#24 - The Power of Worthiness Beyond Confidence with Dana Hunter Fradella - Midlife Butterfly: Self-Discovery, Women Empowerment & Life Transitions

Episode Transcript
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Kena Siu (00:00):
We often chase confidence, but what if what we
truly crave is to feel worthyjust as we are?
Midlife butterfly, a woman inthe sacred in between.
She's not who she once was andnot quite who she's becoming yet
.
She's unraveling, awakening,remembering.

(00:21):
She's navigating lifetransitions, divorce, loss,
reinvasion moves, with a burningdesire for freedom, joy and
solid living.
She feels the pull to rise, tofly.
She's no longer afraid of herown wings.
My dear podcast sister, DanaHunter Fradella, is one of the

(00:49):
most energetic people I've everbeen with.
To tell you the truth, her joy,vitality is so contagious and
I'm so happy to have you here,dana.
It is a pleasure pleasure tohave you, dana.
She's a speaker, atransformational coach for women
on the verge of a breakthrough.
She's a founder of Girls whoRecover, host of the Girls who
Recover podcast and a mom ofthree wild girls.

(01:12):
Over the past two decades, danahas helped hundreds of women
transform their lives, careersand finances, taking big leaps
to create their biggest dreams.
Her specialty is empowering andsupporting women to finally do
the thing they always wanted todo.
A manifesting maven and loverof all things, new Orleans, dana

(01:34):
has created a life she loves,complete with dreams,
relationships, a drivingbusiness, optimum health,
long-term recovery and evenTaylor Swift tickets Her mission
To help every woman confidentlysay I get to do, be, have and
give whatever I want and Iabsolutely love my life.

(01:57):
Oh my God, that's so powerfuland in this it is.
It is.
I've had someone read my bio.

Dana Hunter Fradella (02:05):
I'm like this is real.
This is real.
It's not just jargon that I jotdown with chat GPT.
It's like that's from my soul.

Kena Siu (02:14):
That's you yes.

It's a reflection of my soul and not so
long ago and this is perfectfor our topic I would not have
well, I wouldn't have been here,but also I wouldn't have had
the courage to not only write itbut also receive it in the way
that my soul is like.
Yes, girl?

Kena Siu (02:30):
Yes, of course, and I'm just so happy just to see
you while we're reading it.
You were like hell yeah, that'sright.
Oh, my God, so beautiful, ah,thank you.
Thank you, dana, for being hereand, uh, well, I really love
the idea that you had to talkabout what's the powerful

(02:53):
difference between confidenceand worthiness and, as you said,
you probably would not be hereif it wasn't for that evolution
that you have gotten.
And, to tell you the truth, metoo, I would not be here because
my self-worth was buried, noteven on the floor.

(03:14):
It was buried, so yeah.

Did you like?
Yes, I was thinking about that.
I said, you know, just being aguest on someone else's podcast
requires both.
It requires confidence to beable to say, yes, I'm going to
do that, but also thisworthiness of you.
Know, before I showed up here,I was in workout clothes and I

(03:40):
took like 10 minutes.
I said, okay, I'm going to puton a dress and I'm going to say
a prayer and I'm going to getquiet for a minute.
But I didn't do any freakingout, I didn't do any preparing,
I didn't do any worrying, and sojust this presence with you for
both of us as you mentionedconfidence and worthiness.

(04:02):
Yes, and I also.
I can't help but say we trulyare both miracles and also
podcast sisters, because wecreated our podcast and launched
it at the same time and we havethe same number of episodes and
the same cadence.
And can I just offer you acompliment?
Will you receive it?
Oh, of course yes.
There have been a couple oftimes, kena, when I thought you

(04:25):
know what I'm not going to do,it Like I'm not going to do,
it's going to be fine, I'm notgoing to publish the episode,
there's too much going on.
And I said I would look at yourpodcast and I said, no, we're
on the same week and we're goingto have the same number.
And it wasn't like acompetitive nature.

(04:46):
It was like this woman isinspiring me so much by
fulfilling the promise andcommitment that she made to
herself, and so I'm going to doit too.
And sometimes that's meant likepublishing an episode that I
didn't feel amazing about doingit anyway, or?
staying up late to get it done,or just doing it in the middle
of the day when my brain, theperfectionist part of my brain

(05:08):
is like it has to be done thisway at this time every week.
You got to have a system blah,blah, blah, right which makes it
no fun.
Oh yeah, and so thank you forand even if you aren't doing
that, I want you to know thatI'm just looking to you as a
complete and utter inspirationfor me.
So I feel like we're linked inhearts and both in arms, and

(05:32):
we're walking each other homeone brave step at a time.

Kena Siu (05:37):
Yes, oh my God, thank you, thank you.
I well received.
It got stuck on my throat, butit's for a good reason.

Yes, great yeah.

Kena Siu (05:51):
Yeah, okay, I would like you to share a bit about
your story first before we divein.
I mean, we talk a bit now howwe have grown in some areas
through here and where we arenow.
But yeah, well, I want to knowmore about your story.
What's behind?

Yes, it's almost impossible to tell my
story, as it turns out, withoutinvolving the topics of
confidence and worthiness, andso the thing that I mostly talk
about beyond helping womentransform and do the thing
they've always wanted to do isokay, how can I like, how did I
get here?
How can I do that?

(06:32):
It's.
It goes way back to I.
I have a really confident mom,and so I watched her do the
thing.
That's that confident people doand they take the risk and they
speak in front of a crowd andthey advocate for themselves and
they say the hard things and sobeautiful role model, and I'm
so grateful for that.
And I remember this time where,in like the fifth grade, I stood

(06:56):
up in front of the class and Igave a speech it was like with
the DARE program, which is don'tdo drugs, basically and I won
the speech and I was like, oh,that's amazing.
And then the next day I felt soempty I'm so proud of myself for
winning the speech and doingthe thing and then the next day
felt really empty.
I wasn't awake to that, but Imentioned that because it was

(07:19):
the first time that somethinglike that happened and I
cultivated this belief.
My mom is also very successful,and so this belief that I need
to be successful, to do likewhat is not without
understanding, like what doessuccess actually mean?
Well, here's what it meant tome it was get good grades, go to

(07:40):
a really good school, Uh, andmaybe they go to a really good
school and maybe then go toanother really good school and
then get a job and make a bunchof money and then live the dream
, have all the things and maybeget married and kids, blah, blah
, blah, blah.
Right, that's what it's like.

Kena Siu (07:54):
The status quo checklist.

Yeah, yeah , right, like where did that
come from?
I don't know.
It's cultural conditioning,it's the patriarchy, it's a lot
of things.

Kena Siu (08:04):
Yeah.

I loved making lists.
I would go back in my journalsfrom middle school and high
school and there would be thesejournals filled with lists of
the things that I did the doingthe doing, the doing, the doing,
the doing.
Because I thought if I did thething, then I would finally be
successful.
And underneath that success islike okay, I finally feel.
Well, what does that mean?

(08:25):
Whole, okay, complete, at peace, because I didn't feel any of
those things after I got thedegrees and after I traveled
abroad and got the greatinternship and was a school
leader and almost married awealthy man.
And then I did all these things.

(08:45):
I said I did the things.
Why am I still so empty inside?
And it was because, ultimately,I had a lot of self-confidence
and not a whole lot ofself-worthiness.
But, I didn't even have thelanguage.
I really wasn't even awake tothis until well, I got sober
back in 2009.

(09:06):
So it's been over 15 years andI started to rebuild both of
those things without evenknowing the words, Because when
I got sober, I had lost not onlyall of the self-worth that I
had, but also the confidence aswell.
So it was all gone and my mindCan.

Kena Siu (09:24):
I pause you there then .

Yeah, absolutely.

Kena Siu (09:26):
So the alcoholism was giving you confidence.

Wow, that's a great question.
And when I was reviewing the, Iwant to attribute at the
beginning Jamie Kernley in thisbook Worthy, because it was such
a wake-up call for me to readthat book and it just gave
language to all of the feelingsthat I was having.
So, yes and no.
What happens when we rely toomuch on self-confidence?

(09:56):
And this is my experience, soI'll just make it about me when
I was relying so much on thesuperficial but there was no
foundation.
That means that the groundbelow, the ground beneath, was
empty.
And so think about Jamie usesthis metaphor confidence is the
house.
This is from the scripture too.
Right, we build this house,which is our life.

(10:16):
But if you're building a houseon hollow ground, where all the
ground underneath is just emptyinstead of a rock bed foundation
.
Your house is going to bedestroyed with the first wind or
it's going to implode.
And that's what happened isthat I was so focused on
building my self-confidence,which is achievement-based, it's

(10:39):
doing-based, it's outcome-based, it's external-based, but I had
no idea how to ground in andbuild that foundation of
worthiness, because I didn'thear as a kid, and maybe it was
said to me, except for specificinstances and maybe I'll come
back to those specific incidents, I'll let this out myself.

(10:59):
It was in church.
I was talking to my girls wejust sent them to church camp
this week.
Then the first day they were soresistant, they're like we
don't want to go to camp, wehate church.
I was talking to my girls wejust sent them to church camp
this week.
Then the first day they were soresistant, they're like we
don't want to go to camp, wehate church.
And I was like listen, you'regoing, I know the good stuff is
there.
And they came back singingthese songs the first day of how
worthy they were and how goodGod is.
And how good it is and howprecious they are and how loved

(11:22):
they are.
And so I mention that becausethere were these instances where
I heard I'm perfect and worthyand whole exactly the way I was.
But it was like at church campover the summer one year, or in
youth group when I bothered toshow up.
And it wasn't internalized.
It wasn't this conversationaround.

(11:43):
It doesn't matter what you do.
There's nothing you can do tobe unworthy.
There's nothing you can do toshake your value no degree, no
marriage, no money.
None of that affects yourworthiness, and that's not the
message that I got that I heard.
Maybe I got it, kayna.
I mean maybe people said it,but I had already made it my

(12:05):
mind at the ripe age of 10 aboutwhat was good and what wasn't.

Kena Siu (12:10):
Yeah.

So I Let me answer your question just
really quickly.
What happens is that somethinghas got to fill that hollowness.
And in my case, I used alcoholto fill it because when I drank,
it made me feel whole.
It made me feel like it was allgoing to be okay and it was
finally complete.
It was like all the puzzlepieces fit together.

(12:31):
But here is the tricky partabout alcoholism two features of
it.
One is when you start drinking,even with the best intentions
and the best laid plans, youcan't stop.
It's almost impossible to stop,and so I would feel that sense
of wholeness for a whole like 45minutes, and then after that
I'd continue to drink to seekthat feeling.

(12:52):
And then what happens is youblack out and you do crazy
things and you wake up andfilled with guilt, shame and
remorse, and then it's a viciouscycle, because then you feel
empty again and something's gotto fill that.
And if not the degree, then the.
And then the second part aboutalcoholism is it's progressive,
which means once you've got it,it only gets worse.

(13:13):
It never gets better unlessthere is I'm going to just say
this with confidence a spiritualintervention.
There is an intervention thatinvolves a reconfiguration of
your own worthiness which for mehas been channeled by the
spirit, so hopefully I answeredthat.

Kena Siu (13:31):
Yes, you did no.
No, it makes sense how you sayit and how it is that actual
vicious cycle that it keepsgoing over there.

Yeah, vicious cycle that he keeps
going over there.
Yeah, and unfortunately, whenyou are abusing anything whether
it's alcohol or drugs or sugar,or eating or sex or gambling or
whatever right Everybody hasinsert the blank issue.
We're not addressing what thecore issue is, which is I'm
disconnected from my own senseof worthiness, of who I am and

(14:03):
whose I am, and so of course I'mgoing to drink too much, of
course I'm going to watch toomuch TV, of course I'm going to
do drugs, whatever the issue isbecause I don't realize how
valuable and worthy I am, whichresults in abuse of whatever.
And that was my story, and Iwish I could say like, oh, my

(14:25):
first couple of years sober, Iwoke up and I realized like, oh,
it's all about worthiness.
No, ma'am, my first thought washow soon can I get the
well-paying job back and howsoon can I go back to school?
And how soon can I get married?
And how soon can I get externalvalidation, but in the meantime
, validation, but in themeantime as a gift of the

(14:48):
recovery program.
Yeah, yeah, yeah about all that.
But the emphasis that I didstart to hear and finally did
internalize is like none of thatmatters if you don't have a
connection with the creator orsource or God or universe,
whatever you want to call it.
It does not care the thing thatbeats your heart, because we
know it's not you.
And so the foundation ofrecovery is based on this idea

(15:09):
that we must connect to a higherpower, greater than ourselves,
even if it's as small as amustard seed.
A connection and a connectionand a connection.
Until not so long ago, I wokeup and still had a bunch of
self-confidence, but finally hadthis foundation of worthiness
that was not contingent uponanything external.

Kena Siu (15:30):
Isn't that the best thing ever?

Which is when I left my six-figure job
and I said well, none of thismatters.
What matters is I just woke upto the fact that I'm complete
and worthy, no matter what, andso I'm going to go do what I
would love.
I'm going to take a big leapwhich is what I help women do
now do the thing they've alwayswanted to do, and you can't do
that until you've installed thisidea, or at least a beginning

(15:59):
of I'm worthy and whole, exactlythe way I am.
Yes, I don't need any of thisexternal stuff, and I think
that's what blocks a lot of us.
It's like, well, I got to paythe mortgage and I got to pay
this and my identity, and so Iwon't stay stuck in the
self-confidence which will takeme so far but won't fix the
foundation.

Kena Siu (16:18):
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, yeah, If we could justkeep focusing on in the exterior
and not going in.
That's why, that's when I guessthat's one of that's what we
say we have that.
You know, midlife crisis, no,is when you really pop in there
and it's like no, it's your soulcalling you man, Women.

(16:41):
In this case, that's what ishappening.
It's your soul's calling.
It's about stop doing.
Yeah.

The only crisis is the ego.
The ego is having a crisis,that representative, that
performative part of you thatneeds everybody to think you're
perfect and have it all together.
And guess what?
You don't need that and youdon't have it all together and
it's okay.
So it's an awakening, and I'min the middle of it.
I think we both are right.

Kena Siu (17:08):
Yes, definitely.

It's not a crisis except for the ego.
It's an awakening for thespirit.
Yes, it's that call forwardthat's always been there.
We've just now tuned in ourdial to finally listen to it.

Kena Siu (17:23):
And then the crisis comes really.

There is a crisis when we aren't brave
enough, which is based onworthiness to take action, to be
on assignment just like youhave.

Kena Siu (17:35):
You've done this.

You're a model for that.
Terrifying brave action, butyou can't not take it, you can't
yeah no, we can't.

Kena Siu (17:46):
Yeah, it can take many foods, you know many paths, but
we're going to keep beingpushed, pushed until we can,
until we just burst open, untilwe freaking surrender finally
and say okay, I'm here, I'mlistening, because I know you,

(18:08):
beautiful voice of my soul, orfrom source, you are not going
anywhere and I gotta finallylisten to you.

Especially for women, we have such, in my
opinion, closer access to thatintuitive voice.
Yes, that is literally.
We have a line, we have adirect line to God, kena, and
we're ignoring it.
We're like you remember.
You're okay, midlife right.
So my midlife girls, I bet youhad a wall phone right when you
were growing up and the phonewas on the wall and you had to

(18:38):
go to the wall and pick it upand answer the call from the
wall.
I'm sorry.
I totally lost my train ofthought where I was going with
that.
But like you have to answer thecall, you have to.
It's not going away.
Oh, here's where I was going.
Yes, good job, dana's mind,we're coming back together.
Is that okay?

(18:58):
If you knew that you had adirect line to the creator of
the universe, knew, if you knewthat you had a direct line to
the creator of the universe,wouldn't you use it?
Wouldn't you walk over to thewall phone and pick it up and be
like, hey, god, can you tell mewhat to do about this?
And then you sit in meditationand you listen and the answer
comes yes, maybe not inmeditation, but you will always

(19:19):
be careful what you ask, becauseyou will always get the answer.
Always and so this is adifferent topic, but if you're
asking low, small mindedquestions, you're going to get
low level, small minded answers.
Now, if you take the time toask expansive life giving on our
call today, buzzing questions,the answer will drop in to the

(19:45):
to the expansive question.
You'll get an expansive answer.

Kena Siu (19:49):
Yeah.

So, so, yeah, so the answer.
The question I'm asking a lotto myself and my clients and
mentees is if you had a directline, to God, wouldn't?

Kena Siu (20:02):
you use it Because I don't know, at least in my case,
like I was raised Catholic, butit was more like being pushed
to go to church, you know, andCatholicism is based on fear.
So I never not until myadulthood I understood why I

(20:27):
never felt like really connectedto that religion and it was
like who wants to live in fear.
It's until I started doing yogathat I reconnected with mind,
body and soul that I was like ohno, everything is based in love
.
It's love, not fear.

Yes, and just to clarify, spirituality
and religion sometimes havenothing to do with each other,
and sometimes they do, and a lotof religion is based in fear.
Why?
Because it's controlling, andif we knew the whole truth then
we would be totally free, whichwould be impossible to control.

(21:09):
And so I have worked through myprevious hard feelings towards
my religious upbringing, andwhat I've realized is your
spirit is everywhere and you cango to church.
I started recently, in the lastcouple of years, going back to
church.
I love the experience, but Ico-created my spiritual

(21:30):
foundation without needing to dothat, and now I just go because
it amplifies the relationshipthat I already have and puts me
around other people who are alsoseeking God in a way.
that's very life-giving and theplace we choose to go very much
like.
The core message is God is love, God is love.

Kena Siu (21:49):
God is love.

And it says where love is felt.
The mantra of the church iswhere love is felt, god is found
.
Love is love, and it says wherelove is felt.

Kena Siu (21:54):
The mantra of the church is where love is felt.
God is found, love is felt.
Yeah, that would resonate forme, but not before.

Not me either.
It was very much like you didwhat Get on your knees and say
the rosary right, get on yourknees, which?
Is very like.
Come on now.

Kena Siu (22:09):
And then my fault, my fault, and then with our heart,
with our hand, we stepped ourheart like this Like no, like no
that's a big no I'm having.

I'm having a bit of an awakening now
because you know, the bigquestion is what happened to us?
Like what?
When did we forget and I'm nottalking about an individual,
although I get to coach, I doone-on-one coaching and I get to
look a woman in the eye and saywhen did you forget that you
were born completely, whole andperfect and worthy out the gate
and nothing has ever shiftedthat.

(22:43):
When did you forget?
But the question we're askingnow is on a whole scale, global
level when did we forget?
When did we forget Well, thiscould have something to do with
it the patriarchal structures ofreligion, of education, of
business, of finances, ofsociety, and the whole message

(23:04):
is you're not enough.
You're not enough, you're notenough, you're not enough.
So it's not like we have aproblem as individual women.
We have a global crisis.

Kena Siu (23:13):
Yes.

We're telling people and women receive
it specifically.

Kena Siu (23:16):
Yeah.

How do you have to?

Kena Siu (23:17):
look, how do you have to dress?
Oh, no, you are getting old.
No, no, no, put photos for here, there, like why, and you know
what?
That's one of the things that Idon't understand, because for
women aging it's like, it's likea penalty Penalties, that's how

(23:38):
we say it in English, you know,it's like a punishment or
something.
And for men it's like, oh myGod, he's aging.
No, who handsome he is.
And da da da.
So it's like are you freaking,kidding me?
It's like, give me a break.
And that's when we are actuallymore powerful.
Because, as you said, at thistime in midlife, it's when we

(23:59):
start waking up and if we takethat call and we start taking
our power back, oh my God, well,we can achieve, and achieve.
I'm not talking about well alsoin matter, but I'm talking
about inside of us, that powerthat comes within, that is
actually being into alignment,being at peace, in love, in

(24:25):
balance, in harmony within, andthen from here, propagate it
outside.
Oof, that's the best power ever.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
And the way that we transformstarts here.
It's definitely an X.
For me at least, it was a wakeup call.
I also just have to say Imajored in women's studies, so
I've always sort of beeninterested in the inequity and
the discrepancy and, moreimportantly, in the okay, how do

(24:58):
we do this?
Not just close the gap, butremember who we are.
Because a woman who knows whoshe is is a powerful superhero.
Yes, she's a secret weapon.
She's a superhero.
You can smell her before sheeven walks in the room.
You can feel her before sheeven gets to the block.
Yes, a woman who knows who sheis and whose she is.

(25:18):
Because, I'll be honest with you, this is what I found and I
want to tell a quick story.
So it was.
This is last year.
I thought, well, what can I do,like, what do I have that I can
offer my audience as amasterclass that I think women
need?
And I've sort of askedquestions and I did market
research and a lot of what cameback was confidence and I was
like I got confidence, like Igot that I could write the book

(25:41):
on confidence, and I felt veryconfident about doing a
masterclass on confidence.
I didn't have to chat GPT.
I literally just wrote it basedon my own experience,
understanding, and it was myfavorite masterclass up to that
point and it'll have like twopeople came, but I loved it.
Okay, so I thought that'sinteresting.
Uh, two people came, so itwasn't super.

(26:03):
More people watched it after,but still, I normally had more
people on the show up rate.
Okay, that's interesting, hmm,so, but I still continue to
market it.
I put it in my email signature.
I was like I've got the lock on.
I think it was called how tobuild unshakable confidence.
And then the universe has asense of humor.
She knows exactly what we needand when we need it.

(26:24):
And so, within 10 days after Igave that masterclass, oprah
recommended to me I'm an Oprahinsider because I love her so
much, but she's like okay, youneed to listen to Jamie Kern,
lena's podcast and then you needto go buy her book and whatever
Oprah says I basically do.
So I read her book and wascracked wide open.
I was like, what?
I need to take that masterclassdown immediately, because I'm

(26:50):
now propagating the problemwhich is telling women that if
you just had more confidence,then you'd finally get whatever
you want.
But that's not where it is, andI'm so glad that I found that
because, yes, confidence is good, but where true fulfillment and
purpose and happiness and ease,and also better health, better

(27:10):
physical health, better mentalhealth, better sleep, better sex
, better everything comes fromis not confidence, it's
worthiness.

Kena Siu (27:18):
Can you, in that case, tell us what's the difference
between these two?

Yeah.
So if you're open to it, I'mjust going to read a couple of
things from Jamie's book.
Of course, go for it.
Her words are so powerful.
The gist of the difference isconfidence, is your belief in
your ability to do Okay.
So confidence is doing.
It's action oriented, it'sexternal, it's achievement
oriented and it fluctuates.

(27:44):
It's very volatile.
So it's like I had amasterclass with 50 people in it
, yay, and then the next one'stwo, and I'm like, oh, I'm a
failure, right, that's thedifference in a fluctuation of
confidence it's based on thenumber and outcome.

Kena Siu (27:57):
Yeah, okay.

And you can build it, but it's all
external.
Okay, worthiness is not inanything that you do.
It's all about who you be.
My girl it's who are you?
who you're being and it's thebelief that you are inherently
valuable and deserving ofeverything good love, connection

(28:22):
, belonging, abundance, joy.
Simply because you're here,it's your birthright, yes and a
knowing, and it doesn't matterwhere you went to school or how
much money you make, or how manykids you have or how many cats
you have.
Nothing matters, because youtruly believe in your core that,

(28:44):
just because you're here,you're worthy and abundant and
enough.
And it's not something that youever earn.
There's nothing you can do toget more or less of it, but it
is something that we rememberand, as it turns out, midlife is
a perfect time to remember.

Kena Siu (29:02):
And also.

I hope that the message reaches women
before midlife so that they cangrow up, which is why I feel
this compelling energy in mybones and my soul.
I have three little daughtersI've got five-year-old and an
eight-year-old, and tomorrowI'll have a 10-year-old, because
it's her birthday and I wantthey've heard this before.

(29:26):
There's nothing you can do tobe more worthy and loved than
you already are.
I don't care about your grades,I don't care about if you're on
the dance team, I don't care ifyou, what your attendance
percentage is, none of thatactually matters.
You were born as a creation ofthe creator, through me, as the
channel, and you're worthy andperfect exactly the way you are.

(29:46):
There's nothing you can ever doto break that.
Wouldn't we all benefit fromhearing more of that?

Kena Siu (29:53):
That was exactly what I was thinking.
Our world would be so, sodifferent.

This is the thing I've learned about
kids is they actually don't carewhat you say.
It's good, it's good to hearwhat you say, but you know what
they do care about who you are.

Kena Siu (30:09):
They care about who you are.

So are they seeing a mom who's so
grounded in her own worthinessthat she just radiates, and it
doesn't matter if we're on theschool field trip, it doesn't
matter if we're at church, itdoesn't matter if we're at the
pool.
They are with a mom who is soclear on who and who she is that
it resonates everywhere I go.

(30:31):
And that's the thing I have themost confidence is is I
remembered who I was, and it hadnothing to do with any action
that I took.
It was a simple opening theheart and remembering what was
always there.
But I was asleep at the wheeland I couldn't see it.
Yeah, because I was chasing thecheckbox and the list and the

(30:55):
degrees and the external.
The other thing is about thisexternal.
There's nothing wrong with it.
Like you know, we love havingmoney.
It's great.
Yeah, I've been fortunate to begenerous and invest and buy
ourselves fancy things and takevacations and go to Mexico and
create your sister to myself.
There's nothing wrong with that, except that's first Is that

(31:18):
first.
If so, your ground is hollow.
But if the connection with yoursource and yourself, your
higher self, is all that matters, all that other stuff will fall
into place, because you arecreated by the creator of the
universe.
You are the daughter of theking or queen and king and queen
.

(31:39):
Yes, so that was a very extendedresponse.
I didn't actually use Jamie'swords.
There was.
Those were some notes, but I dowant to say a couple of things
that she said.
So self-confidence is what youshow on the outside and
self-worth is how you feel onthe inside.
On the insideSelf-confidenceworth is how you
feel on the inside.
Confidence is based on mastery,which is do, do, do, do, do, do
.
And self-worth is based onidentity, which is be, be, be,

(32:00):
be, be.
Confidence is what you can do.
Worth is who you are.
Confidence is believing thatyou're skilled enough.
I'm confident as a publicspeaker.
Why?
Because I've had a lot ofpractice.
Was I confident the first time?
I'm not going to lie.
I think so.
I told her the story in fifthgrade.
That's like an innate,something that I was just like

(32:21):
out the gate.
Here you go.
But the other thing is I didn'thave practice being a podcast
guest.
So the first 10 times I was apodcast guest, I felt very much
in growth mode and not asconfidence.

Kena Siu (32:37):
Okay, it's built with practice.

Exactly so .
Confidence is built withpractice.
It's how baseball playersbecome confident.
It's how my girls learn how toride bikes and swim because they
practice and they practice.
But the worthiness is havingthe audacity to show up in the
first place.

Kena Siu (32:54):
Yeah, of course.

I don't care if I blow it, I don't need
to put, I don't need to, I don'tneed to spend an hours and
hours getting ready for apodcast interview.
I'm perfect and worthy exactlythe way I am.
Whatever comes out of my mouthis a gift from the creator.

Kena Siu (33:07):
Yeah.
So it comes to me then, becauseto our listeners they're going
to say so.
How do I then get back thatsense of worthiness?
Right, because I think it'srooted in wounds, in trauma,
like in my case it was rejection.
Like what do you?

think are the more common like wounds or
kind of like generalizingsituation that can cause us,
since we are children, tobelieve that we are unworthy.
Wow, that is such a bigquestion, kayla, so I can only
speak.
I want to speak from mypersonal experience and then
what I've observed, studied andobserved, although human beings
are very complex and we all haveour own adventures and journeys

(34:06):
and I don't know why Candyland,but the Candyland adventures
through life.
Have you played Candy Land?
It's very curvy, it's lots ofcolors.
There's a lot going on in CandyLand.
At our core, we're all prettymuch the same.
So we've got these wounds of.
I'm not enough.
Please don't leave me this fearof abandonment, this fear of

(34:26):
not being enough.
And then it will come up asdifferent variations of that.
I'm afraid of failure, I'mafraid of success, I'm afraid of
taking action, I'm afraid ofbeing judged, I'm afraid of what
they think but really it's.
I'm afraid I'm not enough andI'm afraid of being abandoned or
rejected.
But I want to pull up thisquote from Marianne Williamson

(34:47):
because underneath all of thatis something much bigger.
And so give me just a second topull this up.
I love that.
It's just coming through, Ithink.
I'm almost sure.
Okay, it's from her book AReturn to Love, which is written
in the 1990s.
If you don't know, marianneWilliamson, no, I do so.

Kena Siu (35:11):
I'm just wondering if you're going to read the quote
that I love from her.
So let's go.

It's a stellar one.
And the other thing aboutMarianne Williamson is she's a
great example of someone whoclearly has both confidence but
a foundation built on worthiness, and in her book, a Return to
Love, she speaks into that, so Ihighly recommend that book.
Also, she ran for presidentrecently and I got to meet her

(35:37):
Whoa, that's amazing, it's aboutfrom my girl, marianne Phillips
.
I'm sorry.
She ran for president in theUnited States.
I keep forgetting her in Canadaor Mexico, depending on where
we're at, just take you but sherecently ran for president of
the United States.
Okay, so she is a master ofmany things wisdom and
spirituality primarily, andbecause she created such a

(35:58):
following and she's a brilliantpolitical scholar she also has a
political experience too.
Are you ready for the quote?
Yes, okay.
She says actually, who are younot to be?

(36:33):
You are the child of God, andyour playing small does not
serve the world.
There's nothing enlightenedabout shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecurearound you.
We are all meant to shine, aschildren do.
We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within
us, and it's not just in some ofus, it's in everyone.

(36:56):
And she closes with this as welet our own light shine, we
unconsciously give other peoplepermission to do the same, and
as we are liberated from our ownfear, our presence
automatically liberates others.
So a couple of things there.
This comes from psychology, ourcore fears of I'm not enough
and fear of abandonment.

(37:18):
That's actually not it.
That's the patriarchalconditioning, but underneath
that it's I'm afraid of my ownpower.

Kena Siu (37:27):
Yes.

Who would I be if I stepped into the light
and claimed the power as mybirthright, as a creation of the
creator?
What then?
What then would I beresponsible for?
It's big.

Kena Siu (37:40):
Yes, it's a big thing.

Yes, and when we do.
But when we do that andMarianne's a great example, I
mean she gives.
She gives very few Fs I wasalmost sure you were going to.
She's willing to step into herown light and be brave and make
mistakes and have to apologizeand write books and run for
president, because she has acore belief that she is

(38:04):
available for her own power.
She has a right to her ownpower and so she does things
like that the audacity.
And as a result I will I'm goingto drop it here is that she was
called every name in the bookon her political tour.
She was called a witch, a bitch, a whore, every single thing
you could think of along the way, and she just said see, this is

(38:26):
the patriarchy.
And she didn't let it shake hermuch.
I can imagine her sweetheartwas shaken a little bit.
Let it shake her much.
I can imagine her sweetheart,like, was shaken a little bit,
but she didn't let it stop herbecause she's clear on who she
is and who she is, and she usesthe word child of God.
I say daughter of the King.
You say whatever you want, youwere created by something that

(38:46):
created the universe.
So you might have a little bitof light and special in there.
Would you be willing to stepinto that?
Okay, so, but that didn'tanswer your question at all.
Right, your question is what dowe do?
Your question was well, why,why?
Well, I mean, we can write amanifesto on the why, but can we

(39:08):
agree that it's because we'reafraid of our own power and also
we're entrenched in thepatriarchy?
And let it just be that simple,because what I don't want to
happen, mostly because that waspart of my journey, especially
pre-sobriety is oh well, I justneed to go get more therapy and
like no, no disrespect ontherapy.
I have pretty consistently hada therapist for my whole adult

(39:29):
life, but that's not the thingthat has created the
transformative belief andidentity that I am worthy
exactly the way I am.
No therapist.
Nobody could ever have saidthat to me until I was willing
to remember it for myself.

Kena Siu (39:46):
Yeah, it's an inner work.
We have to be willing, as yousaid, to be open, to go in, to
do the work, to go in and say,okay, what is that, what is that
shadow, as we call it?
You know, what are those partsof yourself that you're not
willing to go see Because, again, somebody told you that you

(40:06):
don't supposed to look overthere, you have to be shameful
or feel guilty, or blah, blah,blah, blah.
all these stories to be shamefulor feel guilty or blah, blah,
blah, blah.
All these stories.
And that's one of the thingsthat until we don't really
accept that shadow and acceptthat light because, as this
quote says I love that quote,every time I read it or I hear
it it gives me chills and I wantto cry because I know it's

(40:28):
talking to my soul and it's alsorecognizing that light that we
are and until we don't accept,understand and love all those
parts of us, until then we'renot going to feel that we are
worthy because then we believeand we think that we are broken.

(40:50):
But we are not broken, we arealways whole.
It's just because of thedifferent wounds, the trauma, et
cetera, et cetera, lifeexperiences.
Then we start putting thoselittle hurt parts of us aside
and aside and aside, and that'swhat we feel that we are broken,
but no, when we put all thoseparts together, then we're going

(41:15):
to understand that we are whole, we have been whole all the
time and that we are worthysince we've been given birth in
here.

From the first breath until this moment
Exactly this moment.
And that concept.
I've really struggled a littlebit, or I don't know struggle,
but like kind of agreed and thendisagreed and gone back and
forth with this idea that we'rebroken, because I truthfully
don't think that we are.
What I think has happened iswe're looking too much at the
mirror of our own lives andthese things that we've

(41:48):
experienced and I'm notdismissing them like humans,
especially women, haveencountered many things that are
not ideal and that are harmful,and they are like taking a
hammer.
Every time something like thathas been experienced and hitting
the mirror and part of themirror breaks.
And the next thing that happenshitting the mirror and the

(42:09):
mirror breaks.
And I don't want to be generalright, so it's like when my dad,
when my dad, my parents, gotdivorced, it was like bam, part
of my identity broke.
But notice that the hammer ishitting the mirror, and so it's
the mirror that's broken.
It's not me, it's not the womanstanding in front of the mirror

(42:30):
.
It's the way I see me.
It's not the woman standing infront of the mirror.
It's the way I see me, but I'mwhole the whole time.
Yes, I love that analogy.
So the other you know.
And then it's like, yeah, howmany hammer, how many knocks on
the mirror have you endured?
Probably a lot, right?
So there's in my story, justquickly my stories.
My parents got divorced andthen I had experience with

(42:52):
sexual assault and then I had aneating disorder and then I had
self-esteem issues and then Ididn't get this.
I got bad grades and then I didthis and this, then alcoholism
and this right, and then like,so many bangs on the mirror, I'm
not enough.
This person left me and Ididn't get this and my dad died

(43:12):
and it's like, why me?
And knock, knock, knock on themirror.
But the woman standing in frontof the mirror was always whole.

Kena Siu (43:19):
And unworthy.

And here's the shift and it's never been
given to me like it has justbeen is that the difference in
my life now is I'm not lookingat the mirror for who I am, I'm
looking at the creator.
I'm looking at the creator.
I'm looking at the creator andit's like where's the creator?
Well, I'm looking at her rightnow in the form of Kata Sue, and
then I'm looking out the windowin the form of the greenery in

(43:44):
New Orleans, and I'm looking atmy children, what they're
playing, and I'm looking.
And so if you need visualevidence of God, look around.
It's everywhere I don't have tostand entrenched looking at this
broken mirror, and I don't evenneed to fix the mirror.
There's no fix.
There's no fixing neededbecause I was never broken.
Those experiences onlyshattered the idea of what I

(44:08):
thought I was.
I don't know where that camefrom C Kane it's the first time
I've ever but it was divinelydownloaded, so I hope that's
helpful.
It's beautiful.
So the question that has to comenext is okay, I hear you, I'm
with you, the coach right, likethey probably have.

(44:31):
Many of them have multipledegrees, many of them are high
earners, many of them are highachievers, and they were all
asking this question of okay, Ihear you, like the confidence
thing isn't sustainable, so whatdo I need to do?
And that's where thetransformation happens.
So would you like me to sharehow to build a little bit more

(44:52):
worthiness?

Kena Siu (44:53):
Yes, please, I was sure our early centers that were
like I'm waiting for this?

Please tell me.

Kena Siu (45:02):
Yes.

And I will say it is whatever.
You make it.
So you can say it's a lot ofhard work or you can say it's
going to be so fun and easybecause you get to decide how
anything is.
You literally can decide howyour day is going to be before
it even happens.
Did you know this?
Yes, of course.
So of course you did right.
Like we're in the same spectrum.
You can decide before you everhave the meeting, before you

(45:25):
ever pick up the phone, beforeyou ever get in bed with
somebody, like whether it'sgoing to be amazing or whether
it's not, because we get what welook for and expect.
I don't know where that camefrom.
Oh, the perception of the work,because the question is is it
going to be hard?
Is it going to be painful?
It's going to be what you decidethat it's going to be, is it
going to be worth it?
Yes, yes, yes, I'll say youknow this.

(45:51):
This, this work, isn't foreveryone it's.
Yet in order to be, in order tobe in front of the work, there
has to be this came into me inmeditation, so I'm going to go
ahead and say it.
There has to be.
This came into me in meditation, so I'm gonna go ahead and say
it.
There has to be this answer toa question that I'm gonna ask.
So, in the recovery community,oftentimes, if you are being

(46:15):
taken through the work, the yourguide will ask you are you
willing to go to any lengths?
And if you're, if you're issues, drugs or alcohol, like my
first mentor said, are youwilling to go to any lengths to
get sober?
And I was so beaten down.
This is the great.
The other great thing aboutalcoholism is it will win.

(46:36):
It always does, and we caneither surrender or not.
And so I was so surrendered andso devastated at the time that
she could have told me to stripnaked, paint my body blue,
orange and purple and go run inthe middle of the interstate.
But she could have told me tostrip naked, paint my body blue,
orange and purple and go run inthe middle of the interstate,
and I would have been willing todo that.
Now, that's not what she asked,but what she did ask is are you
willing to go to any lengths,are you willing to do whatever

(46:56):
it takes?

Kena Siu (46:58):
And I said yes.

And so the question here is listen, this
work is not for the faint ofheart, it's for the woman who's
ready to remember who she is.
And so I'm going to ask thequestion are you willing to go
to any lengths to remember yourown worthiness?
Hell yeah, and it needs to be ahell yeah.

(47:19):
And you don't even have to know, you just have to be willing.
Yeah, and that's when you'vemade that decision.
You've already won, you'vealready, you've already started
the remembering process.
Okay, so I took some notes, butI'm going to actually abandon
the notes.
Maybe I'll weave them in, butthe process of transformation
doesn't look the same foreverybody.
But my suggestion is the veryfirst step is to get clear on

(47:45):
where you're suffering right now, where your longing is, where
your discontent is, and just getit all out.
It's almost like we have justbought a piece of property and
we're going to build a huge,beautiful mansion for ourselves,
but before we build anything,we might have to knock down the
shack that's sitting on it.
And you might need to take alook at the shack and be like,

(48:05):
actually I don't want to live ina one bedroom, half bathroom
piece of termite infested likewhatever it is.
You understand it's a metaphor.
So we have to look closely atwhat is not working and what we
don't like.
We're not going to shy awayfrom the darkness.
You said the shadow.
We're going to look the shadowin the face and we're going to
get clear on the ways that we'resuffering, struggling, longing,

(48:31):
discontent.
Get it down.
That's the hard part.
We're getting that out of theway so it doesn't come back and
bug us.
And once we've gotten clear,then we set it to the side.
We've done the demolition andwe have this beautiful plot of
land and now we start theblueprinting process.
Just to use the house metaphor,the mansion.
And so before you take yourideas to the architect and tell
her what kind of mansion youneed for her to design, you got

(48:55):
to get clear on what kind ofmansion or home that you would
love to live in.
So the core question I'minviting you to really swallow
this and digest it and meditateon it is this what would you
love?
What would you?

Kena Siu (49:13):
love.

And it doesn't matter if we're talking
about I tend to specialize incareer, business and finances,
but we can also talk about yourhealth, your relationships, your
travel, world travels, whateverit is, it doesn't matter.
But you don't ask yourrelationships, your travel,
world travels, whatever it is,it doesn't matter.
But you don't ask your mind,kena.
You go straight to your heartand maybe your stomach area,
which is the seat of the soul,the solar plexus, and you say

(49:35):
what would I love?
And then you start to imagine,you start to let those images or
those sensations or thosefeelings come, and then you get
a pen I prefer a pen becauseit's a connection to your body,
the channel for the soul and youstart writing and you write,
and you write, and you write oryou picture or whatever, like,

(49:57):
whatever it is.
Don't let your ego step in andsay I don't like writing, like,
no, no, no, no.
I didn't ask if you likewriting.
I asked what would you love?
And then you let it pourthrough you.
And then can I get a littlesexy with you, kena?
Of course, go for it.
I was just describing this to aclient, okay?

(50:19):
And then you ask this reallysexy question, okay, I don't
know if you've ever been in bedwith somebody and it's like
really good, they're like reallyhitting all the spots, and then
they look up at you and they'relike, oh, you like that, what
else, what else?
Oh, I love that.
So that's the second question,right, and you want that same
kind of pleasure-based love,energy, because guess what that

(50:42):
does?
It amplifies your reach of yoursoul, which is brings that, it
brings it to you like aracehorse to the finish line.
So you ask what would I love?
And then you make it sexy andyou say, what else, what else?
I like that and please that,and then this, and by the end of
it, you should.
When I do this, well, the endof it is like a spiritual orgasm

(51:06):
where I'm like, yes, yes, yes,almost like sleepless in Seattle
.

Kena Siu (51:11):
And when I do this in a coffee shop.

People are looking at me like I'll have
whatever she's having, I betOkay.
So short and sweet of that.
My cheeks are blushing.
That means it's working.
Yes, so we've gotten clear onwhat we don't want.
We've gotten clear not on whatwe want, but what we would love.
Say this for me, what do I want?

Kena Siu (51:34):
What do I want?
Yeah?

Now say this what would I love?

Kena Siu (51:39):
What would I love?

Which one feels better in your soul.

Kena Siu (51:42):
Oh, the second one.
It feels more exciting.

I feel the tingles in my chest, yeah, it's
different, it's perfect,because what do I want?
Or what do I want is a verymind confidence-based thing.
And then the question begets islike, why don't I have it?
And am I not good enough?
And blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
Right, there's underneath, thatis well, I don't have it.
So there's scarcity.
But when you ask the questionfrom your spirit what would I

(52:10):
love?
Your spirit tells you.
And it's probably not aLamborghini, maybe it is, I
don't know, but it might be justthis sense of feeling at home
with yourself, no matter whereyou are what would I love?
What else?
The third thing that happensand this is where it's so
important to have a coach, amentor, a guide, a partner in
believing whatever you haveaccess to, because what happens

(52:35):
after you've gotten clear onwhat you would love is your ego
rises from the depths and saysabsolutely not, not happening,
Absolutely not.
She says absolutely not, nothappening, absolutely not.
And she will start speaking toyou in the most sexy and
attractive voice.
That probably sounds like you.
It probably sounds very logical.
It might sound like your mom oryour dad, who knows.

(52:57):
She will speak to you in theway that your mind will listen
and she'll say things like youdon't have the experience and
you don't have the money, andthat's never going to happen,
it's going to take too long, andwhat would your family think?
And that's not possible.
You don't even like socialmedia, like you're not.
You have it too, right, okay,yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu (53:16):
Yeah so number one.

That's good news, because that means
you've just started to expandwhat your heart knows already.
But your mind has one job andit's to keep you safe.
You're built like that, right?
I like to give my mind massagefor trying to support me, keep
me safe, but I'm going to needyou to get on the back.

(53:37):
Yes, I'm going to need you toget on the back.
I try not to fight her.
I try not to resist her,because we know what we resist
persists and it just yeah.
A whole separate episode onthat.
No just to have the awareness ofit.
Yes, I'm awake to it, I'm notrunning, I'm not hiding, I'm not
fighting.
I'm saying listen, this is myconvertible bitch.
Get in the back, get in theback.

(54:01):
And I just want to attributethat analogy to Elizabeth
Gilbert, who wrote thisbeautiful book Big Magic, and
the whole first chapter is aboutfear.
Of course we have fear.
If we're doing anything big, wehave fear.
And she's showing up and she'strying to get in the way and you
say welcome, I love you, I'vebeen waiting for you, thank you.
Now get in the back.
You can come in the car butyou're not touching the radio in

(54:26):
the car.
But you're not touching theradio and you're not picking
where we stop to eat and youdon't even get to roll down the
window.
But you can come and you'resitting in the back.
It's kind of like myfive-year-old.
You're coming and we'restrapping you in, okay, you're
not going anywhere, sitting inthe back for safety, okay.
So this third phase is learningthe tools and techniques to
bridge the gap when all of yourfears show up and dance naked in

(54:47):
your driveway.
And then the next step is totake action that feels like your
soul is completely alive.
It's aligned action, it's notfrom the mind, it's what feels
good, what feels exciting, whatis buzzing, what makes me smile
and create energy.
And yes, maybe it creates feartoo, but I can't not take it.

(55:08):
And I guide women through thisprocess of soul, aligned spirit,
aligned action.
And it doesn't come from themind.
We learn how to open ourselvesup to the intuitive direction.
We source our list from thereand we take one baby step at a
time towards Mount Olympus.
And Mount Olympus looksdifferent for everybody.

(55:28):
But even if my original mentor,mary Morrissey, says, even if
you just take baby steps, aslong as you don't stop, you will
reach the top of Mount Olympus.
And so it's that end piece ofonce.
We know what we don't and knowwhat we love and know how to
navigate fear, know how toaccess our intuition.

(55:50):
Then we take the action.
Most people think it's like well, I'm just going to this girl on
the call today.
She was like I don't know what,I can't take any action.
I feel stuck all the time andin my heart I'm like, yeah, girl
, I know, because you don'tremember who you are.
And if you don't know who youare through this process of
transformation, of course you'regoing to feel like you're stuck
because you think it hasanything to do with action, and

(56:11):
action is the last thing thatcreates results.
It does, but as long as it'sfounded on this deep belief of
now I know who I am and whose Iam, and how to navigate this
thing called life, then I'mready to take action.
And it's not a year longprocess, it's something that can
happen in a very short time.
And the last part and this iswhat I love doing with you you
and I are doing this together iswho we are becoming because of

(56:35):
this process.
We're becoming women who havepodcasts, and it's not about the
podcast, right?
It's about we remembered thatwe have a voice and it's
important.
And by stepping into our ownlight, we are empowering women
to come with us.
Don't walk behind me, that'snot where the light is.
No, come next to me, step infront of me.

(56:56):
Let's go into the lighttogether.
And I promise you, kana,because we were brave enough,
seated in our own understandingof who we are, women are already
coming and asking and receivingmore than they ever would have
had we not come from that placeand taken that brave action from
a place of.

(57:17):
I'm terrified, but I know who Iam and I'm doing it anyway all
right, give me chills.

Kena Siu (57:32):
It gave me chills because, yeah, that's the path.
That's the path.
What a beautiful journey thatis, and it's very powerful oh
wow.

so much I mean, and there are little
little tips and strategies thatJamie offers in her book and
that I've used in my own.
But the truth is is that thefirst key to cultivating
worthiness is to make yourselfwilling and open to remember who

(58:00):
and whose you are, which means,as we talked about on the call
and before, there's a need for aspiritual practice, and I'm not
shying away from that.
Yes, you're going to have tostart praying or talking, it
doesn't matter Talk to the plant.
The plant's not growing becauseyou didn't make the plant grow.

(58:22):
Talk to the sun, talk to theocean, talk, call it whatever
you want.
And then there's this otherpractice of and then you listen,
just like let's walk back overto the wall phone.
From seventh grade you pickedup the phone, you're talking to
your best friend for like 10hours and you're talking
sometimes and she's talkingsometimes and if you're talking
the whole time, she's not goingto want to be your friend.

(58:44):
If she talking the whole time,she's not going to want to be
your friend.
If she's talking the whole time, you're not going to pick up
the phone again.
So it's a balance of praying andmeditating or speaking and
listening, and through that youbecome an open channel to the
voice of your intuition and youfeel liberty, just like my
five-year-old does, to saywhatever you want, whenever you

(59:05):
want, to the creator.
My five-year-old will sayanything that she wants to me or
her father, at any time of dayor night.
She will come in at 3 am and belike I think we should get a
new bunny, and it's almost mybirthday and I love my teacher
and wish I went for schooltomorrow.
We're like dude, it's 3 am.
You got to go back to bed.
But listen, god never says dude, you got to go back to bed.

(59:26):
God's like.
I'm waiting for you what you got.
I'm waiting for you what yougot.
Give me more, tell it.
And then this loving presencethat wants you to be quiet and
listen and receive all that isyours, this reminder of joy and

(59:48):
worthiness and, yes, confidence.
Right Again.
Like I'm not knockingconfidence, I'm just saying you
can't build your whole house onthis foundation without knowing
who you are.
And if you're a woman who hastried the root of
self-confidence, only you knowwhat I'm talking about.
And I was her, I was her.

Kena Siu (01:00:00):
Yeah.
Yeah, I actually yeah, we'restill kind of, you know, moving
the check away.
There's nothing wrong with it,it's just we got to know where
we start.

Dana Hunter Fradella (01:00:13):
And also, the more worthiness I open
myself up to and the moreworthiness I receive and
remember, the more confident Iam and the more willing I am to
show up, even when I have noidea about how or when or why or
whatever.
I'm just like, I know what Iwould love and I know who I am.
And so here we go.
Podcast, yes.
Coaching practice yes.

(01:00:34):
Investing tens of thousanddollars in guidance and programs
and leadership, because it's mydream that came out of this
process.
Yes, yes, I will.
Yes, I will, because why I'mworth it I will.
And here's something I can saywith assurance that I couldn't
before is that I am my bestinvestment.

(01:00:57):
I'm going to get an ROI on me.
I'm always going to win if Iinvest in me, and so when I'm on
calls and they'll say, wow,it's an investment to work with
a coach, it absolutely is.
And here's what I also know,especially from my gals who are

(01:01:18):
moms, is that when my daughtersask me for something, 100% of
the time I absolutely want to,and most of the time will say
yes Horse camp, yes.
Tennis lessons yes.
Swim team yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
But when it came to me andinvesting in me, I'm like, oh no
, I can't, I couldn't, possibly.

(01:01:40):
And what am I showing them whenI'm not investing in me?

Kena Siu (01:01:44):
Now you're unworthy.

I'm open to them.
I said I invested this numberof dollars in a business coach
for six months.
She's going to help me expandmy understanding of business,
and I use that language and thespecific dollar amount so they
know that their mom is investingin herself to create her dreams
, because what else is therereally?
Come on.

Kena Siu (01:02:04):
Yeah.

What else is there besides the longing in
your heart, the voice of yourintuitive guidance, which is
your assignment?
Everything else is ashes.

Kena Siu (01:02:20):
Is that too much?
It's powerful, it's beautiful,and the thing is you are showing
them that way.
It is because that's the onlyway they're going to recognize
the worthiness in themselves, byshowing them, as you said, they
might not listen, but they pickup all your behavior to what

(01:02:42):
you are doing, what you aresaying, what you are embodying,
and that's what they're going toget and that's the power that
you are giving them by doing thework you.
You are giving them that huge,beautiful gift.

Can I tell one more story?
One more story along this,along the lines lines it just
came up, I was like, yeah, wehave to, we have to tell this,
okay.
So when I told you about my mom, superstar trailblazer,
incredible.
She's still amazing, but my momwas very rarely able to show up
for things at school, afterschool stuff, because she was

(01:03:21):
working, which is what wasrequired of her work, and I felt
a little angsty about that,especially when I was like, but
mom, everybody else's mom isthere, or everybody else's
whatever?
Okay.
So through the recovery process,I was able to work through that
and let that go.
But I did make a commitmentthat when my kids have something
that I'm invited to, I'm coming, I'm going to be there, and my

(01:03:46):
being there speaks louder thanmy I can't, because or I want to
, but I can't.
My presence shows them, throughmy actions, that you are worthy
, you are valuable and of course, I will be there.
Where else would I be?
Yes, where else would I be?
So I will cancel with clientsand I will be inconsistent if I
need to, because I know who I amand what's important to me.

(01:04:09):
And here's the story.
Are you ready for it?
Yes, okay, so this my girlstake dance and uh that you know
they're not quite Simone Biles,but they are getting there.
But they take this littlecommunity dance and they have a
yearly review recital and thisyear my four-year-old, then
four-year-old, my thenseven-year-old were doing it.
And we also I live in NewOrleans, which is why I say I'm

(01:04:31):
obsessed with all things NewOrleans.
I also happen to love, and havealways loved, festivals and
live music.
It's just like where I meet Godand find God.
So I will go to all thefestivals.
I have loved music.
Okay, so I will go to all thefestivals I love music.
Okay, so we have Jazz Fest twoweekends in New Orleans in April
and May, and Kena my veryfavorite band and they've been

(01:04:53):
my favorite band since 1996, isthe Dave Matthews Band.
I mean, I know every song, I'vebeen to a bunch of shows, I
have their T-shirt, likeeverything Obsessed Dave
Matthews Band, dmb, whatever.
I'm obsessed with these guys.
And so we've got a lot going on.

(01:05:14):
The calendar wasn't quite right,so we were like, oh, dave
Matthews is coming to NewOrleans and we're going to go
see him.
We got childcare lined up.
We like took off, cleared thecalendar, we're definitely going
.
We're going to stay all day.
We're going early, we can't.
We're going late, so excited,okay.
Well, here comes the girl'srecital and I'm like I don't
have it in the calendar.
When is it?
You know, when it was right.
Yeah of course it was the sameday, okay, but that's not even

(01:05:35):
the story.
I thought my kids willdefinitely understand.
If we go, we'll get therecording, we'll see it next
year, it's fine, it's going tobe fine, we'll go to the recital
.
So, but I said, let me checkwith them.
This is why you've got to check, okay, with source.

(01:05:55):
And sometimes God speaksthrough my kids.
So I said to my seven-year-oldAudrey I said, audrey, would you
mind if we just went to therehearsal and then caught the
video of the recital so that momand dad can go see their very
favorite band, dave MatthewsBand?
And she said absolutely not.
This is much more importantthan that.
And I thought you know what?

(01:06:19):
Not only is she right, but I'mso proud that she knows her
worth.
Yes, and she knows what'simportant.

Kena Siu (01:06:28):
And she spoke her truth.

And so I won't lie, I was still a little
sad that I didn't get to see myMandy Matthews band, but when I
was at that recital I saw Godbeing like, yeah, that's right,
remember who you are, rememberthis gift of these beautiful
children and this gorgeouscommunity and this presence of
life, surrounded by grandparentsand surrounded by support.
I'm like I see you, god.

(01:06:52):
I don't even need Dave Matthewsman, you're everywhere, you're
here.
But to know that myseven-year-old was so grounded
in what was worthy and valuableand important that she would say
absolutely not.
You know what's the mostimportant Act.
On that, I thought well, youknow what's the most important
Act on that.
I thought, wow, well, okay, andthat's the difference.
I said okay, I'll be there.
Plans canceled, important thingwork.

(01:07:15):
Everything Cancel Because Iknow what is worthy.
Pretty cool, huh.

Kena Siu (01:07:24):
Very cool, yeah, wow.
Well then it's clear that thatworthiness that you feel within
you are already showing it tothem, as they are also embodying
.
So, wow, respect to that, dana.

How beautiful is that, lisa?
The other smaller thing if youwant to start small is something
that is emphasized in thecommunity we share with Kathy
Heller is to cultivate this deepremembering of your own
worthiness.
When someone offers youanything a compliment, a coffee,

(01:08:03):
hold the door, let you intraffic the only thing that you
need to say is thank you.
Instead of oh that old thing, Igot it at Target.
Or like that old thing.
Or my hair blah, blah, blah,like this rejection, this
resistance.
Part of you practicing yourunworthiness is you simply

(01:08:24):
saying thank you, thank you.

Kena Siu (01:08:28):
Being open to receive, and that's so.
It's hard for us, for women,because we are wired to give
instead of receiving.

And you don't have to give them a
compliment back and you don'thave to earn it.

Kena Siu (01:08:45):
Nope, there's no earning and worthiness, it just
is, and your thank you isreceiving and remembering and
reminding.
Beautiful, what a beautifulconversation.
Thank you for sharing all thosestories.

(01:09:05):
You gave me chills severaltimes.

It was so wonderful I got them too, I got
them too.
It's what happens when we hearthe truth, I think.

Kena Siu (01:09:13):
Yes, definitely.
What?
So, closing up this beautifulconversation, what would you
call this midlife butterflystage, where you are at this?

moment.
It's an awakening, kena.
It's an awakening.
I'm waking up and I don't knowabout when I fell asleep, but
it's an awakening and it's sobroad, it's so vast, it's so
vast, but there's so much light.

(01:09:50):
As long as I can remain openand say well, this is
interesting and this is fun andthis is new, and this is like.
What is all this sweat at night?
I'm like this is interesting.
Maybe it's like the hot songI'm going to detox every night.
Great, I think there's ametaphor there, right?
So we're releasing all of theseold negative paradigms and

(01:10:18):
beliefs, and the sweat at nightis just a metaphor for letting
it go yeah you're definitelyreleasing.
Oh wow, I would call it anawakening, which is a letting go
and a remembering, and you seemuch more light and beauty and
God everywhere you look.
But you've got to put the rightglasses on, you understand.
You've got to decide in advancethat you're waking up and that

(01:10:40):
you're going to decide that it'sgood.

Kena Siu (01:10:43):
Yes, it's a decision.
Wow, and what's?
A simple pleasure that youenjoy the most.

I go to the gym at least three days a
week.

Kena Siu (01:10:59):
That's not it.

That's not it.
Okay, now I a couple of reasonswhy I go to the gym.
It makes me feel good, it makesme look good, I have friends
there, it's part of my routine,but really and truly, between
you and me and the girl whoworks at the front desk, the
only reason I can get myself tothe gym is because at the end of
it there is this aqua massagechair, this hydro massage chair

(01:11:23):
that I spend the last 10 minutesin.
So I'm like, if I go to the gymand a workout that I can go,
get in the hydro massage chairand meditate, it just feels like
a whole army of mermaids isworking on me.
Army of mermaids, I love that.
I want that too.
So I leave the gym happy everysingle time.

(01:11:44):
So it trains my nervous systemto want to go to the gym, even
when the alarm goes off at 5amand we can't consciously decide
where we're going.
It's just we've trainedourselves and because it's the
mermaids are waiting for you.
So is the Stairmaster, butthat's okay so is the

(01:12:07):
Stairmaster but that's okay, ohwow, yeah, it's great.

Kena Siu (01:12:09):
I mean how we can find things that motivate us to
actually do what we got to do,right yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu (01:12:17):
Mm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm.
Well, besides, I already toldpeople they can find you at the
Girls who Recovered podcast.
It's also your brand.
Where else can they find you?

My favorite place to hang out is
the podcast.
I also am on Facebook andInstagram and if something
resonated with you and you feelcalled forward and you're like,
listen, I know that the reasonwhy I haven't done the thing
that I know I need to do isbecause of a misunderstanding
around confidence and worthiness.

(01:12:53):
Send me a DM.
I would love to connect andsupport you, because my whole
work in the world is helpingwomen do the thing that they've
always wanted to do, and most ofthe time, we're not doing it,
not because we can't or we'reunskilled or the fear.
It's because we've forgottenhow worthy we are.
Isn't that a cool assignment?

(01:13:17):
Much better than a corporatelife that I was living before.

Kena Siu (01:13:23):
Oh wow, thank you so much, sister.
Such a pleasure for thisconversation.
It has been wonderful, a lot ofinsights.
I know, I'm sure that this isgoing to benefit a lot of women
listening.
And yeah, reach out, we arehere for you, dana is here, I am

(01:13:43):
here.
Thank you for listening andhope to see you next time.

Thank you, Kena Much love.

Kena Siu (01:13:50):
I love you too.
Thank you for tuning intoMidlife Butterfly.
If this episode lead a spark inyou, hit that subscribe or
follow button on Apple Podcasts,spotify or wherever you love to
listen, so you'll never missthe magic.
If you're feeling generous,drop a review on Apple Podcasts.
It helps this empoweringcontent reach more souls ready

(01:14:12):
to transform their lives.
Until next time, keep spreadingthose wings and living in joy,
growth and pleasure.

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#24 - The Power of Worthiness Beyond Confidence with Dana Hunter Fradella

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#24 - The Power of Worthiness Beyond Confidence with Dana Hunter Fradella