11: Weeding Your Personal Garden- Cultivating Healthy Relationships in Midlife

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Ever look around and realize your life garden has become overgrown with relationships that no longer serve you? As women navigating midlife, we're already juggling so much—teenagers, aging parents, careers, and our changing bodies—while everyone seems to need something from us. When do we pause to consider which relationships truly deserve our precious energy?

Drawing from my personal journey through divorce a decade ago, I share how that transition became a catalyst for intentionally reassessing every relationship in my life. The metaphor of garden maintenance provides a powerful framework for understanding the different people in our lives. The "flowers" are those who make us feel seen and celebrated, who reach out just to check in, and who bring light without demanding we dim our own. These relationships deserve our nurturing energy because they grow with us, making our lives more beautiful by their presence.

Then there are the "weeds"—those energy vampires and chronic complainers who leave us feeling depleted after every interaction. Sometimes they're family members or friends we've known since childhood, making them particularly difficult to address. I offer practical, drama-free strategies for setting boundaries and limiting exposure to these relationships. Remember, not everyone gets to journey with you into this next season of life—that's your choice, so choose wisely.

The most beautiful part happens after you've done some weeding: suddenly, there's space for new growth, new connections, and deeper joy. Midlife is the perfect season to bloom again with stronger roots and intentional relationships that truly nourish your soul. This episode isn't just about cutting people out—it's about creating the space to cultivate a garden that reflects who you're becoming and supports the life you want to live.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, beautiful friend , it's Marnie.
Today we are going to berolling up our sleeves, slipping
on those metaphorical gardeninggloves, and we're going to have
a real heart-to-heart about thepeople in our lives.
Today, we're going to betalking about a concept I like
to call Weeding your Garden, andno, I won't be giving you tips
on what to plant next to yourtomatoes, not today anyway.

(00:22):
We're going to be talking aboutyour personal garden, the one
made up of your relationships,your friendships, connections,
the people you choose to have inyour life and the people who
you allow to have a place there.
Now, here's the thing as womenin midlife, we're already
carrying a full, very heavywatering can Teenagers, grown

(00:44):
kids, aging parents and our ownchanging bodies, not to mention
the endless list of people whoneed something from us, and it's
a lot.
Sometimes we look up andrealize that the garden of our
life has gotten well overgrown,messy, choked with vines that we
didn't even know were there.

(01:04):
This happened to me probablyabout a decade ago.
I was just in the process ofgetting a divorce and my husband
and I had actually come to aplace where we just really felt
that we had come to the end ofthe road together.
We loved each other dearly, butwe just had really different

(01:26):
ideas of what the next chapterof our life was going to look
like and we weren't really goingin the same direction.
So we lovingly made a choice topart ways, and with that came a
whole lot of other things, andfor me, I knew it was going to
be a start of a new chapter andI really felt quite clear that I

(01:46):
wanted to step into this newplace with a bit of a fresh
start.
I wanted to really have a lookat all of the relationships in
my life and decide what wasserving me, what wasn't serving
me, what was working and whatmade me joyful and happy, and I
wanted to move into a better,more intentional version of me.

(02:08):
So I really took stock of allof my relationships.
I'm a huge believer that peoplecome into our life for a reason
, a season or a lifetime, andit's up to us to determine which
relationships go where.
So let's take a bit of a closerlook at how we can weed our own

(02:29):
garden so that we can blossomin this next chapter of our life
.
Let's dig in, literally andmetaphorically.
Welcome to this episode of Lifeis Delicious.
I'm your host, marni Martin, amulti-passionate entrepreneur, a
best-selling author, avoiceover artist and a hot
midlife mama.

(02:49):
Literally, I created the Lifeis Delicious podcast with one
simple mission in mind to helpstrong, beautiful midlife women
just like you reclaim your powerand turn up the volume on your
inner voice so that you canwrite your own unique recipe for
a next chapter life that feedsyour soul.
Before we get started, I wantedto let you know about my new

(03:12):
book.
Happy Is Not An Accident.
It's a guided journal that Icreated with awesome, inspiring
prompts, exercises and deep,thought-provoking questions to
help you gain massive clarity onwhat lights you up, what weighs
you down and who you want tobecome as you rewrite your own
recipe for a next chapter lifethat feeds your soul.

(03:32):
You can get your copy atlifeisdeliciousca forward slash
bookshelf.
That's lifeisdeliciouscaforward slash bookshelf.
Okay, so let's start with thegood stuff.
The flowers.
These are the people who makeyou feel seen, the ones who

(03:53):
cheer you on.
They're the ones that text justto say thinking of you, the
people who bring light into yourlife without demanding that you
shrink to make room for them.
These are your peonies, yoursunflowers, your roses whatever
your favorite flower is and youknow what we have to nurture
them, talk to them andspecifically give them your time

(04:17):
, not out of guilt or habit, butbecause they grow with you.
They make you better and, let'sface it, life is just more
beautiful when they're around.
In midlife we learn that energyis a sacred thing, and these
are the people in your life thatare worthy of your energy.

(04:39):
If we really stop to thinkabout it, it's not really hard
to decide who are our beautifulflowers in our garden.
You also are a flower, so youwant other people who are going
to nurture you, encourage you,to bloom in the best way
possible.
Now let's talk about those weeds.
You know who I'm talking aboutthe energy vampires, the chronic

(05:02):
complainers, the people whoonly call when they want
something or, worse, the onesthat leave you depleted after
every conversation.
And sometimes they are family,sometimes they are co-workers
and sometimes they are friends,and maybe they're high
maintenance or maybe they'rejust subtly dismissive.

(05:24):
Weeds aren't always loud.
Sometimes they're sneaky.
They wrap themselves aroundyour confidence and tug you down
slowly, and you don't evennotice that they're there until
you're doubting yourself andyour self-worth is on the line.
Maybe it's a friend you'veknown since middle school or
college, and the friendship usedto be amazing.

(05:46):
But now maybe it's wilted or,worse, toxic.
And here's the truth.
Not everyone gets to go intothis next season of life with
you.
That's your choice, so choosewisely.
So here's how to gently or notso gently weed your garden.

(06:07):
Now I'm not saying you shouldget out there with a blowtorch
and burn the whole garden down,like no, but of course it's time
to start pulling, and some ofthe best ways that you can do
that is by setting boundaries.
Be kind but firm.
Maybe you say I can't talkright now, or I'm not available

(06:28):
for that, or I'm focusing onmyself today.
Whatever that is for you, makesure that you limit your
exposure to them.
You don't have to announce it,you don't have to do anything
drastic or create a lot of dramaaround it.
Just fade the water supply alittle bit.
Weeds don't thrive without yourtime and energy.

(06:51):
So just pull back and protectyour heart and look after your
needs.
And sometimes we feel that ifwe do things like that for
ourselves, that that makes usselfish.
But being a little bit selfishand protecting your energy the
only way to make sure that yourgarden thrives.

(07:13):
So once you've done someweeding, take a little step back
, breathe in the new space, feelthe lightness of it.
I know for me when I actuallymoved to a new community and I
didn't know anyone and what wasreally amazing from having
already weeded my garden beforeI moved, I had all kinds of

(07:37):
space for new beautiful peopleto come into my life.
So for you, now that you'vemade some space, plant with
intention, seek out some newfriendships.
Join that book club.
Say yes to coffee with thatwoman who you always laugh with
in yoga class, and sometimes iteven means having a look at your

(07:57):
extended family.
Maybe there's cousins or peoplein your life that you're
related to that you've justnever taken the time to nurture
a relationship with.
Maybe now's the time.
Having a strong support systemin our life is the biggest thing
that we can do for our mentaland emotional health, and once
you get your perennial friendsand your garden dialed in the

(08:21):
way you want it, you have toprotect it for all it's worth.
My garden and friends andfamily and core people that I
have in my life are honestly,the biggest pillar of strength
and they're the bedrock of thefoundation of my happiness.
I can tell you that for sure.
Midlife is a powerful season tobloom again with deeper roots

(08:48):
and, hopefully, a wilder joy.
I hope you loved today's episode.
I hope it inspired you ormotivated you in some way to
keep going and create your verybest life.
If you did, would you stop andtake five minutes to leave me a
review on Apple Podcasts?
It's the best way for me toknow that you're enjoying the

(09:09):
show and it helps otherlisteners find us as well.
And if you haven't already,make sure you subscribe wherever
you get your podcasts so thatwhen new episodes drop, they'll
be queued up and ready for you.
And if no one has told youtoday, there's not one person on
this planet that is exactlylike you, and the world is a

(09:30):
better place because you're here.
So thank you for being here.
I'll be back next week and Ihope you'll join me right here
on.
Life is Delicious.