28 - From Corporate Burnout to Soul-Led Living: Tracy’s Midlife Reinvention - Midlife Butterfly: Self-Discovery, Women Empowerment & Life Transitions

Episode Transcript
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Kena Siu (00:00):
Let's talk about midlife transitions today from
motherhood to corporate America,to an empty nester to
entrepreneurship.
Welcome back to MidlifeButterfly podcast.
I'm your host, Kena Siu, andtoday I have one of my dear
podcast sisters, Tracy Hill, whowill share her story about
navigating her midlifetransitions.

(00:21):
And if this resonates with youwell, loss, reinvasion moves

(00:44):
with a burning desire forfreedom, joy and solid living.
She feels the pull to rise, tofly.
She's no longer afraid of herown wings.
Tracy Hill is a former Fortune500 marketing executive, turned
into a self-discovery guide,podcast host and the voice

(01:07):
behind a beautiful fix.
After burning out in a careerthat no longer felt like hers,
she hit pause on the hustle andtook a bold leap into the
unknown.
She now helps midlife womenstop going through the motions
and start reconnecting with whattruly lights them up.

(01:28):
Through her podcast, humandesign sessions and
transformational retreats, tracyis on a mission to prove that
your next chapter can be yourbest one, and it starts by
remembering who you were before.
The world told you who to be.
Welcome back, sister.

(01:49):
Such a pleasure to have youback in midlife butterfly.

Tracy Hill (01:52):
Thank you.
Thank you, it is such apleasure to be here.
I've really been lookingforward to this.
I was listening to your podcastearlier, which I absolutely
love.
Thank you, I'm just so happy tobe able to be here with you.

Kena Siu (02:10):
I'm so glad to have you back and have you this time
to speak your truth, your storyabout how have you navigated
midlife transitions.

Tracy Hill (02:23):
So it has been.
You know I'm trying to coin theterm midlife curiosity.
I think that's one of the bestways to explain my journey,
because I thought I always knewwho I was Like.
When I was in my 20s teens, Ikind of knew exactly who Tracy
was.
I was chasing my dreams, I wasdoing what I thought I should be

(02:46):
doing and I loved it.
And something happened aroundmy 30s where I just started to
become I didn't.
I started to not recognizemyself of who I thought I was In
my 30s.
That's when I started my family.
I got married at 26.
I had my first son at 30, mysecond at 32, my third at 34, my
fourth at 36.

(03:08):
So my 30s was just motherhood.
And it's like it's the way I doeverything, kenna.
It's just all or nothing.
It's all or nothing.
I can never do things just, youknow, half.
So I just went from the worldbeing about me to being
someone's wife, to being incorporate America, to suddenly
being a mother four times withinsix years.

(03:28):
It was insane.
My boys three of the four hadhealth issues.
They had life threateningallergies, they had asthma.
So my whole world, the way Ithought I knew it, was turned
upside down.
Suddenly, something like food.
Food could be a weapon.
So you're already tired andexhausted as a mom and now,

(03:51):
three times a day, I had tothink about what I was going to
give my children.
Really think about it.
Read all the I never readlabels.
So that started to change me.
And at work I started to realizethe things that I was chasing.
It didn't really do it for meanymore.
Suddenly the titles didn't meanas much Going for that next

(04:11):
promotion that I was alwaysthinking about what's next.
Looking at the office I want itto be and all of a sudden it
was like I don't know if I wantto do that because that's going
to require traveling.
And I started realizing my God,I'm changing.
And I didn't love it.
I didn't embrace the change.
I didn't like where it wasgoing.
I was Miss Corporate America.
I wanted to be a businesswoman.
I wanted to be a vice presidentof somebody's company.

(04:33):
These are my dreams.
And I started to get a littlesad as I was getting pulled from
it.
And it just continued, kenna,it just continued.
I stayed home for four yearswith my sons.
Once I had my third, my husbandand I were like it's getting
expensive to have them indaycare.
Someone needs to stay home.
I was looking at him.
He was looking at me.
I ended up being the one tostay home.

(04:54):
I was with them for four yearsand I completely changed.
At that point I thought mycareer is done.
I don't even know what's goingon in the world of marketing
anymore.
Marketing moves fast.
It went from print to digitaland I thought I was done, I'm
going to be their mom.
And then I started to embracemotherhood and I really got into
it.
Then, 2008, 2009 hit carpet wasripped from under us.
I had to go back to work.

(05:15):
So suddenly I'm 40 years oldnow.
I'm back in corporate America,where I thought I was kind of
done.
I no longer recognize myselfthat confident 20-year-old.
She wasn't there anymore.
I just wanted to be home withmy sons and I just really
struggled, struggled, struggledand I kept thinking I know I can

(05:38):
get back.
I know I can get back too.
I would have loved this careerin my 20s, maybe even my 30s,
and I just kept struggling andfinally I got to the point, 10
years later, where I was like Idon't have the answers, I don't
know what's next.
But I know it's not this and Imade a leap.
That was a lot, sorry, that wasa lot.

Kena Siu (05:59):
It's okay.
It's okay, we're going to getinto the pieces of it, okay.
Okay, so now you know ourlisteners, they know how.
You know how the transitionwent, and then so we can go you
know, little by little.
Okay, so you said that you werenot embracing the change at one
point.
So this was when you moved fromcorporate America to motherhood

(06:25):
.
Was it one of the biggeststruggles in there?

Tracy Hill (06:28):
Yes, because I always wanted a family.
I always wanted children, butthey were going to be a part of
my world.
They were going to fit innicely to Tracy's whole world.
And now she's a mom and she'sgot these four kids.
But I had this whole other lifeand I never wanted to be just a
stay-at-home mom.
I wanted the career, I wanted itall, and when I left my career

(06:52):
and I was at home with them, Ididn't know who I was.
When I met people, I couldn'tanswer the question what do you
do?
I didn't have a business cardto hand.
This was back in the days ofbusiness cards.
I didn't have a business cardto hand to anyone and all of my
labels were stripped and itbecame mom and instead of me

(07:15):
embracing that and realizingthat was such a gift, I didn't
realize how much of a gift itwas until I was being thrown
back into corporate America.
So I spent a lot of those yearswith them longing for this life
that I once had, instead ofbeing present and right there
with them and realizing this isthe gift being home with them.
This is really this beautifulthing.

(07:35):
But I'm over here watching myhusband leave to go to work with
his tie and I'm getting readyto fix you know lunch again.
Yeah, and I just wasted thoseyears.
And then when I went back tocorporate America, then I was in
corporate America and I waslonging for the years that I was
home with my children.
I just that's why being present, being in the now, is so

(08:00):
important.

Kena Siu (08:01):
Yes, yeah, that's, yeah, that's the key to enjoy
life, and not just, you know,and not being in that survival
mode or in that anxious mode ofthinking, yeah, what's going to
happen in a future, right?

Tracy Hill (08:18):
Or what happened in the past.
You're always looking eitheryou know, instead of being right
here.

Kena Siu (08:23):
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
What happened?
Well, the thing, I feel it,that I perceive it when you were
talking about that, you werenot able to handle any more
business cards because youdidn't know who you were.
It seems like, well, I guess wehave been programmed this way,
right, like to do the things, tofollow the checklist, and at

(08:46):
one point, when you are like,yeah, but you labeled your
success as you said, in allthese labels like having the job
, the position and you travel alot and all that, so then it was
taken away, so your identityreally, it was crumbling.

Tracy Hill (09:05):
That's what I imagine it was crumbling because
all that was left was me.
It was me and for me I feltlike, well, that's not very
interesting and that's notanything to talk about at dinner
parties.
And me Like, no, I need the job.
I need to tell them about whereI'm going next week and what I
just finished working on.
So, yes, it's completeprogramming.

(09:27):
And when you strip thatprogramming from you and you're
left just sitting with yourself,for me it was a challenge.

Kena Siu (09:37):
What were some of the things that you actually faced
in there?

Tracy Hill (09:47):
faced in there.
I just had to.
You know, when you're alonewith yourself in a room and
you've been living a life oflabels and I wouldn't say that I
wasn't authentic, I was justTracy.
This was corporate America,tracy.
It wasn't like I was showing up, you know, I wouldn't go as far
as to say I wasn't beingauthentic.

(10:15):
But when you're just strippeddown to just you, you really
have to one of two things youeither have to get comfortable
with it and find self-love, oryou're going to spiral and feel
like you've got to fill yourlife back up with all the things
.
You've got to go shopping orcut your hair or start working
out or something to change, ifyou cannot just sit raw with who
you really are.
So I had to do a lot of work.

(10:39):
It was like almost having amirror shine on me every single
day of Tracy this is who youreally are.
What do you think?
Yes, now that all that stuff isgone and it's just you, what do
you think?
Do you like her?
Is she okay?
Do you need to do you know?

Kena Siu (10:54):
Oh my God.
Yeah, I give me chills just tothink of that, because that's
true.
We tend to hide, as you said,going shopping or going partying
all the time, or being withpeople around us, or binging
Netflix, binging food, trying toreally numb ourselves, or

(11:16):
keeping ourselves busy in a wayin quotes.
Right, because we are afraid tosee what's really in that
mirror.
We are afraid to see ourselvesfor the first time in the eyes
and say what the hell I am.

Tracy Hill (11:30):
Yes, who is this person?
Yes, and it was even wardrobe,Like I would walk in my closet
and I had my wall lined with mycorporate clothes and then I had
it's like but I don't go thereanymore, Like that's not even me
anymore.
I need something to throw on togo wipe up.

(11:51):
You know, my kids spit or youknow whatever it's like even my
wardrobe was like I don't justeverything, it was like my whole
world was just, you know,turned upside down.
But I will just say, reallyquickly, hearing myself say all
of this, it really wasn't turnedupside down, it was just really
exposed.

(12:12):
It was just real kind of, forthe first time, it was just me
having to sit in the reality ofmy world and not try to layer it
with getting dressed in themorning with my corporate
clothes.
You know what I'm saying.

(12:32):
It was just.
This is the first time I'vereally ever thought of it like
that.
It was just me having to sitwithout all the labels and all
the stuff and all the thingsthat I would go to to make me
into who I thought Tracy was, ifthat makes any sense, yes, yeah
it does.

Kena Siu (12:50):
Yeah, I can relate to the wardrobe too, because when,
yeah, because I mean you haveall this clothing you know to go
, you know casual clothing to go, well dressed up to the office
and everything, and thensuddenly it's like, well, for me
it was like staying at home onmy own.
I was like, yeah, but I don'twant to wear those.
And then I have all these youknow, like sports clothing.

(13:12):
So it was like, okay, I reallywant something like in between.
And then, as we are shiftingour identity, it's also like,
okay, so what do I want?
How do I want to dress?
Now?

Tracy Hill (13:24):
It's also that question because our the way we
dress is also part of ouridentity.
That's right.
Yeah, that's right.
It's almost like a little bitof a costume.
So it's all of a sudden, ifyou're at home and you don't
have this place, that's tellingyou the costume to wear and you
can really wear anything.
What do you wear?
Do you wear the sweats that aresuper comfortable?
That to wear, and you canreally wear anything.
What do you wear?

(13:45):
Do you wear the sweats that aresuper comfortable?
Do you stay in your pajamas allday, or do you still take time
to get yourself dressed so thatyou feel good just for yourself?
I mean, there's all of thosequestions to answer.
Is it workout gear?
So it's an interesting exerciseto step through.

Kena Siu (14:05):
Yeah, One of the things that I've noticed lately.
Like I'm getting ready to cometo work, I mean it's a few
meters, you know, from mybedroom to here, to this office
and I put perfume, and I'm doingit just for myself.
It's like why do I have to putperfume every time I go out?
I'm doing it for myself, I wantto feel good, you know, and it

(14:27):
makes a difference.
Something that simple.

Tracy Hill (14:30):
It makes it.
I have perfume on, I put it onthis morning I'm sitting behind
a camera no one, but yes, Iwanted to do it for myself.
So one of the things that I'mdoing is I'm the person who
something is special.
If there's strawberries in therefrigerator, I'll have one or
two and let me put the rest awayfor something special, and then

(14:52):
the fruit ends up going bad.
Or I, the other day, got thisbody oil.
I went to this wonderful eventfor midlife women and they had
this amazing gift bag filledwith product and one of them was
this beautiful, just like bodyoil.
It was in this beautifulpackaging and when I first saw

(15:12):
it I thought, oh, that isbeautiful, I'm just going to put
that on my shelf.
And when I go out and I thought, no, I ripped it open and I'm
like I'm putting the body oil towalk downstairs to my kitchen,
like I'm done with the.
This is only for somethingspecial.
I'm special.
This day is special.
Every day is special.
Yes, every day special.
Stop waiting to wear the pearlsand the.

(15:35):
You know, yes, wear it for you.

Kena Siu (15:37):
I so agree, yes, yeah, and I think it has to.
It's important for women to dothat shift, to start doing it
for ourselves and not for others, because it just changed the
dynamic of how you presentyourself, even if, at this
moment, we're in front of camera.

Tracy Hill (15:57):
Yes, Well, I used to pride myself on being low
maintenance.
That's something I wouldprobably say.

Kena Siu (16:04):
I'm very low maintenance A lot of women.

Tracy Hill (16:07):
They go to the salon once a week.
I'm always like I'm very, veryNow.
I'm like that's not somethingto be proud about.
Taking care of yourself,prioritizing yourself, doing
nice things for yourself, it'snot selfish, it is a priority.
It should be prioritizedbecause when you fill yourself

(16:28):
up, you then can fill otherpeople's lives from a place of
fullness.
I would always do, do, do, do,do, do.
Do.
Wear myself down, not doanything.
For me.
That's not a great place tomother from or to show up to
work.
That's why I burned out.
If I had spent those yearsprioritizing myself and allowing

(16:51):
myself to go on retreats ormaybe go for massage every once
in a while or to put that bodyoil on every day when I went
into work, I honestly don'tthink I would have burned out.
I know I would have been abetter mom, so we have to get.
Have burned out.
I know I would have been abetter mom, so we have to get.
Last thing, I saw something.

(17:11):
I think it was a couple ofMother's Days ago.
A couple of years ago, forMother's Day, a news station was
celebrating the best mom.
You could write in and nominatethe best mom, and so I caught I
don't like the news, but Icaught it and they were
celebrating this mom.
I thought that's wonderful andthe way the person who submitted
the nomination described herwas she is the most selfless
person.
She puts everybody else's needsfirst.

(17:35):
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I stopped and thought wehave to stop doing this.
We have to stop saying that tobe the best mom, you're last on
the list.
Everybody else's needs are themost important.
She does not even think ofherself.
Like it's beautiful.
I'm sure this was a beautifulmom and that's wonderful.
But why do we set motherhood upthat way?

(17:55):
Yeah, it should be the opposite.
To be a good mom, you take careof yourself.
It's like putting the oxygenmask on.
You have your cup overflow andthat overflow is where you do
for others.

Kena Siu (18:09):
Yeah, because then you give from a place, as you said,
overflow of abundance and love.
Otherwise, if you have yourempty cup, you give from lack
and what it builds up Resentment, yes, and then that resentment
that we created ourselves, weare the creators of that, it's
like wow, and the person feelsthat resentment.

Tracy Hill (18:34):
If I've worn myself down, I haven't slept for two
days, I haven't taken a shower,I am miserable.
I haven't eaten well, and thenI'm cooking your food.
I haven't eaten well and thenI'm cooking your food.
That's not going to be the samemeal as someone who is coming
from a place of well rested andjust finished doing yoga.
You know, yes, of course You'renot helping anyone.

(18:55):
So this low maintenance stuff,I'm done with that.

Kena Siu (19:00):
Oh yes, love it, love it, love it.
I want to come back to when youwere facing yourself in the
mirror.
Yes, like what were yourthoughts?
What was your inner criticsaying?
What was your soul also sayingin there?

(19:22):
Was there fear, like whathappened in?

Tracy Hill (19:26):
there, oh, kenna, my relationship with fear.
Fear has been there.
You know, when I was a littlegirl I don't remember fear being
a part of my life.
But pretty much from the timethat I probably started school
and I started being around otherpeople, fear started showing up
.
But in my adult years I didn'trecognize it as fear, but it was

(19:50):
absolutely ruling my life.
My life was so fear-based and Igot to the point where I really
couldn't even look myself in themirror, if I'm being honest,
like I would look long enough tobrush my teeth and make sure
I'm not getting toothpaste allover my shirt, like that kind of
look I would do.
But I didn't look at myselfbecause I just didn't.
First, I didn't recognize herPhysically.

(20:11):
I didn't recognize her.
I didn't recognize my thoughts.
I was really hard on myselfbecause I was mad at myself,
because I've always known who Iam.
So in human design I won't godeep into it, but it's an
energetic blueprint of your souland I have a defined what they
call G center.
It just means I have consistentaccess to.

(20:33):
It's like your own GPS and mineis defined.
I always know who I am.
I am the same person if I'maround you or if I'm around this
person or that person, I'mstill Tracy.
Good or bad, I'm still me.
I'm not someone who kind oflike a chameleon who can, kind
of I'm going to show up asmyself.
So I've always known who I amand I know what I want, and all
of a sudden I'm this person thathas no answers.

(20:55):
I don't know what I want.
I don't even know what I love.
I can't answer any questionsabout what are you passionate
about?
What do you love to do?
All of that?
I can't even answer that.
I don't know what's next.
I don't know how to fixanything.
I was just disgusted withmyself.
I was so over myself.
I was just over.
I was ready to get the answersagain.
I've always had the answers andI didn't.

(21:16):
So I was just not very happywith myself.
I was driving my husband crazy.
Every conversation with me wasme complaining, whining, asking
him what do you think I shoulddo?
What do you think I'm good at?

Kena Siu (21:31):
Like it was, you know it was so the thing is, I don't
understand why and I think thisis not only for women, it's also
for men that we supposed tohave everything figured out all
the time and life doesn't worklike that.
No, and we put too muchpressure because then, as you

(21:54):
said, if we go to see somefriends or we have a
conversation with people, andthen we're not able to answer
those questions Like what's yourmission, what are you doing,
and we are like I don't know, Idon't know.
We feel embarrassed and why notsay I mean, why not say when

(22:16):
people are between works, it'slike I'm between lives, or I
don't know what terminology canwe use in there?

Tracy Hill (22:23):
Well, I think that's exactly right.
I think that comes fromself-worth.
I think if you have, you knowwho you are, you have strong
self-worth, you know that youare enough, you know that you're
just figuring this thing out.
I think you can answer thatquestion with like, I don't know
, I'm figuring it out, and itcan feel good, but I think when
you're in a place of lack, whereyou feel like you have to have

(22:43):
this identity, you have to beable to answer that question
with surety I'm a grown woman, Ishould at this point be an
expert at everything Then Ithink that's where it is
challenging.
I think it's a beautiful placewhen you can say I don't know, I
don't know what's next, but I'mhere for whatever.
I'm just in the present momentand whatever tomorrow holds.

(23:04):
I think that's much, muchhealthier.
We do this to our children.
When they are 18 years old,they're supposed to know exactly
what they want to do.
It's ridiculous.
When you go to college, chooseyour major.
What do you want to do?
It's insanity.
I feel like you shouldn't beable to choose your major until
you're a senior.
I mean, let college be thisexploration.
Or even if you don't go tocollege, let life after high

(23:25):
school be an exploration.
We need to stop with this.
We know everything, we have itall figured out.
We've got to get back tocuriosity and the unknown and
following breadcrumbs, I don'tknow.
So, yes, that's why I was, Ithink, just in a really rough
place.
I didn't enjoy not having theanswers.

(23:47):
Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu (23:51):
And what happened through it that then you start
getting those answers.

Tracy Hill (23:58):
So when I was in my corporate role, every day I was
looking for the answers.
I would go to work and I wouldcome home and I would search, I
would search job.

Kena Siu (24:10):
That was before motherhood or after?
No, no, no, so this was after.
This was my last.

Tracy Hill (24:15):
This was after I had to go back to work.
After being home with my sons,I found myself back at work at
40.
This was that whole.
For 10 years I stayed in thisparticular role.

Kena Siu (24:28):
Yeah, so in the case, before we move forward, I would
like to see how was yourexperience.
Before we move forward, I wouldlike to see how was your
experience I mean, I'm not a mom, but how was your experience of
shifting your then identityfrom corporate America to a

(24:49):
motherhood and then, which hasbeen, I don't know, probably the
main lessons?

Tracy Hill (24:54):
that you have learned during that 10 years,
have learned during that 10years.
So you mean, how was it goingfrom being in corporate America
to starting to starting myfamily?
Like what was that shift like?
So that was the beginning of, Ithink, the change with me,
because when I, before I, had mychildren, I, I'm telling you I
was as ambitious as they came.
I am a Capricorn, true and truefor those that follow astrology

(25:16):
I was just all about.
I loved working.
I'm a generator in human design.
I could just go, go, go, go, go, go, go go.
Once I had my first child, myson, and I left for maternity
leave.
I was a little terrified ofmotherhood because this was

(25:37):
unknown to me.
I didn't have younger siblings.
I've only had to take care ofanimals, my cats and my dogs.
Suddenly, I had to take care ofthis life growing in me for
nine months and when I deliveredMaxwell, my oldest son, I was
so proud of myself.
I did it, I did it, I saw itthrough.

(25:58):
Oh my God, thank you.
I felt like my part was done.
I literally thought the nursewas going to congratulate me,
pat me on my back, take thelittle baby, put me in my own
room and just let me sleep.
That's what I thought was goingto happen.
That's not what happened.
They cleaned off Maxwell, gavehim right back to me.
Let's start with thebreastfeeding.
Just I'm like wait.
And it hit me.

(26:19):
Oh my gosh, my life is nevergoing to go back to being all
about me Like it's good I haveto.
So motherhood was a big wake upcall for me to be responsible
for another human being.
Then my maternity leave it wasjust Maxwell and I.
It was just us.
I was afraid of motherhood alittle bit.
Can I do it?
All the fears, but you have tojust jump in and slowly over my

(26:44):
three-month maternity leave Ibecame Maxwell's mom.
I really got to know him.
We spent every moment together.
I knew everything about him.
I felt very confident.
I knew how to hold him andswaddle him, the whole thing.
And then, when it was time to goback to work, I was torn.
That was the first one I knew.
I wanted to go back to work,but I kind of didn't.
And when I had to leave him atchildcare I bawled my eyes.

(27:09):
The women at daycare was likewhat's happening?
It was like they were rippingmy child on my arms for life.
I did not expect that, and whenI got to work I realized
something is different.
I wasn't, and I've never beenable to really go back.
I was able to figure it out,but with each child it just

(27:29):
pulled me further and furtherand further away from my career,
further and further and furtheraway from my career.
So, yeah, that's.
I think they were the beginningof me, you know, getting kind
of off the path that I thought Iwas going to.

Kena Siu (27:45):
I was supposed to be on.
Yeah, Wow, I can.
I can imagine how each of themhas moved you towards more of

(28:16):
bringing you more to yourselfbecause I know well again, I'm
not a mom but our relationshipsand I believe that children,
more than enough just to seelike, oh my God, like I would
like them to do this, orreflecting it back to us at all
times and, at the same time,like it's their life.
I need to allow them.

Tracy Hill (28:27):
I have learned more from my children than probably
any other life lesson.
Once I realized someone told meor I read in a book or heard a
quote that our children are hereto teach us, versus the other
way around.
First I was like wait what?
And then I thought, oh my God,that is so true.
If you are open to receivingthe lessons that they are here

(28:49):
to bring, it is probably themost powerful thing, because
they are a mirror for you.
It is probably the mostpowerful thing because they are
a mirror for you.
They tap into a lot of yourinner fears.
They, especially this generationthey question everything.
They ask why for everything.
And if you're being honest,sometimes you have to stop and
be like I don't know why, likewe've just always done it this

(29:11):
way.
But this generation's like okayand Well, that's stupid, I'm
not going to do it that way.
But this generation's like okayand Well, that's stupid, I'm
not going to do it that way.
And I kind of look at them like, wow, that's good, that's good,
we just kind of followed.
You just do this and you dothat and you do this.
They're the generation ofsaying I don't know why,
questioning, questioning, and ifyou are confident enough in

(29:32):
yourself to not be offended bythat and not say, well, just do
it, because I said, but toreally sit and think about it,
there's some powerful things.
It really made me question alot of what I do.
We do so much unintentionally.
There's not a lot of intentionin what we do, we just follow.
We just follow the programmingyou know.

(29:52):
So, yes, they have been mybiggest life lessons, for sure.

Kena Siu (29:59):
Wow, and I want to congratulate you for that, for
allowing them to teach you,because, unfortunately, there
are parents that they are likeoh no, but you want them to
study certain things or whatever, because the parents are the
ones who didn't actually, youknow, being able to materialize

(30:21):
their dreams and they want theirchildren to do it, which, no,
it's a different human being.

Tracy Hill (30:28):
Yes, and also it's kind of scary when someone
questions why are you doingsomething.
It shines a big spotlight onyour own life, like, oh my gosh,
have I just been following andnot thinking for myself, you
know?
So it's very easy to get inyour feelings about it.
But I think what helped me wasmy father.

(30:49):
When I was a little girl, hewould, when I would come home
from school, he would say whatdid you learn today?
And I would tell him and hewould just say that's awesome,
that's amazing.
And he said he wanted to dothat because when he was a
little boy, he would learnsomething new and he would try
to tell his elders and they'relike oh, you can't tell me
anything, I'm a grown man.
They would shut him down.

(31:11):
You are a little child, there'snothing you can tell me.
I'm an adult, therefore I knowmore than you.
And he was like I don't.
I never want it to be like that.
I always want it to learn.
And so when I had children, Icould hear his voice and I
thought, tracy, don't be theknow-it-all, what can you learn
from them?
Let them teach you.
So I think that helped me.

Kena Siu (31:34):
Yes, definitely, you had a very good guidance in
there.
Yeah, beautiful, okay, so nowlet's move on, when you actually
needed to leave motherhood.
Well, stay home, mom to go backto work.

(31:55):
Yes, how was that?

Tracy Hill (31:58):
That was brutal.
That was brutal.
I literally did not think Iwould ever return to my former
career because I had these foursmall children and I knew how
stressful it can be and just howtime-consuming and how your
whole world can get wrapped upand I thought, no, I'm a mom of
four, I can't do that.
But that's exactly where Iended up.
That was where all myexperience was, and from the

(32:21):
time that I entered and I saythis all the time it was not the
job, it was not the company, itwas absolutely me.
It was a wonderful companygreat managers, great colleagues
, coworkers, everything it wasjust I was kind of broken
walking through their front door.
I did not feel confident.

(32:43):
I had imposter syndrome.
I felt like I've been at homewatching SpongeBob for four
years with my sons.
I don't know why I'm here, Idon't even you know, but I had
to.
I had to show up every day.
I my family desperately neededme to do it.
So I did not have a greatmentality, unfortunately, the

(33:04):
entire time I was constantlylooking for how can I go back to
, you know, being home with mysons.
So that's not a good placeAgain.
You need to be in the now If Ihad accepted and been more
present, I think it wouldn'thave been quite as stressful,
but I was constantly.
I'm always trying to get backor go forward, so it was really

(33:27):
challenging for me.
But I stayed there 10 years andit was a wonderful experience.
I grew so much in those 10years.
I did things that I did notthink I was capable of.
If I didn't have to work and Icould have just said I'm done
with this, I would have easilygone home and just taken the
easy route.
But I had to stay and it showedme how much I really can do,

(33:53):
how strong I can be, how brave Ican be and how much more I can
do than what my mind was tellingme I could do.
So it was a really good thingfor me to go through, but I got
to the point at the end where Icould no longer fake it.
I thought I was faking it for 10years.
I thought I was showing up theway they needed me to show up,

(34:15):
but towards the end all that wascrumbling down and I just
couldn't pretend anymore.
So I didn't have the answers.
I wanted to have the plan andthe answers before I jumped.
I did not.
But I told my husband I have tojust try.
I don't know, I cannot keepgoing.
To just try, I don't know, Icannot keep going.

(34:38):
And so I made the leap withoutknowing what was next, which was
terrifying.
But all of the answers showedup after I made the leap, and
that's something that I love forpeople to hear, because so
often we want the answers beforewe leap.
We want to know the clarity andhave everything in the plan,
which is wonderful if you can dothat I'm not trying to If you
can do that first, great.
But for me, none of the thingswould have appeared if I did not

(35:02):
take the action first.

Kena Siu (35:05):
Yeah, yeah.
I think it's when, as you said,when we take the leap is when
we finally said to the universeI'm done with this, this is
enough and I want something else.
And then I start justdelivering right, absolutely,
and, as you said, it's actionreally was going to give us that

(35:27):
clarity that we need.
Yes, it's always action we need.
Yes, what do you think?
Yeah, what do you think it wascausing that crumbling Like for
you, that, that itching.
It was kind of like a I don'tknow knocking on the door or
what to start.
What do you start flowingthrough your heart or into your

(35:49):
mind?

Tracy Hill (35:50):
Yeah, when I was going through it, I I
self-diagnosed myself as havinga nervous breakdown.
My life had become sofear-based I was just.
Fear was my motivation foreverything.
Everything that I did was outof fear.
I have to do this, I have to dothis, I have to do this.
And so I thought I was having anervous breakdown.
But now, looking back on it,it's I think Oprah said it first

(36:13):
that the universe will send you.
You know a whisper, you know atap, and it just keeps getting
louder and louder and prettysoon it's a brick.
Sometimes it may be a form ofillness.
I just think it was literallymy world shaking me out of the
tree, just kicking me out of thenest, like she's clearly not

(36:34):
going to do this on her own.
We are going to collapseeverything until she makes a
move.
I was not where I was supposedto be and I needed to make a
change.
I really believe that.
I just think here's a horribleanalogy.
So my cat just jumped up a fewminutes ago.

(36:54):
It's kind of like if you have acat and you have a litter box,
you have a litter box.
It's a good system.
You can put the litter in thehair, the cat goes in there and
does its stuff, covers it upwith the litter, that will work.
The covering up will work for awhile, but if you don't take
care of that litter box, after awhile it's going to get to the
point where you're going tonotice it.
You're going to have to.

(37:15):
Horrible analogy, but I kind offeel like that's what happened
in my life.
I kept just trying to coverthings up and it got to the
point where the screaming was soloud that I couldn't focus, I
couldn't concentrate, I justcouldn't do all the things that
I had done to keep me there for10 years.

Kena Siu (37:38):
Wow.
So your soul was reallyscreaming like get out of here.
We need to do somethingdifferent.

Tracy Hill (37:44):
Yes, do something different, yes, or you know.
But whatever you do, you can'tjust continue.
This is going to fall apart oneway or the other.
You can take the reins or youcan let other people, but it's
not going to be able to continuethis way.

Kena Siu (38:00):
Wow, I think it's so important to listen to that
whisper, or, if not, I mean, asyou said, we get to listen to
the scream, listen to the to thescream.
Either it's a very loud voiceor is our body causing us pain

(38:21):
somewhere.

Tracy Hill (38:21):
That is telling us, you need to move from here.

Kena Siu (38:23):
Yes, and many times you're so stubborn like no, no,
but this is because we're in acomfort zone, right, and then we
feel that the unsafety like howam I gonna leave my job?
But if I have financial, youfinancial stability, and then I
have all these benefits and themoney still is good for the
family, we think that we have tostay there, we must stay there

(38:47):
and we don't want to listenuntil something very crucial
happens.
Don't want to listen untilsomething very crucial happens.
Unfortunately, humans, we arelike that.
We get to be pushed out, youknow, like the eagles kicking
out the kids so they can fly.

Tracy Hill (39:08):
Otherwise we don't fly.
It's so.
And here's the thing I don't.
You don't have to wait to getto that point.
And I don't even think that Ineeded to leave my job.
I don't think it was the factthat, oh, my job is this and I
have to go do that.
I needed to stop.
I needed to wake up inside,Like we talked about in the
beginning.
If I had done the self-love, theself-care if I had, I would

(39:30):
show up for work and I made mywhole world work.
My job was not asking me tomake my whole world work.
I did that.
If I had left and gone to yogaor taken a course or had a hobby
on the side or said I'm goingto take off this week to go on a
retreat, or if I had filled mylife with these things, I don't

(39:54):
know if I would have gotten tothat point.
So that's why I keep saying it'snot necessarily the job, it was
me, it was self-neglect, it wasjust going through the motions,
not being present.
It was so many things that Iwas doing wrong, Telling myself
that I shouldn't even be here, Idon't belong here.
All the things, the negativeself talk.
If I could have gone back andjust been more loving to myself.

(40:20):
I think I would have had acompletely different journey.
Instead, I made it all aboutI'm working and that's it.
That's it.
I'm working.
I couldn't possibly go do this.
I couldn't do that.
I'll take yoga next.
Let me push that off, and Ijust broke so.

Kena Siu (40:39):
Thank you for sharing that because I mean, yeah, like
self-care, it has to be apriority, definitely, but, as
you said, that self-neglectionin it can burn us up.
We cannot handle life if wedon't nurture ourselves, if we

(41:00):
don't listen to ourselves, wecan't.
We need that nurturing, we needthat guidance to keep going.
Otherwise, I think it's whenreally what we call the midlife
crisis that is no, it's anawakening.

Tracy Hill (41:20):
It's like, hey, hello, you've been there for how
many decades it's time to move.

Kena Siu (41:24):
It's like start listening to your heart, to your
soul, what are they telling you?
And start moving towards thatdirection.
And the more we start doing,practices, while in that
transition to move to somethingelse, that transition is going
to be easier and it's not goingto be that abrupt and that kind

(41:47):
of like feeling such a bigdisconnection and getting numbed
and stuff and saying like beinglost literally, like I don't
know who I am really and I don'tknow who to take care of myself
and where do I go from hereexactly so anyone who's

(42:09):
listening to us, please takecare of yourself.

Tracy Hill (42:13):
Yes, prioritize yourself.
That's the moral of the storyyeah, yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu (42:20):
Self-care for me really, uh, it changed my life
because when I, when I separated, uh I, I thought, yeah, I love
myself, you know, and so one ofthe things that I prioritized it
.
And then, thanks to COVID aswell, I'm very grateful for that
season that.
I know it was very tough for alot of people, but for me was a

(42:42):
blessing because I was able tospend time on my own and it's
when I really took it and I said, okay, they are calling us back
home, so I'm gonna go back home, and that home I finally found
it.
That is within me, it's in myheart, is where my soul lives.
But the only way to get thereis by taking care of myself and

(43:07):
the more self-care.
And the thing is, I don't knowwhy we make self-care so
complicated, but at the end,self-care is habits.
It's like what habits do youhave that is going to benefit
you?
That's what self-care is.
It's like what kind of cream ofoil are you putting in your
body?
How are you hydrating yourself?

(43:28):
What kind of foods are youputting in?
What kind of information areyou consuming?
Right, it's all those littlethings that are habits that we
have, that are really how we cantake care of ourselves, and the
more we do it and the morewe're going to then start loving
ourselves.

(43:48):
It's like a friend.
When we meet someone, it's like, okay, what are you interested
in, what would you like to do?
And you start, you know,interacting with the person.
It's doing that same thing inour head and talking to
ourselves and saying, okay, Iwould not talk to my best friend
, harsh or very judgmental.
How can I speak to herdifferently?
Right, changing that vocabulary, and start saying, okay, how

(44:09):
can I speak to her differently,right, changing that vocabulary,
and start saying, okay, what doI want to do for myself today?
How do I want to pamper myself?
And that's how we get to knowourselves too by trial and error
, like saying, okay, I triedthis one, no, I didn't like it,
so let's go for something else.
And that's how we nurture anyother relationship.

(44:30):
That's how we get to nurtureourselves, and the more we do it
, the more love we're going togain.

Tracy Hill (44:38):
Yes, yes, I love that and it's being very
intentional.
You mentioned the habits.
It's being very intentional andmindful with the habits Because
sometimes we do things, we getup and we go through our you
know self-care brushing ourteeth, washing our face,
whatever but it's just so likewe've just always done it this
way.
But when you get to the pointwhere you're very mindful with

(45:00):
why are you doing the thingsyou're doing?
Why are you choosing what kindof toothpaste, you know what
kind of cream?
Are you going to go for theexpensive body oil?
It's every little moment beingvery just, observing what you do
.
Why are you doing it?
Is that in your best interest?
Even the foods that you put in?

(45:22):
I have the biggest sweet tooth.
But when I'm really beingmindful, I'm thinking, tracy,
you just worked out earliertoday You've done all these
beautiful things for yourself.
Do you really want that pint ofBen and Jerry's?
The answer is always yes, butat least I've paused and I've
recognized the disconnect andmaybe I don't eat the whole pint

(45:44):
, maybe I just eat half.
So, yes, I agree, it's thesehabits and it's thinking and
it's prioritization and feelinggood about it.
That's the other thing Notfeeling the guilt, because I
tend to feel guilty.
When I go get the massage, Ifeel like I have to justify it.
Or I buy the toothpaste that is$2 more than that one.

(46:07):
You know, I I feel a little bitnot anymore.
Not anymore, there's a reason.
And that $2 extra that I spent,if it's going to make me feel
happy and feel good, then myhusband's day is going to go
better, and my children are.
You know, it's beautiful how itworks.

Kena Siu (46:25):
So yeah, and it's simple things like that.
As you said, just paying thosetwo dollars, you know, if you
know how the toothpaste is goingto last, you like, at the end,
how many cents per day is.
Yeah, it's simple things likethat that can make the
difference to our day.

Tracy Hill (46:45):
Yeah, I have found that the answers are always
simple.
They're not necessarily easy todo.
It's the simple things.
It's the simple things that weoverlook because we're looking
for the big thing In order formy life to change.
I have to change my job, I haveto quit my job, I have to
divorce my husband, I have tomove states, I have to do

(47:08):
something major.
Most of the times I call themmicro shifts.
It's these little littledecisions, little, they're
always free, they're alwaysavailable to us, but they're so
simple that sometimes they canbe overlooked.
You know, I didn't pay athousand dollars for this course
to tell me it's just fillinggratitude, what Like that.

(47:29):
You know, but that's where thepower lies, in those simple
things, yeah.

Kena Siu (47:37):
Yeah, and it's the mundane, really, what makes the
difference at the end?
Because, as you said, we'rechasing those big moments, yes
and yeah, but when we got it,it's like we are in it.
We celebrate one minute andthen we are like what's next?
So what's the point?
The point is really enjoy thejourney to get there.

Tracy Hill (48:00):
Right the journey, those small, mundane, often
overlooked choices that we makethroughout our day.
That's the magic.
Yeah, that's the magic.
Yeah, that's it.

Kena Siu (48:12):
That's the magic, because I mean, those moments
had to do a lot with our dearones, and then what happened,
when they are not there anymore,is when we actually notice them
.
So it's about noticing them,since now, things that we get
bored or we get pissed ortriggered, it's like okay, it's

(48:32):
there, I can feel it and Iaccept it.

Tracy Hill (49:01):
Yes, yes, yes, can I ?
Yes, that's exactly why Istarted A Beautiful Fix.
Because so A Beautiful Fix theword fix is literally meant like
a fix, like someone who's adrug addict.
It's about getting high on life.
Though it's a beautiful fix,it's let's get high on life,
because life is so beautiful,but you have to notice it, you
have to look for it a little bit, you have to explore it, you

(49:24):
have to see it.
When it's right in front of you, you have to.
And so that's why I startedBeautiful Fix, because when I
was in that place, those yearsof just my life being
unrecognizable, the way that Istarted to come back to myself
was I would ask myself well,tracy, what do you find, what
are you passionate about?
And I didn't have this greatanswer, but I would tell my

(49:46):
husband whatever it is, there'sthis thread of beauty.
And I don't mean physicalbeauty, like makeup beauty.
I mean like I love going tobeautiful places, traveling to
beautiful countries.
I love staying in beautifulhotels, I love seeing a sunrise,
I love looking out in mybackyard and seeing a deer.
I love having a beautifulconversation like the one we're

(50:08):
having now.
I love music.
Music can move're having now.
I love music.
Music can move me so deeply Ican cry.
I can't sing a note, so to hearsomeone who has a voice like an
Adele, I can't handle it.
It's overwhelming.
So I would start realizing Ilove beautiful things and it
would shift instantly.
Beautiful things are highvibrational.

(50:30):
It would shift my mood.
I could go and sit on my deckand see a gorgeous bird for the
first time and feel better.
And so I would start going onthese beautiful fixes, looking
for my fix of beauty to feelbetter.
And that's when I said I want tostart this company that shines
a spotlight, because we forgethow beautiful this world is, and

(50:52):
I mean everybody's world.
You cannot convince me that youcould not look right now in
your room, in your environment,wherever you are, you could be
in your car and not findsomething that's beautiful.
It's not possible.
You might think, oh well, Idon't have the latest Birkin bag
I think that's what they'recalled.

(51:13):
But no, I'm not talking aboutthat.
I'm talking about I got to thepoint of having, because it's
also gratitude, it's a gratitudepractice seeing beautiful
things and feeling gratitude forit.
I started to heal and come backto myself when my gratitude
practice got to the point of notI'm happy that I got that
promotion, not I'm happy that Ijust bought a brand new car.

(51:40):
Not that kind of gratitude.
That's good too.
My gratitude practice got to thepoint of I can wake up in the
morning and walk a few steps andgo to my bathroom, my own
bathroom.
I don't have to share it withanother family or you know.
I recognize that is a gift.
Not everyone even has that.
And then I would go to the sinkand wash my hands and turn the

(52:04):
sink on and there's runningwater.
When I got to that level ofgratitude, my world started to
open up.
Yes, because I couldn't seethose things before.
I would just take it forgranted, I would just go through
the day and just rush throughall of that.
But once I realized, oh my gosh, because when you can feel that
level of gratitude there, thenyou start to notice all the
things that you can be gratefulfor, all the blessings that you

(52:26):
have, how full your life reallyis, exactly the way it is today.
And so, yes, I'm sorry to go ona long thing, but that is the
beauty of a beautiful fix Lifeis beautiful.

Kena Siu (52:45):
It is when you can look for it.
Yeah, yeah, it's been open tosee it that way, because we have
been programmed to see thingsin the negative.
If I mean, if we have anexperience of I don't know,
something happened in 10 minutesand then something happened for
a second, and we're going tofocus on that second that
something went wrong, instead ofon the other 10 minutes that
everything was great.
That's the way they taught usto, you know, to focus on that.

(53:10):
But it's about doing thoselittle shifts and choosing.
Yes, I want to choose to seesomething beautiful, and it has
to be intentional, and the morewe seek for it, the more we're
going to get it.
And I want to mention somethingbecause when you said beautiful

(53:33):
things, I remember once I wentto a retreat in Costa Rica, so
we went to, we arrived there, tothis beautiful finca full of
any kind of plants that youwould like.
I mean, it was so gorgeous andthen the river, the cascade from
the river going there, and Iremember being one of my sisters

(53:54):
there and we went for a programthat we were taking and we were
so overwhelmed, tracy, and theworst thing is that when I got
there, that I was presencing allthat beauty, I thought that I
didn't deserve it.

(54:14):
So that was, it wasoverwhelming because I thought
that I didn't deserve it.
And that was I was like wow.
I was very impressed to havethat sensation in my body and
saying, wow, this is happeningand why am I thinking that I

(54:38):
don't deserve this?

Tracy Hill (54:40):
that was my next question why?
Why?

Kena Siu (54:44):
I, I.
It was mainly because I neededto work in my own self-worth, so
it's.
I mean, if we want to seebeautiful things out there, we
got to start seeing thatbeautiful things inside.
Because by the end of theretreat, after doing a lot of
healing and processes and youknow, and integrating and

(55:09):
everything, when we left there,when we were leaving, and I was
like, fuck, yeah, I do deservethis beauty and I want more.
But it was really going to thatprocess of the healing.
Again, it was a healing processthat really helped me by saying

(55:31):
, yeah, if there's beauty outthere, what's happening?
Why do I think that I don'tdeserve it?
What is in me?

Tracy Hill (55:39):
That is powerful.
I've dealt with a lot ofself-worth issues through my
life, for sure, but I've neverthought of that.
When I see beautiful things, Ifeel at home, I feel connected,
I feel drawn to it.
I light up inside the idea ofseeing something beautiful and

(56:00):
questioning.
That's powerful.
I'm so glad that you took thattime to recognize wait a minute,
why am I feeling this?
And to do the work and heal tothe point where you're like not
only do I deserve this, but Iwant more.
That's powerful because I tryto put myself in those
situations as much as I can.
Walking through a store, Iremember going to see Lion King

(56:25):
the musical.
Have you seen that?

Kena Siu (56:28):
No.
The musical no oh.

Tracy Hill (56:31):
I was overwhelmed the way you said you were
overwhelmed.
I can get like that when all ofmy senses are being you know
turned on.
Yes, it is overwhelming.
So the Lion King I didn'treally know what to expect.
The opening of the Lion King,if you ever get a chance.
I was there with mymother-in-law, she gifted this

(56:55):
to us.
I was there with my boys and Ididn't even realize this.
But when it opens up, it startsoff.
I'm not even going to try it,but they do that kind of like
little.
I'll say chant, and then themusic starts and slowly the
animals come out, not just onthe stage, which is where you're
expecting them, these beautifulcostumes, but they start coming

(57:16):
through the theater and youlook up and there's an elephant
and the creativity of thesecostumes and the music is
playing and it's getting moreand more.
And I didn't realize it.
But I was just inching towardsthe end of my seat Like I was, I
think my mouth was open, like Iwas overwhelmed and I looked
over at my mother-in-law and thelook on her face, she was
watching me have this experience.

(57:38):
It was almost orgasmic.
I mean, it was just, I was justand I'm bawling and I'm crying.
This was the opening.
I just.
That is one of the bestexamples of being fully immersed
in just the high of life, justfrom the music, visually, the

(58:00):
creativity.
Knowing that some person sawthis visualized it.
It's just so good.
Costa Rica is on my list, so Iwill have to absolutely go there
.
I've heard it's just beautiful?

Kena Siu (58:16):
Yes, it's beautiful.
I mean it's one of the chakras.
It's one of the chakras of theearth.
For what I hear, I didn't knowthat was a thing I didn't know.
That's all I know.
Don't't know, that's all I know.
Don't tell me, that's all Iknow.
But I know that the earth hadchakras too.

Tracy Hill (58:37):
Okay, I'm going to be rabbit holing with chat TPT
after this.
I didn't know that that was.
I've heard that there arepowerful energetic places on
earth, but I never thought of itin terms of chakra.
Okay, I'm not sure.

Kena Siu (58:50):
Yes, I mean to tell you the truth.
I haven't dig in, that's all Iknow.
But I was like, okay, thatsounds very interesting.
So there you go.

Tracy Hill (59:00):
Yes, it's got goosebumps.
Yes, okay.

Kena Siu (59:07):
Okay, so what we talk about a bit already about a
beautiful fix, yes, so what isit that that you do in there?

Tracy Hill (59:18):
Well, we already speak a bit of what is what is
about, but yeah, so my wholething is I wanted to reach women
that felt the way I felt duringthose years of not knowing who
I was and searching, searching,searching, searching for the
answers outside of myself,always through books, courses,

(59:43):
other people just searching.
I wanted to help womensearching.
I want it to help women firstof all, take these micro shifts,
to start to go inward, becausethe answers are within.
They are absolutely within.
You don't need anybody,anything but yourself.
It sounds easy but it requiresa lot of work.

(01:00:06):
Like you said, it's a lot ofhealing.
It's a lot of facing the demons, facing the woman in the mirror
, unpacking it, looking at yourconditioning, your programming.
So it's a lot that goes into it.
But I want it to just helpwomen realize that the answers
are within, to remember howbeautiful their lives are as

(01:00:29):
they are and just rediscover whothey are.
So I do that through my podcast, bringing people you've been on
my podcast sharing theirstories so that they can
identify with they're not alone.
I have women from every tellingstories that are completely
different, but there's thistheme of them going on a journey

(01:00:50):
and something happening intheir life and then them finding
something that started to healthem.
So the podcast, throughstorytelling or through my
retreats.
So an immersive experience oftaking that time for yourself to
get out of the habit of youreveryday life, just breaking
that habit, putting yourself ina whole new environment so that

(01:01:12):
you can spend some timereconnecting with yourself, and
through tools like human design,because human design is all
about helping you remember whoyou are.
We're so conditioned, kenna,we're so conditioned we talked
about that a lot on today'spodcast.
We've been conditioned awayfrom who we really are.

(01:01:32):
We've been conditioned tobelieve that the way we are is
not how we're supposed to be.
We beat ourselves up and we'reconstantly trying to be like
that one over there.
Human design is just about no,you are designed to be exactly
how you are.
You just need to remember andstrip away all the conditioning
so that you can remember like,oh my gosh, now that I've taken

(01:01:53):
away all these layers of whateverybody else was telling me
who I should be, this is who Iam, and lining up with that and
being authentic and aligned withthat, everything else unlocks.
Everything else unlocks.
So I have the podcast, humandesign sessions and retreats.

(01:02:13):
So those are the way that I,you know, try to connect with
with women and help themremember who they are.

Kena Siu (01:02:23):
Beautiful.
Thank you for sharing.
Yeah, it's.
Yeah, I mean in in differentways.
You and me, what we're doing isreally guiding women back to
their to themselves, to to knowwho they are, and bringing that
clarity and, yeah, understandingwho they are and love

(01:02:46):
themselves, love themselves.
And yeah, I want to bring youback to, yeah, I want to bring
you back to to do a human design.
Yeah, To talk about humandesign.
Yeah, what were you going to?

Tracy Hill (01:02:58):
say sorry?
I would love that.
No, I was just going to say yesto everything you were saying
and to trust themselves.
I think I stopped trustingmyself because because my body
was telling me that thiscorporate world that I was in
was no longer right for me.
I didn't trust that because Iknew that was exactly where I
was supposed to be.
Society tells me that this iswhat I'm striving for, that this

(01:03:23):
is it, and I wasn't listening.
So, if I can help women justtrust themselves, trust the
little whispers, the littlenudges, the little breadcrumbs
of curiosity.
Trust that.
Trust that, before anythingelse, drop back into your body.
Trust where your heart isleading you, where your gut is

(01:03:45):
telling you something's rightfor you or something's wrong for
you.
Put up those boundaries andthose guardrails.
Protect your energy.
You know it's all of that.
It's all of that Just givingwomen permission.
Stop beating yourself up.
I promise you.
You are designed exactly howyou're supposed to be.

Kena Siu (01:04:05):
Yes, I have a couple of questions for you before we
close this out.
Sure, how would you call yourcurrent midlife butterfly
chapter?

How would I call it?
Yes, I think true to the nameMidlife Butterfly.
It is a period oftransformation.
It really is.
I am not the same person that Iwas in my earlier years and

(01:04:50):
that's the beauty in it.
I'm evolving.
We have to be afraid of thatevolution.
When you think of a butterfly,can you imagine if it fought
itself when it decided to gointo the chrysalis to turn into
this unknown thing, but to turninto this beautiful butterfly?
What if it said, no, I'm goodwith the caterpillar stage, I'm

(01:05:12):
good, I'm just going to.
This is what I know.
I'm going to just keep doingthis man.
It would miss out on havingwings and flight and being this
gorgeous.
So I believe that I am trulythere.
I'm embracing the unknown.
I do not consider myself anexpert at anything.

(01:05:34):
I say this all the time.
I don't want to be an expert, Iwant to be a student of life.
I want to be curious, I want tolearn.
I do want to guide and takeother people's hands and shine
that spotlight on them so thatthey can remember kind of who
they are and trust.
But I just want to go on thejourney.
I don't want to know what'saround the corner.

(01:05:55):
I don't necessarily want toknow what tomorrow brings.
I don't want to know what I'meating for dinner.
I really want to be right now.
I'm here with you.
I'm so deeply present with youright now and that's new for me,
because I stay in my head.
I live in my mind.
I used to live in my mind, butnow I'm giving my mind a rest.

(01:06:15):
My mind is all about livedexperiences.
I don't want to keep living thesame day over and over again.
So now I'm dropping into mybody and I'm embracing,
following nudges and the notknowing.
I'm excited about that.
So that's where I am.
I am the butterfly.
The butterfly actually is thelogo for my company as well.

(01:06:38):
Yes, I know I don't use iteverywhere, but that's where it
kind of started, because thebutterfly represents everything,
everything.
So I'm just flitting aroundthese days.
I'm just flitting and fleeting,that's where you'll find me.

Kena Siu (01:06:57):
Excellent, I love it.
And what's?
A simple pleasure that youenjoy the most.

Oh, simple pleasure.
I enjoy the most.
Simple pleasure I enjoy themost.
That's hard because I go to.
I love reading, I absolutelylove reading.
I love at the end of the day,when the day's behind me,
everything's done, it's justkind of my time and it's like,

(01:07:27):
ooh, what I want to do?
That's my favorite time of theday and I love it when I realize
I can just sit down with a book.
But I think it's being present.
I'm going to say it's beingpresent because I've spent my
life not being.
No, I don't want to say it.
Let me go back.
I think, when I was a littlegirl, I was very present.

(01:07:48):
When I was playing with myfriends, I was right there, I
was completely 100%.
If we were playing school, Iwas working it.
I was a school teacher, I wasthere.
I was not thinking aboutanything else.
Somewhere along the lines Iforgot that and I forgot to be
present and I stayed constantlyin the future or looking back in

(01:08:10):
the past.
I think I am at my happiest andenjoying life the most when I'm
just in the moment, whetherit's my sons coming home and I'm
in the middle of working andI'm trying to get that thing
done that I need to get done andthey're trying to tell me about
their day.
Done that I need to get doneand they're trying to tell me

(01:08:32):
about their day, and I haveenough presence to shut my
laptop and just lean in andlisten and really listen and
forget about all the to-dos,just being in the moment as much
as I can.

Kena Siu (01:08:47):
That's fantastic.
And I'm going to have to doanother question because, as you
said, you manage now how tostay present.
What is it, which practice doyou do, or what is it that you
do to practice to get to thispresent moment?
Because it's simple but it'snot easy.

Exactly so if I had to answer, I would say it's been
a long road and I don't meanthat to sound like someone
hearing this today can'timmediately start it, because
you can.
It's just that for me, I'vedone a lot of work on myself to

(01:09:30):
not be in my mind, in my head,to not listen to.
I call him, Mr no, he's thevoice that lives in my head,
that ran my life when I was incorporate America To recognize
that that is fear and he's notgoing to run the show anymore.
He's there to keep me safe andI thank him for that.

(01:09:53):
But it's like I'm going to needyou to take a back seat.
So it's a lot of energetic work.
It's making the choice tomeditate in the morning.
It doesn't come naturally forme.
I want to get up and startdoing all the things, For me to
stop and say, no, we're going tosit down and for three minutes

(01:10:14):
we're going to meditate, or forone minute I'm going to listen
to Kathy Heller's meditation orsomething, but something that
quiets my mind it's.
I used to have an alarm set onmy phone to every two hours,
just beep, so that I could stopand question Tracy, are you in
your head, Are you being present?
Oh I love that.
Yeah, it's good because youcatch yourself and be like wait,

(01:10:36):
what?
And it makes you okay, wait,let me think.
But it was driving everybodycrazy.
My alarm was going off at allkinds of places and so I kind of
stopped.
but it's a good exercise forsomeone to try, make it every
three hours, make it every fivehours to just hear that alarm
and stop and say, tracy, are youpresent?
Are you present?
Are you present while you'rewashing the dishes?
I mean, are you present whileyou're eating your food?

(01:11:00):
Mindful eating is powerful.
Are you smelling it?
Are you tasting it?
Are you nibbling it?
All of that you can really takethis.
Kathy Heller has said it bestMeditation doesn't have to be a
thing you do.
Your life can be meditation,your whole life can be.
An active meditation.
Yes, an active meditation youcan be.

(01:11:21):
It's just being present in eachmoment when you're driving.
Everything can be a form ofmeditation.
So it's something I work onconstantly, but it's getting to
the part where it's becomingmore of the norm.
Yeah, then you know every oncein a while.

Kena Siu (01:11:38):
Yes, yeah, it's a continuous practice.
Yeah, it is, it is, it is theway it is, but it's beautiful,
because then we reduce anxiety,we reduce fear, because, because
we are focusing in the presentmoment, this is what it is and
here there is only, there's onlypeace and love.

You cannot be anxious in the now.
You can't.
You're only anxious when you'rethinking of the future.
You're only depressed whenyou're thinking of the past.
So, if you can train your mindto stay in this present moment,
which is all there is, you can'tbe either one of those.
So it's powerful.
So it's worth doing it.
It's worth doing it.

Kena Siu (01:12:21):
Yeah, and that's how we can create our lives the best
we can, Because we're choosingby being present.
We can choose intentionally andthen from there that creation
is going to come.

Yes, one moment at a time, one beautiful fix at a
time.
Yes, mic drop.

Kena Siu (01:12:41):
Oh, tracy, thank you so much for this extraordinary
and loving conversation, thankyou for your presence, your
presence, your love, your energy, thank you.
Thank you for your presence,your presence, your love, your
energy, thank you.
Thank you, and to all thelisteners, I'm going to be
putting in the show notes whereyou can find Tracy and we're

(01:13:03):
going to be having her backabout talking about human design
.

Thank you, and I was going to say, if anyone's
interested, I do have a freeguide that is filled with just
five micro shifts.
We've talked about these microshifts.
Yes, they're also simple.
They're also simple, but itthat is something that you know.
If they want to take a look atit again, it's been.
It's looking at them and justbeing mindful enough to say,

(01:13:30):
okay, this seems so ridiculouslysimple you can do the eye roll,
but then just kind of try itand just see what happens.
So excellent.

Kena Siu (01:13:39):
We'll share it in the notes too, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for tuning intoMidlife Butterfly.
If this episode lead a spark inyou, hit that subscribe or
follow button on Apple Podcasts,spotify or wherever you love to
listen, so you'll never missthe magic.
If you're feeling generous,drop a review on Apple Podcasts.

(01:14:00):
It helps this empoweringcontent reach more souls ready
to transform their lives.
And don't forget to take aphoto of you while listening and
share it on your socials.
You can tag me at Ken as you,so I can celebrate you and your
expansion.
Until next time, keep spreadingthose wings and living in joy,
growth and pleasure.

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28 - From Corporate Burnout to Soul-Led Living: Tracy’s Midlife Reinvention

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}28 - From Corporate Burnout to Soul-Led Living: Tracy’s Midlife Reinvention