May 18, 2025 • 53 mins
In this powerful episode of Legacy Over Labels, Lauren and Brittany get raw, real, and deeply personal about what it means to start over — not from a place of failure, but from a place of freedom.
From divorce and DUIs to lost careers, broken friendships, and identity crises, the girls share the rock bottoms that nearly broke them… and the rebuilds that shaped them. They open up about the pain, the shame, the healing, and how faith, boundaries, and aligned choices brought them back to life.
This one’s for the woman who feels behind. Who’s starting over (again). Who’s scared to speak the story she’s living. Let this episode be your reminder:
Starting over isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. And you’re not alone.
Key themes:
- Rebuilding after rock bottom
- Letting go of what no longer aligns
- Redefining self-worth, friendship, and faith
- Giving yourself permission to begin again
AirPods in. Labels off. Let’s rebuild — together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:01):
Make you
SPEAKER_01 (00:29):
Welcome back to the Legacy Over Labels podcast.
My name is Lauren, and I'm abusiness and confidence coach.
I'm a bold truth teller,fiercely loyal, and I believe in
showing up 100% as yourauthentic self always.
And I'm Brittany,
SPEAKER_00 (00:44):
your mindset mirror, straight shooting strategy girl,
and co-founder of Legacy OverLabels.
I'm a coach, encourager, energybringer, and your go-to hype
woman for women chasing a lifeof enlightenment.
SPEAKER_01 (00:54):
And we are super excited for episode six.
This one's going to hit Becausetoday we're diving into the most
vulnerable but powerful things awoman can do.
And that is start over.
This
SPEAKER_00 (01:08):
one is for the girl who feels like she's behind.
Like everyone else got the memoand you're still cleaning up the
mess.
Let me tell you something.
Starting over isn't failure.
It's freedom.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
Alright guys, this episode is personal.
It's not surface level by anymeans.
I'm going to share some really,you know, now I think of it as
kind of...
hilarious humorous even thoughit's like a little dark and a
little sad but it's about thekind of starting over that hits
you in the gut so you knowtopics we've already talked
(01:44):
about like divorce DUI losingjobs losing people losing
yourself you know we've lived itwe've experienced it and we
always come from a place of whatour experience has been and so
we want to share with some ofshare some of those things with
you guys today just to let youknow like you know we have
(02:05):
seriously been in the thick ofit so we're not coming from a
place of telling you what to doeverybody's journey is different
but we we've had some rock
SPEAKER_00 (02:15):
bottoms that's for sure yeah especially between the
both of us with differentexperiences and being able to
have input on all kinds ofsituations and that's all we
want to do here to be able togive some guidance in a sense of
people that are going throughsimilar situations or that are
just you starting over ingeneral whether it's a different
situation
SPEAKER_01 (02:33):
or wanting to start over because I will tell you
like I have a lot of peoplebecause of you know some of the
journeys that I have shown ofyou know leaving my teaching
career leaving my most recentcareer at first form just trying
new things like even when I wasdoing my yoga teacher
(02:54):
certification you know just likestepping out of your comfort
zone doing something you'vealways wanted to do and not
worrying about everybody else'sexpectations or opinions of you
when you choose to do one ofthose things because I think
that's the hardest part like whydo we sit in something for so
long that we know or justdoesn't feel right or your
(03:17):
intuition is off about it likeyou feel like maybe you've
outgrown that or you are justnot happy anymore
SPEAKER_00 (03:25):
maybe you're just really curious about something
else but you feel like it's waytoo out of the box for you to do
And how can you do something sodifferent than what you've been
doing already?
And the what are they going tothink of me question pops up.
And we want to help lead to whyyou should just take the jump
anyways.
SPEAKER_01 (03:42):
Yeah, and I always encourage people, like, do
something that lights you up.
It doesn't have to be quittingyour career or getting a
divorce.
You know, like, I'm not sayinggo and just do something that...
What would even be a good termfor that?
Outlandish.
(04:02):
Outlandish.
Or that significant of a change.
No.
It's like Brittany said.
Maybe you're just curious aboutsomething.
You want to try something new.
You want a side hustle.
You want a new hobby.
You want whatever.
You just want something to add alittle bit more excitement to
your life.
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
You never know if you like something
SPEAKER_01 (04:22):
until you try it.
SPEAKER_00 (04:23):
100%.
So if you have the slightestinterest, why not just try it
SPEAKER_01 (04:27):
and see if it's a fit?
Right.
Even if, again, we're talkingabout small things like you're
trying a new restaurant once aweek, go do it.
Like what is stopping you?
You know, a lot of times, um,funny, I brought that topic up
or will that popped into my headbecause I always have
conversations with people aboutdating yourself.
(04:47):
Like when I, and I'm going tojump into this story today, this
is probably what made me thinkof it.
But when I ended my first likeactual serious longterm
relationship, like Thank you.
right out of college I was 22and I dated a guy for five years
we lived together had dogstogether all of that that was
(05:08):
something that was a little hardto get used to after the
relationship ends like yes Istill had friends yes I can go
out with my friends but you knoweverybody else has their own
lives too and so what do you dowhen you want to go try
something new and no one'savailable yeah exactly like when
you're in a relationship likeyou have your person and it's
(05:29):
just kind of a I assume that, ofcourse, they're going to go with
you to go check out this newrestaurant or whatever
SPEAKER_00 (05:33):
it is.
I think that's so healthy to do,though, to get comfortable with
being by yourself in acrowded...
Take yourself to the movies.
Take yourself to a dinner.
Get comfortable.
Being alone, just being byyourself.
SPEAKER_01 (05:47):
And I think that is a big piece of starting over,
too, is are you comfortablebeing alone?
Are you comfortable in silence?
Are you comfortable in yourthoughts, your feelings by
yourself?
Like not going out and doingthings and being distracted.
So just as much as it'simportant to feel comfortable by
(06:07):
yourself to go out, it's also...
It's also important.
Wow.
Can't talk.
It's also important to be ableto just sit at home.
SPEAKER_00 (06:19):
Yeah.
Watch a show.
That's like my favorite thing todo now.
Leave me at home alone with myNetflix and a box of crumble.
SPEAKER_01 (06:28):
And, you know, I think it's important to put the
phone down.
Yes.
Be with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (06:36):
That's like a new thing right now.
So I'm going to make Sundayslike do not disturb days.
Turn on.
Do not disturb.
Good luck with that.
Be in the moment.
I know I need you.
Well, you're on always can getthrough no matter what.
Do not disturbs on.
SPEAKER_01 (06:51):
So I'm going to jump into this.
Really the first time that wehad to start over or that, you
know, a significant start overmoment in our life.
So for me, that was what I wasjust talking about.
You know, I was.
Fresh into a relationship out ofcollege.
(07:13):
Felt like it was, you know, thefirst person that I really dated
in my adult life, right?
Post-college.
Serious.
We lived together.
We had dogs together.
Two dogs.
And it was seriously just likean unhealthy relationship.
(07:33):
But at the time, it was like,oh, well, this is normal type of
thing.
And we won't jump into thetoxicity of a relationship
today.
But this was someone who, youknow, I had changed my career.
I had decided to go back toschool to do teaching.
He was the reason.
Not saying that I didn't want toteach or coach.
(07:54):
I had thought about it because,you know, leaving softball in
college, being a couple yearsremoved from that, you're like,
I miss it.
You know, I want to go back toit.
So I was like, you know what?
I think the easiest thing wouldbe, or not even the easiest, but
something that would allow me todo it.
to coach would be teaching.
You know, it's really kind ofthe only option you have to be
(08:15):
available at the times needed toteach or coach junior high and
high school softball.
So I decided to go back.
I decided to get my master's ineducation, special education,
high school math.
So I taught junior high and highschool and also coached junior
(08:35):
high and high school softball.
But that was like I think Iknocked all of that out in
basically two years.
So from 2008 to 2010, I wasbusting my butt.
Like I was substitute teachingduring the day.
So I would be there from like,call it eight to three.
(08:56):
And then I would go to class atnight from four to 10 and then I
would come home and I would havehomework or there were some
nights where then I would gobartender serve and So no free
time?
Not really.
Not much.
As you can imagine, that takes atoll on your relationship.
(09:16):
Oh, yeah.
But, you know, we made thisdecision together.
This is what I was going to do.
I was going to knock it out assoon as possible.
Like, honestly, that schedulewas just for like a year and a
half.
And then the other half was likestudent teaching, getting a job,
which I was hired at like, Idon't know, a week or two after
(09:37):
graduation.
So...
Anyway, post-graduation, likeliterally just went out,
celebrated everything.
And then like two months later,it's just done.
Right.
Not out of nowhere.
This is an ongoing thing, but itwas done, done.
(10:00):
And it was one of those timeswhere like I called my friends.
I was like, come help me move mystuff out of here, because if I
don't leave right now, I'm
SPEAKER_00 (10:07):
never going to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (10:08):
Yep.
UNKNOWN (10:09):
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (10:10):
And so it happens.
that's school year 2010 2011 andI just ended my five-year
relationship I just started abrand new job brand new career
in a town where I know no oneyou know not far so it's like
not like I had to move oranything like that but now I'm
(10:31):
like I was living with him so Ihave to find a place to live I
have to figure out this newroutine like to me it was just
like my world was turned upsidedown
SPEAKER_00 (10:43):
And you were
SPEAKER_01 (10:48):
you still you had moved out then, right?
Yeah.
I mean, that's the whole thingis like I was living in his
house.
So I moved all of my things out.
UNKNOWN (11:00):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:00):
Back to my parents' house momentarily because I was
like, well, I don't really knowwhere I'm going to live right
this second.
You know, it was just kind ofone of those things where like I
had to go.
So that was, I think it was likeJuly or August.
It's been so long now.
You know, I don't even rememberall the details, but it was like
(11:23):
July or August.
And then that's when I moved inwith my cousin Dan to Soulard.
in November, October, October,November, 2010.
SPEAKER_00 (11:35):
That's such a weird transition.
SPEAKER_01 (11:37):
Oh, so it was wild.
Like, I mean, I was essentiallyliving like what I kind of
pictured as like a married life.
You know, we lived together, wehad dogs together, we did
everything together.
You know, we're both, he was twoyears older than me, so I was
22, he was 24 when we starteddating.
You know, I was 27 when we brokeup.
(12:00):
And, yeah, I went from living insuburban Illinois to, you know,
city life.
Not that it's, you know, NewYork City or anything, but quite
a difference in just likeculture and what people
SPEAKER_00 (12:19):
do.
I would say just people ingeneral.
SPEAKER_01 (12:21):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:22):
The variety and difference of the people you
were surrounded with.
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
Oh, it was wild.
Wild, wild, wild.
So that was going on.
Again, I was starting a brandnew teaching career, all of
this.
And like, you know, I'd said inprevious episodes, like after my
first year of teaching, I waslike, oh, my gosh.
Like, I remember just driving towork every day, miserable,
(12:47):
thinking about that, crying thatI about the relationship about I
wasn't happy with my job.
You name it.
It was just it was a big shift,you know?
Yeah.
But fast forward, right, becauseI told you guys last episode, I
stayed there for five years.
(13:08):
So what happened?
So.
I felt long and hard about it,obviously.
SPEAKER_00 (13:19):
Which is a typical Lauren move.
SPEAKER_01 (13:21):
Calculated.
Very calculated.
And that's in 2015.
This is like pivotal shift.
You want to talk about startover?
I...
Like I said, I had been thinkingabout it for a long time.
It wasn't that I didn't have aplan in place, but I did not
have another job lined up.
(13:43):
Like I said, I was alwaysbartending and serving.
So that summer, I would go workat the restaurant.
Every single day, I would pickup every single shift.
I would work doubles every day Icould.
I'd work a triple on Saturday.
I'd work Sunday brunch, like...
(14:04):
Just killing myself.
Yep.
Hacking it all in.
And then I ended up gettinganother serving job just like
for any days that I could.
You know, just because I wantedto be financially safe.
Yeah.
So I was still getting myteaching pay through the summer.
But I was like, okay, I'm notreally sure.
(14:25):
Like I said, I did thismid-July.
So...
Send in my letter ofresignation.
Yeah, so I finally decided topull the trigger mid-July.
And like I said, you know,sending in a letter of
resignation mid-July forteaching is like the all-time
no-no.
(14:45):
Like, you don't do that.
No.
They're already set for the nextyear.
Yeah.
So they're going to have to findsomeone.
I don't even, you know, wheneverschool started, late July,
August, in a...
I don't know, three, four weeks,something crazy.
So that is not typically mebecause I don't like leave
people hanging.
(15:06):
But it was just I wish I couldtell you all the things I was
thinking, thoughts, emotions atthat point.
But I just also to the pointlike
SPEAKER_00 (15:13):
we've talked about to like just pull the trigger,
just like do it.
Because you can't just continueto think about, like, when am I
going to do it?
What's the plan?
Because there's never going tobe a right moment.
Right.
So when you are just like, I'mgoing to do it right now, you
just do it.
Whether, you know, like yousaid, it may not have been a
perfect timing for them, butwho's to say if you would have
stayed another year, that wouldhave looked like.
SPEAKER_01 (15:32):
Exactly.
To top it off, this is when mylongest friendship decided to
fall apart.
Sorry for another day.
But 25-year friendship.
done.
Um, she ends up getting engaged.
You know, I would have been hermaid of honor.
(15:53):
She doesn't even invite me toher wedding.
Not only or nothing.
It was nothing that I did isagain, there's a lot to that
story, but long story short,this is going on too.
Um, I'm looking for a job,right?
I don't have like a job linedup.
So I, when I End of the schoolyear, I'm 40 pounds overweight
(16:16):
in the sense of, like, I was 40pounds heavier than I'd ever
been.
So just, like, all of thesethings are going on, and I'm
just like, okay.
It is time to figure out like Iwant to pour back into myself.
I need to focus on the thingsthat I can control.
Like, obviously, you can'tcontrol someone's thoughts,
(16:38):
feelings, emotions, like interms of the friendship, in
terms of how the administrationwas going to react to my
resignation.
You have to be OK with beingmisunderstood.
And you just have to startfiguring out who am I?
Who do I want to be?
Where do I want to go?
What is it that I want out ofthis life?
(17:02):
Because to me at the time, andI'm so glad now that I made this
decision, teaching wasn't it.
Coaching wasn't it.
I'm glad that I was curiousabout it and I tried it out to
see would this work for me?
Would this be...
essentially where I spend thenext 20, 30 years, retire.
(17:23):
I mean, otherwise you would havewandered your whole life.
Like, what if I would have donethe teaching?
Would I have liked it?
You know, at the time with thatrelationship, I was like, maybe
this would also be the bestthing for our relationship.
SPEAKER_00 (17:34):
How many people do that?
SPEAKER_01 (17:35):
Well, right.
Like there were other thingsgoing on that I could dive into,
like alcohol.
Big problem at this time.
Mm hmm.
Not necessarily with me.
I would say, you know, obviouslywhen I was going back to school
and working, I wasn't drinking.
I wasn't drinking at all.
Like, but I'm not around.
(17:56):
So if you're in a relationshipwith someone, you're never
available to, like, go and dothings like rarely.
Right.
My schedule.
And you come from a town.
Like Belleville, Illinois.
That's what people do in their20s.
Oh, where are we going out todrink and eat and do all the
unhealthy things?
(18:17):
So what is he doing?
Well, he's going out with hisfriends.
He's having a good time.
Mind you, he also had a job thatwas...
Kind of like a nurse's schedulewhere he would be on for four
days, off for four days.
I don't even remember the extentof it, but it was very similar
to a nurse's schedule.
So lots of time off.
And me, I'm getting home at 10o'clock, 10.30, and either doing
(18:44):
homework or going to bed to getup and do it all over again.
So add all that up.
And it's just, like, it'smiserable.
SPEAKER_00 (18:57):
That's not fun.
SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
No.
So, you know, in search of ajob.
Don't know what I'm doing.
At this point, I'm 31 years old.
like you think to yourself oh mygosh I'm a failure time is
running out right I'm 31 theclock is ticking I just lost you
know five years that I investedinto a relationship thinking I
(19:22):
you know again Brittany and Italked about you come from a
town where like that's what youdo you get married and you have
kids and that's what's expectedand it's like you live the same
life that everybody else isliving right and like Like I
said, I just, I never sawmyself, not ever, but like
definitely not.
(19:43):
in that moment at 27 and I don'tknow if I was just like
subconsciously sabotaging it butalso at the same time there were
a lot of things going on thatwere way out of my control that
were not healthy and I needed tosever all ties to that life I
was living because I knew likeultimately every piece of it
(20:06):
wasn't for me yeah
SPEAKER_00 (20:09):
and that's like also kind of what we touched base on
as you get older, the, I guesslike how you mature, I think of
myself in my twenties and I'mlike, I wish I would have waited
so long to do certain things.
Like I, I was not quote unquotean adult quite yet to where
(20:29):
like, to your like point whenyou were 31, we're taught to
believe, you know, you said likein your twenties, you should be
married and having children.
But like now I meet 20 year oldsand I'm like, Take your time.
Figure out what you want to do.
Like, don't rush the wholegetting married situation.
Oh, my
SPEAKER_01 (20:45):
gosh.
My grandma.
You know how close I was to mygrandma.
She called me an old maid.
And I'm like, Grandma.
Don't have my feelings.
It'll be okay.
I'll be fine.
I'm like, now she called me oldmaid, which I still don't
believe, but I would understanda little bit more.
As I got older, and it juststill didn't happen.
They never said anything.
UNKNOWN (21:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:07):
I remember one Christmas, my entire family, my
oldest cousin had twins.
I think there were one at thetime and, you know, I'm holding
them and I'm good with kids.
I love kids.
I would love my own kids.
But again, at the time, I thinkthis is like same time period.
I was like 27.
They're like, you shouldprobably think about freezing
(21:29):
your eggs.
My I didn't say anything.
My dad goes, well, she's got towork on not losing her phone
first.
Oh, my God.
But I mean, that just goes toshow you those are all the
labels that society, yourfamily, your friends, whoever
puts on you.
And there really is no suchthing.
(21:52):
No.
Like you can let that affect youand, you know, again, other
people's opinions and otherpeople's expectations of where
you should be and what youshould be doing.
But ultimately, like you said,Brittany, like if there's
something else that you'recurious about, why are you
rushing into the expectation orwhy are you rushing into
(22:13):
expectations?
the opinions of others or thelabels that other people put on
you.
And that's what I was doing.
SPEAKER_00 (22:20):
Only leads to confusion and unhappiness.
And then you're like, why did Ido that?
Now I did waste time onsomething that I'm not
passionate about that I don'twant to be doing only because I
wanted to appease to people.
SPEAKER_01 (22:33):
Yeah.
I mean, at the time, you know,all my friends that they were
doing, they were gettingmarried, they were having kids
and telling me, Oh, you andso-and-so are going to get
married.
You and so-and-so are going tohave kids.
Our kids are going to grow uptogether.
They're going to be bestfriends.
They're going to get married.
Oh, yeah.
You know, and like, great.
If that happens and that worksout and that's what you want.
(22:56):
But I knew and I remembertelling my best friend at the
time, I was like, we're notgoing to get married and I'm not
ready for kids.
And like, that was kind of likea moment where I was like, Hmm,
what am I doing?
SPEAKER_00 (23:10):
Yeah.
Let me reevaluate.
SPEAKER_01 (23:13):
And again, it wasn't even that I wouldn't have
married him at the time.
Obviously this, we're talking 15years ago.
Um, but I just, I, I wasn'tready for that at the time and
definitely not like, um, Again,like this expectation or opinion
(23:34):
of others that had kind of beenplaced on us because, oh, you've
been dating for five years,you're getting married, you're
going to have kids.
And it's like, are we?
SPEAKER_00 (23:44):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, some people fallinto that where people start
saying things and not thatthey're intentionally trying to
push their beliefs or thoughtsonto you, but they don't
genuinely know what's going onin your mind and they see you
with somebody and it's like, ofcourse you guys are going to get
married.
You've been together for fiveyears and that's all they're
thinking.
But then in your mind, when it'sbeing spoken, you're like, hold
(24:06):
on, hold on, hold on.
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
Right.
And I mean, it doesn't just gooff of like that type of
situation either.
SPEAKER_00 (24:12):
No.
SPEAKER_01 (24:13):
So it doesn't matter what situation you're going
through.
If it's not the right situationfor you, um, I would explore
that, you know, and if it'sinvolving other people, then
obviously I always suggest likehaving the conversation, being
transparent.
Is it something that you guyscan work through or talk through
(24:36):
or do you need the support ofsomebody else?
If you are in a relationship,whatever it is.
And again, like.
at that time in my life, I don'tthink I was capable of asking
for help.
You know, again, mid 20s oh I'vegot this I've got this all
figured out I can do it myselfyeah I need your help whereas
(25:00):
like I wish I would have talkedto somebody a little bit older
than me like someone like I amnow you know I'm 41 years old in
my mid 20s it would have beennice to have a me that's already
been through it to be like heythese are kind of like the
thoughts and feelings that I'mhaving is this normal like is it
you
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
know and how do I process what do I do with this I
feel like I'm going to handle itnot correctly and I just want to
make sure I put myself on a paththat's going to be healthy and
not I mean if I jump into mydivorce at 29 I had no idea you
know what to go through what Iwish I would have like went even
(25:39):
to a therapist something forsome guidance because instead I
did like you said like I didn'twant to be home alone so I
distracted working out twice aday I'm going out but I wish I
would have took that time likethat first year to really just
heal myself yeah and learnedmore about myself instead of
trying to distract from like thestress of everything going on
(25:59):
and trying to figure out I putso much pressure on trying to
figure out like a new life andbuilding a new life instead of
being like oh Let's take a stepback.
Let's really see what'sunderneath here.
Why did you get a divorce?
Why were you unhappy?
What was really going on insteadof trudging forward into this
life that I wanted to have?
SPEAKER_01 (26:19):
That was going to be my question for you.
Were you doing that because it'slike, well...
I don't have my husband anymore,so I need to find a new husband.
SPEAKER_00 (26:31):
Not that you thought that exact thought.
I felt like a need to fill avoid, in a sense.
I felt very...
Because I had lost...
I was with him for 13 years, andso I'm like...
There went 13 years down thedrain.
What did I just do?
And I went from having abeautiful home on an acre lot to
(26:52):
a two bedroom apartment.
And I'm like, well, I just gaveup everything I've ever worked
for in my life.
And now I'm single with a childand never, ever have I lived by
myself.
Never, ever did I think I couldlive by myself, which to point
out.
being by yourself like that didso much good for me to actually
be on my own because I neverthought I could be have your own
(27:14):
space have my own space supportmyself by myself and a child by
myself but I was so lonely thatI would stay out so late to
where when I came home, I onlyhad three hours before I had to
be up to go coach.
SPEAKER_01 (27:30):
But you're fine
SPEAKER_00 (27:31):
because you're
SPEAKER_01 (27:31):
just like
SPEAKER_00 (27:31):
running off of adrenaline.
I'm like, this life is great.
Like I do whatever I want.
I'm all by myself.
And like, I want to do all thesethings.
And I mean, I was, I starteddating Nate when I was 18.
So I never did the party girlthing.
I never went out.
I was like, basically you'relike, home wife from 18 until 29
so then here I am like whoo likeshow me the clubs where are we
(27:55):
going to go I want to go out andlike just have on the time of my
life and your version of that isjust funny to me though
SPEAKER_01 (28:02):
you're still so G rated
SPEAKER_00 (28:05):
yeah because I was also like wait we're doing
dinner at 9 because that's likebedtime I am a mom but I still I
wish I would have taken thatlike year to really I mean
obviously like our friendshipout of it was such a win for me
to have somebody that listenedand somebody that I literally
could talk to every single dayand I could just I mean I can't
(28:27):
tell you how many times I droveup to Lauren's work 7 o'clock at
night and I'm like hey like whatare you doing what are you doing
I want to come up and like let'sgo do something or whatever cool
SPEAKER_01 (28:36):
let's go walk let's go work out let's go usually
work out of some form or eat
SPEAKER_00 (28:42):
yeah work out eat let's have a salad repeat yeah
so I mean that did come out ofit but I never took on the I
mean, I'm still like processingthose things now of like, what
am I internally still holding onto that I need to work on on
myself?
SPEAKER_01 (28:58):
I think that the huge takeaway there, though,
like I was in the same boat asyou.
You know, I went away tocollege, but I never truly just
lived by myself.
I always had a roommate likefreshman year.
I was living in the dorms, had aroommate.
Sophomore through senior, Ilived in a townhome with three
other girls.
And then I moved home.
(29:19):
I was at my parents' house for,I don't know, a few months.
Met my boyfriend.
He wanted me to move in aftermaybe six months.
After six months.
I was like...
Okay.
Yeah.
It's not like this big move fromBelleville to O'Fallon, which is
(29:39):
like 20 minutes away.
So but when we broke up, thatwas the thing.
And like I I lived with mycousin Dan, but he was also
working like he was splittingtime going to he was only coming
home every two weeks for theweekend.
So essentially, I'm living inthis townhome in Soulard by
(30:01):
myself again, like people thatare living in Soulard are going
out every night and drinkingand, you know, like it's not
that I didn't have that partygirl fun college life, but then
it was like.
I'm out of this five yearrelationship.
Like you said, trying to finddistractions because I'm sad.
(30:25):
I'm lonely.
I'm, you know, I started datingagain.
I remember I got on match.com.
Oh my God.
That's like when match.comstarted in 2010, maybe before
that.
I don't know.
But that it was like a thing.
Like if you, that was like thebeginning of dating apps before
tender and God, we didn't haveto
SPEAKER_00 (30:44):
do an episode of online.
I
SPEAKER_01 (30:47):
could go.
And you know what?
There were probably somewonderful people on there,
honestly.
And I don't even say thatsarcastically, but it just was I
had no business dating.
I in the sense of like whenyou're starting over.
you need to be alone you need tofigure out what it is that you
(31:10):
want or what was missing ifyou're constantly
SPEAKER_00 (31:14):
refilling that void
SPEAKER_01 (31:16):
yes
SPEAKER_00 (31:17):
whether you intentionally mean to or not
that other person's having aninfluence on how you're seeing
life seeing yourself the onlyway to really deal with And
figure out what you need to dois to be by yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (31:30):
Well, you're still comparing.
Yeah.
Like you're not...
Even if you understand therelationship is over.
Okay.
It's this relationship hassailed.
Or this job has sailed.
Whatever we're talking about.
It doesn't matter.
I know we're kind of stuck onthe relationship thing right
now.
But even with a job, like...
(31:50):
I'm not going back.
I'm not going to do that again.
You're going into a differentindustry.
You're not going to get backtogether with that person.
You understand that.
It's solidified in whatevercapacity we're talking about.
You need time to detox fromwhatever it is.
(32:12):
You don't want to
SPEAKER_00 (32:12):
carry any of that over into the next chapter.
That's
SPEAKER_01 (32:15):
exactly it.
All of your issues fromwhatever...
you had before they do theycarry over into that next
relationship and again like iwas telling you i had a lot of
trust issues in thatrelationship there were a lot of
there's alcohol abuse verbalabuse you know i could get into
(32:36):
all that but it definitely didthen carry over into like going
on dates with new people likeAnd not really caring either.
If you've ever been there whereyou've been in a really long
relationship and then you startdating again before you're ready
to start dating again, I didn'ttreat people nicely.
SPEAKER_00 (32:58):
Nor do I think you really care who you're dating.
You know what I mean?
You'll be like, you're not agreat person, but I'll date
SPEAKER_01 (33:04):
you.
I never got in a relationship.
I would go on one date, maybetwo dates with someone, and I'm
like...
Ew.
Ew.
SPEAKER_00 (33:14):
You're giving me the ick.
SPEAKER_01 (33:16):
Yeah, like, it doesn't...
It didn't matter.
They could have been the bestperson in the world.
It didn't matter because Iwasn't ready to even date.
So, like, I put in zero effort.
And, like, now, at 41, God,the...
it's no wonder the dating worldis a dumpster fire because of
(33:37):
literally what we're saying isno one takes time to be by
themselves or looking fordistractions.
And again, this does need to beanother episode because I want
to go into like what you lookfor and what to ask people.
And even then you're,
SPEAKER_00 (33:54):
we've been through some shizah relationships and
like, We talk about it a lot,like things that we wish we
would have asked people whendating them that would have
given us signals or red flags.
Oh, and there's plenty of red
SPEAKER_01 (34:08):
flags anyway that you ignore.
SPEAKER_00 (34:10):
Yeah, don't say there's the red flags where
you're like, oh, you know, youdon't put the toilet seat down.
We can get past that.
SPEAKER_01 (34:17):
Yeah.
No, I'm talking.
SPEAKER_00 (34:19):
But I'm talking serious.
Yeah.
You're abusive.
You hit you.
or an alcoholic at one point,like an addictive.
I mean, I've told Brock this,and if I would have known you
were an addict, I don't knowwhat I would have told you
because it is very hard for meto handle an addict's
personality.
SPEAKER_01 (34:38):
You didn't even drink.
SPEAKER_00 (34:40):
No.
I mean, I did.
You have like
SPEAKER_01 (34:42):
a glass of wine every once in a while.
SPEAKER_00 (34:44):
That's what my party girl stage, my 29 freshly
divorced girl, she drank, andthat girl got drunk off two
wines.
I
SPEAKER_01 (34:49):
was going to say, you drank what?
One drink?
UNKNOWN (34:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (34:54):
You were not a person that was abusing
substances.
Absolutely not.
Okay.
That's why I just think it'shilarious to hear you talk about
it because you just have neverbeen that person.
I
SPEAKER_00 (35:06):
wanted to pass away the first time I was out and
people were storing cocaine inthe bathroom.
What?
Where was
SPEAKER_01 (35:12):
that at?
I
SPEAKER_00 (35:13):
don't want to get anybody in trouble because it
was with the business.
Oh, gotcha.
Okay.
Apparently, that's just a thing,you know, I guess some people
do.
It's a rag dealer.
SPEAKER_01 (35:26):
I saw someone, not that long ago, St.
Patrick's Day, out on thestreet.
I'm like, excuse me, what?
Do we just do this in publicnow?
Yeah.
Like, I didn't know them, but...
SPEAKER_00 (35:37):
But I guess so.
It's just the things that I waslike, oh, there's no shame in
this now.
Okay.
I just have a very G-rated mindwhen it comes to those types of
things.
And I'm like, oh, people dococaine in real life.
I thought that was like a no-no.
I mean, I was standing
SPEAKER_01 (35:52):
on the sidewalk in Dogtown, which is, you know,
right by Soulard, and saw this.
I was like, wow.
The things we see now are justout in the open.
Can't unsee that anymore.
At least yours isn't thebathroom.
This is true.
Oh, my gosh.
But I think, like...
(36:13):
I don't know.
I just can't stress enough howimportant it is, one, that you
sit with yourself in everything.
You know, I always say sit inyour shit.
SPEAKER_00 (36:27):
Write it down.
I love like journaling in thosemoments now where I feel
confused or I am doing a bigshift or, you know, if I'm going
through a lot at a certain pointin my life, I'll journal every
day if it's not.
A lot, and maybe just once aweek.
But I always make time tojournal because it is a good way
for me to get out my thoughts.
And then I like going back andbeing like, wow, look at that
(36:49):
place I was in.
And these are things that I didto get out of that.
And now look what I journal.
It's like a different person.
It's a different chapter of mylife.
SPEAKER_01 (36:59):
Well, I think the other part about journaling,
too, is...
you write down what happenedbecause when you write down what
happened it's very differentthan if you're just like
ruminating in your thoughtsbecause you tend to like
embellish be dramatic if you'rejust like sitting there and
(37:20):
thinking thinking thinkingthinking about it over and over
and over and you like and italso allows you to get it out
SPEAKER_00 (37:26):
when you write you literally can only have one
train of thought right so ifyou're sitting and thinking your
brain is going all differentavenues and all these different
things are happening to wherewhen you are writing that's
literally the only thing you canfocus on so it's like one
thought at a time so it's likethe perfect way to literally
process your thoughts
SPEAKER_01 (37:47):
And you're, you're writing down what truly
happened, not some fictitious,well, hopefully anyway,
fictitious, imaginary, likesituation, situation that didn't
even have like that didn't evenhappen.
Yeah.
You know, a lot of times youbuild something up so much or
you get so emotional about itthat you perceive it in your
(38:08):
mind as being a lot worse thanwhat it really was.
And when you write it down,especially like when you were
sitting in a bad relationship,Yeah.
I was just about to
SPEAKER_00 (38:33):
say something about that.
I'm like, don't be embarrassedabout what you're going through.
Yeah.
I mean, you would not believethe things people go through
that they don't even speakabout.
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
Well, yeah.
Like, I think that's the issues.
People think it's unique to themwhen in reality you could tell
your story and then you couldfind someone that had 20 times
worse experience than you.
I mean, back to the addict
SPEAKER_00 (38:59):
stuff, when I had shared...
a bit of what was going on inour relationship with Brock, I
could not tell you the amount ofmessages I got from people that
went through the same thing,were going through the same
thing.
And these were people, people Iknow that I had no idea.
SPEAKER_03 (39:17):
And
SPEAKER_00 (39:18):
it's like you wouldn't have any idea that they
went through something likethat.
But because I opened up andshared about it, they reached
out and we talked.
And guess what?
I felt better because I hadpeople to relate to, people to
lean on, people to talk to.
And I think no matter whatyou're going through, whether
it's a bad relationship, a badjob, maybe it's trying to
conceive, maybe it's moving,whatever it is, and you feel
(39:40):
like you're alone in it.
Finding safe people to talk tois such a big deal.
I mean, now when I go throughthings, obviously I talk to
Lauren.
I have a few other friends thatI'll turn to that I know are
like my safe places.
They're not going to judge me.
They're not going to go and blabit to everybody else when I talk
to them.
But it really, really, reallyhelps me process through what
(40:02):
I'm going through.
And it honestly helps me seethings in a different light.
Because I do that with yourbrain.
You start thinking and all thesedifferent scenarios start
happening and they help me thinklogically.
Because it's natural for you togo into defense mode and want to
always protect yourself.
But when you can have somebodyhelp you break down the bricks
of what's actually going on, itcan just change your whole
(40:23):
perspective.
SPEAKER_01 (40:24):
Well, you can get so fixated on like one piece of it.
SPEAKER_00 (40:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:27):
For a million different reasons.
Subconsciously, childhoodtrauma, whatever, you know.
But...
Exactly what you're saying.
When you can bounce some ofthese things off of people that
have maybe gone through the samething or just...
writing it down for yourself tolike read to see like what
actually happened versus what Ibuilt up in my head it allows
(40:50):
you to stay calm it allows younot to just react it allows you
to it gives you clarity I meanthat's exactly it is like you
you need to gain clarity and togain clarity a lot of times you
have to take a step back andlike look at the entire
situation not just this onelittle piece that you're fixated
(41:13):
on.
SPEAKER_00 (41:13):
I think as humans, we do that so bad.
We find the one thing that'sreally agitating us And we
fixate on that and we close offany other thing that has to do
with the situation and refuse tosee anything with that
SPEAKER_01 (41:32):
one thing we fixated
SPEAKER_00 (41:40):
on.
And I'm like, that's a problem.
That's probably not what'sactually going on.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (41:55):
I mean, I think...
the hard parts of our storiesare why we're able to help other
women find their way now, youknow, and why we enjoy telling
these stories.
Cause it's, like I said, it's,it's humorous.
I laugh at them now.
Like I tell these stories, I'vetold Brittany so many stories.
Like how about this?
(42:17):
This ever happened to you?
Yeah.
And like, I know some of thisstuff, it's never even happened
to her.
It doesn't matter.
I just, I like to say it outloud just to like one, remember
how far I've come.
Two, because I just think it'sfunny now.
It's a
SPEAKER_00 (42:32):
growth moment,
SPEAKER_01 (42:33):
too.
SPEAKER_00 (42:33):
Oh, yeah.
Like, look where I was.
Look how I handled that.
Now look how I am.
And it's kind of cool to see.
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
Well, you know what?
It doesn't matter if it's thesame story or not.
One thing we all have in commonis struggle.
Okay?
You are not the only personthat's ever started over.
No.
So just remember that.
Yeah.
You're not crazy.
People make you think that.
I think that with relationships.
How many times, obviously,people try to get under your
(43:00):
skin.
You're crazy.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (43:04):
I'll show you crazy.
SPEAKER_01 (43:05):
You're not failing.
A lot of people view all ofthis, you know, a failed
relationship.
You quit your job.
You failed.
Whatever.
It's not failing.
It's only failing if you giveup, never move forward, never
take steps to better yourself.
(43:25):
But failing is learning.
Exactly.
It's just a learning step.
It's a part of the journey.
Exactly.
Remember, it's a lesson.
Every single piece.
Like any story that...
I tell you, Brittany tells you,these are hard lessons that we
learn.
But once you can get past them,once you can get out of your
(43:46):
shit, when you can take a stepback and get that perspective
and clarity, you realize, hmm,not
SPEAKER_00 (43:53):
going to do that again.
And once you've been throughthem enough, when they happen
again, you're just like, okay,we got this.
We're going to be fine.
We're going to keep goingforward.
But you realize...
The shit's where the growthhappens.
SPEAKER_01 (44:07):
All right.
Well, and once you get thatclarity, you have so much more
confidence if you get in asituation like that again, which
we both have experienced, youknow, like, hmm, this is very
familiar to X, Y, Z.
Yes.
I probably shouldn't do this.
(44:27):
My intuition tells me no.
Sometimes you listen.
Sometimes you don't.
Right.
Facts over feelings.
Always.
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (44:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (44:36):
But that being said, you know, obviously life isn't
perfect, but it's aligned.
And it's important to, you know,I know 2016, I go back a little
bit.
This is kind of random, butthat's when I started going back
to church.
That's when I started reallyfocusing on, you know.
(44:58):
my faith again, praying, likefeeling like I was at a rock
bottom and really trusting inGod that like you have no
control over what's going tohappen.
All you have control over is areyou going to take a step
forward?
Yeah.
Are you going to take action?
Are you going to move in thedirection of something that you
(45:21):
are curious about or you do wantto explore or, you know, moving
again, Just forward.
You get to the point where youknow the things that you don't
want anymore.
And it's not that you have allthe answers for everything that
you're going to be doing to moveforward.
(45:41):
But you have an idea and youhave to surrender and you have
to allow God to shape the way.
But you have to be the onethat's taking those
SPEAKER_00 (45:51):
steps.
You have to want to acknowledgewhat he's putting in front of
you and to acknowledge makeeffort towards those things and
not ignore.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:00):
I mean, and it's not just listening to God either.
Like you have to trust yourself.
You have to, um, trust that youare taking the best steps.
You're doing the best with whatyou have at the time.
Like obviously going through allof these lessons, you're
SPEAKER_00 (46:19):
going to learn things.
I mean, even like with a recentsituation of, um, After we lost
the gym, I had somebody elsecome to me wanting to offer
their gym to me for free.
What a fantastic deal.
Perfect.
Oh, my God.
He's going to sing like, oh, myGod, thank you.
You sent me a free gym.
Like, this is amazing.
I was so excited.
And then my little gut was like,Brittany, it's maybe too good to
(46:42):
be true.
So I learned my lesson.
SPEAKER_01 (46:45):
Well, what did you do, though?
You
SPEAKER_00 (46:48):
told some people that you trust.
Exactly.
I reached out to people that Iknow that I trusted.
They had some resources for me,sent me some very thought out
questions to send said gymowner.
And come to find out, it was a$10,000 a month trap that just
increased, increased, increased.
And I would have got myself intoa really big hole there.
(47:08):
But, you know, from...
Our gym and what happened there,I had learned to not trust
everybody and not believe thateverybody is intentionally
trying to be good.
And so I reached out and got myresources and figured it out.
And you have curious
SPEAKER_01 (47:22):
friends named Lauren that ask you 37 questions like,
well, what about this?
What about this?
What about this?
SPEAKER_00 (47:27):
I don't know if he's giving me a free gym.
I don't know.
This sounds so good.
But it's a gym.
But hindsight.
I had lessons that I've learnedfrom previous experiences.
And you always should trust yourgut and lean on the people that
you know and trust and talk tothem.
SPEAKER_01 (47:43):
Well, and I think that's important in that you
don't want to rush the rebuild.
Exactly.
Whatever it is.
You're starting over.
Okay.
Hey, if that would have been agreat opportunity.
Awesome.
But you could have easily rushedright into that and then found
yourself in the same positionyou just left.
UNKNOWN (48:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (48:02):
I also
SPEAKER_00 (48:02):
believe too, you know, as much as God and Jesus
are there helping us, there'salways the little devil trying
to tease you and try to get youto go other ways that aren't so
good.
So you always have to be aware.
SPEAKER_01 (48:15):
Yeah.
You're always being tested bygood and evil.
Unfortunately, in human form.
But our question for you guys,what are you rebuilding right
now?
What's the story you're afraidto speak out loud?
Is it just you need to talk topeople about some of the things
(48:37):
that are going on in your liferight now?
Did you already take the stepsto...
start to rebuild something orstart over?
And are you getting frustratedbecause it's not happening as
soon as you would like it to?
But I would challenge you to sitwith that.
Let yourself process it and takeone step forward.
(49:00):
Go find somebody that's beenthrough what you're going
through right now.
Obviously, someone that you feelsafe with that's not going to
judge you, that's going to havean open mind and give you
perspective, not tell you whatto do.
Maybe they give you good advice.
But again, like Brittany said,it's finding one or two safe
(49:27):
people that you can speak toopenly and not be judged.
SPEAKER_00 (49:31):
And you'll know they're safe because they're not
exactly what Lauren said.
They're not telling you what todo.
But they are giving you examplesand guidance and really working
through the process with you tohelp you figure it out.
And it's not like a blatant,like, you shouldn't do that.
That doesn't make any sense.
It's like they want to hear thewhole story and be like, okay,
what are these things?
(49:51):
Like, they ask you questions.
They challenge you as to, like,why would you do that?
Is that something you want todo?
Well,
SPEAKER_01 (49:57):
and I think it's important, too, just for them to
try to understand yoursituation.
They should be asking youquestions to dig deeper to
understand, not– to justrespond.
We'll give the example of you.
Whenever you bring mesomething...
Before I say, give you anyadvice or say, well, I would do
(50:19):
this or, you know, I think thisor whatever.
It's like, I probably ask you 10questions every time.
Well, what did they say?
Well, what do you think?
Well, you know, I'm like tryingto, to see all sides of the
story, whatever it was.
She puts the puzzle togetherfirst and then she got the
SPEAKER_00 (50:36):
picture and now she's like, okay, here's what we
got.
SPEAKER_01 (50:42):
But you, I think that's important.
And again, that's something youlearn over time.
time too like in the past myfriend told me something i just
nah better they tell
SPEAKER_00 (50:52):
you something and i'm like okay that's great and
then i'm like why did you tellme that yeah that was the worst
advice ever and you literallydidn't even give it a thought
you just said it and i believedyou and i did it
SPEAKER_01 (51:00):
and which is one of our most popular posts on
instagram yeah what's the worstpiece of advice a girlfriend has
given you or anyone for thatmatter yeah But if this episode
resonated with you guys, ifthere's something that you're
going through that you want toshare with us that you want to
bounce off of us.
Yeah.
(51:21):
DMs are always open, you know,comments, however you want to
share it.
But what is that story right nowthat you're afraid to say out
loud or you're afraid to ask forhelp
SPEAKER_00 (51:32):
with?
Yeah.
What's that thing you reallywant to go after and what's
holding you back from goingafter that?
SPEAKER_01 (51:39):
And one last thing, if this episode hit close to
home, share it with somebody youknow that is in a rebuilding
season.
Somebody that needs to connectwith people that are going
through some stuff, have gonethrough some stuff, are open to
listening, are open to justhelping you gain a new
(51:59):
perspective.
But the Clarity Challenge startsJune 1st.
It's coming! So if you are in arebuilding phase, I would say
this is a great challenge foryou to start your next chapter.
So you can find the link in ourbio on our Instagram page to get
(52:22):
on the wait list for the ClarityCode Challenge.
Again, that starts June 1st.
We'd love to have you.
But let us know what you thoughtabout this episode.
Don't forget to leave us areview.
SPEAKER_00 (52:33):
We love to see them.
Five stars, please, because youlove us.
SPEAKER_01 (52:39):
No, but in reality, we love feedback.
We love any suggestions orideas.
Obviously, we are always tryingto get better.
SPEAKER_00 (52:49):
Yep, just as you are.
SPEAKER_01 (52:50):
Yep.
So, all right, guys.
We have a good week.
Yeah.
And don't forget to listen to uswhile you walk.
Like you're going to hear thiswhile you walk, but.
SPEAKER_00 (53:01):
AirPods in, labels off.
SPEAKER_01 (53:04):
AirPods in, labels off.
But let's rebuild together andwe'll see you next week.
Have a great week, guys.
UNKNOWN (53:12):
Bye.
SPEAKER_02 (53:42):
And I'll leave
Make you
SPEAKER_01 (00:29):
Welcome back to the Legacy Over Labels podcast.
My name is Lauren, and I'm abusiness and confidence coach.
I'm a bold truth teller,fiercely loyal, and I believe in
showing up 100% as yourauthentic self always.
And I'm Brittany,
SPEAKER_00 (00:44):
your mindset mirror, straight shooting strategy girl,
and co-founder of Legacy OverLabels.
I'm a coach, encourager, energybringer, and your go-to hype
woman for women chasing a lifeof enlightenment.
SPEAKER_01 (00:54):
And we are super excited for episode six.
This one's going to hit Becausetoday we're diving into the most
vulnerable but powerful things awoman can do.
And that is start over.
This
SPEAKER_00 (01:08):
one is for the girl who feels like she's behind.
Like everyone else got the memoand you're still cleaning up the
mess.
Let me tell you something.
Starting over isn't failure.
It's freedom.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
Alright guys, this episode is personal.
It's not surface level by anymeans.
I'm going to share some really,you know, now I think of it as
kind of...
hilarious humorous even thoughit's like a little dark and a
little sad but it's about thekind of starting over that hits
you in the gut so you knowtopics we've already talked
(01:44):
about like divorce DUI losingjobs losing people losing
yourself you know we've lived itwe've experienced it and we
always come from a place of whatour experience has been and so
we want to share with some ofshare some of those things with
you guys today just to let youknow like you know we have
(02:05):
seriously been in the thick ofit so we're not coming from a
place of telling you what to doeverybody's journey is different
but we we've had some rock
SPEAKER_00 (02:15):
bottoms that's for sure yeah especially between the
both of us with differentexperiences and being able to
have input on all kinds ofsituations and that's all we
want to do here to be able togive some guidance in a sense of
people that are going throughsimilar situations or that are
just you starting over ingeneral whether it's a different
situation
SPEAKER_01 (02:33):
or wanting to start over because I will tell you
like I have a lot of peoplebecause of you know some of the
journeys that I have shown ofyou know leaving my teaching
career leaving my most recentcareer at first form just trying
new things like even when I wasdoing my yoga teacher
(02:54):
certification you know just likestepping out of your comfort
zone doing something you'vealways wanted to do and not
worrying about everybody else'sexpectations or opinions of you
when you choose to do one ofthose things because I think
that's the hardest part like whydo we sit in something for so
long that we know or justdoesn't feel right or your
(03:17):
intuition is off about it likeyou feel like maybe you've
outgrown that or you are justnot happy anymore
SPEAKER_00 (03:25):
maybe you're just really curious about something
else but you feel like it's waytoo out of the box for you to do
And how can you do something sodifferent than what you've been
doing already?
And the what are they going tothink of me question pops up.
And we want to help lead to whyyou should just take the jump
anyways.
SPEAKER_01 (03:42):
Yeah, and I always encourage people, like, do
something that lights you up.
It doesn't have to be quittingyour career or getting a
divorce.
You know, like, I'm not sayinggo and just do something that...
What would even be a good termfor that?
Outlandish.
(04:02):
Outlandish.
Or that significant of a change.
No.
It's like Brittany said.
Maybe you're just curious aboutsomething.
You want to try something new.
You want a side hustle.
You want a new hobby.
You want whatever.
You just want something to add alittle bit more excitement to
your life.
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
You never know if you like something
SPEAKER_01 (04:22):
until you try it.
SPEAKER_00 (04:23):
100%.
So if you have the slightestinterest, why not just try it
SPEAKER_01 (04:27):
and see if it's a fit?
Right.
Even if, again, we're talkingabout small things like you're
trying a new restaurant once aweek, go do it.
Like what is stopping you?
You know, a lot of times, um,funny, I brought that topic up
or will that popped into my headbecause I always have
conversations with people aboutdating yourself.
(04:47):
Like when I, and I'm going tojump into this story today, this
is probably what made me thinkof it.
But when I ended my first likeactual serious longterm
relationship, like Thank you.
right out of college I was 22and I dated a guy for five years
we lived together had dogstogether all of that that was
(05:08):
something that was a little hardto get used to after the
relationship ends like yes Istill had friends yes I can go
out with my friends but you knoweverybody else has their own
lives too and so what do you dowhen you want to go try
something new and no one'savailable yeah exactly like when
you're in a relationship likeyou have your person and it's
(05:29):
just kind of a I assume that, ofcourse, they're going to go with
you to go check out this newrestaurant or whatever
SPEAKER_00 (05:33):
it is.
I think that's so healthy to do,though, to get comfortable with
being by yourself in acrowded...
Take yourself to the movies.
Take yourself to a dinner.
Get comfortable.
Being alone, just being byyourself.
SPEAKER_01 (05:47):
And I think that is a big piece of starting over,
too, is are you comfortablebeing alone?
Are you comfortable in silence?
Are you comfortable in yourthoughts, your feelings by
yourself?
Like not going out and doingthings and being distracted.
So just as much as it'simportant to feel comfortable by
(06:07):
yourself to go out, it's also...
It's also important.
Wow.
Can't talk.
It's also important to be ableto just sit at home.
SPEAKER_00 (06:19):
Yeah.
Watch a show.
That's like my favorite thing todo now.
Leave me at home alone with myNetflix and a box of crumble.
SPEAKER_01 (06:28):
And, you know, I think it's important to put the
phone down.
Yes.
Be with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (06:36):
That's like a new thing right now.
So I'm going to make Sundayslike do not disturb days.
Turn on.
Do not disturb.
Good luck with that.
Be in the moment.
I know I need you.
Well, you're on always can getthrough no matter what.
Do not disturbs on.
SPEAKER_01 (06:51):
So I'm going to jump into this.
Really the first time that wehad to start over or that, you
know, a significant start overmoment in our life.
So for me, that was what I wasjust talking about.
You know, I was.
Fresh into a relationship out ofcollege.
(07:13):
Felt like it was, you know, thefirst person that I really dated
in my adult life, right?
Post-college.
Serious.
We lived together.
We had dogs together.
Two dogs.
And it was seriously just likean unhealthy relationship.
(07:33):
But at the time, it was like,oh, well, this is normal type of
thing.
And we won't jump into thetoxicity of a relationship
today.
But this was someone who, youknow, I had changed my career.
I had decided to go back toschool to do teaching.
He was the reason.
Not saying that I didn't want toteach or coach.
(07:54):
I had thought about it because,you know, leaving softball in
college, being a couple yearsremoved from that, you're like,
I miss it.
You know, I want to go back toit.
So I was like, you know what?
I think the easiest thing wouldbe, or not even the easiest, but
something that would allow me todo it.
to coach would be teaching.
You know, it's really kind ofthe only option you have to be
(08:15):
available at the times needed toteach or coach junior high and
high school softball.
So I decided to go back.
I decided to get my master's ineducation, special education,
high school math.
So I taught junior high and highschool and also coached junior
(08:35):
high and high school softball.
But that was like I think Iknocked all of that out in
basically two years.
So from 2008 to 2010, I wasbusting my butt.
Like I was substitute teachingduring the day.
So I would be there from like,call it eight to three.
(08:56):
And then I would go to class atnight from four to 10 and then I
would come home and I would havehomework or there were some
nights where then I would gobartender serve and So no free
time?
Not really.
Not much.
As you can imagine, that takes atoll on your relationship.
(09:16):
Oh, yeah.
But, you know, we made thisdecision together.
This is what I was going to do.
I was going to knock it out assoon as possible.
Like, honestly, that schedulewas just for like a year and a
half.
And then the other half was likestudent teaching, getting a job,
which I was hired at like, Idon't know, a week or two after
(09:37):
graduation.
So...
Anyway, post-graduation, likeliterally just went out,
celebrated everything.
And then like two months later,it's just done.
Right.
Not out of nowhere.
This is an ongoing thing, but itwas done, done.
(10:00):
And it was one of those timeswhere like I called my friends.
I was like, come help me move mystuff out of here, because if I
don't leave right now, I'm
SPEAKER_00 (10:07):
never going to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (10:08):
Yep.
UNKNOWN (10:09):
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (10:10):
And so it happens.
that's school year 2010 2011 andI just ended my five-year
relationship I just started abrand new job brand new career
in a town where I know no oneyou know not far so it's like
not like I had to move oranything like that but now I'm
(10:31):
like I was living with him so Ihave to find a place to live I
have to figure out this newroutine like to me it was just
like my world was turned upsidedown
SPEAKER_00 (10:43):
And you were
SPEAKER_01 (10:48):
you still you had moved out then, right?
Yeah.
I mean, that's the whole thingis like I was living in his
house.
So I moved all of my things out.
UNKNOWN (11:00):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:00):
Back to my parents' house momentarily because I was
like, well, I don't really knowwhere I'm going to live right
this second.
You know, it was just kind ofone of those things where like I
had to go.
So that was, I think it was likeJuly or August.
It's been so long now.
You know, I don't even rememberall the details, but it was like
(11:23):
July or August.
And then that's when I moved inwith my cousin Dan to Soulard.
in November, October, October,November, 2010.
SPEAKER_00 (11:35):
That's such a weird transition.
SPEAKER_01 (11:37):
Oh, so it was wild.
Like, I mean, I was essentiallyliving like what I kind of
pictured as like a married life.
You know, we lived together, wehad dogs together, we did
everything together.
You know, we're both, he was twoyears older than me, so I was
22, he was 24 when we starteddating.
You know, I was 27 when we brokeup.
(12:00):
And, yeah, I went from living insuburban Illinois to, you know,
city life.
Not that it's, you know, NewYork City or anything, but quite
a difference in just likeculture and what people
SPEAKER_00 (12:19):
do.
I would say just people ingeneral.
SPEAKER_01 (12:21):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:22):
The variety and difference of the people you
were surrounded with.
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
Oh, it was wild.
Wild, wild, wild.
So that was going on.
Again, I was starting a brandnew teaching career, all of
this.
And like, you know, I'd said inprevious episodes, like after my
first year of teaching, I waslike, oh, my gosh.
Like, I remember just driving towork every day, miserable,
(12:47):
thinking about that, crying thatI about the relationship about I
wasn't happy with my job.
You name it.
It was just it was a big shift,you know?
Yeah.
But fast forward, right, becauseI told you guys last episode, I
stayed there for five years.
(13:08):
So what happened?
So.
I felt long and hard about it,obviously.
SPEAKER_00 (13:19):
Which is a typical Lauren move.
SPEAKER_01 (13:21):
Calculated.
Very calculated.
And that's in 2015.
This is like pivotal shift.
You want to talk about startover?
I...
Like I said, I had been thinkingabout it for a long time.
It wasn't that I didn't have aplan in place, but I did not
have another job lined up.
(13:43):
Like I said, I was alwaysbartending and serving.
So that summer, I would go workat the restaurant.
Every single day, I would pickup every single shift.
I would work doubles every day Icould.
I'd work a triple on Saturday.
I'd work Sunday brunch, like...
(14:04):
Just killing myself.
Yep.
Hacking it all in.
And then I ended up gettinganother serving job just like
for any days that I could.
You know, just because I wantedto be financially safe.
Yeah.
So I was still getting myteaching pay through the summer.
But I was like, okay, I'm notreally sure.
(14:25):
Like I said, I did thismid-July.
So...
Send in my letter ofresignation.
Yeah, so I finally decided topull the trigger mid-July.
And like I said, you know,sending in a letter of
resignation mid-July forteaching is like the all-time
no-no.
(14:45):
Like, you don't do that.
No.
They're already set for the nextyear.
Yeah.
So they're going to have to findsomeone.
I don't even, you know, wheneverschool started, late July,
August, in a...
I don't know, three, four weeks,something crazy.
So that is not typically mebecause I don't like leave
people hanging.
(15:06):
But it was just I wish I couldtell you all the things I was
thinking, thoughts, emotions atthat point.
But I just also to the pointlike
SPEAKER_00 (15:13):
we've talked about to like just pull the trigger,
just like do it.
Because you can't just continueto think about, like, when am I
going to do it?
What's the plan?
Because there's never going tobe a right moment.
Right.
So when you are just like, I'mgoing to do it right now, you
just do it.
Whether, you know, like yousaid, it may not have been a
perfect timing for them, butwho's to say if you would have
stayed another year, that wouldhave looked like.
SPEAKER_01 (15:32):
Exactly.
To top it off, this is when mylongest friendship decided to
fall apart.
Sorry for another day.
But 25-year friendship.
done.
Um, she ends up getting engaged.
You know, I would have been hermaid of honor.
(15:53):
She doesn't even invite me toher wedding.
Not only or nothing.
It was nothing that I did isagain, there's a lot to that
story, but long story short,this is going on too.
Um, I'm looking for a job,right?
I don't have like a job linedup.
So I, when I End of the schoolyear, I'm 40 pounds overweight
(16:16):
in the sense of, like, I was 40pounds heavier than I'd ever
been.
So just, like, all of thesethings are going on, and I'm
just like, okay.
It is time to figure out like Iwant to pour back into myself.
I need to focus on the thingsthat I can control.
Like, obviously, you can'tcontrol someone's thoughts,
(16:38):
feelings, emotions, like interms of the friendship, in
terms of how the administrationwas going to react to my
resignation.
You have to be OK with beingmisunderstood.
And you just have to startfiguring out who am I?
Who do I want to be?
Where do I want to go?
What is it that I want out ofthis life?
(17:02):
Because to me at the time, andI'm so glad now that I made this
decision, teaching wasn't it.
Coaching wasn't it.
I'm glad that I was curiousabout it and I tried it out to
see would this work for me?
Would this be...
essentially where I spend thenext 20, 30 years, retire.
(17:23):
I mean, otherwise you would havewandered your whole life.
Like, what if I would have donethe teaching?
Would I have liked it?
You know, at the time with thatrelationship, I was like, maybe
this would also be the bestthing for our relationship.
SPEAKER_00 (17:34):
How many people do that?
SPEAKER_01 (17:35):
Well, right.
Like there were other thingsgoing on that I could dive into,
like alcohol.
Big problem at this time.
Mm hmm.
Not necessarily with me.
I would say, you know, obviouslywhen I was going back to school
and working, I wasn't drinking.
I wasn't drinking at all.
Like, but I'm not around.
(17:56):
So if you're in a relationshipwith someone, you're never
available to, like, go and dothings like rarely.
Right.
My schedule.
And you come from a town.
Like Belleville, Illinois.
That's what people do in their20s.
Oh, where are we going out todrink and eat and do all the
unhealthy things?
(18:17):
So what is he doing?
Well, he's going out with hisfriends.
He's having a good time.
Mind you, he also had a job thatwas...
Kind of like a nurse's schedulewhere he would be on for four
days, off for four days.
I don't even remember the extentof it, but it was very similar
to a nurse's schedule.
So lots of time off.
And me, I'm getting home at 10o'clock, 10.30, and either doing
(18:44):
homework or going to bed to getup and do it all over again.
So add all that up.
And it's just, like, it'smiserable.
SPEAKER_00 (18:57):
That's not fun.
SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
No.
So, you know, in search of ajob.
Don't know what I'm doing.
At this point, I'm 31 years old.
like you think to yourself oh mygosh I'm a failure time is
running out right I'm 31 theclock is ticking I just lost you
know five years that I investedinto a relationship thinking I
(19:22):
you know again Brittany and Italked about you come from a
town where like that's what youdo you get married and you have
kids and that's what's expectedand it's like you live the same
life that everybody else isliving right and like Like I
said, I just, I never sawmyself, not ever, but like
definitely not.
(19:43):
in that moment at 27 and I don'tknow if I was just like
subconsciously sabotaging it butalso at the same time there were
a lot of things going on thatwere way out of my control that
were not healthy and I needed tosever all ties to that life I
was living because I knew likeultimately every piece of it
(20:06):
wasn't for me yeah
SPEAKER_00 (20:09):
and that's like also kind of what we touched base on
as you get older, the, I guesslike how you mature, I think of
myself in my twenties and I'mlike, I wish I would have waited
so long to do certain things.
Like I, I was not quote unquotean adult quite yet to where
(20:29):
like, to your like point whenyou were 31, we're taught to
believe, you know, you said likein your twenties, you should be
married and having children.
But like now I meet 20 year oldsand I'm like, Take your time.
Figure out what you want to do.
Like, don't rush the wholegetting married situation.
Oh, my
SPEAKER_01 (20:45):
gosh.
My grandma.
You know how close I was to mygrandma.
She called me an old maid.
And I'm like, Grandma.
Don't have my feelings.
It'll be okay.
I'll be fine.
I'm like, now she called me oldmaid, which I still don't
believe, but I would understanda little bit more.
As I got older, and it juststill didn't happen.
They never said anything.
UNKNOWN (21:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:07):
I remember one Christmas, my entire family, my
oldest cousin had twins.
I think there were one at thetime and, you know, I'm holding
them and I'm good with kids.
I love kids.
I would love my own kids.
But again, at the time, I thinkthis is like same time period.
I was like 27.
They're like, you shouldprobably think about freezing
(21:29):
your eggs.
My I didn't say anything.
My dad goes, well, she's got towork on not losing her phone
first.
Oh, my God.
But I mean, that just goes toshow you those are all the
labels that society, yourfamily, your friends, whoever
puts on you.
And there really is no suchthing.
(21:52):
No.
Like you can let that affect youand, you know, again, other
people's opinions and otherpeople's expectations of where
you should be and what youshould be doing.
But ultimately, like you said,Brittany, like if there's
something else that you'recurious about, why are you
rushing into the expectation orwhy are you rushing into
(22:13):
expectations?
the opinions of others or thelabels that other people put on
you.
And that's what I was doing.
SPEAKER_00 (22:20):
Only leads to confusion and unhappiness.
And then you're like, why did Ido that?
Now I did waste time onsomething that I'm not
passionate about that I don'twant to be doing only because I
wanted to appease to people.
SPEAKER_01 (22:33):
Yeah.
I mean, at the time, you know,all my friends that they were
doing, they were gettingmarried, they were having kids
and telling me, Oh, you andso-and-so are going to get
married.
You and so-and-so are going tohave kids.
Our kids are going to grow uptogether.
They're going to be bestfriends.
They're going to get married.
Oh, yeah.
You know, and like, great.
If that happens and that worksout and that's what you want.
(22:56):
But I knew and I remembertelling my best friend at the
time, I was like, we're notgoing to get married and I'm not
ready for kids.
And like, that was kind of likea moment where I was like, Hmm,
what am I doing?
SPEAKER_00 (23:10):
Yeah.
Let me reevaluate.
SPEAKER_01 (23:13):
And again, it wasn't even that I wouldn't have
married him at the time.
Obviously this, we're talking 15years ago.
Um, but I just, I, I wasn'tready for that at the time and
definitely not like, um, Again,like this expectation or opinion
(23:34):
of others that had kind of beenplaced on us because, oh, you've
been dating for five years,you're getting married, you're
going to have kids.
And it's like, are we?
SPEAKER_00 (23:44):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, some people fallinto that where people start
saying things and not thatthey're intentionally trying to
push their beliefs or thoughtsonto you, but they don't
genuinely know what's going onin your mind and they see you
with somebody and it's like, ofcourse you guys are going to get
married.
You've been together for fiveyears and that's all they're
thinking.
But then in your mind, when it'sbeing spoken, you're like, hold
(24:06):
on, hold on, hold on.
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
Right.
And I mean, it doesn't just gooff of like that type of
situation either.
SPEAKER_00 (24:12):
No.
SPEAKER_01 (24:13):
So it doesn't matter what situation you're going
through.
If it's not the right situationfor you, um, I would explore
that, you know, and if it'sinvolving other people, then
obviously I always suggest likehaving the conversation, being
transparent.
Is it something that you guyscan work through or talk through
(24:36):
or do you need the support ofsomebody else?
If you are in a relationship,whatever it is.
And again, like.
at that time in my life, I don'tthink I was capable of asking
for help.
You know, again, mid 20s oh I'vegot this I've got this all
figured out I can do it myselfyeah I need your help whereas
(25:00):
like I wish I would have talkedto somebody a little bit older
than me like someone like I amnow you know I'm 41 years old in
my mid 20s it would have beennice to have a me that's already
been through it to be like heythese are kind of like the
thoughts and feelings that I'mhaving is this normal like is it
you
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
know and how do I process what do I do with this I
feel like I'm going to handle itnot correctly and I just want to
make sure I put myself on a paththat's going to be healthy and
not I mean if I jump into mydivorce at 29 I had no idea you
know what to go through what Iwish I would have like went even
(25:39):
to a therapist something forsome guidance because instead I
did like you said like I didn'twant to be home alone so I
distracted working out twice aday I'm going out but I wish I
would have took that time likethat first year to really just
heal myself yeah and learnedmore about myself instead of
trying to distract from like thestress of everything going on
(25:59):
and trying to figure out I putso much pressure on trying to
figure out like a new life andbuilding a new life instead of
being like oh Let's take a stepback.
Let's really see what'sunderneath here.
Why did you get a divorce?
Why were you unhappy?
What was really going on insteadof trudging forward into this
life that I wanted to have?
SPEAKER_01 (26:19):
That was going to be my question for you.
Were you doing that because it'slike, well...
I don't have my husband anymore,so I need to find a new husband.
SPEAKER_00 (26:31):
Not that you thought that exact thought.
I felt like a need to fill avoid, in a sense.
I felt very...
Because I had lost...
I was with him for 13 years, andso I'm like...
There went 13 years down thedrain.
What did I just do?
And I went from having abeautiful home on an acre lot to
(26:52):
a two bedroom apartment.
And I'm like, well, I just gaveup everything I've ever worked
for in my life.
And now I'm single with a childand never, ever have I lived by
myself.
Never, ever did I think I couldlive by myself, which to point
out.
being by yourself like that didso much good for me to actually
be on my own because I neverthought I could be have your own
(27:14):
space have my own space supportmyself by myself and a child by
myself but I was so lonely thatI would stay out so late to
where when I came home, I onlyhad three hours before I had to
be up to go coach.
SPEAKER_01 (27:30):
But you're fine
SPEAKER_00 (27:31):
because you're
SPEAKER_01 (27:31):
just like
SPEAKER_00 (27:31):
running off of adrenaline.
I'm like, this life is great.
Like I do whatever I want.
I'm all by myself.
And like, I want to do all thesethings.
And I mean, I was, I starteddating Nate when I was 18.
So I never did the party girlthing.
I never went out.
I was like, basically you'relike, home wife from 18 until 29
so then here I am like whoo likeshow me the clubs where are we
(27:55):
going to go I want to go out andlike just have on the time of my
life and your version of that isjust funny to me though
SPEAKER_01 (28:02):
you're still so G rated
SPEAKER_00 (28:05):
yeah because I was also like wait we're doing
dinner at 9 because that's likebedtime I am a mom but I still I
wish I would have taken thatlike year to really I mean
obviously like our friendshipout of it was such a win for me
to have somebody that listenedand somebody that I literally
could talk to every single dayand I could just I mean I can't
(28:27):
tell you how many times I droveup to Lauren's work 7 o'clock at
night and I'm like hey like whatare you doing what are you doing
I want to come up and like let'sgo do something or whatever cool
SPEAKER_01 (28:36):
let's go walk let's go work out let's go usually
work out of some form or eat
SPEAKER_00 (28:42):
yeah work out eat let's have a salad repeat yeah
so I mean that did come out ofit but I never took on the I
mean, I'm still like processingthose things now of like, what
am I internally still holding onto that I need to work on on
myself?
SPEAKER_01 (28:58):
I think that the huge takeaway there, though,
like I was in the same boat asyou.
You know, I went away tocollege, but I never truly just
lived by myself.
I always had a roommate likefreshman year.
I was living in the dorms, had aroommate.
Sophomore through senior, Ilived in a townhome with three
other girls.
And then I moved home.
(29:19):
I was at my parents' house for,I don't know, a few months.
Met my boyfriend.
He wanted me to move in aftermaybe six months.
After six months.
I was like...
Okay.
Yeah.
It's not like this big move fromBelleville to O'Fallon, which is
(29:39):
like 20 minutes away.
So but when we broke up, thatwas the thing.
And like I I lived with mycousin Dan, but he was also
working like he was splittingtime going to he was only coming
home every two weeks for theweekend.
So essentially, I'm living inthis townhome in Soulard by
(30:01):
myself again, like people thatare living in Soulard are going
out every night and drinkingand, you know, like it's not
that I didn't have that partygirl fun college life, but then
it was like.
I'm out of this five yearrelationship.
Like you said, trying to finddistractions because I'm sad.
(30:25):
I'm lonely.
I'm, you know, I started datingagain.
I remember I got on match.com.
Oh my God.
That's like when match.comstarted in 2010, maybe before
that.
I don't know.
But that it was like a thing.
Like if you, that was like thebeginning of dating apps before
tender and God, we didn't haveto
SPEAKER_00 (30:44):
do an episode of online.
I
SPEAKER_01 (30:47):
could go.
And you know what?
There were probably somewonderful people on there,
honestly.
And I don't even say thatsarcastically, but it just was I
had no business dating.
I in the sense of like whenyou're starting over.
you need to be alone you need tofigure out what it is that you
(31:10):
want or what was missing ifyou're constantly
SPEAKER_00 (31:14):
refilling that void
SPEAKER_01 (31:16):
yes
SPEAKER_00 (31:17):
whether you intentionally mean to or not
that other person's having aninfluence on how you're seeing
life seeing yourself the onlyway to really deal with And
figure out what you need to dois to be by yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (31:30):
Well, you're still comparing.
Yeah.
Like you're not...
Even if you understand therelationship is over.
Okay.
It's this relationship hassailed.
Or this job has sailed.
Whatever we're talking about.
It doesn't matter.
I know we're kind of stuck onthe relationship thing right
now.
But even with a job, like...
(31:50):
I'm not going back.
I'm not going to do that again.
You're going into a differentindustry.
You're not going to get backtogether with that person.
You understand that.
It's solidified in whatevercapacity we're talking about.
You need time to detox fromwhatever it is.
(32:12):
You don't want to
SPEAKER_00 (32:12):
carry any of that over into the next chapter.
That's
SPEAKER_01 (32:15):
exactly it.
All of your issues fromwhatever...
you had before they do theycarry over into that next
relationship and again like iwas telling you i had a lot of
trust issues in thatrelationship there were a lot of
there's alcohol abuse verbalabuse you know i could get into
(32:36):
all that but it definitely didthen carry over into like going
on dates with new people likeAnd not really caring either.
If you've ever been there whereyou've been in a really long
relationship and then you startdating again before you're ready
to start dating again, I didn'ttreat people nicely.
SPEAKER_00 (32:58):
Nor do I think you really care who you're dating.
You know what I mean?
You'll be like, you're not agreat person, but I'll date
SPEAKER_01 (33:04):
you.
I never got in a relationship.
I would go on one date, maybetwo dates with someone, and I'm
like...
Ew.
Ew.
SPEAKER_00 (33:14):
You're giving me the ick.
SPEAKER_01 (33:16):
Yeah, like, it doesn't...
It didn't matter.
They could have been the bestperson in the world.
It didn't matter because Iwasn't ready to even date.
So, like, I put in zero effort.
And, like, now, at 41, God,the...
it's no wonder the dating worldis a dumpster fire because of
(33:37):
literally what we're saying isno one takes time to be by
themselves or looking fordistractions.
And again, this does need to beanother episode because I want
to go into like what you lookfor and what to ask people.
And even then you're,
SPEAKER_00 (33:54):
we've been through some shizah relationships and
like, We talk about it a lot,like things that we wish we
would have asked people whendating them that would have
given us signals or red flags.
Oh, and there's plenty of red
SPEAKER_01 (34:08):
flags anyway that you ignore.
SPEAKER_00 (34:10):
Yeah, don't say there's the red flags where
you're like, oh, you know, youdon't put the toilet seat down.
We can get past that.
SPEAKER_01 (34:17):
Yeah.
No, I'm talking.
SPEAKER_00 (34:19):
But I'm talking serious.
Yeah.
You're abusive.
You hit you.
or an alcoholic at one point,like an addictive.
I mean, I've told Brock this,and if I would have known you
were an addict, I don't knowwhat I would have told you
because it is very hard for meto handle an addict's
personality.
SPEAKER_01 (34:38):
You didn't even drink.
SPEAKER_00 (34:40):
No.
I mean, I did.
You have like
SPEAKER_01 (34:42):
a glass of wine every once in a while.
SPEAKER_00 (34:44):
That's what my party girl stage, my 29 freshly
divorced girl, she drank, andthat girl got drunk off two
wines.
I
SPEAKER_01 (34:49):
was going to say, you drank what?
One drink?
UNKNOWN (34:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (34:54):
You were not a person that was abusing
substances.
Absolutely not.
Okay.
That's why I just think it'shilarious to hear you talk about
it because you just have neverbeen that person.
I
SPEAKER_00 (35:06):
wanted to pass away the first time I was out and
people were storing cocaine inthe bathroom.
What?
Where was
SPEAKER_01 (35:12):
that at?
I
SPEAKER_00 (35:13):
don't want to get anybody in trouble because it
was with the business.
Oh, gotcha.
Okay.
Apparently, that's just a thing,you know, I guess some people
do.
It's a rag dealer.
SPEAKER_01 (35:26):
I saw someone, not that long ago, St.
Patrick's Day, out on thestreet.
I'm like, excuse me, what?
Do we just do this in publicnow?
Yeah.
Like, I didn't know them, but...
SPEAKER_00 (35:37):
But I guess so.
It's just the things that I waslike, oh, there's no shame in
this now.
Okay.
I just have a very G-rated mindwhen it comes to those types of
things.
And I'm like, oh, people dococaine in real life.
I thought that was like a no-no.
I mean, I was standing
SPEAKER_01 (35:52):
on the sidewalk in Dogtown, which is, you know,
right by Soulard, and saw this.
I was like, wow.
The things we see now are justout in the open.
Can't unsee that anymore.
At least yours isn't thebathroom.
This is true.
Oh, my gosh.
But I think, like...
(36:13):
I don't know.
I just can't stress enough howimportant it is, one, that you
sit with yourself in everything.
You know, I always say sit inyour shit.
SPEAKER_00 (36:27):
Write it down.
I love like journaling in thosemoments now where I feel
confused or I am doing a bigshift or, you know, if I'm going
through a lot at a certain pointin my life, I'll journal every
day if it's not.
A lot, and maybe just once aweek.
But I always make time tojournal because it is a good way
for me to get out my thoughts.
And then I like going back andbeing like, wow, look at that
(36:49):
place I was in.
And these are things that I didto get out of that.
And now look what I journal.
It's like a different person.
It's a different chapter of mylife.
SPEAKER_01 (36:59):
Well, I think the other part about journaling,
too, is...
you write down what happenedbecause when you write down what
happened it's very differentthan if you're just like
ruminating in your thoughtsbecause you tend to like
embellish be dramatic if you'rejust like sitting there and
(37:20):
thinking thinking thinkingthinking about it over and over
and over and you like and italso allows you to get it out
SPEAKER_00 (37:26):
when you write you literally can only have one
train of thought right so ifyou're sitting and thinking your
brain is going all differentavenues and all these different
things are happening to wherewhen you are writing that's
literally the only thing you canfocus on so it's like one
thought at a time so it's likethe perfect way to literally
process your thoughts
SPEAKER_01 (37:47):
And you're, you're writing down what truly
happened, not some fictitious,well, hopefully anyway,
fictitious, imaginary, likesituation, situation that didn't
even have like that didn't evenhappen.
Yeah.
You know, a lot of times youbuild something up so much or
you get so emotional about itthat you perceive it in your
(38:08):
mind as being a lot worse thanwhat it really was.
And when you write it down,especially like when you were
sitting in a bad relationship,Yeah.
I was just about to
SPEAKER_00 (38:33):
say something about that.
I'm like, don't be embarrassedabout what you're going through.
Yeah.
I mean, you would not believethe things people go through
that they don't even speakabout.
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
Well, yeah.
Like, I think that's the issues.
People think it's unique to themwhen in reality you could tell
your story and then you couldfind someone that had 20 times
worse experience than you.
I mean, back to the addict
SPEAKER_00 (38:59):
stuff, when I had shared...
a bit of what was going on inour relationship with Brock, I
could not tell you the amount ofmessages I got from people that
went through the same thing,were going through the same
thing.
And these were people, people Iknow that I had no idea.
SPEAKER_03 (39:17):
And
SPEAKER_00 (39:18):
it's like you wouldn't have any idea that they
went through something likethat.
But because I opened up andshared about it, they reached
out and we talked.
And guess what?
I felt better because I hadpeople to relate to, people to
lean on, people to talk to.
And I think no matter whatyou're going through, whether
it's a bad relationship, a badjob, maybe it's trying to
conceive, maybe it's moving,whatever it is, and you feel
(39:40):
like you're alone in it.
Finding safe people to talk tois such a big deal.
I mean, now when I go throughthings, obviously I talk to
Lauren.
I have a few other friends thatI'll turn to that I know are
like my safe places.
They're not going to judge me.
They're not going to go and blabit to everybody else when I talk
to them.
But it really, really, reallyhelps me process through what
(40:02):
I'm going through.
And it honestly helps me seethings in a different light.
Because I do that with yourbrain.
You start thinking and all thesedifferent scenarios start
happening and they help me thinklogically.
Because it's natural for you togo into defense mode and want to
always protect yourself.
But when you can have somebodyhelp you break down the bricks
of what's actually going on, itcan just change your whole
(40:23):
perspective.
SPEAKER_01 (40:24):
Well, you can get so fixated on like one piece of it.
SPEAKER_00 (40:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:27):
For a million different reasons.
Subconsciously, childhoodtrauma, whatever, you know.
But...
Exactly what you're saying.
When you can bounce some ofthese things off of people that
have maybe gone through the samething or just...
writing it down for yourself tolike read to see like what
actually happened versus what Ibuilt up in my head it allows
(40:50):
you to stay calm it allows younot to just react it allows you
to it gives you clarity I meanthat's exactly it is like you
you need to gain clarity and togain clarity a lot of times you
have to take a step back andlike look at the entire
situation not just this onelittle piece that you're fixated
(41:13):
on.
SPEAKER_00 (41:13):
I think as humans, we do that so bad.
We find the one thing that'sreally agitating us And we
fixate on that and we close offany other thing that has to do
with the situation and refuse tosee anything with that
SPEAKER_01 (41:32):
one thing we fixated
SPEAKER_00 (41:40):
on.
And I'm like, that's a problem.
That's probably not what'sactually going on.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_01 (41:55):
I mean, I think...
the hard parts of our storiesare why we're able to help other
women find their way now, youknow, and why we enjoy telling
these stories.
Cause it's, like I said, it's,it's humorous.
I laugh at them now.
Like I tell these stories, I'vetold Brittany so many stories.
Like how about this?
(42:17):
This ever happened to you?
Yeah.
And like, I know some of thisstuff, it's never even happened
to her.
It doesn't matter.
I just, I like to say it outloud just to like one, remember
how far I've come.
Two, because I just think it'sfunny now.
It's a
SPEAKER_00 (42:32):
growth moment,
SPEAKER_01 (42:33):
too.
SPEAKER_00 (42:33):
Oh, yeah.
Like, look where I was.
Look how I handled that.
Now look how I am.
And it's kind of cool to see.
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
Well, you know what?
It doesn't matter if it's thesame story or not.
One thing we all have in commonis struggle.
Okay?
You are not the only personthat's ever started over.
No.
So just remember that.
Yeah.
You're not crazy.
People make you think that.
I think that with relationships.
How many times, obviously,people try to get under your
(43:00):
skin.
You're crazy.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (43:04):
I'll show you crazy.
SPEAKER_01 (43:05):
You're not failing.
A lot of people view all ofthis, you know, a failed
relationship.
You quit your job.
You failed.
Whatever.
It's not failing.
It's only failing if you giveup, never move forward, never
take steps to better yourself.
(43:25):
But failing is learning.
Exactly.
It's just a learning step.
It's a part of the journey.
Exactly.
Remember, it's a lesson.
Every single piece.
Like any story that...
I tell you, Brittany tells you,these are hard lessons that we
learn.
But once you can get past them,once you can get out of your
(43:46):
shit, when you can take a stepback and get that perspective
and clarity, you realize, hmm,not
SPEAKER_00 (43:53):
going to do that again.
And once you've been throughthem enough, when they happen
again, you're just like, okay,we got this.
We're going to be fine.
We're going to keep goingforward.
But you realize...
The shit's where the growthhappens.
SPEAKER_01 (44:07):
All right.
Well, and once you get thatclarity, you have so much more
confidence if you get in asituation like that again, which
we both have experienced, youknow, like, hmm, this is very
familiar to X, Y, Z.
Yes.
I probably shouldn't do this.
(44:27):
My intuition tells me no.
Sometimes you listen.
Sometimes you don't.
Right.
Facts over feelings.
Always.
Yeah.
UNKNOWN (44:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (44:36):
But that being said, you know, obviously life isn't
perfect, but it's aligned.
And it's important to, you know,I know 2016, I go back a little
bit.
This is kind of random, butthat's when I started going back
to church.
That's when I started reallyfocusing on, you know.
(44:58):
my faith again, praying, likefeeling like I was at a rock
bottom and really trusting inGod that like you have no
control over what's going tohappen.
All you have control over is areyou going to take a step
forward?
Yeah.
Are you going to take action?
Are you going to move in thedirection of something that you
(45:21):
are curious about or you do wantto explore or, you know, moving
again, Just forward.
You get to the point where youknow the things that you don't
want anymore.
And it's not that you have allthe answers for everything that
you're going to be doing to moveforward.
(45:41):
But you have an idea and youhave to surrender and you have
to allow God to shape the way.
But you have to be the onethat's taking those
SPEAKER_00 (45:51):
steps.
You have to want to acknowledgewhat he's putting in front of
you and to acknowledge makeeffort towards those things and
not ignore.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:00):
I mean, and it's not just listening to God either.
Like you have to trust yourself.
You have to, um, trust that youare taking the best steps.
You're doing the best with whatyou have at the time.
Like obviously going through allof these lessons, you're
SPEAKER_00 (46:19):
going to learn things.
I mean, even like with a recentsituation of, um, After we lost
the gym, I had somebody elsecome to me wanting to offer
their gym to me for free.
What a fantastic deal.
Perfect.
Oh, my God.
He's going to sing like, oh, myGod, thank you.
You sent me a free gym.
Like, this is amazing.
I was so excited.
And then my little gut was like,Brittany, it's maybe too good to
(46:42):
be true.
So I learned my lesson.
SPEAKER_01 (46:45):
Well, what did you do, though?
You
SPEAKER_00 (46:48):
told some people that you trust.
Exactly.
I reached out to people that Iknow that I trusted.
They had some resources for me,sent me some very thought out
questions to send said gymowner.
And come to find out, it was a$10,000 a month trap that just
increased, increased, increased.
And I would have got myself intoa really big hole there.
(47:08):
But, you know, from...
Our gym and what happened there,I had learned to not trust
everybody and not believe thateverybody is intentionally
trying to be good.
And so I reached out and got myresources and figured it out.
And you have curious
SPEAKER_01 (47:22):
friends named Lauren that ask you 37 questions like,
well, what about this?
What about this?
What about this?
SPEAKER_00 (47:27):
I don't know if he's giving me a free gym.
I don't know.
This sounds so good.
But it's a gym.
But hindsight.
I had lessons that I've learnedfrom previous experiences.
And you always should trust yourgut and lean on the people that
you know and trust and talk tothem.
SPEAKER_01 (47:43):
Well, and I think that's important in that you
don't want to rush the rebuild.
Exactly.
Whatever it is.
You're starting over.
Okay.
Hey, if that would have been agreat opportunity.
Awesome.
But you could have easily rushedright into that and then found
yourself in the same positionyou just left.
UNKNOWN (48:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (48:02):
I also
SPEAKER_00 (48:02):
believe too, you know, as much as God and Jesus
are there helping us, there'salways the little devil trying
to tease you and try to get youto go other ways that aren't so
good.
So you always have to be aware.
SPEAKER_01 (48:15):
Yeah.
You're always being tested bygood and evil.
Unfortunately, in human form.
But our question for you guys,what are you rebuilding right
now?
What's the story you're afraidto speak out loud?
Is it just you need to talk topeople about some of the things
(48:37):
that are going on in your liferight now?
Did you already take the stepsto...
start to rebuild something orstart over?
And are you getting frustratedbecause it's not happening as
soon as you would like it to?
But I would challenge you to sitwith that.
Let yourself process it and takeone step forward.
(49:00):
Go find somebody that's beenthrough what you're going
through right now.
Obviously, someone that you feelsafe with that's not going to
judge you, that's going to havean open mind and give you
perspective, not tell you whatto do.
Maybe they give you good advice.
But again, like Brittany said,it's finding one or two safe
(49:27):
people that you can speak toopenly and not be judged.
SPEAKER_00 (49:31):
And you'll know they're safe because they're not
exactly what Lauren said.
They're not telling you what todo.
But they are giving you examplesand guidance and really working
through the process with you tohelp you figure it out.
And it's not like a blatant,like, you shouldn't do that.
That doesn't make any sense.
It's like they want to hear thewhole story and be like, okay,
what are these things?
(49:51):
Like, they ask you questions.
They challenge you as to, like,why would you do that?
Is that something you want todo?
Well,
SPEAKER_01 (49:57):
and I think it's important, too, just for them to
try to understand yoursituation.
They should be asking youquestions to dig deeper to
understand, not– to justrespond.
We'll give the example of you.
Whenever you bring mesomething...
Before I say, give you anyadvice or say, well, I would do
(50:19):
this or, you know, I think thisor whatever.
It's like, I probably ask you 10questions every time.
Well, what did they say?
Well, what do you think?
Well, you know, I'm like tryingto, to see all sides of the
story, whatever it was.
She puts the puzzle togetherfirst and then she got the
SPEAKER_00 (50:36):
picture and now she's like, okay, here's what we
got.
SPEAKER_01 (50:42):
But you, I think that's important.
And again, that's something youlearn over time.
time too like in the past myfriend told me something i just
nah better they tell
SPEAKER_00 (50:52):
you something and i'm like okay that's great and
then i'm like why did you tellme that yeah that was the worst
advice ever and you literallydidn't even give it a thought
you just said it and i believedyou and i did it
SPEAKER_01 (51:00):
and which is one of our most popular posts on
instagram yeah what's the worstpiece of advice a girlfriend has
given you or anyone for thatmatter yeah But if this episode
resonated with you guys, ifthere's something that you're
going through that you want toshare with us that you want to
bounce off of us.
Yeah.
(51:21):
DMs are always open, you know,comments, however you want to
share it.
But what is that story right nowthat you're afraid to say out
loud or you're afraid to ask forhelp
SPEAKER_00 (51:32):
with?
Yeah.
What's that thing you reallywant to go after and what's
holding you back from goingafter that?
SPEAKER_01 (51:39):
And one last thing, if this episode hit close to
home, share it with somebody youknow that is in a rebuilding
season.
Somebody that needs to connectwith people that are going
through some stuff, have gonethrough some stuff, are open to
listening, are open to justhelping you gain a new
(51:59):
perspective.
But the Clarity Challenge startsJune 1st.
It's coming! So if you are in arebuilding phase, I would say
this is a great challenge foryou to start your next chapter.
So you can find the link in ourbio on our Instagram page to get
(52:22):
on the wait list for the ClarityCode Challenge.
Again, that starts June 1st.
We'd love to have you.
But let us know what you thoughtabout this episode.
Don't forget to leave us areview.
SPEAKER_00 (52:33):
We love to see them.
Five stars, please, because youlove us.
SPEAKER_01 (52:39):
No, but in reality, we love feedback.
We love any suggestions orideas.
Obviously, we are always tryingto get better.
SPEAKER_00 (52:49):
Yep, just as you are.
SPEAKER_01 (52:50):
Yep.
So, all right, guys.
We have a good week.
Yeah.
And don't forget to listen to uswhile you walk.
Like you're going to hear thiswhile you walk, but.
SPEAKER_00 (53:01):
AirPods in, labels off.
SPEAKER_01 (53:04):
AirPods in, labels off.
But let's rebuild together andwe'll see you next week.
Have a great week, guys.
UNKNOWN (53:12):
Bye.
SPEAKER_02 (53:42):
And I'll leave
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