August 7, 2025 • 15 mins
Episode 23 Safety is Paramount for Me...
Scan Your Body...
Thank You for Listening..
I would Absolutely Love To Hear From You..
Email.... sleeplessingranada@yahoo.com
Anonymity guaranteed..
Please Subscribe To My Podcast..
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello and a huge big Scottish welcome.
Episode 23, Sleepless inGranada.
I'm sitting here in my terracewith a huge mug of real coffee
and my girlies are at my feetfast asleep.
Ah, it's really a dog's life,isn't it?
And it's going to be anotherscorcher today.
Can I ask you all, in youropinion, what is the most
(00:22):
valuable thing to be on thelookout for when seeking a
partner?
Is it good looks?
No.
UNKNOWN (00:30):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (00:30):
How much money they have?
No.
Is it height and physique?
No.
The most valuable thing in apartner, and this is just my
humble opinion, it's how theyprocess pain, how they deal with
emotions.
It's how they are able to lookinside themselves and see the
(00:52):
ways in which they areunconsciously showing up and
being.
It's their ability to ask forforgiveness.
It's the ability to make changesin their life.
It's the ability to let thingsgo and not hold on to grudges.
that keep you in a state ofdisconnect and stop you from
talking to each other for daysand end.
(01:14):
Believe me, I know all aboutthis torturous behaviour
pattern.
It's so fucking toxic.
Life is short.
This is your one and only life.
Don't waste it looking forsuperficial, vacuous arseholes
who bring nothing to your table.
Stop judging people on how yousecretly judge yourself.
(01:36):
Remember in the last episode Italked briefly about shadow work
maybe just maybe that's thething that is keeping your
soulmate away when you stoplooking for what is on the
outside and begin looking atwhat's going on inside you'll
stop experiencing theunnecessary excruciating
heartbreak that dating in thisvery exposed world brings shit
(02:00):
happens in life ask yourselfthis who do you want to come
home to the selfish prince whobarely notices you or the human
who will hug you as you layweeping uncontrollably on the
floor.
The person who says we will getthrough this shite together.
The person who tells youconstantly I have your back.
(02:23):
So where do we find theseamazing individuals?
For me, safety within arelationship is paramount.
When we as adults feel safe in arelationship, Our inner child
hardly ever leaves the room andthat is beautiful.
I'm not looking for a warm bodynext to me when I wake up in the
morning.
(02:44):
I want it all.
I am at this stage in my lifewhere I'm at peace and I'm happy
on my own.
But there are times when I yearnfor that someone special.
Someone who really bringssomething to my table.
Friendship.
I want a bestie that I'm wildlyattracted to too.
(03:05):
Compassion.
I want empathy.
I want generosity, loyalty,kindness, and not forgetting,
fan-fucking-tastic sex.
I have no interest in apicture-perfect man who's never
screwed up.
I want one that's made a mess ofthings, been dragged over a
(03:25):
bush, backwards, and still hegot up and got on with his life.
Yep, that's the man I want.
Because a man that's livedthrough his own shit He's not
out there chasing chaos anymore.
He wants peace and contentmentnow.
He wants loyalty and a soft,safe place to rest his head.
(03:46):
This man knows what's importantbecause he's already experienced
what isn't.
I don't want a man with a swivelneck looking around to see if
he's missing out on something orsomeone.
My man has already looked,already tried and realised the
difference between a cheapthrill and the real thrill.
deal and when he looks deeplyinto my eyes he knows he's home
(04:11):
my man will have scars becausehe has lived life and he's
fucked up but he's come throughthe other side he has no need to
wear a mask i want a real man iwant to feel safe mentally and
emotionally I don't needexplosive fireworks, but that
would be a bonus.
I need him to follow throughwith promises made.
(04:34):
I don't need a little boy.
I already have a handsome bigson.
I don't want tantrums when herefuses to be accountable for
his actions.
I point blank refuse to suppressmy soul just to make him
comfortable.
I will find my human and lovehim like crazy.
And he will love me.
in the same way, and maybe alittle bit more.
(04:56):
So where will I find this rareand fine specimen?
Forget your head and listen toyour heart.
I can still hear mygrandmother's sweet, soft voice
whispering in my ear.
Because the truth is, child,there is no sense in living your
life without this big love.
This complete love.
(05:17):
To go through this journey wecall life and not fall deeply,
madly and passionately in love.
Well, you haven't lived a lifeat all, have you?
You have to at least try.
Try once.
Because if you haven't tried,you haven't really lived.
I know what I want.
My list of non-negotiables islong.
(05:38):
and I will never settle anythingless than my big love.
As we women level up, we becomepretty intuitive.
When we set boundaries, it'sempowering.
But we have but one life, andthis final chapter will be epic.
I intend to grow olddisgracefully.
Emotional safety isn't aboutnever fighting.
(06:02):
It's about feeling safe duringthe fight, safe to speak, Safe
to speak your truth, safe tofeel, safe to cry, safe to
express yourself and safe tosay, time out now, I'm
struggling here.
Feeling safe to be yourauthentic self.
Feeling safe to speak your truthwithout reprisals, judgment or
(06:24):
silence.
Feeling safe to have arguments,knowing there will always be a
solution.
No eye rolling, no sarcasm, nousing my past against me, no
punishing me for being too muchor not enough.
These habits kill arelationship.
Love isn't only about being kindwhen I am the perfectly
(06:46):
agreeable partner.
Love screams, I see that you'rein bits, but I'm not running for
the hills.
Love is seeing you when you'refucked up, but saying we can
sort this out.
Healthy relationships aren'tbuilt on rules, rules and
regulations.
Healthy relationships are builtwith emotional safety,
(07:08):
consistency, compassion andkindness when it's hardest to
give.
The number one skill us humansneed to learn is to master the
art of emotional regulation.
If we don't know how to regulateour feelings around a situation
or an environment, somethingthat happens in these events,
then the event has the powerover us if these events have the
(07:31):
power over us where we react sostrongly that we need to ask
ourselves why am i triggeredwhat is this wound where is this
wound in my body and how can istart my healing this is how i
found emotional regulation andinner peace the three main
emotions when we are upset arefight, flight and freeze.
(07:56):
The way you respond is based onhow you regained the power in
the past.
If it was fight, this is becauseyou felt unheard, so you need to
express yourself to other peoplewhen they hurt you.
If you freeze and completelyshut down and internalise to the
point that your blood isboiling, staying silent is what
(08:16):
helped you regain your power.
If you go into flight mode,that's because running from the
situation was how you regainedyour power.
Which one are you?
I learned about body scans.
Whenever I was reactive and gotloud, when trying to get my
point across, I would always getthis horrible tightness in my
(08:39):
belly.
It was like a vice twisting myguts.
Because I couldn't calm myselfdown, it affected my physical
body.
Being loud and reactive neverworked.
Just like doing the silenttreatment or running away, none
of these things work.
All three ways completelydisconnect you from people.
(09:00):
And more importantly, thedisconnect within yourself.
Because it's not about notfeeling negative thoughts and
emotions.
It's about how to, and how tonot.
is what body scan is about.
So when I felt that I was goingfrom zero to a hundred and my
emotions went through the roof,I learned to scan my body.
(09:23):
I was no longer thinking aboutwhat had pissed me off or the
person who upset me.
You're immediately givingyourself attention and love.
Start scanning your body.
Where do I feel it?
Is it in my arms, my belly, myhead, my throat, my chest?
Where in my body am I feelingthis discomfort?
(09:46):
Now this is where you use yoursenses.
If you are in a situation whereyou can listen to sounds all
around you, hyper-focus on a faraway sound.
If you're eating while upset,stop just eating and focus on
what you're eating.
Focus on the taste and all theflavours that are on your
(10:07):
tongue.
Actually, consciously taste thefood.
If you're not eating and thereare no sounds around you, focus
on textures near you or startnaming things in your head.
Practice this when you aren'tangry and it will become easier
when you are angry.
So start doing your body scansand listen to all the sounds
(10:29):
around you.
And when you start practicingthis over and over again, it
becomes like your mantra.
Next time a situation arisesthat you start to feel yourself
react, And those old emotionsstart rising.
Because you've practiced this somany times, it will come
naturally to you.
(10:50):
When you start using thistechnique, it changes all your
relationships and it changesyour life because you're no
longer in the ah mode.
When you calm down after doingyour body scan and you have
listened to your senses and yourmind is once more at peace, you
process everything differently.
You become an observer.
(11:10):
You see things more objectively.
but you need to practice andpractice and practice.
When you're calm, everythingbecomes clear.
It becomes like second nature,brushing your teeth, combing
your hair.
I don't think people realisejust how many of us are walking
this earth just one hug or kindword away from completely
(11:34):
melting down.
Mental health is nothing to beashamed of.
Back in my day, people neverspoke about mental health
openly.
Somehow, we just got on withstuff.
We work, we laugh, and we play.
We look after the children.
We show up for everyone in ourlives whilst barely breathing.
(11:55):
We hold it together somehow.
We continue to carry this hugeburden of grief around like it's
fucking normal.
We're all so good at carryingfear.
Most of us are so good we wouldwin a fucking award.
Please remember this.
When you see a person freeze,when you offer a helping hand or
a kind word of comfort, this isnot rejection.
(12:18):
This is self-preservation.
Sometimes, just sometimes, theonly way to survive is not to
feel at all.
I remember it so well.
Until you heal all your pastwounds, you will bleed out.
You can bandage your wounds withalcohol, food, drugs, sex, but
(12:39):
eventually all that stuff insideoozes out and it taints your
life.
Try to find a way.
Try to find the strength to ripopen those wounds.
Stick both of your hands rightin there and with all your
might, pull and pull at yourcore.
Pull out all that pain thatyou're holding that is keeping
(13:00):
you chained and tethered to yourpast.
Make peace with your memoriesand your past.
None of this was your fault, youknow.
Everything I speak about in mypodcasts are from my life lived
experiences and how I dealt withall my trauma.
I am in no way an expert.
I simply want to share myhealing journey with you all.
(13:23):
Remember, life is so short.
We don't get to do this all overagain.
This is it.
It's incredible.
It's messy.
It's sad.
It's beautiful.
This imperfect bumpy ride wecall life.
Go on.
Take a chance.
Be brave.
Be daring.
Laugh out loud.
A lot.
(13:43):
Tell all your humans that youlove them and appreciate them.
Believe me when I say this.
That perfect moment, it nevercomes.
This is the moment.
Grab onto it with all yourmight.
Go on.
I found this piece of writing inone of my journals, but it
doesn't have the author's nameon it, but I'll read it to you.
(14:07):
You learned love the way youlearned to swim, thrown it into
the deep end, and don't I justknow it, with no one to tell you
how to stay afloat.
It was in the raised voices, theslammed doors, the silence that
stretched for days.
You thought love was a storm,and if you endured it, you were
(14:28):
worthy of the calm.
So you went looking for it inall the wrong places, in hands
that held you too tight, inwords that broke you apart, in
hearts just as lost as yours.
How could you know that lovewasn't supposed to hurt, that it
wasn't meant to leave youguessing, to leave you empty?
(14:52):
So here you are, learning allover again, teaching yourself
that love can be gentle, that itdoesn't demand your pain, that
it was never meant to feel likedrowning.
Wow, that really hit home.
That is so, so me.
Thank you all for listening.
I would absolutely love to hearfrom you.
(15:13):
Email me at sleeplessingranadaat yahoo.com.
Next episode to follow soon.
Hello and a huge big Scottish welcome.
Episode 23, Sleepless inGranada.
I'm sitting here in my terracewith a huge mug of real coffee
and my girlies are at my feetfast asleep.
Ah, it's really a dog's life,isn't it?
And it's going to be anotherscorcher today.
Can I ask you all, in youropinion, what is the most
(00:22):
valuable thing to be on thelookout for when seeking a
partner?
Is it good looks?
No.
UNKNOWN (00:30):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (00:30):
How much money they have?
No.
Is it height and physique?
No.
The most valuable thing in apartner, and this is just my
humble opinion, it's how theyprocess pain, how they deal with
emotions.
It's how they are able to lookinside themselves and see the
(00:52):
ways in which they areunconsciously showing up and
being.
It's their ability to ask forforgiveness.
It's the ability to make changesin their life.
It's the ability to let thingsgo and not hold on to grudges.
that keep you in a state ofdisconnect and stop you from
talking to each other for daysand end.
(01:14):
Believe me, I know all aboutthis torturous behaviour
pattern.
It's so fucking toxic.
Life is short.
This is your one and only life.
Don't waste it looking forsuperficial, vacuous arseholes
who bring nothing to your table.
Stop judging people on how yousecretly judge yourself.
(01:36):
Remember in the last episode Italked briefly about shadow work
maybe just maybe that's thething that is keeping your
soulmate away when you stoplooking for what is on the
outside and begin looking atwhat's going on inside you'll
stop experiencing theunnecessary excruciating
heartbreak that dating in thisvery exposed world brings shit
(02:00):
happens in life ask yourselfthis who do you want to come
home to the selfish prince whobarely notices you or the human
who will hug you as you layweeping uncontrollably on the
floor.
The person who says we will getthrough this shite together.
The person who tells youconstantly I have your back.
(02:23):
So where do we find theseamazing individuals?
For me, safety within arelationship is paramount.
When we as adults feel safe in arelationship, Our inner child
hardly ever leaves the room andthat is beautiful.
I'm not looking for a warm bodynext to me when I wake up in the
morning.
(02:44):
I want it all.
I am at this stage in my lifewhere I'm at peace and I'm happy
on my own.
But there are times when I yearnfor that someone special.
Someone who really bringssomething to my table.
Friendship.
I want a bestie that I'm wildlyattracted to too.
(03:05):
Compassion.
I want empathy.
I want generosity, loyalty,kindness, and not forgetting,
fan-fucking-tastic sex.
I have no interest in apicture-perfect man who's never
screwed up.
I want one that's made a mess ofthings, been dragged over a
(03:25):
bush, backwards, and still hegot up and got on with his life.
Yep, that's the man I want.
Because a man that's livedthrough his own shit He's not
out there chasing chaos anymore.
He wants peace and contentmentnow.
He wants loyalty and a soft,safe place to rest his head.
(03:46):
This man knows what's importantbecause he's already experienced
what isn't.
I don't want a man with a swivelneck looking around to see if
he's missing out on something orsomeone.
My man has already looked,already tried and realised the
difference between a cheapthrill and the real thrill.
deal and when he looks deeplyinto my eyes he knows he's home
(04:11):
my man will have scars becausehe has lived life and he's
fucked up but he's come throughthe other side he has no need to
wear a mask i want a real man iwant to feel safe mentally and
emotionally I don't needexplosive fireworks, but that
would be a bonus.
I need him to follow throughwith promises made.
(04:34):
I don't need a little boy.
I already have a handsome bigson.
I don't want tantrums when herefuses to be accountable for
his actions.
I point blank refuse to suppressmy soul just to make him
comfortable.
I will find my human and lovehim like crazy.
And he will love me.
in the same way, and maybe alittle bit more.
(04:56):
So where will I find this rareand fine specimen?
Forget your head and listen toyour heart.
I can still hear mygrandmother's sweet, soft voice
whispering in my ear.
Because the truth is, child,there is no sense in living your
life without this big love.
This complete love.
(05:17):
To go through this journey wecall life and not fall deeply,
madly and passionately in love.
Well, you haven't lived a lifeat all, have you?
You have to at least try.
Try once.
Because if you haven't tried,you haven't really lived.
I know what I want.
My list of non-negotiables islong.
(05:38):
and I will never settle anythingless than my big love.
As we women level up, we becomepretty intuitive.
When we set boundaries, it'sempowering.
But we have but one life, andthis final chapter will be epic.
I intend to grow olddisgracefully.
Emotional safety isn't aboutnever fighting.
(06:02):
It's about feeling safe duringthe fight, safe to speak, Safe
to speak your truth, safe tofeel, safe to cry, safe to
express yourself and safe tosay, time out now, I'm
struggling here.
Feeling safe to be yourauthentic self.
Feeling safe to speak your truthwithout reprisals, judgment or
(06:24):
silence.
Feeling safe to have arguments,knowing there will always be a
solution.
No eye rolling, no sarcasm, nousing my past against me, no
punishing me for being too muchor not enough.
These habits kill arelationship.
Love isn't only about being kindwhen I am the perfectly
(06:46):
agreeable partner.
Love screams, I see that you'rein bits, but I'm not running for
the hills.
Love is seeing you when you'refucked up, but saying we can
sort this out.
Healthy relationships aren'tbuilt on rules, rules and
regulations.
Healthy relationships are builtwith emotional safety,
(07:08):
consistency, compassion andkindness when it's hardest to
give.
The number one skill us humansneed to learn is to master the
art of emotional regulation.
If we don't know how to regulateour feelings around a situation
or an environment, somethingthat happens in these events,
then the event has the powerover us if these events have the
(07:31):
power over us where we react sostrongly that we need to ask
ourselves why am i triggeredwhat is this wound where is this
wound in my body and how can istart my healing this is how i
found emotional regulation andinner peace the three main
emotions when we are upset arefight, flight and freeze.
(07:56):
The way you respond is based onhow you regained the power in
the past.
If it was fight, this is becauseyou felt unheard, so you need to
express yourself to other peoplewhen they hurt you.
If you freeze and completelyshut down and internalise to the
point that your blood isboiling, staying silent is what
(08:16):
helped you regain your power.
If you go into flight mode,that's because running from the
situation was how you regainedyour power.
Which one are you?
I learned about body scans.
Whenever I was reactive and gotloud, when trying to get my
point across, I would always getthis horrible tightness in my
(08:39):
belly.
It was like a vice twisting myguts.
Because I couldn't calm myselfdown, it affected my physical
body.
Being loud and reactive neverworked.
Just like doing the silenttreatment or running away, none
of these things work.
All three ways completelydisconnect you from people.
(09:00):
And more importantly, thedisconnect within yourself.
Because it's not about notfeeling negative thoughts and
emotions.
It's about how to, and how tonot.
is what body scan is about.
So when I felt that I was goingfrom zero to a hundred and my
emotions went through the roof,I learned to scan my body.
(09:23):
I was no longer thinking aboutwhat had pissed me off or the
person who upset me.
You're immediately givingyourself attention and love.
Start scanning your body.
Where do I feel it?
Is it in my arms, my belly, myhead, my throat, my chest?
Where in my body am I feelingthis discomfort?
(09:46):
Now this is where you use yoursenses.
If you are in a situation whereyou can listen to sounds all
around you, hyper-focus on a faraway sound.
If you're eating while upset,stop just eating and focus on
what you're eating.
Focus on the taste and all theflavours that are on your
(10:07):
tongue.
Actually, consciously taste thefood.
If you're not eating and thereare no sounds around you, focus
on textures near you or startnaming things in your head.
Practice this when you aren'tangry and it will become easier
when you are angry.
So start doing your body scansand listen to all the sounds
(10:29):
around you.
And when you start practicingthis over and over again, it
becomes like your mantra.
Next time a situation arisesthat you start to feel yourself
react, And those old emotionsstart rising.
Because you've practiced this somany times, it will come
naturally to you.
(10:50):
When you start using thistechnique, it changes all your
relationships and it changesyour life because you're no
longer in the ah mode.
When you calm down after doingyour body scan and you have
listened to your senses and yourmind is once more at peace, you
process everything differently.
You become an observer.
(11:10):
You see things more objectively.
but you need to practice andpractice and practice.
When you're calm, everythingbecomes clear.
It becomes like second nature,brushing your teeth, combing
your hair.
I don't think people realisejust how many of us are walking
this earth just one hug or kindword away from completely
(11:34):
melting down.
Mental health is nothing to beashamed of.
Back in my day, people neverspoke about mental health
openly.
Somehow, we just got on withstuff.
We work, we laugh, and we play.
We look after the children.
We show up for everyone in ourlives whilst barely breathing.
(11:55):
We hold it together somehow.
We continue to carry this hugeburden of grief around like it's
fucking normal.
We're all so good at carryingfear.
Most of us are so good we wouldwin a fucking award.
Please remember this.
When you see a person freeze,when you offer a helping hand or
a kind word of comfort, this isnot rejection.
(12:18):
This is self-preservation.
Sometimes, just sometimes, theonly way to survive is not to
feel at all.
I remember it so well.
Until you heal all your pastwounds, you will bleed out.
You can bandage your wounds withalcohol, food, drugs, sex, but
(12:39):
eventually all that stuff insideoozes out and it taints your
life.
Try to find a way.
Try to find the strength to ripopen those wounds.
Stick both of your hands rightin there and with all your
might, pull and pull at yourcore.
Pull out all that pain thatyou're holding that is keeping
(13:00):
you chained and tethered to yourpast.
Make peace with your memoriesand your past.
None of this was your fault, youknow.
Everything I speak about in mypodcasts are from my life lived
experiences and how I dealt withall my trauma.
I am in no way an expert.
I simply want to share myhealing journey with you all.
(13:23):
Remember, life is so short.
We don't get to do this all overagain.
This is it.
It's incredible.
It's messy.
It's sad.
It's beautiful.
This imperfect bumpy ride wecall life.
Go on.
Take a chance.
Be brave.
Be daring.
Laugh out loud.
A lot.
(13:43):
Tell all your humans that youlove them and appreciate them.
Believe me when I say this.
That perfect moment, it nevercomes.
This is the moment.
Grab onto it with all yourmight.
Go on.
I found this piece of writing inone of my journals, but it
doesn't have the author's nameon it, but I'll read it to you.
(14:07):
You learned love the way youlearned to swim, thrown it into
the deep end, and don't I justknow it, with no one to tell you
how to stay afloat.
It was in the raised voices, theslammed doors, the silence that
stretched for days.
You thought love was a storm,and if you endured it, you were
(14:28):
worthy of the calm.
So you went looking for it inall the wrong places, in hands
that held you too tight, inwords that broke you apart, in
hearts just as lost as yours.
How could you know that lovewasn't supposed to hurt, that it
wasn't meant to leave youguessing, to leave you empty?
(14:52):
So here you are, learning allover again, teaching yourself
that love can be gentle, that itdoesn't demand your pain, that
it was never meant to feel likedrowning.
Wow, that really hit home.
That is so, so me.
Thank you all for listening.
I would absolutely love to hearfrom you.
(15:13):
Email me at sleeplessingranadaat yahoo.com.
Next episode to follow soon.
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!