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March 11, 2025 15 mins

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Voice tone, controlled by the vagus nerve, plays a crucial role in how we experience social anxiety and how others perceive our emotional state in conversations.

• The polyvagal theory explains how our autonomic nervous system regulates safety, connection, and defense mechanisms through the vagus nerve
• Ventral vagal activation produces a warm, smooth voice tone with range, signaling safety to others
• Social anxiety often stems from sympathetic (fight/flight) or dorsal vagal (shutdown) activation, creating tense or flat voice tones
• Voice tone creates a feedback loop – tense voices reinforce negative social experiences while warm tones signal safety

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Emily (00:00):
Have you ever noticed how some people's voices just
make you instantly feel safe andcomfortable, while others kind
of make you feel on edge?
Well, that's not an accident.
Your voice tone is controlledby your nervous system and it
plays a huge role in socialanxiety.
Today, we are going to explorehow you can use your voice to

(00:20):
feel more at ease inconversations.
Welcome to it Starts at Vagus.
The podcast where holistichealth meets modern living.
I'm Emily, your guide tounlocking the power of the vagus
nerve, which is your body'sultimate key to calm, connection
and overall well-being.
Together, we'll explore simpleways to nourish your mind and
body with natural remedies,actionable tips and empowering

(00:43):
stories.
Whether you're here to reducestress, restore balance or take
charge of your health, you're inthe right place, because
wellness doesn't just happen.
It starts at Vagus.
Let's dive in.
The polyvagal theory explainshow our autonomic nervous system
regulates our safety,connection and defense

(01:04):
mechanisms, particularly throughthe vagus nerve.
A key aspect of this theory isthat social engagement system,
and that's just a neural networkthat influences our ability to
connect with others throughfacial expressions, voice tone
and listening.
So there is a connectionbetween your voice tone and

(01:24):
social anxiety and with the roleof the vagus nerve.
The vagus nerve, particularlyits ventral branch, it takes
care of the muscles involved inspeech, some facial expressions,
and when it's activated it canfoster that calm, connected
state and it allows a warm andsmooth voice tone that has

(01:45):
different ranges.
So not just that monotone whichis just keeping the same voice
tone over and over, but havingthat voice tone move up and down
smoothly.
But when we're social anxietywith the nervous system, that
social anxiety can stem fromchronic activation of the

(02:06):
sympathetic, which is our fightor flight state of our autonomic
nervous system, or even thedorsal vagal tone, which is
where we just shut down.
And it's when we're in thesestates of fight or flight, or
the fawning, which is where weshut down, those voice tones
tend to become more flat, tense,shaky, and these are all

(02:31):
signals to others that we feeluncomfortable.
I know we can always hear itwhen people are talking to us
and you hear that shakiness intheir voice.
If they're giving a speech, youjust want to go give them a hug
and be like you're okay, it'sfine, and that would allow us to
have that social interaction.
The person giving the hug wouldcalm the person who's got that

(02:52):
shaky voice tone.
But you know, sometimes we'renot in a position where we can
just stop a speech and you'rejust kind of internally rooting
for them, like you can do it Iknow you can and smiling at them
helps calm down their nervesand then their voice tone won't
shake as much because they wantto feel calm and relaxed.

(03:15):
And we get those social cuesfrom other people like okay,
we're fine.
And this also leads into thatloop of voice and emotion,
because that tense or flat voicetone can reinforce negative
social experiences and thathelps, it makes interactions

(03:36):
awkward because you just don'tknow what to do.
But when you have that warm,uplifting voice tone, that can
signal safety and betterconnections and interactions
with others.
So let's say you struggle withthat anxiety, that social
anxiety where you can feel yourheart beating and you know hands
get clammy.

(03:57):
Well, we want to engage theventral vagal system, so that's
the ventral part of our vagusnerve.
The ventral vagal system, sothat's the ventral part of our
vagus nerve.
So things like humming orsinging our vocal warmups you
can even just hum high to low ora silly one.

(04:18):
That I like to do is twodifferent ones.
I go back to when I was a kid.
I go think of, even when I playwith my children, where you go
that O sound and then you putthe tap, the hand over your
mouth, it just makes me smilebecause it's silly and it's just

(04:40):
, it's a lot of fun.
And when you put your hand overyour mouth it kind of reminds
me back when we would like singin fans and it would sound silly
.
So that's just a really easyway how to wake up our voice and
it's that vocal warm up thatwill help us calm down and feel
better, because then we use ourvoice and we're able to

(05:02):
articulate better and we're ableto use it stronger, because
it's just all about it's a useit, don't lose it type of
mentality, and when we practiceusing it it's going to get
stronger, it's going to feelcomfortable talking, and so that
is just one way to stimulatethe ventral part of our vagus
nerve that helps us relax ourvoice.

(05:24):
Another one that I usually thinkof when I think of anxiety and
social interactions are thebreathing.
We can breathe really fast.
If we're nervous or we stopbreathing, those are the two
that kind of overtake us, andwhen we recognize that our
breathing has shifted, then wecan just go like okay, I know,

(05:46):
let's just breathe in and out.
And if you're around, a lot ofpeople just breathing in through
your nose and out the mouth,that's not noticeable.
You don't have to do a huge andout, you know, you don't have
to make all these noises, youjust can do a calm in and out.

(06:08):
Nobody's going to notice.
So it's just an easy, easypractice.
When you start feeling nervousor anxious, to take that slow
breath in and slow breath out,again, everybody breathes, so
they're not going to notice thatyou're breathing differently
because it's controlled.
They're going to notice a lotmore if you're breathing really,

(06:31):
really fast, but if you justbreathe that rhythmic way, just
the slow, slow in, slow out,they won't notice.
So this is probably just whereyou just get in that rhythm
breathing, just that slow rhythmbreathing.
We're not trying to hold ourbreath, we're not trying to do
box breathing.
The box breathing is where webreathe in for four seconds,

(06:53):
hold for four seconds, breatheout for four seconds and then
four seconds, breathe out forfour seconds and then hold for
another four seconds.
It's got that box breathing.
This would not be the time forthat because we don't want to
hold our breath.
Our anxiety would be fed moreif we want to hold our breath,
because that's one way that ourbody holds onto tension.
So we really just want tobreathe in and breathe out very

(07:14):
rhythmically, just smooth, andonce that starts calming down
and it'll happen fast your bodywill start calming down.
Then you can start with a smileand start talking to other
people and if it starts becomingoverwhelming again, just
breathe in and out.
If you want to take a drink ofwater, go for it Again.
Nobody's going to notice thesethings.

(07:35):
They're easy, simple ways tosupport yourself, to not freak
out.
Essentially, it's just an easyway to take control of a
situation where you feel thatanxiety sneak in.
So just breathe it in, breatheit out.
Now how we can train the socialengagement system and that's
where we can, how we react insocial situations One is just

(07:59):
mirror other people's voicetones.
So we can just engage inconversations where you practice
using a gentle, warm tone voiceand see how your body feels.
You can even practice this inthe bathroom.
It doesn't have to be withsomebody, just getting used to
hearing your own voice.
That is a skill.
I'm just saying it.
It's weird to listen toyourself and if you take that

(08:23):
time and just decide how do Ilike this, how does it sound?
You're going to realize thatyou like your voice tone in
different pitches and then justpractice it, because that's what
practice will make itcomfortable.
It'll be make it feel like,okay, I recognize how I feel

(08:44):
when I use this voice tone.
And then you can practicereading.
Just read a book out loud, justhear how your voice sounds.
Oh my goodness, read it to apreschooler.
They are so much fun to read.
To Grab an easy book, throwsome emotions in there and bring
your voice tone up and down.
And grab a book like, let's say, like the Three Bears, fully

(09:07):
Relaxed, and the Three Bears,Because you're already familiar
with it, you know the storyline,and then you can practice
putting emotions into it andyour emotions will match your
voice.
So it will just help give youan opportunity to train your
vocal patterns.
Another one is just learningfrom others Audiobooks.

(09:30):
They're a really good medium tolearn how to bring in different
voice tones.
Learn how to bring in differentvoice tones.
So if you have to work on acalming voice, well, find an
audio book that has a calmingspeaker.
You can also listen to guidingmeditations If you want to
listen to calming songs.
Those all give you ideas on howto use your voice.

(09:53):
Because once you learn thatvoice, you're able to accomplish
that social engagement whereyou feel comfortable talking to
other people that you'resurrounded with, instead of
getting nervous.
Your default will be I've gotthis, I know this, I've
practiced it, and it will reducethat fear, the fear response,

(10:14):
by gradual exposures to socialsituations.
So start with low pressureinteractions, like ordering food
, which sometimes is a struggle.
If it's a place you haven'tbeen to before, you might be
like I don't know their menu, Idon't know if they're going to
ask me any follow-up questions.

(10:35):
So just take those times,because it's just a short, short
moment that people will beinteracting with you and if you
mess up, they're not going toremember you.
They are going to carry onbecause they get so many orders
and then you can have thatexperience down.
Then you're like, okay, maybe Ineed to go to a new coffee shop

(10:55):
where they don't know me.
So they get used to answeringquestions, because answering
questions is on the spot.
You don't know what they'regoing to ask you all the time
and it'll get used to youanswering questions without
over-complicating the situation.
And my tip on if you go to acoffee shop that you don't know
and you aren't sure what to askfor or what to say, you can just

(11:19):
always ask the barista what isyour favorite and ask them to
create it, because I've nevermet a barista who doesn't know
their favorite coffee.
They know exactly how to makeit perfect and they are excited
to share it with you.
So that is an easy, easy tip.
It's so much fun because theyget excited and then you get to
see a different flavor thatmight not even be on the menu.

(11:41):
So it's just all around.
It's really fun.
That is my favorite way toorder coffee.
You can also try self-soothing.
So if you need to go and dosome affirmations in the car
before you go somewhere, you canwrite down things that you are
really really good at Like I amgoing to just make eye contact

(12:05):
and smile and write downquestions that you might ask
another person.
So you already prepared,because if you know you're going
into a social interaction let'ssay it's for work and you don't
know the people that you'remeeting you can have a list of
questions in your head and sayand then practice them and use
your voice tone and it'll giveyou practice on how you want to

(12:29):
interact with people that youaren't familiar with.
And it's pretty easy.
It's hard in the moment, buteasy to practice.
Now there are things that we cando, again to support our vagus
nerve, because, again, our vagusnerve is the messenger to our
brain saying how everything isgoing.
Are we safe?

(12:50):
Are we not?
Are we in fight or flight mode,or are we going to shut down?
Or are we going to rest andenjoy the calm that rest and
digest and by practicing thatgets our body familiar with
what's going on.
And it's not that practicemakes perfect.

(13:11):
We're not going for perfect,but we're going so that we can
gain some familiarity.
But we're going so that we cangain some familiarity.
Our body likes familiar things,it likes routines, it wants to
feel safe and feeling safe oftengoes back to our defaults, and

(13:35):
if our default is practicing acertain phrase, it becomes
easier and that really helpscalm all of your worries and so
that your brain doesn't go inoverload, and that's all it is.
We're just trying to calm itdown.
So voice tone has a lot to dowith how our body feels safe
Because, again, if it feelsshaky, you can feel it feel
shaky, it's going to triggerother things and we don't want

(13:57):
that.
Feel shaky, it's going totrigger other things and we
don't want that.
We want to feel safe and secureso we can just enjoy the
connections and people around us.
And so if you need to take, youknow, five minutes to practice
something, that's okay.
And if you want to sing one ofyour favorite songs before
meeting your friend at a newplace, again that's okay.

(14:17):
It's okay to prepare.
It's safe knowing that ifyou're going to meet somebody
new, know as much as youpossibly can Ask about the
environment, the parking,anything that will give you some
sense of control or familiarity.
So I hope that you're able topick one of those today and
practice it Again.

(14:38):
Practicing helps make itfamiliar, which makes it our
default.
Sing a song after this.
Just practice singing a song,enjoy it.
Smile, breathe, do all thegreat things.
Thanks for listening to "ItStarts at Vagus.
If you enjoyed this episode,subscribe so you don't miss
what's coming next.
And if you're ready to take thenext step toward calm, grab my

(14:59):
free Vagus Nerve Reset video inthe show notes.
It's a quick and easy way tostart feeling better today and
until next time rememberwellness starts at Vagus.
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