March 18, 2025 • 47 mins
In this episode, Kena sit down with the incredible Tina Jett, a transformational life coach, clarity catalyst trainer, and Reiki master, to dive deep into boundaries that empower you.
We explore why midlife women struggle with setting boundaries, how people-pleasing is actually a form of self-betrayal, and why prioritizing yourself is the ultimate act of self-love. If you’ve ever felt guilty for saying no or feared disappointing others, this episode is for you!
Key Points:
- Why boundaries are essential for self-worth, joy, and inner peace
- The deep-rooted fears behind boundary-setting: fear of rejection, guilt, and losing relationships
- How people-pleasing is actually manipulation—and how to break free from it
- The connection between boundaries and inner child wounds (abandonment, safety, and validation)
- Practical ways to start setting boundaries today—including the simple "yes or no" method
- The power of self-boundaries—because honoring your own needs is just as important as setting limits with others
- How setting boundaries shifts your relationships—some people may leave, and that’s okay!
- Why choosing yourself is NOT selfish, it’s self-honouring
Reflection Questions for You:
- Where in your life are you saying "yes" to others but "no" to yourself?
- What’s one small boundary you can set today to protect your energy and joy?
- How would your life change if you fully trusted that saying "no" is an act of self-love?
It’s time to stand in your truth, reclaim your joy, and set boundaries that empower you! 🎙️✨
Visit Tina's website: www.life-wire.net
Loved this episode? Share it with a friend who needs to hear this! And don’t forget to tag me on Instagram @kenasiu.
You can find all the podcast details right here: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/podcast
Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise
Follow Kena on Instagram: @kenasiu
Join the Midlife Butterfly Community: http://www.facebook.com/groups/midlifebutterfly
For Coaching, Courses & More Visit Kena's Website: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/workwithme
Request a Free Empowered Call with Kena if you're interested in working with her: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/empoweredsession
Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kena Siu (00:03):
Hello beautiful souls, welcome back to Midlife
Butterfly Podcast with your host, Kena Siu.
And this time we have a specialguest, a beautiful lady who is
a transformational life coach,clarity catalyst trainer and
certified Reiki masterspecializing in mindset mastery.
(00:25):
Her name is Tina Jett and sheis the founder of LifeWire,
where she guides clients througha profound journey of discovery
, helping them to align withtheir purpose, harness their
inner strength and step into alife of violence and joy.
And in her practice sheintertwines the winds of wisdom
(00:50):
of Reiki with dynamic coachingtechniques, offering you a
unique holistic path to personaland professional fulfillment.
And her approach goes beyondtraditional methods, harnessing
the life-altering power ofenergy work to amplify your
journey of self-discovery andsuccess.
Welcome, tina, it's a pleasurehaving you here.
Tina Jett (01:15):
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
It's my pleasure.
Kena Siu (01:21):
Yeah, so I don't know, besides that introduction that
I gave, if you would like to addsomething else before we dive
in into our topic today I waslike, wow, that's me.
Tina Jett (01:33):
No, I'm just kidding, but that was beautiful.
I mean, that's definitely youknow where my passions lie, so I
think you covered it quite wellAwesome, beautiful.
Kena Siu (01:44):
Okay, so let's play into the topic of today, which
is boundaries that empower you.
So Tina is an expert in thistopic.
I've been working on that still, you know, keep working on it
and so I'm very glad that you'rehere too, because I know our
audience is going to be veryinterested in knowing which
(02:08):
practices they can do todiscover more within them so
they can then stand up on theirown and be able to set the
boundaries that are required tolive a better life and into
their own alignment and truth.
So I would like to know whichare the main reasons that women
(02:32):
struggle to set boundaries?
Tina Jett (02:35):
Beautiful question Women as beautiful, amazing
goddesses.
We are natural caregivers.
Beautiful, amazing goddesses.
We are natural caregivers.
It's just, and we'reconditioned to put others first,
whether it's our families, ourfriendships, our careers.
We're taught not to fill ourcup first, and I think many of
(03:01):
us were taught to say no, likeif we were to say no, even
though no is a complete sentence.
But if we say no, that we'rebeing selfish and that setting
boundaries then in turn, makesit difficult for us.
I think the biggest reasonwomen struggle setting
boundaries is fear, and that'swhat I see.
(03:22):
There's normally a fearattached to it, fear of what or
to what.
Number one would be the fear ofdisappointing others, or maybe a
fear of conflict, or a fear ofbeing seen as not nice.
You know, we we tend, as women,we tend to tie our self-worth
(03:43):
to what it is that we're givingand then setting boundaries for
us can feel like now we'reletting other people down, when
actually it's the opposite.
When we're setting boundaries,that's the healthy thing to do,
you know, and you know, anotherbig reason too would be guilt.
So fear and guilt would be thetwo.
(04:08):
I would you know, feelingguilty women especially what is?
Kena Siu (04:10):
the guilt for prioritizing ourselves instead
of others.
Tina Jett (04:13):
Well, the guilt?
Yeah, I mean definitely, theyare definitely.
Yes, I remember a time in mylife where I mean I did
everything for everybody andnothing for myself, and I was
almost proud of the fact, in aweird way, that I was like I
know we're on the list.
There isn't everybody else's onthe list, I'm not on the list
and in, because if I was on thelist then I would feel guilty
(04:36):
about it.
And we feel guilty becausewe're taught to be the fixers.
We're taught that we need,we're the ones that need to keep
everything running smoothly,and so we set very high
expectations on ourselves, andwhen we are then able to set a
boundary, it can feel like weare not showing up in that role
(04:58):
as the fixer like we feel weshould, because, again, there's
an expectation there, and so wekind of at the expense of our
own wellbeing, then we don't setboundaries, and so, yeah, you
know, and then you know, too,the fear of you know how others
will react.
You know if we say no tosomething, what if somebody gets
(05:19):
upset with us or angry with us,or you know things like that.
What if we lose a relationship?
What if we lose a friendshipLiking us?
So all of that comes into playas well.
But the truth is boundaries.
Boundaries are not aboutpushing people away.
They're about really creating ahealthier relationship.
(05:40):
And when we, as women, areoverextending ourselves which I
see it all the time with theclients I work with they're
overextended.
I've been there exhausted.
When we're exhausted, whathappens?
We're, then, we're resentful,and then the worst part is that
(06:03):
we're disconnected then fromourselves and disconnected from
our own, what it is that we need, or worse, yet we don't even
know what we need.
Like we have no idea, andthat's scary.
Kena Siu (06:17):
It is scary.
It is scary because, as yousaid, then we feel resentment
against the other people when weare the ones provoking that,
because we are not filling ourown cups first.
Tina Jett (06:30):
Yeah, absolutely.
We need to fill our cups firstand do it without feeling guilty
or selfish.
And we do that by learning toset boundaries.
And if you haven't been settingboundaries, it's not going to
happen overnight, but there'sdifferent steps that we can talk
about today.
Boundaries it's not going tohappen overnight, but there's
different steps that I can, wecan talk about today.
But really we don't want to showup in our relationships because
we have to or because it feelsforced.
(06:50):
You know we, you know we wantbound.
When we have boundaries set inplace, that is going to protect
our energy.
It's going to say, when we'reprotecting our energy, now we're
not going to feel as drained,and then now we're going to be
able to show up as our best self, and so when we're showing up
for our best selves, now we'reable to be more present with
(07:11):
those around us as well and thenenhance, nurture and grow our
relationships yeah, but then ifwe come back of the fact that we
don't know who we are and whatwe want because we prioritize
others, then how can we be orknow who is our best self if we
(07:34):
don't know that we don't knowher?
and so it's going on thatjourney, so it's going on the
journey of self-discovery.
And how do we do that?
By by starting to setboundaries, just very simple
boundaries, just remembering nois a complete sentence.
And then to stop peoplepleasing, because if we're
people pleasing, that meanswe're not setting boundaries.
Kena Siu (07:58):
And then, more personally, like one of my main
wounds is rejection.
So I noticed how I used to be apleaser in that trajectory,
right Like so to avoid therejection of others, then how I
needed to play.
And the truth is, when we and Iremember when I heard this the
(08:21):
first time for a coach or amentor, I can't remember who
this person was there was likewhen you are people pleasing,
you're actually manipulatingothers, and I was like whoa,
like, what do you mean?
And of course, the victim in meat that time was like no way
Like.
But then, when I really stopand reflect on it, we are
(08:42):
manipulating people when we'repeople pleasing, because we are
not being ourselves, we're justbeing exactly or shaped on,
using different masks accordingto each relationship.
So then we please themaccordingly.
Tina Jett (08:58):
then which is exhausting it is it's so and so
when you're able to let thepeople pleasing go, and then
you're able to set boundaries,then everything starts getting
so much more full of ease.
Kena Siu (09:11):
And that's where joy comes in and all of that.
Tina Jett (09:13):
So yeah, definitely you're right.
I mean that's definitely.
You know, wounds that can becaused from people pleasing yeah
, uh.
Kena Siu (09:23):
Which other wounds have you, like, experienced with
your clients?
Are some of the causes ofpeople pleasing?
Tina Jett (09:31):
I would say when I, when I'm working with a client,
or even old me before, I wentthrough all the, all the work
and the transformation is at thecore of it.
It's going to be a need foracceptance, to feel accepted and
also to feel safe.
Safety also plays a role inthat as well, and so what I mean
(09:52):
by that is that whenever we,somebody struggles with setting
boundaries, there's anunderlining fear.
There's an underlining fear ofbeing abandoned or being
rejected is normally the twothings that I see, and all of
this stems from childhood,childhood experiences.
(10:13):
Yeah, and you know, maybe maybesomebody grew up in a home
where they felt unconditionallove, or maybe they had to earn
approval by being good, by beingquiet, you know, staying quiet
or keeping the peace.
That was mine Keep the peace,stay quiet.
And so if we're raised in anenvironment, you know, on the
(10:35):
flip side of that, where ouremotions weren't validated, then
you might have learned thatmaking other people happy,
keeping other people happy, wasthe safest way to receive love
and then to in turn, avoidconflict.
So that's where inner childwork comes in.
That's a whole nother.
Another thing I do teach thatwith my, with one-on-one private
(10:57):
clients, but another thing isour self-worth.
That's that's something elsethat comes in and kind of fuels
that as well.
So having low self-esteem orlow if somebody grows up so
going back to the inner child ifsomebody grows up feeling like
their needs are not as importantas somebody else, they're going
(11:18):
to start believing that theyhave to prove their worth by
over giving, over committing,over performing, saying yes when
they really mean no.
We we need to remember whenwe're saying yes to something
we're saying no to somethingelse, and if that no is our
(11:39):
ourselves, then we need torethink what we're saying yes
and no to yeah definitely.
So people pleasing usuallycomes from past trauma, usually
in some form of relationships.
It's completely normal, I think.
I know I had it, a lot ofpeople have it.
But it definitely is somethingyou can work through and it's
(12:00):
not scary to do that.
It's not scary to work throughit.
We just finally startdiscovering who we are at the
core right, which is pure beingof light.
And healing begins when werecognize that and when we start
setting boundaries.
When we start settingboundaries, remembering that
(12:20):
we're not being unkind and we'renot being unloving, and if
somebody doesn't like theboundary we're setting, that's
on them, that's not for us totake on, it means what it means.
When we're setting a boundaryAgain, we're choosing ourself,
not in a selfish way, but we'rechoosing ourself.
We're choosing to fill our cupfirst in a way that helps us to
(12:43):
show up as our best self.
So we're more present with ourfamilies, our kids, like I said,
our, our job, our coworkers,whatever it is, our friends, by
being our most authentic self.
But it starts by showing up forourselves first and being able
to set those boundaries.
Kena Siu (12:59):
How can we do that?
How can we start?
Tina Jett (13:03):
Well, how can you start?
By setting boundaries.
Well, so I do everything inbaby steps.
So the first thing is, let'sjust get aware of it, let's get
a little bit of self-awarenessyeah, and I want and bringing
curiosity.
Never any judgment.
We want to bring in curiosity.
So the first step is noticing,you know, know, and noticing and
(13:23):
saying, huh, this isinteresting, I feel really
drained over this situation or Ifeel really resentful, because
I said yes to planning thisparty and I really don't want to
, really overwhelmed overwhatever it is that we're doing
(13:46):
Now.
Those are signs.
So when we're feeling drained,when we're feeling resentful,
when we're feeling overwhelmed,those are signs that a boundary
is most likely needed.
Okay, so that's baby stepnumber one.
We're just noticing.
Again, no judgment, we're justgetting curious going.
Hmm, this is interesting, I'mnoticing, I'm feeling this way,
yeah, these low vibrationalemotions.
And so the a simple, a verysimple baby step that everybody
(14:10):
can right away is practicepausing before you say yes to
anything.
So pause before you say yes.
So if somebody asks for yourtime, your energy, whatever it
is, take a breath, like breathein and then breathe out before
you respond.
And as you're doing that, justask yourself is this something
(14:34):
that I truly want to do?
If it is, do it.
If not, don't do it.
I, in one of the classes that Iteach, I'll share this as well.
One of the classes I teach, wedo what I call live with every
week.
So every week they have post-itnotes and when I give them a
screensaver for their phone, butthey have post-it notes up
everywhere on their in their car, like I said on their phone,
(14:57):
the screensaver all over theirhouse, their bathroom mirror,
everywhere, and there's aspecific live with um.
One of the live live with is um,yes or no, and so for an entire
week, the only way they cananswer any question is it yes or
is it no?
That's it.
Oh, do you want to go to get toa movie tonight?
(15:17):
Is it yes or is it now?
Do you want to you to?
You know, can you come intostay late at work tonight?
Is it yes or is it no?
That's it.
And so that that helps as well.
So that's a little sneak peek,but yeah, that I'm sharing with
you a little bit.
Kena Siu (15:33):
I love that because, yeah, there's not in between,
it's either way.
So it's just about being truthof ourselves and see how we feel
in our bodies and then, basedon that, as you said, like
taking that pause and then givethe response taking the pause,
giving the response, or theother thing is is to say is it
(15:53):
yes or is it no?
Tina Jett (15:54):
and you're going to get your answer like that, like
I'll give you another exampleone of my classes, I I was
teaching my yes or no week andso I got a dime and I said okay.
And I asked for a volunteer andI said come with something that
you are at a crossroads with,like it's either this or that,
like, if I might do it, I mightnot, like what is it?
(16:16):
It's the decision you need tomake.
Yes, I'm going to do it.
No, I'm going to do it.
So she she had her, she goes.
Okay, I'm ready.
And I said okay.
And I didn't know what it was.
And I said okay, you know heads, what is heads?
She's like heads is yes.
And I said okay, so tails is no, she's yes.
So I did the dime and I saidokay, it's heads, she goes there
.
And I said okay.
So what does this tell you aboutwhat you already know?
(16:36):
The answers are inside of us.
We don't need a coin to tell us.
We don't need to worry aboutwhat other people think.
The answers are all within,inside of us.
If it feels heavy, the answeris going to be no.
(16:58):
If it feels light, the answeris going to be yes.
And so you know, just it's just.
It's all about starting small,just baby steps.
So just starting with thatpause before saying yes, have
fun.
Is it yes or is it no?
Like you know, you don't haveto make drastic changes
overnight.
It's not going to happenovernight, at least it didn't
(17:18):
for me, and I teach all of thisand you know, and I still work
on it I still work on settingboundaries and I still work on
my yeses and my nos.
But if we start with one smallboundary and maybe that's just,
you know, telling a friend thatyou know I can't answer your
calls after 7 PM at nightbecause that's my family time
Maybe it's something as simpleas that.
(17:38):
Yeah, you could try.
Maybe, like I said about outfit, on Sundays I do not go on my
computer, which is really hardBecause I can work, work, work,
but I don't go on my computers.
I try really hard not to go onmy computer on Sundays.
I don't do it every week, butfor the majority of the time I'm
(17:58):
like nope, this is my day to dowhatever it is that I want,
because I need to fill my cup sothat I'm full for the rest of
the week.
You know when it starts.
So for me that's great.
If somebody asks me to go todinner, first thing I look and
say is that, in alignment withwhat I want, if I already had
something planned on Saturdaynight, and maybe that was a
(18:21):
bubble bath and a meditationwith some incense and some good
music, and I've been lookingforward to it all week and going
to the dinner sounds a littlebit draining.
Then I'm going to honor my bysaying yes to myself and saying
no to them, and I don't have toexplain, it's just no.
But thank you for thinking ofme.
Yeah, exactly.
Kena Siu (18:40):
And that's one of the things that at least I
experienced that we usuallythink about boundaries with
other people, right, but whatabout self boundaries?
As you just said, you know,with you not using your
computers on Sundays.
So how good are we with our ownself boundaries on Sundays?
(19:05):
So how good are we with our ownself boundaries?
Because I guess no, I guess, Iknow that the more we practice
those and we put them those ones, and we say, okay, no, this is
the boundary I respected, Ihonor it with more reason, then
we're going to be able to thenfollow up those boundaries with
other people.
Because if we keep steppinginto our own self-boundary, I
mean 100, yeah, definitely, andit's starting small.
Tina Jett (19:28):
And then, like you know, boundaries for like for
ourselves.
I don't answer phone callsafter seven o'clock at night, my
phone is off.
Like I don't go on social mediavery much anymore because
that's draining, um, becausethat's, that's just a numbing
activity anyway.
So I'm doing more things formyself and I set that boundary
that, no, I'm not going to dothat.
Yeah, and so I think that thatthose are all really good tips
(19:53):
that everybody can start usingright away.
And I think the final one wouldbe it would be releasing any
limiting beliefs.
And that's where the guilt isgoing to come from, um, if we
have guilt, and so we have toshift that and release the guilt
, the guilt we have for when wetell somebody no, or when we
tell even ourselves no, becausewe're setting a boundary for
(20:14):
ourselves, you know.
And so remember that again.
This is, this is the, this isthe writer downer for everybody
listening is that every time yousay yes to something you don't
want to do, you're saying no toyourself, and we don't want to
be doing that.
And so setting the boundaryisn't about rejecting other
people, it's about choosing you,saying I, choose me.
(20:39):
And when you do, then you'regoing to find it the people that
you want in your, in yourenergy, that you want around you
.
Those are going to be the rightpeople because they're going to
respect you for it and anybodywho doesn't is not going to
probably be somebody that youwant in your energy anyways, and
that's okay too, because that'simportant to mention, because
(21:01):
when we start setting boundaries, then people are going to.
Kena Siu (21:06):
a lot of people I don't know anyway might walk
away from us because they arenot obtaining that benefit that
they were getting while we weresaying yes to everything that
they were asking for.
So I noticed that that's anormal thing, that will happen,
that some people will walk away.
I noticed that that's a normalthing, that will happen, that
some people will walk away, andeven when it might be hurtful at
(21:39):
the beginning, or painful.
Tina Jett (21:39):
it's just when we're standing in our truth and we say
, yeah, I set this boundarybecause of me, because of the
benefit that I get, then at onepoint that pain, it will go away
.
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
I mean, I work with women and Isee it.
They're exhausted, they'reoverwhelmed, they're not setting
boundaries and they feel guiltywhen they're setting boundary
because there's an underlyingfear that they're not going to
be accepted or someone's goingto be upset with them.
And again that goes back toinner child.
But that can be released.
(22:01):
I'm able to release the limitingbeliefs.
I can show them how to do that,or they can find somebody that
can help them release thelimiting beliefs so that then
they have the courage to stepinto their power and set
boundaries without feelingguilty or selfish.
Because when you're able to dothat, the ease and the peace and
the joy that come with that,you're just in stillness, you're
(22:23):
connected to your body, likeit's all just feels so good and
we don't want to be living ourlife full of guilt because we
say no to something and orbeliefs that don't serve us
anymore.
They might, they probably serveus at one time and they did
their job and we'll pat them onthe back and we'll say thank you
(22:43):
, but we don't need them anymore.
You know we can move on.
You know I'm just, I'm just.
I'm passionate about thisbecause I, this is, this is the
life that we're walking rightnow and tomorrow's not promised.
And when we get to the end,whenever that is, we don't want
to look back and say, wow, Iwish I would have set boundaries
(23:04):
, I wish I would have done that.
We want to say wow, I did that,I showed up for myself.
That was scary.
I remember when I said no tothat, but that was the best
decision I ever made, becausewhen we're saying no, it might
be opening up a whole nother,something for us, a connection
with somebody, whatever it is,that we wouldn't have gotten
otherwise.
Does that make sense?
Of course it does, yeah yeah,definitely.
Kena Siu (23:30):
You know what what you just said?
It just brought me back to my,to my previous marriage, because
he used to drink a lot and Iwas.
I was basically basicallybecame her mom, like taking care
of her, his finances, and thenyou're drinking too much, slow
down, and all these things.
And even though, like I wastrying to put the boundaries
(23:51):
until at one point I was like no, this is, this is not for me,
like I'm tired to keep doingthis, and so I have to put up
under you like and and at onepoint to say I don't want this
anymore.
So I chose myself over thatrelationship because I couldn't
anymore and it's, yeah, it waspainful, it was painful, but
(24:14):
sometimes that's the way it hasto be.
And, as you said, then, fromthere then I got single.
I mean I work, I did in-earwork and stuff and my life now I
mean it just I love it and itkeeps getting better and better.
Tina Jett (24:28):
And for that simple well of course there were many
things in the marriage but thatwas one of the things.
Kena Siu (24:34):
So choosing myself over.
Tina Jett (24:36):
There was something like yeah oh my gosh, we are so
parallel.
So I was married to 18 year 18years to my kid's dad, um,
alcoholic, and I kept thinking Icould fix it.
I kept thinking I could fix him.
I kept thinking if I was abetter wife.
I kept thinking if I was moreunderstanding, if I, the kids
were doing you know, everythingwas perfectly fine.
(24:57):
I did nothing for myself untilone day I looked around.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't, I have to choose me.
And it was hard, it was veryhard, but that's when I went on
the path of self-healing.
And now I mean I'm single butI'm married to myself, like I
date myself now, and I figureI've been in a relationship the
(25:20):
first half of my life.
I cannot be in a relationshipexcept with myself the second
half and I absolutely love itand there's such a peace and a
joy that comes with that.
But I had to fight my way out.
I talk a lot when I'm taughtpublic speaking about this being
in the dark pit and that's whatit is.
It's like being in that darkpit and trying to crawl our way
out and it's difficult.
And then we get in and, um,when we're able to let go, that
(25:43):
we're responsible for ourselvesand we're able to set those
boundaries, you're going to findthe right people.
The right people are going tocome.
They're going to respect you.
Kena Siu (25:52):
They're going to honor you for that yeah, definitely,
and, as you mentioned at thebeginning, one of the things
like I don't know you, but forme was more because of that
safety.
I was there in thatrelationship for 10 years and it
was like, okay, but then,breaking up this, you know there
was still love, a lot of lovein there.
So that safety or I mean, eventhough I have my job and
(26:14):
everything, but it's you have ahouse together, it's like
getting out of the comfort zone.
Better said, that's what it waslike, but it kind of pulled me
back a lot to set the boundaryand said finally like no, no,
I'm out of here Because there'sa fear of the unknown.
Tina Jett (26:32):
Yes, fear of the unknown can be when we're making
a drastic change in our life,like contemplating a divorce, a
divorce, or it could be justgoing through a self-help
program or a mindfulness programor whatever it is, and we're
growing and we're stretching,but we don't know what's on the
other side of that because wehaven't experienced it before.
(26:54):
So if you've not experienced,with boundary, for example, we
there's no proof that it's goingto work.
So our little critter braingoes into, you know, fight or
flight and says whoa, whoa, whoa.
She's thinking of making achange quick.
What can we do to stop her?
Let's give her some fear.
Throw some fear out, or that'sher right throw some worry.
(27:16):
Let's throw some lowself-esteem at her.
Um, you know to let's stop herbecause there's no proof that
it's going to work.
And so, quiet that mind downand just and being able to go
within.
And then from there you'll beable to start setting the
boundaries and, of course, inbaby steps.
Yeah, and I love that.
Kena Siu (27:36):
Yeah, I would like to know if you would like to share
some of the questions that youask your clients to then shift
those limiting beliefs.
What is something that you willask them?
Tina Jett (27:51):
Well, I mean that's a whole coaching session that I
do privately with my clientswhen I'm working on limiting
beliefs.
It's going to be specific toeach client and.
I have to uncover where.
So if it's boundary setting,for example, what's what's the
underlining?
Is it, was it what?
What is the fear that's there?
You know, is the fear a safetyissue?
(28:12):
Is the fear of choosingthemselves.
They feel guilty, like whatthat is.
But the first is noticing.
Again, I would just say, justgetting curious.
That'd be.
My advice is to just getcurious and notice when they're
not setting a boundary, um, andyou know, but I dive in with
them privately, um, one-on-oneto help them, to help them
(28:36):
uncover exactly what it is, andthen I can usually release it
within a few sessions, even ourchild, and then obviously a
little bit longer than that.
But really it's just.
You know, one thing viewers orlisteners can ask themselves is
just what is it you want to beexperiencing?
What do you want to beexperiencing that you're not
(28:56):
experiencing in your life rightnow?
I love that, yes.
And then when you have thatanswer and this is something
they could even journal, youcould journal this.
You know, what do you want tobe experiencing in life that
you're not experiencing?
And then what will happen whenyou do experience?
Yeah, what else is possible?
What else is possible that youhaven't even thought of yet?
Kena Siu (29:20):
and I love that because, as you said, that's
going to help us then to imagineand then getting out of that
unknown, of that fear of theunknown, so we're going to be
able to then take those babysteps to move forward right
absolutely, yeah, just, we wantto keep moving.
Tina Jett (29:40):
Asking yourself where I'm at right now, the same
space From today, and we don't.
We want to keep like I'm alwaysevolving All my clients, I have
the same struggles as well.
I'm just in a different spacebecause I've been working on it
for a while.
But you know, I still strugglewith setting boundaries or the
(30:00):
little, my little critter brainwill shut me down.
You sure you want to do thatand I'm like no, we're OK, we're
safe.
There's, you know, unlessthere's a you know deadly
gorilla with a banana gettingready to get us.
We're OK, we're safe, right,and so it's just, you know, what
is it you want to beexperiencing and am I OK in this
(30:20):
space and what is it we again,we don't want to.
Time goes by so fast and youdon't want six months a year
from now, five years, and bestill be in the same space you
want to be.
You know, I figure I'm going tobe learning to the day I take
my last breath, which ishopefully a really long time
from now.
Kena Siu (30:38):
Um, but all there's always something to learn and
grow and and do so yeah,definitely one of one of the
things that I like, um, help, um, well, yeah, helping my clients
to set boundaries is really tomake a list of uh, like what's
the boundary that they want toset, and and then also put like
(31:02):
who's that relationship with,because every relationship is
different, so it's going to bedifferent to put a boundary, I
don't know.
Let's say with our mom, thatwith our partner or with our
kids or family, right?
And then I had them like reallyimagining, like okay, if you
want to set a boundary, how canyou approach it?
Because most likely, if that isa close relationship, it's
(31:24):
going to happen again.
So it's like, okay, if you knowit's going to happen again, how
would you like to act?
So they can kind of imagine andvisualize it in a way in their
head and say, okay, so I can dothis or I can do that.
So they are kind of likeprepared in advance.
So when they want to set theboundary, it might happen that
(31:46):
they could do it the first timeProbably not, but at least
they're going to have thatawareness to say, oh, this is
happening again.
And okay, I noticed it's'shappening, I didn't do anything
and it's still okay, I'm awarenow.
So next time it could be, asyou said, a little baby step,
because otherwise, if we want totake big steps, our nervous
(32:11):
system is just gonna shut downexactly yeah and yeah, no.
Tina Jett (32:15):
I love that and it's just saying you know what, that
I want to draw, and and thenstick to that you know if the
boundary you want to draw is youknow when you're not going to
stay late after work, or you'renot going to be on your phone
after seven, whatever, you knowwhen.
If somebody asks something,you're saying no to that.
Um, you know, if somebody iscomplaining, gossiping things
(32:38):
like that, you know you don'twant to be a part of that and so
you draw that boundary, youknow, and I love spending time
with you, I love our having ourconversations, but just so you
know.
You know I have a no gossipingrule and that's setting the
boundary, you know.
Kena Siu (32:53):
But I would love to hear about what's going on in
your life, what's going wellyeah, yeah, yeah, I love that
because, yeah, it's about like,as you said, those boundaries
are for us to work in our favor,so and then, at the same time,
when we get to do that, as yousaid, if you're interested in
the life of that person, you,you're going to have more rich
(33:15):
and nurturing conversations,right, instead of having, like,
a draining conversation or acomplaint or whatever thing.
So it's really how, as you said, how do we want to experience
our lives and then, based onthat, set the boundary itself,
exactly, yep, yeah.
That's beautiful, yes, yeah, wow, I love it.
(33:38):
Ah, I don't know if you wouldlike to share something else,
something related with theboundaries, or an experience
that you have that is a bit likedeeper, that it could be
something nourishing for theaudience that is listening um
something having to do withboundaries that I've set
personally or yeah or anythingelse.
(34:00):
I mean about the peoplepleasing if you had experience
or something whatever you wouldlike to share I would.
Tina Jett (34:09):
I was the one that said yes to everything.
For years I said yes toeverything and the thought of I
mean would put my stomach inknots, and because I didn't want
to disappoint.
And so, as I started goingthrough, you know, my journey of
self-healing and I started toset boundaries.
(34:31):
I remember one of the firstboundaries that I set.
Somebody had asked me theywanted me to be like you know
like on a like on a full profitor to help them, and I think it
was a nonprofit.
If I recall yeah, it was awhile ago, the nonprofit and
(34:51):
they needed so many people onthe board.
And they asked I wanted to be apart of it.
And so I was like sure, withoutspeeding and checking in with
myself, and then I thought aboutit and I was like I don't want
to be a part of this.
I have to tell them.
And so I did.
I said you know, I'm not.
You know, I thought about it.
(35:12):
I'm not going to, that's notsomething I can be engaged in
and actually took it really well.
And so then I was like, well,this wasn't so bad.
And so since then I mean, thatwas probably I don't even know
four or five years ago, um,setting boundaries.
I don't even think about it, itjust it's just the way I am,
and if somebody asks somethingagain, I feel with my very in
(35:34):
tune with my energy as a reikimaster, and so I can feel within
my body.
So I don't listen to my thoughtsas much.
I listened to how my body feels.
That's me, that's what I do, um, so that my body on.
You know, even when I'mcoaching a client, my body
guides me on what I'm going tosay or how I'm going to coach.
Um, but the peace, but thepeace, the inner peace that
(36:03):
comes with.
That I don't feel is taught, um, you know where you have to
experience it.
But the inner peace that comeswith when you're able to set
boundaries and when you're ableto fill your cup first and when
you're able to let go of thefear or the limiting beliefs,
there's such a peace, an innerpeace that comes in there comes
from that that you realizeeverything that we're looking,
we're searching for our wholelives has been us the entire
(36:25):
time, and so it's just going onthe journey of self-discovery
and bringing in curiosity, notjudging ourselves.
I'm a big one that would judgemyself and beat myself up.
I said the wrong thing or didthe wrong thing and now I'm like
, okay, well, I learned, I guessI won't do that way Again.
(36:48):
I tried, it didn't work.
I just much more in my flow,and so that's what I encourage
for everybody listening is tojust it's okay and it's okay.
It's okay to say no and it'sokay to notice and get curious
if there's a fear there, ifthere's an underlining belief,
(37:09):
and then ask ourselves, well,where did that come from?
Like, who said that to me?
Where did that come from?
And most likely it waschildhood, and then you can
always dive into inner childwork which is really actually a
lot of fun to do.
Kena Siu (37:21):
I love inner child work.
Yeah, taking care of the littleone.
Definitely it's a beautifulthing to do.
Yeah.
Tina Jett (37:29):
Yeah.
Kena Siu (37:31):
Yeah, that's a beautiful share Because, as you
said, we do have all the answerswithin.
It's really about taking thetime, the stillness, to do that
self-discovery, because that'sthe only way for us to know what
we really want and also todiscover what we don't want.
(37:54):
Usually we know what we don'twant, but then it's about okay,
so what do we want, what do wedeserve?
Right, because we don't knowthat there is so much
conditioning and so muchprogramming.
Uh, since we are born, you knowcaregivers, society and and all
that that we feel lost and andwe just follow the status quo
(38:19):
and that's why, then,prioritizing everyone except
ourselves is part of that, andbecause of that, we never have
we never there to look ourselvesin the mirror and and and
really look at us, at ourselves,and see what is there, what is
there deep down exactly.
Tina Jett (38:41):
you know you're right on, you're 100, 100.
That's beautiful and and it'sremembering too.
We are the writer, we are thedirector, we are the producer of
our lives.
We do not get a do-over and youget to live your life however
you want.
And if you're, you know peoplepleasing or not setting
boundaries, or you knowself-sabotaging, whatever it is
(39:04):
we get to turn the page and weget to write a new chapter.
Yes, and you'll notice that, ifyou need, we need help with that
, there's plenty of resourcesout there that can guide us and
help us and hold our hand or setus up for accountability or
whatever it is.
But I think that's the thing isremembering that we get to
write our destiny.
We get to write what do we wantit to look like, what kind of
(39:24):
life do we want to be living?
And then, because we get tochoose to say, okay, this is the
type of life I want to lead andlive, and I don't know how to
do it.
I'm going to get help to guideme so that I can live my best
life and I can fill my cup first, without feeling guilty or
selfish.
Kena Siu (39:44):
Yeah, and we've got to start there At least.
After my separation, thendivorce, I really focused on my
self-care.
I thought that I loved myselfuntil I realized that I was
alive, and then the moreself-care I was doing in me, the
more curious as you said,because it was already curiosity
(40:05):
, I guess is when the judgmentstart kind of like fading away
and it's when, with thatcuriosity, to say, ok, oh, I
like this, oh, I don't like thisanymore, and then see what was
like already outdated and thenwhat was something that I wanted
to experience.
And then from there it's how wekeep like really like evolving
(40:27):
and making the yeah, life morefun.
Because when we stop, thengrowing I mean I don't know, at
least for me like self-healing,like going deep and exploring
more and more.
For me I like it.
I know some people they areafraid of it because what they
are going to face.
(40:47):
But for what you have mentionedfrom your experience, what I
understand is it is worth goingdeep.
Experience of what I understandis it is worth going deep, it
is worth going to that shadowpart because once we understand
it and accept it, the light, theall the light that comes in it
(41:09):
is, yep, Absolutely.
Tina Jett (41:11):
Absolutely.
I remember for years going well, how do I love myself?
I think I love myself.
I don't know what it's supposedto feel like.
What does this love feel like?
I don't know.
I was on like an Oprah show wayback in the day and I don't
remember who the guest was andthey were talking about, you
know, loving yourself and theguests.
Oh, this is absolutely.
I just I'm amazing, I'mwonderful, I'm fabulous and I'm
(41:33):
just like okay, they're talkingabout this, but how do you get
it?
It's not something you get,it's something that's inside of
us.
I think the thing to remember,too, is that change is scary
because it's on the other side.
So our little critter brain isdoing everything it can to halt
us, to say, oh nope, you can'tafford that.
Oh nope, that's not going towork.
(41:54):
Oh no, you've tried that it'snot going to work because we
haven't gone through it.
But I promise, I promise, Ipromise it is scarier to stay
stuck where you're at than it isto go through the
transformation.
And once it's like why didn't Inot do this years ago?
(42:16):
This is what everybody wastalking about.
This is what it feels like.
It's like a secret little cluband it's amazing and but it can,
it's I wouldn't get there.
I can get my clients therequickly and it's not scary.
It seems scary, but it's not.
I promise.
It's scarier to stay stuck andnot set boundaries.
Kena Siu (42:36):
Yeah, I agree that it's.
It's worse to get to stay stuckin there than move forward,
because it's going to be a fewmoments, yeah, discomfort, pain
or whatever it is, but once weget out of it, it's just.
I mean, it's just amazing whatwe can experience and live every
(42:58):
single day from there if wewant to.
Tina Jett (43:01):
Yes, absolutely.
Kena Siu (43:05):
Beautiful.
So, tina, would you like toshare anything else before we
close today's interview with you?
It has been an honor.
Seriously, this conversation is.
I have enjoyed a lot.
This was so fun.
It has been an honor.
Seriously, this conversation isI have enjoyed it a lot.
Tina Jett (43:18):
This is so fun, it went by so fast.
I'm like, wow, there's so muchmore to talk about.
You know.
I think, just as a takeaway isjust remember to fill your cup
first and, to you know, startyour day with intention.
Start your day.
I always start my morning slow,I caught with coffee and
(43:40):
journaling, and that's my quiettime.
But taking yourself, givingyourself time every day, um, for
me, I love starting my day thatway, because there's something
peaceful about noshing.
So I love the quiet mornings,um, where I can just sit with my
thoughts and my minds and justallow space.
That's where my clarity comesfrom.
(44:01):
But just feel to fill your cupfirst, to just give yourself
permission to, to take time outfor yourself, even if it's, I
always say, 30 minutes a day andI say I don't care if it's 10
minutes in the morning, 10minutes in the afternoon, 10
minutes in the evening, sothat's like 3%, 5% of your day.
(44:22):
That's good, it's almost nothingfor you, Not, and not.
That doesn't mean watchingNetflix, that doesn't mean
scrolling on social media or um,you know, um, playing a game or
anything, but just no phone.
Just be with yourself, becausethat's where you start to
connect and start asking deep,powerful questions.
You know, what is it that Iwant in life, what is it I want
(44:43):
to be?
And that's going to allow thatspace, for that clarity right To
come.
And you know, changes happen,but they happen, you know, in
small moments.
In small moments like that andtaking a time out for ourselves,
when we're able to just reallypause and just be present with
(45:04):
ourselves, feel our heartbeating, engage our senses, just
look around, look, there'sbeauty all around us.
Kena Siu (45:13):
Yeah.
Tina Jett (45:13):
Thank you so much.
Kena Siu (45:15):
You're welcome.
Yeah, there's beauty all aroundus.
Us, if we choose to see beauty,we're gonna see it, that's for
sure.
And I believe that that beautyit had to start by us looking at
ourselves in the mirror andsaying, yeah, I am enough, I am
worthy and I know how to say togo to set a power, one
(45:36):
boundaries, so I can honormyself.
Tina Jett (45:41):
Yep, honoring your yes, yes.
Kena Siu (45:46):
And I have a question for you before we close.
What is a pleasure of you thatyou enjoy?
Tina Jett (45:55):
Well, I enjoy the sunrise, sunrise, the sunsets um
, I love taking that time outfor myself, um, like a
meditation.
I'm an avid meditator.
Those are the things my lifemore enjoyable and more
pleasurable is.
Giving myself time outs is whatI call my putting myself in
(46:15):
timeout, and on the days that Idon't, then I feel it in my body
.
So I just I love quiet timewith myself.
I love spending time with withmyself yeah, that's very
inspiring.
Kena Siu (46:29):
I call it me time, yeah, okay.
Well, thank you again, tina.
It has been a pleasure havingyou here.
You brought a lot of thank youso much this.
Tina Jett (46:38):
Thank you so much.
This was so much fun.
Kena Siu (46:40):
Yeah, it was so much fun.
Thank you so much.
Hello beautiful souls, welcome back to Midlife
Butterfly Podcast with your host, Kena Siu.
And this time we have a specialguest, a beautiful lady who is
a transformational life coach,clarity catalyst trainer and
certified Reiki masterspecializing in mindset mastery.
(00:25):
Her name is Tina Jett and sheis the founder of LifeWire,
where she guides clients througha profound journey of discovery
, helping them to align withtheir purpose, harness their
inner strength and step into alife of violence and joy.
And in her practice sheintertwines the winds of wisdom
(00:50):
of Reiki with dynamic coachingtechniques, offering you a
unique holistic path to personaland professional fulfillment.
And her approach goes beyondtraditional methods, harnessing
the life-altering power ofenergy work to amplify your
journey of self-discovery andsuccess.
Welcome, tina, it's a pleasurehaving you here.
Tina Jett (01:15):
Thank you so much.
I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
It's my pleasure.
Kena Siu (01:21):
Yeah, so I don't know, besides that introduction that
I gave, if you would like to addsomething else before we dive
in into our topic today I waslike, wow, that's me.
Tina Jett (01:33):
No, I'm just kidding, but that was beautiful.
I mean, that's definitely youknow where my passions lie, so I
think you covered it quite wellAwesome, beautiful.
Kena Siu (01:44):
Okay, so let's play into the topic of today, which
is boundaries that empower you.
So Tina is an expert in thistopic.
I've been working on that still, you know, keep working on it
and so I'm very glad that you'rehere too, because I know our
audience is going to be veryinterested in knowing which
(02:08):
practices they can do todiscover more within them so
they can then stand up on theirown and be able to set the
boundaries that are required tolive a better life and into
their own alignment and truth.
So I would like to know whichare the main reasons that women
(02:32):
struggle to set boundaries?
Tina Jett (02:35):
Beautiful question Women as beautiful, amazing
goddesses.
We are natural caregivers.
Beautiful, amazing goddesses.
We are natural caregivers.
It's just, and we'reconditioned to put others first,
whether it's our families, ourfriendships, our careers.
We're taught not to fill ourcup first, and I think many of
(03:01):
us were taught to say no, likeif we were to say no, even
though no is a complete sentence.
But if we say no, that we'rebeing selfish and that setting
boundaries then in turn, makesit difficult for us.
I think the biggest reasonwomen struggle setting
boundaries is fear, and that'swhat I see.
(03:22):
There's normally a fearattached to it, fear of what or
to what.
Number one would be the fear ofdisappointing others, or maybe a
fear of conflict, or a fear ofbeing seen as not nice.
You know, we we tend, as women,we tend to tie our self-worth
(03:43):
to what it is that we're givingand then setting boundaries for
us can feel like now we'reletting other people down, when
actually it's the opposite.
When we're setting boundaries,that's the healthy thing to do,
you know, and you know, anotherbig reason too would be guilt.
So fear and guilt would be thetwo.
(04:08):
I would you know, feelingguilty women especially what is?
Kena Siu (04:10):
the guilt for prioritizing ourselves instead
of others.
Tina Jett (04:13):
Well, the guilt?
Yeah, I mean definitely, theyare definitely.
Yes, I remember a time in mylife where I mean I did
everything for everybody andnothing for myself, and I was
almost proud of the fact, in aweird way, that I was like I
know we're on the list.
There isn't everybody else's onthe list, I'm not on the list
and in, because if I was on thelist then I would feel guilty
(04:36):
about it.
And we feel guilty becausewe're taught to be the fixers.
We're taught that we need,we're the ones that need to keep
everything running smoothly,and so we set very high
expectations on ourselves, andwhen we are then able to set a
boundary, it can feel like weare not showing up in that role
(04:58):
as the fixer like we feel weshould, because, again, there's
an expectation there, and so wekind of at the expense of our
own wellbeing, then we don't setboundaries, and so, yeah, you
know, and then you know, too,the fear of you know how others
will react.
You know if we say no tosomething, what if somebody gets
(05:19):
upset with us or angry with us,or you know things like that.
What if we lose a relationship?
What if we lose a friendshipLiking us?
So all of that comes into playas well.
But the truth is boundaries.
Boundaries are not aboutpushing people away.
They're about really creating ahealthier relationship.
(05:40):
And when we, as women, areoverextending ourselves which I
see it all the time with theclients I work with they're
overextended.
I've been there exhausted.
When we're exhausted, whathappens?
We're, then, we're resentful,and then the worst part is that
(06:03):
we're disconnected then fromourselves and disconnected from
our own, what it is that we need, or worse, yet we don't even
know what we need.
Like we have no idea, andthat's scary.
Kena Siu (06:17):
It is scary.
It is scary because, as yousaid, then we feel resentment
against the other people when weare the ones provoking that,
because we are not filling ourown cups first.
Tina Jett (06:30):
Yeah, absolutely.
We need to fill our cups firstand do it without feeling guilty
or selfish.
And we do that by learning toset boundaries.
And if you haven't been settingboundaries, it's not going to
happen overnight, but there'sdifferent steps that we can talk
about today.
Boundaries it's not going tohappen overnight, but there's
different steps that I can, wecan talk about today.
But really we don't want to showup in our relationships because
we have to or because it feelsforced.
(06:50):
You know we, you know we wantbound.
When we have boundaries set inplace, that is going to protect
our energy.
It's going to say, when we'reprotecting our energy, now we're
not going to feel as drained,and then now we're going to be
able to show up as our best self, and so when we're showing up
for our best selves, now we'reable to be more present with
(07:11):
those around us as well and thenenhance, nurture and grow our
relationships yeah, but then ifwe come back of the fact that we
don't know who we are and whatwe want because we prioritize
others, then how can we be orknow who is our best self if we
(07:34):
don't know that we don't knowher?
and so it's going on thatjourney, so it's going on the
journey of self-discovery.
And how do we do that?
By by starting to setboundaries, just very simple
boundaries, just remembering nois a complete sentence.
And then to stop peoplepleasing, because if we're
people pleasing, that meanswe're not setting boundaries.
Kena Siu (07:58):
And then, more personally, like one of my main
wounds is rejection.
So I noticed how I used to be apleaser in that trajectory,
right Like so to avoid therejection of others, then how I
needed to play.
And the truth is, when we and Iremember when I heard this the
(08:21):
first time for a coach or amentor, I can't remember who
this person was there was likewhen you are people pleasing,
you're actually manipulatingothers, and I was like whoa,
like, what do you mean?
And of course, the victim in meat that time was like no way
Like.
But then, when I really stopand reflect on it, we are
(08:42):
manipulating people when we'repeople pleasing, because we are
not being ourselves, we're justbeing exactly or shaped on,
using different masks accordingto each relationship.
So then we please themaccordingly.
Tina Jett (08:58):
then which is exhausting it is it's so and so
when you're able to let thepeople pleasing go, and then
you're able to set boundaries,then everything starts getting
so much more full of ease.
Kena Siu (09:11):
And that's where joy comes in and all of that.
Tina Jett (09:13):
So yeah, definitely you're right.
I mean that's definitely.
You know, wounds that can becaused from people pleasing yeah
, uh.
Kena Siu (09:23):
Which other wounds have you, like, experienced with
your clients?
Are some of the causes ofpeople pleasing?
Tina Jett (09:31):
I would say when I, when I'm working with a client,
or even old me before, I wentthrough all the, all the work
and the transformation is at thecore of it.
It's going to be a need foracceptance, to feel accepted and
also to feel safe.
Safety also plays a role inthat as well, and so what I mean
(09:52):
by that is that whenever we,somebody struggles with setting
boundaries, there's anunderlining fear.
There's an underlining fear ofbeing abandoned or being
rejected is normally the twothings that I see, and all of
this stems from childhood,childhood experiences.
(10:13):
Yeah, and you know, maybe maybesomebody grew up in a home
where they felt unconditionallove, or maybe they had to earn
approval by being good, by beingquiet, you know, staying quiet
or keeping the peace.
That was mine Keep the peace,stay quiet.
And so if we're raised in anenvironment, you know, on the
(10:35):
flip side of that, where ouremotions weren't validated, then
you might have learned thatmaking other people happy,
keeping other people happy, wasthe safest way to receive love
and then to in turn, avoidconflict.
So that's where inner childwork comes in.
That's a whole nother.
Another thing I do teach thatwith my, with one-on-one private
(10:57):
clients, but another thing isour self-worth.
That's that's something elsethat comes in and kind of fuels
that as well.
So having low self-esteem orlow if somebody grows up so
going back to the inner child ifsomebody grows up feeling like
their needs are not as importantas somebody else, they're going
(11:18):
to start believing that theyhave to prove their worth by
over giving, over committing,over performing, saying yes when
they really mean no.
We we need to remember whenwe're saying yes to something
we're saying no to somethingelse, and if that no is our
(11:39):
ourselves, then we need torethink what we're saying yes
and no to yeah definitely.
So people pleasing usuallycomes from past trauma, usually
in some form of relationships.
It's completely normal, I think.
I know I had it, a lot ofpeople have it.
But it definitely is somethingyou can work through and it's
(12:00):
not scary to do that.
It's not scary to work throughit.
We just finally startdiscovering who we are at the
core right, which is pure beingof light.
And healing begins when werecognize that and when we start
setting boundaries.
When we start settingboundaries, remembering that
(12:20):
we're not being unkind and we'renot being unloving, and if
somebody doesn't like theboundary we're setting, that's
on them, that's not for us totake on, it means what it means.
When we're setting a boundaryAgain, we're choosing ourself,
not in a selfish way, but we'rechoosing ourself.
We're choosing to fill our cupfirst in a way that helps us to
(12:43):
show up as our best self.
So we're more present with ourfamilies, our kids, like I said,
our, our job, our coworkers,whatever it is, our friends, by
being our most authentic self.
But it starts by showing up forourselves first and being able
to set those boundaries.
Kena Siu (12:59):
How can we do that?
How can we start?
Tina Jett (13:03):
Well, how can you start?
By setting boundaries.
Well, so I do everything inbaby steps.
So the first thing is, let'sjust get aware of it, let's get
a little bit of self-awarenessyeah, and I want and bringing
curiosity.
Never any judgment.
We want to bring in curiosity.
So the first step is noticing,you know, know, and noticing and
(13:23):
saying, huh, this isinteresting, I feel really
drained over this situation or Ifeel really resentful, because
I said yes to planning thisparty and I really don't want to
, really overwhelmed overwhatever it is that we're doing
(13:46):
Now.
Those are signs.
So when we're feeling drained,when we're feeling resentful,
when we're feeling overwhelmed,those are signs that a boundary
is most likely needed.
Okay, so that's baby stepnumber one.
We're just noticing.
Again, no judgment, we're justgetting curious going.
Hmm, this is interesting, I'mnoticing, I'm feeling this way,
yeah, these low vibrationalemotions.
And so the a simple, a verysimple baby step that everybody
(14:10):
can right away is practicepausing before you say yes to
anything.
So pause before you say yes.
So if somebody asks for yourtime, your energy, whatever it
is, take a breath, like breathein and then breathe out before
you respond.
And as you're doing that, justask yourself is this something
(14:34):
that I truly want to do?
If it is, do it.
If not, don't do it.
I, in one of the classes that Iteach, I'll share this as well.
One of the classes I teach, wedo what I call live with every
week.
So every week they have post-itnotes and when I give them a
screensaver for their phone, butthey have post-it notes up
everywhere on their in their car, like I said on their phone,
(14:57):
the screensaver all over theirhouse, their bathroom mirror,
everywhere, and there's aspecific live with um.
One of the live live with is um,yes or no, and so for an entire
week, the only way they cananswer any question is it yes or
is it no?
That's it.
Oh, do you want to go to get toa movie tonight?
(15:17):
Is it yes or is it now?
Do you want to you to?
You know, can you come intostay late at work tonight?
Is it yes or is it no?
That's it.
And so that that helps as well.
So that's a little sneak peek,but yeah, that I'm sharing with
you a little bit.
Kena Siu (15:33):
I love that because, yeah, there's not in between,
it's either way.
So it's just about being truthof ourselves and see how we feel
in our bodies and then, basedon that, as you said, like
taking that pause and then givethe response taking the pause,
giving the response, or theother thing is is to say is it
(15:53):
yes or is it no?
Tina Jett (15:54):
and you're going to get your answer like that, like
I'll give you another exampleone of my classes, I I was
teaching my yes or no week andso I got a dime and I said okay.
And I asked for a volunteer andI said come with something that
you are at a crossroads with,like it's either this or that,
like, if I might do it, I mightnot, like what is it?
(16:16):
It's the decision you need tomake.
Yes, I'm going to do it.
No, I'm going to do it.
So she she had her, she goes.
Okay, I'm ready.
And I said okay.
And I didn't know what it was.
And I said okay, you know heads, what is heads?
She's like heads is yes.
And I said okay, so tails is no, she's yes.
So I did the dime and I saidokay, it's heads, she goes there
.
And I said okay.
So what does this tell you aboutwhat you already know?
(16:36):
The answers are inside of us.
We don't need a coin to tell us.
We don't need to worry aboutwhat other people think.
The answers are all within,inside of us.
If it feels heavy, the answeris going to be no.
(16:58):
If it feels light, the answeris going to be yes.
And so you know, just it's just.
It's all about starting small,just baby steps.
So just starting with thatpause before saying yes, have
fun.
Is it yes or is it no?
Like you know, you don't haveto make drastic changes
overnight.
It's not going to happenovernight, at least it didn't
(17:18):
for me, and I teach all of thisand you know, and I still work
on it I still work on settingboundaries and I still work on
my yeses and my nos.
But if we start with one smallboundary and maybe that's just,
you know, telling a friend thatyou know I can't answer your
calls after 7 PM at nightbecause that's my family time
Maybe it's something as simpleas that.
(17:38):
Yeah, you could try.
Maybe, like I said about outfit, on Sundays I do not go on my
computer, which is really hardBecause I can work, work, work,
but I don't go on my computers.
I try really hard not to go onmy computer on Sundays.
I don't do it every week, butfor the majority of the time I'm
(17:58):
like nope, this is my day to dowhatever it is that I want,
because I need to fill my cup sothat I'm full for the rest of
the week.
You know when it starts.
So for me that's great.
If somebody asks me to go todinner, first thing I look and
say is that, in alignment withwhat I want, if I already had
something planned on Saturdaynight, and maybe that was a
(18:21):
bubble bath and a meditationwith some incense and some good
music, and I've been lookingforward to it all week and going
to the dinner sounds a littlebit draining.
Then I'm going to honor my bysaying yes to myself and saying
no to them, and I don't have toexplain, it's just no.
But thank you for thinking ofme.
Yeah, exactly.
Kena Siu (18:40):
And that's one of the things that at least I
experienced that we usuallythink about boundaries with
other people, right, but whatabout self boundaries?
As you just said, you know,with you not using your
computers on Sundays.
So how good are we with our ownself boundaries on Sundays?
(19:05):
So how good are we with our ownself boundaries?
Because I guess no, I guess, Iknow that the more we practice
those and we put them those ones, and we say, okay, no, this is
the boundary I respected, Ihonor it with more reason, then
we're going to be able to thenfollow up those boundaries with
other people.
Because if we keep steppinginto our own self-boundary, I
mean 100, yeah, definitely, andit's starting small.
Tina Jett (19:28):
And then, like you know, boundaries for like for
ourselves.
I don't answer phone callsafter seven o'clock at night, my
phone is off.
Like I don't go on social mediavery much anymore because
that's draining, um, becausethat's, that's just a numbing
activity anyway.
So I'm doing more things formyself and I set that boundary
that, no, I'm not going to dothat.
Yeah, and so I think that thatthose are all really good tips
(19:53):
that everybody can start usingright away.
And I think the final one wouldbe it would be releasing any
limiting beliefs.
And that's where the guilt isgoing to come from, um, if we
have guilt, and so we have toshift that and release the guilt
, the guilt we have for when wetell somebody no, or when we
tell even ourselves no, becausewe're setting a boundary for
(20:14):
ourselves, you know.
And so remember that again.
This is, this is the, this isthe writer downer for everybody
listening is that every time yousay yes to something you don't
want to do, you're saying no toyourself, and we don't want to
be doing that.
And so setting the boundaryisn't about rejecting other
people, it's about choosing you,saying I, choose me.
(20:39):
And when you do, then you'regoing to find it the people that
you want in your, in yourenergy, that you want around you
.
Those are going to be the rightpeople because they're going to
respect you for it and anybodywho doesn't is not going to
probably be somebody that youwant in your energy anyways, and
that's okay too, because that'simportant to mention, because
(21:01):
when we start setting boundaries, then people are going to.
Kena Siu (21:06):
a lot of people I don't know anyway might walk
away from us because they arenot obtaining that benefit that
they were getting while we weresaying yes to everything that
they were asking for.
So I noticed that that's anormal thing, that will happen,
that some people will walk away.
I noticed that that's a normalthing, that will happen, that
some people will walk away, andeven when it might be hurtful at
(21:39):
the beginning, or painful.
Tina Jett (21:39):
it's just when we're standing in our truth and we say
, yeah, I set this boundarybecause of me, because of the
benefit that I get, then at onepoint that pain, it will go away
.
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
I mean, I work with women and Isee it.
They're exhausted, they'reoverwhelmed, they're not setting
boundaries and they feel guiltywhen they're setting boundary
because there's an underlyingfear that they're not going to
be accepted or someone's goingto be upset with them.
And again that goes back toinner child.
But that can be released.
(22:01):
I'm able to release the limitingbeliefs.
I can show them how to do that,or they can find somebody that
can help them release thelimiting beliefs so that then
they have the courage to stepinto their power and set
boundaries without feelingguilty or selfish.
Because when you're able to dothat, the ease and the peace and
the joy that come with that,you're just in stillness, you're
(22:23):
connected to your body, likeit's all just feels so good and
we don't want to be living ourlife full of guilt because we
say no to something and orbeliefs that don't serve us
anymore.
They might, they probably serveus at one time and they did
their job and we'll pat them onthe back and we'll say thank you
(22:43):
, but we don't need them anymore.
You know we can move on.
You know I'm just, I'm just.
I'm passionate about thisbecause I, this is, this is the
life that we're walking rightnow and tomorrow's not promised.
And when we get to the end,whenever that is, we don't want
to look back and say, wow, Iwish I would have set boundaries
(23:04):
, I wish I would have done that.
We want to say wow, I did that,I showed up for myself.
That was scary.
I remember when I said no tothat, but that was the best
decision I ever made, becausewhen we're saying no, it might
be opening up a whole nother,something for us, a connection
with somebody, whatever it is,that we wouldn't have gotten
otherwise.
Does that make sense?
Of course it does, yeah yeah,definitely.
Kena Siu (23:30):
You know what what you just said?
It just brought me back to my,to my previous marriage, because
he used to drink a lot and Iwas.
I was basically basicallybecame her mom, like taking care
of her, his finances, and thenyou're drinking too much, slow
down, and all these things.
And even though, like I wastrying to put the boundaries
(23:51):
until at one point I was like no, this is, this is not for me,
like I'm tired to keep doingthis, and so I have to put up
under you like and and at onepoint to say I don't want this
anymore.
So I chose myself over thatrelationship because I couldn't
anymore and it's, yeah, it waspainful, it was painful, but
(24:14):
sometimes that's the way it hasto be.
And, as you said, then, fromthere then I got single.
I mean I work, I did in-earwork and stuff and my life now I
mean it just I love it and itkeeps getting better and better.
Tina Jett (24:28):
And for that simple well of course there were many
things in the marriage but thatwas one of the things.
Kena Siu (24:34):
So choosing myself over.
Tina Jett (24:36):
There was something like yeah oh my gosh, we are so
parallel.
So I was married to 18 year 18years to my kid's dad, um,
alcoholic, and I kept thinking Icould fix it.
I kept thinking I could fix him.
I kept thinking if I was abetter wife.
I kept thinking if I was moreunderstanding, if I, the kids
were doing you know, everythingwas perfectly fine.
(24:57):
I did nothing for myself untilone day I looked around.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't, I have to choose me.
And it was hard, it was veryhard, but that's when I went on
the path of self-healing.
And now I mean I'm single butI'm married to myself, like I
date myself now, and I figureI've been in a relationship the
(25:20):
first half of my life.
I cannot be in a relationshipexcept with myself the second
half and I absolutely love itand there's such a peace and a
joy that comes with that.
But I had to fight my way out.
I talk a lot when I'm taughtpublic speaking about this being
in the dark pit and that's whatit is.
It's like being in that darkpit and trying to crawl our way
out and it's difficult.
And then we get in and, um,when we're able to let go, that
(25:43):
we're responsible for ourselvesand we're able to set those
boundaries, you're going to findthe right people.
The right people are going tocome.
They're going to respect you.
Kena Siu (25:52):
They're going to honor you for that yeah, definitely,
and, as you mentioned at thebeginning, one of the things
like I don't know you, but forme was more because of that
safety.
I was there in thatrelationship for 10 years and it
was like, okay, but then,breaking up this, you know there
was still love, a lot of lovein there.
So that safety or I mean, eventhough I have my job and
(26:14):
everything, but it's you have ahouse together, it's like
getting out of the comfort zone.
Better said, that's what it waslike, but it kind of pulled me
back a lot to set the boundaryand said finally like no, no,
I'm out of here Because there'sa fear of the unknown.
Tina Jett (26:32):
Yes, fear of the unknown can be when we're making
a drastic change in our life,like contemplating a divorce, a
divorce, or it could be justgoing through a self-help
program or a mindfulness programor whatever it is, and we're
growing and we're stretching,but we don't know what's on the
other side of that because wehaven't experienced it before.
(26:54):
So if you've not experienced,with boundary, for example, we
there's no proof that it's goingto work.
So our little critter braingoes into, you know, fight or
flight and says whoa, whoa, whoa.
She's thinking of making achange quick.
What can we do to stop her?
Let's give her some fear.
Throw some fear out, or that'sher right throw some worry.
(27:16):
Let's throw some lowself-esteem at her.
Um, you know to let's stop herbecause there's no proof that
it's going to work.
And so, quiet that mind downand just and being able to go
within.
And then from there you'll beable to start setting the
boundaries and, of course, inbaby steps.
Yeah, and I love that.
Kena Siu (27:36):
Yeah, I would like to know if you would like to share
some of the questions that youask your clients to then shift
those limiting beliefs.
What is something that you willask them?
Tina Jett (27:51):
Well, I mean that's a whole coaching session that I
do privately with my clientswhen I'm working on limiting
beliefs.
It's going to be specific toeach client and.
I have to uncover where.
So if it's boundary setting,for example, what's what's the
underlining?
Is it, was it what?
What is the fear that's there?
You know, is the fear a safetyissue?
(28:12):
Is the fear of choosingthemselves.
They feel guilty, like whatthat is.
But the first is noticing.
Again, I would just say, justgetting curious.
That'd be.
My advice is to just getcurious and notice when they're
not setting a boundary, um, andyou know, but I dive in with
them privately, um, one-on-oneto help them, to help them
(28:36):
uncover exactly what it is, andthen I can usually release it
within a few sessions, even ourchild, and then obviously a
little bit longer than that.
But really it's just.
You know, one thing viewers orlisteners can ask themselves is
just what is it you want to beexperiencing?
What do you want to beexperiencing that you're not
(28:56):
experiencing in your life rightnow?
I love that, yes.
And then when you have thatanswer and this is something
they could even journal, youcould journal this.
You know, what do you want tobe experiencing in life that
you're not experiencing?
And then what will happen whenyou do experience?
Yeah, what else is possible?
What else is possible that youhaven't even thought of yet?
Kena Siu (29:20):
and I love that because, as you said, that's
going to help us then to imagineand then getting out of that
unknown, of that fear of theunknown, so we're going to be
able to then take those babysteps to move forward right
absolutely, yeah, just, we wantto keep moving.
Tina Jett (29:40):
Asking yourself where I'm at right now, the same
space From today, and we don't.
We want to keep like I'm alwaysevolving All my clients, I have
the same struggles as well.
I'm just in a different spacebecause I've been working on it
for a while.
But you know, I still strugglewith setting boundaries or the
(30:00):
little, my little critter brainwill shut me down.
You sure you want to do thatand I'm like no, we're OK, we're
safe.
There's, you know, unlessthere's a you know deadly
gorilla with a banana gettingready to get us.
We're OK, we're safe, right,and so it's just, you know, what
is it you want to beexperiencing and am I OK in this
(30:20):
space and what is it we again,we don't want to.
Time goes by so fast and youdon't want six months a year
from now, five years, and bestill be in the same space you
want to be.
You know, I figure I'm going tobe learning to the day I take
my last breath, which ishopefully a really long time
from now.
Kena Siu (30:38):
Um, but all there's always something to learn and
grow and and do so yeah,definitely one of one of the
things that I like, um, help, um, well, yeah, helping my clients
to set boundaries is really tomake a list of uh, like what's
the boundary that they want toset, and and then also put like
(31:02):
who's that relationship with,because every relationship is
different, so it's going to bedifferent to put a boundary, I
don't know.
Let's say with our mom, thatwith our partner or with our
kids or family, right?
And then I had them like reallyimagining, like okay, if you
want to set a boundary, how canyou approach it?
Because most likely, if that isa close relationship, it's
(31:24):
going to happen again.
So it's like, okay, if you knowit's going to happen again, how
would you like to act?
So they can kind of imagine andvisualize it in a way in their
head and say, okay, so I can dothis or I can do that.
So they are kind of likeprepared in advance.
So when they want to set theboundary, it might happen that
(31:46):
they could do it the first timeProbably not, but at least
they're going to have thatawareness to say, oh, this is
happening again.
And okay, I noticed it's'shappening, I didn't do anything
and it's still okay, I'm awarenow.
So next time it could be, asyou said, a little baby step,
because otherwise, if we want totake big steps, our nervous
(32:11):
system is just gonna shut downexactly yeah and yeah, no.
Tina Jett (32:15):
I love that and it's just saying you know what, that
I want to draw, and and thenstick to that you know if the
boundary you want to draw is youknow when you're not going to
stay late after work, or you'renot going to be on your phone
after seven, whatever, you knowwhen.
If somebody asks something,you're saying no to that.
Um, you know, if somebody iscomplaining, gossiping things
(32:38):
like that, you know you don'twant to be a part of that and so
you draw that boundary, youknow, and I love spending time
with you, I love our having ourconversations, but just so you
know.
You know I have a no gossipingrule and that's setting the
boundary, you know.
Kena Siu (32:53):
But I would love to hear about what's going on in
your life, what's going wellyeah, yeah, yeah, I love that
because, yeah, it's about like,as you said, those boundaries
are for us to work in our favor,so and then, at the same time,
when we get to do that, as yousaid, if you're interested in
the life of that person, you,you're going to have more rich
(33:15):
and nurturing conversations,right, instead of having, like,
a draining conversation or acomplaint or whatever thing.
So it's really how, as you said, how do we want to experience
our lives and then, based onthat, set the boundary itself,
exactly, yep, yeah.
That's beautiful, yes, yeah, wow, I love it.
(33:38):
Ah, I don't know if you wouldlike to share something else,
something related with theboundaries, or an experience
that you have that is a bit likedeeper, that it could be
something nourishing for theaudience that is listening um
something having to do withboundaries that I've set
personally or yeah or anythingelse.
(34:00):
I mean about the peoplepleasing if you had experience
or something whatever you wouldlike to share I would.
Tina Jett (34:09):
I was the one that said yes to everything.
For years I said yes toeverything and the thought of I
mean would put my stomach inknots, and because I didn't want
to disappoint.
And so, as I started goingthrough, you know, my journey of
self-healing and I started toset boundaries.
(34:31):
I remember one of the firstboundaries that I set.
Somebody had asked me theywanted me to be like you know
like on a like on a full profitor to help them, and I think it
was a nonprofit.
If I recall yeah, it was awhile ago, the nonprofit and
(34:51):
they needed so many people onthe board.
And they asked I wanted to be apart of it.
And so I was like sure, withoutspeeding and checking in with
myself, and then I thought aboutit and I was like I don't want
to be a part of this.
I have to tell them.
And so I did.
I said you know, I'm not.
You know, I thought about it.
(35:12):
I'm not going to, that's notsomething I can be engaged in
and actually took it really well.
And so then I was like, well,this wasn't so bad.
And so since then I mean, thatwas probably I don't even know
four or five years ago, um,setting boundaries.
I don't even think about it, itjust it's just the way I am,
and if somebody asks somethingagain, I feel with my very in
(35:34):
tune with my energy as a reikimaster, and so I can feel within
my body.
So I don't listen to my thoughtsas much.
I listened to how my body feels.
That's me, that's what I do, um, so that my body on.
You know, even when I'mcoaching a client, my body
guides me on what I'm going tosay or how I'm going to coach.
Um, but the peace, but thepeace, the inner peace that
(36:03):
comes with.
That I don't feel is taught, um, you know where you have to
experience it.
But the inner peace that comeswith when you're able to set
boundaries and when you're ableto fill your cup first and when
you're able to let go of thefear or the limiting beliefs,
there's such a peace, an innerpeace that comes in there comes
from that that you realizeeverything that we're looking,
we're searching for our wholelives has been us the entire
(36:25):
time, and so it's just going onthe journey of self-discovery
and bringing in curiosity, notjudging ourselves.
I'm a big one that would judgemyself and beat myself up.
I said the wrong thing or didthe wrong thing and now I'm like
, okay, well, I learned, I guessI won't do that way Again.
(36:48):
I tried, it didn't work.
I just much more in my flow,and so that's what I encourage
for everybody listening is tojust it's okay and it's okay.
It's okay to say no and it'sokay to notice and get curious
if there's a fear there, ifthere's an underlining belief,
(37:09):
and then ask ourselves, well,where did that come from?
Like, who said that to me?
Where did that come from?
And most likely it waschildhood, and then you can
always dive into inner childwork which is really actually a
lot of fun to do.
Kena Siu (37:21):
I love inner child work.
Yeah, taking care of the littleone.
Definitely it's a beautifulthing to do.
Yeah.
Tina Jett (37:29):
Yeah.
Kena Siu (37:31):
Yeah, that's a beautiful share Because, as you
said, we do have all the answerswithin.
It's really about taking thetime, the stillness, to do that
self-discovery, because that'sthe only way for us to know what
we really want and also todiscover what we don't want.
(37:54):
Usually we know what we don'twant, but then it's about okay,
so what do we want, what do wedeserve?
Right, because we don't knowthat there is so much
conditioning and so muchprogramming.
Uh, since we are born, you knowcaregivers, society and and all
that that we feel lost and andwe just follow the status quo
(38:19):
and that's why, then,prioritizing everyone except
ourselves is part of that, andbecause of that, we never have
we never there to look ourselvesin the mirror and and and
really look at us, at ourselves,and see what is there, what is
there deep down exactly.
Tina Jett (38:41):
you know you're right on, you're 100, 100.
That's beautiful and and it'sremembering too.
We are the writer, we are thedirector, we are the producer of
our lives.
We do not get a do-over and youget to live your life however
you want.
And if you're, you know peoplepleasing or not setting
boundaries, or you knowself-sabotaging, whatever it is
(39:04):
we get to turn the page and weget to write a new chapter.
Yes, and you'll notice that, ifyou need, we need help with that
, there's plenty of resourcesout there that can guide us and
help us and hold our hand or setus up for accountability or
whatever it is.
But I think that's the thing isremembering that we get to
write our destiny.
We get to write what do we wantit to look like, what kind of
(39:24):
life do we want to be living?
And then, because we get tochoose to say, okay, this is the
type of life I want to lead andlive, and I don't know how to
do it.
I'm going to get help to guideme so that I can live my best
life and I can fill my cup first, without feeling guilty or
selfish.
Kena Siu (39:44):
Yeah, and we've got to start there At least.
After my separation, thendivorce, I really focused on my
self-care.
I thought that I loved myselfuntil I realized that I was
alive, and then the moreself-care I was doing in me, the
more curious as you said,because it was already curiosity
(40:05):
, I guess is when the judgmentstart kind of like fading away
and it's when, with thatcuriosity, to say, ok, oh, I
like this, oh, I don't like thisanymore, and then see what was
like already outdated and thenwhat was something that I wanted
to experience.
And then from there it's how wekeep like really like evolving
(40:27):
and making the yeah, life morefun.
Because when we stop, thengrowing I mean I don't know, at
least for me like self-healing,like going deep and exploring
more and more.
For me I like it.
I know some people they areafraid of it because what they
are going to face.
(40:47):
But for what you have mentionedfrom your experience, what I
understand is it is worth goingdeep.
Experience of what I understandis it is worth going deep, it
is worth going to that shadowpart because once we understand
it and accept it, the light, theall the light that comes in it
(41:09):
is, yep, Absolutely.
Tina Jett (41:11):
Absolutely.
I remember for years going well, how do I love myself?
I think I love myself.
I don't know what it's supposedto feel like.
What does this love feel like?
I don't know.
I was on like an Oprah show wayback in the day and I don't
remember who the guest was andthey were talking about, you
know, loving yourself and theguests.
Oh, this is absolutely.
I just I'm amazing, I'mwonderful, I'm fabulous and I'm
(41:33):
just like okay, they're talkingabout this, but how do you get
it?
It's not something you get,it's something that's inside of
us.
I think the thing to remember,too, is that change is scary
because it's on the other side.
So our little critter brain isdoing everything it can to halt
us, to say, oh nope, you can'tafford that.
Oh nope, that's not going towork.
(41:54):
Oh no, you've tried that it'snot going to work because we
haven't gone through it.
But I promise, I promise, Ipromise it is scarier to stay
stuck where you're at than it isto go through the
transformation.
And once it's like why didn't Inot do this years ago?
(42:16):
This is what everybody wastalking about.
This is what it feels like.
It's like a secret little cluband it's amazing and but it can,
it's I wouldn't get there.
I can get my clients therequickly and it's not scary.
It seems scary, but it's not.
I promise.
It's scarier to stay stuck andnot set boundaries.
Kena Siu (42:36):
Yeah, I agree that it's.
It's worse to get to stay stuckin there than move forward,
because it's going to be a fewmoments, yeah, discomfort, pain
or whatever it is, but once weget out of it, it's just.
I mean, it's just amazing whatwe can experience and live every
(42:58):
single day from there if wewant to.
Tina Jett (43:01):
Yes, absolutely.
Kena Siu (43:05):
Beautiful.
So, tina, would you like toshare anything else before we
close today's interview with you?
It has been an honor.
Seriously, this conversation is.
I have enjoyed a lot.
This was so fun.
It has been an honor.
Seriously, this conversation isI have enjoyed it a lot.
Tina Jett (43:18):
This is so fun, it went by so fast.
I'm like, wow, there's so muchmore to talk about.
You know.
I think, just as a takeaway isjust remember to fill your cup
first and, to you know, startyour day with intention.
Start your day.
I always start my morning slow,I caught with coffee and
(43:40):
journaling, and that's my quiettime.
But taking yourself, givingyourself time every day, um, for
me, I love starting my day thatway, because there's something
peaceful about noshing.
So I love the quiet mornings,um, where I can just sit with my
thoughts and my minds and justallow space.
That's where my clarity comesfrom.
(44:01):
But just feel to fill your cupfirst, to just give yourself
permission to, to take time outfor yourself, even if it's, I
always say, 30 minutes a day andI say I don't care if it's 10
minutes in the morning, 10minutes in the afternoon, 10
minutes in the evening, sothat's like 3%, 5% of your day.
(44:22):
That's good, it's almost nothingfor you, Not, and not.
That doesn't mean watchingNetflix, that doesn't mean
scrolling on social media or um,you know, um, playing a game or
anything, but just no phone.
Just be with yourself, becausethat's where you start to
connect and start asking deep,powerful questions.
You know, what is it that Iwant in life, what is it I want
(44:43):
to be?
And that's going to allow thatspace, for that clarity right To
come.
And you know, changes happen,but they happen, you know, in
small moments.
In small moments like that andtaking a time out for ourselves,
when we're able to just reallypause and just be present with
(45:04):
ourselves, feel our heartbeating, engage our senses, just
look around, look, there'sbeauty all around us.
Kena Siu (45:13):
Yeah.
Tina Jett (45:13):
Thank you so much.
Kena Siu (45:15):
You're welcome.
Yeah, there's beauty all aroundus.
Us, if we choose to see beauty,we're gonna see it, that's for
sure.
And I believe that that beautyit had to start by us looking at
ourselves in the mirror andsaying, yeah, I am enough, I am
worthy and I know how to say togo to set a power, one
(45:36):
boundaries, so I can honormyself.
Tina Jett (45:41):
Yep, honoring your yes, yes.
Kena Siu (45:46):
And I have a question for you before we close.
What is a pleasure of you thatyou enjoy?
Tina Jett (45:55):
Well, I enjoy the sunrise, sunrise, the sunsets um
, I love taking that time outfor myself, um, like a
meditation.
I'm an avid meditator.
Those are the things my lifemore enjoyable and more
pleasurable is.
Giving myself time outs is whatI call my putting myself in
(46:15):
timeout, and on the days that Idon't, then I feel it in my body
.
So I just I love quiet timewith myself.
I love spending time with withmyself yeah, that's very
inspiring.
Kena Siu (46:29):
I call it me time, yeah, okay.
Well, thank you again, tina.
It has been a pleasure havingyou here.
You brought a lot of thank youso much this.
Tina Jett (46:38):
Thank you so much.
This was so much fun.
Kena Siu (46:40):
Yeah, it was so much fun.
Thank you so much.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.