#16 - Discovering Who You Truly Are: Stop Hiding and Shine with Andrea Karlovich - Midlife Butterfly: Healing, Empowerment & Self-Discovery

Episode Transcript
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Kena Siu (00:04):
Hello and welcome back to the Midlife Butterfly
podcast.
In this episode, I am sharingan interview with a beautiful
soul, Andrea Karlovich, who willguide us on how we can stop
hiding and embrace our authenticselves.
I know many of us, womenespecially tend to hide, not

(00:27):
allowing ourselves to shine andbe authentic.
We will unwrap some of thecauses and show how we can shift
this around so we can embraceour light and let ourselves
shine.
So welcome, Andrea and letourselves shine, so welcome.

(00:48):
Andrea.
Ah thank you.
Okay, so let's talk a littlebit about you.
Andrea is a somatic spiritualcounselor, and her deepest
passion is guiding people toreconnect with the parts of
themselves that may feel lost,hidden or buried.
She has spent years walkingthis path, helping others peel

(01:12):
away the layers of fear, shameand doubt that have kept them
from living as their true selves.
Her journey of self-discoveryhas taught her that hiding isn't
the answer.
Stepping into your light is.
Her credentials and trainingsinclude master life coaching,

(01:33):
master in spiritual psychology,train in somatic counseling,
embodiment work, traumaresolution, and she's also
studied heart intelligence,group dynamics, conscious
communications, couple of worksand child development and a
variety of energy healingmodalities.

(01:55):
And she is currently a PhDcandidate in metaphysics,
holistic life counseling and,with all the wisdom that she has
acquired over 14 years, sheoffers a safe space to uncover
the truth of who you are.
She believes we all deserve tobe fully seen, heard and

(02:16):
cherished, and she knows thattrue transformation begins when
we stop hiding and allowourselves to be fully seen.
Thank you, andrea, wow.
You're a box of wisdom in here.
It's a different experiencehearing it reflected back to me

(02:37):
and read.
So it was like wow that'sreally fascinating.
Oh wow, oh wow.
So how has been your path outof the hiding part, which was
where some of the blocks thatwere there for you, and do you
that you actually see in womenand in people around that we

(03:01):
tend to hide?

Andrea Karlovich (03:03):
Yeah.
So hiding it's hiding hasevolved into a focus for me, and
I just want to start by sayingyou know, just as I reflect and
hear that reflection of all ofthe titles and accomplishments,
you know I'm still just aspiritual being having a human
experience and I kind of want toset those titles aside, because

(03:28):
that is one way that we canhide.
You know, we can also hide whowe really are by using our
titles and accomplishments inorder to feel worthy or enough,
and so I just want toacknowledge that first, that you
know, I believe that we are alleternal souls having a human

(03:49):
experience and that each of ushas a spiritual curriculum.
So, kind of like you know wesign up for classes, you know
we're here and we come.
You know we incarnate into you,know this world and life and
you know we have certain thingsthat we want to acquire and
learn and grow from, and oftenit comes in ways that are

(04:13):
challenging.
So we may choose to incarnateinto childhoods and families
that are dysfunctional and causewounds, and that experience
ends up being our curriculum inlife to evolve and heal from.
And my curriculum has been ahuge journey of, like true self

(04:34):
discovery.
So hiding has been a huge partof my journey, hiding who I
really am and it started inchildhood.
So I grew up in a family thatwas quite dysfunctional and had
multi-generational wounding thatgot passed down, and the core

(04:56):
wound was, or the way that itwas passed down was, through
shaming.
So I had parents, but inparticular my mom, who had a,
you know, turbulent childhood.
That shame was passed down.
I had to let go of my true selfin order to earn love from my

(05:29):
mom.
So I guess we're just going todive right in.

Kena Siu (05:35):
Go on.

So can just keep going.
But, yeah, one of the corethings that I, the core messages
that I not only experienced inmy child childhood, but it was
also a verbal message that wastold to me, was this and it's a
little harsh, and I say thisjust, you know, to be authentic

(06:00):
and transparent with my storyand to relate with others, but
not to, you know, think poorlyof my mom.
My mom had wounds and they camefrom her childhood and they
were unhealed.
Yeah, so the thing that I heardreally young, seven, eight, you
know was I was.
I was told verbatim who.

(06:22):
Who I was was nothing.
Who you are is nothing, uh, andif you want to be anybody in
the world, you need to doeverything that I tell you to,
because only I this is my momspeaking only I can make you
into something special,something worthy oh my god.
Yeah, yes, so there, oh my God.

(06:43):
Yeah, yes.
So there was big, huge woundsfrom my mom around being enough,
being adequate, beingextraordinary, being worthy, and
instead of resolving theminside of herself, she projected
them and put them onto me, andput that onto me, and so, to

(07:11):
survive.

Kena Siu (07:11):
I I'm seeing your emotion and I'm just like, yeah,
this is wow.
Oh my god.

Yeah, keep going so let me just insert this
children survive, survive byfeeling loved, by feeling worthy
and feeling safe.
Those end up being the corewounds of humanity as we have to
learn about safety, worthinessand lovability.

(07:36):
They can expand from there, youknow, into connection and
belonging and things like that,but it really narrows down to
that.
So if worth and value andlovability are in question, then
a child will trade love andconnection.
They'll trade theirauthenticity for it.

(07:58):
So authenticity is a basichuman need to like we need to be
connected to ourselves in atrue way.
However, in childhood,connection to a parent, a
caregiver or love trumpsauthenticity.
And so, for me, I traded myauthentic self in order to earn

(08:23):
my mom's love, in order to bewho she wanted me to be.
And for me, that's where my trueself started going into hiding,
and I had to.
Well, not only hide, but I,unfortunately, as a child, I
believed her.
I believed that my true selfwas who I was at my core, was

(08:46):
nothing, was worthless and thatonly she could make me into
something more.
And in childhood, like so, sheused shame and fear, you know,
to control my behavior, and itworked Like I was really good
girl, and it worked Like I was areally good girl, yeah, and I

(09:07):
worked to be perfect and pleaseand do all the.
There was a threat of losing herlove and a threat of
abandonment.
Threat of losing her love and athreat of abandonment.

(09:27):
So anytime I stepped out ofline or wasn't doing what she
wanted, she would tell meliterally it wasn't just actions
, it was words, you know.
She would literally tell me I'mdone being your mother and as a
child I mean.
She would elaborate on that andsay I'll still take you to
school, I'll still clothe you,I'll still do all the things,
but I'm done making you intosomething more, something

(09:48):
special.
And for me that meant like I wasworthless, I was left to just
be the nothingness that I wasprogrammed to believe, that I
was, and that felt like death.
And that's normal, you know,for a child.
If they like their worth orvalue, therefore their

(10:09):
worthiness of love, is inquestion.
It feels like they'll die, likeit does.
It feels like that.
So that's where the patterns ofhiding, of trading my authentic
self started.
And you know to to feel lovedand accepted.

(10:30):
Um, I almost want to pausethere and just check in and see
how you're doing.

Kena Siu (10:37):
Yeah, I'm okay, but wow, what, what a journey as a
child and having it like thatclear, because I can relate also
to that feeling of unworthiness.
But for my side it was morelike subtle, not with words but

(10:59):
with you was there on point, andif you will not follow, then
you are not worthy.
Then you are not worthy, youare as you said, you are nobody.
And those are very like heavywords for even for us as adults
now.

So imagine, I can imagine you going through
that as a child yeah, yeah, Isigned up for it and that was
the curriculum I signed up foryeah and you know what thank you
for.

Kena Siu (11:29):
I really love how you use this word curriculum because
when, well, probably at onepoint you did come with this
world, because with this world,because I don't know if you also
went to the victim side of yourlife until we start working in
ourselves, and then then we weunderstand that life is

(11:50):
happening for us and not to us,right, and just before then
we're thinking we're blamingeveryone and we're saying that
we have a shitty life and allthis and the way that you use
this work curriculum and it'slike, yeah, so this is our
curriculum of this humanexperience in life at this
moment.

(12:10):
So absolutely.

Yeah, it's empowering, it's a way to take
responsibility, to takeownership and to recognize that,
yeah, like life is happeningfor us and when really horrible
things happen, it can be reallyhard to embrace that.
However, if we remind ourselves, especially about our childhood

(12:34):
, that on some level, as a soulcoming into having a human
experience, I must have chosenthis.
I know for me, I did.
You know, I chose into it, youknow, but I want to say it a
little softer just in caseothers haven't gotten there yet,
just to ponder.
You know well, what if I did,what if I did choose this

(12:55):
experience, then what?
Yeah, so, yeah.
so I kind of want to get alittle bit back to present
moment and just sharing abouthiding.
So for me, like that was thecore of my programming and the

(13:18):
experiences.
However, the funny thing is, upuntil I had like a spiritual
awakening or a realizationmoment, I thought I had a great
childhood, I thought it was, itwas great, like because I really
, I really did.
I chose to be the good girl, Ichose to be what I was taught to

(13:41):
be.
And you know, for example, likewhen I was five, I got to see
my brother be born at home.
So I come from a chiropracticfamily and we were born at home.
And so my brother was born athome, and it was just before the
summer, before kindergartenstarted for me, and my mom

(14:04):
convinced me that I wanted to bean OBGYN and I said, well, I,
you know, I, I just saw whatabout a midwife.
You know, I just saw a midwifedeliver my brother.
Yeah.
And a midwife wasn't good enough.
You know it wasn't there,wasn't enough status or you know

(14:27):
whatever the belief about againgood enough.
And so she convinced me that Iwanted to be an OBGYN and worked
with me for days to memorizethe letters OBGYN what does it
mean, though?

Kena Siu (14:40):
sorry because that oh oh, english is my second
language, so that's why I'm like, okay, I don't know this.

Yeah, it's an obstetrician gynecologist.
It's the doctor that deliversbabies okay, okay yeah, then
you're a doctor, so that's whythe that case, probably the
difference of level ofrecognition yes, okay, of
recognition, of significance, ofstatus, and that's what was
important to my mom, to myfamily too.

(15:08):
That was kind of thegenerational thing.
And so when I startedkindergarten and that's really
the first opportunity thatchildren are asked the question,
what do you want to be when yougrow up I had a memorized
answer that I never, I nevereven got the chance to inquire

(15:30):
like, ask that question myself.
It was like a memorized answerand so that's just like that's,
that's five and there's.
It continues throughout mywhole childhood into, you know,
teenage years.
It was very programmed and butI never got the chance to really

(15:50):
inquire or discover who I was,what resonated for me, who, what
was me, what was different.
I always had to memorize and bewhat my mom said, and so it's
got hiding, written all over it.
I mean, that's all I knew.

(16:11):
So by the time I was 21, myspiritual awakening was a brief
marriage experience.
So I got married at 21.
And two weeks after the weddingit quickly flipped where I felt
like I didn't know the personthat I married and it was

(16:34):
verbally and emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling
and and shocking.
And it was shocking fast enough, quick enough because, like my
childhood was over time and slow, but this was fast enough,
quick enough that I was like, ohman, what the heck that it like
woke me up, and so within amatter of months I was able to

(16:55):
get out of it and get anannulment.
And I got home and, you know,somebody had recommended reading
a book on codependency.
So I started readingcodependent no more, and by this
time I was 22 and I was likeupstairs back at my parents
house, you know, in my room,reading this book, and it was

(17:17):
hard for me, like it was hard tosee myself in that way, because
by the time I'd gotten into myearly 20s, I had started to
believe that I was the, the liesor the identity that my mom had
like conditioned me to believeyeah, and any um deviation from

(17:41):
that wasn't safe.
It was like any deviation fromthat wasn't safe.
It was like any deviation fromthat.
Then, you know, that feeling ofoh my gosh, like unworthiness
would come up.
And so to read that, that bookand be like oh my gosh, like
yeah, like this is, this is me,it was hard.
And I remember reading it while, like, my parents were

(18:01):
downstairs and I was hearingthem and they were like yelling
or arguing about something ortalking, you know, and I I had
this realization like, oh mygosh, this is my parents, like I
married my parents, and thatwas the awakening that I
realized that I didn't have thebest childhood, that even though

(18:27):
it looks good on the outside,you know, and anybody stepping
into connecting with my family,or the events and parties they
loved my family, but the hiddenemotional, psychological abuse
and manipulation was rampant.
And that was really myawakening to that experience.

Kena Siu (18:50):
Yeah, oh, wow.
And how was it for you reallyexperiencing and seeing that?
Then that reality of you'resaying, oh wow, like this has
been my life and it has been allput out for you, but you

(19:11):
realize then probably only a fewpieces of it really came from
you.
How was that realization?

station.
That's a great question andit's not a simple answer like
because there were so manylayers and that was really the
beginning.
It was the beginning ofrealizing and awakening and then
, while also going through thepain, like the physical pain of
that five, it was like five orsix month marriage, being
married for about five monthsbut experience like cracked me

(19:52):
open and I was accessing painand anger that I had never been
able to access before because inmy childhood anger was ugly,
anger wasn't allowed.
And I understand now, logically, because if anger also gives us

(20:13):
connection to our power and ifwe don't have connection to
feeling anger, then it's reallyhard to own our power.
So I gave you know my power wascompletely given away to my mom
.
So that experience cracked meopen and I was feeling things
that I hadn't allowed myself tofeel for I mean my whole

(20:37):
childhood, practically.
And so it was cracking me open,I was accessing it, I was
having the realizations, I wasseeing the truth.
You know, through what Iexperienced and and then I will
also add that it was many it wasa few years later when I
started to learn a coreprinciple about life which is

(21:01):
and this is, you know, one ofthe core principles I teach and
live by which is life is amirror, and it's a mirror of our
inner relationship withourselves.
And when I realized that and Ilooked back at marrying this
person I had gotten an annulmentbased on proving fraud and it

(21:23):
was very minor.
But the annulment was grantedbecause he had lied to me about
some things and so it was fraud.
But then I had to go back andlook and be like well, if life
is a mirror, and it's a mirrorof my relationship with myself,
I was the fraud and he was justreflecting it back to me oh wow,

(21:47):
yeah, yeah, my whole childhood.
I didn't know it at the time.
You know I had the awarenessthat I was the one that was
inauthentic, that I was the onethat had memorized who my
identity was.
But it took, you know, years ofspiritual growth, work and
healing back and be like if lifeisn't here and that you know, I

(22:12):
, I prove it.
What was reflected back to mewas fraud.
Then I own that.
That was that was how.
That was a reflection of myinner relationship.
So, yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu (22:32):
Wow, yeah, definitely I do agree that life is a mirror
and I guess it's when we reallyunderstand that and if we are
willing and open to do the workis when we can start really
polishing that mirror, to startseeing something different, and

(22:58):
because at the end that mirror,we can keep shifting it over and
over as we evolve as as humanbeings yeah, absolutely, and you
bring up a great point ofevolving it over and over and
that you know leads into, Ibelieve, discovering who we are

(23:23):
is something that we live intoand that we don't necessarily
find the answer.

This is who I am, and it's that forever no, of
course not.

Kena Siu (23:37):
Yeah, because that's the thing we're continuing
becoming, we're becoming, I'mbecoming, I'm becoming right and
and we're continuingremembering, connecting.

We're continuing remembering,
connecting, we're continuingdropping back into what's
already there.
And there's a metaphor thatthat brings up for me, because I
feel that as souls, as eternalbeings having a human experience

(24:07):
, that we already are like whowe are like.
We are born with this beautifulsoul and we go through
experiences that kind of coverit, you know, and shape it.
We get hurt, we get told we'renot worthy, we, you know, and we

(24:28):
don't get met in a way where weget to metabolize those
experiences and still stayconnected to ourself.
And so I know, for me, myjourney has really been learning
how to connect with what wasalready there, but I had to go
through the layers of what Iexperienced.
So I guess there's going to betwo metaphors or two, two things

(24:51):
, as I think of this.
So for me, like I often drawthis out for my clients, but if
you imagine a heart, you know,like at the center, and then a
circle or a layer around it, andthen another circle layer
around it and another circle, alayer around that, and the heart

(25:11):
is representative of our soulessence, of our true self, of
our light, our beauty, ourwholeness, our worthiness and
who we really are and we're bornwith it.
It is it, it is us and it'sthere.
Is it, it is us and it's there.

(25:32):
And I do believe that the corepurpose of childhood is to have
healthy mirrors, meaning parentswho are like, connected to
their true self and can reflectthat back to a child to stay
connected.
But this world isn't quitethere yet.
We're getting there.
Yes, we're a work in progress'tquite there yet.
We're getting there.
Yes, we're work in progress.

(25:53):
Definitely, yeah, we're gettingthere.
So, um, so that's what theheart represents.
The next layer around it, like acircle around.
It gets filled and it getsdense and thick.
It gets filled with differentparts and aspects of ourself.
That gets stuck and frozen intime.

(26:13):
And parts of ourself get stuckand frozen in time when we have
an experience that doesn't cometo completion, that doesn't find
resolution.
You know we fall likephysically speaking.
You know we fall down, wescrape our knee, we get out the
hydrogen peroxide and clean it.
It hurts more.

(26:34):
You know we put some neosporinon it or whatever we use in a
bandaid and it heals.
It comes to completion.
If we don't like, it'll getinfected.
Emotional wounds andpsychological wounds are
invisible If we didn't haveparents or caregivers or people

(26:54):
around us to meet us.
When we, metaphorically, whenwe fell down or got hurt
emotionally and it didn't cometo completion, then it stays
stuck and it I want you toimagine that it stays stuck in
this layer, around that heart.
You know, as we come back tothat, visual and it gets filled,

(27:15):
it gets dense and there'sdifferent pieces and aspects
that are unresolved, that werewounded and form these limiting
beliefs and, you know, have pain, and so, to survive, we go to
the next layer and we create alayer around that, and this next
, the outermost layer, is whatyou could call the ideal self or

(27:40):
, said another way, who we thinkwe need to be in order to be
safe, in order to feel okay andfeel loved and worthy and all
the things.
And so we often hide out inthis ideal self and we hide out

(28:00):
with who we think we have to be.
And there's a few ways thathiding often shows up, and I
call them the four slash,sometimes five P's.
We hide through perfection,trying to be perfect and be who,
the perfect ideal self, andhave the perfect everything, say

(28:24):
the right thing.
You know, we may even findourselves where this shows up,
where maybe we go on a date orwe connect with somebody and
then after, in retrospect, we goin and analyze every single
thing we said and like what didI, you know, and it's like it's
that perfection thing.
Um, performing is another p.

(28:45):
You know, we'll perform, we'll,please, we'll put on a show,
we'll be the funny one or youknow, whatever we need to be to
feel safe and secure with who weare in the moment.
Um, perfection, performing,pleasing.
So pleasing is another onewhere we're hyper aware of
everyone around us.
We're hyper aware of theiremotions.

(29:07):
They're like.
Some of us can even like, tellwhat somebody's thinking and
anticipate their needs andplease and take care of
everybody else, and we'll denyourselves um and pretending, you
know, we'll pretend I'm fine,I'm good, you know, when really,
like, I'm experiencing deepsadness and loss because my dog

(29:29):
just died or something like that.
Um, and then the last one thatkind of goes in and out the five
, the fifth p is proving andit's kind of a way to hide, you
know, it just depends.
But proving really comes from awound of trying to go out in the
world and earn our worth.
Prove that you know, hey, see,see who I am, see how many

(29:52):
achievements I've got.
Like, doesn't that prove to youthat I'm enough?
And it just comes from tryingto fill that wound of
unworthiness and we can hideslightly behind it.
It can, it can be true, likewhat we're trying to prove, but
we have to see it ourselves.
And so those are some of thecommon ways that hiding shows up

(30:12):
, and hiding what's real for us,what our real thoughts,
feelings are.
And there's three areas thathiding show up.
It's with ourselves, withothers and in the world, and
with ourselves.
Is you know, my story that Ijust shared is a great example
of how I was hiding with myself.

(30:34):
Is you know, from theconditioning and everything that
I experienced, like I didn, myfacilitator and teacher?
She was like feel your feet,can you?

(30:55):
Can you feel your feet rightnow?
You know this is very common inthe somatic practice.
You know, tune in and feel yourfeet, drop in.
And I would look with myeyeballs and she would be like
no, no, no, don't look at yourfeet, feel them.
And it was so.
The embodiment work was so hardfor me at first, because I was

(31:19):
so oriented to seeing myselfthrough the eyes of my mother,
to feel safe, that I didn't knowhow to drop in and feel what I
was feeling.
And so when it came to liketuning inward and being like how
do I feel, I didn't know.
I couldn't access almost any ofmy feelings and what I had to

(31:41):
do is I had to drop in and feelthe nothingness which presented
kind of like ice, like you'dthink.
Like ice.
It didn't feel cold or hot, itwas like neutral ice and I had
to keep feeling my non-access tofeeling.
I had to keep feeling thenothingness and over time it

(32:03):
would melt and metabolize andthen I could gain access to what
I was feeling.
So when we hide from ourselves,we may have lived life where
we're very disconnected, verydisconnected from ourselves,
from what we feel, from what wethink, from who we are.
And other times we might beaware, we might be aware subtly,

(32:29):
of what's going on and insteadof facing and feeling it, we'll
get busy, we'll run around andget busy and like, do all the
things and you know, go, go, go,and you know no slowing down
until it's time to fall asleepand we'll get up, we'll do it
again and you know we're good,you know we were taking care of

(32:50):
everything and um.
But if we slow down, if we slowdown and stop running away from
our bodies and our feelings andour thoughts and what's true
for us, intuitive, because if weare in the sympathetic nervous

(33:14):
system and we're in fight, fightor freeze, then that the
sympathetic nervous system tellsus to go run, do you know, in
order to feel safe?
Yeah, but the opposite ends upbeing true is to down, drop in,
get the parasympathetic nervoussystem online and meet what's
present, meet what's real, andthat's when the the healing and
the metabolization start tohappen.
That's when we stop hiding fromourselves and we start

(33:37):
connecting and getting real.
We have to be ready, becausesometimes there's things that
are that come up in our bodythat we haven't been ready to
face and yeah, wow, that thingis oh wow, I'm just in awe.

Kena Siu (33:54):
Thank you for all this share.
I mean wow because I've seen,like for my personal experience,
hiding for me has been reallybecause of my wound of rejection
, so it was really me choosingto hide to avoid that.
But in your case it's acompletely different perception.

(34:19):
Well, it's a story that I'venever perceived.
Hiding from that side, and whatyou just said now of us being
busy, busy, busy all the time Inever saw it either as a way of
hiding and I I am a woman thathave done that and I'm sure that

(34:41):
a lot of listeners they canrelate to that and we think that
we are good and we are doingeverything and you know, but,
yeah, it's a way of hiding, yeahit is.
And something when you weretalking about the, the four
pieces of hiding, the one that Iknow it resonates for most of

(35:03):
us, or at least for what thewomen that I have talked to and
for some you know, facebookgroups that I have been in and
the whole thing, and evenclients yeah, I've been, we've
been working with.
This is the pleasing part howwe actually hide ourselves by

(35:25):
pleasing others.

Yeah, yeah.
We deny and abandon our ownneeds, our own desires, our own
dreams, our own wants, in orderto make sure everybody else is
happy.
We're so good at reading andknowing what people need and
want and giving it to them weknow can be so generous and

(35:50):
thoughtful, but we don't includeourselves.

Kena Siu (35:53):
Yeah but and adding to that once, the first time I
actually I heard this, I waslike they say, being a people
pleaser, it's a way ofmanipulation, and just to say it
gives me chills because I waslike what you know, at that time

(36:17):
, like now, I'm like hell.
Yeah, that's so true.
Because we are not allowing tobe ourselves fully, because we
want the other person to be okay.
We want the other person to beokay, we want the other person
to love us, we want the otherperson to whatever expectation

(36:37):
we may have, but by us pleasingthem, we are manipulating the
situation yeah, we'reoutsourcing and trying to get
their approval, their validation.

They're liking us, they're loving us, they're
accepting us, and so we we endup, you know, pleasing, and
pleasing can be super mild.
You know it can be mild interms of um.
You know this kind of jumpsinto the um you know self other
world jumps into the how we hidewith others category.

(37:14):
It's like okay where do you wantto go to dinner?
Well, I don't know.
Where do you want to go todinner?
Well, just wherever you want togo to dinner.
You know, it's like thispleasing thing and we might tell
ourselves well, that's true,I'm being real, I'm being
authentic, because I just wantto go where they want to go, but
then we're not.
It comes down to self, becausethen we're probably not

(37:38):
connected to ourselves or givingourselves permission to have a
desire, to have a preference, tohave, you know, a want, and so
the so the surface is no, no, Ireally just want what they want,
you know.
And so we have to dare to bereal, we have to dare to be

(37:58):
ourselves, we have to dare tosay and have the courage to be
like.
You know what?
I'd really prefer Italiantonight.
You know, like what about you?
Well, I didn't really want totell you.
Oh, that's okay, we can gowhere you want to go, right,
like yeah that's true, yeah, ithappens.
And the like it's because we'vehad the wounds of rejection, you

(38:24):
know, the wounds of beingourselves or having our own
needs and wants wasn't okay, itwasn't safe, it wasn't accepted.
We didn't have somebody sayingyou be you, I'm really proud of
you, like that's awesome, likeyou want to go there and you
spoke it.
No matter if it happens or not,that's great, you know.
Instead, it's like what youwant, that you know there's

(38:48):
subtle aspects of like who doyou think you are, which is
shame, you know.
And so the core is reallycoming into the realization that
our being, the worthiness ofbeing, isn't on the line.
Our lovability isn't on theline no matter if we have a
different preference.

(39:09):
So pleasing is is big, and itcomes back to our relationship
with ourselves and connectingwith ourselves, with accepting
what's true for us, what's realfor us, accepting what we feel,
seeing ourselves, and when we do, there's less pressure and need

(39:32):
to get it from the outside, toget it from other Back to the
principle of life, is a mirror.
What I found is when you startseeing, when we all start really
seeing and valuing ourselves,then we'll attract relationships
and experiences of people whocan see us and who can value us

(39:58):
and reflect us back.
But the little magical thing iswe don't need them to anymore.
It's a bonus because we've got.
Yeah, we see us.
And I know I mentioned a secondmetaphor earlier.
I described the heart one.
I love this one.
It almost makes me tear upevery time I share it and I've

(40:20):
shared it hundreds of times.
Um, and it's a way ofconnecting back into the self.
Is there's this metaphor?
You may have heard it, but it'sthe angel in the didn't.
I didn't, I just took themarble and I saw into it and the

(40:57):
David was already there.
The angel was already within it.
And so I feel like we work sohard, going outside of ourselves
, trying to find ourselves outthere, trying to become
something with others or in theworld or out there, and we're

(41:20):
missing it, that we are humanbeing, our human self is part of
that marble.
And on in, on inside, thatmarble is the angel, is the soul
, is the statue that was alreadythere and that our journey
isn't to go out and findourselves, it's to go in and see

(41:42):
who's already there.
The angel is already within you, it's already within me, our
true self is there.
It's just there's excess marble,which is part of that middle
layer I talked about earlier andall we have to do is just
release it.
Acknowledge and release theexcess marble, acknowledge the

(42:05):
experience that made us feellike we had to cover ourselves
and hide ourselves and hold back.
And the more that we do that,the light, the soul light, the
angel, the being that's withinthe true self, will illuminate
and shine forth.
And that's when life getsreally magical, because the more

(42:26):
we connect inward to that andwe follow what our soul essence
is guiding us to do and to be Imean one to be is just really to
connect with that Then we're inalignment with our soul, we're
in alignment with our soul pathand we get to go out into the
world and out into relationshipsfrom a place of deep connection

(42:51):
with that of having thatwholeness, that worth, that
value, and from there we don'tneed anything from the world and
we don't need anything fromothers because we have it.
But what we do get to do is weget to share it.
We get to share it withoutneeding anything back.
And so that metaphor is one ofthe most powerful metaphors,

(43:13):
especially for me, because manlike, have I ever searched under
every rock looking for myselfand gone out?
There.
Oh yeah, and then I'll hit awall.
I'm like, oh, I need to comeback to myself.
Like, oh, I need to come backto myself.
Ow, I hit a wall, it hurt youknow, and you know, it was my

(43:34):
reminder to be like, oh yeah,like, let me come back within,
and it's a journey, and so I Ijust wanted to also cover, you
know, the other, how we hidewith other.
You know, the more we'reconnected to ourselves and going
within, then we can share whatwe have with others and they can
see it.
If we're disconnected you knowwhich which we can be we can be

(43:58):
disconnected to some parts ofourselves, disconnected from
others, and when we'redisconnected, we'll please, you
know, we'll do all the thingsbecause we don't have what we're
looking for and we'll need tooutsource it or need to try to
please or perform in order forsomebody to love us in that

(44:19):
place.
But once we do, we liberate itand that pattern can resolve,
especially in relationships.
Resolve especially inrelationship, excuse me, um, now
with the world.
The world is is kind of more inalignment with our service, our
calling, our purpose, how weshow up in the world.

(44:41):
And I know each of us, Ibelieve everybody has gifts.
They have soul gifts and theyget illuminated and they come
forward the more we go throughthat middle layer like that the
heart, then the next layer, thenext, that middle layer yeah, um
, there's gifts that come frommeeting those places that that

(45:04):
come out, um, and then there'sgifts that come from the soul,
that are just natural, that wehave, and so the more more we go
inward, the more that comes out.
And I feel like with showing upin the world, if we aren't
connected you know, it's not allof us, it's parts right, if we
aren't connected to a certainpart that we're wanting to share

(45:26):
, be seen, or we're wanting toearn our worth or value will
show up in the world and onewill hide.
You know, maybe we won't dareto do the thing that our soul is
calling us to do.
You know we'll be afraid ofbeing rejected or judged or all
the things.
But again, the more we comeback to connecting with self,

(45:46):
the more we can feel safe,because we've resourced our own
safety from within and thenwe're free to.
It still might require courage,but we're much freer to step
out and do what our soul isguiding us to do in the world
Okay.
Oh, wow.

(46:06):
Okay.

Kena Siu (46:12):
Oh, wow, yeah, I love that metaphor.
I never.
I never hear it before.
The angel and the marble, yes,and that's it goes to coming
back to that remembering of whowe are because, yeah, like our
soul is here, it's just all thatconditioning, all that

(46:35):
programming that we havereceived since we were born,
that has built all those layers,that doesn't allow us to really
see that soul and not see itbut feel it, because once that
we feel it, it's really beinghome yeah, yeah, yeah oh, and

(47:08):
one of the things that I am,that I learned through the
journey is that, as you said,there are several different
parts.
Right, that we hide, but one ofthe things that I realized to
really get to accept who I amand to love who I am is that
shadow part, and I think that'sone of the more difficult things

(47:32):
to actually face because, again, you are not allowed to be
angry, you are not allowed tonot obey or you need to do what
I'm telling you to do, and allthose things that we don't
supposed to do or not supposedto show or express out, and if

(47:54):
we don't really put a light onthem, we cannot really shine.

Yeah, beautiful.
Yeah, the shadow.
For me, I like to define theshadow Not bad, it's just
anything that we aren't willingto let be seen.
And you know the shadow.

(48:27):
So I like to say healing.
Healing is welcoming back inthose parts that are hiding in
the shadow.
Yes, when we welcome them, partin that it means something

(48:55):
about who you know, that.
It means that we're less than,or you know whatever the fear is
and that it also means that itwill be that way always.
So an example with that would belike rage, rage, repressed

(49:16):
anger.
You know I can't let that angerin.
It'll take over me, you knowit'll.
You know I don't want to bethat way.
Yeah, but the what's beenhelpful is seeing those
different parts as differentaspects of us, you know, because
every age we've ever been isalive and present within us.

(49:37):
And so if there is an angrylittle child that you know got
judged or shamed for feelingangry and got lost and
disconnected, it got locked upinto a closet or into, you know,
the attic, metaphoricallyspeaking, then you know they've

(49:59):
been.
That aspect of us has beenabandoned and sitting in a dark
room for so long and rejected,not anymore just by others, but
now it's been rejected by us.
Yes, and we've, we've abandonedit, we've betrayed it, and so

(50:21):
for doing the shadow work andreclaiming those parts, we have
to be willing to.
you know, seeing, and metaphorshelp, help me, you know, and
they've helped my, I like toimagine a house, like with an
attic attic, and some of theparts that we've abandoned or
hidden are, like, locked in adark room and and we've hired an

(50:42):
armed guard to stand at thedoor.
You know, yeah, um, and so wehave to be willing to take the
to, like, you know, release thearmed guard and unlock the door
and reclaim that part and to seeit as it is and let it be okay
and not have an agenda for it tobe different.

(51:04):
We can sit with it and let thatlittle five-year-old or
12-year-old or 17-year-old ortwo-year-old be angry, have a
voice.
We can let that part be okay tobe fully expressed, without
needing it to be different,without needing it to get it
together or, you know, beperfect or anything, and that is

(51:30):
how we welcome those parts.
That's what I've done and andthe way that I've guided clients
through is is letting that partin and sitting there, like.
Imagine yourself sitting therein that room, that this part has
been locked in, and justsitting next to them and holding
space, telling them like, ifit's anger, as an example, like

(51:54):
it's okay to tell me more.
I'm here with you, I'm strongenough now because you're
showing up with your adult self.
I'm strong enough to feel thisBring it, it's okay, it's okay,
it's okay.
And the more we meet thoseparts, just like that, the magic

(52:17):
is they get the medicine, theyget that unconditional
acceptance.
They get met in the way thatthey didn't at five years old or
at the time that heals it, thatcompletes it and then, in that
part, transforms it, releases it, lets go, it evolves, it grows

(52:40):
from five years old and startsto grow emotionally back into
the age that you are.
You know it's sometimes it'spiece by piece and maybe they
grow a few years.
You know and it takes some time,but you start to welcome it and
let that part reintegrate backinto who you are and where you

(53:01):
are today.
But the caveat is knowing that,knowing that it transforms,
knowing that those aspects andparts do transform and it
metabolizes.
We get stuck.
If we meet them that way, wecan't have an agenda or it's

(53:22):
like okay, I'm gonna accept youbecause I know you're gonna
change, you know you're gonna.
It's gonna go away like okay,okay, was that enough?
Was that, was that enough?
Did you feel the anger?
Enough, is that good?
Okay, you're happy now, right?
No, it doesn't work that way.
We have to just sit there andnot have an agenda to be
different at all.

(53:43):
So when you think about it, ifyou've ever had an experience of
somebody outside of you meetingyou that way, it's magic, it's
medicine.
And if you share a part ofyourself with somebody that can
hold space and can love you andnot want you to be any different
, and even if it's a part wherethere's shame around and you

(54:05):
shared it and somebody just sawyou, it's like great, wow, okay,
thank you for sharing.
I love you just the same andhad no agenda for you to change
the thing.
That's the meeting and yeah,that's, that's, that's the magic

(54:26):
.
And so when we work with theparts that we've hidden, the
shadow parts, you know, thenwhen they get accepted, like
that, magic things transform.
And there isn't always, notalways parts that are angry or
parts that seem dark, you know,or negative, that are in the

(54:48):
shadow.
It's also parts that are light.
We hide our light too, becauseour light may have been too much
and other people felt insecureand they felt threatened and
they didn't feel good aboutthemselves.
When you were shining, when youhad your light, and you, as a

(55:09):
sensitive soul, or all of uslike sensitive, empathic souls,
we don't like that.
We know what it feels like tofeel that and we don't like
others to feel that way.
We don't want them to feel lessthan we know what it feels that
way.
So, oh my gosh, I'm going tolock that light up into the, the
closet, into the attic, intothe shadow, and I'm gonna hide

(55:30):
that part of me because I wantothers to feel good about who
they are so I can feel, yeah, soI'm okay, and it's not safe to
shine.
So the light can be a part ofthe shadow just as much as the
like, the proverbial dark, youknow.
I mean I try not to do good, bad, right and wrong you know,

(55:54):
those judgments.
But yeah, the light.
Hiding our light, fear of beingtoo much, fear of threatening
others and hiding the dark is,oh no, like they'll reject me if
they know this part of me, butthey know that I can get angry
like this you know like they'llabandon me.
That's not acceptable.
So we, we hide like.

(56:16):
That's why I love exploring thatword, you know, hiding, because
it really does show up in somany ways, and the journey home
is coming back to ourselves andletting it be okay, first with
us and then how we show up withothers and how we show up in the
world, and then, when we showup in the world, we might get

(56:39):
triggered and afraid and we comeback down to ourselves and meet
ourselves and work on it andthen we can come back out.
It's like the cocoon and abutterfly.

Kena Siu (56:47):
Yes, exactly oh wow, yeah, I can definitely.
Yeah, with the whole this wholeconversation.
Yeah, it's, it's definitely thehide you have done at deep,
like you know.

(57:09):
You really went to the hole inthere to really find what is is
hiding.
I I have never perceived itlike this way, with such an
amplitude of it, and, yeah,there are too many pieces in
there.
There are too many pieces andI'm sure that a lot of people
are gonna relate.

(57:29):
I could relate to many of thethings that that you just said
and, like the simple example Ijust said no, you choose which
restaurant we want to you, wewant to go.
You know, like it's somethingso simple.
Yeah, but you're not speakingyour truth.

Therefore, you're hiding yeah, I love that
you said that.
Yeah, exactly, and it's the,it's the simple things, yes, do
you have any?

Kena Siu (57:56):
sorry, do you have any other?
Like simple examples like this,that we might not realize it,
but they are there.

Well, let me just go to what I was going to
say first, and that is tosimplify things, you know.
So we often go for the bigthings, you know.
We want to answer the bigquestions in life.
We want to want to know who weare, why we're here, what our
purpose is like, how do we serveand make a difference like we

(58:26):
are, why we're here, what ourpurpose is like, how do we serve
and make a difference like andit comes back to so those
questions, I like to say thoseare questions that we, we live
into the answer, you know, welive into them day by day and we
start living into things momentby moment, coming back to the
present moment and gettingsimple with, like, what's
authentic to me right now,what's in alignment?

(58:47):
Is that really true or is theresomething underneath that you
know?
And so it's like.
I feel like courage is such.
You know, hiding is reallyabout safety and fear.
You know fear and trying wehide to find safety, and so that
requires courage.

(59:07):
It requires courage to go on ajourney inward to connect with
ourselves.
You know, courage to cultivatethat, enough safety to dare to
let ourselves be seen just alittle more in our relationships
and just a little more in howwe're showing up in the world.
I feel like breaking it down toembracing courage in the simple

(59:33):
moments of everyday life isreally the way that we live into
more of our true self, and Iwant to say that it's not a a
black and white up and down,swift um switch that we flip,
it's like I'm authentic and nowI'm authentic.

(59:54):
Oh my gosh.
No, that would be nice.
It might be a little veryjarring for our nervous system
it's more different shades or Idon't know.

Kena Siu (01:00:07):
I just I just pictured the color gray.
How many shades you can you canhave yeah, yeah, it's about the
yeah.

Andrea Karlovich (01:00:16):
So it's about the little shifts, the tiny,
tiny little shifts.
And I know for some of us welike to go big.
You know if we're gonnatransform, we like to go big.
You know we're going totransform.
We like to go all out, we liketo do it.
We want those big results.
But the the big results comefrom connecting to the core,

(01:00:37):
connecting to the center, andmaking a tiny shift inside,
making a tiny shift in yourrelationship with yourself and a
tiny shift in how you show upin relationships with others,
and a tiny shift in you know howyou're serving and showing up
in the world and another.

(01:00:57):
If you can't tell, I likemetaphors.
I love go for it.
I love them.
I love, go for it, I love them.
So an earthquake, for example,earthquake happens, we see, I
mean we see the results.
Like it.
It destroys a lot of things, ittears a lot of things down.

(01:01:18):
And an earthquake, you know,think of it, pretend like maybe
it's a good thing.
You know, transformation itjust transforms, transforms, it
can be messy.
So an earthquake we usuallylike to go for the end result of
what an earthquake produces.
But what causes an earthquake?
If you go to the center, at thecore, there's two little plates

(01:01:39):
and they make a tiny shift,tiny, and that tiny shift at the
core ripples out and createstransformation.
Okay, so same with, like thetrajectory of um, of a ship, a
huge vessel or cruise liner.
Like if they they set a courseand if they change that course

(01:02:04):
one degree or two degrees, theyend up in a completely different
destiny.
Yes.
So to attempt this journey ofbeing, or to live into being,
more of who we truly are, to betrue to ourselves and be on our
path.
It's about self-awareness andcoming back to ourselves, being

(01:02:27):
willing to slow down, getpresent, connect, find safety in
the present moment and askourselves questions and be
willing to let the answers comefrom within.
That may be hard.
It was so hard for me to startdoing that, you know, because it
was scary.
It was safer for somebody totell me what to do, because

(01:02:49):
that's how I was raised, yeah,but I had to start daring and
being willing to find my ownanswer and dare to answer my
question, even if it was wrong,even if it was a mistake.
That, you know, that scared methe most even if it was a
mistake.
Now you know that scared me themost, and so the little things,

(01:03:11):
like the little moments, likeyou know of you know what feels
good to me in this moment.
You know what do I, what do Ireally want and what's the most
authentic thing for me to do,and connecting with the body and
moving the body and expressingoften feels good.
Another thing that's alsoreally helpful is the sound of

(01:03:33):
your own voice.
Talking to ourselves is veryregulating for the nervous
system.
Inwardly is great, and when youalso talk outwardly, there's
something magical for thenervous system, there's
something settling in it.
When we can hear the energy andthe vibration of our own voice,

(01:03:53):
what I found is like it's a waythat it empowers us.
We access more of that power byspeaking.
Yeah, um.

Kena Siu (01:04:04):
So I know I kind of went off on a tangent and I know
it's perfect, because actuallyI was going to ask you some of
the exercises or practices thatwe can do to then stop hiding
and allowing our that revealingof our authentic self.
And what you just said is just,it just went on point.

(01:04:25):
You know all these differentthings?
Yeah, yeah, I, I, I do remember, as you're saying.
I think the key of this isreally awareness to, because if
we are doing the things inautopilot, then we are not

(01:04:46):
really present, excuse me, weare not really aware or
conscious, and the only way wecan actually shift and change
and create a different result inour lives is really by having
that awareness of choosingsomething different.
Because if we are in autopilot,we're still choosing something,

(01:05:11):
unconsciously most likely, butwe're choosing something.
So it's about that awareness ofsaying, okay, I'm choosing
something different and, eventhough it's going to feel, feel
uncomfortable, because I am usedto feel safe and and my nervous

(01:05:33):
system that's how it wants tokeep right, not getting this
anxiety of it but if we're stillwithin our safety nets, I think
, think within our nervoussystem, if we just tweak it a
bit, but we still feel safe, Ibelieve that's the way to go, to

(01:05:55):
start then showing ourselvesmore and more.

Absolutely, absolutely.
The key is learning how to giveourselves what we never
received, especially inchildhood.
And one of those core things issafe.
If we didn't have a safeenvironment or if it wasn't safe

(01:06:21):
to share our truth or beourselves, then we have to learn
how to give that to ourselves.
We have to learn how to createand find safety within and find
that acceptance within.
We have to learn how to see ourvalue and worth, how to feel
lovable with ourselves, forourselves, and that is really

(01:06:46):
the healing journey yeah,definitely, it's as you said.

Kena Siu (01:06:51):
It's how we start like peeling all those layers here
and there, because for me, Ithink in the last year is when I
really sink in and feel safewith it awesome you know, just
last year I'm 46, almost 47, youknow I made it and still

(01:07:15):
working in progress.
Because again it's it's layers.
We may I may feel safe withsome things or with some people,
but not in other situations andnot with other people.
So it's coming back to home andthen connecting back and saying
okay, like again bringing thatawareness of saying I'm not

(01:07:40):
feeling safe.
What do I need to choose now?
Or what do I need to practice,even if it's a deep breathing or
going to nature or do somethingthat is going to bring us back
to ourselves so we can feel safeagain and by doing so again

(01:08:01):
being authentic, being true.

Yeah, beautiful, authentic, being true
, yeah, beautiful, oh my gosh.
Well, congratulations forfinding that inner safety and
touching it Like yeah and way togo for acknowledging the
progress, because me too, me too, I find that safety and then,
when I stretch beyond my comfortzone, got to do the work.

(01:08:27):
Yes, exactly yeah.
And I wanted to talk aboutmidlife.
You know, midlife like 40s, sowith working with a lot of
clients like I've seen themesespecially with decades, and so
what I've witnessed is likestepping into the 40s.
It's all about next level.

(01:08:50):
The 40s is like an invitationfor your next level and what I
see that mean is it's the nextlevel of getting more aligned
with your soul, with who youreally are, and there's like an
energetic shift in the fortiesthat calls us forward and so
there can be so much transitionin the forties, you know,

(01:09:12):
whereas if things are out ofalignment with your soul and
what's meant for you, they'llfall away.
You know they'll shift therelationships, things change
careers and if they are inalignment, like if you have been
following that, then it's stillthe next level.
It's like being called intomore.

(01:09:32):
How can you express yourselfmore?
How can you deepen in yourrelationship more?
How can you deepen in yourconnection and your practice
with yourself and, like the 50sof what I've witnessed, um is
50s are like new beginning sowhen people step into their 50s.
It's kind of a graduation of,like what they've learned and

(01:09:54):
you know up until then and it'slike something new, like a new
project, new beginning,something they've never tried
before, like they're you knowsomething new.
Um, 30s, like I'm you know I'mat the tail end here um, and 30s
is like kind of for me it'sbeen like self-discovery, like

(01:10:17):
really doing the work andshowing up and connecting and
working with the layers and as Iget I'm almost at 40, you know
so and so it's that I'm feelingthat call for the next level,
you know which is why work isgoing to be expanding and stuff
like that.
And then just for anyone else,like um, 20s, like you, hit the

(01:10:39):
quarter life crisis.
A lot of people hit thatidentity crisis at 25 where they
like kind of have an awakening.
That was, you know, 22 is kindof mine.
You know where it's like, um,oh my gosh, like I was raised to
be this way or I was raised togo into this career, do this.
And this isn't me, I don't knowwho I am, but this is me and

(01:11:04):
like that can be the awakeningin the 20s, living up to the
Saturn return.
So I just kind of wanted toacknowledge that for any
listeners.
But yeah, the 40s like nextlevel, next level alignment um,
I love what you said.

Kena Siu (01:11:19):
I mean, all this it well, it's great and yeah,
that's really what the 40s is.
And this midlife, and that'swhat I call this show, actually
the Midlife Butterfly, becausewe, as you said, is when we are
really like doing that healingprocess and that transformation,
and it's over and over becauseit seems like life is happening

(01:11:44):
faster between quotes but it'sjust so many things at the same
time and and it's so many cuckoocuckooing at the same time and,
as you said, sometimes yeah,it's the death and the rebirth,
but it's sometimes it's just atransformation, that expansion
of the soul, and it's just likeI just love my bodies, you know

(01:12:09):
it's been.
Oh, I just love them, yay love,love, love.
Yes yes, yes so you're, you'reclose to to turning 40.

You said yes in February oh wow, I'm from
February too, really yes, fromwhich day are you the night, oh
19th yeah so I'm right there,feeling the energies, listening,
honoring it, listening to thecall and you, you know, stepping

(01:12:46):
in and you know, but thenthere's new love with expansion
and next level.
It's that new level.
You know new levels.
And the nervous system is, youknow, the safety thing comes up.
And I'm noticing when, when itcomes up and it's like my inner
child wants to hide a little bitand it's like, okay, like we do
the work, I'm gonna meet you,like like I'm, I'm strong, I can

(01:13:09):
hold space for you, I cancreate safety.
It's okay and so it's.
It's the journey.

Kena Siu (01:13:15):
Yes, exactly yeah for this, because I well, I guess
that you have became the personthat you are now because of all
the studies and all the supportthat you have probably get from

(01:13:37):
either therapy or coaching ormentorship, and because I think
that's the way that we canactually evolve and grow between
quotes in a faster way.
Otherwise, I mean, life isbeautiful and at the same time

(01:14:01):
it goes really fast.
So I really think that byhaving that support of someone
so we can get to heal theseparts of us and be able then to
be there not only for ourselvesbut from others and the world,
as you were mentioning, it isthis composition of of having

(01:14:26):
then feeling that purpose forour lives and feeling fulfilled
by having the support of someoneto help us really heal this
part of ourselves yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, it's a, it's a mix,
and there's um, there's beautyin all of it, and there's also

(01:14:50):
some slippery slopes in all ofit.

That, you know , I've also experienced with
myself so there can be layersand stages of healing.
And sometimes in the beginning,when we're awakening and we're
learning to see ourselves, we,we get around people who can see
us and who have done the workand can be a clean, healthy

(01:15:15):
mirror you know, that's um, atherapist, a coach, a counselor
or you know, a community ofpeople who are doing work and
they can see into the angelwithin us and they can reflect
that back to us and it helps.
It's a healing experience toreceive that and get to witness

(01:15:37):
that.
That's the beauty.
The slippery slope of it is wecan get really attached to
people who can see us when wecan't see ourselves.
We can get dependent andcodependent on needing them and
we can fall into patterns of allthe things, the pleasing and

(01:16:01):
and get needy like we need to beseen and that person can see us
and so we'll bend overbackwards and do you know,
whatever we can, it's not theslippery slope we have to be
careful with that it's healingto be in community and to be
with somebody who can see us andreceive that medicine.

(01:16:22):
But the key is to not projectourselves back onto them but to
just say thank you and to workon going inward and see
ourselves.
So there's beauty and magic inboth and the balance is being
able to have it and receive it.
But the goal is to be able togive it to ourselves, be able to

(01:16:43):
see ourselves.
And the more that we do thatfor ourselves, the more we can
be able to give it to ourselves,be able to see ourselves, and
the more that we do that forourselves, the more we can be a
clean, pure mirror and reflectothers back to themselves.
And then we also know that ifsomebody's projecting back onto
us, you know, and becoming needy, we can give them their power
back and say nope, it's not me,I was just seeing you Go back,

(01:17:04):
you know center, back intoyourself.
You got this, and that's a hugepart of my work is I believe in
empowerment and being in thisposition.

Kena Siu (01:17:16):
That was exactly what I was going to say.
It's the thing it's giving topeople, the empowerment them
taking that responsibility forit, but at the same time, same
time, they take back their ownpower and stop giving it away.
Yeah, that's the only way wecan actually be free, because

(01:17:36):
freedom comes from within, assafety comes from within, as
love comes from within yeah,exactly, and community can help
us access it sometimes,especially in the beginning,
when it's really hard to accessit for ourselves.

But the key is to be with mentors, to be with
people who are healed enoughwithin themselves that they
don't need you to give yourpower away to them.
Exactly, they don't need you tobe their guru or their hero or
anything like that, because theyknow who they are and they can

(01:18:16):
give your power back to you.
When you fall into the patternof giving it away and I had both
, because that was my pattern orwhat I was raised to give my
power to my mom that she knewbetter than I did on the healing
journey, like I came across.
You know healers and therapistsand you know coaches.

(01:18:36):
Some were able to do that forme and others weren't.
Others weren't and they wouldkind of eat it up and you know,
like kind of take the power, butI got to a point where I then
advocated for it for myself, andso, as far as being in the,
having the honor and privilegeof guiding others through their

(01:18:57):
healing journey that's a hugecore pillar of where I come from
is making sure that I give mypower back to my clients and I
say like you know, I want you tograduate, I want you to become
your own coach and facilitatorand healer and and guide, and to

(01:19:20):
recognize that your answerscome from within.
You know I can shine a lightand guide you and, yes, I'm also
very intuitive and can havedownloads as well but the key is
for you to come to it yourself,and so I feel like that's huge
and I love that.
That's where you come from too.

Kena Siu (01:19:40):
Yeah, no, yeah, thank you for sharing that, because,
yeah, we want them to graduate.
We don't want them here all ourlives.
It's cool to have clients, yeah, you know, but no, I want you
to be independent.
Than we know how to healourselves, and then learning
different methodology fromdifferent people.

(01:20:09):
Then we take whatever worksbest for us and then we can
become our own coaches.
Yeah, yes, of course we stillhave some support, because we
always need to keep you know,okay, we keep growing and
evolving, but it's just at leastnot having that dependency of
someone like saying, okay, thisis, there's an earthquake now,

(01:20:32):
okay, what practices can I takeso then I can come back home,
come back to feel safe?

yeah, exactly right, and you know everybody's
unique and um, certain thingswill work for certain people,
but I always like to say, makeit your own filter through you,
through your nervous system,through your body, through your
story, and and make it yours.
Make what tools, what healingtools, work for you, for you.

(01:21:03):
And yeah, yeah, I feel likethat's important and I think,
with the support, like thesupport is amazing and the
self-support is also amazing,and learning how to navigate
what is needed in the season isimportant to honor you know, to
recognize where you're comingfrom you know is it coming from

(01:21:27):
that place of giving power away?
Is it coming from a place of youknow?
Do you need to come home toyourself and sit with yourself?
Are you afraid of sitting withyourself and finding your own
answers right now?
You know and to recognize that.
So it's a dance, I feel likeit's a dance journey of

(01:21:47):
especially through differentseasons of growth yeah oh my god
yes, all day.

Kena Siu (01:21:59):
Oh yeah, we can keep going, no worries, I'm sure
you're gonna be back.
I'm throwing away the ball ofthe next invitation, that's for
sure, thank you oh wow, this hasbeen wonderful.
I have learned a lot again.
I love your energy.

(01:22:20):
Your wisdom is wow and I'mreally very, very grateful of
having you here, and I'm surethat whoever is listening also
is going to appreciate much allwhat you have shared, and I
would like to know if you wouldlike to share something before
we close this session, thisinterview yeah, um, there's.

There's one thing that keeps dropping in and
it's actually an exercise, andso I must be guided to share it.
So, especially picking backingfrom the discussion about self
versus working with others, um,so there is a powerful exercise
that I do in groups with others,but it's also super powerful to

(01:23:10):
do it with yourself, and it'san exercise of in a practice of
seeing yourself, truly seeingyourself.
So the exercise is to go intothe mirror and see the beautiful
soul standing before you, seethe woman and if there's any men
listening, or the man, um, inthe mirror before you, and stand

(01:23:33):
in front of that mirror anddeclare to that being in front
of you and say these exact wordsI'm here to be seen.
And you tell yourself, lookinginto the mirror, I am here to be
seen.
And you tell yourself, lookinginto the mirror, I am here to be
seen.
You say that out loud.
Then get a little closer to themirror and see yourself.

(01:23:56):
Look into your eyes and look forthat angel in the marble, look
for the loving essence, for theloving essence, the soul essence
, the eternal being.
That is who you really are, andtake your time to see it and
feel it and when you feelconnected to seeing her or him,

(01:24:21):
then say out loud and I see you,and receive that, receive the
energy of declaring thatconnecting to seeing yourself,
and then say back to yourselfand I see you, then receive it,
feel it and stay centered withyour heart, stay centered with

(01:24:46):
yourself and from there, if itfeels authentic, just close your
eyes and drop in and stayconnected with yourself and keep
seeing yourself inwardly, seeyour value, see your energy,

(01:25:06):
your essence, your presence andgive that to yourself.
And if you want to say anythingout loud or inwardly and just
tell yourself what you're seeing, do it and then, when it feels
good, you can complete.
And if you want to writeanything down about what came
forward or how you were seeingand valuing yourself, seeing

(01:25:26):
your value, do it and then usethat as a practice.
It can be a daily practice orit can be, you know, once a week
.
It can be whatever feels trueand authentic for you.
The more you practice givingyourself back to yourself and
seeing yourself, magic happens,magic happens, and so that

(01:25:50):
exercise is super powerful.

Kena Siu (01:25:52):
It's amazing to do in group with others, but it's very
powerful to do with yourselfwell, well, I was just like
reflect, like imagining myselfdoing that at the mirror and at
one point, my at the end.
But you said you are being seenlike I see you my throat.

Just I felt that I it closed, so I'm
definitely gonna do thatpractice beautiful, and if that
happens, if the throat closes orif anything comes up that
doesn't feel good, just welcomeit.
Let it be okay and know thatjust showing up to the mirror

(01:26:36):
and showing up to do that isenough and whatever comes
forward is just coming forwardto be welcomed and love it is,
and if there's no agenda, itjust might metabolize yes, yeah,
so I'm just.

Kena Siu (01:26:53):
That was what was present oh, yes, no, beautiful,
it's a beautiful practice and,yeah, thank you.
Thank you, yeah, you're welcome.
Would you like to share wheresome people find you?

Yes, definitely.
You can go to my website,andreacarlovichcom, and my last
name, Karlovich, is like threewords in one car with a K K-A-R,
love and itch I-C-H, so love atthe middle, andreacarlovich.
com.
So my website is where you canfind me, and also on Instagram,

(01:27:30):
same thing at andreacarlovich.
So come reach out, we'd love toconnect thank you.

Kena Siu (01:27:37):
Oh yes, we're gonna be .
Uh yeah, sharing the links inthe in the show notes as well,
and just to close what is asimple pleasure that you enjoy.

A simple pleasure.
I mean just the first thingthat dropped in is an embodiment
practice of moving the way thatfeels good.
So I like to move my body andmy energy in a way that feels
good.
That helps me get in touch withpleasure, because if I'm
go-go-go, if I'm not connected,like pleasure, like what, yeah,

(01:28:16):
yeah.
So a practice for me to open tothat energy is, um is to move
my body and especially the spine.
So the spine is reallyconnected to the nervous system
and so I like to move it in arhythm and a flow that kind of
connects to all the chakras, andso it's just like a little it

(01:28:36):
can be as short as like a littletwo to five minute practice to
really drop in and get into mybody and it makes me more open
and receptive and I feel likethat is allowing the energy of
pleasure so that's what's beenpresent for me with.
With that, at least for now.

Kena Siu (01:28:54):
I love it.
Yes, yeah, bringing the energyof pleasure to the body the best
thing yeah, I can relate.

Yes, yeah, it has.
The body has to be open andready to move and explore.
And, you know, I like to askmyself, okay, what feels
authentic, like, what feels whatfeels good, what feels real,
and then I'll express it withthe voice too, just to get all
the energy moving.
And, um, yeah, centers, and Ifeel like I'm open to receiving

(01:29:25):
more when I do that too.
So yes, oh thank you you loveit.
Oh, thank you so much you weresuch an amazing host.
Connecting with you felt sogood and, oh, sharing some
pieces of my story and seeingyou tear up, I was like, oh no,
I'm going to tear up too.

(01:29:46):
So it's just so lovely, you areso beautiful and I could feel
your heart and your presenceholding space.
So thank you so much, thank you.

Kena Siu (01:29:57):
It is, yeah, it's a pleasure, seriously yeah.

Oh my God, it's more than we think, right.

Speaker 3 (01:30:08):
Oh, wow, yeah, oh my god oh wow, oh my god oh man
yeah so much, love so much love.

Kena Siu (01:30:17):
Yes, yeah, thank you this.
Wow, I knew that one of thethings actually about podcasting
is well, I'm gonna post this.
They don't need to know thesethings.

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#16 - Discovering Who You Truly Are: Stop Hiding and Shine with Andrea Karlovich

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#16 - Discovering Who You Truly Are: Stop Hiding and Shine with Andrea Karlovich