise vulnerably shares her struggle with prioritizing nourishment despite being underweight, catching herself in the act of making excuses not to eat when hungry. Meanwhile, Kira reveals how she betrayed her artistic passions for decades after receiving messages that art wasn't a viable career path. These personal stories illuminate how self-betrayal often operates beneath our conscious awareness, fueled by conditioning, fear, and the desire to please others.
What makes this episode particularly powerful is its practical simplicity. Rather than suggesting complex healing modalities, Denise and Kira advocate for walking as a transformative practice that creates space for clarity and authentic connection with yourself. "We did not come here to react to life," Denise reminds us. "We came here to co-create and design the life that we want."
Ready to break the cycle of self-betrayal? Take a walk, put down your phone, and start listening to the wisdom of your body. Your future self will thank you for finally choosing you.
Follow us on Instagram, leave a review, and share your experiences – we'd love to hear what resonates with you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Welcome to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast
.
You have Kira and Denise todayand we are talking all about
self-betrayal.
Ooh, juicy topic.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I think all of our topics are juicy.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I know but I love how we choose our topics, Like you
text me what are we talkingabout?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Self-betrayal Well, and a lot of it is from life
experience or things we see inclients or out in the world.
And so, yeah, sometimes stuffjust comes to us, and other
times I'm like I have no ideawhat we're talking about this
week, do you I?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
know, and then we just come up with a topic.
But I really loved this topicbecause, um, you know, we
constantly do it, especially aswomen, especially as mothers,
and we rationalize why we do it.
I literally just recorded astory about that.
Like, we just keepself-betraying and just
justifying and coming up withexcuses.
(01:49):
So it's really important to youknow, talk about it and have
this conversation, because youknow, you and I have done so.
So much inner work, so muchinner work and we're still here
and there catch ourselvesbetraying ourselves.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah.
I mean, we always say it's alifelong journey like healing is
lifelong and then you just keeppeeling back layers of the
onion and that's the thing.
When you said it, I was likegosh, what are we going to talk
about?
And then, literally, like I hadan aha of self and I actually
just made a story or not a story, but a reel about that today.
(02:26):
Because the thing is is it isso common for us to not be true
to ourselves, right, like wewill push something aside or
we'll ignore something orwhatever that self-betrayal
looks like not say no when weneed to.
That can tie in with boundaries, because we want to be liked or
we're worried about what peopleare going to say about us, or
(02:49):
it doesn't seem like they'relike oh, that doesn't seem like
the adult thing to do, orwhatever it might be.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely.
And we do it all the time.
And you know, it's just like Imean, every time you abandon
yourself, every time you, youbecome less or you just get, oh
no, I'll take that less, orthat's not what I need right now
.
That's self-betrayal, you knowwhat I mean?
Like I, sometimes it justhappens so subtly and like our
(03:21):
body feels so like tight and no,but we convince ourselves
ourselves oh no, just this time,just this time, you know.
And then one time after theother, after the other, and
we're like what the heckhappened?
What the heck happened?
Why am I?
Because I feel that, becausesometimes it gets piled up one
after the other and then, all ofa sudden, resentment starts
(03:43):
creeping in.
It's like wait a minute, wheredid that emotion come in?
Well, this emotion came inbecause constantly I didn't
listen to my body or I didn'tlisten to this whisper, right?
And it's becoming now it's nota whisper anymore, right, it's
becoming actually an emotionalissue.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, so let's talk about what self-betrayal is,
because I think it can havemultiple definitions.
I don't know what the realdefinition of self-betrayal is,
but when I think of it, I'mthinking of not being true to
myself, like not listening towhat my soul is asking for, or
going against it, and that Ifeel like can look like a
(04:22):
multitude of things that can bejust ignoring intuition and
that's self-betrayal.
It could be wanting to dosomething, but you're like no, I
, for whatever reason, I'm notgoing to do that.
Someone's not going to like meor whatever.
So then you do something else.
Do you have any other thoughtson what self-betrayal is?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I'm going to give you an example right now, and it
just literally happened, and Iunderstand that what I'm going
to say may be sensitive to thepublic.
And and I just want to say that, if you are listening and say
this is not a problem to have,this is a big problem to have, I
have a big problem gainingweight.
Right, I don't gain weighteasily.
I lose it very easily, like Iam and I'm gonna be very honest
(05:05):
and real I am five feet andright now I'm 78 pounds.
I'm tiny, but that's underunderweight, so, and that's not
healthy, right, that couldaffect so many things, right?
So I've been wanting to gainweight and I know what I need to
do to gain weight.
(05:25):
So, for example, today I wokeup and I've been telling you
I've been waking up hungry, butI'm still delaying, like, oh, I
have to drink my coffee first, Ihave to drink my water, and
then it's like why am I notimmediately making food for
myself, even though I am wakingup hungry?
So today we were recording at 9and I had gotten dressed,
because we're doing video, Iwanted to make sure that I'm
dressed, I'm presentable, and Iwas like, oh, I have 20 minutes,
(05:48):
am I going to have time to dosomething.
No, I'll just make something toeat after.
But I'm hungry.
My body's telling me, denise,you're hungry, right?
So I was like wait a minute,wait a minute, wait a minute.
So this is the ultimateself-betrayal, because I was
gonna delay to eat, because Itold myself.
(06:09):
I gave myself the excuse Idon't have time.
But what do you mean?
I don't have time, it's 20minutes.
It's not like I'm gonna get inthe car and drive 30 hours to
record with you.
I'm recording upstairs likeit's two seconds to go up, so I
just like.
You know what?
No, I went in and I prepared mygrilled cheese sandwich, my
avocado toast, and I prepared mygrilled cheese sandwich and my
avocado toast and I'm gonna.
I'm eating right now.
So if you're watching the video, I'm eating because I'm trying
to gain weight.
But and then, guess what?
(06:31):
I logged in on time, I alsowoke my daughter up.
But it's just that, the constantlies and the excuses we give
ourselves in order not to listento our body.
You know what I mean, or you?
You know, I had a situationwhere my body was so tensed up
and instead of saying no andremoving myself from the
situation.
I didn't.
(06:52):
I stayed, and then a wholesituation that I had to deal
with for three weeks happened,had I had I listened to my body
and yeah, so it's it's.
It's when you are making theexcuses for you not to doing
something that your body'stelling you to do, or your
intuition is telling you to doand constantly telling you to do
(07:12):
.
I'm not saying like here andthere.
It's constantly your body'swaking up hungry, like myself,
and I'm constantly givingexcuses I'm not going to eat,
I'm not going to eat until later.
What am I doing to myself?
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, and that's the thing I think we can look at.
There's so much we can unpackwith this Um, and I've got a
story I can share too, becauseobviously we're talking about
self-betrayal for a reason, likeI said you, you brought it up
and I was like what am I goingto say?
And then it was like ding, ding,ding knocking on my doorstep.
Um, why do we do this?
(07:44):
Why do we feel like it's okayto betray ourselves?
Why do we not listen to ourintuition?
What leads to that?
And I don't have an answer, butI think it's important for
everyone to look into, becausewe are all guilty of this.
We all deal with some type ofself-betrayal on a regular basis
(08:06):
, but sometimes we don't want tosee it.
It's these little things, likeyou said, like oh, I'm not
eating.
But then there can be thisself-betrayal of like I know
that I'm going to feel better ifI eat this, but I'm going to go
just eat cookies or I'm goingto do this.
Well, you're betraying yourselfbecause you're saying I'm not
going to feel good.
You're also betraying yourselfbecause you're ignoring other
(08:28):
aspects that need to beaddressed right, like I always
tell people, I'm a realist, I'mnot a purist, but if you're
always reaching for food thatdoesn't serve you, it's not that
you have no willpower, it'sthat you're ignoring some type
of emotion and that'sself-betrayal.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I mean, again, there aren't.
Maybe it's not an answer why wedo this, but I could talk about
maybe, because something cameup to me why we do this.
It's also our conditioning,what we grew up seeing, what we
grew up hearing.
I never thought that I grew uphaving problem with weight
(09:05):
because I was always skinny.
However, I have been watchingand hearing my mother comment
about weight, about my sisterand my brother or other people,
right, and it's constantlycommenting on weight, constantly
, and I was like wait a minute,so I must have heard it and it
(09:27):
became part of me that it's notsafe to gain weight, it's not
safe to eat.
You know it is, you know,skinny people or I don't know.
I really don't know, but itcould be the conditioning, it
could be the habits and thepatterns that we're repeating,
it could be some things that we,that we didn't, I mean we're
not even thinking about anymore.
(09:48):
It's so subconscious.
That's why it's really, reallyimportant to be intentional.
You know what I mean and that'swhy here's what I'm going to
say the whispers, I know.
It's just like we're notscripted, we don't script, so
sometimes you may get a whisper,like you know, like stay away
from cookies, right, or but ifconstantly this is becoming a
(10:11):
thing, then now you need to tunein.
And when you're not tuning in,you're now you're going into
denial, no matter how much workyou've done and no matter how
much healing you've done.
You know what I mean.
Look at me and you.
You know we talk about thisstuff.
We even have courses and weteach people and all of that,
and we still do it because it isa big part of our subconscious
(10:34):
and we are.
We need to be intentional rightnow, to be like wait a minute,
I don't want to do this tomyself.
Why am I doing this to myself?
And it can be in any area.
Right now, I'm talking abouteating, because my goal is to
eat, but it could be in any areaof your life.
But just being true to yourselfand what you want, what your
(10:55):
body wants, and not justifyingyou know, for example, let's say
you want to go to I don't know,you want to go to Spain and the
whole family wants to go towhatever.
I mean, I don't know.
This is not a good example, butjust being true to yourself and
just being intentional and andthis does require a lot of self
reflection, a lot and I knowpeople don't want to journal.
(11:17):
But you know what?
Why don't you want to journalyourself, betraying yourself?
Oh, I don't like to write lies.
This is the story I just madetoday.
It's the lies we tell, we tellourselves.
And healing and change doesn'tjust come automatically.
Like you said.
Oh, I went to therapy today, orI went to meditation and yoga
and all of a sudden, or hang on,I'm going to give you an
example.
(11:37):
I opened a little meditationcenter and I have classes and
now I'm healed.
I heard that from from apractitioner.
One day I'm healed, I'm like.
And then I saw somebodycommented I'm like, no, you're
not, and it's not judgment.
This is not judgment.
This is just pointing and beingintentional that healing is a
journey and it's constantself-reflection.
(11:59):
If you and I are so, so aheadin the journey and we still
self-betray, you can onlyimagine someone who's at the
beginning of the journey orhasn't even started the journey,
how much self-betrayal you do.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, and I think I mean we've said it before
awareness is key, but it's thesame thing.
Awareness and self-reflection,like we have to be looking in
the mirror all day long.
Like you have to get to thepoint where every decision you
make, every thought that youhave, like this doesn't need to
be an obsessive thing, but likein the moment, am I being true
(12:31):
to myself?
Is this what I'm choosing to do?
Is this thought what's servingme?
Do I need to move my attention?
Like there are so manydifferent avenues you can go,
but yeah, we do this all thetime.
We make excuses for things.
I will give my own example.
Hopefully I don't go on toomuch of a tangent, but I made a
post on this today and Deniseknows this.
(12:53):
I wanted to be an artist mywhole life.
Like as a little girl I wascutting up dish towels, you know
, making clothes for my cabbagepatch kids Barbies, like that.
I wanted to be a fashiondesigner.
I dressed crazy, I made my promdress, I drew, I painted.
(13:14):
Like I took private art lessons.
Like that was it.
It was living, breathing art.
And then something happens andall of a sudden I was like I
don't know.
I question everything.
I question if I'm good.
A sudden I was like I don'tknow.
I question everything.
I question if I'm good enough.
I'm questioning if I can make aliving doing this.
Maybe it's just something forfun on the side.
And that's when I quit artschool and I went back and I got
(13:35):
a degree in English and thenbecame a teacher and I did teach
art for a period of time, but Imostly taught English and it's
like art completely went by thewayside and I betrayed for
decades.
It really did, because art wassuch a big piece of me and
whether or not it was my callingat the time, like I was
(13:58):
supposed to be an artist, itdoesn't, it doesn't matter.
I was supposed to continue tocreate, even if it was just on
the side, and I betrayed myselfby, you know, telling myself all
kinds of stories.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
And let me ask you this Do you think that you put
art to the side and went to theEnglish degree, or whatever?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
because art doesn't make money.
Yes, it was fear.
It was 100% fear based.
Right, you don't hear it Artdoesn't make money, and I'm not
as good.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
They die starving.
You know, like they.
You know it doesn't matter andI did not say this, but I've
been.
I don't know who said it,either Joe Dispenza or one of
the meditations I listened to.
We did not come here to reactto life.
We came here to co-create andto design the life that we want.
So stop stop treating that lifeas if it's just.
(14:50):
You know, I'm reacting toeverything around me.
You know, step into the personthat you are meant to be and no
more, no more.
You know, and it's kind of like.
It's kind of like when you putyour foot down for your kid and
say no chocolate after 10 orwhatever, or whatever before
that time, put your foot downand reparent yourself and say no
(15:12):
, I am not going to self-detroitin any area, whether it's
finances, whether it's this,it's that you know.
And it's the career that youtake you with art, like it's
being true to ourselves and justlooking in the mirror sometimes
is scary.
But it's healing scary, but it'shealing.
(15:39):
It's healing and it's rewardingbecause the peace that you have
and the calm is just beyond.
And I have been achieving thatthe past few weeks because I
have been sticking to my truthand I have been standing in my
truth and just the peace and thecalm, because nothing has
changed around me.
There's still chaos, let's say,but there's still calm.
(15:59):
There's calm and peace, andI've been telling you that on my
walks because I have decidedthat no more yeah no, no, for
nobody.
I don't care anybody.
I love the people around me.
I love my family, but I love me.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I love my nervous system.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
And that's the thing I shared the story, not because
I think everybody listening is.
You know a past artist, butit's things like that, like what
did you love doing earlier inlife that you have pushed aside
because you know, oh, the kids,I've got to do this, or my
husband's working, I don't havetime for myself, or you know, oh
(16:44):
, I can't do this.
Like I hear that all the timewith clients and it's no
different than me.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Like my art aside, you are betraying what you
wanted to do, like you have tofind some time for that and then
, if not, it's like Denise said,it's an excuse yeah, and then
we do this constantly, right, wesell the trace of it to settle
it and all of a sudden, we havethe anger, we have the anxiety,
we have the resentment, we haveall these emotions and we're
(17:12):
like why am I so angry?
Why am I so resentful?
Well, guess what, honey?
Well, guess what?
Because you've been betrayingyourself and not being true to
yourself, yeah, for years.
So where does that gonna go?
It's not just gonna disappear.
Energy does not just disappear.
Yeah, you know, and then it'sso.
So I feel let's talk about someof the subtle signs, which is
(17:33):
basically, if you have any anger, resentment, anxiety, start
looking in several areas of yourlife where you are betraying
yourself and not being true toyourself and doing things for
others when you don't want to dothem, or doing things that
literally I mean, like when yourbody tenses or when your body
is not like expanding.
(17:55):
This is a no.
Where are you saying yes to thethings that you're going to say
no?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
to and.
I was going to say peoplepleasing, which ties right into
that.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Like you're a people, I'll have you talk about that,
because that's your.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I know People pleasing.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I mean me too, but I'm going to give you.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Perfectionism like that can be a form of
self-betrayal, because what,what, who are you trying to be
perfect for yourself, or is itfor someone else?
Because?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
you want to look good .
Yeah, I read it in the, in thebook, I think, or somewhere, I
don't know.
I've been reading a lot.
I think it's just like uh, shesaid I think it's Kathy Heller
or I don't know who, butsomething like you know, we're
worried so much about people aregoing to think literally five
minutes.
They're going to think, okay,they're going to judge you for
five minutes and they're goingto forget about you because,
guess what, they moved on toanother person.
So why are you changing thiswhole life around you?
(18:46):
Just because to please thisperson who, literally, is going
to judge one after the other,after the other, and at the end
of the day, at the end of theday, I mean, if we're going to
just like, stop the episoderight now, the thing is, you
answer to your higher self, youanswer to the better version of
(19:07):
you that's the only and to God,obviously, to the divine.
You don't answer to your kids.
You answer to your partner,your spouse, your coworkers,
your boss, your employees.
You know, answer to your kids,your partner, your spouse, your
co-workers, your boss, youremployees.
You know what I mean.
Like some people, people, somebusiness owners, they people
please their employees.
Yeah, People who work for them.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
And we're not saying I have to put this in there as
like a disclaimer.
We're not saying to ignore yourfamily because all of a sudden
you're like I want to go, do allthese things you can.
That is going to make you abetter mother, partner, spouse,
friend, whatever.
When cause this all goestogether right, we're talking
about betraying yourself, but itgoes with the boundaries, it
(19:48):
goes with people pleasing, itgoes with all of that Like when
you were tuning into what do Iwant, what do I need, what am I
ignoring?
That's going to make you abetter person.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Absolutely, absolutely, and that's going to
carry on to your family and toeveryone.
And then when they see you,like you know, calm and sticking
being true to yourself, they'realso going to learn again.
They're like, oh my goodness, Iwant what she has.
And then the people who don't,then they're just not meant for
you, so that's.
I think that sometimes, like Imean, we worry so much about
(20:19):
other people and and what theythink, and I mean, do you know
how many times sometimes I'vetyped up a post and, oh, my
goodness, I speak four languagesand, darn it, am I making a
grammar?
And I fuck it.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like today, right now, as I wasposting the story, and I was
like, didn't you stop it?
And I just like, fuck it.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like today, right now, as I wasposting the story and I was
like, didn't you stop it?
And I just, you know, did so.
These are the like.
Great awareness is great.
(20:40):
I love how you mentionedawareness, but awareness without
an inspired action is no bueno,right?
So, like, have the action thatgoes with that awareness, you
know, and like I, I mean I toldyou that I've been delaying
doing some excel sheets, becauseI don't like numbers and I
don't like budgets, but budgetis what's gonna get me to where
(21:03):
I want to go and I, so that's.
I'm like you know what.
Nope, I need to get my ass onthat on the excel sheet, yeah,
or whatever I wanted to do.
But just look in your life andsee, and.
But the first, first of all,first of all, when you're
listening to this, it's reallyimportant to look at the
emotions that are constantly inyour life.
Right, because I would tell youall the time I'm just angry and
(21:24):
I don't know why I'm angry andgreat, yeah, go to the rage room
and get it out.
I get that.
However, if we don't know whatthat source of anger is, with me
, just self-reflecting andconstantly walking and please,
if you don't know, if you don'twant to self-reflect and you
don't want to journal, go on awalk, go on a walk?
(21:45):
Yes, that's my favorite thingKeep going around the block,
around the block, around theblock, and guess what It'll come
to you?
It will come to you clear asday clear as day and things just
start opening up and you justreplace the chaos and the anger
or whatever with the calm andthe peace that you have been
(22:06):
craving.
I mean, I've been craving.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, and that's my thing.
I've been waking up beforeeveryone and going on a walk in
the morning and that's justwhere I get ideas, inspiration,
peace, all the things.
I just crave that walk.
And that's the thing you guysknow.
We're always giving tools andstrategies, but you've got to
figure out what this is for you.
(22:28):
Denise mentioned journaling.
I'm going to own it.
It's not my jam and I don'tthink it's self-betrayal.
I just don't love to journalbut I love to reflect.
So basically I'm journaling inmy head on my walk.
I'm coaching myself nonstop.
So it might be journaling, itmight be a walk, it might be
(22:49):
somatic movement, it might beyour legs up the wall, like I
don't really care what you do,but you've got to find a way to
start to engage with thatself-reflection.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I have a tip that I just discovered on the walk and
I know that we're.
I was going to tell you thatwe're going to add it to the
program that we're working on.
It's walk and talk.
Like talk out loud to yourself,like a crazy person, yeah, or in
your mind, because what you'redoing in yourself, the fact that
you're journaling in your mind,I work better because I'm very
(23:21):
vocal.
I work better with sayingthings out loud and I'm not
saying like you know, you'rewalking and talking and like,
but it's one, there's no,because I walk in the
neighborhood and there's no onearound me.
And then, two, I'm just likewhispering to myself, like I'm
talking, like hmm, and thenthings, just so, for example,
I'm walking, a thought comes inand I'm like wait a minute.
(23:43):
So I say, wait a minute, isthis a true thought?
Where did that come from?
And then I start.
So I start walking and talkingat the same time and this is my
journaling and this is my.
Sometimes I don't just come inand journal it.
I haven't really journaled inmy journal for a minute, but I
mean I started yesterday againand I did it today.
(24:03):
But on my walk there's been somuch journaling in my mind and
in my like, in my talking,because when you're by yourself
and then, two, there's no onearound to think you're crazy.
And guess what, if they thinkyou're crazy, it doesn't matter,
because if they think you'recrazy, they're projecting that
on you, so it's on them, not you, right?
So like it doesn't matter, andif you are very self-conscious
about it, go to a neighborhoodwhere there's nobody.
(24:23):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Or like what I mean.
That's the same thing.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
I'm it out loud we're giving you the excuses.
No excuses, that's the thingtoo.
You gotta put on your biggerpants and be like no more, no
more, like, yeah, sure, we canpresent things to you, and
sometimes you and I sometimes,like, want to present things,
you know, very like pc.
No, if you are not happy withyour life and you have anger,
resentment, anxiety, all thiscrap feelings, then guess what?
Something's got to change andthat something is a lot of stuff
.
I know we've talked aboutself-love, but there's no
self-love if you don't self, ifyou don't stop self-sabotaging
(25:02):
and self-betrayal yeah, ifyou're not being true to
yourself, that's it, that's Imean, you can soak in the
bathtub for for 10 hours.
But if you're not being true toyourself and saying no when you
need to say no and saying yeswhen you need to say yes, and
when your body says fuck no, youjust go to the no.
I don't care who's saying yes,it could be.
(25:23):
I don't know, it could be themost influential person in the
world telling you oh, you got todo this, but your body's saying
, no, you believe you.
You don't believe the guru orthe whatever, because these
people, us too we're givingadvice based on our tips, based
on our experiences, based onwhat we have been through.
Yeah, so always listen to you,to your body.
(25:45):
That that's why it's importantto start tuning into your body
and that's how you do with thewalking and with the coloring,
with art and with the breathing,and stop giving excuses I don't
have time.
I don't have time.
I don't have time Because ifyou think you don't have time,
look at your screen time.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, oh my gosh, let's get the phone let's get
the phones.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Let's be real, let's be real.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Screen time.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I'm scared I just typed it screen time, so go to,
you have an iPhone yeah, yeah,okay.
So for this week, you know howmuch, how much hours, how many
hours I have and I've beenreducing that, but it's been up
14% from last week.
How do you okay?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay, so go to settings.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I'm in screen time but like it doesn't show me
anything, it just says limitusage communication.
Wait, because I went screentime.
Okay, so like I typed it in thesearch.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Mine comes up screen time, but I think I have
everything off.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Like I never Like my daily average.
No, I'm sure I will able tohelp you after this, because we
don't want to make this too long.
However, what I did is I wentto the search and I typed in
screen time and it says my dailyaverage is seven hours and 10
(27:11):
minutes it's up 14% from lastweek.
And this is me working on myself.
I'm still finding time tojournal, etc.
But guess what?
With that seven hours and 10minutes, I could have done the
the excel sheet that I wouldwant me to finish, the templates
that I wanted to finish, and Icould have also set the budget
that I wanted to set yeah soit's.
So stop giving yourself excuses.
I don't know, we don't want tobaby you.
No, we're real, we're real, youknow.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Stop giving excuses.
Oh, I don't have time tomeditate.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
We don't want to baby you.
No, we're real.
We're real, you know.
Stop getting excuses.
Oh, I don't have time tomeditate, I don't have time to
walk.
Look at your screen time.
If your screen time is threehours or two hours, guess what?
You could have walked for 15minutes, you could have
meditated for 15 minutes and youcould have self-reflected for
15.
That's less than an hour.
Just take one hour away fromthat screen time.
But we give so much power andthis is the ultimate
self-betrayal.
The ultimate self-betrayalconsuming, consuming, consuming
(27:57):
and then trusting these gurus orme and you to give you answers.
You have the answers.
Stop betraying yourself.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I have nothing left to say to that.
It's just coming.
It's just coming, I mean Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
because, like sometimes, I feel like oh, you
know, we want to baby you.
Oh, don't think that, don'tthink this.
Well, you're here to heal.
You're not here.
You're not listening to us sowe can give you more excuses.
You're listening to us so wecan wake you up and shake
something in you.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
And if it's not getting, shaken, then we're not
doing our job.
Yeah, and that's the thing.
We give tools, strategies, tips, all the things advice every
single week.
We bring on experts.
Great, what are you doing withthat information?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Exactly.
Or we read the books or, oh, Iread like 500 books.
What are we doing from thebooks?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
It doesn't just magically get into you I bought
this program kira all of asudden with me.
I enrolled in a program to growmy speech business.
It's called grow, and I havenot done the excel sheet that I
needed to do.
Look, I'm looking at sevenhours and ten minutes this
freaking week.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yeah, so I'm calling myself out right here on the
podcast.
I would call myself out if Icould figure it out, but I'm
sure it's bad.
I'm sure it's bad like weforget how much we scroll, and
it should look like this no, itdoesn't.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I don't think I have.
What kind of icon do you have?
I don't know.
Okay, we'll figure it out, wewill figure it.
We will help kira figure it out.
But I'm sure you can see yourscreen time and I give myself my
.
I give my daughter the sameexample with the screen time,
because she's constantly tellingme oh, I have to practice and
I'm gonna practice, oh, I'mtired and I'm like, okay, let's
(29:44):
look at the screen time and theteenager's screen time.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
If mine's, oh, my gosh, I don't even.
Yeah, I can imagine.
I can imagine I mean you can?
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I mean?
We're talking babies.
I see.
I see kiddos right now forspeech and they're less than
four years old, and do you knowhow many of them?
They don't even know how toplay with a puzzle, because all
they know how to do is get onthe ipad a puzzle, putting
animal in the thing, and thesedon't get me started these are
not because of autism.
These are kids with speech andlanguage.
(30:13):
I get it.
And even because of autism,they can do puzzles.
I can teach them how to dopuzzles.
But if you are used to thescreen and I'm not going to say
oh, I'm going to apologize aboutlike, oh yes, technology is
great, I love the phone, I lovethe this, but if it's
interfering with your goals andinterfering with your, with your
(30:35):
co-creation of your life andyou designing your life, then
something's got to change agreedyou know, and like I think our
most listened to episode isemotions.
It is, yeah, it's because a lotof us we have all these big
emotions and we want to masterour emotions and control our
emotions, but then yet we don'twant to do the work that are
(30:56):
causing those emotions okaybecause it's it's not easy to
dig into.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
None of this is easy.
That's the thing, guys.
None of what we talk about iseasy, and that's partly why we
don't script it too.
It's like we need to let itcome through us.
This is just where we're at onour journeys and yeah, I mean
Denise and I leave each othermessages all the time.
A lot of it is painful anduncomfortable and embarrassing
and we don't want to dig into it, but we're doing it because we
(31:23):
know this is what heals us.
This is what we're here to dois to heal.
In my opinion, opinion deniseyou're on mute thank you.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
For the longest time I would tell myself no, no, no.
I don't want to do shadow work.
Oh, I don't want to get intothis, I don't want to get into
that.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
So I would do.
Oh, I would listen to thepeople who talk about the
present moment and lovingyourself, but then I realized,
like I can't love myself if I'mconstantly betraying myself yeah
, it's right or if I'mconstantly not digging into the
(31:56):
root cause of these emotions.
Yeah, why am I losing myselfright?
So, and that's when, and Idon't know how, like a few
months ago, the late, thatbefore I didn't even know she
was, she had passed away, andbut I was listening to the oh no
, no, I have the app, the HayHouse app, to empower you.
(32:16):
And her one of her workshopsshowed up and I started
listening to her.
I started listening to her bookand then later on, I Googled
her and I was like, oh mygoodness, she passed away a
while back, like in 2012, Ithink, and but then it was a big
sign to do shadow work, and Idid tarot reading with somebody
and shadow work came up againand shadow work came up again.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
I'm like you know what I?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
cannot run away from myself anymore.
I've been trying to run awayfrom myself.
I've been trying to run awaywith myself with, with doing all
of these modalities and thehealing and the this and the
reading, the books, but it's,it's something that, yeah, and
what once I?
And since I started doing thatcalm and peace and I left a 20
minute voice message yesterdayand I'm not telling you I know
it's like a phone call and I'mnot telling you that, oh my
(33:01):
goodness, everything is great.
No, things are still chaoticaround me in some areas.
However, the peace I have ispriceless, priceless.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Okay, guys, I know we rambled.
I know we rambled today andsometimes we do.
And sometimes that's okay.
We're just encouraging you tolook in the mirror, look at the
areas you're betraying yourself,and it can be a whole host of
things we talked about food,finances, relationships, career,
(33:32):
whatever.
It doesn't matter Tellingsomebody yes when you really
mean no, like your intuition.
Start looking at where you'rebetraying yourself and make
different choices.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
And if you're wondering, like where am I
betraying myself?
Go for walks, I promise you.
I promise you, things will comeso clear.
Don't even go so clear, yeah,just like.
Don't even go to a park.
I don't even go to a park or toa scenery.
I walk around the neighborhood.
There are barely trees andflowers.
Yeah, I just it's therepetitiveness of the walking
(34:02):
around the neighborhood, andsometimes it's like 30 minutes.
I'm like whoa, I walk for 30minutes, I feel good, but then
so much clarity comes in.
So we're giving you thesimplest tip.
If you are, if, if, if thistalk is kind of giving you
anxiety, which is great within,that's fine.
We love to to stir up thoseemotions, because this is what
(34:24):
helped us get into that level,because with you going back to
your art and with me, you know,changing some things around and
then quitting cannabis, maybe wecan talk about that um it just
became so clear.
So so much clarity and but whatyou know what helped me?
The walking?
Because I stopped walking for aminute and then I went back to
(34:47):
it and just you know.
So I really recommend if thisis just foreign to you, I don't
want to journal, I don't want todo this don't Walk.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yeah, that's my thing .
It's free right.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Yep, no money.
And then what do we mean?
Time?
I mean you walk, yeah, and ifyou're at work, take the lunch
break and then walk aroundwherever you work.
You know what I mean.
Like if someone's working nineto five or whatever, like they
come home they want to makedinner, I get that you don't
want to walk.
I love walking in the afternoonbecause sometimes in the I mean
I do walk, sometimes in theheat, like it doesn't matter.
(35:19):
But usually I like to walk inthe afternoon.
But if someone you know, ifyou're listening and you're like
I'm working and guess what,take that lunch break, eat your
food and then go walk.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
You can find the time , we can all find the time.
We just choose not to makethose excuses.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Just look at the screen time and then take at
least one hour from that for you.
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Okay, guys.
Well, obviously we'll see.
Yeah, no, but you know, ifyou're new here, welcome.
We have a ton of episodes atthis point.
You can start at episode one.
You can start with the topepisodes, which I know emotions
was the top one, gut, health wasthe top one.
(35:59):
Yeah, and stay tuned, we've gotsomething in the works for you
guys.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
I know when it's going to get released.
It's going to even get betterand better, since you and I have
been doing the true like deepin the work.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
All righty.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
We'll see you on the next episode.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
From the latest in functionalmedicine, of healing your body,
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Welcome to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast
.
You have Kira and Denise todayand we are talking all about
self-betrayal.
Ooh, juicy topic.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I think all of our topics are juicy.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I know but I love how we choose our topics, Like you
text me what are we talkingabout?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Self-betrayal Well, and a lot of it is from life
experience or things we see inclients or out in the world.
And so, yeah, sometimes stuffjust comes to us, and other
times I'm like I have no ideawhat we're talking about this
week, do you I?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
know, and then we just come up with a topic.
But I really loved this topicbecause, um, you know, we
constantly do it, especially aswomen, especially as mothers,
and we rationalize why we do it.
I literally just recorded astory about that.
Like, we just keepself-betraying and just
justifying and coming up withexcuses.
(01:49):
So it's really important to youknow, talk about it and have
this conversation, because youknow, you and I have done so.
So much inner work, so muchinner work and we're still here
and there catch ourselvesbetraying ourselves.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah.
I mean, we always say it's alifelong journey like healing is
lifelong and then you just keeppeeling back layers of the
onion and that's the thing.
When you said it, I was likegosh, what are we going to talk
about?
And then, literally, like I hadan aha of self and I actually
just made a story or not a story, but a reel about that today.
(02:26):
Because the thing is is it isso common for us to not be true
to ourselves, right, like wewill push something aside or
we'll ignore something orwhatever that self-betrayal
looks like not say no when weneed to.
That can tie in with boundaries, because we want to be liked or
we're worried about what peopleare going to say about us, or
(02:49):
it doesn't seem like they'relike oh, that doesn't seem like
the adult thing to do, orwhatever it might be.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely.
And we do it all the time.
And you know, it's just like Imean, every time you abandon
yourself, every time you, youbecome less or you just get, oh
no, I'll take that less, orthat's not what I need right now
.
That's self-betrayal, you knowwhat I mean?
Like I, sometimes it justhappens so subtly and like our
(03:21):
body feels so like tight and no,but we convince ourselves
ourselves oh no, just this time,just this time, you know.
And then one time after theother, after the other, and
we're like what the heckhappened?
What the heck happened?
Why am I?
Because I feel that, becausesometimes it gets piled up one
after the other and then, all ofa sudden, resentment starts
(03:43):
creeping in.
It's like wait a minute, wheredid that emotion come in?
Well, this emotion came inbecause constantly I didn't
listen to my body or I didn'tlisten to this whisper, right?
And it's becoming now it's nota whisper anymore, right, it's
becoming actually an emotionalissue.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, so let's talk about what self-betrayal is,
because I think it can havemultiple definitions.
I don't know what the realdefinition of self-betrayal is,
but when I think of it, I'mthinking of not being true to
myself, like not listening towhat my soul is asking for, or
going against it, and that Ifeel like can look like a
(04:22):
multitude of things that can bejust ignoring intuition and
that's self-betrayal.
It could be wanting to dosomething, but you're like no, I
, for whatever reason, I'm notgoing to do that.
Someone's not going to like meor whatever.
So then you do something else.
Do you have any other thoughtson what self-betrayal is?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I'm going to give you an example right now, and it
just literally happened, and Iunderstand that what I'm going
to say may be sensitive to thepublic.
And and I just want to say that, if you are listening and say
this is not a problem to have,this is a big problem to have, I
have a big problem gainingweight.
Right, I don't gain weighteasily.
I lose it very easily, like Iam and I'm gonna be very honest
(05:05):
and real I am five feet andright now I'm 78 pounds.
I'm tiny, but that's underunderweight, so, and that's not
healthy, right, that couldaffect so many things, right?
So I've been wanting to gainweight and I know what I need to
do to gain weight.
(05:25):
So, for example, today I wokeup and I've been telling you
I've been waking up hungry, butI'm still delaying, like, oh, I
have to drink my coffee first, Ihave to drink my water, and
then it's like why am I notimmediately making food for
myself, even though I am wakingup hungry?
So today we were recording at 9and I had gotten dressed,
because we're doing video, Iwanted to make sure that I'm
dressed, I'm presentable, and Iwas like, oh, I have 20 minutes,
(05:48):
am I going to have time to dosomething.
No, I'll just make something toeat after.
But I'm hungry.
My body's telling me, denise,you're hungry, right?
So I was like wait a minute,wait a minute, wait a minute.
So this is the ultimateself-betrayal, because I was
gonna delay to eat, because Itold myself.
(06:09):
I gave myself the excuse Idon't have time.
But what do you mean?
I don't have time, it's 20minutes.
It's not like I'm gonna get inthe car and drive 30 hours to
record with you.
I'm recording upstairs likeit's two seconds to go up, so I
just like.
You know what?
No, I went in and I prepared mygrilled cheese sandwich, my
avocado toast, and I prepared mygrilled cheese sandwich and my
avocado toast and I'm gonna.
I'm eating right now.
So if you're watching the video, I'm eating because I'm trying
to gain weight.
But and then, guess what?
(06:31):
I logged in on time, I alsowoke my daughter up.
But it's just that, the constantlies and the excuses we give
ourselves in order not to listento our body.
You know what I mean, or you?
You know, I had a situationwhere my body was so tensed up
and instead of saying no andremoving myself from the
situation.
I didn't.
(06:52):
I stayed, and then a wholesituation that I had to deal
with for three weeks happened,had I had I listened to my body
and yeah, so it's it's.
It's when you are making theexcuses for you not to doing
something that your body'stelling you to do, or your
intuition is telling you to doand constantly telling you to do
(07:12):
.
I'm not saying like here andthere.
It's constantly your body'swaking up hungry, like myself,
and I'm constantly givingexcuses I'm not going to eat,
I'm not going to eat until later.
What am I doing to myself?
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, and that's the thing I think we can look at.
There's so much we can unpackwith this Um, and I've got a
story I can share too, becauseobviously we're talking about
self-betrayal for a reason, likeI said you, you brought it up
and I was like what am I goingto say?
And then it was like ding, ding,ding knocking on my doorstep.
Um, why do we do this?
(07:44):
Why do we feel like it's okayto betray ourselves?
Why do we not listen to ourintuition?
What leads to that?
And I don't have an answer, butI think it's important for
everyone to look into, becausewe are all guilty of this.
We all deal with some type ofself-betrayal on a regular basis
(08:06):
, but sometimes we don't want tosee it.
It's these little things, likeyou said, like oh, I'm not
eating.
But then there can be thisself-betrayal of like I know
that I'm going to feel better ifI eat this, but I'm going to go
just eat cookies or I'm goingto do this.
Well, you're betraying yourselfbecause you're saying I'm not
going to feel good.
You're also betraying yourselfbecause you're ignoring other
(08:28):
aspects that need to beaddressed right, like I always
tell people, I'm a realist, I'mnot a purist, but if you're
always reaching for food thatdoesn't serve you, it's not that
you have no willpower, it'sthat you're ignoring some type
of emotion and that'sself-betrayal.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I mean, again, there aren't.
Maybe it's not an answer why wedo this, but I could talk about
maybe, because something cameup to me why we do this.
It's also our conditioning,what we grew up seeing, what we
grew up hearing.
I never thought that I grew uphaving problem with weight
(09:05):
because I was always skinny.
However, I have been watchingand hearing my mother comment
about weight, about my sisterand my brother or other people,
right, and it's constantlycommenting on weight, constantly
, and I was like wait a minute,so I must have heard it and it
(09:27):
became part of me that it's notsafe to gain weight, it's not
safe to eat.
You know it is, you know,skinny people or I don't know.
I really don't know, but itcould be the conditioning, it
could be the habits and thepatterns that we're repeating,
it could be some things that we,that we didn't, I mean we're
not even thinking about anymore.
(09:48):
It's so subconscious.
That's why it's really, reallyimportant to be intentional.
You know what I mean and that'swhy here's what I'm going to
say the whispers, I know.
It's just like we're notscripted, we don't script, so
sometimes you may get a whisper,like you know, like stay away
from cookies, right, or but ifconstantly this is becoming a
(10:11):
thing, then now you need to tunein.
And when you're not tuning in,you're now you're going into
denial, no matter how much workyou've done and no matter how
much healing you've done.
You know what I mean.
Look at me and you.
You know we talk about thisstuff.
We even have courses and weteach people and all of that,
and we still do it because it isa big part of our subconscious
(10:34):
and we are.
We need to be intentional rightnow, to be like wait a minute,
I don't want to do this tomyself.
Why am I doing this to myself?
And it can be in any area.
Right now, I'm talking abouteating, because my goal is to
eat, but it could be in any areaof your life.
But just being true to yourselfand what you want, what your
(10:55):
body wants, and not justifyingyou know, for example, let's say
you want to go to I don't know,you want to go to Spain and the
whole family wants to go towhatever.
I mean, I don't know.
This is not a good example, butjust being true to yourself and
just being intentional and andthis does require a lot of self
reflection, a lot and I knowpeople don't want to journal.
(11:17):
But you know what?
Why don't you want to journalyourself, betraying yourself?
Oh, I don't like to write lies.
This is the story I just madetoday.
It's the lies we tell, we tellourselves.
And healing and change doesn'tjust come automatically.
Like you said.
Oh, I went to therapy today, orI went to meditation and yoga
and all of a sudden, or hang on,I'm going to give you an
example.
(11:37):
I opened a little meditationcenter and I have classes and
now I'm healed.
I heard that from from apractitioner.
One day I'm healed, I'm like.
And then I saw somebodycommented I'm like, no, you're
not, and it's not judgment.
This is not judgment.
This is just pointing and beingintentional that healing is a
journey and it's constantself-reflection.
(11:59):
If you and I are so, so aheadin the journey and we still
self-betray, you can onlyimagine someone who's at the
beginning of the journey orhasn't even started the journey,
how much self-betrayal you do.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, and I think I mean we've said it before
awareness is key, but it's thesame thing.
Awareness and self-reflection,like we have to be looking in
the mirror all day long.
Like you have to get to thepoint where every decision you
make, every thought that youhave, like this doesn't need to
be an obsessive thing, but likein the moment, am I being true
(12:31):
to myself?
Is this what I'm choosing to do?
Is this thought what's servingme?
Do I need to move my attention?
Like there are so manydifferent avenues you can go,
but yeah, we do this all thetime.
We make excuses for things.
I will give my own example.
Hopefully I don't go on toomuch of a tangent, but I made a
post on this today and Deniseknows this.
(12:53):
I wanted to be an artist mywhole life.
Like as a little girl I wascutting up dish towels, you know
, making clothes for my cabbagepatch kids Barbies, like that.
I wanted to be a fashiondesigner.
I dressed crazy, I made my promdress, I drew, I painted.
(13:14):
Like I took private art lessons.
Like that was it.
It was living, breathing art.
And then something happens andall of a sudden I was like I
don't know.
I question everything.
I question if I'm good.
A sudden I was like I don'tknow.
I question everything.
I question if I'm good enough.
I'm questioning if I can make aliving doing this.
Maybe it's just something forfun on the side.
And that's when I quit artschool and I went back and I got
(13:35):
a degree in English and thenbecame a teacher and I did teach
art for a period of time, but Imostly taught English and it's
like art completely went by thewayside and I betrayed for
decades.
It really did, because art wassuch a big piece of me and
whether or not it was my callingat the time, like I was
(13:58):
supposed to be an artist, itdoesn't, it doesn't matter.
I was supposed to continue tocreate, even if it was just on
the side, and I betrayed myselfby, you know, telling myself all
kinds of stories.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
And let me ask you this Do you think that you put
art to the side and went to theEnglish degree, or whatever?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
because art doesn't make money.
Yes, it was fear.
It was 100% fear based.
Right, you don't hear it Artdoesn't make money, and I'm not
as good.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
They die starving.
You know, like they.
You know it doesn't matter andI did not say this, but I've
been.
I don't know who said it,either Joe Dispenza or one of
the meditations I listened to.
We did not come here to reactto life.
We came here to co-create andto design the life that we want.
So stop stop treating that lifeas if it's just.
(14:50):
You know, I'm reacting toeverything around me.
You know, step into the personthat you are meant to be and no
more, no more.
You know, and it's kind of like.
It's kind of like when you putyour foot down for your kid and
say no chocolate after 10 orwhatever, or whatever before
that time, put your foot downand reparent yourself and say no
(15:12):
, I am not going to self-detroitin any area, whether it's
finances, whether it's this,it's that you know.
And it's the career that youtake you with art, like it's
being true to ourselves and justlooking in the mirror sometimes
is scary.
But it's healing scary, but it'shealing.
(15:39):
It's healing and it's rewardingbecause the peace that you have
and the calm is just beyond.
And I have been achieving thatthe past few weeks because I
have been sticking to my truthand I have been standing in my
truth and just the peace and thecalm, because nothing has
changed around me.
There's still chaos, let's say,but there's still calm.
(15:59):
There's calm and peace, andI've been telling you that on my
walks because I have decidedthat no more yeah no, no, for
nobody.
I don't care anybody.
I love the people around me.
I love my family, but I love me.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I love my nervous system.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
And that's the thing I shared the story, not because
I think everybody listening is.
You know a past artist, butit's things like that, like what
did you love doing earlier inlife that you have pushed aside
because you know, oh, the kids,I've got to do this, or my
husband's working, I don't havetime for myself, or you know, oh
(16:44):
, I can't do this.
Like I hear that all the timewith clients and it's no
different than me.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Like my art aside, you are betraying what you
wanted to do, like you have tofind some time for that and then
, if not, it's like Denise said,it's an excuse yeah, and then
we do this constantly, right, wesell the trace of it to settle
it and all of a sudden, we havethe anger, we have the anxiety,
we have the resentment, we haveall these emotions and we're
(17:12):
like why am I so angry?
Why am I so resentful?
Well, guess what, honey?
Well, guess what?
Because you've been betrayingyourself and not being true to
yourself, yeah, for years.
So where does that gonna go?
It's not just gonna disappear.
Energy does not just disappear.
Yeah, you know, and then it'sso.
So I feel let's talk about someof the subtle signs, which is
(17:33):
basically, if you have any anger, resentment, anxiety, start
looking in several areas of yourlife where you are betraying
yourself and not being true toyourself and doing things for
others when you don't want to dothem, or doing things that
literally I mean, like when yourbody tenses or when your body
is not like expanding.
(17:55):
This is a no.
Where are you saying yes to thethings that you're going to say
no?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
to and.
I was going to say peoplepleasing, which ties right into
that.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Like you're a people, I'll have you talk about that,
because that's your.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I know People pleasing.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I mean me too, but I'm going to give you.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Perfectionism like that can be a form of
self-betrayal, because what,what, who are you trying to be
perfect for yourself, or is itfor someone else?
Because?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
you want to look good .
Yeah, I read it in the, in thebook, I think, or somewhere, I
don't know.
I've been reading a lot.
I think it's just like uh, shesaid I think it's Kathy Heller
or I don't know who, butsomething like you know, we're
worried so much about people aregoing to think literally five
minutes.
They're going to think, okay,they're going to judge you for
five minutes and they're goingto forget about you because,
guess what, they moved on toanother person.
So why are you changing thiswhole life around you?
(18:46):
Just because to please thisperson who, literally, is going
to judge one after the other,after the other, and at the end
of the day, at the end of theday, I mean, if we're going to
just like, stop the episoderight now, the thing is, you
answer to your higher self, youanswer to the better version of
(19:07):
you that's the only and to God,obviously, to the divine.
You don't answer to your kids.
You answer to your partner,your spouse, your coworkers,
your boss, your employees.
You know, answer to your kids,your partner, your spouse, your
co-workers, your boss, youremployees.
You know what I mean.
Like some people, people, somebusiness owners, they people
please their employees.
Yeah, People who work for them.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
And we're not saying I have to put this in there as
like a disclaimer.
We're not saying to ignore yourfamily because all of a sudden
you're like I want to go, do allthese things you can.
That is going to make you abetter mother, partner, spouse,
friend, whatever.
When cause this all goestogether right, we're talking
about betraying yourself, but itgoes with the boundaries, it
(19:48):
goes with people pleasing, itgoes with all of that Like when
you were tuning into what do Iwant, what do I need, what am I
ignoring?
That's going to make you abetter person.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Absolutely, absolutely, and that's going to
carry on to your family and toeveryone.
And then when they see you,like you know, calm and sticking
being true to yourself, they'realso going to learn again.
They're like, oh my goodness, Iwant what she has.
And then the people who don't,then they're just not meant for
you, so that's.
I think that sometimes, like Imean, we worry so much about
(20:19):
other people and and what theythink, and I mean, do you know
how many times sometimes I'vetyped up a post and, oh, my
goodness, I speak four languagesand, darn it, am I making a
grammar?
And I fuck it.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like today, right now, as I wasposting the story, and I was
like, didn't you stop it?
And I just like, fuck it.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like today, right now, as I wasposting the story and I was
like, didn't you stop it?
And I just, you know, did so.
These are the like.
Great awareness is great.
(20:40):
I love how you mentionedawareness, but awareness without
an inspired action is no bueno,right?
So, like, have the action thatgoes with that awareness, you
know, and like I, I mean I toldyou that I've been delaying
doing some excel sheets, becauseI don't like numbers and I
don't like budgets, but budgetis what's gonna get me to where
(21:03):
I want to go and I, so that's.
I'm like you know what.
Nope, I need to get my ass onthat on the excel sheet, yeah,
or whatever I wanted to do.
But just look in your life andsee, and.
But the first, first of all,first of all, when you're
listening to this, it's reallyimportant to look at the
emotions that are constantly inyour life.
Right, because I would tell youall the time I'm just angry and
(21:24):
I don't know why I'm angry andgreat, yeah, go to the rage room
and get it out.
I get that.
However, if we don't know whatthat source of anger is, with me
, just self-reflecting andconstantly walking and please,
if you don't know, if you don'twant to self-reflect and you
don't want to journal, go on awalk, go on a walk?
(21:45):
Yes, that's my favorite thingKeep going around the block,
around the block, around theblock, and guess what It'll come
to you?
It will come to you clear asday clear as day and things just
start opening up and you justreplace the chaos and the anger
or whatever with the calm andthe peace that you have been
(22:06):
craving.
I mean, I've been craving.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, and that's my thing.
I've been waking up beforeeveryone and going on a walk in
the morning and that's justwhere I get ideas, inspiration,
peace, all the things.
I just crave that walk.
And that's the thing you guysknow.
We're always giving tools andstrategies, but you've got to
figure out what this is for you.
(22:28):
Denise mentioned journaling.
I'm going to own it.
It's not my jam and I don'tthink it's self-betrayal.
I just don't love to journalbut I love to reflect.
So basically I'm journaling inmy head on my walk.
I'm coaching myself nonstop.
So it might be journaling, itmight be a walk, it might be
(22:49):
somatic movement, it might beyour legs up the wall, like I
don't really care what you do,but you've got to find a way to
start to engage with thatself-reflection.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I have a tip that I just discovered on the walk and
I know that we're.
I was going to tell you thatwe're going to add it to the
program that we're working on.
It's walk and talk.
Like talk out loud to yourself,like a crazy person, yeah, or in
your mind, because what you'redoing in yourself, the fact that
you're journaling in your mind,I work better because I'm very
(23:21):
vocal.
I work better with sayingthings out loud and I'm not
saying like you know, you'rewalking and talking and like,
but it's one, there's no,because I walk in the
neighborhood and there's no onearound me.
And then, two, I'm just likewhispering to myself, like I'm
talking, like hmm, and thenthings, just so, for example,
I'm walking, a thought comes inand I'm like wait a minute.
(23:43):
So I say, wait a minute, isthis a true thought?
Where did that come from?
And then I start.
So I start walking and talkingat the same time and this is my
journaling and this is my.
Sometimes I don't just come inand journal it.
I haven't really journaled inmy journal for a minute, but I
mean I started yesterday againand I did it today.
(24:03):
But on my walk there's been somuch journaling in my mind and
in my like, in my talking,because when you're by yourself
and then, two, there's no onearound to think you're crazy.
And guess what, if they thinkyou're crazy, it doesn't matter,
because if they think you'recrazy, they're projecting that
on you, so it's on them, not you, right?
So like it doesn't matter, andif you are very self-conscious
about it, go to a neighborhoodwhere there's nobody.
(24:23):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Or like what I mean.
That's the same thing.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
I'm it out loud we're giving you the excuses.
No excuses, that's the thingtoo.
You gotta put on your biggerpants and be like no more, no
more, like, yeah, sure, we canpresent things to you, and
sometimes you and I sometimes,like, want to present things,
you know, very like pc.
No, if you are not happy withyour life and you have anger,
resentment, anxiety, all thiscrap feelings, then guess what?
Something's got to change andthat something is a lot of stuff
.
I know we've talked aboutself-love, but there's no
self-love if you don't self, ifyou don't stop self-sabotaging
(25:02):
and self-betrayal yeah, ifyou're not being true to
yourself, that's it, that's Imean, you can soak in the
bathtub for for 10 hours.
But if you're not being true toyourself and saying no when you
need to say no and saying yeswhen you need to say yes, and
when your body says fuck no, youjust go to the no.
I don't care who's saying yes,it could be.
(25:23):
I don't know, it could be themost influential person in the
world telling you oh, you got todo this, but your body's saying
, no, you believe you.
You don't believe the guru orthe whatever, because these
people, us too we're givingadvice based on our tips, based
on our experiences, based onwhat we have been through.
Yeah, so always listen to you,to your body.
(25:45):
That that's why it's importantto start tuning into your body
and that's how you do with thewalking and with the coloring,
with art and with the breathing,and stop giving excuses I don't
have time.
I don't have time.
I don't have time Because ifyou think you don't have time,
look at your screen time.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, oh my gosh, let's get the phone let's get
the phones.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Let's be real, let's be real.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Screen time.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I'm scared I just typed it screen time, so go to,
you have an iPhone yeah, yeah,okay.
So for this week, you know howmuch, how much hours, how many
hours I have and I've beenreducing that, but it's been up
14% from last week.
How do you okay?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay, so go to settings.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I'm in screen time but like it doesn't show me
anything, it just says limitusage communication.
Wait, because I went screentime.
Okay, so like I typed it in thesearch.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Mine comes up screen time, but I think I have
everything off.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Like I never Like my daily average.
No, I'm sure I will able tohelp you after this, because we
don't want to make this too long.
However, what I did is I wentto the search and I typed in
screen time and it says my dailyaverage is seven hours and 10
(27:11):
minutes it's up 14% from lastweek.
And this is me working on myself.
I'm still finding time tojournal, etc.
But guess what?
With that seven hours and 10minutes, I could have done the
the excel sheet that I wouldwant me to finish, the templates
that I wanted to finish, and Icould have also set the budget
that I wanted to set yeah soit's.
So stop giving yourself excuses.
I don't know, we don't want tobaby you.
No, we're real, we're real, youknow.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Stop giving excuses.
Oh, I don't have time tomeditate.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
We don't want to baby you.
No, we're real.
We're real, you know.
Stop getting excuses.
Oh, I don't have time tomeditate, I don't have time to
walk.
Look at your screen time.
If your screen time is threehours or two hours, guess what?
You could have walked for 15minutes, you could have
meditated for 15 minutes and youcould have self-reflected for
15.
That's less than an hour.
Just take one hour away fromthat screen time.
But we give so much power andthis is the ultimate
self-betrayal.
The ultimate self-betrayalconsuming, consuming, consuming
(27:57):
and then trusting these gurus orme and you to give you answers.
You have the answers.
Stop betraying yourself.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I have nothing left to say to that.
It's just coming.
It's just coming, I mean Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
because, like sometimes, I feel like oh, you
know, we want to baby you.
Oh, don't think that, don'tthink this.
Well, you're here to heal.
You're not here.
You're not listening to us sowe can give you more excuses.
You're listening to us so wecan wake you up and shake
something in you.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
And if it's not getting, shaken, then we're not
doing our job.
Yeah, and that's the thing.
We give tools, strategies, tips, all the things advice every
single week.
We bring on experts.
Great, what are you doing withthat information?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Exactly.
Or we read the books or, oh, Iread like 500 books.
What are we doing from thebooks?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
It doesn't just magically get into you I bought
this program kira all of asudden with me.
I enrolled in a program to growmy speech business.
It's called grow, and I havenot done the excel sheet that I
needed to do.
Look, I'm looking at sevenhours and ten minutes this
freaking week.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yeah, so I'm calling myself out right here on the
podcast.
I would call myself out if Icould figure it out, but I'm
sure it's bad.
I'm sure it's bad like weforget how much we scroll, and
it should look like this no, itdoesn't.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I don't think I have.
What kind of icon do you have?
I don't know.
Okay, we'll figure it out, wewill figure it.
We will help kira figure it out.
But I'm sure you can see yourscreen time and I give myself my
.
I give my daughter the sameexample with the screen time,
because she's constantly tellingme oh, I have to practice and
I'm gonna practice, oh, I'mtired and I'm like, okay, let's
(29:44):
look at the screen time and theteenager's screen time.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
If mine's, oh, my gosh, I don't even.
Yeah, I can imagine.
I can imagine I mean you can?
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I mean?
We're talking babies.
I see.
I see kiddos right now forspeech and they're less than
four years old, and do you knowhow many of them?
They don't even know how toplay with a puzzle, because all
they know how to do is get onthe ipad a puzzle, putting
animal in the thing, and thesedon't get me started these are
not because of autism.
These are kids with speech andlanguage.
(30:13):
I get it.
And even because of autism,they can do puzzles.
I can teach them how to dopuzzles.
But if you are used to thescreen and I'm not going to say
oh, I'm going to apologize aboutlike, oh yes, technology is
great, I love the phone, I lovethe this, but if it's
interfering with your goals andinterfering with your, with your
(30:35):
co-creation of your life andyou designing your life, then
something's got to change agreedyou know, and like I think our
most listened to episode isemotions.
It is, yeah, it's because a lotof us we have all these big
emotions and we want to masterour emotions and control our
emotions, but then yet we don'twant to do the work that are
(30:56):
causing those emotions okaybecause it's it's not easy to
dig into.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
None of this is easy.
That's the thing, guys.
None of what we talk about iseasy, and that's partly why we
don't script it too.
It's like we need to let itcome through us.
This is just where we're at onour journeys and yeah, I mean
Denise and I leave each othermessages all the time.
A lot of it is painful anduncomfortable and embarrassing
and we don't want to dig into it, but we're doing it because we
(31:23):
know this is what heals us.
This is what we're here to dois to heal.
In my opinion, opinion deniseyou're on mute thank you.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
For the longest time I would tell myself no, no, no.
I don't want to do shadow work.
Oh, I don't want to get intothis, I don't want to get into
that.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
So I would do.
Oh, I would listen to thepeople who talk about the
present moment and lovingyourself, but then I realized,
like I can't love myself if I'mconstantly betraying myself yeah
, it's right or if I'mconstantly not digging into the
(31:56):
root cause of these emotions.
Yeah, why am I losing myselfright?
So, and that's when, and Idon't know how, like a few
months ago, the late, thatbefore I didn't even know she
was, she had passed away, andbut I was listening to the oh no
, no, I have the app, the HayHouse app, to empower you.
(32:16):
And her one of her workshopsshowed up and I started
listening to her.
I started listening to her bookand then later on, I Googled
her and I was like, oh mygoodness, she passed away a
while back, like in 2012, Ithink, and but then it was a big
sign to do shadow work, and Idid tarot reading with somebody
and shadow work came up againand shadow work came up again.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
I'm like you know what I?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
cannot run away from myself anymore.
I've been trying to run awayfrom myself.
I've been trying to run awaywith myself with, with doing all
of these modalities and thehealing and the this and the
reading, the books, but it's,it's something that, yeah, and
what once I?
And since I started doing thatcalm and peace and I left a 20
minute voice message yesterdayand I'm not telling you I know
it's like a phone call and I'mnot telling you that, oh my
(33:01):
goodness, everything is great.
No, things are still chaoticaround me in some areas.
However, the peace I have ispriceless, priceless.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Okay, guys, I know we rambled.
I know we rambled today andsometimes we do.
And sometimes that's okay.
We're just encouraging you tolook in the mirror, look at the
areas you're betraying yourself,and it can be a whole host of
things we talked about food,finances, relationships, career,
(33:32):
whatever.
It doesn't matter Tellingsomebody yes when you really
mean no, like your intuition.
Start looking at where you'rebetraying yourself and make
different choices.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
And if you're wondering, like where am I
betraying myself?
Go for walks, I promise you.
I promise you, things will comeso clear.
Don't even go so clear, yeah,just like.
Don't even go to a park.
I don't even go to a park or toa scenery.
I walk around the neighborhood.
There are barely trees andflowers.
Yeah, I just it's therepetitiveness of the walking
(34:02):
around the neighborhood, andsometimes it's like 30 minutes.
I'm like whoa, I walk for 30minutes, I feel good, but then
so much clarity comes in.
So we're giving you thesimplest tip.
If you are, if, if, if thistalk is kind of giving you
anxiety, which is great within,that's fine.
We love to to stir up thoseemotions, because this is what
(34:24):
helped us get into that level,because with you going back to
your art and with me, you know,changing some things around and
then quitting cannabis, maybe wecan talk about that um it just
became so clear.
So so much clarity and but whatyou know what helped me?
The walking?
Because I stopped walking for aminute and then I went back to
(34:47):
it and just you know.
So I really recommend if thisis just foreign to you, I don't
want to journal, I don't want todo this don't Walk.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yeah, that's my thing .
It's free right.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Yep, no money.
And then what do we mean?
Time?
I mean you walk, yeah, and ifyou're at work, take the lunch
break and then walk aroundwherever you work.
You know what I mean.
Like if someone's working nineto five or whatever, like they
come home they want to makedinner, I get that you don't
want to walk.
I love walking in the afternoonbecause sometimes in the I mean
I do walk, sometimes in theheat, like it doesn't matter.
(35:19):
But usually I like to walk inthe afternoon.
But if someone you know, ifyou're listening and you're like
I'm working and guess what,take that lunch break, eat your
food and then go walk.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
You can find the time , we can all find the time.
We just choose not to makethose excuses.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Just look at the screen time and then take at
least one hour from that for you.
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Okay, guys.
Well, obviously we'll see.
Yeah, no, but you know, ifyou're new here, welcome.
We have a ton of episodes atthis point.
You can start at episode one.
You can start with the topepisodes, which I know emotions
was the top one, gut, health wasthe top one.
(35:59):
Yeah, and stay tuned, we've gotsomething in the works for you
guys.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
I know when it's going to get released.
It's going to even get betterand better, since you and I have
been doing the true like deepin the work.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
All righty.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
We'll see you on the next episode.
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