January 10, 2025 • 12 mins
In this episode, host Meagan Clark, LPC, dives deep into Human Giver Syndrome, a concept that explores how societal expectations condition women to prioritize others at the expense of their own well-being.
We’ll unpack:
- What Human Giver Syndrome is and its systemic roots.
- Common signs, including guilt, burnout, and difficulty setting boundaries.
- How it impacts women’s mental health and relationships.
- Actionable steps to break free, reclaim your joy, and redefine your worth.
Whether you’re navigating these challenges yourself or supporting others who are, this episode offers compassionate insights and practical tools to help you prioritize your well-being without guilt.
💡 Join the conversation @hertimetotalk, and let’s empower each other to live lighter, freer, and more fulfilling lives.
#HerTimeTherapy #HumanGiverSyndrome #MentalHealthMatters #FeministTherapy #WomenSupportingWomen #TherapyForWomen #BreakTheCycle #SelfCareIsNotSelfish #EmpoweredLiving #HerTimeToTalk
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Meagan (00:00):
Welcome to Her Time to Talk, the podcast where we dive
deep into the unique mentalhealth challenges women face and
explore practical strategies toempower you.
I'm Megan Clark, licensedprofessional counselor, and
today we're tackling a powerfuland important concept in the
world of women's mental health.
Human Giver Syndrome.
We'll break it down, explore itssymptoms, discuss how it impacts
(00:23):
women, and offer actionablesteps to help you address it,
including how therapy may play avital role for you.
So, grab a cup of tea or coffee,settle in, and let's talk about
reclaiming your time, energy,and well being.
Let's start with the basics.
Have you ever felt like yourvalue is tied solely to what you
can give to others?
like you're only as good as yourability to meet everyone else's
(00:45):
needs.
If so, that is exactly what thepatriarchy wants you to feel.
It's also evidence that youmight be experiencing what's
known as human giver syndrome.
This term was first introducedby philosopher Kate Mann in her
book titled Down Girl, The Logicof Misogyny, in which she
describes the societalexpectation that women, far more
than men, are obligated tofulfill the role of caretakers,
(01:07):
nurturers, and, ultimately, thegivers of the world.
While giving and nurturing canbe beautiful and fulfilling,
Human Giver Syndrome essentiallytwists these qualities into
something harmful because womenare conditioned from birth to
put the needs of others in frontof their own.
Not only does this leave womenwith unmet needs, it leaves us
feeling guilty And shameful whenwe dare to take time for self
(01:32):
care or spend things like timeor money on ourselves.
Does any of this sound familiar?
When women are socialized tobelieve that their worth depends
on how much they sacrifice forothers, we develop a mindset
that leads to exhaustion,resentment, and even a loss of
self worth.
We see this all the time in ourclients that come to her time
(01:53):
therapy for support.
It's pervasive.
And these struggles show up inall domains of your life.
From the workplace, to yourrelationships, and even in the
relationship that you have withyourself.
So, how do you know if you'reexperiencing human giver
syndrome?
Well, let's go through somecommon signs.
Signs.
Number one, you feel thatwomen's guilt.
Overwhelming guilt that pops upanytime that you take time for
(02:15):
yourself.
Even if it's something simple,like getting a full night's
rest, or saying no to taking onyet another responsibility.
Even if you know it's importantto say no and you're
overextending yourself by sayingyes, there's still that little
feeling of guilt that creeps up,that frankly drains our mental
and emotional energy.
You may also notice yourselfhaving difficulty setting
(02:38):
boundaries.
Are you hesitant to assist yourown self and cater to your needs
because you have this feelingthat doing so would be selfish
or even cold or unkind?
This can often come up, and wehear this a lot with women
learning to set boundaries forsome of the first times, They
may feel cold and shamefulbecause we have been conditioned
(03:00):
to feel that setting boundariesis not a good thing.
Because it makes other peopleunhappy with us.
And unfortunately that issometimes a consequence of some
really good boundary setting.
Those that are benefiting fromus not having boundaries are not
going to necessarily be happywhen we set the boundaries we
need feel good.
You may also be experiencingchronic burnout.
(03:21):
So ask yourself, do youconstantly feel drained
emotionally or physicallybecause you're always
prioritizing others?
And this includes family,friends, work.
showing up a certain way.
It's exhausting.
Women think about so much allthe time and just the
overwhelming to do list canreally burn us out.
So if you notice those symptomsof chronic stress, this
(03:43):
oftentimes can be linked tohuman giver syndrome.
And lastly, you may notice someresentment or frustration coming
up.
Especially if your efforts tocare for others are not being
reciprocated, appreciated, oreven acknowledged.
If you've nodded along to any ofthese, I promise you're not
alone.
These are common experiences,especially for women juggling
careers, caregiving,relationships, and just all the
(04:07):
societal pressures we face.
And while recognizing thesymptoms is the first step, it's
just as important to understandthe root cause.
Human Giver Syndrome isn't justan individual problem, it's
systemic.
Societal norms, culturalexpectations, and even media
portrayals reinforce the ideathat women are the emotional
glue that holds everythingtogether.
(04:28):
Think about it.
How often are women praised fordoing it all and being selfless?
You'll see this all the time inmovies and TV shows that the
good woman, the good wife, thegood mother is the one that
dedicates her entire being andher entire life to her partner
or her kids or her work.
It's always about pouringoutward.
(04:50):
And while these qualities can beadmirable, they're often
celebrated at the expense of awoman's mental and physical
health.
This conditioning is pervasiveand it starts early.
We are teaching girls toprioritize others happiness and
suppress their own needs fromvery young ages.
And this is something to beaware of and notice even with
your own kids.
(05:11):
Studies show that women performthe majority of unpaid
caregiving work worldwide.
From child care to elder care.
and while caregiving can berewarding to us because we are
doing something that we feelpassionate about and that we
feel like is important, it oftencomes at the cost of our
personal well being, especiallywhen societal support systems
like child care is lacking.
(05:32):
And it's not just aboutcaregiving, even in professional
settings, women are more likelyto take on what's called
invisible labor.
Things like managing thehousehold, managing everyone's
schedule, making appointments,monitoring team morale or even
family morale at differentevents, maybe even organizing
those events, making all theholiday magic happen.
(05:54):
All of these tasks that arebehind the scene are essential,
but they are often deemedwomen's work that is undervalued
and unacknowledged.
And all of this has realconsequences for women's mental
health.
Human Giver Syndrome can lead tothings like chronic stress,
anxiety and depression, and alsoa lot of physical health issues.
Things like headaches, fatigue,weakened immune systems,
(06:17):
unexplained chronic pain andillnesses can often be tied back
to human giver syndrome and allthat it takes from us.
But here's the good news.
You can start to break free fromthis cycle and it starts with
awareness as well as smallintentional changes including
helping others in our life bebetter.
reciprocal in caring for oneanother.
(06:39):
So let's talk about how.
The first step to overcominghuman giver syndrome is
challenging the narrative thatyour worth is completely tied to
your self sacrifice.
Let's dive into some actionablesteps you can take.
Number one, let's practiceredefining your worth.
We got to remind ourselves thatour value is not based on what
we do for others.
(07:00):
You as a woman are inherentlyworthy of love and respect just
as you are as an individualhuman being in this world.
Number two, we need to practicesetting boundaries and
identifying where thoseboundaries need to be set and
how to hold them.
This can be especiallychallenging, but it is
essential.
And I want you to remember, too,that the people in our lives
(07:20):
that benefit the most from usnot having boundaries are not
going to be happy when we startsetting them.
And that's okay.
That can actually be a sign ofprogress, that others are not
completely thrilled with usprioritizing ourselves and
setting the boundaries we needto be healthy.
And really retain our peace andredirect our energy to where it
needs to be.
(07:41):
So start small by saying no tomaybe one thing a week that
feels like it's an unnecessarydrain on your energy or saying
no to making a decision that isreally not something that has to
be on your shoulders each week.
You can practice saying no.
For example, you could tellsomeone that is trying to give
you another task to add to yourplate, you know what, I would
(08:02):
love to help but I simply can'ttake that on right now.
Remember, no can be a completeanswer.
Number three, we need to do abetter job at prioritizing our
own self care.
Because self care is notselfish, it's actually survival.
And when we're talking aboutself care, we are talking about
things like taking a walk,journaling, spending time with
supportive friends, and carvingjust a little alone time out
(08:25):
from each day for ourselves.
But it's also the type of selfcare that is maybe not so
obvious or so fun.
Things like practicing goodfinancial self care, increasing
our financial literacy, engagingmedical appointments and
checkups that we have beenputting off for ourselves.
Some of the less glamorous selfcare is sometimes the most
(08:46):
important.
Number four, we want to work onreclaiming our joy.
So ask yourself, what activitieslight you up?
And in what way can youreconnect with those hobbies or
passions that have taken a backseat to things like caregiving
and work?
Oftentimes we'll have clientscome into her time and we'll ask
them that question of, whatactivities light you up?
(09:06):
What brings you joy?
And they have no idea.
Because they are so deep intohuman giver syndrome that they
have lost touch with themselves.
And so much of their time intheir life is spent pouring
outward, that they have kind oflost touch with what they
actually enjoy and what theywould like to spend their time
on if they had free time tospend on themselves.
(09:28):
So at this level.
we may need to just start tryingnew things again and
experimenting with things thatcould possibly bring you joy so
that you can kind of getreoriented with yourself and
your joy center.
lastly, it's really important toseek support and create an
empowering community around youthat is also on this journey and
(09:49):
is supportive of what you'redoing with this work.
Breaking free from human giversyndrome isn't something that
you have to do alone.
And if you feel like you arealone in that, and there's
really not people in your lifethat get it and support you in
this journey, therapy can be agood place to turn to.
Whether it's individualcounseling with a feminist
oriented therapist who really Itpushes your personal growth and
(10:12):
empowerment, or it could beworking with support groups
where you get to connect withanother circle of women that are
also on this journey and doingthis work.
There's a lot of different waysthat therapists can help you
build that community and learnhow to connect with others that
are going to be supportive toyour journey rather than, also
kind of becoming another drainon your mental and emotional
(10:32):
energy.
A skilled therapist can reallydo some great work with you in
helping you to identify wherenegative patterns started,
especially patterns of guilt andshame that are some hallmark
symptoms of human giversyndrome.
Once we've identified thesepatterns and how it's showing up
for us, we get to work throughchallenging some unhelpful
(10:53):
belief systems and really reengaging in our own lives to
build strategies that work forus to build positive change.
At Her Time Therapy, wespecialize in helping women
navigate their unique mentalhealth challenges and our
approach is compassionate,empowering, and tailored to your
unique needs.
So whether you're strugglingwith Symptoms of human giver
(11:15):
syndrome like burnout, anxiety,or boundary setting.
We are here to help.
We've been there.
We are a group of womensupporting women in this work.
So we really do get it.
We're here for more than justsolving problems.
Therapy is really all aboutcreating the life you deserve.
lighter, more more free toprioritize your own well being
without all the guilt.
(11:36):
Learn more at www.
cdc.
gov That's really what we'rehere to help you achieve and
it's what's overcoming humangiver syndrome can be all about.
That's all for today's episodeof Her Time to Talk.
Thank you so much for joining usas we explored human giver
syndrome, its impact on women'smental health, and practical
steps for breaking free.
Welcome to Her Time to Talk, the podcast where we dive
deep into the unique mentalhealth challenges women face and
explore practical strategies toempower you.
I'm Megan Clark, licensedprofessional counselor, and
today we're tackling a powerfuland important concept in the
world of women's mental health.
Human Giver Syndrome.
We'll break it down, explore itssymptoms, discuss how it impacts
(00:23):
women, and offer actionablesteps to help you address it,
including how therapy may play avital role for you.
So, grab a cup of tea or coffee,settle in, and let's talk about
reclaiming your time, energy,and well being.
Let's start with the basics.
Have you ever felt like yourvalue is tied solely to what you
can give to others?
like you're only as good as yourability to meet everyone else's
(00:45):
needs.
If so, that is exactly what thepatriarchy wants you to feel.
It's also evidence that youmight be experiencing what's
known as human giver syndrome.
This term was first introducedby philosopher Kate Mann in her
book titled Down Girl, The Logicof Misogyny, in which she
describes the societalexpectation that women, far more
than men, are obligated tofulfill the role of caretakers,
(01:07):
nurturers, and, ultimately, thegivers of the world.
While giving and nurturing canbe beautiful and fulfilling,
Human Giver Syndrome essentiallytwists these qualities into
something harmful because womenare conditioned from birth to
put the needs of others in frontof their own.
Not only does this leave womenwith unmet needs, it leaves us
feeling guilty And shameful whenwe dare to take time for self
(01:32):
care or spend things like timeor money on ourselves.
Does any of this sound familiar?
When women are socialized tobelieve that their worth depends
on how much they sacrifice forothers, we develop a mindset
that leads to exhaustion,resentment, and even a loss of
self worth.
We see this all the time in ourclients that come to her time
(01:53):
therapy for support.
It's pervasive.
And these struggles show up inall domains of your life.
From the workplace, to yourrelationships, and even in the
relationship that you have withyourself.
So, how do you know if you'reexperiencing human giver
syndrome?
Well, let's go through somecommon signs.
Signs.
Number one, you feel thatwomen's guilt.
Overwhelming guilt that pops upanytime that you take time for
(02:15):
yourself.
Even if it's something simple,like getting a full night's
rest, or saying no to taking onyet another responsibility.
Even if you know it's importantto say no and you're
overextending yourself by sayingyes, there's still that little
feeling of guilt that creeps up,that frankly drains our mental
and emotional energy.
You may also notice yourselfhaving difficulty setting
(02:38):
boundaries.
Are you hesitant to assist yourown self and cater to your needs
because you have this feelingthat doing so would be selfish
or even cold or unkind?
This can often come up, and wehear this a lot with women
learning to set boundaries forsome of the first times, They
may feel cold and shamefulbecause we have been conditioned
(03:00):
to feel that setting boundariesis not a good thing.
Because it makes other peopleunhappy with us.
And unfortunately that issometimes a consequence of some
really good boundary setting.
Those that are benefiting fromus not having boundaries are not
going to necessarily be happywhen we set the boundaries we
need feel good.
You may also be experiencingchronic burnout.
(03:21):
So ask yourself, do youconstantly feel drained
emotionally or physicallybecause you're always
prioritizing others?
And this includes family,friends, work.
showing up a certain way.
It's exhausting.
Women think about so much allthe time and just the
overwhelming to do list canreally burn us out.
So if you notice those symptomsof chronic stress, this
(03:43):
oftentimes can be linked tohuman giver syndrome.
And lastly, you may notice someresentment or frustration coming
up.
Especially if your efforts tocare for others are not being
reciprocated, appreciated, oreven acknowledged.
If you've nodded along to any ofthese, I promise you're not
alone.
These are common experiences,especially for women juggling
careers, caregiving,relationships, and just all the
(04:07):
societal pressures we face.
And while recognizing thesymptoms is the first step, it's
just as important to understandthe root cause.
Human Giver Syndrome isn't justan individual problem, it's
systemic.
Societal norms, culturalexpectations, and even media
portrayals reinforce the ideathat women are the emotional
glue that holds everythingtogether.
(04:28):
Think about it.
How often are women praised fordoing it all and being selfless?
You'll see this all the time inmovies and TV shows that the
good woman, the good wife, thegood mother is the one that
dedicates her entire being andher entire life to her partner
or her kids or her work.
It's always about pouringoutward.
(04:50):
And while these qualities can beadmirable, they're often
celebrated at the expense of awoman's mental and physical
health.
This conditioning is pervasiveand it starts early.
We are teaching girls toprioritize others happiness and
suppress their own needs fromvery young ages.
And this is something to beaware of and notice even with
your own kids.
(05:11):
Studies show that women performthe majority of unpaid
caregiving work worldwide.
From child care to elder care.
and while caregiving can berewarding to us because we are
doing something that we feelpassionate about and that we
feel like is important, it oftencomes at the cost of our
personal well being, especiallywhen societal support systems
like child care is lacking.
(05:32):
And it's not just aboutcaregiving, even in professional
settings, women are more likelyto take on what's called
invisible labor.
Things like managing thehousehold, managing everyone's
schedule, making appointments,monitoring team morale or even
family morale at differentevents, maybe even organizing
those events, making all theholiday magic happen.
(05:54):
All of these tasks that arebehind the scene are essential,
but they are often deemedwomen's work that is undervalued
and unacknowledged.
And all of this has realconsequences for women's mental
health.
Human Giver Syndrome can lead tothings like chronic stress,
anxiety and depression, and alsoa lot of physical health issues.
Things like headaches, fatigue,weakened immune systems,
(06:17):
unexplained chronic pain andillnesses can often be tied back
to human giver syndrome and allthat it takes from us.
But here's the good news.
You can start to break free fromthis cycle and it starts with
awareness as well as smallintentional changes including
helping others in our life bebetter.
reciprocal in caring for oneanother.
(06:39):
So let's talk about how.
The first step to overcominghuman giver syndrome is
challenging the narrative thatyour worth is completely tied to
your self sacrifice.
Let's dive into some actionablesteps you can take.
Number one, let's practiceredefining your worth.
We got to remind ourselves thatour value is not based on what
we do for others.
(07:00):
You as a woman are inherentlyworthy of love and respect just
as you are as an individualhuman being in this world.
Number two, we need to practicesetting boundaries and
identifying where thoseboundaries need to be set and
how to hold them.
This can be especiallychallenging, but it is
essential.
And I want you to remember, too,that the people in our lives
(07:20):
that benefit the most from usnot having boundaries are not
going to be happy when we startsetting them.
And that's okay.
That can actually be a sign ofprogress, that others are not
completely thrilled with usprioritizing ourselves and
setting the boundaries we needto be healthy.
And really retain our peace andredirect our energy to where it
needs to be.
(07:41):
So start small by saying no tomaybe one thing a week that
feels like it's an unnecessarydrain on your energy or saying
no to making a decision that isreally not something that has to
be on your shoulders each week.
You can practice saying no.
For example, you could tellsomeone that is trying to give
you another task to add to yourplate, you know what, I would
(08:02):
love to help but I simply can'ttake that on right now.
Remember, no can be a completeanswer.
Number three, we need to do abetter job at prioritizing our
own self care.
Because self care is notselfish, it's actually survival.
And when we're talking aboutself care, we are talking about
things like taking a walk,journaling, spending time with
supportive friends, and carvingjust a little alone time out
(08:25):
from each day for ourselves.
But it's also the type of selfcare that is maybe not so
obvious or so fun.
Things like practicing goodfinancial self care, increasing
our financial literacy, engagingmedical appointments and
checkups that we have beenputting off for ourselves.
Some of the less glamorous selfcare is sometimes the most
(08:46):
important.
Number four, we want to work onreclaiming our joy.
So ask yourself, what activitieslight you up?
And in what way can youreconnect with those hobbies or
passions that have taken a backseat to things like caregiving
and work?
Oftentimes we'll have clientscome into her time and we'll ask
them that question of, whatactivities light you up?
(09:06):
What brings you joy?
And they have no idea.
Because they are so deep intohuman giver syndrome that they
have lost touch with themselves.
And so much of their time intheir life is spent pouring
outward, that they have kind oflost touch with what they
actually enjoy and what theywould like to spend their time
on if they had free time tospend on themselves.
(09:28):
So at this level.
we may need to just start tryingnew things again and
experimenting with things thatcould possibly bring you joy so
that you can kind of getreoriented with yourself and
your joy center.
lastly, it's really important toseek support and create an
empowering community around youthat is also on this journey and
(09:49):
is supportive of what you'redoing with this work.
Breaking free from human giversyndrome isn't something that
you have to do alone.
And if you feel like you arealone in that, and there's
really not people in your lifethat get it and support you in
this journey, therapy can be agood place to turn to.
Whether it's individualcounseling with a feminist
oriented therapist who really Itpushes your personal growth and
(10:12):
empowerment, or it could beworking with support groups
where you get to connect withanother circle of women that are
also on this journey and doingthis work.
There's a lot of different waysthat therapists can help you
build that community and learnhow to connect with others that
are going to be supportive toyour journey rather than, also
kind of becoming another drainon your mental and emotional
(10:32):
energy.
A skilled therapist can reallydo some great work with you in
helping you to identify wherenegative patterns started,
especially patterns of guilt andshame that are some hallmark
symptoms of human giversyndrome.
Once we've identified thesepatterns and how it's showing up
for us, we get to work throughchallenging some unhelpful
(10:53):
belief systems and really reengaging in our own lives to
build strategies that work forus to build positive change.
At Her Time Therapy, wespecialize in helping women
navigate their unique mentalhealth challenges and our
approach is compassionate,empowering, and tailored to your
unique needs.
So whether you're strugglingwith Symptoms of human giver
(11:15):
syndrome like burnout, anxiety,or boundary setting.
We are here to help.
We've been there.
We are a group of womensupporting women in this work.
So we really do get it.
We're here for more than justsolving problems.
Therapy is really all aboutcreating the life you deserve.
lighter, more more free toprioritize your own well being
without all the guilt.
(11:36):
Learn more at www.
cdc.
gov That's really what we'rehere to help you achieve and
it's what's overcoming humangiver syndrome can be all about.
That's all for today's episodeof Her Time to Talk.
Thank you so much for joining usas we explored human giver
syndrome, its impact on women'smental health, and practical
steps for breaking free.
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