July 22, 2025 • 50 mins
Beauty, if you’ve ever walked away from a relationship, sat in silence with a broken heart, or stared at the ceiling wondering “Why does this keep happening to me?” — this episode is for you.
In this raw and healing solo episode, I invite you into one of the most transformative chapters of my own journey — my second divorce, the grief of letting go, and the wild beauty of realizing that I was the common denominator.
This one’s not about blame, it’s about deep self-awareness. It’s about reclaiming your power as a midlife woman navigating loss, reinvention, immigration, awakening, and love in all its messy, sacred forms. It’s about shedding the victim mask and becoming the observer, the chooser, the creator of a life that actually feels good to live.
💫 In This Episode, You’ll Hear:
- What happens when you realize you’ve been the common thread in your own painful patterns — and how that can be your greatest portal to healing.
- A tender story of grief, London streets, Indian food, and the quiet kind of friendship that saves your soul.
- Why meditation was the threshold that helped me shift from autopilot to conscious creator.
- How I started becoming my own best friend — and how you can too.
- The power of unlearning: rewriting the beliefs, behaviors, and inner vocabulary that were quietly keeping me stuck.
🦋 Reflection Questions
- Where in your life do you notice a repeating pattern — and what might it be trying to teach you about yourself?
- How do you speak to yourself when no one else is listening — would you say those same words to a dear friend?
- What outdated beliefs or “life checklists” are ready to be released so you can create a more joyful, peaceful life on your terms?
Join my Midlife Butterfly Facebook group and catch the recordings of my CLARITY Live Experience, or get Clarity VIP which includes a Coaching & Integration Session on July 25.
For one-on-one coaching to help you find your common denominators and create your best life, book a call with me.
CLARITY: For the woman who feels lost and is ready to come HOME to herself.
Join me from July 22-24, 3 pm ET.
Sign Up Now: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/clarity
- - - - -
You can find all the podcast details right here: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/podcast
Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise
Follow Kena on Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Join the Midlife Butterfly Community: http://www.facebook.com/groups/midlifebutterfly
For Coaching, Courses & More Visit Kena's Website: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/workwithme
Request a Free Empowered Call with Kena if you're interested in working with her: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/empoweredsession
Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kena Siu (00:00):
Have you ever wondered if you are the common
denominator of the things thatare happening in your life?
Give it a thought.
In this week's solo episode, Iwent deep to the common
denominator that I used to be ina specific part of my life that
(00:22):
I got to change.
So stay tuned and I want to letyou know that this week Clarity
is happening, my three-day liveexperiences where you get to
get back home to yourself ifyou're feeling lost,
disconnected or stuck.
So I invite you to join myMidlife Butterfly Facebook group
(00:46):
.
The recordings are being savedin there until Sunday if you
would like to catch up and, ifyou want, you can keep the
recordings for life by signingup for Clarity VIP, which also
includes the coaching sessionand integration on Friday, july
25th.
So join us in Clarity.
(01:08):
I hope to see you there.
Midlife Butterfly a woman in thesacred in between.
She's not who she once was andnot quite who she's becoming.
Yet she's unraveling, awakening, remembering.
She's navigating lifetransitions, divorce, loss,
reinvasion, moves with a burningdesire for freedom, joy and
(01:32):
solid living.
She feels the pull to rise, tofly.
She's no longer afraid of herown wings.
Are you the common denominator?
A dear person very close to me,is going through some life
(01:53):
transitions at this moment, andso she divorced and then she's
moving back home for a whileWhile deciding what she's going
to do and because of otherthings besides that separation
(02:19):
and it just you know brought tome a lot of memories back from
when I separated and thendivorced the first time.
This was back 15 years agoactually, and I was thinking
(02:40):
about the people who was theresupporting me.
I was thinking about the peoplewho was there supporting me and
the kind of impact that thatcan create when going through a
chapter in life like that,because it's fucking tough, at
(03:05):
least for me.
At the time, I was living inRomania and so we were going
through the process ofimmigrating to Canada and even
though we were separated alreadyfor a year, we were still
(03:27):
living together.
So just that situation itselfwas quite hard.
Have you ever been next tosomeone and missing them at the
same time?
And missing them at the sametime?
(03:49):
That's one of the morenostalgic, I can say, emotions
ever, at least for me Missingsomeone that is just next to you
(04:14):
.
So when I left Romania with afriend of mine, we decided to go
to London.
We were there for four days orsomething.
Uh, this guy was my colleagueand it was just so much fun and
(04:36):
it was so healing for me.
Uh, cause we, we took the busto go to Bucharest to then fly
to London and just by getting inthat bus with a couple of
pieces of luggage, that was allI had with me.
(04:56):
I remember sobbing for quitesome time.
It was so sad, it was so, sofucking sad and hard.
And you know, it was my firstmarriage and at the time I mean
(05:18):
for some people still is, but atthe time I had that idea, you
know, of the happily ever after.
At the time I had that idea,you know, of the happily ever
after and I realized that atleast with one partner or with
(05:39):
one person for me that was notthe truth.
It could be for you but it wasnot for me, and a lot of things
shattered just by realizing that.
And at the time I mean you knowthe checklist of having the
studies and then I travel aroundand then having the husband.
(06:02):
I travel around and then havingthe husband and then not having
kids and deciding not to havekids by choice.
You know the disruption of thechecklist and the status quo and
(06:22):
I am very, very grateful forthe fact that my parents were
always there for me.
I remember when I talked tothem on the phone and told them
what was happening and they say,well, what we care about is
your happiness.
So whatever choice you take, weare with you.
(06:47):
And that was so liberating forme Because I mean, they are my
pillars and it was important forme.
But I thought about it, um,yeah.
(07:11):
So coming back to so that tripto London, I remember, with my
friend we I guess we were verylucky because only one day
rained and most of the days theywere sunny and then we were
just walking and walking andwalking through the streets of
(07:33):
London.
It was so fun.
I remember at one point we werehungry and you know this little
shop and I it was, I mean, theowners were from India and it
smelled so good when we got intothere and I was like, well,
(07:54):
just get some food.
I think we paid like two poundsfor a dish of Indian food oh my
God, one of the most deliciousones.
So we were just sitting on abench in a park somewhere eating
this delicious food while, youknow, taking a break from our
(08:15):
walk, and, ah, so beautifulthose memories.
I was just reading in my journalabout that and just thinking
that how healing could be justsomeone walking next to you
(08:36):
Sometimes we didn't have to talk, or probably most of the time
we didn't talk and just bywalking and processing and
thinking the healing process ofthat.
It was so beneficial for me andit was great, you know, because
(09:00):
at the time I was flying backto Mexico to visit my parents
for a couple of months beforemoving in and migrating to
Canada.
So those four days in therewith my friend made a huge
(09:23):
difference.
With my friend made a hugedifference because when I got
home to my parents and my family, I didn't allow them to see me
(09:48):
that sad and if I didn't wantthem to see me like that, it was
more because I know it was hardfor them the fact that they
(10:11):
were not able to fly there andhelp me or support me during
that time.
And it's painful for theparents I mean, I'm not a mother
but I know it's painful whenpeople go through those things
and witnessing your children gothrough that, to those
situations in life, even thoughwhen you know it's part of their
(10:33):
journey and they need to learnand it's their process.
You know the whole thing.
I was aware then that it washard for them to see me that way
and so, by arriving there in abetter state, emotionally and
mentally, I felt better.
(10:58):
And of course, I did cry withthem and I, you know, shared
stories and I, you know, sharestories and stuff.
But it was such a healingprocess for me to spend two
(11:19):
months with them before movingto Canada.
Having the family support hasbeen so great.
They've been always there andeven when my father has
transitioned already, I knowhe's with me, I can still talk
to him and I still ask himsometimes for guidance and my
(11:45):
mom's still there, alwayssupporting.
We have been always welcome tocome back home, home.
And then, why the question of ifI was the common denominator?
(12:12):
It's because you probably know,or not, that I've been divorced
twice.
My second relationship was witha person that I met here in
Montreal and we were togetherfor almost 10 years.
So when our relationship as acouple came to an end, it's when
(12:43):
I started questioning.
It's when I started questioninglike, okay, this is the second
time that this happens to me orfor me, better said now, and
well, the common denominatorit's me.
So what is it in there that Iget to fix between codes that I
(13:12):
you know?
What are the things in therethat I am doing that I am
thinking which are my patternsthat are actually not helping me
to have better relationships?
And it's when I went deep intomy healing process because I
(13:43):
wanted the answers to all thosequestions.
It was a long process.
I journaled a lot, I meditateda lot and did yoga and fucking
(14:04):
cried a lot.
And that's why, for me, covidwas a blessing, because I had
the time to go through thatpainful process.
You know, since we were at home, I didn't have much work to do,
(14:30):
so I was able to take that timeto take care of myself.
So I did, and so I did.
And again, I processed a lot ofthings and I even took a
(15:00):
program called Master yourMindset and that broke me a lot
of more awareness on the kind ofvocabulary that I was using to
understand.
And I do believe that mindcontrol it is the best
(15:38):
investment we can do inourselves, because what we
experience in life it's based inour minds, it's based in the
(15:59):
education you received From yourparents, from school, it's
based on the culture you livedin the religion that you had,
your environment, the political,whatever.
(16:21):
It's based in so many thingsand we create our lives based.
Create and live our lives basedin our perceptions, and those
(16:43):
perceptions come from our lifeexperiences.
So they are so fucking limitedif you think about it.
And when we get so stubborn onwanting things to be a certain
(17:07):
way or people to behave acertain way, we're trying to
control something that we can't.
That's how we create a lot ofsuffering and that's how we feel
(17:30):
miserable or live miserable byputting expectations on things
that you cannot control, becausethe truth is, or my truth is.
One of the only things that I'mable to control really is my
mind, and it takes a lot ofpractice.
(17:54):
I mean, I can say it now, in mylate 40s, but when you have to
change beliefs and programs andpatterns that you have had for
decades, fuck.
It takes time and a lot ofcompassion and kindness and
(18:30):
practice and practice.
That's really what it is,because you need to deprogram,
(18:52):
you need to unlearn so manyfucking things to then learn new
things that are better for younow, that serve you now, and I'm
saying now because as you keepevolving and growing through
your life, it's going tocontinue to shift.
I mean, our physiology change,our body has other needs, and
(19:13):
then our mind also, how itevolves as we keep growing and
having different relationships.
And then, you know, alsolearning new things in life, but
also like, if you like,investing in programs and
mentorship or listening topodcasts and then integrating
them into your life, as I do youkeep shifting and shifting
(19:40):
right, right.
So that's why, for me,investing in my mindset has been
a life changer, and it startedwith meditation, with something
(20:05):
that you don't even have to payfor it.
Yeah, meditation was a lifechanging for me because it was
(20:26):
the threshold.
Yeah, it was really the doorfor me to start getting more
awareness of what was in there.
To start getting more awarenessof what was in there.
If we don't take the time forstillness, to observe what is
(20:50):
going on In the mind, then wecannot know.
That's how I and you and manypeople are living in autopilot,
because they don't even knowwhat's going on in their mind,
(21:10):
which are the thoughts, thebeliefs, the patterns, the
programs that are in there, andthen we're thinking that life is
happening to you, not for you,because some of the programming
it's being a victim, becauseit's easier being a victim than
(21:30):
taking responsibility.
What they don't know and youmight not know is that when you
actually take responsibility,you take your power back.
You do, and it's so fuckinggreat.
(21:53):
It is so great because then yourealize, oh shit, yes, I am the
creator of my own reality.
So what do I choose now tocreate a better reality?
(22:14):
What thoughts do I have toshift?
What kind of vocabulary I needto implement?
What kind of programs you needto unlearn?
What kind of new programs youwant to install in your brain
(22:40):
that serve you better now?
Install in your brain thatserve you better now.
And when I'm saying this I'mI'm smiling because it's such a
cool experience once you arethere and start, like really
(23:02):
what I'm imagining now is like,have you ever played Tetris?
You probably do, I mean ifyou're in midlife, right.
So it's observing when thepieces are falling, meaning
being aware of your thoughtswhen they are coming to mind.
(23:25):
So when you get to observe them, then, if you like, in the
Tetris, the piece comes, startsmoving down and you need to
shift it into a certain way soit completes the line right and
(23:50):
then that line, if it's 100,complete with all the little
blocks, it disappears and thenyou're gonna have more space for
the pieces that are fallingright To then create as more
full lines as possible.
So the more aware you are ofyour dots, the more you can
(24:20):
shift them to something thatworks for you, instead of
harming you in a way yeah,mentally affecting you and then
feeling miserable or sufferingfor things that are not
(24:43):
necessary.
I really love that Tetrisanalogy Because that's yeah,
that's so fun Once you see yourmind and your thoughts as a game
like that and start shiftingthem and then at one point, some
(25:09):
of them they finally get tovanish away and then you start
bringing thoughts that are morehelpful for you, and one of the
things that I did after Iseparated the second time was I
(25:36):
chose, I decided to become mybest friend, and I actually have
a program about that, if youwant to check it out in
midlifebutterflyca because oneof the voices in your mind is
the critic, that inner critic.
(26:02):
It's so mean and I don't knowabout you, but at least in my
case I used to talk to myselfsometimes so harsh and so mean
that I wouldn't even be capableof doing that, not even with my
(26:23):
worst enemy Like seriously.
So how come it's possible thatyou are harming yourself with
vocabulary that really hurts?
It's just, it's a big no-no.
Why would you do that, likeseriously?
(26:46):
And by saying this, I also wantto remind you that you are not
your thoughts, that's only oneof your voices in your head, the
inner critic critic.
(27:12):
And the thing is, if you arenot very connected to the other
voice, which is the one fromyour intuition, from your soul,
this inner critic, the one thatwe also call the ego, when it is
very, very loud it's very hardto listen to the soul voice.
And then we believe what thisinner critic is telling you, is
(27:36):
telling us.
The thing is like in the Tetrisin this game, you are the
observer, right, you are the oneplaying with the pieces and
shifting them.
It is exactly the same withyour dots you are just the
(27:57):
observer, you are not them,right, right, just take a moment
to pause, just by you thinkingabout oh, am I my thoughts?
Who actually thought that?
(28:19):
Who was the observer?
See, it's your consciousness.
It was not you.
You are just the consciousnessbehind observing your thoughts.
So once you get to understandthis, the more selective you can
(28:50):
actually be with your thoughts.
Coming back to meditation,that's why, for me, meditation
was a game changer was becauseby doing passive meditation, so
(29:12):
meaning sitting and observing mythoughts, that's how I started
then doing my Tetris game, andat the beginning it's hard and I
remember my mentor used to saybecause she said at the
beginning it's like the cleaningphase Did you know that you
(29:36):
process around 60,000 dots perday?
That's freaking insane.
I was making a math once andsaid if we sleep eight hours a
day, if the rest of the time weare awake, it was having around
one thought every second.
(29:58):
Isn't it crazy?
I mean, no wonder why we feelso insane and so crazy many
times and overwhelmed andstressed.
And it's because then we don'tknow what's happening in there.
We don't know, but we feel thestress, we feel the overwhelm.
(30:25):
Do you?
I can imagine you just nodding.
So when you take the time tomeditate and stay in stillness
and observe your thoughts andjust seeing them passing as
(30:48):
clouds, you know I love thismetaphor of you being the sky
and your thoughts being theclouds, so just See them passing
by and that cleaning process.
It's hard and that's why a lotof people quit meditating.
(31:11):
Or they said they cannotmeditate within quotes.
But what happened is when youfinally start noticing your
thoughts and the fact that mostof them are negative, the fact
that most of them are repetitiveand the fact that a lot of them
(31:33):
are thoughts that we were,thought that they were not good,
thought that they were not good.
It's when we cripple and whenwe want to quit, because you
(31:56):
will start seeing your shadow inthere, the things that they
tell you to hide no-transcript,or that you were unlovable, or
(32:21):
that showing your emotions isbad, or any other thing or
perception of a person that yougot because, according to, again
, the collective, eitherreligion, culture, society, etc.
(32:45):
Etc.
It's not good between quotesthen you hide so many things in
you and that's what it's calledthe shadow and that's what it's
called the shadow.
(33:05):
What you might not know is thatwhen you get to observe that
shadow and accept it and love itand welcoming it as a part of
you, welcoming it as a part ofyou, that's the key to start
(33:33):
feeling whole again.
And notice that I say feelingbecause you are whole already.
You are whole.
It's just the fact that we weretaught to avoid, to ignore, to
(33:56):
oppress so many parts becausethey don't supposed to be
welcome when the reality is thatthey are part of you.
And once you go to thatcleaning process of the
(34:21):
meditation phase and welcomingthese parts of you, that's how
you can shift your lifeimmensely, because, again, being
able to control the mind is thekey to create a better reality.
(34:52):
You have probably heard aboutthe let them theory right Of Mel
Robbins Robbins.
It's basically you takingcontrol but letting them do it.
It means that you are takingcontrol of your life and what
(35:15):
matters to you, and bydeprogramming and unlearning and
then learning and programyourself with things that serve
you, that's how you can shiftyour life.
I've done it and I've seen manypeople doing it, and I'm sure
(35:48):
you can do it as well, and I dothink that having coaches and
mentors to help you do that it'skey.
We need support of people whohave already done it to be able
(36:10):
to do it in an easier way.
Otherwise it can take youlifetimes, not only this one.
I mean.
The mind keeps so many things,and can you believe it that we
only use not even 10% of it?
Oh my God.
Anyway, that's another story,but yeah, so what is happening
(36:37):
in your life?
Happening in your life that youare the common denominator of
seeing certain results in it.
So for me I've been divorcedtwice and I am the common
(37:01):
denominator of this situation IfI didn't take the time to heal,
to see what was on my mind,what was happening in there,
what kind of limiting beliefs Ineeded to reprogram, what kind
(37:25):
of programs and patterns I washaving by behaving in my
relationships like that that itwas harming the relationship
itself, what kind of behaviors Iwas doing as an individual that
(37:46):
I was then judging the otherperson because, according to my
perception, whatever they weredoing it was wrong, it was bad
or manipulative.
Yeah, I said it right, becauseat that time, with those two
relationships well, with thesecond one, at the end, I mean I
(38:09):
shifted.
I shifted a lot in the processof that relationship of almost
10 years, but I mean most of thetime I was a victim, and one of
the roles as a victim is thatwe like to manipulate.
Right, because, oh poor me, youare making me feel this, you are
(38:36):
causing me to behave likecertain way.
You, you, you, you and hell.
No, it's me, me, me, me.
Everything starts because ofthen me or, in this case, you,
(38:58):
dear listener, because the truthis, everything is about the
self, the other person, theother relationship, the
(39:18):
circumstance that is happeningis just the way I see it, the
way I perceive it is just areflection of who I am.
So who are you?
Who are you?
What's in your mind?
(39:39):
Which are your labels?
Which are the hats that you arewearing?
Which are the thoughts that youare having?
Which are your beliefs thatmake you move or not forward?
Which are the patterns that youare repeating that might, might
(40:00):
not serve you anymore?
Question it all.
Again, it's coming back to theself, because whatever is
happening in your life, you arethe common denominator of it.
(40:22):
You are the one creating it.
So I invite you to question it,because once you realize that
(40:51):
and take the time to heal thoseparts of you that are not
serving you anymore as anindividual and as a loving
partner, or as a daughter or ason, or a co-worker, or as an
entrepreneur, or as a friend,etc.
Etc.
Again, you are the creator.
(41:16):
It's your responsibility.
Don't give it to others.
Take your power back.
It's so fucking cool.
It's so fucking cool when youcan take your power back,
(41:41):
because then you can create areality, or at least a better
reality than the one you havenow, and the cool part is that
it can get better and better.
And I'm telling you because I'mfucking living it, my reality at
(42:01):
this time, after five years ofmy second divorce, I've never
point I feel so joyful andabundant in any way and reach in
(42:29):
, you know, in with myfriendships, with my family,
even when they are away, away inmy life itself, who I am
creating it every day, becauseas soon as I wake up at this
(42:51):
point, I wake up in peace and ingratitude and that's the best
fucking success I can ever have.
That's the best fucking successI can ever have.
That's for me that success.
Of course, sometimes the peaceis there, that you know, most of
(43:16):
the time.
Sometimes my mind is, you know,going through something and
it's normal.
I'm human, you are human.
But the thing is that most ofthe time I feel like that I have
shifted it from the surgebetween quotes of happiness and
(43:42):
I have shifted for peace.
I'd rather feel peacefulbecause I know life is going to
continue happening.
You know it's a roller coasterbut the fact that I am able to
control my mind most of the timebecause of course it happens
that I fall into the autopilotsometimes, or if I'm very busy,
(44:08):
or anyway.
Life happens.
I'm human.
My point is what was my point?
What was my point?
Okay, my point is the more I'mable to control my mind, the
(44:36):
better life I am creating,moment to moment, day by day.
Because by being more aware ofwhat you are thinking, of, what
you believe some programs are,the more you're going to be able
to shift to something better,right.
And by choosing somethingdifferent, that's how you create
(45:04):
a better reality.
Sometimes it might not be thechoice that we would like to,
but it could be a choice that isslightly different, that it can
make us feel a bit better,right, make us feel a bit better
(45:38):
, right.
So, yeah, that's what I havefor you today.
Question yourself if you are thecommon denominator of something
, and what is it that you haveto shift, to change, to let go
of, for you to live a betterlife, for you to improve the
relationships with your partner,with your siblings, with your
(46:02):
kids?
Because the thing is it canshift it all Controlling your
life.
It's your mind, sorry, it'scontrolling your life.
Yeah, that's what is, and I'mnot saying not to go with the
(46:23):
flow, no, on the contrary, it'sabout if before, I used to be a
control freak and now I lovebeing more into flow, and is
it's about then allowing my mindto say, no, it's okay, let's
let it flow, I accept it, Iallow it instead of trying to
(46:46):
control it.
So, yeah, give it a shot.
Give it a shot if you want tocreate a better life for you,
for your dear ones, and knowthat I am open for one-on-one
(47:08):
coaching where we can work inall this to find the common
denominator, things that arewithin you that are worth
shifting, for you to create yourbest life, your dream life,
(47:30):
because it's possible, it is.
I am doing it and I am helpingpeople doing it as well, so I
know you can do it too.
If this resonates with you, ifyou would like to work with me,
book a call.
I'll be more than happy to havea chat with you and if we are a
(47:55):
good match, it would be greatto guide you in your journey,
because this life is so worthliving the way you want it, and
the best thing is that, the wayyou want it, it keeps expanding
(48:18):
the more you free your mind ofso many limiting stuff that
doesn't allow you to see further.
And even then, our mind isstill limited.
When you go beyond the trustand the surrendering to life
(48:45):
itself, magic and miracles canhappen more and more often.
So yeah, book a call with me.
I look forward to working withyou.
Have a beautiful day.
Much love as usual.
Take care.
Thank you for tuning intoMidlife Butterfly.
(49:09):
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It helps this empoweringcontent reach more souls ready
to transform their lives.
And don't forget to take aphoto of you while listening and
(49:29):
share it on your socials.
You can tag me at Ken as you,so I can celebrate you and your
expansion.
Until next time, keep spreadingthose wings and living in joy,
growth and pleasure.
Have you ever wondered if you are the common
denominator of the things thatare happening in your life?
Give it a thought.
In this week's solo episode, Iwent deep to the common
denominator that I used to be ina specific part of my life that
(00:22):
I got to change.
So stay tuned and I want to letyou know that this week Clarity
is happening, my three-day liveexperiences where you get to
get back home to yourself ifyou're feeling lost,
disconnected or stuck.
So I invite you to join myMidlife Butterfly Facebook group
(00:46):
.
The recordings are being savedin there until Sunday if you
would like to catch up and, ifyou want, you can keep the
recordings for life by signingup for Clarity VIP, which also
includes the coaching sessionand integration on Friday, july
25th.
So join us in Clarity.
(01:08):
I hope to see you there.
Midlife Butterfly a woman in thesacred in between.
She's not who she once was andnot quite who she's becoming.
Yet she's unraveling, awakening, remembering.
She's navigating lifetransitions, divorce, loss,
reinvasion, moves with a burningdesire for freedom, joy and
(01:32):
solid living.
She feels the pull to rise, tofly.
She's no longer afraid of herown wings.
Are you the common denominator?
A dear person very close to me,is going through some life
(01:53):
transitions at this moment, andso she divorced and then she's
moving back home for a whileWhile deciding what she's going
to do and because of otherthings besides that separation
(02:19):
and it just you know brought tome a lot of memories back from
when I separated and thendivorced the first time.
This was back 15 years agoactually, and I was thinking
(02:40):
about the people who was theresupporting me.
I was thinking about the peoplewho was there supporting me and
the kind of impact that thatcan create when going through a
chapter in life like that,because it's fucking tough, at
(03:05):
least for me.
At the time, I was living inRomania and so we were going
through the process ofimmigrating to Canada and even
though we were separated alreadyfor a year, we were still
(03:27):
living together.
So just that situation itselfwas quite hard.
Have you ever been next tosomeone and missing them at the
same time?
And missing them at the sametime?
(03:49):
That's one of the morenostalgic, I can say, emotions
ever, at least for me Missingsomeone that is just next to you
(04:14):
.
So when I left Romania with afriend of mine, we decided to go
to London.
We were there for four days orsomething.
Uh, this guy was my colleagueand it was just so much fun and
(04:36):
it was so healing for me.
Uh, cause we, we took the busto go to Bucharest to then fly
to London and just by getting inthat bus with a couple of
pieces of luggage, that was allI had with me.
(04:56):
I remember sobbing for quitesome time.
It was so sad, it was so, sofucking sad and hard.
And you know, it was my firstmarriage and at the time I mean
(05:18):
for some people still is, but atthe time I had that idea, you
know, of the happily ever after.
At the time I had that idea,you know, of the happily ever
after and I realized that atleast with one partner or with
(05:39):
one person for me that was notthe truth.
It could be for you but it wasnot for me, and a lot of things
shattered just by realizing that.
And at the time I mean you knowthe checklist of having the
studies and then I travel aroundand then having the husband.
(06:02):
I travel around and then havingthe husband and then not having
kids and deciding not to havekids by choice.
You know the disruption of thechecklist and the status quo and
(06:22):
I am very, very grateful forthe fact that my parents were
always there for me.
I remember when I talked tothem on the phone and told them
what was happening and they say,well, what we care about is
your happiness.
So whatever choice you take, weare with you.
(06:47):
And that was so liberating forme Because I mean, they are my
pillars and it was important forme.
But I thought about it, um,yeah.
(07:11):
So coming back to so that tripto London, I remember, with my
friend we I guess we were verylucky because only one day
rained and most of the days theywere sunny and then we were
just walking and walking andwalking through the streets of
(07:33):
London.
It was so fun.
I remember at one point we werehungry and you know this little
shop and I it was, I mean, theowners were from India and it
smelled so good when we got intothere and I was like, well,
(07:54):
just get some food.
I think we paid like two poundsfor a dish of Indian food oh my
God, one of the most deliciousones.
So we were just sitting on abench in a park somewhere eating
this delicious food while, youknow, taking a break from our
(08:15):
walk, and, ah, so beautifulthose memories.
I was just reading in my journalabout that and just thinking
that how healing could be justsomeone walking next to you
(08:36):
Sometimes we didn't have to talk, or probably most of the time
we didn't talk and just bywalking and processing and
thinking the healing process ofthat.
It was so beneficial for me andit was great, you know, because
(09:00):
at the time I was flying backto Mexico to visit my parents
for a couple of months beforemoving in and migrating to
Canada.
So those four days in therewith my friend made a huge
(09:23):
difference.
With my friend made a hugedifference because when I got
home to my parents and my family, I didn't allow them to see me
(09:48):
that sad and if I didn't wantthem to see me like that, it was
more because I know it was hardfor them the fact that they
(10:11):
were not able to fly there andhelp me or support me during
that time.
And it's painful for theparents I mean, I'm not a mother
but I know it's painful whenpeople go through those things
and witnessing your children gothrough that, to those
situations in life, even thoughwhen you know it's part of their
(10:33):
journey and they need to learnand it's their process.
You know the whole thing.
I was aware then that it washard for them to see me that way
and so, by arriving there in abetter state, emotionally and
mentally, I felt better.
(10:58):
And of course, I did cry withthem and I, you know, shared
stories and I, you know, sharestories and stuff.
But it was such a healingprocess for me to spend two
(11:19):
months with them before movingto Canada.
Having the family support hasbeen so great.
They've been always there andeven when my father has
transitioned already, I knowhe's with me, I can still talk
to him and I still ask himsometimes for guidance and my
(11:45):
mom's still there, alwayssupporting.
We have been always welcome tocome back home, home.
And then, why the question of ifI was the common denominator?
(12:12):
It's because you probably know,or not, that I've been divorced
twice.
My second relationship was witha person that I met here in
Montreal and we were togetherfor almost 10 years.
So when our relationship as acouple came to an end, it's when
(12:43):
I started questioning.
It's when I started questioninglike, okay, this is the second
time that this happens to me orfor me, better said now, and
well, the common denominatorit's me.
So what is it in there that Iget to fix between codes that I
(13:12):
you know?
What are the things in therethat I am doing that I am
thinking which are my patternsthat are actually not helping me
to have better relationships?
And it's when I went deep intomy healing process because I
(13:43):
wanted the answers to all thosequestions.
It was a long process.
I journaled a lot, I meditateda lot and did yoga and fucking
(14:04):
cried a lot.
And that's why, for me, covidwas a blessing, because I had
the time to go through thatpainful process.
You know, since we were at home, I didn't have much work to do,
(14:30):
so I was able to take that timeto take care of myself.
So I did, and so I did.
And again, I processed a lot ofthings and I even took a
(15:00):
program called Master yourMindset and that broke me a lot
of more awareness on the kind ofvocabulary that I was using to
understand.
And I do believe that mindcontrol it is the best
(15:38):
investment we can do inourselves, because what we
experience in life it's based inour minds, it's based in the
(15:59):
education you received From yourparents, from school, it's
based on the culture you livedin the religion that you had,
your environment, the political,whatever.
(16:21):
It's based in so many thingsand we create our lives based.
Create and live our lives basedin our perceptions, and those
(16:43):
perceptions come from our lifeexperiences.
So they are so fucking limitedif you think about it.
And when we get so stubborn onwanting things to be a certain
(17:07):
way or people to behave acertain way, we're trying to
control something that we can't.
That's how we create a lot ofsuffering and that's how we feel
(17:30):
miserable or live miserable byputting expectations on things
that you cannot control, becausethe truth is, or my truth is.
One of the only things that I'mable to control really is my
mind, and it takes a lot ofpractice.
(17:54):
I mean, I can say it now, in mylate 40s, but when you have to
change beliefs and programs andpatterns that you have had for
decades, fuck.
It takes time and a lot ofcompassion and kindness and
(18:30):
practice and practice.
That's really what it is,because you need to deprogram,
(18:52):
you need to unlearn so manyfucking things to then learn new
things that are better for younow, that serve you now, and I'm
saying now because as you keepevolving and growing through
your life, it's going tocontinue to shift.
I mean, our physiology change,our body has other needs, and
(19:13):
then our mind also, how itevolves as we keep growing and
having different relationships.
And then, you know, alsolearning new things in life, but
also like, if you like,investing in programs and
mentorship or listening topodcasts and then integrating
them into your life, as I do youkeep shifting and shifting
(19:40):
right, right.
So that's why, for me,investing in my mindset has been
a life changer, and it startedwith meditation, with something
(20:05):
that you don't even have to payfor it.
Yeah, meditation was a lifechanging for me because it was
(20:26):
the threshold.
Yeah, it was really the doorfor me to start getting more
awareness of what was in there.
To start getting more awarenessof what was in there.
If we don't take the time forstillness, to observe what is
(20:50):
going on In the mind, then wecannot know.
That's how I and you and manypeople are living in autopilot,
because they don't even knowwhat's going on in their mind,
(21:10):
which are the thoughts, thebeliefs, the patterns, the
programs that are in there, andthen we're thinking that life is
happening to you, not for you,because some of the programming
it's being a victim, becauseit's easier being a victim than
(21:30):
taking responsibility.
What they don't know and youmight not know is that when you
actually take responsibility,you take your power back.
You do, and it's so fuckinggreat.
(21:53):
It is so great because then yourealize, oh shit, yes, I am the
creator of my own reality.
So what do I choose now tocreate a better reality?
(22:14):
What thoughts do I have toshift?
What kind of vocabulary I needto implement?
What kind of programs you needto unlearn?
What kind of new programs youwant to install in your brain
(22:40):
that serve you better now?
Install in your brain thatserve you better now.
And when I'm saying this I'mI'm smiling because it's such a
cool experience once you arethere and start, like really
(23:02):
what I'm imagining now is like,have you ever played Tetris?
You probably do, I mean ifyou're in midlife, right.
So it's observing when thepieces are falling, meaning
being aware of your thoughtswhen they are coming to mind.
(23:25):
So when you get to observe them, then, if you like, in the
Tetris, the piece comes, startsmoving down and you need to
shift it into a certain way soit completes the line right and
(23:50):
then that line, if it's 100,complete with all the little
blocks, it disappears and thenyou're gonna have more space for
the pieces that are fallingright To then create as more
full lines as possible.
So the more aware you are ofyour dots, the more you can
(24:20):
shift them to something thatworks for you, instead of
harming you in a way yeah,mentally affecting you and then
feeling miserable or sufferingfor things that are not
(24:43):
necessary.
I really love that Tetrisanalogy Because that's yeah,
that's so fun Once you see yourmind and your thoughts as a game
like that and start shiftingthem and then at one point, some
(25:09):
of them they finally get tovanish away and then you start
bringing thoughts that are morehelpful for you, and one of the
things that I did after Iseparated the second time was I
(25:36):
chose, I decided to become mybest friend, and I actually have
a program about that, if youwant to check it out in
midlifebutterflyca because oneof the voices in your mind is
the critic, that inner critic.
(26:02):
It's so mean and I don't knowabout you, but at least in my
case I used to talk to myselfsometimes so harsh and so mean
that I wouldn't even be capableof doing that, not even with my
(26:23):
worst enemy Like seriously.
So how come it's possible thatyou are harming yourself with
vocabulary that really hurts?
It's just, it's a big no-no.
Why would you do that, likeseriously?
(26:46):
And by saying this, I also wantto remind you that you are not
your thoughts, that's only oneof your voices in your head, the
inner critic critic.
(27:12):
And the thing is, if you arenot very connected to the other
voice, which is the one fromyour intuition, from your soul,
this inner critic, the one thatwe also call the ego, when it is
very, very loud it's very hardto listen to the soul voice.
And then we believe what thisinner critic is telling you, is
(27:36):
telling us.
The thing is like in the Tetrisin this game, you are the
observer, right, you are the oneplaying with the pieces and
shifting them.
It is exactly the same withyour dots you are just the
(27:57):
observer, you are not them,right, right, just take a moment
to pause, just by you thinkingabout oh, am I my thoughts?
Who actually thought that?
(28:19):
Who was the observer?
See, it's your consciousness.
It was not you.
You are just the consciousnessbehind observing your thoughts.
So once you get to understandthis, the more selective you can
(28:50):
actually be with your thoughts.
Coming back to meditation,that's why, for me, meditation
was a game changer was becauseby doing passive meditation, so
(29:12):
meaning sitting and observing mythoughts, that's how I started
then doing my Tetris game, andat the beginning it's hard and I
remember my mentor used to saybecause she said at the
beginning it's like the cleaningphase Did you know that you
(29:36):
process around 60,000 dots perday?
That's freaking insane.
I was making a math once andsaid if we sleep eight hours a
day, if the rest of the time weare awake, it was having around
one thought every second.
(29:58):
Isn't it crazy?
I mean, no wonder why we feelso insane and so crazy many
times and overwhelmed andstressed.
And it's because then we don'tknow what's happening in there.
We don't know, but we feel thestress, we feel the overwhelm.
(30:25):
Do you?
I can imagine you just nodding.
So when you take the time tomeditate and stay in stillness
and observe your thoughts andjust seeing them passing as
(30:48):
clouds, you know I love thismetaphor of you being the sky
and your thoughts being theclouds, so just See them passing
by and that cleaning process.
It's hard and that's why a lotof people quit meditating.
(31:11):
Or they said they cannotmeditate within quotes.
But what happened is when youfinally start noticing your
thoughts and the fact that mostof them are negative, the fact
that most of them are repetitiveand the fact that a lot of them
(31:33):
are thoughts that we were,thought that they were not good,
thought that they were not good.
It's when we cripple and whenwe want to quit, because you
(31:56):
will start seeing your shadow inthere, the things that they
tell you to hide no-transcript,or that you were unlovable, or
(32:21):
that showing your emotions isbad, or any other thing or
perception of a person that yougot because, according to, again
, the collective, eitherreligion, culture, society, etc.
(32:45):
Etc.
It's not good between quotesthen you hide so many things in
you and that's what it's calledthe shadow and that's what it's
called the shadow.
(33:05):
What you might not know is thatwhen you get to observe that
shadow and accept it and love itand welcoming it as a part of
you, welcoming it as a part ofyou, that's the key to start
(33:33):
feeling whole again.
And notice that I say feelingbecause you are whole already.
You are whole.
It's just the fact that we weretaught to avoid, to ignore, to
(33:56):
oppress so many parts becausethey don't supposed to be
welcome when the reality is thatthey are part of you.
And once you go to thatcleaning process of the
(34:21):
meditation phase and welcomingthese parts of you, that's how
you can shift your lifeimmensely, because, again, being
able to control the mind is thekey to create a better reality.
(34:52):
You have probably heard aboutthe let them theory right Of Mel
Robbins Robbins.
It's basically you takingcontrol but letting them do it.
It means that you are takingcontrol of your life and what
(35:15):
matters to you, and bydeprogramming and unlearning and
then learning and programyourself with things that serve
you, that's how you can shiftyour life.
I've done it and I've seen manypeople doing it, and I'm sure
(35:48):
you can do it as well, and I dothink that having coaches and
mentors to help you do that it'skey.
We need support of people whohave already done it to be able
(36:10):
to do it in an easier way.
Otherwise it can take youlifetimes, not only this one.
I mean.
The mind keeps so many things,and can you believe it that we
only use not even 10% of it?
Oh my God.
Anyway, that's another story,but yeah, so what is happening
(36:37):
in your life?
Happening in your life that youare the common denominator of
seeing certain results in it.
So for me I've been divorcedtwice and I am the common
(37:01):
denominator of this situation IfI didn't take the time to heal,
to see what was on my mind,what was happening in there,
what kind of limiting beliefs Ineeded to reprogram, what kind
(37:25):
of programs and patterns I washaving by behaving in my
relationships like that that itwas harming the relationship
itself, what kind of behaviors Iwas doing as an individual that
(37:46):
I was then judging the otherperson because, according to my
perception, whatever they weredoing it was wrong, it was bad
or manipulative.
Yeah, I said it right, becauseat that time, with those two
relationships well, with thesecond one, at the end, I mean I
(38:09):
shifted.
I shifted a lot in the processof that relationship of almost
10 years, but I mean most of thetime I was a victim, and one of
the roles as a victim is thatwe like to manipulate.
Right, because, oh poor me, youare making me feel this, you are
(38:36):
causing me to behave likecertain way.
You, you, you, you and hell.
No, it's me, me, me, me.
Everything starts because ofthen me or, in this case, you,
(38:58):
dear listener, because the truthis, everything is about the
self, the other person, theother relationship, the
(39:18):
circumstance that is happeningis just the way I see it, the
way I perceive it is just areflection of who I am.
So who are you?
Who are you?
What's in your mind?
(39:39):
Which are your labels?
Which are the hats that you arewearing?
Which are the thoughts that youare having?
Which are your beliefs thatmake you move or not forward?
Which are the patterns that youare repeating that might, might
(40:00):
not serve you anymore?
Question it all.
Again, it's coming back to theself, because whatever is
happening in your life, you arethe common denominator of it.
(40:22):
You are the one creating it.
So I invite you to question it,because once you realize that
(40:51):
and take the time to heal thoseparts of you that are not
serving you anymore as anindividual and as a loving
partner, or as a daughter or ason, or a co-worker, or as an
entrepreneur, or as a friend,etc.
Etc.
Again, you are the creator.
(41:16):
It's your responsibility.
Don't give it to others.
Take your power back.
It's so fucking cool.
It's so fucking cool when youcan take your power back,
(41:41):
because then you can create areality, or at least a better
reality than the one you havenow, and the cool part is that
it can get better and better.
And I'm telling you because I'mfucking living it, my reality at
(42:01):
this time, after five years ofmy second divorce, I've never
point I feel so joyful andabundant in any way and reach in
(42:29):
, you know, in with myfriendships, with my family,
even when they are away, away inmy life itself, who I am
creating it every day, becauseas soon as I wake up at this
(42:51):
point, I wake up in peace and ingratitude and that's the best
fucking success I can ever have.
That's the best fucking successI can ever have.
That's for me that success.
Of course, sometimes the peaceis there, that you know, most of
(43:16):
the time.
Sometimes my mind is, you know,going through something and
it's normal.
I'm human, you are human.
But the thing is that most ofthe time I feel like that I have
shifted it from the surgebetween quotes of happiness and
(43:42):
I have shifted for peace.
I'd rather feel peacefulbecause I know life is going to
continue happening.
You know it's a roller coasterbut the fact that I am able to
control my mind most of the timebecause of course it happens
that I fall into the autopilotsometimes, or if I'm very busy,
(44:08):
or anyway.
Life happens.
I'm human.
My point is what was my point?
What was my point?
Okay, my point is the more I'mable to control my mind, the
(44:36):
better life I am creating,moment to moment, day by day.
Because by being more aware ofwhat you are thinking, of, what
you believe some programs are,the more you're going to be able
to shift to something better,right.
And by choosing somethingdifferent, that's how you create
(45:04):
a better reality.
Sometimes it might not be thechoice that we would like to,
but it could be a choice that isslightly different, that it can
make us feel a bit better,right, make us feel a bit better
(45:38):
, right.
So, yeah, that's what I havefor you today.
Question yourself if you are thecommon denominator of something
, and what is it that you haveto shift, to change, to let go
of, for you to live a betterlife, for you to improve the
relationships with your partner,with your siblings, with your
(46:02):
kids?
Because the thing is it canshift it all Controlling your
life.
It's your mind, sorry, it'scontrolling your life.
Yeah, that's what is, and I'mnot saying not to go with the
(46:23):
flow, no, on the contrary, it'sabout if before, I used to be a
control freak and now I lovebeing more into flow, and is
it's about then allowing my mindto say, no, it's okay, let's
let it flow, I accept it, Iallow it instead of trying to
(46:46):
control it.
So, yeah, give it a shot.
Give it a shot if you want tocreate a better life for you,
for your dear ones, and knowthat I am open for one-on-one
(47:08):
coaching where we can work inall this to find the common
denominator, things that arewithin you that are worth
shifting, for you to create yourbest life, your dream life,
(47:30):
because it's possible, it is.
I am doing it and I am helpingpeople doing it as well, so I
know you can do it too.
If this resonates with you, ifyou would like to work with me,
book a call.
I'll be more than happy to havea chat with you and if we are a
(47:55):
good match, it would be greatto guide you in your journey,
because this life is so worthliving the way you want it, and
the best thing is that, the wayyou want it, it keeps expanding
(48:18):
the more you free your mind ofso many limiting stuff that
doesn't allow you to see further.
And even then, our mind isstill limited.
When you go beyond the trustand the surrendering to life
(48:45):
itself, magic and miracles canhappen more and more often.
So yeah, book a call with me.
I look forward to working withyou.
Have a beautiful day.
Much love as usual.
Take care.
Thank you for tuning intoMidlife Butterfly.
(49:09):
If this episode lead a spark inyou, hit that subscribe or
follow button on Apple Podcasts,spotify or wherever you love to
listen, so you'll never missthe magic.
If you're feeling generous,drop a review on Apple Podcasts.
It helps this empoweringcontent reach more souls ready
to transform their lives.
And don't forget to take aphoto of you while listening and
(49:29):
share it on your socials.
You can tag me at Ken as you,so I can celebrate you and your
expansion.
Until next time, keep spreadingthose wings and living in joy,
growth and pleasure.
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