July 25, 2025 • 9 mins
Episode !4
Real Love...
We Choose To Love..
Attachment Styles
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Good afternoon and a huge big Scottish welcome.
I'm sitting out in my terrace,my two furry friends are at my
feet and it's another glorious,sunshiny day.
I'm so very thankful to be here.
I feel at peace and my vista isbreathtakingly beautiful.
It's so lush and green up here.
Today I'm thinking about love.
(00:22):
I mean real love.
My monster came into my lifelike a storm.
It took me years to clear up.
the cyclone of devastation thathe left behind.
I really and truly believed itwas love.
I thought he was my person, mymirror image.
I thought we would fix and healeach other and skip off into the
sunset and are happy ever after.
(00:44):
But sadly, this was my illusion,my fantasy.
It wasn't a real relationship,it was a milestone.
He reflected everything, butreally he was an empty, angry
vessel.
Yet through all the havoc andthe mayhem, through the yearning
and the pain, I stayed foreverhopeful that he would change,
(01:06):
that I would fix him.
Then one day I woke up.
My eyes opened and I saw myfuture and it was without him.
I would not, could not stay.
I was slowly dying and had beenfor years.
Now I stopped hoping.
I stopped trying to interpretwhat his cruel diatribe meant.
(01:29):
I stopped believing in him.
I stopped mistaking his totalabuse for love.
Instead, I began to look inwardand I found the beautiful,
lovable me.
She had been there all thistime, buried and barely
breathing.
I started reviving her.
I slowly began listening to me,the real me.
(01:49):
And so my journey and myadventures began.
When you look up the word lovein the dictionary, it's defined
as a feeling, but that's not allthat it is.
Love is also an action.
When you feel loved by someone,it's because of how they treat
you.
It's the small stuff, likegiving you a hug when you feel
(02:10):
down, like getting you a cup ofwater when you're feeling hot.
These things make us feel lovedbecause of that action.
When your person says, I loveyou, because of that action, you
feel loved.
When you see someone you love,you look them in the eyes.
That gaze, it's so strong and sopowerful.
(02:32):
When you are in love withsomeone, you are in love with
who they could be, if they werethe best they could be.
I'll say that again.
You're in love with who theycould be if they were the best
they could be.
Real love is a choice.
Even on days that you don't feellike it.
(02:53):
It's super easy to love wheneverything is new, when
everything's exciting, whenyou're still getting to know
each other.
But real love is choosing to bewith that person over and over
again.
It's choosing to care.
Feelings fade and change.
They shift with time, butchoice, choice is constant.
(03:15):
You choose to understand, youchoose to forgive, you choose to
stand by their side.
Love is not the spark.
Love is the decision to keeplighting that fire.
Great relationships requirevulnerability.
The price of real love isexposure.
It's saying, here I am, I'm laidbare in front of you.
(03:39):
It's trusting that person,trusting they'll catch you when
you fall.
So love isn't just a feeling.
Feelings come and go.
Love is much steadier than that.
Love feels safe.
Being able to say exactly whatyou mean.
No need to perform.
And when you laugh together, youhave the same weirdness, the
(04:02):
same shared reality.
Love shouldn't be sore or scary.
Love is safe.
Now, here's something to thinkabout.
We don't fall in love.
Not really.
We fall into love itself, intothe source of love.
Love is the vessel.
Love is source.
(04:23):
And the other person, they'renot the vessel, they're the
chemistry.
Love is a plunge into anotherperson, but into the source of
the love that was already aliveinside us.
And when someone else is doingthe same thing, wow, that's when
sparks fly.
Love isn't about loving theother person as a source of
(04:46):
love.
It's about joining forces withthem in the love experience.
When I fall in love, I'm notfalling into you.
I'm falling towards me.
I'm tumbling towards the lovethat I already am.
And their presence simply makesit more vivid.
They are falling into their ownlove.
(05:07):
their own source together wecreate a deep and rich union a
happy swirling harmony we chooseto make things happen it's how
we awaken the memories of lovewithin us they are not the fire
they are the spark and the sameway we ignite something in them
when we fall in love They helpus to see, to open our eyes.
(05:30):
We fall in love with the versionof ourselves they help us to
remember.
Falling in love is likeremembering how to breathe after
holding your breath for way, waytoo long.
A reconnection, living from yourcore, your essence, who you
really are, that's love.
I am the vessel, falling in loveis just the reminder.
(05:54):
It's not just emotional, it'senergetic It's not about losing
yourself in the other person.
The source of love is withinyou.
Love finds you when you havefound yourself.
What we think, see and feelcreates our reality.
Attachment styles.
(06:15):
Let's chat about avoidance.
This is how avoidance ruin loveand it's so heartbreaking to
witness.
When they finally find theirperson, they start slowly and
quietly.
and then they destroyeverything.
Avoidance mostly beginrelationships with hope,
excitement, possibility andvulnerability.
(06:36):
When their person gets tooclose, when love starts to feel
too real, their nervous systemsounds a big alarm and the
avoidants begin sabotaging therelationship through unconscious
emotional withdrawal.
They stop answering textsquickly.
They stop sharing the littlethings.
(06:57):
They go from being fully presentto ghosting you.
And for the person loving them,it feels like total, total
rejection.
To the avoidant, it's simplysurvival they don't pull away
because they don't care theypull away because caring too
much terrifies them underneaththe avoidance cool facade there
(07:18):
is a brain wired by old painPain that taught them love and
closeness equals danger, thatintimacy equals hurt, that
vulnerability means they havelost control.
Even when this love feels safe,their bodies just don't believe
it.
And all their defensivestrategies kick in, screaming,
(07:40):
stay distant, stay independent,never rely on anyone, don't let
them rely on you.
but the avoidant cravesconnection, but their unsolved
trauma screams, run, run, runaway.
They crave love, but insteadthey build giant walls.
Deep down they feel thisterrifying pressure.
(08:02):
When someone gets too close,they feel their love, will see
their insecurities and theirimperfections and their wounds.
This is when they start toself-sabotage.
In my humble opinion, thehardest attachment style to deal
with is the fearful avoidant.
Before I did a deep dive into myhealing, I had no idea what
(08:24):
attachment styles were.
Everything I speak about in mypodcast relates to me and are
simply my points of view and mylived experiences.
I'm no expert.
So let's break down theattachment spectrum.
On one side we have anxiety, onthe other side we have the
avoidance, and bang in themiddle we have secure.
(08:47):
Here are the main attachmentstyles.
avoidant attachment they wantcloseness but they're absolutely
terrified of being smothered theanxious attachment they want to
get close as possible butthey're terrified they'll lose
you the disorganized attachmentthey swing between clingy and
distant their actions are veryconfusing because they crave
(09:10):
attention yet they fear Thenthere's secure attachment.
They believe that people arefundamentally good and easily
accept others loving them.
They're comfortable on their ownand in relationships.
There are many, many otherattachment styles and we'll talk
about them in another episode.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode.
(09:31):
Please get in touch with me.
Email sleeplessingranada atyahoo.com I would love your
feedback and if there's anythingthat affected you please get in
touch.
Good afternoon and a huge big Scottish welcome.
I'm sitting out in my terrace,my two furry friends are at my
feet and it's another glorious,sunshiny day.
I'm so very thankful to be here.
I feel at peace and my vista isbreathtakingly beautiful.
It's so lush and green up here.
Today I'm thinking about love.
(00:22):
I mean real love.
My monster came into my lifelike a storm.
It took me years to clear up.
the cyclone of devastation thathe left behind.
I really and truly believed itwas love.
I thought he was my person, mymirror image.
I thought we would fix and healeach other and skip off into the
sunset and are happy ever after.
(00:44):
But sadly, this was my illusion,my fantasy.
It wasn't a real relationship,it was a milestone.
He reflected everything, butreally he was an empty, angry
vessel.
Yet through all the havoc andthe mayhem, through the yearning
and the pain, I stayed foreverhopeful that he would change,
(01:06):
that I would fix him.
Then one day I woke up.
My eyes opened and I saw myfuture and it was without him.
I would not, could not stay.
I was slowly dying and had beenfor years.
Now I stopped hoping.
I stopped trying to interpretwhat his cruel diatribe meant.
(01:29):
I stopped believing in him.
I stopped mistaking his totalabuse for love.
Instead, I began to look inwardand I found the beautiful,
lovable me.
She had been there all thistime, buried and barely
breathing.
I started reviving her.
I slowly began listening to me,the real me.
(01:49):
And so my journey and myadventures began.
When you look up the word lovein the dictionary, it's defined
as a feeling, but that's not allthat it is.
Love is also an action.
When you feel loved by someone,it's because of how they treat
you.
It's the small stuff, likegiving you a hug when you feel
(02:10):
down, like getting you a cup ofwater when you're feeling hot.
These things make us feel lovedbecause of that action.
When your person says, I loveyou, because of that action, you
feel loved.
When you see someone you love,you look them in the eyes.
That gaze, it's so strong and sopowerful.
(02:32):
When you are in love withsomeone, you are in love with
who they could be, if they werethe best they could be.
I'll say that again.
You're in love with who theycould be if they were the best
they could be.
Real love is a choice.
Even on days that you don't feellike it.
(02:53):
It's super easy to love wheneverything is new, when
everything's exciting, whenyou're still getting to know
each other.
But real love is choosing to bewith that person over and over
again.
It's choosing to care.
Feelings fade and change.
They shift with time, butchoice, choice is constant.
(03:15):
You choose to understand, youchoose to forgive, you choose to
stand by their side.
Love is not the spark.
Love is the decision to keeplighting that fire.
Great relationships requirevulnerability.
The price of real love isexposure.
It's saying, here I am, I'm laidbare in front of you.
(03:39):
It's trusting that person,trusting they'll catch you when
you fall.
So love isn't just a feeling.
Feelings come and go.
Love is much steadier than that.
Love feels safe.
Being able to say exactly whatyou mean.
No need to perform.
And when you laugh together, youhave the same weirdness, the
(04:02):
same shared reality.
Love shouldn't be sore or scary.
Love is safe.
Now, here's something to thinkabout.
We don't fall in love.
Not really.
We fall into love itself, intothe source of love.
Love is the vessel.
Love is source.
(04:23):
And the other person, they'renot the vessel, they're the
chemistry.
Love is a plunge into anotherperson, but into the source of
the love that was already aliveinside us.
And when someone else is doingthe same thing, wow, that's when
sparks fly.
Love isn't about loving theother person as a source of
(04:46):
love.
It's about joining forces withthem in the love experience.
When I fall in love, I'm notfalling into you.
I'm falling towards me.
I'm tumbling towards the lovethat I already am.
And their presence simply makesit more vivid.
They are falling into their ownlove.
(05:07):
their own source together wecreate a deep and rich union a
happy swirling harmony we chooseto make things happen it's how
we awaken the memories of lovewithin us they are not the fire
they are the spark and the sameway we ignite something in them
when we fall in love They helpus to see, to open our eyes.
(05:30):
We fall in love with the versionof ourselves they help us to
remember.
Falling in love is likeremembering how to breathe after
holding your breath for way, waytoo long.
A reconnection, living from yourcore, your essence, who you
really are, that's love.
I am the vessel, falling in loveis just the reminder.
(05:54):
It's not just emotional, it'senergetic It's not about losing
yourself in the other person.
The source of love is withinyou.
Love finds you when you havefound yourself.
What we think, see and feelcreates our reality.
Attachment styles.
(06:15):
Let's chat about avoidance.
This is how avoidance ruin loveand it's so heartbreaking to
witness.
When they finally find theirperson, they start slowly and
quietly.
and then they destroyeverything.
Avoidance mostly beginrelationships with hope,
excitement, possibility andvulnerability.
(06:36):
When their person gets tooclose, when love starts to feel
too real, their nervous systemsounds a big alarm and the
avoidants begin sabotaging therelationship through unconscious
emotional withdrawal.
They stop answering textsquickly.
They stop sharing the littlethings.
(06:57):
They go from being fully presentto ghosting you.
And for the person loving them,it feels like total, total
rejection.
To the avoidant, it's simplysurvival they don't pull away
because they don't care theypull away because caring too
much terrifies them underneaththe avoidance cool facade there
(07:18):
is a brain wired by old painPain that taught them love and
closeness equals danger, thatintimacy equals hurt, that
vulnerability means they havelost control.
Even when this love feels safe,their bodies just don't believe
it.
And all their defensivestrategies kick in, screaming,
(07:40):
stay distant, stay independent,never rely on anyone, don't let
them rely on you.
but the avoidant cravesconnection, but their unsolved
trauma screams, run, run, runaway.
They crave love, but insteadthey build giant walls.
Deep down they feel thisterrifying pressure.
(08:02):
When someone gets too close,they feel their love, will see
their insecurities and theirimperfections and their wounds.
This is when they start toself-sabotage.
In my humble opinion, thehardest attachment style to deal
with is the fearful avoidant.
Before I did a deep dive into myhealing, I had no idea what
(08:24):
attachment styles were.
Everything I speak about in mypodcast relates to me and are
simply my points of view and mylived experiences.
I'm no expert.
So let's break down theattachment spectrum.
On one side we have anxiety, onthe other side we have the
avoidance, and bang in themiddle we have secure.
(08:47):
Here are the main attachmentstyles.
avoidant attachment they wantcloseness but they're absolutely
terrified of being smothered theanxious attachment they want to
get close as possible butthey're terrified they'll lose
you the disorganized attachmentthey swing between clingy and
distant their actions are veryconfusing because they crave
(09:10):
attention yet they fear Thenthere's secure attachment.
They believe that people arefundamentally good and easily
accept others loving them.
They're comfortable on their ownand in relationships.
There are many, many otherattachment styles and we'll talk
about them in another episode.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode.
(09:31):
Please get in touch with me.
Email sleeplessingranada atyahoo.com I would love your
feedback and if there's anythingthat affected you please get in
touch.
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