May 21, 2025 • 18 mins
Do you love your partner or are you in love with that wonderful feeling of being in love? It's easy for our brain to like the wonderful feeling of the early stages of being in love but it can trick our brain into believing that love will always feel that way. That leaves a lot of Hearts feeling disappointed and Heads feeling frustrated. Let's talk about it. In this episode, Randy and Beverly unpack why falling in love is awesome and staying in love takes some understanding. #HeartVersusHead
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to Heart vs.
Head, a podcast that helpscouples communicate and fight
better.
Here are your hosts, RandiHampton and Beverly Craddock.
SPEAKER_02 (00:21):
So Randi, I had a client the other day and I think
she's in love with love.
SPEAKER_03 (00:27):
Just in love with love, not in love with the
person she's with, just in lovewith love.
SPEAKER_02 (00:32):
Wow.
Of course, it's going to be alittle more complicated than
that.
SPEAKER_03 (00:37):
Understandably.
But I hear in love with love andI go, well, yeah, aren't we all?
It's cool.
It's like the three goodemotions, love, peace, and
happiness.
And yeah, those are all great.
Who's not in love with love, butyou make it sound like that
client hadn't taken the nextstep.
And I guess that's actually kindof common.
SPEAKER_02 (00:58):
In the beginning, we're all familiar with the
honeymoon phase.
I mean, that is what we all loveabout love, right?
It's when we fall in love andthere's this intense attraction,
sometimes physical or emotionalchemistry.
It's like we can't get enough ofthat other person.
(01:19):
And we really put them kind ofon a pedestal where we just see
their best side.
We overlook flaws or sometimesyellow or red flags.
And all we want to do is justtalk and spend time together.
The problem with the honeymoonphase is that you can't sustain
(01:39):
it.
It dies out.
And it's anywhere from sixmonths to two years, depending
on the couple, the situation.
The client that I'm talkingabout is a female.
They had been in a relationshipfor about four years, I believe.
So the honeymoon phase wasdefinitely over.
She was really not happy withwhere the relationship was.
(02:02):
And the more that she talked tome about the issues, it started
to dawn on me that she waslooking for that spark that you
get in that honeymoon phase.
SPEAKER_03 (02:14):
Well, there's certainly a study out there.
Maybe it's just an urban legend,or maybe there's actually the
study out there.
I've not read this specificstudy, but I remember somewhere
along the way reading about astudy that said falling in love
is for the brain, just likecocaine.
It's that dopamine hit that Itis like cocaine.
(02:34):
It's just that woo.
And so that feeling is veryaddicting, I would guess.
Are you saying maybe thisperson, like so many that we see
and maybe sometimes even us, isjust a love addict?
SPEAKER_02 (02:54):
I don't know if I would go that far.
Obviously, we don't deal withlabels.
We're into coaching.
It's more about expectation andneeds.
I think in the beginning, we'reall hearts.
Two people fall in love, head orheart, you're going to both be
hearts.
And that honeymoon phase isamazing.
I remember telling you after wegot married a few months that
(03:18):
you were a better boyfriend thana husband.
SPEAKER_03 (03:21):
I remember that.
I hope it's not still true, butI do remember the day you said
you were a better boyfriend.
SPEAKER_02 (03:33):
are very emotion-led.
We love those intense romanticmoments.
When that fades and we go intothe next phase of the
relationship, which is reallythe reality phase, that's where
everybody goes back to who theyare.
(03:54):
The routine sets in, daily lifeis predictable, and everything
goes from novelty of that newperson to now reality or
normalcy.
And so, of course, this is wherethe problems come in.
This is where we start to seethe flaws, the weaknesses, the
things we overlooked before,maybe things that weren't even
(04:17):
there.
They were just in ourimagination or perception.
And so it's easy to see whysomeone like this client would
mourn almost those days ofhoneymoon phase.
SPEAKER_03 (04:32):
I think that's probably why there's a a lot of
people that you see that havekind of serial relationships
that are about a year too longand just kind of keep doing that
because they're looking for thatfeeling to last forever.
And once it fades, they move on.
I remember talking about thisjust briefly.
(04:52):
We don't pre-plan thesepodcasts.
We grab a topic and then we kindof freeform it.
That's so that it's just anatural conversation, I think.
We try not to script it.
I've heard so many podcast wherepeople kind of script their
stuff.
So we try not to do that.
We did talk about this afterthat client you had mentioned,
oh, I think this client's inlove with love.
(05:13):
And as I was thinking aboutthat, I was kind of thinking
about the head perspective onthat as the head partner.
I understand the in love withlove thing, but I also realized
there's another component atplay in this because when the
heart partner is happy, happy,happy, and then more and more
and more in the loss, they'reThe head partner has entered a
(05:36):
relationship and like has thistendency to just check the box.
We sit around in our life asheads and we go, okay, there's
the things that I need to do.
Family, career, make money, havea hobby, have some friends.
Yeah.
You know, check, check, check,check, check.
Everything's all planned out inour head and everything goes in
(05:57):
the right box.
We have this tendency when therelationship is safe.
And I think that's maybe theplace where where it kind of
settles in, where the head goes,okay, this relationship feels
stable.
This is my person.
I think there's this tendencysubconsciously.
I don't think anybody does itintentionally, but just kind of
this tendency to go, okay,check.
(06:17):
I've got the relationship.
Now I need to pay attention tothe career.
I need to get back by focus onwhatever.
SPEAKER_02 (06:27):
Well, and that was certainly true in our
relationship because when we gotmarried and things started
settling in to that realityphase, you had moved into a
different job, a different city.
And so, of course, you had amore demanding job.
You spent more time and hoursworking on that.
(06:47):
And so I felt like I lost you.
I was like, where'd he go?
SPEAKER_03 (06:51):
Well, that's why I was a better boyfriend.
SPEAKER_02 (06:53):
That's right.
Then what a heart does is we'llspend months trying to figure
out what's wrong.
We'll sit there in our head andwe'll become detectives.
This is where hearts becomeprivate eye, head-led people.
And we start looking at ourpartner and wondering what's
going on.
And we start asking morequestions and sometimes even
(07:17):
looking through phone or email,although I don't think I was
that kind of person.
But we really want to knowwhat's going on.
Where'd that person go?
They must have something that isjust pulling all their attention
away.
And we don't really think of itas work.
I mean, maybe short term okayyeah there's a big deadline he's
busy for a couple of months butonce that passes we expect that
(07:40):
partner to come back
SPEAKER_03 (07:41):
I think this gets to the thing we were talking about
with kind of love being thisking emotion so great and
wonderful it's like the bestemotion hearts are trying to
maintain it and want thatfeeling whereas heads like the
feeling of love we just realizethat it ebbs and flows And so
(08:03):
we're not as concerned.
We think it's just going to bethere while we do all the other
stuff.
Mm-hmm.
(08:33):
I'm trying to think if I've everlived up to the perception of
me.
Holy cow.
I give a good perception.
Let me tell you, people arelike, oh, he seems nice.
I'm like, I'm not nice.
Okay.
So this is a challenge because Iremember my boss telling me when
you and I were dating, I was soin love.
You were in love.
We were hearts.
Well,
SPEAKER_01 (08:53):
let's
SPEAKER_03 (08:53):
spend all the time we can together.
People told us we were so cute.
Right.
And my boss basically said, hey,Randy, you're used And it wasn't
that I wasn't doing my job.
I had just become an averageemployee.
I'd become the average employeeand he was used to me being
(09:14):
insane, crazy, wake up at threein the morning to return his
emails.
And when I wasn't doing thatanymore, his perception changed
too.
He was happy for you though.
Just settle into therelationship.
(09:36):
And maybe for me, it was thestability and feeling that
stability and knowing theamazing strength of your love
and all of those things.
(10:03):
And you need to be aware of itin your relationship, especially
if you're at that point in therelationship where you go, oh,
wow, my head partner used tolove me so much.
And now they don't.
You started talking about itwhere hearts feel like the
head's attention goes otherplaces.
But I think hearts assume thatour attention.
(10:23):
You
SPEAKER_02 (10:24):
found another partner.
SPEAKER_03 (10:25):
Which is love is being given to someone else or
something else Versus a jobor...
And it's not really love from ahead perspective, it's
attention.
SPEAKER_02 (10:41):
See, this is where it goes awry though, because
hearts, our oxygen, if you'vebeen following our podcast, our
oxygen is connection andattention.
And so it makes sense that whena head refocuses that attention
on other things, we freak outbecause we're not getting that
attention.
If we don't get attention, we'renot getting connection.
(11:03):
all of a sudden it's an issue.
And this is why a lot ofcouples, maybe you've got some
friends in this situation wherethey had the honeymoon phase.
It was amazing.
They moved in together.
So exciting.
And then six months later,they're fighting or somebody's
moving out.
And the problem is they madethis big decision to move in
(11:23):
together while they were in thehoneymoon phase.
And then when reality hit, oncetheir roommates and everybody's
back to life and job andresponsibilities, then all of a
sudden the two of them startfighting and they start seeing
the reality, the conflicts riseup, the relationship just seems
(11:46):
like you're with somebodycompletely different.
And no wonder that seems like amajor hurdle.
SPEAKER_03 (11:54):
This gets back to the maybe study about love and
cocaine in the brain.
So what you're saying is we'reall making decisions early in
the relationship while we'rehigh, high on love.
And that may not be the besttime to be making decisions.
SPEAKER_02 (12:10):
Stop.
Are you insinuating that wedated six months and therefore
you may have made a improperdecision while on cocaine
SPEAKER_03 (12:20):
love?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I just I'm wondering.
I'm just asking.
No, I made the best choice of mylife marrying you.
But it certainly explains that.
That concept of a betterboyfriend.
Right.
You're a better boyfriend thanyou are a husband.
Right.
Because we're focused on it.
(12:42):
All of our attention is pumpedinto it.
And then our attention turns toother things.
Now, that's not to say yourattention can't turn to other
things.
Somebody darn well better befocused on a job.
SPEAKER_02 (12:54):
That's a good thing.
It really
SPEAKER_03 (12:56):
is.
Somebody better be focused on-Future.
Planning the life.
We just miss- there'sassumptions there the heart
assumes that the love has gonesomewhere else the head assumes
that the love will always bethere even if we turn our
attention to something else andthen one day we wake up and
(13:18):
we're both wrong because it'snot that way
SPEAKER_02 (13:21):
so I think we've laid out the problem how it
evolves how it gets there thingsthat we're seeing in clients
that are coming in for someassistance there's nothing wrong
with asking out We dorelationship coaching and
absolutely love what we do.
SPEAKER_03 (14:02):
And when our partner comes at us and goes, I just
feel like you don't love meanymore, we're able to go, oh,
wait, maybe this is that.
And we can respond to it in amore appropriate way because
that's not what we're lookingfor.
I never wanted you to feel likethe love I have for you
diminished in any way.
SPEAKER_02 (14:20):
Right.
For you, it never changed.
And that's why the head partnerbecomes so confused when the
heart is like, is theresomething wrong?
Is there something going on?
And you're wondering why there'sall the questions.
You're focused.
Did I miss something?
Why is there a problem?
Why is she asking me this?
Because for you, it neverchanged.
(14:40):
For me, it was night and day.
SPEAKER_03 (14:44):
You compared it once to a bait and switch, like
seeing an ad for a car andgoing, oh my goodness, they have
a Ferrari for$7,000.
I'm going to go buy thisFerrari.
And you show up at the car lotand they're like, oh no, Sorry,
we sold the Ferrari eightminutes ago.
(15:05):
But for$7,000, I can sell youthis 1978 Ford Escape or
whatever.
Well, you're better than anEscape.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
I'm just not quite the Ferrari.
That is a true story.
That's what she told me.
(15:26):
She said, I think it was a baitand switch.
I did not.
It was in the container in mybrain for hurtful things.
SPEAKER_02 (15:35):
Here's the good news.
Okay.
Everything in life is, you know,there's good and bad to it.
So the good side of this is itreally is an opportunity to take
your relationship to the nextlevel.
So when you're in the realisticphase, if you can go another six
months, one year, and thecommunication is there, and
(15:57):
you're loving each otherprobably even more because love
does mature, love does grow andevolve and change through the
phases, then you're going toknow that you really have found
your person.
You're going to find thatthere's more teamwork, having
each other's back.
You're going to start to seethat the foundation is really
(16:18):
strong.
And that is the best thing ever,which Randy and I had all of
those things.
I was just chasing love, justlike a And what I always talk to
hearts about is if you don'thave the romance and date nights
(16:40):
and that intimacy that you'relooking for, go after it, chase
it.
Your partner's right there.
They haven't gone anywhere.
I mean, they are responding abit differently, but they're the
same person.
If you initiate a few things, ifyou suggest go out to dinner
with a date night and so forth,they'll be there.
(17:01):
They'll meet you.
in that romantic place.
I'm
SPEAKER_03 (17:05):
glad we had this chat.
I hope it helps somebody outthere go, oh, wait, maybe that's
what's happening in ourrelationship.
Heart and head are different.
Grab a copy of The Couple'sRulebook.
The Couple's Rulebook on Amazonwe wrote in 2018 and explains a
lot of these differences betweenheart and head.
But these are the kind of thingsthat just happen over and over
(17:26):
and over and over and over againin relationships.
Anything you want to add,Beverly, before we get
SPEAKER_02 (17:45):
out of here?
you'll see that the realisticphase is actually a good thing.
SPEAKER_03 (18:04):
All right, Beverly, I love being in love with you.
We'll talk to everybody nexttime on the podcast.
UNKNOWN (18:15):
Aloha.
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
Thanks for listening to Heart vs Head.
You can learn more atheartandheadcoaching.com and
check out new podcast episodesevery Wednesday.
If you have a question for Randyand Beverly, send an email to
info atheartandheadcoaching.com.
Welcome to Heart vs.
Head, a podcast that helpscouples communicate and fight
better.
Here are your hosts, RandiHampton and Beverly Craddock.
SPEAKER_02 (00:21):
So Randi, I had a client the other day and I think
she's in love with love.
SPEAKER_03 (00:27):
Just in love with love, not in love with the
person she's with, just in lovewith love.
SPEAKER_02 (00:32):
Wow.
Of course, it's going to be alittle more complicated than
that.
SPEAKER_03 (00:37):
Understandably.
But I hear in love with love andI go, well, yeah, aren't we all?
It's cool.
It's like the three goodemotions, love, peace, and
happiness.
And yeah, those are all great.
Who's not in love with love, butyou make it sound like that
client hadn't taken the nextstep.
And I guess that's actually kindof common.
SPEAKER_02 (00:58):
In the beginning, we're all familiar with the
honeymoon phase.
I mean, that is what we all loveabout love, right?
It's when we fall in love andthere's this intense attraction,
sometimes physical or emotionalchemistry.
It's like we can't get enough ofthat other person.
(01:19):
And we really put them kind ofon a pedestal where we just see
their best side.
We overlook flaws or sometimesyellow or red flags.
And all we want to do is justtalk and spend time together.
The problem with the honeymoonphase is that you can't sustain
(01:39):
it.
It dies out.
And it's anywhere from sixmonths to two years, depending
on the couple, the situation.
The client that I'm talkingabout is a female.
They had been in a relationshipfor about four years, I believe.
So the honeymoon phase wasdefinitely over.
She was really not happy withwhere the relationship was.
(02:02):
And the more that she talked tome about the issues, it started
to dawn on me that she waslooking for that spark that you
get in that honeymoon phase.
SPEAKER_03 (02:14):
Well, there's certainly a study out there.
Maybe it's just an urban legend,or maybe there's actually the
study out there.
I've not read this specificstudy, but I remember somewhere
along the way reading about astudy that said falling in love
is for the brain, just likecocaine.
It's that dopamine hit that Itis like cocaine.
(02:34):
It's just that woo.
And so that feeling is veryaddicting, I would guess.
Are you saying maybe thisperson, like so many that we see
and maybe sometimes even us, isjust a love addict?
SPEAKER_02 (02:54):
I don't know if I would go that far.
Obviously, we don't deal withlabels.
We're into coaching.
It's more about expectation andneeds.
I think in the beginning, we'reall hearts.
Two people fall in love, head orheart, you're going to both be
hearts.
And that honeymoon phase isamazing.
I remember telling you after wegot married a few months that
(03:18):
you were a better boyfriend thana husband.
SPEAKER_03 (03:21):
I remember that.
I hope it's not still true, butI do remember the day you said
you were a better boyfriend.
SPEAKER_02 (03:33):
are very emotion-led.
We love those intense romanticmoments.
When that fades and we go intothe next phase of the
relationship, which is reallythe reality phase, that's where
everybody goes back to who theyare.
(03:54):
The routine sets in, daily lifeis predictable, and everything
goes from novelty of that newperson to now reality or
normalcy.
And so, of course, this is wherethe problems come in.
This is where we start to seethe flaws, the weaknesses, the
things we overlooked before,maybe things that weren't even
(04:17):
there.
They were just in ourimagination or perception.
And so it's easy to see whysomeone like this client would
mourn almost those days ofhoneymoon phase.
SPEAKER_03 (04:32):
I think that's probably why there's a a lot of
people that you see that havekind of serial relationships
that are about a year too longand just kind of keep doing that
because they're looking for thatfeeling to last forever.
And once it fades, they move on.
I remember talking about thisjust briefly.
(04:52):
We don't pre-plan thesepodcasts.
We grab a topic and then we kindof freeform it.
That's so that it's just anatural conversation, I think.
We try not to script it.
I've heard so many podcast wherepeople kind of script their
stuff.
So we try not to do that.
We did talk about this afterthat client you had mentioned,
oh, I think this client's inlove with love.
(05:13):
And as I was thinking aboutthat, I was kind of thinking
about the head perspective onthat as the head partner.
I understand the in love withlove thing, but I also realized
there's another component atplay in this because when the
heart partner is happy, happy,happy, and then more and more
and more in the loss, they'reThe head partner has entered a
(05:36):
relationship and like has thistendency to just check the box.
We sit around in our life asheads and we go, okay, there's
the things that I need to do.
Family, career, make money, havea hobby, have some friends.
Yeah.
You know, check, check, check,check, check.
Everything's all planned out inour head and everything goes in
(05:57):
the right box.
We have this tendency when therelationship is safe.
And I think that's maybe theplace where where it kind of
settles in, where the head goes,okay, this relationship feels
stable.
This is my person.
I think there's this tendencysubconsciously.
I don't think anybody does itintentionally, but just kind of
this tendency to go, okay,check.
(06:17):
I've got the relationship.
Now I need to pay attention tothe career.
I need to get back by focus onwhatever.
SPEAKER_02 (06:27):
Well, and that was certainly true in our
relationship because when we gotmarried and things started
settling in to that realityphase, you had moved into a
different job, a different city.
And so, of course, you had amore demanding job.
You spent more time and hoursworking on that.
(06:47):
And so I felt like I lost you.
I was like, where'd he go?
SPEAKER_03 (06:51):
Well, that's why I was a better boyfriend.
SPEAKER_02 (06:53):
That's right.
Then what a heart does is we'llspend months trying to figure
out what's wrong.
We'll sit there in our head andwe'll become detectives.
This is where hearts becomeprivate eye, head-led people.
And we start looking at ourpartner and wondering what's
going on.
And we start asking morequestions and sometimes even
(07:17):
looking through phone or email,although I don't think I was
that kind of person.
But we really want to knowwhat's going on.
Where'd that person go?
They must have something that isjust pulling all their attention
away.
And we don't really think of itas work.
I mean, maybe short term okayyeah there's a big deadline he's
busy for a couple of months butonce that passes we expect that
(07:40):
partner to come back
SPEAKER_03 (07:41):
I think this gets to the thing we were talking about
with kind of love being thisking emotion so great and
wonderful it's like the bestemotion hearts are trying to
maintain it and want thatfeeling whereas heads like the
feeling of love we just realizethat it ebbs and flows And so
(08:03):
we're not as concerned.
We think it's just going to bethere while we do all the other
stuff.
Mm-hmm.
(08:33):
I'm trying to think if I've everlived up to the perception of
me.
Holy cow.
I give a good perception.
Let me tell you, people arelike, oh, he seems nice.
I'm like, I'm not nice.
Okay.
So this is a challenge because Iremember my boss telling me when
you and I were dating, I was soin love.
You were in love.
We were hearts.
Well,
SPEAKER_01 (08:53):
let's
SPEAKER_03 (08:53):
spend all the time we can together.
People told us we were so cute.
Right.
And my boss basically said, hey,Randy, you're used And it wasn't
that I wasn't doing my job.
I had just become an averageemployee.
I'd become the average employeeand he was used to me being
(09:14):
insane, crazy, wake up at threein the morning to return his
emails.
And when I wasn't doing thatanymore, his perception changed
too.
He was happy for you though.
Just settle into therelationship.
(09:36):
And maybe for me, it was thestability and feeling that
stability and knowing theamazing strength of your love
and all of those things.
(10:03):
And you need to be aware of itin your relationship, especially
if you're at that point in therelationship where you go, oh,
wow, my head partner used tolove me so much.
And now they don't.
You started talking about itwhere hearts feel like the
head's attention goes otherplaces.
But I think hearts assume thatour attention.
(10:23):
You
SPEAKER_02 (10:24):
found another partner.
SPEAKER_03 (10:25):
Which is love is being given to someone else or
something else Versus a jobor...
And it's not really love from ahead perspective, it's
attention.
SPEAKER_02 (10:41):
See, this is where it goes awry though, because
hearts, our oxygen, if you'vebeen following our podcast, our
oxygen is connection andattention.
And so it makes sense that whena head refocuses that attention
on other things, we freak outbecause we're not getting that
attention.
If we don't get attention, we'renot getting connection.
(11:03):
all of a sudden it's an issue.
And this is why a lot ofcouples, maybe you've got some
friends in this situation wherethey had the honeymoon phase.
It was amazing.
They moved in together.
So exciting.
And then six months later,they're fighting or somebody's
moving out.
And the problem is they madethis big decision to move in
(11:23):
together while they were in thehoneymoon phase.
And then when reality hit, oncetheir roommates and everybody's
back to life and job andresponsibilities, then all of a
sudden the two of them startfighting and they start seeing
the reality, the conflicts riseup, the relationship just seems
(11:46):
like you're with somebodycompletely different.
And no wonder that seems like amajor hurdle.
SPEAKER_03 (11:54):
This gets back to the maybe study about love and
cocaine in the brain.
So what you're saying is we'reall making decisions early in
the relationship while we'rehigh, high on love.
And that may not be the besttime to be making decisions.
SPEAKER_02 (12:10):
Stop.
Are you insinuating that wedated six months and therefore
you may have made a improperdecision while on cocaine
SPEAKER_03 (12:20):
love?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I just I'm wondering.
I'm just asking.
No, I made the best choice of mylife marrying you.
But it certainly explains that.
That concept of a betterboyfriend.
Right.
You're a better boyfriend thanyou are a husband.
Right.
Because we're focused on it.
(12:42):
All of our attention is pumpedinto it.
And then our attention turns toother things.
Now, that's not to say yourattention can't turn to other
things.
Somebody darn well better befocused on a job.
SPEAKER_02 (12:54):
That's a good thing.
It really
SPEAKER_03 (12:56):
is.
Somebody better be focused on-Future.
Planning the life.
We just miss- there'sassumptions there the heart
assumes that the love has gonesomewhere else the head assumes
that the love will always bethere even if we turn our
attention to something else andthen one day we wake up and
(13:18):
we're both wrong because it'snot that way
SPEAKER_02 (13:21):
so I think we've laid out the problem how it
evolves how it gets there thingsthat we're seeing in clients
that are coming in for someassistance there's nothing wrong
with asking out We dorelationship coaching and
absolutely love what we do.
SPEAKER_03 (14:02):
And when our partner comes at us and goes, I just
feel like you don't love meanymore, we're able to go, oh,
wait, maybe this is that.
And we can respond to it in amore appropriate way because
that's not what we're lookingfor.
I never wanted you to feel likethe love I have for you
diminished in any way.
SPEAKER_02 (14:20):
Right.
For you, it never changed.
And that's why the head partnerbecomes so confused when the
heart is like, is theresomething wrong?
Is there something going on?
And you're wondering why there'sall the questions.
You're focused.
Did I miss something?
Why is there a problem?
Why is she asking me this?
Because for you, it neverchanged.
(14:40):
For me, it was night and day.
SPEAKER_03 (14:44):
You compared it once to a bait and switch, like
seeing an ad for a car andgoing, oh my goodness, they have
a Ferrari for$7,000.
I'm going to go buy thisFerrari.
And you show up at the car lotand they're like, oh no, Sorry,
we sold the Ferrari eightminutes ago.
(15:05):
But for$7,000, I can sell youthis 1978 Ford Escape or
whatever.
Well, you're better than anEscape.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
I'm just not quite the Ferrari.
That is a true story.
That's what she told me.
(15:26):
She said, I think it was a baitand switch.
I did not.
It was in the container in mybrain for hurtful things.
SPEAKER_02 (15:35):
Here's the good news.
Okay.
Everything in life is, you know,there's good and bad to it.
So the good side of this is itreally is an opportunity to take
your relationship to the nextlevel.
So when you're in the realisticphase, if you can go another six
months, one year, and thecommunication is there, and
(15:57):
you're loving each otherprobably even more because love
does mature, love does grow andevolve and change through the
phases, then you're going toknow that you really have found
your person.
You're going to find thatthere's more teamwork, having
each other's back.
You're going to start to seethat the foundation is really
(16:18):
strong.
And that is the best thing ever,which Randy and I had all of
those things.
I was just chasing love, justlike a And what I always talk to
hearts about is if you don'thave the romance and date nights
(16:40):
and that intimacy that you'relooking for, go after it, chase
it.
Your partner's right there.
They haven't gone anywhere.
I mean, they are responding abit differently, but they're the
same person.
If you initiate a few things, ifyou suggest go out to dinner
with a date night and so forth,they'll be there.
(17:01):
They'll meet you.
in that romantic place.
I'm
SPEAKER_03 (17:05):
glad we had this chat.
I hope it helps somebody outthere go, oh, wait, maybe that's
what's happening in ourrelationship.
Heart and head are different.
Grab a copy of The Couple'sRulebook.
The Couple's Rulebook on Amazonwe wrote in 2018 and explains a
lot of these differences betweenheart and head.
But these are the kind of thingsthat just happen over and over
(17:26):
and over and over and over againin relationships.
Anything you want to add,Beverly, before we get
SPEAKER_02 (17:45):
out of here?
you'll see that the realisticphase is actually a good thing.
SPEAKER_03 (18:04):
All right, Beverly, I love being in love with you.
We'll talk to everybody nexttime on the podcast.
UNKNOWN (18:15):
Aloha.
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
Thanks for listening to Heart vs Head.
You can learn more atheartandheadcoaching.com and
check out new podcast episodesevery Wednesday.
If you have a question for Randyand Beverly, send an email to
info atheartandheadcoaching.com.
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