September 18, 2025 • 25 mins
Commitment and responsibility aren't just powerful concepts, they're the foundation of any successful healing journey. Ever wonder why some people transform their health while others remain stuck despite trying the same approaches? The difference lies in these two fundamental principles.
Denise and Kira dive deep into what it truly means to take 100% responsibility for your healing and to stay committed even when life throws obstacles in your path. Through personal stories they demonstrate how showing up for yourself when it's inconvenient separates those who transform from those who remain stuck.
The conversation explores the critical connection between identity and healing. "You don't get what you want; you get who you are becoming," Denise reminds us, highlighting how stepping into the identity of a healthy person or successful business owner requires more than just actions—it demands a shift in how you think, feel, and perceive yourself.
Most eye-opening is their discussion about our thought patterns: 98% of today's thoughts are repeats from yesterday, and approximately 95% have a negative bias. This repetitive cycle keeps us trapped in old patterns unless we consciously commit to interrupting these thoughts. As they share, "Discomfort is temporary, but transformation is permanent."
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
, from the latest in functionalmedicine of healing your body
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Welcome to another episode.
We lost count.
We say another episode versusepisode 45.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, I think we're on like 52, but don't quote me
on that there we go.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
You have both of us today and we are doing both
audio and video, and today we'retalking about responsibility
and commitment.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Two things that people are lacking.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
We all are lacking, actually All of us.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
We all do.
But I think this is such a bigtopic when it comes to healing,
because you know, you and I talkabout so many avenues of
healing healing the body,healing relationship with self,
healing finances, so manydifferent things and it's like
we can't do those things withoutbeing 100% responsible and
(01:43):
committed, like to me.
Without being 100% responsibleand committed, like to me, those
are non-negotiables and they gohand in hand.
And it's been a game changerfor me, like I don't know about
you, but in the past I'd be like, oh, you know, I'd say I was
committed and then I'd be like,oh, but something more important
came up, or I don't feel likeit.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
No, that's actually me, so that I need to learn a
lesson and two from you, because, like I was really like we're
gonna talk, like okay, people weare getting real here we're
getting very real and like we'renot even.
Like I know we put in notes inthe doc but we don't even look
at them.
So like, for example, today youwere saying, oh, you know your
(02:21):
husband is sick.
What has been sick you know.
And then you committed to goingto the hotel tonight so you can
work on some of this stuff foryour membership and whatnot.
And and you're I was listeningto her voice message and saying
you know, yeah, you know herhusband.
I mean, your husband's prettysick.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Like yeah, I don't know if he's got COVID or what,
but he got an IV and he's doingall the things and he's like I
feel like death.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Exactly I know when you said that I'm like, oh my
God, he's dying, so notliterally, but anywho.
And then you have, you haveyour son, and I'm like, oh my
goodness, is she going to be?
Like this is what I thought inmy head Is he going to be able
to go to the hotel now?
Because if it were me and Itold you, if it were me I would
have canceled, because I'm soused to rescuing and saving and
like, oh my goodness, no, no, no.
(03:06):
The hotel and the members andthe recording, this can all wait
.
I need to just go take care ofyou know whoever.
But what did I do?
Because I did all that.
I got them used to, you know,relying on me to solve their
problems and to rescue them.
But you said, oh no, no,they're just gonna take care of
themselves, you know, andwhatever they're gonna do.
And I committed to myself and Iwas very, very like whoa, like
(03:34):
people see me as a confidentperson, and I know you and I
talked about, like you know assometimes, as it comes to
pricing, like I have no problemtelling people how much this
costs, how much I charge, likemy rates are non negotiable,
like I have no problem sayingthat, but I do have a problem
committing to myself andcommitting to what I want to do,
and I'm constantly changingplans to fit other people's
agendas or whatever.
(03:54):
And I was like, oh my gosh,like I was like so amazed by
your commitment to yourself, sotalk about that.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I mean, it's a new thing, right, like in the past I
didn't always do that and Ididn't have that personal
responsibility, thatself-integrity and that
commitment piece and now it'slike no, those are three really
important values for me.
If I say I'm going to dosomething, I'm going to do it,
and so that's the thing.
It's like background for youguys.
Yeah, I committed to this awhile ago.
(04:27):
I was like I'm going to stay ina hotel, I'm going to get work
done.
I try to do this quarterly.
I'm revamping things in mymembership.
Like I have a list of things todo and things were not stacked
in my favor.
Like my kiddo got attacked bylike chiggers which Denise is
(04:49):
like what the heck is a chigger,but they're like nasty little
bugs I don't even know what tocall him.
He got them outside.
Like he's just got like bitesall over his body.
My husband is sick.
My kiddo kept me up all nightbecause he was scratching and he
wanted to sleep with me, so mysleep was bad.
I've got a sick husband.
Like I'm tired, but I'm here.
I'm here because I said I'mgoing to do this.
I don't go back on mycommitments, I'm taking
(05:10):
responsibility, I'mself-integral, I'm tired, but
I'm in a power through it.
And then funny story cardsreally stacked against me.
I sat in the lobby for 20minutes 20 minutes because, get
this, I've never heard this inmy life.
The reservation was under myhusband's name and not mine, so
they wouldn't check me in.
And I'm like I've reservedthings under him forever.
(05:32):
We have the same last name,same address.
And he's like no, no, no, nohotel policy.
He legally needs to be here.
So then what am I doing?
I'm calling my husband and he'snot answering.
He's asleep on the couch andI'm like are you kidding me?
Right now?
I literally texted a neighborand was like I'm going to owe
you so big, but can you go ringthe doorbell?
(05:52):
So, no joke, he's ringing thedoorbell, he gets my husband up.
I get my husband on the phone.
I'm like I need you to call andgive me permission.
Like we're talking about allthe cards are stacked against me
and there are so manyopportunities that I could have
been like you know what?
I'm just going to reschedulethis.
It's not meant to be.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Yeah, it's not meant to be.
You could have twisted it.
You could have twisted it, butyou didn't.
I didn't.
That's integrity.
This is the ultimate integrity.
Everybody should definitelylearn a lesson or two from that,
and I know I'm learning.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I'm not perfect, right, like.
This is one thing I'm workingon mastering.
But, like, in terms of thehealing aspect, this is me
healing, this is me steppinginto the new version of me.
And I know you and I havetalked about this in the past.
I don't even know what episodes, maybe multiple, but, like, one
of the things I've saidrecently is who would I be if I
were successful business owner?
(06:43):
Right, right, we're not justlike cutting corners anymore.
I'm not treating it like it's ahobby.
A successful business ownersays I committed to this thing
and I'm going to show up andthat's what I'm doing.
I'm stepping into that new me.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I love that.
I love that Like, and this issomething that you know and
that's right now.
You're committing to thebusiness, but there's, you know,
so many of us wanting to committo our health, but then, oh, we
come up with the excuses, wecome up with whatever.
So any healing that you arewanting to achieve, you
definitely want to commit tothat.
(07:18):
And this ties in with theidentity piece, right?
So you are identifying as asuccessful business owner, and
what does a successful businessowner do?
A successful business ownershows up, no matter what, with
integrity.
You stick to your word.
You said you're going to dothis.
You do this.
If you are saying that I'midentifying as a healthy person,
(07:39):
I'm not identifying as the sickperson.
I have IBS or I have this, orhormone or whatever issues,
imbalances.
If I'm identifying as a healthyperson, what does a healthy
person do?
What does a healthy person eat?
What does a healthy personthink?
Right, because you cannot keepthinking the toxic thoughts and
(08:00):
eat.
Healthy person.
Think right, because you cannot.
You cannot keep thinking thetoxic thoughts and eat the
healthy food.
Right, we talked about that andwe talked about it all the time.
You can eat healthy, but alsoyou got to feed your mind
healthy thoughts.
So it's that's, that's the bigcommitment to yourself.
You know you want to be healthy.
You want to be successfulbusiness owner, a successful
stay at home wife, whatever yourgoals are and definitely listen
(08:26):
to the identity shift and startshowing up as that.
Are you going to have, you know, ups and downs.
You're going to have bad days,good days, absolutely.
However, it is the progress andthe progress is not linear and
it's the showing up for yourselfin order to achieve what you
want to achieve.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And it's showing up when it's inconvenient, like
today was very inconvenient.
But when is life everconvenient, truly, and that's
the thing is when we're lookingat health or other aspects.
Is it convenient for you to getup early and go for a walk?
Is it convenient for you to goto the gym?
Is it convenient for you to doX, y, z?
Usually no right, but we followthrough because we're committed
(09:12):
, not when we're motivated.
Right, because motivation isjust a feeling.
Commitment is a decision.
When I have a decision, Ifollow through.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, and I have been training myself too, and that's
something I learned from JoeDispenza is that discomfort is
temporary.
Transformation is permanent.
So remember, because we areaddicted to betraying ourselves,
we are addicted to the fight orflight, we are addicted to
betraying ourselves, we areaddicted to the fight or flight,
we are addicted to that stresslevel.
(09:44):
And then every time I get theemotions that's going to cause
the stress because I'm addictedto it, it's familiar I remind
myself that discomfort istemporary, transformation is
permanent.
Like you and I, before we hitrecord, I was just kind of like
asking advice about something.
It's like I keep you know, Ikeep bringing on the emotions
(10:07):
that are triggering the stresslevel and I'm bringing them on.
I'm bringing those thoughts,I'm just like, instead of like
letting them go, I'm constantlybringing them on and when I am
more conscious about it and moreaware and stepping back into my
breath, this is when I'm saying, no, this is not the new
(10:28):
version of me, right?
I am in the process of buildinga new life.
That new person does notidentify as a worrier.
Someone who worries Does thatidentify as a person.
Who overthinks Does notidentify as a rescuer.
And someone who worries doesthat identify as a person who
overthinks, does not identify asa rescuer and a saver.
Because I do come from aculture where you know women.
You know they constantly wantto save their husbands or their
(10:52):
children.
You know constantly want to.
What can I do for you to saveyou?
What can I do?
No, it's, but what am I doing?
I'm constantly allowing them,enabling them to not to rely on
themselves, instead relying onme.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
So and that's commitment.
And the thing is, is commitmentdoesn't happen over time.
Like you can make a commitmentand say from now on I'm going to
stick to it, but it can also bea process If there's aspects of
your life you've not committedto before, or new things for you
.
Right, it's one thing to saylike I commit to going to the
gym three days a week, okaygreat, do that.
(11:27):
But for you, like, this is awhole other situation of like
it's an internal commitment.
It's much harder to me than anexternal commitment of I'm going
to go do this thing versus I'mgoing to embrace this because
you have to catch it.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
It's easy to set an alarm on your phone.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
but this is like I don't have an alarm on my phone
to tell me like, oh my gosh, I'menabling again.
But you were being committedand saying like, okay, I just
noticed this Now, how can Ichange that?
And that ties back intoresponsibility too.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Yeah, and the commitment is for me, to you.
You know, in the morning I'mdoing my routine.
In the afternoon, I'm doing myroutine.
In the evening, I'm doing myroutine and I'm not.
I'm not veering off of thatroutine because you, you are
absolutely right.
External, going to the gym,it's right there, you're booking
it, your alarm is there,whatever.
However, whereas with um, withthe internal commitment, with
(12:21):
the internal commitment, it'smuch harder, because how many
thoughts do we have a day?
We have 70,000 thoughts a day,and then some of them are going
to be the old patterns, and Iwas talking to a friend the
other day and we were talkingabout like 95% of our thoughts
are negative bias.
So you are going out of yourway.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
And I want to add to this because I'm literally
writing a lesson for mymembership, and one of it is on
stories, limiting beliefs, allof that.
And so thoughts tie into there,and I had to look up the
statistics 98% of our thoughtsare a repeat from the day before
.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Also, so not only are they negative?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
they're a repeat.
So we just stay in thesenegative thought loops.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
We stay in these loops.
So you got it Like thiscommitment is truly, truly and
then I do go back.
I do fall back and that's why Ihave my support system right,
like, for example, whether it ismy therapist or you or another
friend of mine, like I, liketoday I was like I told you the
story, remind me, slap me in theface, you know, tell me to like
.
Remind me, slap me in the face,you know, tell me to like.
(13:27):
You know, get back into what Iam into.
And to me like having this newme.
It's because, remember, youdon't get what you want, you get
who you are or who you arebecoming Right.
So it's like I don't want tokeep repeating because I created
this life and I don't want tokeep repeating that created this
(13:48):
life and I don't want to keeprepeating that.
So, in order for me to createthis life right here, I gotta be
so conscious every singlemoment, and that is that's not
easy.
However, it's not impossiblebecause I'm listening.
I started listening to DrSpencer's Becoming Supernatural
and people just like you and mehave healed conditions like
(14:14):
there's this one lady's story.
It's at the beginning of thebook.
I mean, no wonder he had tooutline it, outshine her at the
beginning of the book becauseher husband committed suicide.
She developed, she's apsychotherapist and she
developed all these healthissues.
Like the way that he describedthem, I'm like listening to them
(14:35):
and like crying from all thehealth issues and she healed all
of them and now she's I thinkshe's one of his coaches or
something whatever.
The book is a bit old but uh,you know, I mean it's like wait
a minute, and that's what Ithink you know a lot of people
portray that like from anitamurjani and all these people.
It's like if they can do it, wecan.
So if you look at somebody whohas achieved the health that you
(14:59):
want to achieve, like, oh mygoodness, I want to be healthy
as as that person, or I want tobe as successful as that person,
or whatever, you're not env,but you're just reminding
yourself.
If they can do it, you can,because they are human, like you
.
The only thing is that theycommitted and they took that
responsibility right.
So I think there's twofold Likeyou have the commitment but
(15:20):
also taking the responsibilityin order to remind yourself to
stay committed.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, and the responsibility of?
I am 100% responsible for mytransformation, and that is
going to vary from person toperson, right?
Our podcast is called HealYourself.
It might be physical healing,it might be emotional healing,
it might be spiritual healing,it does not matter.
But when you are 100%responsible, you're looking at
(15:48):
every aspect.
Okay, it goes back to yourthoughts, your emotions, your
beliefs, what you put in yourbody, like all of those things.
Are you being responsible forwhat's coming into you?
Are you being responsible forhow you communicate with others?
Are you being responsible forhow you show up in the world?
Are you being responsible forthe things that you do on a
day-to-day basis?
And that does tie intocommitment too, and so this is a
(16:11):
thing for you guys to belooking at.
Okay, if I feel like I'mstruggling or wavering on this
healing journey, look at theresponsibility and the
commitment and then decide wherecan I step it up a notch right,
like, where are you makingexcuses?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Because we do.
We make excuses.
Oh, we are the kings and queensof excuses.
And don't forget, we have thisanalytical brain that, guess
what.
You're going to find an excusefor everything.
You're going to be able todefend yourself on excuses, but
what are you doing, are you?
You know, again, what you'redoing is you're repeating that
cycle.
(16:47):
So, again, it's great to takethe responsibility of like.
I created this.
I did this because, at the endof the day, it's you.
Yeah, sure, maybe you'resurrounded, you're in a toxic
place or you're surrounded withtoxic people, but ultimately,
you chose to stay there.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Which is a hard one for people?
Oh, that's a big one.
Nobody wants to stay there.
Which is a hard one for people?
Oh that's a big one.
Nobody wants to own that.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Oh, that was a huge pill for me to swallow, because
that's all me, and I know thatwe're going to record an episode
, all about that.
But in the future, I don't knowhow near it's going to be.
But I think, once things are, Ithink, calm in my world and
finalized, I feel like I cantalk about it.
But I had to come to terms withyou know, because, you remember
(17:35):
, I mean, I cried, I'm like, whydid I know?
But I had to tell myself, likeit was, you know, one, I, you
know I definitely devan timing.
However, I ignored everywhisper, I ignored every nudge,
I ignored every post, I ignoredevery single red flag and I
(17:58):
chose to be in the environmentuntil I chose not to.
And I have to also remindmyself that it took me years in
order to come to terms with whatI needed to do.
And now I'm being yes, I'mbeing gentle with myself, but
I'm also being super dupercommitted, because I am
(18:18):
committed to a new life and Ican definitely quantum leap it
versus having to, you know, dragand make excuses because I
could oh, you know, I'm tiredtoday and then, and then not.
I have like, oh, whatever, butI'm not sitting here, you know
crying, I'm just saying I amcommitted to the new life that I
wanted to create and I don'twant it to drag.
(18:38):
So that's why today I was like,since I started to come back
into the worry, go back to theoverthinking.
I'm like what do I need to do?
Like, and if you need to seekoutside help whether it's a
friend, it's a therapist, it's alife coach, it's the program.
Of course, I don't like courseslike with like a big group
coaching about these things,because you do sometimes need
(18:59):
that one on one.
You do need the, the feedback,like with health stuff.
Yeah, that's I love.
You know, group coaching withhealth is great.
I think in a member like, youall feed off of each other,
you're all inspiring each other.
But I feel when it's a personaljourney, it's just like you know
, to me it helps me to talk toone person or two people that
(19:19):
are aware of the whole story,versus having to like, because
sometimes, like when it is in agroup coaching, it's like, oh, I
have to tell my story to everysingle person in order to help
me.
But this is a personal choice.
Absolutely, you can do whateveryou want.
It's just that whatever healingyou want to do and you want to
commit to absolutely have asupport group, because you may
(19:42):
want to, and that's anotherexcuse.
Oh, I can do it myself, well,yeah, sure.
Excuse oh, I can do it myself,well, yeah, sure, but it will be
way more supportive when youhave support people with you.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And I just want to kind of briefly touch on that
responsibility piece too,because you mentioned that and
I'm seeing you takingresponsibility too.
So this is the other thing, guysis like I'm not even talking
victim mentality, so I don'tknow where I'm going with this,
but like you were takingresponsibility for how your
relationship has ended up, right, we can place blame on someone
(20:18):
else or on circumstances,situations, whatever, but it
does come back to.
I take responsibility for howthings are going right now.
And so for those of you on yourhealth journey, you and I,
denise, went through healthjourneys right, and I will say
it took me to the point of beingcommitted and responsible and
self-integral before my healthstarted to shift, because it
(20:42):
would be little things of like,oh, I'm going to work out more
and I'm going to eat better, butwas I being committed and was I
being fully responsible foreverything that was going in my
body?
Absolutely not.
So that's the other piece ofthis too, and I know maybe it
sounds redundant and we'reprobably saying a lot of the
same things around and around,but you guys need to hear it
(21:03):
many times.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I mean absolutely Cause repetition.
That's why, like I'm listeningto the same meditation every
morning, I'm listening to thesame subconscious reprogramming
every night, because repetitionis what got us here.
Yeah, repetition of the samething, of the same eating, the
bad eating habits, or of thesame sitting down and not going
(21:26):
out for a walk.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
The lack of stress management, not for a walk of
stress management.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Exactly so.
The repetition is what got ushere and I totally believe, is
the repetition of the.
The new version that you wantto create is what will get you
where you want to get to.
Yeah, we are repeating, andwe're not just repeating it for
you guys, we're repeating it forourselves as well, because we
don't I mean, I know you and Ihave always said it yes, we do
(21:53):
love to help others absolutely,but ultimately, this is such a
healing journey for us becausewe have learned so much just by,
like, hitting record andtalking, you know, and a lot of
the times I couldn't even lookat the notes- the notes did not
even reflect what we're talkingabout.
It's because I constantly and weare committed, we are committed
(22:14):
.
Look at me I'm here at mysister's sitting, at my niece's
vanity.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
That's why I'm right here and I'm chilling in a hotel
in the middle of recordingstuff and we said that's it,
we're gonna record, we'll berecording today.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Because we couldn't record, because I know that our
day was, um was Fridays.
Then I I took on some clientson Friday, so I can't record on
Fridays.
And now we're like okay, let'sdo this one or so we, but we are
yeah, we are committed to thispodcast and when we record, we
record.
So I mean, maybe there aren'tmany takeaways and maybe it's
like you know there's plenty oftakeaways in there you're right?
(22:48):
I know no.
But like maybe like a sorry, notI didn't mean I take away like
an action step per se, but justkind of like start looking where
in your life.
And I know that I was in hugedenial, huge now, when it came
to my relationship and I'd belike oh no, no, no, this is not
about me.
Oh no, no, no, not about meuntil I truly, truly, truly
(23:08):
looked.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And I'm like that's when you took responsibility.
So that is their action step.
Look at where in your lifethings are not going well.
Are you being 100% committedand responsible for that outcome
?
And the answer is probably no,right, and it's okay to own that
, because there are areas in ourlife that we're still not there
, and that's all right.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Oh, absolutely Same, of course, and we're just not
sitting here on a high horsesaying like oh you know, no,
we're very real and we are doingthe work as well and we have
come a long way, but there'sstill so much to do as well.
And because our thoughts areliterally, and like you said,
98% from repeat from yesterday,because our thoughts are
(23:51):
literally and like you said, 98%repeat from yesterday, from the
day before, 90% is negativebias.
So, my goodness gracious,there's a whole lot of awareness
.
It's a daily uphill battle itis.
It is a daily uphill battle andsome days are going to be harder
than other days, and that'sokay.
It's just that we continue tocommit to ourselves right, take
(24:13):
responsibility of our own action, our own healing, our integrity
, our values.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Okay, yeah, I think that's good.
So this is all like thetakeaways.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Like all of them, take them all.
Take them all, bottle them upand boom.
Yeah, you're healed if only theonly thing is like I know, I
know the only thing is just likeyou know, sometimes like that's
the only excuse.
Okay, I know when teenagedaughters driving you crazy.
(24:48):
Oh my gosh, she's been amazing.
I can't like no she's beengreat All right guys?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Well, as always, we ask you to leave us a review.
Find us on Instagram, Let usknow if there's any topics you
want to hear about, and we'llsee you on the next episode.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech-languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind and soul
, from the latest in functionalmedicine of healing your body
mind and soul, from the latestin functional medicine to
nurturing your relationship withyourself, healing trauma and
even transforming your moneystory.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
we're here to empower you with the knowledge and
tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
So, whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally or spiritually, joinus as we explore the many paths
to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Welcome to another episode.
We lost count.
We say another episode versusepisode 45.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, I think we're on like 52, but don't quote me
on that there we go.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
You have both of us today and we are doing both
audio and video, and today we'retalking about responsibility
and commitment.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Two things that people are lacking.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
We all are lacking, actually All of us.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
We all do.
But I think this is such a bigtopic when it comes to healing,
because you know, you and I talkabout so many avenues of
healing healing the body,healing relationship with self,
healing finances, so manydifferent things and it's like
we can't do those things withoutbeing 100% responsible and
(01:43):
committed, like to me.
Without being 100% responsibleand committed, like to me, those
are non-negotiables and they gohand in hand.
And it's been a game changerfor me, like I don't know about
you, but in the past I'd be like, oh, you know, I'd say I was
committed and then I'd be like,oh, but something more important
came up, or I don't feel likeit.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
No, that's actually me, so that I need to learn a
lesson and two from you, because, like I was really like we're
gonna talk, like okay, people weare getting real here we're
getting very real and like we'renot even.
Like I know we put in notes inthe doc but we don't even look
at them.
So like, for example, today youwere saying, oh, you know your
(02:21):
husband is sick.
What has been sick you know.
And then you committed to goingto the hotel tonight so you can
work on some of this stuff foryour membership and whatnot.
And and you're I was listeningto her voice message and saying
you know, yeah, you know herhusband.
I mean, your husband's prettysick.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Like yeah, I don't know if he's got COVID or what,
but he got an IV and he's doingall the things and he's like I
feel like death.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Exactly I know when you said that I'm like, oh my
God, he's dying, so notliterally, but anywho.
And then you have, you haveyour son, and I'm like, oh my
goodness, is she going to be?
Like this is what I thought inmy head Is he going to be able
to go to the hotel now?
Because if it were me and Itold you, if it were me I would
have canceled, because I'm soused to rescuing and saving and
like, oh my goodness, no, no, no.
(03:06):
The hotel and the members andthe recording, this can all wait
.
I need to just go take care ofyou know whoever.
But what did I do?
Because I did all that.
I got them used to, you know,relying on me to solve their
problems and to rescue them.
But you said, oh no, no,they're just gonna take care of
themselves, you know, andwhatever they're gonna do.
And I committed to myself and Iwas very, very like whoa, like
(03:34):
people see me as a confidentperson, and I know you and I
talked about, like you know assometimes, as it comes to
pricing, like I have no problemtelling people how much this
costs, how much I charge, likemy rates are non negotiable,
like I have no problem sayingthat, but I do have a problem
committing to myself andcommitting to what I want to do,
and I'm constantly changingplans to fit other people's
agendas or whatever.
(03:54):
And I was like, oh my gosh,like I was like so amazed by
your commitment to yourself, sotalk about that.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I mean, it's a new thing, right, like in the past I
didn't always do that and Ididn't have that personal
responsibility, thatself-integrity and that
commitment piece and now it'slike no, those are three really
important values for me.
If I say I'm going to dosomething, I'm going to do it,
and so that's the thing.
It's like background for youguys.
Yeah, I committed to this awhile ago.
(04:27):
I was like I'm going to stay ina hotel, I'm going to get work
done.
I try to do this quarterly.
I'm revamping things in mymembership.
Like I have a list of things todo and things were not stacked
in my favor.
Like my kiddo got attacked bylike chiggers which Denise is
(04:49):
like what the heck is a chigger,but they're like nasty little
bugs I don't even know what tocall him.
He got them outside.
Like he's just got like bitesall over his body.
My husband is sick.
My kiddo kept me up all nightbecause he was scratching and he
wanted to sleep with me, so mysleep was bad.
I've got a sick husband.
Like I'm tired, but I'm here.
I'm here because I said I'mgoing to do this.
I don't go back on mycommitments, I'm taking
(05:10):
responsibility, I'mself-integral, I'm tired, but
I'm in a power through it.
And then funny story cardsreally stacked against me.
I sat in the lobby for 20minutes 20 minutes because, get
this, I've never heard this inmy life.
The reservation was under myhusband's name and not mine, so
they wouldn't check me in.
And I'm like I've reservedthings under him forever.
(05:32):
We have the same last name,same address.
And he's like no, no, no, nohotel policy.
He legally needs to be here.
So then what am I doing?
I'm calling my husband and he'snot answering.
He's asleep on the couch andI'm like are you kidding me?
Right now?
I literally texted a neighborand was like I'm going to owe
you so big, but can you go ringthe doorbell?
(05:52):
So, no joke, he's ringing thedoorbell, he gets my husband up.
I get my husband on the phone.
I'm like I need you to call andgive me permission.
Like we're talking about allthe cards are stacked against me
and there are so manyopportunities that I could have
been like you know what?
I'm just going to reschedulethis.
It's not meant to be.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Yeah, it's not meant to be.
You could have twisted it.
You could have twisted it, butyou didn't.
I didn't.
That's integrity.
This is the ultimate integrity.
Everybody should definitelylearn a lesson or two from that,
and I know I'm learning.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I'm not perfect, right, like.
This is one thing I'm workingon mastering.
But, like, in terms of thehealing aspect, this is me
healing, this is me steppinginto the new version of me.
And I know you and I havetalked about this in the past.
I don't even know what episodes, maybe multiple, but, like, one
of the things I've saidrecently is who would I be if I
were successful business owner?
(06:43):
Right, right, we're not justlike cutting corners anymore.
I'm not treating it like it's ahobby.
A successful business ownersays I committed to this thing
and I'm going to show up andthat's what I'm doing.
I'm stepping into that new me.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I love that.
I love that Like, and this issomething that you know and
that's right now.
You're committing to thebusiness, but there's, you know,
so many of us wanting to committo our health, but then, oh, we
come up with the excuses, wecome up with whatever.
So any healing that you arewanting to achieve, you
definitely want to commit tothat.
(07:18):
And this ties in with theidentity piece, right?
So you are identifying as asuccessful business owner, and
what does a successful businessowner do?
A successful business ownershows up, no matter what, with
integrity.
You stick to your word.
You said you're going to dothis.
You do this.
If you are saying that I'midentifying as a healthy person,
(07:39):
I'm not identifying as the sickperson.
I have IBS or I have this, orhormone or whatever issues,
imbalances.
If I'm identifying as a healthyperson, what does a healthy
person do?
What does a healthy person eat?
What does a healthy personthink?
Right, because you cannot keepthinking the toxic thoughts and
(08:00):
eat.
Healthy person.
Think right, because you cannot.
You cannot keep thinking thetoxic thoughts and eat the
healthy food.
Right, we talked about that andwe talked about it all the time.
You can eat healthy, but alsoyou got to feed your mind
healthy thoughts.
So it's that's, that's the bigcommitment to yourself.
You know you want to be healthy.
You want to be successfulbusiness owner, a successful
stay at home wife, whatever yourgoals are and definitely listen
(08:26):
to the identity shift and startshowing up as that.
Are you going to have, you know, ups and downs.
You're going to have bad days,good days, absolutely.
However, it is the progress andthe progress is not linear and
it's the showing up for yourselfin order to achieve what you
want to achieve.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And it's showing up when it's inconvenient, like
today was very inconvenient.
But when is life everconvenient, truly, and that's
the thing is when we're lookingat health or other aspects.
Is it convenient for you to getup early and go for a walk?
Is it convenient for you to goto the gym?
Is it convenient for you to doX, y, z?
Usually no right, but we followthrough because we're committed
(09:12):
, not when we're motivated.
Right, because motivation isjust a feeling.
Commitment is a decision.
When I have a decision, Ifollow through.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, and I have been training myself too, and that's
something I learned from JoeDispenza is that discomfort is
temporary.
Transformation is permanent.
So remember, because we areaddicted to betraying ourselves,
we are addicted to the fight orflight, we are addicted to
betraying ourselves, we areaddicted to the fight or flight,
we are addicted to that stresslevel.
(09:44):
And then every time I get theemotions that's going to cause
the stress because I'm addictedto it, it's familiar I remind
myself that discomfort istemporary, transformation is
permanent.
Like you and I, before we hitrecord, I was just kind of like
asking advice about something.
It's like I keep you know, Ikeep bringing on the emotions
(10:07):
that are triggering the stresslevel and I'm bringing them on.
I'm bringing those thoughts,I'm just like, instead of like
letting them go, I'm constantlybringing them on and when I am
more conscious about it and moreaware and stepping back into my
breath, this is when I'm saying, no, this is not the new
(10:28):
version of me, right?
I am in the process of buildinga new life.
That new person does notidentify as a worrier.
Someone who worries Does thatidentify as a person.
Who overthinks Does notidentify as a rescuer.
And someone who worries doesthat identify as a person who
overthinks, does not identify asa rescuer and a saver.
Because I do come from aculture where you know women.
You know they constantly wantto save their husbands or their
(10:52):
children.
You know constantly want to.
What can I do for you to saveyou?
What can I do?
No, it's, but what am I doing?
I'm constantly allowing them,enabling them to not to rely on
themselves, instead relying onme.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
So and that's commitment.
And the thing is, is commitmentdoesn't happen over time.
Like you can make a commitmentand say from now on I'm going to
stick to it, but it can also bea process If there's aspects of
your life you've not committedto before, or new things for you
.
Right, it's one thing to saylike I commit to going to the
gym three days a week, okaygreat, do that.
(11:27):
But for you, like, this is awhole other situation of like
it's an internal commitment.
It's much harder to me than anexternal commitment of I'm going
to go do this thing versus I'mgoing to embrace this because
you have to catch it.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
It's easy to set an alarm on your phone.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
but this is like I don't have an alarm on my phone
to tell me like, oh my gosh, I'menabling again.
But you were being committedand saying like, okay, I just
noticed this Now, how can Ichange that?
And that ties back intoresponsibility too.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Yeah, and the commitment is for me, to you.
You know, in the morning I'mdoing my routine.
In the afternoon, I'm doing myroutine.
In the evening, I'm doing myroutine and I'm not.
I'm not veering off of thatroutine because you, you are
absolutely right.
External, going to the gym,it's right there, you're booking
it, your alarm is there,whatever.
However, whereas with um, withthe internal commitment, with
(12:21):
the internal commitment, it'smuch harder, because how many
thoughts do we have a day?
We have 70,000 thoughts a day,and then some of them are going
to be the old patterns, and Iwas talking to a friend the
other day and we were talkingabout like 95% of our thoughts
are negative bias.
So you are going out of yourway.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
And I want to add to this because I'm literally
writing a lesson for mymembership, and one of it is on
stories, limiting beliefs, allof that.
And so thoughts tie into there,and I had to look up the
statistics 98% of our thoughtsare a repeat from the day before
.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Also, so not only are they negative?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
they're a repeat.
So we just stay in thesenegative thought loops.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
We stay in these loops.
So you got it Like thiscommitment is truly, truly and
then I do go back.
I do fall back and that's why Ihave my support system right,
like, for example, whether it ismy therapist or you or another
friend of mine, like I, liketoday I was like I told you the
story, remind me, slap me in theface, you know, tell me to like
.
Remind me, slap me in the face,you know, tell me to like.
(13:27):
You know, get back into what Iam into.
And to me like having this newme.
It's because, remember, youdon't get what you want, you get
who you are or who you arebecoming Right.
So it's like I don't want tokeep repeating because I created
this life and I don't want tokeep repeating that created this
(13:48):
life and I don't want to keeprepeating that.
So, in order for me to createthis life right here, I gotta be
so conscious every singlemoment, and that is that's not
easy.
However, it's not impossiblebecause I'm listening.
I started listening to DrSpencer's Becoming Supernatural
and people just like you and mehave healed conditions like
(14:14):
there's this one lady's story.
It's at the beginning of thebook.
I mean, no wonder he had tooutline it, outshine her at the
beginning of the book becauseher husband committed suicide.
She developed, she's apsychotherapist and she
developed all these healthissues.
Like the way that he describedthem, I'm like listening to them
(14:35):
and like crying from all thehealth issues and she healed all
of them and now she's I thinkshe's one of his coaches or
something whatever.
The book is a bit old but uh,you know, I mean it's like wait
a minute, and that's what Ithink you know a lot of people
portray that like from anitamurjani and all these people.
It's like if they can do it, wecan.
So if you look at somebody whohas achieved the health that you
(14:59):
want to achieve, like, oh mygoodness, I want to be healthy
as as that person, or I want tobe as successful as that person,
or whatever, you're not env,but you're just reminding
yourself.
If they can do it, you can,because they are human, like you
.
The only thing is that theycommitted and they took that
responsibility right.
So I think there's twofold Likeyou have the commitment but
(15:20):
also taking the responsibilityin order to remind yourself to
stay committed.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, and the responsibility of?
I am 100% responsible for mytransformation, and that is
going to vary from person toperson, right?
Our podcast is called HealYourself.
It might be physical healing,it might be emotional healing,
it might be spiritual healing,it does not matter.
But when you are 100%responsible, you're looking at
(15:48):
every aspect.
Okay, it goes back to yourthoughts, your emotions, your
beliefs, what you put in yourbody, like all of those things.
Are you being responsible forwhat's coming into you?
Are you being responsible forhow you communicate with others?
Are you being responsible forhow you show up in the world?
Are you being responsible forthe things that you do on a
day-to-day basis?
And that does tie intocommitment too, and so this is a
(16:11):
thing for you guys to belooking at.
Okay, if I feel like I'mstruggling or wavering on this
healing journey, look at theresponsibility and the
commitment and then decide wherecan I step it up a notch right,
like, where are you makingexcuses?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Because we do.
We make excuses.
Oh, we are the kings and queensof excuses.
And don't forget, we have thisanalytical brain that, guess
what.
You're going to find an excusefor everything.
You're going to be able todefend yourself on excuses, but
what are you doing, are you?
You know, again, what you'redoing is you're repeating that
cycle.
(16:47):
So, again, it's great to takethe responsibility of like.
I created this.
I did this because, at the endof the day, it's you.
Yeah, sure, maybe you'resurrounded, you're in a toxic
place or you're surrounded withtoxic people, but ultimately,
you chose to stay there.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Which is a hard one for people?
Oh, that's a big one.
Nobody wants to stay there.
Which is a hard one for people?
Oh that's a big one.
Nobody wants to own that.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Oh, that was a huge pill for me to swallow, because
that's all me, and I know thatwe're going to record an episode
, all about that.
But in the future, I don't knowhow near it's going to be.
But I think, once things are, Ithink, calm in my world and
finalized, I feel like I cantalk about it.
But I had to come to terms withyou know, because, you remember
(17:35):
, I mean, I cried, I'm like, whydid I know?
But I had to tell myself, likeit was, you know, one, I, you
know I definitely devan timing.
However, I ignored everywhisper, I ignored every nudge,
I ignored every post, I ignoredevery single red flag and I
(17:58):
chose to be in the environmentuntil I chose not to.
And I have to also remindmyself that it took me years in
order to come to terms with whatI needed to do.
And now I'm being yes, I'mbeing gentle with myself, but
I'm also being super dupercommitted, because I am
(18:18):
committed to a new life and Ican definitely quantum leap it
versus having to, you know, dragand make excuses because I
could oh, you know, I'm tiredtoday and then, and then not.
I have like, oh, whatever, butI'm not sitting here, you know
crying, I'm just saying I amcommitted to the new life that I
wanted to create and I don'twant it to drag.
(18:38):
So that's why today I was like,since I started to come back
into the worry, go back to theoverthinking.
I'm like what do I need to do?
Like, and if you need to seekoutside help whether it's a
friend, it's a therapist, it's alife coach, it's the program.
Of course, I don't like courseslike with like a big group
coaching about these things,because you do sometimes need
(18:59):
that one on one.
You do need the, the feedback,like with health stuff.
Yeah, that's I love.
You know, group coaching withhealth is great.
I think in a member like, youall feed off of each other,
you're all inspiring each other.
But I feel when it's a personaljourney, it's just like you know
, to me it helps me to talk toone person or two people that
(19:19):
are aware of the whole story,versus having to like, because
sometimes, like when it is in agroup coaching, it's like, oh, I
have to tell my story to everysingle person in order to help
me.
But this is a personal choice.
Absolutely, you can do whateveryou want.
It's just that whatever healingyou want to do and you want to
commit to absolutely have asupport group, because you may
(19:42):
want to, and that's anotherexcuse.
Oh, I can do it myself, well,yeah, sure.
Excuse oh, I can do it myself,well, yeah, sure, but it will be
way more supportive when youhave support people with you.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And I just want to kind of briefly touch on that
responsibility piece too,because you mentioned that and
I'm seeing you takingresponsibility too.
So this is the other thing, guysis like I'm not even talking
victim mentality, so I don'tknow where I'm going with this,
but like you were takingresponsibility for how your
relationship has ended up, right, we can place blame on someone
(20:18):
else or on circumstances,situations, whatever, but it
does come back to.
I take responsibility for howthings are going right now.
And so for those of you on yourhealth journey, you and I,
denise, went through healthjourneys right, and I will say
it took me to the point of beingcommitted and responsible and
self-integral before my healthstarted to shift, because it
(20:42):
would be little things of like,oh, I'm going to work out more
and I'm going to eat better, butwas I being committed and was I
being fully responsible foreverything that was going in my
body?
Absolutely not.
So that's the other piece ofthis too, and I know maybe it
sounds redundant and we'reprobably saying a lot of the
same things around and around,but you guys need to hear it
(21:03):
many times.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I mean absolutely Cause repetition.
That's why, like I'm listeningto the same meditation every
morning, I'm listening to thesame subconscious reprogramming
every night, because repetitionis what got us here.
Yeah, repetition of the samething, of the same eating, the
bad eating habits, or of thesame sitting down and not going
(21:26):
out for a walk.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
The lack of stress management, not for a walk of
stress management.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Exactly so.
The repetition is what got ushere and I totally believe, is
the repetition of the.
The new version that you wantto create is what will get you
where you want to get to.
Yeah, we are repeating, andwe're not just repeating it for
you guys, we're repeating it forourselves as well, because we
don't I mean, I know you and Ihave always said it yes, we do
(21:53):
love to help others absolutely,but ultimately, this is such a
healing journey for us becausewe have learned so much just by,
like, hitting record andtalking, you know, and a lot of
the times I couldn't even lookat the notes- the notes did not
even reflect what we're talkingabout.
It's because I constantly and weare committed, we are committed
(22:14):
.
Look at me I'm here at mysister's sitting, at my niece's
vanity.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
That's why I'm right here and I'm chilling in a hotel
in the middle of recordingstuff and we said that's it,
we're gonna record, we'll berecording today.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Because we couldn't record, because I know that our
day was, um was Fridays.
Then I I took on some clientson Friday, so I can't record on
Fridays.
And now we're like okay, let'sdo this one or so we, but we are
yeah, we are committed to thispodcast and when we record, we
record.
So I mean, maybe there aren'tmany takeaways and maybe it's
like you know there's plenty oftakeaways in there you're right?
(22:48):
I know no.
But like maybe like a sorry, notI didn't mean I take away like
an action step per se, but justkind of like start looking where
in your life.
And I know that I was in hugedenial, huge now, when it came
to my relationship and I'd belike oh no, no, no, this is not
about me.
Oh no, no, no, not about meuntil I truly, truly, truly
(23:08):
looked.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And I'm like that's when you took responsibility.
So that is their action step.
Look at where in your lifethings are not going well.
Are you being 100% committedand responsible for that outcome
?
And the answer is probably no,right, and it's okay to own that
, because there are areas in ourlife that we're still not there
, and that's all right.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Oh, absolutely Same, of course, and we're just not
sitting here on a high horsesaying like oh you know, no,
we're very real and we are doingthe work as well and we have
come a long way, but there'sstill so much to do as well.
And because our thoughts areliterally, and like you said,
98% from repeat from yesterday,because our thoughts are
(23:51):
literally and like you said, 98%repeat from yesterday, from the
day before, 90% is negativebias.
So, my goodness gracious,there's a whole lot of awareness
.
It's a daily uphill battle itis.
It is a daily uphill battle andsome days are going to be harder
than other days, and that'sokay.
It's just that we continue tocommit to ourselves right, take
(24:13):
responsibility of our own action, our own healing, our integrity
, our values.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Okay, yeah, I think that's good.
So this is all like thetakeaways.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Like all of them, take them all.
Take them all, bottle them upand boom.
Yeah, you're healed if only theonly thing is like I know, I
know the only thing is just likeyou know, sometimes like that's
the only excuse.
Okay, I know when teenagedaughters driving you crazy.
(24:48):
Oh my gosh, she's been amazing.
I can't like no she's beengreat All right guys?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Well, as always, we ask you to leave us a review.
Find us on Instagram, Let usknow if there's any topics you
want to hear about, and we'llsee you on the next episode.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.