January 20, 2025 • 17 mins
Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s close to my heart: self-care. But this isn’t about bubble baths and spa days—we’re redefining what self-care really means.
In this episode, we explore why self-care can be so difficult for women to prioritize and break it down into eight essential domains that go far beyond the surface. We’ll look at how societal expectations, invisible labor, and internalized guilt create barriers to self-care, and we’ll provide actionable steps to reclaim your well-being.
Here’s what we cover:
- Why self-care has been reduced to a buzzword and how to redefine it in a meaningful way.
- The eight domains of self-care—physical, psychological, spiritual, emotional, personal, professional, social, and financial—and how they interconnect to help you thrive.
- Practical tips for addressing neglected areas of self-care, from building better habits to setting boundaries and tackling invisible labor.
- Resources to empower your journey, including books, worksheets, and tools to help you take control of your self-care.
Links to Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
- Book: Fair Play by Eve Rodsky – Learn about invisible labor and how to share the mental load.
- Worksheets: Negative self-talk reframing guides and emotions wheel.
- Book: Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap – Build your financial literacy and independence.
- Podcast Episode: Tori Dunlap on how money buys happiness.
- Her Time Therapy Services: Learn about our affordable, accessible care options, including sliding scale services, Medicaid, and Medicare.
- Domestic Violence Resources: Support for leaving abusive relationships safely and identifying relationship red flags.
- Relationship Flags: Identify red flags and green flags in relationships. (Another resource HERE).
✨ Takeaway Message: Self-care is not selfish—it’s essential. Think of the eight domains as parts of a wheel. If one goes flat, the ride becomes bumpy. If several go flat, the wheel stops turning. Let’s focus on filling your wheel so you can thrive, not just survive.
🎙️ Tune in now on your favorite podcast platform!
💬 Share your thoughts and self-care wins using #HerTimeTherapy.
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This is your time. Your story matters. Your voice is powerful. And your mental health is worth prioritizing.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Meagan (00:28):
today we're diving into a topic that's close to my
heart, self care.
But we're not just talking aboutbubble baths or spa days, we're
redefining what self care reallymeans.
exploring why it can be so hardfor us as women to prioritize
ourselves, and discussing how topractice self care across eight
essential domains to trulythrive.
So let's start by addressing theessential question.
(00:50):
Why is it so hard for women toprioritize self care on a
consistent basis?
After all, we hear about selfcare all the time.
It's splashed across socialmedia accounts.
Our friends, family, and evenour therapists preach about it.
And it's really become so commonthat in a way it's lost meaning.
Because self care is marketed assomething that we should do, it
(01:11):
just becomes anotheroverwhelming item on our to do
list.
Another thing to feel guiltyabout if we just don't get to
it.
For many of us, the challengesto practicing self care
consistently and understandingwhat self care means for us as
individuals is connected tosocietal expectations.
Women are often raised to becaregivers, to put others needs
(01:31):
ahead of their own.
This feeds a constant underlyinglayer of guilt that all women
seem to have.
And when we take the time to dosomething like go to the gym or
get a massage, we run into aninternal conflict.
We are practicing self care, aswe've been told to do, yet
still, that directive comes inconflict with another directive
(01:52):
that we've been conditioned tobelieve and follow since birth,
and that is that to be a goodwoman, you are selfless, and you
are sure to take care of othersahead of yourself, so even when
you do the quote, right thing,and practice some form of self
care as often as you can, Alittle voice pops up that says
something like, I should reallyhave been home helping my kids
(02:13):
with homework instead ofspending that full hour at the
gym.
Or it felt really great tofinally get my hair done for the
first time in six months.
But gosh, I really should havespent that money on something
for the family.
So really any thought thatequates to this was great, but
because I spent time, money, orresources that benefited only
myself, I'm being selfish.
(02:33):
Does this sound familiar?
If not, take a moment to listento our episode on human giver
syndrome and then come back tothis one.
Another challenge to practicingself care consistently for women
is the invisible labor that wecarry that often goes
unacknowledged by others andsometimes even by ourselves.
This includes the mental load ofmanaging household schedules,
(02:55):
cleaning, remembering everyone'sappointments, handling emotional
support for loved ones, Makingholidays happen and countless
other unseen and unacknowledgedtasks that we keep track of
mentally and emotionally.
These responsibilities add upand increase our mental burden,
leaving little time or energyfor consistent self care.
(03:16):
Asking for help or delegatingtasks can feel like an uphill
battle, but recognizing andaddressing this invisible labor
is crucial to lightening theload enough to make space for
self care to be practiced in aconsistent way.
If this term invisible labor isnew to you and you want to learn
more about it, a great resourceis the book Fair Play.
By Eve Rotsky, which we'll linkto in the show notes.
(03:39):
This book in particular talksabout what invisible labor is
and how to share the load acrossthe family system instead of
taking it all on yourself.
But here's the truth.
You can't pour from an emptycup.
We've all heard it, and I knowthat's an overused phrase.
And honestly, many women mayeven challenge that phrase
because how often do we actuallypour from a basically depleted
(04:01):
cup?
Functioning from a place ofbeing drained and exhausted all
the time.
But we know this isn'tsustainable.
Eventually it leads to burnoutand a slew of other physical and
mental consequences due to thesheer volume of responsibilities
that we juggle in the modernworld.
So that means consistent selfcare isn't a luxury, it's a
necessity.
It's about giving ourselvespermission to thrive, not just
(04:23):
survive.
And the first step is redefiningwhat self care actually means
and what it looks like in ourlives.
As we've said, self care is somuch more than getting a massage
or going to the gym.
It's about addressing allaspects of your well being, and
there are probably more aspectsto that well being than you may
realize.
So we're going to dive into itand actually break self care
(04:44):
down into eight domains, each ofwhich play a crucial role in our
mental health.
So let's start with the obviousone, physical self care.
This is the one that we oftenthink of first.
It's about taking care of yourbody.
So examples are exercise,getting enough sleep, eating
nutritious meals on a routinebasis.
It could also mean schedulingthe overdue doctor's
(05:05):
appointments instead of justfocusing on the doctor's
appointments for your family.
Which is one of those invisiblelabor tasks that women tend to
take on.
Yet for many women, establishingconsistent physical self care is
daunting and feels unachievable.
It's the one that we talk aboutand that we are talking about
first, because it sets thefoundation for all other types
(05:28):
of self care.
If you're not sleeping, feedingyourself well, and moving your
body each day, then yourphysical and mental well being
will suffer.
There's no way around this one.
So if you are struggling toestablish good habits in this
domain, consider working with atherapist, a personal trainer,
and or a nutritionist to helpset an achievable routine.
(05:48):
The second domain ispsychological self care.
This involves nurturing yourmind and emotional resilience.
Engaging in activities likejournaling, therapy, and
practicing mindfulness ormeditation are all great options
here.
Setting boundaries with yourselfand others and saying no when
needed are also forms ofpsychological self care, as is
taking mental breaks throughoutyour day to just take a moment
(06:10):
and breathe and pause fromthinking about so many things.
For women, lack of psychologicalself care is a really common
cause of some of the mentalhealth conditions that we see
them come to us with.
Like anxiety and depression inparticular.
The psychological self careissue that I think I see most
often in my practice is Negativeself talk.
(06:31):
If you find yourself speakinginternally in a way that is more
degrading, aggressive, and cruelcompared to what you would ever
think of saying to a loved one,then this is an area of
psychological self care you maywant to start with.
A therapist, of course, can behelpful in this process, but if
you want to try to work onnegative self talk by yourself
first, we recommend using atherapist.
(06:52):
so that you get a sense of justhow often you're having this
negative self talk occurthroughout the day and what it's
really looking like.
It's quite different to put itdown on paper rather than just
have it kind of running throughyour mind all day.
You can also use a worksheetthat helps you reframe negative
self talk as a guide if you havetrouble stopping it and
(07:13):
challenging it on your own.
So we will link some of thoseresources in the show notes.
A third area of self care isspiritual.
And this doesn't have to bereligious, although it certainly
can be.
Attending a church ceremony or,reading religious texts can
definitely be a form ofspiritual self care.
But this is really about simplyconnecting to something bigger
than yourself.
(07:34):
So things like meditation, goingfor a hike and spending time in
nature.
Disconnecting from technology,maybe attending a yoga class, or
even engaging in more creativeactivities like painting can all
fall into this category.
Next, we have emotional selfcare.
Acknowledging and expressingyour feelings in healthy ways is
the goal here.
How often, and with who, are youable to share your emotional
(07:56):
truth?
Are you even honestlyidentifying the emotions that
you're having to yourself?
Practicing emotional self caremay look like having a heart to
heart with a friend, writing agratitude list, attending a
therapy session, or even cryingwhen you need to.
If you're the type of person whohas a hard time slowing down
long enough to notice and feelyour own emotions, a good place
(08:17):
to start may be to schedule fiveminutes a day where you stop
what you're doing, stop all theresponsibilities, Try to slow
down the thoughts, take a deepbreath, and just try to identify
what are the top three emotionscoming to the surface.
If you have a hard time puttingwords to it, you may use
something called an emotionwheel to help you in that
process.
(08:37):
And we'll also link thatresource for you.
Our fifth category of self careis personal.
This is about doing things thatbring you joy or help you to
grow as a person.
Now this category can sometimesbe difficult for women because
it fully contradicts what we'reconditioned to do as givers.
Practicing personal self caremeans doing things for your own
benefit.
(08:57):
So this may look like readingfor pleasure, spending time
engaging in a hobby, or doinganything that moves the needle
on your personal goals thatdoesn't necessarily benefit
anyone else or have anything todo with them.
This is something that's justfor you.
Next, we'll discuss professionalself care.
This involves creating a healthywork life balance, and maybe
even setting some professionalboundaries.
(09:19):
It could also mean taking amental health day or investing
in continuing education oranother degree in order to
change your career path.
A good way to start practicingprofessional self care is to
actually do a time and valuesassessment.
Basically, calculate the timethat you spend on certain
professional and personalactivities across the span of
your week.
(09:40):
Just take a holistic view ofwhere did all of your time go
over the course of seven days indoing this if you notice that
say 90 percent of your time isspent on work related activities
that you really don't feel thatpassionate about and you don't
really feel like they move youforward in a career that you
love, then it may be time toreassess your time allotment
should ideally be in alignmentwith your value system.
(10:03):
If you value prioritizing a lotof time with aging parents, for
example, working 60 plus hours aweek is out of alignment with
your values at this particularstage of your life.
So really anytime we areunbalanced and have a
misalignment between how wespend our time and the values
that we hold as a person, thatcreates a system where our
(10:23):
mental health suffers.
Our seventh domain is social.
One of the longest studies inhappiness, called the Harvard
Study of Adult Development,Reported that having good
relationships is the mostfundamental and critical element
to us being happy.
Sometimes we call thisrelational self care.
This is about nurturing thoserelationships in your life that
(10:43):
bring you happiness and a senseof community and support.
Ideally, this looks like carvingout dedicated time on a at least
semi regular basis to just bearound the people you love and
spend quality time with peoplewho uplift you.
However, it can also look likedoing some self reflecting on
relationships that are notbringing you joy and doing the
(11:04):
work to distance yourself fromtoxic dynamics when necessary.
For women who are experiencingabusive situations, this can be
especially difficult because anabuser has likely isolated you
and eroded your trust in yourown self and your own judgment.
So if you find yourself unsureif a relationship is bad enough
to leave, or if you determinethat you do want to leave a
(11:25):
relationship but are not surehow to do so safely, we
recommend reaching out to workwith a licensed mental health
provider that specializes indomestic violence and
interpersonal partner violence.
We will also link to someresources in the show notes that
can help support you if you'refeeling unsafe leaving a
relationship, as well asinformation on how to identify
green flags and red flags inthose relationships.
(11:47):
One of our next episodes willfocus solely on relationships,
so stay tuned as we dive muchdeeper into this element.
Finally, Perhaps surprisingly tosome, our last category, is
financial self care.
While financial self care is thelast element that we're
discussing, I actually believethis is one of the most critical
and foundational domains of selfcare for women.
(12:09):
How often do we as women shyaway from talking about money?
Pretty often, right?
Financial independence is one ofthe most empowering things that
we can achieve.
Financial self care is aboutgaining control of your
finances, budgeting, saving,investing, and building
financial independence.
And this is true even if you arein a healthy relationship
dynamic.
(12:30):
It's all about increasing yourpersonal financial literacy and
knowledge in a society that doesnot prioritize teaching women or
encouraging women to know aboutpersonal finances.
Women talking about money,especially if they have a goal
of becoming wealthy, is oftenchastised, both directly and
indirectly, as being greedy,intimidating.
Even unattractive.
(12:51):
Yet, there is that doublestandard that still exists today
where a man who talks aboutthese things, actively seeking
out money, investing, getting ahigh paying career, is regarded
as ambitious and driven.
So why does financial self carefor women matter so much?
It's simply because money equalschoices, and choices equal
freedom.
Financial control and stabilityis critical for women's well
(13:14):
being, and it's one of the firstareas that abusers target in
unhealthy relationships.
An excellent resource to startbuilding your personal financial
knowledge is Tori Dunlap's bookFinancial Feminist.
She also has a great, workbook,podcasts and a couple of courses
that aim to increase women'spersonal financial literacy and
independence.
Tori actually stated in one ofher more recent podcast episodes
(13:36):
that money does by happiness,and I completely agree.
Financial freedom gives us thepower to make choices.
Like leaving a toxic job orrelationship, accessing high
quality healthcare, pursuingeducation, or simply living life
in your terms.
It's about having the securityto know that you can keep a roof
over your own head and build alife you love.
That said, it's also importantto acknowledge that good mental
(13:59):
health shouldn't depend solelyon financial means.
I think we can all agree that itshouldn't, but whether we like
it or not, it is one of ahandful of critical elements
that we need to establish forourselves to be happy and
stable.
For those who are not comingfrom a place of privilege or
have significant challenges tobuilding personal financial
literacy or wealth, We want tostart by using the resources
(14:22):
that are available to us.
At Her Time Therapy, we believethat mental health care must be
available to everyone,regardless of their financial
situation.
This is why we aim to makemental health support accessible
by accepting a variety ofinsurance options, including
Medicaid and Medicare.
We offer sliding scale optionsas well and employ a variety of
providers from interns to fullylicensed therapist supervisors
(14:45):
to ensure that at her time wecan offer support to women no
matter what financial oremotional position they are in
when they come to us.
true freedom is about more thanjust financial security.
It's about knowing that supportis available and accepting that
support when you need it most.
While money is an importantfactor for women to live a
stable, empowered life, what youpersonally define as a rich life
(15:06):
may not include being literallyrich.
So, what's the big takeawayhere?
It's that self care is a lotmore multifaceted than we tend
to think.
It's a practice that touchesevery aspect of our lives.
I would like you to think ofthese eight domains of self care
that we talked about today asparts of a wheel.
If one part of the self carewheel is neglected and goes
(15:28):
flat, then the wheel no longerturns smoothly.
If multiple areas go flat, thewheel cannot turn at all.
Thank you.
When we prioritize all eightdomains, we're not just
surviving, we're thriving.
in looking at your own self carepractices, you have the power
and the autonomy to choose whichparts need to be addressed first
and in what order to improveyour overall well being.
(15:51):
So start small, pick at leastone domain that may be a little
flat for you to focus on thisweek and see how it feels, and
then build from there.
Remind yourself, as some of thatguilt creeps in, self care is
not selfish, it's essential.
It's essential for you, and it'salso essential for the people in
your life that you love and thatyou take care of.
(16:11):
You can't be there for them andbe your full, capable self you
take care of yourself first.
Thank you for taking the time totalk today and for joining me on
this journey into self care.
today we're diving into a topic that's close to my
heart, self care.
But we're not just talking aboutbubble baths or spa days, we're
redefining what self care reallymeans.
exploring why it can be so hardfor us as women to prioritize
ourselves, and discussing how topractice self care across eight
essential domains to trulythrive.
So let's start by addressing theessential question.
(00:50):
Why is it so hard for women toprioritize self care on a
consistent basis?
After all, we hear about selfcare all the time.
It's splashed across socialmedia accounts.
Our friends, family, and evenour therapists preach about it.
And it's really become so commonthat in a way it's lost meaning.
Because self care is marketed assomething that we should do, it
(01:11):
just becomes anotheroverwhelming item on our to do
list.
Another thing to feel guiltyabout if we just don't get to
it.
For many of us, the challengesto practicing self care
consistently and understandingwhat self care means for us as
individuals is connected tosocietal expectations.
Women are often raised to becaregivers, to put others needs
(01:31):
ahead of their own.
This feeds a constant underlyinglayer of guilt that all women
seem to have.
And when we take the time to dosomething like go to the gym or
get a massage, we run into aninternal conflict.
We are practicing self care, aswe've been told to do, yet
still, that directive comes inconflict with another directive
(01:52):
that we've been conditioned tobelieve and follow since birth,
and that is that to be a goodwoman, you are selfless, and you
are sure to take care of othersahead of yourself, so even when
you do the quote, right thing,and practice some form of self
care as often as you can, Alittle voice pops up that says
something like, I should reallyhave been home helping my kids
(02:13):
with homework instead ofspending that full hour at the
gym.
Or it felt really great tofinally get my hair done for the
first time in six months.
But gosh, I really should havespent that money on something
for the family.
So really any thought thatequates to this was great, but
because I spent time, money, orresources that benefited only
myself, I'm being selfish.
(02:33):
Does this sound familiar?
If not, take a moment to listento our episode on human giver
syndrome and then come back tothis one.
Another challenge to practicingself care consistently for women
is the invisible labor that wecarry that often goes
unacknowledged by others andsometimes even by ourselves.
This includes the mental load ofmanaging household schedules,
(02:55):
cleaning, remembering everyone'sappointments, handling emotional
support for loved ones, Makingholidays happen and countless
other unseen and unacknowledgedtasks that we keep track of
mentally and emotionally.
These responsibilities add upand increase our mental burden,
leaving little time or energyfor consistent self care.
(03:16):
Asking for help or delegatingtasks can feel like an uphill
battle, but recognizing andaddressing this invisible labor
is crucial to lightening theload enough to make space for
self care to be practiced in aconsistent way.
If this term invisible labor isnew to you and you want to learn
more about it, a great resourceis the book Fair Play.
By Eve Rotsky, which we'll linkto in the show notes.
(03:39):
This book in particular talksabout what invisible labor is
and how to share the load acrossthe family system instead of
taking it all on yourself.
But here's the truth.
You can't pour from an emptycup.
We've all heard it, and I knowthat's an overused phrase.
And honestly, many women mayeven challenge that phrase
because how often do we actuallypour from a basically depleted
(04:01):
cup?
Functioning from a place ofbeing drained and exhausted all
the time.
But we know this isn'tsustainable.
Eventually it leads to burnoutand a slew of other physical and
mental consequences due to thesheer volume of responsibilities
that we juggle in the modernworld.
So that means consistent selfcare isn't a luxury, it's a
necessity.
It's about giving ourselvespermission to thrive, not just
(04:23):
survive.
And the first step is redefiningwhat self care actually means
and what it looks like in ourlives.
As we've said, self care is somuch more than getting a massage
or going to the gym.
It's about addressing allaspects of your well being, and
there are probably more aspectsto that well being than you may
realize.
So we're going to dive into itand actually break self care
(04:44):
down into eight domains, each ofwhich play a crucial role in our
mental health.
So let's start with the obviousone, physical self care.
This is the one that we oftenthink of first.
It's about taking care of yourbody.
So examples are exercise,getting enough sleep, eating
nutritious meals on a routinebasis.
It could also mean schedulingthe overdue doctor's
(05:05):
appointments instead of justfocusing on the doctor's
appointments for your family.
Which is one of those invisiblelabor tasks that women tend to
take on.
Yet for many women, establishingconsistent physical self care is
daunting and feels unachievable.
It's the one that we talk aboutand that we are talking about
first, because it sets thefoundation for all other types
(05:28):
of self care.
If you're not sleeping, feedingyourself well, and moving your
body each day, then yourphysical and mental well being
will suffer.
There's no way around this one.
So if you are struggling toestablish good habits in this
domain, consider working with atherapist, a personal trainer,
and or a nutritionist to helpset an achievable routine.
(05:48):
The second domain ispsychological self care.
This involves nurturing yourmind and emotional resilience.
Engaging in activities likejournaling, therapy, and
practicing mindfulness ormeditation are all great options
here.
Setting boundaries with yourselfand others and saying no when
needed are also forms ofpsychological self care, as is
taking mental breaks throughoutyour day to just take a moment
(06:10):
and breathe and pause fromthinking about so many things.
For women, lack of psychologicalself care is a really common
cause of some of the mentalhealth conditions that we see
them come to us with.
Like anxiety and depression inparticular.
The psychological self careissue that I think I see most
often in my practice is Negativeself talk.
(06:31):
If you find yourself speakinginternally in a way that is more
degrading, aggressive, and cruelcompared to what you would ever
think of saying to a loved one,then this is an area of
psychological self care you maywant to start with.
A therapist, of course, can behelpful in this process, but if
you want to try to work onnegative self talk by yourself
first, we recommend using atherapist.
(06:52):
so that you get a sense of justhow often you're having this
negative self talk occurthroughout the day and what it's
really looking like.
It's quite different to put itdown on paper rather than just
have it kind of running throughyour mind all day.
You can also use a worksheetthat helps you reframe negative
self talk as a guide if you havetrouble stopping it and
(07:13):
challenging it on your own.
So we will link some of thoseresources in the show notes.
A third area of self care isspiritual.
And this doesn't have to bereligious, although it certainly
can be.
Attending a church ceremony or,reading religious texts can
definitely be a form ofspiritual self care.
But this is really about simplyconnecting to something bigger
than yourself.
(07:34):
So things like meditation, goingfor a hike and spending time in
nature.
Disconnecting from technology,maybe attending a yoga class, or
even engaging in more creativeactivities like painting can all
fall into this category.
Next, we have emotional selfcare.
Acknowledging and expressingyour feelings in healthy ways is
the goal here.
How often, and with who, are youable to share your emotional
(07:56):
truth?
Are you even honestlyidentifying the emotions that
you're having to yourself?
Practicing emotional self caremay look like having a heart to
heart with a friend, writing agratitude list, attending a
therapy session, or even cryingwhen you need to.
If you're the type of person whohas a hard time slowing down
long enough to notice and feelyour own emotions, a good place
(08:17):
to start may be to schedule fiveminutes a day where you stop
what you're doing, stop all theresponsibilities, Try to slow
down the thoughts, take a deepbreath, and just try to identify
what are the top three emotionscoming to the surface.
If you have a hard time puttingwords to it, you may use
something called an emotionwheel to help you in that
process.
(08:37):
And we'll also link thatresource for you.
Our fifth category of self careis personal.
This is about doing things thatbring you joy or help you to
grow as a person.
Now this category can sometimesbe difficult for women because
it fully contradicts what we'reconditioned to do as givers.
Practicing personal self caremeans doing things for your own
benefit.
(08:57):
So this may look like readingfor pleasure, spending time
engaging in a hobby, or doinganything that moves the needle
on your personal goals thatdoesn't necessarily benefit
anyone else or have anything todo with them.
This is something that's justfor you.
Next, we'll discuss professionalself care.
This involves creating a healthywork life balance, and maybe
even setting some professionalboundaries.
(09:19):
It could also mean taking amental health day or investing
in continuing education oranother degree in order to
change your career path.
A good way to start practicingprofessional self care is to
actually do a time and valuesassessment.
Basically, calculate the timethat you spend on certain
professional and personalactivities across the span of
your week.
(09:40):
Just take a holistic view ofwhere did all of your time go
over the course of seven days indoing this if you notice that
say 90 percent of your time isspent on work related activities
that you really don't feel thatpassionate about and you don't
really feel like they move youforward in a career that you
love, then it may be time toreassess your time allotment
should ideally be in alignmentwith your value system.
(10:03):
If you value prioritizing a lotof time with aging parents, for
example, working 60 plus hours aweek is out of alignment with
your values at this particularstage of your life.
So really anytime we areunbalanced and have a
misalignment between how wespend our time and the values
that we hold as a person, thatcreates a system where our
(10:23):
mental health suffers.
Our seventh domain is social.
One of the longest studies inhappiness, called the Harvard
Study of Adult Development,Reported that having good
relationships is the mostfundamental and critical element
to us being happy.
Sometimes we call thisrelational self care.
This is about nurturing thoserelationships in your life that
(10:43):
bring you happiness and a senseof community and support.
Ideally, this looks like carvingout dedicated time on a at least
semi regular basis to just bearound the people you love and
spend quality time with peoplewho uplift you.
However, it can also look likedoing some self reflecting on
relationships that are notbringing you joy and doing the
(11:04):
work to distance yourself fromtoxic dynamics when necessary.
For women who are experiencingabusive situations, this can be
especially difficult because anabuser has likely isolated you
and eroded your trust in yourown self and your own judgment.
So if you find yourself unsureif a relationship is bad enough
to leave, or if you determinethat you do want to leave a
(11:25):
relationship but are not surehow to do so safely, we
recommend reaching out to workwith a licensed mental health
provider that specializes indomestic violence and
interpersonal partner violence.
We will also link to someresources in the show notes that
can help support you if you'refeeling unsafe leaving a
relationship, as well asinformation on how to identify
green flags and red flags inthose relationships.
(11:47):
One of our next episodes willfocus solely on relationships,
so stay tuned as we dive muchdeeper into this element.
Finally, Perhaps surprisingly tosome, our last category, is
financial self care.
While financial self care is thelast element that we're
discussing, I actually believethis is one of the most critical
and foundational domains of selfcare for women.
(12:09):
How often do we as women shyaway from talking about money?
Pretty often, right?
Financial independence is one ofthe most empowering things that
we can achieve.
Financial self care is aboutgaining control of your
finances, budgeting, saving,investing, and building
financial independence.
And this is true even if you arein a healthy relationship
dynamic.
(12:30):
It's all about increasing yourpersonal financial literacy and
knowledge in a society that doesnot prioritize teaching women or
encouraging women to know aboutpersonal finances.
Women talking about money,especially if they have a goal
of becoming wealthy, is oftenchastised, both directly and
indirectly, as being greedy,intimidating.
Even unattractive.
(12:51):
Yet, there is that doublestandard that still exists today
where a man who talks aboutthese things, actively seeking
out money, investing, getting ahigh paying career, is regarded
as ambitious and driven.
So why does financial self carefor women matter so much?
It's simply because money equalschoices, and choices equal
freedom.
Financial control and stabilityis critical for women's well
(13:14):
being, and it's one of the firstareas that abusers target in
unhealthy relationships.
An excellent resource to startbuilding your personal financial
knowledge is Tori Dunlap's bookFinancial Feminist.
She also has a great, workbook,podcasts and a couple of courses
that aim to increase women'spersonal financial literacy and
independence.
Tori actually stated in one ofher more recent podcast episodes
(13:36):
that money does by happiness,and I completely agree.
Financial freedom gives us thepower to make choices.
Like leaving a toxic job orrelationship, accessing high
quality healthcare, pursuingeducation, or simply living life
in your terms.
It's about having the securityto know that you can keep a roof
over your own head and build alife you love.
That said, it's also importantto acknowledge that good mental
(13:59):
health shouldn't depend solelyon financial means.
I think we can all agree that itshouldn't, but whether we like
it or not, it is one of ahandful of critical elements
that we need to establish forourselves to be happy and
stable.
For those who are not comingfrom a place of privilege or
have significant challenges tobuilding personal financial
literacy or wealth, We want tostart by using the resources
(14:22):
that are available to us.
At Her Time Therapy, we believethat mental health care must be
available to everyone,regardless of their financial
situation.
This is why we aim to makemental health support accessible
by accepting a variety ofinsurance options, including
Medicaid and Medicare.
We offer sliding scale optionsas well and employ a variety of
providers from interns to fullylicensed therapist supervisors
(14:45):
to ensure that at her time wecan offer support to women no
matter what financial oremotional position they are in
when they come to us.
true freedom is about more thanjust financial security.
It's about knowing that supportis available and accepting that
support when you need it most.
While money is an importantfactor for women to live a
stable, empowered life, what youpersonally define as a rich life
(15:06):
may not include being literallyrich.
So, what's the big takeawayhere?
It's that self care is a lotmore multifaceted than we tend
to think.
It's a practice that touchesevery aspect of our lives.
I would like you to think ofthese eight domains of self care
that we talked about today asparts of a wheel.
If one part of the self carewheel is neglected and goes
(15:28):
flat, then the wheel no longerturns smoothly.
If multiple areas go flat, thewheel cannot turn at all.
Thank you.
When we prioritize all eightdomains, we're not just
surviving, we're thriving.
in looking at your own self carepractices, you have the power
and the autonomy to choose whichparts need to be addressed first
and in what order to improveyour overall well being.
(15:51):
So start small, pick at leastone domain that may be a little
flat for you to focus on thisweek and see how it feels, and
then build from there.
Remind yourself, as some of thatguilt creeps in, self care is
not selfish, it's essential.
It's essential for you, and it'salso essential for the people in
your life that you love and thatyou take care of.
(16:11):
You can't be there for them andbe your full, capable self you
take care of yourself first.
Thank you for taking the time totalk today and for joining me on
this journey into self care.
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