Who You Surround Yourself With Matters

What if the cost of your growth was losing people you once loved deeply? In this raw and honest episode, we dive into what it really feels like to outgrow relationships — and why doing so doesn’t make you a bad person. Lauren and Brit open up about the uncomfortable moments of realizing certain friendships, family ties, and even marriages couldn’t come with them into their next chapter.

From setting boundaries and shedding guilt to choosing peace over people-pleasing, we talk about the bittersweet journey of evolving — and the strength it takes to walk away when your soul knows it’s time. We explore how friendship shifts in your 30s, why clarity requires courage, and what it means to rebuild after loss.

This is for the woman who’s finally growing, even if it feels like she’s losing everything. You’re not alone, and this season of letting go is preparing you for so much more.

✨ You’re allowed to start over.
✨ You’re allowed to protect your peace.
✨ You’re allowed to outgrow people — without being the villain.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
I'm reaching out, but all I feel is hollow.
Welcome back to the Legacy OverLabels podcast.
My name is Lauren and I'm abusiness and confidence coach.
I'm a bold truth teller,fiercely loyal, and I believe in
showing up 100% as yourauthentic self always.

(00:23):
And I'm Brittany, your mindsetmirror,

SPEAKER_01 (00:25):
straight shooting strategy girl, and co-founder of
Legacy Over Labels.
I'm a coach, encourager, energybringer, and hype woman for
women chasing a life ofenlightenment.
And we are super excited forepisode five

SPEAKER_00 (00:37):
today.
So this episode is for the womanwho's growing fast and watching
the people around her fall off,fade out, or flip the script.
So we're talking about loss,boundaries, friendships, and
everything in between.
That hit me in my soul.

(00:57):
It's about to hit you even morein your soul.
And where we're startingtoday...
And we've kind of touched onthis topic before with, you
know, friendships and losses anddifferent things.
But we're going to take a deepdive into losing people in your
life in all different types ofrelationships.

(01:20):
So whether we're talking aboutfamily, friends, romantic
relationships, like just losingpeople and realizing when you
are outgrowing someone.
Yes.
So...
First question.
Done.
When did you become aware thatyou were first like outgrowing

(01:41):
someone, whether this has likebeen a lifelong thing for you or
because I know what it's beenfor me.
Yeah.
But curious.
Obviously, everyone starts torealize this at some point in
their life.
And even hindsight, you know,now that you're 30.
How old are you?
34.

(02:02):
My birthday is coming, though.
I know.
I'm like, you're going to be.
Yeah.
And you're going to be.
Anyway.
So when do you realize this?
When did you realize this?
When did you have a revelationor an epiphany to speak?
When did you first startnoticing this happening in your

(02:22):
life?

SPEAKER_01 (02:23):
I feel like I noticed it for sure when I was
younger because I never had aclicky friend group.
I never was like, these are mygroup of friends that I'm going
to be friends with and just hangout with all of these people.
I loved to be friends with avast majority of people now I
had like one best friend throughhigh school that we saw each
other like every day but besidesher it was which that is how I

(02:47):
am like if we are friends It'susually because we vibe on the
same wavelength and that's veryhard to find.
And like for us, for instance,like we vibe very well.
So like we literally could hangout every day and there would be
no problems.

SPEAKER_00 (03:02):
I mean, if you didn't have a husband and two
children, like I would steal youevery

SPEAKER_01 (03:06):
day.
But for me, that's rare to find.
Like I typically like to spendtime with people and hang out
with them.
I obviously go off people'senergy.
So sometimes it can be superexhausting for me.
So unless I can be around and bequote unquote off and not have
to be entertaining in a sense.
Like we can have silencestogether.

(03:27):
We could just read or we couldjust draw and it doesn't feel
awkward.
So I noticed that when I wasdefinitely younger that I didn't
like having set people to befriends with, but I noticed it
around me.
I noticed people would hang outwith the same crowds all the
time.
And I'm like, yeah, but they'refun, but they're also fun too.
Have you tried them?
And I just, I liked to bouncearound.

(03:48):
Yeah.
What about you?
Um, I,

SPEAKER_00 (03:54):
gosh, I went both ways and that sounds bad.
Um, in the sense of if I didfind someone I really connected
with, I was like obsessed withthem in the sense of like we
both were right.
Like I, I remember, um, We moveda lot, so I had a best friend

(04:15):
everywhere I went.
I lived in Kentucky in preschooland kindergarten, and I remember
my best friend Ashley.
Then I moved to Illinois, and Iwent to one school for two
years, and then I moved again.
I went to another school forthree years, and then I moved
again.
Constantly starting over forfriends.

(04:38):
Yeah, I think maybe that's whereI lost my fear of starting over.
Probably.
Probably, though.
Well, I mean, truthfully, youwere forced to.
So, like, you didn't have anoption, so to speak.
Like, yeah, okay, when you'rekids, it's not like you can stay
in contact long distance.
And we're talking back in the80s and 90s.

(04:58):
We didn't have cell phones yet.
Am I really going to call youevery day when I'm five years
old?
Yeah, no.
So, definitely lost touch with,you know, people from Kentucky.
Yeah.
You're young, too.
Yeah.
just, I don't think you thinkof, at least I did.
And I didn't really, I rememberin the moment being like
devastated.

(05:19):
Yeah.
We're moving to Illinois.
I don't know anybody there.
I mean, I remember being soangry with my mom because my
mom's family lived in Illinois.
My dad's family lived inKentucky and my dad is one of
12.
Oh God.
Okay.
So I had so many cousins that I,were close in age to me that I

(05:43):
was really close to, I felt likeI was losing everything.
I'm losing all my friends atschool, and I'm losing all my
family that lives here with us,too.
Why'd you guys move here foryour mom?
That is a story for another day.
For

SPEAKER_01 (05:57):
the Parents Podcast.
To be continued.

SPEAKER_00 (05:59):
Yeah.
To be continued.

SPEAKER_01 (06:02):
But I do feel like it can happen at any point of
your life.
I think...
Being a certain characteristicas a person, I think like we are
both very headstrong women andwe very much know like what we
want, what we like.
And I think we realize that at ayoung age.
But that's not to say that asI've grown, realizing like for

(06:24):
me, I like to be friends witheverybody.
But as I've grown, I realizethat's not like...
circumstance that I need toobtain all the time.

SPEAKER_00 (06:31):
Well, I think it also stems from you want to be
liked by everyone and yourealize as you get older, guess
what?
You're not going to be liked byeveryone.
I think it's I want to befriends with

SPEAKER_01 (06:44):
everybody, but everybody doesn't really want to
be my friend.
Yeah, I mean, that's what I'msaying.
I'm like, I want to be yourfriend.
Oh, you don't want to be myfriend?
I can be friends with everybody.
That's fine.
You don't have to like me, butlike, you don't want to be
friends?
Okay, that's cool, I guess.
I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 (06:58):
Yeah, I mean, that's what I realized when I was a
kid.
Yeah.
It's like, I wanted to befriends with everybody.
I could be friends witheverybody, but not everybody
wants to be friends with you.
I think that's another

SPEAKER_01 (07:10):
thing, too, though, is people think they got to pick
and choose.
If they hear something or ifthey're friends with somebody
that may or may not like you,then they're like, well, I kind
of have to choose.
So if this person's not hangingout with them, I guess I can't
either.

SPEAKER_00 (07:24):
Well, when you're kids, too, it's like, well,
who's your best friend?
Oh, God, that game.
Who's number one on yourMySpace?
Yeah, let's go.
But just you're not mature yet.
You don't realize all the thingsthat matter and don't matter
when you're a kid.
And you're like, oh, well, youhave to pick.
Yeah.
Do we ever grow out of that?

(07:44):
I was going to say, and then youget into adulthood and you
realize there's still ultimatumsand there's still jealousy and
competition and all thesenegative traits that these are
some things that we should havebeen learning in school.
I mean, I don't think any ofthat

SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
even goes away as we get older.
I mean, think of girlfriendsyou've had that...
backtalk other friends that youguys have as mutual friends and
I mean those are things you didwhen you were little and then
you don't ever outgrow it thoughand you continue doing it as
adults and I think you finallymature out of it eventually
hopefully everybody does butsome people don't that's me

(08:27):
trying to see the better ineverybody else but

SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
well I mean we'll get to it but that's Really how
we lost relationships.
Yeah.
You know, and you said this,too, when we were talking, but.
I never felt like I fit into agroup in the sense of I was this
permanent member of it and I hadmembership rights.

(08:53):
I don't even know how to say it,but it definitely is like you
were saying.
I didn't have that clicky crowdwhere I did have best friends in
different seasons of my life andmy longest friendships were...
You know, I found out later thatit exactly what you're saying,
like the jealousy, thecompetition, the talking behind
your back, the telling, youknow, just people in rooms that

(09:15):
you're not in.
Are they fighting for you or arethey joining in with what
everybody else is saying?
For what reason to like to sayI'm your best friend, to say I'm
a better friend, to say I'veknown you longer, to say, you
know, there's always thesestipulations for every
relationship.
And if you have relationships.

(09:35):
Relationships like that, thoseare not strong relationships.
No, and I think even

SPEAKER_01 (09:40):
some people can't see what your vision is for life
because they don't have thecapacity to or the outlook.
I mean, for me, a lot of friendsthat I talked to in high school
or long ago, we grew apartbecause I had this passion
drive, whatever you want to callit, to do something bigger and

(10:04):
And for some people, that's hardto stay attached to.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (10:09):
Most people want to stay the same.
Yeah.
Most people enjoy beingcomplacent.
Most people enjoy beingcomfortable.
And when you start to change,right?
Like the, you've changed.
And, you know, I know we talkedabout that on episode one, but
that's exactly it.
It's like, I'm growing, I'mevolving and you're getting

(10:30):
uncomfortable by my growth.
You're getting uncomfortablewatching me evolve or become
something stronger, develop moreskills, meet new people,
become...
friends with more people thanjust them.
That's what I think drives thatcompetition, that jealousy, like
all of those, you know, and Idon't want to say they're always

(10:52):
negative, but most of the time

SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
thoughts for them.
And it may not even, I mean, Ithink a lot of it's to the way
we were raised.
I mean, we're raised, you know,Mary have kids, get a house.
You know what I

SPEAKER_00 (11:03):
mean?
So I think of us grew up in atown that's like,

SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
yeah.
So I think for them, anythingout of the norm, it's like, what
are you doing?
It's not part of the plan.
That's not what you're supposedto do.
So it's like they startseparating because they're like,
I don't know what they're doing.
Just let them go do what we'retechnically

SPEAKER_00 (11:18):
not supposed to be doing.
Well, I always remember senioryear of high school.
Where do you see yourself infive years?
Oh, God.
Because in five years, you'll beone year out of college or...
What did you answer?
I don't even remember because Ijust remember being so annoyed
with that question because Ireally thought like...
I'll be doing the same thing I'mdoing now.

(11:39):
Like not the same thing, but inthe sense of I knew what they
were looking for.
I wasn't going to be married.
I wasn't going to have kids likethe question gave me anxiety.
I don't

SPEAKER_01 (11:49):
know.
That's like for me, that's faraway.
I think five years back fromnow.
Yeah.
Completely different worldperson.
So like.
Even in senior year when they'dask that, I'm like, I have no
idea.
Why are you asking?
I didn't know.
At that point, I don't know ifI'm going to college.
I don't know if I'm just goingto work.
Everybody in my family wentright into working after high

(12:10):
school and did college at thesame time.
So I was like, am I just goingto work?
Am I going to college?
It just gave me anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 (12:17):
I was like, I don't want to put...
where I would be in the sense ofI knew I was going to college I
had a full ride scholarship toplay softball but five years
that would have been one yearout of college one year
graduated college so am Iworking no longer playing
softball I don't yeah I mean didI find a boyfriend in college I

(12:39):
was like I'm still gonna be inschool I'm gonna go to graduate
school which I was still inschool but I also had a full you
know whatever I could get inthat whole story but point being
I think what Even if you wentstraight into working, most
people know what their life isgoing to look like.
And within five years ofgraduating high school, they saw
themselves married withchildren, starting a family.

(12:59):
And for me, I hate that.

SPEAKER_01 (13:02):
I don't want to have a plan like that.
I would rather have zero idea ofwhat's going to happen in five
years.
I'd rather be like, I don't knowwhat's going to happen tomorrow.
I'm just living life the best Ican.
We'll see where I go.
I just want to be the bestversion.
The actual thought of this iswhere I'm going to be in five
years, a huge chunk of what thatshould be, is kind of

(13:22):
terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 (13:24):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I feel like I'm always workingtowards something, so I know...
necessarily like where I will beor what my career will be but

SPEAKER_01 (13:35):
yeah like I know what the big picture is like I
you know what I mean likeessentially what we're doing now
like I want to help peoplediscover their passions and what
they want to do with their livesand well I will say okay go back
to when

SPEAKER_00 (13:49):
did podcasts really start to become a thing maybe
really probably right beforeCOVID I feel like

SPEAKER_01 (13:54):
COVID was like the huge takeoff for him I was

SPEAKER_00 (13:56):
going to say 2015.
I mean,

SPEAKER_01 (13:58):
probably.

SPEAKER_00 (13:59):
Well, that's when I remember listening to several
podcasts that I really liked orstarted out with.
I guess I was on a few,

SPEAKER_01 (14:09):
actually, in 2017.
Yeah, I

SPEAKER_00 (14:13):
feel like 15, 16, 17, it was starting to pick up.
Again, I graduated high schoolin 2002, so I'm definitely not
going to be thinking about, oh,I'm probably going to have a
podcast in 2025.
That's what I'm saying.
If you had asked me

SPEAKER_01 (14:28):
last year, I wouldn't even have envisioned us
doing this.
But it happened, and I'm excitedabout it, but it's something
that I didn't plan.
But we knew we both together hadthis vision of what we liked to
do, but this was never part ofour plan.
No.
It was just like, why don't wedo this?
We could help so many people.
I

SPEAKER_00 (14:49):
knew I wanted a podcast probably in 2022, but I
didn't know what it would evolveto, what it would become, and I
honestly did not want to do itby myself.

SPEAKER_01 (15:01):
Oh, I tried by myself, and I bought all the
gear, and no.
just I think I made one and Iwas like this isn't fun by
yourself

SPEAKER_00 (15:12):
yeah solo podcast not for me I don't think

SPEAKER_01 (15:14):
props to those that can do it I know some and I
listen to some I

SPEAKER_00 (15:19):
just so do I but I don't know all right so let's
jump into uh really like theguilt around growth because I
know for me like I experience Idefinitely experience a lot of
guilt um In the beginning, likewhen this first started
happening, when I first startedlosing friends or when I first

(15:40):
started realizing that I wasoutgrowing people.
Yeah.
Because I don't think I reallyviewed it as outgrowing people
then.
It was just I knew, you know, Ihad to move in this direction to
experience the growth that Iwanted.
Yeah.
And you felt like you wereleaving them in a sense.
Yeah, absolutely.
Like leaving people behind.
Like you were making a choice.

(16:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that happened in a varietyof ways.
So, like, again, I said we moveda lot when I was a kid.
You know, my parents didn't owna house.
I think I was 10 before theyowned a house.
Yeah.
And even then, moving from thathouse to the house we moved into

(16:24):
right before I went to highschool, that caused a big shift
because we were moving into anicer neighborhood, a bigger
house.
And I just wasn't really closeto a lot of the kids that I had
hung out with before.
And it wasn't even that faraway, but it made a difference.

(16:45):
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
And that's just enough to feel like you have to,
or they felt like you wereleaving.

SPEAKER_00 (16:50):
Yeah, now I lived in a different house, and I left,
and I was not in theneighborhood anymore.
And it was weird.
And you felt guilty then?
Almost.
I don't know.
I don't know if it was guilt orlike...
Just sadness, like losingfriendships.
It was like a sadness.
Yeah.
So have you experienced, did youexperience guilt?

(17:11):
I feel like this sounds awful.
I, uh...

SPEAKER_01 (17:15):
I have a weird thing with guilt.
I don't want to call it guilt.
I never feel guilty.
Sometimes with my children.
I think it's sad.
Because like I said, I trulywant to be friends with

(17:36):
everybody.
And...
I never had to go through likethe moving situation, although
we did move when I was goinginto high school.
So I grew up with all myfriends.
But fortunately, when we moved,like three of our neighbors
moved into the exactneighborhood we moved into.
So I didn't like have to give upa lot of my friends.
They moved with us and then mycousins lived down the street.

(17:58):
So they ended up going to highschool with us, too.
So it was kind of like ablessing in disguise.
I had all these friends andpeople with me for this huge
transition of switching schoolsright at high school.
But.
Moving away from the kids I grewup with, I just understood it
was a shift.
And in my mind, we would stillsee them.

(18:18):
And even now, losingfriendships, I just get sad
because I get confused.
Because to me, I'm like, whycan't we still be friends?
Why can't we figure somethingout where we could see each
other even if it's once in awhile?
So I don't ever feel guilty.
I just feel...
get really sad about it becauseI miss like fun times we had or

(18:39):
I feel like we could still behaving fun and making memories
but for whatever reason we'renot friends anymore

SPEAKER_00 (18:47):
what if you know part of the loss of the
relationship was your fault doyou ever feel guilty like with
your divorce

SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
yeah I would say I feel guilty in that because I
stayed for a period of time thatI probably should have left and
I feel that again I feel guiltybecause I like hurt feelings and
I think anybody who's beenthrough a divorce you understand
there's a process of like you'reconfused for a while of like Am

(19:21):
I staying?
Am I going?
Is what I'm feeling normal?
Is it going to go away?
How long do I feel like this?
And it's just this huge mindfuck for a while.
And then I separated myself fortwo weeks and went and stayed
with my parents.
And then I came back to thehouse.
And it was one day he had pulledup in the driveway.

(19:41):
And I was just not excited tosee him.
And great guy, fantastic dad,amazing person.
But when it's like just not yourperson, it's just a different
feeling.
And that's when I was like, thisisn't fair to him to just stay
because I feel obligated to.
So then I felt guilty.
I felt guilty if I would havestayed because I didn't think it

(20:02):
was fair to him to give him anopportunity to find somebody
that would love him the way heshould be loved.
Right.
So.
In that sense, yeah, I feltguilty if I would have stayed,
but I didn't feel guilty forleaving.
I felt bad for hurting him, andit did hurt a lot of family and
things like that, and it was ahuge processing thing for a year

(20:25):
or two, three.
But again, it was just sadnessthat I felt because I felt
misunderstood when I neverintentionally was trying to hurt
people.
I just felt reallymisunderstood.

SPEAKER_00 (20:36):
And I think that's the most important thing to
remember is that no matter whatsituation it is, whether we're
talking about a romanticrelationship, a friendship,
family members, you always haveto choose what's right for you.
What is the best decision foryourself?
And you might feelmisunderstood, like you were
saying.
People might not understand,like, how did you start feeling

(20:59):
that way?
And I think as we get older, werealize, like, Obviously,
communication is key.
I'm sure you can think back tomultiple relationships.
I know I can within friendships,romantic relationships, family,
whatever relationship we'retalking about.
I definitely remember notcommunicating how I was feeling

(21:22):
as I was experiencing that or asI was pulling away or as I was
wanting to make a change or as Iwas taking a different path.
And for me, those are the timeswhere I felt guilty.
I think as I've gotten older,uh, I've been really focused
more on obviously, um, you knowbeing more mature in

(21:45):
relationships in general butalso being you know emotional
intelligence being a lot higherof like if I'm experiencing a
negative emotion it's just asimportant to share the negative
as it is the positives within arelationship and I think those
are the tough conversations thatmost people don't want to have
because they already know howsomeone's going to feel about

(22:08):
that obviously if you tellsomeone that you know hey I'm
not happy or hey I don't likethis and

SPEAKER_01 (22:16):
usually they don't I mean I've had friendships where
they don't respond well I meanlike you said as I've gotten
older I would rather voice howI'm feeling and get that off my
chest and let somebody knowexactly how what they did
affected me and then like heylet's work on it and move
forward and I've had friendshipsI had one where a friend had
brought a friend into town andkind of ditched the friend and

(22:39):
to stay with ditched her friendwith us and she left.
Oh good.
And so afterwards, you know, Ijust had texted her and was
like, Hey, like this reallybothered me.
I didn't think it was likeappropriate.
Just yada, yada, yada, never gota response back and never really
heard from her again.
And I feel like, and I even moreso recently within the last year

(23:00):
I've done that.
I've had a lot of friendfallouts in the last year with
things that have happened andI've, taken it to reach out,
express how I feel and got zeroresponse.
But for me, I at least feelbetter knowing that I at least
shared how I feel.
And if somebody doesn't want torespond to that or have a

(23:20):
conversation about it, then tome that says enough about the
relationship that I need toknow.

SPEAKER_00 (23:25):
Yeah.
Again, like we've talked aboutthis before.
If you're not getting aresponse, that is your response.
And you obviously

SPEAKER_01 (23:33):
aren't to me.
I'm like, I'm not as importantto them as I thought I was.
Because if you were to reach outto me and tell me I did
something that bothered you oryou thought I was mad at you or
whatever it may be, I careenough about you to respond.
Even if it's something I knowyou're not going to want to
hear.
Yep.

SPEAKER_00 (23:50):
I mean, I think you know that from me, too.
A thousand percent.
I'm very vocal about how I'mfeeling.
I'm very vocal about whetherit's positive, negative.
Like, there's really nodeciphering me.
I just say it.
I mean, you've told me I

SPEAKER_01 (24:07):
don't like this person, but I love you and I
will be here.
And that's that.
You tell me flat out.
I'm like, okay, that's fine.
You fully accept me for who Iam, and you will let me know if
I'm doing something you don'tlike, but you also don't judge
or disconnect from me for it.

SPEAKER_00 (24:26):
Yeah, I think it's, again, just being, communicating
how you're feeling.
Yeah.

(24:51):
guess what they're not my kidsyou know so like who cares but
um point being

SPEAKER_01 (24:57):
I will

SPEAKER_00 (24:57):
say you've

SPEAKER_01 (24:58):
taught Lucas that he still does to this day he'll eat
sugar packets like fun dips withlemons and you just taught
Raquel how to open the cabinets

SPEAKER_00 (25:05):
oh I did very good teacher good teacher but the
main takeaway is if you are openand honest and transparent um
and I don't even like I don'tlike saying honest as I do
transparent.
And the difference there ishonesty is if you were to ask me

(25:29):
a question, I would give you anhonest answer.

SPEAKER_01 (25:36):
Yeah.
There's still going to be aslight annoyance at some point
with that person because you'realways holding on to something
that you would like

SPEAKER_00 (25:52):
to share, but you're afraid

SPEAKER_01 (25:53):
to.

SPEAKER_00 (25:53):
Well, and that's what I mean by the difference
between honesty andtransparency.
Because honesty is if you ask mea direct question, I would give
you an honest answer.
Versus transparency is if it issomething that is important for
that person to know, then youare going to give that
information without being asked.

(26:14):
Yes.
So...
If I know that I need to tellyou how I feel about something
because I think it's importantfor our relationship, I'm just
going to come forward with thatinformation without being asked.
And I think it's having theintuition and the capacity to,
on both sides, like, ourfriendship doesn't change

(26:36):
from...
XYZ, whatever thing I'm about totell you or say, if it ends up
changing from that because youfeel differently about the
relationship after I told youwhatever it was, great.
But again, if you have a goodrelationship.
That friend should also have thecapacity to hold the friendship
and separate the two.

(26:56):
Yes.
Like and understand that you'renot coming from a place that is
malicious.
You're not trying to end therelationship.
You can have a disagreement.
You can have an argument.
You can whatever it is like youmight not see eye to eye on
every single thing inrelationship.
any relationship and a fam, youknow, with a family member, with
a friend, with a romanticrelationship, like that's what

(27:19):
makes the relationship sobeautiful is that you, you both
come from different places.
You, you're not going to feelthe exact same way about every
single thing, but understandinglike if someone is being
transparent with you and tellingyou how they really feel like
you should value that,

SPEAKER_01 (27:38):
that, yeah.
And then like you said, it's,How they take it is on them.
And I think it's also, somebodysaid, whatever the saying is,
where it's like put yourself intheir shoes.
I've been doing that a lotrecently.
Well, how did I, what, how, howI said what I said, how did they
take it?
How did they view it?
Because there's been situationswhere the way somebody's reacted

(28:01):
to something I've done, I'vetaken the wrong way.
And I've thought they were beingnegative or they were being too
much or they were being this orthat.
And then I'm like, okay, I'llput myself in their shoes.
Well, maybe they were just hurt.
And that's the only way theyknew how to act out or that's
the only way they knew how totake it.
So I don't hold it against themanymore.
Did friendships build back up?

(28:21):
Sometimes they do.
Sometimes they don't.
But I think it's helpful if youput yourself in their shoes,
even when you're upset with themor they've done something you
don't like.

UNKNOWN (28:32):
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 (28:32):
even like, for instance, with the gym, with our
previous partner, I don'tdislike her.
I do not have anything againsther.
And I, we have both done thingsthat we don't probably weren't
kind to each other in a sense.
But for me, I just, I don't holdit against her the way she's
acted in a sense.

(28:54):
Um, for me, I'm like, okay, Iput myself in her shoes and the
things that she's been throughand everything that's happened
to her.
And, um, I feel...
Empathy?
Yeah, empathy for her.
And so I think that helps a lot,though.
If you put yourself in theirshoes, what they've been
through, the things they've hadto deal with, and maybe they
just emotionally aren't thereyet to actually process what's

(29:14):
going on.

SPEAKER_00 (29:15):
Yeah, I mean, I think it's kind of twofold.
It's important to be able tohave perspective and realize
where someone's coming from andMm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

(29:42):
You can make the assumptionalways of giving people the
benefit of the doubt, lookingfor the positives.
But usually when we are unhappywith someone's reaction, you're
not making the assumption thatit is something positive or
giving them the benefit of thedoubt.
You're usually making anassumption that it is something
negative.

(30:02):
And what you're thinking...
literally the definition ofassumption it's not true you
made it up you assumed that theydid they reacted this way or
they did this thing or whateverit was because they're coming
from a negative space they'rebeing malicious they're trying
to hurt you they don't care whatyou think they only care about

(30:26):
themselves they're selfish rightlike those are all the
assumptions we typically make ina situation where we are unhappy
and I learned this honestly2017, I read the book, The Four
Agreements.
It was life changing for me.
I love that book.
I've read it multiple times.

(30:47):
I've listened to it on audio.
I read it at least once everyyear.
And that particular agreement,don't make assumptions, has
stuck with me ever since forthat reason.
Yeah.
And I think

SPEAKER_01 (31:00):
that too, like when you're getting information from
not the actual source of If it'ssomething you are questioning,
like, hmm, but I know thisperson and this doesn't actually
make sense, it's worth yourwhile to reach out to the actual
person and ask.
Even if you feel like it'ssomething bad about them or

(31:21):
something negative and you don'tfeel comfortable saying it, I
can guarantee the person wouldrespect you if you came to them
and was like, hey, I heard this.
It makes me think differentlyabout you.
Is it true or not?
Because why would you believe

SPEAKER_00 (31:37):
somebody that's not the actual source?
Exactly my point.
Don't make assumptions.
If you want to know, ask.
Ask.
In the worst case, what do yousay, Lauren?
If you ask.
Wait, is that assuming?
Yeah.
I always like to ask later.
Oh, I was going to say, if youassume, you make an ass out of

(31:57):
you and me.

UNKNOWN (31:59):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (32:00):
That's what I always heard growing

SPEAKER_01 (32:02):
up.
I was thinking more if you ask,you may not get an answer, which
is your answer.
Oh, yeah, that too.
So then what you heard, theydon't respond to, then maybe
it's true then.
If you don't get a response,then maybe what you heard was
true.

SPEAKER_00 (32:15):
Yeah, I mean, and I would think when you don't get
an answer...
Those are avoidant people,dismissive avoidant people.
Unfortunately, I'm not wiredthat way, and I've had so many
relationships with avoidance anddismissive avoidance, and that
is hard for me.
That's hard for me to sit withwithout answers, with the

(32:40):
uncertainty, just because I am avery straightforward, upfront,
honest, transparent person.
And I like to know.
Yeah.
I don't need to know.
I like to know.
I want to know.
I want to know.
And when I have to sit with the,you know, taking no response as
a response, that's not myfavorite thing to do.

(33:02):
No.
Ever.
You know, and for me, I wouldsay, like, the...
biggest...
The last 10 years were superpivotal for me and really like
from 2015 to 2019-ish because2015 was when I lost...

(33:24):
multiple decade long friendshipsthat's what 2017 my cousin my
best friend someone I hung outwith all the time committed
suicide and then 2019 hello it'sme I met Brittany and it was it
was just it was it was like ohmy god gosh just this like

(33:47):
breath of fresh air I met thisperson that was like I don't
want to say replaced all ofthose relationships but I was
like

SPEAKER_01 (33:56):
it did that's like I said you find it's hard for me
to find somebody I can clickwith in every aspect of like my
personality my characteristicslike what I do things I like
things I'm passionate about likehow it's almost like a soulmate
It's really rare to find, find afriend that connects on every

(34:19):
aspect of your friendship, butalso as like a fine balance of
like opposite of what you are.
Like we've talked about, you'rea lot more confrontational than
I am, but that balances out.
So if there's, you know,something I'm uncomfortable
with, Lauren will gladly step inand help.

SPEAKER_00 (34:35):
Yeah.
I am.
People can call itconfrontational.
They can call it conflict.
Whatever.
I am just not afraid to have anyconversation.
Now, does that mean that I don'tget nervous?
That I don't shake?
That my lips don't quiver?
That I don't feel my heartbeating faster?
The adrenaline rush that comeswith that?

(34:58):
No.
But when I know that I need tosay something, I'm not afraid to
do it.
That's something I'm stillworking on.
I am going to stick up for youeven more than I stick up for
myself like I am that type offriend I am loyal to my core and
if you have been my friend forany length of time you know that

(35:19):
If you need something orsomeone's causing a problem with
you, let me know.

SPEAKER_01 (35:23):
It's like the first few things I tell somebody about
Lauren.
I'm like, she'll be blunt as allget out.
So if you ask her advice, shewill tell you exactly how she
feels or what she thinks.
And it may not be something youwant to hear, but it comes from
her heart.
And she's loyal as fuck.
So take and gives.

SPEAKER_00 (35:39):
Yeah, I'm not going to just tell you some story that
you want to hear because I'mvery intuitive as well.
I know what you want to hear.
And I mean, I've...

SPEAKER_01 (35:50):
asked Lauren things and she's told me how she's felt
about them and there's a fewthings I've went the opposite
way of what she's told me andshe was right.

SPEAKER_00 (36:02):
But yeah, and I don't want to sit here and say,
oh, I'm always right either.
But

SPEAKER_01 (36:07):
I think you're very good at observing situations as
a whole as to where, like Isaid, I try to always see the
good in everything and sometimesI get blindsided by that and it
doesn't always work in my favorand you're just very good at
being transparent and seeingthings for what they actually
are.
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (36:25):
I do.
I catch a lot of small behaviorsespecially with people like did
you see when this happened didyou see when they did that
that's making me question a fewthings wait what oh gosh I'm
going to go back though a littlebit just to the 2015 leading up

(36:50):
to 2019 because I think it'salso important to realize when
you are losing theserelationships when these
relationships are changing, whenyou're going through seasons of
growth.
there is a paradox and theparadox of that was probably the
saddest time of my life.

(37:13):
And it's funny because I will,you know, hear people say like,
Oh my gosh, I hated high school.
High school was terrible.
Oh my gosh, I hated call it likethese decades of their childhood
that they didn't like.
And I never understood itbecause like when I was in grade
school, it was the best thingever.
I got to see my friends.
every day.

(37:33):
It was so much fun.
Same for high school.
I was involved in everything ingrade school and high school.
I was friends with everyone.
Like it was just a blast to goto school and same for college.
Like I played division one.
So, you know, I could go on andon and on, but then, okay.
2015, I'm 31 years old.

(37:55):
And that's when like,Devastation.
And, you know, I wouldn't evencall it devastation.
We'll get into that, too.
But it was it was very sadbecause just like I said,
decade, multiple decade longfriendships ended.
I had changed my career.

(38:15):
I started a career in somethingI thought was going to be my
forever.
But it was hard as hell.
I went to making thirty thousanddollars a year.
when I started working for thiscompany I thought I would work
for for the rest of my lifebecause I believed in the
mission so much you know there'sjust every piece of my life was

(38:40):
changing at the same time andlike I said the paradox of this
is the lowest I've ever feltthis is the most sacrifice I've
ever had to make I don't feellike there's anyone I can turn
to or lean on or like I was veryvery alone in that period of my

(39:00):
life for, like, four years,three years.
You know, like, I'm not kidding.
Like, I just felt very, verylow.

SPEAKER_01 (39:12):
Kind of questioning, like, what did I do?

SPEAKER_00 (39:14):
Right.
Like, did I make the rightchoice?
Did...
Oh, my God.
Like, thinking, maybe I do needthese people back in my life
when I know...
At the same time, I don't.
You don't because you're tryingto grow.
Right.
And so that's that paradox oflike it was the saddest moments
of my life.

(39:35):
But at the same time.
I was seeing growth.
I knew I was headed in the rightdirection.
It was just very, very lonely.
And it's hard to put into wordsof how you feel.
It's like a

SPEAKER_01 (39:50):
weird kind of it's like when I got divorced, I
lived in Troy, Missouri.
I moved out to Bowen away fromanybody I've ever known.
And a place I'd never been,really.
And I was alone in mytwo-bedroom apartment one night.
And I'm just like, what did Ido?
I had a home and a husband.
We have a child.

(40:10):
And I was with him for 13 years.
And here I am in thistwo-bedroom apartment by myself.
And it is.
It's like a rush of like, shit.
But you know, I knew then what Idid was still the right choice.
But it's just like, finallyyou're hit with it.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (40:28):
All your decisions.
You were hit with making thatdecision, too, because how long
were things going wrong or youwere doing things you didn't
want to do?
And then.
I don't know.
All of a sudden one day it hitme.
I was like, I'm not going todrink alcohol anymore.
Like I quit drinking for twoyears.

(40:49):
I was barely scraping by.
Like I said, I was making$30,000a year.
So like my rent at the time was$500 and, you know, car payment,
insurance, cell phone.
Like I didn't have any money togo do anything else.

SPEAKER_01 (41:08):
That's why you weren't drinking.

SPEAKER_00 (41:09):
Well, I mean, I could have found a way to get
out.
I mean, you are a lady.
Point being, though, is I, Iknew the sacrifices I needed to
make to get to where I wanted tobe.
And it wasn't until that momentin time that I was actually
ready to make that decision.

(41:30):
So how many years led up tothat?
The pain is more than the actualchange itself.

(41:53):
The actual change, yeah.
Whatever that is.

SPEAKER_01 (41:55):
Choose your heart.
It's going to be hard to stay.
It's hard to leave.
Exactly.
Choose your heart.
And I think, you know, when Iwent through my divorce, I
honestly thought that was goingto be like the lowest of my low
that I would ever be in.
I mean, working four jobs as asingle mother and supporting us
and everything, I was just like,I don't know how I'm doing this.
I don't know how this ishappening, but we're just

(42:16):
trucking through.
And...
I had accepted.
I was like, all right, I made itthrough that.
I had met Brock.
We were dating.
Things were going good.
I'd made it through that chapterof my life.
And that was a choice I made toleave a marriage.
And then all these great thingshappened.
We were doing really well.

(42:36):
We opened our gym way soonerthan we thought we were going
to.
It just took the leap for that.
And then Bam.
Boom.
December.
Life.
Lose your gym.
Your husband's going totreatment.
You're going to have to move outof your house.
You're going to losefriendships.
Like all of these things.
And I was like, wait a minute.

(42:57):
You're not safe.
Things can crumble at anymoment, whether it's your choice
or not.
Sometimes you get to make thechoice of changing your life,
changing your path.
And sometimes it's a choice youdon't want to make.
But it

SPEAKER_00 (43:13):
happens.
And then you have the choice ofhow you respond.

SPEAKER_01 (43:15):
Exactly.
Then you can, this is where Italked about it the other day in
my stories, where you can chooseto move forward.
And which is why I always chooseto continue to step forward and
move forward because that's theonly way you're getting to that
next step.
You cannot sit and sulk in it.
You have to continue to moveforward because that's the only
way anything's ever going tohappen for you.

SPEAKER_00 (43:35):
It's the only way new opportunities are going to
present themselves.
Yeah.
And I mean, I did things inbetween what I'm doing now

SPEAKER_01 (43:41):
in the gym that I was like, what am I doing?
Like, this doesn't make sense.
And this isn't like where I wantto be, but I know I got to do it
to get to where I'm

SPEAKER_00 (43:48):
going.
And that's the paradox, right?
You are in a super low place.
You're having to make sacrificesleft and right, whether we're
talking about financialsacrifices, time sacrifices,
work sacrifices.
But are you willing to makethose sacrifices to get where
you want to be ultimately?

(44:09):
Right.
Hey, you know, because you'redoing, you know, X, Y, Z,
whatever those things are, thosesacrifices are, it's going to
lead you to that place, whichwill ultimately be the happiest
part of your life.
Yeah, and

SPEAKER_01 (44:24):
that's part of like the low is like, I've been
there.
I know what happens if I keepgoing.
And I don't know, for me, it'skind of exciting because I'm
like, I had no idea what wasgoing to happen when I was at my
first low.
And now going through this low,I'm like, what's going to happen
within the next year, two,three?
No idea, but it's kind ofexciting.

SPEAKER_00 (44:42):
I think that's it, too.
Like, you've seen it before,you've been through it before,
or you've been through a pointwhere, oh my gosh, this is the
lowest point of my life.
Did you even think that, like...
I mean, I questioned...
Yeah,

SPEAKER_01 (44:55):
like, I had no idea Brock was going to be a husband.
It's like, what's worse?
Right.
I'm like, I'm not by myself thistime.
You know what I mean?
Like, I was completely alonethen.
I had no friends at the time.
I'm like...
Absolutely.
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 (45:25):
I guess we talked about making the decision.
How long did it take you to makethe decision?
And why did it take you so long?
And you've talked about twodifferent points in your life.
Did you not want to be the badguy?
Did you not want to be viewed asthe villain?
Why didn't...

(45:48):
The first time you had anegative thought or emotion, why
didn't you just pull the triggerthen?
I think a lot of it for me islike

SPEAKER_01 (45:55):
with...
my divorce, say, I was worried,you know, what would my family
think?
How are people going to take it?
How is he going to feel?
And I was more worried abouteverybody else's feelings than
my own.
And then, like you said, it'swhen you finally get to the
point of like, is this how Iwant to feel?

SPEAKER_00 (46:12):
The pain is more than...
This

SPEAKER_01 (46:15):
hurts just as much as it's going to hurt to hurt
everybody else's feelings.
But at least with that, there'srepairing, there's rebuilding.
This, I'm stuck with thisfeeling until I'm The

SPEAKER_00 (46:25):
rest of your life?
The

SPEAKER_01 (46:27):
rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00 (46:28):
I mean, seriously, though.
What about you?
I think the same thing.
I don't think I sit in thingsfor very long.
I don't think, you know, I...
A, I've never been married.
I don't have children.
So I've never been in thosesituations.
But I have quit careers.

(46:50):
Careers that I invested a lot ofmoney and time into through my
education.
And obviously through teaching,coaching, certificate, you name
it.
What was it that was stoppingyou

SPEAKER_01 (47:04):
from pulling the trigger?
Because typically you feel...
like you're wanting to get outof the situation you're in, what
was stopping you job-wise fromjust

SPEAKER_00 (47:14):
leaving when

SPEAKER_01 (47:14):
you wanted to?

SPEAKER_00 (47:15):
Okay.
I'll give the example of when Iwas teaching.
I loved teaching.
I loved being in the classroom.
I loved coaching junior high andhigh school softball.
I loved the kids.
But behind the scenes, all thepolitics that came along with
it, all of the people that werenasty to me, that was the part

(47:38):
of teaching that really turnedme off.
It's pretty, again, anotherstory for another day.
But what was stopping me, andthis is sad to say, But if I
stayed where I was teaching forfive years, I was going to get
$17,500 towards my loans.

(48:02):
And I wasn't 100% certain.
Plus, putting in all of thattime, effort, money into a
graduate degree and then justcalling it quits after one
school year.
Because I literally knew aftermy first...
year of teaching this is notwhat I want to do for the rest

(48:24):
of my life like I thought it wasso different you know because
you have to observe tons ofdifferent classrooms and you
have to do student teaching andit was it was a completely
different experience than butyou almost felt

SPEAKER_01 (48:38):
obligated because you're like this is what I went
to school for

SPEAKER_00 (48:40):
I felt like I needed to give it a chance, and so I
told myself that I would givemyself five years because five
years would at least get my loanreimbursement.
Yeah, and again, I didn't hateevery single part of it.
There are a lot of things thatfactored into that.
Right before I started teaching,I had just broken up with my

(49:03):
boyfriend of over five years,and I think the entire first
year of teaching, I was like,

UNKNOWN (49:11):
Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 (49:11):
cried every single day i drove to work oh my god
because it's like oh my goshwhat have i done like for so
many reasons well i i changed myentire career around this
relationship that i was in andbecause i thought that was what
was going to be the best for ourrelationship and like you know i
thought oh we're gonna getmarried we're gonna have kids

(49:33):
and i want to be a teacher and iwant to have summers off like i
can again there's so much nuanceto everything get sit here and
just why I made the decisionsthat I made and why I invested
the time and the money andeverything.
I'm very calculated.
I'm very much so a long-term,big-picture thinker, and I don't

(49:58):
just make decisions on a whim.
I don't just quit.
So if I made the decision toquit, leave, retire, change
anything in my life it'sdefinitely something that I put
a lot of thought into yes it'svery well processed like I said
I decided year one so I thoughtabout that for five years and I

(50:20):
remember the night I was sittingat my friend's house writing my
letter of resignation and hitsend mid July and talk about
teachers and administration notliking you when you send a
letter of resignation inmid-July with the school year

(50:41):
about to start?
We've

SPEAKER_01 (50:43):
got to divvy up all these kids

SPEAKER_00 (50:44):
now.
Yeah, so...
Again, that's where I go backand was it a well-thought-out
decision?
Did you consider every singlesolitary thing that was going to
happen, people's opinions ofyou, possibly bridges that will
burn, relationships that are nowover because people take it
personally.

(51:04):
Unfortunately, they makeassumptions and they don't
consult with you about, okay,what made you feel this way or
how did we not see this coming?
Yeah.
Whatever it may be.
And again, I had spoken toadministration about that prior
to it happening, too.
So it wasn't, you know, I didn'tblindside them.

(51:25):
Again, you know me.
I'm going to put some feelersout.
I'm going to voice my concerns,my opinions, my concerns.
Thoughts, feelings, you know.
I'm not just going to like, ah,see ya.

SPEAKER_01 (51:39):
Out of

SPEAKER_00 (51:39):
nowhere.
No

SPEAKER_01 (51:40):
notice.

SPEAKER_00 (51:40):
I'm out.
So, you know, I think that wasan example of one time.
Yeah, I mean,

SPEAKER_01 (51:48):
there's multiple times.
And I think there's always goingto be something that's holding
you back from making that harddecision.
And like they tell you whenyou're young, you can't make
everybody happy.

SPEAKER_00 (52:01):
Yeah.
Well, yeah, you're not going tomake.
There's no way.

SPEAKER_01 (52:05):
There's no way.
But you can make yourself happy.

SPEAKER_00 (52:06):
If you think you're going to make everyone happy,
you're going to be exhausted.
Yeah.
So with that in mind.
you know, what is kind of youroverall thought with endings in
general?
Like you, you know, we neverliked them.
So like the ones that we talkedabout today would be like ending

(52:28):
a career, ending a relationship,losing a friendship.
Um, what do you realize thoughafterwards, you know, and I
don't want to say like days downthe road.
We're talking years down theroad.
Oh my God.

SPEAKER_01 (52:39):
Even I'll start with friendships.
I mean, um, When I've lost someof the, for me, longest
friendships, which I feel iskind of sad because some of them
were just six years.
But for me, these are people Igrew close with in the darkest
times of my life.
And then for within the lastyear to really lose those
friendships, I was really in ahard place for a while, very
confused.

(53:00):
Also, I had just had a baby, sopostpartum hormones are raging.
And...
I would like cry to Brock andlike I'm like I don't know what
I did and I'm like I've you knowreached out I've got no response
just so upset and so confusedand then you know I got put into
different situations and Brockkept telling me you know God's

(53:21):
giving you space to create newfriendships and I'm just like
whatever you shut up like I lostmy friends and I'm sad come to
find you know within the lastyear I've gotten really close
with some women that I I justtruly aspire to be like and they
share the same drive the samesame passion you know I'm lucky

(53:43):
enough to work with Jen now whois somebody that I've grown
really close to I really admireher I think she's one of the
smartest people I've ever metshe's very intuitive with others
Alana she's another one she's apowerful mother powerful woman
she helps sex trafficking girlsand to me that's what I want to

(54:03):
aspire to be like like they arechanging lives they truly can
They care about others.
They don't ever speak ill ofanybody.
They are never negative.
And so now I see it as anopportunity, like Brock had
said, for God to fill my lifewith people that are going to
help me grow too and that arejust more positive outlooks for
me.
It's definitely helped me seehow some people were in my lives

(54:29):
for the wrong reasons, possibly.
And it's just been refreshingto...
Have people in my life that aregood and that, like I said, want
to share the same things that Iam passionate about and just not
be negative.
I had a lot of peoplesurrounding me that were just
really negative and I didn'trealize how much it was actually

(54:50):
affecting me.
And then business wise, youknow.
The gym really sucked.
That was a really hard loss.
I personally struggled with somuch because I put so much into
that place.
Brock will even attest to it.
It was all me.
I ran the building.

(55:11):
I coached the classes.
I ran all the programs.
I ran that facility.
To lose it, I felt like I lostsuch a huge part of me.
I've talked to you about it.
I've talked to some otherfriends about it.
It honestly made me realize,though...
how much that was my main focusof life and how much I was
missing out on because that hadall of my attention.

SPEAKER_00 (55:30):
Yeah, well, and I think you made a really good
point, though, of getting clearon what people are looking...
from for you?
Are they trying to gainsomething from you or gain
something from the friendshipand that's why they're seeking
the friendship?
Insert relationship here, notjust friendship.

(55:52):
Whether it be romanticrelationship, friendship, family
member, is the reason that theyare treating you the way that
they are because they're tryingto gain something?
Or Mm-hmm.

(56:25):
Right.
And I'm sure you experienced,you know, whether you gave
people discounts to the gym oryou let them come train for free
or, you know, you name it.
Same thing for me.
It's like I realized, oh, thisis just someone that likes to go
out and party with me.
Yeah.
Because I know so and so and Ican get us into this place and

(56:48):
whatever.
Like, again, what they can gainfrom the friendship doesn't have
to be anything reallysignificant.

SPEAKER_01 (56:54):
People love to be a part of what's going on.
And I mean, honestly, like forme, I felt like losing the gym
when I, quote unquote, didn'thave what was going on anymore.
Yeah.
A lot of people were like, seeyou

SPEAKER_00 (57:05):
later.
Well, I mean, to your pointearlier of like, well, let's try
this and let's try that.
You know, you realize I think inin your childhood and growing
up, that is what you should do.
You should go out.
You should experience all thethings you should find out where
you belong.
Yeah.
And then as an adult, it stillkind of happens because you
think like, oh, I found where Ibelong.

(57:26):
This is what I should be doing.
And then.
You realize people didn't havethe same intentions that you
did.

SPEAKER_01 (57:33):
And I'm not like targeting our members because I
love every single one of them.
Oh,

SPEAKER_00 (57:37):
no, no, no.
I don't mean it that way.

SPEAKER_01 (57:39):
No.
And I do.
I talk to so many of them.
So but I do think there are somethat think they go elsewhere for
workouts now and programming.
And I don't know if they becauseI think that is a stipulate.
People think it's a stipulationas far as like.
I can't see two coaches or Ican't be talking.
It's a

SPEAKER_00 (57:56):
competitive thing.
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (57:58):
I went to this gym or I'm going to this trainer and
I literally am happy for you.
Honestly, I'm happy.
I'm grateful that I was atleast, I see so many people that
started at force and no, I don'ttrain them anymore, but I see
them still working out.
And for me, that feels so goodthat I was a part of their
journey and that I helped themrealize the importance of

(58:20):
working out.
And yeah, But I think people dothink that.
It's just one of those things,too.
As we grow older, we have torealize that that's okay.
You can do something different.
and still have a relationshipwith somebody before, whatever
that different is.
It could be, I don't know, yougo to a different workout than

(58:42):
you used to go to with somebodyelse, but you can still talk to
the person before.
You can hang out with somebody.
You can get a new friend, butthat doesn't mean you have to
get rid of the old friend

SPEAKER_00 (58:50):
that you hung out with before.
Right, and I just mean theseparation of I had some sort of
relationship with this person orthis person only had a
relationship with me because ofmy business.

SPEAKER_01 (59:02):
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
I can't tell you how many peopleI gave discounts to.

SPEAKER_00 (59:06):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (59:07):
And

SPEAKER_00 (59:08):
I thought we were

SPEAKER_01 (59:09):
friends.
I thought we were friends.
But I guess only when I havethings to offer.

SPEAKER_00 (59:17):
But, you know, with that, that's the part I'm
talking about with the clarityis like I I'm so thankful.
Yeah.
For all of those endings.
Yeah.
In whatever way they, you know,in the moment, you know, the
decade, multiple decade longfriendships, relationships.
I've never had a decade longromantic relationship.

(59:39):
We will hear soon though, so.
Point being, I'm very thankfulfor all of those endings.
I'm very thankful for all ofthose experiences.

UNKNOWN (59:51):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (59:51):
However high, low, in between they were because I
learned something from everysingle one of them.
And, you know, unfortunate thatyou have to go through the
negative experiences to gain theclarity or get the confidence or
get the courage to have the hardconversation or...

(01:00:12):
make the lifelong connectionswith the people who truly do
matter.
And, you know, some of thepeople that you brought up, um,
will likely be guests on thispodcast as well.
And because they get it.
Yeah.
You know, I think they, they'vegone through all the, they've
gone

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:29):
even, you know, even, I, we haven't really
touched base on that as far asguilty things, but even like
with Brock, with everythingthat's happened with him, I,
while he was in treatment, um,and everything we went through
and all that.
I had to choose to choose myselfand everything that was going
on.
And we had to have thatconversation of you need to do
whatever you need to do to takecare of you.

(01:00:50):
I cannot be a part of it.
I cannot be the person you turnto when you're struggling.
I can't be your falling groundanymore.
Like I have to take care ofmyself.
And that felt guilty for mebecause obviously it's your
spouse and you want to be thatperson for them.

SPEAKER_00 (01:01:03):
But

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:04):
I emotionally, physically could not.
I had been completely drained.
I had so much so much going onand I couldn't take on his stuff
as well and with everything thathappened to it was just I needed
to work on myself he needed towork on himself and I I've
always been a crutch for him inthat sense where he could fall
onto me and lean on me.

(01:01:24):
And I had to guilt.
I felt guilty telling him Ican't be that person anymore.

SPEAKER_00 (01:01:30):
Well, and I think you take that role on naturally,
too.
Obviously, as a wife, as amother, you are a nurturer.
You are a caretaker.
But what you're talking about issetting boundaries and not
feeling guilty for setting thoseboundaries.
And like you're saying, you'restill going to be the caretaker.
You're still going to be the.
nurture you're still gonna be agood wife you're still gonna be

(01:01:52):
a good mom but if you're alsotaking the brunt of how he's
feeling every day like how can'tdo it anymore how how is he
gonna move on

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:04):
no he's gotta learn and you know I was met with
understanding That was somethingI was like, you know, we're
gonna have to have thisconversation.
He may not like it, but thoseare, like you said, boundaries I
need to set for myself.
And he was completelyunderstanding.
It's been great since he's comehome and, um, But that was an

(01:02:24):
internal thing.
We've talked a lot aboutfriendships and things like
that, so I thought I'd touchbase on husband-wife.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:30):
Yeah, well, I think people understanding no is a
complete sentence.
Yeah.
And you don't always have toexplain yourself.
Obviously, in the husband-wifedynamic, yeah, I think a little
bit more communication isnecessary, obviously.
But in a friendship, in anyrelationship in general, you

(01:02:51):
have to realize that If there issomething that you don't have
the capacity to do, if it's notin your best interest, if it's
not moving you towards yourgoals, whatever it is, you have
to discern what is good for you,what is not good for you.
And you have to set thoseboundaries, and you can't feel

(01:03:11):
guilty for setting thoseboundaries.
And whether people understand orthey don't, you have to be
comfortable understandingsetting those boundaries, making
those decisions and not caringwhat people's opinions of your
boundaries will be.
Because if you are continuallycaring of what people's opinions
are of your boundaries, you'renever going to set boundaries

(01:03:33):
because like we said before,you're not going to please
everyone.
You're not going to makeeveryone happy.
And unfortunately, guess whathappens when you set boundaries
that you prioritize yourself,you put your health first, you
put your family first, you putyour relationship first,
whatever things are a priorityfor you and are going to move
you in the right direction whenyou do that people are not happy

(01:03:56):
no I think you have to getcomfortable

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:59):
with being misunderstood a thousand percent
and once you get comfortablewith that I think you just for
me it was just like a rollingball I'm like well I don't mind
anymore if people don'tunderstand me I don't care
anymore if they don't like whatmy boundaries are I don't care
anymore if what I do is not whatthey want me to be doing or they

(01:04:20):
don't like what I'm doingbecause I'm doing what's good
for me.
I'm doing what makes me happy,what fulfills me, and nobody
knows every aspect of your life.
So you just have to getcomfortable with people making
assumptions, not understanding,and honestly just blocking it

(01:04:40):
out.

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:41):
Well, yeah, and if, you know, like...
You can set boundaries and youcan have your best interests in
mind and knowing you are not thevillain.
Now, you might be the villain insomebody else's story.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:59):
Which also, get comfortable being okay with.
You're going to be the villainat times and that's okay.
It's like I talked aboutearlier.
Put yourself in their shoes.
Why might they be seeing you asthe villain?
Sometimes I understand.
I'm like, I get it.
I get it.
You don't like the decision Imade.
You don't like the things that Isaid.
But that's just something youalso have to work through.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:18):
Trying to think.
I have a lot of stories there.
But I think that's, you know,early on in life, I did.
I did try to, like, explainmyself and make sure that I
wasn't seen as the bad guy.
I wasn't seen as the villain.
And then as you get older, Idon't know what it is.
It definitely, you know, like, Idon't know if I've ever really

(01:05:40):
had it.
But the older I get, the less Ihave it of even caring to
explain myself.
Oh, yeah.
You think what you want.
Yeah, well, and I think if youare, you understand like, hey,
I'm not coming from a maliciousplace.
I'm coming from a place where Ihave to do what's best for me,

(01:06:00):
best for my family, best for mysituation, whatever it is, where
I need to see growth, where Ineed to make a change in my life
and where I want to end up thelife I want to have.
Then you can feel comfortablewith the decision you made,
regardless of how many peoplepin you as the villain.
Yeah.
Okay, good.
With all that being said, youknow, we could harp on this

(01:06:23):
forever, honestly, of likespecific stories we could tell.
I think it'd be a fun Q&A to do.

SPEAKER_01 (01:06:29):
We leave a little drop box for you guys and you
can insert some questions youhave or stories that...
Maybe you would like us todiscuss or share anonymously.
Yeah,

SPEAKER_00 (01:06:40):
we're not going to share your information or names
or anything like that.
But, you know, that being said,too, though, like, what are some
green flags that you look for inrelationships now?
Like, what are some things thatare kind of deal breakers or
just, hey, these are...
no-brainers like these thingshave to be present or like I'm
not gonna be friends with thatperson I

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:01):
mean a few for me now would definitely be like I
talked about earlier just thenegative talk and talking about
others behind their backs is ahuge green flag for me being
there in the highs and lows ofmy life if you can't be there
during my lows then green flagis Or not green flag.
Oh, my gosh.
Red flag.
Green flag

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:21):
if you're there.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:23):
Green flag if you can stay for the lows, too, and
not just the highs.
And honestly, huge green flag ifyou just have the same passion
to help people as I do.

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:33):
Yeah.
I mean, I would echo all ofthose things.
And then the other one, which Ikind of hit on earlier, too,
would be...
You need to be transparent withme.
I'm not going to read your mind.
If there's something that you'renot feeling good about and I'm
not picking up on it, you needto just tell me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:51):
Also, just the vibes.
I don't like when the vibes areoff.
So if you've got something tosay, just say it.

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:58):
Yeah, I mean, I will say that.
Like, hey, is everything okay?
And if I say, is everythingokay, and you don't come forward
with whatever is bothering you,like, eh, had your chance.
Yeah, exactly.
What would your advice be toanother woman, you know, trying
to figure this out, trying togain clarity, trying to figure

(01:08:20):
out, you know, oh, my gosh,there are these moments or
relationships or whatever it isthat.
I need to change.
I need to make the decision tomove on.
And, you know, maybe they haveto leave people.
Maybe they have to losefriendships.
Maybe, you know, whatever it is,what would be kind of your words
of encouragement for that woman?

(01:08:41):
I would tell her, you know, what

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:43):
feels

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:43):
like

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:43):
losing might be God preparing you for what's coming.
You cannot grow with what isholding you back, even if you
can't see it right now.
Even if what you're sheddinghurts and it's confusing, you
And it's going to be hard andemotional.
But to keep your head high andremember what you're passionate
about and let that drive you.
Let your heart lead you in themoments that you feel confused.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:06):
Yeah.
And I think if you are unsure,you know, the pain of whatever
you're going through just isn'tgreat enough yet.
Yeah.
If you are growing, you are mostlikely losing people.
Yes.
If you are growing, you're goingto lose people.

UNKNOWN (01:09:23):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:23):
And honestly, you know, trust me, it's for the
better.
You're, you're, you are the onethat has, if you are the one
that has to bend and break tomake a relationship work, it's
not worth it.
No.
Right.
If you are the only one givingeffort, it's not worth it.
You know, and again, you have tobe able to discern and be honest

(01:09:44):
and with yourself, like what,Are there some things that you
could work on, too?

(01:10:17):
happier you are not moving inthe direction you want to move
or you feel like you're verycomplacent and not growing and
you would like to change thatabout yourself have the hard
conversation and do what'snecessary after the fact like
whether you heard what youwanted to hear or you didn't
hear what you wanted to hear youknow what decision needs to be
made and you need to move in thedirection that's best for you

(01:10:39):
yep so um Like Brittany said, ifyou have some stories or you
want to do a Q&A, you want toget some more advice from us on
a particular relationship ormaybe steps that you should take
or questions you should askyourself or the person you need
to talk to or how you even goabout getting started with doing

(01:11:00):
something like that.
We gave you a few stories today,but trust me, we have lots of
different things that havehappened in our life that we
would love to...
help you gain some clarity withand you know again we're not
therapists no we're not

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:17):
here to tell you what to do we're like your
girlfriends, and we just want tohelp you talk it out.
We want to listen.
We also know in those situationsit's hard to find people that
you trust and can lean on thataren't going to judge what
you're going through, and that'swhat we want to offer is a
judgment-free zone, justsomewhere you can express how
you're feeling, talk throughyour emotions, and maybe we can

(01:11:39):
help you see some insight onwhere it's best to make a
choice.

SPEAKER_00 (01:11:43):
Yeah, and I mean, remember, this isn't just to
ruin relationships in your life.
It's obviously to open your mindto new possibilities.
Open...
the ability to have newsituations.
Um, and those are the big thingsthat like, we want to make sure
that the doors of possibilityopen up for you.

(01:12:06):
So if you have felt that like,you know, I need a do over or I
need to start over or whateverit is.
Um, we do have the clip, theclarity code challenge coming up
starting June 1st.
Um, we will, you know, that'salways in our Instagram, like at
legacy over labels.
Um, you can

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:24):
always shoot us a message too, if you're confused
about where to get the link forit.
We'll happily send it over.

SPEAKER_00 (01:12:28):
DMs are always open.
Or if you just go to the link inbio, you can get on the wait
list and you'll get all of ourupcoming events as well.
We're getting ready to have ourfirst STL meetup at Katie's
Pizza.
Oh, I was going to say it.
Go for it.
Katie's Pizza.
Pizza and Pasta downtown onClark.

(01:12:49):
It's going to be May 18th at Isit 2 or 1.30?
I don't remember.
1.30 or 2?
1 It's afternoon.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:57):
So sometime after noon.

SPEAKER_00 (01:12:59):
Anyway, you'll get that update this week.
So we'll start.
We're going to have limitedspots for that.
So be on the lookout for thatSTL event if you are in the STL
area.
And then if you need the link toget on the wait list for the
Clarity Code Challenge thatstarts June 1st.
Like I said, DMs are alwaysopen.
Let us know.

(01:13:20):
But we just want to thank youguys for listening today,
hearing

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:23):
our stories and for tuning in.

SPEAKER_00 (01:13:26):
Yeah.
And I hope you got a littletaste of what the clarity code
is going to look and sound likeand feel like.
And we're really excited to getstarted with that.
So we'll see you guys next week.
See you later.

UNKNOWN (01:13:43):
Bye.
Bye.