June 10, 2025 • 33 mins
In this powerful solo episode, Kena Siu unravels a belief that many of us have carried for far too long: “Love hurts.” But what if that’s not true? What if what really hurts are the attachments, conditions, expectations, and the ways we abandon ourselves trying to be loved?
Midlife woman, if you’re walking through the sacred in-between—divorce, loss, reinvention, or awakening—this episode is your call to reclaim your sovereignty, rewrite your story, and return home to your truth.
In This Episode, You’ll Hear:
- Why “love doesn’t hurt” might be the truth that sets your heart free.
- The real reason heartbreak often feels unbearable—and what it’s actually pointing you to heal.
- How we unknowingly abandon ourselves in the name of being loved—and how to stop.
- The one simple shift that can help you love again—even after divorce or disappointment.
- What happens when you finally reclaim your emotional sovereignty (and stop waiting to be chosen).
Reflection Questions for the Midlife Butterfly:
- In what ways have I abandoned my truth in exchange for love or acceptance?
- What conditions have I placed on love—both given and received?
- What would shift if I began to love myself like I’ve always longed to be loved?
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Join my Facebook community, Midlife Butterfly, to share your thoughts and connect with others. For deeper work with these teachings, I have one-on-one coaching available – reach out at hello@ midlifebutterfly.ca or tag me @midlifebutterfly.
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Sign Up Now: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/clarity
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Join the Midlife Butterfly Community: http://www.facebook.com/groups/midlifebutterfly
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kena Siu (00:00):
Love doesn't hurt.
I know it's an unpopularopinion and that's exactly what
I want you to.
Keep listening to me, midlifebutterfly, a woman in the sacred
in between.
She's not who she once was andnot quite who she's becoming.
Yet she's unraveling, awakening, remembering.
(00:21):
She's navigating lifetransitions, divorce, loss,
reinvasion moves, with a burningdesire for freedom, joy and
solid living.
She feels the pull to rise, tofly.
She's no longer afraid of herown wings.
Welcome back to MidlifeButterfly.
I am Kena Siu, your, you, yourhost in this space.
(00:45):
We explore life transition andhow they can help us remember
who we really are, and intoday's episode, which is called
love doesn't hurt, I'm about tochallenge this belief that many
of us carry because it has beenimplanted in our minds since we
were born.
That's the truth, because youprobably heard hundreds of times
(01:09):
love hurts.
But let me tell you something,my dear Love doesn't hurt.
What hurts is everything weattach to it.
We attach to it Okay.
So keep listening, please.
(01:37):
I'm going to start by tellingyou a story of me when I decided
to leave my marriage, and thetruth is it was not because
there was no love.
It was because, despite thelove, other important things
were missing.
We lost connection and intimacy.
We didn't create moreactivities and goals together
(02:02):
and we started walking differentpaths.
So it meant that you know thepushing like mainly from my side
to control, to manipulate, youknow, for also wanting this
person to meet my expectations,I freaking, got exhausted, I did
(02:24):
.
I got to a point I mean, wewere together for almost 10
years and in the last threeyears or so of that relationship
, it's when I grew a lot becauseI got into the spiritual path
and until I realized that he wasnot ready to go in that path
(02:44):
with me, I noticed that Icouldn't wait anymore and it
took me around three years toaccept this.
And the wildest thing is thatnot even a couple of weeks after
we separated, we actuallyrealized how much we loved each
(03:07):
other, More than we thought wespoke about it, and when I get
you know to think and reflectabout it, it was probably
because, for the first time, weactually saw each other, beyond
the roles that we were playingwithin the relationship, beyond
(03:29):
the expectations that we werehaving for each other, beyond
the pressure that we wereputting to be a certain person,
to behave a certain way.
And that's when it really hitme that love wasn't the problem.
The attachments, the beliefsthat we put on that were the
(03:53):
problem.
So I invite you to dive in withme in some of the circumstances
that make us believe that lovehurts when it doesn't.
I think this is one of the mainones the irrational expectations
(04:15):
that we place in others.
You know, we want them to readour minds, to fill up our voids,
to you know, to save you foryourself, and we give them the
responsibility to make you happy, to give you the love.
(04:37):
Have you ever thought aboutthat, giving that responsibility
to someone?
It's so fucking heavy if youthink about it.
Because now imagine yourself inthe shoes of that other person.
Imagine yourself having to beresponsible to making someone
(05:00):
happy, to making someone to feelloved.
No, no, no, no.
That's really a program fromthe matrix.
They make us believe that weare dependable from others, so
you actually lose yourindependence and your
sovereignty.
Do you get it?
(05:21):
It's so twisted.
Do you get it?
It's so twisted.
Another thing that we believethat love hurts is when we think
that our dreams have diedbecause that relationship died.
But the thing is this many ofthe dreams that you have, they
(05:47):
are probably coming since youwere a child.
They're probably there for manyyears and either you can
achieve those dreams on your ownor you might do it with someone
else.
Might do it with someone elseeither if it's a partner or a
friend or a business partner whoknows.
(06:09):
So think about it.
Your dreams are yours.
So, even if you think that thatlove because it finished it
between quotes with this person,that relationship is not there.
No, your dreams are still there, so keep going after them.
(06:34):
Okay, what actually hurts is notlove.
It's conditional love.
How many times I need to?
Yeah, I need to tell the truthhere.
I used for a long time and Istill use it sometimes saying
unconditional love.
The thing is, love is love way.
(07:00):
It is already the nature oflove.
It's a conditional.
But when we condition love, youknow when we say someone oh, I
love you if you behave this way,I love you if you do that for
me.
I love you if you achieve thisgoal.
(07:21):
I love you if, if, if,condition, condition, condition,
or I love you only when you dothings my way.
Oh, my god, I can relate somuch to this during my past
relationships.
So love doesn't hurt is theconditions that we put on it.
(07:43):
Love is free, it is free.
Another thing that we think thatlove hurts is when we attach to
a specific outcome.
You know, we believe, we thinkthat things are going to unfold
(08:06):
or should unfold in a certaintime or form or behavior,
whatever way.
We just imagine it in our head.
And if it doesn't have thespecific outcome that we're
thinking, then we suffer, wesuffer.
(08:30):
Outcome that we're thinking,then we suffer, we suffer.
And again, love is fluid, itdrives in freedom.
So just freaking, let it flow,that's it.
Let go of the attachment,otherwise you are just creating
suffering and more suffering.
This is a true bomb.
(08:59):
Not loving yourself first hurts.
Why do you think you're givingthat responsibility to another
person to love you?
Because you think or youbelieve that you are not capable
of giving that love to yourself.
So you get to our sourced.
Probably because you think youare unworthy, because you're
(09:22):
expecting someone else tocomplete you.
You know, remember JerryMaguire?
You complete me.
No, fuck.
No, you are already whole.
You are already whole.
We're here to complement eachother and to share that love
with others, with others.
(09:45):
Don't give your power away,please.
I did it for so many decadesand it was so fucking painful.
Learn to love yourself.
Learn to love yourself.
Your life is going to transformimmensely.
(10:10):
When you do that At leastthat's what happened to me,
that's my experience Abandoningyour truth to be love hurts.
(10:32):
When you have to drink, when youhave to silence yourself, you
know to shape shifts just tokeep someone or to feel like
that you belong, or whatever itis that behavior that you might
be doing, you end up betrayingyour essence.
(10:54):
Because not loving your truthis what hurts and what's that
pain?
It is your soul's calling.
Calling your soul is callingyou back.
It's calling you to reconnectback.
(11:16):
He's calling you home to you,to your presence.
So stop abandoning yourself,please.
Confusing control or possessionwith love hurts.
I mean, who makes us believethat we are actually able to
(11:42):
possess or own someone?
That is so twisted.
It is so twisted because it'snot a you belong to me.
No, it's that.
I see you, I choose you and Ikeep choosing you every day
(12:09):
until I might not choose youanymore and I set you free
because I love you freely, inbetween quotes unconditionally,
conditionally, conditionally.
Losing ourselves to be loved,that's the real heartbreak.
(12:37):
When we put ourselves the lastin the list, you know.
So other people can choose us,or you know so other people can
choose us or you know, canchoose you or like you or love
you between quotes because ifit's just for that, for the
(12:59):
benefit of the other person,it's insane.
Why do you think a lot of peoplestruggle with being a people
pleaser and then they feel allthis resentment inside?
Yeah, because you areabandoning yourself to please
(13:23):
others instead of pleasingyourself.
So don't blame others formanipulating you.
It's your responsibility.
I'm sorry, but I just speakingmy truth here.
And another thing believingthat someone else holds the key
(13:48):
to your joy, to the love thatyou deserve, fuck, no, that
hurts.
That hurts.
Why would you give theresponsibility to someone else
Again?
No, claim your power back.
Knowing that the joy, thehappiness, the peace, the love,
(14:16):
the honor, the presence that youdeserve, knowing that it comes
from within you, that's yourpower and we give it away Again.
That's the programming from thematrix.
(14:40):
The idea here is for you tostart reflecting on what I'm
saying, to get you out of there,because when we give that power
away to others, it's exactlywhen we feel and think that love
hurts.
(15:01):
When the truth is the love thatyou feel it's yours, who's
feeling it?
You are feeling it.
It's simply that the otherperson awakens that in you.
(15:23):
That's, that is already withinyou.
You are the source, you havealways been the source of love.
Again, it's about tuning inwith it, tuning in with that
frequency that is already in youand once you understand that,
(15:50):
love is gonna stop hurting.
Between quotes so how do youkeep love flowing if, even after
a breakup or a disappointmentor a heartbreak, or a
(16:12):
disappointment or a heartbreak,one of the practices that I did
after the second time that Iread the book of Michael Singer,
the Untethered Soul, was to, nomatter what, keep your heart
open.
Yeah, even if it trembles, evenif it hurts like hell, keep the
(16:33):
heart open.
Otherwise, if we start creatingthis shell around it, we don't
allow others to love us back andyou don't allow yourself to
love again.
Don't do that.
If you have a shell like that,little by little start cracking
(17:00):
it because love that love thatyou have felt, that love that
you have felt, that love thatyou feel even when it hurt and
you know many of the reasons.
I already spoke about it.
Don't allow those reasons notto love again.
(17:23):
Be open to it.
It is worth it, despite thepain that we can feel sometimes.
It is worth it, so go for it.
(17:45):
Another thing that I want totell you is to remember that
love is not a transaction.
It's a transmission, becausethe truth is, when we give love,
just as is, again, without theconditions that we put, most of
the time we just give it.
(18:08):
We are not expecting someoneelse to give it.
We are not expecting someoneelse to give it back to us
Because, again, you already knowthat you are loved.
You already know that that loveis within you, so you just
actually get to share it withothers.
How cool is that you get toshare your love with others.
(18:29):
You know what?
When I realized that love isnot a transaction, it's thanks
to my father.
He transitioned, he passed awayalready and I still love him so
(18:58):
much and it doesn't matter if Idon't have his presence to feel
his love physically right,because I know he's still around
, I know he's still with me.
So that's when I realized thatlove is not a transaction.
I can just give it.
It doesn't matter if I don'treceive it back, because I'm the
one feeling it, it's part of meand it's so fucking good to
(19:23):
feel it.
Give it a try.
Please give it a try.
And if you want love to keepflowing, don't allow it to think
that it needs to be safe.
Love simply is let it flow, letit be sacred, let it stretch
(19:53):
you and strip you and and softenyou and bring you that joy, and
sometimes it will bring yousadness.
Just let it be.
It is safe to love.
When we remove all thoseexpectations, you're gonna
notice it's safe to love, ah,and love yourself, even when
(20:23):
they can't love you.
Don't expect someone else tolove you when they are not even
able to love themselves.
Remember that a person cannotgive what it doesn't have right.
So just give that love to thatperson, and that means many
(20:55):
times that you might get to walkaway.
You don't have to be by thatside because then, if you are
expecting then that person tolove you back, it doesn't work
like that.
You're going to suffer.
It doesn't work like that.
You're going to suffer.
(21:15):
So take away yourself fromrelationships, from situations
with people that are not readyto love, because, unfortunately,
most likely it's like youcannot teach them.
Don't put yourself at the Sabrein there and thinking that,
(21:39):
yeah, if I love them so hard atone point they have to love me
back.
It could be in some cases, yes,but it's when that other person
is also willing to.
And some people are not willingto because they are not ready,
because they are, don't want todo the inner work to heal their
(22:03):
wounds, to start lovingthemselves.
Another way to start flowingmore with the energy of love
it's to be yourself emotionallysovereign, because remember that
(22:29):
your emotions are yourmessengers.
It's just, you know, it's thelittle whisper of your soul
guiding you back home.
So when you let them flow, andmainly when there's grief to
process because, again, thelosing of someone, the breakup,
(22:52):
the disappointment, etc.
Allow yourself to feel thatgrief.
Because what grief is?
What is it?
It's love.
It's another way of loving,it's another way of loving.
And about grief, what I haveexperienced is not only about
(23:14):
giving that grief, sorry, notonly to process that grief
towards the other person, butalso to process self-grief for
the part of you that died withthat relationship.
Personally, I believe thatthat's how we are able to move
(23:42):
on slowly and steadily aspossible oh yeah, yeah.
And steadily as possible.
Oh yeah, yeah.
And another thing that we haveto do is really drop the fairy
tales.
I mean the happily ever after,at least for me.
I know it doesn't exist.
(24:03):
I mean after two divorces, hmm,well, I'm going to reframe that
because if I I can't believe,yes, in the happily ever after,
now that I know that I am thecreator of my own happiness, now
that I'm not giving that poweraway to someone else to make me
(24:23):
happy, so yeah, I'm reframingthat now, right here, right now.
I am living now in my happilyever after, but it's because I'm
the one in charge, I'm the oneresponsible for that, no one
else.
That's it.
(24:46):
And talking about fairy tales, Imean thing.
It's a relationship with twopeople.
It means it's two humans there,two humans where there are
different wounds and trauma andpersonalities and any other
aspect of it.
And the thing is you get toattract people who are similar
(25:14):
to who you are.
That's it.
That's the way the universeworks.
You are going to attract peoplewho are similar to who you are.
That's why relationships areyour biggest teachers, because
(25:37):
when somebody is triggering you,that person is actually
reflecting back to you as amirror.
What's something that you getto work on you?
What's that that you get towork on you?
What's that that you get toheal on you, and that's where
the real magic happens, becauseyour relationships help you grow
(26:02):
and evolve as a human being.
How cool is that?
Hmm?
So my invitation for you is torewrite your story.
(26:27):
Love doesn't hurt.
What hurts is trying to controlit With manipulation through
victimhood, wanting to be savedor rescued by others, or being
the people pleaser, which isalso another way of manipulation
.
What hurts is the attachmentthat you create with others so
you can feel needed, which isactually codependency, or you
(26:51):
want to feel respected oraccepted or loved, or simply as
avoiding loneliness.
What hurts, it's expecting itto fix you.
You don't need to be fixed,because the truth is that you
(27:16):
are not broken.
What happened is every time youget hurt, or every time you
know you got a wound or trauma,you divided yourself by ignoring
those part of you that got sohard, so hurt.
(27:38):
That that's what make youbelieve that you are broken.
But no, you are whole.
You just need to learn toaccept and understand and love
all those parts of you.
It's then when you're going tofeel whole again and you're
(28:01):
going to understand that you arenot broken.
What hurts is forgetting thatyou are it, that you are love,
that you are the source of it.
That's what hurts, and ifyou're in a massive healing
(28:24):
journey right now, I feel you.
I've been there.
It's a roller coaster.
Let me tell you that you arenot alone.
I see you, and once you leaninto prioritizing your self-love
(28:53):
, your life will transformBecause you'll realize, finally,
that you are love.
So you are no longer going tobeg for it, you will just be
open to share it as you wish.
That's it.
(29:13):
That's all you get to love.
You get to share the love thatyou are, and then love doesn't
hurt anymore because you arelove Doesn't hurt anymore
(29:37):
because you are love.
It's been a while that I wantedto share this message and I did
struggle to put it into wordsBecause self-love, for me, has
(30:00):
been.
It has been quite a journey and, like I started, I know this is
an unpopular opinion that lovedoesn't hurt, but the more we
get to love ourselves andunderstand that we are the
source, you are the source of it.
It's about healing those partsof us that has been wounded
(30:23):
through our human experience andthat could be decades right.
So be patient with yourself, bekind, be compassionate and
listen to this again, if youthink, because I probably
(30:51):
triggered a lot of things inhere in you, and that's good.
That's the work.
That's the work needed for youto tune back in with your heart,
to tune back in with your soul,because your soul is calling
you back.
It's calling you back home towho you truly are.
The soul doesn't know aboutcontrolling, doesn't know about
(31:17):
attachment, she doesn't.
So allow yourself to open thatheart, to start listening to it.
Start listening to her.
It's there.
It's there.
It's there, and the moreself-love you nurture, you share
(31:38):
, you cherish whatever it is,the more alive you're going to
feel and the more your soul willlike to experience this life.
If this episode resonated withyou, please share it with
(32:07):
someone who needs to hear this,and I also invite you to come to
my community on Facebook, theMidlife Butterfly, so you can
share your thoughts over thereand introduce yourself.
The community is growing slowlyand I would like to really be
more of a community itself.
(32:32):
I feel sometimes that I'm justkind of like a monologue and
trusting that that's going tostart shifting as more people
listen to this podcast and asmore people tune in and resonate
with what I have to say.
I really appreciate your timeand if you would like to go
(32:55):
deeper with these teachings?
I have one-on-one coaching open.
There's a space for you, soplease reach out at hello at
midlifebutterflyca.
It'll be my pleasure to serveyou.
Or just simply tag me atmidlifebutterfly and remember
(33:19):
that you are loved.
You are love, so now go out andbe it.
Much love to you, my dear.
Love doesn't hurt.
I know it's an unpopularopinion and that's exactly what
I want you to.
Keep listening to me, midlifebutterfly, a woman in the sacred
in between.
She's not who she once was andnot quite who she's becoming.
Yet she's unraveling, awakening, remembering.
(00:21):
She's navigating lifetransitions, divorce, loss,
reinvasion moves, with a burningdesire for freedom, joy and
solid living.
She feels the pull to rise, tofly.
She's no longer afraid of herown wings.
Welcome back to MidlifeButterfly.
I am Kena Siu, your, you, yourhost in this space.
(00:45):
We explore life transition andhow they can help us remember
who we really are, and intoday's episode, which is called
love doesn't hurt, I'm about tochallenge this belief that many
of us carry because it has beenimplanted in our minds since we
were born.
That's the truth, because youprobably heard hundreds of times
(01:09):
love hurts.
But let me tell you something,my dear Love doesn't hurt.
What hurts is everything weattach to it.
We attach to it Okay.
So keep listening, please.
(01:37):
I'm going to start by tellingyou a story of me when I decided
to leave my marriage, and thetruth is it was not because
there was no love.
It was because, despite thelove, other important things
were missing.
We lost connection and intimacy.
We didn't create moreactivities and goals together
(02:02):
and we started walking differentpaths.
So it meant that you know thepushing like mainly from my side
to control, to manipulate, youknow, for also wanting this
person to meet my expectations,I freaking, got exhausted, I did
(02:24):
.
I got to a point I mean, wewere together for almost 10
years and in the last threeyears or so of that relationship
, it's when I grew a lot becauseI got into the spiritual path
and until I realized that he wasnot ready to go in that path
(02:44):
with me, I noticed that Icouldn't wait anymore and it
took me around three years toaccept this.
And the wildest thing is thatnot even a couple of weeks after
we separated, we actuallyrealized how much we loved each
(03:07):
other, More than we thought wespoke about it, and when I get
you know to think and reflectabout it, it was probably
because, for the first time, weactually saw each other, beyond
the roles that we were playingwithin the relationship, beyond
(03:29):
the expectations that we werehaving for each other, beyond
the pressure that we wereputting to be a certain person,
to behave a certain way.
And that's when it really hitme that love wasn't the problem.
The attachments, the beliefsthat we put on that were the
(03:53):
problem.
So I invite you to dive in withme in some of the circumstances
that make us believe that lovehurts when it doesn't.
I think this is one of the mainones the irrational expectations
(04:15):
that we place in others.
You know, we want them to readour minds, to fill up our voids,
to you know, to save you foryourself, and we give them the
responsibility to make you happy, to give you the love.
(04:37):
Have you ever thought aboutthat, giving that responsibility
to someone?
It's so fucking heavy if youthink about it.
Because now imagine yourself inthe shoes of that other person.
Imagine yourself having to beresponsible to making someone
(05:00):
happy, to making someone to feelloved.
No, no, no, no.
That's really a program fromthe matrix.
They make us believe that weare dependable from others, so
you actually lose yourindependence and your
sovereignty.
Do you get it?
(05:21):
It's so twisted.
Do you get it?
It's so twisted.
Another thing that we believethat love hurts is when we think
that our dreams have diedbecause that relationship died.
But the thing is this many ofthe dreams that you have, they
(05:47):
are probably coming since youwere a child.
They're probably there for manyyears and either you can
achieve those dreams on your ownor you might do it with someone
else.
Might do it with someone elseeither if it's a partner or a
friend or a business partner whoknows.
(06:09):
So think about it.
Your dreams are yours.
So, even if you think that thatlove because it finished it
between quotes with this person,that relationship is not there.
No, your dreams are still there, so keep going after them.
(06:34):
Okay, what actually hurts is notlove.
It's conditional love.
How many times I need to?
Yeah, I need to tell the truthhere.
I used for a long time and Istill use it sometimes saying
unconditional love.
The thing is, love is love way.
(07:00):
It is already the nature oflove.
It's a conditional.
But when we condition love, youknow when we say someone oh, I
love you if you behave this way,I love you if you do that for
me.
I love you if you achieve thisgoal.
(07:21):
I love you if, if, if,condition, condition, condition,
or I love you only when you dothings my way.
Oh, my god, I can relate somuch to this during my past
relationships.
So love doesn't hurt is theconditions that we put on it.
(07:43):
Love is free, it is free.
Another thing that we think thatlove hurts is when we attach to
a specific outcome.
You know, we believe, we thinkthat things are going to unfold
(08:06):
or should unfold in a certaintime or form or behavior,
whatever way.
We just imagine it in our head.
And if it doesn't have thespecific outcome that we're
thinking, then we suffer, wesuffer.
(08:30):
Outcome that we're thinking,then we suffer, we suffer.
And again, love is fluid, itdrives in freedom.
So just freaking, let it flow,that's it.
Let go of the attachment,otherwise you are just creating
suffering and more suffering.
This is a true bomb.
(08:59):
Not loving yourself first hurts.
Why do you think you're givingthat responsibility to another
person to love you?
Because you think or youbelieve that you are not capable
of giving that love to yourself.
So you get to our sourced.
Probably because you think youare unworthy, because you're
(09:22):
expecting someone else tocomplete you.
You know, remember JerryMaguire?
You complete me.
No, fuck.
No, you are already whole.
You are already whole.
We're here to complement eachother and to share that love
with others, with others.
(09:45):
Don't give your power away,please.
I did it for so many decadesand it was so fucking painful.
Learn to love yourself.
Learn to love yourself.
Your life is going to transformimmensely.
(10:10):
When you do that At leastthat's what happened to me,
that's my experience Abandoningyour truth to be love hurts.
(10:32):
When you have to drink, when youhave to silence yourself, you
know to shape shifts just tokeep someone or to feel like
that you belong, or whatever itis that behavior that you might
be doing, you end up betrayingyour essence.
(10:54):
Because not loving your truthis what hurts and what's that
pain?
It is your soul's calling.
Calling your soul is callingyou back.
It's calling you to reconnectback.
(11:16):
He's calling you home to you,to your presence.
So stop abandoning yourself,please.
Confusing control or possessionwith love hurts.
I mean, who makes us believethat we are actually able to
(11:42):
possess or own someone?
That is so twisted.
It is so twisted because it'snot a you belong to me.
No, it's that.
I see you, I choose you and Ikeep choosing you every day
(12:09):
until I might not choose youanymore and I set you free
because I love you freely, inbetween quotes unconditionally,
conditionally, conditionally.
Losing ourselves to be loved,that's the real heartbreak.
(12:37):
When we put ourselves the lastin the list, you know.
So other people can choose us,or you know so other people can
choose us or you know, canchoose you or like you or love
you between quotes because ifit's just for that, for the
(12:59):
benefit of the other person,it's insane.
Why do you think a lot of peoplestruggle with being a people
pleaser and then they feel allthis resentment inside?
Yeah, because you areabandoning yourself to please
(13:23):
others instead of pleasingyourself.
So don't blame others formanipulating you.
It's your responsibility.
I'm sorry, but I just speakingmy truth here.
And another thing believingthat someone else holds the key
(13:48):
to your joy, to the love thatyou deserve, fuck, no, that
hurts.
That hurts.
Why would you give theresponsibility to someone else
Again?
No, claim your power back.
Knowing that the joy, thehappiness, the peace, the love,
(14:16):
the honor, the presence that youdeserve, knowing that it comes
from within you, that's yourpower and we give it away Again.
That's the programming from thematrix.
(14:40):
The idea here is for you tostart reflecting on what I'm
saying, to get you out of there,because when we give that power
away to others, it's exactlywhen we feel and think that love
hurts.
(15:01):
When the truth is the love thatyou feel it's yours, who's
feeling it?
You are feeling it.
It's simply that the otherperson awakens that in you.
(15:23):
That's, that is already withinyou.
You are the source, you havealways been the source of love.
Again, it's about tuning inwith it, tuning in with that
frequency that is already in youand once you understand that,
(15:50):
love is gonna stop hurting.
Between quotes so how do youkeep love flowing if, even after
a breakup or a disappointmentor a heartbreak, or a
(16:12):
disappointment or a heartbreak,one of the practices that I did
after the second time that Iread the book of Michael Singer,
the Untethered Soul, was to, nomatter what, keep your heart
open.
Yeah, even if it trembles, evenif it hurts like hell, keep the
(16:33):
heart open.
Otherwise, if we start creatingthis shell around it, we don't
allow others to love us back andyou don't allow yourself to
love again.
Don't do that.
If you have a shell like that,little by little start cracking
(17:00):
it because love that love thatyou have felt, that love that
you have felt, that love thatyou feel even when it hurt and
you know many of the reasons.
I already spoke about it.
Don't allow those reasons notto love again.
(17:23):
Be open to it.
It is worth it, despite thepain that we can feel sometimes.
It is worth it, so go for it.
(17:45):
Another thing that I want totell you is to remember that
love is not a transaction.
It's a transmission, becausethe truth is, when we give love,
just as is, again, without theconditions that we put, most of
the time we just give it.
(18:08):
We are not expecting someoneelse to give it.
We are not expecting someoneelse to give it back to us
Because, again, you already knowthat you are loved.
You already know that that loveis within you, so you just
actually get to share it withothers.
How cool is that you get toshare your love with others.
(18:29):
You know what?
When I realized that love isnot a transaction, it's thanks
to my father.
He transitioned, he passed awayalready and I still love him so
(18:58):
much and it doesn't matter if Idon't have his presence to feel
his love physically right,because I know he's still around
, I know he's still with me.
So that's when I realized thatlove is not a transaction.
I can just give it.
It doesn't matter if I don'treceive it back, because I'm the
one feeling it, it's part of meand it's so fucking good to
(19:23):
feel it.
Give it a try.
Please give it a try.
And if you want love to keepflowing, don't allow it to think
that it needs to be safe.
Love simply is let it flow, letit be sacred, let it stretch
(19:53):
you and strip you and and softenyou and bring you that joy, and
sometimes it will bring yousadness.
Just let it be.
It is safe to love.
When we remove all thoseexpectations, you're gonna
notice it's safe to love, ah,and love yourself, even when
(20:23):
they can't love you.
Don't expect someone else tolove you when they are not even
able to love themselves.
Remember that a person cannotgive what it doesn't have right.
So just give that love to thatperson, and that means many
(20:55):
times that you might get to walkaway.
You don't have to be by thatside because then, if you are
expecting then that person tolove you back, it doesn't work
like that.
You're going to suffer.
It doesn't work like that.
You're going to suffer.
(21:15):
So take away yourself fromrelationships, from situations
with people that are not readyto love, because, unfortunately,
most likely it's like youcannot teach them.
Don't put yourself at the Sabrein there and thinking that,
(21:39):
yeah, if I love them so hard atone point they have to love me
back.
It could be in some cases, yes,but it's when that other person
is also willing to.
And some people are not willingto because they are not ready,
because they are, don't want todo the inner work to heal their
(22:03):
wounds, to start lovingthemselves.
Another way to start flowingmore with the energy of love
it's to be yourself emotionallysovereign, because remember that
(22:29):
your emotions are yourmessengers.
It's just, you know, it's thelittle whisper of your soul
guiding you back home.
So when you let them flow, andmainly when there's grief to
process because, again, thelosing of someone, the breakup,
(22:52):
the disappointment, etc.
Allow yourself to feel thatgrief.
Because what grief is?
What is it?
It's love.
It's another way of loving,it's another way of loving.
And about grief, what I haveexperienced is not only about
(23:14):
giving that grief, sorry, notonly to process that grief
towards the other person, butalso to process self-grief for
the part of you that died withthat relationship.
Personally, I believe thatthat's how we are able to move
(23:42):
on slowly and steadily aspossible oh yeah, yeah.
And steadily as possible.
Oh yeah, yeah.
And another thing that we haveto do is really drop the fairy
tales.
I mean the happily ever after,at least for me.
I know it doesn't exist.
(24:03):
I mean after two divorces, hmm,well, I'm going to reframe that
because if I I can't believe,yes, in the happily ever after,
now that I know that I am thecreator of my own happiness, now
that I'm not giving that poweraway to someone else to make me
(24:23):
happy, so yeah, I'm reframingthat now, right here, right now.
I am living now in my happilyever after, but it's because I'm
the one in charge, I'm the oneresponsible for that, no one
else.
That's it.
(24:46):
And talking about fairy tales, Imean thing.
It's a relationship with twopeople.
It means it's two humans there,two humans where there are
different wounds and trauma andpersonalities and any other
aspect of it.
And the thing is you get toattract people who are similar
(25:14):
to who you are.
That's it.
That's the way the universeworks.
You are going to attract peoplewho are similar to who you are.
That's why relationships areyour biggest teachers, because
(25:37):
when somebody is triggering you,that person is actually
reflecting back to you as amirror.
What's something that you getto work on you?
What's that that you get towork on you?
What's that that you get toheal on you, and that's where
the real magic happens, becauseyour relationships help you grow
(26:02):
and evolve as a human being.
How cool is that?
Hmm?
So my invitation for you is torewrite your story.
(26:27):
Love doesn't hurt.
What hurts is trying to controlit With manipulation through
victimhood, wanting to be savedor rescued by others, or being
the people pleaser, which isalso another way of manipulation
.
What hurts is the attachmentthat you create with others so
you can feel needed, which isactually codependency, or you
(26:51):
want to feel respected oraccepted or loved, or simply as
avoiding loneliness.
What hurts, it's expecting itto fix you.
You don't need to be fixed,because the truth is that you
(27:16):
are not broken.
What happened is every time youget hurt, or every time you
know you got a wound or trauma,you divided yourself by ignoring
those part of you that got sohard, so hurt.
(27:38):
That that's what make youbelieve that you are broken.
But no, you are whole.
You just need to learn toaccept and understand and love
all those parts of you.
It's then when you're going tofeel whole again and you're
(28:01):
going to understand that you arenot broken.
What hurts is forgetting thatyou are it, that you are love,
that you are the source of it.
That's what hurts, and ifyou're in a massive healing
(28:24):
journey right now, I feel you.
I've been there.
It's a roller coaster.
Let me tell you that you arenot alone.
I see you, and once you leaninto prioritizing your self-love
(28:53):
, your life will transformBecause you'll realize, finally,
that you are love.
So you are no longer going tobeg for it, you will just be
open to share it as you wish.
That's it.
(29:13):
That's all you get to love.
You get to share the love thatyou are, and then love doesn't
hurt anymore because you arelove Doesn't hurt anymore
(29:37):
because you are love.
It's been a while that I wantedto share this message and I did
struggle to put it into wordsBecause self-love, for me, has
(30:00):
been.
It has been quite a journey and, like I started, I know this is
an unpopular opinion that lovedoesn't hurt, but the more we
get to love ourselves andunderstand that we are the
source, you are the source of it.
It's about healing those partsof us that has been wounded
(30:23):
through our human experience andthat could be decades right.
So be patient with yourself, bekind, be compassionate and
listen to this again, if youthink, because I probably
(30:51):
triggered a lot of things inhere in you, and that's good.
That's the work.
That's the work needed for youto tune back in with your heart,
to tune back in with your soul,because your soul is calling
you back.
It's calling you back home towho you truly are.
The soul doesn't know aboutcontrolling, doesn't know about
(31:17):
attachment, she doesn't.
So allow yourself to open thatheart, to start listening to it.
Start listening to her.
It's there.
It's there.
It's there, and the moreself-love you nurture, you share
(31:38):
, you cherish whatever it is,the more alive you're going to
feel and the more your soul willlike to experience this life.
If this episode resonated withyou, please share it with
(32:07):
someone who needs to hear this,and I also invite you to come to
my community on Facebook, theMidlife Butterfly, so you can
share your thoughts over thereand introduce yourself.
The community is growing slowlyand I would like to really be
more of a community itself.
(32:32):
I feel sometimes that I'm justkind of like a monologue and
trusting that that's going tostart shifting as more people
listen to this podcast and asmore people tune in and resonate
with what I have to say.
I really appreciate your timeand if you would like to go
(32:55):
deeper with these teachings?
I have one-on-one coaching open.
There's a space for you, soplease reach out at hello at
midlifebutterflyca.
It'll be my pleasure to serveyou.
Or just simply tag me atmidlifebutterfly and remember
(33:19):
that you are loved.
You are love, so now go out andbe it.
Much love to you, my dear.
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