November 6, 2025 • 27 mins
Hard moments don’t feel like presents, but what if the real gift is who we become after them? We explore a practical way to treat triggers as teachers, turn messy days into data, and choose the energy we lead with—without denying pain or forcing gratitude before it’s ready.
We start by redefining “gift” as useful, not pretty. From a shivery baseball game to navigating divorce and family friction, we share how reframing small annoyances and big upheavals reveals where power leaks and boundaries are needed. You’ll hear why integration beats information overload, how daily micro-choices regulate the nervous system, and which simple practices—like a ten-minute walk, a short breath sequence, or a sincere check-in at the checkout—quiet reactivity and build resilience.
Then we dig into better questions that shift you from blame to curiosity: Why now? What is this revealing? What strength is being activated? Where am I being asked to upgrade? These prompts open space for insight, while a feel-good list keeps relief close at hand with low-lift actions like music, coloring, meditation, or movement. We also talk about spotting meaningful synchronicities and using them as gentle nudges that you’re on track. To close, we guide a brief breath practice with the affirmation: I honor the lessons that shaped me.
If you’re ready to evolve beyond hustle, victim loops, and emotional autopilot, this conversation offers grounded tools you can use today. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these practices. What gift might be hiding in your hardest moment?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:03):
Welcome to the Heal Yourself podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind, and
soul.
SPEAKER_01 (00:25):
From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing
your relationship with yourself,healing trauma, and even
transforming your money story.
We're here to empower you withthe knowledge and tools to
create lasting change.
SPEAKER_00 (00:39):
So whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally, or spiritually,join us as we explore the many
paths to wholeness and wellness.
And today, Denise and I want totalk about seeing everything as
(00:59):
a gift, which for some is goingto be a really tough pill to
swallow.
Because you're like, no, thatthat shitty thing just happened
to me is not a gift.
And we want to talk about why itmight be today.
SPEAKER_01 (01:12):
Absolutely.
It definitely is a gift.
We may not see it becauseremember we have tunnel vision.
We don't see because remember,Kathy Heller in her latest
podcast, she said we only see1%.
The 99% is we are in ourunconscious.
So it is definitely a gift.
We just are so caught up withthe, and actually, I actually
made a TikTok video yesterdayabout that hustle culture.
(01:35):
We are too caught up with thathustle culture.
I want to do this, I want to getthere, I want to whatever.
However, sometimes that fiveminutes being late will work out
for you amazing only if you arewanting to see it that way also
and wanting to choose it.
Because remember, it's all aboutchoice.
That's that's where free willcomes in.
SPEAKER_00 (01:55):
Yeah.
And that's the thing.
Like when we say view everythingas a gift, it doesn't mean that
the gift always comes wrapped upin a bow, right?
SPEAKER_01 (02:03):
Like it's no, it can be wrapped up in caca.
SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
Yeah, and that's what I was to say, like a gift
could be a lump of coal, itcould be wrapped in, I don't
know, sandpaper.
Like a gift doesn't always poop.
Yeah, exactly.
It doesn't always have to bepretty, but what is the end
result?
And I think for both of us, Idon't want to put words in your
mouth, but I'm going to.
I think we we view triggers asteachers, right?
(02:31):
Like every time we're annoyed,every time we're aggravated,
every time we're triggered bysomething, um, whatever it might
be, these show you where you'releaking power.
Like that is a wonderfulopportunity for you.
Therefore, that is a gift.
It is a gift to be shown.
Hey, this is where you'releaking all of the power that
(02:52):
you have.
But a lot of us, like you said,don't don't want to see things
as gifts.
And not even just hustleculture, just people don't want
to do that inner work or to see,like, hey, this really crappy
thing that I'm going throughright now is something that's
gonna like it's teaching mesomething.
I'm gonna grow from this.
SPEAKER_01 (03:12):
Yeah, no, and that's kind of like exactly that what I
was gonna, you know, also say isjust that you know, you don't
get to here where you and Iright now are getting to
observing the triggers andeverything as what a gift
because we truly you and I areright now like seeing literally
everything as a gift, and we arepausing and saying what a gift.
(03:32):
However, we didn't get heretoday, we got here from years of
you and I putting in the workand not just reading the books.
Remember, there's always likethis information overload,
right?
I read like 500 books, but it'snot we didn't just read the
books and listen to the podcastand attended the workshops.
Right now, we're alsointegrating all that, and I
(03:55):
totally know that if you arelistening right now and you're
like, oh my goodness, I don'teven know, just start putting in
the work.
And it's literally moment bymoment.
Yesterday I was listening to umKimberly Snyder with Kathy
Heller podcast, and it's not theyou know, yes, the big retreats
and the workshops and all that,those are amazing, but it is the
moment by moment where you areactually choosing.
(04:18):
You are you know, you seesomeone in a hurry, or you're
letting you're choosing to letthem in your lane versus you
know cussing them off for youknow cutting you off or
whatever, cussing them out forcutting you off, right?
Or you are choosing to smile.
Uh, you know, when you're atTrader Joe's and you are, you
know, you are talking with thewith the cashier, you're
(04:41):
choosing to smile and asking heror him, yes, how is your day?
You know, I wish you a beautifulday.
These are small moments thatwill actually are make a bigger
difference than, you know, likeyes, great with the retreats and
all that, but you know, justalways be patient with yourself,
but put in the work.
You can't expect to see what youand I see, Kira, without the
(05:05):
work that we put in.
Because you and I, I mean, Imean, with all humility, we put
in the freaking work.
SPEAKER_00 (05:12):
Well, and we're we want to be very clear, we're not
done, and we are well aware thatwe're not done.
The work doesn't end.
It's just amazing to see theplace that we've gotten to after
knowing each other for years.
And I'll give you guys anexample.
Like, this is actually this is agood lesson for me right now
(05:33):
because it's like, yes, a lot oftimes I will say, like, oh, you
know, what is this teaching me?
That's how I say it.
Like, I don't say this as agift, but I'm like, what is this
teaching me?
And I forget because I'm human,and you're gonna forget because
you're human.
But here I am just tellingDenise, like, my son had a
baseball game.
We love watching him play.
(05:53):
There was not supposed to berain.
All of a sudden there was rain,it cooled down, there was wind,
like we're out there shivering.
And I wasn't moaning andgroaning, but you know, every so
often I'd turn to my husband andbe like, oh my gosh, it's so
cold.
But what a gift it was to beable to sit there and watch him
play baseball.
SPEAKER_01 (06:11):
You know, absolutely absolutely, oh my goodness, how
how far have you come with that,with that little boy, right?
From him, you know, notcommunicating, not talking, and
you, you know, worrying aboutthat.
Like, what are we gonna do?
And and now he's playingbaseball.
SPEAKER_00 (06:28):
Yeah, so it's like it can be these little things or
like emotions, right?
We all get into our emotions,we're human, and if you guys
have not listened to our emotionepisode, that's a top one.
I think it's episode five.
SPEAKER_01 (06:42):
I think it's one of our top ones.
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
It is, it is, yeah.
But I mean, think about all ofthe emotions that you get into
on a day-to-day basis.
Those those emotions are giftsbecause they're helping you grow
and learn, right?
Every time you get into anger,every time you get into
frustration, every time you gointo whatever it might be, this
is sharpening your intuition ifyou're viewing it as like, oh,
(07:06):
this is a gift.
They're doing so much for you,but a lot of times we view like
oh these negative emotions andwe let it take us down, right?
That's how we can get stuck invictim mentality.
But emotions are gifts, lossesare gifts, breakups are gifts,
identity collapses, all of thesethings can be gifts, and I want
(07:26):
to be very clear they can bevery painful things in the
moment.
So you are not gonna view it asa gift, however, when you start
to realize that the things thatwere stripped away from you
weren't serving you, that'swhere the gift comes in.
And Denise, I can put you on thespot here, but like you shared,
(07:47):
you're going through a lot.
SPEAKER_01 (07:49):
Like that's that's a really big I am, and I am gonna
give you an example because italso happened yesterday where I
did, you know, go into the uhold patterns and con and an
unconscious, you know, thinkingor whatever.
Uh, as you know, that I do I amliving with my parents right
now.
I'm not living at my home, at mymarital home because I'm going
(08:10):
through a divorce.
And uh yesterday I was like soexcited we're gonna pass out
candy.
And then it was literally like Iwas sitting there, and my mom
and my grandma was wereconstantly complaining and the
contradicting, like, don't passout too much chocolate.
Or yeah, pass out too muchchocolate.
And I was like, wait a minute,like we're barely having people.
So I was like, first I was in mysilence because I'm in my queen
(08:30):
energy, like I am, you know,silence is golden, etc.
And I could have used so many ofmy strategies I and I did step
away for a minute, but it wasjust I just let it get to me,
which is fine.
And I blew up, I blew up.
I was like, oh my god, like allthis time, you're like
complaining, right?
And then however, but what did Ido?
(08:51):
I immediately like to so ofcourse we spent we ended up
spending the night, it was likewe turned it into a joke, etc.
But I did go back and night atnight, and I was, you know,
journaling about it and talkingto myself about it, like you
know, what a gift that I gottriggered, right?
What a gift that my awarenessright now I didn't let it drag.
And what is this truly about?
(09:12):
And now I have a different plan.
I could have done this, I couldhave done that, but I didn't
just okay.
Um, you know, you know, Irealized it earlier, etc.
But I am leading into all thepain.
I mean, leaving my home andleaving my relationship was very
painful, you know, and sometimesit still is, but I am seeing it
as a gift because I know that Iam one, I'm learning so much
(09:35):
about myself, and then two, Ihave been praying to that's the
thing.
Like I oh, I would I would prayand journal.
I don't know who I am withoutthis, without that, and then
when this presented to me,because sometimes God remember,
God answers your prayers in thisdifferent ways, and it doesn't
have to be your way, and it'snot gonna be all rainbows and
(09:58):
you know, happiness and stufflike that.
It can also be painful, but it'salways um, it's kind of like
when you I always tell Avery,it's like when you when you dig
through, you know, like kind ofand then you get the gem, or you
you know, when you go in likemining with the with the kids,
you know, like whenever you getdig through all the dirt to get
the jewels and to get all thegems, so it's it's just leaning
(10:21):
into that pain.
And um, like for example, I wasable yesterday to get my nails
done.
So that's why I I started to seethe small little gifts, right?
So I was able to get my nailsdone in between clients, you
know, and because I have my mybusiness, and because I don't
have to like, you know, um tobecause I'm living with my
(10:41):
parents, I'm not cleaning thehouse, etc.
So I'm like seeing every singlething in my life as a gift, even
though I am going through apainful breakup of 22 years of
marriage.
But um, and again, even withliving with my parents, that I'm
seeing all the patterns, but I'malways saying I'm blessed that
with all of things, everythingI'm going through, you know,
they're helping me with thelaundry, they're helping me with
(11:03):
food, like I don't have to cook,I don't have to do this.
There are so many things I don'thave to do where if I don't live
with them, I had to like dealwith the breakup, deal with the
divorce, and then deal withhaving, you know, to clean the
house, to run the business, toto do all that.
And yeah, so I know I went off atangent.
I don't know where I'm goingwith this, but it is just really
(11:24):
important to um, you know,yesterday I was like I was
seeing the peace and thehappiness and the calm in the
moment, even though, you know,I'm not with my husband anymore.
You know what I mean?
Like, even though I am goingthrough something difficult, you
know, and I but I did choose tolean into the peace and calm of
(11:46):
that energy.
And it's always a choice.
SPEAKER_00 (11:49):
Well, and one thing I want to say about this before,
you know, because I could seepeople getting triggered.
So there's your word rightthere.
Listening to this of like, whatare you talking about?
I'm going through this horriblething or this terrible thing
happened to me, something supertraumatic.
Where, like, where the hell do Isee that that's a gift?
And it's not about seeing thegift in the moment, it's not
(12:11):
about being grateful for thistraumatic event if it's
something big, but it's aboutrecognizing on the other side,
right?
Not when you're in the midst ofit.
And that's the thing.
Like, Denise is seeing thosemoments, but you are in the
middle of it still.
Like you can't see the full giftyet because you're still there.
So if someone is in the thick oftrauma, okay, when you're
(12:31):
through it, when you're on theother side, now can you
recognize the strength you have?
Can you recognize the awarenessyou cultivated?
Can you recognize the gifts, theattachment, all of these things
that you were holding on to?
The gift is rarely in thatmoment.
It's who you become after,whether it's something major or
(12:52):
something minor.
SPEAKER_01 (12:54):
Yes, absolutely.
No, I I totally agree.
And yes, and people may be goingthrough may more traumatic
events.
This could be like, oh, this isnothing.
Because you know, sometimes I,you know, I do look at other
people's like, like, like, forexample, I do have a friend
going through something a littlebit more difficult than what I'm
going through.
And and I totally feel like her,and I I even say I'm blessed
(13:19):
that I'm going through this.
That's nothing compared to hers.
But I love what you said aboutit, it is just on the other side
and who you are becoming in theprocess, you know, that person
that um you are also choosing tobe in the moment.
And I don't know, it's just likeI know that we're definitely
(13:42):
like we go through theseobstacles or through everything
because it is an answer to aprayer that we forgot that we
said one day, right?
And it's the prayer sometimesdoesn't just come like wrapped
in a gift and in diamond and inall that, it just comes in those
experiences that will elevateyou to the person that you are
meant to be that will wake upyour soul.
(14:03):
Don't forget that a lot of usare going around with their, you
know, and so sometimes a lot ofmy prayer is, you know, um, I
pray for my soul to wake me upbecause my soul is there, it's
just like this human suit that Ihave.
And or sometimes I pray for, youknow, I know that I'm only
seeing the 1%.
Help me see the 20 or the 30% ofthat 99%, right?
(14:27):
So for example, today inmeditation, I was doing the
morning spansa meditation, andhe and he goes through in, you
know, talking to that parentinside of you, to your inner
self, to whatever.
And I did tell it, you know,like, show me, you know, send me
a sign.
It's always about he tells you,like, you know, tell tell your
uh higher self to send you asign that's in an unexpected
(14:49):
way.
And then I went to Trader Joe'sand I bought something, and the
amount was$69.99, so it was$9.99, and I came to look up
what$999 means, and it'sbasically everything that I
wanted.
It was about like closingchapters and opening new ones
and stuff like that.
And um there are and I feelsometimes when you are viewing
(15:11):
these moments as gifts or thesetriggers as gifts, you are also
opening up this thesynchronicities, you're seeing
them more, but when you are, youknow, dwelling in your misery
and in the victim mentality,you're not seeing the
synchronicities.
SPEAKER_00 (15:27):
No, and let's not forget, we're here to evolve.
Like, I 100% believe that to betrue.
We did not come to this planetto just be the same person of
like, oh, okay, yes, I'm growingup every year.
I get older, but it's like, areyou staying in the same
emotions?
Do you continue to have the sametriggers?
Do you continue to speak toyourself and others the same
(15:48):
way?
I really hope not.
Like, I pray that is not thecase.
And it is for many out there,right?
Like so many people, and youhear the word asleep, but they
are asleep because they have notdone any of that work, they're
just like walking zombies, andit's like if we are here to grow
and evolve, wouldn't you want tostart to see things as a gift to
(16:11):
make your life better?
Because that's really what it isabout, right?
Like, if I walk around and sayeverything sucks, and I was out
there at the baseball game oflike, oh my gosh, this is awful.
How?
How does that make my lifebetter?
Then it just puts me in a funk.
But if I can choose to seethings as a gift, little things,
big things, okay, what lessonsam I getting?
(16:33):
I I don't know.
Like my life has gotten so muchbetter.
The more I do this, the easierit is to get in gratitude and
say, thank you, like for all ofthese beautiful things in my
life.
And thank you for putting mehere.
Thank you for letting meexperience this.
Thank you for letting me evolve.
Thank you for helping mecontinue to evolve.
Like there's so many things, andI think that we get stuck at
(16:54):
what healing even means.
And I I can't define it.
I don't think you can either.
Like, healing is such a journey,but once you get on that train,
it it is like you can't get offonce you're on it.
SPEAKER_01 (17:07):
No, you can't, and it's a different journey for
every single person.
And it's important also to knowthat also our free will uh is is
also us choosing the energy thatwe want to lead with, right?
So you lead with the energy, sokind of like when you wake up
and choose, you know, whatoutfit you want to wear, how you
want to do your hair, samething.
(17:28):
What are the what's the energythat I want to lead with?
What is the energy that I wantmy day to um you know to be
versus letting the experiencesand the moments around you
dictate that?
So I think if you lead withthat, like you know, I mean, I'm
going to choose calm today.
So when you're on the phone withinsurance or with T-Mobile,
(17:49):
you're choosing calm versusletting that person at the DMV
or letting that person or theDMV person because some of them
are rude.
I know they're that's why I usethat one, you know, dictate
that, right?
So it is just important to justlike you choose your jewelry for
the day, your your outfit, yourwhatever, choose the energy that
(18:11):
you want to lead with, and thatreally will help you to view the
moments and to be this energy inevery moment and not allow you
know everything that's happeningbecause things are gonna happen.
That's the thing, you're notjust gonna walk easy peasy in
life, like things are going tobe happening around you, you
(18:33):
know.
Some you know, but you're gonnabe talking on the phone, and
someone is gonna be rude to you,right?
But instead of you being rudeback, it's just you know,
wishing them a good day or thankyou so much for your help.
You've been amazing, you know,and you don't know what you're
doing for that person, right?
They could be having a horribleday, but you, you know, you
(18:55):
don't know how many times was itsince I decided the way I talk
to people because I used to bevery aggressive on the phone,
especially like I'm gonna thinkwhat I was, yeah.
So um I would like right now,I'm choosing to like, you know,
be kind and wishing them a goodday, or like ask them, you know,
and how are you?
How was your weekend, orwhatever they ask me, so I can
(19:16):
ask it back, and you're like, ohmy goodness, thank you so much.
You know, like they really arethankful, and some of them are
not, don't get me wrong.
Yesterday the lady was not, butit doesn't matter to me.
I wished her whatever I neededto wish her.
And um, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (19:30):
Well, and I was just gonna kind of throw in some
questions.
This this goes perfectly withwhat you said.
When we're in little moments, orwhen we're on the other side, or
even in the midst of something,right?
If it's nothing that's supertraumatic, or if you're if
you've done a lot of work andyou can still ask the questions
in the middle, great.
But it this is where askingbetter questions comes into play
(19:52):
of like, okay, why is thishappening now?
It's a wonderful question to askyourself.
What is this revealing?
What strength is being activatedin me, right?
Because we all have strengths,we all have weaknesses.
Where are your strengths?
Where can you show up better?
And where am I being asked toupgrade how I show up?
Like, what else can I be doing?
There's so and that's the thing,these are just four questions.
(20:14):
You could approach this in somany different ways, but this is
where the gold is, or the gems,as you say, as you dig through
stuff.
Like, you're in the situation,what am I learning?
What like what is coming ofthis?
Where is the gift?
Even if you don't see it in thatmoment, and even if it takes you
a long time, just know liketelling yourself, right?
(20:37):
There is a gift in this, there'ssomething in here that's better
for me.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:42):
Yeah, and then just like we always say, Well, you
you know, you wanna you want towant better for yourself, right?
You do want to ask the thequestions, you do want to um
take the time, prioritizeyourself, you know.
Like, like to me, my nervoussystem is my priority because I
(21:02):
lived in survival for a longtime, and I I just right now I
refuse.
So anytime I get back into like,oh my goodness, I have to do
that, just slow myself down, andit is what it is.
I get it done when I need to getit done, or you know, whatever.
But again, I really want toreiterate because you and I used
to like listen to these people,and we used to like read the
(21:25):
books and be like, oh mygoodness, like I don't know,
sometimes what are they talkingabout?
I can't see it.
And if you if something thatwe're saying is sounding
triggering or is like you'relike saying, but how it's
literally because you you youneed to do a little bit more
work, so definitely commit toyourself every day, and even if
(21:46):
just like again, I always go towalking because walking is
magic, walking is really magic,and then people and you can
walk, like even if you workfull-time and you have so much
to do, you get a lunch break andyou can walk on your lunch
break, right?
Or you can I mean, if you and ifyou're saying right now I don't
(22:08):
have time to walk, I mean, wehave a really big problem.
Oh, yeah, I mean, a really bigproblem.
Dig dig deeper into that, right?
And um, priorities, and walkingwill reveal so much.
Like, ask the question that youknow Kira suggested and then go
for a walk, or during your walk,ask those questions, talk to
(22:29):
yourself, right?
Like, you know, no one islistening to you when you're
walking by yourself, right?
Or even if you're walking withyour baby, like I get it.
If you're walking with olderchildren, just ask your ask the
here internally, and you'll besurprised and always be open to
the answers.
I always say, I am open to theanswers, I'm open to seeing
(22:50):
this, and I'm choosing to seeingthe synchronicities, I'm
choosing to, you know, likeagain, like I don't want you to
think like, oh my goodness, youknow, Kira's life and my life is
magical, but we're choosing,we're choosing to see it as
magic.
We're choosing to say that weare brought us here.
(23:13):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
And and just thank thosehardships truly, truly, truly,
truly.
SPEAKER_00 (23:19):
I mean, I don't know, like it's just and that's
the thing love everything, loveeverything that's coming up, and
that's what I was gonna saybecause I've got some clients
that will tell me, like, oh mygosh, I just feel like I'm
waiting for the other shoe todrop.
And I'm like, that's whereyou've got to get into that
seeing things as a gift.
Do I look forward to terriblethings that are gonna happen in
(23:40):
my life?
No, but thank you for allowingme to be here and have these
opportunities.
SPEAKER_01 (23:46):
Yeah, you know, and I I do want to say that also we
are mostly we are like when wewant something, whether it's the
health or whatever, the the themoney or the relationship or
something, usually it's becausewe are after the feeling, right?
And then Kathy Heller says it,and I'm reading a book by I
think her name is JenniferBlanchard.
We are like they all are sayingthe same thing.
(24:08):
I think all roads lead to thesame kind of destination.
Um, but there's no destination,right?
We're open.
So um you want to feel thoseemotions now.
So if you want the health andthe weight or whatever, so you
can feel happy or joyful orpeaceful, feel the peace now,
feel the calm now.
(24:28):
And I really love that.
Um Jennifer suggested in herbook, it's called Quantum Leap
Your Life.
She suggested to make a list ofyour feel good list.
So today I was writing down whatfeels good to me: walking, uh,
coloring, um meditation, uh,dancing, listen to music.
(24:50):
So list your feel-good list, andwhenever you don't feel good and
you want to get into thoseemotions, go to your list and
choose something for you to do.
And you don't have to have alist of 10, it can be a list of
three things that make you feelgood, right?
And they don't have to beextravagant, they don't have to
cost money.
Walking doesn't cost money,coloring doesn't.
I mean, you have crayons and youjust color, uh, you know,
(25:12):
putting on a song, putting on asong, absolutely, dancing.
You can just go in in the roomor in the bathroom, even and
dance, or um, just go back tothat list and and and feel good,
and then get back into thoseemotions because once you
prioritize the feelings that youwant to feel when because what
(25:33):
we always wait like when I getthis, when I have the baby, when
I have the this, when I havethat job, I'm gonna be
satisfied, happy, relieved,etc., which is not true, you
want to feel the emotions nowversus later.
SPEAKER_00 (25:47):
Yeah, okay.
Do you have an affirmation forus?
SPEAKER_01 (25:52):
I do.
Okay, remember, we're gonna douh just a couple rounds of
breath.
So we are gonna inhale for four,hold for four, and exhale for
six.
And the affirmation or themantra, whatever you want to
call it, or the feel-good phraseis I honor the lessons that
shaped me.
Okay, so I would always welllet's put our hand on our heart.
(26:14):
We're gonna we're gonna inhalefor four.
I'm gonna guide you.
One, two, three, four.
We're gonna hold for four.
One, two, three, four, andexhale for six.
One, two, three, four, five,six.
(26:35):
We're gonna do this one moretime.
Inhale for four, two, three,four, hold again, four, two,
three, four, and exhale, two,three, four, five, six, and
repeat that the whole time.
I honor the lessons that shapedme.
(26:56):
I honor the lessons that shapedme.
SPEAKER_00 (26:59):
And guys, it's just one step on your healing
journey.
You pick where you need tostart.
Maybe it's here, maybe it'semotions.
We have lots of episodes tosupport you.
We reference other podcasts,books, so many things.
So if you are here because youwant to start your healing
journey, we are giving youeverything we have.
Everything.
(27:20):
And then, yeah, share this withpeople.
Guys, that helps us grow.
We so appreciate that.
Um, when you leave us a review,when you share it with a friend,
the more downloads we get, themore it's shown to people that
need this.
And then, of course, you canalways message us on Instagram
or Facebook and let us knowtopics you want to hear about,
guests you want us to bring on,whatever.
(27:41):
We'll see you on the nextepisode.
Welcome to the Heal Yourself podcast, where we dive
deep into all things healing.
I'm Denise, a speech languagepathologist and a self-love
coach for adults and teens.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and
functional nutritionist, andwe're here to guide you through
the transformative process ofhealing your body, mind, and
soul.
SPEAKER_01 (00:25):
From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing
your relationship with yourself,healing trauma, and even
transforming your money story.
We're here to empower you withthe knowledge and tools to
create lasting change.
SPEAKER_00 (00:39):
So whether you're looking to heal physically,
emotionally, or spiritually,join us as we explore the many
paths to wholeness and wellness.
And today, Denise and I want totalk about seeing everything as
(00:59):
a gift, which for some is goingto be a really tough pill to
swallow.
Because you're like, no, thatthat shitty thing just happened
to me is not a gift.
And we want to talk about why itmight be today.
SPEAKER_01 (01:12):
Absolutely.
It definitely is a gift.
We may not see it becauseremember we have tunnel vision.
We don't see because remember,Kathy Heller in her latest
podcast, she said we only see1%.
The 99% is we are in ourunconscious.
So it is definitely a gift.
We just are so caught up withthe, and actually, I actually
made a TikTok video yesterdayabout that hustle culture.
(01:35):
We are too caught up with thathustle culture.
I want to do this, I want to getthere, I want to whatever.
However, sometimes that fiveminutes being late will work out
for you amazing only if you arewanting to see it that way also
and wanting to choose it.
Because remember, it's all aboutchoice.
That's that's where free willcomes in.
SPEAKER_00 (01:55):
Yeah.
And that's the thing.
Like when we say view everythingas a gift, it doesn't mean that
the gift always comes wrapped upin a bow, right?
SPEAKER_01 (02:03):
Like it's no, it can be wrapped up in caca.
SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
Yeah, and that's what I was to say, like a gift
could be a lump of coal, itcould be wrapped in, I don't
know, sandpaper.
Like a gift doesn't always poop.
Yeah, exactly.
It doesn't always have to bepretty, but what is the end
result?
And I think for both of us, Idon't want to put words in your
mouth, but I'm going to.
I think we we view triggers asteachers, right?
(02:31):
Like every time we're annoyed,every time we're aggravated,
every time we're triggered bysomething, um, whatever it might
be, these show you where you'releaking power.
Like that is a wonderfulopportunity for you.
Therefore, that is a gift.
It is a gift to be shown.
Hey, this is where you'releaking all of the power that
(02:52):
you have.
But a lot of us, like you said,don't don't want to see things
as gifts.
And not even just hustleculture, just people don't want
to do that inner work or to see,like, hey, this really crappy
thing that I'm going throughright now is something that's
gonna like it's teaching mesomething.
I'm gonna grow from this.
SPEAKER_01 (03:12):
Yeah, no, and that's kind of like exactly that what I
was gonna, you know, also say isjust that you know, you don't
get to here where you and Iright now are getting to
observing the triggers andeverything as what a gift
because we truly you and I areright now like seeing literally
everything as a gift, and we arepausing and saying what a gift.
(03:32):
However, we didn't get heretoday, we got here from years of
you and I putting in the workand not just reading the books.
Remember, there's always likethis information overload,
right?
I read like 500 books, but it'snot we didn't just read the
books and listen to the podcastand attended the workshops.
Right now, we're alsointegrating all that, and I
(03:55):
totally know that if you arelistening right now and you're
like, oh my goodness, I don'teven know, just start putting in
the work.
And it's literally moment bymoment.
Yesterday I was listening to umKimberly Snyder with Kathy
Heller podcast, and it's not theyou know, yes, the big retreats
and the workshops and all that,those are amazing, but it is the
moment by moment where you areactually choosing.
(04:18):
You are you know, you seesomeone in a hurry, or you're
letting you're choosing to letthem in your lane versus you
know cussing them off for youknow cutting you off or
whatever, cussing them out forcutting you off, right?
Or you are choosing to smile.
Uh, you know, when you're atTrader Joe's and you are, you
know, you are talking with thewith the cashier, you're
(04:41):
choosing to smile and asking heror him, yes, how is your day?
You know, I wish you a beautifulday.
These are small moments thatwill actually are make a bigger
difference than, you know, likeyes, great with the retreats and
all that, but you know, justalways be patient with yourself,
but put in the work.
You can't expect to see what youand I see, Kira, without the
(05:05):
work that we put in.
Because you and I, I mean, Imean, with all humility, we put
in the freaking work.
SPEAKER_00 (05:12):
Well, and we're we want to be very clear, we're not
done, and we are well aware thatwe're not done.
The work doesn't end.
It's just amazing to see theplace that we've gotten to after
knowing each other for years.
And I'll give you guys anexample.
Like, this is actually this is agood lesson for me right now
(05:33):
because it's like, yes, a lot oftimes I will say, like, oh, you
know, what is this teaching me?
That's how I say it.
Like, I don't say this as agift, but I'm like, what is this
teaching me?
And I forget because I'm human,and you're gonna forget because
you're human.
But here I am just tellingDenise, like, my son had a
baseball game.
We love watching him play.
(05:53):
There was not supposed to berain.
All of a sudden there was rain,it cooled down, there was wind,
like we're out there shivering.
And I wasn't moaning andgroaning, but you know, every so
often I'd turn to my husband andbe like, oh my gosh, it's so
cold.
But what a gift it was to beable to sit there and watch him
play baseball.
SPEAKER_01 (06:11):
You know, absolutely absolutely, oh my goodness, how
how far have you come with that,with that little boy, right?
From him, you know, notcommunicating, not talking, and
you, you know, worrying aboutthat.
Like, what are we gonna do?
And and now he's playingbaseball.
SPEAKER_00 (06:28):
Yeah, so it's like it can be these little things or
like emotions, right?
We all get into our emotions,we're human, and if you guys
have not listened to our emotionepisode, that's a top one.
I think it's episode five.
SPEAKER_01 (06:42):
I think it's one of our top ones.
SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
It is, it is, yeah.
But I mean, think about all ofthe emotions that you get into
on a day-to-day basis.
Those those emotions are giftsbecause they're helping you grow
and learn, right?
Every time you get into anger,every time you get into
frustration, every time you gointo whatever it might be, this
is sharpening your intuition ifyou're viewing it as like, oh,
(07:06):
this is a gift.
They're doing so much for you,but a lot of times we view like
oh these negative emotions andwe let it take us down, right?
That's how we can get stuck invictim mentality.
But emotions are gifts, lossesare gifts, breakups are gifts,
identity collapses, all of thesethings can be gifts, and I want
(07:26):
to be very clear they can bevery painful things in the
moment.
So you are not gonna view it asa gift, however, when you start
to realize that the things thatwere stripped away from you
weren't serving you, that'swhere the gift comes in.
And Denise, I can put you on thespot here, but like you shared,
(07:47):
you're going through a lot.
SPEAKER_01 (07:49):
Like that's that's a really big I am, and I am gonna
give you an example because italso happened yesterday where I
did, you know, go into the uhold patterns and con and an
unconscious, you know, thinkingor whatever.
Uh, as you know, that I do I amliving with my parents right
now.
I'm not living at my home, at mymarital home because I'm going
(08:10):
through a divorce.
And uh yesterday I was like soexcited we're gonna pass out
candy.
And then it was literally like Iwas sitting there, and my mom
and my grandma was wereconstantly complaining and the
contradicting, like, don't passout too much chocolate.
Or yeah, pass out too muchchocolate.
And I was like, wait a minute,like we're barely having people.
So I was like, first I was in mysilence because I'm in my queen
(08:30):
energy, like I am, you know,silence is golden, etc.
And I could have used so many ofmy strategies I and I did step
away for a minute, but it wasjust I just let it get to me,
which is fine.
And I blew up, I blew up.
I was like, oh my god, like allthis time, you're like
complaining, right?
And then however, but what did Ido?
(08:51):
I immediately like to so ofcourse we spent we ended up
spending the night, it was likewe turned it into a joke, etc.
But I did go back and night atnight, and I was, you know,
journaling about it and talkingto myself about it, like you
know, what a gift that I gottriggered, right?
What a gift that my awarenessright now I didn't let it drag.
And what is this truly about?
(09:12):
And now I have a different plan.
I could have done this, I couldhave done that, but I didn't
just okay.
Um, you know, you know, Irealized it earlier, etc.
But I am leading into all thepain.
I mean, leaving my home andleaving my relationship was very
painful, you know, and sometimesit still is, but I am seeing it
as a gift because I know that Iam one, I'm learning so much
(09:35):
about myself, and then two, Ihave been praying to that's the
thing.
Like I oh, I would I would prayand journal.
I don't know who I am withoutthis, without that, and then
when this presented to me,because sometimes God remember,
God answers your prayers in thisdifferent ways, and it doesn't
have to be your way, and it'snot gonna be all rainbows and
(09:58):
you know, happiness and stufflike that.
It can also be painful, but it'salways um, it's kind of like
when you I always tell Avery,it's like when you when you dig
through, you know, like kind ofand then you get the gem, or you
you know, when you go in likemining with the with the kids,
you know, like whenever you getdig through all the dirt to get
the jewels and to get all thegems, so it's it's just leaning
(10:21):
into that pain.
And um, like for example, I wasable yesterday to get my nails
done.
So that's why I I started to seethe small little gifts, right?
So I was able to get my nailsdone in between clients, you
know, and because I have my mybusiness, and because I don't
have to like, you know, um tobecause I'm living with my
(10:41):
parents, I'm not cleaning thehouse, etc.
So I'm like seeing every singlething in my life as a gift, even
though I am going through apainful breakup of 22 years of
marriage.
But um, and again, even withliving with my parents, that I'm
seeing all the patterns, but I'malways saying I'm blessed that
with all of things, everythingI'm going through, you know,
they're helping me with thelaundry, they're helping me with
(11:03):
food, like I don't have to cook,I don't have to do this.
There are so many things I don'thave to do where if I don't live
with them, I had to like dealwith the breakup, deal with the
divorce, and then deal withhaving, you know, to clean the
house, to run the business, toto do all that.
And yeah, so I know I went off atangent.
I don't know where I'm goingwith this, but it is just really
(11:24):
important to um, you know,yesterday I was like I was
seeing the peace and thehappiness and the calm in the
moment, even though, you know,I'm not with my husband anymore.
You know what I mean?
Like, even though I am goingthrough something difficult, you
know, and I but I did choose tolean into the peace and calm of
(11:46):
that energy.
And it's always a choice.
SPEAKER_00 (11:49):
Well, and one thing I want to say about this before,
you know, because I could seepeople getting triggered.
So there's your word rightthere.
Listening to this of like, whatare you talking about?
I'm going through this horriblething or this terrible thing
happened to me, something supertraumatic.
Where, like, where the hell do Isee that that's a gift?
And it's not about seeing thegift in the moment, it's not
(12:11):
about being grateful for thistraumatic event if it's
something big, but it's aboutrecognizing on the other side,
right?
Not when you're in the midst ofit.
And that's the thing.
Like, Denise is seeing thosemoments, but you are in the
middle of it still.
Like you can't see the full giftyet because you're still there.
So if someone is in the thick oftrauma, okay, when you're
(12:31):
through it, when you're on theother side, now can you
recognize the strength you have?
Can you recognize the awarenessyou cultivated?
Can you recognize the gifts, theattachment, all of these things
that you were holding on to?
The gift is rarely in thatmoment.
It's who you become after,whether it's something major or
(12:52):
something minor.
SPEAKER_01 (12:54):
Yes, absolutely.
No, I I totally agree.
And yes, and people may be goingthrough may more traumatic
events.
This could be like, oh, this isnothing.
Because you know, sometimes I,you know, I do look at other
people's like, like, like, forexample, I do have a friend
going through something a littlebit more difficult than what I'm
going through.
And and I totally feel like her,and I I even say I'm blessed
(13:19):
that I'm going through this.
That's nothing compared to hers.
But I love what you said aboutit, it is just on the other side
and who you are becoming in theprocess, you know, that person
that um you are also choosing tobe in the moment.
And I don't know, it's just likeI know that we're definitely
(13:42):
like we go through theseobstacles or through everything
because it is an answer to aprayer that we forgot that we
said one day, right?
And it's the prayer sometimesdoesn't just come like wrapped
in a gift and in diamond and inall that, it just comes in those
experiences that will elevateyou to the person that you are
meant to be that will wake upyour soul.
(14:03):
Don't forget that a lot of usare going around with their, you
know, and so sometimes a lot ofmy prayer is, you know, um, I
pray for my soul to wake me upbecause my soul is there, it's
just like this human suit that Ihave.
And or sometimes I pray for, youknow, I know that I'm only
seeing the 1%.
Help me see the 20 or the 30% ofthat 99%, right?
(14:27):
So for example, today inmeditation, I was doing the
morning spansa meditation, andhe and he goes through in, you
know, talking to that parentinside of you, to your inner
self, to whatever.
And I did tell it, you know,like, show me, you know, send me
a sign.
It's always about he tells you,like, you know, tell tell your
uh higher self to send you asign that's in an unexpected
(14:49):
way.
And then I went to Trader Joe'sand I bought something, and the
amount was$69.99, so it was$9.99, and I came to look up
what$999 means, and it'sbasically everything that I
wanted.
It was about like closingchapters and opening new ones
and stuff like that.
And um there are and I feelsometimes when you are viewing
(15:11):
these moments as gifts or thesetriggers as gifts, you are also
opening up this thesynchronicities, you're seeing
them more, but when you are, youknow, dwelling in your misery
and in the victim mentality,you're not seeing the
synchronicities.
SPEAKER_00 (15:27):
No, and let's not forget, we're here to evolve.
Like, I 100% believe that to betrue.
We did not come to this planetto just be the same person of
like, oh, okay, yes, I'm growingup every year.
I get older, but it's like, areyou staying in the same
emotions?
Do you continue to have the sametriggers?
Do you continue to speak toyourself and others the same
(15:48):
way?
I really hope not.
Like, I pray that is not thecase.
And it is for many out there,right?
Like so many people, and youhear the word asleep, but they
are asleep because they have notdone any of that work, they're
just like walking zombies, andit's like if we are here to grow
and evolve, wouldn't you want tostart to see things as a gift to
(16:11):
make your life better?
Because that's really what it isabout, right?
Like, if I walk around and sayeverything sucks, and I was out
there at the baseball game oflike, oh my gosh, this is awful.
How?
How does that make my lifebetter?
Then it just puts me in a funk.
But if I can choose to seethings as a gift, little things,
big things, okay, what lessonsam I getting?
(16:33):
I I don't know.
Like my life has gotten so muchbetter.
The more I do this, the easierit is to get in gratitude and
say, thank you, like for all ofthese beautiful things in my
life.
And thank you for putting mehere.
Thank you for letting meexperience this.
Thank you for letting me evolve.
Thank you for helping mecontinue to evolve.
Like there's so many things, andI think that we get stuck at
(16:54):
what healing even means.
And I I can't define it.
I don't think you can either.
Like, healing is such a journey,but once you get on that train,
it it is like you can't get offonce you're on it.
SPEAKER_01 (17:07):
No, you can't, and it's a different journey for
every single person.
And it's important also to knowthat also our free will uh is is
also us choosing the energy thatwe want to lead with, right?
So you lead with the energy, sokind of like when you wake up
and choose, you know, whatoutfit you want to wear, how you
want to do your hair, samething.
(17:28):
What are the what's the energythat I want to lead with?
What is the energy that I wantmy day to um you know to be
versus letting the experiencesand the moments around you
dictate that?
So I think if you lead withthat, like you know, I mean, I'm
going to choose calm today.
So when you're on the phone withinsurance or with T-Mobile,
(17:49):
you're choosing calm versusletting that person at the DMV
or letting that person or theDMV person because some of them
are rude.
I know they're that's why I usethat one, you know, dictate
that, right?
So it is just important to justlike you choose your jewelry for
the day, your your outfit, yourwhatever, choose the energy that
(18:11):
you want to lead with, and thatreally will help you to view the
moments and to be this energy inevery moment and not allow you
know everything that's happeningbecause things are gonna happen.
That's the thing, you're notjust gonna walk easy peasy in
life, like things are going tobe happening around you, you
(18:33):
know.
Some you know, but you're gonnabe talking on the phone, and
someone is gonna be rude to you,right?
But instead of you being rudeback, it's just you know,
wishing them a good day or thankyou so much for your help.
You've been amazing, you know,and you don't know what you're
doing for that person, right?
They could be having a horribleday, but you, you know, you
(18:55):
don't know how many times was itsince I decided the way I talk
to people because I used to bevery aggressive on the phone,
especially like I'm gonna thinkwhat I was, yeah.
So um I would like right now,I'm choosing to like, you know,
be kind and wishing them a goodday, or like ask them, you know,
and how are you?
How was your weekend, orwhatever they ask me, so I can
(19:16):
ask it back, and you're like, ohmy goodness, thank you so much.
You know, like they really arethankful, and some of them are
not, don't get me wrong.
Yesterday the lady was not, butit doesn't matter to me.
I wished her whatever I neededto wish her.
And um, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (19:30):
Well, and I was just gonna kind of throw in some
questions.
This this goes perfectly withwhat you said.
When we're in little moments, orwhen we're on the other side, or
even in the midst of something,right?
If it's nothing that's supertraumatic, or if you're if
you've done a lot of work andyou can still ask the questions
in the middle, great.
But it this is where askingbetter questions comes into play
(19:52):
of like, okay, why is thishappening now?
It's a wonderful question to askyourself.
What is this revealing?
What strength is being activatedin me, right?
Because we all have strengths,we all have weaknesses.
Where are your strengths?
Where can you show up better?
And where am I being asked toupgrade how I show up?
Like, what else can I be doing?
There's so and that's the thing,these are just four questions.
(20:14):
You could approach this in somany different ways, but this is
where the gold is, or the gems,as you say, as you dig through
stuff.
Like, you're in the situation,what am I learning?
What like what is coming ofthis?
Where is the gift?
Even if you don't see it in thatmoment, and even if it takes you
a long time, just know liketelling yourself, right?
(20:37):
There is a gift in this, there'ssomething in here that's better
for me.
That's it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:42):
Yeah, and then just like we always say, Well, you
you know, you wanna you want towant better for yourself, right?
You do want to ask the thequestions, you do want to um
take the time, prioritizeyourself, you know.
Like, like to me, my nervoussystem is my priority because I
(21:02):
lived in survival for a longtime, and I I just right now I
refuse.
So anytime I get back into like,oh my goodness, I have to do
that, just slow myself down, andit is what it is.
I get it done when I need to getit done, or you know, whatever.
But again, I really want toreiterate because you and I used
to like listen to these people,and we used to like read the
(21:25):
books and be like, oh mygoodness, like I don't know,
sometimes what are they talkingabout?
I can't see it.
And if you if something thatwe're saying is sounding
triggering or is like you'relike saying, but how it's
literally because you you youneed to do a little bit more
work, so definitely commit toyourself every day, and even if
(21:46):
just like again, I always go towalking because walking is
magic, walking is really magic,and then people and you can
walk, like even if you workfull-time and you have so much
to do, you get a lunch break andyou can walk on your lunch
break, right?
Or you can I mean, if you and ifyou're saying right now I don't
(22:08):
have time to walk, I mean, wehave a really big problem.
Oh, yeah, I mean, a really bigproblem.
Dig dig deeper into that, right?
And um, priorities, and walkingwill reveal so much.
Like, ask the question that youknow Kira suggested and then go
for a walk, or during your walk,ask those questions, talk to
(22:29):
yourself, right?
Like, you know, no one islistening to you when you're
walking by yourself, right?
Or even if you're walking withyour baby, like I get it.
If you're walking with olderchildren, just ask your ask the
here internally, and you'll besurprised and always be open to
the answers.
I always say, I am open to theanswers, I'm open to seeing
(22:50):
this, and I'm choosing to seeingthe synchronicities, I'm
choosing to, you know, likeagain, like I don't want you to
think like, oh my goodness, youknow, Kira's life and my life is
magical, but we're choosing,we're choosing to see it as
magic.
We're choosing to say that weare brought us here.
(23:13):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
And and just thank thosehardships truly, truly, truly,
truly.
SPEAKER_00 (23:19):
I mean, I don't know, like it's just and that's
the thing love everything, loveeverything that's coming up, and
that's what I was gonna saybecause I've got some clients
that will tell me, like, oh mygosh, I just feel like I'm
waiting for the other shoe todrop.
And I'm like, that's whereyou've got to get into that
seeing things as a gift.
Do I look forward to terriblethings that are gonna happen in
(23:40):
my life?
No, but thank you for allowingme to be here and have these
opportunities.
SPEAKER_01 (23:46):
Yeah, you know, and I I do want to say that also we
are mostly we are like when wewant something, whether it's the
health or whatever, the the themoney or the relationship or
something, usually it's becausewe are after the feeling, right?
And then Kathy Heller says it,and I'm reading a book by I
think her name is JenniferBlanchard.
We are like they all are sayingthe same thing.
(24:08):
I think all roads lead to thesame kind of destination.
Um, but there's no destination,right?
We're open.
So um you want to feel thoseemotions now.
So if you want the health andthe weight or whatever, so you
can feel happy or joyful orpeaceful, feel the peace now,
feel the calm now.
(24:28):
And I really love that.
Um Jennifer suggested in herbook, it's called Quantum Leap
Your Life.
She suggested to make a list ofyour feel good list.
So today I was writing down whatfeels good to me: walking, uh,
coloring, um meditation, uh,dancing, listen to music.
(24:50):
So list your feel-good list, andwhenever you don't feel good and
you want to get into thoseemotions, go to your list and
choose something for you to do.
And you don't have to have alist of 10, it can be a list of
three things that make you feelgood, right?
And they don't have to beextravagant, they don't have to
cost money.
Walking doesn't cost money,coloring doesn't.
I mean, you have crayons and youjust color, uh, you know,
(25:12):
putting on a song, putting on asong, absolutely, dancing.
You can just go in in the roomor in the bathroom, even and
dance, or um, just go back tothat list and and and feel good,
and then get back into thoseemotions because once you
prioritize the feelings that youwant to feel when because what
(25:33):
we always wait like when I getthis, when I have the baby, when
I have the this, when I havethat job, I'm gonna be
satisfied, happy, relieved,etc., which is not true, you
want to feel the emotions nowversus later.
SPEAKER_00 (25:47):
Yeah, okay.
Do you have an affirmation forus?
SPEAKER_01 (25:52):
I do.
Okay, remember, we're gonna douh just a couple rounds of
breath.
So we are gonna inhale for four,hold for four, and exhale for
six.
And the affirmation or themantra, whatever you want to
call it, or the feel-good phraseis I honor the lessons that
shaped me.
Okay, so I would always welllet's put our hand on our heart.
(26:14):
We're gonna we're gonna inhalefor four.
I'm gonna guide you.
One, two, three, four.
We're gonna hold for four.
One, two, three, four, andexhale for six.
One, two, three, four, five,six.
(26:35):
We're gonna do this one moretime.
Inhale for four, two, three,four, hold again, four, two,
three, four, and exhale, two,three, four, five, six, and
repeat that the whole time.
I honor the lessons that shapedme.
(26:56):
I honor the lessons that shapedme.
SPEAKER_00 (26:59):
And guys, it's just one step on your healing
journey.
You pick where you need tostart.
Maybe it's here, maybe it'semotions.
We have lots of episodes tosupport you.
We reference other podcasts,books, so many things.
So if you are here because youwant to start your healing
journey, we are giving youeverything we have.
Everything.
(27:20):
And then, yeah, share this withpeople.
Guys, that helps us grow.
We so appreciate that.
Um, when you leave us a review,when you share it with a friend,
the more downloads we get, themore it's shown to people that
need this.
And then, of course, you canalways message us on Instagram
or Facebook and let us knowtopics you want to hear about,
guests you want us to bring on,whatever.
(27:41):
We'll see you on the nextepisode.
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