Have you ever wondered why some people seem to navigate life's challenges with grace while others crumble under similar circumstances? The secret lies not in what happens to us, but in how we choose to respond.
In this raw and deeply personal episode, Denise vulnerably shares her current journey through separation after 22 years of marriage, revealing how her years of inner work have allowed her to maintain peace even amid profound upheaval. Together with Kira, they explore the transformative power of conscious response—showing how our reactions to life events shape our experience far more than the events themselves.
This conversation goes beyond platitudes to address the real challenges of breaking old response patterns. You'll discover why two people can face identical situations yet experience completely different outcomes, how your physical health directly suffers when you remain stuck in stressful reaction cycles, and practical approaches to increase your awareness so you can make different choices in difficult moments.
Follow us on Instagram, leave a review, and share your experiences – we'd love to hear what resonates with you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
, from the latest in functionalmedicine of healing your body
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hello everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Heal
Yourself Podcast.
Today, you have Denise and Iand we're talking about how we
(01:00):
respond to things in life, andthis one's a tough one.
I mean, none of our, none ofour episodes are like easy
things of like just do this onething and you're going to be
healed and you're going to feelamazing.
But this one really is achallenging one, and, denise,
you and I are always talkingabout this as a lifelong thing.
But this is an area that I feellike most including us struggle
(01:24):
to work on, because an eventhappens and we're like, oh my
gosh, this was such a shitty,shitty situation and then we let
it spiral us.
But in reality, it's not theevent, it's how we respond to
the event, and this is likethere's so much we could say on
this, and it's kind of ironicbecause you're going through a
(01:51):
lot right now yourself, I know.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I am going through a lot and um, uh, as far as
relationship wise.
So, if you're listening, yes,I'm going through separation.
I decided to, um, separate frommy husband, or divorce,
whatever, after 22 years.
And just saying that out loudright now to the podcast people
like that's huge for me becauseI was probably in denial for a
(02:15):
minute, but sometimes it couldbe the event, right, we are
living in the same home and,however, you'll be surprised how
much, and thank God, the innerwork, and I didn't.
Then you'll be surprised howmuch and thank God, the inner
work and I didn't.
Then you know what, like, how,how people, like, truly it is,
they don't, things don't happenfor a reason.
I don't like that, thatterminology, but I like like
(02:35):
things are constantly happeningfor you and they're working out
for you.
Had I not done the inner work,I wouldn't be in that piece,
right.
So, even though thecircumstances around me are
horrible, horrible, horriblebecause the father of my
children is not being kind, inthe past I would jump in to
defend myself or to talk or towhatever, but I am in so much
(02:57):
peace and honestly, he sees thatpeace as a threat, I think
because I'm keeping my face,like even yesterday, like I
totally feel, like I totallyfelt God within me.
You know what I mean, like thepeace.
Of course, now that's enduringthree hours of nonstop talking
(03:20):
and then so, but I'm safe.
I don't want people to thinkI'm not safe, right, so I know,
you know.
Yes, I do to go to another room, lock the door et cetera, but
people can talk from outside thedoor, right?
Like you know you can't stopsomeone from talking.
You can't stop someone fromtalking, but you can definitely
maintain your inner peace.
However, for the person who'slistening right now and saying,
(03:41):
how can I get there?
This was me years ago.
How the heck can I get there?
You get there by doing theinner work and by being
determined that the inner workis super, super, super crucial.
Right?
I've always told you, kira,that I my like, yeah, sure, I
would love the business to grow,the money, the health whatever,
but always, always, always.
(04:08):
Peace and calm among chaos wasmy value, was my not value, like
my goal?
Yeah, and I can.
Now this is the chaos, likethis is the ultimate chaos.
I'm in and um, and I'm notresponding in my old ways, right
so the old ways because I'vebeen doing also a lot of work
with from Joseph Spencer and I'monly doing the YouTube stuff
like I'm not even getting on anddoing the courses and things
that have so much going on.
I still have a business to runand kids to see and my children
(04:29):
and you know you know familystuff or whatever.
But also he's really like big on, you know, changing the self.
Like you know, you cannot growif you continue responding as
your old self, right, so my oldself would get defensive, would
respond, would try to proveherself, would try to prove you
(04:51):
wrong.
But I can, I can always go backto wayne dyer's quote I'd
rather be happy than right likeit doesn't matter, you can say
all of the things that you want,or people can say all the
things that they want I'm notjust talking about relationship.
Can be anybody, it can be a cocoworker who's trying to tarnish
your reputation or sayingthings about you, or whatever.
There's nothing you can doother than your actions.
(05:12):
Actions speak louder than wordsand I feel energy, the way that
you carry those actions withthis energy very speaks so much
louder.
So it could be the event, butthe main, main, main thing, it
is how you respond to it, andyou're not going to get there by
just reading a book or bymeditating one time.
You and I, kira, you know we'vebeen doing this work since 2018
(05:35):
.
It's 2025 right now.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
It's baby steps and I want you guys to be clear.
We're not saying that traumaticevents are like oh, just brush
it aside, it's just how yourespond.
No things really bad can happenin your life and in the world.
Right, that's what we signed upfor coming here onto this
planet, especially at this time.
But what I really want you guysto take away is that two people
(06:02):
can go through the exact samesituation and have a completely
different outcome.
Right, so like one person cango through a separation and,
like the old Denise, it might'vebeen screaming matches, it
might've been spiraling, itmight've been who knows what.
Or you get into like a trafficjam Right, Like I used to go
(06:22):
like throw a fit when I wouldsit in traffic taking my son to
school.
And it's like one person cancurse and spiral into you know
whatever.
And another can be like youknow what Great, I'm going to
get another podcast episode insame event.
Or somebody is diagnosed withsomething and is like, oh my
gosh, like I'm never going toget better.
Now I identify as this disease,yada, yada, yada.
(06:44):
And another is like, oh my gosh, this is like an opportunity
for me to view the world in adifferent way and to start
living life.
So the thing is is eventsthemselves are neutral until you
begin to assign meaning to it,to your nervous system, your
beliefs, like you, are the onethat assigns the meaning in your
(07:05):
body.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
You know, I hope that makes sense and it's not denial
.
When someone's choosing to sayyou know, when they're stuck in
a traffic jam they're saying, oh, I can get another podcast, and
they're not in denial.
Or you know the other exampleyou gave in.
This is not denial, this isjust choosing yourself.
You can't change the situationRight, exactly, can't change the
situation and um, so it'sreally important to um, yeah,
(07:31):
like and nothing, and and againand again you are going to, for
example, like with me I'machieving so much, you know I am
getting that piece, whatever.
But then, you know, today inthe car I kind of like blew up a
little bit on, you know.
I mean I handled a lotyesterday.
Right, it's not an excuse, butI did react as my old self.
But what did I say?
I was aware of it, I was notunconscious.
(07:53):
I brought it up to the consciousand I said I did react my old
way, you know, because shewanted to pass to pick up the
pumpkin, whatever the Starbucksthing, and then I parked and
then the drive-thru was so longthat people were blocking me and
I was like I need to get her toschool.
I mean, we still got to schoolplenty on time.
So I did respond as my old way,but I didn't just brush it off,
(08:15):
right, I did say, denise, youreacted like your old self.
And that's awareness, becauseeverybody talks about it, joseph
Spencer talks about it, we knowthat every single spiritual,
everything that says it's aboutawareness, bringing that
unconscious, conscious rightInstead of you know, continuing
(08:37):
with life.
I could have like, oh, reactedmy old way and then just gone
home and not said anything tomyself, but I made sure to bring
that awareness.
And this is where the changehappens, because, guess what,
you know, next time or in a week, I'm not going to react the
same to that.
You know whatever you know, oryou?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
catch yourself faster , right?
So like it's funny that you saythat, because I don't know
yesterday.
It's like this is where stupid,teeny, tiny things can build up
, right, like I'm homeschoolingmy son for the first time and,
guys, he's on the autismspectrum.
He gets hyper focused on stuffand I love him, he is the most
(09:15):
amazing kid, but he will notshut up about travel.
Like everything is, whatairplane are you flying?
Let's pretend we're going here.
And I'm talking about like wesay, buddy, you're being a rock
brain, we got to change thesubject and it is nonstop.
And so I had that.
And then there's other littlethings again of like, oh, I
encountered traffic here and themath lesson wasn't going well,
(09:37):
and then this, and it was likesuch small things.
But as I was laying with him,at the end of the day I could
feel like tension in my body andI was like why am I so
frustrated?
This is already done, I can'tchange it.
Why am I reacting this way?
It is not a big deal.
Enjoy this moment laying withyour beautiful, healthy son,
(09:58):
enjoy the day, enjoy the factthat you're living another day
and let it go.
And it was so amazing just tofeel my body like release all
this tension.
I'm like, okay, if I'm reactingto these little things, what
would I do for a big thing?
So it's stuff like that.
Okay, like I caught myself.
Yay, we're going to celebratethat.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, and then remember too, you know, um,
there's like the small gratitudethat I have to just right now
point out that when he wasn'ttalking, he was non-verbal.
Oh you know, what and this kidlike talking right now.
It's just like whoa.
And now I'm complaining about Ihave no time, which is just.
It's understandable, because Iunderstand the loop and the
(10:40):
obsessive you know like like theOCD tendencies.
So this is a compulsive thinkingthat kiddos on the spectrum or
neurodivergent kids sometimesget into, and mostly on the
spectrum.
But it also is I feel, and Iwant to say that as a speech
therapist, I feel that it isalso their way of regulating
their nervous system.
(11:01):
It is you still understand itright.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Yeah, well.
And so one thing you guys knowI love to touch back on the
health aspect of this, but Ican't tell you how many people
I've talked to over the yearsnot just clients, but, you know,
women in my membership groups.
I've done whatever or like well, I want to react that way, I
want to be right, I want to dothis.
It's like fine, I understandthat, but do you realize the
impact it has on your healthwhen you start to respond that
(11:29):
way?
And I don't think people do,because even me, with these such
like minuscule things, couldfeel the tension in my body.
From that I was creating stress.
Now imagine if, day in and dayout, that crap builds up.
You're always in a stressresponse.
Right, we're getting chronicnervous system dysregulation.
(11:50):
The body can't heal in thatstate, right?
So you are then choosing ohokay, I want to feel this way.
I want to remain angry, upset,prove myself, whatever.
Okay, well, now you're alsochoosing to remain inflamed.
You're probably going to havesome anxiety.
You are X, y, Z, like it doesdirectly impact your health?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
And then you're going to, andthen one thing leads to another,
and then you're going to starteating crap again or whatever
You're going to go to the tosomething that feels good.
No, absolutely.
It all ties in to the healthand that's why I feel that it's
really, really important startaddressing these things right,
(12:31):
start being aware of them,because everything ties in
nervous system, the body, thehealth.
Right, because when yournervous system is happy and your
body's happy, your health ishappy.
Right, so that's really, but Imean, there's no shortcuts.
There's no shortcuts and I knowyou always talk about it like
someone can be taking all thesupplements that they whatever
(12:52):
done, all they've worked with somany coaches, so many
naturopathic doctors or whatever, but if they continuously are
living in a in a toxicenvironment, or or they are, you
know they are working in atoxic environment where
everybody is.
You know like I mean some peopledo stay in jobs that are
(13:14):
they're not fulfilling.
Oh yeah, they go in.
Oh my goodness, another day atthe office.
I mean this does matter, right?
You know, like I keep goingback and forth to myself and be
like and you and I talked aboutit too that cause I did start my
business.
And I always say, like you know, now, with going through all of
this, do I need to get a stablejob so I can get a stable
income?
But I'm like, but wait a minute, but my business is doing well.
(13:37):
You know, like, why am Ireverting back to that?
Why do I want to go?
I left the school district for areason, not, and I don't want
to go back to it just for stableincome.
And then what am I telling mybody?
What am I telling myself?
So it is important because alot of people do stay for the
retirement, for the 401k.
You know I already put in 15years, but I mean to be honest
(13:58):
with you, I don't know what inyour teaching career, kira,
because I know you were therefor about six years.
I was in the seven, I was inthe school districts for I want
to say like a good 17 years, butI've seen so many teachers get
sick after they retire orliterally like die after they
(14:18):
retire right away.
Or their husbands get sick andnow they're taking care of them,
and then they get sick becausethey took care of them.
Or literally they kind of likeget so sick just that year of
retirement, like so many, somany, and I'm like was it worth?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
the this, the pension , no, and that's the thing I got
out.
After seven years that was thesickest I had ever been.
I was like I'm not gonna killmyself for this.
This isn't where I'm meant tobe.
I'll figure it out.
You know, like I go back to,one of my mentors always says
and I remind you, everything isnow, always, has been, will
(14:55):
always be okay, and that's whatI had to tell myself.
It is time to leave.
This job is not worth it.
Um, you know, whatever reason.
And yeah, I had a lot ofstories.
Oh my gosh, I spent all thismoney on these advanced degrees
and I did this and this.
It didn't matter, didn't matter.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So exactly Like you could beeating healthy and then being in
that environment, and I wasRight.
Or, for example, some peoplesuffer with their adult children
.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Like again, a relationship doesn't have to be
just between you know partners.
It can be like you know youhave an adult child who's 25 or
30 and still living home andyou're still spending on them
and you know that is considereda toxic relationship.
So we're trying to give you somany examples because you know,
like you're, it could be like,oh, that's not me, that's not me
, but at the end of the day itis um, you know you could be
(15:45):
eating the best diet, you can bedoing all of the great things,
all of the great protocols, butif you're continuing to react
like your old self, with theemotions, with the stress levels
, you continue to exposeyourself to people, environments
that no longer serve you, thenyou're messing up with the
nervous system and thateverything that you're eating is
just, I mean it's, it's not, itis.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I mean, yeah, it is a waste, ish, right, like all
that yeah Well, especiallybecause if you, I mean at that
point, you're probably notabsorbing the nutrients that
you're actually putting in yourbody anyhow, Exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
There you have it.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Well, and I shared this with you too, um, again,
going back to one of my mentors,um, one of his coaches said we
all deal with traumatic eventsin our life and again, it's not
the event, it's how you respond.
There's something within thattraumatic event to learn from
right.
(16:42):
Like, yes, we are not beingpunished.
These negative events areinvitations to learn why and
where we're still reactive,where we're unhealed.
Learn why, like why and wherewe're still reactive, where
we're unhealed.
And something I read was likethe event mirrors back to us
what we most need to face.
And that reminded me of you atthe shadow work of like, okay,
(17:05):
this is a mirror, not for me,right, like, I'm not saying I'm
this person that does X, y, z,but the reaction, it's mirroring
back to me something that Ineed to face.
Like I, I've shared this beforeboundaries, right, I keep
getting lessons on boundaries.
And then it's like oh, newlevel, new devil, you know.
Like, oh, I'm doing great onboundaries over here, but now,
(17:26):
okay, here's something a littlemore tough for you to handle.
Let's see if you can do it withthis one.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
I mean I've been in denial for a minute.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I know.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I've been in denial for a minute and, um, you know
it's just, but it all cametogether and you know I go back
and forth with like oh, mygoodness, you know I should have
done this sooner, this, thisand that, because now it's more
complicated, and whatever.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
But um, it had to happen that way for you to get
it.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You're right, it had to happen that way.
And then I'm welcoming allthese opportunities and I keep
telling myself that this tooshall pass.
Obviously, you know, a yearfrom now, this is not going to
be as painful.
Or you know, six months fromnow, whatever a year from now,
and I keep surrendering.
I keep surrendering to God, Ikeep surrendering, myering my
(18:12):
fears, because of course, we arestill human beings and we will,
you know, kind of are thinkingwe'll go back, like today in the
shower, I was like oh mygoodness, like, oh, what is this
, what about this, what aboutthat?
And it's like it doesn't matter, you know, no matter how much.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
You'll figure it out.
That's what I always go back to.
Yeah, you'll, that's what Ialways go back to yeah, you'll
figure it out.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Figure out.
And it's not about like, about,oh, the, the, because you know
when, when you're going througha separation, I mean there are
the assets, the loans, thebusinesses, because we both have
businesses.
You know what I mean.
So it is.
But then it took me, like ittook me to a moment of fear from
all the like you know talking,but um, but I was like sure, and
it could be that, or it couldbe that, or it could be this
(18:54):
worse, or it could be thiswhatever.
But at the end of the day, thistoo shall pass and I'll figure
it out, no matter what I need todo.
And it's not like, um, it's nota death sentence, right?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It is.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It is I'm choosing myself, and even, even you know,
because, um, I'm being kind oflike, because you know the
children.
The children are 14 and 19, youknow, and and I keep telling
myself, like, even if they don'tunderstand, now are they going
to put the blame on me?
It doesn't matter, because Idid stay for a long time for
them, but what did?
What did that do for me?
It only makes things worse.
(19:29):
So, right now, I just feel like, you know, even when people
don't understand, no matter whois not going to understand, at
least I am understanding and atleast I am listening to my
divine guidance, I'm listeningto my spirit guides, I'm
listening to my garden angelsand whoever's gonna, you know,
punish me or not, talk to me oror or or not agree with what I'm
(19:50):
doing, that's on them.
I'm not here to convince you,even if you are my beautiful
child that I adore and love, andI was there for every single
minute of their lives, but itjust doesn't matter.
And that's where the peace iscoming in.
Right, but that peace would nothave come in had I not been
doing a lot of inner work, had Inot been um, and again, and
(20:12):
again.
It's up and down, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Again, this is what we always say.
It is forever.
I mean again me laying in bedlast night thinking about these
teeny, tiny little things.
I'm like, seriously, all thework you've done.
And then it's like, no, no, no,we don't beat ourselves up for
that either.
It's how do I want to respond?
Moving forward and am Icatching myself?
And and we are, so we're goingto react because we're humans,
(20:36):
right, like we're not the dalailama or a monk or you know
whoever might not respond thatway.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I'm sure the dalai lama too, like, maybe catch
themselves too, and that's thething I have to go back to,
because I don't know much about,like other spiritual leaders,
other, I mean I do know aboutjesus, right, so, even jesus got
like and he destroyed thetemple when they were selling,
like all this stuff, like that.
So that's what I'm saying.
Like you know, however, it'sthe awareness, it's always about
(21:02):
the awareness.
Now, there's a difference.
If you, you know, you, you reactthe old way, you get angry or
whatever.
Had you not?
You know, for example, had youcarry it to the next day?
This is, you know, this is youremaining unconscious, but
because you brought it up,you're like okay, I'm aware of
this moment, I'm aware that Ireacted in an unconscious moment
, or whatever, whatever, but I'mchoosing right now to be
(21:24):
conscious, I'm choosing not tocarry it on to the next day,
right, so, like, for example,with me, I was so calm yesterday
, I was at peace, you know, know, even though there was a lot of
chaos.
But and then today I reactedlike that with my daughter and
then with, like, with the ladywho was blocking behind me.
I mean, I could have parkeddifferently, right, I did not
need to park where I had to, youknow, back up, right, but I did
(21:45):
bring that to an awareness.
And then bringing that up andbeing aware of it, guess what?
Next time it's gonna bedifferent?
Right, because if you keepdoing, I have to go back to
Albert Einstein.
You keep doing the same thingover and over again, expecting a
different result.
That's insanity.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And there are so many people doing that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Right, because they're remaining unconscious.
Right, we are remainingunconscious, but I mean, if
you're going to take awayanything from today is just dial
up, turn up your awarenessvolume, turn it up.
You don't even have to worryabout the unconscious part.
Don't worry about theunconscious part because it's
going to, it's going to come,honey it is coming.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
It'll slap you in the face one of these days.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Exactly.
But when you increase thevolume of the awareness, you are
going to start catching thesemoments, um, whether you know
more fast or whatever.
And sometimes you're not, andthat is okay as long as we keep
moving forward.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
I love that, increase the awareness.
And I'm also going to add makethe choice.
You get to decide, based onthis event that happened,
whether it was some teeny, tinylittle thing or something major.
How do I want to respond andmove forward?
Do I want to stay in this anger, frustration, shame, whatever
emotion?
Do I want to move it along?
(23:01):
You get to choose in thatmoment.
Just like I will say a lot oftimes, some of these events are
due to our own interpretations,right, and our fears Well, and
I'm just going to say, like thewoman blocking you in I don't
know the whole situation, butlike one of the things I will
say is, if someone would likecut me off in traffic and fly
right Like, I've seen thathappen Somebody literally almost
(23:24):
ran me off the road becausethey were going so fast and
swerved around on the what wasthat called the median, but you
know what I mean.
Like on the outside, of course,I'm like what is wrong with you?
My kid's in the car with me andI was like you know what.
In this moment, I get to chooseagain and I'm going to change
my interpretations.
So, instead of like saying thisguy's a you know what, maybe
(23:47):
his wife was in labor.
Maybe X, y, z, it doesn'tmatter what the reality is,
because it's my nervous systemis going to respond.
So if I change thatinterpretation, huh, okay, let
it go, it's over, it's done with.
I can't change it.
Yeah, I hope your wife has agreat you know what I mean.
Like whatever it is exactly,You're not justifying the
behavior, but you're changingthe interpretation because I
(24:11):
couldn't do anything, and so youdon't get upset, exactly
exactly so awareness, and thenyou make the choice.
How do I want to feel aboutthis situation?
Speaker 1 (24:20):
that's it, yeah oh, my goodness, is this?
It is this it.
We try to keep these.
We try to keep this episode umshort, because we do like it
short and sweet, and you'relistening in the car or
listening while you're doing thedishes and, um, you know we
have not forgotten about what weare planning and it will come
(24:42):
to fruition and, to be honest,it will come to fruition at the
right divine timing, right.
So that's why we surrender, sostay tuned to that.
I know that we also love, love,love the reviews.
We love the you know we hit our.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
We love feedback.
We hit our 50th episode, whichis a big milestone.
I love getting random DMS fromyou guys, whether it's to our
podcast page.
Individually, I'll get Facebookmessages.
Let me thank you Like.
I just want to hear what youguys are taking away and if
there are things you want us todiscuss or if you want us to
bring on certain type of experts.
(25:20):
You know this is all about andshare it.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Share the episode with somebody who may have you
know, who may need to hearsomething or whatever, because
you never know.
You may, you may share it.
And then it's like, oh mygoodness, I needed to hear that,
right, so share it with afriend.
Just find one friend today toshare this with.
Uh, get on the um where youlisten so you can um rate and
(25:44):
review, because it will alsobring us up some more people,
because I feel that you and Iare very real and I'm not saying
like other podcasts are notreal, but we are using a lot of
daily live stuff so we can, youknow, heal ourselves and help
you along the journey as well.
So we're kind of like yourbesties.
So make sure that you rate ourpodcast so more people listen to
(26:07):
it.
And just send it to one friendtoday all right, guys.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Thank you so much for listening.
As always, we'll see you on thenext episode.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
, from the latest in functionalmedicine of healing your body
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Hello everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Heal
Yourself Podcast.
Today, you have Denise and Iand we're talking about how we
(01:00):
respond to things in life, andthis one's a tough one.
I mean, none of our, none ofour episodes are like easy
things of like just do this onething and you're going to be
healed and you're going to feelamazing.
But this one really is achallenging one, and, denise,
you and I are always talkingabout this as a lifelong thing.
But this is an area that I feellike most including us struggle
(01:24):
to work on, because an eventhappens and we're like, oh my
gosh, this was such a shitty,shitty situation and then we let
it spiral us.
But in reality, it's not theevent, it's how we respond to
the event, and this is likethere's so much we could say on
this, and it's kind of ironicbecause you're going through a
(01:51):
lot right now yourself, I know.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I am going through a lot and um, uh, as far as
relationship wise.
So, if you're listening, yes,I'm going through separation.
I decided to, um, separate frommy husband, or divorce,
whatever, after 22 years.
And just saying that out loudright now to the podcast people
like that's huge for me becauseI was probably in denial for a
(02:15):
minute, but sometimes it couldbe the event, right, we are
living in the same home and,however, you'll be surprised how
much, and thank God, the innerwork, and I didn't.
Then you'll be surprised howmuch and thank God, the inner
work and I didn't.
Then you know what, like, how,how people, like, truly it is,
they don't, things don't happenfor a reason.
I don't like that, thatterminology, but I like like
(02:35):
things are constantly happeningfor you and they're working out
for you.
Had I not done the inner work,I wouldn't be in that piece,
right.
So, even though thecircumstances around me are
horrible, horrible, horriblebecause the father of my
children is not being kind, inthe past I would jump in to
defend myself or to talk or towhatever, but I am in so much
(02:57):
peace and honestly, he sees thatpeace as a threat, I think
because I'm keeping my face,like even yesterday, like I
totally feel, like I totallyfelt God within me.
You know what I mean, like thepeace.
Of course, now that's enduringthree hours of nonstop talking
(03:20):
and then so, but I'm safe.
I don't want people to thinkI'm not safe, right, so I know,
you know.
Yes, I do to go to another room, lock the door et cetera, but
people can talk from outside thedoor, right?
Like you know you can't stopsomeone from talking.
You can't stop someone fromtalking, but you can definitely
maintain your inner peace.
However, for the person who'slistening right now and saying,
(03:41):
how can I get there?
This was me years ago.
How the heck can I get there?
You get there by doing theinner work and by being
determined that the inner workis super, super, super crucial.
Right?
I've always told you, kira,that I my like, yeah, sure, I
would love the business to grow,the money, the health whatever,
but always, always, always.
(04:08):
Peace and calm among chaos wasmy value, was my not value, like
my goal?
Yeah, and I can.
Now this is the chaos, likethis is the ultimate chaos.
I'm in and um, and I'm notresponding in my old ways, right
so the old ways because I'vebeen doing also a lot of work
with from Joseph Spencer and I'monly doing the YouTube stuff
like I'm not even getting on anddoing the courses and things
that have so much going on.
I still have a business to runand kids to see and my children
(04:29):
and you know you know familystuff or whatever.
But also he's really like big on, you know, changing the self.
Like you know, you cannot growif you continue responding as
your old self, right, so my oldself would get defensive, would
respond, would try to proveherself, would try to prove you
(04:51):
wrong.
But I can, I can always go backto wayne dyer's quote I'd
rather be happy than right likeit doesn't matter, you can say
all of the things that you want,or people can say all the
things that they want I'm notjust talking about relationship.
Can be anybody, it can be a cocoworker who's trying to tarnish
your reputation or sayingthings about you, or whatever.
There's nothing you can doother than your actions.
(05:12):
Actions speak louder than wordsand I feel energy, the way that
you carry those actions withthis energy very speaks so much
louder.
So it could be the event, butthe main, main, main thing, it
is how you respond to it, andyou're not going to get there by
just reading a book or bymeditating one time.
You and I, kira, you know we'vebeen doing this work since 2018
(05:35):
.
It's 2025 right now.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
It's baby steps and I want you guys to be clear.
We're not saying that traumaticevents are like oh, just brush
it aside, it's just how yourespond.
No things really bad can happenin your life and in the world.
Right, that's what we signed upfor coming here onto this
planet, especially at this time.
But what I really want you guysto take away is that two people
(06:02):
can go through the exact samesituation and have a completely
different outcome.
Right, so like one person cango through a separation and,
like the old Denise, it might'vebeen screaming matches, it
might've been spiraling, itmight've been who knows what.
Or you get into like a trafficjam Right, Like I used to go
(06:22):
like throw a fit when I wouldsit in traffic taking my son to
school.
And it's like one person cancurse and spiral into you know
whatever.
And another can be like youknow what Great, I'm going to
get another podcast episode insame event.
Or somebody is diagnosed withsomething and is like, oh my
gosh, like I'm never going toget better.
Now I identify as this disease,yada, yada, yada.
(06:44):
And another is like, oh my gosh, this is like an opportunity
for me to view the world in adifferent way and to start
living life.
So the thing is is eventsthemselves are neutral until you
begin to assign meaning to it,to your nervous system, your
beliefs, like you, are the onethat assigns the meaning in your
(07:05):
body.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
You know, I hope that makes sense and it's not denial
.
When someone's choosing to sayyou know, when they're stuck in
a traffic jam they're saying, oh, I can get another podcast, and
they're not in denial.
Or you know the other exampleyou gave in.
This is not denial, this isjust choosing yourself.
You can't change the situationRight, exactly, can't change the
situation and um, so it'sreally important to um, yeah,
(07:31):
like and nothing, and and againand again you are going to, for
example, like with me I'machieving so much, you know I am
getting that piece, whatever.
But then, you know, today inthe car I kind of like blew up a
little bit on, you know.
I mean I handled a lotyesterday.
Right, it's not an excuse, butI did react as my old self.
But what did I say?
I was aware of it, I was notunconscious.
(07:53):
I brought it up to the consciousand I said I did react my old
way, you know, because shewanted to pass to pick up the
pumpkin, whatever the Starbucksthing, and then I parked and
then the drive-thru was so longthat people were blocking me and
I was like I need to get her toschool.
I mean, we still got to schoolplenty on time.
So I did respond as my old way,but I didn't just brush it off,
(08:15):
right, I did say, denise, youreacted like your old self.
And that's awareness, becauseeverybody talks about it, joseph
Spencer talks about it, we knowthat every single spiritual,
everything that says it's aboutawareness, bringing that
unconscious, conscious rightInstead of you know, continuing
(08:37):
with life.
I could have like, oh, reactedmy old way and then just gone
home and not said anything tomyself, but I made sure to bring
that awareness.
And this is where the changehappens, because, guess what,
you know, next time or in a week, I'm not going to react the
same to that.
You know whatever you know, oryou?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
catch yourself faster , right?
So like it's funny that you saythat, because I don't know
yesterday.
It's like this is where stupid,teeny, tiny things can build up
, right, like I'm homeschoolingmy son for the first time and,
guys, he's on the autismspectrum.
He gets hyper focused on stuffand I love him, he is the most
(09:15):
amazing kid, but he will notshut up about travel.
Like everything is, whatairplane are you flying?
Let's pretend we're going here.
And I'm talking about like wesay, buddy, you're being a rock
brain, we got to change thesubject and it is nonstop.
And so I had that.
And then there's other littlethings again of like, oh, I
encountered traffic here and themath lesson wasn't going well,
(09:37):
and then this, and it was likesuch small things.
But as I was laying with him,at the end of the day I could
feel like tension in my body andI was like why am I so
frustrated?
This is already done, I can'tchange it.
Why am I reacting this way?
It is not a big deal.
Enjoy this moment laying withyour beautiful, healthy son,
(09:58):
enjoy the day, enjoy the factthat you're living another day
and let it go.
And it was so amazing just tofeel my body like release all
this tension.
I'm like, okay, if I'm reactingto these little things, what
would I do for a big thing?
So it's stuff like that.
Okay, like I caught myself.
Yay, we're going to celebratethat.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, and then remember too, you know, um,
there's like the small gratitudethat I have to just right now
point out that when he wasn'ttalking, he was non-verbal.
Oh you know, what and this kidlike talking right now.
It's just like whoa.
And now I'm complaining about Ihave no time, which is just.
It's understandable, because Iunderstand the loop and the
(10:40):
obsessive you know like like theOCD tendencies.
So this is a compulsive thinkingthat kiddos on the spectrum or
neurodivergent kids sometimesget into, and mostly on the
spectrum.
But it also is I feel, and Iwant to say that as a speech
therapist, I feel that it isalso their way of regulating
their nervous system.
(11:01):
It is you still understand itright.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Yeah, well.
And so one thing you guys knowI love to touch back on the
health aspect of this, but Ican't tell you how many people
I've talked to over the yearsnot just clients, but, you know,
women in my membership groups.
I've done whatever or like well, I want to react that way, I
want to be right, I want to dothis.
It's like fine, I understandthat, but do you realize the
impact it has on your healthwhen you start to respond that
(11:29):
way?
And I don't think people do,because even me, with these such
like minuscule things, couldfeel the tension in my body.
From that I was creating stress.
Now imagine if, day in and dayout, that crap builds up.
You're always in a stressresponse.
Right, we're getting chronicnervous system dysregulation.
(11:50):
The body can't heal in thatstate, right?
So you are then choosing ohokay, I want to feel this way.
I want to remain angry, upset,prove myself, whatever.
Okay, well, now you're alsochoosing to remain inflamed.
You're probably going to havesome anxiety.
You are X, y, Z, like it doesdirectly impact your health?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
And then you're going to, andthen one thing leads to another,
and then you're going to starteating crap again or whatever
You're going to go to the tosomething that feels good.
No, absolutely.
It all ties in to the healthand that's why I feel that it's
really, really important startaddressing these things right,
(12:31):
start being aware of them,because everything ties in
nervous system, the body, thehealth.
Right, because when yournervous system is happy and your
body's happy, your health ishappy.
Right, so that's really, but Imean, there's no shortcuts.
There's no shortcuts and I knowyou always talk about it like
someone can be taking all thesupplements that they whatever
(12:52):
done, all they've worked with somany coaches, so many
naturopathic doctors or whatever, but if they continuously are
living in a in a toxicenvironment, or or they are, you
know they are working in atoxic environment where
everybody is.
You know like I mean some peopledo stay in jobs that are
(13:14):
they're not fulfilling.
Oh yeah, they go in.
Oh my goodness, another day atthe office.
I mean this does matter, right?
You know, like I keep goingback and forth to myself and be
like and you and I talked aboutit too that cause I did start my
business.
And I always say, like you know, now, with going through all of
this, do I need to get a stablejob so I can get a stable
income?
But I'm like, but wait a minute, but my business is doing well.
(13:37):
You know, like, why am Ireverting back to that?
Why do I want to go?
I left the school district for areason, not, and I don't want
to go back to it just for stableincome.
And then what am I telling mybody?
What am I telling myself?
So it is important because alot of people do stay for the
retirement, for the 401k.
You know I already put in 15years, but I mean to be honest
(13:58):
with you, I don't know what inyour teaching career, kira,
because I know you were therefor about six years.
I was in the seven, I was inthe school districts for I want
to say like a good 17 years, butI've seen so many teachers get
sick after they retire orliterally like die after they
(14:18):
retire right away.
Or their husbands get sick andnow they're taking care of them,
and then they get sick becausethey took care of them.
Or literally they kind of likeget so sick just that year of
retirement, like so many, somany, and I'm like was it worth?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
the this, the pension , no, and that's the thing I got
out.
After seven years that was thesickest I had ever been.
I was like I'm not gonna killmyself for this.
This isn't where I'm meant tobe.
I'll figure it out.
You know, like I go back to,one of my mentors always says
and I remind you, everything isnow, always, has been, will
(14:55):
always be okay, and that's whatI had to tell myself.
It is time to leave.
This job is not worth it.
Um, you know, whatever reason.
And yeah, I had a lot ofstories.
Oh my gosh, I spent all thismoney on these advanced degrees
and I did this and this.
It didn't matter, didn't matter.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So exactly Like you could beeating healthy and then being in
that environment, and I wasRight.
Or, for example, some peoplesuffer with their adult children
.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Like again, a relationship doesn't have to be
just between you know partners.
It can be like you know youhave an adult child who's 25 or
30 and still living home andyou're still spending on them
and you know that is considereda toxic relationship.
So we're trying to give you somany examples because you know,
like you're, it could be like,oh, that's not me, that's not me
, but at the end of the day itis um, you know you could be
(15:45):
eating the best diet, you can bedoing all of the great things,
all of the great protocols, butif you're continuing to react
like your old self, with theemotions, with the stress levels
, you continue to exposeyourself to people, environments
that no longer serve you, thenyou're messing up with the
nervous system and thateverything that you're eating is
just, I mean it's, it's not, itis.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I mean, yeah, it is a waste, ish, right, like all
that yeah Well, especiallybecause if you, I mean at that
point, you're probably notabsorbing the nutrients that
you're actually putting in yourbody anyhow, Exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
There you have it.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Well, and I shared this with you too, um, again,
going back to one of my mentors,um, one of his coaches said we
all deal with traumatic eventsin our life and again, it's not
the event, it's how you respond.
There's something within thattraumatic event to learn from
right.
(16:42):
Like, yes, we are not beingpunished.
These negative events areinvitations to learn why and
where we're still reactive,where we're unhealed.
Learn why, like why and wherewe're still reactive, where
we're unhealed.
And something I read was likethe event mirrors back to us
what we most need to face.
And that reminded me of you atthe shadow work of like, okay,
(17:05):
this is a mirror, not for me,right, like, I'm not saying I'm
this person that does X, y, z,but the reaction, it's mirroring
back to me something that Ineed to face.
Like I, I've shared this beforeboundaries, right, I keep
getting lessons on boundaries.
And then it's like oh, newlevel, new devil, you know.
Like, oh, I'm doing great onboundaries over here, but now,
(17:26):
okay, here's something a littlemore tough for you to handle.
Let's see if you can do it withthis one.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
I mean I've been in denial for a minute.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I know.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I've been in denial for a minute and, um, you know
it's just, but it all cametogether and you know I go back
and forth with like oh, mygoodness, you know I should have
done this sooner, this, thisand that, because now it's more
complicated, and whatever.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
But um, it had to happen that way for you to get
it.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You're right, it had to happen that way.
And then I'm welcoming allthese opportunities and I keep
telling myself that this tooshall pass.
Obviously, you know, a yearfrom now, this is not going to
be as painful.
Or you know, six months fromnow, whatever a year from now,
and I keep surrendering.
I keep surrendering to God, Ikeep surrendering, myering my
(18:12):
fears, because of course, we arestill human beings and we will,
you know, kind of are thinkingwe'll go back, like today in the
shower, I was like oh mygoodness, like, oh, what is this
, what about this, what aboutthat?
And it's like it doesn't matter, you know, no matter how much.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
You'll figure it out.
That's what I always go back to.
Yeah, you'll, that's what Ialways go back to yeah, you'll
figure it out.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Figure out.
And it's not about like, about,oh, the, the, because you know
when, when you're going througha separation, I mean there are
the assets, the loans, thebusinesses, because we both have
businesses.
You know what I mean.
So it is.
But then it took me, like ittook me to a moment of fear from
all the like you know talking,but um, but I was like sure, and
it could be that, or it couldbe that, or it could be this
(18:54):
worse, or it could be thiswhatever.
But at the end of the day, thistoo shall pass and I'll figure
it out, no matter what I need todo.
And it's not like, um, it's nota death sentence, right?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It is.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It is I'm choosing myself, and even, even you know,
because, um, I'm being kind oflike, because you know the
children.
The children are 14 and 19, youknow, and and I keep telling
myself, like, even if they don'tunderstand, now are they going
to put the blame on me?
It doesn't matter, because Idid stay for a long time for
them, but what did?
What did that do for me?
It only makes things worse.
(19:29):
So, right now, I just feel like, you know, even when people
don't understand, no matter whois not going to understand, at
least I am understanding and atleast I am listening to my
divine guidance, I'm listeningto my spirit guides, I'm
listening to my garden angelsand whoever's gonna, you know,
punish me or not, talk to me oror or or not agree with what I'm
(19:50):
doing, that's on them.
I'm not here to convince you,even if you are my beautiful
child that I adore and love, andI was there for every single
minute of their lives, but itjust doesn't matter.
And that's where the peace iscoming in.
Right, but that peace would nothave come in had I not been
doing a lot of inner work, had Inot been um, and again, and
(20:12):
again.
It's up and down, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Again, this is what we always say.
It is forever.
I mean again me laying in bedlast night thinking about these
teeny, tiny little things.
I'm like, seriously, all thework you've done.
And then it's like, no, no, no,we don't beat ourselves up for
that either.
It's how do I want to respond?
Moving forward and am Icatching myself?
And and we are, so we're goingto react because we're humans,
(20:36):
right, like we're not the dalailama or a monk or you know
whoever might not respond thatway.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I'm sure the dalai lama too, like, maybe catch
themselves too, and that's thething I have to go back to,
because I don't know much about,like other spiritual leaders,
other, I mean I do know aboutjesus, right, so, even jesus got
like and he destroyed thetemple when they were selling,
like all this stuff, like that.
So that's what I'm saying.
Like you know, however, it'sthe awareness, it's always about
(21:02):
the awareness.
Now, there's a difference.
If you, you know, you, you reactthe old way, you get angry or
whatever.
Had you not?
You know, for example, had youcarry it to the next day?
This is, you know, this is youremaining unconscious, but
because you brought it up,you're like okay, I'm aware of
this moment, I'm aware that Ireacted in an unconscious moment
, or whatever, whatever, but I'mchoosing right now to be
(21:24):
conscious, I'm choosing not tocarry it on to the next day,
right, so, like, for example,with me, I was so calm yesterday
, I was at peace, you know, know, even though there was a lot of
chaos.
But and then today I reactedlike that with my daughter and
then with, like, with the ladywho was blocking behind me.
I mean, I could have parkeddifferently, right, I did not
need to park where I had to, youknow, back up, right, but I did
(21:45):
bring that to an awareness.
And then bringing that up andbeing aware of it, guess what?
Next time it's gonna bedifferent?
Right, because if you keepdoing, I have to go back to
Albert Einstein.
You keep doing the same thingover and over again, expecting a
different result.
That's insanity.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And there are so many people doing that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Right, because they're remaining unconscious.
Right, we are remainingunconscious, but I mean, if
you're going to take awayanything from today is just dial
up, turn up your awarenessvolume, turn it up.
You don't even have to worryabout the unconscious part.
Don't worry about theunconscious part because it's
going to, it's going to come,honey it is coming.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
It'll slap you in the face one of these days.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Exactly.
But when you increase thevolume of the awareness, you are
going to start catching thesemoments, um, whether you know
more fast or whatever.
And sometimes you're not, andthat is okay as long as we keep
moving forward.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
I love that, increase the awareness.
And I'm also going to add makethe choice.
You get to decide, based onthis event that happened,
whether it was some teeny, tinylittle thing or something major.
How do I want to respond andmove forward?
Do I want to stay in this anger, frustration, shame, whatever
emotion?
Do I want to move it along?
(23:01):
You get to choose in thatmoment.
Just like I will say a lot oftimes, some of these events are
due to our own interpretations,right, and our fears Well, and
I'm just going to say, like thewoman blocking you in I don't
know the whole situation, butlike one of the things I will
say is, if someone would likecut me off in traffic and fly
right Like, I've seen thathappen Somebody literally almost
(23:24):
ran me off the road becausethey were going so fast and
swerved around on the what wasthat called the median, but you
know what I mean.
Like on the outside, of course,I'm like what is wrong with you?
My kid's in the car with me andI was like you know what.
In this moment, I get to chooseagain and I'm going to change
my interpretations.
So, instead of like saying thisguy's a you know what, maybe
(23:47):
his wife was in labor.
Maybe X, y, z, it doesn'tmatter what the reality is,
because it's my nervous systemis going to respond.
So if I change thatinterpretation, huh, okay, let
it go, it's over, it's done with.
I can't change it.
Yeah, I hope your wife has agreat you know what I mean.
Like whatever it is exactly,You're not justifying the
behavior, but you're changingthe interpretation because I
(24:11):
couldn't do anything, and so youdon't get upset, exactly
exactly so awareness, and thenyou make the choice.
How do I want to feel aboutthis situation?
Speaker 1 (24:20):
that's it, yeah oh, my goodness, is this?
It is this it.
We try to keep these.
We try to keep this episode umshort, because we do like it
short and sweet, and you'relistening in the car or
listening while you're doing thedishes and, um, you know we
have not forgotten about what weare planning and it will come
(24:42):
to fruition and, to be honest,it will come to fruition at the
right divine timing, right.
So that's why we surrender, sostay tuned to that.
I know that we also love, love,love the reviews.
We love the you know we hit our.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
We love feedback.
We hit our 50th episode, whichis a big milestone.
I love getting random DMS fromyou guys, whether it's to our
podcast page.
Individually, I'll get Facebookmessages.
Let me thank you Like.
I just want to hear what youguys are taking away and if
there are things you want us todiscuss or if you want us to
bring on certain type of experts.
(25:20):
You know this is all about andshare it.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Share the episode with somebody who may have you
know, who may need to hearsomething or whatever, because
you never know.
You may, you may share it.
And then it's like, oh mygoodness, I needed to hear that,
right, so share it with afriend.
Just find one friend today toshare this with.
Uh, get on the um where youlisten so you can um rate and
(25:44):
review, because it will alsobring us up some more people,
because I feel that you and Iare very real and I'm not saying
like other podcasts are notreal, but we are using a lot of
daily live stuff so we can, youknow, heal ourselves and help
you along the journey as well.
So we're kind of like yourbesties.
So make sure that you rate ourpodcast so more people listen to
(26:07):
it.
And just send it to one friendtoday all right, guys.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Thank you so much for listening.
As always, we'll see you on thenext episode.
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