Healing After Betrayal: Learning to Feel Your Feelings With Self-Compassion

Welcome back to the Hidden in Plain Sight Podcast.

TLDR Summary

This episode is an invitation to pause those harsh inner narratives and discover another way forward in feeling your emotions: self-compassion. Together, we’ll explore how to access your feelings safely, speak to yourself with gentleness, and remind the hurting parts of you that they are not alone, or unworthy.

Betrayal 

If you’re listening today, I imagine you’ve been through betrayal: maybe by a partner, a friend, a family member, or even a system you thought you could trust. When that happens, it shakes the ground beneath you. It’s not just about what someone did, it’s about the rupture in safety, in belonging, in your sense of worth.

Betrayal leaves an ache that lingers long after the moment it happens. For highly sensitive people, the impact can feel especially sharp, echoing through the body, emotions, and even self-worth. It’s not only about what someone else did, but also about the stories we begin telling ourselves in the aftermath: stories of blame, shame, or not being “enough.”

You might hear an inner voice that says, “How could I not see this coming? Why wasn’t I enough? What’s wrong with me that they treated me this way?”

Those voices are painful, but they’re also trying to protect you. They think that if you blame yourself, maybe you can prevent future pain. But self-blame keeps you locked in a cycle of suffering, long after the betrayal itself. So how do we begin to soften those harsh inner voices? This is where self-compassion comes in. 

Learning Self-Compassion

Self-compassion isn’t saying, “It’s fine, I’ll just let in this go.” It’s saying, “This hurts, and I deserve kindness while I’m hurting.” It involves three simple moves:

1. Mindfulness: Naming what you feel. “This is pain. This is betrayal. This is grief.”
2. Common humanity: Reminding yourself, “I am not the only one. Others have walked this same road and survived.”
3. Self-kindness: Offering to yourself the tone you would use with someone you love.

Accessing Your Feelings

Sometimes betrayal leaves us numb, cut off from our feelings. If that’s you, try this: instead of asking “What am I feeling?” start with “Where do I feel it in my body?” Maybe it’s a tightness in your chest, a sinking in your stomach, or a heaviness in your shoulders.

Let that body signal be your doorway. Place your attention there. Say: “This is my grief. This is my anger. This is my hurt.”

Take a slow breath. Let yourself notice, “I am hurting right now.”

Say silently or aloud: “Of course I feel this. Anyone would feel this if they’d been betrayed. May I treat myself with gentleness right now.”

If you notice resistance, that’s normal. Self-compassion takes practice. For many of us, it feels foreign at first. You don’t have to force it. Even the act of trying is enough.

Self-compassion doesn’t erase betrayal, but it prevents betrayal from erasing you.

Every time you pause to notice your feelings and respond with gentleness (not avoidance), you reclaim a little piece of yourself. 

Take this with you today:

• Being hurt by someone else’s choices does not mean you are unworthy, unlovable, or naïve.
• It means you are human, and you loved or trusted deeply enough to risk being hurt: that’s bravery! 
• Betrayal is not evidence that you’re broken.
• Your sensitivity is not a flaw, it’s the reason you feel deeply.

Thank you for being here, for listening, and for letting me share this space with you.

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With warmth,

Dr. Lauren Schaefer