June 11, 2025 • 12 mins
While Heads will often focus on the emotional chaos of being in a relationship with a Heart partner, there's something important that can get missed beneath all that. In this episode, Randy tells the story of the moment he knew that Beverly was the perfect partner... at least, perfect for him. It's a short episode since Beverly is off island for the day but it's an important message about the real value of Hearts.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to Heart vs.
Head, a podcast that helpscouples communicate and fight
better.
Here are your hosts, RandiHampton and Beverly Craddock.
SPEAKER_01 (00:21):
Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast.
It's Randy Beverly.
How's this week off?
She's traveling and off island.
So you get me and this is reallygoing to be a conversation
that's intended...
for the head partner.
I wanna talk to heads because Ithink there's something that a
lot of us miss when it comes toour relationship.
(00:44):
And I know a lot of ourlisteners out there as we kind
of track the demographics andstuff, there's a lot of hearts
out there listening.
So if you haven't convinced yourhead partner that maybe they
need to listen to some of this,this might be just the podcast
for you to help encourage them.
I wanna tell you a story becauseit's been happening a lot lately
(01:04):
with clients.
We get clients that come in,heart clients, and they're so
frustrated with the way that ashearts, they feel all of this
emotion.
Because for a lot of hearts, itbecomes overwhelming, especially
when in our relationship, theemotions get big.
We get into conflict and we justfeel really emotional and hearts
(01:29):
tend to wrestle with that.
And they often look at us headsand they go, oh, wow, I wish I
was more like that.
I wish I could control myfeelings or I wish I could
suppress those feelings.
So I want to tell a story that'simportant, I think, for heads
and hearts will hopefully getthis too.
It's a story about the momentthat I realized I was going to
(01:54):
be with Beverly forever.
The moment I realized that I hadfound the most amazing person
that I Not a perfect person,shh, don't tell her I said so,
but an amazing person that wasperfect for me.
Beverly and I had been marriedfor about 10 years when all of
(02:16):
this happened.
It's kind of funny to say, youknow, it wasn't until 10 years
in that I was aware that Beverlyand I were going to be together
forever, because that was alwaysthe plan.
I didn't marry Beverly thinkingit was some kind of short-term
or medium-term thing.
thing, it was always theintention to be together
forever.
(02:37):
However, as a head, we oftenbeat ourselves up kind of
internally wondering if we'reworthy, a lot of those things.
It took 10 years to figure outthat even if I wasn't worthy,
Beverly is a great big heart assomebody that's guided by her
feelings and guided by caringabout how other people feel and
(02:59):
making decisions based on how itfeels for her and how it feels
for everybody around her,Beverly is a great big heart,
was capable of accepting me evenwhen I wasn't good enough.
Let me tell you that story.
Beverly's first husband was,well, Mark, was, from what I've
heard, an amazing guy and reallyalso a great big heart himself,
(03:24):
and was just this incredibleguy, but he had a challenge.
He drank too much.
Beverly's first husband, Mark,was an alcoholic, and he
wrestled with it for years andyears and years.
Now, I had only met Mark twicein life.
Once, when Beverly and I workedtogether many years ago, she was
(03:46):
going through her divorce.
I was still married to my firstwife at the time, and Mark had
come by the office, and Ihappened to chat with him just
for a very short period of time,just a couple minutes, very
surface-level conversation.
Didn't think much of it.
Years later, After Beverly and Ihad gotten married, Mark had
come through town.
(04:07):
We were living in Denver.
He had driven through Denver andwanted to drop something off or
whatever.
So really had only met Mark inperson twice.
As much as everybody that knewMark would tell you what a great
guy he was, I didn't have thatimpression of Mark.
The impression I had of Mark wasthe things that I knew from
(04:31):
being around Beverly and thethings that I knew from being
around her kids.
And I had never, in all the timethat I was around Beverly and
her kids, never seen a birthdaycard or a Christmas card or a
phone call to say happy birthdayor hey, I'm proud that you
(04:51):
graduated or anything from Markto his children.
There was also not any childsupport.
Beverly single-mommed as anamazing tough lady single mom to
those kids and did it on herown.
And so as the second husbandcoming onto the scene, my
(05:11):
perception of Mark, fair or not,my perception of Mark was that's
not a good guy.
That's a guy that occasionallycalls every once in a while and
will talk to Beverly, butforgets to ask about his kids.
And so I couldn't understandthat.
And so about five years ago,Beverly got a call one morning,
(05:33):
we were at our office here inHonolulu and Beverly got a call.
It was about nine o'clock in themorning and the call came from
her son.
Her son was living in Miami,Florida at the time, an adult.
He is a pilot and he was livingin Miami, Florida and he got a
call from the coroner, themedical examiner in the county
(05:56):
in which Mark lived.
And the coroner told her son,I'm calling, I wrote, you know,
we're going to inform you thatyour father is dead.
Mark had died.
Basically, years and years andyears and years of drinking had
just shut everything down.
The coroner contacted Beverly'sson because he was next of kin
(06:19):
to determine, okay, what needsto happen now, what funeral
home, what arrangements neededto be made, where the body
needed to be sent and those kindof things and contacted
Beverly's son.
The challenge was Beverly's son,as an adult in his 30s at the
time early 30s he didn't have alot of contact with his dad for
a lot of years and so he didn'tknow he didn't know what to do
(06:43):
and there wasn't a lot of familymark's family had gotten a
little bit burned out i thinkwith the the years of of alcohol
beverly's son called Beverly.
So we're at the office, nineo'clock in the morning, Beverly
gets a call from her son and hesays, mom, dad's dead.
Beverly, she and I were talkingand we were trying to calm
everybody down and kind of helpthe kids deal with this news
(07:08):
because it's traumatic, youknow, felt very bad for them.
What an unresolved situation, alot of stuff going on, of
course.
Tried to help make sure thatthey were okay.
And then Beverly came into myoffice after about a half hour
or so after everything hadcalmed down.
And she came into my office andshe said, I have to go.
I have to go to Colorado.
(07:29):
I have to go deal with this.
Now, I'm going to tell yousomething that's probably, I
don't, maybe this makes me a badperson.
Maybe not.
You can feel free to judge.
My reaction in that moment asher husband maybe contained a
bit of frustration, anger,jealousy, and a lot of different
(07:49):
things.
And she said, I have to go toColorado and deal with deal with
Mark.
And I said, no, no, you don't.
You don't.
You can just pick up the phone,call the coroner, tell the guy,
hey, we don't care.
Throw him in a ditch.
And I get it.
I get it.
That sounds horrible.
Because as I tell it, I know itsounds horrible.
But I've never claimed to be aperfect person, just a person
(08:14):
trying to do better.
And I said, we don't have to go.
Just tell him we don't care.
And my wife said, no, I need togo.
And I said, well, Okay.
And she did.
She went to Colorado.
Her kids met her there.
We helped pay to cremate Mark.
The kids took his ashes into themountains, a place that he loved
(08:36):
as a person, and they spread hisashes there.
And I stayed in Honolulu.
And there was this part of methat wanted to be upset about
that because I thought, how canshe still care for this guy
after After everything he did toher, after all of these things,
(08:57):
after the years of alcohol, theyears of shouting and yelling
and all of the things that gowith drunkenness in a
relationship, the divorce andraising kids on her own and
having no support, no help.
And how can she still care forthis guy enough that she goes
there?
Because in my mind, there waspart of me that said she cares
(09:19):
for someone else.
And that felt that.
That felt strange to me.
And then there was this otherpart of me that realized
something in a moment.
I realized that Beverly, as aheart, has an amazing capacity
to care for people, to lovepeople, regardless of the
(09:40):
moments in their life wherethey're not necessarily the best
people.
She has an amazing capacity tolove.
And hearts do that.
And I hear it from my clients somuch recently about how hard
that is and how exhausting itcan be to just care so much
because it hurts.
And there's a lot ofdisappointment that can go along
with that.
But as a head in that moment, itwas that moment that I realized
(10:02):
Beverly was capable of greatlove.
And as a person who's capable ofgreat love, if she can love
Mark, if she can love Mark afterall that he did to her, I have a
chance.
I have a chance.
She can love me even at myworst, even when I'm not my best
person, even when I'm angry,even when I'm dealing with my
(10:24):
own challenges and my own crapand my own not good enough in my
mind.
So that part of me that's alwaysbeat me up, that's always told
me I wasn't good enough,suddenly realized I was.
I was good enough for Beverly tolove me.
You see, heads, I tell you thisstory because I want you to
understand that your heartpartner has something magical.
(10:47):
Your heart partner has acapacity to care in a way that
you as a head don't.
We don't And it's not thateither of us is wrong.
It's just that because heartshave so much emotion, they also
have all the crazy.
They have all the sad.
They have all the angry.
They have all the anxious andthe lonely and all of those
(11:10):
things.
But they also have all the goodemotions.
They have all the love.
And I realized in that momentthat Beverly could love me
regardless, regardless of who Iwas in the moment, of my bad
moments.
moments, she was still capableof loving me.
And that, that was the moment Iknew the value of what I had,
(11:31):
truly knew the value of what Ihad.
So heads, I know your partner isgoing to drive you crazy, and
that's okay.
I tell Beverly all the time thatshe's crazy, but she is exactly
the kind of crazy I need, andshe has a great capacity for
love, and I need that.
It's what I've always wanted inmy life.
So heads, you've got a partnerthat has something special, and
(11:55):
they can love you exactly theway you always wanted somebody
to, if you let them.
Something to think about.
Beverly will be back next week.
Look forward to talking to youagain on the podcast.
Have a wonderful
SPEAKER_00 (12:12):
day.
Thanks for listening to Heartvs.
Head.
You can learn more atheartandheadcoaching.com and
check out new podcast episodesevery Wednesday.
If you have a question for Randyand Beverly, send an email to
info atheartandheadcoaching.com.
Welcome to Heart vs.
Head, a podcast that helpscouples communicate and fight
better.
Here are your hosts, RandiHampton and Beverly Craddock.
SPEAKER_01 (00:21):
Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast.
It's Randy Beverly.
How's this week off?
She's traveling and off island.
So you get me and this is reallygoing to be a conversation
that's intended...
for the head partner.
I wanna talk to heads because Ithink there's something that a
lot of us miss when it comes toour relationship.
(00:44):
And I know a lot of ourlisteners out there as we kind
of track the demographics andstuff, there's a lot of hearts
out there listening.
So if you haven't convinced yourhead partner that maybe they
need to listen to some of this,this might be just the podcast
for you to help encourage them.
I wanna tell you a story becauseit's been happening a lot lately
(01:04):
with clients.
We get clients that come in,heart clients, and they're so
frustrated with the way that ashearts, they feel all of this
emotion.
Because for a lot of hearts, itbecomes overwhelming, especially
when in our relationship, theemotions get big.
We get into conflict and we justfeel really emotional and hearts
(01:29):
tend to wrestle with that.
And they often look at us headsand they go, oh, wow, I wish I
was more like that.
I wish I could control myfeelings or I wish I could
suppress those feelings.
So I want to tell a story that'simportant, I think, for heads
and hearts will hopefully getthis too.
It's a story about the momentthat I realized I was going to
(01:54):
be with Beverly forever.
The moment I realized that I hadfound the most amazing person
that I Not a perfect person,shh, don't tell her I said so,
but an amazing person that wasperfect for me.
Beverly and I had been marriedfor about 10 years when all of
(02:16):
this happened.
It's kind of funny to say, youknow, it wasn't until 10 years
in that I was aware that Beverlyand I were going to be together
forever, because that was alwaysthe plan.
I didn't marry Beverly thinkingit was some kind of short-term
or medium-term thing.
thing, it was always theintention to be together
forever.
(02:37):
However, as a head, we oftenbeat ourselves up kind of
internally wondering if we'reworthy, a lot of those things.
It took 10 years to figure outthat even if I wasn't worthy,
Beverly is a great big heart assomebody that's guided by her
feelings and guided by caringabout how other people feel and
(02:59):
making decisions based on how itfeels for her and how it feels
for everybody around her,Beverly is a great big heart,
was capable of accepting me evenwhen I wasn't good enough.
Let me tell you that story.
Beverly's first husband was,well, Mark, was, from what I've
heard, an amazing guy and reallyalso a great big heart himself,
(03:24):
and was just this incredibleguy, but he had a challenge.
He drank too much.
Beverly's first husband, Mark,was an alcoholic, and he
wrestled with it for years andyears and years.
Now, I had only met Mark twicein life.
Once, when Beverly and I workedtogether many years ago, she was
(03:46):
going through her divorce.
I was still married to my firstwife at the time, and Mark had
come by the office, and Ihappened to chat with him just
for a very short period of time,just a couple minutes, very
surface-level conversation.
Didn't think much of it.
Years later, After Beverly and Ihad gotten married, Mark had
come through town.
(04:07):
We were living in Denver.
He had driven through Denver andwanted to drop something off or
whatever.
So really had only met Mark inperson twice.
As much as everybody that knewMark would tell you what a great
guy he was, I didn't have thatimpression of Mark.
The impression I had of Mark wasthe things that I knew from
(04:31):
being around Beverly and thethings that I knew from being
around her kids.
And I had never, in all the timethat I was around Beverly and
her kids, never seen a birthdaycard or a Christmas card or a
phone call to say happy birthdayor hey, I'm proud that you
(04:51):
graduated or anything from Markto his children.
There was also not any childsupport.
Beverly single-mommed as anamazing tough lady single mom to
those kids and did it on herown.
And so as the second husbandcoming onto the scene, my
(05:11):
perception of Mark, fair or not,my perception of Mark was that's
not a good guy.
That's a guy that occasionallycalls every once in a while and
will talk to Beverly, butforgets to ask about his kids.
And so I couldn't understandthat.
And so about five years ago,Beverly got a call one morning,
(05:33):
we were at our office here inHonolulu and Beverly got a call.
It was about nine o'clock in themorning and the call came from
her son.
Her son was living in Miami,Florida at the time, an adult.
He is a pilot and he was livingin Miami, Florida and he got a
call from the coroner, themedical examiner in the county
(05:56):
in which Mark lived.
And the coroner told her son,I'm calling, I wrote, you know,
we're going to inform you thatyour father is dead.
Mark had died.
Basically, years and years andyears and years of drinking had
just shut everything down.
The coroner contacted Beverly'sson because he was next of kin
(06:19):
to determine, okay, what needsto happen now, what funeral
home, what arrangements neededto be made, where the body
needed to be sent and those kindof things and contacted
Beverly's son.
The challenge was Beverly's son,as an adult in his 30s at the
time early 30s he didn't have alot of contact with his dad for
a lot of years and so he didn'tknow he didn't know what to do
(06:43):
and there wasn't a lot of familymark's family had gotten a
little bit burned out i thinkwith the the years of of alcohol
beverly's son called Beverly.
So we're at the office, nineo'clock in the morning, Beverly
gets a call from her son and hesays, mom, dad's dead.
Beverly, she and I were talkingand we were trying to calm
everybody down and kind of helpthe kids deal with this news
(07:08):
because it's traumatic, youknow, felt very bad for them.
What an unresolved situation, alot of stuff going on, of
course.
Tried to help make sure thatthey were okay.
And then Beverly came into myoffice after about a half hour
or so after everything hadcalmed down.
And she came into my office andshe said, I have to go.
I have to go to Colorado.
(07:29):
I have to go deal with this.
Now, I'm going to tell yousomething that's probably, I
don't, maybe this makes me a badperson.
Maybe not.
You can feel free to judge.
My reaction in that moment asher husband maybe contained a
bit of frustration, anger,jealousy, and a lot of different
(07:49):
things.
And she said, I have to go toColorado and deal with deal with
Mark.
And I said, no, no, you don't.
You don't.
You can just pick up the phone,call the coroner, tell the guy,
hey, we don't care.
Throw him in a ditch.
And I get it.
I get it.
That sounds horrible.
Because as I tell it, I know itsounds horrible.
But I've never claimed to be aperfect person, just a person
(08:14):
trying to do better.
And I said, we don't have to go.
Just tell him we don't care.
And my wife said, no, I need togo.
And I said, well, Okay.
And she did.
She went to Colorado.
Her kids met her there.
We helped pay to cremate Mark.
The kids took his ashes into themountains, a place that he loved
(08:36):
as a person, and they spread hisashes there.
And I stayed in Honolulu.
And there was this part of methat wanted to be upset about
that because I thought, how canshe still care for this guy
after After everything he did toher, after all of these things,
(08:57):
after the years of alcohol, theyears of shouting and yelling
and all of the things that gowith drunkenness in a
relationship, the divorce andraising kids on her own and
having no support, no help.
And how can she still care forthis guy enough that she goes
there?
Because in my mind, there waspart of me that said she cares
(09:19):
for someone else.
And that felt that.
That felt strange to me.
And then there was this otherpart of me that realized
something in a moment.
I realized that Beverly, as aheart, has an amazing capacity
to care for people, to lovepeople, regardless of the
(09:40):
moments in their life wherethey're not necessarily the best
people.
She has an amazing capacity tolove.
And hearts do that.
And I hear it from my clients somuch recently about how hard
that is and how exhausting itcan be to just care so much
because it hurts.
And there's a lot ofdisappointment that can go along
with that.
But as a head in that moment, itwas that moment that I realized
(10:02):
Beverly was capable of greatlove.
And as a person who's capable ofgreat love, if she can love
Mark, if she can love Mark afterall that he did to her, I have a
chance.
I have a chance.
She can love me even at myworst, even when I'm not my best
person, even when I'm angry,even when I'm dealing with my
(10:24):
own challenges and my own crapand my own not good enough in my
mind.
So that part of me that's alwaysbeat me up, that's always told
me I wasn't good enough,suddenly realized I was.
I was good enough for Beverly tolove me.
You see, heads, I tell you thisstory because I want you to
understand that your heartpartner has something magical.
(10:47):
Your heart partner has acapacity to care in a way that
you as a head don't.
We don't And it's not thateither of us is wrong.
It's just that because heartshave so much emotion, they also
have all the crazy.
They have all the sad.
They have all the angry.
They have all the anxious andthe lonely and all of those
(11:10):
things.
But they also have all the goodemotions.
They have all the love.
And I realized in that momentthat Beverly could love me
regardless, regardless of who Iwas in the moment, of my bad
moments.
moments, she was still capableof loving me.
And that, that was the moment Iknew the value of what I had,
(11:31):
truly knew the value of what Ihad.
So heads, I know your partner isgoing to drive you crazy, and
that's okay.
I tell Beverly all the time thatshe's crazy, but she is exactly
the kind of crazy I need, andshe has a great capacity for
love, and I need that.
It's what I've always wanted inmy life.
So heads, you've got a partnerthat has something special, and
(11:55):
they can love you exactly theway you always wanted somebody
to, if you let them.
Something to think about.
Beverly will be back next week.
Look forward to talking to youagain on the podcast.
Have a wonderful
SPEAKER_00 (12:12):
day.
Thanks for listening to Heartvs.
Head.
You can learn more atheartandheadcoaching.com and
check out new podcast episodesevery Wednesday.
If you have a question for Randyand Beverly, send an email to
info atheartandheadcoaching.com.
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